(Long Music) This is For Luca Payne | #1637 Let Me Bore You To Sleep

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes, close your eyes. And it's hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

I didn't even make a recording yesterday because it was too hot. I just felt tired all day but today is going to be even hotter apparently. So I'm doing something different.

I'm making this recording in the morning because generally I make the let me bore you to sleep recordings afternoon to evening, that kind of time. Rarely do I do them in the morning but today I am. Do it before it gets hot and then see how I feel later.

And but before I continue, I do need to do a big shout out for Luca Payne, Luca Payne. Hi Luca. I hope I pronounced your name correctly and it's not Luca but Luca.

I reckon it's Luca. So hi Luca. And so Luca's mum, Jessie, sent me a PayPal gift yesterday.

So thank you, Jessie. And asked me, basically sent me a message. I forgot to say my son.

Okay, I'll start from scratch. The honor message was, thank you. Thank you.

My son listens most nights. We are in Weneka, New Zealand, Wakanda, Wakanda, Weneka. And he has listened for a long time.

We appreciate you. Well, thank you. I appreciate you.

And then Jessie sent me another message saying, I forgot to say my son's name for a shout out. His name is Luca Payne. So, hello.

I don't have any information about you, but all I'll say is thank you for listening, Luca. And I hope that you've enjoyed me giving you a shout out. And I'm also going to title this recording with your name as well.

Okay, so yeah. So that's forever etched in history. The let me bore you to sleep number.

What is it? What number is this? 1637 is going to be have your name on the title. Yeah, I don't normally do that. So yeah, a little bit different something.

And I woke up early today. I did go to bed early, but I woke up early. And I was hoping to make some hypnosis recordings earlier when I got up.

But Vinny just followed me into the living room. He seems to be following me around a bit more. He goes through periods like that where he's, that's most of the time really, but where he just follows me wherever I go.

Whether it's the bathroom, whether it's the bedroom, the kitchen, he just follows me. He's just there with me the whole time. So he's under the table or the desk at the moment.

He's on hunting duty. So he's hunting a fly. Honestly, he's got a little rifle and hat and everything.

He's a little thermos flask with some coffee to keep him awake. He's, he's really, you know, he's doing it properly. He's determined to catch that fly.

And he's loving it. He seems to be really enjoying the hunt. And we've got but we did have two flies in there.

I can't see any at the moment. Unless he's caught them both. No, I don't know where they are.

Because quite often they now they kind of land on the TV screen, which is weird. Because I don't always know whether or not it's actually on the TV screen or on the TV screen if that makes sense. So is it because I was watching our Prime Minister quitting.

And there was a fly on the end of his nose. And I thought, why is no one mentioning it to him? Why is why is he not like brushing it off? Then I realised it was just like a fly in the room. Yeah, then there was a there was an advert for a water charity in another part of the world.

And I got a bit worried because of all the flies that were showing up. But again, that wasn't on the screen. It was it was on the actual TV that time.

Guess it'll be confusing at times. You'd have thought by now that bearing in mind there's enough water on the planet. In fact, there's too much water on the planet.

That everyone should have enough to walk to drink when you I mean, literally, there's too much water. And most of it's ice. But we can eat ice and we can eat snow and, you know, survive on, you know, if you give you take a big block of ice, take chip bits off it and stick in a glass, it will turn into water quite quickly, especially like in heat.

And you got water. So apparently all these icebergs and stuff are going to start, you know, when they melt, they're going to start falling into the sea rise in the sea. Why don't we start collecting that ice, those icebergs and pulling them to where they're needed? Hey, I'm waiting for an answer.

Go on, tell me tell me. It's amazing. I just I do find I mean, this could be a bit too political for for this recording.

But what they've done in Dubai and also Las Vegas is phenomenal. Because it's just desert. It's desert.

There's nothing there or was nothing there. Just sand and cactuses and birds sitting on cactuses and the odd camel. And in both of those places, they built cities.

Dubai being the most I don't know about if it's the most advanced city in the world. Because I think China might have a say, you know about that. But it's up there, isn't it? One of the most advanced places, technologically.

