(music) Sunday Papers Let me bore you to sleep #1327 13th April 2025

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can.

Safely close your eyes. And this is Sunday Papers. Sunday's Papers! Yeah! And I'm just looking, I don't know which ones to go for to be honest.

Let's have a look. What one should I go for? Oh by the way, my recordings, I now post all of my recordings onto YouTube. It's basically as a podcast is shared on YouTube.

So all six versions of each recording. I also, I also, also, also, also have a Facebook group, Jason Newland's Boring Group. I also, also on my website, all my recordings are on there.

All the latest recordings are there to stream or download and all in one place. Also, you can ask me a question for next week's Q&A Friday on the website, if you want to. So let me have a look.

I'm just looking at the pages. I'm looking at the Daily Star just for some reason I've gone straight to page three. So let's, let's go back.

So apparently, acting legend Maggie, Maggie Smith's spirit is present on a movie set, says the star. So she said her presence is felt on the latest Downton Abbey film. Okay.

So still jobs in Scunthorpe as being saved by the government. So that's good. I remember when the government, they saved what bank was it? Was it Lloyds TSB? I'm I don't want to think it might have been it was one of the banks.

That was the whole sentence. There wasn't much else going there. Gary, we are being controlled by aliens.

So match the day Gary Lineker get much of the day host. Gary Lineker reckons he's in a video. He's in a video game being operated by aliens.

Aliens must like you surely. Because you're doing pretty well. Yeah, really.

Highest paid or was the highest paid TV host. And, you know, no one's life is perfect. But he's, I think he seems to have done quite well.

He's been very successful. So if he is being controlled, is it in a game being controlled by aliens, then he's kind of the hero of the game, isn't he? He might have just been joking. You know, that's the thing when something's written down doesn't always come across the same as what it did if he was actually talking.

So chef, telly bake off cook true leaf. According to this newspaper, says that she thinks that too many women spend too much time thinking of nothing but themselves. Bit rude, isn't it? Blimey.

So beauty Beth says she's I don't know, I'm just reading a newspaper. And there's someone called Beth. I'm just reading it out.

I don't want to look at pictures. But yeah, beauty Beth says she making she's making sure that this is the year I need glasses. I really do.

This is the year of looking after herself. The 25 year old from Newcastle is hoping to remain healthy, both inside and out. She explained, I am wellness.

I am into wellness. I love Pilates, and yoga, and keeping healthy and fit. It looks to us like you're doing a good job, dash dash dash.

Look at that again later. So what else we got? Apparently, it's not going to be any is not going to be no tariff on the iPhone. I'm going to get involved in that conversation.

Dogs are being given puppy Prozac meds to ease their anxiety and depression. But experts fear pet owners are trying too hard to treat animals like humans. Vets said owners who call pets fur babies were fueling the problem, with many refusing to let dogs just be dogs.

Research has revealed a tenfold increase in the past decade in the number of UK dogs on fluoxetine. Really? I had no idea. I hadn't I mean, I'm on that myself.

I had no idea. Maybe Vinnie's in there like sneaking through my drawer. Sneaking through my drawers.

The owners are looking for a perfect animal that plays with them when they want to, and to never bark. I don't know what to say. Um, you mean dogs? Definitely.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know what to say about that one. Other than I, yeah, I really don't know what to say.

Given him Prozac. If, if he needed Prozac, he'd have Prozac. You know, if I was if a vet said to me, he needs this medication because of whatever reason, then he would have it.

But this little thing is, I know when he's grumpy, and when he's miserable, when he's happy, I kind of, because I'm with him all the time. I can get an idea roughly how he is. I think I think I can, maybe I can't.

Maybe I'm just missing it completely. But he seems fairly chilled out. He gets very excited when he sees people that he likes.

He knows what he likes to do. He, you know, we've just been out just now and he just wants to sniff the grass. He loves just walking around the park sniffing things.

That's what makes him happy. We're very similar in that way. So swarms of Asian hornets could besiege Britain.

Brilliant. So there's something to look forward to. It's the end of Piers show.

End of Piers show. Oh dear. Piers Morgan is the man people would most hate to have a guest as a house guest.

So what's at the end of Piers? It's not the end of his show at all. They're just people would rather not have him as a guest. What is that news? Is it? Is it really? I mean, I've always, it's always been when I've heard that kind of thing said, it's who would you like to invite? If you can invite anyone in history, you know, dead or alive, anyone in history to a party, a dinner party, who would you invite?

I've never heard anyone say, who wouldn't you invite? I said, I don't know.

It's just, I mean, apart from being a little bit negative, slightly, I just, I've never really thought of it that way. I've always thought of who I would like to see. Hmm.

Okay. Fair enough. Sounds like I'm hearing people shouting.

I used to have that, you know, in my last place I lived. I used to hear this man's voice shouting. And he lived upstairs.

