(music) Q&A Friday LMBYTS #1396 Jason Newland 19th July 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Q&A Friday. Q&A Friday. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And I just want to say thank you to Diana for your kind PayPal gift. Thank you very much. And yeah, I'm just trying to think what's happened since yesterday.

Nothing. Yeah, nothing. Just trying to think.

Um, no, can't think of anything. Can't think of anything that's happened ever. Today or later today is the heavyweight boxing championship of the world.

I'll be watching that. Daniel Dubois against Alexander Usyk. Usyk.

And I'll be watching that. Also, there's another world title fight tonight, which is Bam Bam Rodriguez. Oh, what's going on there? Okay, Cliff Richard.

Okay, let's just also one that I will not be paying for. I'll watch it on YouTube is Manny Pacquiao is fighting for a world title. After about 75 years of not actually fighting anyone.

That's gonna be weird. Oh, that's strange. But saying that, that's a really, really good bill.

Damn it. Oh, yeah, but I can't. It's way too, it's in the middle of the night.

It's on Amazon Prime. That's confusing me. I'm sure all networks, the zone.

Saturday night, Jesse Rodriguez. Oh, because they still call him Bam Bam. But it's actually so this is on the zone.

Jesse Rodriguez, which is he's called Bam Bam is defending his world title. The two world titles against the Pumel Cafu. So I can watch that.

It doesn't cost any extra. I'll watch that. I want to watch all of them.

Oh, well. We will see. I'm definitely watching Alexandra Usyk against Daniel.

Dynamite Dubois. Yes. Because that's on during the daytime.

Well, it's on this evening. UK time. The others start probably two o'clock in the morning.

UK time and I'll be honest with you. I think I might be asleep. Yes.

All right. So let's move away from that. So Q&A Friday is what was rated today.

Which I don't mind. I don't have a lot of saying it really do I? It's not really within my personal power. I managed to take Vinnie out.

And we missed a little shower. It started to rain and we got back in time to not get wet. So it will be a little bit hit and miss.

I think today as far as taking him out. But I've got the weekend off. I'm not going up to the hospital.

Unless there's an emergency, you know, of course, but I won't be going up there to this weekend. There's, I want to have a little tidy up of my flat because it's messy. And I just I'm charging up the scrubber.

I've got this mechanical scrubber thing that I can use to clean the sinks and the toilet and the bath and stuff like that. There's different headings on for each one. So I'm gonna, I'm charging it up now.

And I'm going to have a little bit of a scrub later of the bathroom sink, the kitchen sink and the kitchen counters. Try and have a little tidy up, you know, maybe do a little bit of vacuum cleaning. Minimal, minimal.

And I'd like to I tell you what concerns me a little bit. I just don't want to be Yeah, I want to make I just want to make this place a little bit better, a little bit nicer. And if I put a bit of effort in I could, you know, I could make the door frames nice I could, you know, save up and put new doors on to the different rooms.

Because the doors at the moment are still the same ones I had on 10 years ago. And they've been there probably 10 years or 20 years before that. And they're already all scratched a bit because the previous person had, I think she had two massive dogs.

So the whole you know, it's the doors are just not the night they're not the most pleasant to look at. I don't spend a lot of time looking at them to be here. Yeah, no, no, I don't really.

I don't just sit there in front of the door and just look at it. I think, Oh, no, it's not a hobby. But I still see them.

I sometimes think it'd be quite nice to just got this whole flat. Now just get rid of all the stuff. Not not get rid of everything but redecorate it, put a new decent carpet down.

Nice curtains. Just little things like that. And a decent city because the one I got now is falling apart.

That's fairly comfortable. Perhaps just get myself a lazy boy. Something like that.

So I had all an equivalent to that I had a cheap version of that. When I very first moved in, it cost me about 150 quid and had it for quite a few years. It was all right.

Eventually it broke and fell apart. Would you imagine anything that I sit on is gonna eventually fall apart? I don't know. Okay, moving on from that.

But Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna have a little look. And some of the walls that still got looks like mold but it's not.

It's just the the backing felt from when I had soundproofing up over there. Because I took them off to put them into my shed, which I had in my bedroom. Didn't I Vinnie? You never got to see the bedroom shed, did you? No, you didn't.

It was gone before you moved in. Yes, it was. Yes, it was.

You never got to see the bathroom shed, the bedroom shed, or the kitchen shed. So that that's gonna, I probably need some kind of you know, one of those heat, heat scrapers, torch scrapers things. I probably need something like that.

Yeah, I would. Yes, Vinnie. Yes, I would.

Yes, I would. Are you not gonna have your breakfast, Vin? You're not gonna eat your breakfast, Vin Vin? No? No? Why? I woke up this morning. I went to bed about 10, three minutes past 10 it was.

I woke up, I got up out of bed just after six this morning and Vinnie was in the living room. He was in here asleep on the settee. So I don't know why.

I do know why. It's because he wanted to come and sleep in here. But I don't know why he wanted to come and sleep in here.

Because he only ever does things he wants to do. Doesn't do anything he doesn't like. Do you Vinnie? Don't pretend you can't hear me now.

His ears like pricked right up. You're listening to me. I know you are.

I know you are. Oh dear. So yeah, this I'm not gonna be going anywhere.

I did my Q&A. Oh, because it's Saturday. This is Friday.

Q&A Friday is Saturday. So I didn't make a recording yesterday. Because I started to think wait a minute.

I made a recording yesterday. So there's no point telling you what the latest is. But I can tell you a little bit about the latest.

The main thing is, I left here at nine o'clock yesterday morning to go to the hospital. Got there in good time. It's fine.

Got there probably 10 past 10. So that's fair enough. Left the hospital about 10 past 12.

Because Uncle Sos just had his dinner. So when he gets his dinner, I'll leave so that he can have a bit of peace. Plus he's watching the golf.

He didn't, I wasn't really needed to be fair. He said that's what he was focusing on. Which is good, because he was looking forward to it.

He's been looking forward to it for over a month. And it started on Thursday. So he's watching that half half listening to me half watching the golf.

And he did say something that made me laugh though. Because he's got I don't want to use the word paranoid. He doesn't like that word.

But he's basically in without going too deeply into medical stuff. His body is not filtering his blood. Okay, so those toxins are going into his brain.

And it's a very standard thing. In his situation, happens to millions of people. And this is causing a thing called H E, which I can't remember what it stands for.

And it isn't home economics. I don't know what it is. I know what it is.

I've been studying. Ridiculous. I know way more about the liver than I ever wanted to in my life.

Before all I knew is I didn't like liver tasted horrible. That's all I knew. I didn't realise that it had a function.

And then when you realise what its function is, how could you eat it? When you realise like, this is actually that's not something that yeah. No. But hey, he is not quite he's got a few like I'm trying to be careful how I word this.

He thinks he a couple of about a week ago fought the hospital. No, it's the beginning of this week. He thought the hospital were messing with his food.

He said the food tastes different. They're adding stuff to the food. And then he's concerned about the medication he's given getting given and why is he taking it and he started hiding the tablets.

So I sorted that side out. But I promised him on Thursday night, I would come into hospital, speak to the nurse, get the nurse to come in and speak to him, explain to him exactly what the medication was for, what medication is that he's getting and what it's for. And whether he needs to take it or not, in a way for him to understand and feel safe.

And the other issue was, he told me that one of the carers or nurses, it's hard to know who's who now because I think in hospitals, it seems just from what I've seen, that the support workers or the care workers are pretty much doing a nurse's job now. You know, all in and like the nurse is kind of in charge of them. It's, you know, there's a lot of and it's hard to know who's who now, which one's the nurses, not that it makes any difference.

But they're doing all the, I think the only thing they don't, you don't see a care worker generally with a telescope around the neck. So they don't have that. But they, they seem to do everything else.

I'm not sure whether or not they take bloods or stuff. But then when you've got the canicular thing, this or it's like permanently in their arm, they can take blood. Anyone could take blood from that, couldn't they? Because it's quite easy, I imagine.

But not that I've ever done it. He wouldn't let me. I was like, please, Uncle Sausage, just let me just take a bit of blood.

It's fun for me. He said, it's not fun for me. Okay.

I said, I'll, I'll let you play with one of my Lego toys. He said, what? I said, I'll let you play with one of my Lego toys. He said, I heard what you said, but what do you mean Lego toys? Lego is a toy.

It's not a Lego toy. It's a Legos, you build something with a Lego set. Yeah.

Yeah, but no one, no one calls it a Lego toy. Well, obviously I do. And then he went on a rant about Legos and it's, Lego isn't just for kids.

So therefore it's not a toy. It's for adults too. And everyone can be creative.

And, you know, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a great way to relax, to find some kind of mindfulness. In fact, possibly Lego. And then he started talking about jigsaw puzzles, Lego and jigsaw puzzles were around long before mindfulness meditation became a thing in the West.

And I said, well, what's that got to do with your tablets? And he said, nothing. Anyway, he said, one of the nurses told him that he had to clear up after himself. So if there was any kind of situation, he had to clear up.

So I went and spoke to the nurse and I explained to the nurse what he said to me. And she said, do you know who it was that said that to him? I said, no, I don't. So it was wrong.

They shouldn't have said that. But apparently they also do try and encourage self sufficiency, or if that's the right word. But to be fair, I don't think that's really an issue anymore.

It's, it's always going. I'm just thinking it's always in a situation where they're in hospital and they have to learn to cope with a new type of lifestyle. Then helping them to learn to do things themselves, if they're going home, they're going to be on their own and live the next 20-30 years.

