Aug. 21, 2025

(no music) I bored myself to sleep | LMBYTS #1417 | Jason Newland | 21st August 2025

(no music) I bored myself to sleep | LMBYTS #1417 | Jason Newland | 21st August 2025
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Hello, Hello, and welcome to Jason neew Land dot com. Mama, mama, mama, mama. Hello, Hello,

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welcome to Jasonnewland dot com. My name is Jason new

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and yeah, I'm here with Vinny, who just woke me

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up at s peticularly early in the morning at uh.

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I thought he wanted something to eat, so I got

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him some new breakfast. He didn't really eat much food yesterday.

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He had dried food, but he didn't eat much wet food.

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I just put it on the floor or on a bowl,

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you know, and just chuck it on the floor. I'm

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not a I'm not a cave man. And he's does it.

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He's not interested. So he's just lying here next to me,

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very quiet, looks like he's thinking, like he's contemplating, almost

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like he's got some kind of philosophical dilemma he's battling with.

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And you might think, oh, how did I come to

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that conclusion by looking at the back of his head.

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I don't know. Maybe it's it's just a feeling, just

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just yeah, maybe an invisible emotional, spiritual even connection that

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we have. And you may be wondering where I'm going

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with this, and so am I I'm really I've got

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no idea what I'm talking about right now. But then,

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how how often do I know what I'm talking about?

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How often? I mean quite a lot. It's just me

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just waffling on about nothing. And it seems to be

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another case of that particular activity occurring again, Yes, sir,

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so how tired? M hm, so so so so so. Yesterday, Oh,

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I had to do my pit forms, my personal independence

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payment forms, and h h h I put them off.

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I put them off for about a week and not

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a week, about a week, yeah, about a week, and

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then yesterday I had nine days to get it back

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to them. It's so I decided that's it. I'm gonna

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get on with it. I'm gonna do it. I want

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to get down to it. I'm gonna, you know, cut

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my toenails. I was gonna have three baths. I was

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gonna try and invent a new a new way of

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cooking fish fingers, a way that's never been done before,

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maybe discovers the a new alternative for the wheel. Pretty

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much anything but to fill the pit forming. I was

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looking for distractions, excuses not to do that form. Fill

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it in because it's not it. I just didn't find

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it easy. I didn't, really I didn't. Yeah, it wasn't

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particular the enjoyable. And I got it. I did it.

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I did do it, and I made a bit of

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a hash up of it. They may well send it back.

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I mean, honestly, I think I'm probably going to be

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the only person who gets their pitforms sent back to

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them graded like A to D. Honestly, I've been probably

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be like D minus, like needed more work, more preparation.

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You know. Way, why do you keep talking about donuts.

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There's gonna be lots of weird for sort of probably

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comments on there about it. I mean, we didn't need

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to know about yours toenails, so I need to cut

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my toenails. I think that's what it's now in my mind.

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I mean, don't get me wrong. My toenails aren't like

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out of control. They're not living their own life. You know.

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I'm not getting woken up at two in the morning

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by my toenails that are coming back from a nightclub.

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I'm not. My toenails are fine, They're still intact, but

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they're just getting a little bit long. I want, I

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say long. You know, nothing weird. They're not, you know,

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I haven't got like the local paper newspaper like begging

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me for pictures. There's nothing like that. They're not unusually long,

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just long, good, long good. That's all. That's all it is.

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Do you think I sound like James Bond? Roger Roger Bond.

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That's the way it is. My name's Jason Nomine's.

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My name's Newland, Jason new Land, None of them.

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Who's the other Bond? George Lazenby. How weird is that

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one James Bond movie? Just one? His name stayed famous

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being the second James Bond. Wait a minute, I thought

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it was Roger Miller. Who is the second James Bond?

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Roger Miller, No, George Lazenby. Apparently. I think he didn't

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want to do it again. He didn't enjoy the experience,

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I think, or some other reason. There's going to be

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a reason, isn't there why he didn't do a second one?

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And I don't know about you. I mean I don't

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know where where you live in the world, And I

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don't know what you're doing right now. I mean you

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might be might be doing yoga. I don't know. Die

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getting funny looks from the other people on the bus.

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I don't know. But in my country, you know, the

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country that I'm in charge of, they still the TV

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channels still, you know, the main terrestrial channels still showed

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Chains Bond movies. And bear it in mind all the

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different Chains Bonds that they have been and there's been

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a few. Now. Can I remember the last time that

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George Lazonba's movie was on television, his version of Jam's Bond. No,

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wait a minute, I know, it's just yesterday, That's what

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I'm thinking about it. It wasn't I can't remember. They

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never put it on. Well I'm not saying they never

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put it on, but they rarely put even the it's

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like the only Change Bond movies that seemed to be

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on the you know, sort of Christmas, not Christmas, but

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you know, during the daytime kind of holiday season, it

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seems to be the Roger Moore or Sean Connery. Roger

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Moore hasn't made a Change Bond movie for six hundred years.

