(Short Voice) #16 MOLLY WHIPEMOUT - Jasons Bed Time Story Time

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland, this is Jason's Bedtime Storytime. And please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. This is a bedtime story for all you children out there.

So, get yourself nice and comfy, and relax. So the idea behind these is, I pick a children's story, a fairy tale, something like that, and I read it. And I adapt it a little bit, so I change things around, maybe add my own little commentary.

So today, I'm going to sit upright because that would be a bit more professional. So, ooh, I'm going to read from my Kindle, look! And the story I'm going to read is an English fairy tale called Mully Whoopie. So here we go.

Once upon a time, there was a man and a wife who had too many children and they could not get meat for them. So they took the three youngest and left them in a wood. That's a nice start, isn't it? Well children, I hope you're enjoying this.

Sweet dreams. They travelled and travelled and could see never a house. It began... I guess this is the children.

It began to be dark and they were hungry. At last they saw a light and made for it. It turned out to be a house.

They knocked at the door and a woman came to it. She said, What do you want? They said, Please get us in and give us something to eat. The woman said, I can't do that.

My man is a giant and he would kill you if he comes home. That's a good excuse, isn't it, for not answering the door. Next time the Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door.

Sorry, I can't open the door. My husband's a giant and he will eat you. They begged hard.

Let us stop for a little while, they said, and we will go away before he comes. So, she took them in, opened the door, the door sounded like a cat for some reason, and she set them down before the fire and gave them milk and bread. Now, I'm not being ungrateful.

If I was really hungry, if you if you was really, really hungry, and you've been traveling, and you know, let's face it, you've just gone through quite a traumatic event. Your parents had dumped you in a wood. Three children, you, your two brothers or sisters, sounds a bit like my childhood, actually.

They dumped you in a wood on your own and left you there. You'd want more than a bit, a glass of milk and some bread, wouldn't you? And that's what they give prisoners, been 200 years ago. Not now.

I don't know. It's been ages since I got released. But just as they had began to eat, a great knock, what's a great knock? Oh, a great knock came to the door and a dreadful voice said, Fee-fi-foo-fum, I smell the blood of some earthly one.

Who have you there, wife? Eh? Eh? said the wife. It's three poor lassies, cold and hungry, and they will go away. You won't touch them, man.

He said nothing. But ate up a big supper. There's no milk and bread for him, eh? And ordered them to stay all night.

I'd get a little bit worried, wouldn't you? Big giant orders you to stay. Who do you think he is? What, is he in control of other people? No, he's not. Narcissist.

Now, he had three lassies of his own, three of his own children. And they were to sleep in the same bed with the three strangers. Could cause problems, could be an adventure.

It depends how you look at it. The youngest of the three strange lassies was called Molly Wuppie. And she was very clever.

She noticed that before they went to bed, the giant put straw ropes round her neck and her sister's, and round his own lassie's neck, he put gold chains, alarm bells, alarm bells. But did he not have social workers back then? Chains? Anyway, so Molly, I like the name Molly, I don't know why. So Molly took care and did not fall asleep.

She must have listened to me to keep herself awake. But she waited until she was sure that everyone was sleeping sound. Then she slipped out of the bed.

Now, if you're going to be stylish, you don't want to slip out of bed because you might slip and make a sound. Anyway, and she took the straw ropes off her own and her sister's necks and took the gold chains off the giant lassie's. So they were giant children, as some would call adults, but you know.

Then she put the straw ropes on the giant's lassie's and the gold on herself and her sister's and lay down. I don't see why she's done that. But did she think the giants are going to wake up and say, oh, my children, you've shrunk and you strangers, you've grown.

And in the middle of the night, up rose the giant armed with a great club. This is a children's story, by the way. It's a fairy tale.

I'm not responsible. I'm not responsible. I had no idea what the content was going to be.

You know, I'll chuck that forward there. But I kind of got an inkling where this is going. And it ain't nice.

In the middle of the night. Are you asleep yet? In the middle of the night, up rose the giant armed with a great club and felt for the necks with the straws. It was dark.

I guess that's why he was feeling for the straws. And if it was light, he wouldn't. He could just see the straws, couldn't he? Unless he was so big that he couldn't see all the way down.

