Read along
Complete transcript
Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.
I have two websites, jasonnewland.com which is my podcast website and jasonnewland.store where you can download my podcasts. I do six different versions of each recording, three without music, three with music, short, long and overnight. I've also got a Facebook group called Jason Newland's Boring Group.
I've got a YouTube channel, Let Me Bore You To Sleep Jason Newland and I'm on most of the podcast apps. If you'd like to, I appreciate any PayPal gifts to support this free service. And I've got this this weird thing happening.
I'm not moaning about it. I'm just, I find it very interesting. You know when things change when something kind of changes on its own.
I'm not talking about shrinkages with age. I'm talking about talking about the stats. I know that word that not everybody enjoys hearing.
But this is interesting, kind of. So it's supposed to be Monday's boring objects today. What better boring object than stats? It's a no, isn't it? It's a no.
It's okay. What I thought I'd talk about today, well I didn't think I literally just this second thought about it. I'm going to talk about spring.
But before I do that, just quickly go through the stats just for today. Okay, today's stats so far. So it's only what half past three in the afternoon.
And I'm getting more people listening to recordings off of my various different podcasts. Instead of just the main two. Normally Let Me Bore You To Sleep and Hypnosis For Sleeping Deeply are the main ones.
But I'm getting traffic or people listening on the other ones as well. But the thing that's most, well not the oddest, but it's definitely quite odd, quite strange is the sauces. And I'm not talking about tomato sauce or daddy sauce or, you know, mayonnaise or anything like that.
I'm talking about where people are listening. Normally Apple Podcasts is the number one place. Above everyone else and it has been for a long, long time, many, many years, many, many many years.
I think it's my SoundCloud podcasts to get listened to mostly on Spotify. I don't know why that is. It's just the way it's worked out.
And so because I know I definitely get I get quite you know, I get what? Yeah, I get like a different audience on SoundCloud for some reason. So anyway, this is for my main podcasts. Normally Apple Podcasts is the top one.
So today and three days ago, it was the same situation. Edge, which is the browser. Is it Microsoft Edge 42.80 42.60% 42.6% of the traffic is coming from Edge, which means people are listening directly on the browser.
And I didn't think that was even a thing. So I'm thinking of they're going to my website, but then my website is coming up separate. According to this, I've had five people listen to my podcast on my website today.
So I don't know, but then you got Apple Podcasts is 22.3% Chrome, another search engine or you know, another what I call edge platform, isn't it? It's not an app. It's a I don't know what you want to call it like a search engine or a page where you use to search stuff. So Chrome is coming up at 18.3%. Then we go to podcast addicts, then generic Android app, Pocket Casts, Spotify 0.89%.
Which is just ridiculous.
So here's another weird thing. Okay, this is just for today. Normally, the devices that people listen to me on is predominantly phone.
There has been for a long time. But today, the phone people listening on the phone is 35.5, no 37.5%. People listening via desktop is 61.24%. And normally, if I go for the last, I just go generally, generally, phone is 94.7% desktop 3.46. That would be like the general over the last 12 months. Over the last seven days, that's changed.
Over the last 30 days, the yeah, desktop is increased. But today, desktop is number one. And it's still the Mac OS operating system.
So is an iOS, I guess that's that's Apple, isn't it? So Macintosh, Apple, and then Windows 18.34%. And you got Android and Roku and stuff. So that in itself, and then we go to geolocation, which is the countries where people are listening. It's pretty much been the same.
For 20 years. The 20 years I've been doing podcasts and doing recordings, or making videos on YouTube, USA has always been at the top, always. Occasionally, you know, it's not but overall, you know, 99.9.9.9% it's at the top.
So I get on most traffic from United States. And then the United Kingdom, and then maybe some other like Canada or Ireland or Australia. So today, Vietnam is a top at 23%.
United States is second 21.7%. Austria is third 17%. United Kingdom is fourth at 6% in Canada, Australia, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Denmark, Iraq, Uzbekistan, Mexico, Kenya, South Africa, Chile, Checha, Indonesia, Lebanon, Norway, Nepal, Oman, Portugal, Venezuela, Switzerland, Morocco, and 6.6, 8.6% are others. And the Let Me Bore You To Sleep is the most popular podcast today.
There's not a lot in it really, between them and the hypnosis of sleeping deeply. It's like five. So I'm going to go to the click on Vietnam, and there's 123456789 1011 12 provinces or regions plus another 35.9% others.
So it's quite a lot of different places. We go to Austria. Vienna, so someone in Vienna has been listening.
Good, good. Thank you. But so who are you? Say hello to me.
Say hi, JJ. If you're in Vienna, and you've been listening to me and in Austria, or if you're in Vietnam. I still have this work colleague in the 90s.
He used to his favorite phrase to say, and it used to he used to laugh out loud. Every time he said it, and he said it about 50 times a day. And he said to everyone, every time I met someone for the first time.
And then we met for the second time and the third time and the fourth, it just it was this thing. He would say, walk up to him and say, I'm from Narm, Dagenarm, and he'd laugh for about an hour. It was, it was straining.
It was very, it took a lot out of me. I'll be honest. What are we doing here? Okay, so.
