(Short Music) #1660 Let Me Bore You To Sleep | 6th August 2026

Welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Just got out of bed.

I haven't just got out of bed, but I've, you know, I've just got out of bed. I mean, you know, it's not literal because I just got out of bed. That means I've got a microphone set up next to my bed, which I don't.

I have done though in the past. So I thought, you know what? I can make a recording lying down. I was wrong.

I've always been wrong on that one. And I've attempted it quite a few times over the millions of years I've been doing this. And I've always been wrong.

I can't record anything lying down or maybe reword it. I can't lie down without falling asleep. Maybe that's a better way to, to verbalize that particular message.

It's even worse if I was making hypnosis recordings, I'd be gone and I'd wake up. Like an hour later, I'd listen back to it. And all it was, was me snoring.

And I thought, I wonder if anyone would notice. But then, in reality, I can imagine that. Can you imagine? Oh, wow.

If I released a recording of me just starting off normal and then snoring for like an hour. Four times the volume of me talking. Yeah, I'm not going to do that.

I, in fact, I did do it once. But I think it was a live YouTube broadcast. And, yeah, I did fall asleep.

Anyway, today is Thursday, the 6th of August, and yesterday, it was three weeks to my birthday. Now, it's one week less than three weeks to my birthday. So how many days is it? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. So in 20 days time, I will be 33. 33.

Can you imagine? No, 56, 50, 50, 56, 56. 56. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.

I can't believe it. Now, I still can't get my head around it. Genuinely, for some reason, being 56 or creeping towards 56, gently, I think I'm kind of almost, I'm going really gently towards it in the hope that when I get there, I won't wake it up.

I can continue being 55, which makes no sense. I just, I don't think I was that bothered about being 55. But I might be wrong.

I mean, if I was to go back and, well not go back, but go back in a sense of listening to old recordings, but I was about to say, if I go back and listen, I won't be going back and listening, I'll be going forward and listening when I, I can't go back and do anything. And as I'm doing this, if I do listen to old recordings, I'll be going forward and listening to old recordings.

Bit pedantic though, isn't it? Me, me, me.

And maybe I was moaning then. Well, I'm not moaning, I'm not really moaning, it's more just noticing that I'm kind of ooh, ooh, no, you know, it's like, oh, no, I mean, I want to, I want to, I want to be 56. It's not like, um, you know, I welcome every day that comes.

I don't really, but you know, I want to, I want to, that's the kind of person I want to be. Because sometimes I do feel like that, like, you know, really, you're brilliant. Another day, great.

As opposed to, oh, another day. Great. Now I'm quite neutral when it comes to the days.

I think it's, if you've got something to look forward to, you know, maybe going back and going on holiday or your, I don't know. What do people look forward to? Like social events, maybe family events, weddings, funeral. So you don't really look forward to a funeral, do you? But although you do, because if you think about something that's going to happen in the future, you're looking forward to it.

Because we changed our language, didn't we? Looking forward used to mean you're just like thinking about something that's going to happen. You're planning something for the future. You're looking forward to something that's going to happen in the near present.

Soon. I'm trying to say, I think, another word rather than future, but I can't. And it didn't used to mean enjoyment or excitement, invigoration.

So you can't really say, oh, I'm looking forward to the funeral. Because although you are, in a sense of your planning, maybe someone's planning it. Or you're just thinking what you're going to be wearing.

So you're looking forward to that thing because you're planning for it. Some people might take offense. So what do you mean you're looking forward to it? Weirdo.

So yeah. Language is confusing, isn't it? We can be. I'll tell you this very famous story.

You might have heard of it, but if you're not, yeah, there's going to be some people that have never heard of it. So this was in, I think, the 60s, might be, no, it's in the 60s. I think 50s or 60s, England in London, I think.

And it just goes to show how language can be misinterpreted. Like, it's extremely. So, there's these two, I think they're like two criminals on the roof.

I've met them on the roof for just drama, but they're on a roof. I think they're armed robbers or something like that. And there's a policeman there.

Now, back then, the police, well, the police didn't have guns. There was two police and two armed robbers. One of them, only one of them had a gun.

The policeman, one of the policemen said to the armed robber, so they got them cornered, they couldn't go anywhere. Unless, of course, they wanted to. And the police, one of the policemen said, give me the gun.

