Sept. 21, 2025

(music) (5 hours) Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435

(music) (5 hours) Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435

🎙️ Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435 ⏱️ Duration: 1 hour, 22 minutes 📅 Recorded on: 20 September 2025 🧠 Topic: Deep personal reflection on mental health, especially bipolar disorder and EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) 🧵...

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🎙️ Discussing My Bipolar & EUPD – LMBYTS#1435
⏱️ Duration: 1 hour, 22 minutes
📅 Recorded on: 20 September 2025
🧠 Topic: Deep personal reflection on mental health, especially bipolar disorder and EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) 🧵 OVERVIEW This episode of Let Me Bore You To Sleep is a raw, meandering, yet heartfelt monologue where Jason Newland reflects on recent tech struggles with his podcast, then opens up about his personal experiences with bipolar disorder and EUPD. It evolves from a casual update into a deep dive into the complexities of living with fluctuating mental health. He discusses diagnosis, therapy, medication, and how others have misunderstood his journey. There's also a lot of self-deprecating humor, honesty, and vulnerability throughout. 🧩 STRUCTURED SUMMARY ⛓️ Part 1: Podcast & Website Woes (~0:00–9:00)

  • Jason is frustrated about recent problems with Apple Podcasts, which drastically dropped his listenership stats.
  • He shares that he’s been working hard to fix the issue and reorganize his website, letmeboreyoutosleep.com.
  • He’s visibly tired and emotionally drained by the tech issues but reassures listeners that things are working again.
  • Shout-outs to new Facebook group members, Karen and Kaylee.
🧠 Part 2: Mental Health Journey Begins (~9:00–18:00)
  • Jason discusses a recent GP phone appointment, which resulted in a referral to a mental health nurse and an increase in his medication.
  • Humorously notes that he may become even “slower and more boring” with the new dosage.
  • Reflects on past manic behavior from 2011 and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder later that year.
  • Talks about how his mood swings began in childhood and shares prior experiences with antidepressants and anxiety from as far back as 1995.
💊 Part 3: Medication Stigma & Acceptance (~18:00–27:00)
  • Shares a story about a friend at a Buddhist center who encouraged him to accept medication as part of wellness, despite Jason’s initial resistance.
  • Uses a humorous appendix analogy to emphasize that you don’t refuse treatment for physical illness—so why for mental health?
  • Admits that past judgment from others made him hesitant about long-term medication use.
🧍♂️ Part 4: EUPD & Dual Diagnosis (~27:00–42:00)
  • Delves into the co-diagnosis of EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) and bipolar.
  • Shocked to learn of the EUPD diagnosis years after therapy began.
  • Recalls a 5-year treatment period that included:
    • DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)
    • Group therapy
    • Psychotherapy at home
  • Shares how mood instability, impulsivity, and difficulty with relationships are key EUPD symptoms he relates to.
🎭 Part 5: Humor, Dating, and Disguises (~42:00–59:00)
  • Veers into lighthearted stories:
    • Taking his ferret Andre into town.
    • Online dating and profile pictures.
    • Hilariously cynical commentary on filtered dating profile photos and photo manipulation.
  • Recounts a short-lived romantic encounter that ended just before a critical psychiatric evaluation, which ironically led professionals to think he was “fine” due to being in a good mood.
⚖️ Part 6: Bipolar Diagnosis – The Real One (~59:00–1:10:00)
  • Shares how in 2011, a new doctor finally took him seriously and referred him for proper diagnosis.
  • Officially diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder (again) in December 2011.
  • Talks about years of ups and downs, job loss, and therapy.
  • Begins understanding his pattern of mood cycles and their impact on life and relationships.
📚 Part 7: Final Thoughts – Acceptance & Awareness (~1:10:00–1:22:00)
  • He explores how both bipolar and EUPD explain so much of his lived experience.
  • Researches EUPD symptoms live during the recording (fluctuating emotions, impulsivity, relationship challenges).
  • Notes that DBT was the key therapy used during treatment—but he hadn’t known that at the time.
  • Reflects on how some people’s moods bounce back quickly, while others (like him) have longer, deeper troughs and spikes.
  • Ends on a gentle note: encourages listeners to be kind to themselves, feel safe, and allow themselves happiness.
  • Mentions the possible reward of a Cornetto. 🍦😄
💬 KEY THEMES & TAKEAWAYSTheme Insight Mental health stigma Jason illustrates the long journey of confronting others’ opinions about medication and mental illness. Dual diagnosis His story highlights the complexity of having both bipolar and EUPD—conditions that can overlap but require distinct approaches. Self-awareness & humor Jason’s ability to talk honestly while keeping it light with jokes and analogies makes this reflection accessible. Therapy & treatment DBT, medication, and long-term psychotherapy played huge roles in stabilizing his life. Loneliness & connection Undercurrent of seeking human connection, acceptance, and the ongoing tension between vulnerability and protection.

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WEBVTT

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Welcome to Let Me Boy to Sleep. My name is

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Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close

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your eyes. And uh, my website is Jason Newland. No, no,

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my website is let Me Boy to Sleep. Yeah dot com.

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Don't ask. Let's just.

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I made some changes. Not all changes go smoothly. I

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have discovered, for example, it's going to open my laptop.

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Now I've got that shining in my face. Okay, so.

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I've had a lot of problems with my Apple podcasts

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the last.

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Few days. I think it's now sorted. I pay it's

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now sorted, but it's taken quite a lot of effort

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to get it done.

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Yeah, so hopefully it's all done.

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I'd say all done, and it's never going to be complete, but.

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I hope it's.

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Done, as in working correctly. Please please, please, please please,

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because the stats were ridiculous.

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Yesterday.

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I mean, honestly, two hundred and sixty three downloads of

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my podcasts.

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Two hundred and.

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Sixty three in one day.

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Now, you know, it can go down quite low sometimes

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if I haven't recorded anything for a week or two

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weeks or something like that. But bearing in mind i'd

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recorded one on Monday, Tuesday and Friday, so that wasn't

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really unless the recordings, which is really bad, really bad.

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So I need to get these lights sorted out so

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I don't like the light shining in my face. I

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know the picture isn't great. I'm doing this on YouTube.

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It's very windy, very very windy. I don't know why

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I'm doing on YouTube. So what I've been doing is

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I've been trying to organize my website, Letmeboydsleep dot com

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so that I just wanted to get everything kind of

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back to normal. And I'll be honest, I'm not sure.

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I don't know what normal is anymore. So what is

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this I look at today? It is Today's the twentieth

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of September two thy twenty five, and so Apple Podcasts

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is now back now eventually I got it back by

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about lunchtime ish, so it's been about six hours and

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it seems to be kind of getting back to normal again.

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Ish, but I know how difficult it can be.

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All right. Yeah, I'm seeing that some of.

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The people that the places that normally listen are still

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listening again.

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That's good.

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But I'll give you an example, like yesterday's let Me

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brought This Sleep which was Q and A Friday. I

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looked at the stats this morning and I think I

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had three listens to the ten hour version with music,

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or six listens.

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Sis yesterday. This was this morning, you know.

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I mean, I'm not getting millions a day normally, but.

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Six listens, and.

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When I upload I would get that in the first

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few minutes. It's so yeah, it's very strange. Even on SoundCloud.

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If I uploaded a recording, what are you doing?

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Ooks?

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Something went wrong? Okay, so SoundCloud's not working for some reason.

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M oh now it is.

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All right.

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So as soon as I upload something to SoundCloud pretty

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much you know, get a few listens sort of straight

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away within minutes of doing it. With spreaker, the stats

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take about an hour or so, maybe two.

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Hours to show up.

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So whatever I've got now, you can add a few

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hundred onto it. So by six forty five in the

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evening now, so by midnight it's going to be maybe

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not double, but it's going to be getting onto sort

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of double.

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What it is.

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If it's like a standard day days, which I'm not sure.

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What a stare. What is a standard day?

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How new it's really boxing on tonight? I do know

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I'm not sure, so yeah, I'll.

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Get rid of that SoundCloud. A little message to Sebastian,

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and then.

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That was Sebastian.

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I'm just trying to think, because this is like Saturday summary.

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I made a lot of changes and I think I

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got a little bit carried away, and I had a

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lot of messages on Facebook telling me that basically the

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new recordings are not shown themselves, and.

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It just got a little bit like, oh, what do

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I do? What do I do?

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So I did post this eight hours ago, hopefully fixed

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the Apple podcast issue. So it must have been about

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eleven o'clock.

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This morning.

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It's getting it's it's trained me a little bit drained.

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And I've got a new.

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Person joined Jason newlands born group on Facebook, and so

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I'd like to say hello to Kaylee, Hi, Kayley, and

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also yesterday Karen, Hi Karen, So welcome to Karen and Kayley.

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Welcome.

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And if you'd like to join Jason Newland's.

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Boring group, then just please go to Facebook or if

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you go to my website, let me borrow you to

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sleep dot com. There's there's a message, it's basically a

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link at the top of Facebook.

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Group and you can go there and just.

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Join.

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So I've had messages from people telling me that it's

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successful now and everything's.

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Up to date.

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All the old stuff now plays again. So yeah, that's

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a weird face.

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I just made it on a computer screen camera. H

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So I spoke to the I spoke, I spoke to

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my GP. I had a doctor's appointment on the phone

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on Thursday, after having spoken to the mental health nurse

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a month ago, and then having spoken to the doctor's

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surgery a week ago, and then I got to the

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doctor's called me on Thursday morning and has referred me

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to the mental health team, and the mental health nurse

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is going to contact me on the thirtieth of September.

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I think, I think, or something like that.

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So, yeah, I get that the doctor increased my medication.

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So I might become.

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Even slower than I already am, even slower just when

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you thought that I couldn't get any slower and any

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more boring. And it might be the medication that makes

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me boring. Maybe if I didn't take my medication, I

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wouldn't be boring in slow and I would be talking.

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Oh so quickly.

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See, you can't get to see me what I was

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like in a kind of a Manichy phase because all

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those videos were lost. But there was a little phase,

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a little phase back in two thousand and eleven, probably

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looking at summertime, and I was definitely I was laughing

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at things that weren't even funny.

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Really, it was weird. I was a little bit of

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a hyper a little bit, and.

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I did some stuff on camera because I was making

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regular vlogs back then.

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On YouTube.

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My cousin contacted me and said, I'm worried about you

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because there's some of the things I was saying and

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doing on there. So yeah, and that was shortly before

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I was Yeah, that was in the summer, and then

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December I was diagnosed with bipolar for the first time,

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for the first time. I do remember.

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I actually had.

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A a review, a psychiatric review back.

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In two thousand and four.

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So I was having severe anxiety between November two thousand

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and three. It lasted for years, but luckily it reduced

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sort of during two thousand and four, used a bit

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two thousand and five, two thousand and six, it was

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almost kind of sorted, not sorted, but like it wasn't

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seemingly all the time, And that's part of the reason

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why I started doing.

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Audios and.

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Videos to try and help calm people down, calm the mind,

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perhaps a distraction, maybe just a calming voice to listen to,

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which is kind of what I needed for myself.

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Anyway.

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I waited for months for this psychiatric review. I was

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initially I'm talking about mental health here, so I should say,

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don't listen to this if you don't want to hear.

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About my mental health stuff.

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I'm not going to go into any juicy details or

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anything like that.

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I'm just going to sort of.

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I'm not going to talk about it too much, although

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it's some stuff I'd like to say, but I won't.

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I won't.

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Shall I I would like to quite like to, quite

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like to make a video or recording where I open

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up about some of the more personal aspects of my

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life in the past and even now, but it doesn't

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necessarily fit together with the lighted the lightheartedness or the

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lightness of what these recordings are supposed to be. So

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I don't really get into heavy conversations. Really, I talk

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about factual stuff. You know, I've seen a doctor, I

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seeing a mental health nurse or whatever. I'm not going

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to go into any more detail than that.

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Really, it's just I give you.

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An update on what's going on in my life.

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That's part of what this is.

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And so this is kind of a I suppose, quite

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a funny story. Not funny, but you know, kind of funny,

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but also a little.

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Bit sad, a little bit sad. So what happened is.

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I was first and when I first started going to

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the doctors, because I've been on I was on antidepressants

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nineteen ninety five. That's the first time for anxiety and depression.

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So and then I was on them again in I

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think probably ninety six, then again end of ninety seven,

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and then probably nothing until two thousand and two November.

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So I went quite quite a few years.

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I didn't I don't think I had any medication, but

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I might be wrong.

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It's hard to remember.

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But back then i'd take it and I didn't like it,

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and i'd stop taking it. I also had two friends

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that were very I wouldn't say unsupportive, but judgmental because

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they didn't understand. I had one friend saying to me basically,

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it wasn't saying that I was weak because I was

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on medication, but as kind of what I took from

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the conversation. So my response was well, stuff the medication,

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I'll stop taking it then, or maybe the person said

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that I well, I felt that they were saying I

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was relying upon it. And you know, medication shouldn't be

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taken long term. Well, what do you do for a

208
00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:44.039
long term medical condition? Then, my dear, what am I

209
00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:52.200
supposed to do? Bipolar EUPD. Bipolar is not a short

210
00:17:52.279 --> 00:17:57.519
term thing. You don't just take medication when you're feeling bad,

211
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or take medication. You know, when you're too high, you

212
00:18:01.319 --> 00:18:04.119
can't just take medication to like bring you down. And

213
00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:06.680
when you're feeling too low, you can't take medication just

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to bring you up. It'd be nice if I could,

215
00:18:12.599 --> 00:18:14.799
and then on those days one kind of average, i'd

216
00:18:14.839 --> 00:18:19.880
be just wouldn't take anything. I'd love that, just pop

217
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:23.160
a pill and then I'm fine.

218
00:18:23.799 --> 00:18:24.480
But because of.

219
00:18:24.440 --> 00:18:29.160
The nature of it, it's a daily routine to keep

220
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those levels of serotonin and balance in my brain.

221
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I don't want to be on medication.

222
00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:43.480
But you know what, I.

223
00:18:43.400 --> 00:18:46.119
Had a friend and I used to know at the

224
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Buddhist Center, and he said something to me that was

225
00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:55.599
really He's part of the reason I think I wanted

226
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to go and visit Thailand. Because he loved the East.

227
00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:05.240
He traveled all over Vietnam. I'm trying to think of

228
00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:08.119
different countries, but that whole kind of area. He just

229
00:19:08.200 --> 00:19:10.759
loved it. And he kept telling me the people there

230
00:19:10.759 --> 00:19:15.119
are so nice, so friendly. He said, you never, you

231
00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.440
won't understand it unless you go there. You need to

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see for yourself how lovely the people are when you

233
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go to you know, Vietnam. I can only think of

234
00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:31.880
Vietnam and Thailand, and there's lots of other countries in

235
00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:37.759
that area. I just can't think of any Canada.

236
00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:39.519
I don't know, but.

237
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He said, he said, sing to me, and I remember

238
00:19:46.759 --> 00:19:51.720
I was at the bottom behind the count the Buddhist center.

239
00:19:52.279 --> 00:19:56.319
There was like a cabin. It was an actual building

240
00:19:56.440 --> 00:20:02.480
structure and we would uce if classes like meditation classes

241
00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:06.920
or teaching classes, you know, groups to getting together and

242
00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:10.680
stuff like that. And it was just separate so it

243
00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:14.039
fitted probably six people.

244
00:20:16.839 --> 00:20:19.039
Chairs wise. I mean, it wasn't a lot of space,

245
00:20:19.079 --> 00:20:19.400
but there was.

246
00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:22.680
A little toilet and a coat rack, you know, pretty

247
00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:30.920
much everything you needed. A little heater. So therapists also

248
00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:35.000
used to use it. There was an acupuncturist that used

249
00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:38.480
to use it. I went to a few times because

250
00:20:38.920 --> 00:20:41.680
I've had I've tried so many different therapies to try

251
00:20:41.759 --> 00:20:46.079
and help with my to you know, to relax and

252
00:20:46.319 --> 00:20:55.440
my situation, and I like acupuncture. I think there was

253
00:20:55.839 --> 00:20:59.720
a reiki person possibly that worked down there, so the.

254
00:20:59.799 --> 00:21:01.079
Just went the room by the hour.

255
00:21:02.279 --> 00:21:08.079
And what I did when I became a counselor, I

256
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:12.119
also rented that room so for private clients, but also

257
00:21:12.200 --> 00:21:14.599
people that I did the So I also did the

258
00:21:14.640 --> 00:21:18.599
free Konic chronic pain relief service there as well, so

259
00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:20.440
I used that for the same same thing.

260
00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:25.920
I also.

261
00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:31.759
Used it when I lived around the corner from there.

262
00:21:32.039 --> 00:21:35.039
This is in twenty eleven, I used it. I used

263
00:21:35.039 --> 00:21:37.759
to go there in the nighttime. I'd ask them first.

264
00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:40.519
I didn't just turn up by the keys to get in,

265
00:21:41.400 --> 00:21:44.240
and there was okay over it. I went there at

266
00:21:44.359 --> 00:21:49.720
night once everyone was gone, so like eleven o'clock or something,

267
00:21:50.200 --> 00:21:51.960
and I'd stay there for a few hours and I'd

268
00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:57.200
make videos hypnosis videos and stuff like that because.

269
00:21:56.880 --> 00:22:02.759
It was quiet, hm and.

270
00:22:01.880 --> 00:22:06.960
Well, anyway, one day I was in there, I was

271
00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:13.559
waiting for a client to turn up, and my friend

272
00:22:13.640 --> 00:22:15.160
of the man I would tell me about he was

273
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:17.799
there as well, and some of the other people were

274
00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:19.079
there and they were.

275
00:22:18.920 --> 00:22:21.480
Meeting up, but he was there.

276
00:22:21.480 --> 00:22:23.160
I'm not quite sure why he was there, but he

277
00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:28.559
was there anyway. And he told me, he said, because

278
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I was going for a very difficult, very difficult time.

279
00:22:34.519 --> 00:22:38.720
At that at that moment, and.

280
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I pretty much refused to take medication.

281
00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:46.599
I refuse to go and get help.

282
00:22:48.279 --> 00:22:52.720
And he said to me, he said, he knew my history.

283
00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:53.759
He knew my history of.

284
00:22:55.640 --> 00:22:59.880
Know all the different things that had kind of time

285
00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:03.680
I'd been on medication and stuff like that, so you

286
00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:06.279
can't we had a little bit in common from that perspective,

287
00:23:08.119 --> 00:23:09.279
and he knew that I had a bit of an

288
00:23:09.279 --> 00:23:11.359
attitude about taking medication.

289
00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:14.279
For me, not for other people.

290
00:23:14.440 --> 00:23:16.680
I don't judge other people for what they need to do,

291
00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:19.880
but for me, I just I didn't want to.

292
00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:25.240
I just didn't want to take it. I didn't. I

293
00:23:25.319 --> 00:23:25.759
just didn't.

294
00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:28.880
I didn't want to be I don't know how much

295
00:23:28.880 --> 00:23:37.839
of that is, just how much of that is.

296
00:23:38.759 --> 00:23:44.359
Other people have influenced me with their attitudes, with their.

297
00:23:44.359 --> 00:23:49.839
Stinking thinking as sigg Ziggy Ziggler.

298
00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:51.839
Where his name is would say, so.

299
00:23:53.720 --> 00:23:57.279
I he said, anyways, it's in the summer, and he

300
00:23:57.319 --> 00:24:01.839
said to me. I said, well, he said m I

301
00:24:01.880 --> 00:24:03.720
said no, I had to go. But why why are

302
00:24:03.720 --> 00:24:07.799
you going for He said, well, you're clearly not doing

303
00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:11.119
very well. I said, no, fair enough, I don't argue

304
00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:15.200
on that one. And he said, why don't you just

305
00:24:15.240 --> 00:24:18.680
go back to the doctor and see maybe get back

306
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:19.880
on the antidepressants.

