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Hello. Welcome to Q&A Friday. My name is Jason Newland.
Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. My website is jasonnewland.com. What sounds like I'm saying do land, new land, n-e-w-l-a-n-d. It's a bit warm in here.
Don't worry, that's just my cardigan. So, what's on my website you may ask? Oh, okay. Well, now I've got a new thing where every time I make a new recording, I post on the first page, the main page of the website.
The audio recording that you can stream. Also, there is the video, 10-hour video, which is also on YouTube, which you can play on the actual website. It's embedded.
Also, there will be the ability, you can actually download all four versions of the recording for free on my website. You just go down to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Just click on that and all 1,000, 10 million or whatever there is, episodes are there.
That you can download. Yeah. So, I've also got a Facebook group, blah, blah, blah.
Jason Newland's Boring Group. If you join, you can kind of be in the know, in the fold, as it were. You get to ask me questions and especially for Q&A Friday and stuff like that.
But I have five questions asked for this week, so I'm okay for this week. And yeah, just get to sort of meet other people that are also interested in what I do. So, in my head, I have, oh God blimey, I was at Yordle before I started doing this.
Ancestry DNA kit. My DNA test kit came through today. Wow.
So, I'll be doing that and sending that off probably tomorrow. It's a bit late now to send it off today. I don't know how long it takes to get back, probably the end of the week, maybe longer.
But that'd be interesting because I'm glad I read the instructions. Because, you know, I got a little tube to fill up. It's just saliva that they want.
I'm glad that because I didn't realize that. So, I'm pretty pleased I read the instructions first. Otherwise, it might not have, well, they might have sent it back.
Just what I'm saying. So, Vinnie's started barking already, which is good. Brilliant.
Put boil cream in my hair earlier. I don't know why I'm telling you that, but it's, I can't read this very well. The light isn't so good.
It's quarter, well, twelve minutes past four p.m. So, it's a little bit, it's still quite nice outside. It doesn't get dark now till just before seven. I'll put that over there for now.
Come, you can sit down, cuddles. You haven't had your dinner, have you? You know, he woke me up this morning about one o'clock. Just hassling me.
I didn't know why. Why was he hassling me? And he was like literally just staring at me. And then whenever I was trying to go back to sleep, he was jumping on me.
So, eventually I got up and I thought, oh, he needs to go do wee-wees. So, I take him outside and he looked at me. I said the wrong word.
I didn't say outside, out. And he, I couldn't see if he did a wee-wee or not because it's too dark out there. I had my torch with me, but I didn't want to really shine it too much where he was because he was just near someone's window.
I didn't want him to think that I was looking in. That's the whole point of having, you know, night vision goggles, isn't it? So that people don't know you're looking. No, I wasn't wearing night vision goggles.
I wasn't. Honestly, I wasn't. I wasn't.
And so we got back upstairs. I lay down and again he's jumping on me. And I'm making that noise.
And I'm like, what? He'd be in the toilet. What else could there be? And then he was licking his lips and I thought, no, he doesn't want to eat. There's food out there.
But he came out and he didn't want the food that was there. But he sat there and waited. So I changed the food, got him some fresh food, and he gobbled it all up.
And, oh, got a fly. Got a fly in the room that he's chasing. So yeah, that was it.
And then he had his dinner, had some water. And he was happy then. And then he went back to sleep until 10 o'clock, which was a lot later than I was asleep.
I was up at, I think, five, doing my editing. And then when I finished the editing. No, not 10 o'clock.
It wasn't 10. I lied. So I did the editing, which took ages because of all the barking he did yesterday.
And uploaded, did all that stuff. So that took, yeah, probably took till about eight o'clock. Till it was all done.
And then had a little nap, but just on the settee. So I just sat here, listened to some music until about nine. And then we went out because boxing was on at 10.
It was in Australia. So I wanted to Sydney, Sydney. So it might have been half night.
I did some stuff, did some more work on the website. I guess, yeah, making the video and changing the website to be updated for the new recording and all that stuff. Because yesterday was Healing Thursday, which I created yesterday.
And I did get a message just to let you know that was good news for Molly. I don't really feel I should really mention it on here, but it was good news. So I'll let Molly post on the group.
I'll ask her permission before I post anything on the group. Because at the moment, she's not able to get onto the group. The Facebook group.
So I'm just looking at something. Okay. And that's it really.
So I did that healing, three healing Thursdays, three or four, three. I don't know. And that's been, that's been quite popular today, actually.
And with the YouTube channel, I'm now only up loading 10 hour versions of my recordings that I've just done, just the new recordings, 10 hours long with a dark screen. So after 10 seconds, the screen goes black. And you can listen for 10 hours.
And there's no disruption. And there's no. Yeah, the I guess just the screen will be dark.
If you've got it on the full screen, whether it's a TV or iPad or your phone. And there's no music in the background at all. Because that would go against YouTube's rules.
And so that's what I'm doing when I make a recording. So I'm making a video, 10 hour long video. I also make which is no music.
There is the four different versions of recordings that I make for audio. One without music, one with music, two hours, five hours and 10 hours long. And the five and 10 hours long versions have affirmations counting down body scans, you know, just like hours and hours of me just waffling on about relaxation and things like that.
And the 10 hour ones are the most popular recordings I've ever done. The always 10 hour ones way more popular than any of the others. So I will continue to do that.
I probably would prefer to do it without any music because I don't know how if that would go down. Okay, if that would be acceptable. But even though it's copyright free music, I still kind of like the idea of maybe just not having any music at all.
But, you know, it's all depends really all depends. And relax. So this is Q&A Friday.
Again, and I don't know how many there are now. Generally don't know how many recordings I've done for Q&A Friday. I'm not even 100% sure of how many Let Me Bore You To Sleep.
So I've done a few, a few of I've done. Right, this the one I'm recording now is now from the Let Me Bore You To Sleep Canon is 1207 since 2018. So yeah, that's a few isn't it? It's a few.
I'm not even sure. I mean, I have to go back months to find out the first Q&A Friday. I've done that before though, haven't I? So I don't know why I'm doing it again.
Yeah, it's got I gotta go back too far into the past to find it because it was probably what was in the summer. Now it's October. I'm already behind on my my open university.
My open university degree course. I'm behind. I should have started.
I'm not like hugely behind. But the first week's already nearly over. But the it's an introductory week.
And I've not done it. Wow, can you believe I that video of me spoon feeding Vinnie was the 29th of August. Wow, doesn't seem that long ago.
I remember doing that. I need to do a few more videos of him. I just forget.
I do just forget to do them because I see him all the time. I just, I guess, take it for granted that he's here. But wow, I can't go back any further.
23rd of August, right, was the 21st Q&A Friday. Now stop numbering them now, because of how many I've done. So for a while, so that was August, July, May, June, May, April, March, March, April, May, June, July.
So probably May, March or April was when I did the first one. February, March. Wow, it's just time.
It's weird. Time, time just goes. So I'm wishing you I wish everyone well.
And I just want to say thank you to everybody that listens to these recordings or watches the videos or listens to the videos on YouTube and subscribes to my YouTube channel or visits my website. Thank you. Thank you to everybody.
Which brings us to the questions, baby. Let's do the questions. Yeah.
So I I'll be honest, right. Okay, the Q&A, the healing Thursdays. I don't know if they're any use.
I generally don't know. And people are listening to them. But I don't know.
It's just, it's one of those things. I don't I kind of, maybe it's a self doubt thing. But I just like just wonder, why do people listen to any of my stuff, but, but I'm glad I'm, you know, very grateful to those that do.
This week, I've done. I've been pretty good, actually, as far as sticking to the plan I had. So I did Sunday papers on Sunday.
I did Monday's Boring Objects, which was about Greece, the movie. I then did Tuesday's Trivia Tuesday. What is that? 24th of September? I don't know what that is.
Plastic carrier bags. I have no idea what that was for. So I did Trivia Tuesday on the Tuesday.
And that was about Australia. And I did Whisper Wednesday. On Wednesday, there's a picture of a penguin cleaning his teeth with chocolate toothpaste.
Yeah, I like that picture. And I did Healing Thursday. So this is Q&A Friday.
So I'm going to get on with it. But it's quite weird. Not weird, but unusual for me to be so organized.
Is that the right word? Organized? So I've got five people have questioned me. So many questions. I've got Ali, Jove, Christine, Diana, and Anne.
