April 14, 2025

(music) NEGOTIATION | Let me bore your pain away #22 | Jason Newland | 14th April 2025

(music) NEGOTIATION | Let me bore your pain away #22 | Jason Newland | 14th April 2025
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WEBVTT

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Hello, and welcome to Jasonnewland dot com. My name's Jason Newland.

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Please only listen when you can safely close rise. This

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is let me boil your pain away.

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So basically what this is is just me chatting. That's all.

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It is, really just chatting, having a little look look

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at different techniques that might be useful, and.

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That's what it is.

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So how it works really is I ask you to

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gauge the chronic pain level, the discomfort level zero to

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ten on a scale, ten being the worst, zero being

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the lowest, where is it right now? And then at

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the end I ask you to do.

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That again and notice how it's changed.

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Now this works on different levels. There's I mean, there's

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the distraction of listening to me rambling on so that

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can all always be a useful thing. There's the focusing

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on now because as you listen to my voice, you're

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focusing on this moment instead of thinking about the past

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or thinking about the future. So you've already reduced the

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physical discomfort by two thirds because you're not thinking about

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the previous you know, the past pain. You're not thinking

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about or expect in future discomfort. You're just focusing on

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where you are now, and then as we go through

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and just chat, there's relaxation. You know, your body starts

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to relax, your mind slows down, and that in itself,

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also naturally, in its own way, automatically reduces chronic pain.

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So there's a lot going on. It might just seem

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like it's a random chat about nothing, and in.

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Some ways that is exactly what it is.

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But underneath that, underneath the pointlessness of me talking, there

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are also underlying benefits.

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Just what I said, you know, the.

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Distraction focusing on now, the focusing on my voice, the

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relaxation that automatically happens. And there's this metal thing sticking

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out of my desk and I keep banging on it.

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I want to get rid of it.

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It's like a.

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I used to use it to hold the headphones. I

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don't know what it's for. I don't know why I

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screwed it into the desk to start with, because in

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a way, I just need to get a screwdriver. I

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don't even I don't think I even own a screwdriver anymore.

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I want to get it eventually. I've been complaining about

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it for months. Eventually I'm going to remove it.

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Now.

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So I'm just thinking, yesterday I did a recording and

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I've talked about some quite strange ideas, some quite strange

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techniques that have been used to help people to help

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you reduce that physical discomfort. And I thought to myself,

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and I said this out loud yesterday as well, maybe

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I'll go through some of those techniques and just devote

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a whole recording.

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To each one.

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So I think I'm going to do that, and you

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can just follow me along because I'll be doing the

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techniques myself. I'll be playing around of it, having a

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bit of fun with it. One of the main things

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really is that this is not a serious recording. It's

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also important that you only listen with the permission of

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your doctor, and you need to know the cause of

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the chronic pain, that physical discomfort before listening any further. So,

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if you do not have permission from your medical practitioner

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or doctor to say that it's chronic pain and there's

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no harm in reducing it, okay, that the physical discomfort

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is not actually needed, no longer required, unless you have

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that permission, then please turn the recording off and go

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and do something else more enjoyable. Perhaps so that being said,

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I shall continue you and as I was saying, this

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is not supposed to be a serious recording. It's a

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serious subject, but I like to do things lighthearted and

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with a bit of fun, try not to take myself

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too seriously. So I'm coming from this different perspectives. The

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first perspective is from a like a hypnosis NLP. That's

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a neurolinguistic programming counseling kind of perspective. Just trying to

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help people, trying to be of use, be useful, do

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something that helps, and that is the bottom line. If

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what I do helps, then brilliant. Please continue listening, tell

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other people, Let other people know that this is useful.

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If it's not useful, then you know, I apologize. It's

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not going to be for everyone. But you know, I

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make a lot of recordings. I've made thousands of recordings

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over the years. I've been doing this for nineteen years

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now online, so a little bit of experience. But I'm

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not an expert on anything. I never pretend I am,

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and never will pretend I am an expert on anything.

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I know a few things, but we all do, don't

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We We all know a few we all know something.

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We all know a few things. And when you're interested

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in the subject, you get to know more about it,

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and I can only I can only really learn stuff

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when I'm interested. That's the only time it really sticks

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in my brain for some reason. And one of the

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things that I've been I wouldn't even say passionate about.

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I would say probably.

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A bit. I don't know what the right word is.

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I mean, I am passionate about it now, But in

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the past, I was a bit obsessed with anything to

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do with chronic pain, chronic pain relief. I was studying

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via books and textbooks, not at college or anything like that,

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but I was. And then when the Internet came along,

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like YouTube, rather, the internet was around, but you know,

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I started studying it. I got interested in chronic pain

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back in about nineteen ninety nine, and it wasn't until

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two thousand and four that I started a free chronic

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pain relief service in my local town. But for two

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years I got no takers, like, no one was interested

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apart from my nan. I did some hypnosis with my

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nan because she had osteoporosis, so her bones were crumbling.

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A lot of that was it wasn't just due to age,

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because it runs in the family, so it's hereditary, but

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her age did definitely have her have a bearing on it,

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because she was very elderly.

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At the time.

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And it wasn't until two thousand and six when I

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relaunched myself, relaunched a free pain relief service locally, and

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I put some money into it, got some leaflets, built

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a new website.

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All this stuff.

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Advertised a bit because I had a job at the time,

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so I could invest a little bit advertising, and it

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took off. I started to get people that were calling

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me up, and at the beginning, I was actually going

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around their house. They were getting a family member or

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they themselves were picking up from Blockbusters Video.

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Funny enough, just.

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Near where I used to live, and they'd take me

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to blame me, yeah, Blockbuster Video, and they'd take me

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to their house and I'd do some hypnosis or relaxation

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and different techniques to help them to feel more relief.

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And this is only based on now this is coming

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from the people themselves, so it's not my personal opinion,

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but this is what everyone told me, and every single

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person at the time told me that it helped the

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pain level reduced. So I had one hundred percent success

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rate according to it. I mean that you never know.

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They might have lied some of them. They might just

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said it to make me feel better about myself.

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It's possible.

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But according to then, you know, it was one hundred

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percent success. I've never had one hundred percent success righting

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anything in my entire life, so that was quite nice.

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I don't know how many people I actually saw during

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that period. I don't know, maybe one hundred, one hundred

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different people, maybe maybe more.

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So it went on.

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Yeah, I did it for about eight months. Yeah, so

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that was that was good. And then I decided to

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start doing stuff online, making recordings online, because it just

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to me it seemed like, you know what, because I

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used to get people to say, well, it's nice to

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listen to you, and it's nice to see you once

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a week or whatever. People used to come and do

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groups with me for relaxation, and they'd say, well, i'd

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quite like to be able to hear you like other times.

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So I did some CDs where I just recorded live recordings,

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like live sessions, and I kept running out of CDs

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because they were so popular. I want to say popular,

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I mean just running out of CDs. There wasn't thousands

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of CDs, but it was costing because I was volunteering

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the two charities Rehab and Alcohol Charity when we were

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doing the relaxation groups when I was running them, so

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it was just costing the charities a bit too much money,

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like making the CDs. So in the end I thought,

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i'll I'll put them on my website. So I put

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the live recordings. I started recording all my new recordings.