307
00:24:20.680 --> 00:24:22.119
This is better one. This is before I.

308
00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:27.720
Was diagnosed with bipolar. It was I knew I was.

309
00:24:30.200 --> 00:24:32.440
Not doing this too good, but I didn't quite know

310
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:37.279
what you didn't know about that part of it. And

311
00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:41.559
because this is after the me being all like mannic

312
00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:44.680
and stuff previous, so this is probably the end of

313
00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:52.079
the summer, probably kind of September time or maybe August.

314
00:24:54.440 --> 00:25:01.039
And I said, nah, just can't be bothered. I don't

315
00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:02.720
want to be reliant upon it. I don't want to

316
00:25:02.759 --> 00:25:07.519
be dependent upon it. And there was I think there's

317
00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:10.319
a part of me still used to think that maybe

318
00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:17.079
it made me weak, which is ridiculous, but there was

319
00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:21.240
kind of a sense of old, it's a week, it's

320
00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:25.359
you know, I want to be stronger than that. And

321
00:25:25.400 --> 00:25:27.880
he said, look, because he was a lot older than me,

322
00:25:28.039 --> 00:25:36.480
he retired, so I was in my wow was what

323
00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:44.000
was I forty wow or maybe yeah, I've probably hadn't

324
00:25:44.039 --> 00:25:47.200
him turned forty one yet, so I was forty years old.

325
00:25:48.720 --> 00:25:52.759
One more wow wow. So I was a young man.

326
00:25:54.440 --> 00:25:55.759
He was probably.

327
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:02.960
I would say probably late fifties, maybe early sixties. He'd

328
00:26:03.000 --> 00:26:05.880
retired early, but he was I probably had about twenty

329
00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:12.359
years on me. And he said to me, he said

330
00:26:12.359 --> 00:26:14.599
little JJ. I said, don't call me that.

331
00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:18.359
Doot call me that. He said, okay, sorry.

332
00:26:18.839 --> 00:26:25.119
He said juicy JJ. I said, that's right, that's the nickname,

333
00:26:25.240 --> 00:26:26.799
juicy JJ, not little JJ.

334
00:26:28.119 --> 00:26:32.799
But he said anyway, he.

335
00:26:32.759 --> 00:26:35.000
Said that he went for the same kind of thing

336
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:37.920
where he didn't want to be on a tablet. He

337
00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:39.799
didn't want to take tablets, didn't like the way that

338
00:26:39.880 --> 00:26:45.480
made him feel. But he realized, you know, the side effects,

339
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:49.880
maybe feeling a bit tired, a bit groggy, a bit slow, whatever,

340
00:26:50.519 --> 00:26:58.720
everyone's differently. But he said, after about forty years of

341
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:05.119
going through that, he decided that he'd rather take a

342
00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:12.000
tablet a day, or two tablets day whatever, in order

343
00:27:12.039 --> 00:27:14.960
to feel stable.

344
00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:22.599
In order to feel maybe human even, you know.

345
00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:26.640
In order just to be well, to feel well most

346
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:27.279
of the time.

347
00:27:31.119 --> 00:27:38.119
And he said that there's no there's no shame. There's

348
00:27:38.119 --> 00:27:41.359
no shame in no shame in.

349
00:27:43.119 --> 00:27:47.119
Doing what's necessary.

350
00:27:48.079 --> 00:27:48.880
You know, if you're.

351
00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:52.599
Appendix burst, you have them taken out, you don't say

352
00:27:52.640 --> 00:27:54.720
to the doctor or the surgeon, now it's all right,

353
00:27:55.000 --> 00:28:02.599
I'll keep them. I'll suffer Now. I'm not comparing appendicitis

354
00:28:03.799 --> 00:28:06.519
a burst appendix or whatever, which can be fatal, of course,

355
00:28:06.640 --> 00:28:10.559
but and it probably would be if it wasn't medically

356
00:28:10.920 --> 00:28:18.359
sorted out. But it's kind of a comparison, you know.

357
00:28:18.519 --> 00:28:22.279
It's like you need when something is needed, you wouldn't

358
00:28:22.279 --> 00:28:25.359
think twice about it. Would He's like, okay, take it out.

359
00:28:29.039 --> 00:28:32.400
It's just that's it. There's not really a conversation. They

360
00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:36.079
don't even ask today. You know you've got you know,

361
00:28:36.440 --> 00:28:41.079
my brother hadn't a burst appendix, and they he was

362
00:28:41.160 --> 00:28:43.920
rushed into surgery of an emergency.

363
00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:45.440
He had sepsis and.

364
00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:49.599
He's fine, he survived and everything, and he was very

365
00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:53.799
awful while but at no.

366
00:28:53.799 --> 00:28:55.559
Point where they didn't ask.

367
00:28:55.319 --> 00:28:57.119
Him they excuse him.

368
00:28:57.240 --> 00:29:03.559
Is mister Newland junior, jucy. I'm just wondering, is that

369
00:29:03.640 --> 00:29:09.119
okay if we remove your appendix or what's left of them.

370
00:29:09.240 --> 00:29:13.599
They didn't. They just took his appendix out because that's

371
00:29:13.599 --> 00:29:15.920
what was necessary. I don't even know if he was

372
00:29:15.960 --> 00:29:18.839
even conscious enough for them to sign for him to

373
00:29:18.839 --> 00:29:20.200
sign a form or anything like that.

374
00:29:24.759 --> 00:29:25.759
I visited him.

375
00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:29.160
Of course, I was a little bit disappointed because there

376
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:32.240
was no grapes. I suppose I thought there was supposed

377
00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:34.519
to be grapes in the hospital room. Ye had his

378
00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:39.759
own hospital room. How ridiculous is that? It's when does

379
00:29:39.799 --> 00:29:47.039
anyone get their own hospital room?

380
00:29:47.079 --> 00:29:49.200
He had his own room.

381
00:29:50.079 --> 00:29:52.200
I don't know how he figured out? How how are you?

382
00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:52.680
I don't know?

383
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:54.759
Anyway, the.

384
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:04.720
I thought it through and I thought what I kind

385
00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:09.680
of thought about what my friend said, and it did

386
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:13.160
have an effect. It was annoying to start with, I thought,

387
00:30:13.160 --> 00:30:16.960
I shut up, we're talking about don't know what he's

388
00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:22.799
liked to be me on different And then I started thinking,

389
00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:27.400
you know what, this is something I've been going through

390
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:28.279
on and off.

391
00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:30.960
Since I was a little kid.

392
00:30:31.519 --> 00:30:32.480
So it's not a new thing.

393
00:30:32.519 --> 00:30:37.319
It's not you know, the mood swings. Sometimes you can

394
00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:41.119
you can contribute it to puberty, or you can or

395
00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:47.000
adolescence mood swings. You can contribute it to lots lots

396
00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:53.079
of different things throughout life and bereavement and stuff that.

397
00:30:53.160 --> 00:30:55.079
You know, there could be lots of different reasons for

398
00:30:55.119 --> 00:31:02.680
people to have issues with their mood or instability with

399
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:03.240
the mood.

400
00:31:05.960 --> 00:31:07.480
But if it's happening.

401
00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:10.680
All the way through your life and it's not like

402
00:31:10.759 --> 00:31:17.839
it started when I was twenty or fifteen, I'm talking little.

403
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:22.799
As far back as I remember, I've had extreme moods

404
00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:29.920
all the way back. I just didn't tell anybody. That's

405
00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:35.599
the difference. I didn't I didn't understand why other people

406
00:31:35.640 --> 00:31:38.920
weren't feeling the way I was feeling. But I also

407
00:31:39.000 --> 00:31:42.000
didn't understand why I wasn't feeling the way other people

408
00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:45.720
were feeling, because there'd be times when everyone was like miserable,

409
00:31:45.759 --> 00:31:52.799
and I'd be happy, and then I'll be sad. I'll

410
00:31:52.839 --> 00:32:00.279
be tap dancing and ruining the funeral. And I wasn't

411
00:32:00.319 --> 00:32:02.200
tap dancing on top of the coffin or anything. But

412
00:32:02.200 --> 00:32:04.160
I'm just saying I would, I'd love it. I wouldn't

413
00:32:04.200 --> 00:32:09.759
necessarily tune in to the event because my mind was

414
00:32:09.799 --> 00:32:14.720
doing something different. And I've been at some of the

415
00:32:14.759 --> 00:32:20.680
most wonderful events as far as like, everyone seems to

416
00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:25.720
be happy and I'm I'm not for whatever reason, and

417
00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:28.359
there's no reason. It doesn't seem to be a reason,

418
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:32.799
like there's no logic behind it.

419
00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:44.400
I remember I was at the oh is it stir?

420
00:32:46.400 --> 00:32:53.200
What's his name? It's the biggest motivational speaker in.

421
00:32:53.160 --> 00:32:57.680
The world, world's.

422
00:32:58.039 --> 00:33:09.839
Biggest motivational motive fational speaker, Tony Robbins. Well, they got

423
00:33:09.839 --> 00:33:13.119
bear grills next to Tony Robins, and bear grills may

424
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:18.480
be popular, but Tony Robbins, there is no one as

425
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:22.880
big as Tony Robbins, like as far as worldwide long

426
00:33:22.920 --> 00:33:25.839
givity and all that. Plus he is probably the tallest.

427
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:29.160
Man has ever lived. He's about eight foot tall.

428
00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:32.079
That's true.

429
00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:41.200
So I went to Tony Robbins thing events in London

430
00:33:42.400 --> 00:33:49.680
in two thousand of I think it was two thousand

431
00:33:49.720 --> 00:33:52.920
and five, might have been two thousand and six. I

432
00:33:52.920 --> 00:34:00.480
think it's two thousand and five. Yeah, probably, Maybe it

433
00:34:00.519 --> 00:34:02.000
was two thousand and four.

434
00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:05.599
Might have been. But I went there, and.

435
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:16.199
I yeah, I think I stayed at my friends because

436
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:18.599
he got he gave me tickets, so I think I

437
00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:26.199
stayed with him.

438
00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:24.519
And I enjoyed it. I did.

439
00:34:25.159 --> 00:34:30.119
I enjoyed it, and I'd listened to his recordings because

440
00:34:30.159 --> 00:34:30.800
that's another thing.

441
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:34.679
I've been trying to do since for a long long time.

442
00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:37.519
Is trying trying to.

443
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:44.119
Increase my motivation, trying to increase my positivity, trying to

444
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:54.039
go against the grain almost at times, and it doesn't

445
00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:57.360
always work, but I don't I don't give up, so

446
00:34:57.400 --> 00:34:58.159
I keep going.

447
00:34:59.559 --> 00:35:07.079
And I couldn't get into the the old.

448
00:35:11.519 --> 00:35:14.400
I don't know what I want to call it, the

449
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:18.519
cultiness of it, you know, the going long because the

450
00:35:18.519 --> 00:35:21.360
every now and he said, if you believe this, say

451
00:35:21.480 --> 00:35:25.039
I like, I'm not going to shout eye.

452
00:35:26.960 --> 00:35:27.639
More than once.

453
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:28.800
That's once.

454
00:35:28.920 --> 00:35:31.920
I'm not going to keep saying it. You're not going

455
00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:33.760
to condition me, mister Robbins.

456
00:35:34.519 --> 00:35:34.559
No.

457
00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:38.760
So he is really good.

458
00:35:38.760 --> 00:35:40.360
And I've never known anyone that can.

459
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:46.159
Talk for that long, that fast, for that long. I

460
00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:48.519
mean literally, he doesn't take a breath for like four

461
00:35:48.599 --> 00:35:53.199
or five hours. I've never seen that before, not on stage.

462
00:35:53.760 --> 00:36:00.559
And I think because he's naturally talked so fast, when

463
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:02.920
he decides just to slow things down and talks a

464
00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:05.920
bit slow, I think he's kind of taken a nap

465
00:36:05.960 --> 00:36:07.239
in between sentences.

466
00:36:08.119 --> 00:36:09.039
It's just because he's.

467
00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:10.800
Normally so fast, no one notices it.

468
00:36:12.639 --> 00:36:14.760
That's what I'm thinking. He just switches off and.

469
00:36:14.760 --> 00:36:21.800
Just like and then she said this, I'm your mother.

470
00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:24.000
I don't know.

471
00:36:24.039 --> 00:36:26.280
Just whatever he says, the stuff he says.

472
00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:29.199
And it was.

473
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:34.760
Very A lot.

474
00:36:34.599 --> 00:36:38.440
Of people, there's about ten thousand people there, very excitable.

475
00:36:39.960 --> 00:36:43.800
I'm not a very excitable person, and I'm not saying

476
00:36:43.800 --> 00:36:46.760
it in a good way. I just some people are

477
00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:53.599
very extremely lively and extremely enthusiastic.

478
00:36:55.119 --> 00:36:56.519
How I wish I was like that.

479
00:36:58.119 --> 00:37:02.400
In a way, no matter how annoying it might be

480
00:37:02.440 --> 00:37:05.760
for other people, I just it it would be not

481
00:37:07.519 --> 00:37:10.400
I'm just thinking of a couple of people from the

482
00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:16.280
past that would be so excited about something like it's

483
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:18.480
like it's a toilet role holder. Well, why are you

484
00:37:18.519 --> 00:37:23.039
excited about a toilet role holder? Everyone's got their own thing,

485
00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:30.840
an't they. I think my base level is not too high.

486
00:37:31.000 --> 00:37:33.280
There's a with positive psychology.

487
00:37:33.320 --> 00:37:35.920
There's a theory that.

488
00:37:37.559 --> 00:37:40.960
No matter what happens in our lives, we kind of

489
00:37:40.960 --> 00:37:44.400
have a base level. Now that base level can be

490
00:37:44.559 --> 00:37:51.679
risen up, you know, with positive thinking, positive affirmations, diary

491
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:53.320
writing and.

492
00:37:57.519 --> 00:37:58.320
What other things.

493
00:37:58.360 --> 00:38:01.960
I'm trying to think grated.

494
00:38:01.679 --> 00:38:09.719
To journal things like that, But the general base level

495
00:38:10.320 --> 00:38:13.960
is what we end up going back to whether no

496
00:38:14.039 --> 00:38:16.960
matter how low we go or how high we go,

497
00:38:17.760 --> 00:38:19.920
we have a tendency going back to the base level

498
00:38:20.840 --> 00:38:26.039
of mood. And as I said, it can be risen.

499
00:38:26.920 --> 00:38:29.679
Some people just tend to.

500
00:38:29.639 --> 00:38:33.119
Have a higher base level and some people have a

501
00:38:33.199 --> 00:38:34.360
much lower base level.

502
00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:38.079
But it's not stuck. That's something. That's the point.

503
00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:41.280
It feels stuck, but it's not. It can it can

504
00:38:41.320 --> 00:38:47.079
be moved, but it takes the effort or extreme stuff

505
00:38:47.320 --> 00:38:52.400
in life. But generally the base level kind of stays

506
00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:57.480
where it is if it's left alone. So for example,

507
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:04.920
someone wins the lottery if they're naturally maybe not high energy,

508
00:39:06.039 --> 00:39:15.000
but I'm not high energy in person, so I'm going

509
00:39:15.079 --> 00:39:19.440
to be high energy to a degree. If I wonder lottery,

510
00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:24.199
I would seem high energy in some ways, but in

511
00:39:24.239 --> 00:39:26.519
other ways I would still be kind.

512
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:29.639
Of be in touch with that level.

513
00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:37.000
And the heightening of Oh, where I got money. I

514
00:39:37.000 --> 00:39:40.679
can do stuff. I can buy myself as much chocolate

515
00:39:40.719 --> 00:39:44.920
as I like. I can get trousers.

516
00:39:44.679 --> 00:39:48.599
In need of wigwams.

517
00:39:49.159 --> 00:39:55.800
That makes no sense, And then we allowed to say wigwams.

518
00:39:56.280 --> 00:40:04.360
I don't know, I just did, But then I'd end

519
00:40:04.440 --> 00:40:09.239
up going to my base level Now, if I use

520
00:40:09.360 --> 00:40:18.840
that situation correctly of having money, helping other people, helping

521
00:40:18.920 --> 00:40:33.519
myself live in a nicer lifestyle, traveling, improving my outlook

522
00:40:33.559 --> 00:40:38.360
on the world and life, then my base level is

523
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:41.239
much more likely to rise up.

524
00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:45.480
However slightly.

525
00:40:45.519 --> 00:40:51.320
It will rise up, but it won't stay at that

526
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:55.800
top bit of where I first won the lottery, because generally,

527
00:40:56.079 --> 00:40:59.239
the theory is the mood goes back down to its

528
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:03.360
general base leg So if someone's got a high base

529
00:41:03.480 --> 00:41:08.800
level where they're generally positive, when they go really low

530
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:17.280
for whatever reason, generally they will go back to their

531
00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:21.000
base level. So it would be very difficult, it will

532
00:41:21.079 --> 00:41:23.800
hurt and be painful, it would be uncomfortable, but they

533
00:41:23.800 --> 00:41:26.159
will go back to their base level.

534
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:31.679
I've been thinking about it.

535
00:41:33.800 --> 00:41:40.760
For someone like me, or someone that walks around, I

536
00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:43.840
say walks around, but someone that lives their life in

537
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:48.159
a much more positive higher level of I don't want

538
00:41:48.159 --> 00:41:51.400
to say high level of consciousness, but their base level

539
00:41:51.440 --> 00:41:57.800
is much more optimistic, bright, it's not being disrupted continuously

540
00:41:58.519 --> 00:42:03.159
by their brains. May is kind of just it's almost

541
00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:05.880
it just it touches the base level, and it's just

542
00:42:08.519 --> 00:42:12.920
so when I'm okay, it's still not great. It's weird,

543
00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:19.079
and then it's good, and then it's really not. But

544
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:22.159
someone's got a higher base level in their normal life,

545
00:42:22.599 --> 00:42:26.360
be a happier person. But then when things are not good,

546
00:42:28.519 --> 00:42:31.280
perhaps it feels, perhaps I'm just thinking off the top

547
00:42:31.320 --> 00:42:34.280
of my feet, perhaps it feels.

548
00:42:35.599 --> 00:42:36.559
Much worse for.

549
00:42:36.559 --> 00:42:40.840
Them because they're not used to it. They're not used

550
00:42:40.840 --> 00:42:49.280
to the low as opposed to someone that is used

551
00:42:49.280 --> 00:42:49.559
to it.

552
00:42:50.159 --> 00:42:56.960
I'm used to it. There's no, it doesn't make me

553
00:42:57.000 --> 00:43:01.039
a superhero. I'm just saying so, I just had to

554
00:43:01.880 --> 00:43:02.920
have a quick break there.

555
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:16.880
Fiddy was barking, oh, like really loud, which means I

556
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:17.800
don't actually understand.

557
00:43:17.800 --> 00:43:19.960
I don't understand. I don't remember what I was talking about.

558
00:43:22.400 --> 00:43:38.440
Oh oh yeah, base levels. So anyway, I'm just trying

559
00:43:38.440 --> 00:43:45.800
to think, yeah, I don't know what I was talking about.

560
00:43:45.800 --> 00:43:48.559
I was just basically just jabbering on really.

561
00:43:50.519 --> 00:43:52.599
Just having a yabba jabber, as it were.

562
00:43:55.480 --> 00:44:04.239
A jabberber. Ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh.

563
00:44:04.719 --> 00:44:12.079
If you're listening on my podcast, maybe visit my YouTube channel.

564
00:44:12.199 --> 00:44:16.159
Just have a look if you fancy a laugh, because

565
00:44:16.719 --> 00:44:19.440
I haven't got to say anything funny, just my face.