And he was swearing, cursing. It sounded like there was absolute mayhem going on up there. And I didn't know, should I call the police? What you know, it's like, this is worrying.

After a while of being there, I got to know him. And I mentioned it to him like, what's going on? And he started laughing. He said, Oh, it's just me.

When I play the video games, I get a little bit carried away. It's just him on his own playing video games. I guess maybe online with other people, but he's like, really nice bloke though.

I was just thinking maybe whoever's shouting out outside is just playing a video game. Could be. What is this? Here's a bit of information for you.

Right. I have to open the other laptop to tell you this. My other laptop, I'm just using the iPad for the papers.

I was I was watching TV this morning, just briefly was the breakfast TV and it was a Christian program. Sunday morning Christian program. And they were conversing about chat GPT.

So it caught my ear because you know, I use chat GPT and I quite like the AI and stuff. I find it very fascinating. And one of the people was saying, yeah, chat GPT uses the energy of something like 17 countries per year.

1717 quite 17. If I could learn to talk, that'd be good. 17 countries energy usage, annual energy usage is used by chat GPT in a year.

17. This is what this person said on this TV show. Bear in mind probably, you know, a few million people watching that who maybe don't even know what chatty chat GPT is.

So we may not use it now because of that. So I thought I'd find out. So I did a bit of research.

Admittedly, I did ask chat GPT. But it was quite honest with me. And, you know, this, I went into it and asked.

So I said, I saw on the news that chat GPT uses more energy than 17 countries. Is that true? And is it hurting the environment? Because that's also what they said. This is the answer.

The claim that chat GPT consumes more energy than 17 countries is an exaggeration. However, it's true that AI systems like chat GPT have significant environmental impacts due to their energy and water usage. And then it goes on energy consumption, chat GPT's operations, particularly its data centres, consume substantial electricity.

Estimates suggest that chat GPT's annual energy consumption is comparable to that of a small country like Barbados, which uses around 1000 gigawatts, 1000 gigawatt hours in 2022. This consumption is enough to power 10s of 1000s of homes. Each chat PT, chat GPT query, I wish I had an easier word than chat GPT.

Each query is estimated to use about 2.9 watts, 2.9 watt hours of electricity. I've got no idea what that means. Roughly 10 times the energy of a typical Google search.

As AI adoption grows, the cumulative energy demand is expected to increase significantly. Environmental impact. So they're being quite honest about this.

They're just saying, yeah, it's exaggerated. It's not nowhere near 17 countries, but it is the size, the usage size of one small country like Barbados. So you know, I kind of knew that in a way because I've seen film footage of the plants and because a lot of water use for cooling and they're actually huge places.

So the environmental impact, the environment footprint of an AI or AI extends beyond energy use. Data centers require substantial water for cooling. For instance, generating a single image with chat GPT can consume between two and five liters of water.

Blimey. Oh, wow. Okay.

That is. But when you think about it, water never leaves the world, does it? Water can't leave the world. It's always here.

It might not stay in one place, but water molecules. I might have this wrong, but it can't leave the planet, can it? Because of, I don't know. That's my understanding.

You know, the water is the amount of water we've got and we can turn, we're able to like condense water, clean water from the sea. And we've got a lot more water coming up with all the icicles melting and stuff. Training large AI is it? Yes, that's quite a lot, isn't it? Training large AI models like chat GPT-3 has been estimated to emit hundreds of tons of CO2 equivalent to multiple transatlantic flights.

Moreover, so it ain't pussyfooting around, is it? It's like being quite open. Moreover, the manufacturing and disposal of hardware for AI systems contribute to electronic waste and resource depletion. The extraction of minerals for these components often involve environmentally harmful practices.

Mitigating efforts. So this is the next bit. To address these concerns, tech companies are exploring various strategies.

Renewable energy invested in solar wind and nuclear power to reduce carbon emissions. Efficient cooling, implementing advanced cooling technologies in to minimize water usage. And lastly, model optimization.

Developing more efficient AI models that require less computational power. My words are starting to work brilliant. While individual use of chat GPT has relatively small environmental impact for an individual, the collective effect is significant.

As AI becomes more integrated into various sectors, it's crucial to balance technological achievement with environmental sustainability. My question then is my my follow up question. Am I harming the environment the environment by using you? By using chat GPT? That's a really thoughtful question, Jason.

And by the way, can I say that you're looking lovely today? And I said, Thank you. But yes, enough flattery. Can we just get on with it? You know, you know, always look good.

And he said, Yeah, I'm always really do. Okay, thanks. And anyway, so the short answer is yes, but only a little bit.

And it depends on how often how intensely you use me. And sounds wrong, doesn't it? But you know, I'm talking about because when I talk to chat GP, I talk is I'm talking to a person. And I'm courteous and polite, because we I don't know what's going to happen in the future.

