(Long - Music) #1552 Let me bore you to sleep _ Jason Newland

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Today is Tuesday the 3rd of February 2026.

Hello, hi. Oh, so much to tell you, so much to tell you. Where to start? Well, for those that haven't listened before, just let you know that I've got a website called jasonnewland.com. I'm also, all my recordings are uploaded directly to Spotify, iTunes, all the podcast places that you get podcasts.

Also, you can listen to them on my website. Also, they're automatically uploaded to YouTube, all of them. And I've got different descriptions of them now.

So I thought I'd try and make it a first time to kind of know which one is best. So I have the right. So before I was doing no music, music, no music, five hours, music, five hours, no music, 10 hours, music, 10 hours.

So I stopped that. I'm still doing exactly the same, but I'm just naming them different. So the no music was now called short slash voice only.

The the rich just a normal one with music is called short slash music. The five hours now called long slash voice only or music depending which one and the 10 hour one is now called overnight slash voice only or music. I hope that's it might be the easier now.

I don't know. But anyway, that's what I'm doing. That's what I've done.

That's what I decided. And I don't know what's happened to Facebook, but I can't get on there. I literally I'll tell you what it does.

Let me try and get into Facebook right now. I go on Facebook, make a choice about your ads. As part of laws in your region, you can choose if you see ads on meta products, and how we use your information for ads.

So I'm saying says get started. That's the only thing to click can't get out of this. So get started.

Wanted to want to subscribe or continue using their products for free with ads. I want to subscribe or continue. So subscribe with to use without ads.

No, because that is £2.99 a month. No, thanks. Use free with ads.

Yeah, so I push on that one. And I click Continue. And now it's saying to have products for free to use our products for free agreed to meta using the information following.

So I'm looking at I've opened up just to say look, I've read it. So I've just clicked Agree. And it's brought me back to the same page again, make a choice about your ads.

As part of our laws. It's done the same on my phone as well. So currently, I was able to share, I think I was able to share one of my latest podcasts to Facebook via speaker.

But at the moment, I can't get onto Facebook. This is a very recent thing. So I was on there about two hours ago.

So I don't know what's happened. It's pretty, pretty much locked me out. And unless it's a scam.

So maybe let me know because it is saying Facebook.com privacy consent. Unless it's some kind of a scam, or hack or something. I don't know.

Maybe, maybe they've hacked into my Facebook. So now they've got access to the Facebook page. I hope not.

But hey, maybe if you can let me know if you can still see the page and maybe send me a message and stuff or maybe you having the same issue where you are. I'm in England, but it might be a worldwide thing. Oh, so that's that.

My neighbor downstairs contacted me. Actually, I contacted her last week because my my toilet made the weirdest sound. And just wanted to apologize.

I said, I don't know what happened there. But it felt like the whole building was about to, we felt like the building was shaking, which I understand. I mean, I'd shake if I was a toilet, wouldn't you? Especially if you see my big bum edging towards it.

But still, I mean, this is afterwards when I flushed it like and again, I can't complain to the toilet making a noise like that. But apparently, it kind of stopped. I was going to call the council last week.

But it didn't really do it again. Maybe a few noises over the last week, but nothing like that. And then my, my neighbor downstairs, she was talking to someone saying all these toilets is going crazy again.

And the person she was talking to said, but I've just seen him outside. He's not up there. Because I was taking Vinnie out to the park.

So my toilet is making noises when I'm not even here. I've literally got a haunted toilet. So ultimately, I'm going to have to contact the council tomorrow, get them to come and have a look because there's something not right.

This left me with an issue. I have to clean the bathroom. Okay, the toilet needed cleaning.

Like proper. Okay, I'm not going to go into details. But it just needed cleaning.

I'm not gonna let someone come in and it needed needed cleaning. Should we just leave it at that? Don't image, don't imagine the worst thing possible. It's not that bad, but it's not not far off.

And so what I did is I just basically got a whole bottle of bleach, poured it all over the toilet, all over the seat, all over every part of it, including the inside, and around the rim and around the bottom of the toilet, everything is completely just a whole bowl. Open the window, turn the extractor fan on, came out, sat down. And then I had my dinner.

Now I did wonder what if I need the toilet? Wee wee is not really a problem. That's okay. And I had to kind of avoid the the old vodka bleach, the bleach because it was a little bit over the floor, but I kind of to be fair, I what I noticed is, once I smell bleach, it just stays with me for a while.

I used to be a cleaner in a nightclub. And I'd be smelling bleach the whole night. And I think that other people were smelling bleach on me.

But I don't think they were. In fact, I did a survey. And 82% said no.

And a few people did sort of like, look at me and just walk away. But anyway, so I thought I'd be right. And then I had this weird thing.

It was almost like I was sabotaging myself. So I had my dinner. And I knew that I had an Easter egg in the fridge.

Not not a big Easter egg, not a small Easter egg, just kind of a regular size Easter egg. It's that time of the year. I know I shouldn't be eating stuff like that.

But Oh, it tastes so good. I'm sitting in my chair. And I'm thinking Hmm.

Hmm. Because I had my dinner, I took my medication, makes me a bit tired, a bit drowsy initially. I mean, I'm a bit drowsy during the day anyway, because of the meds I'm on.

But the initial like, oh, so I eat, have that. Watched a little bit of telly. And then I just kind of sat in my chair listening to one of our podcasts, one of the hypnosis relaxation sessions I did today.

And it's relaxing. That's one thing I can say about myself. The relaxation sessions are relaxing.

I mean, you know, I don't want to blow me on trumpet, which I could. But I just, you know, I mean, it's like actually, I find them relaxing. And really, I probably should be the one that finds the least relaxing because my voice.

I don't know. But anyway, I do find them relaxing. And I like to listen back to my recordings now.

Just to make sure everything's okay. And because I did that the other day. And I listen on YouTube.

Because it's on the TV. And I didn't realize that the video that I'd uploaded was, it hadn't processed properly. It went quiet for about half an hour and then it froze.

Now I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't watched it. No one told me there was people watching and views, but no one posted a comment or anything to let me know. It's like, okay, so I need to just listen to make sure everything's kind of gone through.

Okay. And Sunday, I don't know how long I was sitting there for probably about 40 minutes, an hour, 40 minutes. And Vinnie woke me up.

I wasn't like a sleep sleep, but I was kind of, I was listening, I was aware that I was listening. But at the same time, I was quite happy to just be listening. I was sitting up so you know, it's not like I was laying down or anything.

And then I get up and I think, Easter egg. Easter egg. Easter egg.

And that's what I'm thinking about. So I'm thinking, well, two things. I'll make a recording to Let Me Bore You To Sleep before bed.