566
00:44:19.480 --> 00:44:20.239
That should be enough.

567
00:44:21.239 --> 00:44:24.199
Just look at me thinking, wow, how could anyone be

568
00:44:24.280 --> 00:44:28.159
that pink? He must have a lot of light shining

569
00:44:28.159 --> 00:44:28.639
on him.

570
00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:29.280
I don't.

571
00:44:32.119 --> 00:44:34.719
It's really weird. My face is so bright. When I

572
00:44:34.760 --> 00:44:38.239
look in the mirror, I give myself sunburn. There's no

573
00:44:38.599 --> 00:44:39.599
make that would makes sense?

574
00:44:39.639 --> 00:44:46.760
Does it? A?

575
00:44:48.480 --> 00:44:48.760
Hello?

576
00:44:48.960 --> 00:44:49.519
Fellow?

577
00:44:49.960 --> 00:44:53.719
How are you? Then he's underneath the desk looking at me.

578
00:44:54.719 --> 00:44:55.039
Hello.

579
00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:55.719
Hello.

580
00:44:56.599 --> 00:45:00.880
The reason he was barking is because he's his girlfriend

581
00:45:00.920 --> 00:45:05.920
downstairs was coming in. Wasn't she his girlfriend who lives downstairs?

582
00:45:06.119 --> 00:45:07.000
He loves you?

583
00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:11.119
Love her? Yes? You do?

584
00:45:11.159 --> 00:45:12.519
You love her?

585
00:45:13.719 --> 00:45:17.480
You?

586
00:45:17.480 --> 00:45:18.960
You love her?

587
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:20.480
Yes?

588
00:45:21.639 --> 00:45:22.760
Okay, I'm back.

589
00:45:25.039 --> 00:45:28.960
If I do make more videos. Oh yeah, there was

590
00:45:28.960 --> 00:45:32.440
a spider downstairs and she was screaming. That's that's why

591
00:45:32.719 --> 00:45:36.719
he was reacting. So I went downstairs and the spider

592
00:45:36.800 --> 00:45:40.880
was on front of her new door handle, and she

593
00:45:40.880 --> 00:45:44.920
wouldn't go in. So I just I got the spider

594
00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:45.880
and to get outside.

595
00:45:50.519 --> 00:45:51.280
It was quite handy.

596
00:45:51.320 --> 00:45:53.480
I used Vinie's lead and I put it around his

597
00:45:53.599 --> 00:45:55.960
neck and just you know, dragged it outside.

598
00:45:56.039 --> 00:45:56.719
A huge thing.

599
00:45:56.760 --> 00:45:57.079
It was.

600
00:46:02.039 --> 00:46:04.639
She did say to me, you're not scared of spiders,

601
00:46:04.639 --> 00:46:08.400
and said no, so what you're scared of. Then I said, crocodiles.

602
00:46:10.440 --> 00:46:14.360
Let's chance of seeing them on your doorstep blocking your

603
00:46:14.360 --> 00:46:19.639
door handle. I used to get that when I was

604
00:46:20.440 --> 00:46:25.519
I used to take Andre my ferret into town. That's

605
00:46:25.559 --> 00:46:27.239
when I in the days when I used to go

606
00:46:27.280 --> 00:46:31.119
into town and I didn't have him off the lead.

607
00:46:31.320 --> 00:46:34.440
I didn't have him off there. I didn't have him

608
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:36.559
walking on the lead in town. I'd always, you know,

609
00:46:36.639 --> 00:46:38.320
if it was busy, i'd have him in my coat,

610
00:46:39.519 --> 00:46:41.960
or i'd be holding him, or he'd be inside my

611
00:46:42.079 --> 00:46:44.280
jacket with his little head looking out.

612
00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:47.280
His little face.

613
00:46:48.760 --> 00:46:54.039
And sometimes people would scream, like they'd turn a corner.

614
00:46:54.519 --> 00:46:59.000
Aha ah, Like.

615
00:47:01.320 --> 00:47:07.960
I'd understand if I had I don't know, like a

616
00:47:08.199 --> 00:47:14.039
skateboard with a big shark behind me pulling it along.

617
00:47:15.960 --> 00:47:18.920
Or I'm trying to think, what kind of other animal

618
00:47:21.639 --> 00:47:29.599
is scary to people? A gorilla on skates, I don't know.

619
00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:32.199
I don't know what it has to have wheels. I

620
00:47:32.199 --> 00:47:38.519
don't know why wheels have to be involved. So this

621
00:47:38.559 --> 00:47:44.360
will started when I start talking about my first psychiatric review.

622
00:47:46.440 --> 00:47:48.719
Now this is two thousand and four. I waited for

623
00:47:48.960 --> 00:47:52.119
eighties and ages and ages for this. I've been diagnosed

624
00:47:52.119 --> 00:48:01.400
with PTSD, anxiety depression, recurring anxiety, recurring depression, depression disorder,

625
00:48:01.679 --> 00:48:05.840
or major depression disorder, clinical depression, you name it. They

626
00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:10.159
just like kept checking all these titles at me. I

627
00:48:10.159 --> 00:48:13.320
felt like a professor at the end of it. And

628
00:48:16.079 --> 00:48:17.920
none of them were useful to get a job though,

629
00:48:20.360 --> 00:48:26.840
But however, what's that sound?

630
00:48:28.920 --> 00:48:30.239
Were this a fair look?

631
00:48:33.079 --> 00:48:37.480
Mhm food.

632
00:48:39.639 --> 00:48:43.440
M That week was weird because I think it was

633
00:48:43.519 --> 00:48:46.920
on a Wednesday or a.

634
00:48:48.679 --> 00:48:48.920
Day.

635
00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:58.920
Yeah, I think it was a Tuesday. It was it

636
00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:05.360
was a day anyway, it was a day during the week. Now,

637
00:49:05.519 --> 00:49:12.199
on the Saturday, I received a letter. I wish I

638
00:49:12.199 --> 00:49:13.840
should have kept it because I could read it to you,

639
00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:16.920
and basically what it said is.

640
00:49:19.360 --> 00:49:20.519
Talking about.

641
00:49:21.639 --> 00:49:25.239
Starting the new year the same as every other year,

642
00:49:25.360 --> 00:49:29.719
and wanted to do something different this year. And here's

643
00:49:29.760 --> 00:49:34.320
my telephone number. And I was trying to think, what

644
00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:37.920
the heck is this about? So I checked the address

645
00:49:37.960 --> 00:49:43.880
and it was definitely for me, I thought. Now, it

646
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:50.079
turns out I was probably drunk at the time. But

647
00:49:50.239 --> 00:49:55.239
I put an advert in the lost and like the

648
00:49:55.519 --> 00:49:57.679
love heart section of the local newspaper.

649
00:49:58.960 --> 00:50:00.000
I don't remember doing it.

650
00:50:00.079 --> 00:50:06.000
Yeah, anyway, she replied, I'm guessing, she replied to everyone

651
00:50:06.039 --> 00:50:06.480
to be fair.

652
00:50:07.840 --> 00:50:10.519
So we went out.

653
00:50:11.400 --> 00:50:12.199
I found her up.

654
00:50:14.679 --> 00:50:19.480
She said you're right. I said yeah, she.

655
00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:20.880
Said you want to meet up? And said okay.

656
00:50:20.880 --> 00:50:31.760
Then, because I'd learned having done blind dating, as in okay,

657
00:50:31.800 --> 00:50:34.920
may not blind dates? What's the pen paline or blind

658
00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:35.880
blind dates?

659
00:50:37.559 --> 00:50:43.239
The trick is to there's a very.

660
00:50:43.079 --> 00:50:55.119
Fine line between first speaking to the person and first

661
00:50:55.159 --> 00:50:59.039
meeting the person. There's a there's a very short period.

662
00:50:59.559 --> 00:51:04.679
I'm not but just quite often where if you want

663
00:51:04.719 --> 00:51:07.519
it to go well, you need to kind of make

664
00:51:07.559 --> 00:51:10.760
the move. And sometimes in the past I've left it

665
00:51:10.760 --> 00:51:14.000
too long where I became almost best friends with them

666
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:16.199
on the phone, hadn't even met them, didn't know what

667
00:51:16.199 --> 00:51:16.800
they looked like.

668
00:51:17.639 --> 00:51:19.199
This is a days before.

669
00:51:20.679 --> 00:51:26.480
You know, being able to stream and live cam. And

670
00:51:26.519 --> 00:51:28.719
I don't mean live cameras in chatter bait. I mean

671
00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:37.559
live cam as in Facebook, you know, stream and saying hi.

672
00:51:39.199 --> 00:51:39.360
Hi.

673
00:51:43.639 --> 00:51:46.159
I don't know how many dates I would have had

674
00:51:46.199 --> 00:51:52.199
if we had cameras back then, video cameras. I never

675
00:51:52.239 --> 00:51:54.079
did very well on those things, you know, the ones

676
00:51:54.119 --> 00:51:59.280
where like there used to be these fans called Rulelette.

677
00:52:01.679 --> 00:52:02.599
They did it with voices.

678
00:52:02.639 --> 00:52:06.800
And then when the cameras came out online, probably twenty

679
00:52:06.840 --> 00:52:09.039
odd years ago, they had it and.

680
00:52:08.960 --> 00:52:16.559
I went on there twenty five years ago. Probably any picture.

681
00:52:16.280 --> 00:52:17.960
You'd be on there and it'd be like it'd be

682
00:52:18.000 --> 00:52:21.679
really grainy, but it's still the picture was good enough,

683
00:52:21.960 --> 00:52:24.599
clear enough for them to see. They didn't want to

684
00:52:24.599 --> 00:52:28.480
talk to me. It's like just swiped left or right

685
00:52:28.559 --> 00:52:29.239
or whatever it is.

686
00:52:32.119 --> 00:52:33.679
So yeah, that didn't really go well.

687
00:52:35.239 --> 00:52:39.079
The only time I ever get any kind of attention

688
00:52:39.239 --> 00:52:42.119
from women because I joined that plenty.

689
00:52:41.800 --> 00:52:42.480
Of fish.

690
00:52:44.119 --> 00:52:45.239
Years ago.

691
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:56.760
And I was in my thirties at that time, probably

692
00:52:58.280 --> 00:53:04.119
twenty years ago. Probably I don't think I got one

693
00:53:04.159 --> 00:53:07.199
person under fifty that showed any.

694
00:53:07.039 --> 00:53:07.639
Interest in me.

695
00:53:08.840 --> 00:53:13.679
And I don't know if it was just because of

696
00:53:13.719 --> 00:53:20.719
how I look. I don't think i'm particularly photographic. Now

697
00:53:22.360 --> 00:53:28.800
you can't see on camera what I really look like,

698
00:53:31.159 --> 00:53:34.320
because I don't know why, whether the camera seems to

699
00:53:34.440 --> 00:53:41.639
hide all my good looks or my sexiness, my chiseled jaw,

700
00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:50.159
my long flowing, dark brown curly hair, my perfect vision,

701
00:53:52.679 --> 00:53:53.639
tiny little nose.

702
00:53:57.000 --> 00:54:00.920
You know, it's all hidden. It's all hidden on the

703
00:54:01.000 --> 00:54:07.320
camera him the camera, and you get.

704
00:54:07.960 --> 00:54:14.119
This this you get me, and it's weird.

705
00:54:14.159 --> 00:54:15.000
It's kind of like.

706
00:54:14.920 --> 00:54:20.440
As it with fake Really it's not real. But then

707
00:54:20.679 --> 00:54:24.840
I don't feel too bad because I've seen pictures of

708
00:54:25.039 --> 00:54:30.719
people and the way that on Facebook or on Instagram,

709
00:54:30.920 --> 00:54:37.440
the way that people manipulate the photographs to make them

710
00:54:37.440 --> 00:54:44.159
look like make themselves look completely different, and there doesn't

711
00:54:44.199 --> 00:54:50.239
seem any point in that. For fun, yeah, for fun,

712
00:54:50.719 --> 00:54:55.679
but if it's a dating profile, what's the point in

713
00:54:56.000 --> 00:55:05.679
portraying yourself as looking completely different? And I'm not saying

714
00:55:05.880 --> 00:55:11.440
show you much that all we should show all our

715
00:55:11.559 --> 00:55:17.679
faults straight away. I mean, you know, doing a close

716
00:55:17.719 --> 00:55:20.400
up so you can see your black heads on your

717
00:55:20.400 --> 00:55:21.079
ears or whatever.

718
00:55:21.159 --> 00:55:28.960
You know, I don't mean that. But take a picture

719
00:55:29.000 --> 00:55:30.039
of yourself after your.

720
00:55:30.079 --> 00:55:33.960
Ve and a sausage roll with all the bits all

721
00:55:33.960 --> 00:55:39.199
over your face and in between your teeth, and like, yeah,

722
00:55:39.480 --> 00:55:42.840
I'm not okay, that's not perhaps your best picture. But

723
00:55:46.719 --> 00:55:49.159
unless you want to meet someone that likes sausage rolls,

724
00:55:55.719 --> 00:55:59.199
the problem is, so I could make myself look different

725
00:55:59.239 --> 00:56:02.920
on a camera. You know, I've got editing software. I've

726
00:56:02.960 --> 00:56:06.639
got ways of changing how I look even in this

727
00:56:06.800 --> 00:56:09.760
video if I wanted to, and I haven't, just so

728
00:56:09.880 --> 00:56:12.679
you know, But if I wanted to, I could make

729
00:56:12.719 --> 00:56:16.599
my eyes smaller, I could make my head smaller, I

730
00:56:16.639 --> 00:56:18.679
could change the color of my skin.

731
00:56:19.519 --> 00:56:20.880
I could do all kinds of things.

732
00:56:22.039 --> 00:56:25.639
It's ridiculous what you can do with editing now.

733
00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:28.639
But I'm not going to do any of that.

734
00:56:32.639 --> 00:56:34.800
And I don't know why I'm telling you that I'm

735
00:56:34.840 --> 00:56:35.920
not going to do any of that.

736
00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:36.760
Because.

737
00:56:40.440 --> 00:56:45.960
If this is the result of me working really hard

738
00:56:46.119 --> 00:56:49.679
on editing my face to look better than what I

739
00:56:49.719 --> 00:56:53.559
normally do, then something's gone wrong.

740
00:56:53.440 --> 00:56:56.000
Isn't it.

741
00:56:56.599 --> 00:57:04.719
You know what I mean? So how does that work? Though?

742
00:57:04.760 --> 00:57:04.880
So?

743
00:57:05.159 --> 00:57:05.880
Do you put on a.

744
00:57:07.480 --> 00:57:13.960
Made up picture looks nothing like you and then you

745
00:57:14.039 --> 00:57:19.039
go on the date? How is that going to work?

746
00:57:19.480 --> 00:57:21.840
You're just going to hope that maybe the other person

747
00:57:21.880 --> 00:57:27.639
has done exactly the same thing so that it doesn't matter.

748
00:57:31.159 --> 00:57:33.679
I don't know, I mean, how would you even know

749
00:57:34.760 --> 00:57:35.719
that you were the same person?

750
00:57:35.760 --> 00:57:37.000
Because if you go in.

751
00:57:36.920 --> 00:57:40.440
Oh, I'm going to meet you in Weatherspoons or whatever

752
00:57:40.559 --> 00:57:44.000
some pub and you both have messed up with your

753
00:57:44.599 --> 00:57:47.719
with your images, so neither of you look how you

754
00:57:47.760 --> 00:57:51.679
really look, and you turn up at this bar full

755
00:57:51.719 --> 00:57:56.960
of people you're not even going to meet each other

756
00:58:00.039 --> 00:58:02.880
unless you walk up to each other and say, Hi, are.

757
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:06.159
You Jucy JJ, are you.

758
00:58:06.320 --> 00:58:11.880
Are you Sally Seanna, Sanna, Shawnaman mcenroy or whatever.

759
00:58:12.960 --> 00:58:20.920
So yeah, hm hmm.

760
00:58:21.159 --> 00:58:26.559
Anyway to this lady, I realized that she was it

761
00:58:26.679 --> 00:58:32.840
was because of that advert thing that I posted in

762
00:58:32.880 --> 00:58:37.880
the new local newspaper. And she responded, I mean, obviously,

763
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:40.159
needless to say, my picture wasn't in the newspaper.

764
00:58:42.559 --> 00:58:44.800
And I realized that.

765
00:58:47.800 --> 00:58:49.559
If anything was going to happen, we just have to

766
00:58:49.559 --> 00:58:53.480
make it happen now, you know, soon. So we ended

767
00:58:53.519 --> 00:58:55.159
up meeting I think Monday night.

768
00:58:56.440 --> 00:59:01.199
Yeah, it was Monday night because East Enders was the

769
00:59:01.199 --> 00:59:08.880
next day. No, yeah, whatever day Holby City was on,

770
00:59:10.079 --> 00:59:13.400
it was the night before that, so I think Holby

771
00:59:13.519 --> 00:59:17.719
City used to be on a Tuesday night, unless it

772
00:59:17.760 --> 00:59:20.280
was on a Thursday night. This is two thousand and

773
00:59:20.320 --> 00:59:37.960
four January. I think it was a Tuesday night. Anyway,

774
00:59:37.960 --> 00:59:39.079
it doesn't really matter.

775
00:59:39.760 --> 00:59:43.559
So I said to her, you know, what's your best feature?

776
00:59:43.639 --> 00:59:46.199
And she told me. I said, okay, where do you

777
00:59:46.239 --> 00:59:51.239
want to meet? And she asked me about myself? I said,

778
00:59:51.519 --> 00:59:52.920
it said, do you want to know anything? I said no, no,

779
00:59:53.039 --> 00:59:54.079
that's fine, that's what I need to know.

780
00:59:54.920 --> 00:59:59.119
And so we just had a little.

781
00:59:59.000 --> 01:00:02.159
Chat on the phone. She seemed nice, she seemed to

782
01:00:02.280 --> 01:00:03.480
like me. So we met up.

783
01:00:04.480 --> 01:00:07.280
I went to this bar.

784
01:00:07.880 --> 01:00:10.920
She was already in there. I think she might have

785
01:00:10.920 --> 01:00:15.480
been in there a while before I got there, and

786
01:00:17.239 --> 01:00:20.159
I sat down and said hello.

787
01:00:20.480 --> 01:00:25.480
She said, I don't know. She was particularly excited to

788
01:00:25.519 --> 01:00:27.599
see me, but she acknowledged I.

789
01:00:27.559 --> 01:00:28.880
Existed, So that was a start.

790
01:00:30.599 --> 01:00:37.440
Didn't completely ignore me. That's happened before. That's enough about

791
01:00:37.440 --> 01:00:37.920
my wedding.

792
01:00:40.599 --> 01:00:46.519
I gave her a oh what's it called?

793
01:00:51.119 --> 01:00:55.480
What those eggs? Kinder surprise kinder surprise eggs. I gave

794
01:00:55.480 --> 01:00:58.360
her one of those. I said, there you go, give

795
01:00:58.400 --> 01:01:00.719
you something to play with, if something to play with

796
01:01:00.760 --> 01:01:06.079
if you get bored with me, and we laughed.

797
01:01:08.840 --> 01:01:09.599
So we had a drink.

798
01:01:09.679 --> 01:01:12.039
I didn't drink the whole of two thousand and four,

799
01:01:12.159 --> 01:01:15.639
so that intrigued her because she seemed to be enjoying drinking.

800
01:01:18.280 --> 01:01:19.440
And then.

801
01:01:21.239 --> 01:01:24.480
We went to another place, and then we went back

802
01:01:24.480 --> 01:01:28.400
to my place. She wanted to come back to mine.

