April 14, 2025

(no music) NEGOTIATION | Let me bore your pain away #22 | Jason Newland | 14th April 2025

(no music) NEGOTIATION | Let me bore your pain away #22 | Jason Newland | 14th April 2025
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Hello, and welcome to Jasonnewland dot com. My name's Jason Newland.

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Please only listen when you can safely close rise. This

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is let me boil your pain away. So basically what

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this is is just me chatting. That's all. It is,

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really just chatting, having a little look look at different

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techniques that might be useful, and that's what it is.

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So how it works really is I ask you to

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gauge the chronic pain level, the discomfort level zero to

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ten on a scale, ten being the worst, zero being

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the lowest, where is it right now? And then at

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the end I ask you to do that again and

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notice how it's changed. Now. This works on different levels.

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There's I mean, there's the distraction of listening to me

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rambling on, so that can always be a useful thing.

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There's the focusing on now because as you listen to

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my voice, you're focusing on this moment instead of thinking

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about the past or thinking about the future. So you've

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already reduced the physical discomfort by two thirds because you're

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not thinking about the previous you know, the past pain.

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You're not thinking about or expect in future discomfort. You're

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just focusing on where you are now. And then as

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we go through and just chat, there's relaxation. You know,

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your body starts to relax, your mind slows down, and

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that in itself, also naturally, in its own way, automatically

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reduces chronic pain. So there's a lot going on. It

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might just seem like it's a random chat about nothing,

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and in some ways that is exactly what it is.

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But underneath that, underneath the pointlessness of me talking, there

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are also underlying benefits. Just what I said, you know,

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the distraction focusing on now, the focusing on my voice,

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the relaxation that automatically happens. And there's this metal thing

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sticking out of my desk and I keep banging on it.

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I want to get rid of it. It's like a

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I used to use it to hold the headphones. I

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don't know what it's for. I don't know why I

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screwed it into the desk to start with. Just in

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a way, I just need to get a screwdriver. I

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don't even I don't think I even own a screwdriver anymore.

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I want to get it eventually. I've been complaining about

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it for months. Eventually I'm going to remove it now.

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So I'm just thinking yesterday I did a recording and

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I've talked about some quite strange ideas, some quite strange

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techniques that have been used to help people to help

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you reduce that physical discomfort. And I thought to myself,

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and I said this out loud yesterday as well, maybe

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I'll go through some of those techniques and just devote

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a whole recording to each one. So I think I'm

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going to do that, and you can just follow me

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along because I'll be doing the techniques myself. I'll be

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playing around of it, having a bit of fun with it.

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And one of the main things really is that this

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is not a serious recording. It's also important that you

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only listen with the permission of your doctor, and you

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need to know the cause of the chronic pain, that

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physical discomfort before listening any further. So, if you do

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not have permission from your medical practitioner or doctor to

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say that it's chronic pain and there's no harm in

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reducing it, okay, that the physical discomfort is not actually needed,

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no longer required, unless you have that permission, then please

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turn the recording off and go and do something else

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more enjoyable. Perhaps so that being said, I shall continue

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you and as I was saying, this is not supposed

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to be a serious recording. It's a serious subject, but

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I like to do things lighthearted and with a bit

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of fun. I try not to take myself too seriously.

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So I'm coming from this different perspectives. The first perspective

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is from a like a hypnosis NLP. That's a neurolinguistic

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programming counseling kind of perspective. Just trying to help people,

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trying to be of use, be useful, do something that helps,

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and that is the bottom line. If what I do helps,

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then brilliant. Please continue listening, tell other people, Let other

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people know that this is useful. If it's not useful,

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then you know, I apologize. It's not going to be

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for everyone. But you know, I make a lot of recordings.

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I've made thousands of recordings over the years. I've been

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doing this for nineteen years now online, so a little

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bit of experience. But I'm not an expert on anything.

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I never pretend i am, and it never will pretend

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I am an expert on anything. I know a few things,

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but we all do, don't We We all know a

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few we all know something. We all know a few

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things and when you're interested in the subject, you get

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to know more about it, and I can only I

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can only really learn stuff when I'm interested. That's the

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only time it really sticks in my brain for some reason.

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And one of the things that I've been I wouldn't

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even say passionate about. I would say probably a bit.

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I don't know what the right word is. I whan

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I am passionate about it now, But in the past,

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I was a bit obsessed with anything to do with

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chronic pain, chronic pain relief. I was studying via books

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and textbooks, not at college or anything like that, but

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I was. And then when the Internet came along, like

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a YouTube rather when the internet was around, but you know,

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I started studying it. I got interested in chronic pain

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back in about nineteen ninety nine, and it wasn't until

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two thousand and four that I started a free chronic

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pain relief service in my local town. But for two

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years I got no takers, like, no one was interested

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apart from my nan. I did some hypnosis with my

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nan because she had osteoporosis, so her bones were crumbling.

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A lot of that was it wasn't just due to age,

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because it runs in the family, so it's hereditary, but

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her age did definitely have her have a bearing on it,

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because she was very elderly at the time. And it

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wasn't till two thousand and six when I relaunched myself,

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relaunched a free pain relief service locally and I put

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some money into it, got some leaflets, built a new website.

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All this stuff advertised a bit because I had a

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job at the time, so I could invest a little

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bit advertising and it took off. So I started to

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get people that were calling me up, and at the beginning,

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I was actually going around their house. They were getting

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a family member or they themselves were picking up from

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Blockbusters Video funny enough, just near where I used to live,

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and they'd take me to blame me, yeah, Blockbuster Video,

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and they'd take me to their house and I'd do

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some hypnosis or relaxation and different techniques to help them

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to feel more relief. And this is only based on

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now this is coming from the people themselves, so it's

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not my personal opinion, but this is what everyone told me,

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and every single person at the time told me that

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it helped the pain level reduced. So I had one

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hundred percent success rate according to it. I mean that

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you never know. They might have lied some of them.

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They might just said it to make me feel better

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about myself. It's possible, but according to them, you know,

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it was one hundred percent success. I've never had one

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hundred percent success rate in anything in my entire life,

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so that was quite nice. I don't know how many

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people I actually saw during that period. I don't know,

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maybe one hundred, one hundred different people, maybe maybe more.

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So it went on. Yeah, I did it for about

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eight months. Yeah, so that was that was good. And

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then I decided to start doing stuff online, making recordings online,

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because it just to me it seemed like, you know what,

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because I used to get people to say, well, it's

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nice to listen to you, and it's nice to see

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you once a week or whatever. People used to come

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and do groups with me for relaxation, and it'd say, well,

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I'd quite like to be able to hear you like

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other times. So I did some CDs where I just

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recorded live recordings, like live sessions, and I kept running

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out of the CDs because they were so popular. I

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want to say popular. I mean just was running out

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of CDs. There wasn't thousands of CDs, but it was

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costing because I was volunteering at two charities, Rehab and

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Alcohol Charity when we were doing the relaxation groups what

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I was running then, So it was just costing the

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charities a bit too much money like making the CDs.