And then what I'll do is I'll edit this tomorrow morning when I get up. So it's here's something weird. For me anyway.

When I go to bed, I look forward to waking up the next day. Like, I don't mean like super excited. I'm gonna go on holiday or something like that.

Or I've got a date with the love of my life or I'm going to the sweet shop. You know, whatever. Like Vinnie would be excited if he went to the sweet shop to get a Big Zero or something.

But I actually look forward to getting up. And unlike most of my life, including when I was a kid, when I look at my phone to see what time it is, if the time says like 2.30 in the morning, I'm disappointed. Because I want it to say 4.30 or 5.30. So I can get out of bed.

Because 2.30, unless I'm like, gone to bed super early, or I'm just like wide awake, because I've had too many naps during the day, which sometimes happens. I'll get up. But generally, I you know, I don't want to get up too early.

But you know, five, five o'clock is a good time to wake up for me. Five or six. And if I look at the clock, you know, look at the phone, and it says it's like 10 to five, I'm like, yeah, brilliant.

And get up now. When did that happen? Never used to be like that for me. I did not enjoy getting up early in the morning.

And I realized maybe, well, it's not a maybe really, it's because at long last, I'm actually doing something that I enjoy doing. And I know I can't always do it. Or put, you know, but I can at least, even if I don't do anything, or don't make a recording, or don't really do anything, really.

I can at least look at the stats. I can have a little look. And yeah, I mean, sometimes I'll get up and I'll just sit at the table and I'll fall asleep again.

Which is a bit like, why did I get out of bed? I could just be asleep. But you know, and I'm normally in bed. I'm going to bed late in there though, because I used to go to bed pretty much, wow, a few months ago, I was going to bed about eight or nine.

But these days, we're usually in bed by about 11. So, but then I do, yes, I quite often I'll have a nap during the day. But I'll also listen to a couple of hours worth of relaxation sessions, music or one of my recordings or a couple of my recordings throughout the day.

So I'm also getting that rest as well. Where I'm not looking at a computer screen or I'm not watching TV or anything like that. Or listen, yeah, just so I guess that'll kind of make up for it.

But I like getting up in the morning, I look forward to, so when I'm in bed, I'm thinking I'll get up tomorrow, have my ready break. I can edit that podcast. I wonder how many people have watched my videos or listened to my podcasts overnight.

Oh, I can't wait. Every morning's like Christmas morning. Except I haven't had to worry about some big man in a costume creeping around my bedroom.

This is totally true, right? That we call him Father Christmas in England. I know he's called Santa in other places. And I think the young people probably call him Santa now.

I know my niece used to call him Santa. And I was like, but it's Father Christmas. And then I realised that actually, who am I to tell someone else what they should call? You know, Father Christmas, if they want to call him Bobby McBobby, they can, can't they? You know, kangaroo brain, whatever they want to call him, it's up to what's up to her really.

But I did keep saying it's Father Christmas, when there's no one around, I said it's Father Christmas, not Santa. And I shouldn't say that out loud in case someone's listening from the family. So I, I remember I was about eight years old, not really celebrated Christmas before.

I mean, we celebrate Christmas. Yeah, when I was seven, we celebrate Christmas. But that was kind of the first time that I ever remember celebrating Christmas.

It doesn't mean it is, but it's the first time I remember Christmas was when I was seven. Although I kind of, I'm not sure if I remember that, but I know it happened. That's the first time I know it did.

Definitely Christmas occurred. But I do have a vague memory of a Christmas tree in the children's home. I imagine they would celebrate Christmas, I mean, Catholic nuns, you know, but yeah, so pretty, pretty certain Christmas would have been a lot of church time back then.

But also probably a nice time as well. It's probably Christmas carols and stuff like that. And thinking about it, because I lived in Southend at the time.

I remember going to a, what do you call it? What's that thing? He's behind you, pantomime. I've only been, well, I've been to a pantomime as an adult, when I dated someone that had a little kid. And what was that? I think that was Captain Hook or Peter Pan, one of them.

That was good. I liked it. And I also went in Southend because there was a theatre on the pier.

There probably still is. And longest pier in Europe, one of the longest piers in the world, I think, at the time. It's, although it's been shrunk, once it was hit by a ship, another time there was a fire or two fires.

So yeah, it's, you think it'd be relatively easy to put it out, wouldn't you? Like being on the sea. But I suppose, yeah, it's hard to reach, isn't it? I don't know. But yeah, I don't know.

Did I tell you this? This is, this is true. Where I lived when I was eight, from seven onwards to about 19, I lived in this little town and there was a pier on the beach, like there is probably most beaches, I suppose. And there was this big whale, not a real whale.

It was, although there was a whale on the beach once. That was actually one of the most exciting things that ever happened in that town, when the whale washed up. It was there for ages.

But anyway, this was like a potato, a whale. It was like a bouncy castle, but a whale. So you had to go inside, but it's basically just a big whale.

But you went inside the mouth, I think. And there was all bouncy stuff inside. Absolutely brilliant fun.

Phenomenal fun. And it's just brilliant. It's really, really, really good.

It's just a trampoline basically, or bouncy castle without a castle. And the good thing is you go in it even when it's raining. Well, one day, it blew out to sea.

And there was one or two kids inside. When it blew out to sea, they were fine. They rescued them and everything.

Traumatic, but I think after that, they got rid of it. I guess, yeah, people aren't going to want to go on it after that, are they? But I used to wonder myself, you know, when I went in there, I thought, if it does blow out to sea, because I did think about that. If it got blown out, then it'd just float on the sea.

Or would it just swim away? Because I was young. I wasn't sure, you know, I kept being told it's not a real whale. You were meant to just go inside a real whale's mouth and bounce around.

It's like, okay. Oh, come on. I was a kid.

I was only like 18. So that was a weird thing that happened. What's the other thing I was going to tell you? I forget now.

It's gone out of my head. Oh, never mind. Oh, Christmas.

Yeah. So we, I was living in this council house. It was a new build.

That's where my nan and gran had ended up living as well. So I was there for about a year. Yeah, between.

Yeah, just over a year or just over a year. And I loved that house. The only house I've ever liked.

Only house I've ever loved really is that house. It's just got good memories. Because when we lived there, things were brilliant.

And then my nan and gran had lived there. And then my nan lived there on her own. And, you know, I was going into that house from the age of seven years old.

All the way to the age of about 40. Maybe. Yeah, about 40.

Maybe a little bit younger than that. But it's a long time anyway. So yeah, for at least 30 years, I was going in and out of there.

I mean, just continuously just going in and out. That'd be weird. But you know, visiting.