803
01:01:28.599 --> 01:01:35.239
I didn't expect that. I never expect that. I just

804
01:01:35.320 --> 01:01:38.800
didn't see that coming. I thought it was just going

805
01:01:38.840 --> 01:01:42.280
to be a date and then probably wouldn't see Heracain,

806
01:01:42.360 --> 01:01:44.159
or maybe I would see Racain, but just you know,

807
01:01:44.360 --> 01:01:54.480
I wasn't expecting anything interesting to happen. And at the

808
01:01:54.519 --> 01:01:58.039
time I was living in the YMCA, not in the

809
01:01:58.119 --> 01:02:01.440
hostel park, but in the flats part so studio apartments,

810
01:02:02.400 --> 01:02:08.400
So I did have my own studio apartment. But I

811
01:02:08.480 --> 01:02:16.079
it was messy and there was stuff on the I

812
01:02:16.159 --> 01:02:17.840
just said, just wait here. I went in and I

813
01:02:17.920 --> 01:02:21.920
tried to check everything underneath the bed it was. It

814
01:02:22.000 --> 01:02:25.039
wasn't good. I just didn't know. I didn't think there

815
01:02:25.079 --> 01:02:29.400
was going to be another human in that flat ever,

816
01:02:30.400 --> 01:02:32.440
or that studio thing. I didn't think anyone will ever

817
01:02:32.480 --> 01:02:33.280
go in nextcept me.

818
01:02:35.400 --> 01:02:37.719
So she spent the night.

819
01:02:40.119 --> 01:02:42.880
I had fun. I don't know if she did or not.

820
01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:52.360
The relationship did last one more night. So we spent

821
01:02:52.519 --> 01:02:57.239
the Monday night together, spent the Tuesday night together, and

822
01:02:57.360 --> 01:02:58.199
on the Wednesday.

823
01:02:58.360 --> 01:03:00.360
It was a little bit like Craig David's.

824
01:03:00.119 --> 01:03:05.760
Song, except well, it's seven nights or seven days spare

825
01:03:05.800 --> 01:03:09.239
the night. On Monday I spoke, I phoned her up

826
01:03:09.280 --> 01:03:13.760
on Sunday. We went out on Monday. We made love

827
01:03:13.800 --> 01:03:16.800
on Monday night, and then we met up on Tuesday again,

828
01:03:17.639 --> 01:03:18.960
and then Wednesdays.

829
01:03:18.480 --> 01:03:20.039
She dumped me by text.

830
01:03:21.480 --> 01:03:24.199
I'm not sure how those lyrics would go, but she

831
01:03:24.480 --> 01:03:30.079
uh so.

832
01:03:30.239 --> 01:03:34.440
The Monday night was pretty good. It's quite a good night.

833
01:03:35.800 --> 01:03:40.559
The Tuesday morning, at eleven o'clock, I had my very

834
01:03:40.599 --> 01:03:48.639
first psychiatric evaluation with two psychologists or psychiatrists, psychologists.

835
01:03:47.920 --> 01:03:48.480
I'm not sure.

836
01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:56.719
And they said how are you?

837
01:03:56.760 --> 01:04:01.400
And I said I'm good, and I was smiling because

838
01:04:01.920 --> 01:04:05.000
I'd had a really good time and I was in

839
01:04:05.039 --> 01:04:09.800
a good mood, and I was on a waiting list

840
01:04:11.280 --> 01:04:14.599
for ages to see them. But the reason I've been

841
01:04:14.599 --> 01:04:18.400
waiting to see them wasn't how I was feeling in

842
01:04:18.440 --> 01:04:23.599
that moment, and they couldn't understand that. I was trying

843
01:04:23.599 --> 01:04:28.880
to explain to them, I just just had a really

844
01:04:28.920 --> 01:04:32.679
good night's session. I'm not sure how I worded it,

845
01:04:32.719 --> 01:04:34.639
but I was just like, I'm in a good mood

846
01:04:34.679 --> 01:04:35.119
because of that.

847
01:04:35.679 --> 01:04:38.159
Trust me, this is not my normal, this is not

848
01:04:38.199 --> 01:04:38.960
what I'm normally like.

849
01:04:39.039 --> 01:04:41.800
I'm just still buzzing from that because I got to

850
01:04:41.880 --> 01:04:48.199
hold someone's hand, she let me touch her leg, her ankle, oh,

851
01:04:48.320 --> 01:04:50.679
you know, And.

852
01:04:55.679 --> 01:04:56.840
They didn't get it.

853
01:04:56.920 --> 01:05:02.960
They's like, oh, they decided they went outside, not outside

854
01:05:03.000 --> 01:05:05.880
in the cold, but they went into a different room

855
01:05:06.199 --> 01:05:06.960
or into the hallway.

856
01:05:07.000 --> 01:05:07.480
I don't know.

857
01:05:08.079 --> 01:05:09.559
I wasn't looking through the keyhole.

858
01:05:11.360 --> 01:05:15.639
They were in the hallway, and they decided that I

859
01:05:15.760 --> 01:05:18.760
was okay, there's nothing wrong with me, didn't need any

860
01:05:18.760 --> 01:05:27.880
help because I was in a good mood on that day.

861
01:05:28.079 --> 01:05:30.519
Now at the time, bear in mind, this is two

862
01:05:30.559 --> 01:05:33.719
thousand and four, I'd had.

863
01:05:36.639 --> 01:05:37.920
Over a year of.

864
01:05:40.159 --> 01:05:43.960
Really I mean, I'd lost my job, lost you know,

865
01:05:44.079 --> 01:05:47.480
got into debt loads of things because of my situation,

866
01:05:48.639 --> 01:05:51.480
and they weren't taking me seriously because I wasn't taking

867
01:05:51.519 --> 01:05:56.719
myself seriously, because I was struggling to take myself seriously

868
01:05:56.800 --> 01:06:04.519
because I'd had a really nice time and I wasn't over.

869
01:06:05.800 --> 01:06:08.599
I wasn't drinking or anything like that, so I wasn't hungover.

870
01:06:10.960 --> 01:06:17.519
I was just buzzing from I guess, a different type

871
01:06:17.559 --> 01:06:25.920
of stimulation. So instead of my brain stimulating me in

872
01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:30.639
ways I didn't want it to, my brain was being

873
01:06:30.679 --> 01:06:34.199
stimulated I was going to say manually, but that's probably

874
01:06:34.239 --> 01:06:35.960
not a good way to put it, is it. But

875
01:06:36.039 --> 01:06:41.000
it was like more naturally, you know, it was kind

876
01:06:41.000 --> 01:06:46.719
of a nice kind of thing. I don't know how

877
01:06:46.800 --> 01:06:51.199
to really verbalize it, but they.

878
01:06:51.159 --> 01:06:52.239
Didn't take it seriously.

879
01:06:53.599 --> 01:06:56.559
The fact that I was grinning and smiling and laughing

880
01:06:57.800 --> 01:07:07.360
probably didn't help. That's the thing, isn't it. I think

881
01:07:07.360 --> 01:07:15.760
you can't. Yeah, and then so I go through the

882
01:07:15.760 --> 01:07:23.119
next how many years? So yeah, I go through the

883
01:07:23.159 --> 01:07:25.760
next six years.

884
01:07:27.599 --> 01:07:31.599
Of that's ridiculous.

885
01:07:31.800 --> 01:07:38.320
It's like, yeah, losing jobs and all kinds of things

886
01:07:38.360 --> 01:07:39.199
because of my.

887
01:07:41.800 --> 01:07:47.840
Mood stuff. And it took a doctor.

888
01:07:49.159 --> 01:07:49.440
Again.

889
01:07:49.559 --> 01:07:51.320
This was twenty eleven in.

890
01:07:53.960 --> 01:07:55.840
I don't know if it was August, maybe it was July.

891
01:07:57.440 --> 01:07:58.280
I went to doctor.

892
01:07:58.360 --> 01:08:00.920
This is when I realized that because I've gone from

893
01:08:00.960 --> 01:08:11.360
being up to not being up. And this doctor wasn't

894
01:08:11.360 --> 01:08:15.400
my regular doctor. She I think my regular doctor was.

895
01:08:16.760 --> 01:08:19.800
I got an emergency appointment, so my regular doctor couldn't

896
01:08:19.800 --> 01:08:26.079
see me. So and this doctor I'd not seen before.

897
01:08:27.760 --> 01:08:30.239
She looked back at my files and she saw that

898
01:08:30.319 --> 01:08:39.359
I'd been on medication since ninety five and all the

899
01:08:39.359 --> 01:08:41.720
different things that have been on my record, on my

900
01:08:42.079 --> 01:08:47.119
you know, on my file and all that stuff. Just

901
01:08:47.199 --> 01:08:50.600
bang my microphone. And she said, if you had if

902
01:08:50.600 --> 01:08:53.439
you had a psychiatric ever being referred, and I said, yeah,

903
01:08:53.479 --> 01:08:56.239
I've got referred two thousand and four. But I got

904
01:08:56.279 --> 01:08:58.199
laid that night before and I was just in a

905
01:08:58.239 --> 01:09:03.800
good mood. She aft, and I said, I wasn't really

906
01:09:03.840 --> 01:09:07.720
representing myself very well. She said, well, in future, when

907
01:09:07.720 --> 01:09:11.159
you're of a doctor, maybe don't mention getting laid. I said, okay,

908
01:09:11.880 --> 01:09:13.319
do you feel like I should have said something different

909
01:09:13.359 --> 01:09:15.600
to them? She said, I'm talking about me. She shouldn't

910
01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:23.680
have said it to me now, so okay. Ooh, and

911
01:09:23.720 --> 01:09:25.680
I still got the letter. I did have the letter.

912
01:09:25.880 --> 01:09:28.119
I'm not sure if I got it now somewhere.

913
01:09:29.760 --> 01:09:31.279
She said, I'm going to refer you.

914
01:09:32.479 --> 01:09:33.600
To a psychiatrist.

915
01:09:35.239 --> 01:09:41.319
I said, okay, and so to get a diagnosis, because

916
01:09:41.319 --> 01:09:47.600
she said that you need a proper session, proper be

917
01:09:47.760 --> 01:09:50.800
taken seriously, because this is just happening too much, and

918
01:09:51.399 --> 01:09:56.279
she's been going on for too long. So I that's

919
01:09:56.279 --> 01:09:58.920
what happened. So I was on put on antidepressants, and

920
01:09:58.920 --> 01:10:02.680
then I went to the psychiatrists at the beginning of

921
01:10:03.039 --> 01:10:12.840
Sember twenty eleven, and after quite a long time dissecting

922
01:10:12.960 --> 01:10:16.359
my life, going back over stuff and also looking at

923
01:10:16.399 --> 01:10:26.399
my medical history, I was diagnosed with bipolar effective disorder.

924
01:10:28.640 --> 01:10:34.000
And put on medication, which I took for.

925
01:10:36.720 --> 01:10:41.399
A few days and then stopped.

926
01:10:44.319 --> 01:10:45.920
I still took the end of the presons, but I

927
01:10:45.920 --> 01:10:50.880
didn't take the the antipsychotic stuff.

928
01:10:53.119 --> 01:10:54.039
And then.

929
01:10:56.600 --> 01:11:04.760
Twenty twelve, when by still all over the place, twenty thirteen,

930
01:11:06.319 --> 01:11:09.439
I was still on the antidepress now I stopped taking

931
01:11:09.439 --> 01:11:15.720
the antidepressants. Twenty thirteen. I went back on antidepressants.

932
01:11:15.800 --> 01:11:26.880
In the springtime, and then about August September, I couldn't

933
01:11:26.920 --> 01:11:28.039
go back to work anymore.

934
01:11:28.079 --> 01:11:28.880
I had it, just.

935
01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:35.920
Couldn't do it, And eventually I was referred to see

936
01:11:35.920 --> 01:11:47.199
a psychiatrist again. This time I saw four different psychiatrists interviewed,

937
01:11:47.720 --> 01:11:49.600
and I think one was twice and the other two,

938
01:11:49.680 --> 01:11:53.760
so two different, three different psychiatrists. One saw twice and

939
01:11:53.840 --> 01:11:57.960
I saw another one and this was like over probably

940
01:12:00.159 --> 01:12:14.000
every two weeks. And they decided that I had bipolar

941
01:12:14.159 --> 01:12:20.439
effective disorder. So I was re re not reassigned, and

942
01:12:20.439 --> 01:12:23.239
the sounds the wrong word, isn't it. I was rediagnosed

943
01:12:23.239 --> 01:12:27.199
with what I'd already proves to being diagnosed as with

944
01:12:27.359 --> 01:12:33.119
anxiety and stuff, and so I started having I started

945
01:12:33.119 --> 01:12:36.399
going in having psychotherapy. So I was on a waiting

946
01:12:36.439 --> 01:12:40.359
list for that. I was put on medication for the

947
01:12:40.399 --> 01:12:47.840
mood stabilizers for the bipolar and still took the antidepressants

948
01:12:47.960 --> 01:12:48.439
as well.

949
01:12:52.520 --> 01:12:57.199
And then I didn't know right I was.

950
01:12:57.319 --> 01:13:01.560
I had psychotherapy for over a year year and a half.

951
01:13:02.760 --> 01:13:07.479
I was finally released two thousand and seventeen or was

952
01:13:07.520 --> 01:13:15.800
it twenty eighteen, So from two thousand and thirteen for

953
01:13:15.920 --> 01:13:20.520
five years really, so from beginning to them releasing me,

954
01:13:20.520 --> 01:13:23.159
it was a five year period. It wasn't like all

955
01:13:23.199 --> 01:13:25.840
the time for five years, and I wasn't hospitalized or anything,

956
01:13:26.279 --> 01:13:28.439
but it was a five year period when I went

957
01:13:28.479 --> 01:13:32.319
to the bipolar group and you know, all different things.

958
01:13:32.680 --> 01:13:37.800
And eventually after five years, I was released, released from

959
01:13:37.840 --> 01:13:45.000
my contract and my psychotherapist. First of all, we went

960
01:13:45.159 --> 01:13:48.239
I went to see her, and then she started coming,

961
01:13:48.279 --> 01:13:55.439
here's my psychologist, and we were doing I didn't know what.

962
01:13:55.880 --> 01:13:57.159
I didn't know what we were doing.

963
01:13:59.479 --> 01:14:02.399
And she said something to me once because I said,

964
01:14:02.720 --> 01:14:05.640
I don't know what it was. I said to her.

965
01:14:06.800 --> 01:14:09.359
It was like a question, I don't understand this, understand

966
01:14:09.399 --> 01:14:13.319
why this happens. I said, I don't know why I'm

967
01:14:13.399 --> 01:14:15.399
like this. So I was sitting over there at the table,

968
01:14:15.520 --> 01:14:17.920
she was sitting opposite at the table, and I had

969
01:14:17.960 --> 01:14:22.920
Andre running around trying to get inside a purse. He

970
01:14:22.960 --> 01:14:24.800
was literally inside a handbag at some point.

971
01:14:25.560 --> 01:14:27.399
It was funny.

972
01:14:27.600 --> 01:14:30.279
She didn't laugh. I did, and.

973
01:14:31.600 --> 01:14:33.600
I said, I don't understand that, and she said, well,

974
01:14:34.279 --> 01:14:39.720
it's probably just it's because of the partner personality disorder.

975
01:14:41.960 --> 01:14:50.000
I said, what, So this was twenty fifteen, right, No

976
01:14:50.039 --> 01:14:52.560
one said anything to me about having a personality disorder.

977
01:14:53.399 --> 01:14:55.880
I knew about the bipolar. They told me bipolar. I'd

978
01:14:55.920 --> 01:15:02.479
already been diagnosed before bipolar. Okay, no one mentioned personality disorder,

979
01:15:02.840 --> 01:15:06.079
but they diagnosed me and not even told me that

980
01:15:06.199 --> 01:15:14.079
was my official diagnosis medically. Yeah, And I was upset because.

981
01:15:14.920 --> 01:15:19.479
It it tapped into something separate which I do not

982
01:15:19.520 --> 01:15:29.920
want to go into. But it was really weird. So

983
01:15:29.920 --> 01:15:31.079
I suppose really.

984
01:15:30.840 --> 01:15:36.880
I wasn't probably diagnosed with bipolar, probably till two thousand. No,

985
01:15:37.000 --> 01:15:41.039
it's twenty thirteen, the end of twenty thirteen, I suppose,

986
01:15:42.000 --> 01:15:44.000
So it's over a year and a half before I

987
01:15:44.039 --> 01:15:50.159
even heard about the borderline personality like emotionally unstable borderline

988
01:15:50.199 --> 01:16:00.560
personality disorder EUPDP E emotionally unstable personality disorder IF.

989
01:16:04.600 --> 01:16:05.840
Okay, I've got to look this up.

990
01:16:11.680 --> 01:16:18.319
EUPD with with.

991
01:16:22.319 --> 01:16:33.439
There's different things that comes with it can come with, Okay,

992
01:16:35.960 --> 01:16:43.600
emotional unstowed personality disorder. It affects only one percent of

993
01:16:43.640 --> 01:16:49.920
the population. It's common for EUPD to coexist with other

994
01:16:50.000 --> 01:16:56.640
psychological health conditions e g. Depression and other anxiety and stuff.

995
01:16:58.399 --> 01:17:01.479
The cause used to includes both in genetic and environmental

996
01:17:01.840 --> 01:17:04.880
with a history of childhood stuff.

997
01:17:12.680 --> 01:17:13.680
So DBT.

998
01:17:14.479 --> 01:17:17.520
What my psychologist was coming around to do with me

999
01:17:17.760 --> 01:17:21.479
was DBT called dialectical behavioral therapy.

1000
01:17:23.760 --> 01:17:24.560
I didn't know that.

1001
01:17:28.359 --> 01:17:32.960
I didn't know, so she was really there more for

1002
01:17:33.039 --> 01:17:38.079
them personality disorder than for the bipolar.

1003
01:17:39.720 --> 01:17:41.319
I mean, with bipolar.

1004
01:17:40.840 --> 01:17:49.359
There's coping strategies, there's yeah, there's an overlap, but the

1005
01:17:49.359 --> 01:17:54.880
whole what's going on here, some of the symptoms intense

1006
01:17:55.640 --> 01:18:00.520
fluctuating emotions with mood changes out at our lot day

1007
01:18:00.560 --> 01:18:07.560
to day tick relationships are difficulty maintaining stable relationships. I

1008
01:18:07.600 --> 01:18:16.079
don't even don't even try to anymore. Impulsivity, Yeah, apparently

1009
01:18:16.279 --> 01:18:24.159
that's what I minus. Its EUBD with impulsivity, and I

1010
01:18:24.199 --> 01:18:32.920
think I'll have to look it up, but yeah, it's

1011
01:18:32.960 --> 01:18:35.279
it's really weird to see something and just like it

1012
01:18:35.359 --> 01:18:40.760
explained you, it's very strange. But there's also the the

1013
01:18:41.079 --> 01:18:46.880
bipolar as well, so it's kind of it's both of them.

1014
01:18:46.960 --> 01:18:48.920
I don't know why I'm talking about this today, because

1015
01:18:48.960 --> 01:18:52.279
this isn't really let me boy to sleep.

1016
01:18:54.680 --> 01:18:55.159
Proper.

1017
01:18:55.960 --> 01:18:58.960
Really, Vinny, are you really going to be making noises

1018
01:18:59.039 --> 01:18:59.319
like that?

1019
01:19:00.880 --> 01:19:02.319
This isn't really.

1020
01:19:04.399 --> 01:19:08.960
Maybe I'm just going to call it talking about bipolar.

1021
01:19:10.159 --> 01:19:11.720
And b DP eup D.