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So in the end I thought, i'll I'll put them

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on my website. So I put the live recordings. I

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started recording all my new recordings. Every time I did

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a live recording in a group, and I was doing

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maybe four a week at one point, I would upload

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them onto my website. Then I started putting them onto podcasts,

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and then YouTube came along. I think ninety two thousand

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and seven hours on MySpace, I think two thousand and six.

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I was uploading them and they were getting a lot

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of good feedback. Awful quality sound, really bad like an

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old digital recorder. It was really bad, seriously bad quality sound,

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but people seem to like it, and it kind of

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went from there. Oh got itchy bum See my professionalism

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comes out sometimes, and I just continued. I then went

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on to become a counselor, got a degree in counseling.

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I had numerous different trainings and hypnosis and different things

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like that, read a lot of books, and since two

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thousand and six, I've been making recordings online videos and

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audio recordings. So it's over nineteen years. So I've got

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a little bit of experiences. It doesn't mean I'm many good,

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but I kind of I think it was it. I

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might be rubbish at what I do, but at least

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I'm confident. I'm confident. I'm incompetent, but confident. Yay, I

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don't know. I kind of figure. I mean, I get

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a little bit of feedback from people saying that it's helpful.

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I mean, I had one today actually on my Facebook group,

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which is Jason Newland's Boring group. And you might be thinking,

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when you're gonna get on with the chronic pain relief?

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All right, okay, but I just let me just have

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a look at this. For those that haven't, I've had

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a few nice comments on that group lately. There's Rich

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I think, let's look. It's hard to find them because

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I do so many recordings these days. Rich was said, Hey, Jason,

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your podcast has become my new favorite. I listen almost

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every night, thanks for the Sunday Papers. That's to let

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me boy to sleep. Podcasts so I do I kind

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of have a different theme throughout the week with the

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let Me Boy You to Sleep, Monday's Sleepy Bit, boring Objects, Tuesdays,

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Trivia Tuesday, Wednesday's Whisper Wednesday or was it Wednesday whispers

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Whisper Wednesday Thursday. I don't really have a set one

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for that. Friday's Q and a Friday Saturday's Saturday Summary,

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which is just the week, a summary of the week

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that's gone by. And in Sunday Sunday Papers, which is

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I go through the newspapers on Sunday, usually just one

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newspaper because it takes me forever to get through it.

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So yeah, and what do you say, which says I

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do like some of the rags, like The Inquirer. Okay,

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I should have I should have pointed that out, because

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I did mention that I couldn't find I didn't have

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it on the app, The National Inquirer. Alright, I'm going

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to have to go back. There was something else on here.

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I think it was Hilary Greg says, I'm so impressed

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that you're still churning out sleep, churning, churning out I

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like that word, churning sleep hypnosis videos. After all this time.

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You must have the YouTube record for the most videos

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like this. I haven't seen anyone even close. I missed

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your live Q and so yeah, thanks Greg, I mean

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doing it a while, now doing it a while? Oh yes,

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Jackie says, I so love. Oh I've only I didn't

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realize I didn't see this one, Jackie. I'm sorry that

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I did not reply to your comment on there because

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I didn't see it. Jackie says, I so love and

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I so appreciate how you completely leave politics alone when

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you talk to us folks. It means a heck of

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a lot. And know that we know that you and

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know that we know that you know exactly what we

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know and how much we are all suffering together. Okay, yeah,

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I don't thanks. I'm going to put a bit of

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comment on this reply. Thank you. Just only just see this.

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It's I do try and steer away when I do,

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which not just the newspapers, but generally if I can.

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I okay, I'm struggling to find stuff here, right, I am.

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There is another way I can do it. Actually, let

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me see there was, Hillary wrote. If I go to Hillary,

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I should be able to see click on that She'll

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be able to see stuff she's posted on my thank

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you for Okay, now I can't find it. I'm sorry,

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I can he find it? Oh well, but I did

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read it out at the time. There's too much stuff

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on the group. When I do my recordings, I do

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generally miss out politics, don't talk about politics, don't talk

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about horrible news stories, which is most news stories to

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be fair, and I talk about my own life, so

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not everything's like. I'd sometimes broach a few subjects that

235
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maybe are not like perfectly wonderful, but generally I try

236
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and keep it as light as possible. I do. But

237
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you know, if I was if I was in hospital,

238
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I would let you know that I was in hospital,

239
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and I'd tell you why I was in hospital in

240
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my recordings. I wouldn't like just not make any recordings

241
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and pretend it didn't happen or you know, it's not

242
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doesn't mean i'd go into graphic detail about the castration

243
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or whatever it is. I went in there for castration

244
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blind me, so yeah, it's I try and keep it light.

245
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But he just said castration. That's not light. Yeah, No,

246
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I didn't know that was going to pop out of

247
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my mouth. So just gives you an idea I've got

248
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:09.079
I should I if I could find the letters that

249
00:22:09.119 --> 00:22:12.799
I had. I still got letters that I received back

250
00:22:12.839 --> 00:22:18.240
in two thousand and six, two thousand and seven from

251
00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:23.720
people that I saw during that period for the chronic

252
00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:30.200
pain relief, and it was I kept them so were lovely.

253
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I've got a few letters sent from people here as well,

254
00:22:34.119 --> 00:22:38.640
and messages, loads of message but I didn't. I don't

255
00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:43.960
know where I stored them. They've got to be somewhere.

256
00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:51.680
I wonder where they are. HM. Also let you know

257
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that my on my websites because I do the Q

258
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and a Friday every Friday now, I've been doing that

259
00:23:01.079 --> 00:23:06.680
for a year. There's a little form you can fill in,

260
00:23:06.920 --> 00:23:09.160
or you can go to the page. There's a natural

261
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page for it, and it is basically if I go

262
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to view site, I said, look the very very top

263
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of the page, just below the latest recordings. Ask me

264
00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:30.200
anything dash Q and a Friday submission, just your name, email,

265
00:23:30.359 --> 00:23:34.079
just post a message and I will read it out

266
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the question and answer the question in the next Q

267
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and A Friday. Or if you go into the menu,

268
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you can actually go into the list of pages Q

269
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and A Friday Questions. Again, it's just that page and

270
00:23:49.000 --> 00:23:52.240
that form on its site in one page. So it

271
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just gives us another way of doing it. Because last

272
00:23:55.599 --> 00:24:03.000
week I only got one question and I posted it.

273
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I posted like any questions for Q and a Friday

274
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on Wednesday of last week, and I didn't get any.

275
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I think it just got lost because of all the

276
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recordings I've been making. It just kind of got camouflaged,

277
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as it were, it went missing. So I'm trying to

278
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avoid that happening again. You know, I was partly thinking,

279
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is it because you don't want Q and a Friday anymore?