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Every time I did a live recording in a group,

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and I was doing maybe four a week at one point,

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I would upload them onto my website. Then I started

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putting them onto podcasts, and then YouTube came along. I

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think ninety two thousand and seven hours on MySpace, I

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think two thousand and six. I was uploading them and

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they were getting a lot of good feedback. Awful quality sound,

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really bad like an old digital recorder. It was really bad,

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seriously bad quality sound, but people seem to like it.

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And it kind of went from there. Oh I got

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itchy bum See my professionalism comes out sometimes, and I

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just continued. I then went on to become a counselor,

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got a degree in counseling, had numerous different trainings and

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hypnosis and different things.

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Like that, read a lot of books.

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And since two thousand and six, I've been making recordings

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online videos and audio recordings. So it's over nineteen years.

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So I've got a little bit of experiences.

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It doesn't mean I'm many good, but I kind of

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I think it was it.

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I might be rubbish at what I do, but at

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least I'm confident. I'm confident. I'm incompetent, but confident. Yay,

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I don't know.

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I kind of figure.

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I mean, I get a little bit of feedback from

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people saying that it's helpful.

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I mean, I had one.

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Today actually on my Facebook group, which is Jason Newland's

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Boring group, And you might be thinking, when you're gonna

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get on with the chronic pain relief? All right, okay,

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but I just let me just have a look at this.

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For those that haven't, I've had a few nice comments

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on that group lately.

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There's Rich. I think, let's look.

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It's hard to find them because I do so many

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recordings these days. Rich said, Hey, Jason, your podcast has

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become my new favorite. I listen almost every night, thanks

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for the Sunday papers. Has to let me boy to

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sleep podcasts, So I do. I kind of have a

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different theme throughout the week with the let Me Boy

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You to Sleep, Monday's Sleepy Bit, Boring Objects, Tuesdays Trivia Tuesday,

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Wednesday's Whisper Wednesday or was it Wednesday whispers Whisper Wednesday? Thursday,

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don't really have a set one for that. Friday's Q

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and a Friday Saturday's Saturday Summary, which is just the week,

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a summary of the week that's gone by. And in

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Sunday Sunday Papers, which is I go through the newspapers

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on Sunday, usually just one newspaper because it takes me

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forever to get through it. So yeah, and what do

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you say, which says I do like some of the rags,

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like The Inquirer. Okay, I should have I should have

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pointed that outs I did mention that I couldn't find

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I didn't have it on the app. The National Inquirer. Alright,

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I'm going to have to go back. There was something

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else on here. I think it was Hilary Greg says,

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I'm so impressed that you're still churning out sleep. Churning,

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churning out I.

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Like that word, churning.

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Sleep hypnosis videos. After all this time, you must have

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the YouTube record for the most videos like this. I

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haven't seen anyone even close. I missed your live Q.

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So yeah, thanks Greg, I mean doing it in a while,

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now doing it a while?

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Oh yes, Jackie says, I so love. Oh I've only

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I didn't realize I didn't see this one, Jackie. I'm

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sorry that I did not reply to your comment on

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the because I didn't see it. Jackie says, I so

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love and I so appreciate how you completely leave politics

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alone when you talk to us folks. It means a

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heck of a lot.

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And know that we know that you.

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And know that we know that you know exactly what

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we know and how much we are all suffering together. Okay, yeah,

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I don't thanks. I'm going to put a bit of

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comment on this reply. Thank you, just only just see this.

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It's I do try and steer away when I do,

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which not just the newspapers, but generally if I can.

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I okay, I'm struggling to find stuff here, right, I am.

243
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There is another way I can do it. Actually, let

244
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me see there was, Hillary wrote. If I go to Hillary,

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I should be able to see click on that she'd

246
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be able to see stuff she's posted on my.

247
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Thank you for.

248
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Okay, now, I can't find it. I'm sorry, I can

249
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he find it. Oh well, but I did read it

250
00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:40.519
out at the time.

251
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There's too much stuff on the group.

252
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When I do my recordings, I do generally miss out politics,

253
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don't talk about politics, don't talk about horrible news stories,

254
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which is most news stories to be.

255
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Fair, and.

256
00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:03.240
I talk about my own life so not everything's like.

257
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I'd sometimes broach a few subjects that maybe are not

258
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like perfectly wonderful, but generally i'd try and keep it

259
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as light as possible.

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I do. But you know, if I was if I

261
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was in.

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Hospital, I would let you know that I was in hospital,

263
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and I would tell you why I was in hospital

264
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in my recordings. I wouldn't like just not make any

265
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recordings and pretend it didn't happen or you know, it's

266
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not doesn't mean i'd go into graphic detail about the

267
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castration or whatever it is. I went in there for

268
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castration blind me, so yeah, it's I try and keep

269
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it light. But you just said castration that's not light. Yeah, no,

270
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I didn't know that was going to pop out of

271
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my mouth. So just gives you an idea I've got.

272
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I should if I if I could find the letters

273
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that I had. I still got letters that I received

274
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back in two thousand and six, two thousand and seven

275
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from people that I saw during that period for the

276
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chronic pain relief, and it was I kept them so lovely.

277
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I've got a few letters sent from people here as well,

278
00:22:34.119 --> 00:22:38.640
and messages, loads of message but I didn't. I don't

279
00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:42.839
know where I stored them.

280
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They've got to be somewhere. I wonder where they are. Also,

281
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let you know that my on my.

282
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Websites because I do the Q and a Friday every

283
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Friday now, I've been.

284
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Doing that for a year.

285
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There's a little form you can fill in, or you

286
00:23:07.079 --> 00:23:09.839
can go to the page. There's an actual page for it,

287
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and it is basically if I go to views site,

288
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I said, we look the very very top of the page,

289
00:23:20.519 --> 00:23:26.920
just below the latest recordings. Ask me anything dash Q

290
00:23:27.079 --> 00:23:30.759
and a Friday submission, just your name, email, just post

291
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a message and I will read it out the question

292
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and answer the question in the next Q and a Friday.

293
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Or if you go into the menu, you can actually

294
00:23:40.519 --> 00:23:47.599
go into the list of pages Q and A Friday questions. Again,

295
00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:50.119
it's just that page and that form on its site.

296
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In one page so it just gives us another way

297
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of doing it. Because last week I only got one

298
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:04.960
question and I posted it. I posted like any questions

299
00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:08.799
for Q and A Friday on Wednesday of last week,

300
00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:12.799
and I didn't get any I think it just got

301
00:24:12.839 --> 00:24:16.880
lost because of all the recordings I've been making. It

302
00:24:17.039 --> 00:24:21.599
just kind of got camouflaged, as it were, it went missing.

303
00:24:23.319 --> 00:24:28.039
So I'm trying to avoid that happening again. You know,

304
00:24:28.079 --> 00:24:31.599
I was partly thinking, is it because you don't want

305
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:33.079
Q and a Friday anymore?

306
00:24:33.160 --> 00:24:33.599
Is it run?

