(music) Tidying Up LMBYTS #1427 Jason Newland 3rd September 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This... What's he doing? This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Before I started this recording, Vinnie was cuddled up to me on the sofa, just chilling out.

As soon as I start talking, literally, I'm getting a thing set up, getting a microphone put there in front of me and all that stuff. The second I start talking, as soon as I say, hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com, he jumps off and goes and finds something to chew on. It's the same as when he's lying down, because you'll probably end up at the end of this recording, back here lying down next to me.

And as soon as I say, thank you for listening, remember to be kind to yourself, blah, blah, blah. Lots of love. Bye.

He jumps up. So, I don't know why. I think it might be because he's a dog.

I don't know. I don't know. So it's Wednesday.

I don't know what day of the what month. What month is September? Yes, definitely September. Thursday, the 3rd of September 2025.

It's currently 11 minutes to 9pm. I haven't made a recording since Saturday. Not really felt particularly well.

Not really. Yeah, not, not, yeah, just not, not felt great. So I'm still not feeling particularly great.

But I thought, because the statistics are so ridiculously bad on my podcast statistics, I thought I'd better make a recording. Because literally, honestly, today, according to the stats right now, so far today, bearing in mind, there's only three hours or four hours left. So I think it starts at one in the morning.

But let's say there's just over three hours left of the day. 174 downloads. So my podcasts have been listened by maximum 174 people in a whole day.

Now I'm not bragging. Obviously, that's really low. That's like no, I'd be pleased with that.

Probably the first few months, maybe even the first year or two of making recordings. I wouldn't. But you know, just saying it's like potentially it's 174 people.

That's quite a lot of people. But I always thought that maybe some of my older stuff might be listened to if I don't make a new recording every day. But it doesn't seem to be the case.

Which you know, it's fair enough, whatever. Because, you know, we want what we want, don't we? We like what we like. And I suppose it would be kind of weird in some ways, listening to a recording from 2019, for example.

Because I'm talking about things, very different things to what I would talk about now. And there'd be a different animal running around making noise. I remember this one time, I was sitting over there.

I'm pointing. It's not useful really, is it? When you can't see what I'm doing. But it's the other side of the room.

And I'm at my table. And Andre, my little ferret, has got a strategically placed, I think about five different carrier bags, dotted around the room. And he's literally running from one to the other, rolling around in it, making as much noise as possible.

And then running over to the next one and making as much noise. But they're really crinkly carrier bags, the ones that perhaps you get from a petrol station, you know, the white ones, they might not be white, but they're particularly crinkly. Or maybe you get your takeaway in them.

If you get a takeaway meal or something, just, you know, they're like the really cheap flimsy ones that basically you can't hold much in them. You wouldn't use it to go on holiday with, you know, to pack in all your gear and all your stuff in. I mean, generally, you shouldn't be taking gear on holiday.

Depends how you use that word, I suppose. You could get arrested. So, yeah, I, that might be weird to listen back to those recordings.

It might even be weird for me. Because I have started, well not started as in I've never done it, but over the last few months, I've been listening to my recordings a bit more often, just to get a sense of what it's like to listen to me, me, me. And I do send myself to sleep.

And I've noticed that even if it's just for a nap, I kind of feel better afterwards. So it's, it's kind of, yeah, it, I mean, it's not the best, is it litmus test or what do you call it? But, you know, doing it on myself, but there's someone in the garden shouting out Drummy. I don't know who that is.

I don't know what Drummy is. What is it? Can you hear that? Weird. Drummy, what's Drummy? Maybe it's that cat.

Oh, when I was in London. Oh, here she goes again. Really weird because the window's open.

Oh, Vinnie's just noticed it. He didn't even notice it. But normally that gets him barking.

But here's someone in the garden shouting, well not shouting, but calling rather. Maybe Vinnie was just like slightly looking around thinking, who's making more noise than me? How dare they? Oh, he's loving that. Wow.

I was having a nap a little while ago, about an hour ago, half seven. And he woke me up. He just stared at me.