280
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Is it run? Is it run its course? Or just

281
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because people didn't see it, didn't see the question. So

282
00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:49.519
now anyone who visits let anybody who visits my website,

283
00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:51.759
I have a little bit of stutter sometimes it's just like,

284
00:24:51.880 --> 00:24:54.720
you know, I don't know why. I have a little

285
00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:58.119
bit of stutter, a little bit of a lisp, a

286
00:24:58.119 --> 00:24:59.799
little bit of it. I've got a little bit of everything.

287
00:25:00.119 --> 00:25:04.160
You know, it's a nice little mix. I would say

288
00:25:05.640 --> 00:25:07.799
forty eight percent Irish. I don't know if you knew that.

289
00:25:08.839 --> 00:25:15.599
I don't mention it very often, but yeah, so here

290
00:25:15.640 --> 00:25:21.960
we are. Yesterday was very busy. I had the most

291
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:27.880
amount of listeners that I've had for ages and ages.

292
00:25:29.160 --> 00:25:32.400
I mean, if I go for the last the current year,

293
00:25:34.039 --> 00:25:37.960
the last twelve months, No, that's by month. So so yeah,

294
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:42.559
thirty the last thirty days. Yesterday was the biggest amount

295
00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:46.480
of listeners I've had, and two days before that was

296
00:25:46.519 --> 00:25:55.920
the second biggest. I'm just going back. So what March.

297
00:25:56.359 --> 00:26:05.279
So if I go to March, yep, even in March,

298
00:26:05.400 --> 00:26:14.599
not in nothing in March. February or no, I did ever? Okay,

299
00:26:14.680 --> 00:26:18.599
so it's the biggest I've had since the fourteenth of February.

300
00:26:19.799 --> 00:26:25.440
Fourteenth of February is that valen Time's Day? Is that

301
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:28.519
fourteenth of February? Do you think people listening? Because there's

302
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:32.559
all these people out there that just love me secretly

303
00:26:33.079 --> 00:26:36.480
love well, if you love me so much? Where is

304
00:26:36.519 --> 00:26:40.799
my Valentine's chocolates? Don't care about the cards? Can't eat

305
00:26:40.839 --> 00:26:46.160
the cards? Chocolates? Where is my Valentine's gifts? And well cards?

306
00:26:46.200 --> 00:26:53.799
Even balloons? Airfare? A yacht? My Valentine's yacht? Where was

307
00:26:54.359 --> 00:27:01.960
Where's my Valentine's Mercedes? Yes? Yes, I had one, two,

308
00:27:03.240 --> 00:27:08.519
three really good days in February. But February fourteenth was

309
00:27:08.599 --> 00:27:13.960
probably even better than yesterday. Yeah, I wonder why that is?

310
00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:22.920
How strange? We're not really strange, but I'll tell you

311
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:27.920
what has happened. Though. I'm getting more and more people

312
00:27:28.079 --> 00:27:32.160
visiting my website and listening on there. So I'm pleased

313
00:27:32.200 --> 00:27:34.799
about that because you know, it's cost me money to

314
00:27:34.799 --> 00:27:41.000
have that website going. So it's quite nice, quite nice

315
00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:45.880
to to think that people are actually listening on there.

316
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:56.200
I mean yesterday and not the day before the day

317
00:27:56.200 --> 00:27:59.920
before that. So what was it yesterday Sunday and from

318
00:28:01.079 --> 00:28:04.960
I had the most I think I've ever had on

319
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.640
my website Jasonnewland dot com. This is a bit of

320
00:28:09.640 --> 00:28:12.440
what it relaxes you. I just chitter and chatter and

321
00:28:12.559 --> 00:28:20.200
just blah blah blah. So I don't know why sometimes

322
00:28:20.200 --> 00:28:25.319
I feel the need to just do an introduction to

323
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:31.720
what let me bore your pain away is. And I

324
00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:37.319
think the way I've been talking about the the what's

325
00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:43.960
it like the past when I was doing recordings and

326
00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:47.799
when I was seeing people in person, And it's like

327
00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:54.519
I'm trying to not justify, but almost trying to convince

328
00:28:54.599 --> 00:28:59.559
you that I'm worth listening to. But there's no point

329
00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:05.200
in that it's really it's up to each individual person,

330
00:29:05.960 --> 00:29:09.079
and thousands of people every day listen to me. But

331
00:29:09.759 --> 00:29:14.079
it doesn't mean that. I mean, it doesn't mean it's

332
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:17.960
always the same same few thousand people. It might be

333
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:21.119
it might be new. There might only be six people

334
00:29:21.119 --> 00:29:23.799
that listen to me every day, and there might be

335
00:29:24.519 --> 00:29:28.440
like three thousand new people that listen to me once

336
00:29:28.519 --> 00:29:35.160
and think, what on earth is he talking about? What

337
00:29:35.279 --> 00:29:43.559
if I landed in? This is weird. I've arrived in

338
00:29:43.599 --> 00:29:50.839
a weird space, a weird podcast. This is thought. Hopefully not,

339
00:29:50.960 --> 00:29:55.240
but it might happen. I mean, I've always been a

340
00:29:55.279 --> 00:29:58.480
bit strange. I like to think in a good way,

341
00:29:58.519 --> 00:30:01.799
but maybe there is no good way and strange I

342
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:09.680
don't know. So here's what I was thinking, right, I

343
00:30:09.759 --> 00:30:17.079
quite like the talking pain negotiation. This was number eight

344
00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:22.799
on the list of these ten techniques. Now I hadn't

345
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:26.960
really heard it described this way. So I go into

346
00:30:27.079 --> 00:30:31.279
chat GPT. I asked the questions, and this is the

347
00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:35.759
four point five, which is the good for writing and

348
00:30:35.880 --> 00:30:43.720
exploring ideas, use advanced reason. I think four point five

349
00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:46.160
is the newist, that's the best one. I'm not one

350
00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:52.319
hundred percent sure, but I kind of know my way

351
00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:56.440
around this stuff anyway. And I've done some of these

352
00:30:56.480 --> 00:30:59.480
techniques in the past but didn't have a name for them.

353
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:04.640
So there's one called the blue ascension method. I have

354
00:31:04.839 --> 00:31:10.680
never used the word sex x extension ascension as c

355
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:15.440
N s io N. I've never even said that word before.

356
00:31:16.200 --> 00:31:19.960
Maybe yes, sir, I did, but before that ascension, I

357
00:31:20.039 --> 00:31:24.880
know what it means. I just never used that word rise.