307
00:24:33.799 --> 00:24:37.640
Is it run its course? Or just because people didn't

308
00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:43.599
see it, didn't see the question. So now anyone who

309
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:49.960
visits let anybody who visits my website, I have a

310
00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:52.079
little bit of stutter sometimes it's just like, you know,

311
00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:55.359
I don't know why. I have a little bit of stutter,

312
00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:58.559
a little bit of a lisp, a little bit of it.

313
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:02.559
I've got a little bit of everything. You know, it's

314
00:25:02.599 --> 00:25:06.799
a nice little mix. I would say forty eight percent Irish.

315
00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:09.400
I don't know if you knew that. I don't mention

316
00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:17.279
it very often, but yeah, so here we are. Yesterday

317
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:23.160
was very busy. I had the most amount of listeners

318
00:25:23.319 --> 00:25:29.680
that I've had for ages and ages. I mean, if

319
00:25:29.720 --> 00:25:34.519
I go for the last the current year, the last

320
00:25:34.519 --> 00:25:38.519
twelve months, No, that's by month. So so yeah, thirty

321
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:42.680
the last thirty days. Yesterday was the biggest amount of

322
00:25:42.839 --> 00:25:46.599
listeners I've had, and two days before that was the

323
00:25:46.680 --> 00:25:48.119
second biggest.

324
00:25:51.279 --> 00:25:55.920
I'm just going back. So what March.

325
00:25:56.359 --> 00:26:05.279
So if I go to March, yep, even in March,

326
00:26:05.400 --> 00:26:14.599
not in nothing in March. February or no, I did ever? Okay,

327
00:26:14.680 --> 00:26:18.599
So it's the biggest I've had since the fourteenth of February.

328
00:26:19.799 --> 00:26:25.440
Fourteenth of February is that valen Time's Day? Is that

329
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:28.640
fourteenth February? Do you think people listening? Because there's all

330
00:26:28.680 --> 00:26:34.880
these people out there that just love me secretly love well,

331
00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:38.319
if you love me so much? Where was my Valentine's chocolates?

332
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:42.640
Don't care about the cards, can't eat the cards chocolates?

333
00:26:43.079 --> 00:26:47.319
Where was my Valentine's gifts? And well cards? Even balloons?

334
00:26:48.599 --> 00:26:53.400
Airfare? A yacht? My Valentine's yacht?

335
00:26:53.440 --> 00:26:56.720
Where was Where's my Valentine's Mercedes?

336
00:27:00.200 --> 00:27:00.400
Yes?

337
00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:05.319
Yes, I had one, two, three really good days in February,

338
00:27:06.920 --> 00:27:12.279
but February fourteenth was probably even better than yesterday. Yeah,

339
00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:18.519
I wonder why that is how strange, not really strange,

340
00:27:18.759 --> 00:27:26.839
but I'll tell you what has happened. Though, I'm getting

341
00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:31.119
more and more people visiting my website and listening on there.

342
00:27:31.319 --> 00:27:34.200
So I'm pleased about that because you know, it's cost

343
00:27:34.279 --> 00:27:39.839
me money to have that website going, so it's quite nice,

344
00:27:40.359 --> 00:27:45.880
quite nice to think that people are actually listening on there.

345
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:56.200
I mean yesterday and not the day before the day

346
00:27:56.200 --> 00:27:59.920
before that. So what was it yesterday Sunday and from

347
00:28:01.079 --> 00:28:04.960
I had the most I think I've ever had on

348
00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.000
my website Jasonneuland dot com.

349
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:10.440
This is a bit of it relaxes you.

350
00:28:10.599 --> 00:28:15.960
I just chitter and chatter and just blah blah blah.

351
00:28:16.319 --> 00:28:21.119
So I don't know why sometimes I feel the need

352
00:28:21.240 --> 00:28:27.000
to just do an introduction to what let me bore

353
00:28:27.079 --> 00:28:32.359
your pain away is. And I think the way I've

354
00:28:32.359 --> 00:28:41.559
been talking about the the what's it like the past

355
00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:44.759
when I was doing recordings and when I was seeing

356
00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:51.799
people in person, And it's like I'm trying to not justify,

357
00:28:52.039 --> 00:28:57.119
but almost trying to convince you that I'm worth listening to.

358
00:28:57.359 --> 00:29:01.279
But there's no point in that. It's really.

359
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:07.039
It's up to each individual person and thousands of people

360
00:29:07.079 --> 00:29:10.759
every day listen to me. But it doesn't mean that.

361
00:29:11.960 --> 00:29:16.000
I mean, it doesn't mean it's always the same few

362
00:29:16.039 --> 00:29:19.920
thousand people. It might be, it might be new. There

363
00:29:19.960 --> 00:29:22.200
might only be six people that listen to me every day,

364
00:29:23.000 --> 00:29:27.559
and there might be like three thousand new people that

365
00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:31.960
listen to me once And think, what on earth is

366
00:29:32.039 --> 00:29:33.799
he talking about?

367
00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:43.400
What if I landed in? This is weird. I've arrived

368
00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:48.960
in a weird space, a weird podcast. This is though

369
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:55.039
hopefully not, but it might happen. I mean, I've always

370
00:29:55.079 --> 00:29:58.000
been a bit strange. I like to think in a

371
00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:00.240
good way, but maybe there is no good way and

372
00:30:00.279 --> 00:30:07.200
strange I don't know. So here's what I was thinking, right,

373
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:16.920
I quite like the talking pain negotiation. This was number

374
00:30:16.920 --> 00:30:22.480
eight on the list of these ten techniques. Now I

375
00:30:22.519 --> 00:30:26.720
hadn't really heard it described this way, So I go

376
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:31.160
into chat GPT. I asked the questions, and this is

377
00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:35.599
the four point five, which is the good for writing

378
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:42.440
and exploring ideas, use advanced reason.

379
00:30:42.599 --> 00:30:43.920
I think four point five.

380
00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:46.160
Is the newist, that's the best one. I'm not one

381
00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:52.319
hundred percent sure, but I kind of know my way

382
00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:56.440
around this stuff anyway, And I've done some of these

383
00:30:56.440 --> 00:31:00.200
techniques in the past, but didn't have a name for them.

384
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:04.640
So there's one called the blue ascension method. I have

385
00:31:04.839 --> 00:31:10.680
never used the word sex X extension ascension as c

386
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:14.759
N S I O N. I've never even said that

387
00:31:14.799 --> 00:31:19.279
word before. Maybe yes, sir, I did, but before that ascension,

388
00:31:19.880 --> 00:31:22.240
I know what it means. I just never used that word.

389
00:31:24.519 --> 00:31:24.880
Rise.

390
00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:30.480
I would probably use floating off and it is just

391
00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:37.240
getting tying helium balloons to stuff and just allowing it

392
00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:40.640
just to flow, flow away or blow away or fly

393
00:31:40.759 --> 00:31:45.079
away or float away. But that's not the technique I'm

394
00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:47.000
going to focus on. And I want to focus on

395
00:31:47.480 --> 00:31:54.480
the talking negotiation. And I've also done a version of

396
00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:57.839
this before. I didn't again, I didn't call it that.

