June 18, 2025

(no music) Whisper Wednesday | LMBYTS #1378 | Jason Newland | 18th June 2025

(no music) Whisper Wednesday | LMBYTS #1378 | Jason Newland | 18th June 2025
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Hello, and welcome to fugitive any I think that he

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is getting to him a little bit. It's getting to

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me a little bit. It's making me do strange things.

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It's not so hello, welcome to let me boy. You

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just let me boy to sleep. This is Whisper Wednesday.

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It's still I don't know what time. It is, about

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four o'clock two, but it's the four peer. Please only

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listen when you can safely close your eye. I've been

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waiting all day to do this because there's a building

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work going on opposite me in the flat opposite Norway.

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It's not in all Way, but the flat when you

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go out the front door the opposite door. In there,

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he's having his bathroom redone and he's had his bath

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taken out today. Now I can't readly complain about the

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noise because it's been pretty quiet. It's far enough away

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to not really affect me too much. But the other

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side of it is I need to keep Finny occupied

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auditarily because if he has movement out of the front door,

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he's got a bit of barking. So this is the

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first moment of the whole day where there hasn't been

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music or some kind of something that he can listen

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to distract him apart from when we've been out. So

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I'm not sure how he's going to react when he

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because the bath is actually in the doorway, the one

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they've removed, so when they drag that down the stairs,

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I'm guessing Vinnie will give some type of response which

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is understandable. Wow. Okay, So I'm guessing it's the artist

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day of the year so far, and I probably could

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do wearing shorts or wearing not much inside. But I

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can't walk around in just me Londi's because I've got

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no curtains up. I washed my curtains at the weekend

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and I just haven't bothered to put them back up yet.

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Even though it'll take me probably five minutes, I'll put

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it off. Actually it might have been two weeks ago

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I did it. So I want to say thank you

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to Ben, and you know why. Ben knows why as

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long as I thank you for your messages. And I

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have made a few changes to day, not a lot

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of changes, just a couple, only one that may affect people.

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I'm not doing it to affect people. I'm just doing

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it because basically, here's what I've done I have. I've

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decided to get rid of the website. I do have

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like a backup plan in place, a redirection, but I'm

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waiting for it to kick in because it's not working

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at the moment. So the website. I did have another

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website building as well, so that's gone also. So the

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website's gone. I was getting so few visits. It really

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wasn't financially viable. It's like sixty six dollars a month

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for twenty twenty visitors maybe a day. It just wasn't. Yeah,

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couldn't keep it going. So I've let that go for now.

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I've tried to redirect the domain name, which is Jasonneuland

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dot com, to my podcast page, which has all my

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podcasts on or why actually yeah, so like the main podcast.

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What I haven't done, which is really important, is I've

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not deleted any podcasts. I'm not having some weird thing

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going on. Nothing's being deleted a part from the website.

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All the podcasts are running just like normal, including the

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speaker ones, the SoundCloud ones, and so wherever you listen

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online it's still there. Nothing's changed. A couple of other

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things I've done trying to reduce my outgoings because this

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financial changes come in my way, hopefully good ones, because

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I've I bought some lot of tickets this week, but

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I have got rid of a few things I don't

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need to pay out for that perhaps I don't need anymore,

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and they were making life easier, but I can kind

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of do around around them. Because my PIP, which is

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like a disability thing that's up very few I think soon,

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and the government have changed it. Chances I won't get anything,

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so I can't even need to prepare for that. Also,

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there's no longer any adverts on the webs on their

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third podcasts, not that that was really wasn't that was

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not Sometimes I didn't even cover the cost and running

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all the different things, but it's okay, so that's all gone.

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I got rid of Canvas, which was the editing software

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that I use for editing the images. So Canvas now gone.

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I was like thirteen pounds a month. I've got rid

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of the transcription because I was adding transcriptions to the

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podcasts and to the website and looking at maybe putting

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a book together, but that's probably not going to happen

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anytime soon. So I got rid of that transcription, which

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was twenty twenty pound a month. I've kept chat chet

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GPT because that's what I use for the images to

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create the images. That Canva was the finalized all and

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put it together. So yeah, I'll be using only chet GPT.

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I'm trying to think of anything else that I've managed

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to offload Canver transcription the website, but no, so the

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podcast stumpaign, I think fifty five pounds a month for Spreaker,

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So that's that's doable. I manage that, and there will

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come in time when they will start to charge me

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more if I keep increasing the amount of recordings that

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around there, which is going to happen naturally. All my

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old recordings that on my website, you know that let

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me Boy to Sleep one to fifty and then fifty one,

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two hundred, et cetera. All those podcasts of my spreaker page.

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So yeah, it's all all available. You just need to

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just I posted the link to the spreaker page which

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has all my podcasts. I posted on my Facebook which

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is Jason Newland's boring group. You know what I said

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other things, I spent a good couple of days really

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promoting the Facebook group, like really going all out. I

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made a podcast just specifically to try and get a

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few more members, and that and some other stuff I did,

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And after all that, I've got one. I've got two

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new members, both the same person, and both two different

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Facebook pages with one person the same name. So I'm

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wondering whether or not Facebook is really the place where

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people gather anymore. I don't know. Maybe because I'm not

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really on Twitter. I don't know. I think people find

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my stuff when they when they want to, when they

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I'm not hard to find online. Just my name, Jason

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Newland easy to find. I'm all over the place, not

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just mentally, but I'm all you know, I'm on all

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the main podcast hosts, so it's very easy to find me.

