(no music) Attempted Monday’s Boring Objects | LMBYTS #1385 | Jason Newland | 30th June 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can.

Safely close your eyes. Today is Monday the 30th of June. To zero, zero days.

Vinnie is curled up next to me on the sofa. Something's got his attention because his ears are pricked up and he's looking around. So haven't you heard something haven't you? Yeah, he's not quite so angry with me today because although I did leave him on his own, again visited my neighbour in hospital.

I left early so I got a Lyft bike with another neighbour who took me to the hospital. After dropping off his wife and kid at school and work and I got there, I left here at half seven, got there about quarter past eight a.m. and I left. I'm not sure where I left.

I left about one, I think. I'm not exactly, yeah, I'm not exactly sure. So I was home.

I think I was home by two o'clock. I took Vinnie into the garden to do wee-wees. It's too hot outside for him to go out properly.

So I'm not going to, he won't be going out until probably six, seven, six, something like that because it's just a bit too hot. He did have a nice W-A-L-K this morning which was about half an hour out. He was out for about half an hour.

But I think it because it was so early in the morning, I mean we did wake up about, I don't know, twenty to four. Because we did, we went to bed about half eight last night. And woke up about twenty to four.

And so we got up, I got up, I had my breakfast, he got up as well. And we went for a walk about half six till, yeah, it was about twenty-five to seven, till about five past seven. And then I had a shower so I got back, had a shower, yeah, and then pretty much had about three minutes to get prepared to go downstairs and get a lift.

So it all worked out okay. Potentially, potentially, I was maybe moving a bit too fast because normally, you know, I'm not necessarily set to a timer. So I found that I was making slightly more noise than usual.

When I was, I was probably attempting to make less noise. I find that the more I try to make less noise, the more noise I tend to make. So if I'm in the kitchen and I'm trying to wash up really quietly because it's early in the morning and I don't want to disturb, you know, the neighbours, that's when I start dropping stuff in the sink.

It's weird, isn't it strange? Isn't it strange? So yeah, I just want to say thank you to everyone that sent their well wishes for my neighbour. That's very kind of you and I do appreciate your support. So I'll give you the update.

This is going to be Monday's Boring Objects. I'm going to talk about hospitals but none of it is going to be medical or anything like that. Okay, so it was a little bit but it's not really going to be.

It's all going to be tasteful, if that's the right word. I'll try and keep everything tasteful apart from some of my jokes maybe. I don't know.

What? You tell jokes? I don't remember you ever telling a joke. Okay, I don't know if jokes is the correct word. I think they're jokes.

Maybe other people don't know, they don't notice. So yeah, hospitals is going to be and maybe I've even done that before but I'm doing it again, doing it again. So I will talk about my experiences in hospitals, including being in hospital twice myself.

Also going to hospital a few times for different things and visiting people in hospital. The first time I did hypnosis with someone in hospital. Yeah, so this had a few little instances along the way.

Visiting my nan in hospital. Blimey, that was a that was a journey. And that took me about five hours, six hours to get there.

And then when I get there, I'm told that it's closing time. Or yeah, kind of. That wasn't good.

So the update on my neighbor is two things really, his next door neighbor, his current next door neighbor that's in the bed next to him is leaving tomorrow. So he won't be there. And they've, they're close, they're really close.

They've been together for a week. And you can see there's a, it's almost like a brotherly kind of thing going on there. It's nice.

And this is 10, this bloke's probably 10 years younger than him. I mean, I think he's about 66. He's kind of in the middle between me and my neighbor.

My neighbor is 78 on Friday, I think this week. The other neighbor was Friday, Wednesday, whatever. I'm 54.

He's 66 and everyone's 60, 68. So it's kind of midway between us. And you can see there's a playfulness between them.

I did discover something quite interesting about my neighbor today from his neighbor, his new neighbor. Now, my neighbor can't stop talking. He literally can't stop talking.

He just talks, talks, talks. Apparently, he talks when he's asleep. He doesn't even stop talking when he's asleep.

So I don't know what, and this, okay, I don't, I was talking to the nurses about him talking, because I was laughing about it. And they can't believe, I don't think they've ever met anyone that talks as much as him. And they thought he was due to his condition.

And I said, No, he's been like that since I've known him for 10 years. I'm not saying that he's not affected by his condition. You know, I don't want to get in the way of any kind of medical intervention that might help.

Yeah, they laughed. They said, Really? I said, Yeah, it's always been a chatterbox. But then I'm a chatterbox.

And I do see myself in him. That sounds wrong, doesn't it? But I, you know, I see myself, I tell you, I think part of the reason. It's not a conscious thing.

But I think part of the reason why I I've helped him over the over the period of time I've been there and continue to do so to try and help anyway, I'm not sure how helpful I am. It's because I see, it's almost like I'm looking at him. And that's me in 25 years time.

Or 23 years time. 26 years time. Wait a minute.

54. 54, 64, 74. I'll be 75, 78.

That's 23 years. And something like that. So you know, 23 years.

You know, in some ways, it's a long time away. Is it? Is it though? It is for someone who's 10. It is for someone who's 20.

It is for someone who's 30. Maybe someone who's 40. But it doesn't seem that far away.

Now. I mean, for someone who's 20, if you say, Oh, in 20, 25 years, don't look at you like, really, I'll be an old age pensioner in 25 years. Or if you say that to a 20 year old in 25 years, like, yeah.

I remember when I was a kid. Okay, when I was a kid, when I was a younger man, in my 20s, even up to my mid 20s. I remember thinking, I'm not genuinely thinking, if someone said, Oh, you got something wrong with your leg, you're going to have to have it removed in 20 years time.

Wouldn't even care. It's like 20 years, that's a lifetime away. I don't care about 20 years away.

Now, if someone said that now, it'd be like, that's like telling me before Christmas, by the end of this year, you're going to have that. That's how close it seems almost. Because it goes so quickly, so quickly.

In 25 years ago. Or 23 years ago, even, I was working in a call center in Churchill insurance. And I felt old then.

I felt old then. I think part of the reason was because I was working with when nearly everybody there was younger than me, by a lot. So, you know, I was 31, 32.

There was people there in their early 20s, some even in their late teens. And quite a few of them treated me like I was old, like really old. I mean, there was this female, I think she's probably about 20.

And she was in my team, she's quite new. And she, I think I was finished a shift. So I get my phone out of my pocket.

I'm just gonna look at it, see if it had any texts or anything. And she starts laughing. She's all, I didn't think you'd have a modern phone.

Because it was a small phone. It's like, really? What did you think I'd have some kind of big satellite phone? Or what? Bring out, put out an egg cup with a bit of string attached to it. What did you think I was going to use? It's a phone.

It's just, it's weird. Maybe use something, something, something up to date. Yeah.

