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Hello Vinnie. Hello Vinnie Vinnie, Vinnie Fanny Vinnie, Vinnie Minnilly, Widdy Piddy Piddy Piddy. Who's my little baby boy? Is it Vinnie? Vinnie's my baby boy.
Yes he is. Yes he is. He is, he is, he is.
Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Hello and hi and welcome blah blah blah blah blah blah. So oh yeah please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.
This is the place to come to listen to a human voice. No AI here my dear. No no AI because if it was AI it'd be good.
It'd be it'd be worth listening to. I'm just thinking maybe that's the only thing I can really offer going forward is a genuine human voice. Because as time goes by it's already happening on YouTube.
Loads of AI voices. Even AI people. So you know it's going to be harder and harder to find actual humans on YouTube or on podcasts.
Because people are starting to use their old avatar versions of themselves. AI what's it called? This is they call themselves this is my AI avatar. And it looks just like them.
Sounds just like them. Some of the words are not pronounced properly but I'm sure that will also improve over time. But it's not real baby.
So yeah. I will never be an avatar. No no no no no.
So there that's. I'm trying. I'm not sure what else I can really bring to the table as it were.
What can I bring to the picnic for the ants to eat? I don't know. This is. This is a B. It's half past six in the morning.
Well actually it's 47 minutes past six in the morning on Tuesday the whatever it is 15th of July. This is supposed to be Q&A not Q&A Friday. Blimey.
Monday's boring objects. So I haven't done one yet. So I might.
Everything's running late. Everything's running late. Oh so much to tell you about.
It's just there has to be a line between because I've been talking quite a bit about Uncle Sausages. He's not doing great to be honest. And there's some funny bits mixed in with not funny bits.
And it's I don't want to appear as if I'm mocking him or making fun of him or making light of a super serious situation because I'm not. At the same time you know this is also part of my life right now. What I'm going through what I'm dealing with and what I'm dealing with is nothing compared to what he's dealing with.
This is I'm just like a not even a fraction just a tiny percentage. But at the same time but on the other side of the coin but on the flip side but on the other hand it's it's definitely it hasn't been easy to be an observer of this. But not just an observer a a concerned observer.
A participating player in this particular drama I guess. And there's only really three players. There's Uncle Sausages.
There are three players as in that you can see in the in this particular television episode. There's Uncle Sausages the main character. There's Aunty Landlord, the co-star.
And there's me. I should have a name for myself shouldn't I? Weirdo Neighbor maybe? Beardy Beardy Neighbor. Yeah could be I don't know I should should think of something.
I've got names for everyone else I should have a name for myself. So but there's also of course there's Uncle Pasty but he's in another country. So he's he's just as active but he's in a he's behind the scenes he's on the phone.
So he talks to Uncle Sausages regularly and they're very close very close closer than I'll ever be with him. So you know they've known each other for wow 70 years or something like that. So and he's known Aunty Landlord for over 40 years.
He's only known me for 10 years. And although we've we've always got on and I spent hundreds of hours talking to him. More than hundreds well hundreds hundreds and hundreds probably.
But he I think I kind of seem to get more involved in his life after Luke left. Maybe I just had more time. Maybe maybe there's something in me that wants to help people.
I need to get rid of that don't I. I need to sort that out. Get therapy. But once once Luke left I mean I had a three months of looking after Loki and there was all the you know the fallout from that whole situation.
So you know I was occupied with that. But then when the when things calmed down a bit I guess. Yeah it was quite weird because we had another neighbour move in and then there was some stuff there due to illness and having to call ambulances and and so I was kind of and again I kind of started to be kind again.
I try my best not to be kind to people but just seems to happen sometimes. It's like an illness I think. And then in the summer.
So that was in like beginning of the year. And then another neighbour who was going through stuff. I was trying to be there for her.
And then in the summer. A neighbour moved in. Well not summer.
Probably April, May. I don't know when it was but they moved into Luke's old flat. And I tried to help her.
Well I did help her. This was all last year. So that took up a bit of time.