I mean, literally. It's amazing what they've done is, it's almost unbelievable. What can be done with, okay, money.

You know, oil money definitely kind of goes a long way. But gambling money as well, I suppose, with Las Vegas. Because these places that shouldn't, they wouldn't be there naturally.

Now, you know, technically, where I live, this isn't here naturally. This is a field. This is countryside where I live.

This would be, you know, 70, 80 years ago. This would have been crops growing here. Here.

Which seems a shame. I mean, I think we had the right, I say we, but the government perhaps had the right idea in the 50s when they built upwards. Because they knew there wasn't enough housing for everyone, side by side.

So they built up, so they had tower blocks. But overcrowdedness and overpopulation and everything in this country, because, and it's nothing to do with, I'm not getting into that, stop the boat, stop the, no. But there's a lot, a lot of people considering we're such a tiny little country.

But then I was having this conversation, this woman had a dog and she was moaning about too many people in the country. And I'm looking around. And we're in this park.

It's not a huge park. But it's easily the size of a football field. I'm looking around and it's just me and her there.

And you can literally fit thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people standing up in that park, side by side, without being squashed. Thousands of people. And I think, well, if we're that overpopulated, where is everybody? And if you walk around the fields, like anywhere in the country, apart from like really popular places, you know, if you'd like a standard place, you walk around like a dog trail or whatever.

If you go, we call it going dogging in the UK. Basically, take your dog for a walk. It's called dogging.

And you get to meet interesting people. And you got basically, you might see another dog owner, another dog. But you're walking around a field where there's nothing in it except crops being grown.

Again, you could fit just in one field, where you could fit like 10, 20,000 people standing side by side. They have to be behind each other and in front of each other as well. I suppose my question is, if we have got 65, 70 million people in this country, where are they all hiding? That's my question.

Where are they all? Is it a true figure? Or is there only 552 people here? And they just keep moving around? That's what I'm thinking. Maybe there's like 40 buses, busloads of people that just keep moving from town to town and just getting out wandering around. We have to keep the illusion up fellas, come on.

The illusion that we're overcrowded. I don't know. I mean, even in London, right? One of the busiest places you can find in London.

Well, London itself is one of the busiest places you can find in the country. But especially somewhere like Liverpool Street, on a weekday, between eight and nine, shall we say, or seven and eight, seven and nine. But let's say eight and nine.

It's jam packed. Thousands of people walking out of the station. What you know, it's like continuous traffic.

But go there on a Sunday morning, or even a Saturday morning. Okay, I'm going back to when I lived there. So it might be different now.

But I remember because I used to do security. And I'd go there on a Saturday morning or Sunday morning, there'd be nobody around. There'd be people that were traveling.

You know, Liverpool Street station, there'd be people traveling. But generally, it'd be almost like a ghost town. You could walk in the road, especially Sunday mornings.

So like, where are they all? Where are they hiding? I mean, really, I'm just thinking of all the places I've been. Okay, town centres can get quite busy, especially Christmas time. I mean, that's probably the busiest time I imagine, where you literally are in a queue walking through to get where you're going.

You know, there's no there's no room to kind of... Well, I like to swerve when I walk. I like to kind of walk from one side to the other. So the person that's walking towards me doesn't know which way to go.

It's just like a hobby of mine. And you can't get to do that when it's really busy. But then I go to town.

I don't go to town really hardly ever. I rarely go out. But you know, if I have to, like I had to a couple of months ago because of my dentist appointments.

Five dentist appointments in one month. Can you believe it? They actually knew my name by the end of it. You say, well, they're supposed to know your name.

No, they actually said hello to me as I walked in. Jason. Okay, one person would say Jason, the rest of the staff would hide.

But it was more casual. Oh no, Jason's here. Yeah.

I mean, it was quite busy during the week. But not busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. Fairly.

Yeah, it was quite fairly busy. But I was going kind of peak time. So there was, yeah, it wasn't quite quiet.

