(music) Sunday’s papers LMBYTS #1460 Jason Newland 12th October 2025

Hello, hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep and it is Sunday the 12th of October 2025. Yeah, it is, it is, it is, it is.

Urgh, oh itchy arm, itchy arm. It's been really nice weather today and yesterday as well actually, in fact for a few days. Mind you, yesterday afternoon, early evening-ish, I heard a sound like, I wasn't quite sure what the sound was.

I thought it was coming from a bush that was just above a fence, like a wooden fence that I was walking past. So, part of the park where I take Vinnie, there's two wooden fences either side, like where houses, the backs of people's houses are, their gardens, yeah I suppose, yeah. Because the whole of the park, well not all of the park, but a lot of the park is, well the majority of the park in fact, yeah I'd probably say 85% of the park has got people's gardens connected, but separated by a fence.

Not the same fence, different fences. And, so I'm walking back, back through the park, the way back because, I mean sometimes it's not the way back, depends which way I'm going. But, a regular kind of route is, I come out of where I live, I walk to the park, I go through, Vinnie has a sniff around different places he likes, catches up with his friends, you know, by sniffing their wee wee, whatever dogs do, downloads that information.

And then, we walk up, there's this tree, there's more than one tree, but there's this particular tree that bends over, and it's branch is probably about three foot away from the house that's there. I was going to try and get someone to take a photograph of me leaning against that tree, and what I was going to do, I was going to post it on Facebook, and I was going to say, I thought my weight loss was going well until I lived on this tree, you know, pretending that the tree bent over because I was so heavy.

But I didn't, I just forgot to take my phone out, and when I did take my phone out, there was no one to do it.

I did ask one person, but they just looked at me and walked away very quickly. So I don't know what that was about. Doesn't seem like a strange thing to ask someone, is it? Can you just take a picture of me leaning against this tree, please? Maybe if I wasn't wearing my swimming trunks.

I don't know. It's weird how people get at Christmas. So I was walking back the way that I often go.

I mean, that makes no sense to you, I guess, does it, because you don't know which way I go, but after that bendy tree, I turned right. This is like eight different exits, I think, in that park. What is it? Wait a minute.

One. Two. Three.

Four. Five. Six.

Seven. Eight. Nine.

Ten. Eleven. There's 11 different exits, or, I mean, you might call it an exit, you might call it an entry.

Wait a minute. An exit or an entry? I suppose that's correct, isn't it? But yeah, it's up to you, which depends which way you're going. If you're leaving or coming, you know, whether or not you, or entrance or exit, you prefer, I suppose, I don't know.

But that's quite a few, isn't it? So I turn right, round the corner, and go down there, and then I turn left and just wander into the other part of the field, that part of the park. Well, yesterday I was walking back, because that's the particular way that I went yesterday. Sometimes I do it back to front.

It really does depend. So I'm walking back. Vinnie's on his lead, as he always is.

I think he was, I think I was on the pavement, or, you know, the pathway, which is, I think it's made of concrete. A bit overgrown, though. It's, you know, the grass has grown over the edges, so it's not particularly, I mean, it's not untidy.

It doesn't really affect, affect my travelling experience, generally. I mean, sometimes it can get a little bit, a little bit too fluffy, you know. But it's an okay pathway, I just don't always find it's big enough, especially if there's other people around.

I kind of feel the need to get out of other people's way. I end up walking on the grass and getting my feet wet. And you could argue, or wear shoes then.

Yeah, right. But it's like, at the same time, I don't want to be forceful and walk, and continue walking, so that they have to get onto the grass. So I find myself getting, because my feet, my shoes, rather, they're not, they're supposed to be waterproof, but they're not.

Which is okay when it's not raining. In the same way as having a numberella made of paper is okay when it's not raining. Why would you have a numberella made of paper? I don't know.

So I'm walking down this pathway, there's no one else around, and I hear this sound, but it's, it did sound to me like it was coming from this bush. But it's very loud. And it's like, like a kind of, like that, but louder.

And I'm thinking, what was that? What have I just witnessed? Well, not visually, but auditorily, what have I just, I suppose, heard? Yeah, heard. What have I just heard? And I couldn't place the sound. It felt familiar to me.

But at the same time, I wasn't really sure what it was. Do you know what I mean? It's kind of like... It wasn't... Not a sound that I would hear on a regular basis. It was something I'd hear every day, that's what I mean.

I think it was the sound of a toilet flushing. I thought, where's the toilet flushing? I'm not quite sure why it's coming from the tree, but... You know, I know the sound of a toilet being flushed. Because I've heard it on lots and lots of occasions.

Probably about six times today, but let's not focus on that. And... So it wasn't a toilet flushing. It wasn't some kind of magical beanstalk or anything like that, it wasn't.

It was slowly growing. Nothing quite as extravagant. But it's still like... I was looking at this bush.

And I'm thinking, it's not moving. I didn't expect the bush to start moving. That would probably be a weird thing to happen.

Bushes generally... I mean, they move in the wind, but they don't start dancing on their own, do they? I mean, if you're in The Wizard of Oz, maybe the bushes do. The trees move around, don't they? But generally not here. I haven't seen many bushes tap dancing.

So... Not many. I'm generally like, what's going on? What's this sound? It wasn't an unpleasant sound. By the way, this is going on quite quickly in my head.