And then in coming to the end of last year Uncle Sausage's had a lot of problems with his flat and with I'm going to use the word over collecting. He's a big collector of stuff and you know if you've ever heard me talk to before I've got a real admiration for people that are passionate about what they do. It's you know people that collect things.
People that are just I admire people who go to bed looking forward to the next day. People that wake up with enthusiasm about the day ahead. That for me is kind of like the the ideal life.
If you can find something that you're passionate about that you absolutely love doing. I mean you know at the very least doesn't hurt anyone else. You don't want to do something that causes harm to others.
But if you can find something that helps other people that's for me that's the thing that is the the yeah that's a little potato on top of the cake you know. It's my Nan she was Irish. Potatoes and everything.
Nan this is a lovely birthday cake but why is it potatoes on top? Shouldn't it be cherries or some kind of strawberries or something? Anyway she so you know those little potatoes you get in tins tiny little things. Very soft they taste okay but on a cake. She didn't pour the juice on.
She used to put that in our glasses for us to drink. Potato juice. You get used to it after a while.
I'm not just happy just to get out of the cupboard to drink it. I wasn't locked in a cupboard. What am I talking about? So not by her.
So going back so um she he when though thy we thee. What was I talking about? It wasn't potatoes. Oh to be passionate about something.
And if it's something I mean this is my personal view. View. Finding something that you're that not you but whoever that we're a person is passionate about that also helps others is to me that's the ideal.
In fact I would argue there's nothing higher than that in some ways. To wake up every day excited about helping other people. Wow that that's just phenomenal.
Now there's different ways of course. I mean I like to well I'm doing this to help people I hope but it's you know I'm not a paramedic. I'm not not a doctor or nurse care worker.
I'm not a firefighter. I'm not a police or you know. I'm not a traffic traffic warden.
I'm not a traffic warden. Because you know you could say well what do you mean traffic warden? Yeah but if you're at a place and someone's parked on the pavement and traffic warden comes along that person might think twice about parking on the pavement again if they get a ticket. Which means you're elderly relevant relevant your elderly relative or an elderly person might avoid a fall because they can actually walk on the pavement or the sidewalk or whatever you want to call it that bit of the side of the road for pedestrians not vehicles.
Bless. It's weird though because it's one of my little pet bears. Pet bears? Pet annoyances.
Pet annoyances. There's something about it parking on the pavement. I don't even know what it is.
I think it's like why am I so concerned about other people not being able to walk on the pavement. About people in push chairs or in wheelchairs sorry or it's hard to cross the road in a wheelchair. I think my problem is I think too much possibly.
I know I do but I start imagining what it's like to be in that situation. Now I can't put myself in another person's shoes. I don't know what it feels like emotionally another person's emotions.
I don't understand people generally you know. However if I imagine myself in a wheelchair and the way my back's going these days I'm wondering because I've had some proper back problems the last few weeks but I'm wondering how much of that is due to stress and due to all the traveling I'm doing because I'm not used to doing all that and a different kind of I don't think I'm yeah my sleep habits are probably just due to what's going on.
I'm having some pretty pretty strange dreams at the moment.
But so if I was in a wheelchair I know very simply that it's very hard to cross a road especially a a road that's got lots of parked cars whether they're on the pavement or not. So it's difficult to cross a road because you can't see really if any cars are coming. Can't see both sides because at the height you are the car is in the way.
So if you're standing up you have the same problem with a van or a lorry but with a general car or a four by four maybe but with a general car you can kind of see over it if you're average height which I'm not. I'm below average height but I can just about see. If there's a van there it's very difficult to maneuver to cross over to feel safe enough to cross.
But what I do have is you know as a backup I can move quite quickly and reverse or move forward quite quickly which someone in a wheelchair perhaps doesn't have that option. I mean some would use that argue yeah but wheels are better than legs speed wise I mean. But okay I mean cars go faster than someone running don't they? Or a bicycle.