And now as I get older, I'm thinking, I was selling mobile phone contracts. 4024 years ago. So my neighbor downstairs wasn't even alive.

When I was selling mobile phone contracts. My neighbor, my neighbor downstairs wasn't even alive. When I was working at Churchill.

She wasn't alive. She wasn't even alive. When I just when I'd finished working at Churchill.

In fact, my neighbor downstairs was born. A year before I started making recordings online. So I've been doing it 19 years, she's 20.

It's unbelievable. A fully formed human being with a whole lifetime of experiences. At the same time as me sitting here, we're not sitting here necessarily, but making weird audios and videos.

It's beyond measure. I find it very confusing. I really do.

And to make it worse, she's probably 30 times more mature than I am as a person. Like now, not when, when I was her age, I was like, what, 20. I was, I was, I was a child.

Mentally, I was a child. I can just hear like, all men and children when they're in their age. No men, all never grow up.

Sure, stop it. This is about love. This is a gentle, loving place.

Come on, come on. Can't we just get along? Anyway, my neighbor, he talks in his sleep. I didn't know that.

I tried to explain that to his neighbor. I said, well, we don't sleep together. And I made a mistake.

I said the wrong thing earlier. I've got a habit of doing this. Just generally in life, I'm talking to one of the nurses and I'm just asking some questions and we just chat.

And I said, oh, you've got lovely eyes. I didn't mean anything by it. And she punched me.

No, she didn't. I said, you've got lovely eyes. I said, oh, sorry about that.

And we carried on talking. Apparently it was distracting her changing the catheter, but she didn't know I was behind the curtain. I didn't care about myself, embarrassing myself.

It's quite hard for me to embarrass myself these days. Although something did happen later on that was a bit embarrassing. Involved the toilet.

I'll tell you that in a minute. Anyway, it started to bug me. I'm thinking, she's at work and this is someone that I've gotten quite well with last week.

It's really nice, very friendly. We have a laugh in that. And I thought, that was just, it was not on.

It can't be. It's one thing if I was, even if I was I don't know, just paying someone a compliment is probably not the thing to do anymore. It used to be kind of okay when I was younger in my day, in the 17th century.

And I thought, no, that's just. I apologised as soon as I said it. And so I thought, you know what? What I'll do is when there's no one else around, I'll just apologise to her.

So I did. I said, look. And then what I thought I'd do, okay, is I'd apologise.

But it's part of me wanted to. I don't know. It's just, it's just, it's the cheeky, cheeky little monkey inside of me.

So this is what I said to her. I said, I just, I just want to apologise earlier if I was inappropriate when I said that you've got a lovely smile. And she said, oh, don't worry about it.

And she said, honestly, I said, no, it was unprofessional of me. And she laughed. And so now I'm thinking, when she left, did she notice I said something different? Because before I said she had lovely eyes and I said lovely smile.

And I thought, oh, that's wrong. I shouldn't. So I thought I better just change that.

So as I left, I said, oh, by the way, again, before I go, I just want to say, say sorry for saying that you got a really perky bum. I shouldn't, I didn't say that. I just, I didn't, I actually didn't say goodbye to her because I didn't see her when I left.

But I'm wondering if she, if she noticed I'd said something different. It just popped out of my mouth. It's a little bit like, I don't know.

It's a bit like watching my, my name try to eat more than one boiled sweet at a time. One always seemed to pop out. One always fell on the floor.

No, I didn't. I don't want to say that. Leave my name alone.

Blimey. It's like seeing a hamster, trying to eat a gobstopper. Anyone seen it? Everyone know what a gobstopper is? Oh, my body's so sensitive.

I'm just stroking my chest. We've got a little, it was a spot actually. I thought it was a nipple.

I thought, oh no, not a fifth nipple. So yeah, I, he's all right. But he had, he had this body scan, like a big old body scan on Friday morning.

Like, you know, early hours before nine o'clock on Friday morning. And he still hasn't had the results. And I hung around hoping that he would get the results before I left.

But by half eight, I think it was by about one o'clock, still no one had come in to see him. And he was eating his dinner. So I just left him.

I went downstairs to get him some stuff from the shop and then I just came home. So I'm going to give him a call tomorrow. I'm not going to go every single day this week.

Because I don't think I can. I can't financially do it. But it's not just that.

I could get a bus. It's just a journey. I couldn't, you know, I got a taxi back today.

I just couldn't face getting on a bus and two journeys and standing out in that sun. And so yeah, I just got the got the taxi back. And then I'm in the taxi.

Just talking about technology and just some weather. And just as we pull up outside my house, I noticed he's got a camera. There's a little, not only a camera, but there's a little screen is showing me and him together.

There's one thing having a camera is fine. I've never seen myself on a little screen like that. And I said, I don't know this.

It was a little bit annoying. I think I felt a little bit trust passed upon. Because if I knew I'd been filmed, I think there's one thing being filmed without sound.

Because you know, you need to be filmed if what you're doing, you know, I guess that's okay. But I didn't really want my conversation recorded. I don't know, it felt a little bit intrusive.

A little bit, a little bit, you know. And I've not been in places I've been in taxis and cars, where there's a camera, I just, I don't take much notice of it. But I've never been anywhere before where there's actually a screen that shows you yourself being recorded.

It made it more real. And there's a reason I don't film myself anymore, because I don't like being on camera, which is a shame because my YouTube channel is going completely to nothing really. Even though every recording I do is uploaded onto YouTube.

It's I'm losing subscribers. I don't know why that's funny. But it's yeah.

It's weird. I thought it would be quite handy to have it as a as a separate, it's like as another place to listen to the podcast, but YouTube doesn't seem to agree. Agree.

Agree. Yeah. So it's Monday.

Monday. And that's it. I don't think there's anything else going on with the hospital visit today.

Went there. I found out my other neighbor, because I knew he used to be in a band. He was quite one of the, I don't want to say originators, but he's one of the originators of the psychedelic movement in this country.

It started in America, but he, he built a group and he was in a lot of, he worked with a lot of really famous people in the 60s, when the psychedelic movement was around, which would be I don't probably late 60s, maybe early 70s. Late 60s. Yeah, late 60s.

Because I know the Beatles were influenced by the psychedelic movement in 66, 67, 68, something like that. And he's literally, he's in London recording an album. You know, he's still, and he's near, I think he's over 80, I think now, and he's still going.

And he's, he knows loads of people, but to him, it's not, they're not famous people. They're just people that he's known for 60 years. And it's weird.

He said something just off. And this is, by the way, this is somebody that does not brag. That's the thing about it.

He's not a bragger. I'm a bragger. I just don't have anything to brag about.

So that's why you don't really hear me bragging because there's nothing to brag about. He's got loads to brag about and he doesn't, but he will ask, he will answer questions. And not all questions, but he will, you know, if I ask him stuff.