Yeah, love that house. I think that's one of those weird things I would do if I won the lottery. Not that I do the lottery, but I think I quite like to buy that house.

If the person was willing to sell it, buy that house and buy the house next to it. And I don't know why. I just like the idea of not having a neighbor.

I suppose I could knock through, but if I knock through to make one much bigger house, then it would no longer be the house that I remembered, would it? Although I used to go into the house next door as well. When I was when I was like seven and eight, I used to go in there. And because we were friends with the neighbors.

And I used to go in there when I used to go and play with the girl, because she was two years younger than me. Her brother was two years older than me. My brother was the same age as him.

So he'd be around there. And I'd just be around there hanging out. And then when I got to 19, I started spending some time with the girl again.

So she was still living there. So I was still kind of visiting my nan and stuff like that. And I kind of, I'd always kept in contact with her because I'd seen her.

I'd always see her sort of regularly, but not hanging out or anything. And then literally, she this is a weird story. Like she was absolutely and it's pretty, it's hard to say beautiful, because everyone's, you know, has a different idea what beauty is.

But she was she had she was I don't know what the right word is. Probably photographically pleasing. Does that make sense? Kind of what you would see as like a traditional model, whatever, I don't know, facially.

But she had she didn't have any confidence. Because she had, she didn't seem to have any confidence, because she had a birthmark on her face. It's only a little birthmark, it's just a mole.

I don't know, it wasn't anything like spectacular. But she had it removed when she was about 17, transformed her personality. And she was still lovely.

But she was enjoying the attention. And that that confidence meant, I mean, there was literally boys knocking on her door all the time, like fighting over her, because they wanted her attention. And it wasn't because she got rid of the birthmark.

It was because she just suddenly realized the power she had. And it was interesting to watch. Because, you know, I still saw her as just this little kid, and she saw me as the next door neighbor, really, or the next door neighbor's grandson.

So really, Vinnie, thanks, mate. And I didn't see her for years and years and years. Last time I saw her, I think she was working in a pharmacy.

And she had about 17 children. She was lovely. She's like one of these people that's just really nice.

Do you know, there was there was a girl at school, who arguably was one of the probably most popular females in the school, both by the women and boys and the girls. And some of the girls she hung around with weren't particularly nice. You know, not very friendly, very, you know, to me anyway.

But she always was. And her dad was the the mayor of the town. And because I was in the Sea Cadets, because I was in school with her, I was also in the Sea Cadets, which meant she used to see me, like, and speak to me and stuff, because we'd all be hanging around.

And when there was a some kind of male mayoral procession in the town, the Sea Cadets would be out, the Army Cadets and the... What's the other one? Air Cadets, that's it, Air Cadets, and probably the Scouts and the Brownies or whatever. So we'd all be kind of marching along. And she was so nice, but so kind of out of my league in a way, but not personality wise, but just, I mean, she was a woman and I was a boy.

I was like a child and she was an adult. And, you know, she was dating men with cars. They were picking them up from school.

And I had my little rucksack on, carrying my lasagna from cooking lesson, spilling all over myself. Why doesn't she love me? You could, I could give you a lift on me racer, a BMX. And I saw her probably about 2002 or 2003.

I was visiting because I was living in London at this point. I had long hair and we bumped into each other and she was like so nice to me. The fact that she actually remembered me was surprising because we left school in 96, 86, sorry.

I hadn't seen her for, what's that? 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93. So what's that? Seven years. I think I'd changed a fair bit in seven years.

I mean, I had a ponytail, long hair. I was, I just, I guess I probably would look different, but she recognised me, asked me how I was. I mean, she'd changed quite a bit herself.

And I said, like physically, I mean, she said, how are you? I said, oh, I've had 150 children. I said, wow. So she'd had, well, I don't know, maybe two, two or three, but she had kids.

And that seemed to happen a lot in that little town. I think it's partly because at the time they didn't have a McDonald's. So there wasn't anywhere to really hang out.

So it was a case of just, you know, having babies, I guess. I mean, it was, it's such a little town. It's in the, I mean, the old thing, isn't it? In the middle of nowhere, but it literally, everything shut off.

Once the buses and the trains stopped at about eight o'clock, unless you had a car, you couldn't leave. I mean, you'd walk, but you wouldn't get very far because the next town was probably four, five hour walk, six hour walk or something. Heck of a walk.

Although I did, I did do it. I did walk it a couple of times. It was a weird one.

I don't, I got my glasses. So this is when I was just left school. And I was wearing glasses.

I was just, well, I was just about to leave school. And I had to wear glasses all the time because I had a lazy eye, apparently. And the, the, the optician thought he was funny.

He kept, whenever I spoke, he kept saying, who are you talking to? It's like, which is rude. And it was rude. And I decided, and probably knowing me back then, I didn't take any precautions or preparations, no milk, no food, not milk, no water, no food, nothing, no money.

I just decided to walk to the next town. And I'm walking on the motorway on the grass verge, watching the bus go past, basically following the bus route, because I don't know any other route. But I'd been, I'd done the journey on a bus many a time.

Well, a few times. And I got as far as, I didn't actually get very far really. And I hitched, but I was gone for about five hours.

And in the end, I hitched and got a lift back, by a couple that were just on the way back. They were going to where I was going. Not, not the exact address.

Otherwise, that would have been someone I knew, wouldn't it? I really wouldn't really be in the hitchhike, would it have just been a lift from a friend or a neighbour. But I kind of remember the freedom, because I think being at school, leaving school, I think that's part of the reason why I didn't care about things like career, or what was going to happen next. I was just so relieved to have that freedom.

To just not have to go there anymore. Because I wasn't, I just didn't, I guess, appreciate the wonder, the wonderfulness of my school. And it's a nice way to put it, isn't it? I just, yeah, I was relieved to not have to go in there anymore.

Although it did feel a little bit nostalgic. Knowing that it wasn't just that I didn't have to go in there anymore, but I was never going to go in there anymore. I had no reason to.

I suppose if I kind of planned it a bit better, I could have had kids and then they could have gone there and I could have gone in for parents evening and stuff like that. Or to collect my kids up when they've been expelled. But I didn't really think that far ahead really.

I remember that though, I remember that day, that last day of being in there. So I think someone said to me, you know, we don't have to come in anymore. I said, what? He said, yeah.

I said, really? He said, yeah. Okay, cool. I didn't even know.

Then I received a letter saying, you have to turn up for these exams. Exams? So when I left school, there was CSEs and O levels. And then if you did the O levels and passed, you could then go on to do A levels.

