#22 THE SMELLY NICE MOUSE - Jasons Bed Time Story Time

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Jason's Bedtime Storytime. Hope you're well and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes and if you're ready to go bye-byes, go bye-byes. Get yourself nice and comfy boys and girls and we're going to do a lovely lovely violent vintage fairy tale for you to have a really good night's sleep because that's what all little children need is a nice violent story just before they go to sleep.

Yeah so here we go this one and it's adapted by myself so it's not going to be a verbatim it's the little the little smelly good mouse. Okay and it's about a mouse helps protect a happy queen from a jealous king. So if you don't like mice then um I don't really care I mean just you know it's about a mouse so you might not want to um hear about a mouse if you're not into mice.

I want to say into mice I don't mean in a an arrestable way just you know I'll just get on with it. So this is according to this it's a vintage fairy tale might contain violence and if you're if you're a a parent about to let your little special special wonderful precious child listen to this maybe you should read or you should listen to it first before oh what's that um it's okay I just got a text message anyway um back to focusing.

So this is a story and I'm going to read it out to you now so we'll get ready coke nice and cozy maybe you've had your hot chocolate or cocoa or you know um been to the toilet brushed your teeth and you know you're just getting ready to maybe let off a nice big fart so get ready and we're gonna do the story now great okay here we are once upon a time there lived a king and a queen who loved each other so much that they were never happy unless

they were together a bit needy really isn't it so it's like come on I mean that's like a puppy isn't it oh I gotta have you near me all the time no anyway day after day they went out hunting or fishing night after night they went to balls or to the opera they sang and danced and ate sugar plums and were the gayest of all the gays that's what it says and all their subjects followed their example so that the kingdom was called the joyous land okay now in the next

kingdom everything was as different as it could possibly be the king was sulky and savage and never enjoyed himself at all he looked so ugly and cross that all his subjects feared him and he hated the very sight of a cheerful face don't sound very nice do he not really not really don't really sound very nice does he is this going to be about him this story I don't know let's keep listening so if he ever caught anyone smiling he had him punished that very minute this kingdom was very appropriately

called the land of tears very literal and they very literal doesn't really give a lot of scope for change though does it this is now called the land of tears everyone has to be miserable here this is the joyous land everyone's happy but what I like but I like the land of tears but I'm a happy person but I like it there because they've got a really nice lake and they've got a mcdonald's and I want a lot you know the land of joyous land that's just Burger King I don't

I've got nothing against Burger King don't get me wrong but I prefer mcdonald's but what can I be there I'm happy I'm happy but it's the land of tears but I want a mcdonald's um anyway now when this wicked king heard of the happiness of the jolly king he was so jealous that he collected a great army and set out to fight him come on put him up put him up come on let's have a punch up and the news of his approach was soon brought to the king and queen

the queen when she heard of it was frightened out of her wits and began to cry bitterly sire she said let us collect all our riches and run away as far as ever we can to the other side of the world but the king answered say madam I'm far too brave for that it is better to die than to be a coward then he assembled no then he assembled all his army men and after bidding the queen a tender farewell he mounted his splendid horse and rode away always have splendid

horses don't even notice that and he got on his crappy old horse oh I only had two legs it was a crappy piece of crap no it's all that you're splendid anyway then he assembled all his armed men and after bidding the queen a tender farewell he mounted his splendid horse and he rode away I've already said that bit I'm nice sorry he did it twice he rode away came back got off had a poo then he got back and he and he got back on his splendid horse and he

rode away again because back then he just had a really dodgy curry when he was lost to sight the lost to sight the queen she couldn't see him anymore that's what they mean isn't it when the queen couldn't see him anymore the queen could do nothing but weep and wring her hands and cry how do you wring your hands you can wring a flannel can't you and the water comes out or wring uh like a sponge and you know to get the water out how can you wring your hands what

happens nothing comes out unless you've got really watery hands unless you're made of water which apparently we are aren't we we like ninety nine hundred percent water or something aren't we unless if the king is killed what will become of me and my little daughter um and she what the hell was that and she was so sorrowful that she could neither eat nor sleep the king sent her a letter every day but at last one morning as she looked out of the palace window she saw a messenger approaching in hot

haste i can't say fast it was approaching fast obviously on another really brilliant horse why didn't i get the train okay car get a taxi that'd be easier and then this is a queen again what news courier what news cried the queen and he answered the battle is lost and the king is dead at another moment the enemy will be here which is a bit of a weird way to communicate but hey and the queen the queen said what did you say the battle is lost and the king is dead