And he said, the only Beatle member that he didn't meet was Paul McCartney. He met the other three. And I said to him, okay, well, you know, the next question I'm going to ask.

And he said, what's that? How did I get my name? I said, no, because he's got, I won't tell you, you better look it up. He's on a Wikipedia page. He's not, he was well known, but he's not kind of like famous, famous in a sense of possibly anyone under the age of 70s will have heard of possibly like, I mean, as in the period of time that he was well known was the 70s, late 60s and 70s.

And but he worked on albums with a lot of famous artists over a long period of time. So I'm bragging about him, but he doesn't brag. I wonder if he brags about me.

So I'm bragging about him telling people, one of my neighbours used to be in like famous bands and stuff in the 60s and 70s. And I know him. He's saying the same kind of thing about me.

Yeah, I got a neighbour, he's, he's got a dog. What else is there to say? Yeah, he's got a dog. What else you know? He's just talk a lot of rubbish.

But other than that. Yeah, he was saying something about he was, he was at this gig, what was it the birds, the birds were playing this one, the birds were like huge. The band called the birds BYRDS I do believe.

And they were at a small club in London. And all the names went to this club on this occasion. So I wanted to see them in concert.

So my neighbour went along. And it was jam packed. He was telling me this this morning.

So I was asking him about access it to know what was John Lennon like? And he said exactly the same as you'd think. Because at that time, he that's when he was in the Beatles. And he said, sarcastic, funny, full of energy.

And he just was kind of what you saw on TV. You know, he obviously could be serious as well. But great sense of humor.

And yeah. And he said, basically, my neighbor said he got into this club is so jam packed. I don't know if it was Johnny Scott's or whatever it is one of those big places.

And he ended up I think it was one of the I think Pink Floyd's manager was there and knew him and called him over and invited him to go and sit on the table with John Lennon. And he ended up sitting between John between Pink Floyd's manager and John Lennon's wife at that time. And John Lennon's wife was sitting next to John Lennon.

So he's literally just he'd never met John Lennon. And to be fair, there was no one more famous in the world of entertainment at that time than the Beatles. So even you know, he was in I imagine he was in awe of being in him.

He got chatting to him and stuff. But in that situation, you probably just be like an ordinary person really. Because you can't treat someone like they're a superstar.

Otherwise, they're probably not going to want to talk to you. I'm guessing. In fact, I find that way.

I find that in the past when I when I when I act like a superstar. People don't like to talk to me. Actually, just generally people don't like to talk to me.

Apart from the people that do. They're the ones that worry me though. The other people that want to sit down and actually, Oh, tell me more, Jason.

I'm like, I'm not sure if I do want to be worried. Yeah, he's my neighbors. That's a different neighbor.

So the neighboring hospital is just waiting for his tests. And it was weird because today, he started asking me questions about myself. Now, I was expecting him to use this as an excuse to start to talk about sport.

Which is what he sometimes does. He, he asks questions, and then it can lead him on to talk about something he wants to talk about. Or maybe there was a subject that he wanted to talk about.

And he was trying to get me there by drawing me in, you know, by pretending to be interested in what I used to do. But he seemed genuinely interested. And he was asking me about the comedy about doing stand up comedy in London.

So I think I must have mentioned to him at some point. And he was asking me about people that I'd met. I think yeah, because I think I was telling him about the neighbor what I just told you, I was telling him about that.

And he started asking me about me, about me. And saying, Oh, who did you meet? I said, in London, you haven't met any, any famous people. And I said, he said specifically famous comedians.

When I was on the comedy circuit, because I used to be involved in comedy for about 10 years, or 20 years, really, but 10 years, solidly. And he said, he kept he had follow up questions. Where did I go? How much was a gigs that people how much do people pay to get in? I felt a little bit like he was trying to catch me out like I was just lying.

And he was trying to find out if I was just telling porcupines. But the thing is, why? I'd have to be a bit silly to lie about my failures, wouldn't I? So I didn't I wasn't successful. I never made our successful ever.

I had some good gigs. I had a few really, really brilliant gigs. But not many.

And a few average gigs. But not many. I would say probably if you're going to go by audience response, or the the the comedy promoters response or the comedy club promoter, percentage wise, I would say if you broke it up into good, I'll leave good and really good in the same category.

So good. Okay. Not really good or not okay, bad.

I'm good. So okay would be a few laughs. Okay would be where they didn't.

The promoter didn't get kicked out of the club and told they're never gonna be allowed to have another night there of comedy, because of what I'd said. So that would be an okay gig, but not necessarily a good gig for me. A bad gig, I had lots of those, especially in the first couple of years.

The first year, I don't think I was even aware that they were bad. I was I wasn't the most. I don't know.

I don't know. What's this got to do with hospitals? Well, this conversation occurred in a hospital. So it is still part of the boring objects.

Monday's boring objects. And percentage wise, I would say probably I worked out a bit about I did about I worked out once I did about 250 gigs, 250, 250 performances over the period. And things did start to slow down.

Once I got to 1995. And I went through periods when I didn't do any comedy at all for months and months. So 1994, a lot of this was to do with accommodation, jobs, situations where, you know, I was I just couldn't either I was not interested, or I didn't have the money to get to gigs anyway.

So I didn't bother because there was some gigs I could just turn up at like a talent contest that was every Thursday, or every Wednesday, or every other Thursday, you know, I think I was downstairs at the king's head was once a month on Thursday, I do believe. And at the comedy cafe every Wednesday, there was a new act night, which I performed there a lot. Many, many, many times.

Pretty much every Wednesday, for most of 1991. Yeah, it's true. Wow.

And quite a few 92 quite a few 93 94 95 some 96 97 and 98. So yeah, I performed there over an eight year period. But less and less, as the years went by.

In 1996, I was a security guard. And I couldn't do any gigs at all because I was doing weird shifts. And you know what? This is strange.

I don't think I performed on stage. I might be wrong. But I'm not sure if I performed on stage the whole of 1996.

So thinking I, at the beginning of the year was homeless, and then managed to find somewhere to live. I might have gone and done a few gigs at the beginning of the year, possibly. And then I got the security job in around March 1996.

And I had that security job all the way to the summer 1997. So about probably June, maybe July, June time, nine, maybe May, June 1997. So I had that I worked for that security company the whole time.

And I was doing night shifts, weekends. It was almost impossible for me to plan to do gigs to eat because most of the gigs I did were free. You know, nearly every nearly all my gigs were just ones that I do for for nothing.

I'd do an open spot or turn up at the comedy cafe on a Wednesday night. So I'm sure I probably did a couple during that period, but I didn't do much in 96. That was really the tail end of my comedy non career as it were.

But that was also at the time when I was I was getting better. I was able to be more topical. And I found that I was I'm not saying that I was good.