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Of course, I'm also on sound Cloud. Someone's having a

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good old cough outside Miss. You could say it's a

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perfect day to day. It's a blue sky, a little

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bit of breeze, a little bit, not a lot, a

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little bit because I took Vinny out put it about

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an hour ago and we went to the park. At

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one point we were sitting. When I was sitting, I

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was standing under the tree where he was standing under

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the tree and against some shade. As I was standing

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there with it. He had his tongue out, and well,

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I had my tongue out as well. And the breeze,

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it was glorious, Such a glorious breeze. His necks is

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so weird. Okay, none of the other people around was

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staring at him. He had his tongue out, but why

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were he staring at me? So I came home with

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some clothes on, and I had a shower today before

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going out. I mean, not the first time I've had

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a shower. This is the first time I've had a

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shower today. So I had hit about or two o'clock

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before I went out. I was sweating like I'd had

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a shower, dried myself off, like completely dried myself off.

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Water was growing out my ears. I couldn't believe it.

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It was just there was a puddle in my shoes.

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That wasn't a puzzle with my shoes. I swamp, but

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there wasn't a swamp. Why am I saying that? I

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don't know. I never know, But yeah, it was nice.

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It's a little it was a little bit too hot

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for the little one. And there he is making him tired.

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It's fast asleep, even though he was awake when I

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started this, he's completely exhausted. I can always tell as well,

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because when I go to get up out of the chair,

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you know, when he's sort of half asleep or just rested,

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you'll jump up with me. But just now, before I

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started this, I went over and got my to go

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and put stuff away before coming back. He didn't want

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to move. It was just lying there like really, it's like,

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what do you want? You're just staring at me? Why

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they got get up? Now? I've been listening to some

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Richard Bandler videos from probably the early eighties, late seventies,

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early eighties, probably late eight early eighties, and Richard Bandlow

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is the co creative of newer linguistic programming, normally known

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as NLP, but now NLP is also known as is

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it natural language programming or something? In computers? So NLP

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kind of has more than one meaning now a little

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bit like CBT. I actually remember, and this is totally true.

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I was at college, and when I was here in university,

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we had to learn about other therapies as well. Because

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I was studying persons entered the counseling, which is what

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Jerian therapy, Carl Rogers and all that stuff but we

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also had to look at other things. Gestolled psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, behaviorism,

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all that stuff, and CBT got cognitive behavioral therapy and

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also my dad's and his wife was there and theys

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all said, what you doing is I've just been studying CBT,

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and she said, what's that? I said, I'll show you.

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So I got by now and wait Google if n

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did Natty? I think it was a laptop or I'm

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not sure if I even had a phone that could

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do the Internet back then. So I went to her

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laptop or a computer. I said, I'll show you. So

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I put CBT into Google. Now I didn't realize that

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there's more than one CBT. There's at least three. Now.

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I made the mistake, and I did. There was a

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time when you could just put I feel lucky. So

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you put CBT and then click I feel lucky and

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it will just come up with the the you know,

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our website to death to or chosen. I don't know

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if any remembers that. It's a long time ago. Well,

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I didn't realize there's three different CBTs. There's one CBT

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which is the motorbike test. So in order to get

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to ride a motorbike or motorcycle or maybe moped. I

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don't know. I think it's a motorbike. It's called a CBT.

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I don't know what stands for something training. And then

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there's another one CBT that's the website that came up,

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and there was a really explicit image apparently mine. My

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stepmm's like standing next to me, and I'm pointing out

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that this is what I'm doing, so I press. I

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feel lucky, you know, as I clicked that, and my

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dad calls me over. He said, old, what do you want?

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Do you want to do you want to beer? Or

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do you want a whiskey? So I'm looking at him.

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I said, I just have a beer, beer please, And

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my stepma says, so that's what you're studying the university

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And I said yeah, and I can't busy focusing on

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my dad and she said really, I said yeah, why?

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So I turned back and it was the third one

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and I was this big image and not something you

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particularly want to watch online with your step parent. Cock

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and Ball told you that's what CBD stood for. There,

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it's not even a joke. This really happened. At least.

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I was very surprised because I've never even heard of that.

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I mean really, it's like, I don't not really talk

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stuff like this, but I'm just saying this is real.

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It's like what CBT. I was like, No, that's not

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what I'm learning at university is cognitive behavioral therapy. She said,

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but you said CBT. I said, yeah, that is CBT.

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This this also apparently is okay CBT, fair enough, but

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it's not the CPT. Why would Google? They wouldn't do

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that now, but why back then? You know, demount stuff

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that they're just chucking it without even like I don't

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want that. I want something different. I'm not looking for that. Ah,

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it's anyway. So do you ever hear voices? Okay, I

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mean I'm talking like real voices, and sometimes I don't

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know if it's a person talking, or if it's a

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person on a mobile phone talking like a speaker, or

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if it's a radio or if it's a television. Do

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you ever get that? And like it's like continuous talking.

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It's almost like it's not there's no pauses. So maybe

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there's two people talking, mind you, I've known people that

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just talk and talk and talk. Yeah, my landlady used

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to be like that. She used to talk to me.

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I'd be in the toil and She'll still be talking

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to me. Seriously. I'd actually be on the toill and

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she to still be saying whatever she was talking about.

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I was like, why are you still talking? She used

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to like me when I first moved in there, my

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landlady this is him back in nineteen ninety one, and

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then in nineteen ninety three, kind of near the end

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of the year ish, we had a new person move in,

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00:22:32.839 --> 00:22:36.279
and I think she fell in love with him, and

233
00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:41.160
he was always around doing stuff for her and spending

234
00:22:41.240 --> 00:22:45.200
time with her, and I mean she I think she

235
00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:49.000
invited me into her living room twice. Once was when

236
00:22:49.039 --> 00:22:50.559
she told me she was going to kick me out.

237
00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:54.400
Another time she wanted me to watch an Italian opera.

238
00:22:58.079 --> 00:23:04.119
I preferred the eviction one to be fair, and he

239
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:07.079
was in there all the time. I don't know if

240
00:23:07.079 --> 00:23:09.400
they cut on. It's not nothing to do me, but

241
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:17.880
he really took a dislike to me and started stirring

242
00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:22.119
it up. So I ended up moving out. Oh the

243
00:23:22.200 --> 00:23:25.400
eviction that didn't happen. She just said she had enough

244
00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:28.640
of me, and I said, oh please, I'll do anything.

