(no music) DOG WALKING | Monday’s Boring Objects | LMBYTS #1360 | 26th May 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Today is Monday the 26th of May 2025. It's 6.55pm. It's Monday's Boring Objects and today I am going to discuss dog walking.

Oh yes. Exciting. Did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I'm not sure if I said that or not.

I don't think I did. I have now anyway. Check out my website which is groovy.

I'm just going to shut the laptop up. My website, all the recordings are on there. There's playlists, there's podcasts, there's links to the different apps that my podcasts are on.

There's a way to contact me, whatever, lots of different things on there. There's also a link to my Facebook group which is Jason Newland's Boring Group. There's a link to my YouTube channel which is at Jason Newland which is now my podcast on YouTube.

It's exactly the same recordings as you get on Spotify or Apple or Castbox or wherever. It's all on YouTube now as well. Including the 10 hour ones with music.

You know, all versions, all six versions. I've got a little croaky voice. I had a one day cold yesterday which is weird.

I still, it's like a, I think it's a weather changing reaction. It's just gone from being warm to being cold, to being damp. So over the last couple of days it's been very damp and very damp I guess.

I don't know another word to explain it really. Rainy. Instead of being dry.

So yeah, a little bit under the weather the last couple of days. But I feel all right. Generally.

Just keep coughing a little bit. And then my voice is fine. It just takes a little bit of lubrication.

Yeah, it's weird isn't it. So I'm going to start off. I've walked dogs for years.

And the first time I walked a dog, I was 14. And it was Misty. The, what was it? St Bernard.

Or you may call it St Bernard. You may wrongly call it St Bernard. It's a St Bernard.

Huge dog. So there's been that one. There's been my other friend's dog who I lived with.

Oh there was my cousin's dog that I lived with. That was my other friend's dog I lived with. Then there was the other friend's dog I lived with.

And then it was Finny. But also Logie downstairs. I was going to say I never lived with Logie.

But I did, didn't I, for two months. But I used to see him very regularly. For, I don't know, six years, however long.

However long he was living downstairs. So I used to take him for walks and spend a lot of time with him. Lovely dog.

Really lovely apart from with other dogs. It's the most gentle dog I've ever seen. It's just ridiculous how gentle and floppy and soppy he was with humans.

But with other dogs, nope. Apart from one dog, Finny. Finny was the only dog that he liked.

Not totally true. There was a couple of, I think he did, he had a girlfriend, another dog that was similar to him who he got on with. But generally did not like other dogs.

He loved Finny. Strange. I say, I mean he did.

Finny, once Finny and him lived together up here for pretty much December. I think it might have been three months. December, January, February.

It was either the end of January or the end of February. So it was either two or three months I had him living here. Them two together.

And they started fighting. They started arguing with each other. And I think a lot of it was Finny trying to boss him around.

I mean, Finny could have comfortably fitted inside his mouth and gone to sleep. You know, the size difference was ridiculous. He really looked like a gerbil next to him.

So I don't know why. I guess this is Finny's home. But before that, he used to love, Finny used to love him.

I'm sure he still loves him, but he just used to absolutely adore him and get so excited to see him and try and get into that flat. Every time we went downstairs to try and get in there to see Logie. And Logie tries to get up here to see Finny.

And then it's weird, actually, because about a couple of months before my friend left, I say a couple of months, maybe a few months, but Logie went missing. He just escaped and he ran off and he was gone for about two weeks. That whole time, Finny was pining for him.

He was sitting at the front door, just waiting, like really kind of pining, which was weird. But after living here, I mean, he got found at a hostel place or whatever and got brought back, a rescue place. But when after living together for a couple of months or three months, and Logie went and got his new home, Finny didn't seem that bothered.

It's weird. He seemed, he wasn't celebrating. I mean, he wasn't like popping off streamers or anything or dancing, but he was definitely, he seemed to be happy to have his home back.

But what surprised me is I felt sad. At the time, I couldn't really understand it. I suppose I understand it now because that was the last, that was part of my friend, wasn't it? I'd lost him, but I didn't, so I didn't really connect him with Logie, even though there's an obvious connection.

It was his dog. So once he was gone, all, everything connected to my friend was pretty much gone, apart from the occasional contact with his dad. That's kind of it.

So yeah, so I was pining. I'm the one that was sitting at the front door on the floor, pining. And Vinnie was in there thinking, well, what am I going to do about him? I need to distract him.

Maybe if I get him some bones. Anyway, so dog walking. I thought I'd talk about dog walking because I actually forgot it was Monday today.

Because it's a bank holiday Monday. It really, really feels like a Sunday. That really feels like a Sunday.

In a sense of, I've known it's bank holiday right from the beginning of the day. Or before I even went to bed last night, and it still felt like a Sunday. Quite often a bank holiday feels just like a Monday.

It's like just another day. I don't know why it's felt like a Sunday. Thinking about it, I was thinking of last night as being Saturday.

That probably explains it as well. Because I was thinking about what I did last night. Well, last night I watched the boxing.

No, I didn't. That was Saturday night. Last night, I've got no idea what I did.

I went to bed early. Pretty much. Yeah, so it's felt like a Sunday.

But it's not, I mean, it's not a bad thing. I mean, I don't got no issue with Sundays. It's a it's a relaxing day.

Some would argue all days are relaxing days for me. But you know, I like to think that I'm doing something with my time. And today I actually found a way to stream my, so I've got Kindle on my phone.

