(Overnight Voice Only) Kind People Everywhere | #1650 Let Me Bore You To Sleep | 29th July 2026

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You to Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Close your eyes. Close your eyes, Josh. So, today is Wednesday the 29th of July 2026.

It is 6.49am. I did actually do a recording yesterday. But it was a moany one. It was just me moaning.

And after 20 minutes in and 20 minutes of the dog over the fence barking continuously and having to keep stopping and starting and I got more moanier and moanier. And I thought, initially I thought I'll continue this another time. Maybe later on in the day when there's not so much barking.

But later in the day, I couldn't be bothered. I just wasn't in the mood to do it. Plus I was, I've been busy still uploading or re-uploading the recordings to relax.

What's it called? What am I doing? Relaxation. Relax and sleep hypnosis daily. So I'm still uploading, re-uploading those ones.

And also, it was particularly warm inside. So I had to have the window open. Which increased the volume.

And of the outside sounds. But this time in the morning, there's not generally a lot of sound going on. And if the council comes round to do like building work and stuff, they don't normally start until 8 in the morning.

The dog doesn't normally start barking until about 8 in the morning. So yeah, it might be out there now but because there's not a lot of activity, it doesn't, it might do a little bit of barking but it doesn't do like full on. For some reason, which is nice.

And the dustbin men come round at 7.30. Vinny doesn't bark at them but that's like once every two weeks. And the dog barks at them. But you know, the things that makes no difference because they are, they make their own sound.

Their own individual grunts and shouts and swears and stuff like that that they do. There's a scene in Derek. Yeah, Derek, the TV show, where the lady, if you've seen it, it's a Ricky Gervais show.

Ricky Gervais plays Derek who works in a nursing home. I don't actually know what he does in the nursing home but he sits around with the elderly people. And the person, the lady who runs the nursing home has a boyfriend.

And he has a job, he gets a job working on the dustbins, you know, collecting the rubbish and stuff. And he, the person he's working with is a very angry young man. And they show him a few times like picking up the rubbish up and the bag split and stuff and shout in and that.

And that's, that's what I hear pretty much every two weeks is these angry. And there's about six of them, four, five, six, whatever, that I can't, I don't know, maybe four. They make it sounds like a football match gone wrong.

It very much sounds like more than there are. It's a little bit like, you know, when you're sitting on a bus, or a train, and you hear these voices, and maybe they're deep voices, and they're talking like really aggressively. And it's like almost could be intimidating.

And you get you get up to get off and you look back, and it's just a bunch of kids. The probably teenagers that are still maybe their voices broke, they might even have school uniforms on. And there's nothing to be intimidated by.

They're just kids. But they said they're so what they're saying, the way they're talking is so aggressive. But it almost is funny once you see them.

You know, it's like, it's like a little toddler, squaring up to you saying come on, or scrappy do. So I don't know where I'm going with this. It just reminded me of that happened once.

I was like, I was on a bus and I think that am I safe. So I was on a bus on my own. I was, I wasn't near the back.

So don't sit at the back anymore. Really, generally, I don't really get on buses anymore. But you know, this is quite a while, quite a while ago.

Ago, not ago, but ago. And I'll sit on the right hand side, which is generally my favorite position. I don't know why.

Maybe it almost feels like I'm because I can see the traffic coming the other way. I don't know what it is. And what though the other side, the left hand side better if you want to see people on the pavement, or if you want to see who's getting on the bus, when the bus stops at the bus stop.

How many times I can say bus, bus, bus, bus, bus, bus, bus, bus. So normally, I'll sit on the right hand side, but more kind of middle. I'll sit at the front.

If there's no one around, and I can, you know, I don't sit at the point and walk into the back. If there's literally no one on the bus, I'll probably will just sit on the front. I might even sit on the disabled chairs.

But I will move if someone gets onto the bus that needs those chairs, those seats. Although I've got something to tell you, I might actually officially be able to sit on those seats soon. Bless bless me.

Bless the aging process. Oh, warm and cozy. So yeah, I was sitting there on the right hand side, probably two or three seats away from the back.

And I was hearing this. And for some reason, I think when I got on, there was quite a few people on the bus. I didn't look at anyone.

But as the journey progressed, people got off. And I think on this particular journey, we'd gone through town and nearly everybody had got off the bus except me and the voices at the back. I didn't know how many there was.