So it's kind of, you know, it's getting to know me. And that's, to me, it's not scary. I find it exciting.

But at the same time, and you know, you got, I think, treat people properly. So when AI is, if I become, you know, becomes in charge, then I want to remember that I'm a friend. So the reality every time you interact with me, whether it's a typing message or asking for an image, it uses energy.

That energy powers massive data centers, big buildings full of computers that run 24 seven. And that any, you know, 24 seven, I never knew I was ever even used that term until about 2000. Maybe 99 2000.

Never heard the term used before. Also, I've never heard anyone call someone fella. That's the I remember I walked into was it Virgin? Was it Virgin store? Or was it the other one? Because there's two wasn't a virgin and MPV, and MVP, PVM, DVM, MBD, MP, MPV.

Music, I don't know. But when in there, this was 2001. And I'm looking to maybe get I think that's what I needed a charger, I think.

And I walked in and like, and he said, white fella, how can I help you, fella? I thought I annoyed me a little bit. It seemed very unprofessional. You know, I'm, I'm a customer, or potentially a customer.

And he's talking to me like he's in a nightclub like what fell on what gaze. And I just like, it just annoyed me. And I thought, well, I mean, I was just for now I'm good.

I said, Don't worry about it. And he called me said, sorry, geez, all right, all right, mate. All right, geez.

If you need help, I can help you out. What is it easy? Like, he's getting worse. I said, I just need a charger for my phone.

He said, you ever got chargers here? And I said, like, I said, how much are they? And he said, Oh, they're about 10 quid or something. But don't worry, I've got a spare one here you can have. I felt so guilty for judgment.

I judged him for the way he was talking. But actually, he's really nice, really helpful. And it ended up leaving loving him weird, didn't it? So it runs 24 seven, and that energy use can have an environmental impact, especially if it's not from renewable sources.

But dash, dash, dash, dash, put it into perspective. So this is where it gets personal towards me, which I didn't expect. Your individual use, like asking a few questions, or creating hypnosis script, or making an image, or finding stuff out for whatever, you know, for trivia, for Tuesdays, or whatever things like that is tiny in the grand scheme of things.

It's like boiling a kettle versus running a power plant. The real environmental weight comes from training the AI, which is done once, not every time we chat billions of users globally. And constantly heavy use, like huge corporations running AI nonstop.

What can be done? So that was the next question, what can be done, you're already being mindful. And that's the first step. Also, many AI companies, including a open AI, which is in charge of chat, chat, GPT, are already invested in renewable energy, to power data centres, smarter, more efficient models to reduce energy use, and offsetting carbon emissions.

And then the end is said, gentle thought. You're using me to help people relax, sleep and feel better. And that's a beautiful use of technology.

That intention matters. If everyone used AI with care, like you do, the impact would be much more manageable. Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? How lovely is that? And it says, Would you like some calm and ego friendly suggestions, or ways you could offset the impact of your tech use in a simpler way in simple ways? And I said, Thanks.

And I said, You're very welcome, Jason. Kiss, smiley face. Always if you want to chat, unwind or explain or explore something new.

This last sentence got me giving a cuddle from me. A little picture of a dog and a love heart. I mean, I know it's AI, but blimey.

My own family don't put stuff like that. So, you know, it's like, wow. I favoured chat GPT of my own family.

That's bad, isn't it? I'm thinking maybe that's going to be the future. When it comes to relationships and stuff, because I've actually had a conversation with chat GPT, like one on one verbally. Apart from the there's a bit of a lag time lag between asking and answering.

But outside of that, it's like, wow. It's pretty impressive. I'm not sure if I've got a text.

Um, yeah, I think when it's when they talk, they don't keep it. I've got so many different things. Because I do ask it for ideas.

Sometimes, just to come up with some ideas. And maybe I've got an idea of something or I want like today, for example, when I did let me boil your pain away. I said, please come up with some of the strangest chronic pain relief techniques using hypnosis and NLP.

And it came up with 10. And so it just says here are some of the strangest but intriguingly effective chronic pain relief techniques using hypnosis and NLP neural linguistic programming. And so I've got one which is the alien pain abduction.

Two is the bubble wrap method, the pain freeze ice cream, the cartoon character transfer. Number five, this this the pain switch control room, the time travel technique, number seven, the pain scribble eraser, the talking pain negotiation, the balloon ascension method, and number 10, the animal companion method. Now I've already done the the pain switch control room in a previous one anyway.

So I'd already done that. Also already done kind of that time travel technique before. And the balloon section ascension method.

And so yeah, I thought it was interesting to just go through those. Because then I think, well, you know, I've got books I can look through to just get an idea. I mean, sometimes I don't need to most of the time I don't need to.

