July 31, 2025
(no music) Whisper Thursday | LMBYTS #1400 | Jason Newland | 31st July 2025
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Hello, and welcome to chasonnew Land dot com. My name
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is Chasing new Land. Yes it really is.
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Ah, this is.
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Whisper Thursday. I don't know why. Don't ask me why,
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but that's what this is. For some reason. Just go
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out of bed and I'm making a recording. I don't
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know why. Don't ask me why. I'm just doing it.
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Believe is onlyly listening when you can safely close your eyes.
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I don't know if my voice is still a bit croaky,
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it might be. I think today is Thursday, the thirtieth
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of July twoenty twenty five. Listens to thirty first one
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of them. It's the last day of July twenty twenty nine.
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Ye if it is, say the latest the latest. His
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uncle Sausages has been officially moved into a nursing home, and,
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according to another visitor, revis is a lovely place and
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the staff for great so depending upon COVID results, when
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I do a COVID test later today, I'm going to
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go up and see him. That would be weird. I
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still can't come head around the fact that last time
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I saw him he was chatty. Okay, he was right,
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he wasn't his normal chatty self. He hasn't been like
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that for a while. But he was still talking and
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he was still had energy, and he's you know, and
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now he's nothing. He's just asleep. So I've not seen
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that version of him, but than when I did. I
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did see him asleep, but that was weird because he's
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he's the biggest chatterbox you'll ever meet. It's very strange
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to see someone that vocal that quiet, very unusual. Indeed,
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I had some strange dreams. I said, this boxing gathering
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and it was full of boxes and me. I don't
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even know why I was there, but it was very
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very alpha male behavior. So it's I was kind of
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out out of place, as it were, because I don't
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think I've had any testosterone in my body. For that
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sounds wrong, doesn't it. I mean, I don't. I don't
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think I've got any, but I think there is any
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disosterone in me. I think they used to be when
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I was younger. But but technically, if I'm going bold in,
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if I'm if my hairs or receding, this isn't now
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signed tim like a really ferile I don't know. In
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my case, no no new new new. Yeah, yesterday I
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spent a few hours died in through uncle sausages flat,
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putting stuff into bags, and the Council of now taking
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hold of the flat, and I'm trying to find any
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of his personal items, you know, like pictures and things
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like that, photographs, anything that might mean something to him,
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and just you know, finding that stuff before the council
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come in and just destroy everything, which is what they're
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gonna do. But why I've done in in the process
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is I've made the council's job really easy because at
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least probably sixty of these belongings are now all backed up,
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all stuff they can chug out that they can check
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out all backed up. So if I chucked out, I
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put stuff on you know, outside, and I've also filled
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his kitchen with stuff. I think, I think yesterday because
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his other next a kin asks me to find a
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couple of personal letters with some information on that she needed.
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So I did that and I took a photocopy. Well,
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I took a photograph and I sent it to her.
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So once I was in there, I thought, maybe I'll
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just get on with this and get a bit more done.
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And I don't know, I think I think I was
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starting to enjoy doing it. For some reason. Perhaps it
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was the focus because I need to didy at my
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own home tonight. It's not like that, but is still
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it's getting over crowded in it. I need to just
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stub a little tidy up. I'm definitely moving towards the
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idea of minimimalism. Minimalist pretty much owning, no belongings apart
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from maybe just a TV on the wall. I said,
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it's a close as well. So I've got these books,
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I don't have much belonging. It's really Oh yes, it's
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a funny thing. I've got the alert from PIB, which
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is a personal independence payment uh benefits, so they review
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in me. So I'll have to go through that now, Yeah,
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which should be uh might mean o wow. We'll say
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what it means. So the old saying is that when
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one told it flushes, a number one needs flushing. I
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don't know what that means.
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See.
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Uh, Finny jumped up when I woke up this morning,
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well about twenty minutes ago, jumped up. I thought he
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must be hungry. There's a couple of food. Nope, not
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interested in food. He's just lying next to me a
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sleep or listening. Probably yeah, he's listening one of his ears,
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he smoked, right up, Are you listening, Finny, Yes, he's listening.
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I had someone knock on my door at nine o'clock
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last night, and I went a bit about eight. I
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had an early night. I just just had to someone
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knocked on my door at nine o'clock. That's so. Then
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he started barking. So I didn't just press the doorbell,
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which I wouldn't have heard. They had to knock loudly
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as well. So I come out of my bedroom on
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a show and said, and it was one of my neighbors,
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not not local neighbors, but someone lives around the corner.
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I said, jo want I said, I'm in bed. As
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far as I can say, that's enough. If I said
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I'm in bed, then they she said, okay, never mind
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buy But came question, why you're in bed? What the
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what's it? Can't do with you? Why I'm in bed.
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I'm an adult. I've chosen to go to bed. I
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do not answer to you. I'm in bed. Are you
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gonna answer the door? You can open the door. I've
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got COVID. Oh you still got that?
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Have you?
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Yeah? Because I just told you I got it?
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Why I said I'm.
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Going back to bed now. And then Finny would not
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leave the front door because he wanted to go and
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say he lod to the person who was out on
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the other side. I said, Benny, come on and come on,
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and he comnaored me. He literally super glued his feet
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to the floor in the front door. So I'm like
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raising my voice a come on, Vinny, and the neighbors
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starts talking to me. What's that because she must hear
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me say come on, no from talking to the door.