I think it turned out there was three. Yeah, about three, three of them. I was hearing this seriously aggressive chat.

Lots of swearing, which is what I used to do when I was a kid. Lots of aggression. I didn't really do that.

I've never really been an aggressive person. I would say not really verbally. Generally, not unmean it and not in public either.

And there was a little bit of me thinking, am I safe? Am I alright? Shit, because I didn't want to look back in case that triggered something. I knew there was, I could tell there was at least two different voices, but I thought there was more. Actually, I could probably hear there was more.

I thought, but it was just, it seemed so, but then I said, as I got up, I looked around. I didn't start laughing, but internally I did. Because they couldn't have been more than like 14, 13, 14.

And they were talking like they were drunk. 35, 40 year olds in a pub, really bitter at life, kind of drinking. Like me 10 years ago.

So before I moved here, before everything got better and more wonderful. So I don't know why I'm talking about that. Anyway, so yeah, I did the recording yesterday.

It was very, I was just being a grumpy ass. So I just decided not to, not to pursue that one and not to continue it. Although there was a funny line.

I can't remember what it was, but it was quite a funny line. Something to do with a tree and a squirrel. I don't know.

Maybe I'll find a way to do it again today. But kind of ruined it, haven't I, by mentioning the tree and the squirrel. So at some point later on, I mentioned a squirrel or a tree.

You're probably going to think that I'm going to mention also a squirrel or a tree. But what I mean is if I mention a tree, you might think, oh, squirrels coming. Or if I mention a squirrel or a tree is coming, you know what I mean.

And that might ruin the hilarious joke. But it depends really, doesn't it? Because if I keep, if I stop talking about it, keep talking about it like this, then maybe after a while I can kind of ease it in, sneak it in, you know, without you noticing. But then if you don't notice it, it's probably not going to be funny, is it? If you, if it kind of, yeah, hmm, haven't really thought this through.

I'll tell you what's weird, well, it's not if it's weird, but. When I do a let me boy to sleep in the morning, and I don't normally do it in the morning, it's normally, well, going by past, it's normally early evening, late afternoon, sometimes early afternoon. It's rarely is it in the morning.

Well, I have done them in the morning, but it's quite rare. I'm much more lively in the morning. And you might think, well, yeah, you've just woken up.

I suppose there is that, I've got up, it's the beginning of the day. But I tend to have a quicker mind. Not that it's quick, but just quick mind, as opposed to this.

Did I just say opposed as opposed to a very slow, slow, slow one? Which reminds me, I got a message from, I got a message from Christine. Hi, Jason. Nice to see you back on podcast.

Your YouTube hasn't changed since the last Friday Q&A, just in case you didn't know. Thanks, Christine. So hi, Christine.

I have, I did, that was supposed to have been sorted. So I did kind of update the YouTube channel, but it didn't update. So, um, let's have a look.

Yeah, it didn't update itself. So what I've had to do, what's that going on? Really, I've had no views of the latest one. Fair enough.

So I converted the, this is the last Let Me Boy To Sleep one, which was a couple of days ago. I converted that into a video, and I've uploaded it to YouTube. All being well, and if things work how they should do, from now on, whenever, whenever I release a new podcast to my podcast, they should just automatically upload to YouTube, like what they did and like how they should.

So that I'll be going back to six versions again, which will delight some people and annoy others in equal measure, possibly. It's just, as Buddy Holly said, if you try and please, if you try and please everyone, you'll please no one. Which isn't really true, is it? Actually, that's absolutely, that's not true at all.

Yeah, I see that's an untruth. It's one of those just generic quotes that actually people might take on and like, oh, yeah, and just continuously pass it on, but has no meaning and is actually incorrect. It's a bit like that.

You know, you tell kids, if you keep making that face, if the wind changes, your face will be like that forever. Or something like that. That doesn't make any sense.

What do you mean if the wind changes? But it's not even windy. If it changes, how does wind change? What, going from blowing to the left to blowing to the right? I mean, what? I don't, I don't get it. And I'm not going to keep this face going the whole time, because the wind doesn't, it's not going to change instantly, is it? Unless it's some kind of tornado, which moves quite fast.

But then even a tornado, you can see it and you can probably have enough, enough time to not hopefully take shelter, but at least change the expression on your face. And yeah, I don't know why some of those things, I was another one in the UK. I don't know if you got it.