And if you did the A levels and passed, you could then go on to do a degree at university. And if you did the degree, undergraduate degree and passed, you could then go on to do a master's. And if you completed the master's successfully, you could then go on to do a doctorate.

And that would all be free, free, free, free back then. But I was at the lowest rung, rang, ring, whatever you want to call it. So I was put down for CSE.

But apparently they just put me down because I had to do, they had to put me down. I wasn't allowed to leave school without doing an exam. Apparently it was a law or whatever.

So maths, I was doing City and Guilds maths, which is almost like it's the lowest possible maths exam at the time. And I still failed it. I failed every single exam I took.

And it was just, I was trying to think, I think the last two exams I just didn't turn up because I thought what, realistically, what are they going to do? Are they going to come and arrest me? No, I hope. And I just thought, what am I going to do? What's the point then? Because I had a job, I was working in a chip shop. And I was literally taking time off from the chip shop to go do my exams.

Because I'd already left school and I just had to go back in, I don't know, the June, June time or whatever. So I left school in probably the March, April. So I just had to go back and do certain exams in the sports hall.

And I'm like, what am I doing? I mean, maybe I'd do it a little bit different now. I don't know. So one of those things, you know, so what would you do if you could change things? If you could go back, what would you do different? It's an impossible question, isn't it? Really? What would you do different? My preferred question, and it's not mine, this is from, oh, I forget his name, it was a psychotherapist.

And it was, it wasn't even from him, it was from a philosopher. So it was, the question is, if, so starting right this moment, so if you had to live your life from this moment, over and over again, so you know, whenever you pass away, when that happens, then you get reborn, but in this moment of your life. So you have to relive all the experiences from now onwards.

Nothing from the past, but just from now onwards. How would you live your life? What would you do? Because then you'd have control over the experiences that you're going to re-experience. And I remember reading that probably 20 odd years ago thinking, wow, it's a bit mind blowing, really.

I mean, you could say that again, like in a sense of Groundhog Day, if you had to re-experience, and it's going to be the same day every day, but you're going to experience it the same. And you're not going to know it's Groundhog Day, you're just going to have to go through all the emotions, all the ups, all the downs, all the whatever. And maybe it's Groundhog Year, maybe not Groundhog Day, but Groundhog Year.

So you've got a whole year and everything you do in that year will then go back and you'll relive that whole year again, over and over again, but you won't know you're reliving it. But the first year, you get to decide everything that happens to make sure that you get to live the best year that you can over and over again. Okay, so this is me saying that this is my version.

How would you live that year? What would you do in that year to make it the best year ever? If you're going to have to relive it over and over again? Because you wouldn't know that you're going to be you wouldn't know you're reliving it. But at the same time, you still be going through all the emotions and the experiences, the pleasures, etc. I find the stuff like that interesting.

All we do. I was watching this video on nihilism. And this bloke, he was talking about people having atheism and talking about purpose.

And some people struggling to find a purpose and a meaning and stuff. If it isn't to do with religion. And I'm watching this video.

It's a YouTube video. And I don't, I mean, I understand the concept of nihilism, nihilistic thinking. And I've been there myself multiple times.

That's a tendency I would go through, as I say, we know, in the downward spiral of the older bipolar. But at the same time, the idea that because he's, he's, he was kind of almost saying that it's like fooling ourselves that there's meaning. And I was like, no.

What was this ridiculous, there is meaning. So what we do is meaning. I feel there's meaning to what I do.

And the idea that someone's like dismissing that someone that doesn't even know me, I know he doesn't, he's not thinking of me when he's saying it. But it's like, no, man. No, I don't agree with that.

Actually. Not just in a disagreeable way, or just for the sake of being argumentative. But actually, having spent decades thinking about this subject.

Probably since I was a child, trying to find some kind of reason and meaning to life, trying to figure it out trying to, even as a tiny kid, I was like, okay, what's the purpose of this? What's going on here? Why? Why? What's it all about? And I'm still like that. But I think I've found my purpose. I think.

Yeah. So they're blimmin nihilistic people. I'm dying.

It's like, really Vinnie? I had to, I had to take his bones away from him. Because the last three days, I've made three hypnosis recordings each day. As well as Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

I mean, today's today's one as well. Obviously, I guess. And it's amazing that he's so quiet, just laying down doing nothing until I start the recording, and suddenly comes to life.

Makes so much noise. In the end, I had to take his right all his bones and stuff, put them on the table. And he had to find a way to make noise.

So he jumped onto the settee and started to, shall we say, clean himself, giving himself a bed bath. And because it's, I don't know if it's leather or faux leather or whatever on the settee, but it's squeaking and scratching. And he just keeps moving around.

And then eventually jumps off. I'll tell him to get down. I'll tell him, come on, you've got to get down, please.

Just maybe lay at my feet. So he does, he lays at my feet. And he starts scratching his toes and toenails against the metal feet of the table, the legs.

It's like whatever he can do to make sound. That's why I have to let him do this now, because, you know, I can't, I can't expect him. I mean, he's a good dog.

He's a good boy. Most of the time. He really is.

And he's been. I don't know. Now, because I put the sofa closer to me now when I'm doing a recording, he's now starting to come up and give me kisses and stuff because he can get closer to me.

So I think that was something that he used to annoy him because he couldn't get close to me. Now he can. So the other day, he actually turned around, sat down on my leg.

And lay down on the armrest of the settee. He just wanted to be touching me, just wanted to be, you know, part of it. He didn't want me holding him or picking him up.

He doesn't like that. But he wanted to be part of what I'm doing, I guess, or just, you know, next to me, next to me, next to me. He just wanted to be next to me.

Sorry. I apologize. I apologize.

Oh dear. Getting tired now. I have to take the little one into the garden to do his final wee wee of the day.

It's Tuesday, so I've got the rubbish out for tomorrow morning. Wednesday, I asked my neighbor to collect my prescription for me tomorrow. And then I'll have to phone the council about the toilet.

I don't really want to. I've also gone back on TikTok. I don't know if I mentioned that I came off a TikTok because I was so a little bit annoyed with an interaction I had that wasn't very pleasing.

And then I thought, you know what, I don't have to go live. I can just, I'm reaching, reaching a new audience with my videos. And, you know, I'm getting quite good, quite good numbers on the videos.

So I decided to go back on there. And just reopen, you know, just reopen everything was still saved on there. And yeah, so good.

I've uploaded one, two, three, four, five videos. No, one, two, three, four videos today. There was relaxation into the unknown from yesterday.

So that's uploaded it today. 615 views. There was bloom scrolling for emotional calm.

652 video views. Digital detox and mindful presence. 245 views.

And about two hours ago, I uploaded my yesterday's, Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I've had 360 views of that. I've still got, how many have I got? I'm behind with the podcast episodes.

