Aug. 21, 2025
(no music) I bored myself to sleep | LMBYTS #1417 | Jason Newland | 21st August 2025
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Hello, Hello, and welcome to Jason neew Land dot com. Mama, mama, mama, mama. Hello, Hello,
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welcome to Jasonnewland dot com. My name is Jason new
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and yeah, I'm here with Vinny, who just woke me
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up at s peticularly early in the morning at uh.
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I thought he wanted something to eat, so I got
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him some new breakfast. He didn't really eat much food yesterday.
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He had dried food, but he didn't eat much wet food.
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I just put it on the floor or on a bowl,
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you know, and just chuck it on the floor. I'm
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not a I'm not a cave man. And he's does it.
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He's not interested. So he's just lying here next to me,
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very quiet, looks like he's thinking, like he's contemplating, almost
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like he's got some kind of philosophical dilemma he's battling with.
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And you might think, oh, how did I come to
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that conclusion by looking at the back of his head.
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I don't know. Maybe it's it's just a feeling, just
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just yeah, maybe an invisible emotional, spiritual even connection that
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we have. And you may be wondering where I'm going
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with this, and so am I I'm really I've got
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no idea what I'm talking about right now. But then,
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how how often do I know what I'm talking about?
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How often? I mean quite a lot. It's just me
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just waffling on about nothing. And it seems to be
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another case of that particular activity occurring again, Yes, sir,
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so how tired? M hm, so so so so so. Yesterday, Oh,
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I had to do my pit forms, my personal independence
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payment forms, and h h h I put them off.
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I put them off for about a week and not
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a week, about a week, yeah, about a week, and
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then yesterday I had nine days to get it back
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to them. It's so I decided that's it. I'm gonna
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get on with it. I'm gonna do it. I want
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to get down to it. I'm gonna, you know, cut
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my toenails. I was gonna have three baths. I was
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gonna try and invent a new a new way of
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cooking fish fingers, a way that's never been done before,
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maybe discovers the a new alternative for the wheel. Pretty
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much anything but to fill the pit forming. I was
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looking for distractions, excuses not to do that form. Fill
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it in because it's not it. I just didn't find
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it easy. I didn't, really I didn't. Yeah, it wasn't
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particular the enjoyable. And I got it. I did it.
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I did do it, and I made a bit of
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a hash up of it. They may well send it back.
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I mean, honestly, I think I'm probably going to be
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the only person who gets their pitforms sent back to
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them graded like A to D. Honestly, I've been probably
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be like D minus, like needed more work, more preparation.
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You know. Way, why do you keep talking about donuts.
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There's gonna be lots of weird for sort of probably
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comments on there about it. I mean, we didn't need
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to know about yours toenails, so I need to cut
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my toenails. I think that's what it's now in my mind.
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I mean, don't get me wrong. My toenails aren't like
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out of control. They're not living their own life. You know.
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I'm not getting woken up at two in the morning
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by my toenails that are coming back from a nightclub.
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I'm not. My toenails are fine, They're still intact, but
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they're just getting a little bit long. I want, I
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say long. You know, nothing weird. They're not, you know,
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I haven't got like the local paper newspaper like begging
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me for pictures. There's nothing like that. They're not unusually long,
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just long, good, long good. That's all. That's all it is.
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Do you think I sound like James Bond? Roger Roger Bond.
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That's the way it is. My name's Jason Nomine's.
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My name's Newland, Jason new Land, None of them.
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Who's the other Bond? George Lazenby. How weird is that
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one James Bond movie? Just one? His name stayed famous
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being the second James Bond. Wait a minute, I thought
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it was Roger Miller. Who is the second James Bond?
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Roger Miller, No, George Lazenby. Apparently. I think he didn't
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want to do it again. He didn't enjoy the experience,
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I think, or some other reason. There's going to be
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a reason, isn't there why he didn't do a second one?
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And I don't know about you. I mean I don't
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know where where you live in the world, And I
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don't know what you're doing right now. I mean you
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might be might be doing yoga. I don't know. Die
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getting funny looks from the other people on the bus.
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I don't know. But in my country, you know, the
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country that I'm in charge of, they still the TV
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channels still, you know, the main terrestrial channels still showed
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Chains Bond movies. And bear it in mind all the
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different Chains Bonds that they have been and there's been
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a few. Now. Can I remember the last time that
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George Lazonba's movie was on television, his version of Jam's Bond. No,
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wait a minute, I know, it's just yesterday, That's what
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I'm thinking about it. It wasn't I can't remember. They
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never put it on. Well I'm not saying they never
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put it on, but they rarely put even the it's
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like the only Change Bond movies that seemed to be
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on the you know, sort of Christmas, not Christmas, but
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you know, during the daytime kind of holiday season, it
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seems to be the Roger Moore or Sean Connery. Roger
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Moore hasn't made a Change Bond movie for six hundred years.
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I always liked Roger Moore. There was something about him
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I liked, you know, there was the old what was
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that he was in Tony Curtis. Him and Tony Curtis
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were on a TV show in the sixties, A good
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TV show. The chemistry was really good. It was funny,
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it was bright, colorful. What was it called. I forget,
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but it was I quite liked it. Not in the
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sixties because I wasn't alive in the sixties, but before,
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you know, when I was alive. Most of the TV
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programs I've enjoyed have been when I've been alive. Okay,
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that sounded weird. Oh, I forget the name of the
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TV show, but it's a good TV show. Roger Moore
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before being James Bond, before changing his name to James Bond,
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he was Simon Templar The Saint Do Do Do Do
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Do Do, which I don't think is the do do
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Do Do? Do Do Do do? Something like that the Saint.