Some of these expressions that I kind of grew up with is things like, look who the cat dragged in. It's like, hi Nan, it's your favourite grandchild. Look who the cat dragged in.

It's like, so what you're saying is I'm basically a half-eaten rodent. Yeah, lovely. Thanks.

It's a very negative country. This is, I think it's always been like that. Just generally, not everyone, not completely, but just a lot of the sayings, a lot of the language patterns is not a positive one.

And the standard greeting is, hi, you all right? Yeah, not too bad. Not too bad. I'm still alive.

And that, I tried to stop myself talking like that. But I had to do it manually. I had to do it on purpose because it was almost built within me.

Because that's what I've experienced from being born. Hearing people say stuff like that. Hearing people complain about the weather.

It's too hot, too cold, too wet, too damp, too windy. The word too, T-O-O. That reminds me, I've got an issue with the word lose.

So why do people use the word L-O-O-S-E, which is loose, instead of L-O-S-E, lose? It's a different word. Loose as in not tight. Not loose, not lose as in lost.

That's bugged me for years and years and years. I don't know why. But I see people use that in their grammar.

I don't know if it's like a different country use it as a different word. But I just like, come on. Loose and lose.

I realize it's a little bit, probably a little bit pedantic. But it's a similar word. Because like lose, loose, lose, loose.

It's a similar word. And if I was trying to learn English as a second language, words like that would really confuse me because it sounds the same pretty much, doesn't it? But then there's a lot of like, if you go from someone, and I hear this quite a lot, people maybe from the northern part of the country, use might use terms like bath instead of bath. I'll say bath.

They may say bath. Of course, I'm right. I'm not judging.

If you say bath, you're clearly wrong. But it's the thing is you only people only say bath or bath is because that's where they've grown up to. That's how they've been taught to say it.

Which makes you wonder why, considering bath is the right way to say it. Just like any English language. I mean, not, not morally.

Wouldn't it make sense that everywhere the teachers speak the same? But every all teachers in every school around the country speak the same. You know, let's just choose if it's bath or bath. I don't care.

I'll say bath. I don't don't it doesn't sound right to me. But that's because it does.

It's wrong to my ears because not how I've ever said it. But just let's just have a because it's communities. It's communication.

It's miscommunication if we're all saying things differently. Because if you say can't and if you say can and can't, that's how we say in this in this part of the world. In my country can and can't.

But in, let's say, other parts of the country, they might say can. They still say can. But then they say can't.

Now, if you speak quickly, can and can't sounds the same word. I can walk up to I can't I can. What is it? I can't get up the hill.

I can get up the hill. I can't get up the hill. I can get up the hill.

I can get up the hill. I can't get up the hill. But if you say I can get up the hill and I can't get up the hill.

It's much easier to decipher. And that's something I struggled with in the past when I hear people talking and they say can't. And it's the same with other parts of the world as well.

They say can't. Especially when the talk and I've actually heard it's quite funny. I've heard people that are speaking using these words having to ask each other to repeat it because they don't know what they mean because they're speaking too quickly and can and can't sounds the same in a sentence when the person is speaking very quickly.

And also what I noticed is you might notice this. Do you ever notice when you ask someone to repeat what they said? Because you just couldn't catch it. Perhaps happens a bit more to me because I'm so blimming slow.

But and have a degree of lack of interest. But if you like oh can you repeat it so if they said oh I'm going on a holiday blah blah blah. I'll say to blah blah blah blah okay I didn't get that last bit.