So I opened it up, and I found a way to play a book speaking out loud to me. But not only that, I mirrored it onto the TV, so I could read along at the same time. So the voice is a, you know, it's very robotic, so it's not like a decent voice.

But reading it, and because the screen's big on the TV, I can read it much easier than reading a book. I just can't, just print's too small now for books for me, until I get my eyes tested and get them get better glasses. So the I spent about three, three hours reading a book.

And occasionally I kind of close my eyes and just listen to it. Then I go back and read it. And it's a book I've read before.

It's a book I've already got on the shelf as well. But I also purchased it on Kindle about 11 years ago. It's a long time ago.

And 11 years from now, what will I be? I will be 65. I'll be 65. I'll be two years off of retiring.

Wow. 11 years. So 13 years away, 14, 15, 16, 17, I'll be nearing retirement age.

No, no, even less. So when I'm 65, I'll be 55 in August. So 12 years from August, I will be retired.

I'll be retired age. Wow, I've been thinking and this isn't really related to dog walking. And probably most of the things I talk about during this recording will also not be related to dog walking, for some reason.

But I started to have a little a little feeling towards maybe it would be nice to have to be in a relationship, to have a girlfriend. I know girlfriend might not be the right term anymore. Partner is probably the best, probably the correct term now.

I don't know. And the relationship, I'm just thinking maybe. And I kind of started to notice women a bit more.

Just I don't know, I've not really had much interest in women for ages. Not really, not really kind of just maybe it's the summer. Maybe maybe the sun's ignited some kind of testosterone in me.

I don't know. Maybe maybe one of my hormones is re regrown. So I feel most of my hormones are gone.

But maybe one's resurfaced. And I'm starting to. I don't know, it's different.

It's not there's no desperation. I've been desperate in the past. Blimey, a long time ago, but I used to be like really like a pension dog.

I really just don't know why I did that impression of a pension dog. We all know what a dog sounds like when it pants. I don't know why I did that.

I wasn't literally walking around go. What's your name? I'm Jason. It wasn't quite that bad.

It wasn't much better than that, though. Never any good at chat up lines. I just thought it was silly.

You know, it's just so if you make someone laugh, they will like you. Never found that to be the case. It's like make someone laugh.

Then you're in the friend zone is like instantly. It's easy to be in a friend zone. But loads of female friends.

Yeah. Anyway, so I've just been thinking about that. And I just noticed I'm starting to maybe.

I don't know as I'm getting older and wrinkly and all those things are starting to think. You know, I know there's going to come a time when I look in the mirror and I will not recognize myself. Or there's going to come a time when I don't even look in the mirror anymore.

And, you know, I don't I'm not sure that will happen, but I guess that possibly will happen. I've seen many people that seem to be in that situation where they just I don't want to be. I want to kind of.

There's not much to work with, but I kind of do my best with what there is. You know, try and. Should I dye, should I dye my, not my pubes, my beard, should I dye my beard? Should I dye it grey? That'd be weird, wouldn't it? What a weird thing to do, because then someone could like.

Maybe I'll ask someone out and they'll think, no, because you're too old. And I say, no, I'm not. And I can just wipe it off.

Say, look, I'm only partially grey. But then I don't know. Yeah, it's not really dye, is it? That'd be colouring, I suppose.

Perhaps chalk. Like, you know. Blackboard chalk, like just push that into my beard.

And that looked like I got a white beard. And then I said, is it because I'm a bit old? Said, yeah, just said, don't worry. And I pull out a wet wipe from my pants and just like, look, it's look, I'm not I'm not completely grey.

And now I might say, well, you are actually still grey. So no, no, it's chalk. And then I go home and I realise, OK, I was I'm already grey.

Some part of me is not grey, because I shaved my head and I shaved my, I trimmed my beard the other day and there was clumps of dark hair there. There was. There wasn't from my bum.

So it's definitely from my face and my head. So. Oh, did I? OK, let's forget.

Yeah, right. OK, let's move on. So.

I think I got caught. This is really bad. OK, I'm not just can't help it.

I was talking to a lady today. When I was walking, you know, then and. I think I got caught looking down the top.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Didn't mean to get caught.

I mean, she didn't actually specifically say, what are you doing looking down my top? But she did ask me why I was standing on the ladder. So it's kind of. I don't know.

It's hard. I mean, I don't know. It's hard to know because you can't just like question it.

Oh, did you catch me looking down your top? And she said, no. But now I know you were. I said, no, you don't.

I'm just saying, OK, you do really, don't you? Oh. But of course, I wasn't. I'm just making this up, of course.

She was trying to look down my top. And I was offended, like, leave my bosoms alone. They're mine.

I think my chest is coming along. I think I've definitely I seem to be flatter in the tummy now than I was. I say that and I just grabbed a big, massive.

Yeah, maybe when I lay down, I am when I lay down quite slim. Yeah. When I hang upside down, I'm taller.

I mean, it depends. Well, you know, it's all to do with gravity, I suppose, isn't it? I remember saying to someone, I think I was sort of kind of semi-dating this lady. And so I'm just outside.

It's a sunny day. And she said, why are you looking at my top? I said, what do you mean? She said, you're staring at my top. Is there something on it? She thought, like, she spilled ice cream or something.

I said, I don't know. What do you mean? I'm not looking at your top. She said, I can see you're looking at my top.

I said, you can't see me look at your top because I've got sunglasses. Well, they're not they're actor like normal glasses. I said, you cannot see my eyes through these.