358
00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:30.480
I would probably use floating off and it is just

359
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:37.240
getting tying helium balloons to stuff and just allowing it

360
00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:40.640
just to flow, flow away or blow away or fly

361
00:31:40.759 --> 00:31:45.079
away or float away. But that's not the technique I'm

362
00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:47.000
going to focus on. And I want to focus on

363
00:31:47.480 --> 00:31:54.480
the talking negotiation. And I've also done a version of

364
00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:58.000
this before. I didn't again, I didn't call it that.

365
00:32:02.079 --> 00:32:04.640
I guess I probably wouldn't have called it a technique ever,

366
00:32:05.480 --> 00:32:14.440
just something where when you are relaxed, your mind has

367
00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:18.920
slowed down. And you may have noticed that now anyway,

368
00:32:19.559 --> 00:32:24.559
because you listen to me. I mean, the word bore

369
00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:31.400
is in the title of this recording, and it can

370
00:32:31.480 --> 00:32:37.440
be and you know what, the way I see it,

371
00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:43.960
something that's boring to one person could be super interesting

372
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:47.640
to another person. Now, if I was going to stand

373
00:32:47.680 --> 00:32:50.559
here and talk stand, I'm not standing. If I was

374
00:32:50.599 --> 00:32:53.200
going to sit here, I don't know why I did.

375
00:32:53.359 --> 00:32:55.920
I made that distinction because there's no way of you known,

376
00:32:56.039 --> 00:33:00.359
is there. But I suppose I imagine if you're listening into

377
00:33:00.599 --> 00:33:05.480
kind of a relaxing sort of recording like this, I

378
00:33:05.519 --> 00:33:10.559
can't You're probably not imagining that I'm standing here on

379
00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:15.440
one leg, balancing an egg on my head and juggling

380
00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:19.920
knives or you know, it's like you kind of know

381
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:29.119
that that wouldn't be very relaxing with it. So the

382
00:33:29.160 --> 00:33:41.599
negotiation I have sometimes it's just nice to get in

383
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:50.400
touch with that part of you and instead of doing

384
00:33:50.440 --> 00:33:54.440
what's natural, because a natural thing to do with a

385
00:33:54.480 --> 00:34:02.160
feeling of discomfort is to try to avoids It's just

386
00:34:02.200 --> 00:34:06.759
the natural thing to do, but it's not necessarily the

387
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:11.880
useful thing to do. Sometimes it really is the useful

388
00:34:11.880 --> 00:34:14.039
thing to do. It's the best thing to do sometimes.

389
00:34:15.719 --> 00:34:22.960
You know, if someone's needs to run and you know,

390
00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:26.559
as I say, someone's got a broken leg, they know

391
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:28.639
they can't put any pressure on it. But if there's

392
00:34:28.679 --> 00:34:31.559
an emergency and that person has to get out of

393
00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:36.239
a building or has to move very quickly. Then it's

394
00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:42.440
good that they, you know, they can focus on it

395
00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:48.239
or completely try to ignore it rather because that helps

396
00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:53.039
them to get out of that situation. So someone's like

397
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:57.599
needing to get down some stairs because there's an emergency

398
00:34:57.639 --> 00:35:00.239
and everyone has to get out of a building, They're

399
00:35:00.280 --> 00:35:02.360
not going to be like focusing on the on their

400
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:06.000
broken leg, like, oh, let's focus on it. No, They're

401
00:35:06.039 --> 00:35:09.360
going to be like, sod the leg, I'm getting down

402
00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:15.280
these stairs, not allowed to use the lifts. So that

403
00:35:15.320 --> 00:35:18.000
wouldn't be It wasn't because the emergency is just I've

404
00:35:18.039 --> 00:35:21.639
got a habit of farting in lifts. See, that's where

405
00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:31.599
the professionalism goes wrong. I mean, I genuinely, this is genuinely.

406
00:35:31.639 --> 00:35:34.760
I was going to write a book about therapy about

407
00:35:34.840 --> 00:35:38.800
being a counselor with one of my colleagues, and I thought,

408
00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:42.800
I'm not going to do a book about how to

409
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:46.360
be a counselor. I'm not going to do a book

410
00:35:46.360 --> 00:35:50.199
because you know I was. We were both, you know,

411
00:35:50.280 --> 00:35:55.039
in the first few years of being professional counselors. So

412
00:35:55.280 --> 00:35:58.440
and we work together quite often in this at the

413
00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:01.119
same time in the same building so I got to

414
00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:04.760
know her and I thought it'd be nice if we

415
00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:09.679
wrote a book together. But for student counselors, people that

416
00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:17.519
were just starting out, maybe just qualified, and you know,

417
00:36:17.519 --> 00:36:20.360
I went through some of the ideas. Just the things

418
00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:26.320
that come up that aren't taught in the counseling course,

419
00:36:27.800 --> 00:36:30.599
not taught. Maybe they might be in some courses, but

420
00:36:31.079 --> 00:36:36.360
they weren't sort of covered in the counseling degree that

421
00:36:36.440 --> 00:36:48.800
I did, and just things like it could be lots

422
00:36:48.880 --> 00:36:55.559
of different things, lots just little things. I mean, there's

423
00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:58.719
one definitely weird thing that happened when I had a

424
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:02.280
well twice, I had a woman come back. She was

425
00:37:02.719 --> 00:37:06.480
this is when I was training, and it was at college,

426
00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:10.519
and she came the rooms in the college and I

427
00:37:10.639 --> 00:37:15.360
finished the session. Then I saw another person and then

428
00:37:15.400 --> 00:37:17.280
I saw I think I had three people in a row.

429
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:21.199
And I was ready to leave at six o'clock. There

430
00:37:21.239 --> 00:37:24.679
was nowhere else around. And I come out of the

431
00:37:24.719 --> 00:37:27.440
door and she's there. I mean, there's a lock on

432
00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:30.920
the door, so people can't just walk in and out.

433
00:37:31.000 --> 00:37:33.920
It's a therapy room. You can get out the easy enough.

434
00:37:34.760 --> 00:37:38.000
But then she was there like saying, oh, and she

435
00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:42.199
was hovering. I said, how are you able to hover?