But I was a bit than before. And by talking about topical things, it was I don't know, it just sometimes you don't even have to be particularly funny I found by just saying something a bit silly about something that's really big in the news. It's like a silly line sometimes get a little much get a little smirk or something, but I was still better than what I was used to getting.

I didn't seem to be making anyone angry. That was that was the good thing. And I did do a few gigs.

Yeah, I did, I went, I did and went to a few gigs as well. So I performed a bit more at the latter part of 97. Because I was back involved in comedy again.

So I did a few gigs. And I did a few gigs. And I did a few gigs.

And I did a few gigs as well. I did Yeah, on a probably never the weekend, because I was busy at the weekends. But on a on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday night, I'd probably end up going to gigs, whether to just watch my friends who are other comedians performing, or to perform myself ones I could just turn up at and they'd let me on.

So that was pretty cool. And then in 98 January, I just did my very last gig ever. I didn't realize it was my last gig, but it was the last performance.

And yeah, I've just heard him go. He started barking then because someone's sneezing in the garden. Or, well, it was outside this building, where it might be in the building, but outside where I live.

It's just a little sneeze and finish up. So yeah, I why? Oh, yeah. Because because my neighbor in hospital, he's I was thinking, what's the catch? How's he going to lead on to talking about football or sport? And yeah, for this, he seemed almost almost interested in what I was saying.

Weird. So because he's, he's absolutely he's fanatic. He's a fanatic about sport.

I mean, on a on a level that I've never seen before. Loves sport. Oh, what I did do is because he said he didn't want the TV on.

And they got these TVs, not like the some of the NHS TVs are not great quality screens. And then the ones at the side of the bed and you have to pay five pound a day to have it. These TVs are free to use.

And they're decent TVs. And his one was unplugged. So and the person next to him had his TV on the whole time.

Now I didn't realize how good this the screen was the picture, because I've never looked at the other bloke's TV. And I said to my neighbor, in hospital, I said, I'm saying that he's in hospital, because I've talked about a few different neighbors, I want you to know who we're talking about, who I'm gossiping about. I said to him, you know, Wimbledon starting today.

And he starts talking about Wimbledon. And I said, well, why don't you watch it? Oh, no, I'm happy with my tablet. I said, you've got a good you got a television up there.

A big screen. Well, compared to his little tablet is a big screen. And it's not they're not they're not big TVs, but probably 24 inches, or I don't know, 30 inches or something.

They're not. They're not little. But they're not, you know, big, a nice size, if you're in a really small room.

And, and it's up, it's kind of, I think it's, I wonder if they could be moved down, I'm going to ask that I don't, maybe they can be, I would need it moved down for me, because my eyesight and I would need it closer. And it was unplugged. So between me and his neighbor next to him, we got I got the TV plugged in.

Because he said, Oh, it's not working. So and then we had to find remote control. And nurse went and got remote control that he could use, which was exactly the same as a remote controller I've got here in my hand.

And you might be thinking, why you why have you got a TV remote control in your hand? Because I just picked it up. That's why it's just there to the left. I've not had a remote control in my hand the whole time I've been talking.

That would be strange. It might not be strange. I had a can of whipped cream though.

Yeah. So he said to me, I said to him. And then he said to me, then I said to him.

So I plugged it in, turned it on. We got the TV on to it was it was politics, a political program on BBC two, and then the live coverage of Wimbledon starting at I think 1130 in the morning. And once it started, he started to be distracted by it.

And I thought, yeah, this is good because once football's on or rugby or cricket, he's now got a distraction. And it's kind of funny because we were talking. And it was it was a women's tennis match.

And it was just grunting. It was like, and it was I don't know, I just found it quite funny because it seemed a little bit inappropriate for both for where we were. Just to hear.

So I can't think I forgot the TV was on. So I've been going in there for however long and the TV has never been on. So any sounds like that I'm used to hearing maybe is from a different ward because there's there's six different wards on that ward.

That makes sense. So yeah, it's a ward, but there's six different rooms with four beds in each. And then there's a couple of other kind of single rooms, which I'm thinking might be private, perhaps.

I don't know. I'm not sure. So he it was weird.

I don't know what other people must have thought if they'd heard all that grunting coming out of the TV or out of our ward. I think they're also single sex wards. So the men, there's women in in that big ward that he's in, but not in his particular ward.

Does this make sense? It seems to be too many wards. I'm using the word ward too often. Four wards, six wards in one ward.

But yeah, it's, I've not been in the other wards, but I have actually I went in one by accident. And that was all females. And I thought, well, it looks like my neighbor.

But it wasn't. Do you ever get that where you see someone and you think, oh, and it's not the person, but you try to adapt, adapt, you know, scrunch your face up a little bit and close your eyes half half. So it makes them look a bit more like the person that you think they should look like.

No. Okay. And then I left.

So I spent probably four and a half, five hours with him. I left at half one. Or maybe it was one.

I'm not sure. I think it was. He didn't eat his fish and chips.

They're still on the side. No one's noticed. They're still on the side of his bed, like on his bed side cabinet thing.

I mean, it's going to start stinking at some point. Isn't that fish? It's been there since Friday. No one's noticed.

You're going to start. No, there's going to be cats. And why is there so many cats in the ward? Where are they coming from? Why are they coming in there? They'll all be climbing up to the windows when they're on a big ladder, a cat ladder.

Is there such a thing as a cat ladder? I suppose they could all just climb on each other's backs and make a big heap. I don't know if that's possible. Oh, you know what I forgot to do today? I was going to ask somebody if I'm able to take Vinnie with me to see my neighbor because he keeps asking about him and he wants to see him.

And another person who walks their dog told me that sometimes the hospital does allow, depending on the patient's situation, they do allow hospital visits with a dog, but in a specific part of the hospital. So he'd have to go to that part of the hospital and I'd have to take Vinnie there and he could sort of spend time with him.

The alternative is if he comes outside, I know I could take Vinnie outside the grounds of hospital and he could come downstairs but he can't really, I don't know how to explain this, but he doesn't seem to, the mobility he had a week ago doesn't seem to be there for some reason.

I think he's been going downhill a little bit, I think it's his age maybe, but the week before he went in hospital he was walking around every day, going to the petrol station, taking strides. Now he's walking one foot next to the other. When I take him outside, I couldn't take him outside today because I was waiting for the doctor and the other day we went out and the doctor came while we were out, so it's not ideal.

But he's really walking very, very slowly and at times holding on to me. So I don't know, it might be a confidence thing, it might just, he might have a similar thing to me where there's too many people. He's not used to that, he's not used to walking down a hallway with, let's face it, thousands of people coming and going and everyone's walking in different angles, different directions, people walking directly at you and trolleys and all sort of people on gurneys and deliveries and all kinds of stuff.

