June 18, 2025

(music) Whisper Wednesday | LMBYTS #1378 | Jason Newland | 18th June 2025

(music) Whisper Wednesday | LMBYTS #1378 | Jason Newland | 18th June 2025
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Hello, and welcome to fugitive any I think that he

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is getting to him a little bit. It's getting to

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me a little bit. It's making me do strange things

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and it's not so Hello, welcome to let me boy.

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You do not let me boy to sleep. This is

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Wisper Wednesday. It's still I don't know what time. It is,

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about four o'clock, two minutes the four peer. Please only

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listen when you can safely close your eze. I've been

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waiting all day to do this because there's building work

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going on opposite me in the flat opposite Norway. It's

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not in all Way, but a flat. When you go

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out the front door the opposite door in there, he's

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having his bathroom redone and he's had his bath taken

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out today. Now I can't readly complain about the noise

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because it's been pretty quiet. It's far enough away to

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not really affect me too much. But the other side

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of it is I need to keep Finny occupied auditarily

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because if he has movement out of the front door,

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he's got a wad of barking. So this is the

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first moment of the whole day where there hasn't been

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music or some kind of something that he can listen

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to to distract him apart from when we've been out.

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So I'm not sure how he's going to react when

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he because the bath is actually in the doorway, the

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one they've removed, so when they drag that down the stairs,

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I'm guessing Vinnie will give some type of response which

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is understandable. Wow. Okay, So I'm guessing it's the artist

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day of the year so far, and I probably could

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do wearing shorts or wearing not much inside. But I

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can't walk around in just me undeath because I've got

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no curtains up. I washed my curtains at the weekend

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and I just haven't bothered to put them back up yet.

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Even though it'll take me probably five minutes, I'll put

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it off. Actually it might have been two weeks ago

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I did it. So I want to say thank you

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to Ben, and you know why. Ben knows why. It's

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as I thank you for your messages. And I have

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made a few changes today, not a lot of changes,

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just a couple. I only one that may affect people.

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I'm not doing it to affect people. I'm just doing

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it because basically, here's what I've done I have. I've

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decided to get rid of the website. I do have

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like a backup plan in place, a redirection, but I'm

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waiting for it to kick in because it's not working

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at the moment. So the website. I did have another

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website building as well, so that's gone also, So a

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website's gone. I was getting so few visits it really

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wasn't financially viable. There's like sixty six dollars a month

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for twenty twenty visits maybe a day. It just wasn't. Yeah,

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I couldn't keep it going, so I've let that go

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for now. I've tried to redirect the domain name, which

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is Jasonnewland dot com to my podcast page, which has

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all my podcasts on whytch. Yeah, so like the main podcast.

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What I haven't done, which is really important, is I've

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not deleted any podcasts. I'm not having some weirding going

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on to nothing's been deleted apart from the website. All

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the podcasts are running just like normal, including the speaker ones,

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the SoundCloud ones, and so wherever you listen online it's

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still there. Nothing's changed. A couple of other things I've

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done trying to reduce my outgoes because this financial change

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is come in my way. I hopefully coold ones because

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I've I bought some lot of tickets this week. But

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I have got rid of a few things I don't

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need to pay out for that perhaps I don't need anymore,

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and they will making life easier, but I can kind

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of do around around them. Because my PIP, which is

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like a disability thing that's up for a few I

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think soon, and the government have changed it so chances

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I won't get anything, so I can't even need to

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prepare for that. Also, there's no longer any adverts on

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the webs on their third podcasts, not that that was

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really wasn't that was not Sometimes I didn't even cover

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the cost and running all the different things. But it's okay,

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so that's all gone. I comrade of Camphor, which was

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the editing software that I used for editing the images,

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so Camva's now gone. I was like thirteen pound a month.

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I've got rid of the transcription cause I was adding

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transcriptions to the podcasts and to the website and looking

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at maybe putting a book together, but that's probably not

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gonna happen anytime soon, so I got rid of that

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just transcription, which was twenty twenty pound a month. I've

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kept chat chet GPT because that's what I use for

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the images to create the images that canva with the

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finalizer all and put it together. So yeah, I'll be

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using only chet GPT. I'm trying to think of anything

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else that I've managed to offload canver transcription the website,

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but no, so the podcast stumpaign, I think fifty five

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pounds a month for Spreaker, so that's that's doable. I

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can manage that, and there will come in time when

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they will start to charge me more if I keep

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increasing the amount of recordings that are onund there, which

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is going to happen naturally. All my old recordings not

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on my website. You know that let me boy you

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to Sleep one to fifty and then fifty one, two hundred,

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et cetera. All those podcasts about my spreaker page. So yeah,

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it's all all available, you just need to just I

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posted the link to the spreaker page which has all

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my podcasts. I posted on my Facebook, which is Jason

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Newland's boring group. You know what A said other things.

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I spent a good a couple of days really promoting

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the Facebook group, like really going all out. I made

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a podcast just specifically to try and get a few

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more members, and that and some other stuff I did,

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And after all that, I've got one. I've got two

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new members, both the same person, and both two different

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Facebook pages with one person the same name. So I'm

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wondering whether or not Facebook is really the place where

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people gather anymore. I don't know, maybe cause I'm not

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reading on Twitter. I don't know. I think people find

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my stuff when they when they want to, when they

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I'm not hard to find online. Just my name, Jason

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Newland easy to find. I'm all over the place, not

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just mentally, but i'm all you know, I'm on all

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the main podcast hosts, so it's very easy to find me.