The other robber, not the one with a gun, but the other one, the other robber shouted at his friend, let him have it. And the robber, the one with a gun, pulled the trigger. Which led to a really big, big story back then.

Now, the argument came down to syntax, came down to what was the meaning of what he said. Because the sentence, let him have it. Some argued, well, he's saying to his friend, let the policeman have the gun.

The policeman's just asked for the gun, let him have the gun. And let's all go home and have some cocoa. And watch Top of the Pops.

Others argued, let him have it, is very colloquial, or I don't know if the right word is, but slang for, give it him, give it to him, shoot him. So, let him have it, had two meanings in that scenario. And the jury had to decide which one was meant.

Because basically one of them was a thousand percent guilty, because he's the one that shot the shotgun. They had to decide whether or not the other bloke, the other robber who didn't have a gun and didn't shoot anyone, was also guilty of, you know, because he's the one that shouted, let him have it. Almost gave him the instructions.

But did he say, let him have it, or let him have the gun, let him have it, just give it to him. So if he had said, give it to him, no, maybe that wouldn't have worked. I don't know, it just would have been easier if he just said, shoot him.

But then he just would have been guilty anyway, wouldn't he, so he wouldn't, that wouldn't have, yeah, maybe not. I mean, you imagine the conversation between the two of them afterwards. I mean, regardless, you know, whichever way he took it, whichever way the man with a gun took it, there would have been a conversation between them, wouldn't they? It's like, when I said, let him have it, I meant give him the gun, so that we'd get like a couple of years in prison instead of what's going to happen.

He's, alternative, if he'd have actually given this policeman a gun, it's like, no, I meant shoot him. So, yeah, that's stuck in my claw, stuck in my underpants for years since hearing that one, because it's such a good example of misinterpretation of a sentence and how that can have a really huge impact because all these, let him have it, and stuff like that, it's like, it's not useful.

Just, let's just come, I know people want to have their own identity, but it's not really their identity, is it? If they're using the same words and the same phrases as all their friends, then it's really just a case of, I want to be an individual, just like all my friends.

It's not really, you know, miscommunication. I mean, now I cannot keep up with the speaking that I see. I watch TikTok, I go on TikTok and genuinely, I'm just amazed at the words that people are using and the phrases that people are using.

And it's a different language. And I'm sitting here trying to decipher what's being said. So, and sometimes I'm watching, I'm trying to type into ChatGPT the words so I can get the meaning, the slang or street meaning.

And I'm trying to do that in real time, which is hard because I struggle to type with my left hand. And it's like, really, what, I mean, there's one thing, what is it? I come on my ones. That means I come alone.

So when you've got a lot of young men giving it large on TikTok and it's like, oh, oh, flappy ears. Don't look over there for the water, Vinnie. The water's in the bedroom.

You know it is. You're the one that followed me into the living room. You should still be in bed.

In fact, if I closed the door, you would have still been in bed. I left him on his own yesterday. I had to, well, I didn't have to, but I met up with a friend and I left here quarter past 10 in the morning.

Got back about half past 12. And I'd recorded him. So audio-wise, I recorded him while I was out.

And apart from initially when I closed the door, I let out a whimper. Nothing. The whole time it didn't make a sound.

I'd like to take, I'd like to take, not responsibility, but credit for that because I just think that I'm the king of the world, basically. I deserve the credit for everything that goes well. What I did do, a little bit different this time, is I played a long recording of myself talking while I'm gonna let me boy to sleeps.

So that particular recording lasted for over two hours. And I put it up to a fairly loud volume, not loud, loud, but like normal volume that I'd watch TV on. And I left that on.

And the theory of doing that was, I thought when he closed his eyes, he'd hear my voice and he'd forget I wasn't here. Because that's what he hears when I'm making a recording. You know, he'd sit there, he might be on the floor, sleep or, he's licking my ankle right now.

And I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I don't care what anyone thinks. It's nice.

Yeah, some people don't like being having a dog lick them. I love it. My feet, I love having my feet and my toes licked.

It's not, it's not a weird thing. I mean, just by a dog, I've never, you know, you like having your toes sucked. I don't know.

I've never had it done. I mean, no, of course I don't. Weirdo.

I can't imagine. I mean, it's never happened, but I can't imagine. I don't think any woman's ever looked at my big, massive toe.

