Sept. 21, 2025

(no music) (5 hours) Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435

(no music) (5 hours) Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435

🎙️ Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435 ⏱️ Duration: 1 hour, 22 minutes 📅 Recorded on: 20 September 2025 🧠 Topic: Deep personal reflection on mental health, especially bipolar disorder and EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) 🧵...

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🎙️ Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435
⏱️ Duration: 1 hour, 22 minutes
📅 Recorded on: 20 September 2025
🧠 Topic: Deep personal reflection on mental health, especially bipolar disorder and EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) 🧵 OVERVIEW This episode of Let Me Bore You To Sleep is a raw, meandering, yet heartfelt monologue where Jason Newland reflects on recent tech struggles with his podcast, then opens up about his personal experiences with bipolar disorder and EUPD. It evolves from a casual update into a deep dive into the complexities of living with fluctuating mental health. He discusses diagnosis, therapy, medication, and how others have misunderstood his journey. There's also a lot of self-deprecating humor, honesty, and vulnerability throughout. 🧩 STRUCTURED SUMMARY ⛓️ Part 1: Podcast & Website Woes (~0:00–9:00)

  • Jason is frustrated about recent problems with Apple Podcasts, which drastically dropped his listenership stats.
  • He shares that he’s been working hard to fix the issue and reorganize his website, letmeboreyoutosleep.com.
  • He’s visibly tired and emotionally drained by the tech issues but reassures listeners that things are working again.
  • Shout-outs to new Facebook group members, Karen and Kaylee.
🧠 Part 2: Mental Health Journey Begins (~9:00–18:00)
  • Jason discusses a recent GP phone appointment, which resulted in a referral to a mental health nurse and an increase in his medication.
  • Humorously notes that he may become even “slower and more boring” with the new dosage.
  • Reflects on past manic behavior from 2011 and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder later that year.
  • Talks about how his mood swings began in childhood and shares prior experiences with antidepressants and anxiety from as far back as 1995.
💊 Part 3: Medication Stigma & Acceptance (~18:00–27:00)
  • Shares a story about a friend at a Buddhist center who encouraged him to accept medication as part of wellness, despite Jason’s initial resistance.
  • Uses a humorous appendix analogy to emphasize that you don’t refuse treatment for physical illness—so why for mental health?
  • Admits that past judgment from others made him hesitant about long-term medication use.
🧍♂️ Part 4: EUPD & Dual Diagnosis (~27:00–42:00)
  • Delves into the co-diagnosis of EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) and bipolar.
  • Shocked to learn of the EUPD diagnosis years after therapy began.
  • Recalls a 5-year treatment period that included:
    • DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)
    • Group therapy
    • Psychotherapy at home
  • Shares how mood instability, impulsivity, and difficulty with relationships are key EUPD symptoms he relates to.
🎭 Part 5: Humor, Dating, and Disguises (~42:00–59:00)
  • Veers into lighthearted stories:
    • Taking his ferret Andre into town.
    • Online dating and profile pictures.
    • Hilariously cynical commentary on filtered dating profile photos and photo manipulation.
  • Recounts a short-lived romantic encounter that ended just before a critical psychiatric evaluation, which ironically led professionals to think he was “fine” due to being in a good mood.
⚖️ Part 6: Bipolar Diagnosis – The Real One (~59:00–1:10:00)
  • Shares how in 2011, a new doctor finally took him seriously and referred him for proper diagnosis.
  • Officially diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder (again) in December 2011.
  • Talks about years of ups and downs, job loss, and therapy.
  • Begins understanding his pattern of mood cycles and their impact on life and relationships.
📚 Part 7: Final Thoughts – Acceptance & Awareness (~1:10:00–1:22:00)
  • He explores how both bipolar and EUPD explain so much of his lived experience.
  • Researches EUPD symptoms live during the recording (fluctuating emotions, impulsivity, relationship challenges).
  • Notes that DBT was the key therapy used during treatment—but he hadn’t known that at the time.
  • Reflects on how some people’s moods bounce back quickly, while others (like him) have longer, deeper troughs and spikes.
  • Ends on a gentle note: encourages listeners to be kind to themselves, feel safe, and allow themselves happiness.
  • Mentions the possible reward of a Cornetto. 🍦😄
💬 KEY THEMES & TAKEAWAYSTheme Insight Mental health stigma Jason illustrates the long journey of confronting others’ opinions about medication and mental illness. Dual diagnosis His story highlights the complexity of having both bipolar and EUPD—conditions that can overlap but require distinct approaches. Self-awareness & humor Jason’s ability to talk honestly while keeping it light with jokes and analogies makes this reflection accessible. Therapy & treatment DBT, medication, and long-term psychotherapy played huge roles in stabilizing his life. Loneliness & connection Undercurrent of seeking human connection, acceptance, and the ongoing tension between vulnerability and protection.

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WEBVTT

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Welcome to Let Me Boy to Sleep. My name is

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Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close

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your eyes. And uh, my website is Jason Newland. No, no,

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my website is let Me Boy to Sleep. Yeah dot com.

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Don't ask. Let's just I made some changes. Not all

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changes go smoothly. I have discovered, for example, it's going

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to open my laptop. Now I've got that shining in

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my face. Okay, so I've had a lot of problems

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with my Apple podcasts the last few days. I think

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it's now sorted. I play it's now sorted, but it's

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taken quite a lot of effort to get it done. Yeah,

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so hopefully it's all done. I'd say all done, and

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it's never going to be complete, but I hope it's done,

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as in working correctly. Please please, please, please please, because

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the stats were ridiculous yesterday. I mean, honestly, two hundred

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and sixty three downloads of my podcasts. Two hundred and

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sixty three in one day. Now, you know, it can

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go down quite low sometimes if I haven't recorded anything

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for a week or two weeks or something like that.

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But bearing in mind i'd recorded one on Monday, Tuesday

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and Friday, so there wasn't really unless the recordings were

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just really bad, really bad. So I need to get

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these lights sorted outs. I don't like the light shining

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in my face. I know the picture isn't great. I'm

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doing this on YouTube. It's very windy, very very windy.

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I don't know why I'm doing it on YouTube. So

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what I've been doing is I'm trying to organize my website,

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let Meboydsleep dot com so that I just wanted to

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get everything kind of back to normal. And I'll be honest,

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I'm not sure. I don't know what normal is anymore.

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So what's this I look at today? It is Today's

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the twentieth of September two thy twenty five, and it's

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Apple podcast is now back now eventually, I got it

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back by about lunchtime ish, so it's been about six

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hours and it seems to be kind of getting back

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to normal again ish, But I know how difficult it

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can be. All right. Yeah, I'm seeing that some of

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the people that the places that normally listen are still

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listening again. That's good. But I'll give you an example,

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like yesterday's let Me boy This Sleep, which was Q

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and A Friday. I looked at the stats this morning,

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and I think I had three listens to the ten

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hour version with music, or six listens sis yesterday. This

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was this morning, you know. I mean, I'm not getting

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millions a day normally, but six listens and when I

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upload I would get that in the first few minutes.

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It's so Yeah, it's very strange. Even on SoundCloud. If

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I uploaded a recording, what are you doing books? Something

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went wrong? Okay, so SoundCloud's not working for some reason. Hm,

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oh now it is all right. So as soon as

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I upload something to SoundCloud pretty much you know, get

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a few listens sort of straight away within minutes of

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doing it. With spreaker, that stats take about an hour

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or so, maybe two hours to show up. So whatever

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I've got now, you can add a few hundred onto it.

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So by six forty five in the evening now, so

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by midnight it's going to be maybe not double, but

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it's going to be getting onto sort of double. What

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it is if it's like a standard day days, which

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I'm not sure what a stand what is a standard day?

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How do new is really boxing on tonight? I do know,

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I'm not sure. Yeah, so yeah, so I get rid

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of that SoundCloud a little message to Sebastian, and then

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that was Sebastian. I'm just trying to think, because this

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is like Saturday summary. I made a lot of changes,

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and I think I got a little bit carried away,

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and I had a lot of messages on Facebook telling

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me that basically the new recordings are not shown themselves,

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and it just got a little bit like, oh, what

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do I do? What do I do? So I did

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post this eight hours ago, hopefully fixed the Apple podcast issue.

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So that must have been about eleven o'clock this morning.

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It's getting it's it's trained me a little bit dwined.

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And I've got a new person joined Jason newlands boring

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group on Facebook, and so I like to say hello

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to Kaylee, Hi Kayley, and also yesterday Karen, Hi Karen.

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So welcome to Karen and Kayley Welcome. And if you'd

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like to join Jason Newland's boring group, then just please

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go to Facebook or if you go to my website,

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let me boril you to sleep dot com. There's a

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there's a message, it's basically a link at the top

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Facebook group and you can go there and just join.

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So I've had messages from people telling me that it's

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successful now and everything's up to date. All the old

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stuff now plays again. So yeah, that's a weird face.

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I just made it on a computer screen camera. Roh.

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So I spoke to the I spoke, I spoke to

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my GP. I had a doctor's appointment on the phone

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on Thursday, after having spoken to the mental health nurse

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a month ago, and then having spoken to the doctors

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surgery a week ago, and then I got to the

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doctors called me on Thursday morning and has referred me

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to the mental health team, and the mental health nurse

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is going to contact me on the thirtieth of September.

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I think, I think something like that. So, yeah, I

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get that the doctor increased my medication. So I might

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become even slower than I already am, even slower just

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when you thought that I couldn't get any slower and

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any more boring. And it might be the medication that

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makes me boring. Maybe if I didn't take my medication,

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I wouldn't be boring and slow, and I would be

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talking oh so quickly. See, you can't get to see

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me what I was like. In a kind of a

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Manichy phase because all those videos were lost. But there

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was a little phase, a little phase back in two

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thousand and eleven, probably looking at summertime, and I was

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definitely I was laughing at things that weren't even funny. Really,

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it was weird. I was a little bit, very hyper

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a little bit, and I did some stuff on camera

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because I was making regular vlogs back then on YouTube.

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My cousin contacted me and said, I'm worried about you

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because there's some of the things I was saying and

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doing on there. So yeah, and that was shortly before

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I was Yeah, that was in the summer, and then December,

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I was diagnosed with bipolar for the first time. For

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the first time. I do remember. I actually had a

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a review, a psychiatric review back in two thousand and four.

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So I was having severe anxiety between November two thousand

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and three. It lasted for years, but luckily it did

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it reduced sort of during two thousand and four, induced

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a bit two thousand and five, two thousand and six,

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it was almost kind of sorted, not sorted, but like

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it wasn't seemingly all the time, and that's part of

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the reason why I started doing audios and videos to

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try and help calm people down, calm the mind, perhaps

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a distraction, maybe just a calm in voice to listen to,

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which is kind of what I needed for myself anyway.

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I waited for months for this psychiatric review. I was

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initially I'm talking about mental health here, so I should say,

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don't listen to this if you don't want to hear

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about my mental health stuff. I'm not going to go

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into any juicy details or anything like that. I'm just

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going to sort of I'm not going to talk about

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it too much, although there's some stuff I'd like to say,

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but I won't. I won't shall I I would like

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to quite like to, quite like to make a video

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or recording where I open up about some of the

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more personal aspects of my life in the past and

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even now, but it doesn't necessarily fit together with the

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lighted the lightheartedness or the lightness of what these recordings

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are supposed to be. So I don't really get into

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heavy conversations. Really, I talk about factual stuff. You know,

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I've seen a doctor, I'm seeing a mental health nurse

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or whatever. I'm not going to go into any more

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detail than that. Really, it's just I give you an

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update on what's going on in my life. That's part

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of what this is. And so this is kind of

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a I suppose, quite a funny story, not funny, but

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you know, kind of funny, but also a little bit sad,

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a little bit sad. So what happened is I was

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first and when I first started going to the doctors,

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because I've been on I was on antidepressants nineteen ninety five.

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That's the first time for anxiety and depression. So and

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then I was on them again in I think probably

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ninety six, then again end of ninety seven, and then

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probably nothing until two thousand and two November. So I

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went quite quite a few years. I didn't I don't

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think I had any medication, but I might be wrong.

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It's hard to remember, but back then i'd take it

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and I didn't like it, and i'd stopped taking it.

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I also had two friends that were very I wouldn't

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say unsupportive, but judgmental because they didn't understand. I had

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one friend saying to me, it wasn't saying that I

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was weak because I was on medication. But that's kind

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of what I took from the conversation. So my ad

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My response was, well, stuff the medication, I'll stop taking

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it then, or maybe the person said that I well,

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I felt that they were saying that I was reliant

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upon it. And you know, medication shouldn't be taken long term. Well,

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what do you do for a long term medical condition? Then,

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my dear, what am I supposed to do? Bipolar EUPD.

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Bipolar is not a short term thing. You don't just

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take medication when you're feeling bad, or take medication. You know,

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when you're too high, you can't just take medication to

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like bring you down. And when you're feeling too low,

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you can't take medication just to bring you up. It'd

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be nice if I could, and then on those days

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one kind of average, i'd be just wouldn't take anything.

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I'd love that, just pop a pill and then I'm fine.

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But because of the nature of it, it's a daily

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routine to keep those levels of I don't know, serotonin

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and balance in my brain. I don't want to be

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on medication. But you know what, I had a friend

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and I used to know that the Buddhist center, and

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he said something to me that was really He's part

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of the reason I think I wanted to go and

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visit Thailand because he loved the East. He traveled all

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over Vietnam. I'm trying to think of different countries, but

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that whole kind of area. He just loved it. And

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he kept telling me the people there are so nice,

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so friendly. He said, you never, you won't understand it

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unless you go there. You need to see for yourself

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how lovely the people are when you go to you know, Vietnam.

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I can only think of Vietnam and Thailand, and there's

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lots of other countries in that area. I just can't

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think of any Canada. I don't know, but he said

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he said something to me, and I remember I was

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at the bottom behind the cat the Buddhist center. There

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was like a cabin. It was an actual building structure

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and we would use it classes like meditation classes or

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teaching classes, you know, groups to getting together and stuff

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like that. And it was just separate so it fitted

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probably six people that's chairs wise. I mean, it wasn't

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a lot of space, but there was a little toilet

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and a coat rack, you know, pretty much everything you needed.

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A little heater, so therapists also used to use it.

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There was an acupuncturist that used to use it. Well.

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I went to a few times because I've had I've

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tried so many different therapies to try and help with

210
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my to you know, to relax and my situation, and

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I like acupuncture. I think there was a reiki person

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possibly that worked down there, so they just went the

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room by the hour. And what I did when I

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became a counselor, I also rented that room so for

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00:21:10.920 --> 00:21:13.759
private clients, but also people that I did the because

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I also did the free Konic chronic pain relief service

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there as well, so I used that for the same

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00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:30.920
same thing. I also used it when I lived around

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the corner from there. This is in twenty eleven, I

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used it. I used to go there in the nighttime.

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I'd ask them first. I didn't just turn up by

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the keys to get in, and there was okay ovid.

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I went there at night once everyone was gone, so

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like eleven o'clock or something, and I'd stay there for

225
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a few hours and I'd make videos, hypnosis videos and

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stuff like that because it was quiet and well. Anyway,

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one day I was in there and I was waiting

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for a client to turn up, and my friend of

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the man I would tell me about. He was there

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as well, and some of the other people were there

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and they were meeting up and he was there. I'm

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not quite sure why he was there, but he was

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there anyway. And he told me, he said, because I

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I was going for a very difficult, very difficult time

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at that at that moment, and I pretty much refused

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to take medication. I refuse to go and get help.

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And he said to me, he said, he knew my history.

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He knew my history of know all the different things

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that had kind of time I'd been on medication, stuff

240
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like that, so you can't have we had a little

241
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bit in common from that perspective, And he knew that

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I had a bit of an attitude about taking medication

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for me, not for other people. I don't judge other

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people for what they need to do, but for me,

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I just I didn't want to. I just didn't want

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to take it. I didn't. I just didn't. I didn't

247
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want to be I don't know how much of that is,

248
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just how much of that is other people have influenced

249
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me with their attitudes, with their stinking thinking. As Ziggy

250
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Ziggy Ziggler wherever his name is would say so I

251
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he said, anyways, it's in the summer, and he said

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to me, I said, well, he said hmm. I said no,

253
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I had to go. But why why are you going

254
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for He said, well, you're clearly not doing very well.

255
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I said, no, fair enough. I gotn't argue on that one.

256
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And he said, why don't you just go back to

257
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the doctor and see maybe get back on the antidepressants.

258
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This is better one. This is before I was diagnosed

259
00:24:22.839 --> 00:24:30.599
with bipolars. It was I knew I was not doing

260
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this too good, but I didn't quite know what they

261
00:24:33.319 --> 00:24:37.920
didn't know about that part of it. And because this

262
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is after the me being all like mannic and stuff previous,

263
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so this is probably the end of the summer, probably

264
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kind of September time or maybe August. And I said, nah,

265
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I just can't be bothered. I don't want to be

266
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reliant upon it. I don't want to be dependent upon it.

267
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And there was I think there's a part of me

268
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still used to think that maybe it made me weak,

269
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which is ridiculous, but there was kind of a sense

270
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of ole, it's a week, it's you know, I want

271
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to be stronger than that. And he said, look, because

272
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he was a lot older than me. He retired, So

273
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I was in my wow was what was I forty? Wow?

274
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Or maybe yeah? I probably hadn't even turned forty one yet,

275
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so I was forty years old. One more wow wow.

276
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So I was a young man. He was probably I

277
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would say, probably late fifties, maybe early sixties. He'd retired early,

278
00:26:03.759 --> 00:26:06.400
but he was I probably had about twenty years on me.