I don't know how fast they can go backwards. I don't know why I'm talking about that but what I'm saying is I can I can kind of imagine what it would be like if I was in a wheelchair trying to cross a road and or not being able to get onto a pavement not being able to carry on the journey because someone's parked on the pavement and but I can also imagine that I would scratch the hell out of that car and I'll get through anyway so even if there's no hardly any room I'll just squeeze myself through and
completely damage the car and if or maybe put a few adaptions onto the wheelchair you know like a drill or some kind of um saw something like that so I can just saw the car in half but that's a good thing about imagination and you can think about silly things like that doesn't mean I'm gonna do it I will but you know not now I think I you know I probably would I wonder if I'm gonna be a really really cantankerous old man like a real moaner I don't know I've
noticed the last three and a half weeks or whatever it is that personalities can change I know that anyway I mean my personality changes continuously but it's I've never seen it no it's not true I have seen it in illness before I saw it a little bit with my nan to be fair and I saw it with but it was it was more subtle with her I think I noticed it more because I had a very very strong bond with her but I could see the changes as she seemed if
anything she seemed a bit more aware or started to notice things a bit more things that she used to just ignore she knew but she ignored it and I think when my nan she got older she started to be more maybe sensitive or at least allowed herself to experience those feelings that before she'd just brush off yeah I definitely saw her moan never saw a moan during my okay that's not totally true but the first time I saw a moan really was when I was 33 that's the first time so
I went on a holiday with her well like a five-day Isle of Man trip I don't know if going to the Isle of Man can ever be classed as a holiday but it was it was a journey anyway we went there and yeah she was grumpy but then I was as well we didn't we didn't get on so well occasionally we we clashed a couple of times that's the only time since the age of seven that I ever me and her ever clashed it was just we were as but I
think there's a similarity between us obviously you know we share the same blood and all that she's my grandmother but there seemed to be that she was taken out of her comfort zone I was taken out of my comfort zone see my dad he was he was fine but I was used to being on my own my nan was used to being on her own it was not necessarily what she wanted but she got used to it and she'd still see people visitors and stuff my dad would go and see
her regularly and I'd see her and everything like that but she was still used to having her own space watching her own television watching what she wanted to watch on tv not having to to cater for other people's needs in her own personal time and the same with me since the age of 16 really well I say 14 because I had my own tv but I still didn't have control over the tv in the house the main house where I lived so I've had control pretty much of the television since
the age of 16 although there have been periods when I've shared a tv so that that you know that was only for a short time but outside of that I've been the boss of the television which is might sound a bit weird but the kind of life that I've had television's been quite important because I didn't think of it as company but I suppose in a way it has been because I've always been single man the old girlfriend along the way but yeah I've never never been yeah I've never really
been in a committed relationship not really I've never been engaged or well to be fair I've never really been engaged in the relationship not really emotionally but I didn't I've never been I never had that you know building a life with someone it's too late now but you know when I was younger and it just I kind of like the idea but one of the one of the things I think about being having to sort of make it on your own is there is a degree of selfishness I think has
for me is kind of grown or maybe not selfishness maybe control but I like to control things but only my things there's not one part of me wants to control other people apart from you know people parking on the pavement but that's still I know I don't want to control people I just I want people to do it off their own esteem I'd like people to just realize that parking on the pavement is really really it's just wrong wrong wrong it's it's weird I tell you what yeah if I think
if a driver saw a person on a wheelchair in a wheelchair coming towards down the road and there they decided to park on the pavement this driver would they park knowing that that wheelchair is coming towards them probably not mind you I do I I talk to people in wheelchairs because I see them as human and you know I see them because I think a lot of them feel that you're invisible they told me that I said who said that because I like to be childish and she this one of
the my local neighbors he said that he got into an argument with someone because they were parked on the pavement and it was a delivery driver but where he lives there's plenty of room they don't need to park on the pavement there's a cul-de-sac there's no one driving to the end and even if they did they still get around and the driver said tough didn't care I mean I've only got his side of the story that's the old saying isn't it it's three sides to the story there's both sides and