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Of course, I'm also on sound Cloud. Someone's having a

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good old cough outside. Miss You could say it's a

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perfect day to day. It's a blue sky, a little

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bit of a breeze, a little bit, not a lot, A

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little bit because I took Vinny out put it about

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an hour ago, and we went to the park. At

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one point we were sitting. When I was sitting, I

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was standing under the tree where he was standing under

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the tree and getting some shade. As I was standing

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there with it, he had his tongue out, and well,

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I had my tongue out as well. And the breeze,

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it was glorious, Such a glorious breeze. His neck is

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so weird. Okay, none of the other people around was

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staring at him. He had this toungue out, But why

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was he staring at me? So I came out and

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put some clothes on 'em. And I had a shower

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today before going out. On me, not the first time

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I've had a shower. This is the first time I've

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had a shower today. So I had it about or

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two o'clock before I went out. I was sweating like

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I'd had a shower, dried myself off, like completely dried

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myself off. Water was grown out my ears, and couldn't

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believe it. It was just there was a puddle in

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my shoes that wasn't a puzzle to my shoes. I swamp,

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but there wasn't a swamp. Why am I saying now,

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I don't know. I never know, But yeah, it was nice.

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It's a little it was a little bit too hot

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for the little one. And there he is making him tired.

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He's fast asleep, even though he was awake when I

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started this. He's completely exhausted. I can always tell as well,

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because when I go to get up out of the chair,

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you know when he's sort of half asleep or just rested,

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you'll jump up with me. But just now, before I

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started this, I went over and got my to go

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and put stuff away before coming back. He didn't want

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to move. He was just lying the like really, it's like,

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what do you want? Just staring at me? Why have

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you got ga up? Now? I've been listening to some

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Richard Bandla videos from probably the early eighties, late seventies,

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early eighties, probably late eighteen, early eighties, and Richard Bandlow

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is the co creator of newer linguistic programming. Normally know

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it's NLP, but now NLP is also known as is

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it natural language programming or something? In computers, So NLP

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kind of has more than one meaning now a little

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bit like CBT. I actually remembered this is totally true.

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I was at college, and when I was here in university,

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we had to learn about other therapies as well, because

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I was studying persons entered the counseling, which is Rogerian therapy,

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Carl Rogers and all that stuff. But we also had

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to look at other things that gustalled psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, behaviorism

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and all this stuff, and CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, and

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also my dad's and his wife was there and they's

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all said, what you doing is I've just been studying CBT,

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And she said, what's that? I said, I'll show you,

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so go by now. And when if I didn't actually

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I think it was her laptop or I'm not sure

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if I even had a phone that could do the

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Internet back then. So I went to her laptop or

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a computer. I said, I'll show you. So I put

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CBT into gurgle. Now I didn't realize that there's more

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than one CBT. There's at least three. Now, I made

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the mistake, and I did. There was a time when

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you could just put I feel lucky, So you put

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CBT and it collect I feel lucky and it'll just

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come up with the the you know, our website to death,

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so chosen. I don't know if any remembers that. It's

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a long time ago. Well, I didn't realize there's three

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different CBTs. There's one CBT, which is the motorbike test,

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So in order to get to ride a motorbike or

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motorcycle or maybe a moped, I don't know. I think

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it's a motorbike. It's called a CBT. I don't know

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what stands for something training. And then there's another one

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CBT that's the website that came up, and there was

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a really explicit image a parent in mind. My stepmom's

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like standing next to me, and I'm pointing out that

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this is what I'm doing. So I press I feel lucky,

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you know. As I clicked that, and my dad calls

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me if he said, old, what do you want? Do

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you wanna do you wanna beer? Or do you want

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a whiskey? So I'm looking at him. I said, I

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just have a beer beer place. And my stepma says,

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so that's what you studying the university? And I said yeah,

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and I can't busy focusing on my dad and she

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said really, I said yeah, why? So I turned back

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and it was the third one and it was this

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big image and not something you particularly want to watch

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online with your step parent cock and ball daughter. That's

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what cb D stood for. There, It's not even a joke.

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This really happened. At least. I was very surprised because

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I've never even heard of that. I mean really, it's like,

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I don't know really talk stuff like this, But I'm

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just saying, this is real. It's like what CBT. I

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was like, No, that's not what I'm learning at university

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is cognitive behavioral therapy. She said, but you said CBT,

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said yeah, that is CBT. This this also apparently is Okay, CBT,

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fair enough, but it's not the CBT. Why would Google?

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They wouldn't do that now, but why back then? You know,

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demail stuff that they're just chucking in without even like

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I don't want that. I want something different. I'm not

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looking for that. Ah, it's anyway, So m hm. Do

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you ever hear voices? Okay, I mean I'm talking like

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real voices, and sometimes I don't know if it's a

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person talking, or if it's a person on a mobile

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phone talking like one speaker, or if it's a radio

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or if it's a television do you ever get that?

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And like it's like continuous talking, it's almost like it's

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not there's no pauses. So maybe there's two people talking.

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Mind you I've known people that just talk and talk

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and talk. Yeah, my landlady used to be like that.

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She used to talk to me. I'd be in the

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toill and She'll still be talking to me. Seriously. I'd

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actually be on the toll and she to still be

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saying whatever she was talking about. I was like, why

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are you still talking? She used to like me when

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I first moved in there, my landlady, this isn't back

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in nineteen ninety one, and then in nineteen ninety three,

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kind of near the end of the year ish, we

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00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:33.480
had a new person move in, and I think she

233
00:22:33.480 --> 00:22:37.880
fell in love with him, and he was always around

234
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:43.440
doing stuff for her and spending time with her, and

235
00:22:43.519 --> 00:22:46.200
I mean she I think she invited me into a

236
00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:49.599
living room twice. Once was when she told me she

237
00:22:49.640 --> 00:22:52.559
was going to kick me out. Another time she wanted

238
00:22:52.599 --> 00:22:59.119
me to watch an Italian opera. I preferred the eviction

239
00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:04.880
one to be fair, and he was in there all

240
00:23:04.920 --> 00:23:08.359
the time. I don't know if they could on it's

241
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:14.839
not nothing to do me, but he really took a

242
00:23:14.920 --> 00:23:19.440
dislike to me and started stirring it up. So I

243
00:23:19.480 --> 00:23:23.400
ended up moving out. Oh the eviction that didn't happen.