1022
01:19:13.079 --> 01:19:16.920
I don't know talking about being mental. I suppose I

1023
01:19:16.920 --> 01:19:24.439
could put that down how mental am I? I don't

1024
01:19:24.479 --> 01:19:27.840
know it's I don't know what the title could be,

1025
01:19:28.520 --> 01:19:31.439
but yeah, I thought it just it just seems to

1026
01:19:31.439 --> 01:19:35.920
be what I've talked about. I don't ever really plan

1027
01:19:36.199 --> 01:19:42.439
what I'm going to talk about, but I guess if

1028
01:19:42.439 --> 01:19:44.319
I put it in the title, then people are going

1029
01:19:44.359 --> 01:19:44.640
to know.

1030
01:19:46.560 --> 01:19:48.840
It makes sense, doesn't it?

1031
01:19:48.840 --> 01:19:56.600
It makes a sense to me. I've got a very

1032
01:19:56.640 --> 01:20:04.720
iffy fart building up. It's a confusing part, you know.

1033
01:20:04.840 --> 01:20:12.520
I'm not sure if it's safe or not. And I

1034
01:20:12.600 --> 01:20:16.720
literally just had a shower a few weeks ago, so

1035
01:20:16.760 --> 01:20:21.479
I don't want to I don't want to make him

1036
01:20:21.520 --> 01:20:30.119
not gonna make a miss wow, oh, dear. So yeah,

1037
01:20:30.279 --> 01:20:32.199
I just I don't know why I'm talking about this.

1038
01:20:35.079 --> 01:20:43.079
I don't know why I'm talking about this. I don't

1039
01:20:43.119 --> 01:20:47.000
know why I'm talking so much crab.

1040
01:20:51.279 --> 01:20:51.840
So that's it.

1041
01:20:51.840 --> 01:20:54.000
Really, I'm just just chatting about.

1042
01:20:55.399 --> 01:20:57.720
I suppose because I've been Yeah, I've been going through

1043
01:20:57.720 --> 01:21:01.560
it a little bit, and I suppose I kind of

1044
01:21:01.600 --> 01:21:06.520
would like to kind of explain a little bit about

1045
01:21:06.560 --> 01:21:10.840
what it's like from my perspective. I don't think I have, really,

1046
01:21:10.880 --> 01:21:14.319
I don't think I've particularly delved too deeply.

1047
01:21:18.800 --> 01:21:25.479
I've touched the surface. But I don't know. I didn't

1048
01:21:25.520 --> 01:21:30.760
expect a therapy session. Nobody expects a therapy session. I

1049
01:21:30.760 --> 01:21:37.039
don't know. I might have a cornetto.

1050
01:21:37.840 --> 01:21:40.680
I know it's not perhaps relevant to what we're talking about,

1051
01:21:40.720 --> 01:21:47.359
but I suddenly got the urge, the urge to purge

1052
01:21:47.720 --> 01:21:48.600
on cornetto's.

1053
01:21:51.479 --> 01:21:52.079
So that's it.

1054
01:21:52.439 --> 01:21:57.239
I'm going to go, Thank you for listening, and remember

1055
01:21:58.600 --> 01:22:00.880
to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to

1056
01:22:00.920 --> 01:22:03.119
be happy and be gentle with yourself.

1057
01:22:04.600 --> 01:22:08.880
You deserve to feel safe, lots of love.

1058
01:22:11.600 --> 01:22:37.239
Bye. Relax in a more deep and meaningful way, maybe

1059
01:22:37.479 --> 01:22:42.520
in a way that can not just allow you to

1060
01:22:42.800 --> 01:22:53.760
feel calmer now and throughout the time we've spend together here,

1061
01:22:55.800 --> 01:23:01.479
not just relaxed at the end of the recording when

1062
01:23:01.520 --> 01:23:08.199
it's finished and you can enjoy that sense of comfort

1063
01:23:08.359 --> 01:23:23.239
and peace, but also I think it would be nice

1064
01:23:23.359 --> 01:23:43.159
to have those feelings of relaxation continue for longer after

1065
01:23:43.239 --> 01:23:53.840
the recording has ended, so that you can still benefit

1066
01:23:56.720 --> 01:24:04.000
from listening to my voice, maybe in a few hours time,

1067
01:24:05.880 --> 01:24:19.359
perhaps tomorrow, and then by listening regularly, especially if you

1068
01:24:19.520 --> 01:24:24.800
find like some people do, and myself as well, sometimes

1069
01:24:24.800 --> 01:24:31.079
I find one particular recording that really resonates with me,

1070
01:24:35.439 --> 01:24:37.840
and I just listen to it over and over again

1071
01:24:40.079 --> 01:24:53.119
every morning, every evening. There was this recording from We're

1072
01:24:53.119 --> 01:24:58.880
going back to about nineteen ninety nine. It wasn't hypnosis,

1073
01:24:58.960 --> 01:25:04.600
but it was a guide visualizations. It kind of was hypnosis, really.

1074
01:25:06.760 --> 01:25:07.159
And.

1075
01:25:08.880 --> 01:25:12.199
I managed to find it again and it still has

1076
01:25:12.239 --> 01:25:17.880
the same effect on me. And part of it was

1077
01:25:21.520 --> 01:25:32.600
the person's voice relaxed me. She just felt so peaceful,

1078
01:25:34.640 --> 01:25:41.079
and I'd look forward to listening to her in the

1079
01:25:41.199 --> 01:25:51.880
morning and in the evening. And I knew before even

1080
01:25:52.640 --> 01:26:01.119
pressing the play button that since I've done that pressed

1081
01:26:01.119 --> 01:26:09.680
the play button, this was in the days of CD

1082
01:26:09.880 --> 01:26:18.560
players pressed the play button. I fact, it might have

1083
01:26:18.640 --> 01:26:22.960
even been a tap tape recorder. I'd lie down on

1084
01:26:23.000 --> 01:26:35.840
the bed and then even without necessarily listening to her

1085
01:26:36.039 --> 01:26:48.960
words because I had them memorized. Really, it was as

1086
01:26:49.000 --> 01:26:59.680
if my body knew exactly what to do, and the

1087
01:27:00.119 --> 01:27:21.399
saw as just almost went into automatic relaxation, and I

1088
01:27:21.479 --> 01:27:35.439
remember my mind would slow down. Now. Now, I was

1089
01:27:35.600 --> 01:27:42.880
listening to this recording in the early days of learning hypnosis,

1090
01:27:45.439 --> 01:27:53.279
and long before I ever made any videos or audio

1091
01:27:53.319 --> 01:27:58.119
recordings myself, because I didn't start doing that till two

1092
01:27:58.119 --> 01:27:59.239
thousand and six.

1093
01:28:06.000 --> 01:28:12.039
But I knew, I knew how.

1094
01:28:13.560 --> 01:28:27.359
Helpful I found being able to just let go, to

1095
01:28:27.439 --> 01:28:32.680
have that trust in the person that I'm listening to,

1096
01:28:40.319 --> 01:28:48.399
knowing that it's going to be just as relaxing, if

1097
01:28:48.479 --> 01:28:53.359
not more so. Each time you hear my.

1098
01:28:53.399 --> 01:28:58.840
Voice, you may feel the same.

1099
01:29:05.199 --> 01:29:06.560
Some people.

1100
01:29:08.600 --> 01:29:20.960
Have been listening to me for over a decade, maybe

1101
01:29:21.039 --> 01:29:26.560
not solidly, obviously not twenty four hours a day, but.

1102
01:29:28.600 --> 01:29:29.920
Maybe people come back.

1103
01:29:31.720 --> 01:29:46.800
Some people maybe listen every day. That's something that I

1104
01:29:46.840 --> 01:29:58.640
do which you may not realize by listening, is.

1105
01:30:02.600 --> 01:30:06.159
When I record.

1106
01:30:06.960 --> 01:30:20.720
These recordings. Now, for example, I also am affected by

1107
01:30:20.760 --> 01:30:33.239
the words that I say. So if I set you

1108
01:30:34.319 --> 01:30:42.880
focus on your feet, notice your feet relaxing.

1109
01:30:43.560 --> 01:30:52.840
I will be focusing on my feet. I will be noticing.

1110
01:30:55.119 --> 01:31:09.680
My feet relaxing. If I said, focus on your hands,

1111
01:31:12.439 --> 01:31:21.960
and maybe notice the difference between each hand, perhaps notice

1112
01:31:22.079 --> 01:31:28.119
the air in the room, the temperature.

1113
01:31:27.640 --> 01:31:30.000
Of the room.

1114
01:31:30.039 --> 01:31:31.640
On the backs of your hands.

1115
01:31:39.439 --> 01:31:43.319
You may start to notice what almost feels like a

1116
01:31:43.439 --> 01:31:51.520
very light breeze, even though there may not be any

1117
01:31:51.920 --> 01:31:53.720
type of breeze at all.

1118
01:31:55.279 --> 01:31:56.840
Where you are right now.

1119
01:32:05.000 --> 01:32:15.640
And as you become aware of your hands, I'm also

1120
01:32:15.960 --> 01:32:23.000
aware of how relaxed my hands.

1121
01:32:26.560 --> 01:32:29.439
Are feeling now.

1122
01:32:44.079 --> 01:32:49.920
And when it comes to potentially drifting off to sleep,

1123
01:32:51.000 --> 01:33:05.439
which may be the reason you're listening, also feel drowsy.

1124
01:33:07.720 --> 01:33:08.560
When I make.

1125
01:33:08.479 --> 01:33:19.760
These recordings, I also notice.

1126
01:33:17.920 --> 01:33:21.199
My mind drifting.

1127
01:33:29.079 --> 01:33:41.680
In fact, at times I've actually fallen asleep without even noticing,

1128
01:33:46.560 --> 01:33:57.600
and then I carry on talking. It's only where I

1129
01:33:57.680 --> 01:34:07.079
listen back to do the editing I hear snoring and

1130
01:34:07.159 --> 01:34:17.159
I think I don't remember snoring. I remember talking. Is

1131
01:34:17.159 --> 01:34:24.359
it snoring? Was a pick turned up? That's why I

1132
01:34:24.399 --> 01:34:32.560
sound like when I snare, how I get really into

1133
01:34:32.600 --> 01:34:36.079
the whole experience.

1134
01:34:44.000 --> 01:34:45.600
I don't know how you feel.

1135
01:34:51.800 --> 01:34:58.960
How relaxed do you feel in your feet, how relaxed.

1136
01:35:02.199 --> 01:35:04.079
You feel in your hands.

1137
01:35:19.119 --> 01:35:20.800
I have noticed.

1138
01:35:22.800 --> 01:35:39.039
More and more that the more relaxed, deeper level of

1139
01:35:39.279 --> 01:35:56.560
comfort you feel, the easier your breathing becomes soul most

1140
01:35:56.920 --> 01:36:17.760
like that additional muscle relaxation. So this allows you debree

1141
01:36:18.199 --> 01:36:44.119
easier without necessarily focusing on your breath. However, being able

1142
01:36:44.199 --> 01:37:13.520
to notice the eyes in which you breathe so naturally.

1143
01:37:28.159 --> 01:38:03.439
You breeze so very easily and smoothly. Whenever I imagine

1144
01:38:10.800 --> 01:38:26.880
my breathing improving. When I've got my eyes closed, I

1145
01:38:27.119 --> 01:38:40.600
tend to visualize a beautiful field with trees and flowers

1146
01:38:47.399 --> 01:39:20.239
producing all that life giving oxygen. And it feels nice to,

1147
01:39:21.960 --> 01:39:42.479
if nothing else, just taking some time away from everything,

1148
01:39:52.239 --> 01:40:25.039
enjoying that feeling of peace serenity with a joyful heart.

1149
01:40:50.119 --> 01:41:15.680
Time seems to just drip by, so very slowly, relaxed,

1150
01:41:21.520 --> 01:41:59.600
so deeply peaceful, completely unattached to any thoughts whatsoever, m

1151
01:42:00.600 --> 01:42:47.479
in this moment, completely free, noticing that.

1152
01:42:54.960 --> 01:42:56.119
Your mind.

1153
01:43:03.399 --> 01:43:43.399
Has slowed down. Slowed down because nothing really requires your attention,

1154
01:43:59.760 --> 01:44:14.159
you can enjoy the physical sensations of allowing the stress

1155
01:44:14.520 --> 01:44:26.119
to drip out of your body, d appearing out of

1156
01:44:26.680 --> 01:44:55.880
every part of your body and being released from your brain.

1157
01:45:01.079 --> 01:45:36.359
Lounge your mind slowly but surely. The muscles in your

1158
01:45:36.520 --> 01:46:28.760
legs relax rex rexs so very deeply, relas so deeply.

1159
01:46:46.520 --> 01:46:56.800
And the feelings, the pleasant feelings in your arms and shoulders,

1160
01:47:14.640 --> 01:47:28.239
deepening each part of your body further and deeper.

1161
01:47:38.199 --> 01:47:39.159
And deeper.

1162
01:47:53.640 --> 01:48:23.319
Noticine, the feelings in the back of your neck, the

1163
01:48:23.479 --> 01:49:10.960
feelings in your wrists, muscles in front of your body.

1164
01:49:13.039 --> 01:49:57.239
I also feeling peaceful, deeping. There's a sense of peace

1165
01:50:01.680 --> 01:50:41.600
spreads through your very core. Even when you focus on

1166
01:50:41.640 --> 01:52:04.760
your mind. Your mind becomes a slower, deeper relaxing, so

1167
01:52:05.399 --> 01:52:42.560
very slow. Your stomach taste fell in your stomach.

1168
01:53:04.720 --> 01:53:05.399
You're back.

1169
01:53:10.800 --> 01:53:24.359
Notice Notice how relaxed.

1170
01:53:27.960 --> 01:54:06.079
You now feel in the hall of your back. Your

1171
01:54:06.359 --> 01:54:13.199
spy from your brain all.

1172
01:54:12.760 --> 01:54:20.399
The way down the middle of your back, sending and

1173
01:54:20.840 --> 01:54:56.720
receiving millions of messages every day, deecomfort increasing deeply relaxed.

1174
01:55:25.960 --> 01:55:53.000
You nies legs.

1175
01:55:56.880 --> 01:56:07.479
Spreading these signals down is final cord into every part

1176
01:56:07.840 --> 01:56:54.039
of your body, your shins and your calf muscles, your elberts,

1177
01:57:10.520 --> 01:57:27.960
feelings of peace and tranquility spreading through your body, tips

1178
01:57:28.000 --> 01:57:43.920
of your toes, to your eyes, your fingers, all the

1179
01:57:44.000 --> 01:58:29.640
way till your lower back. I'm letting go, reting God, pace,

1180
01:58:45.439 --> 01:59:16.119
drifting mind just wonderin way happy to let go, Let

1181
01:59:16.159 --> 02:00:21.479
go completely, let go, so tranquil, your whole body enjoying

1182
02:00:21.640 --> 02:00:53.600
a sensor lest him go, he even more.

1183
02:01:26.119 --> 02:01:59.239
Concrete us.

1184
02:02:01.800 --> 02:02:48.000
Peace, enjoy the space, this space.

1185
02:02:50.439 --> 02:02:51.640
Of peace.

1186
02:02:54.720 --> 02:05:17.760
And safety, fay Rex, letting go. Maybe we can just

1187
02:05:20.640 --> 02:05:29.479
focus on the different parts of your body, just to

1188
02:05:29.720 --> 02:05:56.720
notice your.

1189
02:05:56.600 --> 02:06:58.600
Forehead and your eyes. Tu sid this not to say

1190
02:06:58.640 --> 02:06:59.600
in the sense of.

1191
02:07:02.439 --> 02:08:31.840
Complete freedom, absolute freedom, dress day, dress day. He's fall

1192
02:08:33.640 --> 02:10:18.680
energy paste to breathe so much easy les you may

1193
02:10:19.039 --> 02:11:08.279
have you may not have noticed your mind drifting paceful

1194
02:11:22.319 --> 02:11:25.600
move an even more deeply.

1195
02:11:30.600 --> 02:11:32.000
In the direction of.

1196
02:11:37.000 --> 02:13:48.079
Total blissful pace, blissful pace to tol pace colm so calm,

1197
02:13:51.000 --> 02:14:17.560
lett him go, peace.

1198
02:14:17.880 --> 02:14:34.119
Of mind r fody.

1199
02:14:51.000 --> 02:15:47.920
So Rex, so relaxed. Your body feels almost invisible, so

1200
02:15:48.520 --> 02:15:54.800
very relaxed, many paceful.

1201
02:16:00.520 --> 02:16:09.199
So pace from.

1202
02:16:24.920 --> 02:17:08.479
Right like God, I'm swept paceful, so fair, and you

1203
02:17:08.559 --> 02:17:15.719
could start to notice that you are feeling more relaxed,

1204
02:17:18.719 --> 02:17:28.559
even though I've not purposely focused your mind upon that

1205
02:17:29.799 --> 02:17:35.920
sense of physical comfort that is growing within you throughout

1206
02:17:36.000 --> 02:17:40.760
your body, and your mind.

1207
02:17:42.559 --> 02:17:49.000
Starts to slow down, and.

1208
02:17:48.920 --> 02:17:53.760
That could be almost in recognition of.

1209
02:17:55.559 --> 02:17:57.840
I guess my speech not.

1210
02:17:57.920 --> 02:18:15.079
Being particularly fast, and things just generally feel calmer. Just

1211
02:18:15.399 --> 02:18:23.920
by listening to my voice, you give yourself an opportunity

1212
02:18:25.639 --> 02:18:31.440
to take a break from the day, take a break

1213
02:18:31.479 --> 02:18:39.239
from your life as it is, and to give yourself

1214
02:18:39.280 --> 02:18:47.200
a rest, giving yourself permission to take some time off,

1215
02:18:49.399 --> 02:18:54.799
and to allow your body to relax and allow your

1216
02:18:54.959 --> 02:19:05.559
mind to slow down, which in turn releases the tension

1217
02:19:07.000 --> 02:19:16.159
any stresses that you had in your body. It's almost

1218
02:19:16.200 --> 02:19:20.399
as if the parts of your body just open up,

1219
02:19:21.639 --> 02:19:33.319
allowing the negativity out and at the same time replacing

1220
02:19:34.159 --> 02:19:43.680
that negativity with positive healing energy, which then fills your

1221
02:19:43.719 --> 02:19:55.600
body up and your mind to also starts to appreciate

1222
02:19:56.440 --> 02:20:09.799
those feelings of increase and confidence and almost uplifting, feeling

1223
02:20:11.840 --> 02:20:25.920
positive healing, an energy that spreads through your body like

1224
02:20:26.000 --> 02:20:36.280
a wave of comfort. And all this comes from just

1225
02:20:39.840 --> 02:20:48.639
allowing yourself a few minutes, maybe half an hour, however

1226
02:20:48.719 --> 02:20:54.799
long you want it to be, just rest.

1227
02:20:58.399 --> 02:20:59.399
And allow.

1228
02:21:01.559 --> 02:21:11.520
Your mind and your body to almost reset itself to

1229
02:21:12.239 --> 02:21:27.879
the settings of comfort and relaxation, calmness, which allows more

1230
02:21:28.000 --> 02:21:32.760
room for feelings of pleasure.

1231
02:21:34.920 --> 02:21:36.280
And happiness.

1232
02:21:39.719 --> 02:21:48.840
To move around your body and into your mind, almost

1233
02:21:49.360 --> 02:21:53.959
as if your mind and your body are sinking together,

1234
02:21:58.239 --> 02:22:07.959
almost mirroring each other with that growing positivity and calmness.

1235
02:22:12.959 --> 02:22:20.479
And it feels nice, really does feel nice to know

1236
02:22:20.719 --> 02:22:29.600
that you are the one that has allowed yourself to

1237
02:22:29.840 --> 02:22:39.000
feel more comfort and to experience.

1238
02:22:40.639 --> 02:22:42.000
More of this.