then it's the truth so it's kind of like I don't know the amount of times I remember when I worked in a when I was involved in the comedy club and I would see somebody they'd have an argument with me or they'd have a conversation but they weren't happy about a customer and then the manager had come over I'd call the manager over and then their explanation to the manager of the conversation was very different to what just occurred they missed out a lot anything that made them look bad was
missed out and I've noticed that in situations where I've dealt with someone and then I've asked them if I can speak to the manager if I can take it a bit further not a complaint about them but just because I don't really do that but more I will complain about them but I won't I won't complain to their manager about them I'll just I'll just moan for the next 40 years on a podcast but possibly oh yeah so so so so so so so so so so the manager they go
up to the manager and I listen and they give their own version of what I've said like completely almost like it's a different conversation and the manager comes and says oh so we can't do that no like it's like you it's just like you don't even have the information because that person didn't even tell you correctly what the conversation was about now I understand that they can't necessarily walk up to their manager and verbatim explain every single thing that was said but to miss out huge chunks huge chunks of love
is just seems it's something I've noticed yeah yeah so personality changes has been quite a weird one because I know I've got personality disorder and bipolar so my personality can change quite rapidly at times and also with the mood swings and stuff but because I kind of I kind of get it and with Uncle Sausages there was he was there was some stuff going on and he was getting well he was getting told that he was paranoid he was being paranoid and he was getting upset with that word and so
I kind of came from a from a mental angle and I tried to explain to him well my this is my personal opinion that everyone has a bit paranoia sometimes I'm very aware of what it's like to have paranoia because I have paranoia I get paranoid it's part of my condition I'm not paranoid all time but you know I do have periods so I do understand but at the same time I'm open to the idea that maybe it is paranoia and it's not it's just part of the condition and with
his Uncle Sausages condition his his body's not it's not working properly that's an understatement um so is is blood's not being filtered so chemicals stuff like ammonia and things that normally get filtered out of the blood or out of the body is not so that can go into the brain it can cause confusion hallucinations all kinds of stuff unfortunately I've done a lot of research into this over the last three and a half weeks so I've been studying this subject it's weird I know way way more than I thought I'd
ever know about the liver to be honest I had no no idea what it all did never cared I just like as long as it what my my attitude with the internal organs is I'll leave you alone if you leave me alone don't bother me and I won't bother you you know it's like I try and stay friendly with all the parts of my body because I do I know how amazing the body is but it's too amazing for me to comprehend really you know personally maybe it's my lack of
intelligence maybe but I can't really comprehend that this is going on inside me without any effort from me the idea you know the fact is your body loves you that's the weird thing about it your body does all this to keep you healthy does all the different things that's going on in right in this second that I'm talking to you blood circulation the heart all that stuff all that gooey stuff is out of my conscious awareness and the only thing I can really be aware of I suppose is breathing but
again you know when people say you know when you do like meditation or um exercising and so on might say to you remember to breathe I've never forgotten to breathe once my whole life I've always remembered to breathe in fact I don't need to remember to breathe because you can't not breathe like on purpose it's just impossible you can hold your breath that was me holding my breath by the way that's that's how long I can hold my breath that's it but it's not really in our control that stuff in
a sense of breathing is going to happen just like all the other stuff the bodily functions which the thing is I don't really want to know what's going on inside it's a little bit like okay I don't want to know what happens to the poo when I flush the toilet I'm just I'm happy it's gone you know I'm just I wave goodbye like we all do maybe say a little prayer and then flush it away but I really want to know all of the in-depth stuff and to be to be
honest with you I'm not that interested in the birth process either so I just want to do a poo I don't want to I don't want to think about all that's going on inside me to produce that little poo baby before I give birth I just like to just let my body just get on with it and then poo it out and look forward to the next poo I guess no I don't mean like oh can't wait to do a poo but just just move on don't really think about it
but I do sometimes wonder maybe I should have took a bit more notice about internal stuff I guess I mean anatomy I suppose if I really if I really give it the correct term anatomy anatomy seems weird doesn't it weird name anatomy how's your anatomy my anatomy is fine thanks yours yeah my anatomy is all right or if he was in this country hey how's your anatomy not too bad what about you yeah it's been worse not too awful still alive so I tried to explain to uncle sausages not in