She said, yes, I can. I said, you can't. Why are you pretending you can? You can't see where I'm looking because these are shades.

When it's sunny, they turn into shades. You cannot see my eyes. She said, I can see your eyes clearly.

I can see exactly where you're looking. I said, no, you can't. So she pulled a person, pulled off, didn't pull off.

She pulled someone to the side, another pedestrian said, can you tell me that you can see his eyes, can't you? She said, yeah. You can see where he's looking. Yeah, he's staring at your chest.

I said, I'm not staring. He's staring at mine now. No, I'm not.

I'm not staring at anyone's chest. You can't see my eyes. They've got, I specifically bought them so that you can't see where I'm looking.

And she said, I thought it was because of your eyesight. I said, yeah, it's because of my eyesight as well. And I didn't, you know, wear glasses if I didn't need them.

She said, but you said the actor light was because you've got the, um, that macro degeneration in the family. And you have to be careful your eyes so that, you know, you have to protect your eyes from the sun so that it doesn't progress any further, like with your dad and your nan and your other family members. And I said, yeah, yeah, that, that, that is the reason.

But at the same time, I actually was thinking that no one could see my eyes. She said, yeah, we can see your eyes. Someone else passed it.

Yeah, I can see them. Stopped looking at my chest and carried on walking. So it turns out, and I start asking people that I know, can you see my eyes when I've got my glasses on and it's sunny? Yeah.

I've asked everyone and everyone can see my eyes. So for 12 years, 12 summers, 12 years, I've been walking around thinking that people can't see where I'm looking. And they've all been able to see where I'm looking.

My question is, can I get a refund? Can I get my money back? I just, when I get my new glasses, I may just actually buy some proper sunglasses with my prescription in them. Because that's ridiculous. I should be able to have the freedom to, to, I just, yeah.

Anyway, so walking, the first dog I walked was, I made all up of course, the first dog I walked was, did I have any friends with dogs at school? I don't think I did. I don't think I had any dogs, dog friends, friends with dogs, dogs that lived in a friend's house. No, I didn't.

No. I had a friend that had two cats and they were those bald cats, the ones with no clothes on. You know, the ones that are just basically naked.

And looked like the kind of things that you see hanging up in a Thai, a Thai market. I wasn't sure if they were cats or bats, but they're lovely cats, probably. They looked like statues though, because they just used to sit there really still.

And please don't shout out, we know what you mean by statues. Statues sit still. When people say it was like a statue, we know what that means.

It means it was very still. All right. Blimey.

Just because it's bank holiday. Don't have to be all frizzy with me. All frizzy and fuzzy and fizzy.

And blippy, blippy. So, I'm walking, Misty, I talked about Misty the other day, and she, she used to drag me around. I could not control her.

She was way too big, way too strong. No training. And it was such a shame because she was a beautiful dog.

All dogs are beautiful. But she was lovely. She just couldn't.

I was scared of her, to be fair. She was too big. Twice my size.

I mean, she's probably bigger than I am now. Maybe doesn't weigh as much as I weigh, but she may well have done. She was a good 12 stone, maybe 14 stone.

Maybe even more. Maybe she might even weigh more than I do now. She was a big, big dog.

And you can literally put her on the scales and just see the doll just moving slowly. You can see in real time, see her grow in real time. It was like watching the moon.

You can see the moon move if you just watch it. I mean, technically, if you watch anything long enough, you can see it move, can't you? If you watch a mountain long enough, you can see the mountain dissolving and corroding. But you'd have to be alive for sort of millions of years or thousands of years.

But if you were alive for thousands of years or millions of years, it wouldn't be the best use of your time, would it? But then you might argue, yeah, but if you're going to live forever, what does a couple of million years mean? I suppose. I do think that if I, I'd like to live forever, not for any other reason other than I just want to see everyone I care about die.

No, I don't.

Wow. That's a joke. I want to see.

I'd like to be able to read every book, not every book, there's going to be a lot of really bad books, but I'd like to read every book that I want to read, see every movie that I want to see, do every study, every subject that I want to study. So maybe if I wanted to go into, I don't know, philosophy, and just study everything and decide I'm going to spend the next 50 years or 100 years studying philosophy, then in 100 years time, I'm going to study everything to do with space.

It's like I'm really going to become good at one thing or something.

Because earlier today, I was trying to think of something that I was good at, and I couldn't think of anything. I mean, just watching television class as a talent, I don't know. So Misty was, yeah, I couldn't take her for a walk.

She was too big, couldn't do it. And the second dog I took for a walk would have been my friend who I lived with in London, and he would leave. Well, there was a time when I was at home and he was at work, and there's other times when he'd leave me looking after the dog while he went away.

So when I didn't have the dog, the dog was noisy. When he was there, he'd let the dog do anything he wants and he was naughty. When I had him for a week on my own, I trained him.

I had him walking around the park with me, and he never ever bothered other dogs, didn't bark at them, nothing. As soon as his dad got back, he turned into a terror again. And I also realised that, you know, when I first met him, he was barking at me for about three hours.

After I moved in, I realised that he was a scaredy cat. He wasn't brave at all. He was not even a bully, he was just scared.

And he didn't have, yeah, he didn't have any kind of, he'd bark at other dogs, but he didn't, he did, unfortunately, he was a bit bitey as well. But he behaved himself with me. And, you know, he used to sleep in the bed with me and when, when his dad wasn't there, he slept in the bed with his dad.