436
00:37:43.239 --> 00:37:46.440
I mean that you're define gravity. She wasn't actually hovering,

437
00:37:46.440 --> 00:37:51.400
but she was like, you know there, and she was

438
00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:53.760
asking me if I wanted to go for a coffee

439
00:37:53.800 --> 00:37:58.039
and spend some time with her, and I said no,

440
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:01.800
well I kind of trying to say, like, you know,

441
00:38:01.800 --> 00:38:10.480
I can't, it's not allowed. And she was seemed very upset,

442
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:13.719
you know, just generally, I said, know what to do,

443
00:38:13.800 --> 00:38:16.880
and it was there was no one to call, there

444
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:22.199
was nobody around who it was. I felt a bit vulnerable,

445
00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:29.360
to be honest, and that was a situation that I

446
00:38:29.400 --> 00:38:32.199
didn't know, you know, like what do we do in

447
00:38:32.199 --> 00:38:36.280
these situations. I had another client who actually asked me

448
00:38:36.280 --> 00:38:39.159
out for a date and I wanted to say yes,

449
00:38:41.679 --> 00:38:47.239
but I said no, because you know, I just not

450
00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:50.440
can't be dating. I mean, if the therapy has finished

451
00:38:52.639 --> 00:38:55.480
what she came to me for. She was on the

452
00:38:55.519 --> 00:38:59.000
waiting list for so long. By the time she actually

453
00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:04.480
got to see me, nearly everything was sorted. It was

454
00:39:04.519 --> 00:39:08.840
a very practical situation that had caused emotional distress, but

455
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:13.920
most of it was sorted. And I think part of

456
00:39:13.920 --> 00:39:19.239
the reason why she stayed for six weeks because we

457
00:39:19.400 --> 00:39:22.719
enjoyed chatting. I think, you know, she just uses six

458
00:39:22.840 --> 00:39:26.840
sessions up to just chat me. To start with, it

459
00:39:26.880 --> 00:39:30.400
was about the situation, but it was kind of sorted

460
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:35.159
after the first week or so, any remnants of it.

461
00:39:35.800 --> 00:39:38.920
And she asked me on the last session, I wanted

462
00:39:38.960 --> 00:39:44.440
to go out on a date. And I didn't tell

463
00:39:44.440 --> 00:39:47.679
her I did. I mean, the fact is I did.

464
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:51.599
I didn't. I didn't tell her I did, but I did. Know.

465
00:39:51.639 --> 00:39:55.119
What I mean is I didn't tell her that I

466
00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:58.559
liked her, because I did. I fancied her, but I

467
00:39:58.599 --> 00:40:05.679
didn't tell her that because it seemed unprofessional. So I

468
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:09.320
just said, oh no, I can't, I explained to her,

469
00:40:09.559 --> 00:40:15.239
I just can't do it, not allowed could lose my career.

470
00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:17.920
See at the time I thought I had a career,

471
00:40:19.559 --> 00:40:24.920
and then a few months later, this is true that

472
00:40:25.480 --> 00:40:28.800
all the government cuts, that all the government funding stopped,

473
00:40:29.239 --> 00:40:32.159
so I basically lost all my work apart from four

474
00:40:32.239 --> 00:40:35.719
sessions a week, and I ended up having to get

475
00:40:35.719 --> 00:40:41.280
another job, like a normal job. So you know, I

476
00:40:41.360 --> 00:40:46.800
might have missed out on the the romance of my life,

477
00:40:47.320 --> 00:40:50.000
but hey, it seemed like the right thing to do

478
00:40:50.039 --> 00:40:57.239
at the time, so there and then. So if you're listening,

479
00:40:58.440 --> 00:41:03.199
this is like, blimey, twelve years ago. It's a long

480
00:41:03.239 --> 00:41:13.880
time ago, now, I was. My concern was that what

481
00:41:13.960 --> 00:41:17.679
if we went out and she decided she didn't like me,

482
00:41:18.599 --> 00:41:22.800
and I can I continued to be a counselor. She'd

483
00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:26.400
have the power at any time to pretty much end

484
00:41:26.480 --> 00:41:31.679
my career. So I thought, nah, I'm not gonna not

485
00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:36.000
want to give anyone that power. If I'd known that

486
00:41:36.039 --> 00:41:39.639
the job, the career, the whatever I thought it was

487
00:41:39.639 --> 00:41:43.000
was about to end quite soon, then I'd have had

488
00:41:43.039 --> 00:41:48.280
a different attitude. But then I saw my supervisor, who

489
00:41:48.320 --> 00:41:52.199
I saw every week, and she said, oh, you can date,

490
00:41:52.679 --> 00:41:55.840
potentially date someone, but you have to leave it a

491
00:41:55.920 --> 00:42:02.320
certain amount of time after the therapeans. Okay, now you

492
00:42:02.480 --> 00:42:05.280
tell me, but at that point it is too late.

493
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:08.800
I didn't have any other information. I never stored people's

494
00:42:09.639 --> 00:42:12.360
telephone numbers or anything like that. It was always on

495
00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:16.719
the paperwork and once the once the sessions are finished,

496
00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:21.800
that went back to the charity, and that's the last.

497
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:24.639
I couldn't even tell you what names. Didn't have anyone's

498
00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:31.679
names or anything on my phone. So because it was

499
00:42:31.719 --> 00:42:36.119
only ever for six weeks. Sometimes I get extensions, but

500
00:42:36.159 --> 00:42:39.239
it wasn't it wasn't long enough to really be saving

501
00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:48.440
people's names on my phone, so I didn't do that. So, yeah,

502
00:42:49.239 --> 00:42:52.960
the I don't know how I got on talking about that,

503
00:42:53.119 --> 00:43:01.559
but I quite liked the idea of negotiation, the idea

504
00:43:01.719 --> 00:43:09.079
of I don't know there's a fine line between negotiating,

505
00:43:09.239 --> 00:43:13.039
because you think of a negotiating it's almost like, Okay,

506
00:43:13.239 --> 00:43:20.679
that feeling is kind of is that physical discomf that

507
00:43:20.840 --> 00:43:24.119
sensation that was a problem before you start listening to

508
00:43:24.159 --> 00:43:31.480
this recording? Is that taking that body part hostage? That's

509
00:43:31.480 --> 00:43:33.679
what when I think of negotiations, I think of like

510
00:43:33.760 --> 00:43:38.559
hostage negotiations. I know you can have business negotiations, you

511
00:43:38.679 --> 00:43:42.199
kind of I suppose you can negotiate the price of

512
00:43:42.320 --> 00:43:46.440
something to try and get it lower or higher, depending

513
00:43:46.440 --> 00:43:54.960
on which side of the desk is sitting. But do

514
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:57.719
you think it from that perspective that the I suppose

515
00:43:57.719 --> 00:43:59.920
in some ways it can feel like that, can't it.

516
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:05.800
So someone's got an icky knee and there's discomfort there.

517
00:44:07.519 --> 00:44:10.239
I guess it can feel like that's taken over the knee,

518
00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:13.280
like it's taking the knee hostage, or even the whole

519
00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:20.239
leg hostage when it's a small part of the leg.

520
00:44:21.400 --> 00:44:23.400
I mean, it's an important part of the leg, but

521
00:44:23.519 --> 00:44:26.519
it's a small part compared to the rest of the leg,

522
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:31.960
you know, the ankle, calfs, shins, thighs. My thighs are

523
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:35.239
a big, big old chunk of the of the leg,

524
00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:45.679
only especially mine. I actually have the biggest thighs in history.

525
00:44:46.199 --> 00:44:51.159
I do, I can. Actually I remember walking through a forest,

526
00:44:51.159 --> 00:44:54.400
I started a fire just from the friction of my thighs.