245
00:23:28.759 --> 00:23:35.559
She said anything and I saw that song from that movie.

246
00:23:36.400 --> 00:23:45.039
I would do anything, anything anything? Was that Doctor Doolittle?

247
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:53.000
I think, I don't know. I don't feel I don't

248
00:23:53.079 --> 00:23:55.480
feel like proud of myself by it. She moved down

249
00:23:55.519 --> 00:24:00.519
when she was on the toilet. It's true, my back

250
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:14.279
actually didn't. I just I ordered a taxi and I

251
00:24:14.440 --> 00:24:19.319
think I packed everything up while she was into black bags,

252
00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:25.160
brought them downstairs, and moved out. I couldn't be there

253
00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:34.759
anymore because she wasn't being nice to me. I think

254
00:24:34.839 --> 00:24:38.240
I kind of over over spent my welcome, as it were.

255
00:24:43.799 --> 00:24:46.640
But even now, when I think back, I wonder why

256
00:24:46.759 --> 00:24:51.240
did I just stay there for so long? It was

257
00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:58.039
just a laziness. I don't know. I kind of liked

258
00:24:58.079 --> 00:25:02.240
the choir because I lived off or if behind a graveyard,

259
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:05.039
so the run of the house was a cul de sac,

260
00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:10.720
so there's no traffic. And then behind the house was

261
00:25:11.480 --> 00:25:14.039
it wasn't just a graveyard. There was an old graveyard

262
00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:18.039
that not winning. There was a newer graveyard next to

263
00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:23.319
it that was active. I used to go for walks there,

264
00:25:23.960 --> 00:25:32.599
so it was nice and peaceful. Pay puffles being weird.

265
00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:42.920
Do you think I just remember my favorite thing in

266
00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:47.079
the world. Really other thing going to comedy clubs was

267
00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:55.440
going to the West End buying a book, coming home

268
00:25:57.559 --> 00:26:02.480
reading a book, sitting up in bed reading a book.

269
00:26:02.640 --> 00:26:10.440
That was That's why I enjoyed doing and I kind

270
00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:14.079
of intending to get back to that. I just need

271
00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:17.200
to get my eyes tested so that I can start

272
00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:23.000
reading again, because my eyesight is a bit boo boo

273
00:26:23.160 --> 00:26:29.119
at the moment. That's another another reason why I've kind

274
00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:37.960
of I've come to the conclusion that or decision maybe

275
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:44.440
I don't want to spend long periods of time staring

276
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:48.759
at the computer screen. It's not good for my eyes.

277
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:52.640
I think it's affecting my eyes because I'm doing it

278
00:26:52.799 --> 00:27:01.559
for what twenty twenty five years, like, you know, thousands

279
00:27:01.640 --> 00:27:08.039
of thousands and thousands and thousands of hours since two thousand, tiny,

280
00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:13.039
I've been staring at the computer screen sometimes ten thirteen,

281
00:27:13.240 --> 00:27:21.519
fourteen hours a day, so yeah, thousands upon thousands of hours.

282
00:27:21.599 --> 00:27:26.119
And I don't think it's been great for my optical

283
00:27:28.680 --> 00:27:34.119
nerves or whatever. And when I take a break from

284
00:27:34.200 --> 00:27:37.599
looking at the computer, my eyes do feel better. My

285
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:42.559
eyes that was it sounded like my eyes, my eyes

286
00:27:42.680 --> 00:27:48.960
feel more relaxed. I'm Okay, for like an hour or so,

287
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:54.640
that's about it. I think an hour a day, you know,

288
00:27:54.960 --> 00:28:05.839
do the editing, and then I blow them and it's done.

289
00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:08.519
In fact, I don't even I mean, it's a little

290
00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:13.160
bit more staring at the computer purse. I don't need

291
00:28:13.240 --> 00:28:17.079
to be online the whole time looking at the over

292
00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:27.519
the screen. And also, I think with the way technology

293
00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:32.440
is working, especially with things like chat GPT, I can

294
00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:39.799
ask it to make new things. Maybe use the chat

295
00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:45.279
a bit more, use the microphone and verbally do requests

296
00:28:46.759 --> 00:28:51.680
as opposed to typing in so it else, maybe make

297
00:28:51.720 --> 00:28:54.920
it a little bit easier, a little bit more thorough,

298
00:28:56.400 --> 00:29:07.079
a bit more or less scary computer screen. And it

299
00:29:07.119 --> 00:29:11.519
would be nice to get back to reading and learning.

300
00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:16.799
But not for any kind of reason other than just

301
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:29.319
for fun. You know. I'm interested in hypnosis. I'm interested

302
00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:35.599
in chronic pain relief. I'm interested in techniques to help people.

303
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:39.599
Different things that I can say, different ways of saying

304
00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:44.799
it that can be useful to help people. So that's

305
00:29:44.920 --> 00:29:49.079
not changed. I don't feel any less wanting to help people.

306
00:29:49.759 --> 00:29:56.480
If anything more that that desire or that need is,

307
00:29:57.400 --> 00:30:06.599
I'd say it's grown stronger as i've got a so,

308
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:11.279
But what I like to do how I like to

309
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:16.559
sort of work things out is I like to learn things,

310
00:30:16.839 --> 00:30:20.359
but then just let it all be in my brain

311
00:30:20.799 --> 00:30:27.599
and perculate, perculate maybe and just mixed together with all

312
00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:33.640
the other stuff so that I can come up with

313
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:45.480
ideas when I'm talking that may be useful. And I

314
00:30:45.559 --> 00:30:54.400
suppose it's about feeding my brain with helpful stuff and

315
00:30:54.519 --> 00:30:57.799
also things that I'm interested in, because if I'm not

316
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:02.519
interested in something, I might as well just there's there's

317
00:31:02.599 --> 00:31:06.680
no point reading it. There's no there's no point in

318
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:12.599
watching something I'm not interested in because I just switch off.