He took his own lasses out of bed onto the floor. And batted them until they were dead. And then lay down again, thinking he'd managed fine.

What a good day's work. Well, that was great. How did it go, husband? Oh yeah, it went really well.

I'm really pleased. Everything went perfect. Couldn't have asked for a smoother operation.

Molly thought it time she and her sisters were out of there. Yeah, give it some thought, wouldn't you? Why is she stuck around? I don't know. But anyway, she's there.

It's a horrible story. And she awakened them and told them to be quiet. And they slipped out of the house.

They all got out safe. And they ran and ran and never stopped until morning. A situation like that, I imagine I could probably run all night.

Seriously, imagine. So they ran and they ran and they ran. Then they saw a grand house before them.

It turned out to be a king's house. As it would, of course. So Molly went in.

Just walked into the king's house. Had to knock at the giant's house, but the king's house was wide open. Just help yourself.

And she told, Molly told the king all about what had happened. And the king said, Well, Molly, you're a clever girl and you have managed well. But if you would manage better and go back and steal the giant's sword that hangs on the back of his bed, I would give your eldest sister my eldest son to marry.

Molly said she'd try. Because, you know, why not? Why not go back? Nothing in the world could get me to go back there. Not even a chocolate eclair the size of a punch bag would get me to go back.

And I like chocolate eclairs. So, good to her word, little Molly managed to slip into the giant's house and crept in below their bed. Why would you go anywhere near their bed? The giant came home and ate up a great supper and went to bed.

Molly waited until he was snoring. And she crept out and reached over the giant and got down the sword. The sword is owned by a giant, which, unless he uses it as a thimble, would be a big sword.

She's tiny. He's a giant. Therefore, the sword would be big.

Big, big, big, big. Way too big for her to carry. Just a thought.

So she reached out over the giant and got down the sword. But just as she got it out over the bed, it gave a rattle. And up jumped the giant.

And Molly ran out at the door and the sword with her. And she ran. And she ran.

Till she came to the bridge of one hair. Bridge of one hair. And she got over.

But he couldn't. And he says, Woolworth ye! Molly whoopee! Never ye come again! And she said, Twice yes, Carl! Quotes she, I'll come to Spain! Now that didn't make any sense at all, did it? Twice yet, Carl, come she, I'll come to Spain. I don't know what that means.

It must have been a private joke between the two of them. There's a lot missing out here. I get the sense that they had a bit of a thing going.

At the very least, a friendship that involved maybe playing chess once a week. Whilst drinking cow-cow. So I don't know.

So Molly took the sword to the king. And her sister was married to his son. Well the king, he says to her, You manage well, Molly.

But if ye would manage better, And steal the purse that lies below the giant's pillow, I would marry your second sister to my second son. And Molly said, No way! You're having a laugh. I don't care about my sister that much.

Let her just find some peasant to marry. You want to go under his pillow? She didn't, no. She said she'd give it a try.

Give it a try. So she set out for the giant's house again. And slipped in again.

And hid again below the bed. She waited till the giant had eaten his supper. And was snoring sound asleep.

She slipped out. And slipped her hand below the pillow. And got out of the purse.

But just as she was going out, The giant awakened and ran after her. And she ran. And he ran.

Till they came to the Bridge of One Hair. And he said, Stop a second. Why is it called the Bridge of One Hair? And she said, I don't know.

And they continued. She got over it, but he couldn't. And he said, Well, won't you, Molly, appear whenever you come again? Won't yet, Carl.

Though, she quoted, I'll come to Spain. Still don't understand that. So Molly took the purse to the king.

And her second sister was married to the king's second son. After the king says to Molly, Molly, you are a clever girl. But if you do better yet.

And steal the giant's ring. That he wears on his finger. I will give you my youngest son for yourself.

Molly said, I'm only eight. That's a bit perverted, isn't it? I'm only eight years old. I don't want to get married, do I? But because it's a story tale.

Those rules don't exist. She says, yeah, all right then. Yeah, I'll go back to the girl.

Yeah, I'll go back and go back to the. Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, brilliant.

Yeah, because I remember nothing. And I learn nothing from any of my mistakes. So she goes back to the giant's house.

Hides herself below the bed. The giant wasn't long here. Here.