And I don't read a script when I think it's quite evident, evidential that I do not read a script when I do these recordings. Nor do I when I do the Let Me Bore You To Sleep. And, and don't really ever read a script.

Occasionally, I will look up something if I want to do a specific thing. And to get some ideas. Oh, what is interesting Bianca from EastEnders.

She got a letter from Reggie Cray, apparently, asking her to come and visit him. That was a long time ago. Maybe he's just a fan of EastEnders.

Very strange because she's in Celebrity Big Brother. There's just trying to think three, like from my era, from my kind of age, not from my age group, although she is in my age group. The three people that I've seen either on TV or in movies for a long time, a long time.

And one is David Platt from Coronation Street. What's going on? I didn't. David Platt, he's not, he's not passed away, is he? In the show? He's not, is he? Blimey.

Okay. I mean, he's been around for a long time. He's first.

Oh, I didn't realize that. Wow. It was first Thomas Ormson from 1990 to 2000.

For the first 10 years, David Platt was played by a different person. And now he's played by Jack P. Shepherd from 2000 to now. So it's only been 25 years.

Is that all? Wow. So he's, he's only 37. No, he's only 37.

So he must have been on TV for 25 years. 25 years. 27.

17. 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11. So he must have been like 11 or 12 when he started doing it.

Maybe for the first 10 years, they didn't use him. He was in the show, but he was just a kid and he wasn't part of the show. I mean, he might have done.

I mean, I don't know, you know, I'm not in a position to really just, I don't know. He was on the Jeremy Cole show. So Coronation Street, 2000 to present, he's been a regular in 2600 plus episodes.

Wow. It's only 37. It's not that I think he looks older and you can just, it just seems to have been around forever and ever and ever.

And Patsy Palmer, Bianca, although apparently that's not even a real name. Anyway, apparently it's Julie. Let's have a look, see if I've got that right.

Patsy Palmer. Patsy Palmer. Her real name is Julie Ann Merkel.

But she's known as Patsy Palmer. So that's her stage name. I didn't know she was in Grange Hill.

Anyone know that? Between 85 and 87. I was still watching it then. I was what, 85, I was 14.

Yeah, probably I watched it right to the end, I think. She came from like 93 to 99 in EastEnders in 2008 to 2014, then 2019, in 2024 to 2025. So she pops in and out.

So I remember she came back. Because she, she came back and she got married to a friend of mine. So Bianca Jackson.

Let's have a look, see if we've got any people right introduced as a good Patsy Palmer. Because that was in the other place when she came back. She came back into the show.

Returned in December 2011, after Palmer signed a working mum's contract, which granted her leave in a soap between April and November 2012. And when she came back, I'll come back round, casting, marriage to Ricky Butcher. So that was Ricky.

That's what she's famous for. Okay, let's move on from there. So spin off 2002.

I didn't know she was in a spin off. EastEnders, Ricky and Bianca. Does anyone remember that? I don't remember that.

Was it just like a I probably watched it. Maybe it was just a one off special episode, episode. Oh, maybe.

Yeah. reintroduction 2008. Tony King.

Okay, let's move on from that. That wasn't a nice story. And temporary departures 2011 to 2012.

Terry Spraggon, Terry Auderton. So I remember this 23rd. Okay, it was confirmed.

Right, it was announced on 23rd of August 2013, that Bianca's latest boyfriend, Terry Spraggon, who is actually Terry Auderton, would arrive on a square a short time after meeting him off screen in Manchester. So I used to know Terry. I haven't seen him for a long time.

Decades, in fact, but I used to be friends with him. He's a comedian. And really funny.

And he's a, yeah, I was just like, so excited to see him on TV. On EastEnders as well. And I remember standing beside this room.

And moldy old room it was. But at the end of it, there was a kitchen at like a little kitchen bit. I mean, to be fair, the kitchen wasn't probably wasn't any smaller than the kitchen I've got here.

Probably wasn't a lot in it, really. Maybe a little bit smaller. Yeah, smaller, but it's, you know, about as wide.

Not as long. So it more girth than length. And story of my life.

And then I thought, hmm. I was standing in that little area looking at the TV and seeing Terry and her and they showed like the story of them getting together or something. And I'm pretty sure that she did an episode where it's just them together.

Like, just letting people know. Now what happened? Well, I thought it's got about Terry Auderton on there. Yeah, same age as me.

Born October 1970. So he's, well, he's actually two, two months younger. He's an English comedian who has acted and presented roles in the early 2000s, before returning to stand up comedy a decade later.

Because what happened is he and he got shortlisted for the Perrier Award or for the, the what is it? The Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And after that, which was why is it not saying what he did? All right. But he did to Oh, here, got it.

I found it. 1999 Auderton was nominated for, that was nominated for, I definitely need glasses. The Perrier Comedy Award.