But he's not in that situation. And he's an elderly man. And it's like, I just think people, all people deserve respect.

But in that situation, even more, I don't know why, but just there's something different about that kind of situation. This is like a short term. I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, it's got its own room. It's nice. It's better than some rooms I've lived in.

Seriously, I would have been happy living in a room like that. And not necessarily in the environment, but getting food, getting someone clean in the bathroom. And I'd get a big TV in there.

I don't know if he's allowed to put his own TV in there. But you know, if it was if he was renting the room, then he could do what he wanted, couldn't he? So he's on a short list to be getting a getting into a care home. That seems to be the the next step.

Because the hospice isn't probably going to happen because of the waiting list. So he's going to try and they're going to try and get him into a care home at the first opportunity. So he's now been moved to a room on his own.

And I'm hoping by the end of next week, he'll be moved. Because they're really on it, which is good. And he'll be happy.

And he seems a bit happier now being in that room. He's not distracted by other people. He's not.

Yeah, he's not quite as annoyed. However, yesterday, he was in good spirits. And he's got the golf on while he's talking to me.

He's pretending to listen to what I'm saying. I can see he just keeps looking down at the golf on the laptop or the iPad. And he's watching it live on Sky Sports.

And he is the food comes out. So I don't rush off as soon as food gets there. I'm still talking to him.

And he had what did he have? Oh, he had a potato, a jacket potato, two little bits of butter, you know, the ones in the wrappers, tin tin, you know, like, I don't know, foil wrapper things. And he had a little tub. Well, it wasn't tiny, but it's a tub of tuna fish.

And then he also had a bowl of custard with some pudding in it. So I said, Do you need a hand? Do you want me to do anything? So he said, Yeah. And I basically I cut his potato open for him.

I said, Be careful, it's hot. And he said, Stop treating me like a child. And then he he had a bite.

Oh, it's hot. Why didn't you tell me? So I cut the potato open. I asked him what he wanted next.

He wanted the butter put on. So I put one bit of butter on each bit. Let that soak in a bit.

And then I said, George, you're done with the tuna fish. Now he could have done all this himself probably. But it felt quite nice doing it for him.

You know, just, it seems like a nice thing to do. I don't know why just and plus he likes bossing me around. No.

So I put some tuna fish on top of the potato. And I kind of I didn't mash it. But I kind of pushed it in a little bit, you know, to make it a little bit whatever.

Just, I guess how I would have done it myself. And he said to me, I'm not sure if I want to eat that. I said, Okay, well, if you had if you've had a jacket potato before, he said, Yeah, of course.

I said, you've had tuna fish on a jacket potato. And he said, mumble something. And he said, Why don't you why don't you try it? I said, No, I'm not hungry.

Because this is like, I'd had my, I'd had a little snack. I had a croissant. Actually, I've got a croissant from Costas.

Didn't get coffee because it was so hot yesterday. Really sticky and not I didn't find it particularly pleasant. Heat wise.

It wasn't. Yeah, it was. I mean, and but when the sun was on me, it was too hot.

It was kind of a little bit uncomfortable for my head. So I said, No, you're fine. I'm all right.

I've already had a croissant like half an hour ago. I'm not hungry. And he said, Okay, then.

And he like, seemed to be hesitant. But then he took a bit and he said, I've got to be careful because the last thing I had was too hot. And I said, Well, why don't you touch it with your tongue? Gently, like you, you know, just make sure that it's, it's not too hot for you put in your mouth.

And he said, Okay, and he put a big bit on his fork. He just tried to just put it right in his mouth. He didn't test it or nothing.

So that is going to burn you if you do that. Bernie, Bernie, and but I can't tell someone else how to eat their food. I mean, he's been doing a lot longer than me.

Um, yeah, I'd be a bit careful, especially with potatoes, they really can hold the heat. So but it seemed fine. And he said, Yeah, it's all right.

And he pointed at the dessert. And I said, Yeah, he said, So what is it? So it's custard, isn't it? What's in it? He said, Do you want to try that? That's what he said. Do you want to try try some of the dessert? I said, No, I really don't like custard.

It's not I don't like custard. I cannot eat custard. It is beyond.

No, that's a no no, like a complete no no. Like, no. It that would be it's gonna be that Yeah, it would be like eating something.

If you think something that you really don't would never eat. That's the same for me. It's the same as Yeah, no.

See, yeah. See, if you if you put a bowl of custard, chucked it in a bin, and then won't put all that rubbish on top of it. And you pulled the custard bowl out and said, and it's got all full of dirt and rubbish.

Would you eat that it would be the same response as if there wasn't as if it was straight out of the oven, or wherever custard comes from, wherever it's born. I don't know. Just don't I can't.

It's one of those things. We've all got our little things and we some people don't like crocodiles. I don't like custard.

Don't judge me, baby. So and I said, No, I don't like custard. I didn't go into a big thing.

Didn't talk about crocodiles or list other things that some people might like that I you know, that I'm okay with that people don't like and all that stuff. Didn't mention Marmite, you know, generally. And he looked at me.

He smiled. And I'm like, Okay, he seemed in good spirits. So I'm not gonna not gonna rock the boat on that one.

He seemed a much in a better frame of mind than he had done. All week. All month, really, but all week, definitely.

And he said, Yeah, he started talking about Henry VIII. I said, Okay, I'm not quite sure why he's talking about Henry VIII. seemed a bit random.

You know, how did he manage to start? He just started talking about Henry VIII. And he started talking and I wasn't really with him where he was going with this. And he started talking about how in Henry VIII had a food taster.

And then I remembered my history. Like all kings generally, I think back in the old days, used to have food tasters to make sure that the food was safe, that they weren't being poisoned. He was using me as a food taster.

He was making sure that the food wasn't poisoned. And when I realized what he was talking about, I couldn't stop laughing. It was proper belly laugh and he was laughing as well.

Because he he found it funny. But I just couldn't believe that. And he meant it as well.

He really wanted me to test his food. I just found it hilarious. That he said, Okay, so what about me then? So if the food was poisoned, what about me? Then he started laughing even more.

Like, Okay, thanks. So that was kind of a funny, funny thing. Another one, he said, this is a couple of nights back, because he'd been having possible hallucinations, maybe weird dreams or something.

And he but anyway, this previous to that, and this night, he said, well, in the morning, he said, last night, I went into I was orbited into space. And I said, I think, you know, perhaps he dreamt that he was in space, or he hallucinated that he was in space. You know, seeing the stars, the moon, galaxy, Milky Way, whatever, you know, all that stuff.

And I'm thinking, as I'm talking to him, like, okay, I'm just going along with it. So I'm thinking he's talking about how he imagined he was actually in space, and either hallucinated it, or maybe he dreamt it, and it was so real, he believed it was true. That's not what he was talking about at all.

What he's really trying to tell me is he was woken up by the biggest thought of his life. His bum woke him up. And he said, it's showing it.

He banged his head on the ceiling. It was that powerful. Like, oh, it's hard to keep track.

But yeah, so that's Uncle sausages. Yesterday, I'm going back on Monday. I've got the weekend off.

I need the weekend off. It's this is my time. I'm not going to be around any humans at all, if at all possible.

Me and Vinnie, nothing else, no one else. Pure bliss. Oh, lovely.

No dramas, no conversations. And to be fair, I'm usually the one over talks. I'm an oversharer.

And if someone's sitting there quietly, in a room with me, they're quiet, I will just keep talking. And that's why I'd be terrible in an interrogation room. If I was being interrogated, all they'd have to do is just sit down, just look at me, and they'd get my entire life story.

Yeah. So I was hoping the rain would stop the the neighbors from being particularly loud. But they seem to still doing that.

So you might be able to hear that in the background, there's there's really nothing I can do about it. It's one of those things I can, the only thing I could do is not make a recording. If you don't want to do that, because this is what I'm supposed to be doing in it.

I left about 10 past 12 yesterday, got on a bus, waited for a while for a bus. And got to where I was, you know, it's a two, it's a two bus journey. Got there, got to the bus stop, I was going to get off.

I had a choice of three different buses going past. So I thought, yeah, this is a, that's why I went there. I was there for about an hour, waiting before a bus actually turned up loads of other buses that weren't going where I was going.

In fact, the bus that I got, that same number bus came past me about four times during that period. And I couldn't even see the bus numbers very clearly from a distance. So a couple of times, I put my hand out to stop the bus.

And then when it got close, I realized, no, thanks. And I like waved it off. Another time I stopped the bus asked, I didn't know the number, I didn't know what it was.

I said, do you go to, do you go to my home? And they said no. Then eventually a bus did come because I'm here. But I got home, called 23.

Yes, it took two and a half, about two and a half hours to get home. I was it. It was tiring.

Oh, itch. Oh, that's nice. So yeah, I was, I came home.

I had something to eat. I had a chat with one of my neighbors. Then I went and had a nap.

And I did feel better after the nap. I did. Then I watched a movie that I watch.

But he watched a bit of TV. Watched part of a movie and I watched The End this morning. And then I went to bed just after 10.

Yeah. Listen to the radio. I fell asleep.

Woke up at one. Did a wee wee. Turned the radio off.

And then woke up again at six. Or I might have woke up at three and then six. So and then that was it.

So you now up to date on my entire life. You see what now what I call it, Let Me Bore You To Sleep because there's nothing interesting or exciting about anything that happens to me. It's all boring.