But it was definitely quiet enough for me to swerve, you know, sideways as I walked. So that was good. The bookshop wasn't busy.

That was weird. I've mentioned this before. I went to the bookshop one day when I was having a tooth out.

And I just went in there and thought, you know what? Because my glasses, I was seeing the opticians at the same time. So I thought, well, I'll be able to read again. Oh, and I was just looking around and picked up a book just to look at it.

As you do. Sometimes you want to pick them up, don't you? Have a little look inside. And one of the staff members just popped up out of nowhere.

In fact, I think, I think he actually is like a genie. You know, you open a book and he just like appeared, giving me just talking about that book for about five minutes straight. And I do want to be rude and tell him to go away.

Okay, I did want to be. Okay, I did want to tell him to go away. But I do want to be rude with it.

You know, I didn't want to sort of upset him. But he kept going on and on. On and on and on.

Oh, it's such a great book. It's really brilliant. Blah, blah, blah.

That's what I was hearing. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

Book. Blah, blah, blah. Really good.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because I wasn't listening to him. Because I wasn't interested in what he was saying.

Not in a horrible way. Just I don't need a book sold to me I'm very good at doing my own research on something I don't like being sold things that puts me off if I go into a shop see with PC world I don't know what it's like in other parts of the world or other parts of the country you might not know what PC world is it's with PC world and Currys now isn't it I think PC world is basically it's been around for years decades in this country a place where you'd buy your computers basically but also other kind of mechanical electrical objects not all the objects take batteries so not all the things they sell take batteries but not all the things that take batteries do they sell either that made sense in my mind when I said it now if you go in there when it's quiet they literally wrestle you to the floor and just start saying look look at this look at this why don't you buy this buy this they drag you around and they're pulling you you've got like three people one's got each arm one's got each leg maybe another person's got an ear and they're pulling you like they're trying to pull you apart to take you to different parts of the store to buy something what about getting a fridge well yeah when I needed a fridge but that was five years ago what about another one I don't need two fridges what about some earplugs how did you go from fridge to earplugs well perhaps we sell them as well and they'd be like hey you get a new laptop what about a television what about a new toaster they'd be pulling me and I'm like oh stop it it's hurting it's hurting but when they're busy completely ignored me completely ignored me I went in there I remember I actually had money to buy something and I went up there and there was a bloke and he was like on one of the computers and he was with someone else and they completely ignored me so I went up to him and said hey do you remember me you tried to sell me a toaster sorry sir I'm busy at the moment so I went up to another one like stroking his arm oh do you remember me just grabbed his arm you know do you want to get a laptop you talked about how you got really good laptops and he pulled away he said get off me get off me get off me you're not allowed to do that stop I'm busy I'm with a customer I am a customer can't you serve me I was here first I do believe you weren't this lady was here first you know you've just walked into the store I said I know but I was in here last week as well doesn't that count for anything so he's like really not good you go from one extreme to the other I once went into the Wimpy which is like a burger place if you don't know what it is years and years ago and I went in there and it was all like very young people and by I'm probably talking I'm not even sure if they were left school probably a part-time job that they had and the manager had left them in charge and this was probably about four in the afternoon and I think they close at half five they completely ignored me I was the only customer honestly there was no one else in there just me and they just sat there laughing amongst themselves completely ignored me they knew I was there and after about half an hour of waiting I don't know why did I wait that long I just walked out because I knew I couldn't be I didn't think I was going to be able to communicate with them in a way that was polite after being ignored for that long but at the same time if I did kind of like can you get me some food please and it came across as rude I wasn't sure what I was going to end up or what was going