397
00:32:02.079 --> 00:32:04.640
I guess I probably wouldn't have called it a technique ever,

398
00:32:05.480 --> 00:32:14.440
just something where when you are relaxed, your mind has

399
00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:18.920
slowed down. And you may have noticed that now anyway,

400
00:32:19.559 --> 00:32:24.559
because you listen to me. I mean, the word bore

401
00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:31.400
is in the title of this recording, and it can

402
00:32:31.480 --> 00:32:37.440
be and you know what, the way I see it,

403
00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:43.960
something that's boring to one person could be super interesting

404
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:47.640
to another person. Now, if I was going to stand

405
00:32:47.680 --> 00:32:50.559
here and talk, stand I'm not standing if I was

406
00:32:50.599 --> 00:32:53.200
going to sit here. I don't know why I did.

407
00:32:53.359 --> 00:32:55.920
I made that distinction because there's no way of you known,

408
00:32:56.039 --> 00:33:00.359
is there. But I suppose I imagine if you're listening into

409
00:33:00.599 --> 00:33:03.240
kind of a relaxing s sort of recording like this,

410
00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:09.680
I can't You're probably not imagining that I'm standing here

411
00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:14.880
on one leg balancing an egg on my head and

412
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:19.720
juggling knives or you know, it's like you kind of

413
00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:25.720
know that that wouldn't be very relaxing with it. So

414
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:41.480
the negotiation I have sometimes it's just nice to get

415
00:33:41.519 --> 00:33:42.319
in touch.

416
00:33:43.559 --> 00:33:47.400
With that part of you and instead of.

417
00:33:50.119 --> 00:33:53.599
Doing what's natural, because a natural thing to do with

418
00:33:54.319 --> 00:34:01.759
a feeling of discomfort is to try to avoids It's

419
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:06.599
just the natural thing to do, but it's not necessarily

420
00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:11.440
the useful thing to do. Sometimes it really is the

421
00:34:11.559 --> 00:34:14.000
useful thing to do. It's the best thing to do. Sometimes.

422
00:34:15.719 --> 00:34:22.960
You know, if someone's needs to run and you know,

423
00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:26.559
as I say, someone's got a broken leg, they know

424
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:28.679
they can't put any pressure on it. But if there's

425
00:34:28.679 --> 00:34:31.559
an emergency and that person has to get out of

426
00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:36.239
a building or has to move very quickly, then it's

427
00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:42.440
good that they you know, they can focus on it

428
00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:48.239
or completely try to ignore it rather because that helps

429
00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:53.039
them to get out of that situation. So someone's like

430
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:57.599
needing to get down some stairs because there's an emergency

431
00:34:57.639 --> 00:35:00.239
and everyone has to get out of a building. They're

432
00:35:00.280 --> 00:35:02.360
not going to be like focusing on the on their

433
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:06.000
broken leg, like, oh, let's focus on it. No, they're

434
00:35:06.039 --> 00:35:09.360
going to be like, sod the leg, we're getting down

435
00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:13.119
these stairs. I'm not allowed to use the lifts, So.

436
00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:15.880
That wouldn't be.

437
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:18.239
It wasn't because the emergency is just I've got a

438
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:22.519
habit of farting in lifts. See, that's where the professionalism

439
00:35:22.599 --> 00:35:31.719
goes wrong. I mean, I genuinely, this is genuinely. I

440
00:35:31.880 --> 00:35:35.079
was going to write a book about therapy, about being

441
00:35:35.079 --> 00:35:38.800
a counselor with one of my colleagues, and I thought,

442
00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:42.800
I'm not going to do a book about how to

443
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:46.360
be a counselor. I'm not going to do a book

444
00:35:46.360 --> 00:35:50.199
because you know, I was. We were both, you know,

445
00:35:50.280 --> 00:35:55.039
in the first few years of being professional counselors, so

446
00:35:55.239 --> 00:35:58.440
and we work together quite often in this at the

447
00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:01.119
same time in the same building. So I got to

448
00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:04.760
know her, and I thought it'd be nice if we

449
00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:09.679
wrote a book together, but for student counselors, people that

450
00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:13.360
were just starting out, maybe just qualified.

451
00:36:15.079 --> 00:36:18.280
And you know, I went through.

452
00:36:18.039 --> 00:36:22.119
Some of the ideas. Just the things that come up

453
00:36:22.440 --> 00:36:28.960
that aren't taught in the counseling course, not taught. Maybe

454
00:36:29.079 --> 00:36:31.800
they might be in some courses, but they weren't sort

455
00:36:31.840 --> 00:36:38.400
of covered in the counseling degree that I did, and

456
00:36:41.559 --> 00:36:49.679
just things like it could be lots of different things,

457
00:36:50.039 --> 00:36:56.599
lots just little things. I mean, there's one definitely weird

458
00:36:56.639 --> 00:37:00.639
thing that happened when I had a well twice, I

459
00:37:00.679 --> 00:37:03.360
had a woman come back. This is when I was

460
00:37:03.960 --> 00:37:07.480
training and I was at college and she came to

461
00:37:07.639 --> 00:37:12.440
the rooms in the college and I finished the session.

462
00:37:12.719 --> 00:37:15.719
Then I saw another person and then I saw I

463
00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:18.679
think I had three people in a row. And I

464
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:21.320
was coming ready to leave at six o'clock. There was

465
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:24.960
nowhere else around. And I come out of the door

466
00:37:25.039 --> 00:37:27.800
and she's there. I mean, there's a lock on the door,

467
00:37:27.840 --> 00:37:31.239
so people can't just walk in and out. It's a

468
00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:34.880
therapy room. You can get out the easy enough. But

469
00:37:34.920 --> 00:37:38.559
then she was there like saying, oh, and she was hovering.

470
00:37:38.639 --> 00:37:43.480
I said, how are you able to hover? I mean

471
00:37:43.480 --> 00:37:46.679
that you're defining gravity. She wasn't actually hovering, but she

472
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:51.760
was like, you know there, and she was asking me

473
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:54.320
if I wanted to go for a coffee and spend

474
00:37:54.400 --> 00:38:00.039
some time with her, and I said no, well I

475
00:38:00.119 --> 00:38:02.199
kind of trying to say, like, you know, I can't,

476
00:38:02.280 --> 00:38:03.119
it's not allowed.

477
00:38:04.360 --> 00:38:05.159
And she was.

478
00:38:08.079 --> 00:38:13.039
Seemed very upset, you know, just generally, and I said,

479
00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:15.159
know what to do? And it was there was no

480
00:38:15.239 --> 00:38:20.000
one to call, there was nobody around who's it was.

481
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:27.360
I felt a bit vulnerable, to be honest, And that

482
00:38:27.480 --> 00:38:30.639
was a situation that I didn't know, you know, like

483
00:38:31.280 --> 00:38:34.679
what do we do in these situations. I had another

484
00:38:34.760 --> 00:38:38.159
client who actually asked me out for a date and

485
00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:43.000
I wanted to say yes, but I said no, because

486
00:38:45.920 --> 00:38:48.760
you know, I just not can't be dating. I mean,

487
00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:54.119
if the therapy has finished what she came to me for.

