(Short Voice) #3 HUMPY TRUMPER - Jasons Bed Time Story Time

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Jason's Storytime number three. Now today I'm going to... Today I'm going to read a book which has been recommended by Rachel and it's Denslow's Pumpty Dumpty. Adapted and illustrated by w.w. Denslow.

You thought I was going to do an internet thing didn't you? You thought I was going to go www. No, that wasn't his name. So this is from G.W. Dillingham Co.

Publishes New York. Doesn't say what year it was. Oh 1903.

It's an out of copyright book so um like all the books I'm going to be reading it'll be out of copyrights so yeah there you go. So the point of this and all of the other recordings I do in this series is to tell you a lovely bedtime story and so that you can get all comfortable and cozy and have that warm fuzzy feeling inside and you can just fall asleep.

So I hope that this is useful.

So the book as I said is called Pumpty Dumpty. I'm hoping I can actually... Okay. All right.

So here we go. It's not a long book so it shouldn't take long to read. So get yourselves nice and comfortable only listen when you can safely close your eyes because having your eyes closed is probably the best way to fall asleep.

You know. Yeah okay. So Pumpty Dumpty.

Pumpty Dumpty was a smooth round little chap with a whining smile, a winning smile and a great golden heart in his broad breast. His broad breast. Sorry I'm trying to read it but, you know, I have vision issues.

Don't mock me. It's vision issues. You know I have to wear glasses to disability so please, you know, keep judging to yourself.

Anyway I don't think you've read it one thing. Only one thing troubled Pumpty and that was that he might that he might fall and crack his thin white skin. So he's an egg.

Okay. I imagine that would be quite worrying wouldn't it? If you were an egg I think falling over and cracking would be probably at the top of the list. And anyway he wished to be hard.

He really wanted to be hard all the way through. For he felt his heart wobble. Wobble? Wobble? He felt his heart wobble when he walked all round about.

So off he went to the black hen for advice. This hen was kind and wise. So she just, so she was just the one for him to go to with his trouble.

Your father, old Humpty, said the hen, was very foolish and would take warning from no one. You know what the poet said of him? Humpty Dumpty sat on your wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great ball.

Only king's horses and only king's men cannot put Humpty together again. So you see he came to a very bad end. Just because he was reckless and would not take a hint from anyone.

He was much worse than a scrambled egg. That's not an insult you get very often is it? You know what mate? You're way worse than a scrambled egg. The king, his horses and his men did all they could for him.

But his case was hopeless. And the hen shook her head. And the hen shook her head sadly.

That's a very long sentence wasn't it? Have you ever heard of paragraphs or full stops? So basically this story is not about the Humpty from the rhyme. It's about his son. I guess Humpty Dumpty Junior.

What you must do, continued the hen as she wiped a tear from her bright blue eye. So she was laughing at him, basically mocking him. Is to go to the farmer's wife next door and tell her to put you into a pot of boiling hot water.

Your skin is so hard and smooth it will not hurt you. And when you come out you may do as you wish. Nothing can break you.

You can tumble about to your heart's content and you will not break, not even dent yourself. So Humpty rolled in next door, rolled in. He rolled in, he's got legs why don't he just walk.

And told the farmer's wife that he wanted to be put into boiling hot water. As he was too brittle to be used for any use to himself or to anyone else. To be of use to anyone.

Put himself down, I think he had very low self-esteem. For an egg anyway. Indeed you shall, wait a minute okay sorry, do a different voice.

Indeed you shall, said the farmer's wife. What is more, I shall wrap you up in a piece of spotted calico. So that you will have a nice coloured dress.

You will come out looking as bright as an easter egg. What's a calico? asked Pugs buddy. Now wait a minute, different story.

So she tied him up in a grey new rag and dropped him into the copper kettle of boiling water that was on the hearth or hearth. It was pretty hot for Humpty at first, but soon he got used to it and he was happy. For he felt himself getting harder every minute.