527
00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:58.159
It didn't happen. Don't know why I'm saying it. So

528
00:44:58.239 --> 00:45:04.360
you got your knee, and just one small part of

529
00:45:04.480 --> 00:45:08.679
the knee can sometimes feel like it's taken your knee

530
00:45:08.719 --> 00:45:14.679
hostage because of a physical sensation. I mean sometimes, I

531
00:45:14.719 --> 00:45:23.920
guess when we try to ignore or distract ourselves from

532
00:45:23.960 --> 00:45:31.920
a physical sensation, it can maybe be harder to know

533
00:45:33.039 --> 00:45:38.800
exactly how much of that body part is in reality

534
00:45:40.039 --> 00:45:50.440
being affected by that physical sensation. However, when you do

535
00:45:50.559 --> 00:45:53.199
focus on something, I mean, there can be too much

536
00:45:53.239 --> 00:45:56.679
focusing as well. I mean, how many people do you

537
00:45:56.760 --> 00:46:01.039
know in your life who constantly going on about how

538
00:46:01.079 --> 00:46:06.000
their their illness or their whatever. All. It's like it's

539
00:46:06.039 --> 00:46:08.519
almost like you want to avoid if you see them

540
00:46:08.519 --> 00:46:10.800
in the street, you want to avoid them. You want

541
00:46:10.840 --> 00:46:13.880
to kind of cross the street or jump down a

542
00:46:13.880 --> 00:46:18.079
manhole or just you know, wish you could call a

543
00:46:18.119 --> 00:46:23.400
helicopter to come and pick you up, but you know

544
00:46:23.480 --> 00:46:26.760
you can't because have seen you. And even though you

545
00:46:26.840 --> 00:46:30.159
might you might really love them, you might absolutely adore

546
00:46:30.199 --> 00:46:34.119
the person, but it's like your heart sinks a little bit. Ah,

547
00:46:34.760 --> 00:46:38.039
I've got to listen to all their problems now for

548
00:46:38.079 --> 00:46:42.559
the next year. It seems like a year. It'll only

549
00:46:42.559 --> 00:46:47.400
be five minutes. But just that is time distortion. When

550
00:46:47.480 --> 00:46:52.000
someone's going on and on and on about all their

551
00:46:52.039 --> 00:46:57.159
woes and about their suffering, and it doesn't it's not

552
00:46:57.199 --> 00:47:00.800
going against it. I'm not mocking the suffering. It's just

553
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:05.079
it's very hard I find and maybe you do too

554
00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:09.960
to Sometimes you listen to it, especially if you're in

555
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:16.880
a good mood. So I had a friend who sometimes

556
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:18.920
I'd just like, oh, he'd knock on the door. I'd

557
00:47:19.000 --> 00:47:22.760
dread it because I knew it'd be like in a

558
00:47:23.679 --> 00:47:26.800
a not great place. And on that particular day, I

559
00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:29.079
was in a good mood. I was in a really

560
00:47:29.119 --> 00:47:32.920
good mood. I was uplifted. I was enjoying the day,

561
00:47:33.239 --> 00:47:39.480
just enjoying being alive generally, you know, just yeah, things

562
00:47:39.519 --> 00:47:42.159
are okay, and then there's.

563
00:47:42.039 --> 00:47:49.079
Like knock knock, ah, oh man, and this is someone

564
00:47:49.079 --> 00:47:51.840
that I cared for deeply, So it wasn't that I

565
00:47:51.960 --> 00:47:53.000
was being rude.

566
00:47:53.079 --> 00:48:01.119
It's just it's just really really realistically like sometimes, oh right,

567
00:48:01.119 --> 00:48:08.119
I got distracted by Vinnie Barkin. But yeah, it's sometimes

568
00:48:08.840 --> 00:48:13.239
in the same way when there's someone's like they're constantly

569
00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:19.480
focusing on the negative, it's almost like that increases the negativity.

570
00:48:20.079 --> 00:48:25.559
And someone's always focusing on the physical discomfort that maybe

571
00:48:25.559 --> 00:48:29.599
they had, they seem to get more of it. So

572
00:48:29.639 --> 00:48:31.760
we get what we focus on, we get what we

573
00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:34.920
think about, get more of what we think about. So

574
00:48:35.000 --> 00:48:41.960
when you start thinking about feeling relaxed and feeling calm,

575
00:48:42.280 --> 00:48:45.480
having your mind slowed down, and having that part of

576
00:48:45.519 --> 00:48:56.880
your body feel more calmer, more looser, So it kind

577
00:48:56.880 --> 00:49:01.840
of in that middle bit where you're not focusing on it,

578
00:49:01.880 --> 00:49:06.320
but you're not ignoring it. You're not pushing it away,

579
00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:14.519
but you're not pulling it towards yourself. It's a fine line.

580
00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:23.800
But then it's no longer fine. It's just normal. It's

581
00:49:23.840 --> 00:49:31.920
almost there's a certain state of mind. It might at

582
00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:35.199
first sound a little bit negative, but it can be

583
00:49:35.239 --> 00:49:41.519
negative depending on the situation. But sometimes just not caring.

584
00:49:44.320 --> 00:49:46.320
I don't mean about the other person. I'm talking about

585
00:49:47.480 --> 00:49:54.880
the body part, which was problematic before you started listening

586
00:49:54.920 --> 00:49:59.920
to me. Sometimes it's like, you know what, I think

587
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.960
I care about that at the moment, I'm not bothered.

588
00:50:07.039 --> 00:50:11.159
And then you stop pushing, you stop pulling. You know,

589
00:50:11.800 --> 00:50:24.199
it's almost like you're pushing against the door, and you

590
00:50:24.320 --> 00:50:29.800
realize that actually you keep pushing it, trying to push

591
00:50:29.840 --> 00:50:33.679
it open, trying to push it open, and then you stop.

592
00:50:34.840 --> 00:50:37.800
You're like, say, you know what, I don't care anymore,

593
00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:44.599
I can't bother. You know, it will open eventually, and

594
00:50:44.639 --> 00:50:47.960
then someone just comes in from outside and the door

595
00:50:48.039 --> 00:50:52.760
opens inwards, not outwards. It's an innie, not an out,

596
00:50:57.679 --> 00:51:01.639
and you realize you put that effort into something that

597
00:51:01.760 --> 00:51:05.880
was pointless. It's a little bit well, it's probably nothing

598
00:51:05.920 --> 00:51:08.000
like this, but I'm going to give this as an analogy.

599
00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:11.599
I got we've got a fence outside, was a gate

600
00:51:11.800 --> 00:51:15.639
fence with a gate, and the gate bangs, especially when

601
00:51:15.639 --> 00:51:21.719
it's windy, like all day long, so on a windy day,

602
00:51:22.800 --> 00:51:28.199
the gate just like opens and closes. There's no lock thing,

603
00:51:28.360 --> 00:51:31.400
you know, the you know the I was going to say,

604
00:51:31.440 --> 00:51:33.519
the wazz or whatever. It is a thing that you

605
00:51:33.639 --> 00:51:39.199
pull up that's broken so that the gate just closes.