So detox. I've literally got one, two, three, hypnosis recordings, upload to, to what's it? TikTok. And then I'll have the today's, Let Me Bore You To Sleep as well.

So yeah, it's a, how many is our workout altogether? 600. 1,000, 612, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 1,700, 1,800, 1,900. So just under 2,000 views of my podcasts.

Yeah, just under 2,000, about 19, 1,900 views, something like that. Not bad in a day, is it? And that's without other, you know, the other videos being viewed. So probably had a few of those as well.

Oh, so yeah, that's good. Just thinking I probably won't upload any more tonight. I'll wait till tomorrow morning, then I'll upload.

I suppose I could upload one more, couldn't I? I don't know. Anyway. So I'm in this, I'm in the house where I used to live when I was eight.

And I didn't really know about Father Christmas until I was kind of seven or whatever. So I remember saying to my dad, I said, Dad, he said, yes, yes, son. He never learned anything of our names.

There's four of us and he just called us son. My sister used to get annoyed. But yeah, it's like, yes, son.

Yes, son. I still not sure if he knows my name. Seriously, I don't know.

And we said to him, well, Father Christmas comes down the chimney, doesn't he? He said, yeah. We don't have a chimney. This is a new build house.

To be fair, I probably didn't say a new build house because I only learned that term probably like 15 years ago. But, you know, just generally, there's no chimney. That was the point.

There's no chimney, is there, Dad? He said, no. And he just looked at me like, so? I said, that's right, I'll get back to you. And I left it for a bit.

And I came and said, Dad, yes, son. Can I ask you a question? He said, can't wait until we get out of bed in the morning. I'm tired.

He said, no, no. I said, well, no. You said Father Christmas is coming with toys.

He said, yes. Are you sure? He said, yeah. OK.

All right. I left it. So this was the week leading up.

So it wasn't like the night before or anything. So it was the week leading up and I prodded every now and then, just like, so Father Christmas. Dad, he's got a big sack of toys, a big, massive, because there's four of us, isn't there now, now that the baby brother has been born.

Yes. So he has to bring them down the chimney. Yeah.

But we don't have a chimney. He said, no. He said, what are you, you've been asking me this all week.

You've been, what is it you want to know? I said, well, don't worry about it. I'll get back to you and I'll go away. So Christmas Eve, I just thought I'd had enough of this.

I've got to find out. I mean, how is he supposed to deliver if we don't have a chimney? That was pretty much it. Dad, how can he get in if we don't have a chimney? How's Father Christmas going to get in to put presents underneath the Christmas tree? And my dad said, it's easy.

I'll just leave the front door open. Unlocked. How much sleep do you think I got that night? Knowing that the front door was unlocked, anyone could have walked in.

Honestly, I got no sleep. I didn't miss my brothers, like all, all full of energy. Me, I was like a 90 year old man.

Oh, not this again. Yeah, you got a present. Oh, Merry Christmas.

Honestly, leaving the front door open. How irresponsible. I always struggled a little bit with Christmas.

Because for me, I only wanted presents. I wasn't interested in what other people were getting. I was only interested in my own presents.

And I probably, I imagine everyone's the same. But there was almost an expectation that we should be interested in seeing other people open the presents that we got them, or that I got them. And I wasn't.

Apart from maybe my stepmom, my first stepmom, because I adored her. So I did. I did.

I wanted to, you know, I wanted to get her the best present. I never did, probably. But I used to like to buy her ornaments and stuff like that.

It's almost like I thought she was like an old lady. I mean, she was only in her 20s. But I was buying her like stuff, really stuff that probably nobody in their 20s ever wants to have.

It was, I don't know, like a B-day. That didn't go down well. It took quite a long time for you to come up with B-day then, didn't it? Yeah, I know.

It's almost like you're just sitting around waiting. What can I say next? Yeah, I know. It's like you just run out of words.

Yeah, I know. But if you didn't mention it, no one would have noticed. No, I noticed.

Other people have noticed as well. Yeah, but you didn't have to point it out, did you? Yeah, but maybe if you made these recordings a bit earlier in the day, you wouldn't be so tired. I mean, you can hardly keep your eyes open, especially after taking that medication.

I know. Why do you keep telling me the obvious? Someone has to tell you. No, no, not necessarily.

See, you can't even speak properly. That was mumble. I didn't say it like that.

Yes, you did. You said, no, no, no, no, no. I did not.

I said, no, no, not necessarily. Okay, I was a bit slurry, but it wasn't like the way you said it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I didn't do it like that. Well, that's what it sounded like to me. What do you think this sounds like to the people listening? Us arguing.

Somebody asks, is it you? Well, it's you. What's us? It's me. Where do you begin? Where do I end? I don't know.

Leave me alone. Should we have to think of another story before you go? I mean, you've done the Father Christmas story. The toilet.

You've not mentioned the toilet yet. Well, you did, but you've not really gone into the story, have you? You only got as far as you were eating chocolate. Ah, thanks for reminding me.

Right, back to it. See you later. So yes, I'm sitting here.

I'm just kind of woken up a little bit groggy. Vinnie woke me up for whatever reason. And I'm thinking chocolate, chocolate, Easter, chocolate, Easter, Easter, Easter, chocolate, Easter egg in the fridge.

And I'm visualizing that I'm thinking. So when I go and get it, and instead of just breaking a piece off, I bring the whole thing into the living room, sit down and just start like eat a little bit at a time. And I end up eating more than I expected to eat.

And then I started to think about the toilet. Because I realized that there's a chance after eating that chocolate, I might need to make some chocolate of my own. And then I remembered that the bathroom, the toilet was completely covered in bleach.

The toilet seat, everything, literally I couldn't sit down on it. Which meant I had to go in there and clean the toilet. Like properly, and mop.

And I pull the mop up. And I don't know how this happened, but last time I used the mop, which wasn't that long ago, there was a thick crust on the bottom of the mop bucket, which I couldn't get out. So I just filled it with water, just use it anyway.

Well, in the meantime, what's happened is the water's dried up. And when I pulled the mop out of the bucket, it pulled the whole of that bottom off. So it's now almost clean inside, but this thing was attached to the mop.

So I had to use the bath. So I'm thinking, okay, well, I turned on the bath and tap, the hot tap to try and kind of remove it all and, you know, without having to touch it. And what happened? I get covered in water because the shower is attached.

It's on shower. So it goes all over me. Brilliant.

Great start. And I'm trying to get this mop clean and it won't be clean. It's just brown and brown.