to end up on my plate so I thought no it's not worth it it amazed me though how can you I mean how can you not notice that a customer has walked in walked past you and is sitting like three rows behind you and there was three members of staff there all laughing and chatting maybe they had a little gamble a little bet to see who could ignore me the longest at the end they all won felt good about themselves I don't know that was a very strange moment I remember that, it was very weird so yeah it's been hot Vinny's still hunting honestly he's just his head's going from side to side constantly trying to you hear him go like that, that was me with my teeth and oh did I tell you that my teeth is alright now my mouth's alright I don't know when I did last a recording did last a recording it was the 21st of June which is the Saturday it's a Sunday I probably already mentioned this but my mouth was where the tooth had come out that part was kind of ok but the gum next to it really wasn't like really wasn't and it was a lot less than what it was it wasn't as painful as it had been but it still hurt, it was still painful it was still sore and I kind of got used to it just waiting for it to heal and there was this thing sticking out of it like a sharp object sticking out it felt a little bit like like the edge of a cornflake but I knew it wasn't a cornflake because as anyone that eats cornflakes knows that they go soggy you know if they're in a moist place a moist a mouth is a moist place isn't it it's not going to stay hard and brittle if something's in your mouth it's generally not going to stay hard with it's food anyway and it was just there and my tongue couldn't stop playing with it I told my tongue off I said can you stop doing that oh but I like it, I know you like it I'm intrigued, I know you're intrigued I'm fascinated, I know it's pretty much the same word as intrigued I know that but you need to leave it because you don't want to irritate it he said how do you know I don't want to irritate it I said well you stuttered a bit there didn't you he said yeah I said why do you think you stuttered my tongue said I don't know got a bit tongue tied and we laughed and I couldn't stop touching it a little bit the first time I noticed doing that kind of thing was when I was a kid and I'd have a loose tooth but they never hurt I don't remember once ever having really a toothache when I was a child or having I'm not saying I never did but I don't remember it and I don't remember any of the teeth that came out hurting they just got loose and it was exciting because I used to love playing with them just like I'd be at school and I'd just it'd be like a like a hobby really just wondering how could one tooth literally do a 360 from side to side and still stay there and not fall out and it was like wow it was really pushing the tooth I'd push it to its limit I felt a little bit like being a gymnastic trainer you know those those trainers that push kids to their absolute limits and you know through Olympic training and stuff I felt like I was a bit like that with a tooth pushing it beyond its boundaries beyond its ability just to get the very best out of it but not for the Olympics but just because I was bored in the maths class I was bored in most classes to be honest I found it boring, school was boring there was parts of school that wasn't boring sometimes during playground there was interesting moments but school itself and I think if I'd have been at school now with all the multi erm I don't know what you want to call it you know multi-dimensional kinds of education so instead of just having a book having videos, having audios having animation having computer graphs and having erm the ability to use the internet to study, things like that and also with AI, wow I think I would have learnt much much more or at least delved into a subject until I found something that I was mildly interested in because I wasn't interested in the Roman Empire or history of this country for me it's like I think what's happened in the past when it comes to history I've used this analogy before, it's very much like a poo in a toilet, you flush your toilet when you've done a poo and you don't think about it anymore you don't, you know you don't dissect, well of course you don't dissect it unless you have to but you know, you don't dissect it unless you've got to get a sample for the doctor but you don't the poo's gone isn't it, you've flushed it away and I don't really want to think about it, I don't really want to generally, and I feel that way about, well I used to feel that way about history erm, about geography what's the largest river in the world that's not asking me what's like that's just a poo that is literally in my brain, that was a poo that needed to be flushed I don't care if anyone wants to know what that is, read the book get the book about longest rivers