So basically, that's what I just wanted to mention it because I'm not quite sure. What is going on there? It's very strange. So this is.
I mean, even if I go to yesterday. Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play. Now I feel as if my heart will wait.
Oh, I believe in yesterday. Sources, again, yesterday's sources, Apple podcast at the top. Overcast, generic.
So that was kind of gone back to normal. Geolocation, United States, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, Norway, Portugal, kind of Ireland. It's back to kind of where it often is.
But then if I go to the third, Friday, the third. Which is only three days ago, was it three days ago, two days ago, Vietnam. The top United States, United Kingdom, Australia, Iraq, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Kenya, Uzbekistan, Norway, Morocco, Ireland, Egypt, Colombia, Venezuela, Azerbaijan.
Apologies if I'm if I'm pronouncing your country. Wrongly, it's because I don't know how to pronounce it correctly. That's why.
And again, sources, edge at the top. Apple podcast, I've got you. But yeah, edge at the top.
So I don't know how people listening to my recordings via the. The the computer, the lap, you know, the laptop screen without going into an app or going to Spotify or anything like that. Spotify or going to Apple podcasts.
I'd be interested to know where you listen. Perhaps you can let me know how you're listening. I mean, like I'm using my ears.
Yeah, I know that. Just like how because I I listen to my recordings, but I listen via YouTube via my television. If I was to listen, so if I was in bed to listen, I want to listen to my recording, which I generally don't, not when I'm in bed.
I would listen via my website. But I like to listen back during the day. Just to just want to listen to it, make sure it sounds OK.
And it's, you know, it always sends me to sleep and relaxes me. I tell you, this is weird. I just laugh, make myself laugh.
Here's the weird thing about it. Sometimes I'm listening to it and I'm thinking. Oh, I was thinking about that.
Well, I agree with that. I was thinking about doing that and I realize it's me talking. So it's something like I'm thinking about going to the pet shop to get.
What's his name? Some whatever. Yeah, I don't want to say the words out loud because you'll hear. And I'll be like half asleep thinking, oh, me too.
I was thinking just about doing that. Before and I realized it's my voice because even though it is my voice, I forget it's my voice. It's very strange.
But the downside of listening to myself is I find myself falling asleep when I make recordings now, unless I do it at a time when I'm most awake. I can't do this first thing in the morning and I can't do it late at night. Or I can't do it just after I've eaten.
If I'm feeling a bit tired or just after I took my medication, I'm feeling drowsy. I can't I can't make a recording because I will close my eyes and I will drift off. Like really quickly because my voice now sends me to sleep.
I don't think it used to. But I listen to my recordings every day now. And I never used to.
Maybe I need to go back to not listening to them. But I never used to listen to them every day. I'd listen to the editing, you know, I'd edit and I'd hear it when I was editing and.
Every now and then I'd listen just to make sure it sounded OK and, you know, the quality was all right and stuff. But now I listen every single day and. In a weird way, I'm looking forward to the next recording.
Because I listened to last night's recording this morning. And a little while ago, I thought I want to listen to a recording, but I thought I don't want to listen to that one again. I'll listen to a new one.
So I've literally got to make a new recording. It's just for me to listen to. Now, in a way, that's how I started this journey.
Then I've talked about starting in 2006. I talked about, you know, having the anxiety in 2000, November 2002, going through that period, a couple of years of like, you know, trying to figure out what was going on. What I didn't mention, or what I haven't mentioned, I don't think ever, is during that period, so 2003, during that period, I was making recordings for myself to listen to, to help me to relax.
Now, they weren't like this, because I didn't, I didn't thought about doing, just chatting stuff. This wasn't even, you know, at this point, I'd never made a video of myself, I don't think. Didn't have phones or videos or anything like that with cameras.
So 2003, I would have had a computer at home. Yeah, or did I? Probably did, yeah, maybe. I can't remember.
I did at some point later on, probably about summertime. Because I remember there was, yeah, I suddenly got loads of credit cards chucked at me. I was getting them sent to me in the post.
Like, you know, just, just, just activate it and it's yours. Here's two grand, here's three grand, here's one and a half grand, here's 750, 750, I want two grand. And then it felt like free money.
It wasn't, obviously. But I did buy a computer when I got credit cards. But I didn't really use them for anything until I got the internet, because there was nothing to use them for, you know, at the time.
But I was making recordings on a, I think it was like a, just a normal, a tape recorder, you know, just a digital recorder or something. And I used to listen to it. So I do like a hypnosis recording, focusing on relaxing and a body scan, relaxing my body and different parts.
So in a way, I started doing recordings three years before I ever started doing recordings properly. Yeah, and in 2004, I also made a, I made a CD recording for my Nan, for chronic pain. Well, it might have been 2003, 2004, but it's 2004, she, she had osteoporosis.
So I did a, I made a recording for her. Like on a, as a CD, also did one for my auntie as well, who has the same condition. And yeah, so that was before I started doing anything like making recordings.
I'll tell you once, right. I was also, I was doing hypnosis sessions with friends and stuff. Again, this is something I don't normally talk about, but I did a hypnosis session, the first ever hypnosis session I ever did was with my cousin.
And we're talking about 2000, maybe 1999, 1999, probably, maybe 2000. It's around that time. And she was sitting on the other side of the, of the room and I was just talking to her.
