Aug. 21, 2025

(music) I bored myself to sleep | LMBYTS #1417 | Jason Newland | 21st August 2025

Show Notes
Transcript

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Hello, Hello, and welcome to Jason neew Land dot com. Mama, Mama, mama, muma. Hello, Hello,

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welcome to Jasonnewland dot com. My name is Jason new

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and yeah, I'm here with Vinny, who just woke me

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up a p unnaredy early in the morning.

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At h.

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I thought he wanted something to eat, so I got

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him some new breakfast. He didn't really eat much food yesterday.

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He had dried food, but he didn't eat much wet food.

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I just put it on the floor or on a bowl,

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you know, and just chuck it on the floor. I'm

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not a cave man. And he's it's does He's not interested.

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So he's just lying here next to me, very quiet,

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looks like he's thinking, like he's contemplating, almost like he's

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got some kind of philosophical dilemma he's battling with. And

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you might think, oh, how did I come to that

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conclusion by looking at the back of his head. I

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don't know. Maybe it's it's just a feeling, just just yeah,

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maybe an invisible emotional, spiritual even connection that we have.

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And you may be wondering where I'm going with this,

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and so am I I'm really I've got no idea

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of what I'm talking about right now. But then, how

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how often do I know what I'm talking about? How often?

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I mean quite a lot. It's just me just waffling

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on about nothing. And it seems to be another case

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of that particular activity occurring again, yes, sir, so hoh

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tired mm hm so so so so so yesterday, Oh,

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I had to do my pit forms, my personal independence

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payment forms, and h B I put them off. I

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put them off for about a week and a week

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about a week, yeah, about a week, and then yesterday

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I had nine days to get it back to them.

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Yeh.

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It's so I decided that's it. I'm gonna get on

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with it. I'm gonna do it. I want to get

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down to it. I'm gonna, you know, cut my toenails.

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I'm gonna I have three baths. I was gonna try

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and invent a new a new way of cooking fish fingers,

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a way that's never been done before, maybe discovers the

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a new alternative for the wheel. Pretty much anything but

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to fill the pit forming. I was looking for a

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distractions excuses not to do that form, fill it in

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because it's not.

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It. I just didn't.

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Find it easy. I didn't, really I didn't. Yeah, it

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wasn't particularly the enjoyable. And I got it. I did it.

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I did do it, and I made a bit of

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a hash up of it. They may well send it back.

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I mean, honestly, I think I'm probably going to be

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the only person who gets their pitforms sent back to

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them graded like A to D. Honestly, I've been probably

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be like D minus, like it needed more work, more preparation.

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You know.

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Way, why do you keep talking about donuts? There's gonna

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be lots of weird for sort of probably comments on

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there about it. I mean, we didn't need to know

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about your toenails, so I need to cut my toenails.

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I think that's what it's now in my mind. I mean,

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don't get me wrong. My toenails aren't like out of control.

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They're not living their own life. You know. I'm not

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getting woken up at two in the morning by my

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toenails that are coming back from a nightclub. I'm not.

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My toenails are fine, and they're still intact, but they're

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just getting a little bit long. I when I say long,

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you know, nothing weird. They're not, you know, I haven't

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got like the local paper newspaper like begging me for pictures,

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because there's nothing like that. They're not unusually long, just long, good,

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long good. That's all. That's all it is. Do you

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think I sound like James Bond? Roger Roger Bond. That's

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the way it is. My name is Jason nominame's My

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name's Newland, Jason new Land, none of the them. Who's

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the over Bond? George Lasonby? How weird is that one

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James Bond movie? Just one? His name stayed famous being

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the second James Bond. Wait a minute, I thought it

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was Roger Miller. Who is the second James Bond? Roger Miller, No,

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George Lazenby. Apparently. I think he didn't want to do

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it again. He didn't enjoy the experience, I think.

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Or.

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Some other reason. There's going to be a reason, isn't

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there why he didn't do a second one. And I

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don't know about you. I mean I don't know where

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where you live in the world, and I don't know

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what you're doing right now. I mean you might be

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might be doing yoga, I don't know, die getting funny

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looks from the other people on the bus.

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I don't know.

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But in my country, you know, the country that I'm

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in charge of, they still the TV channels still, you know,

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the main terrestrial channels still show Chains Bond movies. And

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bear it in mind all the different Chains Bonds that

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they've been and there's been a few. Now, can I

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remember the last time that George Lasonbe's movie was on television,

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his version of Jam's Bond. No, I'll wait a minute.

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I know it's just yesterday, That's what I'm thinking about it.

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And it wasn't. I can't remember. They never put it on.