So I don't know. I'll just go from the beginning to the end. I don't think there are any questions from last week that I didn't do.
There was last week for the week before, or there was from the week before for last week. But I don't think there was this week. Maybe there's an easier way of doing this.
I mean, collecting the questions. I'm not sure. Any ideas? Any ideas? I mean, I thought about maybe collecting the questions on my website.
Or I did also say to people I can I'm happy to what I did on my podcast. So I'm happy to answer questions if you post on YouTube as well. So I guess that's another way you can post.
I don't know. It was to be fair. It seems to be working okay.
And to get five questions is cool. That's that's that's easily enough for one recording. Especially as I don't always answer directly, do I? I'll do a try.
I'll try to. If that is 12345677 questions. So there's five people asking seven questions.
So I'll start with Ali, Ali, Ali. Do you yourself ever suffer from insomnia? Funny enough, last night, I had a bit of a bad night. But that was more to do with this little one being so restless and kind of harassing me a bit.
I think when I went to bed, he was starting to wake up. And he was being very aware and alert of outside sounds. And I remember I turned round turned over from one side to the other.
Like from laying on my left side, no from lane lane. Yeah, laying on my left side to my right side, maybe. And he started jumping on me.
This is before he woke me up to to get some food. And he was a little bit restless. So it wasn't I guess it wasn't so much insomnia just being disturbed.
I think maybe. And I think when Okay, when I have an appointment to go somewhere, and I have to I'm a little bit reclusive, to be honest. So when I have to go to an appointment, whether it's doctors, whether it's dentists, whether it's to have to go and collect my prescription, but that's that usually that's usually not an appointment.
But when I have to actually be somewhere at a specific time, and it's never close by, it's always a journey to get there. I find that I'm not relaxed when I'm in bed. It's not because I think I'm going to oversleep, because I, I generally try and make my appointments in the afternoon.
And also, I wake up early every day now. Pretty much regardless of what time I go to bed. Even if I went up, if I went to bed at one o'clock in the morning, which I don't, but if I did, I'd still be up by eight.
I still wake up because I just wake up in the morning now. I used to sleep during the day for years. Until about two years ago.
And I used to go to bed, sometimes. Five, six in the morning, sometimes even later. And I'd be in bed till early afternoon and I get up and That suited me.
Because then, if someone ever took my time, they wanted to do stuff or whatever, wanted to talk to me, at least I knew I had all night. Where I could get stuff done. During the day when I'm awake, if someone knocks on my door, or someone wants to, needs me for something, I'm interrupted.
If I'm, let's say right now, if I'm making this, well I am making this recording. Making this recording, if someone knocks on my door, which they may well do. It's not a case of, I mean it's easy to edit it out when I do the editing tomorrow morning.
But I can lose my flow, I can lose, I mean you might argue like, what do you mean, what flow? You're just talking silly stuff about nothing. There's no flow there, there's nothing. You could argue that, but, I get into a, I suppose a little bit of a, kind of a, sort of a rhythm of some kind.
And it's nice to not have that interrupted. That's why when this one starts barking, it, it does wind me up, I'll be honest, it does. Because I don't care the rest of the time, but unless it's at night or early in the morning, because I care that he's, I don't want him to disturb the neighbours.
So it's not for me, I'm not bothered for myself. Unless I'm in bed and he's barking right in my ear, then yeah, because that's an awful way to wake up. Or to be woken up.
He's sighing, he knows I'm talking about him. Don't you Vin, eh? You know, it took him over a year before he met the, before he did, but what he's doing right now, he's laying right next to me, cuddled up to me, my arms, my hands on top of him, just resting. I'm like, stroking him occasionally.
He would not let me do this for probably the first year and a half of living with me. And even when he eventually did start to lay down next to me, as soon as I put my hand on him, he'd jump off. And then he got, he got used to me having my hand on him.
And then, you know, I'd just, it'd be stationary, I wouldn't move my hand or my arm. And then I'd kind of start like just stroking him, and I'd wake him up and he'd jump off. Or other times, I'd just be doing it, and he'd wake up and he'd look back at me like, Iriu, get off, and he'd run off.
Now, doesn't care. Or he's happy to be just cuddled up to me. That's nice, but I can't believe it took so long.
Very strange. Okay, what was the question? Do you yourself ever suffer from insomnia? Okay, not generally these days. But if I do have somewhere that I kind of, when I say I have to go, I mean, technically, I don't have to.
I mean, none of us have to do anything. Yeah, we have to breathe. We have to eat.
You know, there's certain things we have to do, but, and, you know, it's like, well, I have to go to work. Yeah, but you don't have to, but there are consequences if you don't. You know, as far as things go like that.
But with the dentist, if I don't turn up, I will lose the NHS treatment. And I've waited 10 months to get NHS treatment with that dentist. Because I had, I joined them at the beginning of the year.
I think I paid nearly £300 to have a tooth removed. And because I paid the money, they agreed to put me on the waiting list to be NHS, which means I get free treatment. But there was, well, it's more than 10 months.
There's, well, let's say 10 months. It was at the end of January, probably. So yeah, 10 months.
It was the end of October that I got my appointment. Luckily, I didn't need, I haven't needed any treatment between now and then. Or then and now, rather.
Or then, then and then, because now hasn't happened yet, has it? So back then until future then. Yeah, I don't want to have any more teeth out. I cherish the three that I have left.
I just, they become, I become good friends with them. It's a little bit, you know when you've got a crowd, you don't know anyone, but then, then there's only like a few left. Let's say it's a party and it's so busy and everyone leaves and there's only a few of you left and you kind of bond.
You start making friends. That's what I feel like with my mouth and my teeth. As I've had teeth removed, it's like, oh, I'm going to start being nice to these people.
These teeth. No teeth removed on the top at all. But I've had teeth removed on the bottom.
And it's all the ones, well not all of them, but the only ones I've had removed are the ones where I used to chew. None of the ones at the front. It's not fair.
It's not fair at all. So. What time is it when I've started this? It was like 12 minutes past.
It's now 20 to five. How can that time have gone past so fast? I've not even answered the first question yet. Time is cheating me.
So do I, I used to suffer from insomnia. But most of it's been. Okay.
In the past when I've had insomnia, there's been a few different reasons. One is because I'm just not tired. I've gone to bed.
And the only reason I've gone to bed is because I have to get up early in the morning. Let's say I had a job that started at six. So I had to be up at five.
Or half four. But I wasn't tired. Guarantee I'll be tired when I wake up at half four.
But right now I'm not tired. So I'll be laying in bed. And yeah.
It'll be. I couldn't just fall asleep. At will.
But then other times. Worry used to keep me awake sometimes. Stress.
That was another one. In the past. But the medication I'm on does cause some drowsiness with me.
So. Falling asleep is fairly easy anyway. But I haven't had much problem sleeping for.
A long time. A long long time. Yeah I could just have a. I can sleep during.
The lawnmower in the garden. I said during. I don't mean like.
I'm not on the grass sunbathing when it's happening. And I'm not the one doing the lawnmowing. Because that'd be dangerous to be sleeping.
Doing that probably. Especially if it's one of those wheelie drivey ones. But if it's outside.
I can fall asleep during that. So yeah. I guess a no really is generally the answer.
But I do know how to send myself to sleep. If. Needed.
And I would say I'm probably more relaxed than I used to be. Although. That getting all heavy and that.
When. I lost a friend. Just under a year ago.
And. I was up all night. There was no way in the world I was going to go to sleep.
It was impossible. But I think in a situation like that. There are no rules.
Yeah. I don't want to beat myself up for not being able to sleep. When such a big thing has just happened.
So. Yeah. But generally I'm okay sleeping.
I also had an afternoon nap as well. Yesterday I had a nap for an hour. And I felt so good afterwards.
I just. Really needed it. Another thing that makes me tired.
I know the question wasn't what makes me tired. Humans. Humans.
Spending time with people. Really drains me. And I'm just people I like even.
Well I don't spend time with people I don't like. So. I just get.
I feel so drained at the end of it. And I tried to explain this to my brother. In August.
And. He. I think he took offense.
And I didn't. To say that it. Takes a lot out of me.
Maybe that's a better way. I suppose if I say oh. Human beings drain me.
That probably sounds quite offensive maybe. And I don't mean it like that. And you can tell I'm being honest because I did my voice up.
I don't mean it. I don't mean it like that. Because I don't generally.