So let's go through the questions. I've got 12345. Hope asks me, favorite candy.

Do you have any? What are they? Well, thanks, Hope. We we don't call it candy in this country. I know what you mean when you say candy.

So you mean chocolate, don't you? Chocolate and sweets. So yeah, we don't call it that. I'm just I'm just think so.

So chocolate is candy, but what are sweets? Because you have sweets like, you know, boiled sweets, humbugs, for example, or bonbons, jelly babies, things like that. What would that would that come under candy as well? So I'm gonna I'm gonna assume if I if I think of chocolate bars, okay, so we just call them sweets, really, that's what we call them because they're sweet. Yeah, kinds of comes under the umbrella of sweets in this country.

But I'm not going to be pedantic. So no, I know what you mean. The only candy I've ever had.

So I have been sent stuff from America in the past. And it was those a couple of things. What are those little I think it was Gershey, was it Gershey bar? And those little twiglet dinkle binkle things that are just very sweet.

But yummy. Yeah. I think the the sweets, chocolate and stuff like that, in America is possibly way better than in this country.

I mean, I don't know. I've never been to America. I hope to go one day.

I don't know how, you know, got no idea if I'll ever be able to do it. But if I ever go on tour, if I was to go on tour, I need to have enough money coming in to cover the cost of the travel, to cover the cost of the accommodation. And, you know, the expenses.

So if you could organise a nice tour for me, anyone who would want to see me blow? Can you imagine me putting out or got a tour? I imagine if I posted it on Facebook, I probably get maybe four likes. It's like, yeah, okay. That's really, I don't think people would really want to do a meet and greet.

Because in a way we do a meet and greet every time I do a recording, don't I? I don't think I really need to be in the same room. Although I think it might be distracting, seeing me in person, especially if you don't know what I look like. If all you got is the voice.

And you imagine that I'm like blonde and six foot nine and hairy like a gorilla, I don't know. Well, however you're you imagined I am. It's probably not going to be how I am.

Because no voice, I say none, but generally, in my experience, voices rarely match the person physically. If you hear the voice first. If you if I think if I meet someone, sometimes a voice matches them perfectly like yeah, you got that that voice is perfect for you.

But then if you think about someone like Earl, what was his name? Darth Vader man. The voice of Darth Vader. You could like that voice matched him.

But then once it's like all we know, isn't it? Earl Jones, Earl Grey Jones or something. His or Morgan Freeman, the voice matches his face. But then Pee Wee Herman's voice would match Morgan Freeman's face if if that was his normal voice, if that's all we knew.

So you know, in the Shawshank, Shawdank prediction, whatever it was, Morgan Freeman, he said, we got to get out of here. I don't know. However, Pee Wee Herman talks.

I did like the way he talks. Maybe made me laugh. And it'd be almost like, okay, that that that makes sense, because you're used to it.

But if you didn't know, and you heard Morgan Freeman's voice, which is Pee Wee Herman's voice, and you heard that on the radio, or, you know, audio wise, you didn't know what you look like. And then you saw Morgan Freeman, you might think that doesn't look like his voice. Or that doesn't sound like his voice.

It doesn't. That's not what I would imagine he would look like. I suppose.

But I imagine I think in Morgan Freeman, if you had his voice, not knowing what it looks like, and I almost feel like you wouldn't be surprised because you wouldn't be surprised. But then that's just because we know we know him. He's been around for so long.

Yeah, it's a weird one. But yeah, anyway, my voice does not match me. I've actually got a friend who likes listening to my voice, which is weird.

She listens to my recordings. This is someone I've known for Wow, over 20 years, and she listened to my recordings when she's at home. And why? Why? I like your voice.

Yeah, but come on. Stop it. Favorite candy.

So I'm gonna go for favorite chocolate bars. Bearing in mind, I'm not supposed to eat chocolate anymore. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. Yeah, my go to is it's quite weird to and they kind of similar in a way. crunchy bars and Maltesers.

And we both got honeycomb. And chocolate is a different flavor, different taste, but it's still, you know, honeycomb. I used to love eating honeycomb, just honeycomb.

When I was 17, 18, 18. And I take a bar, be wrapped up in plastic, I take a bar to to work with me. And I'd have it in my break time.

And literally, it will be stuck to my teeth. My mouth will be stuck shut for about three hours. Literally, it was Oh, it was fun.

Just love the taste. And sometimes I would lick it and make it into you know, people do the what do they call it? whittling, tittling, whittling, where they have a lot of little knife and a bit of wood and they turn it into something. I did that with the honeycomb.

But instead of a knife, I use my tongue. And I would shape it and turn it into I don't know. Just a distorted honeycomb bar really didn't really didn't resemble anything.

But I enjoyed it. It was my temporary hobby. I used to see I don't eat sweets much anymore.

Due to the fact that I'm not really supposed to because of my sugar levels, my sugar levels, and my weight, again, sort of losing some weight. So I stopped having sugar in my tea and I don't, I don't eat. There was a time when I'd have like two chocolate bars a day.

And I'd be drinking at least four cans of coke a day. I don't do any of that anymore. I don't I don't drink coke anymore.

If I if I have a fizzy drink, which has been a bit more regular lately, because I've been going up to hospital and it's been hot and water is okay, but I was getting cans or bottles of drink for Uncle sausages. So I ended up getting myself a Fanta. I like Fanta.

But I don't drink coke. And so I don't drink Fanta all the time. I did every day for a couple of weeks, probably.

But now I'm realizing that actually water is just better when it's hot. For myself, personally. Bonbons.

So they're kind of they're like icing, icing sugar on top of toffee with balls. And sometimes they're flavored. So I quite like the plain ones.

Strawberry ones. Yeah, that's kind of the ones I liked. Haven't had them for years.

I used to love a curly whirly. But again, and also because I've I'm trying to kind of be a bit more careful with my teeth as well. So I don't try to keep down a little bit when it comes to eating chocolate and with chocolate with chocolate bar, you can eat it and just you know, it's gone.

But if you eat something, it's chewy. Then that sugar is kind of staying around the teeth and stuff. I don't know if that makes sense.

I mean, last time I had a curly whirly, I put it in the freezer, got it out. Oh, look, looking forward to it. Oh, I was a bit into it.

And it's well, it got stuck in my in my teeth. And when I removed it, it also removed my filling. So that was not a good idea.

And I think I did it another time and it broke my tooth in half. Because I didn't learn the first time. That wasn't the second bite.

This was like a few months later. Okay, I thought by then, and you say, well, just have the curly whirly without freezing it. The problem is curly whirlies are, they're very meltable.

And I'm not really into melted chocolate, unless it's on ice cream. So melted curly whirlies weren't really my favourite thing. I suppose I could have put it in the fridge.

Because it's still it wouldn't be like a rock hard. The way it was when it was in the freezer. But it wouldn't be warm and soggy and dripping.

Yeah, that doesn't sound very pleasant, does it? Trying to think I could list all I don't have. Yeah, I'd say probably my favourite chocolate bar is a crunchy. My chocolate bar, as in, yeah, be crunchy.

I do like bars of chocolate, just chocolate as well. So Galaxy, I like that. Cadbury's bar of chocolate, I like that.

Fruit and Nut, I like that. One of my favourite chocolate bars from the past, and I haven't eaten it for probably quite a long time, maybe years, is Toblerone. I used to love Toblerone.

And they do, it's a taste, it's got nugget in it, or nougat. I call it nugget. And it's very tasty.

Oh, I used to eat them fairly regularly. One of the reasons I don't eat as much chocolate as I used to is because I no longer go to the petrol station. I used to go there every day.

It was more a Luke thing, I'd go over there with him. So we'd take the boys for a walk, you know. And just, I'd go and get something.

I was able to take Vinnie in there. So we'd go in there, I'd get something, he'd get something, or I'd get something for him and he'd stay outside with Loki. And quite often they had these special offers, two for £1.50 chocolate bars.

So I'd get one for him, one for me. And you know, that'd be like a daily thing. And I kind of, because some of those, oh and oh yeah, another I like is, I do love a chocolate flake.

Or the galaxy version, which is, I can't remember what it's called. I've eaten one, I've been eating them for 40 years. I still don't remember what they're called.

They're nice. They're crumbly as well, but not as crumbly as a flake. So I like a cabbage flake.

The weird thing about it is, I like them. But on an ice cream, I love them. An ice cream with a flake makes it so much more appealing.

And that flake is, it's all about the flake. You get a flake on its own. If it's cold, I don't like warm flakes.

If it's cold, it's nice. It's really, oh, it's out of the fridge, not the freezer, out of the fridge. Although I suppose I could put it in the freezer.

I want one now. I have no chocolate in the, there's no chocolate in here. I've got no biscuits, no chocolate, no treats.

Even he hasn't got any treats. All his treats are gone now. Damn it.

I really, if I had biscuits, I'd be eating them. Honestly, just the odd biscuits. I mean, what I like to get is these stem ginger biscuits and they're, um, it's from Sainsbury's, but they're, what do they call it? It's as good as it gets or they, it's like a, it's their home brand, but it's a higher level.

That, that makes it sound, makes sense to you. And they're, they're a little bit more expensive, but they're so nice and they're big old things and they're ginger stem and I have them with a cup of tea and it's just, oh, oh yeah. But if I bought some the other day, they'd all be gone.

If I, honestly, within a day, two days of buying them, they're gone. So I didn't get any this week. I managed to just spend just the amount that I was able to spend, just on some milk and some, uh, breakfast cereal and not a lot else to be fair, not much more.