an educational way like let me educate you I've heard people say that it's like don't ever say that to someone honestly especially not in this country don't ever say to someone let me educate you wow no that's not going to go down well that's such a a talking down to someone isn't it just like it's basically saying you're not educated I'm now going to educate you you don't know about this subject I'm now going to teach you this subject whether you like it or not oh no that's a no no
we don't really do that in this country I don't know if it's done anywhere but I've seen it online I've seen it on tv and oh no no no no no no no no no no that's a no no anyway let me educate you I did I tried to explain because uncle sausages asked me about the bipolar this was a couple of weeks ago which is weird because he's generally he's focused on sport he absolutely adores Vinnie so he asked about Vinnie every time I see him although like at the
moment normally I'm with Vinnie when I see him or if he knocks on my door if he comes in here or if he we talk in the hallway Vinnie's there getting excited or running between the flats going to his flat and running around hunting for stuff but we don't have we haven't really talked much about the bipolar or anything like that and he sat down a couple of weeks ago I think it was outside the hospital grounds sitting on a bench this wasn't the day that I got attacked by a
I don't get attacked by a duck a duck a duck tux this is totally true I was sitting there I felt this thing starting to push against my groin I thought was Vinnie for a second and that's weird Vinnie wasn't even with me but I'm just so used to him doing weird things and I because sometimes he does that if I'm in a chair he'll start like jumping up because he wants me to do something and I looked down and it was a duck pecking at me bits gently it's a
very gentle very gentle lover this this penguin and it wasn't that occasion it was a different one I think we're still on different desk what was like not a desk it's a bit like that very similar to what you get in a beer garden like a a bench with some chairs or seats attached to the bench wooden so we were sitting there and he started asking me about the bipolar because he didn't really know much about it and of course it's gonna be different for every single person we're all different
we all experience things different and I tried to explain to him what it's like briefly and he actually seemed relatively interested in the answers to the questions that he was asking me and I was surprised at that because normally as I said he likes to talk about sport or politics so politics is the second thing sport is the main thing but he loves sport but he gets animated not necessarily in a good way when it comes to politics that's the thing that he gets a little bit a little bit agitated
by so I keep away from politics anyway I'm not because I don't argue with people I don't I don't see the point of arguing with anybody even if it's a friendly argument I don't do it because I just can't see the point he he did say to me oh you're just sitting on the fence you're being wishy-washy why don't you just like you know take a a stand or a position or a stance whatever you want to call it and I said because well first of all I just don't care
that much about it and I also don't care what your opinion is we seem to upset him so I said like well I'm not not in a bad way just it's just an opinion what I think is an opinion what you think is an opinion and opinions mean very little to me other people's opinions when it comes things like politics or religion or anything like that just opinions and I think it threw him off a little bit because like oh and I said I'm not even interested in my own opinion
it's just arguing for the sake of arguing then what's the point where's the outcome do I win a new car if I if I win no nothing I mean if if I could I'd argue with you if I thought that at the end of it and if I won the argument I'd grow an extra inch but no or if I got taller but no so um I tried to explain to him this is recently about um there's no shame in having a bit of paranoia every now and then and to
be confused because it's the condition and the medication can both cause confusion for him potentially but the confusion is also causing combativeness combat combativeness combativeness not sure what the correct word is and argumentativeness and you know as I said I don't argue with anyone um if someone feels the need to argue then then I would say potentially they're insecure about their own belief system because if they really need to argue I think if you if you have an opinion on something and you need other people to have that same opinion
then I wonder about how secure secure and how how strongly you hold that opinion if there's that need for other people to have the same opinion I just thought that now I don't know I might be meowing up the wrong tree there I don't know scratching up the wrong litter box I don't know it just howling at the wrong moon what does that even mean do I need other people to have the same beliefs as me no no I don't if anything one of my goals in life is to have
fewer and fewer beliefs and opinions as far as when when I say beliefs and opinions I'm talking about stuff that I will argue and I will defend with everything I've got you know a belief that I will defend with my honor I don't have many of them and also you know I look back and I think well how much of this these beliefs that I have are mine and how many have I just been indoctrinated into being you know learnt from adults from tv from movies from other friends from the