244
00:23:23.480 --> 00:23:26.200
She just said she had enough of me, and I said,

245
00:23:26.200 --> 00:23:32.960
oh please, I'll do anything. She said anything, and I

246
00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:37.039
sung that song from that UH movie. I would do

247
00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:45.640
anything anything. Anything was I do to do little? I think,

248
00:23:46.880 --> 00:23:53.519
I don't know. I don't feel I don't feel like

249
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:55.799
proud of myself by it. She moved down when she

250
00:23:55.880 --> 00:24:00.519
was on the toilet. It's true. I don't my bag

251
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:14.400
actually didn't. I just I ordered a taxi and I

252
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:19.359
think I packed everything up while she was into black bags,

253
00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:25.200
brought them downstairs and moved out. I couldn't be there

254
00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:34.799
anymore because she wasn't being nice to me. I think

255
00:24:34.839 --> 00:24:38.279
I kind of over over spent my welcome, as it were.

256
00:24:43.799 --> 00:24:46.279
But even now when I think back and I wonder,

257
00:24:46.440 --> 00:24:51.079
why did I just stay there for so long? It

258
00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:57.799
was just this laziness. I don't know. I kind of

259
00:24:57.920 --> 00:25:01.440
liked the choir because I lived off or live behind

260
00:25:01.480 --> 00:25:04.400
the graveyard. So the front of the house was a

261
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:09.759
cul de sac, so there's no traffic, and then behind

262
00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:12.920
the house was it wasn't just a graveyard. There was

263
00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:16.960
an old graveyard that not winning there was a newer

264
00:25:17.000 --> 00:25:22.359
graveyard next to it. There was active I used to

265
00:25:22.359 --> 00:25:25.160
go for walks there, so it was nice and peaceful.

266
00:25:31.279 --> 00:25:42.079
Maybefos been weird? Do you think? I just remember my

267
00:25:42.200 --> 00:25:45.000
favorite thing in the world, really, other than going to

268
00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:53.640
comedy clubs was going to the West End buying a book,

269
00:25:54.920 --> 00:26:02.079
coming home reading a book, seeing up in bed reading

270
00:26:02.119 --> 00:26:07.960
a book. That was That's why I enjoyed doing and

271
00:26:10.039 --> 00:26:13.720
we kind of intending to get back to that. I

272
00:26:13.799 --> 00:26:16.920
just need to get my eyes tested so I can

273
00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:22.799
start reading again, because my eyesight is a bit boo

274
00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:28.880
boo at the moment. That's another another reason why I've

275
00:26:28.960 --> 00:26:37.599
kind of I've come to the conclusion that what decision.

276
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:43.839
Maybe I don't want to spend long periods of time

277
00:26:44.079 --> 00:26:48.880
staring at the computer screen. It's not good for my eyes.

278
00:26:50.279 --> 00:26:52.720
I think it's affecting my eyes because I'm doing it

279
00:26:52.799 --> 00:27:01.720
for what twenty five years, like you know, thousands and

280
00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:08.079
thousands and thousands and thousands of hours since two thousand, tiny,

281
00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:13.079
I've been staring at the computer screen sometimes ten thirteen,

282
00:27:13.240 --> 00:27:21.559
fourteen hours a day. So yeah, thousands upon thousands of hours,

283
00:27:21.599 --> 00:27:26.119
and I don't think it's been great for my optical

284
00:27:28.680 --> 00:27:34.160
nerves or whatever. And when I take a break from

285
00:27:34.200 --> 00:27:37.640
looking at the computer. My eyes do feel better my

286
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:42.920
eyes that was sounded like my eyes, my eyes feel

287
00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:49.000
more relaxed. I'm okay, for like an hour or so,

288
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:54.680
that's about it. I think an hour a day, you know,

289
00:27:55.000 --> 00:28:05.880
do the editing, and then I'm bload them and that's done.

290
00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:08.519
In fact, I don't even I mean it's a little

291
00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:13.359
bits stand in the computer post. I don't need to

292
00:28:13.400 --> 00:28:17.799
be online the whole time looking at the over the screen.

293
00:28:19.640 --> 00:28:28.119
And also, I think with the way technology is working,

294
00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:34.599
especially with things like CHET GPT, I can ask it

295
00:28:35.039 --> 00:28:40.519
to make mew things, maybe use the chat a bit more,

296
00:28:41.960 --> 00:28:47.440
use the microphone and verbally do requests as opposed to

297
00:28:47.519 --> 00:28:52.160
typing in so that, howse maybe make it a little

298
00:28:52.160 --> 00:28:57.039
bit easier, a little bit more thorough, a bit more

299
00:28:57.160 --> 00:29:07.519
or less scary computer to screen. And it would be

300
00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:13.119
nice to get back to reading and learning. But not

301
00:29:13.200 --> 00:29:17.400
for any kind of reason other than just for fun.

302
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:29.599
You know. I'm interested in the hypnosis. I'm interested in

303
00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:35.680
chronic pain relief. I'm interested in techniques to help people.

304
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:39.640
Different things that I can say, different ways of saying

305
00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:44.799
it that can be useful to help people. So that's

306
00:29:44.920 --> 00:29:49.160
not changed. I don't feel any less wanting to help people.

307
00:29:49.759 --> 00:29:56.519
If anything more that that desire, what that need is,

308
00:29:57.400 --> 00:30:06.680
I'd say it's grown stronger as I've got a so

309
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:11.319
but what I like to do, how I like to

310
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:16.640
sort of work things out is I like to learn things,

311
00:30:16.839 --> 00:30:20.400
but then just let it all be in my brain

312
00:30:20.799 --> 00:30:27.640
and perculate, perculate maybe and just mixed together with all

313
00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:33.680
the other stuff so that I can come up with

314
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:45.559
ideas when I'm talking that may be useful. And I

315
00:30:45.559 --> 00:30:54.480
suppose it's about feeding my brain with helpful stuff and

316
00:30:54.519 --> 00:30:57.880
also things that I'm interested in, because if I'm not

317
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:02.559
interested in something, I might as well just there's there's

318
00:31:02.599 --> 00:31:06.680
no point reading it. There's not there's no point in

319
00:31:06.920 --> 00:31:12.680
watching something I'm not interested in because I just switch off.