A few little bits of bread, a couple of frozen bits. Yeah. I'm just trying to think.

I used to love fries, cream, chocolate cream. What are they called? Oh yeah. Chocolate.

Um, don't get them until the beginning of the year, but the chocolate eggs, Cadbury's cream egg, I've been eating them forever. Forever. But again, it's only really what I get from the supermarket now online because I don't go to the petrol station anymore.

So it's not like a daily thing anymore, which is good. It's a good thing, but you know, I had to, yeah, I was told at the beginning of the year, last year that I needed to lose weight because my blood sugar level. So I did.

Lost over a stone. Favourite candy. Do you have any? No.

So that was my next answer. No. I hope I have no candy.

I have no chocolate. Oh, Smarties is what I love. Smarties.

Oh yeah. Love Smarties. I'll tell you what I do like, but I also don't like.

I love the taste of bounty, a bounty bar. I love the smell, love the taste, but I struggle to be able to swallow coconut. It has a, I just can't, I can, but it's almost like the coconut gets in my mouth and it sucks all of the liquid out of my body into the coconut.

I mean, I'm sure that's not happening, but I have to have a drink in order to eat the coconut, but it tastes so good. So I don't eat the bounty bar because it, although it tastes amazing, smells lovely, the, yeah, too much chewing involved and I just can't, it just doesn't seem to go down so well as easy. I just remembered when I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to have alcohol.

We used to have wine at the dinner table. Um, and at Christmas, maybe I'd have a bit more wine than I was normally would have, but we didn't have, you know, I wasn't drinking whiskey or anything like that. But at Christmas, we used to have these liqueurs, these chocolate liqueurs, and I would eat as many as I was able to.

And I probably was a little bit tipsy on them. They were good. It's very good.

Oh, yes. Hoo-haa. Trying to think what other chocolate bars I like.

I'm just visualizing. Oh, chocolate eclairs. Love myself some chocolate eclairs.

So these are basically individual sweets. They're wrapped up. And it's basically, um, yeah, they're toffee on the outside and chocolate on the inside.

That's so nice. Oh, so nice. I can, I can get through a pack really quickly because I one after another just, oh, and you can mix in a bit of mint as well, which changes the taste.

It's just, oh, really nice. Just trying to think what other, I used to in 2009, I went through a period when I was eating Werther's original sweets. And they're like boiled sweets, but toffee.

Tastes so good. So good. And then they brought out toffee toffee, Werther's original toffee, which you could just chew like, you know, like toffee toffee.

So good. So nice. Um, but that, that was like a short term thing.

I stopped eating them after a while, but I used to eat them regularly for a few months. I don't know why I stopped really. I remember one thing I used to do when I was a paper boy, I had this little period of time when I'd go and collect my papers in the afternoon after school.

And I would have some, what did I have? Toffees and soft bits and mix them together. So it'd be toffee mint. Oh, and maybe a bit of chocolate.

Oh, I just mixed it all together like, uh, I don't know, like a washing machine or something or tumble dryer, just, or a mixer, I suppose, mixing it like a blender. And it was like a, I was like a little walking experiment. It was lovely.

But then I'd always feel a bit by the time I got home, because I just stuffed all this stuff down and it was a little bit too much. A little bit too much sugar, even then. I'm trying to think of any other chocolate bars that I really, I do like Ariel, the mint one.

I do quite like, I do quite like mint, mint flavoured stuff. What are they called? Mint. Oh, they're like boiled sweets, but they have mint.

Mevvies, Bevvies, Hevvies, Wevvies. What are they called? Mints, Wevvies, Levvies, Tevvies, Murries, Mint Murries. Oh, I don't know if they still make them, but I used to like them.

Very nice. Now I'm just thinking about stuff that I used to enjoy. Because when I was young, I mean, there is a shop in town that does this still.

But when I was young, all the, well, I don't want to say all, but my local one anyway, Newsagents, or I used to call it a sweet shop. And it was on the corner. In fact, it wasn't a Newsagents, it was just a sweet shop.

Yeah, it was on the corner. Oh my goodness. Wow.

How weird is this? I just remembered something that I'd forgotten. For like 40 years. Can you believe that? See, here's a memory I've not forgotten.

This isn't a memory that I'd forgotten. But I've forgotten the complete memory. And now I realize where it was.

So it was early 80s. Maybe late 90s, but probably 80. Maybe 81.

Charlie's Angels was on TV. So it was possibly Tuesday or Thursday evening. I went to the sweet shop, which was just around the corner.

It wasn't far to go to from where I lived. Up the road. So basically come out of the house.

And just turn left, then turn right, turn left, turn right, or turn left, go up and turn right. But anyway, it wasn't far. But I just remembered because it's this shop, it was basically he had a ladder that he used to get up to get all these tubs of sweets, boiled sweets, bonbons, chocolate, sauces, sparkly things, all these kinds of sweets.

And it'd be all these big plastic containers, all high up and low down and the big chocolate bars on the counter. You'd say what you want, and he'd turn around and he'd go and get it. And it's only until this right this not this second, but you know, a couple of minutes ago when I mentioned it, I have the memory of going there.

And I have the memory of getting some sweets before Charlie's Angels was on TV. Because back then Charlie's Angels was big, big show. And walking to that shop, getting some sweets, coming home to eat the sweets whilst watching.

There was this one sweet, it was a bobbly and flat, but a bit bobbly and pink. But it was mint and chewy. I can't remember what it's called.

I like them. Well, I just realised that that shop, the sweet shop I used to go into for years, was the same place that I worked at when I was in a chip shop. It's the same building.

It was the same entrance. And I didn't realise just till now. So I don't know what on earth was next to it.

Because it was a lot bigger than the shop. The shop was quite small. Unless he lived in the back or something.

And upstairs, I don't know. And then maybe just kept all these sweets all stocked up. Or he had a really big bathroom.

I don't know. But the place was the building was not small. But his shop wasn't big.

And you go in and pretty much you walk in and you pretty much you're at the counter when you go in there. There was no big long walk to get to the counter. And it was that exact building, that exact same shop as the chip shop I ended up working in, in 1986.

Wow. How strange is that? I completely forgot until now. I wonder what other things I've forgotten.

Because this is the stuff that interests me. And remembering things that, you know, I guess I thought I'd forgotten, but was still there inside my memory. I mean, you know, arguably wasn't the most exciting memory.

Perhaps not as intriguing and invigorating and on the edge of your chair sitting story that I thought it was when I told you, but I find it kind of interesting that I was able to remember something that I'd completely forgotten. In fact, I'd even forgotten that that used to be the sweet shop when I worked at the chip shop. So I'd forgotten that that building was the chip shop, was the sweet shop, sorry.

I forgot. Even then, in 1986, because it was a sweet shop probably until maybe 1983, 84. How weird.

That's really strange, isn't it? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Do I have other favorite chocolate or does ice cream count? I do like I tell you one of my Oh, what was it called? Oh, what's that chocolate that ice cream covered in chocolate and freckles of like nut and then you buy into it and eventually you've got like a bit of chocolate on. Oh, it's been so long since I've had a, an ice cream bar. I used to know all the names of the ice creams, but it's gone out of my head.

It's left me in for some reason. Right. Thanks for that.

Maria asked me, do you have a favorite all time comedian from your time at the comedy club famous or otherwise? Thank you. Okay, Maria, thanks for all time favorite comedian. The so what do I only focus on comedians that I've seen live, whether at my comedy, well, the comedy club that I was involved in, or any other comedy club or someone that I performed with, or you know, I was on the same bill.

But no comedians. I'm not going to talk about any comedians that are around that have come afterwards, or that were before or anyone in America. Apart from the ones I see live.

So as far as comedians, there's two comedians that made me laugh the most. In a live show. In my memory, and one was Dennis Leary.

So he came over from America. But I saw him, I basically followed him around for I think he was here for about two weeks. And I went and saw him every opportunity.

So I saw him at probably four different clubs. And he was just hilarious. Honestly, he's one of the first comedians that I've seen that just had me laughing all the way through.

Uncontrollably laughing. And another one, very similar situation really, is a little bit later. It was Jerry, Jerry Sadovich.

And it was in a little club. I don't, I'm not sure if I performed, or if I was performing that night, or I just went there to watch him. But it was in, it's in a room above a pub.

It wasn't a big audience. But he was so, so funny. I mean, it was it wasn't a small audience.

But there was probably couldn't be more than like 5060 people there. So it wasn't a big space. There was no stage, he just stood on the same level as the audience.

So funny. I was laughing. I really laughed loud.

Just like, just so they're the two that made me laugh the most. At a performance. You know, that so that.

Yeah, so then two, they're not my favorite comedians. Which is probably a weird thing to say. But if I was going to choose my favorite comedians, and I've got respect for any anyone that will go on stage and perform, because it's not easy.

And anyone that can actually be successful, like, wow. That's amazing. It's like, good, good for them.

But as far as favorite performers, favorite comedians, I do like Jimmy Carr. Jimmy Carr is funny, I find him funny. And I used to know him as well.

So I saw him for years performing at Compare and at the club, you know, so I knew him. I didn't like know him really well, but I knew him to chat to. And I saw him perform on stage probably at least 100 times, if not more.

So I kind of I knew his act inside and out at that time. But not anymore. So I guess I didn't appreciate him as much because I kept seeing him.