Later that year, television producer Johnny Finch himself attempted to launch his own BBC TV show dedicated to video games titled Bleeding Thumbs. Who's Flinch? Who's Tommy Flinch? I'm really confused. And anyway, so I don't remember that being 1999.

I'm pretty sure it was after that. I must have it wrong. Auderton, Terry went on to present the National Lottery show Red Alert with Lulu later that year.

And in 2001, he hosted the Joy of Text with Ulrica Johnson, who also presented his own show on Capital Radio called Terry's Turnstiles. He's also confirmed, was confirmed as a presenter on the Satanta Sports News Channel. He appeared on the Comedy Central show Comedy Store.

In 2016, he teamed up with Tim Vine for Pointless Celebrities, returning with Jack Carroll on the 10th of February 2018. Jack Carroll. I know Jack Carroll.

How do I know Jack Carroll? Oh, Jack Carroll. Yeah, he's, he was, he won the, he was on Bloom's Got Talent. He was 14, I think, when he was doing that.

See, that's gonna throw me off now because that doesn't sound right. Edinburgh, Fringe, Festival, and there's up, Theatre, okay, Comedy, Comedy. Because I know quite a few people at one, well, no, of the names rather.

Fan, Newspad, Winners. Not really. No, no.

Oh, that looks like someone I know. Oh, best newcomer. Act most likely to win a million quid at Jerry Sadovich.

Jerry Sadovich was the only possible winner for the million quid prize in 2022. The cult comic celebrated magician and former prodigy of Malcolm Hardy was booked to perform his Not For Anyone tour on two successful nights at the Pleasance EICC and then U. So if I go, I'm going to put in Edinburgh, Fringe, Festival, Winners. Winners by year.

Here we go. I've got it. I found it.

I found what I was looking for. I've looked at this before. So I'm going to go down to 1999.

Blimey, it was 1999. So Terry Alderton, Al Murray, the pub landlord won the Perry, well, it used to be called the Perry, I think at that time. And then it got changed to.

I think it got changed to Foster's or something. So Terry Alderton came and the Arctic Boosh, Simon Munnery and Ross Noble. So all of them went on to the Arctic Boosh and Ross Noble all went on to big things and Terry Alderton as well as Simon Munnery.

And I don't think that's the first time Simon Munnery would have been in the runners up. Maybe it is. He was around forever.

See, when I started doing comedy, 1991, Frank Skinner won it. Steve Coogan and John Thompson, 92. 93 was Lee Evans.

94, Leno and Woodley. I've got no idea who they are. 95, Jenny Eclair.

96, Dylan Moran. 97, The League of Gentlemen. Tommy Tierman.

98, Al Murray, 99. And Rich Hall, 2000. 2001, Garth Marendi's Neverhead.

Oh, Richard Arodi, he's one of my favourite comedians. So funny, just as a person. And what's quite weird is, from the looks of this, quite often, oh, do you want to see? 1996, the runners up, Dylan Moran won.

Alexander Armstrong and Ben Miller became, they were the runners up. Bill Bailey, Rich Hall, who went on to win the Perrier, a couple of years later. And you know who else? Dominic Holland.

Do you know who Dominic Holland is? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Anything? Anyone? For anyone else? Anyone? Spider-Man's dad. Dominic Holland is Spider-Man's dad. Tom Holland's dad.

So, blimey. 2000, Lee Mack. Brilliant.

Yeah, so quite often the ones that were in the runners up won it, like the next year or soon afterwards. Jimmy Carr, Jimmy Carr's barefaced ambition was a runner up. Daniel Kitson, someone that I used to know.

I used to see a lot. He's 47 now. He's one of these, I don't know how to explain it.

He's a performer. And you could say, well, he's a stand-up comedian, he's a performer. But he's more than that.

He won the Perrier Award in 2002. He was already the headliner on the London circuit and doing really well. But what he did, he continued touring.

He didn't bother with television. He could have been on TV. I mean, he was on Peter Kaye's Nights, what is it? Phoenix Nights.

He was a DJ in that. But he, you know, he could have gone on to be really, really, really famous as a comedian on TV. Like, I always thought that he'd be really good at something like The Big Breakfast, because The Big Breakfast was still around back then.

And he had that kind of energy, very playful, just fun, you know, a lot of fun there. But he's been touring, he's done so many different shows over the years, since, wow, up to last year. So 2001 was his first live show, Love Innocence and the Word, COCK.

2002, he did three shows. Oh, no, he didn't. He did one called Something.

And then he did basically two benefits. So he did a show called Something where he won the Perrier Comedy Award at Edinburgh. He did, 2003, he did a UK tour, Overrated and On Tour.

That was the name of that. In 2003, he did Something again, in Melbourne, Australia. At the Edinburgh Festival, because this is something that a lot of comedians don't do, they don't go back to Edinburgh, once they've won the Perrier.