319
00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:18.640
I don't I don't take any notice. So I suppose

320
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:23.799
I need to work within my I suppose in some

321
00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:30.319
way to limitations. But I like to think of as

322
00:31:30.519 --> 00:31:47.359
geniuses work within my genius. M hmm. I'm trying to think.

323
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:52.480
What else has happened today? Not a lot on yesterday.

324
00:31:55.559 --> 00:32:01.519
There wasn't a g amount of sound really from the neighbor,

325
00:32:05.160 --> 00:32:08.079
but there was a fair bit of sound, like I

326
00:32:08.200 --> 00:32:11.839
think it was there was other music and things like

327
00:32:11.960 --> 00:32:15.920
that from other neighbors. I think it was blocking the noise.

328
00:32:16.920 --> 00:32:20.000
So I'm guessing that people downstairs could hear it more

329
00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:23.680
than I could, which does make it kind of makes

330
00:32:23.759 --> 00:32:31.119
sense because if they're drilling and stuff and breaking concrete

331
00:32:31.240 --> 00:32:35.720
into the floor, that's going to affect anyone that shares

332
00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:39.839
that ceiling, doesn't it. I suppose. I know I share

333
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:46.039
the floor, but I'm quite far removed. I'm in a room.

334
00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:50.319
That's the first I could get away from where he is,

335
00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:54.000
not to get away from him, just this is where

336
00:32:54.519 --> 00:33:02.079
my living room is, and I've got no no walls

337
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:05.359
that really share. But his next door neighbor does, and

338
00:33:05.480 --> 00:33:09.559
downstairs from him does. They both share the same kind

339
00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:19.440
of like his bathroom. I'll wait a minute. Is worry

340
00:33:19.519 --> 00:33:24.319
in his bedroom he shares with next door but the

341
00:33:24.440 --> 00:33:27.680
floor is shared, isn't it really? I guess with next

342
00:33:27.759 --> 00:33:39.279
door downstairs Ice Shoe the bathroom, Yeah, the bathroom is

343
00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:45.720
ceiling for downstairs would be his bathroom floor. So they

344
00:33:45.799 --> 00:33:53.039
can feel it or they can he hear it. But

345
00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:56.599
so far, I've heard a bit of banging, a bit

346
00:33:56.599 --> 00:34:02.720
of stuff like that. Was that sorry, pepe pee pee

347
00:34:02.720 --> 00:34:06.720
pee pew pee pee pee peep pew peep. Now that

348
00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:13.199
sounds more like a Space Invaders game or something. Pie

349
00:34:13.239 --> 00:34:18.840
peu PuO pew Buck Rogers Pu Pu Pu Star Wars,

350
00:34:18.920 --> 00:34:25.039
even Peepy Pew pew Pu. Perhaps that's why I should

351
00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:29.920
have done. I should have done voices and sounds. I

352
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:33.760
could have been a I could have been voices, a

353
00:34:33.880 --> 00:34:39.840
voice for like animation PuO pew an hour Ard co

354
00:34:40.039 --> 00:34:43.440
with that one sound though, But it's why I could

355
00:34:43.559 --> 00:34:53.719
sound pure Pu. If only all these things I could

356
00:34:53.760 --> 00:34:58.320
have done, I do wonder. I think back to when

357
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:03.239
I was fifteen. I left school when I was even

358
00:35:03.400 --> 00:35:07.079
too young to join the army. I was so young.

359
00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:13.360
It was just the choices. I mean, some of the

360
00:35:13.480 --> 00:35:16.599
choices I couldn't do till I was sixteen. But a

361
00:35:16.719 --> 00:35:24.480
lot of things I could have just there wasn't There's

362
00:35:24.519 --> 00:35:26.559
the things I wasn't able to do. I couldn't apply

363
00:35:26.719 --> 00:35:31.480
to join the police force. I couldn't go to university.

364
00:35:31.800 --> 00:35:34.559
There's certain things I wasn't allowed to do because of

365
00:35:35.480 --> 00:35:40.000
having no qualifications and leaving school at so early age.

366
00:35:41.840 --> 00:35:46.360
Because I left I think it was April nineteen eighty six,

367
00:35:47.800 --> 00:35:53.039
and I wasn't sixteen till the end of August, so

368
00:35:53.159 --> 00:35:56.920
it's yeah, four months or whatever till I was sixteen,

369
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:07.880
and I was suddenly earning sixty pounds a week working

370
00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:12.480
full time, which at fifteen was a huge amount of

371
00:36:12.519 --> 00:36:20.480
money for me, huge amount a huge Honestly, I was

372
00:36:20.599 --> 00:36:24.639
buying clothes. I'd buy a new clothes. I was walking

373
00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:31.559
around dressed nice for the first time. Really that my

374
00:36:31.719 --> 00:36:34.719
dad didn't walk around horribly dressed when I was a kid.

375
00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:37.039
But I'm just saying for the first time, I could

376
00:36:37.159 --> 00:36:41.599
choose my own Actually I kind of did choose my

377
00:36:41.639 --> 00:36:46.280
own clothes, really, but most of the clothes was school uniform,

378
00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:54.079
wasn't it not? Not at home. I need to get

379
00:36:54.159 --> 00:37:01.719
myself some pajamas, That's what I need to do. I

380
00:37:01.880 --> 00:37:06.920
realized that I'm looking at my clothes lately and I'm

381
00:37:07.039 --> 00:37:10.920
just wearing the same old stuff every day. So I

382
00:37:11.079 --> 00:37:18.880
got these dark brown tracksuit bottoms. Horace is, can you

383
00:37:19.039 --> 00:37:29.519
Horas He's having an argument with his wife Doris. I

384
00:37:29.639 --> 00:37:32.880
got seven pairs of these tracksuit bombs, so I wear

385
00:37:32.920 --> 00:37:38.840
a different pair every day. And I'm pretty sure people

386
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:42.480
see me. They've never seen me wear anything else for years.