And I said, well, because she was really, she wasn't in a very good space. So I said, well, why don't you move to a different chair then? Like, she'd done it mentally. She wasn't a good space.
And I must've been talking to her for about an hour and a half, two hours. And just bombarding her with positive suggestions and stuff like that. I think I really knew what I was doing.
I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what my intention was, as far as her feeling more positive and clearing that blockage of negativity that was there and helping her to get in touch with her normal, the way she normally is, she's quite a bubbly person. And helping to release that tension and, you know, that was kind of the aim.
And she fell asleep and I ended up just like, I couldn't wake her up. Well, I kind of said, hello, hello. And she was gone.
So I just left and went home. And the next time I saw her, she was so happy. I think she'd completely forgotten about me doing that session with her.
Because, you know, we were just hanging out, we were watching telly. And she just, I think she forgot because she fell asleep while I was talking. That's another reason I realized that maybe I was a little bit boring, a boring voice.
And I did see, I think two days later, it was almost like she transformed. Because she'd been miserable for quite a while. And almost like, and she didn't know why.
She said she didn't know why. And I didn't remind her because I thought, well, it's fine. But I felt like, okay, maybe this stuff works.
Maybe. But then I remember I went to my Nan's and it's about 2004. And I did, I took the CD round.
But then I thought, well, I'll actually do a, I'll do a hypnosis session with my Nan. It might be 2003. I'm not 100%.
So, so she's sitting in a kitchen. And I'm sitting with her, I'm sitting opposite her. I'm just talking to her.
And what, initially, she keeps answering me. And I had to kind of point out that it wasn't a conversation. But then we'd never not had a conversation, you know, her whole, the whole time we'd ever seen each other, it'd be, I talk, she talks, you know, never had that situation where I just talked at her for an hour.
So it's very weird to start with, because she kept answering. And then gradually, she just, you know, she went down and she, she was more relaxed. And I guess in hypnosis, whatever you want to call it.
And I focused on her shoulder, which because she had crumbling bones, basically. And I focused mainly, I focused on the whole body, but mainly on her back. But, but definitely predominantly on her.
I think it was her right shoulder. And, you know, like melting like butter in the sun and all that stuff. And it was a sunny day.
And when we finished, she like opened her eyes, you know, looked in a, looked in a handbag to make sure I hadn't stolen anything. And she put her arm above her head, like, which she wouldn't normally be able to do. Literally, she was physically, but she could do it.
But she'd be in absolute pain doing it. And she could lift her hand right above her head. I'm doing it now for some reason.
It's weird, isn't it? And she was like, oh, she started doing handstands and flips. And she did. I don't know why I said that.
And what's that sport where you jump over buildings? She started doing that. Departure or whatever it was called. I mean, she was lifting her hands above her head.
Oh, there's no pain. There's nothing there. And then she went to do what every single person does that I ever saw for chronic pain.
Anyone I ever met that did hypnosis or NLP or talk to whatever. At the end of it, they always did the same thing. And they tried to find the pain.
They tried to get it back. Which sounds like the most ridiculous thing ever. Because why would you want it back? But it's a natural thing to do.
Everyone seems to do it. So she was like moving her shoulder around. It's like, it's not there anymore.
It's not there. In the end, like she was moving it around. And I stopped her.
She was about to hit it with a hammer. I was like, don't stop it now. You don't want it back, do you? She said, oh, that's a good point.
So I put the hammer down. And you know what she said to me next? Get out of my house. What she said to me next was, it must be the sun.
I said, what? She said, well, the sun's been shining on my shoulder. Which it had. The sun had been shining on both of us.
It must be the sun has warmed up my shoulder. So that's why it's not hurting anymore. And it might well have had a positive effect, you know, there's no way of knowing either way.
I mean, it wouldn't have done any damage. It definitely probably would have made it feel better. But she completely dismissed the fact that I'd been sitting there for an hour talking to her, specifically aiming at reducing the discomfort in her right shoulder.
And I noticed that there was a pattern there in some of the people that I would see over the years. They would almost attribute any benefits they got to the most random things, except the one thing that was obvious, which is the fact that they'd just been sitting with somebody for an hour, aiming to help them when they needed it. That issue.
And the issue's gone away, or the issue is subsided or changed. Well, it must be something else. Can't be the person sitting with me for the last hour, who I've just invited in my home to help.
It's weird. But I think that fits in with this. I'm the same, probably.
It fits in with that thing, you know, when you're telling someone, oh, this might, I don't know, I might have told someone, my lower back. Sorry, I've had issues with my lower back for decades now. And I don't mention it, though, apart from maybe every 10 minutes.
But if someone were in the street, they'd be saying, well, if you try this, guaranteed, right? Guaranteed. And this is a guarantee. But as soon as they say, and I know that I've seen the same results in other people, I see it in their eyes.
They stop listening. As soon as I say to someone, have you tried, or if I, you know, if you try this, and they stop listening, and I do the same, I stop listening. And then they go on about, maybe it's a herbal remedy, maybe it's exercise, maybe it's vitamin, it's whatever it might be.
I stop listening. I don't mean to stop listening. It's not on purpose.