Because not. If it's someone I don't like then yeah. Or someone that's.
Taking my time up. And. I don't know them or you know something like that but.
These are people that I get on well with. But I still. Find it.
If it goes on for too long. And you know I used to have a rule. An hour.
Is enough. That's it. And I tell people I try and be honest with people I say look.
An hour an hour. I don't want to spend any more than an hour. Talking to anyone ever.
Generally. I mean there are. There are occasions when that's not the case.
But. I just. I know my friend used to get.
He found it. I think a bit offensive. But I say to him look.
I know myself. I know. That more than an hour.
And I will be frustrated. I will be. My energy will be depleted.
And. I want to keep my energy so I can use it to be creative. And to make podcasts and to.
Work on the website. And to work on all the different aspects of what I do. Here.
Because there's a fair bit goes on in the background. And. He.
Seemed to take that like a bit. As a negative and other people have as well. And even my brother was like.
Also being around your family is. Is. Hard for you is it.
It is like. That's not what I'm saying. But yeah it is a bit.
But it's not. It's not about. This is hard.
It's hard for me to even comprehend. So. It's even more difficult for me to explain it.
To someone else. Who. Isn't really.
Listening. So yeah it was. Is.
One of those. And. It's the same way as if someone says to me.
If their attitude is why why would you want to help people you don't know. See I don't understand that. I can't comprehend that.
I can't. Why would you not want to help people. What other reason is there to be on the planet if you're not going to help people.
Yeah it's like I'm not saying there's no other reason but for me. Why why would someone think that way that like. That it's a ridiculous thing to do.
That's what I'm saying. And we're all different. We all live our lives how we want to live our lives if we're lucky.
So I don't understand that. So they don't kind of understand where I'm coming from either. And that's I guess.
It could be the bipolar it could be the personality disorder it could be. Could be just the way I am. Could just be me.
I've been like this since I was a kid. It's not an adult thing. Is.
But it was a little bit more. I don't know I kind of hid it when I was a kid. I needed to be on my own.
Just because it was too busy. Too too much going on there was. Four kids two adults.
One of the kids was a little kid. And there was a lot of noise. And I didn't like any of it.
I didn't dislike the people. I just sometimes I found it was too much. Too much going on.
And other times I loved it being loud and noisy. And I was possibly the loudest out of everyone. So it's not kind of condemning anyone just.
There was times when I needed to. Get away from it. It might only be for an hour or two.
It might be for a week or two. But it's kind of difficult as a kid to. To have control over your own time.
I found. In a sense of. It's so much of the time is controlled by adults.
By parents by teachers by. You know even friends like demanding time. Not that I had a few.
I didn't have a huge amount of friends. That I saw outside of school. Only a couple.
So yeah it was. But back to the original question. I have had periods when I had.
Insomnia. For a fair period. And there is.
This was probably this would have been during my. Anxiety panic attack period. 2002.
2003. And 2004. Those two years were.
Two of the worst years for the anxiety. And panic attacks that I was getting. And so falling asleep was not always easy.
But I got through it. Yeah. So there were periods when I just.
But then. If I wasn't working. It didn't matter.
In a sense not not have any anxiety but. If I if I wasn't tired I just didn't go to bed. It's easy.
If I if I didn't have to get up in the morning. Not easy if if I did have to get up in the morning. But then there was periods when.
It wasn't so much insomnia. It was. I went through periods.
This is going back to. 2000. I went for months and it was June the summer 2000.
Months and months where I hardly slept at all. Didn't need to sleep. And I didn't know anything about mania.
I didn't know anything about bipolar. I didn't know anything about any of that stuff. And it was still another 10 years before I got diagnosed.
So I didn't I knew that. Maybe I need to talk about. The whole build up to.
All the mental health issues but. I try not to get too. Too caught up in all that stuff in these podcasts but.
The fact is it took. Really. The first time I got medication.
Was. Probably around August. 1995.
And I got diagnosed. And that was with. Depression.
Stress and stuff. And I got. Diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder.
In 2011. December. And.
Then I got. Diagnosed again. With bipolar affective disorder.
And. Emotionally unstable. Personality disorder.
At the same time as well. And I saw a psychologist for. A year and a half I think.
But that was in 2013. Or was it 2014. So I. Basically got diagnosed 2011.
Took some medication. The medication completely knocked me out. To the point as.
I didn't. Don't even remember going to bed. And I woke up and like.
Wow. And I found that a little bit scary. If I'm honest with you.
And I was very drowsy. I was very yeah. So I just know.
And I was supposed to and I had. I had a job and I didn't I couldn't function. So I stopped taking medication.
I took it for a few days. But then maybe a week. I don't know I can't remember.
But there was. During 2000. That was one period not the only period.
But at one particular period. I remember because I was building websites. And that's when I first got really excited.
About. How to build a website. To you know with code.
To then just put it into a browser. Website browser like. Blimey.
Employer. What's it called AI. I forget.
Just like Google or whatever. There was a different one. And then it opened up and there'd be.
Whatever you chose to put into it. It would be there. In color where the color type in.
Maybe you could put graphics in. And I just fascinated me. I got obsessed with it.
So I was doing that all day. Early hours of the morning. Till early hours of the morning.
Pretty much. I was getting sometimes. Three or four hours sleep.
But didn't need any sleep. I was forgetting to eat. I didn't need to eat.
I just you know I didn't need to do anything. Other than. Build the websites.
I actually spent like. I had books on HTML. So I kind of.
Could learn how to do stuff. Now what the weird thing about it is. I didn't have to do this.
I wanted to figure out how a hyperlink works. And for those who don't know. Don't know what it is.
But might not know what it's called. What a hyperlink. It's basically you know when you click on a piece of text.
It takes you to another. Or an image. Takes you to another page.
That's all that is. So I wanted to figure out how that works. So I had a website.
And I copied. The code. And put that into a. A notebook.
A notebook file. And I started dissecting. That page.
Dissecting the code. Changing checking changing checking. Deleting checking.
And I spent about. Three days doing that. Solid.
Before I figured out. What the code was. I could have done it in probably a minute.
Just by looking in a book. But I wanted to figure it out myself. I wanted to work it out.
Manually. And. I mean technically I'm never going to get that time back am I. However.
For a while that knowledge stayed in my head. Because when I first started working at Churchill Insurance. I decided that it would be quite handy.
Internet Explorer. IE not EI. I decided what we really needed was.
It'd be handy to have something on the computer. Which I could just tap into. And because it didn't have internet.
The staff couldn't use internet so. But it did have Internet Explorer the browser. So what I did is I built myself.
Information so just things like the details about breakdown cover. So I didn't have to keep looking through folders and stuff while I was on the phone. To a customer.
So I built in. I built this like little website. Very simple with lots of information that I needed about the company.
About the different companies that Churchill worked with. Breakdown cover. Trying to think whatever like services that were offered.
Just things like that and some other stuff. There was useful information like phonetic alphabet. And the registration number years.
Things. Things that were useful in scripts that we had to read out as well. Or someone saw me doing that.
I think someone was sitting behind me. And they were looking over my shoulder like what was that? I said what? What do you mean what's that? He said what's that there? I said it's a computer. Because I was a little bit annoying back then even more so than now.
Maybe. Maybe. And he said no on the screen.
I said what? It's text. It's writing. I know it's writing.
What is it? So I told him it's just basically it's a little helpful thing. Like a little website. But it's not.
On the internet. It's just on the server. It was just on my computer actually.
So he said could I have it? I said if you want. And I think it had a calculator on there as well. So you could work out percentages.
For your bonus and stuff like that. So we could email each other. So I emailed it to him.
And he started using it. And before I knew it. Quite a few people started using this.
This little thing that I built. And I got. Probably about a week.
Two weeks later. I got a tap on my shoulder. On the phone.
And there was. A very very large man. And.
A manager. I said what? And I just finished my call. I said wait until you finish your course.
I finished my call. And I said what's going on? He said can you follow us? I thought what the heck's going on? So he led me into this office. And there was.
I think three people in there. With me. And he said.
And he had a computer. And he opened it up and said. Is this yours? I said.
Well it's not my computer. He said no not the computer. I couldn't help myself.
He said did you do that? What did they call it back then? Because it wasn't a website. It was intranet. Not internet.
So intranet was something that's shared. Within a company. But we hadn't done that.
It wasn't on the server. Well unless everything on the computers was on the server. So maybe it was.