279
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And he said to me, he said little JJ. I said,

280
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don't call me that. Don't call me that. He said, okay, sorry,

281
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he said juicy JJ. I said, that's right, that's the nickname,

282
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Juicy JJ, not little JJ. But he said anyway, he

283
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said that he went through the same kind of thing

284
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where he didn't want to be on a tablet. He

285
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didn't want to take tablets, didn't like the way that

286
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made him feel. But he realized, you know, the side effects,

287
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maybe feeling a bit tired, a bit groggy, a bit

288
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slow whatever. Everyone's differently. But he said, after about forty

289
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years of going through that, he decided that he'd rather

290
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take a tablet a day, or two tablets day whatever,

291
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:20.279
in order to feel stable, in order to feel maybe

292
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human even, you know, in order just to be well,

293
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to feel well most of the time. And he said

294
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that there's no there's no shame. There's no shame in,

295
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no shame in doing what's necessary. You know, if you're

296
00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:52.599
appendix burst, you have them taken out, you don't say

297
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to the doctor or the surgeon, now it's all right,

298
00:27:55.000 --> 00:28:02.599
I'll keep them. I'll suffer Now. I'm not comparing appendicitis

299
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a burst appendix or whatever, which can be fatal, of course,

300
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but and it probably would be if if it wasn't

301
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medically sorted out. But it's kind of a comparison, you know.

302
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He's like, you need when something is needed, you wouldn't

303
00:28:22.279 --> 00:28:25.000
think twice about it, would be just like, okay, take

304
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:31.839
it out. It's just that's it. There's not really a conversation.

305
00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:36.079
They don't even ask today. You know, you've got you know,

306
00:28:36.440 --> 00:28:41.480
my brother hadn't a burst appendix, and they he rushed

307
00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:47.440
into surgery as an emergency. He had sepsis and he's fine,

308
00:28:47.799 --> 00:28:50.000
he's a vibe and everything, and he was very allful

309
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a while, but at no point where they didn't ask him,

310
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they excuse him. Is mister Newland junior juicy? I'm just wondering,

311
00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:05.920
is that okay, if we remove your appendix or what's

312
00:29:06.039 --> 00:29:11.079
left of them. They didn't. They just took his appendix

313
00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:15.519
out because that's what was necessary. I don't even know

314
00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:18.480
if he was even conscious enough for them to sign,

315
00:29:18.519 --> 00:29:20.240
for him to sign a form or anything like that.

316
00:29:24.759 --> 00:29:28.200
I visited him. Of course, I was a little bit

317
00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:31.680
disappointed because there was no grapes. I suppose I thought

318
00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:33.799
they were supposed to be grapes in the hospital room.

319
00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:37.720
Ye had his own hospital room. How ridiculous is that?

320
00:29:39.000 --> 00:29:47.160
Since when does anyone get their own hospital room? He

321
00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:51.200
had his own room. I don't know how he figured

322
00:29:51.519 --> 00:30:02.480
how how I don't know. Anyway, the I thought it

323
00:30:02.559 --> 00:30:04.720
through and I thought, what my you know, I kind

324
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of thought about what my friend said, and it did

325
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:13.119
have an effect. It was annoying to start with, I thought,

326
00:30:13.400 --> 00:30:16.960
shut up, we're talking about you don't know what he

327
00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:22.799
liked to be me on different And then I started thinking,

328
00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:27.400
you know what, this is something I've been going through

329
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:31.599
on and off since I was a little kid. So

330
00:30:31.640 --> 00:30:33.759
it's not a new thing. It's not you know, the

331
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:38.680
mood swings now sometimes you can you can contribute it

332
00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:45.039
to puberty, or you can or adolescence. Mood swings. You

333
00:30:45.079 --> 00:30:47.759
can contribute it to lots of lots of different things

334
00:30:47.799 --> 00:30:53.480
throughout life and bereavement and stuff that you know. There

335
00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:56.680
could be lots of different reasons for people to have

336
00:30:59.559 --> 00:31:06.039
issues with their mood or instability with the mood. But

337
00:31:06.119 --> 00:31:10.039
if it's happening all the way through your life and

338
00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:15.119
it's not like it started when I was twenty or fifteen,

339
00:31:15.920 --> 00:31:20.960
I'm talking little as far back as I remember, I've

340
00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:28.039
had extreme moods all the way back. I just didn't

341
00:31:28.039 --> 00:31:34.200
tell anybody. That's the difference. I didn't I didn't understand

342
00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:37.720
why other people weren't feeling the way I was feeling.

343
00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:41.039
But I also didn't understand why I wasn't feeling the

344
00:31:41.039 --> 00:31:44.519
way other people were feeling, because there'd be times when

345
00:31:44.519 --> 00:31:51.599
everyone was like miserable, and I'd be happy, and then

346
00:31:51.640 --> 00:31:57.480
I'll be sad. I'll be tap dancing and ruining the funeral.

347
00:31:58.200 --> 00:32:01.680
And I wasn't tap dancing on top of the coffin

348
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:03.559
or anything. But I'm just saying I would, I'd love it.

349
00:32:03.720 --> 00:32:09.200
I wouldn't necessarily tune in to the event because my

350
00:32:09.319 --> 00:32:14.480
mind was doing something different. And I've been at some

351
00:32:14.519 --> 00:32:20.200
of the most wonderful events as far as like everyone

352
00:32:20.279 --> 00:32:23.920
seems to be happy and I'm not for whatever reason,

353
00:32:25.640 --> 00:32:28.359
and there's no reason. It doesn't seem to be a reason,

354
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:36.400
Like there's no logic behind it. I remember I was

355
00:32:36.440 --> 00:32:51.160
at the oh is it what's his name? It's the

356
00:32:51.200 --> 00:33:04.079
biggest motivational speaker in the world, World's biggest motivational motive

357
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:10.839
fational speaker, Tony Robbins. What they got bear grills next

358
00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:14.480
to Tony Robins and bear grills may be popular, but

359
00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:19.720
Tony Robbins, there is no one as big as Tony Robbins,

360
00:33:19.799 --> 00:33:24.160
like as far as worldwide longevity and all that. Plus

361
00:33:24.200 --> 00:33:28.519
he's probably the tallest man and sever lived. He's about

362
00:33:28.519 --> 00:33:33.240
eight foot told. Yeah, it's true. So I went to

363
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:45.799
Tony Robbins thing event in London in two thousand of

364
00:33:48.319 --> 00:33:51.559
I think it was two thousand and five, might have

365
00:33:51.640 --> 00:33:53.839
been two thousand and six. I think it's two thousand

366
00:33:53.839 --> 00:34:01.680
and five, Yeah, probably, Maybe it was two thousand and four,

367
00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:14.119
might have been. But I went there and I yeah,

368
00:34:14.199 --> 00:34:16.519
I think I stayed at my friends because he got

369
00:34:16.519 --> 00:34:19.039
he gave me tickets, so I think I stayed with

370
00:34:19.159 --> 00:34:26.000
him and I enjoyed it. I did I enjoyed it,

371
00:34:26.159 --> 00:34:30.800
and i'd listened to his recordings because that's another thing

372
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:34.679
I've been trying to do since for a long long time,

373
00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:41.599
is trying trying to increase my motivation, trying to increase

374
00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:47.480
my positivity, trying to go against the grain almost at times,

375
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:56.880
and it doesn't always work, but I don't I don't

376
00:34:56.880 --> 00:35:04.280
give up, so I keep going. And I couldn't get

377
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:12.400
into the the old I don't know what I want

378
00:35:12.440 --> 00:35:16.480
to call it, the cultiness of it, you know, the

379
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:19.960
going long because the every now and it said, if

380
00:35:19.960 --> 00:35:23.760
you believe this, say I like, I'm not going to

381
00:35:23.800 --> 00:35:29.639
shout eye more than once. That's once. I'm not going

382
00:35:29.719 --> 00:35:32.760
to keep saying it. You're not going to condition me,

383
00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:39.079
mister Robbins. No. So he is really good. And I've

384
00:35:39.079 --> 00:35:44.119
never known anyone that can talk for that long, that fast,

385
00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:47.719
for that long. I mean literally doesn't take a breath

386
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:51.519
for like four or five hours. I've never seen that before,

387
00:35:51.719 --> 00:35:59.239
not on stage. And I think because he's naturally talked

388
00:35:59.239 --> 00:36:02.360
so fast. When he decides just to slow things down

389
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:05.119
and talks a bit slow, I think he's kind of

390
00:36:05.159 --> 00:36:08.840
taken a nap in between sentences. It's just because he's

391
00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:13.519
normally so fast no one notices it. That's what I'm thinking.

392
00:36:13.599 --> 00:36:18.079
He just switches off and just like and then she

393
00:36:18.199 --> 00:36:25.000
said this, I'm your mother. I don't know. Just whatever

394
00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:34.000
he says, the stuff he says, And it was very

395
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:37.280
A lot of people, there's about ten thousand people there,

396
00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:43.360
very excitable. I'm not a very excitable person, and I'm

397
00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:46.239
not saying it in a good way. I just some

398
00:36:46.320 --> 00:36:55.480
people are very extremely lively and extremely enthusiastic, and I

399
00:36:55.559 --> 00:37:01.480
wish I was like that in a way, no matter

400
00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:03.800
how annoying it might be for other people. I just

401
00:37:04.079 --> 00:37:09.440
it it would be not I'm just thinking of a

402
00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:11.719
couple of people from the past that would be so

403
00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:17.880
excited about something like it, Like it's a toilet role holder,

404
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:22.400
welly are you excited about a toilet role holder? Everyone's

405
00:37:22.440 --> 00:37:27.480
got their own thing, an't they. I think my base

406
00:37:27.599 --> 00:37:33.320
level is not too high. There's a with positive psychology,

407
00:37:33.320 --> 00:37:39.320
there's a theory that no matter what happens in our lives,

408
00:37:40.519 --> 00:37:42.679
we kind of have a base level, and that base

409
00:37:42.800 --> 00:37:48.199
level can be risen up, you know, with positive thinking,

410
00:37:49.119 --> 00:38:00.119
positive affirmations, diary writing, what other things. I'm trying to think,

411
00:38:00.840 --> 00:38:09.000
like gratue to journal things like that. But the general

412
00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:12.320
base level is what we end up going back to,

413
00:38:13.280 --> 00:38:16.480
whether no matter how low we go or how high

414
00:38:16.599 --> 00:38:19.159
we go, we have a tendency of going back to

415
00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:25.239
the base level of mood. And as I said, it

416
00:38:25.280 --> 00:38:30.400
can be risen. Some people just tend to have a

417
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:33.719
higher base level and some people have a much lower

418
00:38:33.760 --> 00:38:38.079
base level. But it's not stuck. That's something that's the point.

419
00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:41.280
It feels stuck, but it's not. It can it can

420
00:38:41.320 --> 00:38:47.039
be moved, but it takes an effort or extreme stuff

421
00:38:47.320 --> 00:38:52.400
in life. But generally the base level kind of stays

422
00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:57.480
where it is if it's left alone. So for example,

423
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:04.920
someone wins the lottery if they're naturally maybe not high energy.

424
00:39:06.039 --> 00:39:15.119
But I'm not high energy person, so I'm going to

425
00:39:15.119 --> 00:39:19.480
be high energy to a degree. If I wonder lottery,

426
00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:24.199
I would seem high energy in some ways, but in

427
00:39:24.239 --> 00:39:28.199
other ways I would still be kind of be in

428
00:39:28.239 --> 00:39:36.159
touch with that level and the heightening of Oh I

429
00:39:36.199 --> 00:39:39.639
got money, I can do stuff. I can buy myself

430
00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:44.239
as much chocolate as I like. I can get trousers

431
00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:53.960
made of wigwhams. That makes no sense, And then are

432
00:39:54.000 --> 00:39:59.159
we allowed to say wigwhams I don't know, I just did,

433
00:40:02.199 --> 00:40:08.400
but then I'd end up going to my base level. Now,

434
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:15.320
if I use that situation correctly of having money, helping

435
00:40:15.360 --> 00:40:29.639
other people, helping myself live in a nicer lifestyle, traveling,

436
00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:36.920
improving my outlook on the world and life, then my

437
00:40:37.039 --> 00:40:45.480
base level is much more likely to rise up. However slightly.

438
00:40:45.519 --> 00:40:51.320
It will rise up, but it won't stay at that

439
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:55.800
top bit of where I first won the lottery, because generally,

440
00:40:56.079 --> 00:40:59.239
the theory is the mood goes back down to its

441
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:03.360
general base leg So if someone's got a high base

442
00:41:03.480 --> 00:41:08.840
level where they're generally positive, when they go really low

443
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:17.280
for whatever reason, generally they will go back to their

444
00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:21.000
base level. So it would be very difficult, it will

445
00:41:21.079 --> 00:41:23.800
hurt and be painful, it would be uncomfortable, but they

446
00:41:23.800 --> 00:41:31.039
will go back to their base level. I've been thinking

447
00:41:31.079 --> 00:41:40.360
about it for someone like me or someone that walks around,

448
00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:43.119
I say walks around, but someone that lives their life

449
00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:48.039
in a much more positive higher level of I don't

450
00:41:48.039 --> 00:41:51.000
want to say high level of consciousness, but their base

451
00:41:51.119 --> 00:41:55.960
level is much more optimistic bright. It's not being you know,

452
00:41:56.159 --> 00:42:01.039
disrupted continuously by their brains. May is kind of just

453
00:42:02.519 --> 00:42:05.480
it's almost it just it touches the base level, and

454
00:42:05.519 --> 00:42:11.119
it's just so when I'm okay, it's still not great,

455
00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:16.719
it's weird, and then it's good, and then it's really not.

456
00:42:19.000 --> 00:42:22.159
But someone's got a higher base level in their normal life,

457
00:42:22.599 --> 00:42:27.239
be a happier person. But then when things are not good,

458
00:42:28.519 --> 00:42:31.280
perhaps it feels perhaps I'm just thinking off the top

459
00:42:31.320 --> 00:42:37.360
of my feet, perhaps it feels much worse for them

460
00:42:37.599 --> 00:42:40.960
because they're not used to it. They're not used to

461
00:42:41.400 --> 00:42:49.559
the low as opposed to someone that is used to it.

462
00:42:50.159 --> 00:42:56.960
I'm used to it. There's no it doesn't make me

463
00:42:57.000 --> 00:43:01.039
a superhero. I'm just saying so, I just had to

464
00:43:01.880 --> 00:43:02.920
have a quick break there.

465
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:16.880
Phiddy was barking, oh, like really loud, which means I

466
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:17.800
don't actually understand.

467
00:43:17.800 --> 00:43:19.960
I don't understand. I don't remember what I was talking about.

468
00:43:22.400 --> 00:43:38.400
Oh oh yeah, base levels. So anyway, I'm just trying

469
00:43:38.440 --> 00:43:45.800
to think, yeah, I don't know what I was talking about.

470
00:43:45.800 --> 00:43:50.880
I was just basically just jabbering on really just having

471
00:43:50.920 --> 00:43:56.599
a yabba jabber as it were, a jabberlaber.

472
00:43:57.159 --> 00:44:04.639
Ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh.

473
00:44:04.719 --> 00:44:12.079
If you're listening on my podcast, maybe visit my YouTube channel.

474
00:44:12.199 --> 00:44:16.239
Just have a look if you fancy a laugh, because

475
00:44:16.719 --> 00:44:19.440
I haven't got to say anything funny. Just my face.

476
00:44:19.480 --> 00:44:22.760
That should be enough. Just look at me thinking, wow,

477
00:44:23.320 --> 00:44:27.199
how could anyone be that pink? He must have a

478
00:44:27.239 --> 00:44:32.840
lot of light shining on him. I don't. It's really weird.

479
00:44:32.920 --> 00:44:35.400
My face is so bright when I look in the mirror,

480
00:44:35.400 --> 00:44:39.599
I give myself sunburn. This no, make that even makes sense?

481
00:44:39.639 --> 00:44:46.760
Does it? A?

482
00:44:48.440 --> 00:44:48.760
Hello?

483
00:44:48.960 --> 00:44:49.239
Fellow?

484
00:44:49.960 --> 00:44:51.039
How are you bo.

485
00:44:51.519 --> 00:44:55.000
Thinny's underneath the desk looking at me? Hello?

486
00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:55.400
Hello.

487
00:44:56.599 --> 00:45:00.880
The reason he was barking is because he's his girlfriend

488
00:45:00.920 --> 00:45:04.960
downstairs who was coming in. Wasn't she his girlfriend who

489
00:45:04.960 --> 00:45:11.119
lives downstairs? He loves you? Love her? Yes? You do?

490
00:45:11.159 --> 00:45:18.960
You love her? You, Viny? You love her?

491
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:20.440
Yes?

492
00:45:21.639 --> 00:45:28.599
Okay, I'm back if I do make more videos. Oh yeah,

493
00:45:28.719 --> 00:45:31.119
there was a spider downstairs and she was screaming. That's

494
00:45:31.199 --> 00:45:36.159
that's why he was reacting. So I went downstairs and

495
00:45:36.159 --> 00:45:40.079
the spider was on front of her near a door handle,

496
00:45:40.599 --> 00:45:44.440
and she wouldn't go in, So I just I got

497
00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:51.280
the spider and took it outside. It was quite handy.