I'm not having this six-hour conversation within myself. But it is happening. Maybe it goes a little bit quicker than the way I describe it.

Because I talk slower than I think. Hard to believe that anyone could think even quicker than I talk, I know. And... I... I thought, hmm... And in my peripheral vision, because I'm looking up at this... Because the bush is higher than me.

It's not on the floor. I mean, I wouldn't be able to see it, because there's a fence there. A wooden fence, which divided the person's garden from the park.

So if the bush wasn't above the fence, I wouldn't have been able to see it anyway. And the fence is taller than me. And I'm a good nine foot.

In my dreams. So I'm guessing... I would say the fence is about six foot. And this bush is above it.

So the bush is kind of... Not hovering. But growing over. It looks like it's kind of just resting.

Like it's been on a marathon or something. Maybe we jog around the park and it's just resting. If it was sunny, you'd think maybe it's sunbathing, you know? That kind of thing.

And... But there's no movement. And there's no other sounds. And as I'm looking at it.

I notice movement in the corner of my eye. And in the sky, well I look up. Because there's movement and I look up.

And it's geese, because they go honk honk again. Just as I look up. And I thought... Oh, it's geese.

It wasn't the bush. It's geese. It's just geese.

And I said to Vinnie. You know what that means? And you know what? He showed no interest. Honestly, no interest at all.

In what the meaning could be of geese. Flying in the sky. And I said, Vinnie.

You know what that means? And he was like, OK. What? I said, there's geese. Do you know what that means? He said, that they're flying.

That geese can fly. I said, well I guess, yeah. That is one meaning of it.

That geese can fly. Did you hear them? Do you know what that means? He said, that they'd be good ventriloquists. I said, what Vinnie? What do you mean? He said, well for the last half an hour you've been looking at that bush thinking that the sound came from the bush.

I said, it hasn't been half an hour. It's an exaggeration. And besides, if it had been half an hour those geese would have been long gone.

And then Vinnie pointed up and he said, look at them. I looked over and there was a long line of geese. They weren't the only geese there.

And I said, do you know what it means? He said, well I suppose you're going to tell me so we might as well just get it over and done with. These conversations drag on a bit, don't they Dad? I said, well, not really. I quite like our little conversations.

Our little catch-ups. And he stopped. He looked at me.

He said, we're with each other 24 hours a day. What on earth have we got to catch up on? Which was quite a valid point, to be fair. And I said, well Vinnie, I'll tell you what it means.

It means that they're hibernating. They're about to go into hibernation. He said, hibernation? I said, yeah, he's about to go into hibernation.

They are. So that means that the weather's about to change. He said, hibernation? I said, yeah.

Are you sure they're not just leaving the country? And they're not emigrating? Or migrating, maybe is the proper word. I said, it's the same thing. And Vinnie said, migration and have I really got to go through this? I said, go through what? Migration and hibernation.

Although they do rhyme, I understand how you might get confused with them. But it's not the same thing at all. Hibernation is when an animal collects all food and just stays into it in a place and kind of almost shuts down their body to bare minimum.

Tortoises do it, bears do it, crocodiles do it. Various animals do it. And then they come back in spring.

So once the winter's gone through and they'll kind of eat what they've got. Squirrels kind of do it, but they don't. You kind of half do it and half don't do it.

And I said, I think you're wrong there. I don't think squirrels do it at all. He said, yeah, but you see squirrels more in the spring and the summer than you do in the winter, don't you? I said, yeah.

He said, why do you think that is? It's because it's hibernating, isn't it? Because they're hibernating there, that's why. I said, no, I think it's just because they're cold. It's cold outside, so they're staying in the central heat and I'm watching telly, watching Strictly Come Dancing.

We both had a little giggle at that one. You know, the idea of squirrels watching Strictly Come Dancing. Sometimes we we kind of tune in with each other and even when we're in a heated argument we just settle down and it's just such a nice little feeling and we look at each other like the animosity sort of drops for a little while, you know.

I have a little cuddle and he looks at me like, okay, I deserve a treat for that, don't I? And I'm thinking, what do you want? What is it, lassie? What do you want? Someone's fallen down a well? What is it? No, I just want a treat. What is it? You want to go out? No, well I do, but no, it's a treat I want. What is it?

You need your toenails cut? When am I ever going to come up to you ask you to cut my toenails? What are you going to say next? Am I asking you to give me a bath? Why would I ever ask you to give me a bath? That's the same category as clipping my toenails.

Or, ooh, can you give me a worming tablet please, dad? Please? I'm going to beg you for that, am I? No, I'm not. I mean, get a grip. We've lived together three years nearly.

You should be able to know at least something that I'm doing when I'm sort of begging you. I said, look, it's the same thing every time. You just sit there and stare at me.

Or you sit up and you put both your paws up and you just look at me and beg, but I don't know what it is you want. And I do ask you. He said, yeah.

Well, I'm just thinking, after this conversation, maybe you can just tell me. And you know what? Then he looked up into the sky. I thought he was looking for more birds, but there was none there.

Well, he was indoors, so he wouldn't see them anyway, but you know, some more pigeons or whatever they were flying into hibernation. And he said, you know what? That would be much easier, wouldn't it? If we just communicated verbally instead of these kind of, instead of only doing it when we have weird conversations. I said, yeah.