387
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:45.760
I don't know if they think I'm just wearing the

388
00:37:45.880 --> 00:37:49.239
same thing every day. I'm like the same pair of

389
00:37:50.119 --> 00:37:55.360
tracksuit bombs, which I'm not. There's different ones. They're just

390
00:37:55.480 --> 00:38:04.079
all the same. So I've decided I'm gonna try and

391
00:38:05.599 --> 00:38:14.559
get myself some clothes, a little bit of clothing every week.

392
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:22.079
So I'm trying to. Every time I get paid, I

393
00:38:22.199 --> 00:38:30.599
put ten percent away saving and that's for veterinary bills

394
00:38:30.760 --> 00:38:35.480
for him. And I'm also saving up so I can

395
00:38:35.559 --> 00:38:38.880
go and get my eyes tested and pay for some

396
00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:44.719
decent glasses. The eye test is free. But so anyway,

397
00:38:44.840 --> 00:38:48.960
that's what that ten percent is for. It's basically is,

398
00:38:51.119 --> 00:38:55.679
now I got a dog barking. Blame me. That dog

399
00:38:55.760 --> 00:38:58.199
hardly ever used to bark before. Now it can't shut

400
00:38:58.280 --> 00:39:01.400
up part And when it's not barking, which is most

401
00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:04.000
of the time, most of the time, it's quiet. So

402
00:39:04.039 --> 00:39:09.480
I don't know why I'm moaning. I do know why

403
00:39:09.480 --> 00:39:13.159
I'm moaning because I love it. I love moaning rare.

404
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:19.320
It's my right as an english person to moan, to

405
00:39:19.440 --> 00:39:22.079
complain about the weather, or just talk about the weather,

406
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:27.400
and to just moan. That's that's why. That's my my

407
00:39:27.639 --> 00:39:38.679
human right, and to drink lots of tea. So what

408
00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:43.239
was it gonna say? Yeah, I'll try and be away

409
00:39:43.679 --> 00:39:54.760
for future fat bills future things. I dentists because I

410
00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:59.199
haven't got a dentist, So dental bills because that was

411
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:02.559
three hundred one. I add two have removed a couple

412
00:40:02.599 --> 00:40:05.280
of years ago or a year and a half ago,

413
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:13.119
so and the other thing is for my eyes. So

414
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:18.440
that's those three things that I need to put that

415
00:40:18.559 --> 00:40:27.840
away for. And now I'm going to spend a percentage

416
00:40:27.880 --> 00:40:31.880
of workouts, a percentage more percentage of every time I

417
00:40:31.920 --> 00:40:38.800
get paid, and contribute that towards getting some clothes, whether

418
00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:41.480
it's a pair of socks or a pair of pants

419
00:40:43.079 --> 00:40:47.800
underpants or a T shirt wherever, just to start getting

420
00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:53.880
some I don't know, half decent clothes because most of

421
00:40:54.000 --> 00:40:58.400
what I've got is worn out and old and grotti.

422
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:05.280
I mean, because I've got a tendency of buying cheap stuff,

423
00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:10.039
like cheap T shirts five for a pound. No maybe not,

424
00:41:10.159 --> 00:41:13.920
but like you know, five T shirts for twenty quid.

425
00:41:18.079 --> 00:41:21.920
They're fine to start with, but after a few washes,

426
00:41:22.119 --> 00:41:31.000
they just they don't look great. So it's something I

427
00:41:31.079 --> 00:41:36.440
want to try and do. Also, I need to look

428
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:40.519
at getting a winter coat. This is probably the best

429
00:41:40.559 --> 00:41:42.440
time of the year to get a winter coat, really

430
00:41:42.519 --> 00:41:47.440
because I'll be cheaper because I don't have one. I

431
00:41:47.599 --> 00:41:51.280
can't This old thing my dad gave me probably about

432
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:56.000
ten years ago, probably longer actually, and it's something that

433
00:41:56.000 --> 00:42:00.119
he used to wear on the dogs. He gave that

434
00:42:00.280 --> 00:42:03.360
to me and I just had as a backup. But

435
00:42:03.519 --> 00:42:08.480
then the two winter coats that I did have got mislaid,

436
00:42:09.840 --> 00:42:13.159
so I ended up with nothing. So I've been wearing

437
00:42:13.239 --> 00:42:17.480
that one for the last couple of years, which is okay.

438
00:42:17.639 --> 00:42:22.079
I've got a big jumper on underneath. But I think

439
00:42:22.159 --> 00:42:25.960
since I lost a little bit away, I feel a

440
00:42:26.000 --> 00:42:31.840
cold a little bit more than I used to because

441
00:42:31.880 --> 00:42:35.159
I used to be like a seal, you know, in

442
00:42:35.280 --> 00:42:38.360
the winter. I just I had so much blubber I

443
00:42:38.440 --> 00:42:44.199
didn't really feel the cold at all. Now I still

444
00:42:44.239 --> 00:42:50.119
don't feel it hugely, but a little bit more so.

445
00:42:50.199 --> 00:42:56.679
I've got a little bit less fat on me. I'm

446
00:42:56.760 --> 00:42:59.519
still heavy enough to not be fair affected by the wind.

447
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:07.840
That's good. That is an advantage of not being really

448
00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:12.320
really slim and light, because I used to get blown

449
00:43:12.360 --> 00:43:15.519
around by the wind. I used to have to wear

450
00:43:15.559 --> 00:43:27.239
heavy boots in the libraries. Seriously. I remember once we

451
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:37.519
went kiting, and my dad used to love kiting and

452
00:43:37.639 --> 00:43:46.000
we go to the top of the cliffs and oh,

453
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:48.400
I was a windy day. As on a windy day,

454
00:43:51.400 --> 00:43:53.840
and because we lived near the beach, windy days a

455
00:43:55.000 --> 00:44:05.119
very generous. There's a lot, a lot of them, and

456
00:44:05.239 --> 00:44:07.320
we'd be flying these kites and it was great. But

457
00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:12.800
I would actually find myself being lifted up by the kite.