But it was just emailed. It wasn't like something that was. Available for everyone to tap into.
Anyway I said yeah. He said how did you do that? Because they couldn't understand how I got it on there. They thought I must have.
Gained access to the internet. And I think that's what they wanted to know. How did I get access to the internet? And I said I didn't get access to the internet.
So how else could it have got up there? And I said. I built it. They said what? I said yeah.
How did you do that? I said it's easy. And I did this off the top of my head as well. Because this is back like 2002.
And I spent a year and a half. Building websites. So from 2000 to the end.
Till 2001. Summertime. So.
I still had that stuff in my brain. It's weird. And the rest.
A lot of it was just text. And information that I could just add myself anyway. From the scripts and stuff.
So it was like. And they said well. You did that all by yourself.
And then I just thought okay here we go. And we all started singing. Together.
There's a hero. If you look at Jason's face. But.
I thought am I getting in trouble? What was going on? And they said well. This man here. And they pointed to the really tall bloke.
He spent the last six months. Putting together something like this. For to roll out for everyone on the sales floor.
With information and stuff like that. And we're going to have it on the intranet. I said okay.
And you just done that off the top of your head. I said yeah. And they couldn't believe it.
There was nothing sophisticated about it at all. It was. It was the most basic.
Thing ever. Really really basic. But they were trying to build something that was.
I suppose really good. And really snazzy and stuff. And the weird thing about it.
Three months later. The big tall bloke left. And during my time working there.
They never did it. They never did it. A couple of people that worked there.
Added stuff to it. They could. Yeah they did stuff that I couldn't do.
So it all added it to it. And before you know it. Everyone's kind of using this thing.
I mean I'm sure they did get it done eventually. I mean for a second there. I thought they were going to offer me a job.
You know like well. I should have said that. I should not really.
I said well. Let me come and work and do that. I'll help build it.
I could change my entire. Well I say my entire career. I never had a career.
But it could have changed my whole kind of. Yeah. It could have done couldn't it.
I mean technically I. I started a career. In. Counseling.
Because after three years of degree. Of a degree course. Well after two years.
I did start counseling people. And that was kind of supposed to be my career. For.
From 40 to when I retire. But that didn't kind of work out very well. Lasted for about four years.
I think. So no I wasn't 40. I was 39.
39 to 67. That would have been so. 28 years.
28 years. That would have been my last career. Or my.
I don't know. I might have another career when I retire. I don't know.
At the moment I've got nothing to retire from. But you know. That's another story all together.
But I didn't need to sleep. During that period in 2000. So.
It wasn't so much insomnia. But there were times when I would go to bed thinking. I should sleep.
But I didn't want to. So I'd get back up. And carry on with the.
Building website pages. Another time. That I struggled was.
This is when I had. I worked in this pub. Now.
Numbers isn't really the way my brain seems to work. As far as calculating. Off the top of my head.
It's just never been something. That I've warmed to. So far.
And. I had this job in a pub. I don't know why.
Well I do know why I got it. I got the job because. I thought I might have a social life.
If I worked in a pub. That's what I thought. And I was wrong.
I just. I thought that maybe. I could fit in.
With society. But I've never. Never done that yet.
And I guess I never will but. I really thought that I could. Be one of the crowd and.
Be no. No it didn't work. And.
I ended up I didn't realize I'd sort of. Joined the roughest pub in the town. I was working in.
It was in a hotel. The hotel was nice but the pub. To the hotel.
It's completely separate really. And it was. Rough.
Rough rough. I think he's snoring. So.
I was struggling. I remember I was struggling to get to sleep. Because I kept counting.
That was weird. I struggled a bit when I. Fractured my back. It was quite hard to sleep at all.
And I had that going on. And also when I broke my ribs. That was very difficult.
But that's more of a like an obvious. Standard thing. Which.
Isn't really insomnia is it. It's just. It's natural to.
With a. Two fractures in my back. I couldn't stand up. I couldn't sit down.
You know I mean it's like. I couldn't really lay down. I couldn't there's nothing I could do about.
Having problems. So. It wasn't such a big deal really.
As far as. Sleeping. I just caught up when I could.
And as with the fractured. Yeah with the broken ribs. Another thing you know like.
Laying down moving. It's just yeah everything's. Strange.
Especially as I normally sleep on my left. That's my predominant sleeping. And.
The rib I broke was on the left side. The last one was a couple of years ago. Not my last rib.
Because I've got a few left. So I was having to sleep on my right side. But it was.
Weird. But other than that no not really. I don't really have.
Issues with insomnia. What is your favorite activity. To do.
When you can't sleep. And. Right.
They do. Yeah that is kind of connected. To the first question.
And. Well in those moments. Because there are moments like that.
I would say. Watch a movie. Get online.
And do some work on a podcast. Or on a website. Just do something that I would.
Perhaps do during the day. See I quite like. I know although.
I'm now sleeping at night. I do miss it a little bit. Because it's quiet.
You know those early hours of the morning. Is quite nice. To just.
Not so much now with this one here. Because. Chances are if I'm awake.
He's going to be awake. And he might be like barking and stuff. So that wouldn't be good.
But that was before I had him. And sometimes it would be nice. To get up in the early hours.
And. Work on something. Yeah that'd be nice.
Or watch a movie. Watch a sitcom. Listen to some music.
Or do all those things at the same time. Not watch a movie. Listen to a sitcom.
Listen to music. Can't do all of those three at the same time. But you know maybe.
Working on a website whilst listening to music. Sometimes. Not right this minute.
Yeah. Because you know there's a point where I won't. If I go to bed and I'm just like wide awake.
I don't just. You know. Generally if it's annoying me then I get up.
But usually when I go to bed I'm tired. And. Also when I go to bed.
I don't care if I fall asleep. I'm quite happy just to lie there. You know like tonight.
It's Friday night. I listen to. LBC radio between.
Yeah at 10 o'clock in the evening. And there's a show there till 2. 10 till. No 10 till 1. And I listen to that.
And then if I wake up. And it's still running. If it's gone past 1 o'clock I turn it off.
But I like to listen to it so I'm happy to be awake. For an hour. Or two hours.
Which I never am. But you know I'm quiet because I'm listening to it. So it doesn't matter.
I'm not bothered if I fall asleep or not. If anything a little bit disappointed. Because I don't get a chance to listen to the show.
Because it's funny sometimes. It's just. It's I guess it's nice to have a. Like a familiar thing.
Like weekly thing you know. That someone's. Right now someone's going out their front door.
In one of the flats. In this building. It's not related to what I was just talking about.
I think he's not heard it yet. The second he hears it. Hears it.
The second he heards it. If he hears it he'll be going. He'll go off.
All he hears is. Unless he's listening to me. He's thinking nope.
I'm going to prove you wrong. I'm just going to lay here. I'm not going to react.
To anything. Including your accusations. Okay fair enough.
So yeah in those events. I just get up. If I don't.
If I'm there and I just don't. Fancy lying down. Then I just get up and do something.
Just do what I would normally do in a day. Maybe watch a bit of telly. But generally.
You know I don't care if I fall asleep or not. I'm usually tired when I go to bed. But I'm not bothered.
You know it's not really. It's just lying down. Being comfortable.
Is just quite nice. Maybe listen to an audio book. Listen to the radio.
Maybe listen to some classical music. So I generally have to have. Something in the background.
For at least the first couple of hours. Because of this one. So that he can fall asleep.
Because otherwise he'll just keep barking. Which is a little bit of a shame. I actually like.
To just sit there. With no sound. I did it the other day.
And it was so nice. Just to have nothing. Even if there's sound.
You know from the garden. Or from neighbours. I like the fact that I've got no sound going on.
And. There's quite a relax. Yeah that does relax me.
So the next question. Does he ever suffer from insomnia? Oh. Okay.
I suppose. It's hard to tell really. You have to ask him.
I don't know. There are times. When he.
Or we're. When he doesn't want to sleep. He sleeps a lot.
He sleeps a lot during the day. And at night. He's.
I'm surprised he's not. Because I don't have a garden for him to play in. And if I did.
Or if I had another dog. He'd be running around with a dog. And I guess he'd have a bit more fun.
Which is a shame. But I couldn't handle two. One's enough.
But sometimes. He will just. Decide that he doesn't want to be in bed.
And he'll get up. And he'll come into the living room. And.
He will. Play with a bone. And then.