and in another and in another moment the enemy will be here oh i thought that's what you said bit of a weird way to say it what do you mean your majesty i'm just letting you know what i've been sent to tell you yeah yeah it's just a bit of a strange way to do it though isn't it really i mean you know could you just have said it could have handed me the scroll why did you have to sing it to me like that and what's with the dancing i

mean i haven't seen anyone break dance since 1983 really well now you have by the way your majesty could you please lead me to the way to the nearest toilet because i need a poo a big big big big poo i've been on a horse for 14 days and i think i really really really need a poo even at or i'm pregnant really really stop it please stop it now just talk this over there on the left this isn't just it's the well we just use it as a toilet as

well as well get it yeah yeah we just use the you use the well as a toilet but where do you drink from your majesty the same place really it's okay it's fine okay your majesty bit weird but there you go you can have a little drink if you like when you're finished no you're fine thank you very much okay i'll stop the singing um got old really quick didn't it it was mildly amusing not mildly like i don't know two percent amusing when i first started and then it just

got a bit it's a little bit embarrassing really wasn't it a little bit embarrassed i'm sorry about that but it wasn't me doing it uh that wasn't me so the poor queen fell back in sensible whatever that means and all her ladies carried her to bed all her ladies it gives the impression that she was quite heavy wasn't it and stood around her weeping and wailing wow well they must have had a pretty special relationship with the with the king if they were weeping and wailing what is wailing then began

a tremendous noise and confusion and they knew they really knew that the enemy had arrived and very soon they heard the king himself stamping about the palace seeking the queen then her ladies put the little princess into her arms first time they'd never mentioned a princess before had they hmm and covered her up unless she just gave birth maybe this thought well she gave birth but we don't mention that it's just not that important is it it's just a baby it's weird thought that'd be worth mentioning unless of course it

was the uh it was actually it was the i say it wasn't a poo it was a baby um never mind oh dear i don't know where i was going with that and so they covered the baby up head and all in the bed clothes the bed clothes and ran for their lives and the poor queen lay there shaking and hoping she would not be found but very soon the wicked king clattered into the room and in a fury because the queen would not answer when he called her he tore

back her silken coverings and tweaked her and tweaked off her lace cap and when all her lovely hair came tumbling down over her shoulders he wound it three times around his hand and threw her over his shoulder where he carried her like a sack of flour i'm not sure if this is getting romantic or not i don't know it might have been romance back then wrapping her hair three times around his hand and then carrying like a bag of flour i mean that is almost poetry isn't it the poor queen

held her little daughter safe in her arms and shrieked for mercy but the wicked king only mocked her you're shrieking and begged her to go on shrieking as it amused him that's a bit cruel isn't it and so he mounted his great black horse um he mounted she mounted his great black horse no he mounted his great black big he mounted his great black horse another is that's always great it's a great horse is magnificent just a horse and rode back to his own country when he got there he declared

that he would have the queen and the little prince and the little princess imprisoned and when i'm able to talk properly i will continue but his courtiers said that they seemed pity that seemed pity for when the baby grew up she would be a very nice wife for the king's only son the king was rather pleased with this idea and shut the queen up in the highest room of a tall tower which was very tiny and miserably furnished with a table and a very hard bed upon a floor then he

sent her for a fairy who lived near his kingdom and after receiving her with more politeness than he generally showed and entertaining her at a sumptuous feast he took her up to see the queen the fairy was so touched by the sight of her misery that when she kissed her hand she whispered courage madam i think i'll see a way to help you that's very fairy like wasn't it the queen had looked comforted by these words received her graciously and begged her to take pity upon a poor little princess who

had met with such a sudden reverse of fortune but the king got very cross when he saw them whispering together and cried harshly make an end of these fine speeches madam i brought you here to tell me if the child will pretty and fortunate then the fairy answered the princess he said that she would be very pretty he answered that the princess would be very pretty and clever and busty and have a very hairy knees and and uh well brought up as it was possibly could be and the old king

growled to the queen that it was lucky for her that it was so as they would certainly have been punished if it was otherwise so she didn't have hairy knees he would have been very unhappy because the one thing he wished for his future son his prince the future king is that he should be married to a hairy kneed princess then he stamped off taking the fairy with him obviously over his shoulder like a bag of flour which was what he liked to do and the queen was just left there