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Well I'm not saying they never put it on, but

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they rarely put even the It's like the early Change

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Bondom movies that seemed to be on the you know,

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sort of Christmas, not Christmas, but you know, during the

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daytime kind of holiday season. It seems to be the

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Roger Moore or Sean Connery. Roger Moore hasn't made a

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Change Bondom movie for six hundred years. I always liked

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Roger Moore. There was something about him I liked, you know,

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there was the old what was that he was in

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Tony Curtis. Him and Tony Curtis were on a TV

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show in the sixties, A good TV show. The chemistry

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was really good, it was funny, it was bright, colorful.

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Oh what was it called. I forget, but it was.

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I quite liked it. Not in the sixties because I

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wasn't alive in the sixties, but before, you know, when

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I was alive. Most of the TV programs I've enjoyed

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have been when I've been alive. Okay, that sounded weird. Oh,

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I forget the name of the TV show, but it's

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a good TV show. Roger Moore before being James Bond,

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before changing his name to James Bond, he was Simon

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Templar the Saint Do Do Do Do Do, which I

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don't think is the do do Do Do Do Do?

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Something like that the Saint. It's very little difference between

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the Saint and James Bond, except that James Bond is

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a little bit more determined, a little bit more happy.

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Maybe it's almost like the same character. He even looks

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the same. I don't know why why it was called

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the Saint, because they had a different version in the

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early eighties, I think, and it was a Saint, but

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it was a new actor called Ian Ogilvy. It was great,

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really really good. I'd never seen the original, so I

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had nothing to compare it with. But I still think

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Ian Ogilvy was great. But the advert show before the

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TV show came on, do do you do something like that?

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And he had a halo above his head. He'd look

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up and I thought, I gotta get me one of them.

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That is so cool. It's like almost like he winked

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to himself and his halo just appeared above his head

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this light and I thought, wow. And I remember saying

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to my stepmom, because this is before the TV show

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came on, I said, is can he turn himself invisible?

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She said, you have to wait and see. Now, clearly

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she knew that he wasn't going to go invisible because

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she had been around in the sixties and she'd seen

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the original one with Roger Moor. I said, has he

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got superpowers? Can you fly? And she said, You're going

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to have to wait and see. I said, has he

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got super speed? She said what I said, Well, super speed?

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For example, if someone chucked an egg, a rotten egg,

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at him, would you be able to just like stop

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the egg, just take it out of the air because

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everything's moving so slowly and replace it with a nice

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fresh egg and then go and stand back where he

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was so that he gets covered in the nice ec

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rather than the off ec. And she said no, but

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why would you want to do that? I said, do

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you mean why would you can't be going to be

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hit by a smelly off agche would you? She said, yeah,

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but if he could move extra fast. Firstly, I've got

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two questions. I said, okay, so you got one question left.

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She said, no, I've got two questions. I said, so

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you're not including a wayman. How's a statement, wasn't it

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She said yeah. I said, okay, you haven't got anette two.

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There'm only nine. She said, all right, but you should

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know a difference in a statement and a question. And

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I said, I'm still learning, I said, and you wouldn't

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believe what else? Step mummy? She said, well, I said,

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they're only trying to teach me French French. I've only

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just learned to what a false stop is in English,

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and they they're trying to teach me another language. She said,

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I know. I tried to have a word with them.

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I said, you did. I said, yeah, I tried to

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let him know that, and you weren't really perhaps up

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for learning a new language, especially French. Just didn't didn't

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think that you'd be you know, wanted to do it,

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and that you wouldn't be able to do it. I said, okay,

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so how did it get on? She said that I

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know what do you mean? So I couldn't understand them?

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It was French?

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Okay, I said, step mom? He said, yes, stepson, she said,

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She said, he said, I don't know someone's talking. I said,

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when you asked her the question to the French teacher,

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you know, when you said, oh, you know, when you

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made this statement, sorry that perhaps I wasn't ready to

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learn a new language.

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She said yeah. I said, were you in the office?

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She said no. I said, we you in the canteen?

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She said no. I said, were you on the roof?

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She giggled, and he said no, I wasn't on a roof.

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I said, in that case, were you per chance sitting

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in the classroom with all the other pupils. She said yeah,

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How did you know that? I said, okay, And you know,

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just be a reminder when you're in that classroom with

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the other pupils learning French, am I correct in saying

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that you could only speak in French, there's no English

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speaking at all, and she said we we we we.

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I said, oh, I will go if you need to,

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and we both laughed because I should explain this. We

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like going. We we means yes yes in France because

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in France, you know, if you're listening in France, you're

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already going to be probably be aware of this. I

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mean it might be it might be new information, but

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in France this might blow your mind. But you know, anyway,

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I feel like I'm kind of letting I give too

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much away in these podcasts. Too much can knowledge Anyway,

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In France, they have a different language, they speak different

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It's almost like they've got a different word for everything.