Can you repeat it? Guaranteed they will say yeah it's okay so I'm going on holiday to blah blah blah. They'll repeat it exactly word for word the same speed the same mumble at the same space place. it's like but it's kind of rude to say no but it might be rude I do do it but like no I understood the first bit when you actually speak in English but the last bit was incomprehensible all I heard was blah blah blah I think that that attitude contributed to me getting sacked from my insurance job you know and yeah correcting people on the phone is not a good idea if your job is to you know talk on the phone to customers correcting them on the way they talk yeah it's not a good idea but anyway I learned from that I learned that I didn't like working in insurance that's what I learned I also learned that it did not pay me enough I was selling half a million pounds worth of insurance a year and in most like most sales jobs if you get a commission it's going to be at least 10% so I should have been on 50 grand a year but I was on what I worked out about 5% you know no salesperson outside of maybe you know because I was on commission but it was only based on the commission of how many sales I got and a certain amount per sale blah blah whatever plus a basic salary blah blah I just heard someone on tik-tok I'm very fascinated by tik-tok I probably spend about 20 minutes a day just going on tik-tok and listening and if someone fascinates me I'll listen I'll watch them and there was someone and he kept saying the word mate pretty much after every sentence all right mate so yeah mate all right mate all right mate he seemed to be putting on like a deep voice as well and he said that he was in his early 60s so I don't know because some people do that don't they you can tell that they're putting on a fake deep voice because probably they heard somewhere that perhaps women like deep voices or men with deep voices come across as being tough or I don't know whatever I used to do it myself when I was 10 didn't work though I tried to have a deep voice you know like yeah that's right yeah that was me trying to have a deep voice I want Weetabix today mum it's like yeah wasn't really I mean there was a there was a period when I was going through the change you know the first change and hair where you don't want it until you realize that you're supposed to have it there and then you don't get as much as you want parts growing or not growing depending how lucky you are and my voice hadn't broken I mean I didn't I never had deep voice anyway even when it did break but some people do have like naturally really deep voices and you could almost feel the testosterone like spraying in your face when they talk you know the breeze of the testosterone filling your nostrils this is some people just like that I never was and I don't think I had any testosterone in my life I don't think there's ever been any in my body actually so I used to wake up and there was this period when I'd wake up and I'd I'd have a croaky voice and I'd be in bed and the first thing I did when I woke up well okay the second thing I did when I woke up when I was about 13 was go okay the fourth third thing I'd to clean up the third thing I did when I woke up was Adrian Adrian because Rocky was on at the time it was a Rocky was the big thing and Adrian and that was the only two really Adrian and the other one was the impressions I did back then was don't think feel it's like a finger pointing to the moon slap don't concentrate on the finger or you'll miss all that heavenly glory that was Bruce Lee from Enter the Dragon that was the other impression I did which I think was better back then than it is now I mean I haven't watched the film for a long time it's kind of one of those movies I can't really watch anymore I've over watched it it's not like a it's not like a song is it but with a song I over listened to that song but then maybe 10 15 years later 20 years 30 years later like oh I enjoy listening to that now because it only lasts for three minutes it's not like that of a movie is it I'm gonna spend an hour and a half what re-watching a movie no although I did watch Supergirl two days ago because I was in a grump I didn't enjoy it I was looking forward to it and I realized as I was watching it that I probably wouldn't have enjoyed anything at that moment that was always one of my worries about the old moods is on my wedding day I'm obviously I'm thinking about in the past the idea of a wedding day now it's kind of funny but I was concerned that I'd wake up on my wedding day in a grump now a grump is an underestimate it's an under it's not the right word but you know it's a nice gentle word to use but in a grump I'd wake up in a grump and I would not be pleasant to be around and I would not enjoy the day and that's the weird thing about for me my experience of this long before I was I have a mood disorder but long before I ever was diagnosed with bipolar or anything like that I didn't know how I was gonna be from one day to the next or from how I was going to be in the afternoon compared to how I was in the morning or how I was going to be before I went for a wee wee mid-morning and when I got back from doing a wee wee or how I was going to be before having an interaction with a human and afterwards see I just didn't know how I was going to feel and how I was going to respond because I was so changeable and also because I was young I think the back in them days now I'm talking about in my blimey all the way through school and I've had this I would say it's long back as I remember in my life I've had mood irregularities see I wouldn't I wouldn't use the word irregularities if I did this recording in the evening words like that seem to leave my vocabulary when I wake up my vocabulary is much more available for me why is that maybe it's the pain medication I take for my back it's all and then it's the the medication I take for the bipolar it sort of dumbs me down a bit and it does make me tired