458
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:16.559
I mean this is when I was a kid, so

459
00:44:16.599 --> 00:44:22.719
I probably only weight I know, four stone or five

460
00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:26.960
stone maybe, so you know, it wouldn't take a lot

461
00:44:27.039 --> 00:44:36.760
for a four stone to be lifted off off the ground. Yeah,

462
00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:43.760
I don't know why I start thinking of that. That

463
00:44:43.960 --> 00:44:49.599
was quite good times actually, And my dad had a

464
00:44:49.760 --> 00:44:53.039
friend who owned and I don't know if it's an

465
00:44:53.159 --> 00:44:58.800
ice cream place. I think it was. It was like

466
00:44:58.920 --> 00:45:01.760
this restaurant. I think it was like a restaurant bar,

467
00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:06.119
but I had an ice cream bar in it, so

468
00:45:06.199 --> 00:45:09.360
I don't think based on where I was positioned, that

469
00:45:09.480 --> 00:45:12.920
they would make enough money just selling ice cream. So

470
00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:16.599
it was actually a venue. So we went there and

471
00:45:18.000 --> 00:45:22.880
we used to get some ice cream. That was a

472
00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:28.840
long story that didn't really lead anywhere today. I could

473
00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:30.719
have just said would go and have some ice cream.

474
00:45:34.079 --> 00:45:37.400
I just remember it was quite a big room with

475
00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:43.320
tables and stuff, and I think my dad used to

476
00:45:45.519 --> 00:45:51.719
do work for the man, like electrical stuff, but it

477
00:45:51.840 --> 00:45:59.519
was also friends with him. I think if I was

478
00:45:59.599 --> 00:46:04.760
ever to have my time again and I had to

479
00:46:04.960 --> 00:46:14.840
choose to say a trade, I don't really know. I

480
00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:17.679
thought about this like, I don't think I'd want to

481
00:46:17.679 --> 00:46:25.239
be an electrician. I don't think i'd want to be

482
00:46:25.320 --> 00:46:34.320
a carpenter, just because I don't. I never really never

483
00:46:34.440 --> 00:46:42.119
really I did would work at school, being never really

484
00:46:42.480 --> 00:46:49.239
kind of yeah, I never found it interesting. There was

485
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:54.320
I did metal work as well, that was even less interesting.

486
00:46:54.440 --> 00:46:57.920
I just working with metal wasn't really something that I

487
00:46:59.079 --> 00:47:11.760
particularly looked forward to, No what. Down in junior school,

488
00:47:12.119 --> 00:47:14.840
I used to like woodwork because it was just part

489
00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:19.880
drafts and i'd be working with balsa wood. So what

490
00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:25.280
I needed was a little knife, little I suppose it's

491
00:47:25.320 --> 00:47:30.199
a whittling I think it's called, and a bit of

492
00:47:30.360 --> 00:47:36.159
sandpaper and I would make this uh what are they called?

493
00:47:37.400 --> 00:47:44.320
Not yachts canoes, made these little canoes and I used

494
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:47.440
to quite enjoy doing it. And cross stitchen as well.

495
00:47:48.119 --> 00:47:53.360
I loved across the stitching. Oh yes, I don't know

496
00:47:53.400 --> 00:48:00.199
what it was. I think I think it might be

497
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:07.159
they gave me a focus, something to really focus on.

498
00:48:08.280 --> 00:48:14.719
It took my mind away from what I was thinking about.

499
00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:20.000
I guess maybe, and I needed that was about nine

500
00:48:20.079 --> 00:48:24.639
and ten when I did that, and I was I

501
00:48:24.719 --> 00:48:30.000
felt good. I felt very relaxed when I did stop stotch,

502
00:48:30.119 --> 00:48:40.559
critchen stotch, critching, gritch stotching, cross stitching, cross stitching. I

503
00:48:40.679 --> 00:48:42.679
tried it. It came when I was in my twenties.

504
00:48:48.400 --> 00:48:52.280
I can't remember what happened. I don't know why I

505
00:48:52.360 --> 00:48:57.079
didn't stick to it, because otherwise I've been doing it

506
00:48:57.159 --> 00:49:01.559
now night whatever. If I did do it now, i'd

507
00:49:01.599 --> 00:49:06.760
probably use a tambourine. Okay, it's not you know that

508
00:49:06.960 --> 00:49:11.679
round thing that you do you use or I think

509
00:49:11.760 --> 00:49:14.719
you can. Maybe you can use like a not a

510
00:49:14.840 --> 00:49:19.079
door frame, like a frame thing and you put the

511
00:49:19.239 --> 00:49:23.480
material on and you can do it that way, just

512
00:49:23.719 --> 00:49:30.280
so you can kind of see what you're doing. Mm hm. Tambourines.

513
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:37.320
They're like tambourines. They're around anyway. They didn't have like

514
00:49:39.000 --> 00:49:44.519
you can shape them. You can join the orchestra or

515
00:49:44.519 --> 00:49:53.280
a choir. Because I didn't make any noise so as

516
00:49:53.320 --> 00:49:59.639
an accompaniment, there weren't much use but for stop stop Critchen.

517
00:50:01.119 --> 00:50:05.119
Cross cross stitching. Why is that such a hard word

518
00:50:05.199 --> 00:50:15.440
to say, cross stitching? Cross stitching? Blimey. I think it's

519
00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:20.119
because I haven't said it for some while. It's not

520
00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:24.480
a term that I've used very often in the last

521
00:50:26.199 --> 00:50:31.239
fifty years or forty five years. But I still love it.