1239
02:22:43.559 --> 02:22:59.239
Deep relaxation spreading throughout your body. And as I focus

1240
02:23:00.280 --> 02:23:06.280
on each part of your body, you can notice that

1241
02:23:06.280 --> 02:23:23.479
that part becomes even more relaxed just by focusing on it.

1242
02:23:23.319 --> 02:23:29.680
It becomes even more calm and comfortable.

1243
02:23:31.520 --> 02:23:33.000
Just by focusing.

1244
02:23:37.040 --> 02:23:42.920
And as I move down your body, starting at your head,

1245
02:23:45.520 --> 02:23:50.799
the parts that you have already focused on or continue

1246
02:23:52.159 --> 02:23:59.280
to relax deeply, and those parts that have not yet

1247
02:23:59.440 --> 02:24:12.360
focused done, or just automatically release any remain intention in

1248
02:24:12.479 --> 02:24:26.760
anticipation of even more comfort about to come. Now, I'm

1249
02:24:26.760 --> 02:24:33.280
going to start by focusing on your forehead. Just being

1250
02:24:33.399 --> 02:24:42.079
aware of the feelings of your forehead and any background

1251
02:24:42.280 --> 02:24:49.200
sounds like mister Herbert the Pigeon, can just allow you

1252
02:24:49.360 --> 02:24:56.840
to feel even more relaxed just means you're in the moment.

1253
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:03.000
This isn't this isn't a sterile environment.

1254
02:25:04.319 --> 02:25:05.319
This is the world.

1255
02:25:08.760 --> 02:25:14.799
I live in the countryside, so there's lots of nature

1256
02:25:15.319 --> 02:25:25.840
sounds around. So as you focus on your forehead, just

1257
02:25:26.079 --> 02:25:34.399
notice how it becomes even more relaxed as you focus

1258
02:25:36.159 --> 02:25:42.440
only on my voice and that part of your body.

1259
02:25:45.840 --> 02:25:54.120
Moving down to your eyes, Focusing on your eyes, noticing

1260
02:25:56.600 --> 02:26:06.319
how your eyelids feel so heavy yet so light at

1261
02:26:06.319 --> 02:26:14.479
the same time, and all the muscles around your eyes relaxing.

1262
02:26:15.639 --> 02:26:16.319
Completely.

1263
02:26:21.000 --> 02:26:28.680
Moving your focus down to your mouth, your lips, your tongue,

1264
02:26:29.840 --> 02:26:37.799
your teeth, your gums, the whole of your mouth, relaxing,

1265
02:26:41.280 --> 02:26:51.600
calm and loose. As you focus now on your jaw,

1266
02:26:54.600 --> 02:26:58.200
not just a part of your jaw, ney, your mouth,

1267
02:26:59.120 --> 02:27:03.399
your chin, but all the way up the side of

1268
02:27:03.479 --> 02:27:05.399
your face to.

1269
02:27:05.399 --> 02:27:18.159
Your ears, the hole of your jaw, feeding.

1270
02:27:17.399 --> 02:27:19.920
More relaxed.

1271
02:27:23.159 --> 02:27:31.840
And calm.

1272
02:27:32.239 --> 02:27:41.399
Focusing on your neck, the front of your neck and

1273
02:27:41.440 --> 02:27:54.479
your throat, relaxing and loose and calm. The sides of

1274
02:27:54.559 --> 02:27:59.600
your neck, right the left side of your.

1275
02:27:59.600 --> 02:28:06.319
Neck, relax and release.

1276
02:28:09.959 --> 02:28:23.440
And calm. Now the back of your neck. Focus in

1277
02:28:23.520 --> 02:28:33.000
on the back of your neck, letting go of any

1278
02:28:33.200 --> 02:28:40.079
tension that may have been there before, and enjoying that

1279
02:28:42.719 --> 02:28:53.920
sense of increasing comfort and release that you can experience

1280
02:28:55.000 --> 02:29:04.600
in the back of your neck, moving down your back

1281
02:29:07.000 --> 02:29:11.760
and moving either side of your spine right from the

1282
02:29:11.840 --> 02:29:17.239
top of your back all the way down to the

1283
02:29:17.280 --> 02:29:34.760
bottom of your back down to your lower back. As

1284
02:29:34.799 --> 02:29:42.280
you move up and down your spine, you can feel

1285
02:29:42.399 --> 02:29:50.159
the muscles either side of your spine relaxing even more.

1286
02:29:57.639 --> 02:30:04.440
And as those muscles relax, that sense of comfort starts

1287
02:30:04.479 --> 02:30:14.600
to spread outwards from your spine into both sides of

1288
02:30:14.680 --> 02:30:21.680
your back, the top of your back, the middle, and

1289
02:30:21.840 --> 02:30:22.639
your lower back.

1290
02:30:26.159 --> 02:30:33.360
And as you scan gently and slowly up and down

1291
02:30:33.520 --> 02:30:36.799
your back, there's the.

1292
02:30:36.840 --> 02:30:42.719
Muscles in the top of your back relax and become looser.

1293
02:30:47.040 --> 02:30:53.040
The muscles in the middle of your back also seem

1294
02:30:53.159 --> 02:31:02.680
to just almost divide from each other, separating and almost melting,

1295
02:31:08.440 --> 02:31:14.399
and in your lower back there seems to be an

1296
02:31:14.479 --> 02:31:28.760
extra special feeling of comfort. The spreads into your hips

1297
02:31:30.959 --> 02:31:38.920
sit down your lower back, into your hips, into the

1298
02:31:39.000 --> 02:31:47.760
area where your cosix are, and into your buttocks, and

1299
02:31:47.840 --> 02:31:52.360
all those muscles that spread.

1300
02:31:53.319 --> 02:31:58.319
From your lower back into your hip area.

1301
02:32:01.120 --> 02:32:17.559
Start to melt, start to reading let go, and you

1302
02:32:17.840 --> 02:32:24.559
know where about to focus on your shoulders. Your back

1303
02:32:24.879 --> 02:32:37.360
and your spine will continue to let go, continue.

1304
02:32:35.719 --> 02:32:37.399
To relax.

1305
02:32:40.200 --> 02:32:52.479
So calmly, and as you focus on your shoulders, you

1306
02:32:52.600 --> 02:33:09.239
may notice they're already feeling really loose, already.

1307
02:33:11.520 --> 02:33:23.879
Feeding calm.

1308
02:33:24.440 --> 02:33:25.399
I fear.

1309
02:33:29.440 --> 02:33:37.799
Those muscles then move from your neck into your shoulders.

1310
02:33:44.319 --> 02:33:55.920
Feel so soft and gentle, so smooth.

1311
02:34:01.479 --> 02:34:13.760
And calm, and.

1312
02:34:13.920 --> 02:34:26.799
The feeling in your shoulders seems to spread deep into

1313
02:34:26.840 --> 02:34:37.280
your shoulders, a sense of relaxation, not just traveling deeply

1314
02:34:37.639 --> 02:34:54.639
into your muscles, but also relaxing the bones and moving

1315
02:34:54.719 --> 02:35:03.040
all the way to underneath your arms, relaxing a whole

1316
02:35:03.200 --> 02:35:08.239
area between the tops of your shoulders and underneath your

1317
02:35:08.360 --> 02:35:13.559
arms healing.

1318
02:35:18.920 --> 02:35:19.680
You feel so.

1319
02:35:21.559 --> 02:35:33.079
Relaxed and comfortable in your shoulders, which sense that.

1320
02:35:35.280 --> 02:35:37.399
Deep healing.

1321
02:35:40.280 --> 02:35:57.799
Message into your arms. You may feel almost as if

1322
02:35:57.840 --> 02:36:04.399
your arms are not even there, because the son relaxed

1323
02:36:07.559 --> 02:36:52.920
so deeply, relaxed, so so calm.

1324
02:36:38.479 --> 02:36:38.559
So.

1325
02:36:53.040 --> 02:36:55.280
That feeling spreading.

1326
02:36:57.479 --> 02:37:21.680
Oh way down your arms, two elbows, including your elbows

1327
02:37:21.760 --> 02:37:39.159
circumfort spreads away into rists, your forearms, and your wrists

1328
02:37:45.959 --> 02:38:02.360
so heavy, yet at the same time, sunlight.

1329
02:38:04.879 --> 02:38:06.879
And gentle.

1330
02:38:31.559 --> 02:38:35.920
Sat now on.

1331
02:38:37.879 --> 02:39:10.680
Your hands, my hands, so peaceful.

1332
02:39:11.719 --> 02:39:31.559
In your hands.

1333
02:39:31.559 --> 02:39:32.600
The sense of.

1334
02:39:35.959 --> 02:39:37.959
Real pace.

1335
02:39:49.479 --> 02:39:58.360
Just seems to feel so familiar.

1336
02:40:02.079 --> 02:40:05.639
Your hands relax take.

1337
02:40:15.120 --> 02:40:34.559
Else you thus.

1338
02:41:06.559 --> 02:41:41.840
Things slish. I think it's hips.

1339
02:42:10.120 --> 02:42:10.520
Mavying.

1340
02:42:10.879 --> 02:42:40.799
Your attention to front, to your body, so comfortable, mary man,

1341
02:42:40.959 --> 02:42:42.520
you focus.

1342
02:42:43.840 --> 02:44:04.120
To your legs, love.

1343
02:44:04.159 --> 02:45:00.280
Muscules in your thighs and so relaxed. Cough musculs.

1344
02:45:01.239 --> 02:48:39.319
Just sands, said.

1345
02:46:55.799 --> 02:46:56.319
The lady.

1346
02:47:06.280 --> 02:47:18.200
And the feathing your faets, sir, piece.

1347
02:47:17.959 --> 02:48:16.520
Of circomm suck peaceful circom sir, peaceful cyclm so.

1348
02:48:18.360 --> 02:48:37.120
Peace f re sn peace fall.

1349
02:48:40.440 --> 02:48:51.159
Cyclm love that deep.

1350
02:48:50.959 --> 02:49:11.639
Rexation to spread your chest story, let you go.

1351
02:49:15.280 --> 02:49:19.920
Everything.

1352
02:49:27.200 --> 02:49:33.239
So I'm gonna start counting down now, from twenty down

1353
02:49:33.239 --> 02:49:41.399
to one. You can imagine in a way it's like

1354
02:49:42.200 --> 02:49:44.760
just walking down some steps.

1355
02:49:46.120 --> 02:49:50.079
And each step or twenty steps, and each step.

1356
02:49:49.760 --> 02:49:57.639
Represents a level of comfort, each.

1357
02:49:57.479 --> 02:50:00.200
Step represents.

1358
02:50:01.799 --> 02:50:03.120
A deepening.

1359
02:50:04.559 --> 02:50:15.600
Of that comfort, and the fervies you walk down those steps,

1360
02:50:15.719 --> 02:50:28.200
the deeper and more relaxed you feel. So starting with

1361
02:50:28.360 --> 02:55:15.239
number twenty twenty, nineteen, eighteen seven Jan sixteen three fourhhhhhhhhhhhh

1362
02:56:00.399 --> 02:57:08.159
fe you well.

1363
03:00:23.399 --> 03:01:26.959
Nohhhhhhhhh eight.

1364
03:02:25.959 --> 03:04:04.440
Five six.

1365
03:05:18.879 --> 03:08:08.120
Five fourhhhhhhhhhh.

1366
03:08:08.120 --> 03:08:42.600
Um.

1367
03:11:06.399 --> 03:11:23.399
And now as you focus on your eyes. We're gonna

1368
03:11:23.440 --> 03:11:34.920
count down from ten down to one, focusing just on

1369
03:11:35.040 --> 03:11:46.040
your eyes, your eyelids, the muscles around your eyes, your

1370
03:11:46.040 --> 03:12:04.799
eye walls themselves, a whole area that makes up your eye.

1371
03:12:06.040 --> 03:12:08.680
And as we count down ten.

1372
03:12:10.360 --> 03:12:24.200
Down to one, whilst focus in on your eyes, you'll become.

1373
03:12:25.760 --> 03:12:28.479
Twice is relaxed.

1374
03:12:30.000 --> 03:12:43.120
With each number counting down. That you may find the

1375
03:12:43.200 --> 03:12:49.719
on you want to do is just drift off to sleep.

1376
03:12:52.680 --> 03:12:59.319
And if that's what you want, then just allow yourself

1377
03:12:59.399 --> 03:13:14.120
to do that. Now, focusing on your eyes, I'm going

1378
03:13:14.159 --> 03:13:27.120
to begin counting down from ten down to one.

1379
03:13:23.600 --> 03:14:34.440
Right now, ten nine eight.

1380
03:15:19.680 --> 03:19:54.159
Seven four.

1381
03:19:56.319 --> 03:22:30.760
Three one.

1382
03:22:37.040 --> 03:22:47.040
So count down from ten.

1383
03:22:46.879 --> 03:22:54.000
To one ten nine eight.

1384
03:22:56.520 --> 03:22:59.680
Seven six.

1385
03:23:01.479 --> 03:23:04.680
Five four.

1386
03:23:07.319 --> 03:23:12.399
Three two.

1387
03:23:13.399 --> 03:23:19.479
One.

1388
03:23:20.639 --> 03:23:23.559
And maybe that was a bit too quick in order

1389
03:23:23.600 --> 03:23:27.559
to relax. Maybe it's a bit too fast for you

1390
03:23:27.799 --> 03:23:37.600
to notice the calming of your body, maybe even a

1391
03:23:37.600 --> 03:23:38.639
little bit of pressure.

1392
03:23:38.680 --> 03:23:42.520
They're like, you're counting down from ten to one. Would

1393
03:23:42.520 --> 03:23:43.680
you expect me to do?

1394
03:23:44.000 --> 03:23:48.239
Man, expect me to just to go with floppy just

1395
03:23:48.239 --> 03:23:57.680
because you're counting down. You could try it again, but

1396
03:23:57.760 --> 03:24:00.000
this time I'll go a bit slower.

1397
03:24:01.559 --> 03:24:02.200
This time.

1398
03:24:03.440 --> 03:24:08.440
As you focus on the whole of your body. Before

1399
03:24:08.479 --> 03:24:15.479
we focus on your legs, just notice how your body

1400
03:24:15.559 --> 03:24:30.559
does start to feel more relaxed with every number that

1401
03:24:30.639 --> 03:25:10.920
I count down ten nine at eight, seven, six, five,

1402
03:25:21.360 --> 03:26:20.600
four three one, And just notice how how you feel, generally,

1403
03:26:21.000 --> 03:26:35.360
how your body feels. It's not necessarily even about counting

1404
03:26:35.440 --> 03:26:42.719
down from ten to one. It's that space that you have,

1405
03:26:43.879 --> 03:27:02.399
that space between being active clear or mentally to just

1406
03:27:07.079 --> 03:27:08.600
sitting or lying.

1407
03:27:08.280 --> 03:27:11.360
Down and just being there, not.

1408
03:27:11.399 --> 03:27:18.440
Doing anything, not saying anything, or needing to think about anything.

1409
03:27:19.040 --> 03:27:22.719
So it opens up a space, you know, a bit

1410
03:27:22.760 --> 03:27:25.000
of a space, a gap.

1411
03:27:31.200 --> 03:27:34.760
And the more I came down from ten to one,

1412
03:27:35.879 --> 03:27:44.200
the bigger that gap becomes. So there's that gap of calmness,

1413
03:27:45.399 --> 03:28:01.479
of comfort, relaxation. It's a nice feeling, and it moves

1414
03:28:02.639 --> 03:28:12.559
those stresses or discomforts physically or emotionally, moves them away.

1415
03:28:19.319 --> 03:28:23.600
Allows you to just.

1416
03:28:26.520 --> 03:28:32.840
Slow down, someone to count a game from ten down

1417
03:28:32.879 --> 03:28:35.719
to one, and notice that.

1418
03:28:36.319 --> 03:28:41.120
Gap widening the gap.

1419
03:28:42.799 --> 03:28:47.319
And as it widens, it's almost like that the stress

1420
03:28:47.360 --> 03:28:50.200
and attention falls into.

1421
03:28:49.959 --> 03:28:50.639
The gap.

1422
03:29:03.799 --> 03:29:07.959
And gives you that distance, that space.

1423
03:29:10.319 --> 03:29:16.000
Now ten.

1424
03:29:20.120 --> 03:31:32.479
Nine, eight seven, six, five four three.

1425
03:31:04.840 --> 03:31:07.159
One.

1426
03:31:16.600 --> 03:31:20.760
Now, how does your body feel?

1427
03:31:22.959 --> 03:31:23.319
Now?

1428
03:31:35.840 --> 03:31:38.239
Can you notice that do.

1429
03:31:38.239 --> 03:31:52.760
You feeling calmer, the feeling more relaxed.

1430
03:32:14.600 --> 03:32:16.280
As we now focus on your.

1431
03:32:16.159 --> 03:32:28.440
Legs, just your legs.

1432
03:32:34.959 --> 03:32:55.159
We're just gonna start with focusing on your thighs. Of course,

1433
03:32:55.200 --> 03:33:04.159
it's not the most exciting thing to be done. I'm sure,

1434
03:33:04.239 --> 03:33:06.879
like most of your body is not a lot going

1435
03:33:06.920 --> 03:33:19.719
on right now, Just focusing on the whole of your thighs,

1436
03:33:22.399 --> 03:33:26.319
the tops of your thighs, the sides of your thighs,

1437
03:33:28.319 --> 03:33:32.799
the bottoms of your thighs, your outer thighs, and your

1438
03:33:32.920 --> 03:33:38.200
inner thighs. Basically the whole of your thigh that leads

1439
03:33:39.200 --> 03:33:46.399
into your hip and it goes down to.

1440
03:33:46.479 --> 03:33:49.440
Your knee joints.

1441
03:33:54.600 --> 03:34:01.840
Now, this is a big area. It's a very heavy area.

1442
03:34:02.319 --> 03:34:08.319
It's very strong, probably the strongest muscles in your body

1443
03:34:09.040 --> 03:34:23.319
or in your thighs. But I don't think we perhaps

1444
03:34:25.319 --> 03:34:38.040
give enough attention to our thighs. Perhaps we don't acknowledge

1445
03:34:38.680 --> 03:34:58.120
how important our thighs are to our lives, how much

1446
03:35:00.719 --> 03:35:14.239
they actually do for us all through our lives. And

1447
03:35:14.319 --> 03:35:20.159
it may seem sound really weird, but I think that

1448
03:35:20.319 --> 03:35:28.399
all of our body parts, especially our thighs, need some TLC,

1449
03:35:31.559 --> 03:35:34.440
a bit of love shown, a bit of.

1450
03:35:40.920 --> 03:35:41.680
Acknowledgement.

1451
03:35:44.399 --> 03:35:44.959
Thank you.

1452
03:35:47.920 --> 03:36:00.479
Gratitude for our thighs do for us. And I know

1453
03:36:00.600 --> 03:36:06.680
this may sound a bit strange. Maybe you think, why

1454
03:36:06.719 --> 03:36:09.440
am I sure that I should be out in the

1455
03:36:09.520 --> 03:36:18.079
garden hugging a tree or something. Well, it's hard to

1456
03:36:18.079 --> 03:36:21.319
set a microphone up on a tree. That's why I'm

1457
03:36:21.360 --> 03:36:24.399
doing this indoors. Otherwise I would be outside huging a tree.

1458
03:36:25.600 --> 03:36:29.879
I can't see the television from the tree.

1459
03:36:34.079 --> 03:36:36.000
If you move down to your knees.

1460
03:36:37.360 --> 03:36:39.559
Gain such an important part.

1461
03:36:43.879 --> 03:36:45.040
And I think we.

1462
03:36:45.040 --> 03:36:52.520
Don't necessarily I'll speak for myself here, I don't necessarily

1463
03:36:52.559 --> 03:36:59.879
appreciate all that my knees do for me until I

1464
03:37:00.120 --> 03:37:03.440
have a problem with my knee. It's occasionally, if I

1465
03:37:03.479 --> 03:37:09.200
ever maybe i'll bash it or it's aching for some reason.