but when I wake up my body's kind of I haven't got I mean I've got also got that in my system some of it but not like full-on yeah I don't know sometimes I can wake up and just have loads of ideas loads of like creative thoughts and really feel chatty like today I'm feeling quite chatty but in other days I don't so yeah but ever since I hope you don't mind me talking about this because I know some may say well it's not conducive to sleep you're talking about well yeah I get that but this I try and include my life into these podcasts but at the same time I try not to go too deep like you know emotionally I can talk about bipolar without getting serious you know just because this is this is as much of my life part of my life as my eyes or breathing or eating or you know this is part of me for whatever reason it's a big part of my life and it's difficult to plan it's difficult although there was one time right I went out with my friends when I was at university doing my degree in counseling I've got a degree yeah I was in fired out with my friend another friend her husband and his her two friends who were both gay they were like in a relationship and that is that's the importance of the story that's why I mentioned it okay so we went out to this you've ever been to a place like a nightclub and a pub it's not really it was a nightclub but it was like a nightclub early it sort of it was open at eight nine and it was already a nightclub but it was also a bar but people would dance and it was to two levels it was pretty nice place it's in Chelmsford so I go into this place I had no idea that I had the grump I had the had the hump I had a grumpy I was just in a mood but there was no reason for it and so I had my friends trying to kind of talk to me and I was not being very responsive and I was really really in a bad mood like really really really again no reason I didn't want to be there but I couldn't get home because my ride was like booked so I mean I probably could have got home I could have got a taxi back which would have cost a fortune so maybe I didn't have the money to do that I don't remember but something absolutely hilarious well at the time I found it hilarious happened which kind of it brought me out of it because I was laughing so much at the absurdity so basically I'm talking to one of the lads one of the because he got the two gay men one I think was his birthday his 30th birthday one of them okay and he came back from the dance floor well actually what he got some drinks he had to walk through the dance floor and he said these two women they keep chatting me up and I don't know what to say like his boyfriend was laughing apparently it happens a lot and so and he went down to get some more drinks I said I'll come down with you I'll get the rest of the drinks I kind of wanted to get away from the people that were there but also I thought it'd be funny to see see what happens you know see what it was like and he was he was right there was these two ladies and they were both seriously chatting him up and he kept saying to them I'm gay and they would not let it go and he was pointing to his boyfriend who was waving do you know like and I went and they asked me I said yeah it's his boy they're engaged I don't know if they were I don't know if I said that I don't even know if he did wave or not but you know it's part of the story it makes it gives it a bit of juice there was no hovercrafts involved I'm not gonna like add stuff just for the sake of it but this was the scenario but they would not take his being gay as a good enough excuse not to go home and have an adult adventure with them honestly he kept telling them oh and they were drunk so they kept asking the same questions over and over again and he kept saying I'm gay I don't find women attractive does you like that I'm I like men I'm engaged to be married we've been together 700 years we're vampire I don't know what he was saying and it was so funny she said and they said why are you here then why aren't you in a gay club he said well and this is when I jumped in I said well you see what you're talking about doesn't have to go to a gay club just because he's gay I go to gay clubs all the time and one of them said yes so I said well I'm not gay and everyone started laughing yeah of course you're not excuse me so one gay person that's literally waving to his boyfriend they don't believe him but they don't they think that I am they believe they don't you know I mean it's like what which I guess that's why they weren't coming on to me because they thought I was gay otherwise I'm sure they would have been talking to me instead which is untrue they wouldn't have been and he said well I'm in here with my friends we are allowed to come into like normal normal straight places I don't have to just go to gay clubs you know she said okay what are you celebrating so it's my it's my birthday oh how old are you and he said I'm 30 one of them screamed out 30 and the other one like oh that's old you're an old man 30 the look of disgust on their faces they turned and walked away and you could hear the building shake but you could it's almost like if it was a cartoon smoke would be coming out of their ears they were furious they had wasted that much time on someone that was 30 30 years old how dare you talk to us I'm very probably 25 26 which you know I don't know why 30 is so old but that cheered me up so much I mean the bit about then no you're like didn't believe I was straight not so much but the fact that they him being gay was not a deterrent but being 30 that was the line that they would not cross that was the that was the sinker Wow this is a true true event and I was laughing it tickled me absolutely I feel one of them came back and said are you sure you're 30 she said yeah and she looked at me and growled and walked off so I thought why is it my fault I said to him why is she growling at me he said because you've got no pants on so okay I said it's been ages I haven't said that for