So I'd look in my face. And I'm basically pushing me because he wanted me to get up. So in the end, I said, okay, I'd go to take the covers off.

And he's pushing the covers on me so I can't get the covers off. I'd make your mind up. You want me to get up or you don't want me to get up.

But I think what he wanted was like a little fight, you know, a little play time. So we had a little play. He does this thing where he just stares.

It's really weird waking up to that stare. Just like, just, you know, he turns his head from side to side. Sometimes it goes all the way around.

And he's like, just stares. And I'm like, what do you want? And then other times he completely ignores me. You know, I try and give him something, a little bit of food or something, which I know he normally likes, and I turn his head away.

I don't know if I'm ever going to figure him out. What was I going to say? What else? I don't know. Oh, yeah, I've been tidying up the last few days.

Well, I've been tidying up for about a month. Okay, three years. But I've been focused on it for about a month.

And they're not, they're not focusing on me. It kind of all started when I decided to ask my neighbors downstairs, if they'd help me put my TV onto the wall. I already had a bracket, bought a bracket like two, three years ago, whatever, when I got the TV.

Four years ago, I think. So they came up. The bracket was too small.

So and I'm thinking, oh, because I had this. It was originally well, I had the TV on top of a wardrobe. It was like I had the wardrobe on inside.

And it was just the right size to hold this TV, which is quite a big TV. But also down, but I took the door off the wardrobe. And it left me with that big bit in the you know, the space.

And Andre used to use that space for his play area. So all his toys was in there. His water, his food.

I also used it for Vinnie for his water and food as well. And it's just a good place to have stuff that could be his stuff. And and I kind of kept it.

So I had it like that for years. Even though I had the bracket. I kind of liked it as it was.

Because it suited the situation, you know. And then more recently, I decided I didn't want that thing. Here anymore, I wanted it gone.

And I wanted to. It just seemed a little bit cluttered in here in this room, in the living room, a little bit, a little bit too, too much stuff. It's not really bad.

I tell you what I mean is. I don't like stuff. I don't like obstacles.

In a room, if possible, for me, this is my personal preference. I like things to be on the. Near the wall.

So the area between the walls is kind of clear, clear, you know, I'm not talking about empty, but clearish. So I can get out from here. And walk around.

Walk over to the door and not have any obstacles and not have to walk around anything. In the same way, I wouldn't have a table in front of my chair. I mean, I've got a reclining chair.

And before you're thinking, wow, he's doing well for himself. He's got a big reclining sofa. This is probably about 900 years old.

It's not even it's like probably fifth hand, not second hand. It's been through. I don't even know where it's been in the past.

And it is falling apart. It's broken, in fact. But it's relatively comfortable.

So I'm going to keep it for a while longer. I've only had it probably. Only had it only for a few years.

Well, I probably have had it for about. Five years. It's ridiculous.

And it only seems like a couple of years, but maybe five or six years I've had this. So I used to have a reclining chair. Which was I can tell you exactly is about 149 pound it was.

I like that chair, but I broke it on the very first day. And before you shout out, what what did you do sit in it, your big fat bum like, Oi, don't be rude to me. Pretty much it really.

Yeah, and there was one time where I sat, I was sitting in it and I leant back and the thing did break and I got trapped whilst I was doing a recording. It wasn't on camera, but I literally got trapped backwards against the wall. In fact, I'm still there now.

Help. A similar thing happened in a shop. Where was that shop? Well, where was it? So I went into this shop and they had these chairs way out of my price range.

But they were really, really nice chairs. And also kind of mechanical. I think some of them had like massage and things like that, you know.

And electrical reclining. I think they're basically for very elderly people. I think that's maybe people with physical.

I don't know what the right word is, the correct word that need a bit of help physically to kind of to recline and stuff like that, because my nan had a chair because she was disabled. I don't want to use the word disabled, but it's not a swear word, is it? I'm disabled just mentally, not physically. My nan was disabled because she broke her hip.

And she had this chair which used to, not only did it recline, it unclined, I'm not sure if that's the right word, she could, she could sit down. Sitting down wasn't really difficult for her, getting up was. So it used to help her get up, it used to push her out.