320
00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:19.079
I don't take any notice. So I suppose I need

321
00:31:19.079 --> 00:31:25.200
to work within my I suppose in some ways to limitations.

322
00:31:25.279 --> 00:31:31.880
But I'd like to think of those geniuses.

323
00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:43.400
Work within my genius.

324
00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:51.079
I'm trying to think what else has happened today? Not

325
00:31:51.160 --> 00:31:57.480
a lot on yesterday. There wasn't a hug amount of

326
00:31:57.640 --> 00:32:05.799
sound really from MMM the neighbor, but there was a

327
00:32:05.880 --> 00:32:10.279
fair bit of sound I think it was. There was

328
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:13.960
other music and things like that from other neighbors. I

329
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:18.000
think it was blocking the noise, So I'm guessing that

330
00:32:18.119 --> 00:32:22.200
people downstairs could hear it more than I could, which

331
00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:26.759
does make it kind of makes sense because if they're

332
00:32:27.559 --> 00:32:32.880
drilling and stuff and breaking concrete into the floor, that's

333
00:32:32.960 --> 00:32:37.319
going to affect anyone that shares that ceiling, doesn't it.

334
00:32:37.359 --> 00:32:42.720
I suppose. I know I share the floor, but I'm

335
00:32:42.799 --> 00:32:47.839
quite far removed. I mean a room. That's the first

336
00:32:47.880 --> 00:32:52.359
I could get away from where he is, not not

337
00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:54.640
to get away from him, just this is where my

338
00:32:54.759 --> 00:33:02.200
living room is, and I've got no no walls that

339
00:33:02.359 --> 00:33:06.119
really share. But he's next door neighbor does and downstairs

340
00:33:06.119 --> 00:33:09.720
from him does. They both share the same kind of

341
00:33:11.000 --> 00:33:19.720
like his bathroom away a minute, his allay in his

342
00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:25.640
bedroom he shares with next door. But the floor is shared,

343
00:33:25.720 --> 00:33:33.960
isn't it really? I guess with next door downstairs Ice

344
00:33:34.279 --> 00:33:41.839
Shoe the bathroom, Yeah, the bathroom and ceiling for downstairs

345
00:33:41.839 --> 00:33:48.680
would be his bathroom floor. So they can feeling or

346
00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:55.480
they can hear it. But so far I've heard a

347
00:33:55.559 --> 00:33:59.680
bit of banging, a bit of stuff like that. Was that.

348
00:34:00.039 --> 00:34:04.319
I'm sorry, pepe pee pee pee pew pee pee pee

349
00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:08.559
pee pew pee peep. Now that sounds more like than

350
00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:13.920
I would Space Invaders game or something pe pew PuO

351
00:34:14.079 --> 00:34:20.000
pew buck Rogers Pu pu pu Star Wars, even pipi

352
00:34:20.079 --> 00:34:25.360
pew pu pu. Perhaps that's why I should have done.

353
00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:30.280
I should have done voices and sounds. I could have

354
00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:34.280
been a I could have been voices, a voice for

355
00:34:34.440 --> 00:34:40.199
like animation pu peu and half. I'd go with that

356
00:34:40.679 --> 00:34:48.119
one sound though, but it's quite a good sound pu puh.

357
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:54.360
If I only ate all these things I could have done,

358
00:34:54.880 --> 00:34:59.239
I don't wonder. I think back to when I was fifteen.

359
00:34:59.559 --> 00:35:04.079
I left school, when I was even too young to

360
00:35:04.159 --> 00:35:08.000
join the army. I was so young. It was just

361
00:35:11.400 --> 00:35:14.280
the choices. I mean, some of the choices I couldn't

362
00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:17.400
do till I was sixteen. But a lot of things

363
00:35:17.639 --> 00:35:25.079
I could have just there wasn't There's the things I

364
00:35:25.159 --> 00:35:27.239
wasn't able to do. I couldn't apply to join the

365
00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:32.719
police force, I couldn't go to university. There's certain things

366
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:37.039
I wasn't allowed to do because of having no qualifications

367
00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:42.760
and leaving school at so early age. Because I left

368
00:35:42.840 --> 00:35:48.039
I think it was April nineteen eighty six, and I

369
00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:54.079
wasn't sixteen till the end of August, so it was, yeah,

370
00:35:54.280 --> 00:36:04.599
four months whatever till I was sixteen, and I was

371
00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:10.400
suddenly earning sixty pounds a week working full time, which

372
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:13.519
of fifteen was a huge amount of money for me,

373
00:36:14.840 --> 00:36:23.079
huge amount a huge Honestly, I was buying clothes. I'd

374
00:36:23.079 --> 00:36:27.559
buy a new clothes. I was walking around dressed nice

375
00:36:28.199 --> 00:36:32.840
for the first time. Really, my dad didn't walk around

376
00:36:33.079 --> 00:36:35.519
horribly dressed when I was a kid. But I'm saying

377
00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:40.599
for the first time, I could choose my own Actually,

378
00:36:40.599 --> 00:36:44.320
I kind of did choose my own clothes, really, but

379
00:36:44.400 --> 00:36:51.039
most of the clothes was school uniform, wasn't it. I'm

380
00:36:51.119 --> 00:36:55.440
not not at home. I need to give myself some pajamas.

381
00:36:57.320 --> 00:37:04.159
That's what I need to do. I realized that I'm

382
00:37:04.239 --> 00:37:07.639
looking at my clothes lately and I'm just wearing the

383
00:37:07.679 --> 00:37:12.960
same old stuff every day. I've got these dark brown

384
00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:20.519
tracksuit bottoms. Horrors. Is there? Can you horras? He's had

385
00:37:20.559 --> 00:37:29.840
an argument with his with his wife, Doris. I got

386
00:37:30.079 --> 00:37:33.000
seven pairs in his tracksuit bombs. So I wear a

387
00:37:33.000 --> 00:37:39.679
different bear every day, and I'm pretty sure people see

388
00:37:39.719 --> 00:37:42.599
me they've never seen me wear anything else. For years.