how's that going to be useful for me unless I want to go on to quiz shows or pub quizzes although I am quite good at pub quizzes sometimes especially if it comes to like 80s music or boxing that's about it really I've got a few pointless bits of information inside my brain ready to be shared so that's kind of where I was with school so I was talking to this lady that walks her dog the other day and she said that she loved school she's a lot older than me she's in her, she's about 80 I think so she said oh she loved being at school and all that stuff and I said yeah I didn't and I, she seemed confused at why I didn't like it because she said but how come because you're so bright and clearly highly intelligent I thought you'd have been really successful at school and I said well I didn't say anything because she didn't say that at all I made it up but she did say oh so you didn't go to school didn't get a degree, I said no I got a degree she said what I said yeah I got a degree what in I said my degree was in old people minding their own business that's what the degree was in I didn't and she said I said yeah I got a degree it's in counselling, a counselling degree she said oh really I said yeah, she said how did you do that if you had no qualifications I said I lied you lied I said yep I lied what do you mean you lied I said I lied, I told them that I had A levels and I didn't there's no way of proving either way because all those documents were destroyed and I'd moved around too long, I didn't have them myself and there's no way of getting hold of them from the school that I went to because they destroyed all the documents for me for my year in 1996 because I went there to see if they had any information about me and they got rid of all of them don't know why they did that but they did and she said oh but I did yeah the difference is I didn't have any proof of qualifications but they did test me they gave me a test, a written test they interviewed me to work out my genius level and they did say to me wow surprised you haven't already got about 6 or 7 different degrees because you're surely surely the most highly intelligent person that we've ever met ever and the lady, the dog walker said are you lying I said yeah I'm lying so you didn't get a degree, no I did get a degree but they didn't say that they did test me though the thing is I already knew about the subject because I'd been studying it since the 90s and I started the degree in 2007 so I already had quite a large collection of books on counselling especially Carl Rogers which was pretty much the counselling the main framework was person centred counselling which is what Carl Rogers did or taught or client centred, whichever way you want to go so I had not an advantage not an educational advantage as in academic but maybe an overall kind of feeling of what it was that I was doing before I started doing it because I had well I was interested and I'd already read books that Carl Rogers wrote himself on the course we were reading about what he wrote and what other people talked about what he wrote but not necessarily about what he wrote himself and my opinion has always been to go to the source you know because you've got interpretations what Carl Rogers meant by this is if you want to know what Carl Rogers meant read the books that he wrote read his words that's how I kind of work I'm not really into reading about a writer I'd rather read the writer's words themselves rather than an interpretation because I'm not being cocky but I personally think don't we all have the ability to interpret what's being written to understand what's being written that's why things like spiritual books for example there might be just one book but thousands and thousands and thousands of books interpreting what was meant by that book the sentences, what they meant and they won't all agree either I have more trust in my own interpretation of something than anyone else's and if I don't understand something then I'm quite happy to say I need a way to understand this but if I do understand it although it's interesting different perspectives I do quite like listening to people intellectual people arguing about something not shouting discussing, debating I guess rather than arguing about a subject because it can be interesting to see the different points of view and there's the Hitchens there's two brothers one's not here anymore but they're both very famous debaters and actually debated each other once I personally don't think it's the first time they've done that but it was really interesting because they both made sense then some people have got the ability to be so skillful verbally that they almost make absolute nonsense seem logical and I think they both had that ability to be maybe it's the seriousness of them or the absolute self-belief in what they're saying I guess that can be powerful can't it?

