Aug. 1, 2025

(no music) Whisper Saturday | LMBYTS #1402 | Jason Newland | 2nd August 2025

Show Notes
Transcript

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WEBVTT

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Hello, and welcome to jasondew Land dot com. My name's

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Jason new Land. Please and listen when you can safely

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close your eyes. This is Whisper Saturday Saturday. For some

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reason I've done was it Wednesday, Thursday, Friday Saturday for whisper?

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Let me boy? The sleeps in a row first thing

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in the morning when I wake up, and I don't

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know why at doorn no way. Hopefully the microphone is

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picking up my not so loud voice. Eh, I hope. Eh.

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It's a bit of an early start, but I did

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go to bed particularly early last night. So I went

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to bed at about seven o'clock in the evening. It's about

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two thirty hour in the morning, so technically i've had

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seven hours was it seven eight nineteen eleven to one

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to seven and a half hours sleep? I visited Uncle

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Sausages yesterday and I wasn't gonna It's not that I

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didn't want to well, I didn't know. It's a weird one.

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I don't want to visit him. Of course I do

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want to visit him, but I don't know at the

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same time, just because it's it's it's very difficult. But

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his other visitors is only two of us. She contacted

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me yesterday and said that she wasn't able to go

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due to grand kids. There's some changes in a in

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a day routine. So I said, don't worry, I'll go

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up and see him. So I did went up yesterday,

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got there about half three in the afternoon. I got

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a taxi there. It was raining, proper raining, like really raining.

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You know what. I don't think I put my body home. No,

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oh no. So I took my brodey with me. I

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tried to open it from the front door of the

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building where I live to the taxi. Now I got

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wetter trying to open the brody and in trying to

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close it as I tried. You know, as I opened

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the taxi door, I'd have got this way if I

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just walked straight over, because it was four footsteps. Probably.

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I mean, it's not something that I'm gonna agree great forever.

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It wasn't that. It wasn't quite that deep baby, But

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thinking about it, everybody would have been easy to just

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still take the probably in case I needed to stand

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outside and wait for a taxi on the way back. However,

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it's quite weird because again and I hear a voice

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in the well, it's it's the driver and he says, hi,

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Hi Jason. So no, no, I've not looked at him

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yet because I'm I'm I'm backing into the into the taxi.

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I'm just thinking it's nice and he's being pleasant considering

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what's heading towards him, my big fat bomb. And I

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settled in and he said, just checking. Your going to

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the to see uncle sausages in a nursing home. I

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said yeah, and I turn around and it's this was

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his name. He was my regular taxi driver when I

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was first started going up to the hospital. When I

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was up there every single day, getting taxis there and

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back cost me about five hundred pound and not not

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a day, cause that would be expensive. But he was

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one of the regular drivers, so I kind of got

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to know him a bit. And then a few weeks

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ago I started mainly traveling by by us, so I

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didn't see any more drivers, And yesterday was the first

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time that I traveled by taxi for I don't remember

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how long it's been. It's not a long time, but

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it might be a couple of weeks because I wasn't

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able to go out for a week due to COVID

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and then I visited uncle sausages on Thursday. So I

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swim in hospital the previous Wednesday, and then I was

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ill on the Wednesday and Thursday. Did the COVID on

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a Friday, and then I was clear. Didn't have a

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COVID test this Thursday just gone, was clear, and I

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went out to visit uncle's sstages. Then when I became yesterday,

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that's it. Yeah, So I'm sitting there. I don't really

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know what to do when I'm there. It didn't seem

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the right time to show off my new juggling and skills.

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You know, it's prety. I don't know. I was talking

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to him, updating him on the locals. There's not a

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lot going on. It's just the same same people making

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the same noise, really and keep hearing the same sentence,

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you know, not from him, but the hearing the hearings

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the last thing to go. I'm like, okay, But I

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wonder if he could communicate, what would he say to me?