a while ever I said no you haven't said well I might as well introduce it back into the podcast about me walking around in public without any pants and he said yeah he might as well do might as well keep a little bit of stuff you know Kong continuity I think the right word is I said yeah he said by the way you're now going to be continuing your podcast a bit more regularly I said yeah that's the intention he said what on earth made you like delete all that stuff and decide to just do ten hours without any music I said look what you don't realize is I got advice to do that I actually went on and did some you know research in how to build the podcast because although the podcasts are growing slowly not they're growing but it's like I just think I should be like more I want to reach more people that's all so I can help more people it's just simple as that really and having so many different versions means that my recordings get lost the ones I did two months ago are almost invisible and a lot a lot of work goes into these recordings each individual one is hours of work and the idea that what I do something and make a hypnosis recording that lasts for two hours and then it's because it's three months ago no one's ever gonna listen to it again yeah if it was of if it was visible still now people would possibly be listening to it so you know that's kind of one of those that's why I kind of went that way and he said that was a very long answer to the question you do know I'm about be I think I'm 32 now and I said you mean what I was being a bit slow to be honest I had been drinking a little bit I saw you mean because it took me so long to answer that you've actually aged two years he said yeah I said that's quite clever he said I thought so but I think explaining it ruined it a bit okay and I just we did laugh but I was also thinking about the other woman the two women wanting to be with him when he was gay but not when he's gay I mean he still is but but the idea that you know being 30 was that was the deal-breaker yeah oh it still tickles me a little bit even now and this this was back in I reckon I was at college at the time so probably about 2009 2008 2009 I'd say ballpark figure 2009 so what's that 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 17 years yeah and he said yeah I know how long ago it was because I was with you wasn't I I'm the bloke in the story I said I saw I forgot you before you were gone I thought I was talking to the audience said no he's still talking to me I said okay so what you're telling me is you changed all the podcasts got rid of all that stuff because you were trying to help the audience yeah yeah that's it that's why but did the audience do your listeners think that did they feel that it helped them and well based no no probably easy answer no I don't think anyone did so whether or not you thought it was helping if they didn't feel helped by it then it wasn't helping was it I said no then that's why I've gone back and re-uploaded stuff oh so you didn't lose it all you didn't delete it no no I had a backup I'm not just gonna delete all my recordings everything's saved so why didn't you just make those recordings private and see how it went and then you could have just be when it didn't work you could have just made them public again and it was taking you maybe a couple of hours the reason I didn't do that is because I've only just thought of it Wow that would have been a much easier way to do it wouldn't it just make all the recordings private that weren't 10 hours long that still keep them on the podcasts which meant I wouldn't have to delete or re-upload anything perhaps in the future if I ever do that again I'll have to or you know experiment trying to think of some of the other old phrases let's have a look this is very much a trivia Tuesday kind of thing isn't it so old English phrases phrases phrases old English francais what old English phrases and sayings and right yeah that's it and sayings and sayings right okay when I said old English I didn't mean like medieval English although look these really are old the oldest ones like settle settle in truth is fate truth is the trickiest success comes through fairness not force need do thyself harm don't hurt yourself okay so is is some all that glitters is not gold and so not everything that appears valuable is valuable a fool and his money are soon parted I there's a few words I don't like that I just just don't enjoy the word fool I don't like that word an idiot and stupid that's the other two words which basically is what a fool is in there that's the meaning of the word fool and don't like those maybe it's because I was called it too much when I was younger it's I can't I cannot I don't like him don't like those words so calling someone a fool I don't yeah I've never called I've never used that word on someone ever in my life but I do understand the saying and I've been in that situation and I don't think it's maybe we can change the word of fool you could change it to a naive person and their money are soon parted a trusting person and their money are soon parted both of those which I think would be called a fool by someone that's judging them not realizing maybe they're just kind and trusting and believe that when someone asks for the money or for money asking and said that they're gonna they need it for something really important when they didn't how does it make the person that's giving the money the fool how does it it's weird isn't it see help someone out who doesn't need help because you believed them because you're a caring person and you're a trusting person and you believe that helping others is the best thing you can do in life basically that the most important thing is helping others because helping others helps you sounds like there's a fly somewhere and oh by the way did I tell you I've got my radiators put in got my radiators put in last week the new radiators and next month I'm potentially gonna get a new kitchen and I also