606
00:51:39.320 --> 00:51:41.920
It doesn't actually close properly either, so that's why it

607
00:51:42.000 --> 00:51:46.719
keeps blowing open and closing with the wind like. It's

608
00:51:46.760 --> 00:51:49.119
not like full on slamming, but it can be annoying.

609
00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:53.679
Used to wind me up. I used to keep going

610
00:51:53.679 --> 00:51:58.599
out there closing the gate, like pushing it closed, so

611
00:51:58.760 --> 00:52:01.360
it's stopped banging for a while. Then someone had come

612
00:52:01.400 --> 00:52:05.000
in and they'd leave it open and I have to

613
00:52:05.039 --> 00:52:10.360
go down again and close the gate. And then I realized,

614
00:52:10.400 --> 00:52:14.760
you know what, I'm just not going to bother anymore,

615
00:52:17.599 --> 00:52:22.840
keep getting up, walking down. And this was in the winter,

616
00:52:22.960 --> 00:52:25.639
so it was cold, so I had to put some

617
00:52:25.679 --> 00:52:31.559
pents on. Well it's not the only reason, I mean,

618
00:52:33.119 --> 00:52:38.639
some of the neighbors complained, but anyway, I just thought,

619
00:52:42.719 --> 00:52:51.679
I don't care, and that attitude changed my response or

620
00:52:51.719 --> 00:52:57.880
my reaction to hearing the gate like slamming. I mean,

621
00:52:57.920 --> 00:53:05.199
it's not even slamming, it's just banging occasionally to the

622
00:53:05.280 --> 00:53:10.800
point where I don't even notice it anymore. Now, all

623
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:12.239
I've got to do is try and find a way

624
00:53:12.280 --> 00:53:16.280
to do that with Vinnie's barking. But there's no way

625
00:53:16.320 --> 00:53:18.679
of knowing when he's going to do it because it

626
00:53:18.840 --> 00:53:22.480
just starts barking. He's barked about six times during this recording,

627
00:53:24.920 --> 00:53:27.480
and he goes from zero to a million in like

628
00:53:27.599 --> 00:53:32.199
a second. Because my neighbor opposite is having a new

629
00:53:32.280 --> 00:53:35.840
kitchen put in, so the work people are up and

630
00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:39.760
down the stairs. They hardly barked it all last week

631
00:53:40.519 --> 00:53:47.239
today for some reason. What it is it sounds almost

632
00:53:47.280 --> 00:53:57.760
like there that someone's touching the front door. That's what's

633
00:53:57.800 --> 00:54:01.519
weird about it, because I actually went out there myself earlier,

634
00:54:02.480 --> 00:54:04.679
thought someone puts something through the letter box or someone

635
00:54:04.760 --> 00:54:10.079
was at the front door, knocked no one there, so

636
00:54:10.119 --> 00:54:13.760
I think that might be what it is. Well, and

637
00:54:13.920 --> 00:54:16.119
it's unlikely that they're coming and knocking on the door

638
00:54:16.199 --> 00:54:19.119
and just but it does sound like someone's pushing against

639
00:54:19.159 --> 00:54:22.159
the door, which is why you're barking, isn't it. N

640
00:54:24.760 --> 00:54:26.800
I told him Master. He's a bit grumpy with me now.

641
00:54:28.119 --> 00:54:34.199
I was like, just stop it, please, didn't bother you

642
00:54:34.320 --> 00:54:39.280
last week, did it? You weren't bothered last week by it?

643
00:54:39.800 --> 00:54:41.719
This has been going on. This is the third week

644
00:54:41.760 --> 00:54:47.800
it's being worked on. So it's Monday today, all week

645
00:54:47.920 --> 00:54:52.719
last week and in the previous week it started on Thursday,

646
00:54:53.079 --> 00:54:59.239
so this is a third week like actual week. Don't

647
00:54:59.239 --> 00:55:03.360
be grumpy, Vinnie. I just want you to stop barking

648
00:55:04.559 --> 00:55:08.239
and a guard to him. He growls at me. I

649
00:55:08.400 --> 00:55:14.320
do not be growning at me, little growler, little ground

650
00:55:20.119 --> 00:55:26.920
with such a little sausage. You know that. Ah, So

651
00:55:27.039 --> 00:55:34.079
sometimes you know, the whole idea of like negotiating with it,

652
00:55:34.079 --> 00:55:44.960
it feels like maybe just giving it some space sometimes

653
00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:48.360
just a little bit of acknowledgment, you know, like we

654
00:55:48.400 --> 00:55:50.519
were a baby said, I used to always like give

655
00:55:50.559 --> 00:55:55.639
the analogy with with the thing that we're focusing on,

656
00:55:56.119 --> 00:56:01.239
that physical feeling, that sensation that you used to have

657
00:56:01.280 --> 00:56:05.800
before you listen to this recording, almost like a baby crying.

658
00:56:06.639 --> 00:56:11.119
And sometimes a baby cries for no other reason they

659
00:56:11.280 --> 00:56:13.920
other than they just want to be held or they

660
00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:18.119
just want to be to see a parent or a

661
00:56:18.159 --> 00:56:22.960
friendly face. They might not need changing, they might not

662
00:56:23.119 --> 00:56:26.000
need food, they might not want to play, they might

663
00:56:26.039 --> 00:56:29.039
not want anything. They're just happy just to see your

664
00:56:29.039 --> 00:56:31.760
face or to have a cuddle, and they go back

665
00:56:31.760 --> 00:56:37.119
to sleep. Sometimes that's all they need. And I think

666
00:56:37.199 --> 00:56:41.760
it's the same with what we're talking about. Sometimes it

667
00:56:41.800 --> 00:56:47.199
can be like a baby just wants a bit of love,

668
00:56:47.480 --> 00:56:53.800
maybe because you think about it. In reality, we can

669
00:56:53.960 --> 00:57:03.360
have respect and caring towards our body, But how much

670
00:57:03.440 --> 00:57:08.159
positivity do we have towards that part of the body

671
00:57:08.800 --> 00:57:16.840
or that small part that it's been playing up. I'm

672
00:57:16.840 --> 00:57:22.440
guessing not much kindness there at all, which it makes sense,

673
00:57:22.679 --> 00:57:27.360
you know, I'm not judging it. But if it's an

674
00:57:27.400 --> 00:57:34.400
ongoing situation, an ongoing condition that you don't really need anymore,

675
00:57:34.400 --> 00:57:38.800
you don't need that physical sensation to let you know