488
00:38:54.920 --> 00:38:57.960
She was on the waiting list for so long. By

489
00:38:58.000 --> 00:39:01.960
the time she actually got to see me, nearly everything

490
00:39:02.079 --> 00:39:06.480
was sorted. It was a very practical situation that had

491
00:39:06.559 --> 00:39:11.199
caused emotional distress, but most of it was sorted. And

492
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:15.360
I think part of the reason why she stayed for

493
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:16.960
six weeks because.

494
00:39:19.199 --> 00:39:20.079
We enjoyed chatting.

495
00:39:20.199 --> 00:39:23.440
I think you know, she just uses six sessions up

496
00:39:23.480 --> 00:39:27.239
to just chat me. To start with, it was about

497
00:39:27.239 --> 00:39:30.880
a situation, but it was kind of sorted after the

498
00:39:30.960 --> 00:39:36.159
first week or so, any remnants of it. And she

499
00:39:36.280 --> 00:39:40.880
asked me on the last session, I wanted to go

500
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:44.920
out on a date. And I didn't tell her I did.

501
00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:49.960
I mean, the fact is I did. I didn't. I

502
00:39:49.960 --> 00:39:51.320
didn't tell her I did, but I did.

503
00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:51.559
Know.

504
00:39:51.639 --> 00:39:55.119
What I mean is I didn't tell her that I

505
00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:58.559
liked her, because I did. I fancy her, but I

506
00:39:58.599 --> 00:40:05.679
didn't tell her that because it seemed unprofessional. So I

507
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:09.320
just said, oh no, I can't, I explained to her,

508
00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:12.480
just can't do it, not allowed I could lose.

509
00:40:14.679 --> 00:40:17.440
My career. See, at the time, I thought I had

510
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:21.960
a career. And then a few months.

511
00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:26.880
Later, this is true that all the government cuts, that

512
00:40:26.920 --> 00:40:30.719
all the government funding stopped, so I basically lost all

513
00:40:30.719 --> 00:40:34.840
my work apart from four sessions a week, and I

514
00:40:34.920 --> 00:40:37.760
ended up having to get another job, like a normal job.

515
00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:45.320
So you know, I might have missed out on the

516
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:49.239
the romance of my life, but hey, it seemed like

517
00:40:49.239 --> 00:40:50.519
the right thing to do at the time.

518
00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:53.079
So there.

519
00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:59.920
And then, So if you're listening, this is like blimey,

520
00:41:01.000 --> 00:41:03.960
twelve years ago. It's a long time ago.

521
00:41:03.760 --> 00:41:10.760
Now, I was. My concern was that.

522
00:41:13.800 --> 00:41:17.320
What if we went out and she decided she didn't

523
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:20.320
like me, and I can I continued to be a

524
00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:24.840
counselor She'd have the power at any time to pretty

525
00:41:24.880 --> 00:41:31.199
much end my career. So I thought that I'm not

526
00:41:31.239 --> 00:41:35.039
gonna not wanna give anyone that power. If I'd known

527
00:41:35.800 --> 00:41:39.639
that the job, the career, whatever I thought it was,

528
00:41:39.639 --> 00:41:43.000
was about to end quite soon, then I'd have had

529
00:41:43.039 --> 00:41:48.280
a different attitude. But then I saw my supervisor, who

530
00:41:48.320 --> 00:41:52.199
I saw every week, and she said, oh, you can date,

531
00:41:52.679 --> 00:41:55.840
potentially date someone, but you have to leave it a

532
00:41:55.920 --> 00:42:02.320
certain amount of time after the therapeans. Okay, now you

533
00:42:02.480 --> 00:42:05.440
tell me, but at that point is too late. I

534
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:10.159
didn't have any other information. I never stored people's telephone

535
00:42:10.199 --> 00:42:12.679
numbers or anything like that. It was always on the

536
00:42:13.079 --> 00:42:17.199
paperwork and once the once the sessions are finished, that

537
00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:22.000
went back to the charity. And that's the last. I'm

538
00:42:22.039 --> 00:42:24.639
not gonn't even tell you what names. Don't have anyone's

539
00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:27.800
names or anything on my phone.

540
00:42:28.199 --> 00:42:32.039
So because it was only.

541
00:42:31.920 --> 00:42:36.280
Ever for six weeks sometime to get extensions, but it

542
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:39.719
wasn't It wasn't long enough to really be saving people's

543
00:42:39.800 --> 00:42:41.719
names on my phone, so I didn't do that.

544
00:42:47.960 --> 00:42:49.400
So, yeah, the.

545
00:42:51.119 --> 00:42:52.960
I don't know how I got on talking about that,

546
00:42:53.119 --> 00:43:01.880
but I quite liked the idea of negotiation, the idea of.

547
00:43:05.719 --> 00:43:06.800
I don't know, there's a.

548
00:43:07.039 --> 00:43:10.599
Fine line between negotiating, because you think of a negotiating

549
00:43:10.639 --> 00:43:18.880
it's almost like, okay, that feelings kind of is that

550
00:43:19.199 --> 00:43:23.199
physical discomfort, that that sensation that was a problem before

551
00:43:23.239 --> 00:43:26.880
you started listening to this recording, Is that taking.

552
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:30.000
That body part hostage?

553
00:43:31.320 --> 00:43:33.559
That's what when I think of negotiations, I think of

554
00:43:33.599 --> 00:43:38.400
like hostage negotiations. I know, you can have business negotiations.

555
00:43:38.519 --> 00:43:42.079
You can have I suppose you can negotiate the price

556
00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:46.039
of something to try and get it lower or higher,

557
00:43:46.039 --> 00:43:52.480
depending on which side of the desk is sitting. But

558
00:43:54.840 --> 00:43:57.320
do you think it from that perspective that the I

559
00:43:57.360 --> 00:43:59.920
suppose in some ways it can feel like that, can't it.

560
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:05.840
So someone's got an icky knee and there's discomfort there,

561
00:44:07.519 --> 00:44:10.239
I guess it can feel like that's taken over the knee,

562
00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:13.280
like it's taking the knee hostage, or even the whole

563
00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:20.239
leg hostage. When it's a small part of the leg.

564
00:44:21.400 --> 00:44:23.400
I mean, it's an important part of the leg, but

565
00:44:23.519 --> 00:44:26.519
it's a small part compared to the rest of the leg,

566
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:32.000
you know, the ankle, calfs, shins, thighs. The thighs are

567
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:35.239
a big, big, old chunk of the of the leg,

568
00:44:35.440 --> 00:44:38.519
la especially mine.

569
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:40.960
I actually have the biggest thighs.

570
00:44:43.159 --> 00:44:45.559
In history.

571
00:44:46.199 --> 00:44:48.719
I do. I can.

572
00:44:48.760 --> 00:44:51.679
Actually I remember walking through a forest, I started a

573
00:44:51.719 --> 00:44:54.400
fire just from the friction of my thighs.

574
00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:56.239
It didn't happen. Don't know why I'm saying it.