He was doing a lot of the same stuff, which is just normal for comedians. You know, if they move around, they do the same, they might have five, four gigs in one night, and perform the same act four times in a row. But the audience to them is new, because they've not seen them before.

Especially on the London circuit, where most of the comedians are not famous. Well, a lot at that time. Most of them weren't known.

So people would see them for the first time. So what seemed like ad libbing, or what seemed like it might seem like the comedian was making stuff up on the spot, when actually they weren't, it was finely tuned, honed material from years of doing it. But just trying to think my favourite, that's what problem I had.

One of the problems I had, apart from not being very good, is I didn't have the discipline to go on stage and perform the same material. It bored me performing the same material. I wanted to write new material.

And the new material was no better than the old material. None of it was particularly great. I had a few good one liners.

But it was, I didn't, and also depending on what mood I was in, about how I performed. And there's one gig I did where it's actually for the same promoter. So she would, I only had two promoters that would give me regular gigs, paid gigs.

And one was Dolly, another one was Zed. And Dolly was a fellow comedian like me. She was quite new.

But she was a good promoter. And we were friends. And she gave me gigs, wherever she was.

She opened up little clubs around London area. She had one really good one. A big one in, I can't remember where it is now.

Or where it was. I wonder if it's still running. I'm going to check this now.

It's, I wonder, I wonder. No, it's been running since 2002. That's long after I was, mine was the 90s.

I wonder if, because, okay, so there was a comedy club called the Crack Comedy Club. And she had to change her name to Crack as in the Irish version, which is C-R-A-I-K, I think. And it was a really good club.

Really good. I wonder, courses, learn stand up. Oh, okay.

So I'll go back. If I put in the original name, what's going on? Okay. Maybe it's not running anymore.

It's possible. I mean, sometimes even if a club's really, oh, it is. It is, it is, it is.

But it looks like this one is in Ireland. Let's have a look. About.

The Crack Den Comedy Club is where Ireland's best comedians take to the stage. So, yeah, it's in Ireland. No, I thought it was a Wimbledon.

The Crack Den Comedy. Okay. Do, do, do, I remember a name, Dolly Dupree.

It's weird that I remember a name, but I do. The Comedy Club must include Dolly Dupree. Dolly Dupree, Dolly Dupree, Dolly, Dolly, Dolly Dupree.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. No, can't seem to find it, but she was really good to me. So that was nice.

And Zed, my friend Zed, he had a club called Chicken Ridges. And again, he had like a really, really big one on a Sunday night, big audience. But he also had other ones dotted around, like in pubs and stuff.

So everyone loved Zed. They really did, because he was, well, he was lovely. But he, one of the things he did is he'd put on a comedy night.

And it all, he'd get good acts. He'd also give people like me a chance. Plus he was my friend anyway, but he gave people like me, you know, an opportunity to do a gig.

And if we did well, he'd give, he'd pay. But something that he was known for is he always paid the acts, regardless of what the audience was like, how many people turned up. Even if no one turned up, he would still pay the acts.

So he was able to get big names on the circuit to do his gigs, because he would pay, he'd arrange a payment, and he'd pay probably as much as any of the other clubs. Maybe not a comedy store, but you know, like the normal clubs. So whether it was 100 quid, or whatever it was back then, that's, he'd pay the acts that money.

So guaranteed he got decent acts. And everyone liked him. Everyone respected him.

And he did compare himself. But the audience, because he was friends with the audience, it's almost like he invited his friends to come along. And it was a Zed party.

It was a really nice atmosphere. Really, really nice. And so I'm thinking, if I was going to say my favourite stand up comedian in this country, out of those that I met, whilst doing comedy, or ones that I saw on stage.

Stuart Lee. Number one, Stuart Lee. Yeah.

A short answer. See, yeah, Stuart Lee was my, I was gonna say he's probably my, my favourite. Now, the answer would have been different in the 90s.

I had a few. I would say my favourite for a while, my favourite comedian was Mark Thomas. Absolutely loved Mark Thomas, and I wanted to be him.

I was never going to be him. But I wanted to be him. Because I just, I don't, it was nice to me.

But so, but that again, so was, I used to see Stuart Lee. Quite often, I did quite a few gigs with him. And he was always nice to me.

And he treated me as an equal. And I wasn't. You know, he was a headliner.

And he's got a huge following around the world, actually, but he's got a huge following. And he does a lot of live gigs. I think he's written books, he's had DVDs, you know, he's done specials on Amazon or Netflix, one of them.

But he doesn't, he was never up himself. And he never put me down. Even though I was pretty much useless at the old stand up.

He was nice to me. I did find that quite often with some of the really good comedians, they didn't need to be horrible, because they were very secure, I guess, in their own abilities. There's some other comedians I will mention.

So Stuart Lee will be, I put him at the top. Now, in the 90s, there was a few that, there's one particular one, Mark Lamar. Now, Mark Lamar did comedy.

He didn't do it for a long time before he was discovered and got on TV. So I saw him quite, I saw it quite a few times before he got on TV. And he started doing The Big Brother and The Big Breakfast, rather, The Word.

And this is early 90s. And then he did the Nevermind the Buzzcocks, he did a couple of other things as well. So he's, you know, he established himself as a TV star.

And he's got radio shows, I think he still does radio shows. Now, I remember in about late 90s, maybe 2000. He he was doing, he came and did a gig.

But he was doing a live, I don't know if he did a gig or he just, no, I think he actually did a gig. It was like, my friends, it was the celebration of the 10th anniversary of the comedy club, something like that. So Mark Lamar, and quite a few other big names came along and did a show.

So it was a special like one off thing. Maybe it was for charity, something like that. And so Mark Lamar was there.

And I said to him, I didn't, I don't know if he remembers me, if he remembered me at that point, because I've done gigs with him, you know, eight, nine years earlier. But I said to him, you know what? It's really weird. It's what's, I'll tell you what's weird about you.

And he looked at me like, huh? And I said, what I don't understand is, you go, you're on TV. So you're a big star, so you can make lots of money and stuff. But you never, you don't, I didn't, I didn't say it rudely, but you don't, you don't come across, your, your stand up ability does not come across on TV.

And he said, What do you mean? I said, it's like when you're doing the word when you're doing what people don't realise is that you're one of the best comedians this country had. So he started listening to me. Now, what Mark Lamar could do is, I once saw him on stage, and it was at the Looking forward to Christmas this year.

I want to celebrate Christmas. Because I want to make some changes. I know I've moved on from I'm coming back to Mark Lamar.

It's really got me thinking though, the last month is maybe Miss introspection, isn't it? But also outrospection. I'm also looking at my surroundings. It's not really just how do I feel, but looking around and having a different perspective because you know, since 2000 this will be like 1234 potentially four losses, you know, just in those five years.

And two of the biggest losses of my life was Luke and Andre. So without getting all heavy it's and now with Uncle sausages, I'm just like, perhaps I need to be a bit more appreciative of what I do have. Yeah.

And I'm thinking I always loved Christmas when I was a kid. Haven't loved Christmas since I was a kid. But I do love the build up to Christmas.

Christmas itself is a time when I'm on my own. And I don't, I'm not particularly jolly. But do like the build up.

And really, I think the thing that's missing is probably just being a kid again, having loads of presents, you know, I suppose I quite like to just go back to that. And I can't go back to that. But just be opening loads of presents on Christmas morning in my pajamas.

In the park. Yeah. But yeah, just just anyway, back to Mark Lamar.

I once saw him stretch not stretching. It wasn't stretching. It doesn't matter.

It was a big, big, big gig. There was probably 300 people there, at least. That's quite big for a gig like in a comedy circuit.

But it was back then. And he'd just been to see what he said he had just been to see a what's his name the rapper? God, no. Can't fix this.

Do do do not count can't fix this. Can't fix this. Can't beat this.

Can't MC Hammer. What is this? Can't fix this. Anyway, it was MC Hammer.

So he went to see MC Hammer at Wembley, I think. Or maybe I'm sure he said Hyde Park. But why would MC Hammer be at Hyde Park? That's gonna be it.

I'm gonna Google that. MC Hammer. Hammer at Hyde Park.

Hyde Park. 1990. 1991.

Wow. Images of MC Hammer at Hyde Park in 1991. Really? He was a what a weird thing to remember.

He did 48 concerts on his world tour in 91. So let's just go to UK. So he did.

He came to the UK May 2013. Wembley Stadium, Wembley Stadium, Wembley Stadium, Wembley Stadium. And then GMEX Centre, which is in Manchester.

Wembley Arena. I went yeah, Wembley Arena, Wembley Arena, National Exhibition Centre. So that's 3rd of May.

2nd of May. Let's go next. So where this this sounds about right in the summer.

But where is it? Where does it say Hyde Park? I'm not seeing anything, any Hyde Park. Wembley Arena. Maybe it was just an appearance.

I don't know. I can't see any Hyde Park here. But when I put it in, it did come up.

Hyde Park. Hyde Park. Please don't hurt on world tour.

That's weird. There's actually a video on YouTube. It says classic.

Maybe it was at Wembley. It was somewhere. I mean, it was quite late.

To be fair, I think he went on stage about 11. Or 10 or 11. Mark Lamar did.

So maybe he had been to the concert and he came straight there. So, but I said he what he did, he talked about MC Hammer. But there was one point where there was someone sitting on a table in front of the stage.

And Mark Lamar looked down at him. And the bloke was just looking at the table. And Mark Lamar, he got about 10 minutes worth of material, just by the person looking at the table.