676
00:57:39.000 --> 00:57:41.519
and to remind you that just to be a bit

677
00:57:41.559 --> 00:57:45.280
more careful with that part of the body. I once

678
00:57:45.360 --> 00:57:50.920
you remember that, you don't need to be reminded. That

679
00:57:51.039 --> 00:57:54.880
alarm doesn't need to go off. And sometimes I think

680
00:57:54.960 --> 00:58:06.119
with alarms, maybe you can just make it a little

681
00:58:06.119 --> 00:58:12.679
bit less sensitive. Do you ever get like car alarms

682
00:58:12.719 --> 00:58:14.760
and you put them in for the first time or

683
00:58:14.800 --> 00:58:17.760
you get them new for the first time, and literally

684
00:58:18.559 --> 00:58:25.639
every time there's a butterfly goes past the alarm goes off,

685
00:58:25.679 --> 00:58:29.920
someone sneezes in the next town. Your car alarm goes

686
00:58:29.960 --> 00:58:37.159
off too sensitive. It needs to be retuned or maybe

687
00:58:37.320 --> 00:58:39.760
just needs to wear in so that it gets back

688
00:58:39.800 --> 00:58:42.480
to normal, because you know, it's not supposed to go

689
00:58:42.519 --> 00:58:50.000
off just because a little gust of wind. And then

690
00:58:50.039 --> 00:58:54.039
you get it changed, you get it refitted or fine tuned,

691
00:58:54.159 --> 00:58:56.280
or just leave it as it is if you don't

692
00:58:56.320 --> 00:59:03.079
like your neighbors. I suppose, so that could be something

693
00:59:03.639 --> 00:59:07.360
a way of looking at this situation. We just fine

694
00:59:07.480 --> 00:59:13.320
tune it so that it's no longer as sensitive. You know,

695
00:59:13.400 --> 00:59:17.679
the alarm doesn't need to go off unless it needs

696
00:59:17.760 --> 00:59:26.639
to go off. And there's something quite useful about that,

697
00:59:29.840 --> 00:59:34.840
quite helpful. I think I realized what it is what

698
00:59:35.000 --> 00:59:40.360
he's barking. I've got the bathroom window open, and I

699
00:59:40.400 --> 00:59:42.840
think it's rattling the door, and that's what he's That's

700
00:59:42.840 --> 00:59:46.360
what you're hearing, isn't it. I'm sorry, Viny, it was

701
00:59:46.440 --> 00:59:56.199
my fault. I'm sorry. Now he's hearing something outside. It's

702
00:59:56.280 --> 00:59:58.320
not all E is like he's so, I suppose he's

703
00:59:58.360 --> 01:00:01.400
got the window in the bathroom open outside in the

704
01:00:01.639 --> 01:00:04.559
in the garden, there's always the odd stuff going on

705
01:00:05.119 --> 01:00:09.119
because he hears like other dog's barking or kids playing, and

706
01:00:09.280 --> 01:00:11.960
because the kids on holidays, so you can hear that

707
01:00:14.320 --> 01:00:18.880
all He isn't you. He always listening, taking it all in.

708
01:00:21.960 --> 01:00:24.679
He's stays he haven't got a staring contest with me.

709
01:00:26.440 --> 01:00:28.159
I want I can stare with you. I want to

710
01:00:28.159 --> 01:00:31.880
steal your tails are regularly. When we've done this, I'll

711
01:00:31.880 --> 01:00:35.400
get you a t R e A T A t

712
01:00:35.599 --> 01:00:40.440
r e e E E T I will. I won't

713
01:00:40.440 --> 01:00:43.320
say the word because then you won't leave me alone.

714
01:00:45.400 --> 01:00:51.480
So in a way, you could just ask, and I've

715
01:00:51.519 --> 01:00:53.840
done this in the past, and I've done it myself,

716
01:00:54.800 --> 01:01:02.400
ask the part of your body just to feel more comfortable,

717
01:01:02.880 --> 01:01:11.280
to relax, safely, leave your body just, you know, give

718
01:01:11.320 --> 01:01:17.559
you a rest. And sometimes you can just do that

719
01:01:17.679 --> 01:01:26.320
and literally just sit back and wait. Trust that your

720
01:01:26.320 --> 01:01:30.880
body's listening, that your unconscious mind is listening, that you

721
01:01:30.920 --> 01:01:35.280
know there's that alignment between your mind and your body

722
01:01:36.119 --> 01:01:42.719
because it's constantly you know, there's that constant continuity, continuity,

723
01:01:45.119 --> 01:01:50.400
that connection that's always there. I know that I've been

724
01:01:50.440 --> 01:02:01.559
focusing on the knee just as an example, but when

725
01:02:01.559 --> 01:02:10.000
you decide to just you know, ask politely, just you know,

726
01:02:10.159 --> 01:02:19.199
maybe just give me a break, please feel comfortable, feel

727
01:02:19.280 --> 01:02:26.480
more relaxed. You can put it in a sentence like

728
01:02:27.159 --> 01:02:32.880
I'd like my whatever part of body to feel more relaxed.

729
01:02:35.880 --> 01:02:43.719
You could say it three times and then just wait

730
01:02:44.440 --> 01:02:49.559
and observe, or maybe just carry on with what you

731
01:02:49.559 --> 01:02:59.039
were doing. Because when you focus on feeling more relaxed,

732
01:03:01.159 --> 01:03:05.440
as I said earlier, you you think about it, you

733
01:03:05.519 --> 01:03:07.639
get more of it, You get more of what we

734
01:03:07.719 --> 01:03:15.480
think about. So you're focus in on calmness, looseness, peaceful,

735
01:03:17.639 --> 01:03:36.960
and that's what you get more of naturally easily. So

736
01:03:37.320 --> 01:03:39.679
that brings me to the end of this recording, which

737
01:03:39.760 --> 01:03:42.079
was very much a neta. Really it was just a

738
01:03:42.199 --> 01:03:48.800
chat a chitty chatter neta. It's going to take me

739
01:03:48.880 --> 01:03:52.440
ages to edit it because of all of the Finny's

740
01:03:52.519 --> 01:03:57.079
barking breaks, so that's going to be interesting to trend.

741
01:03:57.400 --> 01:04:00.320
It's going to take me probably about an hour just

742
01:04:00.320 --> 01:04:06.079
to edit the thing. Yes, because of you. You want

743
01:04:06.119 --> 01:04:09.599
to treat? Are you hungry? Do you want your dinner?

744
01:04:11.000 --> 01:04:13.679
Do you want some food? What do you want to treat?

745
01:04:18.039 --> 01:04:21.480
I don't know anyway, I'm going to go. Thank you

746
01:04:21.519 --> 01:04:24.559
for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you

747
01:04:24.639 --> 01:04:28.719
do deserve to be happy and be gentle with yourself.

748
01:04:30.840 --> 01:04:39.480
You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love, Bye,