in tears she said uh how can i wish my little daughter to grow up pretty if she is to be married to that horrid little dwarf the king's son she said to herself and yet if she is ugly we shall both be killed if i could only hide her away somewhere so that the cruel king could never find her why she said it out loud i've no idea because there's no one else around to listen and but yeah there you go i mean if you sounded like that would you want

to actually ever hear yourself i don't know as the days went on besides he wasn't a dwarf he was just four years old he didn't realize she was a bit you know didn't have a huge education as the days went on the queen and the little princess grew thinner and thinner for their hard-hearted gola oh jay jayla gave them every day only three boiled peas sorry three three boy oh dear three boiled peas that's ridiculous it's not the most ridiculous part of the story but come on three that's a bit

specific a bit specific and a bit silly three boiled peas and a tiny morsel of black bread black moldy bread is it so they're always terribly hungry and the little baby would die the little baby wouldn't be able to survive on that not even an adult can survive very long on that three peas you could fit you could fit three peas up one nostril and i've tried many times in fact i've got i've got about seven i left nostril right now so here we go so you know they both got

very thin at last one evening as the queen sat at her spinning wheel because back then everyone had spinning wheels didn't they for the king was so avaricious that she was made to work all day and night she saw a tiny pretty little mouse creep out of a hole and said to it alas little creature what are you coming to look for here i only have sorry i just missed something looking at what i'm about to read okay i only have i only have three peas for my day's provision oh

my god not only does she only get three peas but she spreads it out throughout the day she spreads the three peas through the day so just eat them all in one go i mean that'd be a lot wouldn't it oh blimey i mean you wouldn't be able to produce poo would you if that's all you ate you'd be just pooing air you'd if you're going it'd just be sitting down there would just be a fart wouldn't it and then like well that's it like a green a pea flavored fart

um oh yeah she says uh alas little creature what are you coming to look for here i only have three peas for my day's provision so unless you wish to fast you must go elsewhere but the mouse ran hither and thither and danced and caped so prettily that at last the king gave it her last pea the queen gave it her last pea which she was keeping for her supper saying hey little one eat it up yum yum yum yum yum i have nothing better to offer you but i give

this willingly in return for all the amusement that i have had from you she had hardly spoken when she saw upon the table a delicious little roast partridge and two dishes of preserved fruit truly she's she's very dramatic isn't she truly she said a kind action never goes unrewarded and she and the little princess ate their supper with great satisfaction and then the queen gave what was left to the little mouse who danced better than ever afterwards whatever that means the next morning came with the jailer he came and um

he came with the queen's allowance of three peas which he brought in upon a large dish to make them look even smaller but as soon as he set it down the little mouse came and ate up all three so that when the queen wanted her dinner there was nothing left for her she was quite provoked and she said what a bad little beast that mouse must be if he goes on like this i shall be starved but then when she glanced at the dish again it was covered with all sorts

of nice things to eat and the queen made a very good dinner and was gayer than usual over it but afterwards as she sat at her spinning wheel she began to consider what would happen if the little princess did not grow up pretty enough to be pleasing the king and she said to herself oh if i could only think of some way of escaping and she and um as she spoke she saw the little mouse playing in a corner with some long straws and the queen took them and began to

plait them saying if only i had straws enough i would make a basket with them and let my baby down in it from the window you know like a little little thingy thing to let it down like a lift like an elevator thing to any kind passerby who would take care of her now by the time the straws were all plaited the little mouse had dragged in more and more until the queen had plenty to make her basket and she worked at it day and night while the little mouse danced

for her amusement and at dinner and supper time the queen gave it the three peas and the bit of black bread and always found something good in a dish in their place she really could not imagine where all the things all these lovely foodie things came from and at last at last one day when the basket was finished the queen was looking out of the window to see how long a cord she must make to lower it to the bottom of the tower she noticed an old little old lady those

these little little really little old lady although from the tower she probably looked little she may have actually been 19 foot tall and was leaning upon her stick and looking up at her presently she said i know you're in trouble madam if you like i will help you oh my friend said the queen if you really wish to be one of us you will come at the time that i will appoint and you can help me and i will let down my my poor little baby in the basket if you

take her and bring her up to me and when i am rich i will reward you splendidly i'll give you some money that's what i mean oh i care about the reward said the old lady there is one there is one thing i should like you must know that i'm very very i'm very particular about what i eat hmm and and if there's one thing that i that i fancy above all others it's a plum a nice plump plump plump tender like a mouse a plump mouse hmm if there is