if you really believe it then maybe other people are also going to really believe it I think that's something with hypnosis if you really believe that the person listening to you is going to feel more relaxed then that will come across in the recording I believe when I do a hypnosis recording that it's going to relax everyone it relaxes me when I make a recording sometimes I fall asleep but I listen to my recordings and I always get more relaxed every single time and it's not because I like the sound of my own voice it's not only that I love my squeaky voice there's an energy there there's a feeling authenticity maybe or maybe just the fact that I've been doing it for so long that I'm able to get into that zone of deep relaxation so easily because when I'm focusing let's say doing a hypnosis recording focusing on relaxing different parts of the body or let's say for example imagine there's the windows in your mind and you've opened you're in your mind you've opened the windows so that the air can flow through and blow away all those old stinky smelly old thoughts of negativity and you can just watch that you can feel it almost feel the air moving through your head winding to one side maybe through your face and out the back of your head and when I'm doing that I feel it and I hope that that comes across in a recording I mean I hope that everything I do at the very least people listening feel better afterwards than they did before or feel more relaxed that's the very least that I can ever hope for the very least is that you feel more relaxed whether you're listening to let me boy to sleep or a sleep hypnosis recording or any of the other 10,000 different podcasts I've got I do have a few too many I think but whatever ones you're listening to I hope that they are at the very least relaxing I wonder if I've got any stats I know no one's listened to that one yet another thing I notice is when I make the hypnosis recordings my chest opens up and not just when I make them but when I listen as well my breathing becomes a lot deeper so I can take bigger breaths into my lungs than perhaps I was able to do before because my breathing just naturally slows down I don't even need to mention breathing slowing down I don't really need to mention breathing at all because it just seems to happen and I think it's part and parcel of relaxing part of just letting go yeah so I'm just trying to think what's happened since Sunday Monday, Tuesday I didn't do a recording I did do two recordings on Monday but I didn't do a Let Me Boy To Sleep 22nd I did a sleep hypnosis no I didn't, I did a Breaking Free From Control And Manipulation I did one which was called Fear Of Being Alone and I did another one of my newer podcasts Hidden From The Inside called Learning To Trust Again so I did those on Monday yesterday was Tuesday and I did nothing nothing at all as far as podcast episodes and I was going to I woke up in the morning and I just didn't feel up to it I'll be honest, I just didn't feel up to doing anything so I didn't and as the day progressed I just didn't oh blimey yeah I just didn't really feel up to doing anything so I just didn't do anything in the end now with the sleep hypnosis recordings or the hypnosis recordings, I can only really do them early in the morning before the dog starts barking outside with the Let Me Boy To Sleep I mean ideally the morning would be better because of the no background sound but what I do is I'll still record it in the afternoon but I will edit it out edit out the barking actually yesterday I did start recording the Let Me Boy To Sleep and I decided to leave was it yesterday or the day before but I decided to leave all the background sound in and I did about 15 20 minutes and there was so much background sound I just thought to myself not only am I going to have to edit this out but I realised that 20 minutes basically was me just hmm all I was doing was focusing on the background sounds and kind of commenting on them so I realised if I edited out the background sounds the recording wouldn't even make sense so I just trashed it got rid of it and stopped recording that was an interesting story wasn't it that was amazing wow tell us more tell us more so I don't know if we are going to get the heat that's been promised but if we do then Vinnie will go out will go out once and then like in the morning either about 9 o'clock probably so we will go out for one walk I don't know why I was so tired it's probably because I have been up so long I did have a little nap earlier I kind of woke up at a time when it wasn't much earlier than what I would normally get up but maybe I got up a little bit too early but then it was too late to go back to bed well not too late but I don't know I'll have a lay down later luckily the bedroom I've got this massive tree in the garden so the sun doesn't shine on my bedroom for long during the day which means the bedroom kind of stays fairly cool and one wall of the bedroom is on the hallway like the communal hallway where the stairs are so it's sort of sharing a wall so there's no sun shining on that bit of the wall which is where my bed is so it's a bit cooler in the bedroom than it gets in the living room plus I've got no electrical equipment in there so here I've got my laptop, iPad I've got a TV that's it really but it all kind of creates a bit of heat doesn't it especially the TV so I don't know I think this is the most I've yawned normally I say if I yawn it'll only be at the beginning, it won't be near the end well we're nearly an hour in and I'm still yawning I've broken all the rules I do apologise I didn't sound sincere at all did I oh I'm so sorry that I yawned it's just a human thing that humans do sorry about that I'll just apologise in future for when I do a wee wee later on, sorry about that I know it's your