575
00:44:58.079 --> 00:45:03.719
So you got your knee, and just one small part

576
00:45:04.280 --> 00:45:08.360
of the knee can sometimes feel like it's taken your

577
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:11.920
knee hostage because of a physical sensation.

578
00:45:13.639 --> 00:45:15.599
I mean sometimes I guess.

579
00:45:16.280 --> 00:45:24.679
When we try to ignore or distract ourselves from a

580
00:45:24.719 --> 00:45:33.719
physical sensation, it can maybe be harder to know exactly

581
00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:40.280
how much of that body part is in reality being

582
00:45:40.320 --> 00:45:51.000
affected by that physical sensation. However, when you do focus

583
00:45:51.039 --> 00:45:53.719
on something, I mean, there can be too much focusing

584
00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:56.880
as well. I mean, how many people do you know

585
00:45:56.920 --> 00:46:01.199
in your life who constantly going on about how their

586
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:02.880
their illness.

587
00:46:02.639 --> 00:46:04.920
Or their whatever. All.

588
00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:08.039
It's like it's almost like you want to avoid if

589
00:46:08.079 --> 00:46:10.079
you see them in the street. You want to avoid them,

590
00:46:10.559 --> 00:46:13.440
You want to kind of cross the street or jump

591
00:46:13.480 --> 00:46:17.159
down a manhole or just you know, wish you could

592
00:46:17.800 --> 00:46:23.079
call a helicopter to come and pick you up, but

593
00:46:23.159 --> 00:46:26.480
you know you can't because have seen you. And even

594
00:46:26.480 --> 00:46:29.320
though you might you might really love them, you might

595
00:46:29.320 --> 00:46:32.840
absolutely adore the person, but it's like your heart sinks

596
00:46:32.880 --> 00:46:35.519
a little bit, like, ah, I've got to listen to

597
00:46:35.559 --> 00:46:41.760
all their problems now for the next year, which seems

598
00:46:41.800 --> 00:46:43.719
like a year, it'll only be five minutes. But just

599
00:46:44.960 --> 00:46:48.519
that is time distortion when someone's going.

600
00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:51.079
On and on and on.

601
00:46:51.320 --> 00:46:56.360
About all their woes and about their suffering, and it

602
00:46:56.400 --> 00:46:59.639
doesn't it's not going against it. I'm not mocking the suffering.

603
00:47:00.360 --> 00:47:04.639
It's just it's very hard I find and maybe you

604
00:47:04.679 --> 00:47:09.760
do too to Sometimes you listen to it, especially if

605
00:47:09.760 --> 00:47:11.679
you're in a good mood.

606
00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:17.679
So I had a friend who sometimes I'd just like, oh,

607
00:47:17.719 --> 00:47:18.679
I'd knock on the door.

608
00:47:18.719 --> 00:47:22.599
I dread it because I knew it'd be like in

609
00:47:22.679 --> 00:47:26.639
a a not great place. And on that particular day,

610
00:47:26.719 --> 00:47:28.719
I was in a good mood. I was in a

611
00:47:28.760 --> 00:47:32.920
really good mood. I was uplifted, I was enjoying the day,

612
00:47:33.239 --> 00:47:39.480
just enjoying being alive generally, you know, just yeah, things

613
00:47:39.519 --> 00:47:44.840
are okay, and then there's like knock knock, knock. Ah

614
00:47:45.239 --> 00:47:50.519
oh man, and this is someone that I cared for deeply,

615
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:53.000
So it wasn't that I was being rude.

616
00:47:53.079 --> 00:47:53.519
It's just.

617
00:47:55.280 --> 00:48:01.199
It's just really really realistically like sometimes, oh right, I

618
00:48:01.239 --> 00:48:08.920
got distracted by Vinnie Barkin. But yeah, it's sometimes in

619
00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:13.239
the same way when there's someone is like they're constantly

620
00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:19.480
focusing on the negative. It's almost like that increases the negativity.

621
00:48:20.119 --> 00:48:25.559
And someone's always focusing on the physical discomfort that maybe

622
00:48:25.559 --> 00:48:29.599
they had, they seem to get more of it. So

623
00:48:29.639 --> 00:48:31.760
we get what we focus on, we get what we

624
00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:34.960
think about, get more of what we think about. So

625
00:48:35.000 --> 00:48:42.039
when you start thinking about feeling relaxed and feeling calm,

626
00:48:42.280 --> 00:48:45.480
having your mind slowed down, and having that part of

627
00:48:45.519 --> 00:48:56.880
your body feel more calmer, more looser, So it kind

628
00:48:56.880 --> 00:49:01.840
of in that middle bit where you're not focusing on it,

629
00:49:01.880 --> 00:49:06.320
but you're not ignoring it. You're not pushing it away,

630
00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:14.719
but you're not pulling it towards yourself. It's a fine line.

631
00:49:15.400 --> 00:49:23.800
But then it's no longer fine, it's just normal. It's

632
00:49:23.840 --> 00:49:31.920
almost there's a certain state of mind. It might at

633
00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:35.199
first sound a little bit negative, but it can be

634
00:49:35.239 --> 00:49:41.519
negative depending on the situation. But sometimes just not caring.

635
00:49:44.320 --> 00:49:46.320
I don't mean about the other person. I'm talking about

636
00:49:47.480 --> 00:49:54.880
the body part, which was problematic before you start listening

637
00:49:54.920 --> 00:49:59.920
to me. Sometimes it's like, you know what, I think

638
00:50:00.159 --> 00:50:07.119
care about that at the moment, I'm not bothered. And

639
00:50:07.159 --> 00:50:12.159
then you stop pushing, you stop pulling. You know, it's

640
00:50:12.400 --> 00:50:24.880
almost like you're pushing against the door, and you realize

641
00:50:25.039 --> 00:50:30.239
that actually you keep pushing it, trying to push it open,

642
00:50:30.280 --> 00:50:35.360
trying to push it open, and then you stop. You're like, say,

643
00:50:35.440 --> 00:50:37.800
you know what, I don't care anymore.

644
00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:39.159
I can't bother.

645
00:50:39.840 --> 00:50:45.360
You know, it will open eventually, and then someone just

646
00:50:45.400 --> 00:50:49.840
comes in from outside and the door opens inwards, not outwards.

647
00:50:51.239 --> 00:50:57.840
It's an innie, not an out, and.

648
00:50:57.840 --> 00:51:02.400
You realize you put that effort into something that was pointless.

649
00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:06.079
It's a little bit well, it's probably nothing like this,

650
00:51:06.159 --> 00:51:08.480
but I'm going to give this as an analogy.

651
00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:09.920
I got we've got.

652
00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:12.599
A fence outside, was a gate, a fence with a gate,

653
00:51:13.320 --> 00:51:16.840
and the gate bangs, especially when it's windy, like all

654
00:51:17.199 --> 00:51:24.239
day long. So on a windy day, the gate just

655
00:51:24.400 --> 00:51:25.639
like opens and closes.

656
00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:27.760
There's no lock.