spoke to the cat what the hell adult adult health place and they're gonna send occupational therapist to come around and look at my bathroom because I can't get in and out of the bath it's not it's not a bath issue because I got a shower but I can't get my leg I can't get my leg over anymore oh dear the opportunity and because of my lower back on my left side my left leg isn't as stable as my right leg and I just can't get in and out of the bath safely and also you know painlessly so what they might do if it comes to it they might change it and get rid of the bath perhaps put a wet room in or perhaps put just put a shower in or something like that and yeah at one point she said well we could put could do you need anyone to come and help you to wash and I'd like I said no it's not I just I'm too young I know there's no age limit on that stuff but like no that would be no that that I think that would be no no I said if you've got photographs and you know I didn't say that I just yeah no and she did say if you if you considered a walking aid like a walking stick to help you with your balance and to take you know to help you so you're not in so much pain when you walk right no but then I'm gonna be in public with a walking stick and that's not that's it's not me being rude towards other people that have walking sticks but it's it's just that's not how I I don't know I'm I guess I'm not ready but my man even when she was 95 she couldn't see she could have trouble with her hearing she's basically just really old I mean obviously 95 is old and her mobility was almost very very very bad but she had like a zimmer frame and she could walk very slowly her family and I've got a very there's one thing I would say about the my granddad and my nanny granddad side of the family that's the only side of my family that I know I don't know my mum's side so my dad's side of the family impatience is something that I've noticed that they've all got in common very impatient just want to get on with it and it's not it's not that they're being rude or that they're they're trying to be nasty they're just impatient they want to get it done and the idea of walking somewhere like to a restaurant and having to walk really really slowly behind my nan did not appeal to them and they got her a wheelchair and she refused to get into she refused it so I'm not going out in public in that thing I'm not having you push me around and it's just it was and I'm not I'm not criticizing my family because my blimey my dad was amazing and my aunt and they were really good to my nan you know she she wanted for nothing other than what she did want when she wanted my granddad and and she wanted me to pay the money back that I stole from her purse but what she really wanted was I didn't steal any money from her purse I'm just joking blimey it's just light hearted see I would say that to my nan it's not something I wouldn't say to her I'd say I wouldn't say that I stole money from your purse but I'd do it as a joke you know she had a good sense of humor she did she was funny I used to make her laugh I like that see I don't make my dad laugh I don't make any of my family laugh really but I used to make my nan laugh and that sort of really mattered because I used to come out with stuff that was rude and she'd be like oh couldn't believe I said it oh Jason oh no I would come out with stuff and this is bearing in mind this is like in my 20s in my 30s when she left when I was 44 but even up to like early 40s when she because she the last year or two she did fade but I'd still make her laugh I mean the very last time I saw her it was just before Christmas and it was 19 no 2014 so it was December 2014 and she she was almost whispering she could hardly talk she just wasn't very well she's basically a just age really and so I had to get really close to her for her to see me and got really and for her to hear me she was whispering and she still had the smile in her eyes and maybe it's like say Irish smiling eyes Irish have the smiley eyes whatever and she was Irish both her parents were Irish going back probably centuries you know thousands years maybe I'm not saying her parents were thousands years old but her her heritage was Irish through and through I'm 48% Irish so I'm guessing my mum's side also had Irish because technically I should only be quarter Irish so my dad's half Irish so I should be quarter Irish but I'm actually 48% Irish which is nearly 50% isn't it I think I would agree so on my mum's side one of my grandparents must have been Irish as well maybe it was my granddad I don't know I never met met no I mean I probably I probably did meet them when I was very very little but I don't remember any anybody and my granddad was gone my old my her her father left the planet before I was even born but I don't remember ever meeting my grandmother or my auntie because she had a sister I mean she might still have a sister I never remember meeting her so I don't know there must have been some Irish on their side otherwise I wouldn't be 48% I don't think that'd be yeah that doesn't make sense otherwise but my dad's he and he said well yeah everyone does it well it's not just about everyone does it but I was surprised at how good he was with both at the time my step on my step-granddad and my step-grandmother and my nan my actual real nan were all elderly and unwell at the same time and my dad and my step-mom pretty much had a full-time job looking after them that's what they did they went from one to the other one was in the home one was in hospital one was at home so they were going from one place to another that was their job for years for a good few years and I don't know how they did it I'm just like I'm in awe really how they and how anyone and I know there are millions of people out there doing this are able to that's why you know why can't you just finish a sentence you know what this how the sentence was going to end that's why I do believe that everyone pretty much everyone has got a