389
00:37:43.960 --> 00:37:45.719
They I don't know if they think I'm just wearing

390
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:49.119
the same thing every day. I'm like the same pair

391
00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:55.280
of tracksuit bombs, which I'm not. There's different ones, they're

392
00:37:55.320 --> 00:38:03.239
just all the same. So I've decided I'm going to

393
00:38:03.400 --> 00:38:13.559
try and get myself some clothes, a little bit of

394
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:20.800
clothing every week. So I'm trying to. Every time I

395
00:38:20.840 --> 00:38:28.119
get paid, I put ten percent away saving and that's

396
00:38:28.159 --> 00:38:35.159
for veterinary bills for him. And I'm also saving up

397
00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:38.239
so I can go and get my eyes tested and

398
00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:43.440
pay for some decent glasses. The eye test is free,

399
00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:46.159
but so anyway, that's what that ten percent is for.

400
00:38:46.719 --> 00:38:55.360
It's basically, now, we got a dog barking, blimey. That

401
00:38:55.519 --> 00:38:57.920
dog hardly never used to bark before. Now I can't

402
00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:01.480
shut up part when it's not barking, which most of

403
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:04.079
the time, most of the time it's quiet. So I

404
00:39:04.119 --> 00:39:09.639
don't know why I'm moaning. I do know why I'm

405
00:39:09.679 --> 00:39:14.960
moaning because I love it. I love moaning rare. It's

406
00:39:15.079 --> 00:39:19.800
my right as an English person to moan, to complain

407
00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:22.719
about the weather, or just talk about the weather, and

408
00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:27.960
to just moan. That's that's why, that's my my human

409
00:39:28.159 --> 00:39:38.880
right and to drink lots of tea. So what was

410
00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:42.880
I gonna say, Oh yeah, Septen, I'll try and put

411
00:39:42.960 --> 00:39:54.679
away for future fat bills, future things. I dentists because

412
00:39:54.679 --> 00:39:58.960
I haven't got a dentist, So dental bills because that

413
00:39:59.159 --> 00:40:02.559
was three hundred p under one additude removed a couple

414
00:40:02.599 --> 00:40:05.280
of years ago or a year and a half ago.

415
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:13.119
So and the other thing is for my eyes. So

416
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:18.440
that's those three things that I need to put that

417
00:40:18.559 --> 00:40:27.840
away for. And now I'm going to spend a percentage

418
00:40:27.880 --> 00:40:31.880
of workouts, a percentage more percentage of every time I

419
00:40:31.920 --> 00:40:38.800
get paid, and contribute that towards getting some clothes, whether

420
00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:41.480
it's a pair of socks or a pair of pants,

421
00:40:43.079 --> 00:40:47.800
underpants or a T shirt wherever, just to start getting

422
00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:53.760
some But I don't know half decent clothes because most

423
00:40:53.840 --> 00:40:58.400
of what I've got is worn out and old and grotti.

424
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:05.280
I mean, because I've got a tendency of buying cheap stuff,

425
00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:10.039
like cheap T shirts five for a pound. No maybe not,

426
00:41:10.159 --> 00:41:13.920
but like you know, five T shirts for twenty quid.

427
00:41:18.079 --> 00:41:21.920
They're fine to start with, but after a few washes,

428
00:41:22.119 --> 00:41:31.000
they just they don't look great. So it's something I

429
00:41:31.079 --> 00:41:36.440
want to try and do. Also, I need to look

430
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:40.519
at getting a winter coat. This is probably the best

431
00:41:40.519 --> 00:41:42.440
time of the year to get a winter coat, really

432
00:41:42.480 --> 00:41:47.440
because I'll be cheaper because I don't have one. I

433
00:41:47.559 --> 00:41:51.280
got this old thing my dad gave me probably about

434
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:56.079
ten years ago, probably longer actually, and it's something he

435
00:41:56.199 --> 00:42:00.440
used to wear on the dogs. He came to me

436
00:42:00.599 --> 00:42:04.039
and I just had as a backup. But then the

437
00:42:04.199 --> 00:42:09.880
two winter coats that I did have got mislaid, so

438
00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:13.280
I ended up with nothing. So I've been wearing that

439
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:17.480
one for the last couple of years, which is okay.

440
00:42:17.639 --> 00:42:22.079
I got a big jumper on underneath. But I think

441
00:42:22.199 --> 00:42:25.960
since I lost a little bit away, I feel the

442
00:42:26.000 --> 00:42:31.840
cold a little bit more than I used to because

443
00:42:31.840 --> 00:42:35.159
I used to be like a seal, you know, in

444
00:42:35.280 --> 00:42:38.360
the winter. I just I had so much blubber I

445
00:42:38.440 --> 00:42:43.840
didn't really feel feel the cold at all. Now I

446
00:42:43.960 --> 00:42:47.400
still don't feel it hugely, but a little bit more

447
00:42:50.119 --> 00:42:51.800
so I've got a little bit less faun on me.

448
00:42:56.519 --> 00:42:59.639
I'm still heavy enough to be fair affected by the window.

449
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:07.840
That's good. That is an advantage of not being really

450
00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:12.320
really slim and light, because I used to get blown

451
00:43:12.360 --> 00:43:15.519
around by the wind. I used to have to wear

452
00:43:15.559 --> 00:43:27.239
heavy boots in the libraries. Seriously. I remember once we

453
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:37.519
went kiting, and my dad used to love kiting, and

454
00:43:37.639 --> 00:43:46.039
we go to the top of the cliffs and well,

455
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:48.400
that was a windy day. I was on a windy day,

456
00:43:51.400 --> 00:43:53.880
and because we lived near the beach, windy days are

457
00:43:55.000 --> 00:44:05.119
very generous, there's a lot, a lot of them, and

458
00:44:05.239 --> 00:44:07.320
we'd be flying these kites and it was great. But

459
00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:12.840
I would actually find myself being lifted up by the kite.