My big toe. And thought, oh my God, I have that airy mouth. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

No. I mean, I can only see it from five foot eight inches away. So I've never seen it close up.

But from where I can see it, it doesn't look edible. It doesn't look like something. No, it doesn't.

It does its job. But it doesn't, I mean, it's not supposed to turn me on, is it? My big toe. But it's not an aphrodisiac for me.

You know, whenever, if I'm in a relationship and I run out of Viagra, because I'm so old now, I need Viagra. And I'm like, oh, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? And I remember a little voice in my head goes, just look at your big toe. That'll do the job.

That'll get you nice and ready. Like, no. And by the way, I've never taken Viagra.

And what would be the point in me taking Viagra? There'd be no, no point. I mean, for what I want to do. I don't know, Viagra can keep you going for hours.

No. I want to have everything started, finished and cleaned up by the end of the adverts. I'm not interested in going for hours.

Who the heck would want to go do anything for hours? There's nothing in the world I would want to do for hours and hours and hours. Not even eat chocolate. No, nothing.

That's why I struggle with some of these really long movies. Not a really long one, you know, like three hours plus. I can't watch them all in one go.

I have to watch them like in three parts or something. And that started, these really long movies kind of started just to get me going. During the, oh, what's those, oh, The Ring, The Ring, those movies.

And, oh, The Precious Ring. Yeah, it's precious. You need to look after your ring.

That's right. And, oh, what was it called? Not War of the Worlds. The ones with the wizards and stuff.

Not Harry Potter. And I remember I got, I bought the video of the first one. And I sat down to watch it.

And I just, I felt myself aging. I could literally feel my beard growing. And I thought, at this rate, I'm going to look like the wizard.

And I was halfway through and I was getting phone calls from work. I started watching on Saturday morning. I was getting phone calls at work on Wednesday, like, we haven't heard from you.

Are you okay? It's like, no, that's fine. I'm just watching a movie. It's the wizard one.

Well, Harry Potter, no, no, the, the other one. Oh, the one about the ring. Oh, my precious.

Yeah, don't all have to do impressions of that, do we? I don't know what it is. I can't just say the ring without going, oh, my precious. But, so long.

I can't sit and do anything for three hours, generally. Generally, I mean, I have, I have done a three hour recording once. Yeah, I did.

That's a long time. I've done quite a few two hour recordings. Quite a lot.

So, two hours doesn't seem too long. It does depend, really does depend upon the day, how I'm feeling. Because, you know, sometimes if you're chatting, time goes by fairly quickly.

That's something I noticed when I was talking to my friend yesterday. I find, I found myself telling him stuff that I don't normally tell people. A bit of honesty.

Not about him. You know, I would only tell someone honestly about themselves if it was nice stuff. Because I'm no one's judge.

You know, like, oh, I'm going to be honest. This will help them if I tell them something about themselves. Or, you know, I'm not here for that.

But I was telling him things about myself that I don't normally tell other people. Because we're both counsellors. We were both trained and worked as counsellors.

And I became a counsellor first, and then he, he didn't copy me, but I think he was influenced a little bit by me doing it. Because I talked about it quite a lot at the time. And I, I kept telling him that he should become a counsellor, because he's way more empathic than I am.

I'm not empathic. He's, he is one of the just amazing person, such a, he'd, he'd be the kind of counsellor that I would want. I think if I, if I got counselled by a man, but I would choose a woman to get counselled by, it's just a preference.

I've had both, but generally women, I don't know. I just, I've always gone, not always, but generally from the age of 30, I don't know why it started at 30, but I started to make quite close friendships with women. But just friendships, nothing else going on, you know, just friendships.

I think it was because maybe in my 20s, I realised that actually what I really wanted, other than the physical side, is I wanted to be able to be friends with a person. But I never really, yeah, I don't know. I don't think it kind of worked out that way.

But if you take away the physical side, or what I did, when I took away, or rather when the physical side was not introduced, and it was just purely monotony-based relationships, and no hanky-panky, no kisses, no holding hands, you know, that kind of stuff, no romance. It just seemed to be a deeper friendship, a deeper relationship, a more honest, for me, I mean, for my experience. Now, I'm sure millions of people would disagree with my, not disagree, but like, that they experience things very differently.