He'll come and sit on the settee. And I won't see him for the rest of the night. That happens every now and then.
Doesn't happen as much as it used to. He did that all the time when I first got him. Didn't want to.
He didn't want to be anywhere near me. When I first. When he first moved in.
So thank you for those questions. The next one. Is.
Jove. What's the nicest thing. Someone has done for you.
Wow. I never drink water. There's lots of things.
I guess people have done. For me. How far back do we want to go.
So. There's even things that people have done. That I didn't know they'd done.
Until. Decades later. So I'll start at the beginning.
I will miss some stuff out by accident. So. You know.
But I'm going to try and remember some things. I found out five years ago. And this is at my stepmum's.
Birthday party. The 60th I think. Don't tell anyone I said that.
And she. Saw me auntie. And she told me that.
So basically what happened is. I was about. Between three and six months old.
When my mom took off. She left us all in. In the house.
And my dad came home and found us in there. He was shouting. Why did you leave them with me.
Why did you take them with you. So. Apparently my uncle.
Who's not here anymore with us. He was at the time. Well obviously it was a time.
But he was also at the time. When I spoke to my auntie. Him and her.
Who both had kids. Were going to. Get a huge house.
And adopt us. Have us both. Have us living with him.
And her. Together. Because.
You know. Just. I don't know where my dad was at this point.
So I'm a little bit confused. Me and my little brother. Me and my older brother.
We were living in care. With foster parents. And my little brother.
My oldest brother. Was living. With my nan and grandad.
For. From about six months. To about two years old.
Roughly. Give or take. And.
Apparently. So. My auntie.
And my uncle. Wanted to. They got together.
And they wanted to. Bring us up. With them.
I don't know if the plan was. For my dad to be. Living there as well.
I've got no idea. Because he won't talk about stuff like that. So.
But she told me. And. The social services said no.
They refused to allow it. Ironic. That they allowed her to.
Come and get us. And live with her. In Newcastle.
But hey. So. They said no.
And I realised that. What an amazing thing. I thanked her.
But I'd had. Literally. No.
Kind of a relationship. With my uncle. It was a hello.
That was it. There was really. Hardly any conversation.
At all with him. At all. You know.
Since. From the age of seven onwards. I just.
I didn't see him very often. In later years. But.
When I was a kid. I used to see him fairly regularly. And he just didn't have.
Didn't really talk to me. And I didn't know that. I mean.
For him. To want to. Do that.
Get a house. And help raise me. Showed he loved me.
He loved me. And he loved my brothers. And.
Boy. You don't do it out of hate. Do you? Obviously.
He loved us. So. I didn't realise that.
So. I wish I'd have an opportunity. To really.
Say thank you. But. Unfortunately.
Just after that. And. Yeah.
The next year. He passed away. So.
The other thing. I would say thank you. People have done nice things.
I would say. It's a twofold thing really. My dad.
He rescued us from the children's home. When I was. Just before I was seven years old.
He didn't know where we were. Because. My mum came back.
When I was two. And took us to. To Kent.
Not Kent. To Newcastle. And he didn't know where we were.
And we didn't have the internet back then. It wasn't so easy to find people. So.
They. So. He rescued us from that children's home.
So. And I suppose. The next person really.
Is his new wife. And had just been married. For probably less than a year.
So. She married him. He didn't have any kids.
Or not living with him. And suddenly. She went from that to.
Living with three kids. One who was eleven. One who was nine.
And one who was seven. So. You know what I mean.
That's. So. She.
Took us in. Well. I speak for myself really.
She. She adopted me or whatever. And.
Yeah. So that was. Pretty amazing thing.
Who else. What other. Things.
People had done. That were lovely. It's hard to really.
Pin it down. To like one thing. The best thing anyone's ever done.
Just going through the years. Going through the years. Can't think of anything else.
During that period. Going through the childhood years. No.
Can't think of anything. I really enjoyed. Getting my bike.
I really. I wanted a racer. I dreamt about getting a racer.
And. Christmas Day. I got a racer.
Bike. Pedal bike. And I was like.
That was the best. Best present. Ever.
Because. At the time I was walking. Doing my paper rounds.
And I just thought how. How much easier it would be. If I could just cycle.
It'd just be done a lot quicker. And you know. So.
But you know other than that. I'm trying to think. Things that people have done.
Er. Er. Er.
Er. Er. I would say my uncle.
Who was on my step mum's side. What he did. He was.
He was nice. He was kind. And.
Yeah. I liked. Liked him a lot.
He was my favourite uncle. And someone did say to me recently. It's easy to be.
It's easy to be. Easy to be kind when you're rich. But I don't think that's actually the case.
It's. I've met a lot of rich people. That weren't particularly nice.
Or friendly. Or kind. Or generous.
But he was all those things. And. It's.
Really I think. It's. You are who you are.
Aren't you? Really. And he was just lovely. He used to buy us presents and stuff.
But it wasn't like he's. Just. Always giving us stuff.
It's just we'd visit. And. He was nice.
So friendly. And. And that was just.
Anyway. So that was. Him as a person.
Not. Not anything specific. But just him as a person.
A gift. Gift. Anyone's.
Or help me rather. It's not about gifts is it? It's about someone. What was the question? I've forgotten.
What's the nicest thing someone's done for you? Nicest thing. Blimey. There may be things I don't know.
Okay. So. There may be.
I have a feeling that my dad got me out of trouble a few times. So. But he never told me.
And I'm talking probably my. Later teenage years. I think he might have kind of bailed me out a couple of times.
But. Again. He kind of just did it.
Without telling me he did it. So. That might have been a really.
That might have been a really nice thing that he did. But. To be fair.
He did put me up three times. As a. I'm going to use the word adult. But.
I wasn't really an adult. I guess I was. 19.
I was 19. No. Just turned 20.
When I moved out a third time. So. He put me up.
When I was 17. It put me up again. When I was 18.
This is just for a couple of months. And he put me up again. When I was 19.
For a little bit longer. This was. So.
April till about September. May. June.
July. August. For about five months.
But the other ones was for about three months. I'd say. The first one was from.
Probably March. April. May.
So you're probably about two months. The second time was probably January till. Probably two.
No more than three months each time. It probably seemed like a lot longer for my dad. But.
You know. Time. Time just.
Time went a lot slower back then. It seemed to. So yeah.
I. So that was. That was kind. But as far as the nicest thing ever.
It's hard. I'm trying to think. There should be one thing that's really obvious.
And. There's something that does jump out. So even jumping forward.
I've had help getting jobs. And. I had.
You know. I basically got a job at the beginning of 2001. With zero.
And. I didn't. I didn't have a hope in heck.
Of getting a job. Because of my CV was so bad. So crowded.
So many jobs. The chance of me getting a job. In a call center.
Working in insurance. Because I had no experience. And.
You know. I couldn't get. I couldn't get references or anything.
From all these different places. So. I was able to get a reference.
For a long period. For a whole 10 years. From someone.
So. That helped me to get my foot into. Like a proper job.
And once I got that experience. Then. That's as far back as I went.
But. It's. I mean I did.
I did technically kind of work there. It wasn't really a job. But it was.
I did help out. And I did do some stuff there for years. So I was friends with a club anyway.
10 years previous to that. So I thought it'd look better. If I just had one job on my CV.
And it seemed to do the trick. I think I just put down. I went to college.
Went to college when I left school. And then I went to. Then I worked in this place for 10 years.
Which showed that I was. Good. A good worker.
And loyal. Which I always have been. To be fair.
The weird thing is I did go on when I worked there. I did go on to be one of the best people. That I had.
While I was there anyway. So. I definitely.
I earned my. I earned my pay as it were. That was 20 odd years.
Over 25 years ago now nearly. Blimey. So.
So that was. What she did for me was really amazing. My friends.
I won't go into it. But my friend Noel. Noel.
He's helped me. So much. In so many different ways.
Over the years. Helped me. With self confidence.
If it wasn't for him. I wouldn't be doing this right now. Helped me.
Just so many different ways. Trust. He trusted me.
I even used to have his. Home keys for his house. When I used to visit.
When I moved away from London. I used to visit. And one day he just came up and handed me his house keys.
He said oh these are spare keys. You might as well have them. Which meant I could just come up.
And just stay at his whenever I wanted. I said yeah. That's someone that trusted me.
He actually. There was a time when he would put. He would come up to me on an evening.
And he'd give me. He'd look to put £2000. In my hand.