A couple of hands would, a couple of hands would just like appear from behind and push her out of the chair. No, it would kind of mechanically straighten up, which would help her to get out of the chair, which is amazing. I'm not sure what they're called, it's a very expensive chair.

And, but it was really good. And she didn't like it. She didn't.

I think when she first got it, because she had two chairs and a little table in between, and there was a sofa the other side of the room. This is when she had the sheltered accommodation. So I should explain what sheltered accommodation is for people that don't live in the UK.

It might be the same term wherever you are. But it was basically, what happened is she, she broke her hip in 2000 and 2000, no in, yeah, 2001 summer. And she, she was still, she was living in the house where she lived with my granddad for many years, but there were stairs.

And she went back to the house, continued to live her life. Vinnie, can you make a bit more noise, please? Thanks. He always does as well.

Whenever I say that, he always makes more noise. It's very clever. She, yeah, she went back to live in there because she, she loved that house.

That was her and my granddad's house. It was a family house because we lived there before they did. So it's always, had always been in the family.

And that was her home. And she would have had it to be her home forever, you know, for the rest of her life. But then she was struggling with the stairs.

And then she unfortunately broke her hip again. And yeah, I think it was the other hip. And then I might not have the timeline correct, but I think then she kind of had to move somewhere where there was no stairs and where there was at least someone that could look out for her, somewhere where there was someone on call, you know, someone was there most of the time, but she still had her own independence.

So this flat she had, well, I'm sure there was some upstairs flats as well. So it wasn't just for people that needed ground floor, but she had, it's mainly ground floor. She had, I don't even have couples living there, but she had his flat, one bedroom flat.

And there was a bedroom, which is quite small. You know, it was big enough for the bed, a wardrobe, a built in wardrobe. And that's about it.

So there wasn't, you know, not ideal if for someone that was stuck in bed, or someone that was in bed a lot of the time, that would not be an ideal flat. But I suppose technically you could just put the bed into the living room. So there would be a lot more room.

So, you know, depending, you've just got to kind of figure a way around it, I suppose. So she just did what I did in my bedroom. Okay, that sounded weird.

But I mean, as far as she just slept in there, and then wasn't in there the rest of the day, she was out, you know, in the living room. And I'm the same, I don't spend any time in my bedroom other than when I'm in bed. Now, some people listen to this might think, yeah, and everyone else as well.

Everyone does that. Well, not necessarily. Because in the past, I lived in many, many, many, many rooms, where all it was was just a bed.

Sometimes a table and a chair. So I would watch TV, I would live in a room. You know, I'd be going out to work, then I'd get home.

And I'd be in that room. And at the weekend, I'd be in that room the whole time. Unless I went out.

And, yeah, I'm just just, I guess, trying to explain it's like, I got used to living like that. I lived like that for a long, long time. Pretty much most of my adult life until I was 45.

So, you know, for nearly 30 years, I lived like that. There's been times when I didn't, but most of the time, you know, I've had a couple of studio apartments, never had a flat before, like this, not like this, like a council flat. I've lived in, I've lived in flats, I've lived in different places.

But most of where I've lived has been in one room. In a house like shared, what do they call it? Multiple occupancy, MBO, BO, MO, multiple occupancy property, MOP, mop, I don't know. There's a certain term for it.

It didn't used to be, it just used to be somewhere to live. Now they've got terms. Multiple occupancy property, MOP, it's MOP again.

Multiple occupancy of MO, occupancy of multiple MO, OM, MOM, I don't know. So, that's kind of how I lived my life for nearly 30 years, on and off. So, I was used to it.

And when I moved in here, because that's how I was, I mean, yeah, that's how I was living before, before I moved in here, I was just in one room. And, and before that, I was in one room. And before that, I was in one room.

And before that, I was in one room. Although I did, I did have access to a living room downstairs. And before that, I was in one room.

And before that, I was in a studio apartment. So, it's still one room. Blimey, before that, I was in one room.

No, I was sharing a flat. So, it was a living room and I had a bedroom. So, I was sharing a flat with a friend.