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And I wonder, if you know, I've had a few

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little scenarios. One would possibly bear him saying, will you

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please shut up leave me alone? I don't know, another

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please stop sitting on my leg, Please stop farting. There

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could be lots of things that he might be trying

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to say to me, where's my bloody drinks? That's the

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last thing he said to me Wednesday evening, cause I

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went and visited him. He was asleep in hospital, so

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I didn't he look like a little baby just needed

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a teddy bear. He looks so comfortable, cooler, cold, up asleep,

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And I didn't disturb him because personally, a couple of

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days earlier he told me that all he wanted was

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to go to sleep. See he said he hadn't slept

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properly for the last five weeks, So I didn't want

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to disturb him. He looks so peaceful just having a

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good sleep. Plus I didn't feel very well. I just

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kind of came on on the way to the laspital

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and I was like wow, So I just I took

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that opportunity to leave. I left a package that his

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friend had delivered I had had sent to me. His

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friend lives in another country, so I delivered that stuck

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on the table. It's just a newspaper in the packet

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is uh sweets? So of course Sausages phoned me up

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in the evening where were you. He didn't shout, but

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he was like, what do you mean, why didn't you

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come today? I said, I did come today, but you

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was asleep. Why didn't you wake me up? But I

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just for you wanted to sleep? He said, where's my drinks?

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I think that's what I've been to him. I come

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and visit and then I go and get stuff. I'm

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like a like a little uber eats I suppose for him,

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and that's kind of been my role for the last

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month and a half. So I get there, have a chat,

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have a catch up, you know, that's how it's been

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in hospital. And then he starts talking about, well, what

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should we get? Then he went for a little where

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he liked to eat in their sausage roll pasty things

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in Costa and in the early days, which sounds weird

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considering it's been six weeks, but in the early days

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we used to walk down there together, go and sit

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outside have a chat. I still remember that first Saturday.

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So you went in there on a Friday, ten thirty.

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We left here and I think I came back about

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three thirty in the morning. So there the next day

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on a Saturday, and in the afternoon and at this

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point he'd already been they diagnosed him with with what

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was wrong with him. He didn't give him a prognosis

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at that point, but they told him what it was

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because they'd done the scan and everything. And we were downstairs.

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I'm not sure if we had drinks. We were just

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sitting in the sun, yeah, because there was that was

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a sad day and were on one of these desk

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table things and Uncle Sausages started talking about making arrangements

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and things like that. I was like, oh, shut up, mate,

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what are you talking about because he started being practical

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and then he was saying, oh, we can fight this,

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and I said yeah, And so it was a little

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bit emotional. The next day where it was outside again.

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This time we were near this bit of water which

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is in hospital grounds, and a duck started pecking me Winnie. Now,

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I thought it was finny to start with, just because

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you know, generally, if I'm sitting somewhere and I feel something,

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you know, something starts pulling on my glothing or anything,

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it's it was always finny, even though I didn't have

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Finni with me. It's just a natural reaction, like what

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you're doing. What you're doing, mate, I looked down and

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it's this duck staring at me, packing away at me Becker.

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Oh dear, I don't know why that made me laugh.

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Beckon at me Becker Becker. Anyway, it seems like a

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really long time because he used to come out. He

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went from coming outside with me to still walking down

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with me but still sitting in costa, to just sending

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me down to get stuff. I remember there's one boy

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one day, it was a couple of weeks in and

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he said he wanted to come home. I said, why

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in that case, let's not take the lift anymore. Let's

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go down the stairs. Cause he was on the second floor.

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Now he was on the first floor. I said, let's

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go down the stairs. He said, if you're gonna be

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traveling home, if you're gonna go home, you can have

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to go up and down them stairs. And he said, okay.