He said, the only problem with that is I'm a dog and I can't talk. And you're making all of this up. And I said to him, why would I make all this up? He said, you're making it up because you're supposed to be talking about the Sunday papers and you don't want to read the news, do you? I kind of don't a bit, a little bit don't.

So you decided to talk about geese in a bush, using a bush as a ventriloquist dummy, talking about wooden fences in a park, describing a park to people that are never going to be in that park, got no idea which direction you're going, talking to a Jack Russell, a ginger Jack Russell. I said, you shouldn't use the word ginger. He said, why not? It's me, I'm talking about myself.

I can call myself ginger, you're not allowed to call me ginger. That's not your name, is it? We both had a little smile as well, at that one. But then he did say, that was, that wasn't even quarter of a joke, that.

But I'll give it to you, because, you know, you're well-intentioned. I said, thanks. Thanks, son.

He said, well, perhaps you should just look through the Sunday papers, perhaps miss out the serious ones. Because you don't talk about the serious news issues anyway, do you? I said, no, I try not to, if I can help it, because that's not what these podcasts are about. It's about gentleness and hopefully boring people to sleep and just, you know, having a chat, really.

Just being chatty, being a friendly voice is kind of hopefully what I'm looking for. And then he said, why don't you do one of the lesser serious papers, something like the People or the Star, the Sunday People or the Sunday Star, or maybe the Sunday Mirror. I said, they're all kind of similar, aren't they? He said, yeah, they are.

But they'll still have serious stories in there. And then he said, yeah, they will, but you don't have to really indulge into those stories, do you? Do you think I should have maybe looked through the papers first and made a note of the stories and then talked about them? You know, before pressing the record button? And he said, I thought about that before. I can see the pros and the cons.

One of the benefits would be you'd be prepared, wouldn't you? Have more preparation. Have the stories in front of you, maybe written down. And yeah, but the downside of it is I mean, this is just my personal opinion, Daddy.

I said, okay, then. What? He said, one of the charms of listening to you is that it's not prepared. That nothing is really, there's no preparation goes into it.

It's the most amateurish production ever. Amourish? Amateurish production ever. And I just said, excuse me? What do you mean, amateurish? He said, look, Dad, I don't mean that nastily.

I don't mean in a rude way. It's just you're not the most professional person, are you? I said, excuse me? What do you mean, not professional? Okay, well, you know, what have you done that's been professional during this recording so far? I said, I did say only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And Vinnie said, yeah, you always say that.

That's what you say at the beginning of every recording. Half the time you're not even sure if you've said it. So you say it twice.

Fair enough. What else? The intention is there. I mean, the intention to create an environment of comfort and peacefulness and calm and sleepiness is there.

Within me anyway. He said, well, okay. That's fair enough.

That's quite nice. I said, thank you. He said, I'll give credit where it's due.

Sometimes. I said, thanks. Anything else? No, I don't know.

I'd have to listen back, I suppose. Well, really, Dad, what I'm trying to say is there's something quite nice about, for example, you're reading through a newspaper, something grabs you and you just say what's on your mind. The first thing that comes into your mind, no preparation, no script, no, you don't polish it, try and make it better.

You just say what you say and hope for the best. And there's something in that. It's quite nice.

It's not something you're going to see on television. It makes you seem more human, more able to relate to, possibly. I thought, oh, why are you being so nice today, Vinnie? He said, because I want one of my bones, if that's okay.

So, that's what he's doing now. He's eating one of his bones. He just looked up to me.

He didn't look up to me, he looked up at me. I don't think he'll ever look up to me. Oh, it's interesting.

There's a story here I want to read about. McFadden. Right, here we go.

Let's have a look at the Sunday star. The daily star on a Sunday would cost £2.30. I need to get my money's worth because this is, I think, £12 a month for this app, which gives me a bunch of newspapers and magazines. So, yesterday I got £1.90. So, what's that? £2.30, £3.30, £4.20. So, I need to get through probably 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 3, 6, 9, 12.

I need to get through a few to make it worth it. Because that's how much it would cost if I bought the paper copies. So, let's have a look.

I'm not going to talk about the front page. So, we have some weather. Today's weather.

Bearing in mind it's 6.30pm. I don't need today's weather. Sir Allen's OK. Oooh! Soldiers camouflaged as shrubs in a North Korean military parade.

Must be praying they won't be had up for trees on. Oh my goodness. That's what it says here.

I wonder why they're dressed as plants. There's a new Brits heading abroad are being urged to prepare for 4 hour queues as a new EU border system comes into force today. The entry exit system EES involves people from third party countries such as the UK having their faces and fingerprints registered to enter the Schengen area of 29 countries.

I thought that was just normal anyway. Having your fingerprints and your eyes done. That's like normal in airports I thought.

Steve Coogan got so fed up with people shouting AHA at him he started screaming it back in their faces. The catchphrase was a favourite of his ABBA loving alter ego Alan Partridge. Yeah, 35 years ago.

I mean he hasn't used that even in a TV show he hasn't used it for over 30 odd years. The catchphrase was the Shat Show host back in new series blah blah blah. Coogan got sick of his character and took a break from writing and playing him.