I guess that was the kind of the hot boiling, half of hot boiling water was the original viagra I guess. He did not have to stay in the water long before he was quite well done. And as hard as a brick all the way through, so untying the rag he jumped out of the kettle as tough and as bright as any hard boiled egg.

The calico, still don't know what that is, had marked him from head to foot with big bright red spots. He was as gaudy as a circus clown and as nimble and merry as one. The farmer's wife shook with laughter to see the pranks of the little fellow.

For he frolicked and frisked about from table to chair and mental peace. He would fall from the shelf to the floor just to show how hard he was. Reminds me of when I was at school.

And after thanking the good woman most politely for the service she had done him, he walked out into the sunshine on the clothesline like a rope dancer to see the wide wide world. Of the travels of Humpty Dumpty much could be said. He went east, west, north, and south.

He sailed the seas. He walked and rode on the land through all the countries of the earth and all his life long he was happy and content. He wasn't a happy and content.

He was happy. What's the matter you? Hey, I'm happy and content. And all his life long he was happy and content.

I think this might be the end of the book. It's quite a short book. Sometimes as a clown in a circus he'd make fun for old and young.

Again as a wandering minstrel, I'm not sure that's piecing, twanged strings of his banjo and sung a merry song. And so on through all his travels he would enlighten the cares of others and make them forget their sorrows. A bit like me really, isn't it? Very much like Humpty Dumpty.

I look like him. And fill every heart with joy. But wherever he went, in sunshine or in rain, he never forgot to sing the praises of the wise black hen, nor the good kind farmer's wife who had started him in life.

Hardened against sorrow, with a big heart in the right place for the cheer and comforts of others. And that's kind of the whole thing. That's it.

And I could do an abbreviated version of this, an abridged version. Humpty Dumpty's dad was scared he'd break his shell. He asked for advice, got told to get hard-boiled, got hard-boiled and spent the rest of his life acting silly and cheering people up.

That was, what, two sentences? Got a whole book out of it. Well, a whole book, 15 pages. Let's have a look at the description.

Is anyone asleep yet? I think I prefer the original one, if I'm honest with you, the original. I mean, some of it's unrealistic there, okay. Walking on a clothesline, like, you know, balancing a tightrope.

Come on, I've never seen an egg do that, have you? Very unrealistic. He's got a picture of him playing a banjo. Never seen an egg play a banjo.

And I've got another one. He's riding on a mouse, jumping over something. I mean, really? Who are they aiming it at? Oh, he's got another one, he's playing a banjo again.

And there's an old man with a, almost, you know those old hearing things, almost like trumpets. They put them in their ears so they can hear. Well, he's doing that so he can hear Humpty Dumpty Junior.

He looks like he's singing as well. So that's nice. Ah, there's a picture of him at the end and he's sitting on a wall.

Because his confidence has increased, hasn't it? And I think that's what the, that's what it's really about. It's not really about him going from soft to hard, the need to get hard. He had a problem with softness.

He needed help to get hard. So he went to a specialist. And the specialist gave him some advice for what he needed to do.

So he did what was necessary to get hard. And I think there's something about not being able to get hard that really affected his self-esteem. And once he was able to get hard and stay hard, that seemed to be the thing.

It wasn't just about getting hard. It was staying hard. It seemed to be the thing for him.

So once he found out how to stay hard, he could then go on his adventures and do all the things that he'd always wanted to do, that he wasn't able to do before he was, you know, before he was able to get hard. He must have written a list of things he wanted to do. So let's have a look at those things.

And yeah. So when he actually first got hard, the first thing he did was, he was as gaudy as a circus clown and as nimble as a merry one. And the farmer's wife shook with laughter to see the pranks of the little fellow, because the little fellow was now hard, instead of being soft like before.

For he frolicked and frisked about from table to chair and a mental piece. He would fall from the shelf to the floor just to show how hard he was. And after making the good woman, and thanking the good woman most politely, thank you for the service that she had done for him, for getting him hard.