657
00:51:28.000 --> 00:51:31.119
Thing, you know, the you know the I was going

658
00:51:31.159 --> 00:51:32.760
to say, the wazz or whatever. It is a thing

659
00:51:32.840 --> 00:51:38.440
that you pull up that's broken so that the gate

660
00:51:38.559 --> 00:51:41.679
just closes. It doesn't actually close properly either, so that's

661
00:51:41.679 --> 00:51:45.599
why it keeps like blowing open and closing with the wind.

662
00:51:45.920 --> 00:51:48.519
Like. It's not like full on slamming, but it can

663
00:51:48.559 --> 00:51:53.119
be annoying. It used to wind me up. I used

664
00:51:53.119 --> 00:51:53.559
to keep.

665
00:51:53.440 --> 00:51:57.119
Going out there closing the gate, like pushing it closed

666
00:51:58.519 --> 00:52:01.199
so it's stopped banging for a while. Then someone would

667
00:52:01.199 --> 00:52:04.840
come in and they'd leave it open, and I have

668
00:52:04.920 --> 00:52:09.599
to go down again and close the gate. And then

669
00:52:09.639 --> 00:52:14.000
I realized, you know what, I'm just not going to

670
00:52:14.039 --> 00:52:22.320
bother anymore, keep getting up, walking down. And this was

671
00:52:22.360 --> 00:52:25.119
in the winter, so it was cold, so I had

672
00:52:25.159 --> 00:52:31.199
to put some pants on. Well it's not the only reason,

673
00:52:31.239 --> 00:52:38.000
I mean, some of the neighbors complained, but anyway, I

674
00:52:38.159 --> 00:52:50.400
just thought, I don't care, and that attitude changed my

675
00:52:50.639 --> 00:52:57.559
response or my reaction to hearing the gate like slamming.

676
00:52:57.679 --> 00:53:01.519
I mean, it's not even slamming, it's just banging. Occasionally.

677
00:53:04.800 --> 00:53:10.639
It's to the point where I don't even notice it anymore. Now,

678
00:53:10.679 --> 00:53:12.039
all I've got to do is try and find a

679
00:53:12.039 --> 00:53:16.079
way to do that within he's barking, But there's no

680
00:53:16.119 --> 00:53:18.599
way of knowing when he's going to do it because

681
00:53:18.639 --> 00:53:21.840
he just starts barking. He's barked about six times during

682
00:53:21.840 --> 00:53:26.880
this recording, and he goes from zero to a million

683
00:53:27.000 --> 00:53:31.719
in like a second. Because my neighbor opposite is having

684
00:53:31.840 --> 00:53:35.400
a new kitchen put in, so the work appeared, people

685
00:53:35.400 --> 00:53:38.880
are up and down the stairs. He hardly barked it

686
00:53:38.920 --> 00:53:46.199
all last week today for some reason. What it is

687
00:53:46.239 --> 00:53:52.960
it sounds almost like there that someone's touching the front door.

688
00:53:57.280 --> 00:54:00.199
That's what's weird about it, because I actually went out

689
00:54:00.199 --> 00:54:03.960
there myself earlier thought someone puts something through the letter

690
00:54:04.000 --> 00:54:06.400
box or someone was at the front door knocked. No

691
00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:12.639
one there, so I think that might be what it is. Well,

692
00:54:13.719 --> 00:54:15.840
and it's unlikely that they're coming and knocking on the

693
00:54:15.880 --> 00:54:18.760
door and just but it does sound like someone's pushing

694
00:54:18.800 --> 00:54:22.000
against the door, which is why you're barking, isn't it.

695
00:54:24.760 --> 00:54:26.800
I told him after he's a bit grumpy with me now,

696
00:54:28.119 --> 00:54:29.840
I was like, just stop it.

697
00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:30.360
Please.

698
00:54:33.599 --> 00:54:38.360
Didn't bother you last week, did it? You won't bothered

699
00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:40.920
last week by it. This has been going on. This

700
00:54:40.960 --> 00:54:44.880
is the third week it's being worked on. So it's

701
00:54:44.920 --> 00:54:50.039
Monday today, all week last week, and in the previous

702
00:54:50.840 --> 00:54:54.199
week it started on Thursday, so this is a third

703
00:54:54.239 --> 00:55:01.920
week like actual weeks. Don't be grumpy then, I just

704
00:55:01.960 --> 00:55:05.320
want you to stop barking and a guard to me

705
00:55:05.440 --> 00:55:06.079
growls at me.

706
00:55:08.159 --> 00:55:13.840
I do not be growning at me, little growner, little

707
00:55:13.920 --> 00:55:21.920
ground with such a little sausage. You know that.

708
00:55:24.079 --> 00:55:29.000
Ah, So sometimes you know the whole idea of like

709
00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:34.400
negotiating with it, it.

710
00:55:34.239 --> 00:55:40.719
Feels like maybe just giving it some space.

711
00:55:44.239 --> 00:55:48.239
Sometimes just a little bit of acknowledgement, you know, like

712
00:55:48.280 --> 00:55:50.159
we were a baby, I said, I used to always

713
00:55:50.239 --> 00:55:54.760
like give the analogy with with the thing that we're

714
00:55:54.800 --> 00:56:01.000
focusing on, that physical feeling, that sensation that you used

715
00:56:01.039 --> 00:56:04.760
to have before you listen to this recording, almost like

716
00:56:04.760 --> 00:56:09.960
a baby crying. And sometimes a baby cries for no

717
00:56:10.159 --> 00:56:12.719
other reason they other than they just want to be

718
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:16.519
held or they just want to be to see a

719
00:56:16.559 --> 00:56:22.039
parent or a friendly face. They might not need changing,

720
00:56:22.400 --> 00:56:25.519
they might not need food, they might not want to play,

721
00:56:25.639 --> 00:56:28.599
they might not want anything. They're just happy just to

722
00:56:28.639 --> 00:56:31.360
see your face, or to have a cuddle and they

723
00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:36.320
go back to sleep. Sometimes that's all they need. And

724
00:56:36.679 --> 00:56:40.280
I think it's the same with what we're talking about.

725
00:56:40.360 --> 00:56:46.719
Sometimes it can be like a baby just wants a.

726
00:56:46.679 --> 00:56:50.199
Bit of love, maybe because you think about it.

727
00:56:50.280 --> 00:57:01.159
In reality, we can have respect and caring towards our body,

728
00:57:02.639 --> 00:57:07.599
But how much positivity do we have towards that part

729
00:57:07.639 --> 00:57:12.639
of the body or that small part that it's been

730
00:57:12.639 --> 00:57:13.239
playing up.

731
00:57:16.639 --> 00:57:17.719
I'm guessing.

732
00:57:18.920 --> 00:57:22.440
Not much kindness there at all, which it makes sense,

733
00:57:22.679 --> 00:57:27.360
you know, I'm not judging it. But if it's an

734
00:57:27.400 --> 00:57:34.400
ongoing situation, an ongoing condition that you don't really need anymore,

735
00:57:34.400 --> 00:57:38.800
you don't need that physical sensation to let you know

736
00:57:39.000 --> 00:57:41.519
and to remind you that just to be a bit

737
00:57:41.559 --> 00:57:45.440
more careful with that part of the body. Once you

738
00:57:45.480 --> 00:57:51.440
remember that, you don't need to be reminded. That alarm

739
00:57:51.559 --> 00:57:56.679
doesn't need to go off. And sometimes I think with alarms.