498
00:45:51.320 --> 00:45:53.400
I was used Vinnie's lead, and I put it around

499
00:45:53.440 --> 00:45:56.119
his neck and just you know, dragged it outside a

500
00:45:56.199 --> 00:46:03.199
huge thing. It was. She did say to me, you're

501
00:46:03.199 --> 00:46:06.039
not you're not scared of spiders and said, no, so

502
00:46:06.159 --> 00:46:10.960
what you're scared of? Then? I said, crocodiles. Let's chance

503
00:46:10.960 --> 00:46:15.000
of seeing them on your doorstep blocking your door handle.

504
00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:20.760
I used to get that when I was I used

505
00:46:20.800 --> 00:46:25.880
to take Andre my ferret into town. That's when I

506
00:46:26.079 --> 00:46:27.800
in the days when I used to go into town

507
00:46:29.519 --> 00:46:31.679
and I didn't have him off the lead. I didn't

508
00:46:31.679 --> 00:46:34.920
have him off there. I didn't have him walking on

509
00:46:34.960 --> 00:46:36.880
the lead in town. I'd always, you know, if it

510
00:46:36.920 --> 00:46:39.760
was busy, i'd have him in my coat, or i'd

511
00:46:40.039 --> 00:46:42.920
be holding him, or he'd be inside my jacket with

512
00:46:43.000 --> 00:46:49.599
his little head looking out his little face. And sometimes

513
00:46:49.639 --> 00:46:54.039
people would scream like they'd turn a corner.

514
00:46:54.480 --> 00:46:59.000
Aha aha, Like.

515
00:47:01.320 --> 00:47:07.960
I'd understand if I had, I don't know, like a

516
00:47:08.199 --> 00:47:14.000
skateboard with a big shark behind me pulling it along.

517
00:47:15.960 --> 00:47:18.920
Or I'm trying to think, what kind of other animal

518
00:47:21.639 --> 00:47:29.599
is scary to people? A gorilla on skates, I don't know.

519
00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:32.159
I don't know what it has to have wheels. I

520
00:47:32.199 --> 00:47:38.519
don't know why wheels have to be involved. So this

521
00:47:38.559 --> 00:47:44.360
all started when I started talking about my first psychiatric review.

522
00:47:46.440 --> 00:47:48.719
Now this is two thousand and four. I waited for

523
00:47:48.960 --> 00:47:52.119
eighties and ages and ages for this. I'd been diagnosed

524
00:47:52.159 --> 00:48:01.400
with PTSD, anxiety depression, recurring anxiety, recurring depression, depression disorder

525
00:48:01.519 --> 00:48:05.719
of a major depression disorder, clinical depression, you name it.

526
00:48:05.719 --> 00:48:08.239
They just like kept checking all these titles at me.

527
00:48:10.039 --> 00:48:11.719
I felt like a professor at the end of it.

528
00:48:13.239 --> 00:48:17.920
And none of them were useful. To get a job, though,

529
00:48:20.360 --> 00:48:30.239
But however, what was that sound? Were this a fair look?

530
00:48:33.079 --> 00:48:33.440
Hmm?

531
00:48:36.760 --> 00:48:43.440
Though? That week was weird because I think it was

532
00:48:43.519 --> 00:48:53.039
on a wednsday or a day. Yeah, I think it

533
00:48:53.079 --> 00:49:00.239
was a Tuesday, it was it was a day anyway,

534
00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:06.440
it was a day during the week. Now, on the Saturday,

535
00:49:07.559 --> 00:49:12.800
I received a letter. I wish I should have kept

536
00:49:12.840 --> 00:49:15.840
it because I could read it to you, and basically

537
00:49:15.920 --> 00:49:22.840
what it said is talking about starting the new year

538
00:49:23.719 --> 00:49:26.519
the same as every other year, and wanted to do

539
00:49:26.639 --> 00:49:31.199
something different this year. And here's my telephone number. And

540
00:49:33.079 --> 00:49:35.480
I was trying to think, what the heck is this about?

541
00:49:36.159 --> 00:49:38.840
So I checked the address and it was definitely for me,

542
00:49:40.320 --> 00:49:48.679
I thought. Now, it turns out I was probably drunk

543
00:49:48.719 --> 00:49:53.280
at the time, but I put an advert in the

544
00:49:53.519 --> 00:49:57.679
lost and like the love Heart section of the local newspaper.

545
00:49:58.960 --> 00:50:04.960
I don't remember doing it. Yeah, anyway, she replied, I'm guessing.

546
00:50:05.039 --> 00:50:10.280
She replied to everyone to be fair. So we went

547
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:16.719
out I find her up. She said, you're right. I

548
00:50:16.760 --> 00:50:20.320
said yeah, she said you want to meet up? And

549
00:50:20.360 --> 00:50:26.159
said okay. Then, because I'd learned having done blind dating,

550
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:33.800
as in okay may not blind dates, what's the pen

551
00:50:33.920 --> 00:50:41.039
palin or blind blind dates? The trick is to there's

552
00:50:41.039 --> 00:50:52.639
a very fine line between first speaking to the person

553
00:50:54.239 --> 00:50:57.599
and first meeting the person. There's a there's a very

554
00:50:57.760 --> 00:51:04.360
short period. I'm not but just quite often where if

555
00:51:04.360 --> 00:51:06.360
you want it to go well, you need to kind

556
00:51:06.360 --> 00:51:10.400
of make the move. And sometimes in the past I've

557
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:13.760
left it too long where I became almost best friends

558
00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:16.000
with them on the phone, hadn't even met them, did

559
00:51:16.039 --> 00:51:18.840
know what they looked like. This is a days before

560
00:51:20.679 --> 00:51:26.480
you know, being able to stream and live cam. And

561
00:51:26.519 --> 00:51:28.719
I don't mean live cameras in chatter bait. I mean

562
00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:37.559
live cam as in Facebook, you know, stream and saying hi.

563
00:51:39.239 --> 00:51:39.400
Hi.

564
00:51:43.639 --> 00:51:46.159
I don't know how many dates I would have had

565
00:51:46.199 --> 00:51:52.199
if we had cameras back then, video cameras, I never

566
00:51:52.239 --> 00:51:54.079
did very well on those things, you know, the ones

567
00:51:54.119 --> 00:51:59.239
where like there used to be these things called Rulette.

568
00:52:01.679 --> 00:52:03.519
They did it with voices, and then when the cameras

569
00:52:03.519 --> 00:52:07.840
came out online, probably twenty odd years ago, they had

570
00:52:07.880 --> 00:52:12.519
it and I went on there twenty five years ago.

571
00:52:12.559 --> 00:52:17.320
Probably any picture you'd be on there and it'd be

572
00:52:17.400 --> 00:52:20.920
like it'd be really grainy, but it's still the picture

573
00:52:21.000 --> 00:52:23.719
was good enough, clear enough for them to see that.

574
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:27.000
They didn't want to talk to me. It's like just

575
00:52:27.039 --> 00:52:32.559
swiped left or right or whatever it is. So yeah,

576
00:52:32.559 --> 00:52:37.199
that didn't really go well. The only time I ever

577
00:52:37.320 --> 00:52:41.320
get any kind of attention from women because I joined

578
00:52:41.320 --> 00:52:49.239
that plenty of fish years ago and I was in

579
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:59.760
my thirties at the time, probably twenty years ago. Probably

580
00:53:02.920 --> 00:53:06.400
I don't think I got one person under fifty that

581
00:53:06.519 --> 00:53:10.960
showed any interest in me. And I don't know if

582
00:53:11.000 --> 00:53:16.800
it was just because of how I look. I don't

583
00:53:16.840 --> 00:53:25.320
think I'm particularly photographic. Now you can't see on camera

584
00:53:27.519 --> 00:53:33.119
what I really look like, because I don't know why

585
00:53:33.159 --> 00:53:35.760
where the camera seems to hide all my good looks

586
00:53:36.880 --> 00:53:44.199
or my sexiness, my chies will jaw, my long flowing,

587
00:53:45.199 --> 00:53:53.639
dark brown, curly hair, my perfect vision, tiny little nose.

588
00:53:57.000 --> 00:54:01.360
You know, it's all hidden, it's all hidden on the camera,

589
00:54:04.000 --> 00:54:10.440
hidden in the camera, and you get this this you

590
00:54:10.519 --> 00:54:15.039
get me, and it's weird. It's kind of like a

591
00:54:16.880 --> 00:54:20.760
it's a fake. Really, it's not real. But then I

592
00:54:20.760 --> 00:54:25.400
don't feel too bad because I've seen pictures of people

593
00:54:26.320 --> 00:54:31.239
and the way that Facebook or on Instagram, the way

594
00:54:31.239 --> 00:54:38.239
that people manipulate the photographs to make them look like,

595
00:54:38.440 --> 00:54:44.679
make themselves look completely different, and there doesn't seem any

596
00:54:44.719 --> 00:54:51.039
point in that. For fun, yeah, for fun, But if

597
00:54:51.039 --> 00:54:57.119
it's a dating profile, what's the point in portraying yourself

598
00:54:57.400 --> 00:55:06.239
as looking completely different? And I'm not saying show you

599
00:55:10.239 --> 00:55:12.760
that's that all. We should show all our faults straight away.

600
00:55:12.800 --> 00:55:17.960
I mean, you know, you're doing a close up so

601
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:21.079
you can see your black heads on your ears or whatever.

602
00:55:21.159 --> 00:55:29.000
You know, I don't mean that. But take a picture

603
00:55:29.000 --> 00:55:33.360
of yourself after your eating a sausage roll with all

604
00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:36.320
the bits all over your face and in between your teeth,

605
00:55:36.360 --> 00:55:40.880
and like, yeah, I'm not okay, that's not perhaps your

606
00:55:40.920 --> 00:55:47.960
best picture. But unless you want to meet someone that

607
00:55:48.159 --> 00:55:58.320
likes sausage rolls, the problem is, see, I could make

608
00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:01.679
myself look different on a camera. You know, I've got

609
00:56:01.840 --> 00:56:04.519
editing software. I've got ways of changing how I look

610
00:56:06.199 --> 00:56:09.480
even in this video if I wanted to, and I haven't,

611
00:56:09.559 --> 00:56:12.159
just so you know, but if I wanted to, I

612
00:56:12.199 --> 00:56:15.639
could make my eyes smaller, I could make my head smaller.

613
00:56:16.519 --> 00:56:19.840
I could change the color of my skin. I could

614
00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:23.840
do all kinds of things. It's ridiculous what you can

615
00:56:23.960 --> 00:56:28.239
do with editing now. But I'm not going to do

616
00:56:28.280 --> 00:56:34.159
any of that. And I don't know why I'm telling

617
00:56:34.199 --> 00:56:35.760
you that I'm not going to do any of that,

618
00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:45.280
Because if this is the result of me working really

619
00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:49.559
hard on editing my face to look better than what

620
00:56:49.599 --> 00:56:56.639
I normally do, then something's gone wrong, isn't it. You

621
00:56:56.719 --> 00:57:04.880
know what I mean? So how does that work? Though? So?

622
00:57:05.159 --> 00:57:10.519
Do you put on a made up picture looks nothing

623
00:57:10.679 --> 00:57:17.400
like you and then you go on the date? How

624
00:57:18.119 --> 00:57:20.400
is that going to work? You're just going to hope

625
00:57:20.400 --> 00:57:23.280
that maybe the other person's done exactly the same thing

626
00:57:26.559 --> 00:57:32.599
so that it doesn't matter. I don't know, I mean,

627
00:57:32.599 --> 00:57:35.719
how would you even know that you were the same person?

628
00:57:35.760 --> 00:57:37.679
Because if you go in, Oh, I'm going to meet

629
00:57:37.719 --> 00:57:42.440
you in Weatherspoons or whatever some pub and you both

630
00:57:42.760 --> 00:57:46.679
have messed up with your with your images, so neither

631
00:57:46.719 --> 00:57:49.599
of you look how you really look. And you turn

632
00:57:49.679 --> 00:57:56.079
up at this bar full of people. You're not even

633
00:57:56.119 --> 00:58:00.840
going to meet each other unless you walk up to

634
00:58:00.880 --> 00:58:05.960
each other and say Hi, are you Jucy, JJ, are you?

635
00:58:06.320 --> 00:58:13.400
Are you s Seannaanahna, Mad mcenroy or whatever. So yeah,

636
00:58:20.480 --> 00:58:25.119
hm hmm. Anyway to this lady, I realized that she

637
00:58:25.400 --> 00:58:31.840
was it was because of that advert thing that I

638
00:58:32.239 --> 00:58:37.880
posted in the new local newspaper, and she responded, I mean, obviously,

639
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:42.800
needless to say, my picture wasn't in the newspaper. And

640
00:58:43.880 --> 00:58:49.079
I realized that if anything was going to happen, we

641
00:58:49.199 --> 00:58:51.920
just have to make it happen now, you know, soon.

642
00:58:52.800 --> 00:58:58.039
So we ended up meeting I think Monday night. Yeah,

643
00:58:58.159 --> 00:59:06.400
it was Monday night because east Enders was the next day. No, yeah,

644
00:59:06.760 --> 00:59:10.719
whatever day Holby City was on, it was the night

645
00:59:10.760 --> 00:59:14.159
before that, so I think Holby City used to be

646
00:59:14.199 --> 00:59:19.239
on a Tuesday night, unless it was on a Thursday night.

647
00:59:19.400 --> 00:59:35.920
This is two thousand and four January. I think it

648
00:59:35.960 --> 00:59:39.880
was a Tuesday night. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. So

649
00:59:40.400 --> 00:59:43.559
I said to her, you know, what's your best feature?

650
00:59:43.639 --> 00:59:46.239
And she told me. I said, okay, where do you

651
00:59:46.280 --> 00:59:50.880
want to meet? And she asked me about myself and

652
00:59:50.920 --> 00:59:52.440
I said, I said, do you want to know anything?

653
00:59:52.480 --> 00:59:53.880
I said no, no, that's fine, that's what I need

654
00:59:53.920 --> 00:59:59.159
to know. And so we just had a little chat

655
00:59:59.199 --> 01:00:02.559
on the phone. She seemed nice, she seemed to like me.

656
01:00:02.639 --> 01:00:08.039
So we met up. I went to this bar. She

657
01:00:08.159 --> 01:00:11.079
was already in there. I think she might have been

658
01:00:11.079 --> 01:00:18.599
in there a while before I got there. And I

659
01:00:18.639 --> 01:00:23.880
sat down and said hello. She said, I don't know.

660
01:00:24.039 --> 01:00:27.400
She was particularly excited to see me, but she acknowledged

661
01:00:27.440 --> 01:00:32.000
I existed, so that was a start. Didn't completely ignore me.

662
01:00:32.599 --> 01:00:42.599
That's happened before. That's enough about my wedding. And I

663
01:00:42.760 --> 01:00:52.039
gave her a oh what's it called? What those eggs?

664
01:00:52.239 --> 01:00:55.760
Kind of surprise kinder surprise eggs. I gave her one

665
01:00:55.760 --> 01:00:58.800
of those. I said, there, go give you something to

666
01:00:58.800 --> 01:01:01.239
play with, if something to play with if you get

667
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:09.639
bored with me, and we laughed. So we had a drink.

668
01:01:09.679 --> 01:01:12.039
I didn't drink the whole of two thousand and four,

669
01:01:12.159 --> 01:01:15.639
so that intrigued her because she seemed to be enjoying drinking.

670
01:01:18.280 --> 01:01:24.039
And then we went to another place, and then we

671
01:01:24.119 --> 01:01:26.280
went back to my place. She wanted to come back

672
01:01:26.320 --> 01:01:32.280
to mine. I didn't expect that. I never expect that.

673
01:01:34.960 --> 01:01:38.519
I just didn't see that coming. I thought it was

674
01:01:38.559 --> 01:01:41.800
just going to be a date and then probably wouldn't

675
01:01:41.800 --> 01:01:43.480
see her again, or maybe I would see her again,

676
01:01:43.559 --> 01:01:49.920
but just you know, I wasn't expecting anything interesting to happen.

677
01:01:54.119 --> 01:01:56.480
And at the time, I was living in a YMCA,

678
01:01:57.199 --> 01:01:59.920
not in the hostel part, but in the flats part,

679
01:02:00.079 --> 01:02:04.480
so studio apartments, so I did have my own studio apartment.

680
01:02:06.679 --> 01:02:14.440
But I it was messy and there was stuff on

681
01:02:14.480 --> 01:02:17.679
the I just said, just wait here. I went in

682
01:02:17.719 --> 01:02:21.400
and I tried to check everything underneath the bed it was.

683
01:02:21.800 --> 01:02:24.880
It wasn't good. I just didn't know. I didn't think

684
01:02:24.920 --> 01:02:29.400
there was going to be another human in that flat ever,

685
01:02:30.440 --> 01:02:32.440
or that studio thing. I didn't think anyone will ever

686
01:02:32.480 --> 01:02:40.199
go in nextcept me. So she spent the night. I

687
01:02:40.360 --> 01:02:42.880
had fun. I don't know if she did or not.

688
01:02:46.360 --> 01:02:52.360
The relationship did last one more night, so we spent

689
01:02:52.519 --> 01:02:57.280
the Monday night together, spent the Tuesday night together, and

690
01:02:57.360 --> 01:03:00.280
on the Wednesday. It's a little bit like Craig David's song,

691
01:03:00.400 --> 01:03:05.880
except well it's seven nights or seven days Spare the

692
01:03:06.000 --> 01:03:10.119
night on Monday, I spoke, I phoned her up on Sunday.