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It's very little difference between the Saint and James Bond,
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except that James Bond is a little bit more determined,
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a little bit more happy. Maybe it's almost like the
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same character. He even looks the same. I don't know
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why why it was called the Saint, because they had
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a different version in the early eighties, I think, and
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it was a Saint, but it was a new actor
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called Ian Ogilvy. It was great, really, really good. I'd
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never seen the original, so I had nothing to compare
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it with. But I still think Ian Ogilvy was great.
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But the advert show before the TV show came on,
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do you do something like that? And he had a
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halo above his head and they'd look up, and I thought,
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I gotta get me one of them. That is so cool.
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It's like almost like he winked to himself and his
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halo just appeared above his head this light and I thought, wow.
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And I remember saying to my stepmm, because this is
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before the TV show came on, I said, is he
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can he turn himself invisible? She said, you have to
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wait and see. Now. Clearly she knew that he wasn't
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going to go invisible because she had been around in
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the sixties and she'd seen the original one with Roger Moor.
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I said, has he got superpowers? Can you fly? And
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she said, You're going to have to wait and see.
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I said, has he got super speed? She said what
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I said, Well, super speed? For example, if someone chucked
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an egg, a rotten egg, at him, would you be
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able to just like stop the egg, just take it
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out of the air because everything's moving so slowly, and
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replace it with a nice fresh egg and then go
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and stand back where he was so that he gets
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covered in the nice ec rather than the off egg.
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She said no, but why would you want to do that?
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I said, what do you mean? Why would he can
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be going to be hit by a smelly off egg?
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Would you? She said, yeah, but if he could move
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extra fast. Firstly, I've got two questions. I said, okay,
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so you got one question left. She said no, I've
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got two questions. I said, so you're not including a wayman?
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Was a statement, wasn't it? She said yeah. I said, okay,
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you haven't anette two. There'm only nine. She said, all right,
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but you should know a difference beween a statement and
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a question. And I said, I'm still learning, I said,
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and you wouldn't believe what else? Step mummy, She said
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what I said? They're only trying to teach me French French.
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I've only just learned to what a false stop is
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in English, and they they're trying to teach me another language.
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She said, I know. I tried to have a word
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with them. I said, you did. She said, yeah. I
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tried to let him know that, and you weren't really
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perhaps up for learning a new language, especially French. Just
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didn't think that you'd be, you know, wanted to do it,
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and that you wouldn't be able to do it. I said, okay,
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so how did it get on? She said that I know.
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What do you mean? So I couldn't understand them? The
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bloke was French. Okay, I said, step mom? He said, yes,
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step son, she said, she said, he said, I don't
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know someone's talking. I said, when you asked her question,
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the question to the French teacher, you know, when you said, oh,
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you know, when you made this statement, sorry that perhaps
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I wasn't ready to learn a new language. She said yeah.
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I said, were you in the office? She said no?
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I said, we you in the canteen? She said no.
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I said, were you on the roof? She giggled and
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said no, I wasn't on a roof. I said, in
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that case, were you per chance sitting in the classroom
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with all the other pupils. She said yeah, How did
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you know that? I said, okay, And you know, just
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be a reminder when you're in that classroom with the
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other pupils learning French, am I correct in saying that
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you could only speak in French? There's no English speaking
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at all, and she said we we we we. I said, oh,
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I will go if you need to, and we're both
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laughed because I should explain this. We like going. We
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we means yes yes in France because in France, you know,
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if you're listening in France, you're already going to be
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probably be aware of this. I mean it might be
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it might be new information, but in France this might
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blow your mind. But you know, anyway, I feel like
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I'm kind of letting I give too much away in
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these podcasts. Too much can knowledge Anyway, In France, they
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have a different language, they speak different It's almost like
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they've got a different word for everything. And we we
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means yes yes. But over here we we need means
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got to do we We like a number one like
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a we not not literally. I don't and I don't
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shout out we when I unate, I don't, I don't.
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I sometimes do sometimes do you ever stand on a
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little stall when you go to a toilet? And do
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we we just to pretend to be taller, like, oh,
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this is what it feels like. I can't be the
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only one that does that. Anyway, I said, so you
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was in the classroom. She said yeah. I said, you
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can only speak French. She said yeah. I said, that's
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probably the problem. There's a miscommunication, he was probably if
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I'm just guessing speaking French and you don't know any French.
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She said yeah. But there's something about him. He's very captivating.
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I said, do you mean the big box of chocolates
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he has on his desk that everyone can just help themselves.
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She said yeah, Oh it was lovely. I said, fair enough,
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but not lovely enough to try and learn a new language.
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She said, well, maybe not. I said, see, And then
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she said something very weird to me. She said, do
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you see j J. I said, yes, step Mummy wondering.
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You know, she never called me that before, I said.
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She said, I got a question for you. I said,
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all right, come on. She said, do you remember why
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we're talking about French lessons and boxes of chocolate on
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the teacher's desk. And I said, I'll be honest with you,
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I'm not sure. We kind of yeah, I don't really know.
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It's I don't know. She said, yeah, you sound confused,
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and I said, well, I'm not confused. I'm just I'm interested,
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very mildly interested in what comes next, because I don't
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really know how I got here to this part of
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the recording, and on let's face it, it's not the
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first time I've ended up in the middle of nowhere conversationally.
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But I'm trying to find a way out so I
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can get back to the original content or subject matter
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that was being a verbally discussed. And my Stepmot shouted
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out the Saint said, she said it was the Saint,
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the TV show The Saint for Okay, what's that God
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do with France? Though, she said, I don't know, and
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I can't do all the work for you. I thought
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it'd be enough for me just to let you know
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the subject you were talking about. Yeah, he didn't really
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let me know, did you. He just said the Saint
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and't know if you started to sing he warnes, Saints
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