He was that good. He just ad-libbed. That's what he was so good at.

I mean, I know he had material and he probably used, maybe he used some of it before, you know, but he was, he could talk. He could, it wasn't all rehearsed. And it was so, he was so good.

Honestly, he's one of the best stand-up comedians I ever saw, as far as skill and how he could just get material out of nothing. And I remember saying that to him and he said, well, he agreed with me actually. Very few people would disagree when you tell them that they're great.

But no, he said, because he was on tour. He just finished his tour. And he hadn't been on tour for years.

He did a tour when he first got famous. And he did another one, this is probably 99, 2000, something like that. And he said he couldn't believe the amount of people that came up to him afterwards and said, well, that was really funny.

Didn't expect it to be that funny. Why did you come and see me then? So they were going to see him because he was hosting Nevermind the Buzzcocks. He was a television celebrity.

But they didn't, they didn't realize that he was really funny. Like, I mean, stand-up, I mean. And yeah.

I'd say now Stuart Lee. Oh, wow. They got one of the main people.

What's his name? Sean Locke. I'm trying to think I was going to try and look it up. But yeah, Sean Locke.

Sean Locke, he, unfortunately, he's not around anymore. But he was, there was two comedians, comedians. There was, when I was on the circuit, there was only two comedians that really everyone got, all the other comedians seemed to get excited to watch.

One of them was Eddie Izzard. And the other one was Sean Locke. Those two were the ones where people would, the comedians would go and see them.

Or if they were doing a gig, let's say if they were doing a show in a theater, or they're doing a gig, they'd turn up to watch them perform because they were so good. But Eddie Izzard was, he was the king of stand-up in the 90s. I mean, he, he'd already, I'll tell you what he did, Eddie Izzard, he or she now, but what Eddie did, what Eddie did, Eddie, Eddie, what Eddie did was, I think he actually paid to rent out a theater in the West End and he put on his own show.

And it became a huge success. And I think I saw him twice live. He compared this show, it was like a small gig, but it was his, it was his gig.

And the audience were there to see him. You know, they weren't there to see the other acts, they were see, they were there just to see him. And they would have been happy just to watch him all night.

Because he was so good. And Sean Locke was another one where people would, the other comedians would get excited to see him. So the comedians, comedian, both of them were kind of at the top of the list back then.

The amount of times I heard people saying, oh, Sean Locke's on at the, he's at the comedy store tonight, or he's at the comedy cafe, or he's at Jonglers. And the comedians that could, they'd finish their night, they'd go and see him. It happened less with Eddie Izzard because he was famous earlier.

So he was doing sold out theaters and travel in the world, you know, so he was kind of the most famous comedian pretty much from the circuit at that time. All time favorite comedians. Yes, I'm going to say Stuart Lee.

But I've respected lots of them. And Alan Davis, I really liked him. And he was always really nice to me.

Although he was a little bit cheeky. So Alan Davis, he's, he's gone, he went on to do TV shows and stuff. And he's been, what was that? There's a TV show that he's on regularly.

A couple of TV shows he's on regularly. But I remember I did a gig with him. And I said to him, if this doesn't go well, I'm quitting.

Because he used to chat to me. He was, he was a headline act, clearly going places, he'd won awards, and he was just so down to earth and friendly to me. Didn't, you know, some comedians weren't, but he was so very friendly.

And he just laughed. And we just have a laugh. And he said, Oh, I said, if this doesn't work out tonight, I'm quitting.

And the next time I see him at a gig, it's a different gig, but I walk in, I sit down and he said, Oh, I thought you'd quit. And he started laughing. And I thought it's so cheeky, because it didn't go very well, that gig that I'd had.

But it's like, really? And it really, it tickled him. But the fact is, he remembered me, it's like, okay, that's nice. It's nice to be remembered by someone that is.

In that world, he was a superstar. Like Eddie Izzard, Mark Lamar, Mark Thomas, Kevin Day, the list is quite long, to be fair. But they were all really big stars on the circuit.

They were super, even if they weren't on TV yet, Harry Hill, people like that, you just knew, it was so obvious that they were going to go on to be TV stars. Adelo Hanlon, although I never met him. Then there was others that never became TV stars.

And they were just as good, just as funny. For whatever reason, they didn't go on to be big stars. Someone like Boothby Graffo, phenomenal performer.

But he never went on to be a huge star. There was another one, I forget his name, but he was doing theatres, he was really doing well, but he never went on to be a star. Never went on to be on TV or anything like that.

And it's not because his material was adult, because it wasn't. I don't know what happened. It's not everyone fits the mould, I suppose, or not everyone fits in with what the TV people want.

Yeah, I'm going to stick with Stuart Lee. But as far as heroes, I would say Mark Thomas, he was one of my heroes of comedy. But I really liked Stuart Lee because we used to chat and stuff.

So he was always nice. He actually used to be able to, I forget what the right word is, but he could break down someone's act and tell me a joke. So he would tell me a joke in another person's style.

So for example, he said, oh, Mark Thomas. So I think I was gushing about Mark Thomas to him. He said, okay, here's what Mark Thomas does.

And he told me a joke. He basically said something and this is a joke in the style of Mark Thomas. And it was.

I was like, okay, but it didn't have the same delivery as Mark Thomas, because Stuart Lee's very laid back, very chilled out. Mark Thomas is very kind of edgy. He was quite edgy back then.

And he wasn't, he talked fast. And I absolutely adored Mark Thomas. I really did.

I used to see him and he actually put me on the list, gave me his telephone number, and he put me on the, what's it, list for his comedy store performance. So I went along and watched it. And he was really cool.

And he's also someone that remembers. He remembers people. So I saw him years later when I was dealing with the comedy club.

And he'd walk in with his shorts on because he was doing a charity gig. And he just turns up. You're right.

Like, like I saw him yesterday. And like, he's just like a normal person. I mean, he's a normal person, but you know, to me, regardless whether he's still on TV or not, he'll always be a star because he was.

He, you know, another person you could say, you could argue saying the most famous person is, I used to know, I used to do a lot of gigs with this person. And he's also someone that I used to talk to quite a lot. He was nice.

He was at university while he was doing comedy. And then he went on to be well known, be really, you know, headliner act. And I think he wrote books, did radio, did some TV, all that kind of stuff.

Spider-Man's dad, Tom Holland, not Tom Holland, Tom Holland's dad. So he's Spider-Man, Tom Holland. His dad is Dominic Holland.

And he's a stand up comedian. That's really weird, because I met him long before Tom Holland was born. Before, I guess before he was married before Dominic got married and stuff and had kids still at university.

And it was so lovely, so friendly. Another one, Harry Hill was really friendly. He's a bit of, shall I give you a little bit of information about Harry Hill that you wouldn't know, unless I told you, unless you already knew.

You wouldn't know unless you know, if you already knew, then there's nothing new. I think. In about 90, I think it was 92.

Harry Hill, it was almost like they knew he was going to be a star. And he went on to be a star. He still is a star.

He's a very famous TV celebrity. And I used to love watching him on TV when he did his TV burp. It was funny.

It's really funny. So I saw him right from the beginning. And they announced in timeout and maybe somewhere else that they had changed his name, because initially his name was Harry Hall, H-A-L-L.

And they announced, Harry Hall will now be changing his name to Harry Hill, because another celebrity or performer had the name Harry Hall and they were not happy that he was using that name. And they had it registered with whoever you register your name with. So Harry Hall was his original name.

And he changed it to Harry Hill. And let me see. So I'm going to check this up.

See what it comes up on his. So Harry Hill. Look at his Wikipedia page.

Right. Born Matthew Keith Hall. That's his actual name.

Is Harry a short name for Matthew? I don't know. So his original stand up name was Harry Hall. Blimey.

He won the Perrier Award for Best Newcomer at 1992 Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Best Newcomer. Yeah, I remember that.

And then he went on to... He did Harry Hill's TV burp from 2001 to 2012. Wow. I used to love watching that.

Oh, he did You've Been Framed. Yeah, so he's, he's another one. It was really lovely.

He seemed to turn into his character though. So we've got this character on stage. And I noticed that he seemed to be, when I saw him off stage, which is fairly often before gigs, it seemed like he was just turning into that person.

Maybe that just was the person. He was definitely brilliant, brilliant comedian. Saw him loads of times.

Very funny. But yeah, I'm going to stick with Stuart Lee, because the deconstruction that he does, I like that. He kind of deconstructs his own jokes before he tells them.

And it's so well written. And my stomach's gurgling, which makes me think, when did I have my breakfast? 6.30, 7.30, 8.30, 9.30. Oh, it's time to have something to eat. Yeah, it's Stuart Lee.

The next question, Ing. Which member of the Royal Family do you like the most? Now, I'm not saying this to be controversial, but none of them. No, I'm not saying this to be controversial, but the only member of the Royal Family that I ever really liked, other than the Queen, would be Princess Diana.

Princess Diana was my favourite. Now, I realise you're probably talking about ones that are still alive. I don't have any, I don't really feel any connection with any of them, to be honest with you.

I felt, I don't know, not connection, but I love Princess Diana. Not loved her, but I just, she was, from a very early age, she was the princess. She was the most famous member of the Royal Family, really.

And then you've got the Queen, and I've grown up seeing the Queen, but I've never, I really have not had much interest in the Royal Family ever. I've just, I've seen, I've watched two Royal Weddings. I watched the Princess Diana and Prince Charles at the time, Prince Charles, now King Charles.