It's, I think that's part of the reason why what I do is something that people would, listening to me is possibly the last thing that a lot of people would do. As far as this doesn't seem like an obvious way to relieve tension or to release stress or to help you to fall asleep, and also to help reduce chronic pain. I wish there was a way of trying to include that in the podcast, or in the recordings because, you know, it's there.
But it's something, I think it's about, I don't know, maybe, you know, because when people say I've tried everything, we all know that we haven't tried everything. We might have tried a huge amount of different things to help us. But no one's tried everything because that would be impossible.
Because there's so many different things that could be tried, some that would be absolutely pointless, some that might actually be useful, some that might be harmful, you know, when it comes to drugs and stuff like that. But there's that kind of mentality of I've tried everything. So why do you think listening to this boring man is going to help? Or why do you think the acupuncture is going to stick needles in me in my ears is going to be useful?
When actually, acupuncture in your ears might be the best thing that you ever do for your health.
Listening to me might be the best thing ever for falling asleep or relaxing. Just listen to my boring voice. Taking vitamins might be the best thing ever for certain conditions, you know.
So I don't take it as an offence in a way that, because there was a time when, I'm talking about 20 odd years ago, maybe 50. Okay, last week, when I really thought, well, why don't you listen to me? That, you know, I've got a whole, I've got thousands and thousands of recordings, thousands and thousands of hours of me talking, being boring and helping people to relax.
And it's kind of a tried and tested procedure as well, based on the fact that people listen to me from all over the world.
It's not a huge audience, you know, to be honest, but it was much bigger during 2020, 2021. But I had a captive audience back then. That was when I was at my, my top, I was at my 4,000, 4,000 to 5,000 downloads a day back then.
More sometimes, blimey. I think I got, yeah, I think one month I got over, I was getting over 10,000, 12,000 a day. But that was right in the peak of the whole world being at home.
And podcasts really became popular, like really popular. So what I do is I write, I ride all the waves, the waves of popularity and the waves of no interest. And podcasts, I mean, there's a lot more to choose from now than there was back then.
And now there's a lot more celebrities doing podcasts, a lot more audio podcasts done by celebrities, and there's a lot more video podcasts, because video podcasting wasn't really a thing back then. In fact, a lot of people, you say podcasts, and they think of two people in a recording, you know, in a video studio being videoed, and being on YouTube. And that's not what I do.
That's not why I didn't class that as a podcast. But that's really because of, what's his name, who, he got paid to need to transfer to Spotify his audio podcast, and then he started filming it. I think, and that's what happened there.
What's his name, the ex, the MMA bloke, who has the, well he did have the biggest podcast in the world. He gets paid like 300 million a year or something. I only get like 10% of that, but it's livable.
30 million a year, I get by, I get by. So what's my point? There wasn't a point. There's never a point.
Yeah, I just, see, I live in a little village, and occasionally, I think it's because I'm fairly easy to talk to, and people will tell me stuff, like personal stuff sometimes. So in those situations, I offer my services for free. I just say, look, there's one, two, two parents have said that their kids, they're adults, but have had sort of serious anxiety.
I think one, one told me herself, so I offered my services, you know, you can, or even listen to my recordings, whatever you want to do, might be able to help to relieve, you know, anxiety and panic and stuff like that. And there's another, another, the grandparents with their grandchild offered help there. And more recently, this lady is going through treatment for serious condition, offered help there, with like pain relief.
Not one person's taken me up on it. If anything, I think they, they feel embarrassed. And then they kind of avoid seeing me, and they see me, they walk the other way, I think.
I'm not sure if it's because they've opened up, and they feel a bit embarrassed that they've opened up, and they've shown their vulnerability, or it's because I don't wear pants. I'm not sure. But I've even said to them, like, you know, I can do record, I can do a session with you, to help with the pain relief or, for example, or whatever.
You can have someone in the room with you, I'll come into your house. You can, you can have your whole family sit in there with you if you want, as long as they shut up. You know, I don't need to have you in a room on my own.
There's nothing weird, you know. And maybe if I wore trousers, maybe that would be... And the high heels. See, the thing is, if you're short, I'm not very tall you see, and high heels, it feels nice.
It's weird though. Because I'm not into the high heels that make you like, like about to fall over forward. They have to be high at the front as well.
You know, I don't wear high heels. I have. Everybody's put on.
Look, any man, the state of the female has at some time tried on some clothing. Doesn't doesn't mean anything. Doesn't doesn't.
You know, it just means sometimes it's fun to just get do dress up. It's just dress up, isn't it? That's what we we do when we're kids. We like to dress up.
I used to like to dress up as a cowboy. I think I dressed up as Spiderman once. You know, it's dress up.
And I did drama at school. So I always chose the female part if I could. All dresses and high heels and makeup and wigs and stuff.
Brilliant. Loved it. Perhaps a bit too much, but what was so so is fun.
It's dress up. Apparently, I didn't need to do it. Remember once I was in class and we got to do a got to do like a test.
Okay, I did a test. Why are you dressed up? Why are you dressed up? I said, well, that's what I always do. And the teacher said, Jason, this is geography.
You're in the wrong class. Okay. But no one ever gave me a hassle because I used to walk home and I didn't have time to get the the grease off my face, you know, the because it was like stage.