They can have both. I've just never had both. I've never had someone be like my best friend, and I was going to say boinking them, but, you know, having a romantic adventure at the same time.

That's a better description, isn't it? Boinking, what a weird word. Why are you late for work? I was busy having a bit of a boink. I was boinking your missus, you know, so no.

I was boinking your mum. So, I, that's another thing that I've seen online. Now, people can have a conversation, an argument, but they see that two people having an argument online on TikTok or whatever.

And one person, you can't even mention the other person's mum. Even if it's just, you say, I bet you have an amazing mum. Don't mention my mum.

You can't. Just, you can't say anything. It's like you've said the most horrible thing about their mum.

And it's fake. It's so fake. It's no more than a dog learning what to bark at.

That's all it is. It's just learned behavior. And some would argue that everything is learned behavior.

But it's a bit like sometimes when people say, oh, you people. What do you mean, you people? I'm talking about you crowd, you people as a crowd. You people.

How dare you categorize me? Well, categorization is kind of normal, isn't it? You know, especially if you have to describe somebody. I mean, a lot of comedies are made of that. I'm trying to describe someone that's, to a police person that's committed a crime.

And you kind of, so what do they look like? Well, they had eyes, hands, hair. They, and like just going through it, like we need more specific details. You know, how tall were they? Oh, you know, I don't know.

Were they tall? Were they short? I didn't really notice. So you wouldn't have noticed if they were four foot tall. No, I don't know.

Or about six foot seven. I don't know. You wouldn't notice that.

And then these other physical characteristics. So, oh, yeah, he had a tattoo on his forehead. Oh, great.

Now you tell me. My friend used to have tattoos on his face. And I think that used to be called in the 90s, it used to be called job dodging, job dodging.

Or there was another word, like basically, you're not going to get a job. If you turn up at an interview with tattoos on your face, there's certain parts of history. I mean, maybe not now, but back in the 80s and the 90s, maybe 2000s even.

You wouldn't have got a job depending unless it was a tattoo artist. Then, yeah, you would have got the job probably. But a lot of jobs would not.

They wouldn't, you know. Which is prejudice. But then.

I suppose some of it is like, oh. I mean, I did say that to someone once when I was working in the call center, like they had. They said, we have to wear a shirt and tie and trousers.

That's the thing that annoyed me. I mean, why do I have to wear pants? And ongoing thing. And.

I said, why have we got to wear a shirt and a tie? The customers can't see us. They're on the phone. So we're sitting here uncomfortably dressed.

Actually, a little while after that, I realized I could just wear baggier clothes. I didn't have to wear tight clothes to show off all my muscles. You know, it wasn't a fashion show.

I remember my manager taking me into another room and just saying, look. Can you wear some baggier clothes? Because your amazing physique is actually distracting everybody from their work. And it's not good.

We need people to work, not just drooling at the sight of you and all your amazing body. And then he turned to me and said, yeah, can you wear some loose stuff as well? Because you're fat. Oh, I forgot to tell you, there was two of us in the room.

That's my friend and me. It's. I did notice that I started wearing loose shirts recently.

And people are saying, have you lost weight? It's like, no, actually, if anything, I put weight on. Thanks for noticing. So I think from now on, I'm going to be wearing a lot of very, very large tent like.

Because that's what, what's her name? Billie Eilish did, wasn't it? She wore really large clothes to hide her body. I didn't realize that was the reason. I just thought because it was a fashion, wasn't it? And so I really liked her when she came out.

The. He's a, what's it called? In fact, I only know one song that she's ever done. That's terrible.

There must be some song. Because she kind of does whisper singing, doesn't she? And. He's a bad guy.

If you're gonna get a bad guy. A good guy, a very good guy. So there was that one.

Which. I remember I was listening to. While I was watching TV while working on my website back in about 2013, 2014.

And that video kept coming on over and over again. Like at least every hour it would be on. It was at the same time as Timber.

On the other songs for around that time, I can't rightly remember. No. But every friend I've had, my mom, most of the female friends I've had, let's go through them.

I won't say their names, but the ones that I've had that I didn't keep contact with. So there was what's her name from. The first insurance job I had.

Now. She started working in my. Yeah, no, she started after me.

Not not long after me. And she went on to be. I don't know if she's still there, but she went on to be a manager.