normal human function but sorry oh yeah and I might do no, you've mentioned poo enough, no more I wonder if I'd like to have been a teacher no probably not, I remember years ago when I worked in insurance I was talking to this lady and people used to open up to me I don't know why but they'd tell me stuff and she said to me that I might have said something like I'm not good at maths or whatever and she said that she absolutely disliked maths at school like in a big way, couldn't get her head around it didn't like it then she left school and went on to get a degree in mathematics and is now a maths teacher I said what you're kidding me that can't be so, surely not you didn't like maths but now you do and she said what I said I'm just interested, how did that work and she realised that her mathematics ability was way higher than what was being taught the whole adding up and subtracting and dividing and basic fractions was just tedious she was interested in wormhole theory I'm adding this information this is made up, I don't know what wormhole theory is if it is such a thing quantum theory relativity or whatever but yeah she said she was an adult and something happened and she realised that she was passionate about mathematics and she went on and got a degree maybe even a masters in fact I think she might have got a doctorate and she was working for NASA again, not true but it could be, couldn't it if you didn't know that I was constantly lying, you might actually think well it's possible it's not like NASA don't have anyone working for them, they do it's like oh it works at NASA, no they don't have any employees, but they do can you hear that flight buzzing around teasing me now that Vinny's asleep, can't tease Vinny teasing me Vinny's gone, he's completely gone now bless him there's a funny old lad oh last night, no yesterday morning it was around this time, about half seven we had a storm, a thunderstorm I didn't see any lightning but I heard the old thunder and I could hear it moving closer it wasn't loud, but I could hear it getting louder as it got closer and then a big old bang went off like proper loud and Vinny screamed really like barking and he ran to the front door to get out so I don't quite know what that was about so I picked him up, which he doesn't like but he let me, he didn't cause a fuss for me picking him up and I gave him a big cuddle and I chucked him out the window I gave him a big cuddle and I brought him back in there into the living room and I sat down I had him on my lap, just cuddling him and normally he doesn't like getting on my lap, he likes to lay down next to me cuddle up to me, but he doesn't like being on top of me unless he wants to walk all over me which he does occasionally he's not really into cuddling but on this occasion I had my arms wrapped around him and he wasn't trying to get away he was really I think he just needed it needed that comfort that safety but he didn't know how to ask for it it was almost like he was trying to get out of the flat to find someone to be safe with and that worries me don't you feel safe with me I literally do everything for him I thought I'd be the one he'd run to mind you he was near me to start with maybe he forgot I was there maybe he just got so confused and scared that he was looking for me not realising I was next to him on the chair because he was fast asleep when it happens and maybe it woke him up and disorientated him this always reminds me of Andre my ferret that I used to have and I took him out and this was during this was during lockdown actually 2020 so I had basically I had I had like a balaclava or something something like anyway my whole face was covered it was during that period so I had to have a mask on and I put my coat on and everything and I picked him up, he was fast asleep so I picked him up I put his lead on first I picked him up and he still stayed asleep and I carried him downstairs and I put him on the floor outside the front door the main door and he woke up and looked up at me and he screamed and tried to get back into the flat until I realised he didn't know who I was so I pulled the mask off and said look it's me and he said put the mask back on it's horrible and he said he didn't know it was me and he thought he was being kidnapped or something and as soon as he realised it was me he was fine and he like went for me to pick him up and cuddle him but genuinely all he saw was he couldn't see my face so I guess it's a little bit different with dogs and of course the sense of smell I suppose is different with ferrets I mean some of them may be so stinky all he can smell is himself although I didn't find him to be stinky not all the time he did have the ability to because they're kind of I forget the name of it but they're part of the skunk family they can just let off a really bad smell but then so can I but I remember once I don't know what it was but he must have been upset about something because he dumped a smell on me and it was on my t-shirt and it was really bad like really really really bad and I had to chuck the t-shirt away it was so bad I could not I wouldn't continue wearing a t-shirt after that anyway but it was too bad to even put in a washing machine it had to be chucked and that's the only time he ever really did that he'd let them off but not when he was with me not when I was holding him I remember when I got him his cage his big cage he'd only been with me for a week and he didn't like the cage because he was in the bedroom while I put it up and then I brought him out, opened the door and he walked into the living room he was looking at it walking around it and all he was doing was going and that's what he did when he was angry and he was like but he was letting off stink after stink after stink because he was so angry that there was something