Before that, I was in one room. Before that, I was in a... Blimey, I was sharing a room with someone. Before that, I was, I was in one room.

There was a living room, but I didn't use it. I basically just used to sort of spend all my time on my own in my, in a room. So, yeah, I lived in one room.

Before that, I lived, like, shared a house. I was just renting a room in a house, but I was friends with a person. So, you know, it wasn't so much just living in one room.

Before that, I was living in one room for four years. And then, before that, I was living in one room. There's quite a few rooms.

Yeah, before that, I was living in one room. Before that, I had a studio, a little studio thing. So, it was one room, so yeah.

And before that, I was in a room, but I could use a living room, because I was staying at my dad's. And before that, it was his previous house as well. So, again, I had a bedroom.

And it was only for a few, a couple of months, about three months. And I stayed there, but I could use a living room. So, I kind of wasn't really stuck to one room.

But I did used to do that, because I've watched TV and stuff. So, when I was working, I used to watch TV. So, yeah.

Before that, I'm doing quite well. I'm going back to all the different rooms. So, before that, I was living, oh yeah, I was in London.

So, again, so I was in one room. Before that, I was just staying with someone, temporarily, on the couch. But before that, I was living, it was a weird setup, because me and a friend rented two rooms.

I had one room, he had the other room. This was in a house. And I had the bedroom, and he had the living room.

Or we used his bedroom as a living room. I don't know, it's kind of a strange setup. But previously, I was living, yeah, I was living in a room with him.

There was two beds. So, I was sharing a room, sharing a room. I'll be honest with you, I don't know how I managed to do it.

But yeah, I did, I shared a room for, it wasn't long. I don't think it was more, much more than a month or so. Before that, I had a room, one room.

But that room that we shared, it was just one room, so yeah. And before that, I was in just one room. And before that, I was just in, well, I'm just gonna have to figure this one out.

If I move from there, where did I move to there from? Oh, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I can't remember. Oh, okay, yeah.

I was sharing, I was living in someone's flat. I was sleeping on the floor, on a little, basically cushions made from the sofa. No, from sofa cushions.

So it wasn't really a home as such. And before that, I was living in a room. And before that, this is very repetitive, isn't it? Before that, no, this isn't, this isn't in the same, this isn't organized correctly.

Wait a minute. Before that, before that, before that, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Where was I before that? I'm losing track of where I am now.

Okay, on, yeah, yeah, that's weird. Well, fair enough. So before that, I was in a room.

And then, because yeah, I went to Spain for the day and then got kicked out there. So before, yeah, so before that place, I was living at my dad's for a little while. For a couple of months.

And before that, I was living in a room. Before that, I was living in a room. And before that, I was living in a flat above the co-op supermarket.

That was, what, 1988. And I had a room. I mean, there was, I've always, I spent most of my time in my room, but there was a, there was a living room there as well, sort of a TV and stuff.

But I've always kind of preferred to just be on my own anyway. So that would be, although I quite liked living there. Well, it was handy because it was downstairs, the walk.

In fact, I think I was later, I was getting, getting to work later than I was before. Yeah. And then going back, I was, yeah.

Then before that, I was living at my dad's again for a little while. Then, I'm going backwards, aren't I? Wow. Then before that, I was living at the chip shop.

So I had my own flat. I'm going to miss, I've missed some of the things out, but it's fine. And then before that, I can't remember every single place.

I've moved around so many, so, oh, I've missed a whole, I've missed a chunk out. There was another place I lived, I lived in a council flat. This was a few years back and I had a room.

It was weird. That's a quite a sad story, but I won't tell you the whole story, but it was Jim, my friend, Jim, who I worked with. And he just said, do you want to move in? Lovely man.

Really lovely. Really got on well with him. And I worked with him for a little while.

And then I didn't see him for, yeah, I didn't see him for probably just a couple of weeks. I didn't see him because of something that happened at work. And then I see him outside of work and he's like saying, well, things aren't going so well.