No parachutes and no elephants, but you know, I'm not saying everything's in the hallway, but it's quite a lot of stuff. So I don't know how much of it is that, but he doesn't go downstairs on his own, he doesn't go to the shop on his own, which a week ago he would have done.

Before we went in there he would have just, you know, if he was visiting someone, let's say if he was visiting me and I said oh I need a bottle of coke or can you get me some cheese, which is what he wanted today, can you get me something from the shop, he would have said yeah okay and he'd have gone down and got it for me.

So yeah, that's a difference that I've noticed. And he's not talking as loudly as he used to. He's still talking non-stop, but it's a much quieter talk because I can't hear him sometimes.

I kind of have to get closer to him and then he just goes in my ear, makes me jump. So I was going to do some washing today, some laundry. What did I say to him? I said something, I've got to do some laundry today.

He said, he thought I said something else. What sounds like laundry? Now he thought I said law degree. So I need to start, I need to do some law, need to do some laundry.

And he said, oh when are you starting that? I said what? I said this afternoon. He said oh as I said yeah. He said I didn't know why he was so interested in me doing my laundry because I'll be honest now, I'll break this to you.

I don't want to come across as being ungrateful or negative, but I don't get a huge kick from doing the laundry. It doesn't give me everything I hoped out of life. You know it's, but at the same time it's a hell of a lot easier than going to the laundrette, which is what I did for most of my adult life, well since the age of 16.

So I do appreciate not going to the laundrette and if I didn't have a washing machine, I would do my washing by hand. I'm never going to a laundrette again, especially as the the yeah the local laundrette, well there isn't one, so the closest laundrette is about six miles away, six and a half miles away. So yeah I'm not going there, no, but I used to because I used to live across the road from there.

Even then it was a, it was a struggle. I still used to do, I used to wash my stuff by hand sometimes then. I just couldn't face going over there.

I guess I didn't have the same relationship with her, the laundrette ladies, I did with a laundrette lady in Stratford in London, although I did end up being friends with her. There's, there's two ways it can go, I've found, with someone that washes your underpants, okay, on a on a regular basis. So the relationship is probably in some ways the most intimate relationship I have ever had with a female.

It's something very, there's a lot of unsaid stuff, you know, it's like an understanding. I, no amount of money, no amount of money that I gave my laundrette ladies for washing my clothes was compensation enough for what they had to go through, is, you know, for handling my washing, my underpants, or whatever. So I realised that, and I've always realised that right from an early age.

I thought, yeah, it's a job I wouldn't particularly want to do. I've had some really grotty jobs. And I don't, it's just something I don't think I'd really, I'd rather, I'd rather work down the sewers, I think, than do that.

It just, yeah, it's, so I had, but the difference is, but instead of like, it's not looking down at someone doing a job. It's, it's admiration. That's how I feel.

I admire someone who can do something like that. Something that I don't think I could do. And it's just because it would just, it's, I don't have the rights.

There's a certain skill set that I just don't have to do something like that, to do that kind of work. So I've got a lot of admiration. I do admire people that can do things that I can't do, which means I admire probably most of the people in the world, because I can't really do too much.

I can talk absolute rubbish for an hour. I'm quite good at watching television. That's about it, really.

I ain't got much else to me. It's the, that's my skill. My skill is just talking absolute wobbly bobbly for whatever, you know, an hour, hour and a half.

I've been talking for an hour. I've not even got onto the subject of boring hospital stories, apart from, I guess, this last hour being boring. I can't stop talking.

What's going on? By the way, I don't, I don't want this podcast to turn into me talking about hospitals the whole time. That's, that is not my intention. So if you feel that's happening, let me know.

But over the years, what you may have noticed, if you've been following me for a while, is I do talk about what's going on in my life, as well as making up a lot of just silly stuff. This, so this is one of those occasions where I'm, I'm kind of intertwining reality and stupidity, I guess, instead of being mainly stupidity. So I try and mix it up.

A little bit, just a just a little bit. And yeah, I said, I guess. So I didn't do did, did I do recording yesterday? I think I did, didn't I? I think I did.

Didn't do one Saturday, did a Q&A Friday. I think yesterday, by the way, you might be able to hear some background music. Sorry about that.

But it's summer. Everyone's got their windows open, rightly so. And you know what? Yesterday, I was, I'd made a recording in the afternoon.

And I could hear the neighbors shouting, as I was doing the editing. And I thought, wow, if you can hear that on this microphone, then that just shows you how loud it was. Because they're not in my garden, in a different garden, over a fence.

Just shows you how loud it was. But it didn't seem to be continuous. That was just a particular, like that.

I mean, I think I just made more sense than the person who was shouting. But yeah, kind of. So I've been in hospital twice.

Oh, now we start the recording. An hour into it. We're going to start now, are we? Well, okay, calm down.

I've been in hospital twice. I had my adenoids out when I was seven. I was about eight.

I think it was either just before I was eight, or just after. I think it was just before I was eight years old. Now, the reason I had my adenoids out is because I was partially deaf.

Let me have a drink of water. Yeah, so it's basically just started. It started with... So I was in junior school, and I started having to go to the nurse.

So I was getting earaches, and progressively it was kind of becoming really, really regular. I don't know how much I was skiving, if I'm honest with you. I might have just liked the nurse.

I don't know. I can't remember. But I think I might have told her she had nice eyes.

It's possible. This inappropriateness started when I was very, very young. I said, ooh, yeah, I had my... I didn't know what was going on, and then I started going to the... I get sent to the doctors.

Then I got sent to the hospital, and they started testing my ears and to see what was wrong with my ears. They started testing my ears as in not just looking through them and stuff. Through them? I don't mean through them, but into them with those little eye things that they do.

They started to give me hearing tests, and I was partially deaf in one ear. Now, they said that explains why I'm so behind at school. And it's really weird.

I seem to be the only one that was surprised at that statement. I didn't know I was behind at school. I said, look, it's... I happen to be behind.

I'm... What? I'm finished staring at me. What are you staring at me for? What are you staring at your daddy for? I think he's just happy to have me home. I spent the whole weekend with him this weekend, and it was boring, but he seemed so much happier to have me here.

He was cuddled up to me, weren't you? You were happy to have your daddy back, wasn't you, for a couple of days? And I'm here tomorrow as well, so I'm going to spend all day with him tomorrow. And then I'll go on Wednesday for a bit, visit, and then Thursday, I'll have all day with my little baby again on Thursday, won't I? Yeah. Then I'll go up to visit Uncle, won't I?

Uncle Sausages.

That's what Vinnie calls him, Uncle Sausages, because he gives him sausages. And I will then have the weekend off again. So I'm not going to go up at the weekends, and I'm going to go Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Yeah, depending, of course, upon the situation. You know, if he called me up and said, can you please come tomorrow, I'd go. There's not an issue with that, but generally, I told him I'd be there Wednesday.