such a thing such a thing in in your garret if if yeah up there with you if there's such a thing as a nice plump little mouse throw it down to me won't you throw it down and and in return i will promise you that your your little daughter shall be well taken well taken care of go on dear go and chuck it down to me well the queen when she when she heard what the old lady said she began to cry and uh she was a bit confused about how

the old lady was saying well you must know what i'm uh what i like to eat and how was she's gonna she never seen her before anyway but she made no answer she didn't answer she didn't answer the lady because um it really didn't know what to say you know a bit of a confused kind of moment but the old lady after waiting a few minutes asked her what was the matter why said the queen there's only one mouse in this garret and it's such a such a dear pretty little thing that i cannot bear to think of it being killed killed sorry what a stupid sound that was said the old woman in a rage.

Do you care for a miserable mouse? More than your own baby? Goodbye madam, I leave you to enjoy its company. And from my own part, I thank my stars that I can get plenty of mouse. I can get mice without you, without troubling you to get them for me.

And she hobbled off, grumbling and growling. The queen was very disappointed that in spite of finding a better dinner than usual and seeing the little mouse dancing in its merriest mood, she could do nothing but cry. That night, when the baby was fast asleep, she packed it into the basket and wrote on a slip of paper, This unhappy little girl is called Delicia.

Really? Delicia. And she pinned it to the baby's robe and then very sadly she was shut in the basket, when in sprang the little mouse and sat on the baby's pillow and did a poo. Oh little one, said the queen, it cost me dear to save your life.

How shall I know now whether my Delicia is being taken care of or not? Anyone else would have just let the greedy old woman have you and eat you up. But I could not bear to do it, because I am a hero, I really am. There's a hero if you look inside my bum, although it's very smelly all year round.

Whereupon the mouse answered, Believe me, madam, you will never repent of your kindness. That's the mouse. The queen was immensely astonished when the mouse began to speak, because everything else that had happened up till now was absolutely normal.

The mouse was fetching food, feeding her, banquets basically every day, and then brought her material in which to make a basket for her little baby. And now she's astonished because the mouse is speaking. I'll be amazed if the mouse didn't speak.

So she was astonished that the mouse was speaking, and still more so when she saw its little sharp nose turn into a beautiful face, and its paws and hands into feet. Its paws turned into hands and feet, so it suddenly grew tall, and the queen recognised the fairy who had come with the wicked king to visit her. Oh, it was a fairy all along.

So it wasn't actually a mouse, it was the fairy. The fairy smiled at her astonished look and said, I want to see if you're faithful and capable of feeling a real friendship for me, for when you see fairies, you know, we are rich in everything but friends, and those are hard to find. It's not possible that you should want for friends.

You charm... oh no, wrong voice. It's not possible that you should want for friends. You're a charming creature.

Said the queen, kissing her wetly on the lips. Indeed it is so, the fairy said, for those who are only friendly with me for their own advantage, I do not count at all, but when you care for a poor little mouse, you could not have known there was anything to be gained by it, and to try you further, I took the form of the old woman whom you talked to from the window, and then I was convinced that you really loved me.

But see, there was nothing to gain from the mouse.

The mouse was given a food every day. Of course there was something to be gained from loving the mouse. I'd love a mouse.

I've got a mouse, some stupid mouse in the kitchen probably. If that served me up like a roast dinner, if I woke up every day to a fully cooked breakfast, and a nice cup of tea, and some toast, I'd love the mouse as well. Anyway, that's my life.

So she said, oh, she turned to the little princess, the fairy. She kissed her rosy little lips three times, saying, Oh, little one, I promise that you shall be richer than your father, and shall live a hundred years, always pretty and happy, without fear of old age and wrinkles. The queen was quite delighted, thanked the fairy gratefully, and begged her to take charge of the little delicia, and bring her up as her own daughter.

This she agreed to do, and then they shut the basket and loaded it carefully, baby and all, to the ground at the foot of the tower. The fairy then changed herself back into the form of a mouse, and this delayed her a few seconds, after which she ran nimbly down the straw ropes, only to find, when she got to the bottom, that the baby had disappeared. In the greatest terror, she ran up to the queen, crying, All is lost!

My enemy, Cankelin, has stolen the princess away.