And he wants to try and rent his room out. So I thought, well, I'll help him out. He's helping me out as well.

And yes, I moved into his council flat, spent most of my time in the room when I wasn't working, but I didn't have to, you know, I could have gone. Well, I did. I always went and said hello to him.

I didn't. The thing is, he was, he liked to drink, but he was a, he was, he was a nice person, whether sober or drunk. He was just, just a really nice person.

And, but I didn't, back then I never drunk alcohol. Yeah, cause I was, what was I? I was 19. Yeah, I was 19 at the time.

I didn't, didn't never, I was still a teenager. I didn't just drink, just didn't drink. It wasn't, wasn't something I did.

And then, yeah, so going back even further to the chip shop. I lived above the chip shop. So I did have my own living room.

So I had a bedroom, living room, kitchen and bathroom. Had to share the bathroom with the public, the customers from downstairs, which wasn't ideal. And, and eventually I moved pretty much everything into the, the living room.

And I just, it's weird cause I ended up just sleeping on the floor. I sold everything. I don't know, it's just one of those things.

I ended up with nothing but a few tapes to listen to. Like Michael Jackson tapes and a few little bit of clothing and that was it. And then before that I was sleeping on the floor.

Well, it was a little camper bed in another council flat where I, yeah, that was when I was 15 and then I turned 16. So I was there from kind of, I don't know, early summertime until March the next year. So 1987.

And I just basically, I slept in the living room. So, I mean, technically, you know, I did have a TV in my room. But unfortunately when I turned it on, my stepmother's or my step grandmother, my stepmother's mother would come in and turn it off, which wasn't ideal.

Cause you know, bearing in mind, I was what, 15 years old, 16 years old. And I just got back from work, didn't finish work till nine. I get back from work and then we'll go into bed and I want to watch some TV.

So, I mean, maybe I had the TV on too loud. Well, I kept getting told I did, but she would just walk in and just turn it off. I was like, really? Wow.

It was, yeah, it's not easy. But then it wouldn't have been easy for her. She was used to living on her own.

So, yeah, she was used to living on her own. So it must've been weird having me there. And then before that, I was living in a room.

I was living in a room at the top of this, right at the top of the house. This is the family house, the Newland family house. And we were there from 1979 till 1986.

So there's seven years. And so I was in the room at the top of the, of the top of the building. And I had a TV for the last year I've lived in there, probably about a year.

Oh, man, I fell in love with that TV. It was so, honestly, it changed my life. Just being able to watch for the first time, not the first time, because I could watch what I wanted on TV, provided there was no one else in the house, you know? So, and that was rare.

The only programs I got to watch that I wanted to watch on the main television in the living room was generally the kids' programs, because both my brothers were older than me and they didn't want to watch that stuff anymore. So I was able to watch that. And then my little brother was old enough and he wanted to watch the same stuff.

And I'd end up watching it with him. Things like Muskerhounds and, I don't know, I can't remember, different, Muppet Babies, things like that. And then, yeah, what was it? Terrorhawks, wasn't that one as well? Terrorhawks, He-Man, Danger Mouse.

Mini Mouse, was that Mini Mouse? Danger Mouse, anyway, I remember that. Danger Mouse. Great show.

Mister, what's the one? And he had lots of different gadget, Gadget Man, wasn't it? Gadget Man, that used to be good. Pink Panther. So there used to be lots of things and I'd watch them with my little brother.

A couple of my favourite things on a Saturday morning, we'd watch these and then continue to watch these. We moved again out of that house for, you know, a few months. Saturday morning, Muppet Babies, but there was the Wide Awake Club that would be on during the holidays and on weekends.

I'm not sure about Sundays, but definitely on a Saturday morning. And I would get my brother to wake me up. I'd just say to him, wake me up, because, you know, I didn't necessarily want to be woken up on a day, you know, like a normal weekday, but on a Saturday morning, it was a good start to the day, because I always worked on a Saturday.

But I liked, I liked being woken up at seven o'clock or 6.30 or something like that, because I could just watch the cartoons with my little brother. And I kind of knew that that time was coming near to an end, because he was, you know, he was heading off to a different part of the country with her, and I kind of, that little period of time of us sort of sitting there watching cartoons was, I don't know, a valuable time for me, I guess.