It continues to be brown. So after breaking off all the stuff in the bath, I then move it to the sink and start doing the same with the hope that, you know, if I rinse it enough times, it will become, well, the water will be clear that comes out of it, but no, it nearly got there, but not quite. So then I poured some water into the bucket, the mop bucket.

I cleared out the residue, put some hot water in, some washing up liquid. Didn't need to put any bleach in there because the floor is covered in bleach. So at this point, I got gloves, went to the storage room, got some gloves, which are these blue gloves, which are pretty good for, pretty good for what I was doing actually.

And so I cleaned the toilet, cleaned around the edges, cleaned everything. And then I cleaned the sink partially. There's still needs cleaning, but I got most of it clean.

And then I mopped the bathroom floor. It took a while because of all the bleach, but eventually I got it done. And now all I can smell is bleach.

Seriously. So I don't know, and there's a good chance I splashed bleach all over myself, which, um, I should be able to notice because bleach makes the clothes go orange, I think. But I can just change your clothes tomorrow anyway, so it's fine.

I didn't get, when I say splash, there was no obvious splashes, but doesn't mean that nothing splashed. There's a chance I got bleach on the bottom of my shoes. There's a good chance that I suppose.

Yeah. But now the toilet is clean. The sink is nearly done.

The sink, it needs cleaning, but I gave it a scrub in and it's basically, it just needs more clean, but it looks like it's, it's been used, but it doesn't, it doesn't look like it's never been cleaned. If that makes, if that makes any sense whatsoever. Now all I've got to do is do something with the bath because now the bath is dirty because of the, the mop bucket.

So I have to sort that out. So I'm going to do, before I go to bed, I'm going to pour another big thing of bleach down the toilet and leave it there all night. And hopefully that will do the trick, do a bit more.

It's, it's more limescale than anything else, to be honest. It's, you get, if I'm not mistaken, very high limescale area here. You get it in the kettle quite a lot and in the toilet.

It's quite hard to break it. I mean, I suppose I could break it off with a bit of metal or something like that, but I don't really want to kind of start doing stuff like that. Bleach does do the trick, but it takes a while.

If I wanted to, I can reduce the, most of it, if I put bleach down in every single day, like two or three times a day, usually it takes, but I generally forget after. But that was a toilet story. I thought we covered quite a few things today.

Facebook not working, me doing a lot more recordings, me rejoining TikTok, and the toilet not working properly, Vinnie licking my ankle. And what else? Wonderful stories of Father Christmas from the past, philosophical ideas. Ooh, it's been, it's been quite a feast, quite a feast indeed.

Also, I've been watching the Spartacus House of Asher, and I thought I'd finished it, but it was, there's still another episode. I thought last week's was the last one. And I was, when I was on Prime Video, like, there's another episode.

I was so excited. So I might, I might have a little look to see how many episodes there are, because there might be 10, which means there's another one. I mean, there might be more than 10, but I'm getting the feeling it's coming near the end.

It feels like it's, you know, it's pretty much coming to the final episode, which I think will be next week. I don't know when next week, but I'm looking forward to it, because also this week, this weekend, Nick Ball is defending his world title on Saturday night. So I'm looking forward to that as well.

So that'll be good. Yeah, it'll be lovely, lovely. And tomorrow, when I wake up, I'm going to do this, edit this podcast and upload it, of course.

And then my aim is to do three hypnosis sessions, like I have done for the last two days. It doesn't mean I'm going to do it, but that's what I'm heading for. I just want to see, because one of the things I noticed when I do a relaxation session, or hypnosis session, is it relaxes me.

I feel relaxed. And that's what I need. It calms down my body, my mind.

And it's easy. It's not, you know, it's not something that's difficult at all for me to do. So I can just sit here and just talk.

Once I've figured out what I'm going to talk about, what I want to aim for. That's Vinnie, by the way, eating. He's not even eating his own food.

He's not eating his own food today. He's eaten a little bit of it all day. You need to eat your own dinner, Vinnie.

What's that on your chin? Vinnie, what's that on your chin? Oh, it's gone now. Is it bread? I mean, if he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't want to eat. I mean, he never goes hungry.

He's not that kind of... I don't think any dog would do really, but... You're a cheeky little monkey. Do you know that? So he's now pretty much standing on on the side. He's now standing on my right leg.

So I'm sitting in a chair at the table. The settee is right next to me. So his two hands are on my leg.

His tail is wagging. It's wagging, isn't it? It's wiggling. And his legs are still on the settee.

You all right? He just wants to have a little look around, see what I'm up to. Don't you? Do you want to give me kisses? Is that what you want to do? Want to give Daddy kisses? Give Daddy kisses. Oh, will you give me Daddy kisses? Oh, thank you.

Yes. He seems to be in quite a good mood recently. Don't you? Why is that? Why are you in such a good mood? Why are you in such a good mood? I think the move in the sofa closer to the chair, he's cheered him up.

It's weird, isn't it? Just something as simple as that, that he feels he's no longer separate. This is, he's part of it. I know I'm looking probably too much into it, but now I can like stroke him and he can just sit there and just look at me and just be part, just being with me, I guess, instead of sitting on the sofa on his own or being on the floor.

He still likes to be on the floor, don't you? Still like to have little sleeps. Where's that again? I see that on your mouth. What is that? Was that your tooth? Is your tooth? Do you know some people call tooth, a tooth, tooth? And I've heard, you won't believe this.

Some people call, you don't want to believe this honestly. Some people call a roof, a roof. A roof.

That's what doggies do. Roof. Isn't it Vinnie? Go ruff ruff.

Ruff ruff. Ruff. Ruff.

This, they call a roof, a roof. What's going on there? What's going on there Vinnie? I know it's weird, isn't it? So yeah, um, let me just check. So the yesterday's Let Me Boyd You Sleep that I uploaded, it was 360 is now 395.

So that's the last five or ten minutes. So it's, it'd probably be, I don't know, 600 by the morning. And I'll start, I'll upload the next one, which will be, because I did three today.

I did Nostalgic Calm, which lasts for 16 minutes, 57 seconds. I did Authentic Stillness, which lasts 30 minutes, 54. Yeah, if you're not listening to the longer versions.

And I did one, the last one was called Attention Reset, lasting 22 minutes, nine seconds. And although they don't last very long, there's a lot of editing, especially with him barking and yeah, all the noises he was making. A lot of editing, much more editing than what I do with these ones.

Because I mean, I suppose I could edit out a lot of his sounds. But he's part of this. For me, anyway, he's part of the Let Me Boyd You Sleep podcast.

He is just like Andre used to be. And I like the idea of maybe listening back in the future and hearing him pottering around in the background, chewing on a bone or maybe me sort of saying hello to him and stuff like that. I don't know, just because I had that with Andre's podcasts.