You must know that she is a cruel fairy, who hates me, and as she is older than I am, and she has more power than me, because I can do nothing against her. I know no way of rescuing Delicia from her clutches. When the queen heard this terrible news, she was heartbroken, and begged the fairy to do all she could to get the poor little princess back again.

At this moment in came the jailer, and when he missed the little princess, he realized that she wasn't there he had once told the king, who came in with a great fury, asking what the queen had done with her. She answered that the fairy, whose name she did not know, had come and carried her off by force. Upon this the king stamped upon the ground, and cried in a terrible voice, You shall be punished!

I always told you, you should... And without any word he dragged the unlucky queen out into the nearest wood, and climbed up into a tree to look for somewhere to which he could leave her.

Climbed up into a tree to look for somewhere he could leave her. In a tree? I think he just liked high ground, didn't he? Towers, trees. He's like the opposite of someone who's scared of heights, he's scared of ground, maybe.

But when he was quite high up, the fairy, who had made herself invisible and followed them, gave him a sudden push, pushed him, pushed him, pushed him, so hard, which made him lose his footing, and fall to the ground with a crash and a break in four of his teeth. And while he was trying to mend them, the fairy carried the queen off into her flying chariot, to a beautiful castle, where she was so kind to her, but for the loss of Delicia, the queen, would have been perfectly happy, but she couldn't get over that.

She was so sad.

But though the good little mouse did her very utmost, they could not find out where Cankelin had hidden the little princess. I just want to go back to the king being pushed out of the tree. This is a sentence.

He fell to the ground with a crash and broke four teeth, and while he was trying to mend them, Mend? How do you mend your teeth? What did he have some super glue on him? Was he a dentist? I mean, you know, there's a lot of missing information. It doesn't give everything you need, I don't think. Anyway.

So, we're going to skip ahead fifteen years now, boys and girls, and the queen has somewhat recovered from her grief, when the news reached her that the son of the wicked king wished to marry the little maiden who kept the turkeys, that was a euphemism, and that she had refused him, the wedding dresses had been made, nevertheless, and the festivities were to be so splendid that all the people for leagues around were flocking in to be present at them.

The queen felt quite curious about a little turkey maiden who did not wish to be queen, so the little mouse conveyed herself to the poultry yard to find out what she was like. She found the turkey maiden sitting upon a big stone, barefooted and miserably dressed in an old coarse linen gown and cap, the ground at her feet was all strewn with robes of gold and silver, ribbons and laces, diamonds and pearls, over which the turkeys were stalking to and fro, while the king's ugly, disagreeable son stood opposite her, declaring angrily that if she would not marry him she would be killed.

The turkey maiden answered proudly, I will never marry you, you are too ugly and too much like your cruel father, leave me in peace with my turkeys, which I like far better than all of your fine gifts. The little mouse watched her with the greatest admiration, for she was as beautiful as the spring, and as soon as the wicked prince was gone, she took the form of an old peasant woman and said to her, Good day my pretty one, you have a fine flock of cock and turkeys there.

The young turkey maid turned her gentle eyes upon the old woman and answered, Yet they wish to leave me to become a miserable queen, what is your advice upon them at all? More gold, said the fairy, A crown is a very special thing but you know neither the price nor the weight of it.

I know well, I know very very well, very well that I refuse to wear one, said the little maiden, though I don't know who was my father, or who was my mother, and I am not a friend, I have no friend in the whole world. You have goodness and beauty, which are of more value than ten kingdoms, said the wise fairy, but tell me child, how come you're here, and how is it that you have neither father, nor mother, nor friend?

Well, a fairy called Canklene is the cause of my being here, answered the turkey woman, for while I lived here with her I got nothing but blows and harsh words, until at last I could bear it no longer, and I ran away from her, knowing where I was going, and as I came through the wood, the wicked prince met me and offered to give me a charge at the pottery yard, gave me a job he did, gave me a job, I was ever so grateful, I accepted gladly,

not knowing that I should have to see him day by day, I'm really glad that he saved my life, and gave me somewhere to live, and gave me a job and some independence, but I just didn't want to have to look at him, didn't want to have to look at his funny face, no I didn't, and now he wants to marry me, but what, marry me, but what I will never, I will never consent to it, and I will never allow it to happen, upon hearing this,