And I watched the Prince Andrew and Fergie getting married, Sarah Ferguson getting married in, what was it, 1987, I think. Outside of that, I've not watched any of the other weddings. And I think, really, the way that they've been treated by the press and, yeah, I just don't, I'm not interested, it's almost like the, if you read the newspapers, there's so much about the Royal Family, and none of it interests me.

So yeah, it's not really, if you're in this country, the Royal Families, either you really like them, or you're not bothered. I mean, I know some people are anti, but I'm not anti anything, really. Not really, you know, I'm not that interested in it to be against it.

But yeah, not really, never really been that involved in the Royal Family. I mean, even the other day, I was in the hospital, because I've been going up and down for a month to the hospital to see Mr. Sausages. And a couple of weeks ago, there was all these police and security and cameras and stuff.

I didn't realise it was Prince William's wife was there. My stomach's proper gurgling, isn't it? I didn't know she was there. I couldn't see her because she was surrounded by police and camera people.

It's only when I left that I was told, Oh, yeah, Princess of Wales was there. I thought, no, this is how this is how my mind works. And it's very small minded.

And it's very petty. There's only ever going to be one Princess of Wales during my lifetime. And that is Prince.

What's her name? Diana. And it's only ever going to be one queen. And now it's a queen.

I know there's going to be other queens. There might, hopefully, there'll be another queen in my lifetime, if I'm lucky enough to see Kate become queen. But to me, my queen is the queen, you know, the proper queen that was queen for thousands of years or whatever, you know, that passed away three years ago.

She was my queen and Princess Diana was the only Prince of Wales, Princess of Wales. And Prince Charles was the only Prince of Wales. It's weird.

Although, you know, his son is now Prince of Wales. So I don't really recognise that. I don't not recognise it.

It's just when I think of the Princess of Wales, I think of Diana. I can't help it. And I know that she hasn't been around for 25 years, but hey, nearly 28 years.

I just, that's just what I remember. That's what part of my memory because there hasn't been a Princess of Wales, is there? Until more recently, like, I don't know, whenever Watson and I married Prince William. So, yeah, I don't like any of them.

I don't dislike them. Don't get me wrong, I've got no issue with any of them, but I don't have any kind of feelings about them. It just, yeah, it's a different world.

They have a different life to me. I've never been anywhere close to that kind of lifestyle. And I don't understand it.

And they don't understand my lifestyle. It's, yeah, it's beyond understanding. To be raised in a palace, and having everything done for you, never ever having to be concerned about money, and, you know, just those kinds of things.

But again, at the same time, I don't have to be concerned about, you know, thinking where am I gonna, what, where should I go on holiday? And where should I, what kind of really expensive food should I eat today? Because that's what they've got to worry about. I don't know what it'd be like. So I don't really relate to it.

That's a proper gurgly tummy. Wow. But at the same time, I know that the royal family is very popular in other countries.

But here, it's not really, it's like, I don't know, I don't get, I mean, I'm not really in touch with the common man woman, I guess, because I'm so secluded. So I probably, I can't really talk on behalf of anyone but myself. I am aware that whenever there's a Royal Function, the streets are full of people, you know, whether it's a marriage, whether whatever, the, you know, millions of, well, hundreds of thousands of people pave the streets.

I also know it's in London, a lot of those people are going to be tourists. So they're not all going to be people from England, that are kind of, you know, into the royal family. So some people are, there's going to be some people that absolutely adore the royal family and have got nothing but royal memorabilia around the house.

And there's other people that are all about a republic, and they don't want royalty and all that stuff. I'm not on either side. It's, it is what it is.

It's here. I don't watch any of the royal stuff on TV. Just don't, yeah, it's not really something.

I did watch the coronation of the coronation street of Prince Charles becoming King Charles. I watched that because it was such an iconic moment. And the chance of seeing a monarch being crowned is something that I've never seen before.

Live, you know, I think there might be film footage of the Queen being crowned in 1842, whatever, when she was crowned, but it was, yeah, it's an iconic moment. So I watched that. So I quite like that.

I suppose if you'd have asked me this question, 20 years ago, or 15 years ago, my favourite roles would have been William and Harry. Because when they were young men, when they were like in their 20s, Harry was a funny lad, he was cheeky, and he was getting up to no good. And, you know, and William always came across as nice, both of them came across as nice.

And then as I got older, they both went and did a lot of stuff for charity. And I think Harry did the Invicta Games. William did a lot for mental health charities.

And it's, I've always, I think I've always had a little bit of a soft spot for those kids, firstly, because I saw them, I remember seeing them being not being born, but like, on TV as little babies. And there was their mother was Princess Diana, who was the future king, she was the future queen. Yes, that's what kind of was supposed to have happened, isn't it? The future queen.

And the most famous royal, out of all of them. And then, yeah, I kind of felt for the kids. I felt for the two, two young ones, you know, Harry and William.

And as I saw them grow up, I just thought, yeah, they're good lads. They're just, they're about 10 years younger than me, I suppose. Because what, maybe 12 years, 13 years is not a huge age difference.

But I think what they were born in the early 80s, weren't they? Yeah. So I'm thinking Princess Diana, but out of who's around now? I suppose the king, the king really is, he's the only one that I've, that's been there the whole time. Prince William, now King Prince William, Prince Charles, now King Charles, everyone else.

And you know, Prince William and Prince Harry, they're the three that I really, that have kind of stayed in the spotlight, really. So I suppose I'd probably say Harry and William would be my favourite, two favourites, for different reasons. I think they're both, you know, if you if you change the question to who would I like to meet? So if I say the question was who would I like to meet out of the royals?

It would be the three, it would be the king and his two sons.

I'd quite like to meet Fergie, I know technically she's probably not royalty anymore because she divorced Andrew. But I've seen her do interviews and she comes across as a really nice person. And she's done a lot for charities as well, as a lot of the royal family have.

Because, you know, just by getting that royal seal can boost a charity and people fund and give donations to that charity because it's got the royal seal. And it can be the difference between them being around for a few years and then running out of money and stuff, and being around for decades and decades and decades, helping hundreds and thousands of people. Kate, what was your favourite band musician during your high school years?

What did your friends listen to? I realise that's two questions.

I don't know what my friends listened to because I took notice of that. So I can answer that one straight away. I didn't care what anyone else did.

When I was a kid, I knew what I liked. And that was it. I never listened to music with anyone else.

And I used to like to listen to Elvis music with my oldest brother. But it wasn't current, you know, because he was gone in like, what, 77. So my childhood really, music-wise, I'd say started around 79, early 80s.

And I had no friends really to share that with. Or at least I might have had, but I didn't ask anyone. I didn't, yeah.

But I loved Top of the Pops. I loved, I loved pretty much most of the music that was around in the early 80s. There's certain ones, certain songs that I love more than others, and some that I didn't really care too much about.

But my favourite singer was Shaken Stephens. My favourite singer. And my favourite bands back then.

I can't remember. Did I have any favourite bands? Wham! That's a band, wasn't it? So Wham! Wham! And one of my favourite bands, Bross, but that was like late 80s. Yeah, sticking to the 80s.

Madness. I love Madness. Culture Club.

I love Culture Club. Paul Young as a singer. I love Paul Young.

UB40. What was he? Stand and deliver your money or your life. That band.

So Adam and the Ants. I did also, I noticed I quite like some of the older stuff. So I loved Buddy Holly.

So Buddy Holly, you know, I mean he was, he wasn't around. In the 80s. But I loved his songs.

And the Monkees, that's another band I absolutely adored. So I used to listen to Buddy Holly, greatest hits, and the Monkees greatest hits. Possibly more than any other album.

During the 80s. Well, during the middle, early to middle 80s. Late 80s.

I mean, I wasn't a child anymore, technically. But the late 80s, I got much more into like George Michael's solo career. And Bross, Stevie Wonder.

So middle 80s onwards, I felt I really loved Stevie Wonder. Until I discovered him. Michael Jackson.

Wow. Yeah. So in my early childhood, I would have listened to Michael Jackson, but not necessarily knew who he was.

In my, really, by the time I got to about 10, like 9, 10, Michael Jackson was like when I was nine, he was pretty much an adult at that point. And he was doing solo off the wall. Can you feel it? Can you feel it? You know, those kind of songs.

And it was, I didn't really follow Michael Jackson. And then of course, he did Thriller, which nobody, pretty much in the Western world would have not heard about because it was just constant. Thriller this, Thriller that.

And I liked it. I mean, I remember I watched the Thriller video on Channel 4 for the first time it was ever shown on British TV. I was allowed to stay up late to watch it.

And yeah, I loved it. But I got bored with the songs because they were overplayed. It's like every time I turn the TV on, Michael Jackson was singing.

And I've got a little, I just got a bit fed up with it. I don't want to hear it no more. Which is weird considering how much of a big fan I came of his in, what, 86.

Because Bad was my favourite album. I prefer Bad over Thriller. For some reason, I don't know.

But probably the most listened to album I've ever listened to, probably, is Bad. Michael Jackson's Bad. And there's two songs from the 80s that I really, even today, are two of my favourite songs.

One is Men at Work, Down Under, and Totally Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. Two of my favourite songs from the 80s, from my childhood. But then if we go back a little bit, Grease.

Loved Grease. Every song on the Grease album, loved it. Still do.

So there was that period of time in the 80s when I would have the radio on, and it'd play, and it'd wake me up in the morning, ready for school, and I'd be listening to it. And there's, for me, it was individual songs. Not so, because I didn't really buy albums back then.