I can understand it's gotta be annoying. Because repetition like that even if someone just says if you're at work and someone comes to you and says I love marshmallows but they say it to you every day you see them and maybe you see them three times a day like break times and stuff it's gonna become annoying. Even though it's not a harmful sentence in itself I love marshmallows eventually it's just gonna be annoying.

And once they know it's annoying and if they continue doing it then it's kind of gone beyond being annoying I suppose. But then I think Steve Coogan so I absolutely love Steve Coogan's character Alan Partridge it's my favourite comedy character out of all.

I'm gonna do tomorrow Jason's Boring Objects Monday's Boring Objects I'm gonna go through where can I write this down comedy characters I've got nowhere to write stuff down wait a minute I've got a piece of paper here favourite comedy characters Monday's Boring Objects that's my plan so I'm gonna stick that on the wall now it's on the floor it's all gone wrong I'm planning that's what I want to do because whenever I say oh that's my favourite character then I start thinking of other comedy characters that I absolutely adore and

I'm not just talking about English ones I don't know about American because for me I'm not talking about characters I suppose I am aren't I yeah so it could be Norm Macdonald from Cheers or Mr Craven Craven so he's probably my favourite character from Cheers Craven the postman just for being so just for the kind of character they built upon even though I love Frasier I preferred Frasier in Frasier than in Cheers but then thinking about it I'd probably Kirstie Alley oh she was so great at her character so you

see what I mean I'm kind of going in between different people so I suppose in a way I don't think about the American shows as much as I think about the UK shows because they on TV they're still giving us old shows from like the 1970s like Alf Garnett and different characters that were just huge in this country at the time and we didn't get a lot of the American characters or the Australian or the Canadian or various different countries that had like cult heroes like comedy heroes that played a

part I suppose what's his name who was in The Office he would be for some people he would be like their favourite character but for me the American Office it wouldn't be him that would be my favourite character in it it would be the Tall Bloke I forget his name now but he's I saw him in a film the other day about an ambulance and he's doing his last yeah basically it's about an ambulance I'm not going to spoil the plot but it's really good it's really good right what was

I talking about yeah so that's tomorrow I'll talk about some of the comedy people but Alan Partridge is kind of up there for me as being one of my favourite ever and he's still going he's still doing it all the other ones that I really liked are finished but they're not those characters don't exist anymore other than on film and some of them aren't even around anymore so yeah let's have a look what was this doers drag racy life is far from a drag as pop star doer lipper dazzles in

a skimpy outfit at a world famous gay bar the one kiss singer took to the stage for a special performance at the Abbey in Los Angeles doer 30 was joined by drag artists including Plastique Tiara and Trinity the Tuck cool names I've never watched that show never I don't know why just never watched it doer she shared snaps with her 88 million Instagram followers and wrote a night at the Abbey with the Queens doer added a string of heart emojis and among those liking the post was the account for telly

show RuPaul's Drag Race Plastique Tiara replied Plastique Tiara replied what a moment the sweetest doll ever I don't really know what songs doer lipper has done which one is she there's a line up there she is they put her into she's got a separate she's got a pink pink dress thing on and they've got a separate and then they've got her into the line up so we can see which one's her hmm ooh look at this Sigourney Weaver has met with Disney about a new alien movie the star 76 wow

played heroine Ripley in four earlier films 76 that's just I just didn't I just didn't know I just didn't think she was it's weird I know that everyone goes through it my dad and my nan they go through that period of seeing the people that they watched on TV as kids or even in their younger lives their teens or their twenties seeing people in movies or maybe on yeah let's say movies for example and then seeing them get old before they got old so my nan I don't know if movies

were around when she was born I think she was born I'm not even being rude I think she was born about 1845 something like that so no I think she was born 19 12 I think she was born about 1912 so I don't know if they had they'd have movies at the cinema but they didn't have televisions until I think my dad had a television when he was a kid maybe a teenager or young probably about 10 or something now wait a minute he was born in 1946 so he'd be

10 in 1956 he'd be 20 in 1966 which means and he wasn't living at home when he was 20 he wasn't living with his mum and dad which I mean he was busy making babies so he said that they had a television in their house which means I'm guessing from the sounds of it it must have been like early 60s when he was maybe 12 or 13 something like that I should ask him I don't think he'd appreciate that phone call not now it's not that it's late but it's just

kind of a pointless phone call isn't it ooh wow ok I'm not going to read that out but that's interesting here we go ooh look at this conquer king to bow out king conquer will quit after the world championships today David Jack Kins 83 was at the centre of a oh my goodness right if you don't know conquers is basically just these things that fall out of a tree and you might have them in your country I don't know you might have to google it at some point because it's hard

to explain but they're these little they fall down in these little spiky suits like jackets and then you open them up and inside is this brown conquer it looks almost a bit like a toffee but it's not trust me don't eat it I'm trying to eat it and unless you enjoy dentists and then what you do is you make a hole through it how did we make holes through them that's a very good point because you have to make a hole through it to put the string through but it's not

just ordinary string it has to be quite thick string but at the same time when you get the hole through it has to be not crack crack it because the whole idea of conquers is to have a arrival and take turns hitting the other person's conquer on the string so they dangle theirs they dangle it down and then you try and hit it with yours so they're dangly bits you're hitting it with yours and it's you take turns and whoever breaks the other person's conquer is the winner now it's saying