And yeah, it was like, was it the Fraggle Rock, Fraggle Rock, Muppet Babies? And then, of course, you've got the Wide Awake Club.

We're wide awake, it's good to know you're ready, and we're wide awake, do-do-do-do, let's get sicko! That's Fiddy, by the way, that noise in the background. And then, before that, I was downstairs in a different room, which was a much bigger room, which ended up being my little brother's room. So we kind of moved around, around him really, as he got older, because to start with, when he moved, when we moved there, he had, which you would probably class as like the box room, it was, he had big enough for a bed, it was a small room, but it was big enough for a bed and toys and stuff.

But he was tiny, you know, it was just, he was like a year old. So he had that area, and then when he got to about, oh, I don't know what year it was, I would argue, I wouldn't argue, but I would say probably, probably, the last two years of my schooling, I was upstairs, bearing in mind that a year lasts a heck of a long time.

You know, at the age of 14, a year is, it's not a quick, a quick period, is it? Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it.

So it might have been two years, but it might have been less. Because I'm thinking 79, 80, 81, 82, 83. Yes, I'm thinking probably about 1983, maybe 1982.

But I'm thinking 1983 was when I went upstairs to the other room. Which means I was only there for two years. I've got more memories of being up there than I ever being down in the other room, which I was probably there for longer.

Blimey. So yeah, I think the only reason he really moved into the bigger room, probably because his toys were getting, he was getting more and more toys. So he needed more space.

And also because I think my stepmom wanted a solarium or sunbed in that room. And so yeah, I think that's, that's when everything kind of changed around a bit. So what happened is our games room upstairs, where we had a snooker table, or pool table, was it pool? I don't know.

But also a tennis table that went over it. And I think my granddad made that. And then we had a music player and sort of sofa.

So we'd kind of hang out up there, take friends, a dance board as well. Have friends up there. That got taken away.

Well, not taken away, but that that kind of got emptied. So my oldest brother who was living in the room I ended up in moved. And I moved into his room.

And then my little brother moved into my room that I was in before, which was arguably the best room in the house, the best bedroom out of all of ours. And the reason I say that just because of the light and a lot of light coming in. And it was bigger than the other, my other two brothers rooms.

Because the one I ended up in was a lot smaller. Although I actually liked it. I liked that room.

And then my other brother's room was kind of probably, I'm not sure, maybe even smaller than mine, maybe the same size. I can't remember. I liked the room upstairs.

I think I liked because it was upstairs. It was a bit out of the way. No longer, I don't know.

It was nice to sort of like a little bit of privacy, kind of. Yeah, so I probably lived in that room for about two years. So anyway, so before that.

I was in the little room in my nan's house where my. We moved to as a family, first time as a family in 1978, I think it was. Or 19, no, it's about 1978.

So we moved there. I had my own bedroom for the very first time in my life. It was amazing.

And my other two brothers had bunk beds because they had a much bigger room. My room is again kind of like a box room. And that's where my little brother would have ended up.

If we had more rooms, but we didn't. So we had to kind of move out. My little brother was living in me when he was born in the August of 78.

He's he was in the bedroom with my with the parents. And it's weird because when I used to visit my nan, sometimes I'd stay over and sleep in her house. And I'd sleep in that that bedroom.

And to this day, it's still the best bedroom I think I ever slept in. And being being in there next to my nan is. And when I was in there before, I was next to my dad.

You know, my parents were next to it. When I was there with them, kind of my new parents, really. But there was that safety issue, safety issue, but safety factor.

There was that kind of feeling more safe. And I always had that as well with my nan. I felt safe when I was in her company and sleeping in that bed in that in that little room.

My original first bedroom, even at the age of 39 or whatever I was, I can't remember how when my nan moved into the place, but I was in my late 30s. No, I think the last time I remember sleeping in that place, and it might not be the last time, but the last time I remember, which was at Christmas, which was 2004, when I was 34 years old.