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It was fine. He was a little bit unsteady on

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his feet anyway. But I think a lot to do

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that can be, you know, when you're wearing your pajamas

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or wearing it like a hospital gown, being in public,

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because even though you're in hospital, it feels like it

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feels like being in a public street really. In fact,

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if anything, it's a lot busier than a normal public

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street unless you're in Oxford Street or somewhere really busy.

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There are thousands of people just continuously trafficking. It's not

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the right word as but just traveling through thousands of people.

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I mean to me, that makes me more invisible and anonymous.

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I just would generally not think that anyone had noticed

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me anyway. Really, these days, I think my noticeability levels

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have dropped somewhat. I think it's just an age thing.

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It's natural, kind of blending with the with the wall paint.

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I think after seeing em yesterday, it's two days in

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a row, it's been a shock to me, to be honest,

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it has because it wasn't like that when I last

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saw him a week ago, and it's yeah, it's night

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and day. It's like completely different. And what's weird about

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it is he didn't believe he was ill because he

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felt fine, apart from an upset stomach, which he blamed

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on having caught a bug or something for an hospital,

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which is highly likely. You know, that is a likely situation,

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but it wasn't true. You know, that was a symptom

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of his condition. And I started to think maybe they've

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got it wrong, because okay, he was still yellow. But

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you know, I don't know. It just seemed I don't

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know what I'm trying to say. Maybe I was hoping

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they'd got it wrong. That you know, A really good

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scenario would be that they realized it made a mistake

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and he all he needed was a simple ob which

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cleared his system out so he could be going a

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normal color again, because he used to be it was

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always very pale. But like me, although I'm not pale,

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I'm pink. The rest of my body's pale apart from

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my arms. My forearms are brown because I'm out in

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the sun a lot with Vinie and stuff. But my

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face is pink and my feet. Basically, my whole body

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is the same color as my feet, just white like pale,

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but with a pink face. It's very strange. Trust me,

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if you see me naked, you don't want to see

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me naked. I think it's agreed upon. That's probably not

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the first thing you notice. Okay, let's move on from there.

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Please please, please, Yeah, I prefer not to see him.

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I was, I was there yesterday. I was just sitting

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down and suddenly income in the room bursts this man

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like what made me jump? And there was the husband

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of where it was his uncle sausages friend like you

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know they're married. Like the ones that said they weren't coming.

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There was a change and they decided to come up

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and pop up and see uncle sausages and then I

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don't pick up their grandkids. I was like, well, blimey

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made me jump. I think I was kind of deep

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in thought. Hard to believe, but I do sometimes think

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it's a rare, rare occurrence. I gave it go once

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and I thought maybe I'll try this again one day,

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and I did yesterday. It was that day. Yeah, man, Yeah,

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it made me jump. But the good thing about it

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is I got a lift home, which was andy because

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it cost me sixteen pounds to get there in a

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taxi and I was going to get a taxi backs. Meanwhile,

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two reasons, mainly because it was quite late in the

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day and it's going to take me quite a while

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to walk it. Plus it was raining, so it wasn't

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a good idea to be walking out in the rain.

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I just get where, what's the point so it would

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be unnecessary dampness. We came back and what's her name's

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husband wanted to have a look at the flat because

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he was going to clear it out in himself, because

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the council have asked us to clear it ours it. No,

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I said, it's not. It's no one's job to clean

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it out other than the council. Uncle Sausages has no family,

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He hasn't got anyone that has to do anything like that.

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And besides, I've backed up so much of his stuff

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now at the request of his friend, just to try

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and help out the counsel and help out, you know, generally.