But when his dad wasn't there, he'd sleep in the bed with me. And, you know, I got on really well with him. And I had a girlfriend, hard to believe, but I did.

And he loved her. I thought he was going to eat her, because she wanted to come back to my place. And I thought, there's a good chance he's going to really bite her and attack her.

But at the same time, I might get some sex. I was like, that's awkward, out loud. No, I mean, I kind of, you know, it was like, should I come back to your place? And okay, but I'm thinking, is he going to go crazy? I mean, I could, I could handle him, so I could get him into a different room and stuff.

But I really thought he was going to go for her. And maybe she'd be, wouldn't want to come into the house because he was a proper barker, like really. It was like a little puppy with her.

A little puppy instantly. As soon as she walked in, he was laying on his back so he could, she could rub his tummy. He was cuddling up to her.

Never met her before. Absolutely loved her. Wouldn't let me in the bed, though.

He was in the bed with her, wouldn't let me anywhere near her. So the relationship didn't last long. They ended up getting married, but had kids, I think.

14. Honestly, he loved her. Didn't, could not get my head around that.

So what else? And she was ginger. So I, so it was him. And then the next one was my, I moved into this house and there was a dog there.

Oh, she was so cute. She was only a puppy when I moved in. So I used to take her for walks.

No, no, she wasn't living there to start with. So the next one I lived with was my other friend. He had a dog and she always slept in a bed with him right under the covers, like never on top, right under the covers, like really.

And she, she was, she wouldn't leave him alone. So she didn't really pay me much attention at all. The whole time I was living there with him because she just adored him.

But I used to take her for walks sometimes. And if I was looking, because sometimes he'd go, he'd go abroad, go to see family and I'd look after her for the weekend or for the week or whatever. So I'd have to take her out and stuff.

And she was good as gold. Really good, good dog. Used to lick my feet, which I like.

I was nice. And then she was quite cuddly. She liked to cuddle as well.

And then the third dog, no, the fourth dog was when I moved in to my cousins for the second time. And she had a puppy this time when I moved back. And I took the puppy for walks, long walks.

And I needed that. I so needed something, you know, it was quite a difficult period. This was back in 97, summer 97.

And she really helped. This little dog helped me. And the cat, there was a cat there as well that took to me like no other animal was really taken to me before that.

She took to me so, she loved me, this cat. She'd scratch at my bedroom door to come in and she'd climb, crawl up and down my back. And sometimes I'd say, well, let me lay down first.

And she, you know, it's a bit less, less scratchy when I was lying down, to be fair. But she was just so, the peacefulness, the calmness of the purring. And she just took to me.

I don't know why she's a fully grown cat. It's not like she was a puppy or anything. But, or a kitten lover, blimey.

But this, this dog, so cute when I was little. And I kind of, I lived there for four years. And I didn't really take it out for many walks later on.

But I did like early on. But it wasn't, it wasn't my dog. So the, she was, yeah, it was a girl as well.

So she was definitely a mummy's girl, like, she's waited for a mum to come home. So yeah, she was, she was, she was a lovely kid, lovely girl. And then, then Logie, I suppose, is the next one.

He's the next dog. So I haven't had any other dogs living in, I'm trying to think all the different places I've lived since then. Since London, since that house, that, that, that house, yeah, that room, I lived in there.

So it's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. So this is a 10th place that I've lived in since there. And I left there in 2001.

So yeah, I've lived in 10 places since 2001. But I've been in this place for 10 years. So I lived in nine different places from 2001 to 2014, or 2015.

Yeah, I think I've got all the places. I lose track a little bit. I try and remember.

I kind of roughly, yeah, got it mapped in my brain. So I guess Logie was the first dog for, since 2001. And when I got evicted from that place.

So Logie was probably, I'd say, six years ago, maybe even seven years ago, but it's hard to kind of really pinpoint the year. So my friend got Logie moved in. I saw him nearly every day.

Lovely dog. And apart from with other dogs, but he was so excited. He'd come upstairs and he'd love coming in here.

And he'd chuck stuff all around the place, like balls and bones. And it's, it, because Andre lived here. So he'd get excited, but he didn't like Andre.

He didn't dislike him as in being aggressive. He was scared of Andre, because Andre used to come and bite him. It's true.

And even though, bearing in mind the size of Logie compared to Andre, who was tiny compared to Vinnie, you know, Logie was petrified of him. And Andre had no fear, like zero fear. He would start, he would start a fight with an elephant.

Honestly, he didn't care. He wasn't scared of anything. And, and he kept trying to bite Logie's balls.

I'm not even joking, he did. He just kept, so Logie would be like, all just lay on his back and, and, and Andre would creep up. It's like I had to grab him, like stop it, because there's, I don't think there's probably a male on the planet that can watch that.

And not dislike, no, no, can't have that. That's just no, leave that part of the body alone. Just, just no, no, no biting, no punching, just no kicking, just, just leave it alone.

So leave it be, Andre, leave it be. So I used to have to stop him, but Logie would hide, run and hide. But at the same time, he'd run in looking for him, because he loved him, but at the same time, he was scared of him.

So he liked to play, they'd play like run around and stuff. But as soon as Andre got a little bit rough, Logie didn't like it. But not once did Logie ever, ever growl or show any kind of hostility towards Andre, ever.