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And we we means yes yes, but only here we

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we need means got to do we We like a

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number one like we were not not literally, I don't

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and I don't shout out we when I unate, I don't,

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I don't. I sometimes do sometimes do you ever stand

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on a little stare when you go to a toilet?

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And do we we just to pretend to be taller,

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like oh, this is what it feels like. I can't

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be the only one that does that. Anyway, I said,

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so you was in the classroom. She said yeah. I said,

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you can only speak French. She said, yeah, so that's

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probably the problem. There's a miscommunication. He was probably if

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I'm just guessing speaking French and you don't know any French.

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And she said yeah. But there's something about him. He's

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very captivating. I said, do you mean the big box

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of chocolates he has on his desk that everyone can

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just help themselves. She said yeah, Oh, I was lovely.

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I said, fair enough, but not lovely enough to try

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and learn a new language. And she said, well, maybe not.

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I said, see, And then she said something very weird

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to me. She said, do you see j J. I said, yes,

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step Mummy wondering. You know, she never called me that before,

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I said, She said, I got a question for you.

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I said, all right, come on. She said, do you

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remember why we're talking about French lessons and boxes of

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chocolate on the teacher's desk. And I said, I'll be

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honest with you, I'm not sure. We kind of yeah,

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I don't really know. It's I don't know. She said, yeah,

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you sound confused. I said, well, I'm not confused. I'm

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just I'm interested, very mildly interested. In what comes next,

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because I don't really know how I got here to

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this part of the recording, and on his face it

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it's not the first time I've ended up in the

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middle of nowhere conversationally. But I'm trying to find a

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way out so I can get back to the original

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content or subject matter that was being verbally discussed. And

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my Stepmot shouted out the Saint said, she said it

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was the Saint, the TV show The Saint for Okay,

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what's that I'll do in France? Though, she said, I

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don't know, and I can't do all the work for you.

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I thought it'd be enough for me just to let

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you know the subject you were talking about. Yeah, you

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didn't really let me know you he just said the Saints.

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And if you started to sing who when the Saints

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come marching in? I mean, I don't know why you

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would sing that. Yeah, that's probably one of my favorite

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Elvis movies. Is it roused about? I am just roused

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about drifting from town to town. No one can hold

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me down. I'm just a knock abel boy got to

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forget all those lyrics correctly. But George Lazonbe or Lazinbie

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lazenbe he only did one James Bond movie, and if

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I'm correct, he was a competing world champion in judo. Yeah, M,

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I mean it might not be true, but it might

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also be true. That's the things about things that are true.

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Sometimes they are sometimes they're not. And technically, you know,

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something isn't true wouldn't be in the category of something

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that is true. But it's the it's still within that ballpark.

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Because sometimes you know, I might answer a question in

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a way that sounds like I'm just blatantly lying, when

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actually I just forgot. So, for example, I think a

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few days ago, Oh yeah, my neighbor asked me. It

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said something about I thought you're going to bring the

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step ladder downstairs to lend it to us. This was

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at the weekend, so you said you were going to

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bring it down yesterday, and I said, oh, I wasn't

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able to because I had to do the biggest, the

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world's largest jigsaw puzzle, which was of a really large

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Teddy Bear and it was sixty eight foot long. With this,

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it was the size to scale, and that's why I

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didn't get back in time to give you your the step.

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You know, if you stand on to do this really

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really cool jigsaw puzzle of a Teddy Bear sixty eight

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foot long or whatever it was. And she said you'd

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lye in and I said yeah, And she didn't seem

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to be upset. She is more confused. I don't know

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what confused the most, the fact that I was lying,

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the content of the lie.

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Or just.

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That my toe nails really needed to be cut and

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for some reason I kept showing them to my neighbors.

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Now I don't know about you. Oh, I'm so tired.

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I'm half asleep now doing this started to drift mm hmm,

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would quite easily just drift off to sleep. It's very

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quiet here here, I could Why did I start thinking

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about rice pudding? My stepmom, my first step mom, used

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to cook rice pudding. Yeah, it was nice. Taste is

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so different from the rice pudding you're getting in a

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shop or in a little rice putt in. I almost

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actually fell asleep during that sentence, and I was talking

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about rice pudding, but I just drifted up, but off

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drifted off momentarily as I was talking about rice pudding.

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But in my defense, it's not probably the mystic exciting

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subject I could have chosen. It's not the worst subject.

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There's more boring subjects than that. Yeah, there must be

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a history of concrete that would be boring. No offense

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to concrete. Yeah, I don't mind concrete.

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U