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I always liked Roger Moore. There was something about him

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I liked, you know, there was the old what was

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that he was in Tony Curtis. Him and Tony Curtis

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were on a TV show in the sixties, A good

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TV show. The chemistry was really good. It was funny,

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it was bright, colorful. What was it called. I forget,

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but it was I quite liked it. Not in the

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sixties because I wasn't alive in the sixties, but before,

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you know, when I was alive. Most of the TV

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programs I've enjoyed have been when I've been alive. Okay,

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that sounded weird. Oh, I forget the name of the

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TV show, but it's a good TV show. Roger Moore

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before being James Bond, before changing his name to James Bond,

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he was Simon Templar The Saint Do Do Do Do

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Do Do, which I don't think is the do do

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Do Do? Do Do Do do? Something like that the Saint.

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It's very little difference between the Saint and James Bond,

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except that James Bond is a little bit more determined,

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a little bit more happy. Maybe it's almost like the

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same character. He even looks the same. I don't know

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why why it was called the Saint, because they had

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a different version in the early eighties, I think, and

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it was a Saint, but it was a new actor

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called Ian Ogilvy. It was great, really, really good. I'd

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never seen the original, so I had nothing to compare

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it with. But I still think Ian Ogilvy was great.

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But the advert show before the TV show came on,

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do you do something like that? And he had a

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halo above his head and they'd look up, and I thought,

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I gotta get me one of them. That is so cool.

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It's like almost like he winked to himself and his

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halo just appeared above his head this light and I thought, wow.

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And I remember saying to my stepmm, because this is

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before the TV show came on, I said, is he

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can he turn himself invisible? She said, you have to

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wait and see. Now. Clearly she knew that he wasn't

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going to go invisible because she had been around in

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the sixties and she'd seen the original one with Roger Moor.

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I said, has he got superpowers? Can you fly? And

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she said, You're going to have to wait and see.

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I said, has he got super speed? She said what

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I said, Well, super speed? For example, if someone chucked

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an egg, a rotten egg, at him, would you be

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able to just like stop the egg, just take it

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out of the air because everything's moving so slowly, and

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replace it with a nice fresh egg and then go

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and stand back where he was so that he gets

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covered in the nice ec rather than the off egg.

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She said no, but why would you want to do that?

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I said, what do you mean? Why would he can

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be going to be hit by a smelly off egg?

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Would you? She said, yeah, but if he could move

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extra fast. Firstly, I've got two questions. I said, okay,

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so you got one question left. She said no, I've

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got two questions. I said, so you're not including a wayman?

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Was a statement, wasn't it? She said yeah. I said, okay,

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you haven't anette two. There'm only nine. She said, all right,

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but you should know a difference beween a statement and

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a question. And I said, I'm still learning, I said,

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and you wouldn't believe what else? Step mummy, She said

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what I said? They're only trying to teach me French French.

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I've only just learned to what a false stop is

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in English, and they they're trying to teach me another language.

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She said, I know. I tried to have a word

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with them. I said, you did. She said, yeah. I

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tried to let him know that, and you weren't really

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perhaps up for learning a new language, especially French. Just

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didn't think that you'd be, you know, wanted to do it,

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and that you wouldn't be able to do it. I said, okay,

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so how did it get on? She said that I know.

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What do you mean? So I couldn't understand them? The

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bloke was French. Okay, I said, step mom? He said, yes,

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step son, she said, she said, he said, I don't

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know someone's talking. I said, when you asked her question,

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the question to the French teacher, you know, when you said, oh,

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you know, when you made this statement, sorry that perhaps

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I wasn't ready to learn a new language. She said yeah.

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I said, were you in the office? She said no?

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I said, we you in the canteen? She said no.

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I said, were you on the roof? She giggled and

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said no, I wasn't on a roof. I said, in

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that case, were you per chance sitting in the classroom

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with all the other pupils. She said yeah, How did

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you know that? I said, okay, And you know, just

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be a reminder when you're in that classroom with the

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other pupils learning French, am I correct in saying that

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you could only speak in French? There's no English speaking

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at all, and she said we we we we. I said, oh,

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I will go if you need to, and we're both

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laughed because I should explain this. We like going. We

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we means yes yes in France because in France, you know,

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if you're listening in France, you're already going to be

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probably be aware of this. I mean it might be

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it might be new information, but in France this might

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blow your mind. But you know, anyway, I feel like

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I'm kind of letting I give too much away in

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these podcasts. Too much can knowledge Anyway, In France, they

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have a different language, they speak different It's almost like

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they've got a different word for everything. And we we

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means yes yes. But over here we we need means

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got to do we We like a number one like

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a we not not literally. I don't and I don't

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shout out we when I unate, I don't, I don't.