newspapers the news channels books how much of it is really me how much of it is genuine how much of me is genuine and not just a little carbon copy regurgitator of other people's stuff I mean I don't know who was it said there's there's not an original thought no such thing as an original thought which I thought was quite original actually because whoever said that the first time was being really original so that was an original thought wasn't that whoever said there's no such thing as an original thought that
was an original thought that's mind blowing oh it's just I've noticed that some people who have a belief system it can be so nice such nice people until you question their belief system and they turn you know sort of wow and that is when you know that about someone it makes in a way makes it feel a little bit fake it seems a little bit because I think I used to I used to believe that I was doing nice things because I was a buddhist and there's a thing called dana
which is basically giving not about money it's about giving of yourself so somehow some type of giving and I went through a period when I actually believed that that I was doing it because of buddhism because I wanted to be it was part of the buddhist process part of the practice is to be kind to people and to help people and I think later on I realized that actually wanting to help people was already there wasn't a buddhist thing it was in me already and again being around buddhist people buddhists
for quite a few years including working and living with them some you know some not all of them but you know a fair few they're just humans you know they they they still got faults they're still just like anyone else but there is that there's a I don't know there's a thing called um equanimity which I've seen people try to evolve within themselves so the idea of not having any attachments to anybody being kind to everyone but not having the attachments which in a way is I don't know if that's
what you would call an oxymoron but to not care about someone but to also care about them is very I don't know I kind of I think I naturally have a little bit of that I help people without thinking about them without being involved in their lives that's why I like the internet and why I like doing what I do because it's a lot less emotional it's not the it's not the emotional um drainage that dealing with a an actual person in real time in real life is like what I'm
going through at the moment and what I've been through and with Luke and stuff like that this is very much a it's a different it's different it's being able to care but not be involved in the unnecessary stuff it's kind of like being able to care but not care but care that's hard I'm not explaining that probably oh yeah I think what it is is I don't have a huge interest in in people naturally I don't naturally have an interest in a sense I care but like with Uncle Sausages I
don't have the slightest bit of interest in anything that he's interested in I'm not interested in his life I'm not interested in I've never really been interested in his day-to-day activities or what he's done in his life nothing like that I've got no interest but when he needs my help I'm there and that gets my interest trying to help him when he needed my help last year with his flat with his bathroom with his bills with his things like that I'm there and I'm on it and I'm paying full attention
if he wants to talk about how he's feeling or if he's you know he's feeling a certain way I'm there he's got my attention because I will listen start talking about football I'm gone and in the past I would say to him I'm bored now I don't want to listen I told you know I've been very blatant with him like I don't want to talk about sport or politics and he's just laughed at me I can't do that now because he's in hospital so I can't have to listen but before
he started you know he realized the only way he could talk to me is if he had more real conversations because I couldn't add anything to rugby or golf all these different names that he was talking about that I didn't know we could talk about boxing but he doesn't have he doesn't have the passion for boxing that I do so he'll kind of mention a name but he doesn't you know I'm I mean it's just I guess it's kind of like a hobby to me isn't it so I'm I know
my boxing world I don't know everyone in the boxing world but I don't know anyone in the boxing world not really but you know as in who people are but I'm fairly well versed I know my way around I may get lost but I know my way back if you know I mean I know I know where the exits are the entrances are I know where the toilets are it's that kind of situation what are you talking about exits entrances and toilets one minute talking about boxing now you're talking about
like it's a big building yeah that's what I guess I spent too much time going in that hospital and trying to figure my way around the place bearing in mind that uncle sausages has been moved four times now we've been in four different wards so he's just trying to get I couldn't even find my way to the first two wards now I've no idea where they were even though I was visiting them there I could still find my way back to the last one because he was there for quite a
while but it's starting to fade as it were it's um it's weird it's very strange such a different atmosphere this place he's in now to the one he was in before there's so much activity in the one before this one there's hardly anyone there I'm not talking about patients there's more patients in his room than before but his heart is like one member of staff and before there was like so many staff there's always someone to call here people are calling and waiting which I'm kind of surprised about it's like