He said put it in your pocket. Cash. And I said well.
And he's just like hold on to that. Until I asked for it later. Because he trusted me more than anyone else.
In like. He trusted me. So I'd look after it.
He'd sort of take money out of the tills. The bar tills or whatever. And he'd just put it.
Get me to look after it. We did it once. Because obviously I ran off and spent it all.
But I haven't seen him since then. But before that we were good friends. £2000.
Blimey. I'd never seen that much money. But it was in 20s.
So it's not. 10. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10.
It's 10 piles. So I think I had like. 5 piles in each hand or something.
Anyway. Big pockets. I. I might have exaggerated the amount.
It might have been less than £2000. I'm just thinking that wouldn't be enough room. In my pockets for £2000.
There's definitely a nice. A nice amount of cash. And then he'd ask me to cash up.
He didn't. Again he didn't trust. Everyone.
So he's like can you. Can you count the money from the till. So it's like wow.
So things like that. It's nice. It's just nice to have someone to trust me.
And yeah. So he's one of the people that's done the most. I won't go.
I can't really go into too much detail. Because personal. Over the years.
And I do owe him a lot. I'm trying to think what else. There's got to be.
I would say. My Nan just being my Nan. My Nan was always there.
Always answered the phone. Always invited me in. Always kind to me.
You know right from. The age of 7 or whatever I was. When I first kind of got to know her.
Always kind to me. Always happy to see me. I was going to say like a puppy.
But even. This one here is not always happy to see me. But she was always happy to see me.
Even if she wasn't. She pretended she was. So I'm trying to think.
My friend. My friend at university. She helped me to.
Get through university. Because I was constantly. On the verge of leaving.
And she helped me get through. So that's a really nice thing. She's very supportive.
Of me. And just helped me in various different ways. Would listen to me going on and on.
It's hard to pick. I mean there's plenty of nice people as well. That I've not mentioned.
Trying to think of the nicest thing anyone's ever done. Hopefully that's yet to come. Maybe.
The social worker. Who. Wrote a letter for me.
Because I was. Turned down by the housing office. Not turned down but I was put on a. Really low level.
Which meant I would have. Probably still be waiting now. Ten years later.
To get a council flat. But. Because she'd been around my flat.
My where I was living before. And it was. Moldy and it was damp.
You know it was really quite unpleasant. She. Wrote me a letter.
And as soon as she they received the letter. And I handed that into the housing. They bumped me up.
So. Instead of waiting ten years. I think I waited about.
A couple of months. Maybe a little bit longer. Yeah maybe maybe.
Three months. But it happened quite quickly. So yeah.
That was that was a really really. Yeah life-changing really. To be fair.
So that was a really nice thing. I mean you could I know some people would argue. Well that's her job she should do that.
Well no not really. It's. It's her job to be a social worker.
She wasn't her job to write me letters. To get me. To help me to get a council flat.
And. But she wasn't doing anything. Untoward because what she wrote.
Wasn't true. Because she actually came to my flat. My home where I was living before.
With a there was two of them. Her and I think mental health team. And she couldn't believe.
Firstly how tiny the place was. And secondly. The stink.
Of. The damp and the mold and. She was like.
This is just really. Not good. So yeah she definitely.
Definitely was. A nice thing that she did. Trying to think.
Trying to think. Trying. To think.
I've had people help me out in the past. When I've been homeless. So that was always.
It felt like a really. Really amazing thing they were doing at the time. And it's happened.
So many times. I can't pinpoint. A particular.
Necessarily. Time. But yeah I've definitely been helped out.
Quite a lot over the years. Not so much recently. But you know when I was younger.
Because I haven't been homeless. For a long time now. So I did quite a lot of sofa.
Surfing and. Just yeah. For years.
Living in rooms. Pretty much from the age of. 16 to.
45. No 44. 16 to 44.
What's that? 26, 36. 28 years. That's more than 12 years.
I'm trying to think. You could say the nicest thing. Anyone's done to me.
Done for me. In a way. Was.
My friend downstairs. Because. Because of him.
I ended up with Andre. And Vinnie. Both because of him.
I wouldn't have had if I not met him. And if he hadn't. Me basically he bought Vinnie for me.
Although I paid for it in the end. But he you know he. He bought it.
But then he couldn't. Yeah I think I paid. I ended up paying.
That's another story. So. I wouldn't have this boy sitting next to me lying down.
Asleep. If it wasn't for my friend downstairs. And.
I wouldn't have had Andre. If it wasn't for him. So.
I was just woken up. Did you hear your name being called? Or being mentioned? Did you? Was your ears burning? What a strange expression that is isn't it? Were your ears burning? Like no. I'm glad they're not weird.
And. So yeah that's two of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. Getting me.
Vinnie and getting me. Andre. Or giving them to me.
And. Yeah I wouldn't have had either if it wasn't for my friend. The one.
That used to live downstairs. But you know it's trying to think. So that's two.
Two big things. Because they've had a big impact on my life. Both Vinnie and Andre.
Huge impact on my life. So. And moving here.
So the social worker moving here has had a big impact on my life. Having. A place to kind of call home.
For the first time. At the age of 44. Felt nice.
It's not been easy. I'll be honest with you. It's not been easy.
And. But. As I'm sitting here it's pretty quiet.
I'm not cold. I don't go hungry. I have a purpose.
I have a reason to get up in the morning. And. Yeah.
Got this little boy here. Who. I think he might like me a little bit.
I'm not sure. So. I mean if you want to go for memories.
Like trying to think the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. I'm just trying to think. It's just very hard.
It's hard to kind of think of. A specific thing. I mean.
I've got my friend. Offering me to be a DJ. And the reason behind it.
I didn't find out till later. Is because he thought that I was. Heading somewhere quite bad.
Emotionally. So he was trying to help me. And he did help me.
I'm just trying to go forward through my life. Through. 30's.
40's. There's. There's lots of people that have helped me over the years.
A lot of people that I. Have no contact with. I had a very good friend for. Decades but then.
We kind of. Fell out. Or he fell out with me.
For whatever reason. But he was. He was very kind to me for a long time.
He used to help me out. He'd send me like 20 quid. In the post.
Always someone to talk to. So yeah he's. He was one of the most important people in my life.
Up till. 10 years ago really. Yeah.
Trying to think. The nicest thing that anyone's ever did. I quite like what my step mum did.
This is my second step mum. My current step mum. She.
It was her birthday. So it was five years ago. And those two of her friends were in the.
Kitchen. Area of the house. And she was in there as well.
And I walk in and. They said. Who are you to me.
I said I'm her son. And I started laughing. Because there's you know.
There's I think there's like. Well she's 65. I'm 44.
I'm 50. Blimey I'm even making myself younger. I'm 54.
She's 65. So there's. 54.
56. 55. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. So there's 11 years between us.
So. She looks quite. Yeah.
They obviously realised that I'm not. Her son. And she.
She stopped laughing. I said. He is my son.
She gave me a hug. And they just shut up after that. And that felt nice.
It did. Because ultimately. She's earned the right to be called mum.
Because she's been there since I was 17. You know. I've been.
She's been cooking for me. You know cooking me dinners and. On the phone and buying me birthday presents.
And Christmas presents. And I've slept in her house. Loads of times.
You know every family occasion I've seen her. Since I was 17 years old. So what's that? 17, 27, 37, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54.
So it's 37 years. I think she's earned the right to be called mum. I do believe.
So. Yeah. She's.
I'd say one of the nicest things. Just. Took me in.
Emotionally I mean. She accepted me and always been kind to me. Always.
Which is the same kind of thing with my first step mum. She took me in. I was nearly 7. But she accepted me and she.
She. Gave me love. For the period of time that we were all together.
From. What 9 years pretty much. So.
Yeah. And. I just think so it's not even so much like.
How what they've done. What's the kindest thing someone's done. In a sense of.
What would life been like. If they hadn't done that thing. Because then it.
It almost makes what they did. More powerful. So for example.
If my first step mum. Let's say my dad. My dad if he hadn't.
Rescued us. From the children's home. Where would I have been.
Where I'd be if I'd have gone. I'd have been there to the age of 18. And then I would have been kicked out.
It might be in 16. But it might be in 18. So I lived there and then I'd have been kicked out.
And. I might spend the next. I might have had the last.
30. Six years. In and out of institutions.
Having grown up in an institution. You know. So it would have.