He's on loads of them, just ruffling around in the background. And it's nice, just, it feels nice because he's, he's such an important part of my life. It's just me and him.

We're a partnership, I guess we are companions, it's just me and him. So it makes sense for him to be part of this, the podcast. I don't, you know, I edit out anything.

If he's barking and stuff, I don't leave that in. But right now he's on the table looking for stuff to steal. And he's getting, I'm surprised that he does it when I'm here watching him.

You know, I'm watching you. Who are you going for? What? What? What is it then? Do you want to say hello to everybody? Do you want to say hello to everyone? Say hello everybody. Hello everybody.

My name's Vinnie. Vinnie, my name's Vinnie. right he doesn't you know I realize he's probably not going to know what a podcast is and you know technically but he knows that when I get to the end and I say you know thank you for listening all that stuff as soon as I say take care of self by he if he's asleep or whatever he stops and he jumps up don't you don't you hey you know don't you straight away yes you do straight away you know we've turned this head that is so cute

and you turn your head your kisses okay okay don't worry about it your kisses yeah he's my little boy I think I sometimes think that maybe he's starting to get used to me a bit that's a weird noise that's like a yawn.

What was that? Do you want to go in the garden and do a wee wee? Do your last wee wee of the day he keeps looking over there what are you looking at what is it what is it you know I watch Frasier nearly every morning for at least one maybe two episodes I just like watching it and when I'm having my breakfast and he really sees Eddie the dog every single day but occasionally he'll have a little bark he'll jump up yeah he just knows who Eddie is he sees honestly it's like Frasier's on all year round year through year through year every year just

forever they just start from beginning to continue they show like three or four episodes every day during the week and then they just repeat it they show it again from start to finish and I just love it it's weird but I just love the show there are some episodes that I've just seen too many times and it's like oh no almost like word-for-word know what's gonna happen although there was some really one of my funniest one of the funniest scenes that I like really liked was and it's near the end

of the whole thing I think Daphne is with Frasier's dad they're in a restaurant and Daphne's saying oh you're I think Frasier's dad was saying so how do you see me you know how do you perceive me what and she said well kind of you're like I think he was trying to get compliments like I don't know but anyway she came out with you're like a pet like a pet to me and it's just I found it so funny when I first saw it just because it was just the way

they were guiding it because they've it's a very clever comedy isn't it and and it's very much unexpected thing just for her to say like pet it's really really funny that was such a funny scene but I don't know when it is I think it's near the end near the end of like the whole thing because I think the last season which I think they're doing now it started to go a bit weird it it's funny but it still went it went in strange directions yeah I think once Niles and

Daphne get together so if I haven't I hope I haven't spoiled anything but they end up getting married sorry I mean you've had 25 years to get used to it you should have caught up by now but once they got together I mean really the will they won't they I don't think it was even really even in the script like for the first six seven years it wasn't he was just infatuated with her she was oblivious to him and how he felt but it didn't look like it was ever going

to go in that direction because he was married and but then they sort of changed the they changed it didn't they to the point where they started to find out she found out how he felt about her and he found out how she felt about him and Niles gets married to someone else and Daphne gets engaged to someone else and then on the wedding day Niles she goes takes off with Niles and yeah so it went in a different direction to how it was before but then they couldn't stay where

it was could they they had to move they couldn't have the same characters just doing the same thing all the time I suppose they could have done but imagine having 11 years of Niles coming into Fraser's apartment and just talking about Maris and Daphne they're talking about England and using American terminology when she wouldn't do that in reality because that's I mean maybe she was right if you lived in America for long enough you probably would you take up the mannerisms wouldn't you but it's just in this country if Daphne

was in this country she wouldn't be saying out loud oh you just patted me on the fanny it because it's a different meaning it doesn't you know so and it was there was I've noticed that a few the few things that that I found a bit a bit just a bit sussy bit suspect a bit I don't know if it was the need for it was when it came to Daphne like they get her using words that English people don't use but really kind of completely there's some words I don't

even understand I had to look them up but then other words they get her using that like American they sometimes get Daphne using words that are old English that even English people don't use anymore and I think a description for Paul I think she said a stick stick ball or something like hasn't been called that since the 17th century and then her brothers now a mom perfect a dad perfect both had the accents perfect every single brother bear in mind that all lived in Manchester yeah every brother had a different

accent now I'm not sure if the American audience would have noticed that but as an English person it's very very obvious so the brother that's in it the most has kind of got I don't think he's even English in reality but he's let's find out who he is because his accent I think it's more Southern but it doesn't sound like anything I've heard before and he's got a Scottish brother she's got a Scottish brother and so there's people from all over like the United Kingdom different accents which is not what

you're gonna get if you're born in one area everyone generally has the same accent and okay so look Daphne's brothers right Daphne's brothers so let's have a look for Daphne's brothers Daphne moon Daphne brothers Fraser's family drama Daphne's brothers is afraid in face some of the most colorful and unpredictable characters that ever appear on the show which is true I mean can't can't not that but roles on the series family accent oh is she not from she not from Manchester where is she from then in reality so she's Jane Leaves

oh she's from Ilford Essex 64 now Wow and all right so she's not that's good she did a good accent as I think her accent was great I mean she could have easily have done an Essex accent that's not a difficult I like speak like me I guess but I do wonder her family Fraser why are they talking about a family none of them are there Harry moon father Gertrude moon mother Simon moon so Simon why is that not coming up I've got an idea let's have a look if we

go to Fraser it's probably gonna have all the moons listed they said the characters come on list of Fraser characters so when it comes to the moon's the moon's come on Greg Greg Kenny Daly Noel Shemsky Gertrude moon Grammy moon Harry moon so it's Brian Cox that's the that's the yeah Michael moon Robbie Coltrane he's the most Scottish person boys no longer with us actually I forgot that well but he was the most got it very famous in this country very Scottish like the Scottish as you can get and he's