Wasn't normal. Makeup, it was like stage makeup. So it's very kind of a bit exaggerated.
You know, I look like a clown, basically. I like dressing up. I remember in drama, I asked this girl out.
There was a Friday for some reason, because we had a double, a double episode on a Friday in that year. So and then we'd go home. Now, for some reason, me and her were getting on quite well.
So I thought, well, maybe maybe we can get married. I was probably 14 at the time, 15, 14. And I thought maybe we'll get married because, you know, getting on quite well.
She acknowledged my existence. And I asked her out. And the worst thing about it is she said, I'll tell you after half term.
What have I done? Why? Because I didn't enjoy half term, looking forward to going back to school. And that's all I did, because all I thought about was her, because I decided I loved her. And I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Because I'd asked her out. Where was I going to take her? I don't know, maybe the Wimpy. Go for a walk on the pier.
There was a limit, very limited. Go and sit on a bench. Feed the seagulls.
And that was, that's pretty much the full extent of my dating. Dating. Apartheid, was that the right word? Caparte, Apartheid, Pataway, Wing Wong, I don't know what it's called.
But that was my collection of dating things, ideas. And then I saw her, through half term, holding hands with some boy. And the boy said to me, she said hello to me and my friend who was walking, and the boy looked at me and said, who are you looking at? And he swore at me.
And I ran off hiding, and hid. And I didn't know where I was going to go. Crying.
And I, yeah I knew right then that obviously, I figured that maybe there was a chance that she was going to say no to me and her being together. There was a clue. And I also realised that I was not her type because she was dating a bad boy.
Being expelled from multiple schools, and he was only just joining our school, in our year. And he'd been travelling around, like he just couldn't, he kept getting expelled. So he was rough, a rough, scary, well not scary, but he was like a tough kid and all that.
And he came up to me, and I thought, oh here we go. Because, you know, he was giving it all the big end to all these other kids that were in my year. And then he saw me and he came over to me, and I thought, oh, here we go, what's going to happen here? And he apologised to me.
He said, I didn't realise you was friends with, what's the name, sorry, sorry, for what I said. I thought, what? After that we was friends? Strange, isn't it? And then I wanted to say to him, can you do us a favour and ask her whether or not she's going to go out on me or not? Because I've not seen her, but I thought I better not. In fact, I better just not mention it.
So where is she? Why do you want to know that? Well, I asked her out, you know, just over a week ago, and I haven't got a response yet. Yeah, probably, he might not have been friends with me after that. It's hard to tell, isn't it? This definitely is Monday's Boring Objects.
This is me just talking about boring stuff. But it's not a specific thing, is it? But I have noticed that when I've offered people help, and they just haven't taken me up on it. Yet people that I've kind of offered, and I didn't really want to offer, I didn't want to help.
You know, like I gave, I should explain this, I gave, I went to a wedding and I didn't want to buy any presents. So I gave some free tickets, free vouchers to have hypnosis sessions with me. So I had no intention of actually doing it.
But my friend's husband, who she just got married to, he took me up on the offer, which did actually change my life. But it's, you know, it was an empty offer. It wasn't a real gift.
I didn't think that would be it. I thought, well, I'm just being clever here. This is good.
Just a couple of like, written out little tickets, which took me three minutes to do. Free hypnosis session, valid till the end of the month. And yeah, it took me up on it.
And actually, yeah, it changed my direction, I would say. Yeah, it did change my... See, there was this thing that I've had a lot for years and years and years and years and years. It was going to be the name of my book.
Why is it free? Because that's the question I've been asked more than anything. Other than, you know, what are you doing in my loft? Get out of my loft? That's another question. I never quite understood how it could be such a confusing idea of helping people for free.
Why is it free? Why is it free? And a few things, this includes my own family. I think they'd respect what I did if I was earning, you know, really good money and driving around in a nice car and living in a big house. And it was all because of what I do online.
You know, they'd, you know, pretty think well of me. So, I think Vinnie's got something coming his way. Auntie Leah downstairs, she's coming at half four, which is in three minutes time.
Oh, okay. It's outside. Well, I'm back now.
My neighbour downstairs rung the doorbell and knocked on my door and neither me nor Vinnie heard. Which is very weird, considering I'm sitting in a quiet room, just chatting, just talking. Normally he hears everything and didn't hear a single thing.
But yeah, my neighbour downstairs, she left me a box of treats for Vinnie. I was like, wow. She's started working in a pet shop.
I was like, what a lovely thing. I mean, chocolate would have been better, but you know, can't have everything. I need some chocolate.
I really do. I'm not even joking. I really need, I've kind of, I'm feeling a need for some kind of sweetness.
So, I've had breakfast. I had some lunch not long ago. About, was it half one? Well, no, wait a minute.
Half one? Half two? I don't know. I don't think it was long before I started doing this recording that I finished it. I can tell you exactly.
So, I went out with Vinnie around, right. So, I left at 1.24 to take Vinnie out. I was back at 1.50. So, it's quite a short walk.
1.50. That's why, because she came up at, my neighbour came up at quarter past four, and she said half past four. That's why, and then 29 minutes passed. I went, okay, right.