I'm not saying it would have been. I think there was a good chance. I could have ended up that way.
Which makes the. Taking me in. And my first step mum.
Taking us taking us on. As her children. When she was like 21 herself.
With an 11 year old kid. Nine year old and a seven year old. Only been married for about seven months.
So. That shows her character. Her willingness to.
I mean that must have transformed her life. Because I think about when I was 21. Mentally I was a kid.
Physically I was a kid really. But I was. I wasn't no kind of adult at that age.
I'm not saying that 21 year olds aren't adults. I'm saying that I wasn't. I'm still not.
Sometimes. I couldn't look after three kids. When I was 21.
Just. Blimey. That would.
Just be really really hard. So. And to be responsible for them.
So yeah. So it's not necessarily just the case of what. What's the kind of thing someone's done.
Because it's looking back like what. What's the result of what they did. So it might not have seemed such a big deal.
At the time. But. The results.
So my friend Noel. The results of him helping me. Is me making this recording.
Because I wouldn't be doing this. If it wasn't for him. Because that was the period.
When I started reading self-help books. Started listening to self-help audios. Decided to do something.
To help myself. To try and figure out what's going on. And yeah it took me.
Well I'm still doing it. It's not completed. But it took me a long time.
To even figure out that. There was something wrong. I knew there was something wrong but I just.
At the same time. Kind of denied it. So yeah.
A multitude of. Different people have done things. I'm trying to think if there's anything that stands out.
That I have not mentioned. It's. I can't think of anything right now.
And Andre. Andre taught me. The second Andre.
Not the first one. After Andre the Ferret. However silly this might sound.
What I'm about to say. I didn't. Even.
Yeah I went to university and. I was trained as a person centred counsellor. That was the first two years of the course.
That was to become a counsellor. Third year was for the. Dissertation to get the degree.
So. I trained in person centred counselling. So the whole thing of unconditional positive regard.
Is a big thing. With. Roger's.
You know. Theory. Rogerian counselling.
Or Rogerian psychotherapy. I didn't understand unconditional love. I didn't believe it existed really.
Maybe positive regard maybe. But unconditional love. I didn't really.
Couldn't see it. Yeah. But when I got Andre.
I don't. I probably did have it with my nan as well. But it was something.
There was a connection between me and Andre and. Nothing he did. Nothing he could have done.
Could stop me from loving him. But anything. Honestly anything he would do.
I would. You know. He pushed computers.
Laptops on the floor. He ruined stuff. He completely destroyed the flat.
But I adored him. So that was probably the first thing. So he taught me that I think.
And I got this little bundle of. Joy. With me now Mr Vinnie.
That's a different ball game. That's. I think he's trying to teach me patience.
I thought I was quite a patient person. But he's. He pushes my buttons.
As often as he can. This one. He's just so.
He's got no interest in pleasing me. It's all about him. The whole time.
Which is kind of how I used to live my life. Maybe I still do. I don't know.
So. The nicest thing anyone's done for me. I think that's.
I think I've covered most of it. To be honest. There's probably things I can't.
That are just not coming to mind. There's a couple of things. I just don't want to mention.
Because they're too personal. But yeah. It's been loads of.
Just loads of kindness. Kindness. That I've experienced over the years.
Loads. So much really. Just little things.
I remember. Someone helping me put a SIM card. Because.
I just couldn't figure out how to do it. And. There's just like.
Such a kindness. Just a little. A small thing like that.
Means something. It's yeah. Yeah.
I've had a lot of people be kind to me over the years. I'm trying to think of anything like. Up to date.
Recent. I can't think of anything. Yeah.
Okay. So thanks for that. The next question is from Christine.
Brown sauce or tomato sauce. On what. Tomato sauce.
No brown sauce. On anything. I used to.
I used to be able to drink. Okay not drink. Blimey.
I think the only thing that I would ever have had brown sauce on in the past. Would be. Egg and chips.
Maybe. Maybe a cooked breakfast. Like HP sauce.
That would be it. But it's a little bit too tangy. Too spicy for me now.
So. Tomato sauce. Would be the thing.
And you know what would I have it in. Why wouldn't I have it on. Oh.
So much. So much stuff. I thought about it though.
As soon as I mentioned tomato sauce to myself. I was thinking of mashed potato. With tomato sauce.
Like. Whipped into it. Not completely whipped.
But like enough. Just to colour it a bit. And it's like it tastes so good.
Tomato ketchup. Heinz tomato ketchup. No other type.
This is a personal. Has to be Heinz. Is it Heinz tomato soup.
Heinz tomato ketchup. Or have I got that wrong. Beans means Heinz.
I don't know if. That was a weird one. I don't know.
If. Did. Yeah.
HP sauce which is the brown sauce. Tomato ketchup. My dad loves brown sauce.
Well he used to anyway. On eggs. Yeah.
Brown sauce does really. I think it's better. Yeah.
Tomato. But tomato ketchup. Pretty much on anything.
A fried breakfast. It's probably still. Now I don't eat fried breakfast anymore.
I don't. So yeah. But when I did tomato ketchup.
Would be the one I'd go for. Brown ketchup can work as well. But I've.
Yeah. I can mix it up a little bit. What I do like though.
I know it's not a question you ask. But. I discovered this in about 2001.
I think it was. When we used to go into the pub. It's like a. Like a work meeting thing.
You know lunch. Part of the team would go and have lunch sometimes. And.
Salad cream. With chips. Oh my.
Goodness. Yum yum yum. Salad cream.
Mayonnaise no. No never. Never never mayonnaise no.
Salad cream. Oh. Mind you.
Homemade mayonnaise. That's a different story. But mayonnaise out of a bottle.
Mm mm mm mm. Mm mm. No.
You know you get mm mm mm. That almost sounds like yes doesn't it. Like yummy.
Mm mm mm. That's no not mm mm mm. That's more yeah.
So tomato ketchup. I would say. Is it Heinz.
It is Heinz isn't it. Yeah I would say probably. Breakfast.
Egg sandwiches. All the things I don't eat anymore. And.
Anything. Honestly anything. Especially something like a burger.
On top of a burger in a bun. With cheese. Or.
A hot dog. But like a proper sausage. Not one of those Frankfurter.
But proper. Proper. Burnt sausage as well.
I like burnt sausages. With tomato ketchup. Not.
Not big into mustard. And. Yeah tomato ketchup in it.
Anything really. I think it works. It can even work on a roast dinner.
But you do need gravy as well though. I think. I don't think I need.
Need tomato ketchup on a roast dinner. But then I know that it can. It can annoy people sometimes.
When they've cooked a dinner. And you start covering it with tomato ketchup. Which was part of the reason.
Why I used to do it. I don't know why. I just used to like.
Just immature I guess. Not the mature man that I am now. Yeah.
I mean I. When I was in my 20s. When everyone cooked. When anybody cooked for me.
I'd always at the end of the evening. I'd always leave. I was like.
So rude. And so that's it. Tomato sauce.
All the way. Without a doubt. But I haven't had any tomato ketchup.
Well it's tomato ketchup. Tomato sauce. Haven't had any.
I have them when I get some chips. Occasionally. But you know I'm trying to keep off that stuff.
So thank you for that. Diana asked me. Which is better.
Bath or shower. Or. Depending on where you live in the UK.
A bath. Or a shower. So.
My answer to this. 30 years ago would have been bath. 100%.
Shower is quicker. But a bath. Always preferred a bath.
I just found it to be more relaxing. To be skinny. I used to be able to fit into a bath.
And because I've never been like hugely tall. I've never had it done. If I was 6 foot 7. It'd be a problem.
You know it's like. Where the hell do you put bits. But.
As I got bigger. Baths were just not very comfortable. To be fair.
And it did sometimes feel like. I don't know. Trying to think of an example.
Of what it's like. I suppose it's. You remember the things when you're kids.
And you've got different like. Round circles. Squares.
Triangles whatever. It's trying to get a. A square into a circle. That's kind of.
Or you could say circle into a square even. It just. My body wasn't fitting into the bath.
I remember. They were saying. Why are you moaning so much.
When you get into the bath. And I said it wasn't me. The bath's moaning.
The bath complained. Honestly. Wanted a rent reduction.
Having to put up with me. Which is a bit rude. So yeah.
Plus I get stuck in the bath now. It's. You know.
It's kind of a suction thing. And like okay. How am I going to get out of this.