693
01:03:10.559 --> 01:03:14.599
We went out on Monday, we made love on Monday night,

694
01:03:14.920 --> 01:03:17.920
and then we met up on Tuesday again, and then

695
01:03:17.920 --> 01:03:22.119
Wednesday she dumped me by text. I'm not sure how

696
01:03:22.159 --> 01:03:30.800
those lyrics would go, but she uh so. The Monday

697
01:03:31.599 --> 01:03:35.880
night was pretty good, so quite a good night. The

698
01:03:35.960 --> 01:03:40.840
Tuesday morning, at eleven o'clock, I had my very first

699
01:03:40.920 --> 01:03:48.480
psychiatric evaluation with two psychologists or psychiatrists, psychologists, I'm not sure.

700
01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:58.039
And they said how are you? And I said I'm good,

701
01:03:58.800 --> 01:04:02.960
and I was smiling because I'd had a really good

702
01:04:02.960 --> 01:04:08.599
time and I was in a good mood and I

703
01:04:08.679 --> 01:04:13.079
was on a waiting list for ages to see them.

704
01:04:13.639 --> 01:04:16.880
But the reason I've been waiting to see them wasn't

705
01:04:16.960 --> 01:04:22.000
how I was feeling in that moment, and they couldn't

706
01:04:22.039 --> 01:04:26.000
understand that. I was trying to explain to them, I

707
01:04:26.199 --> 01:04:31.760
just just had a really good night's session. I'm not

708
01:04:31.800 --> 01:04:33.360
sure how I worded it, but I was just like,

709
01:04:33.920 --> 01:04:36.119
I'm in a good mood because of that. Trust me,

710
01:04:36.199 --> 01:04:38.440
this is not my normal, this is not what I'm

711
01:04:38.440 --> 01:04:41.559
normally like. I'm just still buzzing from that because I

712
01:04:41.559 --> 01:04:45.480
got to hold someone's hand. She'd let me touch her leg,

713
01:04:46.639 --> 01:04:56.840
her ankle, oh, you know, and they didn't get it.

714
01:04:56.920 --> 01:05:02.960
They's like, oh, they decided they went outside, not outside

715
01:05:03.000 --> 01:05:05.800
in the cold, but they went into a different room

716
01:05:06.199 --> 01:05:08.760
or into the hallway. I don't know. I wasn't looking

717
01:05:08.760 --> 01:05:14.480
through the keyhole. They were in the hallway, and they

718
01:05:14.559 --> 01:05:17.360
decided that I was okay, there's nothing wrong with me,

719
01:05:18.079 --> 01:05:21.719
didn't need any help because I was in a good

720
01:05:21.760 --> 01:05:30.039
mood on that day. Now at the time, bear in mind,

721
01:05:30.079 --> 01:05:37.039
this is two thousand and four, I'd had over a

722
01:05:37.199 --> 01:05:43.519
year of really I mean, I'd lost my job, lost

723
01:05:43.800 --> 01:05:46.719
you know, got into debt loads of things because of

724
01:05:46.760 --> 01:05:50.840
my situation. And they weren't taking me seriously because I

725
01:05:50.920 --> 01:05:55.840
wasn't taking myself seriously, because I was struggling to take

726
01:05:55.840 --> 01:06:03.599
myself seriously because I'd had a really nice time and

727
01:06:03.719 --> 01:06:07.360
I wasn't over. I wasn't drinking or anything like that,

728
01:06:07.400 --> 01:06:16.719
so I wasn't hungover. I was just buzzing from I guess,

729
01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:23.440
a different type of stimulation. So instead of my brain

730
01:06:24.719 --> 01:06:29.880
stimulating me in ways I didn't want it to, my

731
01:06:29.960 --> 01:06:33.599
brain was being stimulated I was going to say manually,

732
01:06:33.639 --> 01:06:35.119
but That's probably not a good way to put it,

733
01:06:35.199 --> 01:06:40.320
is it. But it was like more naturally, you know,

734
01:06:40.480 --> 01:06:46.199
it was kind of a nice kind of thing. I

735
01:06:46.199 --> 01:06:51.400
don't know how to really verbalize it, but they didn't

736
01:06:51.400 --> 01:06:55.119
take it seriously. The fact that I was grinning and

737
01:06:55.320 --> 01:07:06.760
smiling and laughing probably didn't help. That's the thing, isn't it.

738
01:07:07.079 --> 01:07:15.320
I think you can't. Yeah, And then so I go

739
01:07:15.400 --> 01:07:22.760
through the next how many years? So yeah, I go

740
01:07:22.800 --> 01:07:35.280
through the next six years of that's ridiculous. It's like, yeah,

741
01:07:35.679 --> 01:07:39.119
losing jobs and all kinds of things because of my

742
01:07:41.800 --> 01:07:49.880
mood stuff. And it took a doctor again. This was

743
01:07:49.920 --> 01:07:54.960
twenty eleven in I don't know if it was August,

744
01:07:55.039 --> 01:07:58.440
maybe it was July. I went to a doctor. This

745
01:07:58.519 --> 01:08:01.199
is when I realized that because I'd gone from being

746
01:08:03.519 --> 01:08:11.440
up to not being up, and this doctor wasn't my

747
01:08:11.480 --> 01:08:16.800
regular doctor. She I think my regular doctor was. I

748
01:08:16.880 --> 01:08:20.119
got an emergency appointment, so my regular doctor couldn't see me.

749
01:08:20.880 --> 01:08:28.520
So and this doctor I'd not seen before. She looked

750
01:08:28.520 --> 01:08:30.720
back at my files and she saw that I'd been

751
01:08:30.760 --> 01:08:40.159
on medication since ninety five and all the different things

752
01:08:40.239 --> 01:08:42.239
that have been on my record, on my you know,

753
01:08:42.319 --> 01:08:48.119
on my file and all that stuff. Bang my microphone,

754
01:08:48.199 --> 01:08:51.039
and she said, if you had, if you had a

755
01:08:51.079 --> 01:08:53.760
psychiatric ever being referred, And I said, yeah, I've got

756
01:08:53.760 --> 01:08:56.720
referred two thousand and four. But I got laid that

757
01:08:56.920 --> 01:08:58.760
night before and I was just in a good mood.

758
01:08:59.640 --> 01:09:04.880
She aft, and I said, I wasn't really representing myself

759
01:09:05.000 --> 01:09:07.920
very well. She said, well, in future, when you're with

760
01:09:07.960 --> 01:09:11.159
a doctor, maybe don't mention getting laid. I said, okay,

761
01:09:11.880 --> 01:09:13.359
do you feel like I should have said something different

762
01:09:13.359 --> 01:09:15.640
to them? She said, I'm talking about me. Shouldn't have

763
01:09:15.640 --> 01:09:23.760
said it to me now, So okay, ooh, and I

764
01:09:23.880 --> 01:09:26.039
still got the letter. I did have the letter. I'm

765
01:09:26.079 --> 01:09:30.079
not sure if I got it now somewhere She said,

766
01:09:30.119 --> 01:09:37.720
I'm going to refer you to a psychiatrist. I said, okay,

767
01:09:37.960 --> 01:09:41.840
And so to get a diagnosis, because she said that

768
01:09:43.439 --> 01:09:49.039
you need a proper session, proper be taken seriously, because

769
01:09:49.039 --> 01:09:51.960
this is just happening too much, and she's been going

770
01:09:51.960 --> 01:09:56.880
on for too long. So I that's what happened. So

771
01:09:56.920 --> 01:09:59.399
I was on put on antidepressants, and then I went

772
01:09:59.439 --> 01:10:05.439
to the psychiatrists at the beginning of Somber twenty eleven,

773
01:10:06.720 --> 01:10:14.479
and after quite a long time dissecting my life, going

774
01:10:14.520 --> 01:10:20.720
back over stuff, and also looking at my medical history.

775
01:10:21.920 --> 01:10:30.640
I was diagnosed with bipolar effective disorder and put on medication,

776
01:10:32.199 --> 01:10:41.399
which I took for a few days and then stopped.

777
01:10:44.319 --> 01:10:45.920
I still took the end of the persons, but I

778
01:10:45.920 --> 01:10:58.039
didn't take the the antipsychotic stuff. And then twenty twelve,

779
01:10:59.760 --> 01:11:06.399
when by still all over the place, twenty thirteen, I

780
01:11:06.479 --> 01:11:10.359
was still on the antidepress now I stopped taking the antidepressants.

781
01:11:10.640 --> 01:11:18.960
Twenty thirteen I went back on antidepressants in the springtime,

782
01:11:23.640 --> 01:11:27.319
and then about August September, I couldn't go back to

783
01:11:27.359 --> 01:11:34.640
work anymore. I had just couldn't do it, And eventually

784
01:11:34.680 --> 01:11:38.880
I was referred to see a psychiatrist again. This time

785
01:11:39.039 --> 01:11:48.399
I saw four different psychiatrists interviewed, and I think one

786
01:11:48.479 --> 01:11:50.880
was twice and the other two, so two different, three

787
01:11:50.920 --> 01:11:54.439
different psychiatrists. One I saw twice and I saw another

788
01:11:54.479 --> 01:12:05.000
one and this was like over a probably every two weeks,

789
01:12:07.520 --> 01:12:16.920
and they decided that I had bipolar effective disorder. So

790
01:12:16.960 --> 01:12:20.840
I was re re not reassigned, and that sounds the

791
01:12:20.880 --> 01:12:23.600
wrong word, isn't it. I was rediagnosed with what I'd

792
01:12:23.640 --> 01:12:28.520
already proved is to being diagnosed as with anxiety and stuff,

793
01:12:28.680 --> 01:12:34.760
and so I started having I started going in having psychotherapy,

794
01:12:35.600 --> 01:12:37.520
so I was on a waiting list for that. I

795
01:12:37.560 --> 01:12:41.640
was put on medication for the mood stabilizers for the

796
01:12:41.680 --> 01:12:53.199
bipolar and still took the antidepressants as well, and then

797
01:12:54.920 --> 01:12:58.680
I didn't know right I was. I had psychotherapy for

798
01:12:59.760 --> 01:13:03.680
over a year year and a half. I was finally

799
01:13:03.720 --> 01:13:08.680
released two thousand and seventeen or was it twenty eighteen,

800
01:13:09.640 --> 01:13:17.479
So from two thousand and thirteen for five years really,

801
01:13:17.600 --> 01:13:20.800
so from beginning to them releasing me, it was a

802
01:13:20.880 --> 01:13:23.680
five year period. It wasn't like all the time for

803
01:13:23.720 --> 01:13:26.720
five years, and I wasn't hospitalized or anything, but it

804
01:13:26.800 --> 01:13:28.640
was a five year period when I went to the

805
01:13:28.680 --> 01:13:33.359
bipolar group and you know, all different things. And eventually

806
01:13:33.399 --> 01:13:38.560
after five years I was released released from my contract

807
01:13:41.600 --> 01:13:45.760
and my psychotherapist. First of all, I went to see

808
01:13:45.800 --> 01:13:52.119
her and then she started coming here, it's my psychologist,

809
01:13:52.279 --> 01:13:56.279
and we were doing I didn't know what. I didn't

810
01:13:56.319 --> 01:14:00.600
know what we were doing. And she said something to

811
01:14:00.640 --> 01:14:03.479
me once because I said, I don't know what it was.

812
01:14:03.520 --> 01:14:07.800
I said to her it was like a question, I

813
01:14:07.800 --> 01:14:12.640
don't understand this, understand why this happens, I said, I

814
01:14:12.680 --> 01:14:14.239
don't know why I'm like this. So I was sitting

815
01:14:14.239 --> 01:14:16.560
over there at the table, she was sitting opposite at

816
01:14:16.560 --> 01:14:20.159
the table, and I had Andre running around trying to

817
01:14:20.159 --> 01:14:24.239
get inside a purse. He was literally inside a handbag

818
01:14:24.279 --> 01:14:29.039
at some point. It was funny. She didn't laugh. I did,

819
01:14:29.800 --> 01:14:33.600
and I said, I don't understand that, and she said, well,

820
01:14:34.279 --> 01:14:38.600
it's probably just it's because of the part of the

821
01:14:38.640 --> 01:14:47.760
personality disorder. I said, what. So this was twenty fifteen, right,

822
01:14:49.880 --> 01:14:52.560
No one said anything to me about having a personality disorder.

823
01:14:53.399 --> 01:14:55.880
I knew about the bipolar. They told me bipolar. I'd

824
01:14:55.920 --> 01:15:02.520
already been diagnosed before bipolar. Okay, no one mentioned personality disorder,

825
01:15:02.840 --> 01:15:06.079
but they diagnosed me and not even told me that

826
01:15:06.199 --> 01:15:13.000
was my official diagnosis medically. Yeah, And I was upset

827
01:15:13.199 --> 01:15:19.359
because it it tapped into something separate, which I do

828
01:15:19.439 --> 01:15:28.479
not want to go into. But it was really weird.

829
01:15:29.840 --> 01:15:34.279
So I suppose really I wasn't probably diagnosed with bipolar,

830
01:15:34.319 --> 01:15:39.359
probably till two thousand. No, it's twenty thirteen. The end

831
01:15:39.359 --> 01:15:43.000
of twenty thirteen, I suppose, So it's over a year

832
01:15:43.000 --> 01:15:45.720
and a half before I even heard about the borderline

833
01:15:45.760 --> 01:15:55.199
personality like emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder EUPDP. Are you

834
01:15:56.159 --> 01:16:05.479
emotionally unstable personality disorder? If okay, I've got to look

835
01:16:05.520 --> 01:16:23.880
this up. EUPD with with there's different things that comes

836
01:16:23.920 --> 01:16:38.039
with it can come with, okay, emotional unstowed personality disorder.

837
01:16:42.319 --> 01:16:47.800
It affects hundly one percent of the population. It's common

838
01:16:47.880 --> 01:16:52.359
for EUPD to coexist with other psychological health conditions, eg.

839
01:16:52.560 --> 01:16:59.479
Depression and other anxiety and stuff. The cause used includes

840
01:16:59.520 --> 01:17:04.880
both in genetic and environmental with a history of childhood stuff.

841
01:17:12.680 --> 01:17:17.239
So DBT. What my psychologist was coming around and do

842
01:17:17.319 --> 01:17:24.159
with me was DBT called dialectical behavioral therapy. I didn't

843
01:17:24.159 --> 01:17:32.560
know that. I didn't know. So she was really there

844
01:17:32.640 --> 01:17:39.960
more for them personality disorder than for the bipolar. I mean,

845
01:17:39.960 --> 01:17:49.159
with bipolar there's coping strategies, there's yeah, there's an overlap

846
01:17:49.199 --> 01:17:53.640
with the whole what's going on here. Some of the

847
01:17:53.680 --> 01:17:59.880
symptoms intense fluctuating emotions with mood changes out at hour

848
01:18:00.199 --> 01:18:06.520
or day to day tack relationships are difficulty maintaining stable relationships.

849
01:18:07.479 --> 01:18:15.399
I don't even don't even try to anymore. Impulsivity, Yeah,

850
01:18:15.640 --> 01:18:20.560
apparently that's what I minus is EUBD with impulsivity, and

851
01:18:24.039 --> 01:18:31.279
I think I'll have to look it up, but yeah,

852
01:18:31.520 --> 01:18:35.119
it's it's really weird to see something and just like

853
01:18:35.159 --> 01:18:40.680
it explained you, it's very strange. But there's also the

854
01:18:40.680 --> 01:18:44.479
the bipolar as well, so it's kind of it's both

855
01:18:44.520 --> 01:18:48.640
of them. I don't know why I'm talking about this today,

856
01:18:48.680 --> 01:18:57.279
because this isn't really let me boy to sleep proper. Really, Vinny,

857
01:18:57.399 --> 01:18:59.279
are you really going to be making noises like that?

858
01:19:00.880 --> 01:19:05.720
This isn't really Maybe I'm just going to call it

859
01:19:05.760 --> 01:19:13.640
talking about bipolar and b DP eup D. I don't know,

860
01:19:15.079 --> 01:19:17.399
talking about being mental. I suppose I could put that

861
01:19:17.520 --> 01:19:26.319
down how mental am I? I don't know it's I

862
01:19:26.359 --> 01:19:29.479
don't know what the title could be, but yeah, I

863
01:19:29.520 --> 01:19:31.880
thought it just it just seems to be what I've

864
01:19:31.920 --> 01:19:36.600
talked about. I don't ever really plan what I'm going

865
01:19:36.680 --> 01:19:42.880
to talk about, but I guess if I put it

866
01:19:42.880 --> 01:19:46.640
in the title, then people are going to know it

867
01:19:46.720 --> 01:19:50.279
makes sense, doesn't it. It makes a sense to me.

868
01:19:55.840 --> 01:20:03.279
I've got a very iffy fart building up. It's a

869
01:20:03.319 --> 01:20:07.199
confusing part, you know. I'm not sure if it's safe

870
01:20:07.279 --> 01:20:15.760
or not. And I literally just had a shower a

871
01:20:15.800 --> 01:20:19.319
few weeks ago. So I don't want to I don't

872
01:20:19.319 --> 01:20:22.079
want to make him. I don't want to make a

873
01:20:22.159 --> 01:20:31.159
miss wow, oh dear. So Yeah, I just I don't

874
01:20:31.159 --> 01:20:36.600
know why I'm talking about this. I don't know why

875
01:20:37.319 --> 01:20:45.680
I'm talking about this. I don't know why I'm talking

876
01:20:45.840 --> 01:20:52.920
so much crab. So that's it. Really, I'm just just

877
01:20:53.039 --> 01:20:57.279
chatting about I suppose because I've been Yeah, I've been

878
01:20:57.279 --> 01:21:01.159
going through it a little bit, and I suppose I

879
01:21:01.239 --> 01:21:06.000
kind of would like to kind of explain a little

880
01:21:06.000 --> 01:21:10.000
bit about what it's like from my perspective. I don't

881
01:21:10.000 --> 01:21:13.560
think I have, really, I don't think I've particularly delved

882
01:21:13.640 --> 01:21:21.000
too deeply. I've touched the surface. But I don't know.