1466
03:37:10.879 --> 03:37:17.120
It's then that I realize how much it does. You know,

1467
03:37:17.159 --> 03:37:23.159
the benefit of being able to use my legs without

1468
03:37:24.879 --> 03:37:32.159
any kind of physical discomfort is a beautiful thing that's

1469
03:37:32.360 --> 03:37:41.440
possibly not appreciated until it's temporarily removed. You know that's comfort.

1470
03:37:44.840 --> 03:37:49.520
But as you focus on your knees, regardless of how

1471
03:37:49.559 --> 03:37:57.079
your knees feel, you can have that sense of gratitude

1472
03:37:58.559 --> 03:38:01.239
and love to your need for all that they do

1473
03:38:01.360 --> 03:38:14.360
for you, and you can still have that attention on

1474
03:38:14.520 --> 03:38:21.200
your thighs. Maybe notice how your thighs feel, Maybe you've

1475
03:38:21.360 --> 03:38:23.920
noticed that they are.

1476
03:38:25.600 --> 03:38:29.520
Relaxing more.

1477
03:38:31.000 --> 03:38:42.760
Deeply as you focus now on the bottoms of your legs,

1478
03:38:43.079 --> 03:38:49.000
your shins, and your calf muscles, the bones between your

1479
03:38:49.840 --> 03:38:56.079
knees and your feet incorporate, and of course your ankles.

1480
03:38:57.840 --> 03:38:58.840
So important.

1481
03:39:04.319 --> 03:39:08.959
You know, anyone that's had even like the slightest sprain

1482
03:39:09.079 --> 03:39:16.200
of an ankle knows how how much we take our

1483
03:39:16.239 --> 03:39:24.799
ankles for granted. And it's kind of strange in a

1484
03:39:24.840 --> 03:39:30.479
way when you think that. You know, logically, our wrists

1485
03:39:30.600 --> 03:39:33.559
are a lot thinner than the rest of our arms,

1486
03:39:34.559 --> 03:39:38.079
which is okay, it doesn't I can't see any problem

1487
03:39:38.120 --> 03:39:45.399
with that because we're just picking stuff up. Our ankles

1488
03:39:45.440 --> 03:39:55.440
so much thinner than the rest of our legs, and

1489
03:39:55.520 --> 03:40:00.000
from a physics perspective or logical even it doesn't really

1490
03:40:00.120 --> 03:40:07.399
makes sense that all this weight would ultimately be resting

1491
03:40:08.360 --> 03:40:19.239
on your ankles then leading to your feet. That thin area,

1492
03:40:19.840 --> 03:40:29.520
thin bone. Yeah, it does so much great work. Supports us,

1493
03:40:29.600 --> 03:40:39.559
supports our body for a lifetime, helps us to balance,

1494
03:40:41.920 --> 03:40:54.840
helps you to get around and be mobile, and there's

1495
03:40:54.879 --> 03:41:02.799
the carved muscles. Of course, when I was younger, I

1496
03:41:02.799 --> 03:41:04.760
couldn't see the pointing calf muscles.

1497
03:41:05.559 --> 03:41:06.760
Didn't seem to do anything.

1498
03:41:08.239 --> 03:41:12.760
Okay, if I walked around on tiptoes, then my calf

1499
03:41:12.840 --> 03:41:13.959
muscles get some work.

1500
03:41:15.280 --> 03:41:16.639
But of course that's not true.

1501
03:41:16.760 --> 03:41:20.840
The calf muscles are being used whenever we use that

1502
03:41:21.000 --> 03:41:40.000
legs and your shins there to protect your lower legs, shaped.

1503
03:41:39.600 --> 03:41:44.000
In a way, almost as a protector for the.

1504
03:41:43.959 --> 03:41:55.799
Bone, leading of course to your ankles.

1505
03:41:58.360 --> 03:41:59.079
And your feet.

1506
03:42:03.719 --> 03:42:05.719
But we're not going to focus on your feet. We're

1507
03:42:05.760 --> 03:42:12.000
just going to focus on the legs. I realize, and

1508
03:42:12.159 --> 03:42:16.200
now that I've mentioned your feet, you'll probably focusing on

1509
03:42:16.319 --> 03:42:19.319
them anyway, So maybe I should focus.

1510
03:42:18.959 --> 03:42:24.840
On your feet a little bit. You can have them

1511
03:42:24.840 --> 03:42:26.319
in your awareness.

1512
03:42:27.840 --> 03:42:31.680
The same as you have your thighs in your awareness.

1513
03:42:32.399 --> 03:42:33.040
Even though we.

1514
03:42:33.079 --> 03:42:37.479
Haven't been focusing on your thighs a few minutes.

1515
03:42:38.799 --> 03:42:39.959
And we focusing on.

1516
03:42:40.000 --> 03:42:57.840
Your ankles, there's still that sensation of comfort in your thighs.

1517
03:43:02.159 --> 03:43:04.079
In this that movement.

1518
03:43:05.159 --> 03:43:08.559
Of energy, because.

1519
03:43:08.319 --> 03:43:15.319
The thighs hold lots of different sensations. Of course, there's

1520
03:43:15.360 --> 03:43:20.159
the muscles, the big straw muscles that we have in

1521
03:43:20.159 --> 03:43:20.920
our thighs.

1522
03:43:29.520 --> 03:43:30.680
But the skin.

1523
03:43:32.200 --> 03:43:36.680
On the outside of the thighs, as in the outside

1524
03:43:36.719 --> 03:43:46.120
of all of our body, can be very sensitive, sensitive

1525
03:43:46.280 --> 03:43:59.440
to the touch, sensitive to temperature. And inside your thighs

1526
03:44:01.760 --> 03:44:06.639
the bones, there's the muscle, there's the blood, vessels, the

1527
03:44:06.760 --> 03:44:16.799
ar trees, to all this stuff inside your thighs. I

1528
03:44:16.840 --> 03:44:20.319
guess sometimes it'd be nice if you could actually put

1529
03:44:20.360 --> 03:44:27.760
your fingers inside your thighs and a message, so you

1530
03:44:27.760 --> 03:44:31.280
can message on the outside, of course, but to be

1531
03:44:31.319 --> 03:44:34.559
able to get deep into the muscles, and to be

1532
03:44:34.559 --> 03:44:39.719
able to just message inside your thighs, message in the

1533
03:44:39.799 --> 03:44:49.440
bones of your leg message all the veins. Just gently

1534
03:44:52.200 --> 03:45:01.840
healing your thighs. You can move down message in the

1535
03:45:01.920 --> 03:45:07.520
inside your knees, just message in those bones, but with

1536
03:45:07.840 --> 03:45:14.680
healing fingertips, spreading that healing energy deep into.

1537
03:45:14.399 --> 03:45:23.840
The choice of your knees. Of course, there's the back

1538
03:45:24.040 --> 03:45:25.840
of your your.

1539
03:45:25.799 --> 03:45:32.079
Need and the inside crease where your need is. It's

1540
03:45:32.120 --> 03:45:37.760
a very sensitive area. It feels very nice when you

1541
03:45:37.959 --> 03:45:42.680
stroke it. That might be because it's an area that's

1542
03:45:42.719 --> 03:45:48.520
not really touched very often. It's almost like a hidden part,

1543
03:45:49.879 --> 03:45:50.879
that crease.

1544
03:45:52.680 --> 03:45:57.280
In your legs. It's almost like a part that.

1545
03:45:58.959 --> 03:46:02.000
Has a sense activitip, which is a little bit different.

1546
03:46:09.799 --> 03:46:19.760
Of course, it's protected by your legs, So you can

1547
03:46:19.799 --> 03:46:25.239
imagine putting your fingers into that crease in your legs,

1548
03:46:30.920 --> 03:46:35.600
folding between your legs, you can just message with your fingertips.

1549
03:46:36.799 --> 03:46:43.840
Imagine your fingertips going inside, message in the muscle or tissue.

1550
03:46:48.120 --> 03:46:52.479
You can of course field the bones of your knees,

1551
03:46:53.920 --> 03:47:04.399
heating through your fingertips, and then as you go down

1552
03:47:07.200 --> 03:47:10.040
to your calf muscles, and that's the part I'd like

1553
03:47:10.120 --> 03:47:14.840
to be able to really put my fingertips steep inside

1554
03:47:15.559 --> 03:47:24.520
my calf muscles, massage in every single tissue of that muscle,

1555
03:47:26.079 --> 03:47:36.040
healing every part, and then doing the same for my shins,

1556
03:47:39.200 --> 03:47:47.479
massage in generally stroking the bones, generally stroking them, healing

1557
03:47:47.639 --> 03:47:52.200
in a loving way because they deserve to be treated.

1558
03:47:54.760 --> 03:47:58.920
There's the precious bones that they are, because their legs

1559
03:47:58.959 --> 03:48:02.319
are so precious as in all the other parts of

1560
03:48:02.399 --> 03:48:07.440
our body, the more precious of any tub.

1561
03:48:09.840 --> 03:48:10.600
On the planet.

1562
03:48:19.120 --> 03:48:22.639
When you start to think about.

1563
03:48:25.680 --> 03:48:34.520
Your legs in this way, it can change your perspective.

1564
03:48:37.239 --> 03:48:38.520
It might sound a bit.

1565
03:48:41.440 --> 03:48:45.760
A bit silly to start with the idea of having

1566
03:48:46.600 --> 03:48:56.559
love for your legs, showing appreciation for your thighs, wanting

1567
03:48:56.559 --> 03:49:00.760
them to be able to put your hands in your thighs,

1568
03:49:02.879 --> 03:49:09.319
massage the muscles and the bones, and to get your

1569
03:49:09.360 --> 03:49:14.319
fingers deep in there, releasing all tension.

1570
03:49:17.200 --> 03:49:26.000
Just to show how much you care about your legs,

1571
03:49:26.719 --> 03:49:30.479
how much you care for what your legs do.

1572
03:49:30.399 --> 03:49:43.440
For you regularly, your knees, your calves, your ankles, the

1573
03:49:43.639 --> 03:49:51.760
strength of your ankles, considering how thin they are compared

1574
03:49:52.360 --> 03:49:55.159
to the rest of your legs, especially your thighs.

1575
03:49:58.760 --> 03:49:59.520
Yeah, there's so.

1576
03:50:00.159 --> 03:50:09.040
Wrong, so flexible, absolutely amazing things.

1577
03:50:10.559 --> 03:50:11.840
Ankles are.

1578
03:50:15.479 --> 03:50:17.200
Truly a gift.

1579
03:50:19.120 --> 03:50:28.280
Because of what they do for you, supporting all that weight,

1580
03:50:30.200 --> 03:50:34.639
regardless of how what weight you are, even if you

1581
03:50:34.719 --> 03:50:39.520
only eat ate stoning, there's still a lot of weight

1582
03:50:39.719 --> 03:50:47.559
for these little ankles. How are a lot heavier than maystone.

1583
03:50:48.639 --> 03:50:57.559
Double dot. Yet my ankles support my body all.

1584
03:50:57.399 --> 03:51:03.879
The time, or they do give off a sigh of

1585
03:51:03.920 --> 03:51:05.239
relief when I sit down.

1586
03:51:07.520 --> 03:51:09.399
That's my whole.

1587
03:51:09.239 --> 03:51:09.920
Legs though.

1588
03:51:13.319 --> 03:51:20.159
My feet feet or so go my toes clap. I'm

1589
03:51:20.200 --> 03:51:41.639
so happy. Your legs.

1590
03:51:43.040 --> 03:51:45.639
Really are amazing.

1591
03:51:48.239 --> 03:51:51.920
I don't know that talking about talking about your legs

1592
03:51:52.040 --> 03:51:52.799
is probably.

1593
03:51:55.000 --> 03:52:00.000
Possibly among the most most boring things I've ever heard anyway,

1594
03:52:00.200 --> 03:52:02.360
say possibly.

1595
03:52:04.680 --> 03:52:05.719
You're boring or not.

1596
03:52:07.280 --> 03:52:22.799
Everything I said is true. Your legs are amazing. Your

1597
03:52:22.879 --> 03:52:33.799
legs deserve not just respect, they deserve to relax.

1598
03:52:35.079 --> 03:52:35.520
Deeply.

1599
03:52:42.760 --> 03:52:46.120
They deserve to take some time out of the day

1600
03:52:48.319 --> 03:53:09.879
to just let go completely. Your legs.

1601
03:53:14.520 --> 03:53:17.639
Really can relax.

1602
03:53:24.840 --> 03:53:28.840
Because the legs are so such a most you know,

1603
03:53:29.040 --> 03:53:35.000
very important part of your body. When you relax legs,

1604
03:53:35.079 --> 03:53:42.399
the rest of your body also naturally follows in that.

1605
03:53:46.040 --> 03:53:56.920
Journey of comfort. Like I feel it in my hips.

1606
03:53:58.239 --> 03:54:05.399
My hips feel real loose, and also my ler back

1607
03:54:05.440 --> 03:54:12.079
as well. My ler back really feels it feels stretched,

1608
03:54:13.159 --> 03:54:16.239
even though I'm just sitting in a chair and there's

1609
03:54:16.319 --> 03:54:21.600
no stretching as far as I'm aware that I'm doing.

1610
03:54:22.600 --> 03:54:25.280
It's almost as if the muscles are just relaxed so

1611
03:54:25.479 --> 03:54:31.399
much that there is a natural stretch as the tension

1612
03:54:32.280 --> 03:54:53.559
has reduced a lot. And I'm now going to count

1613
03:54:53.600 --> 03:54:57.760
down from ten down to one.

1614
03:55:00.440 --> 03:55:04.200
You can continue to fill.

1615
03:55:05.639 --> 03:55:07.440
Wonderfully relaxed.

1616
03:55:10.639 --> 03:55:34.879
Ten nine, eight, seven, six, five, four.

1617
03:55:37.879 --> 03:55:53.879
Three two one relax.

1618
03:56:01.639 --> 03:56:05.479
So I'm just going to count down and fire down

1619
03:56:05.520 --> 03:56:09.959
to one. And as a countdown, if you just focus

1620
03:56:10.079 --> 03:56:14.479
on the numbers, just the numbers.

1621
03:56:15.479 --> 03:56:16.440
Counting down.

1622
03:56:17.360 --> 03:56:26.559
And notice how you feel in this moment as you

1623
03:56:26.639 --> 03:56:31.799
hear the numbers counting down, knowing that those numbers.

1624
03:56:33.760 --> 03:56:35.680
Counting down represent.

1625
03:56:36.120 --> 03:56:45.159
You feeling calmer, not just in your body, but also

1626
03:56:47.399 --> 03:56:49.799
relaxing your mind.

1627
03:56:51.600 --> 03:56:53.000
Just notice how you feel.

1628
03:56:53.799 --> 03:56:59.639
There's nothing to do, there's nothing to say, there's nothing

1629
03:56:59.719 --> 03:57:42.920
to think about. Starting with number five, four three two one,

1630
03:57:52.360 --> 03:58:04.799
How did you notice the gradual letting go the tension

1631
03:58:05.000 --> 03:58:12.239
in your body. You may also begin to notice and

1632
03:58:12.280 --> 03:58:13.319
be aware.

1633
03:58:14.879 --> 03:58:16.719
Of how your mind.

1634
03:58:17.120 --> 03:58:21.319
Is starting to slow down.

1635
03:58:23.799 --> 03:58:27.319
This is just a natural thing that happens.

1636
03:58:29.840 --> 03:58:35.040
It's not really a special procedure. It's just natural because

1637
03:58:35.120 --> 03:58:41.040
as your body relaxes, your mind also starts to relax.

1638
03:58:42.639 --> 03:58:46.319
And the more your mind relaxes, the more your body relaxes.

1639
03:58:46.399 --> 03:58:57.040
It's just a continuous circle of relaxation. And there's that

1640
03:58:58.159 --> 03:59:06.079
calmness that comes from relative quietness. You know, even even

1641
03:59:06.079 --> 03:59:08.360
if there's background sounds.

1642
03:59:09.239 --> 03:59:11.159
Either your side online.

1643
03:59:12.559 --> 03:59:18.399
Is still going to be quite calm. You know, you

1644
03:59:18.440 --> 03:59:23.680
haven't got the television on, there's no music in the background.

1645
03:59:23.719 --> 03:59:26.479
Unless you're listening to the recorded with music. Of course,

1646
03:59:31.280 --> 03:59:33.440
you're very likely not going to be sitting in a

1647
03:59:33.520 --> 03:59:36.680
room with other people. Of course you might be, but

1648
03:59:37.959 --> 03:59:41.280
generally it's more ideal if you can do this on

1649
03:59:41.319 --> 03:59:52.680
your own, so no distractions, and when you stop thinking

1650
03:59:52.719 --> 04:00:08.280
about stuff, relaxation automatically rises, a sense of comfort.

1651
04:00:09.520 --> 04:00:15.000
Starts to grow, and.

1652
04:00:16.719 --> 04:00:22.079
Without trying to build it up into something fantastical or

1653
04:00:25.360 --> 04:00:36.120
something magical, this is just a natural process, something that's easy.

1654
04:00:38.040 --> 04:00:41.079
To accomplish.

1655
04:00:41.520 --> 04:00:49.000
In fact, it's almost the sense of relaxing completely happens

1656
04:00:49.040 --> 04:00:53.840
really when you put no effort into it. It's not

1657
04:00:54.000 --> 04:01:02.520
something that you can really force. It's something that happens naturally.

1658
04:01:05.479 --> 04:01:13.200
And part of the process of this recording and others.

1659
04:01:14.360 --> 04:01:16.040
Is simply.

1660
04:01:17.200 --> 04:01:28.719
Two allow you to take advantage of this space, this.

1661
04:01:29.040 --> 04:01:32.879
Time, to just.

1662
04:01:36.959 --> 04:01:46.760
Let go, to just be here, to be in tune

1663
04:01:48.239 --> 04:01:59.879
with how you feel, yet with the intention of what

1664
04:02:00.159 --> 04:02:11.040
tend to relax deeply and maybe even to fall asleep,

1665
04:02:12.159 --> 04:02:17.360
depending on what it is that you wish for yourself

1666
04:02:19.079 --> 04:02:35.159
in this moment. As we know, relaxing is the majority

1667
04:02:35.399 --> 04:02:39.879
of the process of falling asleep. The actual falling asleep

1668
04:02:39.920 --> 04:02:46.879
part is the tiny bit at the end. The deeper

1669
04:02:48.040 --> 04:03:10.319
relaxed you become, the easier you find yourself drifted. But

1670
04:03:10.440 --> 04:03:17.079
you can also, if you choose, stay focused on my

1671
04:03:17.239 --> 04:03:46.600
voice and really enjoy the process, gradually relaxing each muscle.

1672
04:03:50.760 --> 04:03:51.959
In your body.

1673
04:03:56.559 --> 04:04:11.159
Effortlessly and just observing.

1674
04:04:11.440 --> 04:04:13.000
The sensation.

1675
04:04:17.600 --> 04:04:18.840
Of letting go.

1676
04:04:24.959 --> 04:04:35.319
Completely. This time, I'm going to count from six down

1677
04:04:35.399 --> 04:04:47.760
to one, and you can notice your mind calming down

1678
04:04:48.159 --> 04:04:59.920
more with each number that you hear me say, naturally,

1679
04:05:01.040 --> 04:05:06.120
fie com sory.

1680
04:05:09.399 --> 04:08:08.520
Peaceful, six, five, yes, four, being aware of how.

1681
04:08:08.440 --> 04:08:10.959
Your mind has slowed.