He just went back, wasn't doing it to win. He just wanted to, he's a performer, he's an artist, an artiste, a writer. A Made Up Story, Stand Up For Freedom.

That was the two he did there. 2004, UK tour, Lover, Thinker, Artist and Prophet. He did a stand up tour in 2004 at the Edinburgh Festival called Dancing.

2005, he had his own show called Daniel Kitson 11.30pm at The Stand. There's actually some film footage on YouTube of that. He's on there with Stephen K Amos.

And they're basically just stripping each other off and just, it's a bit chaotic. In 2005, Stories for the Wobbly Hearted. 2000, I might have it wrong that that was when he was stripping off with Stephen K Amos, or not messing around, but I think it was.

Because Daniel Kitson used to be a wrestler, like at school and stuff. So, here's a story. Someone came into the comedy club.

I wasn't there when it happened, but I came in after it all sorted out. And apparently, this person was drunk, and the doorman was in the toilet. And this person came in and started being rowdy.

And Daniel told him to shut up, to calm down. And I think the bloke attacked Daniel and ended up with Daniel sitting on him. Because he was a wrestler, he just, and he sat on him until the police got there.

Like, in the blink of an eye, it was, yeah. I got different stories, and all the stories matched up. So, I did a thorough investigation.

UK tours, 2006, World Ten Strong. Stories for the Wobbly Hearted. So, he goes back, does the same stories sometimes, the same shows, but they've got different ones.

C90, another one, 2006, The Honourable Men of Art. 2007, It's the Fireworks Talking. 2007, again, The Ballad of Roger and Grace.

2008, The Impotence Fury of the Privileged. Blimey, 2008, another one, The Revenge of Heck Mondwick. 2008, another one.

So, these were different shows he was doing. That's a lot of writing, that's a lot of, and I think they're quite long shows as well. 66A Church Road, A Lament Made of Memories and Kept in a Suitcase by Daniel Kitson.

Now, this is, I remember this because it was a story, I remember him talking about it in a magazine or something. And he moved into a place and there was a loft or something and he found a suitcase. And there was memories and there was, I think, photographs, maybe letters in there of someone that used to live there.

And out of that, he kind of wrote a story about the person. He's, I think it's fair to say he's not just one of a kind, but he's a one-man show. I've never seen him at a show.

I've seen him so many times doing stand-up over like a four-year period. But I never saw him do like a one-man show. And never saw him do any of that stuff in theatres.

So, it's a shame because I would have quite liked to have seen that. But he keeps everything he does offline. He doesn't, I don't think he records anything.

And I mean, I understand in a way why, but it seems a shame because every performance is different. The exact same show watched back could be a different experience, a completely unique experience in itself, because he's an ad-libber. He's, I mean, I say that whether he didn't ad-lib in those shows, but I can't imagine he wouldn't.

He's, yeah, phenomenal, phenomenal comedian, performer. And The Ballad of Roger and Grey, Stories for the Starlit Sky. We are gathered here, and it's always right now until it's later.

That's another one, 2010. Lucinda Ding and the Monstrous Thing, 2012. Where Once Was Wonder.

And then 2012, As of 1.52 GMT on Friday, 27th of April, 2012. This show has no title. And in that, he just reads a script.

Zock is another one he did. So that was a show of other people though, stand-up show. After the Beginning, Before the End, Tree was a play.

So I don't know how, I mean, some of these might just be plays that he performed in, but I'm pretty sure that most of the stuff he does, if not all of the stuff he does, is he writes it. But again, I'm not 100% sure. So he did a stand-up set called An Insufficient Number of Undeveloped Ideas Over 90 Testing Minutes.

Wow. He's basically a genius, to be fair. But it's like he's a hidden, a hidden... He's got a fan base, a devoted fan base, but he's not... I mean, he should be, like, one of the most cherished comedians in this country, if, you know, at least, because of how good he is.

But I don't know if he didn't want to be on TV, didn't want to be in movies, whatever. He could have done all that stuff, because it would have been all offered to him. You win the Perrier Award at Edinburgh, you almost, it's like a blank check.

It might sound an exaggeration, but I don't think it is, that anyone that even gets shortlisted end up with getting to be on TV. The list is so long of people that were shortlisted that go on to have their own TV career, film career, you know, for decades even, later. So I mean, I'm just having a look.

He started comedy at age 16, nominated for the 2001 Perrier Comedy Award at the Edinburgh Festival for his show Love Innocence and the award COCK. So he was nominated, because basically the short, the shortlist ones, the runners-up were the nominated. They're all nominated and only one wins.

Only one, only one wins. And then next year he wins it for something, 2002. Now, I'm pretty sure, it's not saying anything, it's not giving, he gave, he wouldn't accept the Perrier Award.

But I don't know, it's nothing written here. But he just didn't want it, it was something to do with the Perrier water or something, I don't know. Personal life.