883
01:21:25.000 --> 01:21:30.119
I didn't expect a therapy session. Nobody expects a therapy session.

884
01:21:30.680 --> 01:21:38.079
I don't know. I might have a cornetto. I know

885
01:21:38.159 --> 01:21:40.800
it's not perhaps relevant to what we're talking about, but

886
01:21:42.199 --> 01:21:48.600
I suddenly got the urge, the urge to purge on cornetto's.

887
01:21:51.479 --> 01:21:54.560
So that's it. I'm going to go, thank you for listening,

888
01:21:56.560 --> 01:22:00.359
and remember to be kind to yourself because you do

889
01:22:00.479 --> 01:22:04.680
deserve to be happy and be gentle. With yourself. You

890
01:22:04.800 --> 01:22:22.039
deserve to feel safe, lots of love, bye, relax in

891
01:22:22.079 --> 01:22:32.840
a more deep and meaningful way, maybe in a way

892
01:22:32.960 --> 01:22:41.680
that can not just allow you to feel calmer now

893
01:22:42.680 --> 01:22:51.279
and throughout the time we spend together here, not just

894
01:22:51.560 --> 01:22:57.159
relaxed at the end of the recording when it's finished

895
01:22:57.199 --> 01:23:03.800
and you can enjoy that sense of comfort and peace,

896
01:23:08.520 --> 01:23:21.319
but also I think it would be nice to have

897
01:23:21.840 --> 01:23:38.840
those feelings of relaxation continue for longer after the recording

898
01:23:38.920 --> 01:23:52.359
has ended, so that you can still benefit from listening

899
01:23:53.239 --> 01:24:02.199
to my voice, maybe in a few hours time, perhaps tomorrow,

900
01:24:08.199 --> 01:24:16.039
and then by listening regularly, especially if you find like

901
01:24:16.199 --> 01:24:19.640
some people do and myself as well. I sometimes I

902
01:24:19.800 --> 01:24:30.359
find one particular recording that really resonates with me, and

903
01:24:30.399 --> 01:24:35.640
I just listen to it over and over again every morning,

904
01:24:35.800 --> 01:24:48.359
every evening. There was this recording from We're going back

905
01:24:48.399 --> 01:24:53.680
to about nineteen ninety nine. It was it wasn't hypnosis,

906
01:24:53.760 --> 01:24:59.079
but it was a guided visualizations. It kind of was hypnosis, really,

907
01:25:01.520 --> 01:25:06.720
and I managed to find it again and it still

908
01:25:06.800 --> 01:25:12.399
has the same effect on me. And part of it

909
01:25:12.560 --> 01:25:27.279
was the person's voice relaxed me just felt so peaceful,

910
01:25:29.399 --> 01:25:35.960
and I'd look forward to listening to her in the

911
01:25:36.000 --> 01:25:46.680
morning and in the evening, and I knew before even

912
01:25:47.439 --> 01:25:55.920
pressing the play button that since I've done that, pressed

913
01:25:55.920 --> 01:26:04.479
the play button. This was in the days of CD

914
01:26:04.680 --> 01:26:13.319
players press the play button. In fact, it might have

915
01:26:13.439 --> 01:26:17.760
even been a tap tape recorder. I'd lie down on

916
01:26:17.800 --> 01:26:30.640
the bed and then even without necessarily listening to her

917
01:26:30.840 --> 01:26:43.800
words because I had them memorized. Really, it was as

918
01:26:43.800 --> 01:26:54.479
if my body knew exactly what to do, and the

919
01:26:54.680 --> 01:27:16.720
muscles just almost went into automatic relaxation, and I remember

920
01:27:16.800 --> 01:27:30.880
my mind would slow down. Now. Now, I was listening

921
01:27:30.920 --> 01:27:37.680
to this recording in the early days of learning hypnosis,

922
01:27:40.239 --> 01:27:48.079
and long before I ever made any videos or audio

923
01:27:48.119 --> 01:27:52.880
recordings myself, because I didn't start doing that till two

924
01:27:52.920 --> 01:28:12.199
thousand and six, I knew, I knew how helpful I

925
01:28:12.279 --> 01:28:22.720
found being able to just let go, to have that

926
01:28:22.960 --> 01:28:35.600
trust in the person that I'm listening to, knowing that

927
01:28:35.680 --> 01:28:44.000
it's going to be just as relaxing, if not more so.

928
01:28:46.640 --> 01:28:53.640
Each time you hear my voice, you may feel the same.

929
01:29:00.079 --> 01:29:14.600
Some people have been listening to me for over a decade.

930
01:29:15.439 --> 01:29:19.439
Maybe not solidly, obviously, not twenty four hours a day,

931
01:29:21.199 --> 01:29:27.720
but maybe people come back some people may be listen

932
01:29:27.800 --> 01:29:44.359
every day. There's something that I do which you may

933
01:29:44.479 --> 01:30:05.439
not realize by listening. Is when I record these recordings. Now,

934
01:30:05.560 --> 01:30:18.119
for example, I also am affected by the words that

935
01:30:18.239 --> 01:30:29.800
I say. So if I said to you, focus on

936
01:30:29.800 --> 01:30:39.640
your feet, notice your feet relaxing, I will be focusing

937
01:30:39.760 --> 01:30:54.840
on my feet. I will be noticing my feet relaxing.

938
01:31:02.159 --> 01:31:08.359
If I said, focus on your hands, and maybe notice

939
01:31:08.520 --> 01:31:20.000
the difference between each hand, perhaps notice the the air

940
01:31:20.439 --> 01:31:25.119
in the room, the temperature of the room. On the

941
01:31:25.159 --> 01:31:37.000
backs of your hands, you may start to notice what

942
01:31:37.119 --> 01:31:45.199
almost feels like a very light breeze, even though there

943
01:31:45.199 --> 01:31:50.319
may not be any type of breeze at all where

944
01:31:50.359 --> 01:32:03.960
you are right now. And as you become aware of

945
01:32:04.000 --> 01:32:17.359
your hands, I'm also aware of how relaxed my hands

946
01:32:21.359 --> 01:32:43.680
our feeling now. And when it comes to potentially drifting

947
01:32:43.800 --> 01:32:48.880
off to sleep, which may be the reason you're listening,

948
01:32:54.560 --> 01:33:09.199
I also feel drowsy when I make these recordings. I

949
01:33:09.359 --> 01:33:27.760
also notice my mind drifting. In fact, at times I've

950
01:33:27.800 --> 01:33:42.239
actually fallen asleep without even noticing, and then I carry

951
01:33:42.279 --> 01:33:53.520
on talking. And it's only where I listen back to

952
01:33:53.880 --> 01:34:02.399
do the editing I hear snoring, yeah, and I think

953
01:34:02.840 --> 01:34:13.000
I don't remember snoring. I remember talking. This snoring was

954
01:34:13.600 --> 01:34:19.920
a pig turned up. That's why I sound like when

955
01:34:19.920 --> 01:34:30.840
I snare and I get really into the whole experience.

956
01:34:38.760 --> 01:34:47.800
I don't know how you feel. How relaxed do you

957
01:34:47.920 --> 01:34:58.880
feel in your feet, How relaxed you feel in your hands.

958
01:35:13.960 --> 01:35:26.159
I have noticed more and more that the more relaxed,

959
01:35:27.880 --> 01:35:43.720
deeper level of comfort you feel, the easier your breathing becomes.

960
01:35:50.239 --> 01:36:06.960
It's almost like that additional muscle relaxation. So this allows

961
01:36:07.000 --> 01:36:38.079
you the breath easier without necessarily focusing on your breath, however,

962
01:36:38.319 --> 01:37:07.119
being able to notice the ease in which you breathe

963
01:37:07.319 --> 01:37:57.159
so naturally. You breathe so very easily and smoothly. Whenever

964
01:37:57.279 --> 01:38:15.600
I imagine my breathing improving, when I've got my eyes closed,

965
01:38:21.640 --> 01:38:34.520
I tend to visualize a beautiful field with trees and

966
01:38:34.760 --> 01:39:15.159
flowers producing all that life giving oxygen. It feels nice too,

967
01:39:16.760 --> 01:39:35.720
if nothing else, just taking some time away from everything,

968
01:39:47.039 --> 01:40:19.840
enjoying that feeling of he's serenity with a joyful heart.

969
01:40:44.920 --> 01:41:10.439
Time seems to just drip by so very slowly, relaxed,

970
01:41:16.319 --> 01:41:55.439
so deeply peaceful, completely unattached to any thoughts whatsoever in

971
01:41:55.640 --> 01:42:59.520
this moment, completely free, noticing that your mind has slowed

972
01:42:59.640 --> 01:43:38.199
down muh, slowed down because nothing really requires your attention.

973
01:43:54.640 --> 01:44:08.960
You can enjoy the physical sensations of allowing the stress

974
01:44:09.279 --> 01:44:20.920
to rip out of your body, to appear out of

975
01:44:21.479 --> 01:44:50.279
every part of your body, and being released from your

976
01:44:50.319 --> 01:45:30.840
brain in your mind slowly but surely. The muscles in

977
01:45:30.960 --> 01:46:06.760
you lex relax res h m hm so very deeply,

978
01:46:16.600 --> 01:46:47.600
relacs so deeply, and the feelings, the pleasant feelings in

979
01:46:47.680 --> 01:47:12.239
your arms and shoulders, deepening each part of your body

980
01:47:15.520 --> 01:47:53.960
further and deeper and deeper. Noticing the feelings in the

981
01:47:54.000 --> 01:48:56.079
back of your neck, feelings in your wrists, muscles in

982
01:48:56.319 --> 01:49:50.520
front of your body. I also feeling peaceful deeply. There's

983
01:49:50.560 --> 01:50:31.840
a sense of peace spreads through your very core. Even

984
01:50:32.079 --> 01:50:59.000
when you focus on your mind. Your mind becomes beef

985
01:50:59.199 --> 01:52:20.319
and slowly lower yeeven deeper, relaxing, so very slow his

986
01:52:20.680 --> 01:53:17.319
stomach he's full in your stomach back. Notice Notice how

987
01:53:17.560 --> 01:53:35.520
relaxed you'd now feel in the hole of your back.

988
01:54:00.680 --> 01:54:09.840
Your spy from your brain all the way down the

989
01:54:09.880 --> 01:54:20.600
middle of your back, sending and receiving millions of messages

990
01:54:21.319 --> 01:55:52.319
every day. Deep comfort increasing deeply relaxed, your knees, spreading

991
01:55:52.520 --> 01:56:01.600
those signals down a spine or cord into air, every

992
01:56:01.920 --> 01:56:20.720
part of your body, your shins and your calf muscles.

993
01:56:47.840 --> 01:57:17.359
We're outbursts feelings of peace and tranquility, spreading through your body,

994
01:57:22.359 --> 01:57:38.600
tips of your toes, to your eyes, your fingers, all

995
01:57:38.640 --> 01:58:24.439
the way to your lower back. Letting go, dating peace,

996
01:58:40.239 --> 01:59:10.880
drifting mind just wandering away, happy to let go, let

997
01:59:10.960 --> 02:00:16.319
go completely, let go, so tranquil the whole body, enjoying

998
02:00:16.439 --> 02:02:38.560
a censor listing go, he even more he enjoy the space,

999
02:02:40.920 --> 02:03:22.760
this space of peace and safety. So firy fy relaxed,

1000
02:04:52.479 --> 02:05:17.279
lessing go. Maybe we can just focus on the different

1001
02:05:17.600 --> 02:05:52.439
parts of your body, just to notice your forehead and

1002
02:05:52.640 --> 02:06:59.119
your eyes mutual, so loose, noticing the sense of complete freedom,

1003
02:07:11.159 --> 02:09:02.079
absolute freedom, Yes day, pres day, peace, f energy, peace,

1004
02:09:02.760 --> 02:10:18.000
to breathe easier lest you may have. You may not

1005
02:10:18.239 --> 02:11:19.039
have noticed your mind drifting peace for moveingly even more

1006
02:11:19.399 --> 02:11:43.960
deeply in the direction of total blissful pace, blissful pace,

1007
02:12:12.600 --> 02:14:12.680
christ total peace, com so calm, letting go peace with

1008
02:14:13.119 --> 02:15:24.000
mind relaxed, firty sir, relaxed, so relaxed. Your body feels

1009
02:15:24.279 --> 02:16:27.520
almost invisible, so very relaxed. I'm peaceful, so peace real liquor,

1010
02:16:43.799 --> 02:17:05.399
so peaceful, so fair, And you could start to notice

1011
02:17:05.799 --> 02:17:14.799
that you are feeling more relaxed, even though I've not

1012
02:17:16.559 --> 02:17:27.239
purposely focused your mind upon that sense of physical comfort

1013
02:17:27.959 --> 02:17:34.799
that is growing within you throughout your body, and your

1014
02:17:34.920 --> 02:17:45.479
mind starts to slow down, and that could be almost

1015
02:17:45.680 --> 02:17:55.200
in recognition of I guess my speech not being particularly fast,

1016
02:18:01.760 --> 02:18:12.159
and things just generally feel calmer. Just by listening to

1017
02:18:12.319 --> 02:18:20.879
my voice, you give yourself an opportunity to take a

1018
02:18:21.040 --> 02:18:27.799
break from the day, take a break from your life

1019
02:18:28.959 --> 02:18:37.440
as it is, and to give yourself a rest, giving

1020
02:18:37.479 --> 02:18:44.959
yourself permission to take some time off and to allow

1021
02:18:45.120 --> 02:18:51.280
your body to relax and allow your mind to slow down,

1022
02:18:55.360 --> 02:19:03.280
which in turn releases the ta any stresses that you

1023
02:19:03.479 --> 02:19:13.360
had in your body. It's almost as if the parts

1024
02:19:13.440 --> 02:19:18.559
of your body just open up, allowing the negativity out

1025
02:19:25.440 --> 02:19:31.440
and at the same time replacing that negativity with positive

1026
02:19:32.639 --> 02:19:40.799
heathing energy, which then fills your body up and your

1027
02:19:40.959 --> 02:19:57.799
mind to also starts to appreciate those feelings of increasing confidence,

1028
02:20:01.639 --> 02:20:18.239
an almost uplifting feeling, positive healing, an energy that spreads

1029
02:20:18.719 --> 02:20:29.559
through your body like a wave of comfort and all

1030
02:20:29.639 --> 02:20:41.680
this comes from just allowing yourself a few minutes, maybe

1031
02:20:41.799 --> 02:20:44.399
half an hour, however long you want it to be,

1032
02:20:45.920 --> 02:20:57.799
to just rest and allow your mind and your body

1033
02:21:00.120 --> 02:21:16.840
to almost reset itself to the settings of comfort and relaxation, calmness,

1034
02:21:21.120 --> 02:21:30.479
which allows more room for feelings of pleasure and happiness

1035
02:21:34.520 --> 02:21:43.319
to move around your body and into your mind, almost

1036
02:21:44.159 --> 02:21:48.719
as if your mind and your body are sinking together,

1037
02:21:53.000 --> 02:22:02.680
almost mirroring each other with that growing positivity and calmness,

1038
02:22:07.760 --> 02:22:14.959
And it feels nice. It really does feel nice to

1039
02:22:15.159 --> 02:22:20.840
know that you are the one that has allowed yourself

1040
02:22:24.319 --> 02:22:36.520
to feel more comfort and to experience more of this

1041
02:22:38.360 --> 02:22:53.520
deep relaxation spreading throughout your body. And as I focus

1042
02:22:55.079 --> 02:23:00.840
on each part of your body, you can noticed that

1043
02:23:01.040 --> 02:23:15.559
that part becomes even more relaxed just by focusing on it.

1044
02:23:18.120 --> 02:23:27.760
It becomes even more calm and comfortable just by focusing.

1045
02:23:31.840 --> 02:23:37.559
And as I move down your body, starting at your head,

1046
02:23:40.280 --> 02:23:46.959
the parts that you've already focused on will continue to

1047
02:23:47.159 --> 02:23:54.799
relax deeply, and those parts that we've not yet focused

1048
02:23:54.879 --> 02:24:08.200
on were just automatically release any remain intention in anticipation

1049
02:24:08.600 --> 02:24:21.639
of even more comfort about to come. Now, I'm going

1050
02:24:21.719 --> 02:24:28.600
to start by focusing on your forehead. Just being aware

1051
02:24:29.239 --> 02:24:39.360
the feelings of your forehead and any background sounds like

1052
02:24:39.559 --> 02:24:44.639
mister Herbert the pigeon can just allow you to feel

1053
02:24:44.799 --> 02:24:54.760
even more relaxed. Just means you're in the moment. This

1054
02:24:54.959 --> 02:24:59.959
isn't this isn't a sterile environment. This is the world.

1055
02:25:03.520 --> 02:25:09.600
I live in the countryside, so there's lots of nature

1056
02:25:10.120 --> 02:25:20.600
sounds around. So as you focus on your forehead, just

1057
02:25:20.879 --> 02:25:28.639
notice how it becomes even more relaxed as you focus

1058
02:25:30.959 --> 02:25:35.440
only on my voice and that part of your body.