460
00:44:14.920 --> 00:44:16.519
I mean, did this when I was a kid, So

461
00:44:16.559 --> 00:44:22.400
I probably only wait, I'm know, a four stone or

462
00:44:22.519 --> 00:44:26.719
five stone maybe, so you know, it wouldn't take a

463
00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:30.559
lot for a four stone to be lifted off off

464
00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:40.840
the ground. Yeah, I don't know why I start thinking

465
00:44:40.920 --> 00:44:48.920
of that. That was quite good times actually, and my

466
00:44:49.039 --> 00:44:52.519
dad had a friend who owned and I don't know

467
00:44:52.599 --> 00:44:55.639
if it's an ice cream place. I think it was.

468
00:44:58.440 --> 00:45:00.880
It was like this restaurant. I think it was like

469
00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:03.280
a restaurant bar, but I had an ice cream bar

470
00:45:03.519 --> 00:45:08.400
in it, so I don't think based on where I

471
00:45:08.519 --> 00:45:11.119
was positioned, that they would make enough money just selling

472
00:45:11.239 --> 00:45:15.719
ice cream. So it was actually a venue. So we

473
00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:19.360
went there and we used to get some ice cream.

474
00:45:22.599 --> 00:45:25.280
That was a long story that didn't really lead anywhere. Tony.

475
00:45:28.559 --> 00:45:30.079
I kind of just said, would go and have some

476
00:45:30.199 --> 00:45:35.960
ice cream. I just remember it was quite a big

477
00:45:36.119 --> 00:45:42.719
group with tables and stuff, and I think my dad

478
00:45:43.039 --> 00:45:50.760
used to do work for the man, like electrical stuff,

479
00:45:51.519 --> 00:45:59.199
but it was also friends with him. I think if

480
00:45:59.239 --> 00:46:04.440
I was ever to had my time again and I

481
00:46:04.559 --> 00:46:14.360
had to choose to say a trade, I don't really know.

482
00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:17.599
I thought about this like, I don't think i'd want

483
00:46:17.639 --> 00:46:25.199
to be an electrician. I don't think i'd want to

484
00:46:25.199 --> 00:46:29.440
be a carpenter, just because I don't. I've never really

485
00:46:33.960 --> 00:46:41.119
I never really I did would work at school being

486
00:46:41.360 --> 00:46:46.760
never really kind of yeah, I never found it interesting.

487
00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:52.960
There was I didn't metal work as well. That was

488
00:46:53.079 --> 00:46:57.199
even less interesting. I just working with metal wasn't really

489
00:46:57.320 --> 00:47:11.760
something that I particularly looked forward to. No down junior school.

490
00:47:12.119 --> 00:47:14.840
I used to like woodwork because it was just part

491
00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:19.880
drafts and I'd be working with balsa wood. So what

492
00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:23.960
I needed was a little knife, Uh little you had

493
00:47:24.039 --> 00:47:27.360
to I suppose he's a w whittling I think it's called,

494
00:47:29.719 --> 00:47:32.480
and a bit of sandpaper and I would make this,

495
00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:40.519
Uh what are they called not yachts canoes made these

496
00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:45.360
little canoes, and I used to quite enjoy doing it,

497
00:47:46.079 --> 00:47:49.880
and cross stitchen as well. I loved across the stitching.

498
00:47:50.840 --> 00:47:54.360
Oh yes, I don't know what it was. I think

499
00:47:58.840 --> 00:48:03.840
I think it might be they gave me a focus,

500
00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:09.679
something to really focus on. It took my mind away

501
00:48:09.880 --> 00:48:17.440
from what I was thinking about. I guess maybe, and

502
00:48:17.639 --> 00:48:20.800
I needed that. It was about nine and ten when

503
00:48:20.840 --> 00:48:26.719
I did that, and I was I felt good. I

504
00:48:26.840 --> 00:48:31.559
felt very relaxed when I did stop stotch critchen, stotch

505
00:48:31.639 --> 00:48:41.000
critchen critch, stotching, cross stitching, cross stitching. I tried it.

506
00:48:41.119 --> 00:48:48.920
It came when I was in my twenties. I can't

507
00:48:48.960 --> 00:48:52.880
remember what happened. I don't know why I didn't stick

508
00:48:52.960 --> 00:48:57.320
it to it, because otherwise I've been doing it now

509
00:48:57.360 --> 00:49:01.559
one night. Whether if I did do it now, i'd

510
00:49:01.599 --> 00:49:06.760
probably use a tambourine. Okay, it's not you know that

511
00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:11.960
round thing that you the use, or I think you can.

512
00:49:12.119 --> 00:49:15.400
Maybe you can use like a not a door frame,

513
00:49:17.559 --> 00:49:19.880
like a frame thing and you put the material on

514
00:49:22.119 --> 00:49:23.960
and you can do it that way, just so you

515
00:49:24.000 --> 00:49:30.679
can kind of see what you're doing. Tambourines they were

516
00:49:30.800 --> 00:49:39.039
like tambourines. They're around anyway. They didn't have like you

517
00:49:39.159 --> 00:49:44.559
can shape them. You can join the orchestra or a

518
00:49:44.719 --> 00:49:53.400
choir because I didn't make any noise, so as an

519
00:49:53.440 --> 00:49:59.639
accompaniment they weren't much use. But for stock stock critchen

520
00:50:01.119 --> 00:50:05.599
cross cross stitching. Why such a hard word to say,

521
00:50:06.960 --> 00:50:15.880
cross stitching, cross stitching, bliming. I think it's because I

522
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:20.880
haven't said it for some while it's not it's not

523
00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:24.480
a term that I've used very often in the last

524
00:50:26.199 --> 00:50:31.239
fifty years on forty five years. But I still love it.