here I think it's I'm not sure if it's even allowed in schools anymore because sometimes you can hit someone's hand and stuff and that I mean it does hurt so yeah he told today so this is wow I can't believe that so he's at the centre of he was at the centre of a cheating probe last year after being found with a metal nut in his pocket as he won the men's title a metal nut so he you're going to notice that surely I mean the fact is if you have

a conquer and you've basically painted a metal bit of metal shaped like a conquer and you paint it as a conquer the second it hits you have a conquer that conquer is just going to split into a thousand bits surely anyway anyway he's saying I'm retiring after the tournament I achieved my goal of becoming men's world champion and my years are advancing Jackins who was cleared of cheating after a probe said I had the steel conquer in my pocket to show children for some fun but I didn't enjoy all the

controversy afterwards people are going to notice if you're using this to like suddenly bring out something that's steel and it's silver because conquers are quite distinctive in their look you know if you're in a restaurant and someone asks for a curry and you give them eggs on toast they're going to notice that's what I'm saying organisers expecting 256 players in Southwick North said King Conquers Steel Nut will I don't know why that's funny King Conquers Steel Nut will be locked inside a transparent box and placed on show to prevent suspicions

I don't know why just leave him alone he's devoted his life to something amazing just let him leave him be he's 83 years old leave him be what's this Lewis Hamilton said ok I'm not going to read that out it's a nice thing but um right let's go what right something about Gaza Paul Gascoigne that is right so it's a thing about Halloween Halloween we had quite a bit of I know some countries did quite a bit of a history of stuff like that Jude Law says it's not cool that

he's being viewed as a screen heartthrob yeah must be annoying that that's so so annoying the British actor 52 has moaned that being labelled good looking by fans and film bosses was always like a bit of a limitation yeah again I completely understand it held me back being beautiful being handsome and people always just assuming you're giving me stuff and you know getting out of the way and pretty much just because I was looked amazing it does get a bit boring and a little bit tedious after a while and it is limiting as he says dilution born actor or Oscar nominee has starred in a string of hit movies including the talented Mr.

Ripley not really held him back then is it anyway but he revealed that he originally rejected the role because he was worried he was chosen for his looks I've had a similar thing I remember saying to after a job interview I said do you want the job and they said I'm not sure if I do and I said why I'm a bit concerned to be honest that you're only offering me this job because of my looks because of my gravitas my just my complete handsomeness and sexiness and she said no

it's just because we need someone to clean the toilets so you know you can always sometimes get it wrong he revealed that he originally rejected the role because he was worried he was chosen for his looks Jude said I'm very lucky I didn't turn that role down because it changed my career but he added one of the doors it opened was this attention yes to what I look like and I still find that shallow and frustrating if I'm honest I do I get it I do it's hard I mean it's

and I'm sure Cillian Murphy probably feels the same way you know if only he wasn't as good looking he probably would have got better parts oh wait a minute he won an Oscar recently didn't he and he was one of the greatest TV shows ever Peaky Blinders but yeah I mean generally he wouldn't be taken seriously oh the Oscar for a movie about nuclear bombs okay maybe he was taken seriously oh I mean that's he's all I mean Cillian is it Killian or Cillian I'll ask him when I meet him

I'll ask him when he wakes up he's having a little snooze at the moment Jennifer Lopez looks so stylish as she shoots a TV show in New York the singer and actress wore a tailored red outfit a big hat and sunglasses as she strolled down the city's walkways J-Lo 56 was in Manhattan shooting a new Netflix thriller The Last Mrs Parish which is set to be released next year I don't really know what that story was about really to be honest with you oh look at this Gen Z's revival for CDs by the way I've noticed I'm not judging,

I've just noticed that some people in this country have started saying Z instead of Z and we don't say Z in this country we say Z someone the other day said to me talking about Generation Z and I thought I'm not judging I'm just noticing it's Gen Generation if you're going to say Gen Z it's Gen Z not Gen Z if you're in England it's our language is changing fam I just don't know I did mention it to her I said you know it shouldn't really be Gen Z it should

be Gen Z not Gen Z and she just shouted allow it so I was just like ok fair enough compact discs are making a comeback sparked by Gen Z music lovers who think retro is cool ok it's really weird isn't it when something that it doesn't for something to be called retro which is something that perhaps I'm still using although I don't have any CDs anymore I just stream but it does make me wonder though you know just if the internet went down I literally can't listen to music I can't listen to any music it's a weird way to be isn't it it's a weird kind of system I wouldn't have any movies I've got no videos,

no DVDs, no CDs no albums and I have to listen to thousands of my own recordings and that would be boring after a while after about 20 years I might get fed up listening to myself pop queen Taylor Swift is cashing in on the craze by releasing 18 versions of her new album in the format of a CD compact discs the fact that they haven't put the word compact discs so that the readers know what they are I did often wonder what CDs stood for actually the revival has been embraced

by young fans desperate to have physical copies of an album instead of listening online high street retailer retailer HMV said CD sales had grown for the past 4 years superfan Laura Wiley 22 has bought 6 editions of Swifts the life of a showgirl and wants a CD player for Christmas to play them on just buy a CD player if you bought 6 editions of the same thing she's 22 years old she's 22 I'm just saying she's 22,

buy a CD player at 22 I don't think I would be waiting to see what Santa's going to bring me for Christmas if I need something I'd probably go and buy it at 12 fair enough 22 maybe I'm wrong maybe things are different now maybe that's where I'm going wrong oh oh I want a new dog for Christmas Vinnie stop trying to eat my stuff he's trying to get into these I've got these what are they called cheddar cheese twists they're like little biscuit things and he's trying to get to them but when I gave him one yesterday he didn't want to eat it so he likes the smell of them because they're,