When he could have literally swallowed him by accident. If he, you know, if he wanted to, if he could have just accidentally eaten him, like maybe he was just eating a, I don't know, eating some bacon off the carpet. I don't know why bacon would be on a carpet.

And then just Andre part and he just managed to eat him by accident. But no, never happened. This was Andre's, Andre was the boss of this place, in the same way that Vinnie's the boss of this place.

But I think in some ways, Andre was even more the boss. I do wonder how they would have got on them to Vinnie and Andre together. I know I'm never going to know, am I? But it does make me wonder how would they have? Because you got Andre who was not scared of anything.

But you also got a little dog that he's got that hunting instinct for little animals. And he also doesn't back down. So it would be Yeah, I don't know if it would be a particularly good match.

I think it'd be fine if Vinnie was a puppy, because he would know no different. You know, Andre had always been there. And he'd love him.

But coming in at 10 months old, I don't know. I mean, he was still technically like a puppy, I guess. But 10 months old is not really a puppy, is it? He's a toddler, I guess at that age.

Turn three at the end of February. You believe it? I got him at 10 months old. Now he's three years, three months old.

I don't understand. It got so quick. So quick.

Can't believe he's now 95. So really, the most dog walking I do is with Vinnie. Like I'm not not obviously to say, well, yeah, he's your dog.

I don't mean just now, but ever. And I used to take, I used to go to Nottingham. And my friend had a dog there.

So I forgot about this. My dog had a friend, my friend had a dog rather lovely dog. And I should take him I think he was a greyhound.

And I should take him for walks. And that was cool. You know, he was a cool dog.

But yeah, so I forgot about that. So he had a dog. Also, also, also, also, I did go on holiday with a friend who also had a dog.

And I take her for little walks because we went to Cornwall, Cornwall. During the lockdown, I think it was 2022. 21, maybe 21.

Yeah, 2021. And the everything was half closed, it was still wasn't in full lockdown, but there was so much stuff wasn't opening. Including the pub that was closing at six o'clock in the evening or seven o'clock.

What pub closes seven o'clock in the evening. And this was on a site full of holiday homes, which weren't very busy for some reason. And so I took her for some walks and stuff, which was nice.

And I think it was the first time I'd ever picked dog poo up. Never, never, never picked dog poo up before. Until I picked Andre's poo up in the past, but but dog poo never done dog poo before.

Whenever I walked a dog in the past, I just I know it's wrong. But back then there was no it wasn't a legal thing, you know, bags, it's a legal, a legal requirement now, but you know, in the 90s and stuff, it wasn't. And I just, it's not my dog, not picking up.

But yeah, I wouldn't wouldn't be like that now, because I'm now technically an adult, technically. And my friend's dog ran, ran away. She ran out of the house in this like holiday place.

So my friend's screaming, come back. Daisy, Rosie, Daisy, Daisy. So I'm like, I'm running after a little dog.

I'm like, I don't want it to run in the road. You know, obviously, she's a lovely dog. She's running.

It's like, I think it's turned into a game. Because I'm chasing her. She's got this big fat wobbly thing running.

Well, I'm going to use the word running very vaguely on this one. And I end up falling over and toppling and rolling and all over the place. And it's amazing how many people appear when you fall over in public.

Suddenly, there was like all the neighbors were on their grass outside their holiday homes laughing. Even a dog stopped to have a laugh. That's how she got caught.

Like, you know, her friend, my friends who managed to get her because she was rolling around laughing at me. I was in pain. You know, this is when I was heavier than I am now.

So I was, you know, 102 kilos or whatever, maybe a little bit more. So I'd like proper, when I fell over, I was bruising myself. I wasn't bruising myself as I was falling, but the fall bruised, you know, me.

And, you know, a little bit of a limp for the rest of the holiday. To be fair, it was a little bit put on. Because laughing, the laughter just annoyed me a little bit.

So, you know, I'm hurt. I'm hurt here. I've hurt my leg.

I've hurt my leg. And she said, you haven't, have you? I said, yeah, I have. Well, stand up then.

I said, I'm struggling to. I said, can you still stop laughing? She said, no, no, it's fine. I can't help it.

You just have a look. Like, let me look, it's my leg. See, it's there.

It's my leg. Hasn't fallen off. It's still there.

And she said, can you just walk? And can you? I said, yeah. But it hurts. She's still laughing.

Like, no, really, you don't understand. It hurts a lot. So I decided to limp, thinking that I might gain a little bit of sympathy.

It didn't work. But it did quiet down the laughter a little bit. So for the rest of the week, I'm limping, but my leg's fine.

But I kind of have to keep it going. It's a bit like, you know, when you pretend to be a vegetarian, or when I pretended to be interested in astronomy when I was a kid, and end up sort of having six years worth of books and stuff every Christmas and every birthday, something to do with astronomy. And I had no interest in astronomy.

You know, all it was is I was just spying on my next door neighbor sunbathing, and through the binoculars, my dad's binoculars, and he said, what are you doing? I said, I'm trying to see the stars. And he said, well, it's daytime. This is ridiculous.

I said, I've always wanted to see. I said, well, no wonder I can't see them. He said, you don't really look directly into the sun either, because that could really cause problems for your eyes.

I said, oh, OK. Glad you got here in time. You really are the best daddy.

He said, OK. He said, so you're interested in the stars? I said, yeah. He said, you sure you're not just looking at the next door neighbor sunbathing? I said, where? Who? Oh, no, I didn't see her there.

Rubbing oil in. No, I didn't. Didn't see it.