So that's 26 years.

The 26 year kind of period of sleeping in that room, kind of. But, you know, it wasn't that often. I mean, sometimes I would sleep in the big bed.

And I once spent a whole week with them when my nan and grandad were both, my grandad was still around, and I slept in a big bed. And I think that at that time they were used in the small room. I'm not quite sure what for.

I think, and this is a weird memory, I think my nan had like a sewing machine in there. What a weird memory. And then before that, so before that, living in that house when I was like eight.

So I had actually, I didn't have my own TV. And I didn't spend time in that room other than when I was playing or when I was in bed, you know, so I'd be downstairs watching TV. I still have the memory of when we were packing up and getting ready to move to the new house.

And everything was moved pretty much apart from the beds. In fact, I think we might have even been in sleeping bags. Literally everything was packed away to be moved.

There was, and all the rooms were pretty much empty. And just sitting on or standing at the windowsill in my brother's bedroom, the, my two brothers had bunk beds in there, and just looking out at the motorway. Because we had a motorway in the back.

And just looking at the garden and kind of, it felt weird when I was eight years old, but I kind of, I felt I was quite, I don't know what, I was a thinker, a thinker. I don't know, a thinker. I used to think about things.

I mean, I'm sure everyone thinks about things, but I used to just really contemplate. Like, what does this mean? I used to do that sometimes, when, you know, when I was around my family, like, what does this mean? What we're doing now? What does this mean? What was, what's the meaning of this? And sometimes I just hear a voice saying, like, especially if I verbalized it, it said, it's just a piece of lettuce, Jason.

It's just, it's on your plate.

It's part of the salad. You can eat it or not. It's up to you.

You don't have to eat it. It's plenty of lettuce. You know, there's tomatoes, there's cucumber, there's other things on there.

There's some cheese. You don't have to eat the lettuce. I was like, okay, wow.

You know, I've got to put a spotlight on me, dear. And she'd say, sorry about that. And she turned the light off.

But that was weird. So I'm trying to think. What did I do? I did, did, did, did it do? What, what, what, what, what? Oh, yeah.

So before that, I can't even remember. I know where he was. We were in a house with the new parents, two kids, or two brothers, older brothers and the step mom.

The step grandparent, rather, sorry. So there was one, two, three, four, five, six of us in this house. I don't remember anywhere that I slept.

I can't remember exactly where it was. But we weren't there for long. And then before that, so I probably shared a room with my brothers, possibly.

So before that, I lived in a dormitory with quite a few other kids. And before that, I lived in a dormitory with other kids. Before that, I lived in, my memory is I lived in a flat, a council flat in Newcastle.

Now I don't remember and the sleeping arrangements, although I've got kind of a little outline, an outlay of the flat in my head, which is kind of weird. But then I might have lived in more than one flats, it might be a mixture of different flats. But I definitely didn't have my own TV.

I know that for a fact. And in the children's homes, we had a room for TV. So there would be, you know, a TV room or whatever, a lounge or something.

So that would be there. I'm just trying to think, maybe the girl that made me the, or the lady that tickled me during Planet of the Apes movie, that might have been in Newcastle. Because for some reason, I've got more of a kind of, there's more colour in that memory.

Than there is in the South End one. For me, that's just very kind of very greyish. And the, my memory of watching TV there was, it really be whatever the nuns wanted to watch.

And they would sit around watching Crossroads, or Emmerdale, I think, and it'd be on and then it'd be time for bed. Not for them, but for us. And that'd be like six o'clock, 6.30, something like that.

Maybe seven, I don't know. But it was very early. Bearing in mind, I was 25.

Yes, it's very early. And then before that, anyway, so before that going backwards from Newcastle, yeah, so in the council flat. And then before that, I remember Yes, I didn't want to have a TV then.

So all the shared rooms with my brothers. Before that, I can't remember. There was a house.

I remember this house, it was a terrace house. Is it a terrace house? We're not all just one, one connected to another. For as long as the eyes can see.

And I was in a place like that. I don't know where it was. Whether it was in London, whether it was in Newcastle.