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I sometimes do sometimes do you ever stand on a

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little stall when you go to a toilet? And do

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we we just to pretend to be taller, like, oh,

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this is what it feels like. I can't be the

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only one that does that. Anyway, I said, so you

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was in the classroom. She said yeah. I said, you

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can only speak French. She said yeah. I said, that's

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probably the problem. There's a miscommunication, he was probably if

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I'm just guessing speaking French and you don't know any French.

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She said yeah. But there's something about him. He's very captivating.

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I said, do you mean the big box of chocolates

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he has on his desk that everyone can just help themselves.

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She said yeah, Oh it was lovely. I said, fair enough,

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but not lovely enough to try and learn a new language.

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She said, well, maybe not. I said, see, And then

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she said something very weird to me. She said, do

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you see j J. I said, yes, step Mummy wondering.

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You know, she never called me that before, I said.

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She said, I got a question for you. I said,

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all right, come on. She said, do you remember why

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we're talking about French lessons and boxes of chocolate on

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the teacher's desk. And I said, I'll be honest with you,

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I'm not sure. We kind of yeah, I don't really know.

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It's I don't know. She said, yeah, you sound confused,

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and I said, well, I'm not confused. I'm just I'm interested,

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very mildly interested in what comes next, because I don't

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really know how I got here to this part of

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the recording, and on let's face it, it's not the

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first time I've ended up in the middle of nowhere conversationally.

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But I'm trying to find a way out so I

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can get back to the original content or subject matter

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that was being a verbally discussed. And my Stepmot shouted

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out the Saint said, she said it was the Saint,

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the TV show The Saint for Okay, what's that God

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do with France? Though, she said, I don't know, and

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I can't do all the work for you. I thought

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it'd be enough for me just to let you know

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the subject you were talking about. Yeah, he didn't really

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let me know, did you. He just said the Saint

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and't know if you started to sing he warnes, Saints

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come marching in. I mean, I don't know why you

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would sing that. Yeah, that's probably one of my favorite

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Elvis movies. Is it roused about? I am just roused about,

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drifting from town to town. No one can hold me down.

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I'm just a knock a bell boy. God, I forgot

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all those lyrics correctly. But George Lazonbe or Lazmbie lazenbe

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he only did one James Bond movie, and if I'm correct,

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he was a competing world champion in judo. Yeah hm,

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I mean it might not be true, but it might

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also be true. That's the things about things that are true.

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Sometimes they are sometimes they're not. I mean, technically, you know,

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something that isn't true wouldn't be in the category of

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something that is true. But it's the it's still within

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that ballpark. Because sometimes, you know, I might answer a

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question in a way that sounds like I'm just blatantly lying,

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when actually I just forgot. So for example, I think

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a few days ago, Oh yeah, my neighbor asked me.

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It said something about I thought you're going to bring

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your step ladder downstairs to lend it to us. This

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was at the weekend, So you said you were going

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to bring it down yesterday, and I.

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Said, oh, I wasn't able to because I had to

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do the biggest, the world's largest jigsaw puzzle, which was

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of a really large Teddy Bear.

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And it was sixty eight foot long. This it was

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the size to scale, and that's why I didn't get

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back in time to give you your the step. You know,

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if you just stand on to do this really really

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long jigsaw puzzle of a Teddy Bear sixty eight foot

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long or whatever it was. And she said you lye

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in and I said yeah, And she didn't seem to

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be upset. She is more confused. I don't know what

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confused the most, the fact that I was lying, the

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content of the lie, or just that my toe nails

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really needed to be cut for some reason, I kept

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showing them to my neighbors. Now, I don't know about you. Oh,

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I'm so tired. I'm half asleep now doing this, starting

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to drift m hm hmm, quite easily, just drift off

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to sleep, very quiet in here. Yeah I could. Why

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did I start thinking about rice pudding? My step mom,

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my first step mom, used to cook rice pudding. Yeah,

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it was nice. Taste is so different from the rice

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pudding you're getting in a shop or in a little

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race put in. I almost actually fell asleep during that sentence,

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and I was talking about rice pudding, but I just

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drifted up bob off, drifted off momentarily as I was

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talking about rice pudding. But in my defense, it's not

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probably the mystic exciting subject I could have chosen. It's

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not the worst subject. There's more boring subjects than that. Yeah,

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they must be a history of concrete. That would be boring.

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No offense to concrete. Yeah, I don't mind concrete. H