I'll call him tomorrow, see how he is. But if he needed me to go up, then I would go up. I mean, if he needed me to go up now, I'd go up now, you know, I'd go back.

So it's not, that ain't no problem. You know, I've told him my phone's on any time if he needs to call me, which he did over the weekend. And I'm kind of his, I would say lifeline, that's very dramatic, but I'm his, I'm someone that he can just contact if he just wants to just update me on stuff, you know, even if it's, I mean, he phoned me up yesterday, to talk about Jaws, the movie.

And him and his neighbor in there, they were having like a little quiz, quizzy game, talking about movies. And they were trying to remember the main character, that the actual actors in Jaws. So you had Robert Shaw, David Schneider, I forget what his first name is.

And I've lost his name again, I did remember it. He was in that movie, something of the Close Encounters of the Third Kind. So it's those three that were in that movie, they were the stars.

And Schneider, what was his first name? But Robert Shaw was the, he was a cap'n, the cap'n of the, of the, the boat. And what's his name? That, that bloke, he was also in it. Is it Schneider that says, oh, we need to get a bigger boat.

I think that was a good line in it. Need to get a bigger boat. There was a movie called The Perfect Storm.

And I think this is in the 2000s. And it was basically a really big storm. That's basically what's around a boat in a storm.

A really big boat in a really, well, bigger storm. And I remember seeing the trailer for this movie on television. And in the trailer, this is when it was like being released at the cinema.

In the trailer, it was a bloke from A Beautiful Mind. What's his name? And Gladiator. So he was the star of this movie.

In the trailer, there's a part where there's this massive wave coming. And Gladiator, beautiful mind man, shouts out, hold on. At that point, I thought, I'm never going to watch that movie.

If that's going to be the hook word, hold on. If that's best they can do in a situation like that, just shout, hold on. Then no, I'm not going to watch it.

Sorry. If that's the level of dialogue. I don't know why.

But there again, I had the same opinion about Gladiator. I thought, I'm not watching this. But it was a great movie.

I found it to be a great movie. I need to be specific, don't I? I mean, it was classed as a great movie by the critics and by the audience members. But I can only really go by what I found.

And it was. I partly watched Gladiator 2. But I made this error. Because I got this little walking machine.

It's really cheap, nasty for members. And I got it about a year and a half ago. But it's really honestly, it's it doesn't feel safe even walking on it like a treadmill, but it's really tacky.

And I'm a little bit worried about the carpet underneath. Seriously. But I thought, you know what, I'm going to give it a go.

So I started watching Gladiator. And I thought, I'm only going to walk and I walked on it for about an hour, no half an hour, maybe. So I said, I'm only going to walk on it when I watch Gladiator.

Actually, that's not what I thought. I thought I'm never going to walk on it again. Because it's rubbish.

No, I didn't. I did feel like I was actually touching the carpet, which is not supposed to happen. And I was a bit concerned about my neighbor downstairs.

Because she did see me a few days later. And she said, were you dancing upstairs? I said, no. She said, you were doing something because the whole flat was shaking.

I said, no, I don't even live there anymore. She said, what? I said, I do live there. I don't know why I said that.

But yeah, it wasn't me. She said, who else would it be? I said, pigeons maybe in the loft. Pigeons often are naughty in the loft.

She said, how would the pigeons in the loft affect my flat when your whole flat is in between me and the loft? I said, I don't have the answers to every question. You know, I'm not, I'm not a thethoreth. She said, a thethoreth? I said, yeah, a thethoreth.

She said, well, if you're trying to say thesaurus, that doesn't have the answers to any questions. That's just descriptions of words and various different versions of the same word. Really? And I said, yeah.

She said, well, it didn't make sense. I said, you don't make sense. Yeah, it was one of the better conversations I've had this year, actually.

But then I didn't go back on the treadmill, if you want to call it that. So I've not, and it's weird, because I want to watch the rest of the movie. But every time I go to like, watch it, I think, no, I need to need to get on the treadmill to watch that.

How strange, isn't it? Isn't that a weird one? So I was having my ears tested. And they said, oh, yeah, I was partly, I don't even know which ear it was. Right ear or left ear? I couldn't even tell you such a long time ago.

I knew at the time. And they said, yeah, you're partially deaf in one ear, which explains why you're what they didn't tell us. My parents said that to me.

It's why I'm so behind at school. So they first of all, they blamed why I was so behind at school on the fact that I moved around so much as a little kid. So I never stayed in any school for a very long period of time.

So I pretty much taught myself to read. And my writing wasn't up to much at the age of seven. But you know, I did, I picked it up.

And I loved reading. So I definitely wasn't. I wasn't behind.

I personally wouldn't say that I was behind in reading. Whether I understood what I was reading, that's still an issue now. I'm not sure how much I understand.

But I and writing, I learned to do joined up writing when I was about nine, nine or 10. That's when I learned to start doing joined up writing. And writing was okay.

I was okay with writing. I didn't necessarily understand all the apostrophes and commas and stuff. I understood full stops made sense.

So I wasn't necessarily grammatically correct. But did as far as writing goes. But reading.

Yeah. Reading was something that I just adored. I loved reading.

And something happened the other day. I was watching a YouTube channel, a YouTube video, and it was about The Wizard of Oz. Now, I'd forgotten, or I didn't know, but I think I did previously.

I think I did previously know, but I think I've forgotten it. The Wizard of Oz books, there was a lot of books, like a lot. And the bloke who wrote The Wizard of Oz wrote lots of books about Oz and the different characters in Oz.

Now, this is a memory that I'm not sure if it's true or not. But I'm pretty certain I read most of those books. Because I would get a book like that.

And I'd read it overnight, or over a couple of days. Because I was just it was almost like it was like being really thirsty and drinking a lot of water. That was almost a bit like that for me when I was reading.

I just thought, oh, more, more, more, more. Loved it. And when I talk about it, it makes me hard.

No, it makes me not horny. It makes me... I didn't mean to say that. It makes me kind of damp.

No, not damp. It makes me kind of want to do it. That's what I mean.

It makes me want to kind of get my juices going. Again, that probably sounds wrong to get a book. And I'm not even talking about factual books, which is something that I've focused on for most of my adult life, really.

I'd like to get back to maybe reading some, what do you call it? Fiction, I guess. Yeah. Storybooks.

And I'm perhaps not supposed to call them storybooks, but that's what they are, isn't it? It's a story. I'd like to get back to that. And maybe... I did think about writing my own romantic novel, but do it in my own little way.

And I did this recording. I think it was a video, or it might have been an audio. And I posted it online.

And a few... this is back when I was fairly doing quite well on YouTube. And it got quite a positive response. But I lost it.