And. We just hit it off. Me and her.

And we used to have a laugh and then we go out. We used to go out. Restaurants used to go out after work, drinking and just.

Best friends, really. And then. I left the job.

We kept in contact for a little bit, you know, like you do. Meeting up and. Catching up probably with the gossip of the company, and then that was it.

Kind of lost contact with her. But yeah, we were very close for a while there. Then after that, I'm only going to include women that I've not.

OK, there hasn't been that many, to be fair. I got very close with. A lady that I worked with.

Now that I was at college with. And in 2003, but we're still friends, so that that doesn't count as far as like ones. But yeah, we're very, very close.

We're very close and still are good friends. 20 odd years later. The next female friend I had.

Which kind of just points the fact that I don't, I haven't actually had that many female friends. Is. Oh, the.

Just going through the different. Other jobs. Did I have any friends at all? In the second insurance job.

I did. But generally, unlike the first insurance job, I wasn't going out drinking with the people I worked with. Apart from a couple of times.

So yeah. And then the third insurance job I had. I wasn't really there a huge amount of time, so I didn't get to know.

I didn't socialize with anybody in that place. I liked people, they were nice. I mean, a call center is just like the world, you know, is you've got people.

You got some really friendly people. Some people that are quite. I suppose, extrovert.

Some people are very quiet. Some people that. Very judgy.

Some people are gossipy. Some people that I like the gossipy ones, they're fun. And you got other people to just.

Okay, you know, out of all the people, there's going to be someone that perhaps just doesn't like me, which is fine. It's normal. And other people that just tolerate.

Mind you, I know some people get to know me. They tend to, you know, I remember I had lunch with someone and they said, you know, because it was. Was it works do? And they said, for all this time, I thought he was an absolute knobhead.

I said, all right, okay. And he said. After spending the last two hours sitting next to a table eating.

It's been confirmed. We laughed. Actually.

In the first insurance job, I did sit next to this lady who I judged, I did. She just seemed. She was young, she seemed vacant.

And she just didn't pay me any attention. Not, not that she should have done, but I didn't feel that she liked me. And the fact is she'd not even noticed that I existed, which is.

I don't know if that's better or not, actually. I think I'd rather, I thought I'd rather be noticed and disliked than just not even acknowledged back then. That was not now.

Anyway, I got stuck next to her for the meal during the, what do they call a summer ball? They called it, I think. And we got together with other parts of the company in this huge place. And it was like a wedding, really, but without the.

The misery. No, it was, it was a big thing. So I'm stuck next to this.

Girl or female. Who's probably about twenty five on thirty two, thirty one. And.

It turned out she was absolutely delightful and I don't use that word generally. She was lovely, friendly, funny. Really nice person.

And I realized that all I judged her on was. I don't know. Maybe it's not something to judge someone on, but she just like kept walking around on her hands and I just thought it was a bit strange.

But once I got to know her, if she wasn't doing that, she was juggling kittens. Now, I don't know what it was about her that made me all judgy. She seemed like an unapproachable person.

Not that I wanted to approach her, but I thought that she'd be hard work. When, in fact, the opposite was true. She was absolutely lovely as a person.

And. I don't remember much that happened after that because I got drunk, but she she was lovely. She, you know, I think we would still say hello to each other in the office.

We never became friends or anything, but just. I don't know, it just showed. The initial, because people say, oh, first impressions last.

Yeah. If you never see the person again, they'll last. If you see them again, then unless your first impressions were correct, they won't last.

So if you meet someone and the first time you meet them. They're having a really difficult day and you might think, what a what a knobby. Now, if you don't see them again, I know I realize I'm just repeating myself now, but.

If someone ever mentions that person, you say, no, they're a knobby. No, they're nice, really. No, they're a knobby.

But then if you're kind of, let's say you're stuck in a well with them. And. I don't know why you would be stuck in a well, but just, you know, just go with me on this one.

And people are chucking popcorn down the well for you to eat. And you get to know each other and like, oh, you're not so bad. You're quite a nice person, actually.

But I don't know how much of that story is, should have been focused on the well and the popcorn, as opposed to just two people getting on. Doesn't sound like the most comfortable of scenarios. And no one's explained, first of all, why they're down a well.