No, I had no idea. He said, OK. So if you were interested in the stars, why were you pointing towards the garden next door? I said, I was just getting ready, because the binoculars are so heavy, because I'm only little, and you're so big and strong, and you know you can hold them with one hand, but I'm struggling to hold them with two.

I mean, they were nearly as big as my head, to be fair, and I'm struggling to look up. You know what I really need is a telescope. And he said, OK.

He took the binoculars away. He said, I'll have them. And he went to the next room, and I don't know what he was doing, but I heard some weird noises.

But he got me a telescope. I really didn't think anything would come of it. He got me a telescope, and then from then on, every Christmas, every birthday, an atlas of the stars, a big picture of the moon, the history of telescopes, books that I couldn't even understand.

Like every three words, I didn't know what the word meant. I assume that's pretty much most books, really, but especially dictionaries. Thesaurus, what a stupid name.

So I really just like, you know, it's a little bit like, it's not really anything like this at all, but you know when you offer someone, I did this today, right. This is what I was going to talk about with Vinnie. He stole a ball.

I was talking to this neighbor. She's not like a neighbor, neighbor. She's a dog walker, lives up the road.

And she said, oh, I'm going to do that later. And she pointed to the wall. She had a wall in front of her driveway with, I said, what are you going to do to it? She said, I'm going to dig up the, all the weeds.

I said, what are you going to use a strimmer or something? She said, no, I'm just going to, just going to pull them up with my hands. I said, well, that hurt my back. He said, how, how's me pulling up with my hands going to hurt your back? I said, I mean, if I was going to do it, it would hurt my back.

She said, are you offering? I said, you want me to do it? Oh, thank you. It's like, how the hell did that happen? And I said, like, I can't bend over and do it. Cause I got, I got my back.

It's just, it's, it's going to cause problems. So I can't, you know, but if you've got a strimmer or a, what do you call it? Whatever those things where you can fly mode or whatever they're called. She said, yeah, I've got one in the garden.

I said, have you really? She said, no. I said, why do you say you've got one in the garden for then? She said, I thought it'd be better for your story when you tell it on the podcast. Cause you know, not having one, that's pretty much brings it to the end, doesn't it? I said, okay.

She said, she would just pretend that I do have one so we can make the story more interesting. I said, okay. So we went into a into the shed, got a fly mode hasn't been touched for years.

I'm talking, she didn't even know if it worked anymore. And you know, it needed batteries. That's how old it was.

It had gray hairs. I don't know. That doesn't make sense.

Does it? And I said, well, I kind of know how these things work. He said, how long is it since you use one? I said, Oh, just I was trying to think back. So it's only about 30 years.

I saw she said, is that all? I said, yeah, that is a bit long, isn't it? She said, yep. Especially when you're waiting in a queue, which is a bit weird thing to say. And I just said, well, we can trust we can test it out.

I know roughly how to get the bit of string plastic thing out. And then we'll plug it in. She got an extension lead, and I ended up doing it.

So it's one of those problems where this has happened to me before. I've made an empty offer. And it happened years ago.

You know, someone saying, I'm going to move for good. I said, what are you doing this weekend? Oh, we're moving home. Before I knew it, the wrong part of my brain said, do you need a hand? Oh, brilliant.

Thanks. And it wasn't a genuine offer. It was just it was to be fair, they did help me move.

So I can't really moan. But it was just like, so why tell people when if I offer something to someone and they said no, I said, well, it was an empty offer anyway. So I don't know if that makes me look a bit bad.

Perhaps I need to rethink some of the things I've said. Not just from this recording. I did a recording earlier.

And the part it was like a body scan. I ended up talking about astronauts. I'm not quite sure where my brain's going these days.

It's weird. I don't know. It's almost like, I'm not sure if I can go back to doing serious recordings anymore.

To being all serious and all like solemn and I don't know what the right word is. It's like, yeah, I don't know if I can do that anymore. I'm not sure the last time I actually did anything that was like super serious.

Well, maybe I have but I mean, so I'm doing this, this wall thing. And it is going quite well. I'm getting most of the wall done and then the thing breaks.

You know, the thing snaps off, so I have to re-put it on. And it snaps again, then it snaps again. And I think I change it or get it done about 10 times.

And then the thing just falls apart. It actually banged against my leg. So I put, I ended up putting the, so I had to unplug it, you know, and then put it back.

I just put it onto a, in front of a porch. And then after I stopped crying, that was, and where it went to my ankle, it didn't go into my bit, it banged my ankle. I wonder if there's any mark there.

I can't see in this light. But I was trying to get this stuff. She asked me if I'd look at this stuff, which is, it was growing out of the concrete of the pavement.

And it just wasn't, yeah, it wasn't doing the job. And I think I might have broken it. Because it might have been working before.

It did seem to be working okay before. But at the same time, yeah, I was a little bit concerned. I didn't want the, because it was, when I was doing the pavement, bits of gravel were like, flicking back at me and hitting me in the face.

So that was probably a little clue that maybe I wasn't doing it correctly. And a seagull landed on my head. Do you know what, the other day, this bird flew right at me and just missed me by an inch.

I'm not even like, making it up. That's okay, maybe not an inch, but though an inch is quite a lot. Okay, maybe it was, okay, maybe a foot.

But you know, to me, I think of an inch and I think of a foot. But maybe, yeah, maybe a foot. But it missed me really close.