He came home. After he had eaten a big supper. He went to his bed.

Can you imagine that? Imagine going home. Having your dinner or your supper. And then just going to bed.

No telly. No internet. No pouring cups of tea.

No anything. No eating. Just to bed.

Anyway, he went to bed shortly. He was snoring. Loudly.

Molly crept out and reached over the bed. Snoring loudly. That is really basically just being asleep.

And making sound. All snoring is loud. Otherwise it's not snoring.

Or, if we're going to be more specific, snoring is stopping breathing. There you go. Molly crept out, reached over the bed and got hold of the giant's hand.

And she pulled. She went to go through his ring. Remember, that's what she's going for.

She'd never seen a giant's ring before. She wondered if it would be the same size as normal rings. Like a normal man.

Because obviously a giant is so much bigger. Would the ring be bigger? She thought to herself, would I actually be able to fit in through the ring? Because the ring might be so big. I wonder.

But would I want to? So she reached over and grabbed the giant's hand to get to the ring. That we talked about. And she pulled.

And she pulled. And she got off the ring. Now, have you ever tried to get someone's ring off their finger? It's not easy, is it? You know, it's been a while since I tried that.

Ever since I decided when I got released from prison. No more mugging. But could you imagine trying to... It's quite hard to get a ring off someone's finger.

I don't wear jewellery myself because I'm a man. But apparently she got it off. I mean, imagine what a ring... The size of the ring would be huge, wouldn't it? And I imagine it would be quite a smelly ring as well.

Because from the sounds of it, it doesn't wash his hands. I just get a feeling. You know when you get that feeling? That it doesn't wash his hands.

That smelly ring. So... Anyway, she pulls him off. Pulls the ring off of him.

She's got this image of her trying to carry this big ring. The thing is, because it's hollow. It keeps falling down and trapping her.

So she can't get out. So... So she got it off in the end. But this time he catches her.

Because he's near her hand, isn't he? He's near her hand. And he gets her. And he grips her by the hand.

It's probably more by the arm because he's so big. And he says... Now I have you, Molly Wuppie. And if I had done as much ill to you as you have done to me.

What would ye do to me? Molly said... I'll put you into a sack. And I'll put the cat inside with you. And the dog aside you.

And a needle and thread and shears. And I'd hang you up upon the wall. And I'd go to the wood and choose the thickest stick I could get.

And I would come home and take you down. And bang you till you were dead. I thought she was going to say... I'd let you go.

But no, she's gone a different route. To where I would have gone. I would have said... I'd give you a chocolate eclair.

And have you on your way. Go home, all's forgiven. But no, she didn't think that.

Well, Molly, said the giant. Well, Molly, said the giant. I'll just do that to you.

So he gets the sack and puts Molly in it. And the cat and the dog beside her. And a needle and thread and shears.

And hangs her up upon the wall. And goes to the wood to choose a stick. Molly, she sings.

Molly, she sings out. Oh, if ye saw what I see. Molly, she sings out.

Oh, if ye saw what I see. Oh, said the giant's wife. What do you see, Molly? But Molly never said a word but... Oh, if ye saw what I saw.

The giant's wife begged that Molly would take her up into the sack. Till she would see what Molly saw. So Molly took the shears and cut a hole in the sack.

And took out the needle and thread with her. And jumped down and helped the giant's wife up into the sack. And sewed up the hole.

I'm guessing there wasn't much in the way of education. In this town. A bit of inbreeding possibly.

The giant's wife saw nothing. And began to ask to get down again. But Molly never minded.

But hid herself at the back of the door. Home came the giant. And a great big tree in his hand.

And he took down the sack and began to batter it. His... A child's story is great. His wife cried.

It's me, man. But the dog barked and the cat chewed. And he did not know his wife's voice.

But Molly came out from the back of the door. And the giant saw her. And he after her.

And he ran. So he ran after her. And he ran.

And she ran. And he ran. And she ran.

And he ran. And they came to Spain. Again, I don't understand that.

I've said it a hundred times now. I don't get it. So Molly took the ring to the king.

And she was married to his youngest son. Even though she was only eight. And she never saw the giant again.

And that's the end of that story. Now go to sleep.