He walked out into the sunshine on the clothesline like a rope dancer to see the wide, wide world. So he sailed the seas, he walked and rode on the land through all the countries of the earth. And all his life long, he was happy and content, sometimes like a clown in a circus.

He would make fun, old and young, again, as a wandering minstrel. He twanged the strings of his banjo and sung a merry song. And so on through all his travels, he would lighten the cares of others and let them forget their sorrows.

So his hardness really did help other people as well as himself. And he's also telling people, the reason I'm so hard is because of the farmer's wife. She did this.

She had started, started him in his life, hardened against sorrow. Ah, this is a picture at the end. Humpty Dumpty, he's sitting on a wall, and there's a little child there.

And Humpty Dumpty's got his hand out and you can, you can see his picture. You know he's about to push the kid off the wall. Oh, I almost feel like I should, uh, should we get another one? It wasn't quite, it wasn't quite it, was it? It wasn't quite the, uh, library.

Oh, no. These classic books, classic books, children's books, kids. The Apple, A Christmas Carol.

So maybe Anne of Green Gables. What's this Aesop's Fables? Any good? Do you know? Page two. Oh, Aesop's Fables, 438.

Really? Really? Jokingly. 438, come on. Okay, so let's see how long.

How many pages? Two, two frogs. Okay, let's give that a go. The two frogs.

So this is called The Fables of Aesop, or Aesop, the two frogs. Okay, ready? One hot summer, the lake in which two frogs lived was completely dried up, and they were obliged to set off in search of water elsewhere. Coming to a deep and deliciously cool well, one of the frogs proposed that they should jump in at once.

Wait a bit, cried the other. If that should dry up, how could we get out again? Um, really? That's it, that's the whole, that's the whole story. Really? It's not a story.

That's weird. That can't be the whole story, surely? Anyway, this is number two. This is Jupiter and the camel.

The camel once upon a time complained to Jupiter that he was not as well served as he ought to be in the means of defense and offense. The bull, said he, oh, the bull, said he, has horns. The boar tusks, and the lion and tiger formidable claws, and fangs that make them feared and respected on all sides.

I, on the other hand, have to put up with the abuse of all who choose to insult me. Jupiter angrily told him that if he would take the trouble to think, he would see that he was endowed with qualities shared by no other beast, but that as a punishment for his unreasonable importunity, importunity, herefore his ears should be shortened. Firstly, I don't know what important, importunity, importunity, his ears should be shortened.

I don't know why. Um, these are weird. The lion hunting with other beasts.

A lion, a heifer, a goat, and a sheep once agreed to share whatever each might catch in hunting. A fine, fat stag fell into a snare set by the goat, who thereupon pulled the rest together. The lion divided this stag into four parts.

Taking the best pieces for himself, he said, This is mine, of course, as I am the lion. Taking another portion, he added, This too is mine by right, right as you must know, on the strongest. Further putting aside a third piece, That's for the most valiant, said he, and that's for the remaining part.

Touch it if you dare. Yeah, I'm not sure if that tells him of, uh, good vibes, I'm not sure. Okay, the next one.

The stag looking into the pool. The stag looking into the pool. The stag, okay, so I won't read it.

A stag drinking at a clear pool admired the handsome look of his spreading antlers, but was much displeased at the slim and ungainly appearance of his legs. What a glorious pair of branching horns, he said. How gracefully they hang over my forehead.

What an agreeable air they give my face. But as for my spindle shanks of legs, I am heartily ashamed of myself. The words were scarcely out of his mouth when he saw some huntsmen and a pack of hounds making towards him.

His despised legs soon placed him at a distance from his followers, but on entering the forest, his horns got entangled at every turn, so that the dogs soon reached him and made an end of him. Mistaken for that I was, he exclaimed. Had it not been for these wretched horns, my legs would have saved my life.

Okay, now, yeah, that's quite deep, isn't it? I'm just trying to think of some part of me that I like, that I think, oh, that's nice. I used to like me bum. No, I can't think of anything.