1059
02:25:40.600 --> 02:25:48.879
Moving down to your eyes, focusing on your eyes, noticing

1060
02:25:51.360 --> 02:26:01.079
how your eyelids feel so heavy yet so light at

1061
02:26:01.120 --> 02:26:07.559
the same time, and all the muscles around your eyes

1062
02:26:07.840 --> 02:26:22.239
relaxing completely. Moving your focus down to your mouth, your lips,

1063
02:26:22.719 --> 02:26:29.079
your tongue, your teeth, and your gumbs in the whole

1064
02:26:29.319 --> 02:26:43.879
of your mouth, relaxing, calm and loose. As you focus

1065
02:26:44.120 --> 02:26:51.639
now on your jaw, not just a part of your

1066
02:26:51.760 --> 02:26:56.239
jaw near your mouth and your chin, but all the

1067
02:26:56.319 --> 02:27:00.680
way up the side of your face to your ears,

1068
02:27:02.959 --> 02:27:18.840
the hole of your jaw, feeding more relaxed and calm.

1069
02:27:27.040 --> 02:27:36.079
Focusing on your neck, the front of your neck and

1070
02:27:36.239 --> 02:27:49.239
your throat, relaxing and loose and calm. The sides of

1071
02:27:49.360 --> 02:27:54.600
your neck, the right and left side of your neck

1072
02:27:57.559 --> 02:27:58.879
relax and.

1073
02:28:00.399 --> 02:28:14.000
Loose and calm, And now the back of your neck.

1074
02:28:17.319 --> 02:28:26.559
Focus in on the back of your neck, letting go

1075
02:28:27.280 --> 02:28:33.040
of any tension that may have been there before, and

1076
02:28:33.719 --> 02:28:47.360
enjoying that sense of increasing comfort and release that you

1077
02:28:47.520 --> 02:28:58.280
can experience in the back of your neck. Moving down

1078
02:28:58.799 --> 02:29:06.040
your back and moving either side of your spine right

1079
02:29:06.200 --> 02:29:11.120
from the top of your back all the way down

1080
02:29:11.760 --> 02:29:24.159
to the bottom of your back down to your lower back.

1081
02:29:29.239 --> 02:29:36.280
And as you move up and down your spine, you

1082
02:29:36.399 --> 02:29:43.520
can feel the muscles either side of your spine relaxing

1083
02:29:44.200 --> 02:29:57.600
even more. And as those muscles relax, that sense of

1084
02:29:57.840 --> 02:30:08.520
comfort starts to spray outwards from your spine into both

1085
02:30:08.719 --> 02:30:15.760
sides of your back, the top of your back, the

1086
02:30:15.959 --> 02:30:24.319
middle and your lower back. And as you scan gently

1087
02:30:24.840 --> 02:30:32.200
and slowly up and down your back, there's the muscles

1088
02:30:32.399 --> 02:30:37.479
in the top of your back relax and become looser.

1089
02:30:41.840 --> 02:30:47.799
The muscles in the middle of your back also seem

1090
02:30:47.920 --> 02:30:57.440
to just almost divide from each other, separating and almost melting,

1091
02:31:03.200 --> 02:31:09.200
And in your lower back it seems to be an

1092
02:31:09.280 --> 02:31:23.440
extra special feeling of comfort that spreads into your hips,

1093
02:31:25.760 --> 02:31:33.559
sit down your lower back, into your hips, into the

1094
02:31:33.760 --> 02:31:42.520
area where your cosicks are, and into your buttocks, and

1095
02:31:42.600 --> 02:31:51.840
the wise muscles that spread from your lower back into

1096
02:31:51.920 --> 02:32:05.360
your hip area start to melt, start to really let go,

1097
02:32:12.079 --> 02:32:18.840
and even nowhere about to focus on your shoulders, your

1098
02:32:19.040 --> 02:32:29.680
back and your spine will continue to let go, continue

1099
02:32:30.520 --> 02:32:45.399
to relax so calmly, and as you focus on your shoulders,

1100
02:32:47.159 --> 02:33:03.239
you may notice that they're already feeling really loose, already

1101
02:33:06.280 --> 02:33:29.479
feeding calm and feeling those muscles then move from your

1102
02:33:29.639 --> 02:33:49.000
neck into your shoulders feel so soft and gentle, so

1103
02:33:49.520 --> 02:34:18.440
smooth and calm, and the feeling in your shoulders seens

1104
02:34:18.719 --> 02:34:26.399
to spread deep into your shoulders, that sense of relaxation,

1105
02:34:27.639 --> 02:34:39.120
not just traveling deeply into your muscles, but also relaxing

1106
02:34:41.959 --> 02:34:51.879
the bones and moving all away to underneath your arms,

1107
02:34:54.680 --> 02:35:00.639
relaxing that whole area between the tops of your shoulders

1108
02:35:01.959 --> 02:35:19.719
and underneath your arms healing. You feel so relaxed and

1109
02:35:20.000 --> 02:35:35.559
comfortable in your shoulders. Who sends that deep healing message

1110
02:35:40.920 --> 02:35:52.799
into your arms? You may feel almost as if your

1111
02:35:53.159 --> 02:36:02.399
arms are not even there, because they're so relaxed, so

1112
02:36:04.000 --> 02:36:49.479
deeply relaxed, so so calm, so please not feeling spreading

1113
02:36:52.280 --> 02:37:06.719
all the way down your arms, two elbows, including your elbows,

1114
02:37:16.559 --> 02:37:32.879
circumforts spreads or away into your wrists, your forearments and

1115
02:37:33.120 --> 02:37:55.920
your wrists so heavy, yet at the same time so

1116
02:37:56.280 --> 02:39:00.280
light and gentle, freksy. Now on your hands, my hands, yeah,

1117
02:39:02.600 --> 02:39:32.200
so peaceful in your hands. There's a sense of real peace.

1118
02:39:43.959 --> 02:39:57.000
It just seems to I feel so familiar when your

1119
02:39:57.239 --> 02:41:35.079
hands relax. Yes, your fingers, A thing is sids you

1120
02:41:35.280 --> 02:42:08.760
thing it tips. Moving your attention to the front of

1121
02:42:08.920 --> 02:42:39.479
your body, so comfortable, moving your focus to your legs.

1122
02:43:58.360 --> 02:44:25.600
Why my souls in your thighs, your knees so relaxed,

1123
02:44:52.920 --> 02:47:01.360
a calf, muscles and just shins go prazy they the

1124
02:47:01.639 --> 02:47:22.600
feathing in your feet, sir, peaceful, so calm, so peaceful,

1125
02:47:29.719 --> 02:48:23.520
so calm, so peaceful, so calm, so peace fall RelA

1126
02:48:24.479 --> 02:48:48.559
sin peace fall, so calm, loving that deep relaxation, the

1127
02:48:48.799 --> 02:49:10.719
spread your chest in your stumm so relat letting go everything.

1128
02:49:22.000 --> 02:49:27.959
So I'm gonna start counting down now, from twenty down

1129
02:49:28.040 --> 02:49:36.159
to one. You can imagine in a way it's like

1130
02:49:36.959 --> 02:49:43.399
just walking down some steps and each step or twenty steps,

1131
02:49:43.479 --> 02:49:52.600
and each step represents a level of comfort. Each step

1132
02:49:53.120 --> 02:50:08.680
represents a deepening of that comfort, and the firvies you

1133
02:50:08.840 --> 02:50:14.159
walk down those steps that the deeper and more relaxed

1134
02:50:14.440 --> 02:51:30.559
you feel. So starting with number twenty twenty, nineteen, eighteen,

1135
02:52:08.520 --> 02:58:02.079
seventeen sixteen U fifteen fourteen four two too well five

1136
02:59:12.639 --> 03:03:20.920
eight nine eight seven.

1137
03:03:02.479 --> 03:03:25.840
H h.

1138
03:03:47.959 --> 03:03:58.319
H s.

1139
03:05:13.719 --> 03:11:08.040
Five four one. And now as you focus on your eyes,

1140
03:11:17.639 --> 03:11:27.959
we're going to count down from ten douts one, focusing

1141
03:11:29.280 --> 03:11:37.520
just on your eyes, your eyelids, the muscles around your eyes,

1142
03:11:40.600 --> 03:11:49.280
your eye walls themselves, a whole area that makes up

1143
03:11:49.360 --> 03:12:05.399
your eye. And as we count down from ten down

1144
03:12:05.479 --> 03:12:17.600
to one, whilst focus in on your eyes, you will

1145
03:12:18.000 --> 03:12:32.319
become twice is relaxed with each number counting down that

1146
03:12:32.559 --> 03:12:39.799
you may find the all you want to do is

1147
03:12:40.319 --> 03:12:49.559
just drift off to sleep. And if that's what you want,

1148
03:12:52.559 --> 03:13:05.559
then just allow yourself to do that. Now, focusing on

1149
03:13:05.719 --> 03:13:13.040
your eyes, I'm going to begin counting down from ten

1150
03:13:13.399 --> 03:17:26.680
down to one right now, ten nine eight seven five

1151
03:18:37.479 --> 03:22:41.680
four three two one. So counted down from ten to

1152
03:22:41.840 --> 03:23:08.360
one ten nine eight seven six five four three two one.

1153
03:23:15.399 --> 03:23:18.280
And maybe that was a bit too quick in order

1154
03:23:18.399 --> 03:23:22.280
to relax. Maybe it's a bit too fast for you

1155
03:23:22.639 --> 03:23:32.319
to notice the calming of your body, maybe even a

1156
03:23:32.399 --> 03:23:35.920
little bit of pressure there, Like you're count it down

1157
03:23:36.040 --> 03:23:38.959
from ten to one. Would you expect me to do man,

1158
03:23:39.879 --> 03:23:44.440
expect me to stick go floppy just because you're counting down.

1159
03:23:50.040 --> 03:23:53.319
If you try it again, but this time, I go

1160
03:23:53.520 --> 03:24:00.879
this slower this time, as you focus on the whole

1161
03:24:00.959 --> 03:24:07.200
of your body before we focus on your legs, just

1162
03:24:07.479 --> 03:24:17.440
notice how your body does start to feel more relaxed

1163
03:24:22.239 --> 03:25:24.440
with every number that I count down ten nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three.

1164
03:25:37.639 --> 03:26:15.360
Two one, And just notice how how you feel, generally,

1165
03:26:15.799 --> 03:26:16.840
how your body feels.

1166
03:26:23.520 --> 03:26:31.799
It's not necessarily even about counting down from ten to one.

1167
03:26:34.760 --> 03:26:48.159
It's that space that you have, that space between being

1168
03:26:51.760 --> 03:27:03.319
active physically or mentally to just sitting or lying down,

1169
03:27:04.000 --> 03:27:08.719
just being there, not doing anything, not saying anything, not

1170
03:27:09.600 --> 03:27:15.920
needing to think about anything. So it opens up a space,

1171
03:27:16.920 --> 03:27:26.040
you know, a bit of a space, a gap. And

1172
03:27:26.159 --> 03:27:30.719
the more I camped down from ten to one, the

1173
03:27:30.799 --> 03:27:38.799
bigger that gap becomes. So there's that gap of calmness,

1174
03:27:40.200 --> 03:27:55.840
of comfort, relaxation. It's a nice feeling, and it moves

1175
03:27:57.440 --> 03:28:07.319
those stress or discomforts physically or emotionally moves them away.

1176
03:28:14.120 --> 03:28:15.079
Allows you.

1177
03:28:17.799 --> 03:28:18.319
To just.

1178
03:28:21.280 --> 03:28:28.000
Slow down. Someone to count again from ten down to one,

1179
03:28:28.440 --> 03:28:38.680
and notice that gap widening, the gap, And as it widens,

1180
03:28:38.719 --> 03:28:44.760
it's almost like the stress and attention falls into the

1181
03:28:44.879 --> 03:29:41.559
gap and gives you that distance, that space. Now ten nine, eight, seven, six,

1182
03:29:54.319 --> 03:30:24.920
five four three.

1183
03:30:40.959 --> 03:31:00.319
Two h.

1184
03:31:11.399 --> 03:31:31.520
Now, how does your body feel now? Can you notice?

1185
03:31:32.879 --> 03:32:09.559
Do you feeling calmer? Do you feeling more relaxed? As

1186
03:32:09.600 --> 03:32:29.920
we now focus on your legs, just your legs. We're

1187
03:32:30.000 --> 03:32:49.879
just gonna start with focusing on your thighs. Of course,

1188
03:32:50.000 --> 03:32:54.879
it's not the most exciting thing to be doing because

1189
03:32:58.319 --> 03:33:01.000
I'm sure, like most of your body, there's not a

1190
03:33:01.079 --> 03:33:13.520
lot going on right now. Just focusing on the whole

1191
03:33:13.639 --> 03:33:20.040
of your thighs, the tops of your thighs, the sides

1192
03:33:20.200 --> 03:33:27.159
of your thighs, the bottoms of your thighs, your outer thighs,

1193
03:33:27.280 --> 03:33:32.200
and your inner thighs. Basically the whole of your thigh

1194
03:33:32.319 --> 03:33:41.079
that leads into your hip and it goes down to

1195
03:33:41.280 --> 03:33:55.319
your knee joints. Now, this is a big area. It's

1196
03:33:55.360 --> 03:34:02.319
a very heavy area. It's very strong. The strongest muscles

1197
03:34:02.399 --> 03:34:15.319
in your body are in your thighs. But I don't

1198
03:34:15.360 --> 03:34:29.879
think we perhaps give enough attention to our thighs. Perhaps

1199
03:34:30.040 --> 03:34:40.840
we don't acknowledge how important our thighs are to our lives,

1200
03:34:52.399 --> 03:35:01.799
how much they actually do for us all through our lives.

1201
03:35:08.959 --> 03:35:14.520
And it may seem to sound really weird, but I

1202
03:35:14.639 --> 03:35:20.600
think that all of our body parts, especially our thighs,

1203
03:35:21.600 --> 03:35:28.959
need some TLC, a bit of love, shone, a bit

1204
03:35:29.000 --> 03:35:47.399
of acknowledgement. I thank you gratitude for what our thighs

1205
03:35:47.639 --> 03:35:56.479
do for us. And I know this may sound a

1206
03:35:56.559 --> 03:36:02.920
bit strange. Maybe you think, why am I Surely I

1207
03:36:02.959 --> 03:36:08.120
should be able in the garden hugging a tree or something. Wow,

1208
03:36:12.280 --> 03:36:14.520
it's hard to set a microphone up on a tree.

1209
03:36:15.600 --> 03:36:17.799
That's why I'm doing this indoors. Otherwise I would be

1210
03:36:17.879 --> 03:36:21.600
outside hugging a tree. Now I can't see the television

1211
03:36:21.639 --> 03:36:30.239
from the tree. If you move down to your knees,

1212
03:36:32.120 --> 03:36:40.079
getting such an important part, and I think we don't

1213
03:36:40.159 --> 03:36:48.000
necessarily I'll speak for myself here, I don't necessarily appreciate

1214
03:36:49.799 --> 03:36:54.879
all that my knees do for me until I have

1215
03:36:55.000 --> 03:37:00.239
a problem with my knee. It's occasionally if I maybe

1216
03:37:00.280 --> 03:37:05.840
i'll pash it or it's aching for some reason. It's

1217
03:37:06.120 --> 03:37:11.879
then that I realize how much it does. You know,

1218
03:37:11.959 --> 03:37:17.920
the benefit of being able to use my legs without

1219
03:37:19.680 --> 03:37:26.920
any kind of physical discomfort is a beautiful thing that's

1220
03:37:27.159 --> 03:37:35.520
possibly not appreciated until it's temporarily removed. You know that's comfort.

1221
03:37:39.639 --> 03:37:44.280
But as you focus on your knees, regardless of how

1222
03:37:44.319 --> 03:37:51.799
your knees feel, you can have that sense of gratitude

1223
03:37:53.360 --> 03:37:55.959
and love to your knees for all that they do

1224
03:37:56.159 --> 03:38:09.159
for you. And you can still have that attention on

1225
03:38:09.280 --> 03:38:15.479
your thighs and maybe notice how your thighs feel. Maybe

1226
03:38:15.799 --> 03:38:33.200
you've noticed that they are relaxing more deeply as you

1227
03:38:33.360 --> 03:38:38.559
focus now on the bottoms of your legs, your shins

1228
03:38:39.440 --> 03:38:45.000
and your calf muscles and the bones between your knees

1229
03:38:45.879 --> 03:38:53.600
and your feet incorporate, and of course your ankles so important.

1230
03:38:59.280 --> 03:39:04.479
Anyone that's even like the slightest sprain of an ankle

1231
03:39:05.680 --> 03:39:12.239
knows how how much we take our ankles for granted.