And secondly, what's popcorn got to do with it? It just seems another needless, random thing. Why? Oh, why? Oh, why? Oh, there was another friend. Who I became very close to when I was doing my degree in counselling.

Counselling. And yeah, we became very, very close. Even used to phone each other.

When we weren't seeing each other, it was, yeah, a very, very. Very close relationship, very close friendship. And I don't see her anymore.

I haven't seen her regularly since about 2013, 14, something like that. So, yeah, it's been blimey over 10 years. I see her once when her brother was staying with my friend, I think, and she came over, gave me a hug and said hello, and then she was gone.

So, probably, yeah, among the best friends I've ever had, ever. And also, if it wasn't for her, I would not have got my degree. It's as simple as that.

You know, I can, I suppose I can be as arrogant as anyone else. But sometimes facts are just facts. It's like, I can pretend I'm 33.

And I could probably pull off being a lot younger on the phone with someone online. But if you're going to meet me, you're going to see that I'm, I'm not 33. I don't know what the point of that sentence was.

What's that got to do with me being doing the degree? Oh, yeah, tell them the truth. So, if it hadn't been for her, I would not have got my degree. I would not have finished my course, wouldn't have finished it.

And I don't know if I ever thanked her directly, but I thanked her on these podcasts. Vinnie, what are you doing? There's no fly. Where did the flies go? Because there's a fly that lives in here.

But when I get up early in the morning, it's nowhere near. So it's not here. I mean, do they have beds? I just remembered a dream I was having last night.

That was a weird dream. Yeah, it was a weird dream because again, I was living in a house with my brothers again. But this time, they were sleeping in different rooms.

What is it about dreaming about my brothers? It's very strange. I don't normally dream about them. Not in the same dream.

But my older brothers, not my younger brother, but my two older brothers. Like, why am I dreaming about them? I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm coming up to my birthday and in the two-month period, basically, or in one month, in like a four-week period, pretty much all three of our birthdays are.

Like, nearing the end of August to the end of September. So my other brother's birthday is in under two weeks, and the other one's in probably about six weeks. Six weeks.

One, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah. So, within a month, pretty much, they're all, well, actually, it's not just the three of us, all four, because my little brother was born the day before my birthday.

The day before my eighth birthday. So all four of us, within a month, our birthdays are. Three of us within one week.

That used to be quite good, actually. Because even when it wasn't my birthday, it was still a, I mean, technically, it was still a celebration for them. I mean, not for me, but, you know, I went along with it.

And it was still birthday cake, and it was still kind of nice vibes. So that was good. But it didn't have the same meaning, because it wasn't for me.

But, you know, it's still, it was still a better day than a normal day. And because I was born 26th of August, I always had my birthday during the summer holidays. But when I was at school, always.

And that was quite nice. I mean, when I went, when I started going to work, I decided that I was going to have the day off my birthday off every year. Because that's what I'd done throughout school.

But it didn't quite work that way. But I did, there was a period when I did do that. When I'd like said, no, I'm not working on that day.

I'm having that day off every, every, every year. I used to have a little routine. When I was in Stratford.

I would get ready. It's really weird. I'm just trying to think of my routine.

And just trying to remember what it was like living in that room in Stratford. It was a grotty room. It really was.

Oh, I didn't seem to care. I didn't even have a colour TV. I just had a black and white portable television.

Wow. It's strange because earlier, like in early 1991. I had a job, like an okay paying job in the bakery.

And then I went into the bakery. And was earning really good money. I could have bought the best TV there was.

Okay, maybe not the best TV in the world. Because that probably would have been thousands. But I could have bought a really decent TV, a colour TV.

But I didn't. I don't know why. But then I'm thinking, didn't I have a colour TV? Surely I couldn't have just, I couldn't have watched black and white.

All those years. That doesn't seem realistic, does it? No, I must have had a colour TV at some point. I must have done.

I must have had a portable colour TV. Because that's just ridiculous. Having a TV that's black and white.

But then, when I moved out of London. I think my dad gave me a black and white portable TV. Because I didn't have a TV at that time.

I don't know why. And it was only just to keep me going until I got myself a colour TV. But then I didn't get a colour TV for ages.

I just stuck with a black and white TV. A black and white one. And at this point I was earning fairly good money.