I suppose they smell cheesy but he won't eat it though so let's have a look see what's here the winner of one of perhaps that's what I need to do in the future start releasing CDs should I start releasing CDs for people to listen to I could do you know oh what's this Vicky's Vicks being strict Vicky Patterson whoever she is says her fella is hoping she gets the boot from Strictly come dancing but they just call it Strictly for short why not come why not dancing why choose the first

word the reality TV star Wright joked that she's too tired from dancing on the hit show to perform the mattress mambo with her husband wow that's a bit rude isn't it, the mattress mambo oh look stars who speak with common accents are more likely to be trusted in celebrity traitors than posh rivals say language boffins there's quite a few of these new TV shows that have popped up I've noticed where they're putting groups of people together to lie to each other or well basically to lie to each other or to survive or to all these different things but in more UK situations rather than being on a beach you know like the survival things and I can't follow them all,

it's enough for me to follow one Big Brother I'm not saying it's enough for me to follow one Big Brother I mean Big Brother is the show that I follow I just can't follow all the different shows apparently we can't sneeze when we're asleep, did you know that? it's hard to test though isn't it?

because you'll be asleep Ryan's not nuts for lads Ryan Reynolds says he would have given himself a punching vasectomy if his son had been his first child I don't know what that means, the actor has 4 children with wife Blake Lively, daughters James 10 Innes 9 and Betty 6 along with lad Olin 2 James is that a new name for I've never known I've heard just no not heard a female called James before Jamie I mean there was just yeah I don't know maybe that's a new thing,

it's a trend not something I really need to focus on because the chances of me having any kids these days is to be fair I'm not even sure if there's any more frogs in the pond, if you know what I mean Ryan 48 has now joked raising 3 girls has been so easy compared to handing a little boy who has to break everything ok right let's go back and see how old his daughters are at the moment 10 9 and 6 ok let's catch up in 10 years time and see

what else you've got to say on the subject let's revisit this Mr Ryan Reynolds raising 3 daughters is so much easier than raising a boy yeah up till now up to teenage years let's see how well you get let's see how many movies you produce once they hit their teenage years either hardly any or that's all you'll be doing I've got to make another movie, I wish I could be at home with the kids I've got to make another movie he added Olin came out with 3 things on his mind what?

it was ok so Olin is 2 I think basically what he's saying if his first child would have been a male, he wouldn't have had any more oh he's I don't think he realises what's coming Fox hits a bad fit for Brits Sam Fox says she doesn't like playing gigs in the UK because Brits don't appreciate her singing the 59 year old who shot to fame as a topless model in 1980s said there was still a stigma around her page 3 days speaking in the latest edition of Record Collector magazine

Sam said she didn't feel appreciated by the British public she said I've had 5 top 5 10 singles in Britain 15 top 40 but I don't work here a lot the page 3 stigma still sticks unfortunately but it's a big world out there so we've got Peter Innes, Sam's biggest fan, said 53 from Sunderland said that he didn't realise that Samantha Fox was a singer he said I know Sam Fox are 2 things and neither of them is her being on stage wow er it yeah I don't I don't yeah

I'm not sure I only remember one of her songs it was touch my I want you to touch my body your heart beat next to mine touch me that was quite a good song they've made a film based on the life of John Bishop that's right a Hollywood movie that uses the Scouse's stars rags to riches comedy career Will Arnett plays him in the flick called Is This Thing On maybe Brad Pitt will call me up one day to say he's playing me in a blockbuster based on this column although

it's been said comic Joe Wilkinson in set would be a better fit I I kind of like why doesn't he play himself really maybe not a younger version of himself but he's still not an old man you know he's a comedian in the UK by the way in case you didn't know who he is erm John Bishop erm anyway Golden Smalls wow 6ft tall football icon David Beckingham looks up to basketball giants Shaquille O'Neal and Yu Ming Golden Balls was dwarfed by 7ft 1 Shaq and 7ft 5 Yao film star

Jackie Chan left was also in their shadow at the NBC China Games wow it's really weird because he does look really short compared to them but then Shaquille O'Neal Shaquille O'Neal looks significantly shorter than well I guess it is it's 4 inches it just goes to show what I said all along 4 inches is quite a lot what have we got here Brad and Ines so at home Brad Pitt and Ines de Ramon are said to have moved in together after 3 years of dating and are happier than ever the

61 year old actor and 32 year old jewellery designer have reportedly taken the next step in their relationship and are now fully living together ok okidoki the pair who were first linked in 2022 made their red carpet debut at the Venice Film Festival last year where they appeared together for the premiere of Pitt's F1 movie which I didn't watch I don't really I never never really I think it's because I don't drive that perhaps I don't appreciate Formula One and how hard is it to say Formula F1 Formula One F1