1232
03:39:18.120 --> 03:39:20.120
And it's kind of strange in a way when you

1233
03:39:20.200 --> 03:39:25.799
think that. You know, logically, our wrists are a lot

1234
03:39:25.959 --> 03:39:30.799
thinner than the rest of our arms, which is okay,

1235
03:39:30.879 --> 03:39:34.600
it doesn't I can't see any problem with that because

1236
03:39:34.639 --> 03:39:40.680
we're just picking stuff up. But our ankles so much

1237
03:39:40.959 --> 03:39:50.559
thinner than the rest of our legs, and from a

1238
03:39:50.680 --> 03:39:55.520
physics perspective or logical even it doesn't really make sense

1239
03:39:56.879 --> 03:40:03.200
that all this weight would old to be resting on

1240
03:40:04.079 --> 03:40:13.159
your ankles then leading to your feet, that thin area,

1241
03:40:14.639 --> 03:40:24.239
thin bone. Yeah, it does so much great work. Supports us,

1242
03:40:24.360 --> 03:40:34.319
supports our body for a lifetime, helps us to balance,

1243
03:40:36.520 --> 03:40:49.360
It helps you to get around and be mobile. And

1244
03:40:49.399 --> 03:40:57.120
there's the calf muscles. Of course, when I was younger,

1245
03:40:57.520 --> 03:41:00.799
I couldn't see the point in calf muscles. Didn't seem

1246
03:41:00.840 --> 03:41:05.920
to do anything. Okay, if I walked around on tiptoes,

1247
03:41:06.719 --> 03:41:10.559
then my calf muscles get some work. But of course

1248
03:41:10.639 --> 03:41:14.760
that's not true. The calf muscles are being used whenever

1249
03:41:14.879 --> 03:41:26.760
we use our legs, and your shins there to protect

1250
03:41:28.760 --> 03:41:37.399
your lower legs, shaped in a way almost as a

1251
03:41:37.479 --> 03:41:49.760
protector for the bone, leading of course to your ankles

1252
03:41:53.159 --> 03:41:59.680
and your feet. But we're not going to focus on

1253
03:41:59.760 --> 03:42:03.920
your We're just going to focus on the legs. And

1254
03:42:04.000 --> 03:42:08.639
I realize that now that I've mentioned your feet, it

1255
03:42:08.760 --> 03:42:13.639
probably focusing on them anyway. For maybe I should focus

1256
03:42:13.760 --> 03:42:19.600
on your feet a little bit. You can have them

1257
03:42:19.639 --> 03:42:25.159
in your awareness the same as you have your thighs

1258
03:42:25.479 --> 03:42:29.760
in your awareness. Even though we haven't been focusing on

1259
03:42:29.920 --> 03:42:34.639
your thighs for a few minutes, I've been focusing on

1260
03:42:34.799 --> 03:42:51.479
your ankles, there's still that sensation of comfort in your

1261
03:42:51.600 --> 03:43:04.319
thighs and this that movement energy because the thighs hold

1262
03:43:06.280 --> 03:43:11.559
lots of different sensations. Of course, there's the muscles, the

1263
03:43:11.879 --> 03:43:24.319
big straw muscles that we have in our thighs. But

1264
03:43:24.520 --> 03:43:30.120
the skin on the outside of the thighs, as in

1265
03:43:30.680 --> 03:43:36.440
the outside of all of our body, can be very sensitive,

1266
03:43:40.319 --> 03:43:53.520
sensitive to the touch, sensitive to temperature, and inside your

1267
03:43:53.639 --> 03:44:01.280
thighs the bones, there's the muscle, the blood, vessels, the

1268
03:44:01.559 --> 03:44:11.399
ar trees, all this stuff that's inside your thighs. And

1269
03:44:11.520 --> 03:44:14.840
I guess sometimes it'd be nice if you could actually

1270
03:44:14.920 --> 03:44:22.319
put your fingers inside your thighs and a message, so

1271
03:44:22.440 --> 03:44:26.000
you can message on the outside, of course, but to

1272
03:44:26.000 --> 03:44:29.159
be able to get deep into the muscles, and to

1273
03:44:29.239 --> 03:44:34.360
be able to just message inside your thighs, message in

1274
03:44:34.440 --> 03:44:43.040
the bones of your leg, massage in all the veins

1275
03:44:43.239 --> 03:44:53.440
and just gently heaving your thighs and you could move

1276
03:44:53.639 --> 03:45:00.159
down message and inside your knees, just a message in

1277
03:45:00.280 --> 03:45:07.600
those bones. But with healing fingertips, spreading that healing energy

1278
03:45:08.399 --> 03:45:18.079
deep into the joints of your knees. Of course, there's

1279
03:45:18.159 --> 03:45:22.040
the back of your your knee, you know, the inside

1280
03:45:22.239 --> 03:45:28.360
crease where your knee is. It's a very sensitive area.

1281
03:45:30.399 --> 03:45:34.719
Very it feels very nice when you stroke it. That

1282
03:45:34.879 --> 03:45:38.600
might be because it's an area that's not really touched

1283
03:45:38.799 --> 03:45:45.360
very often. It's almost like a hidden part, that crease

1284
03:45:47.479 --> 03:45:51.920
in your legs. It's almost it's like a part that

1285
03:45:53.760 --> 03:46:05.000
has a sensitivity which is a little bit different. Of course,

1286
03:46:05.079 --> 03:46:15.559
it's protected by your legs, so you can imagine putting

1287
03:46:16.440 --> 03:46:26.079
your fingers into that crease in your legs, that fold

1288
03:46:26.239 --> 03:46:30.360
in between your legs. You can just message with your fingertips.

1289
03:46:31.559 --> 03:46:38.319
Imagine your fingertips going inside massage in the muscle tissue.

1290
03:46:42.920 --> 03:46:47.200
You can of course feel the bones of your knees

1291
03:46:48.680 --> 03:46:59.120
heading through your fingertips. And then as you go down

1292
03:47:02.000 --> 03:47:04.799
to your calf muscles, and that's the part. I'd like

1293
03:47:04.879 --> 03:47:09.600
to be able to really put my fingertips deep inside

1294
03:47:10.360 --> 03:47:19.280
my calf muscles, massage in every single tissue of that muscle,

1295
03:47:20.879 --> 03:47:30.799
healing every part, and then doing the same for my shins,

1296
03:47:34.000 --> 03:47:42.200
massage in gently stroking the bones, gently stroking them, healing

1297
03:47:42.440 --> 03:47:46.520
in a loving way, because they deserve to be treated

1298
03:47:49.559 --> 03:47:53.719
as the precious bones that they are, Because our legs

1299
03:47:53.719 --> 03:47:57.079
are so precious as in all the other parts of

1300
03:47:57.159 --> 03:48:05.360
our body, and more precious of any jul on the planet.

1301
03:48:13.920 --> 03:48:21.879
When you start to think about your legs in this way,

1302
03:48:26.520 --> 03:48:33.159
it can change your perspective. It might sound a bit

1303
03:48:36.239 --> 03:48:40.520
a bit silly to start with the idea of having

1304
03:48:41.399 --> 03:48:51.399
love for your legs, showing appreciation for your thighs, wanting

1305
03:48:51.520 --> 03:48:55.440
to be able to put your hands in your thighs,

1306
03:48:57.680 --> 03:49:04.040
massage the muscles and the bones, and to get your

1307
03:49:04.159 --> 03:49:12.639
fingers deep in there, releasing all tension, just to show

1308
03:49:14.559 --> 03:49:21.920
how much you care about your legs, how much you

1309
03:49:22.040 --> 03:49:24.840
care for what your legs.

1310
03:49:24.799 --> 03:49:25.440
Do for you.

1311
03:49:27.079 --> 03:49:39.159
Regularly, your knees, your calves, your ankles, the strength of

1312
03:49:39.280 --> 03:49:47.360
your ankles, considering how thin they are compared to the

1313
03:49:47.440 --> 03:49:49.760
rest of your legs, especially your thighs.

1314
03:49:53.559 --> 03:49:54.239
Yeah, they're so.

1315
03:49:54.639 --> 03:50:10.680
Strong, so flexible, absolutely amazing things. Your ankles are truly

1316
03:50:11.079 --> 03:50:21.559
a gift because of what they do for you supporting

1317
03:50:21.920 --> 03:50:27.799
all that weight, regardless of how what weight you are,

1318
03:50:28.959 --> 03:50:33.760
even if you're only eight stone, there's still a lot

1319
03:50:33.799 --> 03:50:40.479
of weight for these little ankles. Now I'm a lot

1320
03:50:40.680 --> 03:50:50.639
heavier than eight stone double down, yet my ankles support

1321
03:50:50.719 --> 03:50:58.079
my body all the time, although they do give off

1322
03:50:58.120 --> 03:51:03.760
a sigh of relief when I sit down. That's my

1323
03:51:03.799 --> 03:51:13.559
whole legs do. My feet feet also go, my toes clap.

1324
03:51:14.760 --> 03:51:15.479
I'm so happy.

1325
03:51:35.280 --> 03:51:44.840
Your legs really are amazing. And I know talk about

1326
03:51:45.399 --> 03:51:51.239
talking about your legs is probably possibly among the most

1327
03:51:52.159 --> 03:52:00.200
most boring things you've ever heard anyone say. Possibly worry

1328
03:52:00.239 --> 03:52:08.440
you're not. Everything I said is true. Your legs are amazing.

1329
03:52:17.399 --> 03:52:30.239
Your legs deserve not just respect, they deserve to relax deeply.

1330
03:52:37.559 --> 03:52:40.879
They deserve to take some time out of the day

1331
03:52:43.079 --> 03:53:11.840
to just let go completely. The legs really can relax.

1332
03:53:19.479 --> 03:53:23.559
And because the legs are so such a most, you know,

1333
03:53:23.840 --> 03:53:29.760
very important part of your body. When you relax your legs,

1334
03:53:29.840 --> 03:53:37.079
the rest of your body also naturally follows in that

1335
03:53:40.799 --> 03:53:51.639
journey of comfort. I can feel it in my hips.

1336
03:53:53.040 --> 03:54:00.159
My hips feel really loose, and also my love back

1337
03:54:00.239 --> 03:54:06.840
as well. My low back really feels it feels stretched,

1338
03:54:07.959 --> 03:54:11.000
even though I'm just sitting in a chair and there's

1339
03:54:11.079 --> 03:54:16.319
no stretching. As far as I'm aware that I'm doing

1340
03:54:17.360 --> 03:54:20.000
it's almost as if the muscles are just relaxed so

1341
03:54:20.239 --> 03:54:26.159
much that there is a natural stretch as the tension

1342
03:54:27.079 --> 03:54:48.319
has reduced a lot. And I'm now going to count

1343
03:54:48.399 --> 03:54:56.280
down from ten down to one and you can continue

1344
03:54:58.120 --> 03:55:24.719
to feel wonderfully relaxed ten nine, eight, seven, six, five.

1345
03:55:29.040 --> 03:55:33.200
Four three.

1346
03:55:37.000 --> 03:55:57.760
Two one relax. So I'm just going to count down

1347
03:55:59.280 --> 03:56:03.959
for five down to one, and as a countdown, if

1348
03:56:04.000 --> 03:56:11.079
you just focus on the numbers, just the numbers counting down,

1349
03:56:12.159 --> 03:56:21.280
and notice how you feel in this moment as you

1350
03:56:21.440 --> 03:56:28.959
hear the numbers counting down, knowing that those numbers counting

1351
03:56:29.040 --> 03:56:39.200
down represent you feeling calmer, not just in your body,

1352
03:56:39.360 --> 03:56:47.719
but also relaxing your mind. Just notice how you feel.

1353
03:56:48.600 --> 03:56:54.520
There's nothing to do, there's nothing to say, there's nothing

1354
03:56:54.639 --> 03:57:47.239
to think about, starting weird number five four three two one. Now,

1355
03:57:47.319 --> 03:57:59.559
as you notice the gradual letting go of the tension

1356
03:57:59.719 --> 03:58:07.120
and body, you may also begin to notice and be

1357
03:58:07.280 --> 03:58:16.079
aware of how your mind is starting to slow down.

1358
03:58:18.559 --> 03:58:24.920
This is just a natural thing that happens. It's not

1359
03:58:25.159 --> 03:58:30.319
really a special procedure. It's just natural because as your

1360
03:58:31.639 --> 03:58:37.600
body relaxes, your mind also starts to relax. And the

1361
03:58:37.719 --> 03:58:41.360
more your mind relaxes. The more your body relaxes. It's

1362
03:58:41.520 --> 03:58:53.600
just a continuous circle of relaxation. And is that calmness

1363
03:58:53.799 --> 03:59:01.200
that comes from relative quietness. You know, even if there's

1364
03:59:01.280 --> 03:59:08.719
background sounds either your side online is still going to

1365
03:59:08.920 --> 03:59:14.600
be quite calm. You know, you haven't got the television on,

1366
03:59:15.200 --> 03:59:19.399
there's no music in the background, unless you're listening to

1367
03:59:19.520 --> 03:59:27.200
the recorded with music. Of course, you're very likely not

1368
03:59:27.319 --> 03:59:29.360
going to be sitting in a room with other people.

1369
03:59:30.280 --> 03:59:34.920
Of course you might be, but generally it's more ideal

1370
03:59:35.000 --> 03:59:40.000
if you can do this on your own, so no distractions,

1371
03:59:46.200 --> 03:59:59.120
and when you stop thinking about stuff, relaxation automatically rises,

1372
04:00:01.479 --> 04:00:12.239
a sense of comfort starts to grow, and without trying

1373
04:00:12.280 --> 04:00:21.159
to build it up into something fantastical or something magical,

1374
04:00:23.319 --> 04:00:33.520
this is just a natural process, something that's easy to accomplish.

1375
04:00:36.319 --> 04:00:43.680
In fact, it's almost the sense of relaxing completely happens

1376
04:00:43.840 --> 04:00:48.600
really when you put no effort into it. It's not

1377
04:00:48.760 --> 04:00:57.280
something that you can really force. It's something that happens naturally.

1378
04:01:00.239 --> 04:01:07.520
And part of the process of this recording and others

1379
04:01:09.120 --> 04:01:20.680
is simply two allow you to take advantage of this space,

1380
04:01:23.360 --> 04:01:36.319
this time, to just let go, to just be here.

1381
04:01:37.799 --> 04:01:50.680
To be in tune with how you feel, yet with

1382
04:01:51.440 --> 04:02:03.280
the intention of wanting to relax deeply and maybe even

1383
04:02:04.920 --> 04:02:09.319
to fall asleep, depending on what it is that you

1384
04:02:10.440 --> 04:02:23.559
wish for yourself in this moment. As we know, relaxing

1385
04:02:25.239 --> 04:02:33.360
is the majority of the process of falling asleep. The

1386
04:02:33.440 --> 04:02:37.559
actual falling asleep part is the tiny bit at the end.

1387
04:02:40.959 --> 04:02:55.600
The deeper relaxed you become, the easier you find yourself drifting.

1388
04:03:05.200 --> 04:03:11.799
You can also, if you choose, stay focused on my

1389
04:03:12.000 --> 04:03:40.920
voice and really enjoy the process, gradually relaxing each muscle

1390
04:03:45.520 --> 04:04:12.440
in your body effortlessly and just observing the sensation of

1391
04:04:12.680 --> 04:04:20.479
letting go completely.

1392
04:04:26.520 --> 04:04:30.559
This time, I'm going to count from six down to one,

1393
04:04:35.399 --> 04:04:37.000
and you can notice.

1394
04:04:38.000 --> 04:04:48.159
Your mind calming down more with each number that you

1395
04:04:48.479 --> 04:05:58.000
hear me say, naturally, feeling calm and slow peace, four six, five, four,

1396
04:06:30.120 --> 04:08:04.399
three two one, being aware of how your mind has

1397
04:08:04.719 --> 04:08:33.120
slowed right down, sinking deeply into relaxation. And as you

1398
04:08:33.319 --> 04:08:42.000
focus on your mind, you may notice that there are

1399
04:08:42.159 --> 04:08:52.280
some thoughts still there, maybe some stubborn thoughts that for

1400
04:08:52.440 --> 04:08:57.760
some reason perhaps need your attention.

1401
04:09:04.799 --> 04:09:06.079
So what you can do is.

1402
04:09:11.600 --> 04:09:24.079
Send love to those thoughts, sprinkle those thoughts with love,

1403
04:09:25.840 --> 04:09:30.079
like all petals from a flower. Just sprinkle it over them,

1404
04:09:31.520 --> 04:09:38.639
petals filled with love towards those thoughts, to let those

1405
04:09:38.879 --> 04:09:45.319
thoughts know that you're not abandoned in them. You just

1406
04:09:45.799 --> 04:09:55.840
need them. You require them to just calm down, slow down,

1407
04:09:58.200 --> 04:10:13.040
quiet down for now, so as you focus on those

1408
04:10:13.799 --> 04:10:18.680
remaining thoughts. As we count down this time from seven

1409
04:10:19.600 --> 04:10:28.280
down to one. With each number, just imagine sprinkling those

1410
04:10:28.520 --> 04:10:47.959
flower petals of love, kindness, gratitude over those thoughts, which

1411
04:10:48.000 --> 04:10:53.959
will allow them to just melt away and relax deeply.

1412
04:10:58.159 --> 04:11:12.559
Of every number, they thoughts would become more and more relaxed.

1413
04:11:18.159 --> 04:13:32.360
Starting with number seven, six, five, four, three two. What

1414
04:13:49.520 --> 04:14:06.959
is it now? Notice how relaxed you're feeling in your body.

1415
04:14:15.319 --> 04:14:28.559
We're going to focus on your hands, because the more

1416
04:14:28.639 --> 04:14:35.719
relaxed your hands are, the more relaxed your body and

1417
04:14:36.000 --> 04:14:36.559
mind are.

1418
04:14:51.520 --> 04:14:51.840
And this.

1419
04:14:53.639 --> 04:15:03.799
You focus on your hands and your fingers. There's nothing

1420
04:15:04.319 --> 04:15:09.079
needed to be done. There's no clenching of fists or

1421
04:15:10.159 --> 04:15:20.440
dents in the fingers or anything like that. It's just

1422
04:15:20.920 --> 04:15:34.959
noticing and focusing on your hands, noticing how they feel.