one person is doing everything looking after five people which is a lot I mean it's okay it's easy if this if they're asleep but if more than one person needs your attention you're just one person although I did speak to the nurse today because he was in there the day before not today yesterday he was in there the last time I was there and I explained to him let me know who I was I'm down as Uncle Sausage's next of kin there's two of us me and Auntie Landlord so we're
both down as his next of kin on his medical on his medical thing and I said to him basically Auntie Landlord is on holiday for a week so in a in a situation that you need to contact one of us just contact me please just in the next week and I can get here she's not going to be able to get here because she's in another country and she would be first on the list normally but on this occasion just for the next five or six days I think even though
she's still contacting me to ask how he is so I purposely didn't contact her because she's on holiday so she's now on holiday and she's thinking about him which is not probably a great way to spend a holiday I don't mean that in a horrible way I mean just if she's she needs to relax and enjoy herself if she can blimey blimey blimey so yeah this isn't really this isn't much of a Monday's Bored Objects I guess this isn't a Monday's Bored Objects or a Trivia Tuesday this is just as
a Tuesday just me talking I'm supposed to be going up to see him tomorrow but I don't know how he is because yesterday I don't know if I even mentioned that I feel like I've already mentioned it he yeah he found himself in a different part of the ward he didn't know how he got there like this is last the night before last and he was thinking that you know stuff was going on and whatever so I just if he calls me today and says if it's if that's progressed that
situation progressed I might have to go up there today and see him because I did seem to calm him down a bit but other than that I'll be going in tomorrow so I it's I can't do the every day's I can't afford to go in every day but I can't I can't really can't handle every day it's too much for me it is as simple as that really I mean I had the weekend off and I was pretty much in bed for the whole weekend nearly I just drained by by
the whole thing just tiring but I'm feeling okay today actually maybe it's because I know I don't have to go in there and it's not it's not just going in there and dealing with his situation but it's all the other stuff connected you know it's a hospital it's not not somewhere I want to spend time and I'm not I'm not really a big fan of where he is now and that ward there hasn't the energy is there's no the energy is not good in there it's it's basically it's the one
of the discharge places so it's just full of people that are waiting to get out they're waiting to be moved and there was one of the people was shouting at the nurse shouting you know I'll be there three weeks now or two weeks now when am I going to get out and they said soon he said well I've got my own home why can't I go home I said well we can't go home until we put a care package in place otherwise you'll just end up back in there you're you
know like you had this time and the patient was shouting like why don't you just get it done now and I said to him because there's a waiting list there's 10,000 people waiting for care packages I don't know how useful that was to say that I mean for me getting into a kind of a conversation like that with a very very ill person it's a bit like arguing with a child I'm not saying they're children but it's like is it useful is it useful for you is it useful for the
other person because I'm all about just being super gentle and even though there may be 10,000 people waiting to get a care package to go home that's not something that somebody who's wanting to go home needs to hear I don't think because that makes it sound almost like it's he's not going to get to go home 10,000 people's a lot but then that's probably spread around the country so there might only be two or three in this area that are ahead of him you know so it's but I don't know
if it was necessary I noticed that the nurse is getting a little bit agitated by this particular person because the the same patient was shouting out you couldn't even you can't run a ward you couldn't even run a bath and the the nurse said I can run a bath and I thought why are you even getting into a conversation with him I can see the nurse was getting a bit agitated himself which is he's a human being you know but at the same time it just reminded me of those parents
that will actually have a full-on argument with a toddler and they end up looking like the toddler they they end up embarrassing themselves more than the toddler because the toddler doesn't get embarrassed and you expect the toddler to have a tantrum seeing an adult have a tantrum it's just embarrassing especially when it's an argument with a little child a three-year-old or two-year-old and when adults talk to little kids as if they're adults as if they should be able to comprehend what they're saying when they can't and their brain is not
developed enough to comprehend you'd think wouldn't you that someone that's going to have a baby would at the very least read a book on child development just a book one book 100 pages just a basic book you know something that maybe takes four hours to read five hours six hours even if you're a really slow reader like I am just read a book on child development the stages I don't know it just seems like I think if you bought a car if you bought a caravan or you bought a car