I don't know is it a hard word to say maybe it is he's so happy and in love they are really making their home into a house they were making their home into a home I think what they meant to say there is they are making their house into a home because if you're making your home into a home it was already a home then you've not already done anything have you another insider added the relationship is going really strong describing the couple as happier than ever I'm really pleased about

that because sometimes I do get a little bit concerned you know superstars flooded London's streets for the Capitals annual film festival Emma Stone brought the sunshine in bright yellow mustard maxi dress at the 69th London Film Festival Hollywood heartthrob George Clooney was also in attendance along with his right Love Actually and Annie McPhee star Emma Thompson Clooney took part in a Q&A at a recent screening of his latest movie Jay Kelly what's her name Emma Stone oh she was in Spiderman wasn't she a few years back radio legend David Diddy

Hamilton can't sell his personalised numberplate D1 DDY because of fair enough why did he wait till now though I mean if you had a numberplate like that why wouldn't you want to try and sell it when the person I mean he's had like 30 odd years of that person being hugely famous to maybe catch cash in on the numberplate oh well apparently Nicole Schwarzwinger needs to work on her manners the pussycat dog kept fans waiting for a gig at London Royal Albert Hall on Monday it started an hour late,

the audience was rightly annoyed when Nicole finally walked out on stage, there was no mention of the delay, no explanation and no apology she acted as though everything was fine and dandy throughout the concert Nicole thanked her fans for being so amazing a better way to thank them would have been to turn up on time ooh it ran so late many people had to miss the second half so they could get trains home and some of them had paid more than £140 for a ticket ok a bit moany but there

you go ooh I'm just looking at this Gleave out and about on the celebrity beat Olivia has no plans to keep mum Olivia Bowen I don't know who that is the Love Island star is happy for viewers to see her warts and all because she wants the series to be genuine genuine it was filmed while she was pregnant with her second child so there were plenty of ups and downs what Love Island they filmed Love Island with her being pregnant really that seems weird it was filmed while she was pregnant

plenty of Olivia told me it's a really authentic show if something happened to upset me or when I was struggling with pregnancy we'd show the rawness of those emotions I'm a very emotional person and I wear my heart on my sleeve Olivia sounds messy Olivia filmed this series with her husband Alex she added we just both open books we haven't felt the need to keep anything back sometimes it's a good idea to keep some stuff back you know Olivia and Alex Parenthood sponsored by Glade kicks off tonight oh it's a

different TV show oh look what's this filming Gogglebox is just chaos for Georgia Bell the mum often lets her two kids join her on her sofa and they don't always behave she told me it's good fun having the kids with me but sometimes it is chaos chouse I have to tell my boyfriend to take them out Georgia co-star and pal Abby Lynn added it's hard for a 3 year old to sit and focus on the traitors they're rather than I got bored with that one Catherine Jenkins is one of the

kindest people in Hollywood when showbiz sorry when I was starting out in the journalism this is Gleeve is talking when I started out in journalism I worked at a local paper in Wales as you'd imagine it was pretty hard to get celebrities to do any interviews it's as sad as no interviews in Wales any celebrities in Wales I mean that's a bit rude Catherine was always super helpful and generous though last week I bumped into her at the Attitude Awards and she was as charming as ever every glamorous singer gets

branded a diva at one time or another but I can assure you Catherine is only a diva in the best possible way oh I actually love Catherine Jenkins space arc on the way this stunning new spacecraft promises to deliver everything from medical kits to drones anywhere on earth in less than an hour what the arc capsule is the size of a large coffee table and will re-enter earth's atmosphere before landing by parachute dubbed an orbital drop pod arc would store essential cargo in orbit and release it on demand to remote

spots Justin Fiacchetti of its designer Inversion oh erm said arc is designed to bring mission critical supplies from orbit sounds like a good idea actually so in an emergency they can get stuff nudists get their Xmas baubles out oh my goodness naked bash at boozer nudists will tuck into a tasty Xmas dinner and play skittles at a country pub naturists from across the country have been invited to enjoy Starker's Larks this yuletide and there will be an exclusive naked only bar plus separate loos so other pub goers don't have to

see their festive baubles organisers British naturism says this will be a great opportunity to catch up with old friends and meet new ones in a naturist setting hunters can choose from two or three course meal at the Mill Arms in Dunbridge near Southampton for those wanting to celebrate in Starr there are rooms available so they won't have to drive home the train station is just two minute walk from the boozer that's a pub by the way for those wanting to leave after last orders British naturism hosts the same event last

year and will soon release tickets for the gathering on December 13th I might head up there I won't get nude but I can just have a look move on the other day I was sitting outside in a park sat down and someone came up to me and said are you ok I said no I'm just I'm just concerned about something he said what he said what are you concerned about I said I'm just concerned about Brad Pitt and whether or not he's turned his home into a home his relationship status

I've just been so concerned about him she said don't worry he's found someone new and he's moved on and he's doing quite well I said oh thank goodness for that jack it in or else legal plea to union flag fans folk who put folk we don't say folk around here, folk folk who put up flags on lampposts and bridges face being sued or even going to jail really crime expert Theodore Martin said lawsuits and criminal proceedings are inevitable so they're calling them flaggers so it's against the law to put a flag up didn't know that,