It just like, just turned and it was at my head. And I was like, even a bird doesn't want to kiss me. No, I thought, wow, why would you, first of all, how could you miss my head? And secondly, like, birds are so good normally.

I've never had a bird fly into me, even at my biggest, even at my girthiest. I've never had a bird fly into me, I don't think. No, I haven't.

No, no, I haven't. Not even a pigeon. I don't think so.

I'm just thinking maybe I have. No, no, I don't know. I don't think I have.

So, when I got Vinnie, I started walking in straight away and it was weird because this was blah. What year was it? Anyone? Anyone got an idea what year it was? 2022. December.

Yep, I think it was 2022. And it was November 2023 that my friend left. And then we've gone all the way through 2024.

Now we're in 2025. So I've had him a while now. The first week I got him, it was snowing.

We started snowing. And, you know, I got him on a Saturday, started snowing on a Sunday, something like that. But proper snow, like it settled, it was really thick and everything.

And I took him out. And unless there was snow on the ground at the time, I don't think there was. No, it was snow all week.

All to the next week. So there was snow on the ground, then it turned to ice, of course, like it does. I was wearing boots, I didn't slip, nothing.

Apart from once in the field, I did slip over some snow, but I didn't hurt myself because I fell in the snow. But that was because he led me down this ditch thing. And I was like, I felt quite proud of myself, because I hadn't fallen over, I hadn't slipped really, apart from that one thing, but that that was fine.

I didn't slip over on the pavement. I was wearing these big boots that were quite good grips and like, okay, and I was being really careful with my posture. Even though he was trying to pull me each way and everywhere.

And he was happy to be out in the snow in the cold, he didn't care. He was just happy just to be out. And we were bonding, he was a bit naughty.

It took a while for me and him to sort of lay the ground rules a little bit, you know. And I tried to have him stay in here. But he just kept barking and stuff.

And in the end, you know, I let him into the bedroom and he's been sleeping in the bed ever since. But, you know, he didn't want to, I think when he first moved in, he didn't want to be here, which is understandable. He wanted to be where his home was, which was across the road.

That's where he'd lived for the last three months. And he was only 10 months old. So I was literally his fourth place that he'd lived.

He lived in a place where he was born until he was old enough to move somewhere else. So he got his first home. And he was there for I don't know how long, a couple of months or whatever.

Three months, and then she became unwell, had to give him back, or phoned up the breeders that can, can you take him back and find him a home. So they took him back. He then stayed with a family member of theirs for three months or two, two or three months.

And then they sold it to me, sold it, sold him to me. So I was the fourth home that he'd lived in. So I think he was a little bit over, you know, all over the place.

I'm sure he loved every single person he was around. And he was around a lot of females. So I was the first only male that he'd lived with.

He'd lived the first place he lived, there was females and a man. The second place he lived, there was just a female. The third place he lived, there was just a female.

And then he moved in with me. And he's got a real affection for females. He just has he's he loves men as well.

But he loves women. He's got a real. Yeah, these is you can see there's more affection there for women than there are for men.

But he's still got more affection for men than he has for dogs. He likes he loves prefers humans. He's got a couple of friends that he absolutely adores.

But the rest of the time, if he sees a dog, like with a human, he'll go up to the human. He goes so low to human before he says hello. Before he says hello to the dog, you say hello to the human.

So that's how he is. And it's weird. So we got through that whole period of snow, ice, nothing.

The day it rained that day, I think it was a Wednesday or Tuesday, the following week, it rained, all the ice was gone. My friend downstairs called up. Do you want to bring him? Do you want to bring him out into the garden with Logie? And this was like 10 o'clock or something like that nine o'clock.

So I go down with me crocs, not the pink ones I've got now, but the other ones. And I slip. So he's run down without the lead on just run down into the garden.

My friend standing, not right at the bottom of the stairs, but you know, so he could see me, he was just standing waiting for me and I slipped probably three steps down the top and I slipped and I bounced all the way down to the bottom. And my friend was laughing, which I probably would have laughed as well, had I not fractured my back. And he I hadn't, luckily, I had my coat on.

Now, if I had not had my coat on, I could have really, really hurt myself. Like, but, and this coat was quite padded, like a winter coat. So I'm glad I did that.

Yeah, so I slipped and bounced down the stairs. And that was the reason I mentioned this is because mentioned this is because the following after that day, for quite a few weeks, I'm still taking him for walks. I'm still having to bend down and pick up, you know, his poos and stuff.

It was so hard. It was really like, almost impossible. In fact, I shouldn't have really been doing it.

I don't think it was probably a good idea to be bending over with a fractured back. I had fractures in two places. And I don't think there's a problem walking around.

But the bending over is, I'm not sure how helpful that was to the healing. Maybe it was useful. I don't know enough about fractures of the back to know about that.

But it did heal. And that was just such a weird way to start my dog walking experience with my own dog because he's the first time I've had my own dog. I've only had three or four.

I had a couple of goldfish. I had a budgie once. And then I had a I had Andre, but he was my son.

And then he's my son. But there's only two, you know, kind of responsible situations I've been in. But Vinnie was the first dog that I ever had to look after and to, you know, to live with and to be in charge or to be responsible for.

It was such a weird start to be literally limping. I was limping, I was using, I was using. So I had this.

What did I have? Oh, yeah, I had a what did I have? I had an umbrella. But it was it had a like a walking stick on the end of it. So I was using that to help me to get to get around.