1423
04:15:49.600 --> 04:15:59.639
Because the more relaxed do your hands feel, the calm

1424
04:16:00.280 --> 04:16:12.200
mind feels, and the more comfort you feel throughout your body,

1425
04:16:17.399 --> 04:16:18.200
and you.

1426
04:16:20.879 --> 04:16:23.600
May have.

1427
04:16:27.600 --> 04:17:06.680
Already noticed you mind is starting to dress like since

1428
04:17:10.680 --> 04:17:25.319
just on your hands and fingers, allowing them to experience

1429
04:17:28.040 --> 04:17:33.639
a real deepening of that relaxation.

1430
04:17:34.399 --> 04:17:47.760
In your hands and fingers, more and more relaxed.

1431
04:17:52.239 --> 04:18:11.120
With each number from eight down to one econ almost

1432
04:18:12.680 --> 04:18:21.920
a few, that healing and relaxing energy spreading into your

1433
04:18:22.120 --> 04:18:41.920
hands and fingers becoming year row relaxing with each number

1434
04:18:44.319 --> 04:19:04.079
you hear, going down eight down to one, drifting, drifting again,

1435
04:19:09.040 --> 04:20:01.159
starting with nomber eight, seven.

1436
04:20:04.799 --> 04:22:11.920
Six, five, four three, Hi.

1437
04:23:09.680 --> 04:23:18.959
Just being here now, nothing to think about, nothing to do,

1438
04:23:20.600 --> 04:23:34.520
nothing to say, and everything just feels calmer. And this

1439
04:23:34.799 --> 04:23:42.399
is your natural state of being. This is how you

1440
04:23:42.719 --> 04:23:49.600
just normally feel when you take away all that other

1441
04:23:50.000 --> 04:23:56.959
stuff that we add, you know, things like stress and

1442
04:23:57.159 --> 04:24:13.319
worrying and overthinking, anxiety, tension, just generally thinking about stuff.

1443
04:24:15.559 --> 04:24:18.680
You take that away, which is what we do.

1444
04:24:19.440 --> 04:24:31.319
What we do now you're left with a real sense

1445
04:24:31.920 --> 04:24:44.479
of peacefulness which comes to you very quickly because ultimately

1446
04:24:45.120 --> 04:24:59.000
it's just a feeling, a feeling of comfort, almost as

1447
04:24:59.040 --> 04:25:02.479
if you've gone in hud yourself and you've found a

1448
04:25:02.680 --> 04:25:16.559
special place where everything is peaceful, a place where you

1449
04:25:16.799 --> 04:25:27.280
can feel relaxed and your natural sense of comfort, a

1450
04:25:27.399 --> 04:25:35.959
place where you can be you, where you can accept

1451
04:25:36.040 --> 04:25:42.120
yourself for who you are, the place where you're not

1452
04:25:42.319 --> 04:25:52.719
trying to please anybody else ever, the place where you

1453
04:25:52.920 --> 04:26:03.559
can actually not just love yourself in some ways, more importantly,

1454
04:26:04.159 --> 04:26:21.239
you can like yourself appreciate who you are. That sense

1455
04:26:21.360 --> 04:26:34.680
of gratitude is in the air all around you, and

1456
04:26:34.799 --> 04:26:42.600
that's also a place where you can actually feel the

1457
04:26:43.000 --> 04:26:58.239
healing energy soaking into your body. Healing energy soaking into

1458
04:26:58.360 --> 04:27:08.360
your body, and that healing energy spreads through your veins,

1459
04:27:12.120 --> 04:27:18.959
traveling to each and every single part of your body,

1460
04:27:24.879 --> 04:27:29.520
and you start to realize that actually that healing energy

1461
04:27:31.959 --> 04:27:38.399
it's not just entered into your brain, it's become part

1462
04:27:38.920 --> 04:27:50.200
of your brain, and the spinal fluid is now mixed

1463
04:27:50.280 --> 04:28:01.440
with healing energy, not just allowing you to feel so

1464
04:28:01.680 --> 04:28:13.559
much more relaxed and healthy in this moment, but also

1465
04:28:16.520 --> 04:28:25.040
you start to realize to actually, what's happening now without healing,

1466
04:28:26.079 --> 04:28:35.719
relaxing energy spreading through your body, it's actually changing your life.

1467
04:28:40.879 --> 04:28:46.000
It's actually changing the way you're going to feel, not

1468
04:28:46.280 --> 04:28:53.639
just now but tomorrow and the next day, as your

1469
04:28:53.799 --> 04:29:01.000
health improves, not just your physical your health for your

1470
04:29:01.120 --> 04:29:08.920
mental health. Things that used to bother you in the past,

1471
04:29:10.920 --> 04:29:16.760
for some reason, no longer have the effect that they

1472
04:29:16.959 --> 04:29:30.760
used to because something has changed deep within you. Maybe

1473
04:29:31.000 --> 04:29:40.760
things that used to cause you to feel anger no

1474
04:29:41.040 --> 04:29:51.000
longer have that power to control you the way they

1475
04:29:51.200 --> 04:30:00.479
seem to be able to before. As you realize you're

1476
04:30:00.600 --> 04:30:13.280
the one who decides what affects you, You're the one

1477
04:30:13.920 --> 04:30:24.360
who decides to feel relaxed and calm when you choose

1478
04:30:27.920 --> 04:30:42.440
to enjoy noticing these natural developments of healing continuing to

1479
04:30:42.600 --> 04:30:57.000
grow and improve your life day by day, including of course,

1480
04:30:57.079 --> 04:31:09.840
your ability to relax so much easier and sleep in.

1481
04:31:14.440 --> 04:31:20.120
It's the most natural thing in the world to you

1482
04:31:24.639 --> 04:31:28.200
because fall in the sleep is something that you've done

1483
04:31:31.239 --> 04:31:32.840
so many times.

1484
04:31:34.159 --> 04:31:39.799
In your life, and you know that you were born,

1485
04:31:41.319 --> 04:31:42.280
as we all were.

1486
04:31:42.959 --> 04:31:54.280
With the ability to fall asleep naturally. You're born with

1487
04:31:54.799 --> 04:32:07.239
that ability to just drift off into a deep, healing sleep.

1488
04:32:13.239 --> 04:32:18.040
Even when we're kids, sometimes will fall asleep and we

1489
04:32:18.079 --> 04:32:22.680
don't even want to try to tell you stay awake.

1490
04:32:24.040 --> 04:32:27.479
Maybe it's a birthday in the morning or it's Christmas

1491
04:32:27.719 --> 04:32:30.559
or holiday or something we look forward to.

1492
04:32:31.159 --> 04:32:32.360
We don't want to go to sleep.

1493
04:32:34.639 --> 04:32:39.600
But the more you want to stay awake, the more

1494
04:32:39.840 --> 04:32:48.159
we just start to drift. And the more you fight drifting,

1495
04:32:48.799 --> 04:32:51.159
the more you try to stop yourself and drift in

1496
04:32:51.280 --> 04:33:04.279
a safe the deeper and stronger that drifting becomes. Because

1497
04:33:04.319 --> 04:33:09.720
we're born not just with the need to relax deeply

1498
04:33:11.479 --> 04:33:21.319
and to naturally fall asleep, but it's our birthright, it's

1499
04:33:21.439 --> 04:33:31.919
part of our DNA, and sometimes as we get older

1500
04:33:32.040 --> 04:33:45.479
in life, perhaps at times we have forgotten that relaxing completely.

1501
04:33:47.240 --> 04:33:59.200
It is not only a wonderfully pleasant experience, it's also

1502
04:33:59.520 --> 04:34:00.599
really easy.

1503
04:34:11.959 --> 04:34:19.439
It's very very easy to let go, because that's all

1504
04:34:19.520 --> 04:34:19.799
it is.

1505
04:34:19.959 --> 04:34:20.479
It is just.

1506
04:34:24.000 --> 04:34:35.400
Deciding to let go. And when you press the play

1507
04:34:35.520 --> 04:34:45.759
button on my recordings, you have given permission for my

1508
04:34:46.000 --> 04:34:54.119
voice to relax you. When you press that play button,

1509
04:34:55.119 --> 04:35:03.520
you have given me permission for my words to effect

1510
04:35:06.040 --> 04:35:17.880
you in a positive, only a positive way. Opening up

1511
04:35:23.080 --> 04:35:41.319
your mind too useful and healing suggestions that can have

1512
04:35:45.880 --> 04:35:53.319
such an amazing effect on how you feel right now,

1513
04:35:58.040 --> 04:36:07.919
as well as those changes that continue long after the

1514
04:36:08.040 --> 04:36:18.680
recording ends, those changes within you that continue to flourish

1515
04:36:19.560 --> 04:36:34.119
and grow, transforming your life in a positive, beautiful way,

1516
04:36:37.200 --> 04:36:44.279
allowing you to move forward in your life in the

1517
04:36:44.400 --> 04:37:02.360
direction that you choose for yourself. This feeling, it's feeling

1518
04:37:02.680 --> 04:37:17.520
that you in experience of safety, comfort and calmness. This

1519
04:37:17.799 --> 04:37:31.439
feels so nice. It's such a healthy place to be,

1520
04:37:39.319 --> 04:37:53.119
and that positivity grows within you each and every day.

1521
04:37:56.200 --> 04:38:08.880
Moving forward, you're how to find you're more relaxed physically

1522
04:38:12.080 --> 04:38:20.799
and in your mind is more relaxed. And it's not

1523
04:38:20.959 --> 04:38:26.599
that you're thinking slower. It's just that your mind would

1524
04:38:26.639 --> 04:38:38.680
be less clogged up with unnecessary negativity because from now on,

1525
04:38:39.400 --> 04:38:49.040
your mind rejects negativity. From now on, you're going to

1526
04:38:49.159 --> 04:39:06.080
start noticing when negativity arises. You can just say stop, stop,

1527
04:39:08.919 --> 04:39:15.680
and that negativity will turn around and leave you alone.

1528
04:39:23.680 --> 04:39:43.000
Stop and that negativity will disappear. And as you notice

1529
04:39:43.279 --> 04:39:51.599
that you feel way more relaxed than you probably expected,

1530
04:39:57.759 --> 04:40:07.319
you can now congratulate yourself because you're the person that

1531
04:40:07.479 --> 04:40:13.560
has done this. You are the one that has opened

1532
04:40:13.799 --> 04:40:22.279
your mind up to the simple facts. You can feel

1533
04:40:23.200 --> 04:40:32.959
more relaxed in your body and in your mind. You've

1534
04:40:33.080 --> 04:40:38.959
opened your mind up to the birthright of being able

1535
04:40:39.040 --> 04:40:55.919
to just fall asleep easily when you choose, And that's

1536
04:40:55.959 --> 04:40:57.000
a nice feeling.

1537
04:40:58.599 --> 04:40:59.400
Don't you think.

1538
04:41:01.880 --> 04:41:02.680
It feels nice?

1539
04:41:02.799 --> 04:41:03.200
Doesn't it.

1540
04:41:06.279 --> 04:41:13.119
To feel calm? All that healing energy is spreading through

1541
04:41:13.200 --> 04:41:25.479
your body in your mind to spend time in a

1542
04:41:25.680 --> 04:41:42.159
special place where negativity can no longer enter. Negativity is banned.

1543
04:41:43.200 --> 04:41:51.520
It's bad, it's not allowed. Intrigue doesn't doesn't. This doesn't

1544
04:41:51.720 --> 04:41:59.680
deserve to be here, doesn't belong here. Negativity has no

1545
04:42:00.119 --> 04:42:15.200
place in your life, which makes room for more comfort,

1546
04:42:17.159 --> 04:42:27.319
more heathing, more relaxation, more peace.

1547
04:42:44.439 --> 04:42:45.720
It was nice, doesn't it?

1548
04:42:47.599 --> 04:42:51.759
Just let go.

1549
04:42:55.439 --> 04:42:56.040
Everything.

1550
04:43:09.720 --> 04:43:14.119
I'm gonna count down now from twenty down to one.

1551
04:43:17.520 --> 04:43:19.880
He can continue to relax.

1552
04:43:22.080 --> 04:43:24.159
If you choose, you can.

1553
04:43:27.159 --> 04:43:29.439
Career to sleep.

1554
04:43:33.080 --> 04:43:37.279
You don't remember, hear me.

1555
04:43:37.439 --> 04:43:49.360
Say you can feel twice as relaxed, or if you choose,

1556
04:43:49.520 --> 04:44:57.319
you can feelwise to sleeping now twenty ninety, eighteen, seventeen, sixteen, fifteen, fourteen,

1557
04:45:06.400 --> 04:45:56.000
ten to well eleven ten, nine eight seven.

1558
04:46:04.439 --> 04:46:55.360
Say hi, war it is your time.

1559
04:46:58.479 --> 04:46:59.200
Just take a break.

1560
04:47:03.880 --> 04:47:04.959
You're time to.

1561
04:47:07.759 --> 04:47:24.080
Relax, to allow your mind to slow down, to give

1562
04:47:24.159 --> 04:47:26.080
yourself a permission.

1563
04:47:30.279 --> 04:47:32.000
To take a break.

1564
04:47:36.680 --> 04:47:45.119
From everything. And you're the only person that.

1565
04:47:45.240 --> 04:47:46.880
Can make that decision.

1566
04:47:49.759 --> 04:47:50.400
You're the only.

1567
04:47:50.360 --> 04:47:52.720
Person who can actually tell your mind.

1568
04:47:57.680 --> 04:48:07.080
Just relax, to just.

1569
04:48:10.759 --> 04:48:12.000
Take some time.

1570
04:48:21.479 --> 04:48:24.560
So that you can focus on your body.

1571
04:48:25.240 --> 04:48:29.119
Getting in touch with how you feel.

1572
04:48:30.520 --> 04:48:41.479
Physically and in the process of.

1573
04:48:44.319 --> 04:48:46.080
This body scared.

1574
04:48:45.919 --> 04:48:56.360
Where you focus on different parts of your body, those

1575
04:48:56.680 --> 04:49:03.479
plants that you focus on and to preserve. Even though

1576
04:49:03.680 --> 04:49:11.840
you're not purposely requesting for those parts of your body

1577
04:49:12.040 --> 04:49:13.200
to relax.

1578
04:49:15.000 --> 04:49:16.400
It's kind of expected.

1579
04:49:18.040 --> 04:49:23.560
You expect when you listen to my voice to feel

1580
04:49:24.560 --> 04:49:38.279
more relaxed naturally, because when you're listening to me, your

1581
04:49:38.360 --> 04:49:50.599
attention it's focused on my words, and does my words

1582
04:49:51.560 --> 04:49:55.720
I you to focus.

1583
04:50:00.240 --> 04:50:01.479
These parts of your.

1584
04:50:01.400 --> 04:50:15.639
Body, your focus increases, which actually.

1585
04:50:18.080 --> 04:50:35.759
Calms your mind. And when you mind calms down, your

1586
04:50:35.840 --> 04:50:58.439
body axis and when your body calms down, your mind.

1587
04:51:00.159 --> 04:51:15.840
Relaxes, and those have not really started to focus on

1588
04:51:16.040 --> 04:51:16.560
your body.

1589
04:51:19.520 --> 04:51:21.880
You can already.

1590
04:51:22.959 --> 04:51:36.360
Feel that heathing energy spreading through your body, pushing.

1591
04:51:36.159 --> 04:51:47.279
Out stress and tension, heathing.

1592
04:51:48.840 --> 04:51:53.240
All the parts of your body, breathing.

1593
04:51:53.040 --> 04:51:59.799
The skin, your bones, your blood, all.

1594
04:51:59.680 --> 04:52:04.279
Of your a such your body, one of the muscles,

1595
04:52:05.680 --> 04:52:12.759
more of the fact on everything in the end, on

1596
04:52:12.880 --> 04:52:27.360
your body full the bad. When your plane.

1597
04:52:31.680 --> 04:52:33.959
Due back yard energy.

1598
04:52:42.000 --> 04:53:06.720
Feed and the confidence relaxation increases, deeply increases. No, wait,

1599
04:53:10.520 --> 04:53:27.040
your mind SCons to feel perhaps speak to housing because

1600
04:53:27.080 --> 04:53:33.560
it's not needed. May stop.

1601
04:53:36.720 --> 04:53:37.000
To it.

1602
04:53:46.000 --> 04:53:52.639
If that's what's needed. So if you're listening to this

1603
04:53:54.759 --> 04:53:58.200
and what you need is deep relaxation.

1604
04:53:58.159 --> 04:53:58.959
That's what you get.

1605
04:53:59.880 --> 04:54:02.680
If what you is.

1606
04:54:04.360 --> 04:54:16.639
Divorcely that easily your mind dreams, that's as well.

1607
04:54:22.799 --> 04:54:23.560
Use why.

1608
04:54:26.200 --> 04:54:36.599
Listen that pay but the podcast listen to me body

1609
04:54:37.240 --> 04:54:47.720
mind in fact, give the command.

1610
04:54:48.880 --> 04:54:51.040
You by you want to do it.

1611
04:55:00.040 --> 04:55:31.880
To sleep, that's what he wants. So stop stop.

1612
04:55:39.360 --> 04:55:39.720
Talking.

1613
04:55:41.799 --> 04:55:58.119
See to soup. Do you know me.

1614
04:56:01.400 --> 04:56:02.200
To sap?

1615
04:56:05.000 --> 04:56:25.319
The boy explained to voice smot It's not. It's basicthing.

1616
04:56:28.959 --> 04:57:09.959
The s s, the screams. Spe