I don't put flags up but I didn't know it was against the law gee that's a weird noise just checking out SAS no that's not, oh this looks good a kick up the 70s two powers are smashing it after gaining karate black belts at the age of 79 Beryl Bellamy and Susie McPherson undertook a six hour assessment which included smashing wood boards wow to get their first black belts the pair trained at Nishikan Martial Arts Wincanton Beryl sorry Beryl was one of the person's names Beryl said friends think we're mad

but I think it's a frame of mind it can be both can't it that is pretty amazing that's very very impressive I mean just the idea six hour assessment six hours up to do anything oh look at this there's a ok just having a look oh salads apparently eco friendly food producers have taken a bite out of throw away packaging by making it edible the new addictive free packaging additive sorry free packaging for cucumbers made of whatever and you can eat it oh that's nice I think we're nearly at the

end of them this has been quite good you know this hasn't been a lot of oh Addison Ray and ok so I just I don't know who Addison Ray is but just a picture of um what is this one wired ok so there hasn't been a lot of actual news stories I've had to avoid which is pretty good so what we're talking about here the stigma of finding fame online is dwindling says Addison Ray the influencer turns singer is proud of her roots and said in W magazine social media was

only an opportunity to push myself towards something I always wanted the dreams and the hopes that were always there good for you cool and ah ok I can't just what Robin Williams Robbie Williams just oh look at this a legacy of craftsmanship and true style limited edition only chronograph watch was £129.99 now £129.99 now only £99.99 it does look nice if you like watches ooh lags lags not ock to have darts ok just hmm a mum gave birth in her bathroom with her only son Theo 7 to help I hope

he gets some therapy ok hard hitting right ok so I'm not going to read that ooh look at this just have a look there's stuff about gardening I'm going to skip that one there's a thing about Cliff Richard to book Cliff at 85 there's no stopping him and hmm stuff about cars probably not going to the million dome heists book right yeah I'm just going to look what is this travel talking in litter bins I'd heard whispers of these at Dutch family theme park but didn't believe a word of it

but it's true that at Efteling near Tilburg in the southern Netherlands there are indeed some garrulous garbage containers I've got no idea what that word means not garbage or container but the garrulous the whole bowl figures inspired by a children's verse character call out to passing visitors to put their litter in its mouth and thank them when they do it's a fun and friendly way to send an anti litter message hmm so sounds quite a nice place to go it does you know something I quite like to go to probably

not for someone on their own to go to but yimby.com I've never heard of that before what's yimby see if there's any sport I want to read about nope although I did watch the box in last night and the main one in the UK did not yeah I won't spoil it but yeah it was a little bit controversial at times actually yeah right it's too late because they do the newspapers early so you don't get the results of the box in and stuff that's on it late at night because I

think the box finished about I think past 11 I think right which brings us to the end of this all we've got left now is the what's that the stars trying to avoid the pub quiz there's so many different things oh it's TV shows as well Big Brothers on again tonight which is good oh here we go this is Russell Brand the stars with Russell Brand Aries making time for fun and companionship will help to keep relationships sweet sports,

playing outings or playful outings and laughter with children lift spirits while romance sparkles for singles Taurus although some confusion arises talking things through brings benefits your sharp mind and optimism help with financial matters plan a special journey with someone who means a lot Gemini travel brings delight especially when shared with cultured companions while visiting or visits to galleries and museums prove enriching exploring beauty feeds the soul Cancer creative expression brings deep fulfilment whether through art writing or poetry your words can even become a source of income harmony prevails at home

and work Leo resilience reigns setbacks fail to dampen your determination proving the strength of a true champion in career or personal battles your drive and passion rise above rivals Virgo careful planning ensures early decisions work in your favour particularly financially or with overseas matters you weigh options wisely joyful romance may blossom now Libra after a rocky start life settles down allowing you to savour uplifting moments appreciating the good around you keeps your mood serene and balanced this is time for to relish harmony Scorpio an intriguing week unfolds filled with fresh

ideas and productive results though you expect teamwork circumstances push you to work alone which is satisfying Sagittarius a cherished cause regains momentum reigniting enthusiasm that once felt stalled you reconnect with like minded souls who never doubted you shared purpose brings free fresh joy Capricorn whether renovating, decorating or repairing, progress is achieved through steady effort alongside responsibilities you carve out precious time with loved ones Aquarius stepping into vibrant settings brings change though adjusting takes time you embrace the lively energy and a surprising offer lifts your spirits,

shaping unforgettable experiences Pisces your charm captivates attracting admiration and opportunities support arrives for plans you've long hoped to pursue others value your loyalty while romance may stir ah so for the looks of it so who's listened to this who's a Pisces and single because it looks like me and we might be compatible because mine says look joyful romance may blossom now ah and yours says others value your loyalty while romance may stir I value loyalty you weigh options wisely and your charm captivates attracting admiration and opportunities careful planning ensures early

decisions work in your favour especially financially or with overseas matters looks like it's almost identical I don't know what I'm talking about anyway so that was Horoscope with Russell Brand no Russell Grant sorry my not me I just this is what is in the I can't remember what paper I'm reading what is it the Sunday Star Star on Sunday Daily Star on Sunday okay and that I do believe is the end of this here recording I will be back again tomorrow with Monday's Boring Objects talking about comedy characters my favourite comedy characters so thank you for listening and remember to be kind to yourself you deserve to be happy and be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe lots of love bye