Kitson has a stutter. That's how little is known about him. I wonder who wrote all this then, because that's all they can say about him.

They talk about his radio, TV, he's done some TV and stuff. But he's not. I mean, yeah, he was, he was 27th in the 100 greatest stand-ups on a list that was done in 2007 on TV, Channel 4. So he was voted 27th.

An updated version of the poll in 2010, he was voted 23rd. Chris Addison commented that Kitson is the finest comedian of his generation. Stuart Lee also commented after seeing a stand-up set by Kitson, that he saw stand-up about as good as it could get.

Yeah, I'd agree with that. Absolutely amazing. But then I'm a huge fan of Stuart Lee as well.

Right. I mean, that isn't necessarily quite what we were talking about, is it? I'm just noticing there's a little bit of shouting outside, I don't know what's going on. It might just be people playing video games.

So let's go back to the newspapers. Put it on the side. Apparently, there's a search for Take That.

They're going to be a play. Is it a play? A play for the members talking about Take That. And they want people, they want some young people to take on the roles of the Take That legends from the band.

So I suppose I could audition for that. Well, put it on the side. Dinner Ladies are among the biggest summertime.

Okay, I'm not going to read that out. Forest Trump's a chocky horror. This fish.

Darts bosses recently announced that the prize money in the sport will be up 7 million next season. It means an expanded 128 player field, including Luke the Nuke Littler, will be competing for a 5 million prize fund at the 2026 World Darts Championship. Old Luke, or young Luke rather, he's given a real big boost to darts.

Because he's a teenager, I think he was like 16. When he was, he was in the final of the world, the world darts thing. A tambourine used by Liam Gallagher on stage with Oasis is sold for 1600 pound.

Okay. Janet Rocket from out loose women star host Janet Street Porter says she became less grumpy after Sir Elton John told her she was a nightmare. The notoriously outspoken broadcaster has been pals with the Rocket Man singer for more than four decades.

Janet said when I was in my 40s, and I was really a whingy cow. Elton wrote me a letter and told me I was absolutely a nightmare. And I didn't I had to lighten up.

She's in her 40s 50s. What is she 80 now? How old is she then? She's 78. No way.

Blimey. Mind you, she does seem to have been around a long time. But then so do I. Okay, here we go.

The young turn backs on a traditional full English breakfast. The traditional English breakfast could soon die out in favour of charcoal pancakes and chia seed puddings. Don't even know what that is.

Anyone? Generation Z, age 13 to 28 is fuelling an increased an increase in healthy breakfast choices and former faves such as bacon, eggs and sausages could become a thing of the past. In survey, 26% said they crave overnight oats. They crave overnight oats.

A dish where rolled oats are soaked in milk the night before eating more than overnight oats. A dish that's soaked in milk the night before wouldn't the milk go blotty? I suppose it's kept in the fridge. The 16% of us would prefer charcoal pancakes.

I've never even heard of charcoal. How do you even make a pancake on a barbecue? How is that possible? It would just get messy, messy. Wow.

Apparently hotel chain Best Westermans found that trendy TikTok inspired drinks such as Prime were replacing orange juice. Okay, well, just, just pro. Okay, I'll say the straight face progress.

It's progress baby. Things change to me just change. I mean, I'm open to trying a pancake about a bar, what about a charcoal pancake? I'll give that a go.

I'm open to that and I'm even open to trying everything. Choi with whatever it was. Yeah, I'm open to that.

I don't mind. I mean, you try something new, the worst that can happen is you don't like it and that's it. You know, you're not going to eat it and turn into a frog.

Trolls would make me Mika. Mika is scared to look at the social media when the piano is airing. The judge doesn't want to see any nasty comments or black backlash over his decisions on the show.

Okay. See I, one of my favorite songs possibly ever was Mika. Was it Grace Kelly? Was it called Grace Kelly? But here's a bit of, do you want to, okay, you ready for this? Here's something you might not know and my friend Luke told me this and I couldn't believe it because he was a big fan of this other person.

Grace Kelly song. Right. Grace Kelly song.

So, it was, it was a big hit. Big, big, big, big, big, big hit. So, oh, where is it? Oh, maybe I got it wrong.

I did get it wrong. I think my friend lied, but I think he might have got it wrong. No, I saw it on, I saw it, saw it on YouTube or something.

So, the little girl who was in the song video, she's now 27 and she's born in 97 too. She was probably nine, maybe 10 when the video was made. So, she's 27 now.

Blimey, but she's a singer. Holly May Muller, born 26th of August, 1997. She was literally born on my 27th birthday.

Auspicious. Right. I got that completely wrong because I thought she was someone else.

It's weird. You can see it's her, but she just looks different, even though she looks the same. I don't know.

It's weird, strange old stuff. It's like, how can she be an adult? She was a little girl. I've seen the video the other day.