I lost the recording somewhere along the line. But it was quite funny. And it was just a story of me, a romantic encounter on a train.

And I was just saying all the wrong things. And it was... but this is, I mean, we're talking like 2012. I think I did this recording.

And yeah, well, I wish I had it just so I could have a little listen. I also did a recording based on Andre talking. And it was a whole recording of him just making fun of me.

I think I lost that as well. But that would have been... that would be good to be able to listen to. Lost a lot of recordings over the years.

A good few hundred videos and recordings, audio recordings I've lost. Some that were potentially not too awful. Potentially.

I reckon over the 19 years I've been doing these things, there must be... I've got to have at least a handful of decent recordings. Ones that are just good. There's got to be... there's got to be a few little gems there, surely.

Even if it was accidental. So the doctor regarding my hearing said, well, it's going to be pretty much one of two things. And either I was born that way.

So I've always been partially deaf in one ear. Or I'd had an accident and banged my head when I was a kid, little. Which did happen.

I think it happens for a lot of kids, doesn't it? But I remember I fell down some concrete steps once when I was about five, four, five. And yeah, health and safety wasn't really a thing back then in the 70s. So yeah, I did take a... Yeah, definitely had a few bashes on the head over my childhood.

But I might also have been born like this. I don't know. So what they did is they... It was basically just a blockage.

So my adenoids were blocking or causing a blockage in one of my ears. Maybe both my ears, but I think it was one. So they took my adenoids out when I was... I was either eight or just before I was eight.

My biggest memory of that, two things. First of all, I had my teddy bear with me, which was nice. I love my little teddy bear.

And I might have called him Teddy. And you might think, oh, that's original. Ooh, Teddy.

Like, okay. Well, my granddad was called Teddy and my uncle was called Edward. So both of them, because in this country, Ted is another name for Edward.

And Eddie is another name for Edward. So my granddad was called Ted and my uncle was called Eddie, but they were both called Edward. And I called my teddy, Ted or Teddy.

Probably after my granddad, probably. Maybe I called him Ted, but I wouldn't dare call my granddad Ted. No, he was granddad.

He didn't play those games. Ooh, no. He would have... There was that.

And the other thing is I had Bovril for the first time, which was a bad idea because that was the last drink of the day. And I think that was just before I had the operation. So I wasn't allowed any more water or anything, any food or anything.

And it was Bovril, which meant... I mean, that to me was just like having a mouth of mud, mouth full of mud, liquid mud. It wasn't my thing. Bovril wasn't my... It's kind of like liquid Marmite, I would say.

It's a yeast extract drink. And I wasn't pleased with that. It wasn't a good decision.

But I remember, it's really weird because bearing in mind, it's such a long time ago now. I remember the... Because I was in the ward. Bloody dogs again.

Can you hear that? I'll wait till it stops and I'll start talking again. So I just remember this. I don't think there was anyone else in the ward.

Maybe one other person. There was a children's ward, I think, but it was grim. It was like underground, no windows.

It wasn't a nice ward. It was in a really old hospital that I think got shut down because it had been there since the Civil War, I think. And the one in France.

And I I thought... So the lady came down with this trolley full of different things. Tea, coffees, cocoa, bovril, water, juice, probably... I don't know if there'd be any fizzy drinks, probably not. But just that kind of stuff.

A Horlicks. And no coffee. I don't think they had coffee for kids back then.

They didn't want me running around or whizzing, being excited. And I couldn't make my mind up. This has been an issue I had all through my childhood and still today struggle to make my mind up about anything.

I really... I mean, it was an issue. More for other people than me. It was annoying for me.

It was frustrating for me. It was, I suppose, really annoying for other people. You know, if we were ordering food or, you know, things like that, choosing a video to watch.

Even up to the last time I went into Blockbusters, which would have been... When did Blockbusters shut down? It's over 10 years ago, isn't it? 12 years ago? So the last time I went into Blockbusters and every other time, and every other time that I went to any video shop, I would spend an absolute age trying to decide which video to get. Unless I went there for a specific thing.

So if I went there for the new season of The Sopranos box set, then it was quite simple.

I'd get that. But if I was... or if there was a particular movie, but outside of that, I would be there for ages. And I did the same thing as a kid.

I'd spend probably hours. I'm not even joking. I'd be... I'd go and look at the back cover of every single video.

Now in Blockbusters, that's not... you don't... you know, things were in cases, weren't they? The Blockbuster cases. But in the original video shops, well, at least where I lived, all the videos were still in the video case with, you know, the picture of the movie on the front, who was in the movie on the back, the synopsis of the movie, plus the videotape was in there. So everything was kind of there.

So I'd go through every video looking for something that piqued my... piqueness. And got my juices going. Made me moist.

I don't know. Whatever. It just got me excited.

And it would take forever. Honestly, I'd be in there for an hour and a half. And none of these shops were big, by the way.

They were jam-packed, but they... like with videos. And I only did this when there's no one else around. So I wouldn't do this if it was busy, if there was a lot of other customers.

It was, you know, and they all got to know me because I'd... I think one of the... the owner of the video shop once said to me, um, do you... what did he say? He said something like, oh, by the way, just let you know, you're going to be getting a pay rise next month. And I said, what? He said, oh, and he just like, he laughs.

So I forgot you don't work here, do you? I was there so often he thought I worked there.

He was the boss. He was the owner. They had no staff.

It was a family run business. They lived there. I mean, once I was there, he started moaning at me because he was so used to me.

He once he had started moaning, he was moaning. He said, Jason, can you please, um, stop leaving dirty dishes in the sink? Could you wash up after yourself? I said, I don't live with you. You're not my dad.

What's going on? And he just forgot. He thought I was actually one of his kids because I was always there looking at the videos. And technically that would have been a really good job for me because not only was I an avid video watcher, I knew where all the videos were.

I knew where all the titles were. So if you just said to me, Oh, if you've got the big boss, Bruce Lee's movie, or if you got, um, I don't know, anything like a Disney movie, or if you got, I could say yes or no, because I knew what was on the shelves. I was always, it's really weird.

I just knew where everything was. So, cause I was in there nearly every day looking for the next video. And that's what I did.

And it was so cheap. It was probably like 50 pence, 40 pence or something to rent a video out for one day. And so I'd get at times I would be in there every day, especially during the holidays.

Oh, such a nice, I like those times. With blockbusters, it was more a weekly thing because I was working and it'd be probably like a lot of people would, I guess, do go on a Friday evening or Saturday evening and just rent out like maybe two or three videos for the weekend and bring them back on a Monday. So yeah, I lived just up the road from, yeah, I did live just up the road from the video shop.

Yeah, it's actually two different places I lived, just the next place was just around the corner. The other place was a lot further away, but the place before that was, and it wasn't far, probably a 15 minute walk. So it wasn't far really.