525
00:50:33.199 --> 00:50:41.719
I really did, really did. Just perhaps that's why I

526
00:50:41.920 --> 00:50:49.719
need although To be honest, I find making podcasts have

527
00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:59.239
kind of the same reaction for me. It's unfocused, but

528
00:50:59.519 --> 00:51:05.880
not on myself. Although I'm talking about myself, I'm not

529
00:51:06.119 --> 00:51:13.559
focused on There's nothing going on in my mind other

530
00:51:13.679 --> 00:51:18.159
than the next word. Well maybe wondering why I said

531
00:51:18.199 --> 00:51:25.039
the next word. That's a very focused, very relaxing thing today,

532
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:33.639
making a recording for me because if it wasn't, then

533
00:51:33.679 --> 00:51:41.519
I wouldn't do it. Yeah, I'm not gonna do something

534
00:51:41.599 --> 00:51:48.559
I don't want to do. I've tried. That's my whole life,

535
00:51:48.639 --> 00:51:52.800
trying to do that but as far as recordings, I

536
00:51:52.960 --> 00:51:56.760
have forced myself to make recordings in the past and

537
00:51:56.920 --> 00:52:00.800
it doesn't work. I'll do it with recording. Then I'll

538
00:52:00.840 --> 00:52:03.159
have to trash it because I realized I've just been

539
00:52:06.519 --> 00:52:16.960
a little bit too grumpy. So I only make a

540
00:52:17.039 --> 00:52:22.840
recording when I want to, when i'm up through it

541
00:52:23.719 --> 00:52:26.960
and i'm feeling I mean, sometimes I do one when

542
00:52:26.960 --> 00:52:33.079
I'm tired. Sometimes I do one because I know I

543
00:52:33.199 --> 00:52:36.639
need to do it. But it's it's not that I

544
00:52:36.719 --> 00:52:42.239
don't want to. I might give myself a little nutch

545
00:52:43.360 --> 00:52:45.679
maybe on a Q and a Friday when I'm thinking

546
00:52:47.400 --> 00:52:49.519
I've left it late. I'm gonna have to do it.

547
00:52:50.760 --> 00:52:52.199
If I don't do it now, i'll have to do

548
00:52:52.280 --> 00:52:56.639
it in the morning. And I think, no, I'm doing now.

549
00:52:57.800 --> 00:53:05.719
But it's never It's never forced. Wow, my starch just

550
00:53:05.840 --> 00:53:11.519
a proper circle. That's why din he had breakfast cere

551
00:53:11.760 --> 00:53:16.840
yesterday because I haven't had any food, so I need

552
00:53:16.960 --> 00:53:21.639
to since Monday. So I need to like my food food,

553
00:53:21.760 --> 00:53:25.920
you know, So I'm gonna make myself a couple of

554
00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:52.440
toasted sandwiches once a Monday is yeah. Second, I just

555
00:53:52.599 --> 00:54:02.159
needed to check something I don't know in my freezer.

556
00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:10.519
I did have some rolls which I can toast or

557
00:54:10.639 --> 00:54:15.000
let them do frost in the use them as roll

558
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:20.760
bread rolls, basically that Gia pattern gee patter, the Geo

559
00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:28.119
patter or Jupetter geopetti rolls, and I'll cook something in

560
00:54:28.199 --> 00:54:33.039
the air for iron to eat them inside the rolls.

561
00:54:36.199 --> 00:54:42.840
I don't know if I've got any left in the freezer,

562
00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:47.960
and if I have, I'm gonna have to stick them

563
00:54:48.000 --> 00:54:55.519
in the air yer to do frost. But then I think,

564
00:54:55.920 --> 00:55:03.280
maybe what instead is a just have some toast with

565
00:55:03.519 --> 00:55:08.880
something inside the toast rather than chepatter rules Because I

566
00:55:09.000 --> 00:55:12.679
do have at least one loaf of bread in the freezer,

567
00:55:16.639 --> 00:55:21.400
so I need to remember to eat it because I

568
00:55:21.559 --> 00:55:23.400
know that if I leave the bread in the freezer

569
00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:30.159
too long, the bread just goes wrong. It's not weird

570
00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:33.000
as you think, Oh, you've put in a freezer should

571
00:55:33.079 --> 00:55:38.320
last for ages and ages it's frozen. But if it's

572
00:55:38.440 --> 00:55:44.760
left in it too long, the results of toasting a

573
00:55:44.920 --> 00:55:47.880
piece of bread a slice of bread that's been in

574
00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:59.599
the freezo too too long is not nice. Fresh toast

575
00:55:59.679 --> 00:56:04.360
is quite nice. Fresh bread toast is also yum yum yum.

576
00:56:04.440 --> 00:56:09.199
Yum yum. Depending I think depends on what kind of

577
00:56:09.239 --> 00:56:18.280
bread is. But that was weird. There's a bread called

578
00:56:18.360 --> 00:56:22.519
toasty that we can get right, it's too big to

579
00:56:22.559 --> 00:56:31.119
fit in the toaster long wise, it's ridiculous. It's corn toasties.

580
00:56:32.320 --> 00:56:35.840
You'd think that meant it's for toasting unless I've got

581
00:56:35.920 --> 00:56:40.760
the smallest toaster in the world. Dog getting a guard

582
00:56:40.800 --> 00:56:48.719
who was barking again. Hopefully it's stock Now that dog

583
00:56:48.880 --> 00:56:53.320
is exactly the same as Loki. Same make same. Everything

584
00:56:53.440 --> 00:56:57.639
really looks different, but kind of the same type of dog.

585
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:15.760
Saint marking Saints sounds are saying, deep old voice. I

586
00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:20.199
don't know if you can hear my stomach. I'm gonna

587
00:57:20.199 --> 00:57:21.280
have to go and eat.

588
00:57:22.639 --> 00:57:28.920
Eat, I tell you eat, Yes, I'm gonna eat. Maybe

589
00:57:28.960 --> 00:57:33.599
it's gonna had some ice cream. So when I when

590
00:57:33.639 --> 00:57:36.880
I went out with Finnie, I came back had a cornetto.