that had lots of gadgets you'd look at the manual wouldn't you once how does it work or if you bought a drone or how do I organize how do I work this thing or a microwave or a new oven you kind of want to know how it works yet people have babies and they don't seem to want to know how they work it would all come naturally you just don't know now I know people that leave their kids with grandparents who go between you know shouting out verses of the bible
to a little kid and then ranting on about foreigners coming into the country I mean what's that kid supposed to think you know going from hate to you must believe this this is what Jesus said must love each other unless of course they're foreigners coming in on boats it's like make your mind up baby so yeah just a book a basic book oh so I was at the hospital and there was I was waiting for a bus and there was this woman on the phone shouting down the phone she had
this little kid who couldn't be more than two years old he was walking around but he's at that age where he just wanted to run run away and she was swearing and shouting down the phone at someone and then she started shouting at him because he was walking off and at one point I'm like further away I couldn't be too close to that kind of noise and that kind of person and he started running away from her and she's like walking wobbling yeah come back so I was closer to him
than she was and I had to be careful because I didn't want to didn't want to put my hands on him but at the same time I didn't want him running in the road so I kind of ran after him and managed just to jump in front of him and at this point he just turned around laughed and ran back to her I mean I don't think either of us could have really caught him if he was going full pelt and she just walked off and I'm like okay I don't
necessarily need a thank you but it'd be nice it'd be pleasant it'd be appropriate possibly I don't know maybe and I think she read my mind she said oh yeah thanks and then came in on walking it's like wow I mean maybe she was having a bad day but she's like that all the time it's not her that's having a bad day it's everyone else around her wow where do these people come from how are they created what factory are they built in we need to we need to get rid
of those factories we really do need to perhaps demolish them the factories that is stop them stop more being built possibly I don't know maybe that's wrong maybe it's wrong as wrong as can be to try and stop scum being born oh you can't say things like that no they're not it's not when they're born is this how they're how they're raised baby it's really weird there's this uh you know you can just tell the future I know this person's got two parents both Rowans both the parents were Rowans and
they're this they got a kid and you know that three years time that kid is going to be causing chaos absolute chaos chaos and it's almost there's no way it's not going to happen there's no way that that kid is not going to go hopefully temporarily but the kid's going to go off the rails what what option does it have what it's all it's learned is is from both parents and other relatives is a certain way of life which is chaos and I feel for it you know I feel oh
this is such a shame but this this kid's not gonna really have a choice in it won't know any different all I said all society can hope is that that they get some help and manage to get their life back and it's such a shame when you see like a kid who's 10 or 11 or whatever and you know that they're such a good kid but you know it's a year or two away it's all gonna go weird trust me I know of what I speak I went weird I remember
when I was a teenager I absolutely adored my step-mom but there was a period when I just could not stand her couldn't stand her when I was 15 there was times when I couldn't even stand the sight of her no reason for it well apart from the fact that she got me that she left my she she left the family home so I was no longer living in my bedroom and I was sleeping in on a floor on a little bed thing in someone's living room with no stability so yeah
I suppose that probably didn't help but I had a rule kind of like couldn't even stand to talk to her and I was like why I don't know I even queried it myself like I don't I still loved her I suppose but I didn't like her I didn't and it's weird because I never got a chance to really get back to that because she was gone after before I was yeah she was gone so when I was 16 and a half she moved away so I never got to have like
a a nice relationship with her again as an adult I never got to have a relationship with her as an adult oh well oh well Vinnie hey you don't know how to really do it no no sausages oh I've run out of food for Vinnie I'm gonna have to sort something out I'm gonna ask my neighbor downstairs have they got any spare cat food he loves cat food don't you Vin yes you do if he goes anywhere with his cats he will go straight well first of all look around for
the and he'll go straight for the cat bowl he'll eat all the wet food or dry food honestly eat the whole thing because he's basically a cat he's cat size isn't he aren't you your cat size Vinnie your cat size cat size cat size I haven't got cat size I've got dog size stop it you know what I mean cat size no I've got dog size stop it stop being pedantic you're pedantic stop it so I'm gonna go I'm just chatting absolute rubbish and I as per usual yes I am
so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy and be gentle with yourself if you deserve to feel safe lots of love bye what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.