It was weird, honestly, and I was having to hold on to that while I bent over and so I didn't fall over. It was strange. And then when I first started taking him out for walks, we didn't really go into the field or to the parks.

We started off walking around the pavement. And because I've never really okay. I think it was because with Andre, I used to take him walking around the estate.

So I kind of it being it been a while. To how long it been? Had it been? Yeah, been a while year and a bit since Andre. So I automatically just took him the same route I used to take Andre, or the Andre used to take me.

And so we'd walk around the pavement around the estate, and then go through the park and I'd be taking him out late at night, early hours of the morning. And then they changed the lights, the lights were a lot dimmer than they were previously. They changed all and I just couldn't see couldn't see really where I was going.

So I don't go out late at night anymore. It might just be my eyesight. I don't know.

I'm not sure. This has been strange taking him out because since I've had him I stop at the pavement. I say, wait, wait.

He does wait. He kind of pulls as well, but he will wait sometimes. And what I say is slowly, cross, slowly.

One of the few things I say to him. And it's not a big request, is it? You know, just slowly. And I've been saying the same thing to him every time we cross the road since I've had him, and he still pulls.

So I just, yeah. But that's it. That's my history of dog walking.

I got to know a few people over the years with Vinnie, which is good. And I was invited into someone's house today for the first time. Well, not the first time I've been invited, but the first time that I actually went inside.

And one of the neighbors asked me if I wanted a cup of tea. I said, no. I didn't say no.

I said, no, thanks. So I was just going to come home. So I love being a bit under the weather.

I was just taking him out just to get some air and have a nice, a long walk and then come back and, you know. But in the end, he had the opportunity to have a sniff around her house and go into the garden, and he loved it. And he gets on really well with his friend, the other dog, and they got on really well.

And she said that's not always the case. Sometimes a dog walk, they say hello when they're walking. But when they're together, like, they don't always get on very well, the dog, not him and her.

But sometimes the other dogs, her dog doesn't like the other dog being in her house. But she seemed fine with Vinnie. So yeah, it's, I think there was a period once Andre was gone that I wasn't out.

I wasn't going out because I was, I didn't have to take Andre out for walks because, you know, basically he didn't need to. I just took him out firstly because I wanted to. And when he wanted to, so it was a mixture of both, he loved going out, all weather, didn't care.

I wasn't a big fan of the rain or the wind, but didn't care about snow, didn't care. The heat, it did get very hot. But the thing about it is if he got, if he got tired, he'd just climb up and he'd go into my jacket and just go to sleep.

So what he would do, he'd walk, he'd walk me, this is Andre, he'd walk ahead of me and he'd lead me into the middle of nowhere in the fields, as far away as he could get. And then he just collapsed on the floor. And he'd say, pick me up.

So I'd pick him up or he'd just stop and put his, put his hands against my legs for me to pick him up. And I'd pick him up and I didn't have to ask him what he wanted because he would literally climb into the top of my jacket. And that would be it, he'd go to sleep.

And the weird thing about it, right? Guaranteed, I mean, there was no point me coming and walking because it's going to take me an hour to walk back. Bless him. Why didn't just let me walk back? He wouldn't.

He had to go as far away as possible. Guaranteed, just before I got to the exit, you know, the original entrance, when I was back nearly home, his head will pop up, look around and he want to get out. So when we were five minutes away from home, his head would pop up every single time.

It's so funny. It's like he knew. He just knew.

Strange. So I don't know, maybe like Liam Neeson in Taken 2, he could count the steps maybe. He knew the sounds from the different, yeah.

Do you remember that bit where he's in the back of the van? Or was it Taken 3? I don't know. Or Taken 9? So yeah, so it's been, I think that period between having Andre and having Vinnie, where I wasn't going out. I started walking around the same route that I used to take Andre sometimes, but it was, it wasn't the same being on my own.

And then when I got Vinnie, it's got me out of the house, which is a good thing. I don't enjoy it a lot. Sometimes I don't want to go out.

I don't want to get out of bed and I don't want to go out in the rain and stuff. But I think ultimately it's been good for me to have that movement, to have that, those fleeting conversations with humans that, you know, those small bits of interaction is probably useful. Maybe, I'm not sure.

But he loves being outside. I think he'd spend his whole day out there if he could. Really, I don't think he'd want to come in.

He'd come in for a little sleep and then he'd go out again. If I had a little cat flap, which he could fit through, and I don't know, maybe he'd need a bit bigger, slightly, yeah, he's probably a little bit too big for a cat flap. I'm not sure, actually.

He probably could fit through a big cat flap, but he would, yeah, he'd be in and out all day long. But he'd also, if there was also dog flaps or cat flaps, Vinnie flaps, in all the other doors in this building, he'd be in and out of those doors, in and out of those flats. And if you put them in all the houses in the road, he'd be in and out of all those houses.

Seriously, everybody would know who he is, because he'd be in and out saying hello to people, begging for treats. It's a proper scrounger. And he would be huge.

He would be absolutely huge. And one day he would get stuck in the cat flap. That's guaranteed.

I think I kind of stuck to the subject. Monday's boring objects. Dog walking.

So I think I did. So right now it is, what's it, quarter past 8pm. I'm not sure if I'm going to edit this tonight or do it in the morning when I wake up.

I might do it tonight. I don't know. It's hard to know, isn't it? Hard to guess, really, really.

So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy. And be gentle with yourself, because you also deserve to feel safe.

Lots of love. Bye.