591
00:57:37.599 --> 00:57:40.280
I gave him some some of the ice cream. He

592
00:57:40.320 --> 00:57:44.280
can't have the cornetto has got chocolate on the the

593
00:57:44.360 --> 00:57:49.079
crust or whatever, but this is just strawberry and vanilla.

594
00:57:49.840 --> 00:57:52.639
So I gave him a bet of the ice cream

595
00:57:52.679 --> 00:57:54.079
and he lapped up.

596
00:57:55.559 --> 00:58:02.480
Very quickly. M Oh he's just waking up. His head

597
00:58:02.599 --> 00:58:05.559
was hanging down. I was gone back to sleep again.

598
00:58:07.880 --> 00:58:12.760
He just he has weird dreams. Ever down woke him

599
00:58:12.840 --> 00:58:20.199
up because literally making those strangest sounds. This was on

600
00:58:21.039 --> 00:58:28.920
Monday night. I don't know what he was thinking, but

601
00:58:29.280 --> 00:58:33.000
just spend time with the neighbor who used to have him.

602
00:58:33.559 --> 00:58:35.519
He spent about an hour and a half with her

603
00:58:37.000 --> 00:58:41.920
for the first time since the beginning of the year. Really,

604
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:49.800
and I think it's it's had an emotional effect on

605
00:58:49.920 --> 00:58:56.360
him because he adores her, absolutely adors her. He's known

606
00:58:56.400 --> 00:58:59.119
as since he was born, since he was literally born.

607
00:59:00.159 --> 00:59:03.960
She's one of the first people he ever saw in

608
00:59:04.079 --> 00:59:07.679
his life, so he's got a big attachment to her.

609
00:59:10.760 --> 00:59:14.079
I'd say that after two and a half years of

610
00:59:14.280 --> 00:59:16.440
living here and sleeping in the bed with me and

611
00:59:17.480 --> 00:59:22.599
being with me nearly all the time, he's probably got

612
00:59:22.599 --> 00:59:26.320
an attachment to me as well. I just don't know.

613
00:59:27.000 --> 00:59:40.400
It seems to be different with her. It's just I

614
00:59:40.559 --> 00:59:42.760
gave her the lead and she walked off, and he

615
00:59:42.960 --> 00:59:46.599
went with her, didn't look back, didn't care. I wasn't there.

616
00:59:48.840 --> 00:59:52.039
It kind of I don't know. I feel that he

617
00:59:52.079 --> 01:00:01.320
should want to stay with me in a way. But

618
01:00:01.719 --> 01:00:04.320
I think he's happy. He's happy. He's a happy boy.

619
01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:08.920
He doesn't get the stimulations that he needs, I don't think,

620
01:00:11.920 --> 01:00:13.960
but he does get out a few times a day.

621
01:00:15.400 --> 01:00:19.480
He sees quite a few different dogs, lots of different people,

622
01:00:19.840 --> 01:00:24.039
he says a lood to. There's an amazing amount of

623
01:00:24.079 --> 01:00:28.840
people around him that know him by name and any

624
01:00:29.480 --> 01:00:32.920
any like. I don't even know who half the people are.

625
01:00:36.760 --> 01:00:53.800
Let's everyone seems to know him less sort of coke,

626
01:00:53.880 --> 01:00:58.760
get withselves some food, and need to also get delivery.

627
01:01:01.679 --> 01:01:04.360
I forgot about that. Yeah, I need to give myself

628
01:01:04.440 --> 01:01:13.119
delivery cause of running out of milk. I'll just see.

629
01:01:13.199 --> 01:01:17.760
I might have enough milk for tomorrow morning. I do know.

630
01:01:18.400 --> 01:01:22.880
We'll see, We'll see what happens, cause maybe I'll wait

631
01:01:22.960 --> 01:01:30.159
until tomorrow get delivery tomorrow. I've definitely got enough milk

632
01:01:30.360 --> 01:01:36.000
for tea, for a few cups of tea. But I

633
01:01:36.159 --> 01:01:39.639
don't know if the breakfast cereal. And I do like

634
01:01:39.760 --> 01:01:46.159
to have my I do like to have my ready

635
01:01:46.199 --> 01:01:50.760
break in the morning, and it takes some needy a

636
01:01:50.840 --> 01:01:59.599
bowl of milk, I tell it. Okay, yeah, good boy,

637
01:02:00.440 --> 01:02:09.760
did you have a lovely sleep? You did okay, you're right,

638
01:02:11.960 --> 01:02:23.360
good bully. He laid his head down again. There's strangers.

639
01:02:23.800 --> 01:02:26.039
When he's lying on the sofa with me next to me,

640
01:02:27.360 --> 01:02:29.719
I can have my hand on him the whole time,

641
01:02:30.880 --> 01:02:37.400
stroking him, massaging him just and he's fine with that.

642
01:02:38.199 --> 01:02:43.159
But if we're in bed, doesn't does not put my

643
01:02:43.199 --> 01:02:54.960
hand on him. Hand it like nowadays, showered to me.

644
01:02:55.159 --> 01:02:59.320
I like you as a friend, like this weird thing

645
01:02:59.440 --> 01:03:10.039
to say he needs a bath. Wow, you know it's

646
01:03:10.239 --> 01:03:15.599
literally gonna say. He doesn't even react to the word bath,

647
01:03:20.880 --> 01:03:23.119
But as soon as I said he needs a bath,

648
01:03:24.159 --> 01:03:30.320
he looked up at me. I my stomach a got

649
01:03:30.360 --> 01:03:41.159
a game, which means it's dim thing. It's time. So

650
01:03:41.440 --> 01:03:47.159
thank you for listening. Remember to be kind of because

651
01:03:47.199 --> 01:03:51.599
you do deserve to be happy a be gentle with yourself.

652
01:03:53.280 --> 01:04:01.599
You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love. Five