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And it's still so much to do. So much to

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move is going to take them a good couple of

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days probably to empty that place. That's with all the

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work I've done. I mean, the front garden's full of bags,

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and now the kitchen's full of backs the stuff that

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I've felt and always full of bags. Most of the

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living room is now pretty much clear other than the furniture,

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and a fair bad of the bedroom as well. It's

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one of those weird things because I went in there

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the other day. A couple of times I've been asked

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to go in try and find something. Once it was

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was it passport, another time it was his Bible another

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time in his radio. Another time some money that he

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had bull a side. He said it was seventy pounds

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forty pounds in some diary that I know exactly what

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that money was for. He used to give that to

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his other friend for getting shopping for him. See it

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drawed out money out of the cash point at the

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petrol station. I didn't. He told me this, and he

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was very organized, so I remember I had to look

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for that where else? Oh yeah, I had to look

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for some letters, some ID to send his friend because

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she needed that. I think it was proof of his

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pension because she has to deal with the finances and

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canceling stuff. And you know, I mean, sure he she's

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dealt with the council and given a month's notice for

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the end of the tenancy. But that's because I console

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I condacted the council. My tummy's gurgling. I contacted the

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council just to let them know the situation and just

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tell him that we need some help with some aspects

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of the flag, need to get a few mackayors in

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and stuff like that. It's weird because they they seem

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more focused on just getting the flat back, which I

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was surprised. I know, I mean technically that is their

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job for me. You know, we're dealing with a human

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being and they're dealing with a property. Oh well, I imagine.

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I mean they say a month. I remember my friend downstairs,

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they's the council stuck a sign on the door saying,

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if you you need to whoever's god key to this flat,

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you need to finish what you're doing, take what you

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need to take before a certain day, because that's then

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the council we're going to take the flat back. But

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it gave a month's notice. Two weeks later they were

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breaking in and changing the locks, and that was it.

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They didn't wait a month. They did the same with downstairs.

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There's another flat, and they put a month's notice. A

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couple of weeks they came in and changed the locks.

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So I'm not sure. If they just struggled to count

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up to four, I don't know. And so I foresee,

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having experienced that twice, that it might happen again with

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funcal sausages. So I mentioned they can come up next week,

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put a sign on the door, notice of but I

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don't know, not if fiction, but notice of being the

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flat being cleared with a month's notice, and then after

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two weeks I probably turned up. Also, downstairs, where my

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friend used to live, the new tenant has been there

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every year. She's also moved out, which is weird. Mind Joy,

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It's not the first time that there's been two flats

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empty since I've lived there, because when Luke left my

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friend downstairs, the other flat was also empty. So yeah.

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In fact, that week that Luke left, the flat downstairs

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was being refurbished by the council. They were preparing it

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for the next tenant. But outside of that, I don't notice.

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We've got new two new tenants moving into this building.

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Fingers crossed that they'll be fairly quiet. I hope, I just,

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I just I'm not looking for more door slamming. I mean,

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one of the door slammers has moved out from downstairs,

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the other one downstairs another one doesn't seem to be

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able to control ourself, just has to let the door

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slam multiple times. I don't know why. The other neighbor

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blow Me doesn't let the door slam, and Uncle Sausages

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never let his door slam, and the other person on

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my floor doesn't let their door slam, and I don't either.

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So at the moment we've just got one door slammer,

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but we might have three in a couple of months.

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I don't know. Please please know. The reason the doors

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slam is because they're so heavy. They just they're supposed

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to do that, you know, in the sense of being

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fire doors. But they shake the building when they slam.

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It's not just it's not just that they slam, but

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they are. The two things are apart from the inconsideration.

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Two things that affect me is Finny starts barking if

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he hears a door slam, and also the times, sometimes

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late at night, earlier in the morning, the doors of

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slamming again causes Benny to start barking. And I'm in bed.

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Not a good time to hear barking in my ear

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So it's Saturday, the second of August nineteen twenty twenty five.

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I'm gonna give myself some breakfast, probably about three o'clock.

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It's an early start. Bay made an early an early night,

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really early seven in the evening. That's a very early night.

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And I don't know what I'm going to do today.

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We'll see. So I'm going to go and thank you

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for listening. Remember to Be kind to yourself, because you

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too deserved to be happy. Be gentle with yourself. You

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deserve to feel safe. Lots of love, Bye,