Apparently, my oldest brother, he is not apparently, but he told me that we was in Scotland for a while. So he remembers it a lot more than I do, because he's four years older than me. Not that I've conversed with him about it, not for a long time.

He kind of filled me in. About 20 odd years ago, kind of got together and he told me some stuff. And before that, I don't know, moved around a bit.

So I didn't have. I lived in one room most of the time as an adult. As a kid, I suppose, you know, it's just standard living in a room, either with my brothers or sharing a room with other kids.

But I didn't have my own room until I was seven. Eight, sorry. No, seven.

Yeah, it was just before I was eight. So yeah, that's when I got my first room. Yeah, my first room.

I loved it. I love, love, love, loved it. I so loved it.

I loved that house. I did just everything about it. It was just great.

It was brand new. There was nothing to do. You know, I mean, when we moved to the next house, which was this big old derelict pile of pus.

And it was a doer-upper, as it were. And that was horrible. Like, I didn't, it's like it was permanently in a, in a, like being rebuilt.

Or, like, there was always at least one room that was being redecorated, it seemed. Or, and yeah, or the garden. And it's okay, because that's something my dad used to enjoy doing.

But none of us did. It's, you know, it's just everyone's got their own hobbies and their own likes. And I guess it was frustrating for him being in this new build, this little place with a little garden, which for me was a nice size garden.

But he, he wanted to be doing things. And he wanted to probably, well, he'd be knocking through doors, and he wanted to be redoing stuff. And that's not something that I really was interested in doing.

I still haven't painted this place. And I've been here for 10 years. About time I put a carpet down.

Now I've got a carpet, it's worn out now. Between Andre and little Vinnie, this carpet is well and truly worn. Need a new one.

I don't know how I got talking about rooms. But I don't know how I got talking about rooms. I really don't.

But yeah, when I moved in here, I decided, that's what I was talking about. When I moved in here, I decided I'm no longer going to just be in one room. Because I don't need to.

So I purposefully didn't have a TV in my bedroom and never have the whole time I've lived here. Sometimes I wish I did have one. Because it'd be nice, but it'd also make me really lazy, I think, at times.

But it's not like a long distance. It's not like I have to book a train to get to the living room, is it? It's not far. So yeah, I've kind of stuck to that.

One TV in one room, the bedroom's for sleeping. Unfortunately, that's all it's for. But you know, that's okay.

That's okay. Sorry, Vinnie, I know it's our bedroom. It's his bedroom, and he allows me to sleep in the bed with him, if I'm a good boy, basically.

He, this is his flat now. I just, I'm his lodger. So yeah, I do believe that is that.

And I don't know how I'm going to edit this because everything's all messy everywhere. You know, my little setup I had before, because the TV was on the tables, two tables, two desks together, the computer was up, everything was set up. And now, I think that's what I was going to say.

I got my neighbor downstairs to help me to put the TV on a rack on the wall. So I got a new rack, it was big enough, put it on the wall. And this was Sunday, Friday, Monday, I don't know.

It was a few days ago. And it's, yeah, it's freed all that space in front of it. So I moved the tables away, or the desks, and in the process started to get rid of some stuff and move things around and Yeah, it seems to have caused more mess than before.

Although technically, I probably could. Tomorrow, yeah, tomorrow, I'm going to start organizing the desks. I've got two tables, two desks, and one chair.

So I'm thinking it's going to be the other side of the room. Figure out how I want them to be. Yeah, that'd be fine.

I kind of know what I want it, how I want it to be. So it'll be okay. Just gotta figure it out tomorrow, the logistics of it.

And then I'll be able to edit this. So I won't be able to edit this until, unless my iPad is charged, because it hasn't been plugged in for quite a few days. So it might have uncharged itself.

If it's still charged, you know, if it hasn't worn down, then I can upload this and do some editing and release it like the precious gem that it is. Or a little dove. Release the dove.

So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy.

Be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe. And don't forget Q&A Friday.

If you've got any questions, please go to my Facebook group. Lots of love. Bye.