522
00:50:33.199 --> 00:50:41.719
I really did, really did. Just perhaps that's why I

523
00:50:41.960 --> 00:50:49.719
need although to be honest, I find making podcasts have

524
00:50:51.559 --> 00:50:58.960
kind of the same reaction for me. So I'm focused,

525
00:50:59.199 --> 00:51:05.800
but not on myself. Although I'm talking about myself, I'm

526
00:51:05.840 --> 00:51:12.480
not focused on There's nothing going on in my mind

527
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:17.880
other than the next word or maybe wonder why I

528
00:51:17.960 --> 00:51:24.320
said the next word. That's a very focused, very relaxing

529
00:51:24.440 --> 00:51:32.199
thing today. Making a recording for me because if it

530
00:51:32.440 --> 00:51:40.639
wasn't then I wouldn't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't. I'm

531
00:51:40.679 --> 00:51:45.639
not gonna do something I don't want to do. I've tried,

532
00:51:47.639 --> 00:51:51.280
that's my whole life, trying to do that. But as

533
00:51:51.360 --> 00:51:55.000
far as recordings, I have forced myself to make recordings

534
00:51:55.039 --> 00:52:00.440
in the past and it doesn't work, I'll do it recording,

535
00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:02.719
then I'll have to trash it. Because I realized I've

536
00:52:02.840 --> 00:52:16.639
just been a little bit too grumpy. So I only

537
00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:22.559
make a recording when I want to, when i'm up

538
00:52:22.639 --> 00:52:26.519
through it and i'm feeling I mean, sometimes I do

539
00:52:26.679 --> 00:52:32.719
one when I'm tired. Sometimes I do one because I

540
00:52:32.880 --> 00:52:36.239
know I need to do it, but it's it's not

541
00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:41.320
that I don't want to. I might give myself a

542
00:52:41.559 --> 00:52:45.159
little nutch maybe on a Q and a Friday when

543
00:52:45.199 --> 00:52:49.199
I'm thinking i've left it late. I'm gonna have to

544
00:52:49.320 --> 00:52:52.000
do it. If I don't do it now, I'll have

545
00:52:52.079 --> 00:52:55.960
to do it in the morning. And I think, nah,

546
00:52:56.000 --> 00:53:04.760
I'm doing now, But it's never it's never forced. Wow,

547
00:53:04.920 --> 00:53:10.639
my stomach just did a proper circle. That's why he

548
00:53:10.679 --> 00:53:13.800
had breakfast cereal yesterday because I've not had any food,

549
00:53:16.360 --> 00:53:20.000
so I need to since Monday. So I need to

550
00:53:20.280 --> 00:53:24.920
like mak food food, you know. So I'm gonna make

551
00:53:24.960 --> 00:53:43.079
myself a couple of toasted sandwiches once I've done this. Yeah,

552
00:53:52.119 --> 00:54:01.159
I just needed to check something I don't know in

553
00:54:01.360 --> 00:54:08.800
my freezer. I did have some rolls which I can

554
00:54:08.920 --> 00:54:13.159
toast or let them defrost in the I use them

555
00:54:13.199 --> 00:54:20.239
as roll bread rolls, basically that Gia batter geepetter the

556
00:54:20.519 --> 00:54:28.000
geopatter or geepetter geo petty rolls, and I'll cook something

557
00:54:28.079 --> 00:54:33.039
in the air fraro and eat them inside the rolls.

558
00:54:36.199 --> 00:54:42.840
I don't know if I've got any left in the freezer,

559
00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:47.960
and if I have, I'm gonna have to stick them

560
00:54:48.000 --> 00:54:55.639
in the air fryer to defrost. Who But then I'm thinking,

561
00:54:55.920 --> 00:55:03.280
maybe what instead is a just have some toast with

562
00:55:03.519 --> 00:55:08.920
something inside the toast rather than chapatter rules, Because I

563
00:55:09.000 --> 00:55:12.679
do have at least one loaf of bread in the freezer,

564
00:55:16.639 --> 00:55:21.400
so I need to remember to eat it, because I

565
00:55:21.559 --> 00:55:23.400
know that if I leave the bread in the freezer

566
00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:30.159
too long, the bread just goes wrong. It's not weird

567
00:55:30.719 --> 00:55:33.000
as you'd think, Oh, you've put in a freezer should

568
00:55:33.079 --> 00:55:38.360
last for ages and ages it's frozen. But if it's

569
00:55:38.440 --> 00:55:44.760
left in there too long, the results of toasting a

570
00:55:44.880 --> 00:55:47.880
piece of bread. A slice of bread that's been in

571
00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:59.599
a freezer too too long is not nice. Fresh toast

572
00:55:59.679 --> 00:56:04.159
is quite nice. Fresh bread toast is also yum yum,

573
00:56:04.239 --> 00:56:09.119
yum yum yum, depending, I think depends on what kind

574
00:56:09.119 --> 00:56:17.960
of bread it is that was weird. There's a bread

575
00:56:18.039 --> 00:56:22.360
called toasty that we can get right it's too big

576
00:56:22.440 --> 00:56:29.719
to fit in the toaster long wise, it's ridiculous. So

577
00:56:29.800 --> 00:56:34.280
it's cord toasties. You'd think that meant it's for toasting,

578
00:56:35.119 --> 00:56:40.119
unless I've got the smallest toaster in the world. Dog

579
00:56:40.159 --> 00:56:44.920
get a guard who was barking again. Hopefully it's stock

580
00:56:45.039 --> 00:56:51.880
Now that dog is exactly the same as Loki. Same

581
00:56:52.000 --> 00:56:56.519
make same. Everything really looks different, but kind of the

582
00:56:56.639 --> 00:57:03.039
same type of dog, same marking, the same, sounds the same.

583
00:57:06.199 --> 00:57:16.239
Wop wop wop, deep old voice. I don't know if

584
00:57:16.239 --> 00:57:20.239
you can hear my stomach circling. I'm going to have

585
00:57:20.360 --> 00:57:24.480
to go and eat, eat, I tell you, eat. Oh, yes,

586
00:57:24.880 --> 00:57:30.559
I'm going to eat. Maybe it's collared some ice cream.