1682
04:08:12.559 --> 04:08:39.239
Right down, sinking deeply into relaxation. As you focus on

1683
04:08:39.280 --> 04:08:49.440
your mind, you may notice that there are some thoughts

1684
04:08:49.479 --> 04:08:58.399
still there, maybe some stubborn thoughts that for some reason

1685
04:09:01.479 --> 04:09:11.520
perhaps need your attention. That's what you can do is

1686
04:09:16.799 --> 04:09:29.360
send love to those thoughts. Sprinkle those thoughts with love,

1687
04:09:31.040 --> 04:09:37.200
my lord, petals from a flower. Just sprinkle over them, petals,

1688
04:09:37.280 --> 04:09:45.040
feel good love towards those thoughts. To let those thoughts mother,

1689
04:09:47.360 --> 04:09:52.799
You're not abandon the number. You just need them. You

1690
04:09:52.959 --> 04:10:05.479
require them to just calm down, slow down, quiet down.

1691
04:10:08.360 --> 04:10:10.920
For now.

1692
04:10:16.639 --> 04:10:21.639
So as you focus on those remaining thoughts as a

1693
04:10:21.840 --> 04:10:28.079
countdown this time from seven down to one. With each number,

1694
04:10:30.920 --> 04:10:45.719
just imagine sprinkling those flower petals of love, kindness, gratitude

1695
04:10:46.680 --> 04:10:56.079
over those thoughts, which will allow them to just not

1696
04:10:56.319 --> 04:11:11.319
away and relax deeply. With every number, those thoughts will

1697
04:11:11.399 --> 04:11:48.600
become more and more relaxed. Starting with number seven, six.

1698
04:12:06.040 --> 04:13:38.040
Five, four, four.

1699
04:14:00.159 --> 04:14:20.719
Is how relaxed you're feeling in your body. H We're

1700
04:14:20.760 --> 04:14:34.479
going to focus on your hands, because the more relaxed

1701
04:14:34.600 --> 04:14:41.559
your hands are, the more relaxed your body and mind.

1702
04:14:56.959 --> 04:15:08.520
This you focus on your hands and your fingers. There's

1703
04:15:08.600 --> 04:15:13.959
nothing needed to be done. There's no clenching of fists

1704
04:15:14.239 --> 04:15:25.360
or dance in the fingers or anything like that. It's

1705
04:15:25.600 --> 04:16:09.639
just noticing focusing on your hands, noticing thearly film.

1706
04:15:54.799 --> 04:15:55.879
Because the.

1707
04:15:58.120 --> 04:16:05.879
Relas to your hands feel. I can't why your mind

1708
04:16:06.200 --> 04:16:18.399
feels more comfort you feel throughout your body.

1709
04:16:23.360 --> 04:16:26.520
Jee may.

1710
04:16:28.760 --> 04:16:34.000
Have already.

1711
04:16:36.200 --> 04:17:15.959
Noticed your mind is starting to dress quick said, just

1712
04:17:16.159 --> 04:17:33.440
on your hands and fingers, allowing and cheap experience. I'm

1713
04:17:33.559 --> 04:17:41.479
real deepening of that relaxation in your hands and fingers,

1714
04:17:47.520 --> 04:18:07.399
more and more relaxed with each number from eight.

1715
04:18:09.639 --> 04:18:16.840
Down to one, almost.

1716
04:18:18.159 --> 04:18:29.840
Feel and healing, relaxing energy spreading into your hands and fingers,

1717
04:18:32.959 --> 04:18:57.319
becoming relaxing with each number you hear, going down eight

1718
04:18:58.120 --> 04:19:07.520
down to one.

1719
04:19:04.120 --> 04:19:04.879
Rift down.

1720
04:19:08.319 --> 04:23:00.879
Rifting the game started police eight seven three.

1721
04:23:14.920 --> 04:23:24.399
Just being here now, nothing to think about, nothing to do,

1722
04:23:25.799 --> 04:23:39.440
nothing to say, and everything just feels calm.

1723
04:23:39.680 --> 04:23:42.959
This is your natural state of being.

1724
04:23:46.639 --> 04:23:52.040
This is how you just normally feel when you take

1725
04:23:52.120 --> 04:24:00.840
away all that other stuff that we add. I think

1726
04:24:00.959 --> 04:24:17.159
that stress and worry, over thinking anxiety tench shick me

1727
04:24:17.360 --> 04:24:23.879
thinking about some and take that away is what we do.

1728
04:24:24.680 --> 04:24:32.719
What we do now. He left with.

1729
04:24:35.440 --> 04:24:44.959
A real sense of reasons, which comes to you very quickly.

1730
04:24:48.680 --> 04:24:49.680
Because nsible.

1731
04:24:50.319 --> 04:25:04.239
It's just a feeling, a feeling of comfort, almost as

1732
04:25:04.239 --> 04:25:08.799
if you've got inside yourself. You've found a special place

1733
04:25:10.159 --> 04:25:24.440
where everything is peaceful, place Swee in the film, relaxed

1734
04:25:25.000 --> 04:25:26.399
and you're actual.

1735
04:25:28.159 --> 04:25:33.239
Sense of confident, a place.

1736
04:25:33.000 --> 04:25:34.200
Where can be.

1737
04:25:39.239 --> 04:25:43.799
We can accept yourselfwhere and you are.

1738
04:25:46.000 --> 04:25:51.200
In the place where you're trying to release.

1739
04:25:51.239 --> 04:25:58.680
In the audios place sweet, you can.

1740
04:26:00.079 --> 04:26:08.799
Actually not just love yourself, but in some ways more importantly,

1741
04:26:09.399 --> 04:26:15.159
you can like yourself, appreciate.

1742
04:26:15.840 --> 04:26:26.719
Who do you want, a sense of.

1743
04:26:26.840 --> 04:26:42.479
Gratitude in the air around you. That's also a place where.

1744
04:26:42.079 --> 04:26:46.479
You can actually feel.

1745
04:26:47.799 --> 04:27:01.920
The healing energy soaking into your body. Heathing energy soaking

1746
04:27:03.079 --> 04:27:13.399
into your body, a healing energy spreads through your vein,

1747
04:27:17.319 --> 04:27:22.120
traveling to each every single part.

1748
04:27:23.520 --> 04:27:27.280
Of your body.

1749
04:27:30.319 --> 04:27:37.360
You start to realize that actually a healing energy it's

1750
04:27:37.399 --> 04:27:43.600
not just entered into your brain, it's become a part

1751
04:27:44.120 --> 04:27:53.239
of your brain. The spinal fluid.

1752
04:27:54.559 --> 04:28:02.559
Is now mixed up healing energy, not.

1753
04:28:02.479 --> 04:28:08.959
Just allowing you to feel so much more relaxed.

1754
04:28:10.399 --> 04:28:18.200
And healthy in this moment, but.

1755
04:28:18.399 --> 04:28:28.959
Also you start to realize that actually, what's happening now

1756
04:28:29.200 --> 04:28:38.520
with that healing, relaxing energy spreading through your body, it's

1757
04:28:38.600 --> 04:28:49.360
actually changing your life. It's actually changing the way you're

1758
04:28:49.440 --> 04:28:55.920
going to feel, not just now, but tomorrow and the

1759
04:28:56.000 --> 04:29:04.799
next day. There's your health in crows, not just your

1760
04:29:04.879 --> 04:29:12.719
physical health, but your mental health. Things that used to

1761
04:29:12.799 --> 04:29:18.959
bother you in the past, for some reason, no longer

1762
04:29:20.239 --> 04:29:22.600
have the effect that they used to.

1763
04:29:25.520 --> 04:29:30.639
Because something has changed deep within you.

1764
04:29:35.680 --> 04:29:42.200
Maybe things that used to cause you to feel anger

1765
04:29:45.920 --> 04:29:56.079
no longer have that power to control you the way

1766
04:29:56.079 --> 04:30:04.399
they seem to be able to before. As you realize

1767
04:30:05.120 --> 04:30:17.559
that you're the one who decides what affects you, you're

1768
04:30:18.079 --> 04:30:20.639
the one who decides.

1769
04:30:22.799 --> 04:30:34.280
To feel relaxed and can't when you choose to enjoy.

1770
04:30:35.399 --> 04:30:50.959
Noticing these natural developments a healing, continuing to grow and

1771
04:30:51.120 --> 04:31:02.520
improve your life day by day included, of course, your

1772
04:31:02.559 --> 04:31:19.840
ability to relax so much easier than sleep in It's

1773
04:31:19.879 --> 04:31:21.520
the most natural.

1774
04:31:21.239 --> 04:31:25.239
Thing in the world.

1775
04:31:25.079 --> 04:31:25.399
To you.

1776
04:31:29.840 --> 04:31:35.440
Because fall in the sleep is something that you've done

1777
04:31:36.440 --> 04:31:38.159
so many times.

1778
04:31:39.360 --> 04:31:45.040
In your life, and you know that you were born,

1779
04:31:46.520 --> 04:31:47.319
as we all.

1780
04:31:47.200 --> 04:31:57.760
Were, with the ability to fall asleep naturally. You were

1781
04:31:57.760 --> 04:32:09.920
born with that ability to just drift off into a deep,

1782
04:32:11.159 --> 04:32:22.520
healing sleep. Even when we're kids, sometimes we will fall

1783
04:32:22.559 --> 04:32:26.840
asleep when we don't even want to try to think

1784
04:32:27.159 --> 04:32:31.559
stay awake. Maybe it's a birthday in the morning though

1785
04:32:31.600 --> 04:32:35.879
it's Christmas or holiday or something we look forward to

1786
04:32:36.360 --> 04:32:40.440
and don't want to go to sleep. But the more

1787
04:32:41.040 --> 04:32:45.920
we want to stay awake, the more we just start

1788
04:32:46.000 --> 04:32:54.479
to drift. And the more you fight to drifting, which

1789
04:32:54.600 --> 04:33:00.639
rights stuck yourself from drift in a safe, deeper, stronger

1790
04:33:00.719 --> 04:33:12.200
thout drifting becomes because we're born not just with the

1791
04:33:12.240 --> 04:33:21.639
need to relax deeply and to naturally fall asleep, but

1792
04:33:21.720 --> 04:33:36.080
it's our birthright, it's part of our DNA, and sometimes

1793
04:33:36.200 --> 04:33:41.720
as we get older in life, perhaps at times we

1794
04:33:41.919 --> 04:33:50.720
have forgotten the relaxing completely.

1795
04:33:52.439 --> 04:33:54.520
It's not only a.

1796
04:33:54.799 --> 04:34:19.040
Wonderfully pleasant experience. It's also really easy. It's very very

1797
04:34:19.560 --> 04:34:25.159
easy to let go because that's all it is.

1798
04:34:25.200 --> 04:34:25.759
It's just.

1799
04:34:29.200 --> 04:34:40.680
Deciding to let go. And when you press the play

1800
04:34:40.720 --> 04:34:50.880
button on my recordings, you have given a permission from

1801
04:34:50.919 --> 04:34:59.360
my voice to relax you. When you press that play button,

1802
04:35:00.360 --> 04:35:05.040
you have given me permission for my words.

1803
04:35:08.040 --> 04:35:09.360
To effect.

1804
04:35:11.240 --> 04:35:23.360
You in a positive, only a positive way, opening up.

1805
04:35:28.279 --> 04:35:41.360
Your mind to useful and healing suggestions.

1806
04:35:45.880 --> 04:35:46.639
They can have.

1807
04:35:51.080 --> 04:35:58.720
Such an amazing effect on how you feel right now,

1808
04:36:03.279 --> 04:36:13.159
as well as those changes that continue long after the

1809
04:36:13.240 --> 04:36:24.200
recording ends, those changes within you, they continue to flourish

1810
04:36:24.759 --> 04:36:43.080
and grow, transforming your life in positive, beautiful way, allowing

1811
04:36:43.520 --> 04:36:49.599
you to move forward in your life in the.

1812
04:36:49.599 --> 04:37:04.520
Direction that you choose for yourself. This feeling.

1813
04:37:06.880 --> 04:37:14.959
Is feeling that you can experience of safety, comfort, calmness.

1814
04:37:22.680 --> 04:37:36.560
This feels so nice, such a healthy place to.

1815
04:37:36.599 --> 04:37:49.959
Be, and that positivity grows within you.

1816
04:37:55.720 --> 04:38:08.000
In every day moving forward, you're had to find that

1817
04:38:09.720 --> 04:38:21.720
you're more relaxed physically and in your mind it's more relaxed.

1818
04:38:25.560 --> 04:38:30.840
And it's not that you're thinking slower, it's just that

1819
04:38:30.919 --> 04:38:35.080
your mind would be less lock dumb with.

1820
04:38:35.520 --> 04:38:39.759
Unnecessary negativity.

1821
04:38:42.840 --> 04:38:49.360
Because from now, your mind rejects negativity.

1822
04:38:52.360 --> 04:38:56.000
From now you're going to start noticing.

1823
04:38:58.720 --> 04:39:11.759
With negativity rises, you can just say stop, stop.

1824
04:39:14.119 --> 04:39:16.200
And that negativity.

1825
04:39:17.799 --> 04:39:35.680
Will turn around and believe you're alone. Stop and that negativity.

1826
04:39:38.240 --> 04:39:51.439
Disappear. And did you notice that you.

1827
04:39:50.200 --> 04:40:08.400
Feel way more relaxed then you probably expected. Now, congratulate

1828
04:40:08.520 --> 04:40:13.439
yourself because you're the person that has done this.

1829
04:40:15.119 --> 04:40:17.959
You are the one that.

1830
04:40:17.919 --> 04:40:25.959
Has opened your mind up to the simple faiths, and

1831
04:40:26.119 --> 04:40:31.200
you can feel more relaxed in your body and in

1832
04:40:31.279 --> 04:40:32.159
your mind.

1833
04:40:37.959 --> 04:40:43.880
You've opened your mind up to the birthright of being

1834
04:40:43.959 --> 04:41:00.840
able to just or asleep easily when you choose. And

1835
04:41:00.919 --> 04:41:02.240
that's a nice feeling.

1836
04:41:03.840 --> 04:41:04.680
Don't you think.

1837
04:41:07.119 --> 04:41:11.400
It feels nice? Doesn't it?

1838
04:41:11.479 --> 04:41:11.520
Do?

1839
04:41:11.759 --> 04:41:15.319
Feel calm?

1840
04:41:15.560 --> 04:41:16.439
Who hear?

1841
04:41:16.599 --> 04:41:20.840
The energy is spreading through your body in your mind

1842
04:41:27.319 --> 04:41:38.319
to spend time a special place where negativity can no

1843
04:41:38.400 --> 04:41:52.479
longer enter. Negativity is bad, It's bad, it's not allowed Entryue.

1844
04:41:54.720 --> 04:41:55.759
Doesn't doesn't.

1845
04:41:55.799 --> 04:42:00.000
This doesn't deserve to be here, It doesn't been long here.

1846
04:42:03.479 --> 04:42:18.279
Negativity has no place in your life, which makes.

1847
04:42:18.159 --> 04:42:32.599
Room for more comfort. Oh he or relaxation or peace

1848
04:42:49.639 --> 04:42:52.319
feels nice? Doesn't it?

1849
04:42:52.799 --> 04:43:07.000
Just go? Everything?

1850
04:43:14.959 --> 04:43:22.759
I'm gonna count down now, from twenty doowns one. You

1851
04:43:22.919 --> 04:43:37.200
can continue to relax, chere.

1852
04:43:34.080 --> 04:43:34.680
To sleep.

1853
04:43:38.479 --> 04:43:49.680
If we number, he will say, if I film twice

1854
04:43:49.840 --> 04:43:51.319
is relaxed.

1855
04:43:53.720 --> 04:43:56.319
Or if you choose you can feel a.

1856
04:43:56.520 --> 04:44:21.159
Wise sleeping twenty ninety.

1857
04:44:28.799 --> 04:44:54.959
Eighteen seventy six, fifty.

1858
04:45:01.240 --> 04:46:10.720
Four, two.

1859
04:45:44.520 --> 04:46:10.599
Nine, eight, six, six.

1860
04:46:18.520 --> 04:47:00.880
Five is all the time.

1861
04:47:03.400 --> 04:47:04.759
To just take a break.

1862
04:47:09.080 --> 04:47:18.599
Your time, relax, to allow.

1863
04:47:18.319 --> 04:47:29.560
Your mind to slow down, to give.

1864
04:47:29.360 --> 04:47:31.360
Yourself permission.

1865
04:47:35.520 --> 04:47:37.400
To take a break.

1866
04:47:41.880 --> 04:47:49.959
From everything. And you're the only person.

1867
04:47:50.240 --> 04:47:52.040
That can make that decision.

1868
04:47:54.959 --> 04:47:55.680
You're the only.

1869
04:47:55.560 --> 04:47:56.599
Person who can.

1870
04:47:56.479 --> 04:48:12.319
Actually tell you why just relax, to just.

1871
04:48:15.959 --> 04:48:17.080
Take some guy.

1872
04:48:18.959 --> 04:48:29.840
Off, Focus on your buddy.

1873
04:48:30.439 --> 04:48:45.520
Getting in touch how you feel physically and in the

1874
04:48:45.680 --> 04:48:54.200
process of this buddy scared with. Focus on different parts

1875
04:48:54.240 --> 04:49:04.439
of your body.

1876
04:49:01.279 --> 04:49:09.080
Those parts you focus on and observed, even though you're

1877
04:49:09.119 --> 04:49:13.159
not purposed quest.

1878
04:49:15.639 --> 04:49:21.599
Those parts you are putting to react. It's kind of expected.

1879
04:49:23.240 --> 04:49:30.599
You expect when you listen to my voice to feel

1880
04:49:32.639 --> 04:49:46.360
naturally because when you're listening to me, your attention is

1881
04:49:46.479 --> 04:49:55.200
focused on my words, and there's.

1882
04:49:55.119 --> 04:50:06.200
My words guide you focus us parts.

1883
04:50:06.319 --> 04:50:12.880
If your pudding.

1884
04:50:10.959 --> 04:50:41.759
Focus increases, perspectually, came to mind, calms down, pudding.

1885
04:50:43.680 --> 04:51:19.919
Axis coms now reaxes, the hood where he started to

1886
04:51:20.080 --> 04:51:35.799
fuckness on your body. Feel the image spreading through your body,

1887
04:51:40.680 --> 04:51:58.880
pushing out stress, attention. All the parts were buddy skin,

1888
04:52:00.080 --> 04:52:11.159
the blood would in such a way, the muscles would

1889
04:52:11.360 --> 04:52:21.360
fact every feel.

1890
04:52:31.599 --> 04:52:32.479
The gray.

1891
04:52:36.880 --> 04:52:55.840
Built many energy, the faith and confidence, relaxation in conses,

1892
04:53:03.520 --> 04:53:05.919
pay increases.

1893
04:53:11.479 --> 04:53:11.880
No way.

1894
04:53:16.040 --> 04:53:32.520
Mind starts to feel perhaps speaking to our house because it's.

1895
04:53:37.360 --> 04:53:38.560
The stars.

1896
04:53:51.200 --> 04:54:01.439
If that's what's need, So you listening to this, listening

1897
04:54:01.680 --> 04:54:15.599
conversations gives to spain the feature gainst me. You want

1898
04:54:15.799 --> 04:54:36.560
to treads, that's mos spy, that's what caust listening to me.

1899
04:54:45.840 --> 04:54:51.840
In fact, if the.

1900
04:54:53.680 --> 04:56:20.639
Wan to ris sets suss stub to ins different spot

1901
04:56:27.119 --> 04:57:16.000
spec the slips tossest the species.

1902
04:57:15.639 --> 04:57:17.799
Stop slop.

1903
04:57:27.000 --> 04:58:16.880
Susst strict SEPs so

1904
04:59:02.599 --> 04:59:02.639
F