I used to love it though. I used to love getting videos out. It's strange how things have changed because now, because of all the streaming, I mean, blockbusters closed down in this country anyway.

I don't know if there's video shops elsewhere, but I don't think video shops exist anymore or DVD shops. They still sell DVDs, I think, but it's streaming. But the thing is what I noticed with the streaming companies, the channels, is they don't keep the same stuff on there.

They tend to take stuff off. Even Netflix doesn't keep the same stuff on there forever. They'll have stuff and then they'll take it off.

I don't know why I repeated myself then. And that is slightly disappointing to myself because of the wonderful thing he does. I'm thinking of maybe reading all of the Wizard of Oz books.

Maybe getting them all and just reading them. I mean, that would be the point of reading them, I'd have to get them first. I was also thinking about writing a book, not a Wizard of Oz book.

But I did wonder sometimes the idea of creating a new world. Now it's been done, of course, by lots of people, but more famously by what's the name? What's a Harry Potter? You've got the Wizard of Oz, you've got Narnia, you've got Discworld, you've got the Tolkien, whatever. May Ring, May Precious, that thing, The Hobbit, all that kind of world.

So I do think, you know, I thought about making a world up. But it looks like a lot of effort. And remember on all the different characters, I don't know.

I thought I did think maybe introducing some new characters to my podcasts. Or perhaps having a guest, a guest come in and like a, you know, a different personality come and talk once a week. Or maybe Vinnie doing a show.

I don't know. When I had my appendix out when I was about 12, that was brilliant. I loved that.

Loved everything about that. But there was a few moments when I was embarrassed. There was one particular time when I, all I wanted to do is, I don't know why I didn't just go over there.

But I think at this point, I wasn't really supposed to leave my bed because it's just after the op. So they didn't want me putting pressure on the stitches and stuff. But I thought, okay, I've got a way around this.

So I put my hand up. I said, Miss. And I actually got up and I started walking towards the hallway, because that's where there was a box of comics.

And I wanted to have a look at the comics to see what was in there. I think it was like X-Men comics and stuff like that. And the nurse said, where are you going? I said, I'm just going to go to the toilet.

She said, no, turn around. You know, you're not allowed to walk around until the stitches are, you know, a bit more cemented. I said, okay, so I go just to get back in bed.

She said, no, no, if you just, if you can just stand there. And she pulled out this, I actually thought they were hats, but they're not hats, like a cardboard hat. And she, yeah, she pulled one of them out.

Apparently, I thought people laughing because they enjoyed my dancing, my comedy routine, but apparently it's because that's not what they were for. So she got me to, she said, well, no, just do wee-wees in, I don't know, she said those words, and I was 12. So I don't know if that was the right thing.

But anyway, at this point, at this junction in my life, I was a teenager. I was getting on to being a teenager. I was self-conscious about my body.

I also had a huge interest in the ladies, in females at this time, especially older women, loved really, yeah, they had no interest in me. I was interested in them. And there was a particular nurse there called Nurse Nichols that I was in love with.

I've been in love many times, especially when I was a kid, constantly in love with women. And yeah, but anyway, I don't think it was Nurse Nichols, but it's a different nurse. They were all nice, but she came, like friendly, I mean, she came over and she said, just do it in here.

I said, it's okay. She said, no, it's right, I'll hold it. This is the cardboard thing, I mean.

And it was among the most embarrassing things that I've done, because I didn't need to go to the toilet. I didn't need a wee-wee. So I'm standing there with my, you know, aimed, and nothing happened.

And I was talking to her, I just wish she'd look me in the eyes, that's all I wanted. Just look up here, my face is up here. And it was so embarrassing.

The weird thing about it, it's even more embarrassing, really, when I think about it, because at the time, she was an old woman. You know, I was 12. She was, I mean, old as in she was old.

But in reality, the nurses might have only been like 18, 19. So they were young. But because I was so young, they all seemed really old, they might be like 20s.

So the fact is, these were young women, which makes it more embarrassing. But I was so, I couldn't, I couldn't go wee-wees. And yeah, that wasn't, I didn't, didn't enjoy that.

Which just goes to show, I suppose, that was another, another, you know, learning moment about not lying, I suppose. But I didn't, I didn't really feel that I was lying. Although, technically, I suppose I was.

But it didn't, it didn't really feel that way. I was telling fibs, because I wanted to, I wanted to read a comic. But the problem is, at that time, I was still getting the dandy and looking.

And I was probably a bit too old for those comics. So I said, don't bring them in. But the comics they had for the kids were a little bit older than what I would normally look at.

And I'd never seen any of the, oh Vinnie, you've noticed there's a fly again, have you? I've never seen any of the superhero comics before. Because my brothers didn't used to get those kind of comics. Although I think one of them did start to.

But I used to get Looking and the Dandy every week. My brother that was two years older than me used to get the Beano and Whizzer and Chips. And my oldest brother, who was four years older than me, I think he used to get a football magazine and a war, a war magazine.

Because there used to be a lot of that stuff. And back in the late 70s, early 80s, there was. But yeah, I think he might have had a Roy of the Rovers or something was a comic that he might have gotten.

And, but of course, it might changed. I'm sure one of them started getting superhero comics. So I got this, this Memory of Sin Wolverine.

And I struggled to follow this story, because the graphics were amazing. But I couldn't always see, figure out who was saying what, and why. And because the stories carried on from the previous week, or the previous comic, there seemed to be a lack of consistency.

Or I suppose maybe too much consistency depends on how you look at it. And yeah, so I just wanted to look at the comics. That's all it was.

But other than that, it was the best this time of my childhood. Being in that hospital was brilliant. So not all the or everyone, one of the doctors, not so much, but all of the nurses.

You know, it was. Yeah, it was okay. It was more than okay.

I enjoyed it. It was a nice time. It was a lovely to have a break from school, have a break from family life.

That was lovely just to be away from everyone. It was just spectacularly wonderful. I stayed in there for a long time, because I loved it.

I got on so well with the other kids. And yeah, I didn't feel, I mean, I just didn't feel out of my depth. I didn't feel self-conscious.

We just had fun. And I probably never laughed as much as I did then. That was the first time I'd laughed.

It's almost like the first time I felt free, really without restrictions of, I suppose, adults in a way, and brothers. So I didn't have any known people around, and I could just be myself without, I don't know, there was, I don't know how to explain it, but it was just nice. It was so nice.

I loved it. And I'm going to go, because Vinnie started barking, a few doors being slammed, music's gone up downstairs. So I realized I haven't really gone in depth about talking about being boring, hospital, boring objects and stuff.

But I attempted it. So give me two out of ten, please. Give me a, even if it's a low mark, give me a low mark.

I don't mind. So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy, and be gentle with yourself.

You deserve to feel safe. Lots of love. Bye.