587
00:57:32.920 --> 00:57:34.920
So when I when I went out with Finnie, I

588
00:57:35.039 --> 00:57:39.360
came back had a cornetto. I gave him some some

589
00:57:39.480 --> 00:57:42.199
of the ice cream. He kind of the cornetto has

590
00:57:42.199 --> 00:57:46.320
got chocolate on the the crust or whatever. But this

591
00:57:46.519 --> 00:57:50.599
is just strawberry and vanilla. So I gave him a

592
00:57:51.639 --> 00:57:56.159
bear of the ice cream and he lapped up very quickly.

593
00:57:59.599 --> 00:58:02.639
M hm, oh, he's just waking up. His head was

594
00:58:02.679 --> 00:58:07.920
hanging down. I was gone back to sleep again. He

595
00:58:08.159 --> 00:58:12.960
just he has weird dreams never down woke him up

596
00:58:13.760 --> 00:58:21.719
because literally making those strangest sounds. This was on Monday night.

597
00:58:23.360 --> 00:58:29.679
I don't know what he was thinking, but just spend

598
00:58:29.800 --> 00:58:33.599
time with the neighbor who used to have him. He

599
00:58:33.679 --> 00:58:37.039
spent about an hour and a half with her for

600
00:58:37.119 --> 00:58:41.920
the first time since the beginning of the year. Really,

601
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:49.800
and I think it's it's had an emotional effect on

602
00:58:49.920 --> 00:58:56.360
him because he adores her, absolutely adors her. He's known

603
00:58:56.400 --> 00:58:59.119
as since he was born, since he was literally born.

604
00:59:00.159 --> 00:59:03.960
She's one of the first people he ever saw in

605
00:59:04.079 --> 00:59:11.320
his life. So he's got a big attachment. I'd say

606
00:59:11.400 --> 00:59:14.760
that after two and a half years of living here

607
00:59:14.840 --> 00:59:17.800
and sleeping in the bed with me and being with

608
00:59:18.000 --> 00:59:23.239
me nearly all the time, he's probably got an attachment

609
00:59:23.320 --> 00:59:27.400
to me as well. I just don't know. It seems

610
00:59:27.440 --> 00:59:40.960
to be different with her. It's just I gave her

611
00:59:41.039 --> 00:59:43.440
the lead and she walked off, and he went with her,

612
00:59:44.239 --> 00:59:49.239
didn't look back, didn't care. I wasn't there. It kind

613
00:59:49.280 --> 00:59:52.840
of I don't know. I feel that he should want

614
00:59:52.880 --> 01:00:02.079
to stay with me in a way, but I think

615
01:00:02.159 --> 01:00:05.920
he's happy. He's happy. He's a happy boy. He doesn't

616
01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:12.199
get the stimulation the needs, I don't think. But he

617
01:00:12.320 --> 01:00:15.920
does get out a few times a day. He sees

618
01:00:16.119 --> 01:00:19.880
quite a few different dogs, lots of different people, he

619
01:00:19.960 --> 01:00:24.280
says a lood to. It's an amazing amount of people

620
01:00:24.320 --> 01:00:29.880
around him that know him by name, Hello, Vinny, any

621
01:00:30.880 --> 01:00:37.360
like I don't even know who after people are. Everyone

622
01:00:37.400 --> 01:00:54.639
seems to know him less sort of coke. Keep ourselves

623
01:00:54.719 --> 01:01:03.400
of food, and he'd also get delivery. I forgot about that. Yeah,

624
01:01:03.440 --> 01:01:10.119
I need to give myself delivery because running out of milk.

625
01:01:12.440 --> 01:01:15.280
I'll just see. I might have enough milk for tomorrow morning.

626
01:01:17.119 --> 01:01:22.239
I do know. We'll see, we'll see what happens, because

627
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:29.119
maybe I'll wait until tomorrow get delivery tomorrow. I've definitely

628
01:01:29.199 --> 01:01:33.599
got enough milk for tea, for a few cups of tea,

629
01:01:35.800 --> 01:01:38.960
but I don't know for the breakfast cereal. And I

630
01:01:39.159 --> 01:01:45.239
do like to have my I do like to have

631
01:01:45.400 --> 01:01:49.960
my ready break in the morning. And it takes up

632
01:01:50.440 --> 01:01:57.519
nearly a bowl of milk, I tell it. Okay, yeah,

633
01:01:58.760 --> 01:02:03.559
good boy, did you have a lovely sleep? You did,

634
01:02:03.639 --> 01:02:13.679
didn't you? A? You? Okay, you're right, good boy. He's

635
01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:24.480
laid his head down again. There's strangers when he's lying

636
01:02:24.559 --> 01:02:27.599
on the sofa with me next to me. I can

637
01:02:27.679 --> 01:02:31.719
have my hand on him the whole time, stroking him,

638
01:02:34.400 --> 01:02:38.880
massaging him, just and he's fine with that. But if

639
01:02:38.960 --> 01:02:43.719
we're in bed, doesn't does not put my hand on him.

640
01:02:46.360 --> 01:02:55.199
We had and it's like nowadays, showered at me. I

641
01:02:55.440 --> 01:02:59.480
like you as a friend, like this weird thing to

642
01:02:59.559 --> 01:03:10.039
say he needs a bath. Wow, you know, I was

643
01:03:10.239 --> 01:03:15.599
literally gonna say, he doesn't even react to the word bath.

644
01:03:20.880 --> 01:03:23.119
But as soon as I said he needs a bath,

645
01:03:24.880 --> 01:03:30.679
he looked up at me and my stomach air got again,

646
01:03:34.280 --> 01:03:42.960
which means it's dim thing's time. So thank you for listening.

647
01:03:44.199 --> 01:03:48.079
Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve

648
01:03:48.199 --> 01:03:53.840
to be happy. A be gentle with yourself. You deserve

649
01:03:54.000 --> 01:04:01.599
to feel safe. Lots of love. Four