I think I used to have nice eyes, but I can't really see them anymore. Not that I used to be able to see them when I didn't take them out and look at them, but I'm kind of covered up by my glasses. Yeah, okay, so number four, Aesop's Fables, The Cock and the Jaw.

This might be interesting. A brisk young cock, scratching for something with which to entertain his favourite hens, happened to turn up a jewel. Feeling quite sure that it was something precious, but not knowing well what to do with it.

He addressed it with an air of affected wisdom as follows. You are a very fine thing, no doubt, but you are not at all to my taste. For my part, I would rather have one grain of dear, delicious barley than all the jewels in the world.

That's the end of that one. Next, The Wolf and the Lamb. Okay, a hungry wolf one day saw a lamb drinking at a stream and wishing to frame some plausible excuse for making him pray.

What do you mean I'm muddling the water? I'm going to drink. Seriously, he said to the lamb. Please forgive me, meekly answered the lamb.

I should be sorry in any way to displease you, but as the stream runs through towards me, you will see that such cannot be the case. That's all very well, said the wolf, but you should know you spoke all ill of me behind my back a year ago. No, believe me, replied the lamb, I was, I was no then born.

He must have been your brother then, growled the wolf. It can be, it can be been, for I've never had any brothers, answered the lamb. I know it is one of your lot, remembered the wolf, rejoined the wolf.

Rejoined? You like rejoined the conversation? Like where else do you go? Going like, go to the toilet, had an easter egg? Went and played with Humpty Dumpty? I don't know. I know it was one of your lot, rejoined the wolf. So make no more much idle excuses.

He then seized the poor lamb, carried him off to the woods and ate him. Bit of an overreaction, don't you believe? Okay, the peacock's complaint. The peacock's complaint.

The peacock complained to Juno, that while everyone laughed at his voice, an insignificant creature, like the nightingale, had a note that delighted everybody. Juno, angry at the unreasonableness of her favourite bird, scolded him in the following terms. Envious bird that you are, I am sure that you have no cause to complain.

On your neck shines all the colours of the rainbow, and your extended tail shows like a mass of gems. No living being's ever good thing to share its own nature. The falcon is endowed with swiftness, the eagle's strength, the parrot's speech, and the raven the gift of augury.

I don't know what that means, but it sounds good. And the nightingale with a melodious note. While you have both size and beauty, cease them to complain, or the gifts that you have shall be taken away.

That wasn't so much a story, it was just a bit of a moment, wasn't it? Okay, the cat and the mice. A certain house was much infested by mice. The owner brought home a cat, a famous mouser, who soon made such havoc among the little folk, that those who remained resolved that they would never leave the upper shelves.

The cat grew hungry and thin in consequence, and driven to her wit's end, hung by her hind legs to a peg in the wall, and pretended to be dead. There's a picture there. An old mouse came to the edge of the shelf, and seeing through the deception, cried out, Oh, Mrs. Pussy.

I must be about four years old, I'm so childish. Oh, Mrs. Pussy, we should not come near you. We should not come near you, even if your skin was stuffed with straw.

Oh, that one gets work. The dog and his shadow. A dog, bearing in his mouth a piece of meat that he had stolen, was crossing a smooth stream.

By means of a plank, looking in, he saw that he took to be another dog, carrying another piece of meat. Snappingly, greedily, to get this as well, he let go of the meat that he had, and lost it in the stream. That's the end of it.

There is a bit left that you've missed out. Then he realized he was looking into a mirror. Okay, the next one.

The ant and the fly. An ant and a fly, one day disputed, as to their respective merits. Vile, creeping insect, said the fly to the ant.

Can you, for a moment, compare yourself with me? I soar on the wing like a bird. I enter the palaces of kings and alight on the heads of princes, nay, of emperors. Nay, of emperors, and only quit then to adjourn the yet more attractive brow of beauty.