So, what? 13, so it's two o'clock. I had time to eat for probably, probably about half two. So, yeah, it's two hours ago.
Blimey, I've been talking here for an hour. Wow. Normally, when I've eaten, I have a little, I don't lie down, but I'm sitting in my chair in the recliner, and I'd listen to some music, or listen to a recording of myself, or I was listening to a hypnosis recording of mine, actually.
But I quite like listening to piano music, or not generally opera, although I did listen to an aria, like an album of the top arias, which isn't something I would normally listen to, but there's that one that goes, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I can't do it, but it's very high pitched. And it is, it's impressive, like vocally, like wow.
I do quite like choir music. There's one particular one I really, really like, but I don't know what it's called, but it is a very famous piece of music, and it's it's like a choir, like a church choir. It's really, really powerful, like really lovely.
But yeah, I like listening to violin, cello, you didn't notice about me, did you? I'm quite into classical music. So I like piano, I like orchestra music. Sometimes I like to listen to film music, you know, the film scores, maybe not from a particular film, but just mixed.
I thought I found one the other day, it was Disney, but it wasn't, it was singing. I didn't want to listen to the singing one, so I just listened to the music. Yeah, and some of the movie scores are so, you know, so really great music, but what I've noticed is some of the old, old, old, old classical music, you kind of see how some of the notes, the way they go, have been used and changed for, to create like popular music.
I can't really give an example, because I'm not that devoted to this subject. I don't care that much, but I just, the few things I've noticed, and like something like from, let's say Beethoven or Mozart, and he got the notes and I'm thinking, that's speaking a Barbie girl, I'm a Barbie girl in a, and I'm thinking Mozart wrote Barbie girl, who would have thought that, and do you know what I mean, there's like few notes, it's like, oh okay, because if you think about it, everything's come from something else, like a different version, a redone, a reimagining of something previous,
and we're always going to be influenced by what we've heard before, so the Beatles, Beethoven, Mozart, Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, is it Amadeus Mozart, I don't know, Bach, Tchaikovsky, I lose track, there's so many, so many, some that I can't even say their names, I wish I could, but I can't, because it's complicated for me, don't forget my brain doesn't work properly, and so Beethoven would have been influenced heavily by what came before him, even though he was original, he still would have, even by accident, borrowed from someone else,
along the way, and I've noticed that with the classical music, some of them, there's a crossover, you can hear the similarities between some of the songs, but I guess that's just music isn't it, because if you've got a chord, you know, it goes A D down to B minus, I've no idea what I'm talking about now by the way, and then go up to let's say C, C sharp, okay, I don't know what that would sound like, but those three sounds, those three notes, would be potentially, not necessarily those,
but like a succession of three different notes, would be spanned across hundreds of years of music, would have been used at different times, with different songs, at different parts in the songs, so those three keys, or those three notes, used in succession, is not an original thing, if you break it down, I'd love to be talking about this, as if I really know what I'm talking about, but I don't, I'm just making it up as I go along, but it really sounds like I could be wrong, I could have a grasp,
just a small grasp, to anyone that's not into music, anyone that's like knows their music, would probably be thinking, but because I used to play the, I used to be able to read music, I used to play the violin when I was nine and ten, and that was the most musical I ever was really, and I did, I had the, I played the bugle, but I didn't need a music book for that, that was just copying sounds, so there was, it was just, that's it, you think of the sound you want,
and you basically just spit into the mouthpiece and blow, it's very easy, of course you need a bit of lung power, and perhaps I wouldn't find it easy now, but you just have to have a good ear, in order to kind of get the right note, the drums, again just copy, there was no music for me to read for the drums, it's just one drum, you know, it's no more advanced than just flicking your pen from one side to the other on a desk, you know, same thing really,
just it's a bit bigger, because those drums are quite heavy, probably as heavy as I was actually at the time, and not easy to march with, and the glocking spiel, that was the hardest one of all three, why on earth I chose that, because that was a big old thing, that was, it was like, you got like a different note, and you have to bang each note, and I was the only one doing it, I think that was the problem, I think I was the only glocking spiel person there,
which meant everyone could hear what I was doing, because if you, if there's like three or four buglers, you ain't got to do nothing, you just keep quiet, no one's going to know, if you play the drums, chances are if you've got other four people playing the drums, you can, you can kind of mess up, and it's less going to be heard, you know, if you do it lightly, but if you're the only person just going bing bong bong bing bong, a little bit, I'll be honest with you,