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This is what you do him bothering me. I'm a
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little bit grumpy when I'm in bed if I'm disturbed,
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which is most of the time, to be fair, but
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it's usually just because Vinnie hears something and starts barking.
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For example, there's this cat and someone thought it would
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be a really good idea. The owner of the cat
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owner may, yeah, I'm pretty sure they thought he'd be
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really clever, really funny, and really, I don't know, super
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inteligent to buy a little bell. So it's it's a
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little little bell on it on their collar, on his
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cat's color. It's very faint. I can hardly hear it.
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But Vinny goes at Natty every time that cat walks
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in the garden. It's like cute pass through you are.
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They don't think, they don't think, oh, look a lovely
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little bell. I mean maybe if you're right close to
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it you can hear it quite loudly. I don't know.
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But this one here is a mile away and he
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goes bananas. Don't really a lie I can do about it,
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except moan not really been concentrating on anything lately, you know,
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just skipping through TV. Not necessarily. Yeah, my focus has
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been a little bit, a little bit wobbly, my mental focus,
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I'll be honest. This part of me, there's a large
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part of me that just does not want to go
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and visit Uncle's sausages because I don't want to see
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him like that. But I also know that I need to.
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It's important to do it, and I do wanna visit,
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and I do want to see him, and I don't know,
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hold his hand and maybe you know the fairy I've
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read in theory that hearing is the last thing that
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goes so although he's got his eyes cove dick and
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still hear me. But just thinking if the roles were
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reversed and I was there with my eyes closed, not
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able to really do anything. And he was my visitor,
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and he was talking NonStop about sport. I'd be wishing
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for my hearing to stop. Wow, I'd be shouting internally,
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shot trying to sleep. I think I just had a
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squirrel sneeze. How strange. By the way, I'm not going
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to be doing these well. I've got no plan of
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doing these whisper daily things. I don't even know what
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I'm doing one today. All I know is I.
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Am I Am, Mayam, may Am.
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It's very peaceful. It is early in the morning, it's
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about twenty to four, but then I went to be
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at eight, so it's not really you.
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Know that early.
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I spent most of the day in bed, as I
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have done for the last week, a lot of time asleep.
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But last night I was just agitated. I didn't want
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to be in bed. But what did I want to do?
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I don't know. I've only been making one recording the
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last three times I've made not the last two times. Rather,
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i've made himly recorded. I've just done one version, which
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is without music, and that's a temporary thing. It's just
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because I can't. I don't know. It might be laziness,
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lack of motivation. It could be anything, but once the
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recording's done, much rather someone else do everything else, rather
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than me having to edit it and then do different
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versions and make it an image and blah blah blah
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and over to an assistant. That would be nice. I
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could hand over to an AI system, but then there'd
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be no gaps in speaking.
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It would just be parallel, which means it will no
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longer sound a human, or I will no longer sound
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a human.
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And that's our lot of videos and podcasts and stuff
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are done. They edited automatically, so they don't personally really
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doesn't have to do much at all. But I just
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think that's the difference between what I do and what
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others do is okay, I don't. I lost my train
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of thought that I don't know what for the difference
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is what other people do is good and more popular.
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What I do is I don't know. I don't even
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know what I do anymore. These recordings used to be
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about hypnosis and helping meet people with chronic pain or
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with anxiety or sleeping or things like that. I'm not
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quite sure what's happened to them. It's just ended up
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being like a an audio diary. H I think that
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this last six weeks, I don't think. I know. The
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last six weeks I had quite a profound effect on me.
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It's really got me thinking, got me thinking about my future.
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It's got me thinking about my present as well. How
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am I living my life? Do I want to live
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my life this way? Am I wasting my time? Which
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is just such a wrong thing to do, I believe,
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just to waste wasting my ear? What am I not
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doing that I could do? What am I doing that
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I shouldn't be doing? What am I doing that's worthwhile?
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What am I doing that's meaningful? What am I doing
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now that's going to affect my future life both positively
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and negatively? How long do I have? And I don't
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mean that negatively, it just realistically and what do what
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do I want to do at that time? So yeah,
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it just caught me thinking.
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Hm m m.
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What changes are required for need to move forward in
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a way? That doesn't mean that I'm just repeating my behavior.
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I don't know. I still want to make a difference,
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make a change. I still want to help people. But
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I started to wonder what about myself? M hm H
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Do I want to still be living this lifestyle where
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I have to save up if I wanna get myself
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some new classes, I have to save up. If I
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want to go to the dentist, or if I want
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to take Viny to the veat nothing there in an emergency.
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You know. It's just is that what I want more of?
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Do I want to still be looking at these walls
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in ten years time? I don't know. Christs questions, questions,
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M this is very meditative me sitting here with my
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eyes closed, focusing on the silence, the temperature of the.
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Room, becomness.
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This is certain sense of clarity I have when I
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just go out bed if I'm not tired, which I'm not.
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I'm not saying that I couldn't go back to sleep,
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because I could quite easily. But I'm not tired in
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a way that I would be if I had only
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had a couple of hours sleep and I was trying
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to force myself to be awake for whatever reason. Then
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I kept drifting off mid sentence. Yeah, and I can't
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make myself some ready breack for breakfast.
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Yeah, so I'm gonna go.
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Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself
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because you do deserve to be happy, be gentle with yourself.
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You deserved to feel safe. Lots of of
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