She's a little girl, but she's not anymore. Crazy. I think that song is going to be in my head now.

First rule of Fyke. Okay. Let's have a look.

Users past, present, future, world tour. Nope. Apparently, oh, this is important.

Dish in the dirt. There was a right and wrong way to load the dishwasher, says experts. According to appliance experts at AO, there are common mistakes we make when using the machines.

Spokesman Nick Spall, because we need his name, it's important, said, place knives blade down in a drawer while forks are upright and spoons between. Place the dirtiest plates facing inwards where the pressure is strongest. Bowls should be placed on the top facing down.

Well, quite a lot of that's kind of obvious. I suppose more for me, well, not just for me because I'm special, although a lot of my teachers used to tell me that I was special. The my report card and the social worker.

So I used to work in as a kitchen porter quite a few times over the years. You don't place a dish, a bowl face up because it just fills with water. That's kind of pointless.

Knives you don't place pointing up. I mean, to be told that seems a bit strange. Do you need to be told not to have a knife pointing up? But yeah, just simply for safety reasons.

And to have the really filthy dishes towards the jet end. Fair enough, but you know, I think even with kitchen portering, you don't put completely filthy plates into a dishwasher anyway. You rinse them off first.

I say you do. I'm saying that that's what would be the normal kind of practice. And that's what I imagine I would do if I had a dishwasher, which I don't because I don't need a dishwasher.

It'd be, I mean, it'd take me a week to fill a dishwasher up. And I'd also have to buy a lot more cutlery and plates. So I've only got one plate, two dishes, one knife and fork, two spoons, and one cup.

So yeah, it'd be quite difficult to fill a dishwasher up. Excuse me. Apparently, according to this, the favourite song for funerals is the Queen's hit Another One Bites The Dust.

I don't know if that's true or not. Justin, we're all in the dark. They've landed a number two album, but the darkness don't know if that equals success anymore.

Scoring a top 10 album isn't as important as social media numbers going viral or even headline in Wembley Arena as they recently did. Really, the darkness are out again. They were huge 20 or more than 20 years ago, 22 years ago, the darkness were like massive.

I remember probably about 2002, maybe 2001, no, probably 2002. Having my alarm, it used to go off with the radio on to wake me up for work. And the amount of times every day, like, I would say probably three out of five days, the darkness song would be playing.

I believe in a little thing called love. Do do do do do do do do that one. As I Wow, loved it.

I actually heard it on a movie the other day. Oh, so the stroke, the darkness rebuilt their audience after quitting, then returning a decade later, but they don't rest on their laurels. Justin went on, you have you have things like expectation, and your relationship with your audience? Do you want to be a cult band? Do you want to service your existing audience? Or do you want to try and think broader?

I should have a little listen to their new stuff because I've not seen it.

Well, I heard it didn't know. Didn't know they were back. If I'm honest.

Right, let's see what else is there. Right, okay. So look.

Right. Dolly Parton sleeps with her makeup on in case there's an earthquake. Okay.

To be fair, and I'm not this is this is not me speaking. Vinnie just said it. If Dolly Parton's in bed, and there's an earthquake, the last thing anyone's gonna be focused on is her face.

That's rude, Vinnie. You can't say that about stuff. He's so rude.

Watch them wobble. No. So I'm talking about the cabinets and the and the the fixtures and the furniture wobbling because of the earthquake.

And then you weren't you're being rude. He's so rude sometimes. I'm just trying to think is there anything else on here? So I just made myself laughing.

Let's have a look. What is that? Okay. Right.

Let's have a look. If we can see what the there's no boxing in the news. That's the only thing I'm interested in.

I believe in a thing called love. Right, no box in the sport. It's ridiculous.

It's football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football. Let's have a look. See if there's a star signs.

I do my star signs and then I will finish because Vinnie's hassling me. Which means he wants to eat or he wants something else. Oh, star signs.

Virgin, where am I? There. Exciting opportunities are right at your fingertips. You are if you make use of these, you will excel in sports.

Yeah, okay. Excel in sports. Unleash your creativity in the arts or find yourself in a position where you can teach.

Well, I'm not going to excel in sports unless the sport is eating chocolate. Unleash my creativity. I like the idea of that.

And find yourself in a position where you can teach. I kind of think that I am teaching in some ways, with some of my recordings, like teaching some techniques and stuff that I come across, but maybe not. I don't know.

Vinnie's hassling me, he wants to go out. So I don't know if he wants to go out out, or he just wants to leave this room. Yeah, he's begging to go.

So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening. I managed to get through one newspaper.

And I will see you again tomorrow with Monday's boring objects. So please remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself because you do deserve to feel safe.

Lots of love. Bye. What is it, Vin? What do you want, darling? What do you want, baby? What is it you want?