sometimes when I was on parade, I wanted to go ding dong, hello campus, welcome to hidey hi, because that was a tv show one at the time, it's very popular, ding, and she used to do that, ding dong ding, hello campus, the swimming pool will be open again, after the, after it's cleaned, and be assured Jason won't be allowed in there again, young Jason, ding dong ding, I might have done that at home, but I didn't do it there, there is a part of me that kind of wishes that I'd continued with the violin,
because I wasn't awful, I'm not going to pretend I was good, but I wasn't awful, and I could read music, not at a high level, yeah, I'm, see, I don't think I was noticed, but I don't really brag about myself, if anything I go the opposite way, because I know I talk about myself all the time, because that's what these recordings are about really, it'd be hard, it'd be quite hard wouldn't it, unless I sat here talking about other people, so I wasn't, you know, when I did karate,
I always got a first class pass in my gradients, even when I did taekwondo when I was in my 40s, I got a first class pass, now I'm not sure how much of that was pity, seeing this old fat man trying to kick, you know, I don't know, it could have been, he might have just been kind to me, which is fine, I prefer not, I prefer to kind of have got the first class pass on merit, but, you know, when I was a kid, maybe just thought, well, he's just this,
I don't know if they must have thought what I was, because I was so tiny, they thought, well, my technique was good, I wasn't going to hurt anyone, because I had no power, no strength, because I was tiny, you know, just like I was basically a little kid, but I was quite, I had quite good technique, and I was always practicing at home and stuff, so I got first class passes in all my gradients when I was a kid, and when I was an adult, I started with the violin when I was nine,
I did do some tests, grades or whatever, and I did go up grades, but it was very basic, I didn't get beyond, I mean, I don't know how long I was, I had the violin for, maybe a year, year and a half, and I used to have lessons once or twice a week in the music room, and it was during the lunch break, or it was a short, maybe it's, yeah, I think it was like for half an hour or something during lunch, it might have been once a week,
but I think it might have been twice as well, and there was one occasion where we, me and one other person, I think we were the only ones that played the violin, funny enough, but there was an orchestra, there was a lot of us, like drums and everything, but they put a show on for the parents, and it's weird, my memory of it is, I was at the high school, now I didn't learn the violin at the high school, I learned the violin when I was at junior school, that's for certain,
unless, no, I definitely didn't play the violin at high school, but I do wish I had continued it, I do, because the violin is beautiful, it's very, it's a very precious thing, it's very, you've got to be very gentle with it, and it can produce some lovely sounds, it can also produce some really, really horrible sounds, ask my family that I lived with at the time, it's honestly, the, I think my mum used to, the whole family used to go downstairs and turn the waste disposal on in the kitchen,
and just pour stuff down it, and I come downstairs, and I said, what are you doing, they said, and my dad looked over and said, oh, have you finished practicing the violin, I said, yeah, and everyone just sighed and turned the waste disposal off, apparently, listening to that gurgle and scratching, all that sounds from the waste disposal, was better than listening to me practice my violin, part of me was a little bit sad, but part of me felt a bit left out, like, why didn't they invite me to listen to the waste disposal,
I could have made a record, recorded myself on tape, practicing and just played that while I was downstairs, listening to the waste disposal, with my family, being part of an occasion, instead of being left out, maybe then I'd have appreciated how bad my violin playing was, I don't know, regardless of that, I ended up getting on stage, on an evening, and my, I was, it was very, very, it wasn't relaxing, I'll be honest, me and, I guess they were my friend, because we used to, I think we had violin listeners together,
so I'd have known that person, I can't remember who they were, now, and we were on stage at the same time, playing the same piece of music in unison, and we did it, and we accomplished it, we succeeded, and we had, like, we had music on a stand, and had to turn the thing off, and I think there was probably, there was other music being played behind us, probably, you know, but I can't remember, but I know that me and that person were standing right at the front of the stage,
with, I don't know how many parents, what, 200 parents, all just sitting on chairs, looking in disbelief, knowing, you know, I had a couple of people going, oh, I can't believe it, I think you were doing quite well, and I heard my dad's, my dad was never very good at whispering, but I remember him whispered, like, into my step-mum's ear, like, why isn't he wearing any trousers?
And my mum was like, well, he had them on when we got here, like, why does he keep taking them off in public?
No, no one knows, there's no, no one said anything to him, so we're a bit worried, but then I just focused on the violin, and I'm not sure if I ever created any kind of palatable sounds, but it did sing quite, like, as far as, yeah, as far as instruments, I think the violin was quite a nice one to have, to choose, like, I like the cello, I like the sound of a cello, but just not the size, it was bigger than me, you know, no way I'm going to lug that thing around, when I was like nine, and piano, how am I going to get that to school?