the fairy became convinced that the little turkey maiden was none other than Princess Delicia, join the dots, join the dots, what is your name little one she said, she could have just started off with that couldn't she, save the rest, what's your name, write it straight away, what's your name, I am called Delicia, if it please you, she replied, then the fairy threw her arms around the princess's neck, and nearly smothered her with kisses and sang, oh Delicia, I'm a very old friend of yours, and I'm truly glad to find you at last,

but you might not look nicer than you do in that old gown, you don't look that great you know, that's what I'm saying, you're a bit smelly, but you know you're looking after turkeys, you're not going to smell brilliant, perhaps you could have a bath once in a while, I mean you know, water's not that expensive, you've got the well, yes a bit of a weird well, yes a bit of a smelly well, people do weird things in it, but you can give it a try, but you could dress nicely,

take this pretty dress, and let me see the difference it will make, so Delicia took off the ugly cap, took off all her ugly smelly clothes, and shook all her outer fine shiny hair, and bathed her hands and face in clear water, from the nearest well, the water was kind of a bit brown, but it's OK, and her cheeks were like roses, what colour roses, very very spiky, very thorny cheeks she had, and when she was adorned with the diamonds, and the splendid robe that the fairy had given her,

she looked the most beautiful princess in the world, and the fairy with great delight cried, now you look as you ought to look Delicia, but what do you think about it yourself, and Delicia answered, I feel as if I were the daughter of some great king, and would you be glad if you were, said the fairy, I suppose so, she answered, oh well, said the fairy, tomorrow I may have some pleasant news for you, so she hurried back to her castle, where the queen sat busy with her embroidery and cried,

she was crying and crying, said the fairy said, well madam, will you wager your thimble and your golden needle, that I am bringing you the best news you could possibly hear, alas, said the queen, since the death of the jolly king, and the loss of my Delicia, all the news in the world is not worth a pin to me, then there, don't be, don't be melancholy, said the fairy, I assure you that the princess is quite well, and I have never seen her equal for her beauty, very beautiful indeed,

she might be a queen tomorrow if she chose, but then, you know, we don't know, and then the fairy disappeared, so the queen was pretty happy about that, and she said to herself, I will not hear of it, I will not hear of it, oh, my wonderful daughter, marrying a wicked king's son, let us go at once and bring her here, in the meantime, the wicked prince, who was very angry with Delicia, very, very angry, had sat himself down under a tree, and cried and howled of rage, and spite,

until the king heard him, and cried out of the window, oh, you shut up, oh, stop that crying, oh, you annoying little boy, what is the matter with you, what are you, why are you making all of that disturbance, the prince replied, it's because, oh, it's because of the turkey maiden, she will not love me daddy, she will not love me, oh, I'm so full of love, but she will not love me, she will not let me love her, I don't know what to do, father, I don't know what to do,

I have so much love to give, so much love to share, but she will not take my love, all she sees is this funny face that I have, oh, she keeps saying, oh your funny face, and she smells really bad, she's a turkey, she smells like a turkey, but I don't mind, I just want to share my love with her, but she won't take my love, she won't accept my love, father, she won't take my love, I just want to love her, shut up son, and try to sleep, so,

the king said, won't love you eh, won't love you, we'll very soon see about that, so, he called his guards, oh, guards, come here, see if I don't make her change her mind pretty soon, and the wicked king, went and searched for her at the poultry yard, and he could find nobody there but Delicia, who with her splendid dress, and her crown of diamonds, looked such a lovely princess, that they hardly dared to speak to her, but she said to them very politely, please tell me, what you are looking for here,

what is it you require, what do you want, madam, they answered, we are sent for an insignificant little person called Delicia, alas, said she, that is my name, who can you want with me, what can you want with me, what do you want, oh me, oh my, hmm, what you, how dare you, how dare you come up to me, me, me, me, how dare you, approach me in such a manner, you insolent child, you're just a little monkey, oh little monkey boy, go away, go away you monkey boy,

how dare you approach me, I'm a princess, I'm a princess, and so the guards tied her hands and feet with thick ropes, for fear that she may run away, and brought her to the king, who was waiting with his son, when he saw her there, he was very much astonished at her beauty, which would have made anyone less hard hearted, sorry for her, but the wicked king only laughed, and mocked at her, and cried, well little fright, oh little toad, little girly, little girly, little toady girly, oh little crying,