I'd just listen on the radio. So Meatloaf and Cher, Addicted to Love, I think it was called, that one. That was my favourite song.

But then, you know, mid-80s, what's the colour of money? What's the colour of money? Some people think me, I know, it's red. That's one. Hollywood Beyond, I think that was.

And I loved that song. Just weird. Or, You don't have to take your clothes off to have a good time.

Oh no. Loved that song. On the wings of love, only the two of us together flying high.

Loved that song. Like those individual songs, but I'd never used to listen to their albums. First of all, I didn't buy their albums.

And so I, for me, when Now That's What I Call Music came out, and it'd be like the best hits of the year, or maybe they'd do two a year, maybe three a year. So just like break it down. I used to start buying those tapes.

And I liked that a lot. And I'd re-listen to it over and over again. And yeah, that is, again, individual songs.

I didn't care about the albums. I didn't want to listen to the albums. I mean, I did have albums earlier on in my life.

So when I was like nine, ten, I had albums. I had the Bee Gees album. I had, I used to listen to, I had, yeah, I had Shaken Stevens albums, Shaken Stevens and The Sunsets.

And I'd sometimes listen to some other albums that my dad had, or that they both had, which like music, film score music. So things like, you know, what's it called? The Spaghetti Westerns with, what's his name? The Man With No Name and The Town With No Name. How does he get his mail? And what was he called? Good, the Bad and the Ugly and things like that.

And then Star Wars and Superman and those kinds of scores and music. And I used to just lay down and listen to that. It was lovely.

It used to really relax me. This is before I moved up to the room upstairs at the top of the house. So I must have been around ten, eleven back then.

I'm trying to think, what else? Yeah, so I would say that in Shaken Stevens, number one. No, that was, he was my favourite. And also, incidentally, Shaken Stevens was the number one recording artist, you know, singer, not band, the number one recording artist in the UK throughout the whole of the 80s.

No one sold more records than him in the UK, a UK artist. So he was the king of the 80s, Shaken Stevens. Behind the green door.

There was a time when I really loved listening to 50s music, 50s and 60s like Rub a bollock, I'm bouncin' back to you. And some of that stuff that was from my dad's, that he had on these eight track tapes, really old tapes that just pushed them in. But they were good, good quality records.

Good quality sound. And he had them from his childhood, because my dad was born 46, I think. No.

Yes, 1946 my dad was born. So his childhood was really through the 50s, when he was listening to music. And then he was, I guess he turned 15.

In 1961. So it was his like, his late teens and adult years, you know, in the 60s. So yeah, I used to love listening to that.

And another thing, when we went on holiday, we went to Wales, long, long journey. So us kids would be in the back of the car. There'd be a trailer on the back.

My dad would be driving. I think they'd take turns driving. And he used to play these, a lot of, there'd be a mixture of Beatles songs.

My dad's a big Beatles fan. And like rock music. Get your motor running, hit on the highway, that one.

A lot of songs like that, which were really good for driving too. I need to ask him one day what those songs were, because a lot of them, I couldn't even tell you. Vinnie snores, did I ever tell you that? Okay, so I feel covered there.

Anne asks me, do you play any instruments? The answer is no. It's not very long answer to that one. I used to play.

When I was in junior school, I played the violin, not very well. When I was in high school, I played, I was in the Sea Cadets, and I played the bugle, not very well. And then I played the drums in the Sea Cadets, not very well.

Then I played the glocking spill, even worse. And then I, what else did I play? I'm sure I played something else. That's enough, isn't it? I did, I did learn, kind of learn to play the guitar in the mid 90s, like 96, 97.

Not very well again, but I did learn the chords and I had this really, I splashed out a little bit on a nice guitar. It was, I think I spent like £250 on this guitar. So it was a good quality, it was quite a lot of money back then.

It was good quality and the strings were good, the sound. Well, basically what I decided is, if I'm going to sound a bit rubbish, then I might as well do it on a nice guitar, because even a rubbish sound sounds better on a good guitar. And I figured out that I wasn't motivated to get the sounds correct and get the chords right, if the guitar sounded rubbish as well.

So I kind of got a decent guitar with a nice sound, good strings, good quality. So it was more enjoyable listening to it. And it was easier to learn to play it because the sound was nice.

So when I did manage to get the chords right, it sounded nice. It might not have sounded correct, but it sounded nice. But then I was sharing a flat, this was like late 96, 97, early 97.

And I had this guitar and my friend who was sharing a flat with me, really didn't seem to enjoy my practicing. I remember he said to me, all I can hear is this, and it's like... He said that all I hear all day long.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do and it's like I said I'm practicing he said what for I've no answer for that is like why are you practicing are you gonna be in a band no you can't he got so he said do something else play a different song a different tune he really I was I was annoying him a little bit so I went into my bedroom and I decided I was going to play the same tune but just try and do it louder so he could really enjoy it.

I tried the mouth organ so when I was working as a security guard I thought you know what I could learn a new instrument mouth organs small I've literally got 12 hours in a night to just practice so maybe I could be quite good at this but I realized once I started that I didn't like it so I never bothered I kind of gave it up and then a few years ago quite a few probably six seven years ago I bought a ukulele still in my cupboard still in the same

box that I bought it I've had it out about three times it's still in there and maybe one day you might not believe me perhaps one day maybe the next recording I do I'll get my ukulele out and I'll play it for you when I say I'll play it for you I don't know how to play it I never learned I think I'd need lessons I did my stepmum did teach me a bit of piano like chopsticks you know stuff like that but she did because she was I think she

had an a-level in piano she was very good and she taught me the basics and at the time I could read music because I'd I've been playing the violin so I knew how to read music so it was quite easy to know where the keys were in a sense now I don't know because I've not I've not read music for quite some time but back then you know it's quite easy but it's very difficult because in a sense if my hands were only little the keyboard or the piano keys were

quite large it wasn't like a it was one of those pianos that you put against the wall it's like a proper old-fashioned piano but it wasn't it wasn't you know like a huge piano but there was a certain amount of strength you needed to press down and I just wasn't used to that so it's a little bit different because I was what probably 10 at the time so it's very different but I did like it but not enough to really get involved which is a shame because I do I do

think to having a skill like that be able to play a musical instrument is such an amazing skill to have and bearing in mind I've played multiple musical instruments over the years not for a long time but I kind of had the opportunity if I was if I was stuck at the violin I could have been I could have ended up being really good at it I did it for about a year I was adequate but a year maybe yeah I did it for a while but maybe I could have

been really good but I quit like many things I stopped doing it because I didn't I don't know why I didn't like it anymore but I was having lessons unlike the drums or the bugle or whatever I actually went to lessons I think twice a week at junior school for the violin and we did concerts and stuff like that you know so there's one one time was on stage with one other person playing the violin my parents were watching and that was a bit nerve-wracking because the orchestra were all doing

it together then suddenly it's almost harder to do it with someone than just do it on your own I found because if I did it on my own it would just sound how it sounds but to do it with someone else it's to have to be in sync we did it I don't know how bad or good it was I've got no idea but we managed to do it it's that is one thing that I wish I'd kind of stuck at because I think I might have been I quite a

good ear for music quite a good ear for tone potentially I could have been quite good yeah so I think if I was if I was gonna decide which which musical instrument would I have stuck with if I could kind of go back and do that the violin would be the one the bugle was limited I found I learned the bugle and it was just easy and the glocking spill difficult but doable but it's very kind of lots of different keys and remember which goes where the drums probably more enjoyable

because I got to hit things I just I enjoyed it but at the same time it was a lot hassle to be it was as big as me a drum I was like walking around with his fingers really heavy because I was I was like 10 11 big old things so I would have preferred if I was going to choose two instruments that I would have been good at that if I you know if I could choose two instruments to be good at it would be the guitar or the piano

I've had multiple keyboards over the years I once bought a piano back in 2004 bought it and sold it and this within about three days back to the same person and lost about a hundred quid and yeah one of those moments of silliness but I liked just had this idea of like being good at something I think that's what it was I wanted to be good at something but I never found anything that I was either I wasn't interested enough in it to progress to a point of being any good

or I just wasn't very good at it you know is I don't love to being a good break dancer or brilliant break dancer I'm not a dancer there's certain things I just that's not me it wasn't you know it's kind of like I'd be good to be a basketball player but that would be I mean I'm not saying it wouldn't be impossible but it would be very difficult five for eight to become a basketball player where most of them are like six five plus you know there's a big advantage so

yeah I think basketball was the only sport that I thought was quite cool because you know chucking a get the ball in the basket or a hoop that was quite fun if there was no one else around so I quite enjoyed doing that you know from a distance and just trying to get the ball in and I could spend hours doing that but not if other people were around I didn't want anyone getting in the way I'll try to get the ball off me that just took the fun out of

it for me so yeah in short really no I don't play any instruments but and I never will now I think those days are gone I don't have any interest in playing instruments now but I very much admire people that can yeah I do so I suppose the thing I was best at out of all the instruments that I did play probably would have been the violin because that's the one that I practiced the most and I also I think my my family home enjoyed it listening to it to the

screeching but that is the one I practice most and it's the one I was actually having musical lessons for anyway that seems to bring us to the end of this recording and I'm gonna go and get myself something to eat I hope I've answered your questions I know there's been a few probably got off the subject a little bit every now and then apologies apologies my friends but thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy and be gentle yourself you deserve to feel safe lots of love bye