Back and forth from, you know, it's just, that's an impossibility, and my dad had a trailer, but it wasn't that big, and guitar, that'd probably be one, knowing what I, I didn't know then, that I was going to be interested in singing, when I got to, like, be 13, 14, 15, 16, really into singing and songwriting and stuff, being able to play guitar would have really helped, just, it just would have helped to me to create some songs, regardless if they were good or not, just, it would have just helped,
and, but, yeah, violin was what I chose, and then I stopped, I can't remember why I stopped, I think it's partly because I was always changing my mind about things, and maybe I didn't want to get on stage again, and it was embarrassing, I didn't enjoy that at all, but, and no one was rude about us, you know, well, not the playing anyway, the attire, you know, what I was dressed or not dressed in, but, yeah, the actual playing was okay, I think, I did ask my parents,
and they just kept saying the same thing, let's just, let's just forget it ever happened, let's just move on, so I don't know, it's hard to tell, you know, some compliments are hidden, aren't they, like, is that a hidden compliment, please don't ever mention it again, we're never going to live this down, like, so you enjoyed it then, we might have to move to a different town, so what you're saying, maybe you need more practice, or what, it was good, give me a clue, we can emigrate,
so I think it would have been good to have kept it going, because I was all right, you know, I was all right, and I could read music, and I think it was at that age, I've talked about not being able to learn languages, I couldn't see the point, like, I just like, you're still too, I don't even know English yet, and you're still trying to teach me, like, couldn't get it, yet music is a language, and that seemed to be quite easy for me, back then anyway,
and I could understand it, so it's almost like, learning it and playing at the same time, it's synchronized the two, so I was, you know, I was learning, I was playing the note, on the, on the, what's it, the violin, so playing the chord, also seeing the chord, on the, on the, the book, you know, the music, seeing where it was, and it was, I don't know, it just, it's probably the best way to learn music, isn't it, if you're actually learning to play an instrument, was it probably,
that's when people do learn music, I guess, and I was by no means any kind of expert at reading it, I just knew how to, because I don't know, just, it was quite easy, and I'm talking about very basic, very, very basic music, yeah, so yeah, can you imagine, if I'd have continued, I might have been quite good, by the time I left high school, that would have given me another five years of playing the violin, I might have actually been good enough to, I don't know, what would I do with that,
go to music school, because really, I suppose, it's limited, well, I don't want to say limitations, but I don't know what I would have done, I suppose, if I really loved it, I managed to get into an orchestra, you know, if you, if you do really well, and you, you get the right breaks, and everything, you can end up traveling the world, I suppose, so yeah, I suppose, it could have been really good, I still don't understand, what the bloke with his pointy stick is doing at the front though,
the orchestrator bloke, generally, like, with a little wand, Harry Potter's wand, I don't, what's he doing, I mean, I can say, if he's going to point at someone, saying it's time to start singing, or start playing the music, and if he's moving the wand up and down for the rhythm, then yeah, you know, I can kind of like, fair enough, or he's pointing to a section, now you, then point to the other section, now you, and yeah, I can kind of see, but other than that, I'm a little bit lost,
and they seem to get most of the credit, above the people playing the actual instruments, yeah, I thought really, when it came to an orchestra, it would be a case of one, two, three, start, and everybody is all reading off the same piece of music, everybody knows when to start playing their instruments, so I don't know, I just, I would have thought that everybody would know what they were doing, before they're on stage, but then that goes to show how little I know about it, conductor, that's it, I mean,
to be fair, I did think, like, I remember I went for a job as a conductor, when I was in London, and I thought, well, they said, if you've got, what experience have you got, that means you'll be able to be a conductor, I said, well, I played the violin when I was nine, and he said, how's that going to help you to check people's tickets on a bus, and, you know, the interview didn't go well, it went downhill after that, so, it's really weird, but I'm really pleased with that,
what I just said, and that's a little bit sad, but I actually feel, I feel almost like I've accomplished something amazing, but very, in a very dry way, a few good lines during this recording, and I haven't really kind of presented them in a way that you'd think that there was even a slightest bit of humour there, maybe it's because there wasn't, I don't know, it's hard to tell, hard to tell, so, this was supposed to be Monday's Boring Objects, so I don't really think that I have talked about any particular boring object,
other than just speaking about, well, it's about school, really, wasn't it, I mean, started off talking about hypnosis, I started off talking about stats, then hypnosis, then helping people, then how I got onto the subject of playing musical instruments, playing the violin, and, I don't know, yeah, I don't want to eat a whole Easter egg necessarily, just, you know, there's no chocolate, I almost feel like I want to get a delivery, but it might be a case of going into, I mean, the petrol station, they had Easter eggs yesterday,
if they still have Easter eggs today, they might have them marked down, I might be able to get like a half price Easter egg, you never know, I mean, it's possible, isn't it, 3.36, 4.36, 5.10, I've been talking for over an hour and a half, wow, I mean, I didn't get anything yesterday, I was in there, and I thought, should I get a chocolate bar, and I didn't, didn't get anything, I looked at the Easter eggs, one was £9, one was £6, I think there was two for £6, one for £9,
and I thought, no, unless they were all £6, but one was upside down, or they were all £9 and two were upside down, I don't know, yeah, there was two sections, where there was a couple of eggs, I've actually gone into Uber Eats to see if there's any eggs in the supermarkets, and none of them are showing that they have any eggs left, so I don't know what happens, maybe they just take them off the shelf, and send them back to their supplier, to get melted down or something, I don't know,
I didn't know, yeah, so that's the end of this recording, so I'm going to go, let me have a look at the stats, see if it's changed at all, well, changed a little bit, not much, pretty much the same as before, yeah, but pressing refresh isn't really making too much difference, so it's Monday, Sunday, Saturday, Friday, yeah, Friday, it's a really busy one, but again, it's, it was from Vietnam, was like the main place, so it's just, yeah, I find that interesting, I mean, if you look in the last seven days,
Vietnam is number two, in the last seven days, Vietnam is number two, below United States, and just above United Kingdom, then you're Canada, Austria, Philippines, quite high, Norway, Denmark, Bangladesh, India, Iraq, Pakistan, Mexico, Kenya, so, I don't know, I think it's quite exciting, the last 12 months has basically been United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, Ireland, and then all the others after that, so I'm going to go, thank you for listening, remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, and be gentle with yourself, you deserve to feel safe, lots of love, bye
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.