740
00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:07.599
Maybe you can just make it a little bit less sensitive.

741
00:58:11.199 --> 00:58:13.119
Do you ever get like car alarms and you put

742
00:58:13.119 --> 00:58:15.280
them in for the first time or you get them

743
00:58:15.320 --> 00:58:18.199
new for the first time, and literally.

744
00:58:18.559 --> 00:58:19.639
Every time.

745
00:58:20.920 --> 00:58:26.039
There's a butterfly goes past, the alarm goes off. Someone

746
00:58:26.079 --> 00:58:30.159
sneezes in the next town. Your car alarm goes off

747
00:58:33.079 --> 00:58:37.440
too sensitive, it needs to be retuned or maybe just

748
00:58:37.519 --> 00:58:40.320
needs to wear in so that it gets back to normal,

749
00:58:40.679 --> 00:58:42.920
because you know, it's not supposed to go off just

750
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:50.320
because a little gust of wind. And then you get

751
00:58:50.320 --> 00:58:54.239
it changed, you get it refitted or fine tuned, or

752
00:58:54.400 --> 00:58:56.400
just leave it as it is if you don't like

753
00:58:56.440 --> 00:58:57.000
your neighbors.

754
00:58:57.000 --> 00:58:57.880
I suppose.

755
00:59:02.079 --> 00:59:04.679
So that could be something a way of looking at

756
00:59:04.679 --> 00:59:08.960
this situation. We just fine tune it so that it's

757
00:59:09.079 --> 00:59:12.960
no longer as sensitive.

758
00:59:13.119 --> 00:59:13.559
You know, the.

759
00:59:13.519 --> 00:59:17.840
Alarm doesn't need to go off unless it needs to

760
00:59:17.880 --> 00:59:30.559
go off. And there's something quite useful about that, quite helpful.

761
00:59:33.119 --> 00:59:35.639
I think I realized what it is what he's barking.

762
00:59:36.039 --> 00:59:40.800
I've got the bathroom window open, and I think it's

763
00:59:40.880 --> 00:59:43.480
rattling the door, and that's what he's That's what you're hearing,

764
00:59:43.519 --> 00:59:52.239
isn't it. I'm sorry, Vinie, it was my fault. I'm sorry.

765
00:59:53.039 --> 00:59:57.079
Now he's hearing something outside. He's not all he is

766
00:59:57.119 --> 00:59:58.880
like he's so. I suppose he's got the window in

767
00:59:58.920 --> 01:00:02.480
the bathroom open outside in the in the garden. There's

768
01:00:02.519 --> 01:00:06.199
always the odd stuff going on because he hears like other

769
01:00:06.239 --> 01:00:10.440
dog's barking or kids playing, and because the kids are

770
01:00:10.480 --> 01:00:12.000
on holidays, so you can hear that.

771
01:00:14.280 --> 01:00:18.880
All isn't you He always listening, taking it all in.

772
01:00:21.960 --> 01:00:22.719
He's stay.

773
01:00:22.880 --> 01:00:26.960
Haven't got a staring contest with me. I want I

774
01:00:27.000 --> 01:00:29.119
can stare with you. I want to steal your tails

775
01:00:29.119 --> 01:00:32.280
a regularly. When we've done this, I'll get you a

776
01:00:32.400 --> 01:00:36.920
t R e A T A t r e e

777
01:00:36.199 --> 01:00:41.000
e E T I will. I won't say the word

778
01:00:41.039 --> 01:00:46.039
because then you won't leave me alone. So in a way,

779
01:00:46.159 --> 01:00:52.440
you could just ask, and I've done this in the past,

780
01:00:52.480 --> 01:00:57.639
and I've done it myself, ask the part of your

781
01:00:57.679 --> 01:01:08.360
body just to feel more comfortable, to relax, safely, leave

782
01:01:08.400 --> 01:01:15.920
your body just you know, give you a rest. And

783
01:01:16.039 --> 01:01:19.559
sometimes you can just do that and literally just sit

784
01:01:19.679 --> 01:01:21.480
back and wait.

785
01:01:22.679 --> 01:01:23.800
Trust that.

786
01:01:26.159 --> 01:01:30.079
Your body's listening, that your unconscious mind is listening, that

787
01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:34.960
you know there's that alignment between your mind and your

788
01:01:34.960 --> 01:01:45.280
body because it's constantly you know, there's that constant continuity, continuity, that.

789
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:46.760
Connection that's always there.

790
01:01:49.719 --> 01:01:51.639
I know that I've been focusing on the knee just

791
01:01:51.679 --> 01:02:03.239
as an example. But when you decide to just you know,

792
01:02:04.480 --> 01:02:13.280
ask politely, just you know, maybe just give me a break.

793
01:02:16.960 --> 01:02:25.400
Please feel comfortable, feel more relaxed. You can put it

794
01:02:25.440 --> 01:02:29.360
in a sentence like I'd like my whatever part of

795
01:02:29.440 --> 01:02:36.760
body to feel more relaxed. You could say it three

796
01:02:36.840 --> 01:02:48.639
times and then just wait and observe, or maybe just

797
01:02:48.760 --> 01:02:57.000
carry on with what you were doing. Because when you

798
01:02:57.079 --> 01:03:02.280
focus on feeling more relaxed, as I said earlier, you.

799
01:03:04.440 --> 01:03:06.800
You think about it, you get more of it, You

800
01:03:06.880 --> 01:03:08.280
get more of what we think about.

801
01:03:10.639 --> 01:03:18.119
So you're focusing on calmness, looseness, peaceful, and that's what

802
01:03:18.159 --> 01:03:37.880
you get more of naturally easily. So that brings me

803
01:03:37.960 --> 01:03:40.320
to the end of this recording, which was very.

804
01:03:40.199 --> 01:03:41.199
Much a neta.

805
01:03:41.320 --> 01:03:47.119
Really it was just a chat a chitty chatter neta.

806
01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:50.639
It's going to take me ages to edit it because

807
01:03:50.679 --> 01:03:55.840
of all of the Finny's barking breaks, So that's going

808
01:03:55.920 --> 01:03:58.039
to be interesting a trend. It's going to take me

809
01:03:58.079 --> 01:04:03.400
probably about an hour just to edit the thing. Yes,

810
01:04:03.519 --> 01:04:06.519
because of you. You want a treat?

811
01:04:08.199 --> 01:04:08.800
Are you hungry?

812
01:04:08.880 --> 01:04:12.400
Do you want your dinner? Do you want some food?

813
01:04:12.840 --> 01:04:13.639
What do you want to treat?

814
01:04:18.079 --> 01:04:18.519
I don't know.

815
01:04:19.320 --> 01:04:22.800
Anyway, I'm going to go thank you for listening. Remember

816
01:04:22.880 --> 01:04:25.360
to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to

817
01:04:25.360 --> 01:04:27.599
be happy and be.

818
01:04:27.760 --> 01:04:39.320
Gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love, bye,