really nice side to them and there's so much kindness out there there's so much caring because literally there are millions of people just in this country millions upon millions upon millions of people that are caring for someone that are physically either physically hands-on caring for someone or visiting someone in a home in hospital a hospice wherever or at their home there's teachers there's care workers that are doing it as a job nurses doctors millions of people and also the emergency services ambulances doctors and the police the fire service the air service the water people the boat people lifeguard thing so many people that are caring and it's kind of amazing when you think about it because that's not the way that society is portrayed in the news in the newspapers in on the internet it seems to be that the negativity is what stands out and they're the ones that make the most noise and maybe that's because the kind the people are being kind and caring or people like they haven't got time to be involved in that stuff they haven't got time to go on to tick-tock or Twitter or sit on tick-tock for hours and shouting and getting into arguments because they're busy being kind they're busy caring for someone that they love maybe I'm just just I'm just speaking out loud hmm so much kindness out there in the world so much I wonder what it'd be like if more people realized or really got to grips got in touch with that part of themselves that really is selfless that's caring and kind and loving because it's there yeah I don't know why I started thinking about that but it's the same thing is every one of us has made a difference a positive difference to another person's life probably many people's lives but everyone has made a difference to another person's life even if we don't even know about it even if we don't even know the person sometimes it could be as simple as opening a door for someone who's coming into the garage or just moving out of the way or being friendly or if they drop something just like that you drop this something like that could be the difference between them getting to the last straw as it were to remind them of how kind people can be you imagine if we all just decided it's not about doing a good deed but to just at the very least remind ourselves of the kindness that we have and others have and to maybe share that kindness one little bit share it even here's an experiment I might try and do this myself and I've done it in the past actually is sending love and this is kind of a meditation practice but for me it's a little bit different from that but it's almost sending kindness to another person it doesn't have to be someone that's in the room with you it could be someone that's distant it could be someone in another country maybe but in some ways I quite like the idea of sending kindness to a complete stranger someone you see maybe you're in a on a bus just someone you can see you see getting on the bus and just send close eyes and send them kindness maybe to the bus driver maybe to a neighbor it's quite powerful so I used to do these kinds of things on buses where I would imagine not just on the buses but sometimes you know it could be a bit boring sitting on a bus and I'd like okay let's do some meditation but let's do some mind magic kind of so I'd imagine that my invisible rain would start to fall down on everyone but it was healing healing rain and it'd fall into and it soaked into their scalp and it would kind of fill their body up with this healing energy and they'd be completely covered and filled or if I saw someone on the bus maybe they looked like they had a sniffle or they were coughing send them individually like really powerful healing partly to try and stop them coughing because you know it's not ideal is it but it feels nice it was nice to to send it's one of those things where let's say if you've got a cake and you share your cake out you might if it's a birthday cake and you're in an office you might end up not getting to eat any of your own cake but the difference with this I'm like a cake every slice you give give out a whole cake returns you get a cake back every time you give a slice out you get a cake back so every time you give healing energy out or send healing energy you get 10 20 100 times more coming back to you so it never runs out it just grows stronger the more you give it away the larger it becomes that healing that positivity the more you give away it's like we're having a bank balance the more money you give away the more money you the higher your bank balance goes but in positivity in healing in feeling good feeling relaxed accomplished feeling that you've done something really nice so when you send healing out to others comes back to you a lot stronger which means that you can send out even more healing energy stronger more powerful but then you also get even more come back which makes it stronger to the point where you can feel amazing I'm just getting in touch with that feeling it's I feel it in my brain almost in my head my eyes my face my chest my legs it's almost like that healing energy is being sent ahead of me I just got the visualization of the healing actually entering my shoes ready for when I put my shoes on when I take Vinny out being on the carpet being on my toothbrush so when I brush my teeth in the toothpaste in the water bottle is everything I do sends more healing energy into me healing more of you yeah that sounds quite good I like that so I'm gonna go it's now 808 in the morning I need to take mr.

Vincent out for a WALK and get back and have something to eat at 10 past 9 I've got everything very regimented today 10 past 9 that's when Frasier's on so I'm gonna have some breakfast when Frasier's on and a cup of tea and between now and then I'm gonna take him out then come back and try and do some editing on this podcast and upload it so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy and be gentle with yourself you deserve to feel safe lots of love bye