Besides, I visit the altars of the gods. A lot of sacrifice is offered, but is first tasted by me. Every feast, too, is offered to me.

I eat and drink of the best, instead of living for days on two or three grains of corn, as you do. That's only fine, replied the ant. But listen to me.

You boast of your feasting, but you know that you'll die. It's not always so choice, and you're sometimes forced to eat what nothing should induce me to touch, as you're alighting on the heads of kings and emperors, and you're not allowed to touch me. You know very well that whether you pitch on the head of an emperor or of an ass, and it is often on the other one, you are shaken off from both with impatience.

And then the altar of the gods, indeed. There and everywhere else you are looked upon as nothing but a nuisance. In the winter, too, while I feed at my ease on the fruits of my soil, what more common than to see you, your friends, dying with cold hunger and fatigue? I lose my time now, I'm talking to you.

Chattering will fill neither my bin nor my cupboard. Merry Christmas, children. All right, I'll do the last one.

The Stag in the Oxtail A stag, hard-pressed by the hounds, ran for shelter into an ox-store. The door, which was open, one of the oxen turned round and asked him why he came to such a place as that, where he would be sure to be taken. The stag replied that he should do well, but enough if the oxen would not tell of him, and covering himself in a heap of straw, waited for the night.

It's a short story, but I'm lost already. Several servants, and even the farm-bailiff himself, came and looked round, but saw nothing of the stag, who, as each went away, was ready to jump out of his skin for joy, and warmly thanked the oxen for their silence. The ox, who had spoken first to him, warned him not to be too sure of his escape, and said that, glad as they would all be for him to get away, there was a certain person still to come, whose eyes were a deal sharper than the eyes of anyone who'd been there yet.

This was the master himself, who, having been dining with a looked in on his way home to see that all was alright. At a glance, he saw the tips of the horns coming through the straw, whereupon he raised a hue and cry, called all his people together and made a prize for the stag. Another happy story.

I'll try and finish on one that's uplifting. The frog who wished to be as big as an ox. Okay, here we go.

An ox, grazing in a meadow, chanced to set his foot on a young frog and crushed him to death. Oh, perhaps this wasn't the cheery one I hoped. His brothers and sisters, who were playing near, at once ran to tell their mother what had happened.

The monster that did it, mother, was such a size, said they. The mother, who was a vain old thing, thought that she could easily make herself as large. Was it as big as this? she asked, blowing and puffing herself out.

Oh, much bigger than that, replied the young frogs. Was this then, cried she, puffing and blowing again with all her might. Nay, mother, said they, if you were to try till you burst yourself, you would never be some pig.

The silly old frog tried to puff herself out still more and burst herself indeed. Oh, yeah, that wasn't quite as happy as I thought. I don't mind.

So I hope you've fallen asleep to all these happy stories. Happiness, happiness, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, happiness, happiness, happiness, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, happiness. Fall asleep now, baby.

Fall asleep now, do. Fall asleep now, baby. Try not to think that you might need a poo.

You don't really need a poo. You haven't got to get up out of bed and go to the toilet because you need to do a poo. Happy, happy, happy, sleepy.

Happy, happy, happy, sleepy. Happy, happy, happy, sleepy. Sleeping deeply.

Like a baby. Except like a baby, you can't do a poo in your pants. You can't go to the toilet instead.

Try not to think about the toilet. Try not to think about needing a wee-wee. Try not to think about the toilet.

Sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. Try not to think about needing a wee-wee.

Try not to think about needing a wee-wee. Just ignore it. Go to sleep.

Remember you have to get up if you need a wee. If you need a wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee. Try not to think about running water.

Try not to think about waterfalls. Try not to think about filling a kettle up. Try not to think about Humpty Dumpty falling off that wall.

No. Happy, happy, happy, sleepy. Sleep.

Happy, happy, happy, sleepy. Sleep. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, sleep.

So hopefully that helped you to get to sleep. So thank you for listening and I'm really happy to be able to help. Lots of love.

Bye.