And. I did actually when I first moved in here. I was so looking forward to having a bath.
I hadn't had a bath. Where I lived. For.
One. Two. Three.
Yeah 2007. Was the last time I had a bath where I was living. I moved in here.
In. Fourteen. What's that seven.
Eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen. Seven years. So the three different places I lived in before here.
I hadn't. I'd only had showers. So it was nice to have a bath.
But. I think the second week. I live in here.
Maybe the first or second week. Probably the first week actually. I slipped out of the bath and I broke my wrist.
So. That wasn't a good sign. But I do have a shower attachment.
So I like a shower. Because I do like the. I like the feeling of.
A powerful shower. Spraying down on my body. Especially the top of my head.
That feels lovely. Very relaxing and massagey. Scalp massaging.
But. It's nice to have a power shower. I think.
I don't have one of them. At least my shower. It's basically one of those ones.
It was already connected when I first moved in here. So. Someone's connected the.
You pull the button up. And the right and left. Like there's hot water and cold water.
Kind of mingled together. To come out of the nozzle. And you have to like keep changing them.
Until it's at the right temperature. But the shower I had before I moved here. Seriously.
It was no. Power. No energy.
No water force at all. It was very difficult. To get wet.
Never mind. Rinse off. But.
I lived there for a couple of years. How long did I live there for? March 2000. March.
2012. Until. April.
2015. So yeah. Pretty much three years.
Blimey. So I. I suppose I go for a shower. But I do prefer a bath.
Still. But it'd have to be a big bath. But then getting in and out.
Because I've got my back. It's a little bit stiff. It's a little bit harder.
To get in and out. But. Ultimately I think a bath.
All I need really is a jacuzzi. Style. Not maybe a jacuzzi.
But a jacuzzi size bath. So. Not for anyone else to get in.
Just for me. So it can just. There's enough room.
Basically. I do used to have a friend that had. A jacuzzi.
It wasn't. It was big. It was big.
And it was kind of a kind of roundish. So. It wasn't.
As big as the kind of thing you'd get in a health spa. But you could definitely fit. At least two people in very comfortably.
But I'm just thinking to myself. Just it'd be nice to have. A big.
Really nice big bath. Or jacuzzi style kind of thing. Maybe one day.
But shower at the moment. Is probably more. More practical.
But a power shower. That's what I like. My dad's got a power shower.
And it's like proper. Full on blast. It's.
There's still a hole in the wall. When they first tested it. They didn't realize how powerful it was going to be.
It's in the shape of my dad. Because. He was moving through the wall.
That's kind of like a cartoon image there. But yeah. That was.
Silly. So definitely I would say. The comfort bath.
For speed. A shower. And.
Yeah I think a bit of both. It's nice to have both. But.
The shower's a bit easier. I think. Bath probably a bath.
Yeah that's what I'd say. I mean I had baths. When I was a kid we had baths.
In the children's home. We used to have baths on a Sunday night. Yeah.
I think that was our weekly brushing out. I brushed my teeth weekly. Because we had to.
We had to clean our teeth in front of the. I don't know if it was the nuns. Or the care workers.
So we had no choice but to clean our teeth. And then. Yeah I think it was just once a week.
A once a week bath. But we did have a. Like a washroom. Next to the dormitory.
So that was generally where we would clean our teeth. And I think we used to. There was toilets probably urinals.
And I think there was loads of sinks. That we'd just wash and stuff. So.
Still wash every day. I can't think of how many different places. That I lived in that had baths.
So the next place I lived in I had a bath. Then the next place had a bath. The main house for the family.
Between about. 79 and 86. That had a bath.
And a shower. And then. Yeah the next place I lived had a bath.
The next place I lived. The chip shop flat. But the chip shop that had a bath.
The next place I lived. Had a bath. Then.
That had a bath. I think that one had a shower. Yeah I think that one had a shower.
And then. When I moved back to London. There was a bath but there was also a shower.
And. Because I was working shifts. My landlady didn't like it when I was having a bath.
Because it was too early in the morning. But. You imagine all those years I'd always had baths.
And suddenly I was being moaned at for having a bath. Use the shower. That's what she used to say.
Use the shower. That's what she used to say. Not the buffer.
The shower. I was like okay. And that used to annoy me.
Because. I was used to just. Well I've always had a bath.
That was what I always did. I'm not saying always. I mean sometimes I'd have a shower.
If the shower was available. You know I would sometimes. But.
Generally a bath is what I'd have. So when I moved out of there. I think they had a shower.
And I moved out of there. There was a bath and a shower. But I used the bath there.
There was a shower in the bath. A bracket on the wall. So I used the bath.
Then I moved. At Butlins there was showers. Then I moved again.
There was a bath there. So I. There was a shower as well. But I used the bath mainly.
And then I moved again. There was a bath. And then I moved again.
So there was a bath. But with a shower inside the bath. Then I moved again.
And that was a. Shower I do believe. Then I moved again. And that was a bath.
Then I moved again. And that was a bath. I moved again.
That was a bath. Then I moved again. And that was a. And that was a shower.
Then I moved again. And that was a bath. Then I moved again.
And that was a bath. And. Then I moved again.
That was. A shower. Yeah.
That was a shower. Then the next one was a shower. Then the next one was a shower.
And then the next one was a bath. This is where I am now. I've missed out a few of the different places but that's kind of roughly yeah I've missed out quite a few I can't remember which ones but most of them were baths yeah so I'd say I probably prefer a bath yeah and Anne asks how do you spend your days other than helping us all sleep I like to think about the bath stuff had over the years I've said all my main things thanks your question and what do I'd like to do how do you spend your days well there's quite a
lot going on in the background of these podcasts because I spend quite a bit of time working on the websites you know this there's various different things that go on that I'm sort of working on and yeah just a website alone I could spend all day working on a website so I've been trying to update it and it's took me months and months to do that and I'm still not it's it's complete to a degree but it's not there's still loads I need to do so what do I do this
I'm going to take this one out about four times a day I yeah I like things I like to do like to watch a movie every now and then maybe get into a TV show so for example coming up on this Sunday it's now Friday so two days away Big Brother in the UK starts again so I will be watching that every day and if there's a big boxing fight on I'll watch that so I look forward to that it is not a lot else really going on the sort of
I suppose I watch YouTube videos listen to audiobooks and focus in or been kind of trying to prepare for the psychology degree that I started well yeah I kind of have started it now it officially starts tomorrow on the 5th but there's the week before so there's the pre week which I've I haven't completed yet what else that's kind of it really not a lot else going on so looking after this little one and trying to make a difference in my own little way and kind of hoping for the best
I guess hoping that something good will come out of this and I'll be that I am helping so yeah that's kind of that's it really it's not a lot else going on in my life it's I just it's this and trying to get into the routine of doing one every day maybe not on a Saturday I have a tendency of taking Saturday off and that which coincides with the boxing generally but yeah for each recording I mean I know this these ones are usually quite long and I think I've been
talking for about two hours but the the editing uploading processing all that stuff for this recording is going to take me another couple of hours in the morning so sometimes longer so I'm spending probably at least three and a half four hours a day working on the podcasts just the actual podcast itself the end of individual new podcast and then there's the I've got make images and then upload to the website and there's quite a bit of administration stuff that goes on but once it's done it's good it's usually done
by about 10 o'clock in the morning like all completely updated and I start at about 5 in the morning 4 or 5 have a break but generally by 10 o'clock it's all done so it's also creating a video as well and that that takes probably about an hour or more to process and then another maybe another hour to upload and process again when it's once it's uploaded because I have to check it to make sure or YouTube check it to make sure there's nothing on there that's against their guidelines which
there there never is anyway because I don't I don't do kind of any stuff like that so yeah so that's and then I suppose it's with the degree course coming up I'll be spending a fair bit of time like three hours a day doing that going forward so it's gonna be be quite busy but yeah at the moment the things I like to do quite like to watch I like to watch I don't watch television much at all but I do watch you know Netflix or stuff like that and I
like to keep track of the news as well just to keep updated and to watch a movie every now and then but yeah well thank you all for your questions that brings us to the end because this has gone over two hours I know for a fact because well I don't know for a fact but I'm pretty sure I said it was 12 minutes past 4 when I started it's now 21 minutes past 6 so I'm guessing it's gone on a little while I might be wrong you never know so I'm gonna go thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself and be gentle with yourself because you do deserve to be happy lots of love bye
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.