Scottish in the show as well so he doesn't even try and put a different accent on and Simon moon where is he from South Australia so he was Australian but still a good character to be fair he was the only brother that was really regularly on the show isn't he he was like you had the others but they just kind of popped in David moon oh well okay Nigel moon briefly appeared in something borrowed portrayed by Cameron Dye so see where he's so he's American okay Peter moon Nigel moon Billy

moon and oh so why they're not saying who played him Stephen moon Richard E Grant he's super posh although he was born in South Africa apparently but he's yeah it's just I don't know it's because I knew at least two of the brothers like Richard E Grant it's very famous and Robbie Coltrane Coltrane Coltrane contrary and I knew that one of those is Scottish and one was like really well-spoken English and they didn't even try and put on as far as I know didn't even try and put on a northern

accent like a you know Manchester but then you could say to me yeah but ah and let's say what you mean ah but do you know do you know all the different accents in America or in Canada or in Australia and I say to you yes I do I know all of them I studied them at college I have a degree in accents so they're no but the benefit I have is I'm pretty certain maybe not now because excuse me because we got we have streaming so other countries are gonna

hear English people speaking more than perhaps they used to but I reckon so someone my age growing up I would have heard a much more American TV shows and accents than America heard of English you know sort of in the 70s 80s 90s 2000s maybe and a lot of the English shows that become really popular abroad things like Downton Abbey I don't talk like that you might have noticed and most people don't and what's the other one absolutely fabulous that was quite wasn't it I was popular in America if you

want to go for someone normal the office did the English version of The Office with Ricky Gervais that is how English people talk it's very much kind of it's very kind of Middle English kind of accent really EastEnders Coronation Street in different parts of the country but you know if you if you want to know kind of what it's like like the kind of an average kind of northern accent listen to Coronation Street watch Coronation Street if you want to go for like an average southern accent then EastEnders now there's

a lot of other accents obviously very strong different accents around the country but that's at least a start if you want to kind of if you've only ever kind of kind of a bit haven't they if you've any if you only been a witness to posh accents and maybe thought that English speaking people always were very eloquent I mean yeah if you listen to me you realize that obviously they're not because I'm not eloquent is eloquent something to do with elocution lessons eloquent elocution I just realized that there might be

a connection between that I know if you're so proud of myself for no reason and it might not be correct but I'm gonna just I'm gonna believe it anyway really gonna believe it I am and it feels nice I feel like I've accomplished something I have really made a difference to the world eloquent elocution I would search it on the laptop but that involved taking my hand out of my pocket I don't feel very lazy so 395 now 409 okay so what I would do so at the moment on tik-tok

I've got I'm following 244 people I've got 174 followers and I've got 2711 likes and my thing is there Let Me Bore You To Sleep in my website and my name's Jason Newland I make daily podcasts to help people sleep and that's it three six nine twelve there are lots of videos on there lots and lots and lots and lots loads Wow loads and loads it's weird though because I was I'd uploaded loads right in the past probably a couple years back and all but one was getting about six I

did have the first one uploaded was 124 plays but the rest were kind of like 12 16 one got 50 so what I did a few weeks ago or probably maybe end of December begin the January I forget I started uploading some videos and the first one I uploaded got 710 views the second one 254 third one 38 the thing is I was uploading quite a few in a day because I thought I got this big backlog 280 for the next one 313 and 276 254 259 59 and then had

a few that were quite low 59 36 73 41 and I thought oh I'm uploading too many in a day either that or people have just got bored 103 55 26 67 29 56 so what I did I thought right I started to think I don't know what's going on here but then the next one which was yeah I got 486 so I thought this is good and then I got a video of Vinnie got 2317 the next one release intention got 1293 the next one was 148 the next one

was I can't even see what M&E's there blimey can't see it's too it's just the right it's too small no 297 on that one 98 47 42 so it just went down a bit which is a bit rubbish but I think I was just uploading so many in the past I was going backwards if you know I mean 154 16 39 21 34 and 62 30 33 I basically went back and just found all the old old but recently old hypnosis recordings and kind of overdid it a bit and one

I got 204 then 76 105 31 26 30 something 34 46 one was 16 191 16 27 9 do you see what I mean it's like really a bit sporadic then I get the occasional 134 31 37 16 34 75 26 32 1 so I was uploading bunches of videos and I realized that probably not a good idea to do it like that so after a while I thought I might try and stick to some kind of a plan but I continued anyway so it did start to grow though so

I uploaded less often instead of just doing one after the other so the next one 85 then 96 74 173 Vinnie an old video but it's Vinnie on the sofa eating the sofa 246 another quite an old one 234 from me there's another one of Vinnie 262 there's an old hypnosis one 14 14 so upload a few of Vinnie's 219 25 21 15 one of Andre two of Andre three of Andre 115 1491 and one 718 uploaded a video of me from 2007 17 17 views then I uploaded a video

some more older quite a long time ago relaxation recordings well I don't even have gray hair 25 1945 was 145 I can't quite tell 33 32 47 92 62 54 so these are recordings from the past 31 94 36 these are the views I'm getting 33 90 27 53 69 25 57 112 30 so 33 30 101 18 99 so this is when I started to move upwards started to get better views gradually so 51 133 56 12 40 122 76 11 so I think these were for Christmas 59 62

76 30 41 and you could say this obviously are not great great amounts but 59 46 52 54 82 88 52 and it starts to grow 316 then I've got 70 next one 286 286 next one is 152 110 98 98 and 181 119 that this is when things started to turn so after I did the happy I did happy happy new year's eve so I got 181 happy new year 119 the next one which I guess was I don't know not sure quite what day it was but just after

the new year 725 the next one 895 the next one 280 311 696 then 260 there's a video of Viddy in the snow 668 then it's another video of my podcast 673 goes down to one day 238 then back 663 227 222 and 665 217 and this one's like 20 which wasn't the best one was it next one 233 next one is 690 624 so it seemed to be the more I got 600 plus the more often I've got another one at 600 plus but occasionally they go down so 690

then the next day 624 next day 655 255 sorry then 693 again 227 the next one 657 234 then the next one 641 and then the next two 272 and 262 the next one is 815 the next day 661 211 the next day the next one was this was the gentle effort to stay awake 7098 the next day 706 232 the next day and then 625 what are you doing it keeps kicking me out 625 then the next one is 252 726 624 692 so you see it's kind of staying

higher up rather than going too low down still getting the lower ones but not as often 692 708 642 199 618 654 246 and 410 that's 420 now so all in all it seems to be going a-okay kind of really sound like someone's knocking on my door then but it's not it's good don't want anyone knocking on my door well I do have to go and take the the Vinnie man outside to do a wee wee to do a wee wee Vinnie do you want to do a wee wee my

little Vinnie Vinnie Vinnie Vinnie wee wee so I'm pretty much done for the day if I'm honest pretty much finished time for bed beddy-byes so yeah I didn't expect to keep still be talking at this time I thought I was gonna finish it's like nearly 20 to 12 it's a late one considering I had now to talk about I still managed to talk for nearly two hours about nooting at all so it's like to say thank you for listening thank you for supporting me and remember to be kind to yourself

because you do deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe and remember if you if you need to ask for help then just ask it's important we all need help sometimes so please just ask for help if you need to there's always someone that will help you take care lots of love and I will speak to you again tomorrow bye