new in the flat because he didn't know what it was because he probably just didn't like it didn't know what it was or why it was there that's just the sound he made it was so funny and it ended up being one of his favourite places because he had to believe me he had a hammock and everything in there it was nearly as tall as me it was a big old cage and he had one, two, three four floors right at the top at the bottom that was where he could do his toilet and then up on the next floor basically it led to the next floor there wasn't a lot on each floor but at the top he had this it was like a nest up there and he could get in there and you couldn't see unless he had his head sticking out and he was asleep it was very cosy but he also had well he had two, he had one that started to get weary so he put another one underneath it or on top of it so he had a hammock that he could just sleep in as well he loved that hammock and to start with maybe the first year I used to lock the doors, I used to close the doors and he wouldn't be able to leave during the night time and he had water and food he had dry food and water and everything he needed and I remember I moved him into the bedroom so that we could be near each other and he made so much noise that I had to move him into the living room because literally he just banged against the door anything just to wake me up I used to amuse him and then I think after the first year he still had his cage but I used to just leave it open because I'd open it first thing in the morning when I got up and he wouldn't leave the cage he'd be happy just being asleep he'd get up when he wanted to get up sometimes he'd be waiting come on daddy it's time to be awake but other times he'd just be asleep but after a certain amount of time I just started leaving the door open so he could come and go as he pleased I'd leave all the doors open so sometimes I'd wake up he'd be on my bed asleep or that was his favourite place of all time I feel the same as Vinny loves the double bed just like Vinny loves to stretch out Andre loved to stretch out he needed the whole bed for himself and he was tiny Vinny's tiny but he was way way tinier and it was weird just the way he just he did his own thing he loved being able to come and go there was times when he hardly ever went into the cage then other times when he would spend a lot of time in the cage he loved that hammock and he loved the nest thing at the top because I did have a habit of disturbing him when he was asleep I'd pick him up because sometimes I wanted to play and he was asleep and I wanted some company I wanted to cuddle so sometimes I'd pick him up and bring him over and have him on my lap and he'd just fall asleep again and then sometimes he'd wake up look at me and shout out what are you doing get off me you're not my real dad and he'd run off similar to what Vinny does sometimes but he'd fall asleep and he'd wake up not knowing where he was he'd look up at me and I'd make him jump it's a funny old thing another thing he used to do is he used to walk in the fields he'd be on the lead I learnt that quite early I let him off the lead once and he went into the ditch and I nearly lost him so luckily he came back but I got stuck down the ditch and I injured myself but that amused him he laughed for hours and hours over that one but we'd walk and walk and walk and walk and he'd walk until he got tired so he'd take me much further into the fields than I would normally go and then he'd just collapse on the ground and look up at me put his hands up and pick me up so I'd pick him up and he'd climb into my top if it was a jacket or a winter coat and he'd climb down my top my jacket or my jumper or whatever and I'd have to walk all the way back which was miles sometimes now no matter how far I had to walk back no matter the weather no matter what I was wearing the same thing happened every time I got just close to the exit well the entrance it's entrance and exit I heard that argument before as well but as far as the field goes it's like it's a pathway for dog walkers so dogging I wasn't really a dogger because I had a ferreter but the other doggers did actually accept me into their bosoms as it were so Vinnie was kind of like a not really a dog Andre was like a accepted as a dog even though a lot of the other dogs probably wanted to eat him and every single time after walking all the way back just before we got to the exit out of the field I could feel movement and his head would pop up looking around it was like he knew how many steps it was and then he'd climb out and he'd walk the rest of the way which was literally probably 50ft if that maybe 30ft, it wasn't far from the entrance and he'd walk the rest of the way to home which was just around the corner the amount of times he did that how does he know that we're getting close to the exit because I'd be walking for maybe 40 minutes before we got there so I got no idea it just amazed me that he could still figure it out inside his head and be prepared yeah those were the good old days the good old days doesn't feel like morning time does that make sense it feels more like evening maybe it's because I need to go to sleep possibly man I'm so tired I'm so tired it doesn't feel like hugely hot yet but what I'll do is open the window unfortunately as soon as I open the window I can't generally open the window without a dog barking and then it's just it hasn't barked yet today which is good but we've got a good 12 hours of it barking probably soon it'll start yeah it's a little bit I can make recordings but it really is a case of stopping talking every time it barks and the editing just takes forever anyway I'm gonna go now go now go now yeah yeah so thank you for listening and remember you deserve to be happy you also deserve to feel safe lots of love bye