Not for the first, what was it, it was the end of September I started there. Well not the end, it was the beginning. In fact, it was the, what was it, it was the 10th of September 2001.

10th or 9th. It was the 9th or the 10th that I started working there. And I didn't really earn any money until the end of that month.

So I earned a little bit. And then the end of November I didn't really earn much. The end of December was the first proper paycheck that I got.

Which included bonuses. But there wasn't a lot of bonus because I didn't sell much when I first started. I wasn't very good.

So that was mainly, I did quite a bit of overtime in December. And then January I had a good paycheck because I'd done the overtime. February was kind of normal.

March, March I started to get good. March, April, May, June, July, August, August, I don't know why I slurred August then. That's when I kind of started to get, you know, a decent amount of money coming in.

And I still didn't buy a decent telly. It wasn't until 2004 that I bought myself again another portable telly. What was it with small TVs? I don't know.

But this one had a DVD player attached. Which was, I actually did actually buy it from Blockbusters. I could have had a big TV on the wall back then.

It was something about not, I guess not really knowing where I was going in life, you know. I'm so used to moving. It was having stuff made it harder to move, much easier to move if all you've got is a couple of black bags full of bits and bobs, clothes and bedding.

And, you know, once you start, once you start getting stuff, like lots of books or big bits of equipment or, you know, generally, it makes it harder. I mean, throughout, from the age of 17, all the way to 30, yeah, 34. 17 to 34, I'd never bought really any furniture.

It's not true. I bought desks and stuff. But this is the first time I needed to buy a bed because I rented this room and it was completely empty.

Now about, I was like, what the heck? Not even any radiators. It wasn't a very sensible idea of mine. I'm not, the radiators wasn't my idea, but I don't think it's even legal to rent a room out that doesn't have central heating.

Crazy. But anyway, I only lived there for a year. And, but it was empty.

Before that, all the rooms I lived in had beds. I don't know what my point was. It was something to do with not having too much stuff to move with.

Yeah. I don't think, I mean, even after that one, it was furnished. So this, so basically only two, two places since the age of 17 have been unfurnished.

This place and that place there that I was talking about. And unfurnished, unfurnished is fine. If you want to stay there, if you want to be there for quite a long time.

But if you don't, then you kind of need furnished. You know, buying, filling a room up or a flat out with furniture and then moving. Wow.

That's a, that's a kerfuffle, isn't it? A kerfuffle, kerfuffle, berduffle. Anyway, I met my friend yesterday. It was nice.

That was really all I wanted to say. Was that a nice little, had egg on, egg on toast. Two fried eggs on two pieces of toast.

And I did have a bottle of Coke. I don't normally drink Coke. Apart from when I go there and I meet people, which is probably maybe four times, three or four times a year.

But I don't drink Coke any other time. Wow, it's really weird because when I came out, a neighbor said, Oi, my son went and saw them. And I literally let off the biggest fart ever.

And the bubbles, the Coke really kind of, I suppose it was a mixture really, wasn't it? It's quite a toxic mixture. Eggs and Coca-Cola. Yeah.

Things were outside, so the smell wasn't too bad. Oh, how lovely. What a lovely way to end the recording.

Hello, Finbin. You all right, darling? I can't believe how good he was. Mind you, last night he started barking while we was in bed.

So I don't know what he was barking about. I need to look at the camera. But he started barking, but he doesn't normally do that as well.

I don't know what it was. Oh, Flappy ears. Oh, he's begging now.

What does he want? Do you want some food? You hungry? Thing is, I've got no T-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-T-S for him. And I can't get any till tomorrow. And he's so used to just eating them.

Like, he can't understand, I don't think. Well, actually, I don't know what he's thinking, do I? I'm just pretending to know. But I think he's got treats on the mind.

I said the word, didn't I? The thing is, yesterday, when I left here, before I left, I said to him, if you're a good boy, I'll get you a treat. But I didn't. I was going to go to the pet shop and get something for him.

But I didn't. I forgot. I just did forget.

And it was just, I went home. And also, it would have meant trying to cross that road, which is a fact. It was very difficult.

I didn't fancy it. But I feel like I've let him down. And he was such a good boy.

You're a good boy, aren't you, Vinnie? Sometimes. All right, I'm going to have my breakfast now. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy. And be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel safe.

Lots of love. Bye.