you cry, cry, cry, boo hoo, boo hoo, you cry, cry baby, you, oh, why don't you love my son, why don't you, hey, why don't you love my son, who is far too handsome, and too good for you, make haste, and begin to love him this instant, or you shall be tarred and feathered, go on, love him, now, this instant, get on with it, then the poor little princess, shaken with terror, went down on her knees, crying, don't tar and tether me, please, it would be so uncomfortable,

having boiling hot tar poured all over you, oh, so uncomfortable, let me have two or three days to make up my mind, and then you shall do as you like with me, please, future father, I love you, the wicked prince would have very much liked to see her tarred and feathered, because he was a little bit strange, but the king ordered that she should be put up into a dark dungeon, shut up and locked away, and it was just at this moment, that the queen and the fairy arrived,

in the flying chariot, they just chucked that in didn't they, a flying chariot, just like, it's okay, like it's normal, everyone else is on horses, not them, right, just like it's nothing, yeah, they just turned up in a flying chariot, and the queen was dreadfully distressed, at the turn affairs had taken, and said miserably, that she was destined to be unfortunate all her days, but the fairy bade her to take courage, all paid about yet, I rule all paid about yet, she nodded, her head with an air of great determination,

not quite sure what all paid about yet meant, that very same night, as soon as the wicked king had gone to bed, the fairy changed herself into the little mouse again, and creeping upon his pillow, nibbled his ear, so that he squealed out quite loudly, and turned over on his other side, but that was no good for the little mouse, only set to work, and he set to work, and gnawed away at the second ear, until it hurt more than the first one, then the king cried, murder, and thieves,

and all his guards ran to that matter, they wanted to see what was going on really, but they could find nothing and nobody, for the little mouse had run off to the prince's room, and was serving him in exactly the same way, all night long she ran from one to the other, and at last, until at last, driven quite frantic, by terror, and want of sleep, the king rushed out of the palace, crying, help me, help me, I am pursued by rats, the king, when he heard this, got up also,

and rang after the king, the prince this, and they, they, they got really far, and they ran, and they fell into the river, and were never heard of again, it's a bit of a weird way to go isn't it, just, just that's it, never heard of again, then the good fairy ran to tell the queen, and they went together to the black dungeon, where Delicia was imprisoned, the fairy touched every door with her wand, and it sprang open instantly, but they had to go through forty, before they came to the princess,

who was sitting on the floor, looking very dejected, but when the queen, when the queen rushed in, and kissed her twenty times in a minute, and laughed, and cried, and told Delicia, all her history, the princess was wild with delight, and, was less grossed out by all the kissing, from the strange woman I guess, then the fairy showed her all the wonderful dresses and jewels, she had brought for her, and said, don't let us waste time, we must go and harangue the people, so she walked first, looking very serious and dignified,

and wearing a dress, the train of which was at least ten hours long, behind her came the queen, wearing a blue velvet robe, embroidered with gold, and a diamond crown, that was brighter than the sun itself, last of all, walked, Delicia, who was so beautiful, that it was nothing short of marvellous, and they proceeded, through the streets, returning the salutations of all they met, great or small, and all the people turned and followed them, wondering who their noble ladies could be, who are they, what are they doing here, he-me-me-me-me-me-me-me,

when the audience hall was quite full, the fairy said to the subjects of the weekly king, that they would all accept Delicia, who was a daughter of the jolly king, as their queen, She would undertake to find a suitable husband for her, and would promise that during their reign there would be nothing but rejoicing and merrymaking, and all dismal things should be entirely banished. Upon this the people cried with one accord, We will, we will, we've been gloomy and miserable too long already.

And they all took hands and danced round the queen in Delicia, and the good fairy, singing, Yes, yes, yes, we will, we will, yes, yes, yes, we will, we will, yes, yes, yes, we will, we will, yes, yes, yes, we will, we will, yes, yes, yes, we will, we will, yes, yes, yes, we will, we will, yes, we will, we will, yes, we will. And they all did that in unison.

Then there were feasts and fireworks in every street in the town, and early the next morning the fairy, who had been all over the world in the night, brought back with her in her flying chariot the most handsome and good-tempered prince she could find anywhere.

Oh, he was so charming that Delicia loved him, he was delicious, she thought, from the moment their eyes met, and as for him, of course, he couldn't help but think himself the luckiest prince in the whole wide world, because she had a pair of lovely big shoes, her shoes were wonderful, and the queen felt that she had really come to the end of her misfortunes at last, and they all lived happily ever after.

Now go to sleep.