(no music) Monday’s Boring Objects | LMBYTS #1340 | 28th April 2025

Hello, hello, and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. This is Monday's Boring Objects. And today is Monday the 28th of April 2025.

And I'll tell you what, right, it's 11.20. Now, I don't know why. I mean, I haven't made a recording since the last recording I did was Friday. I think, I can't remember.

Did I do? I bet I did a Let Me Bore Your Pain Away recording in, on Saturday, possibly. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did.

So I did Q&A Friday, Friday. That's weird. But yeah, so, but you know what, it's 11.

11, what time did I say it was? It's 11.21. I've had 185 downloads today, like the whole day. And I don't know what's going on. I can't, I can't even believe, I can't even believe it.

Oh yeah, so I've got a website, jasonnewland.com. If you like, you can send me messages on there. You, the website's pretty good. It's all got all my latest recordings.

Ultimately, all my recordings are on there. Also, Jason Newland's Boring Group is my Facebook group. So that's pretty cool.

And what else? My YouTube channel, at Jason Newland. The YouTube channels, again, it's ever since, right? Ever since I've been just uploading the latest recordings on there, it's gone a bit. I mean, I've had a couple of new subscribers today, but so I can't really complain, but it's just, it's not what it was.

But is it my fault? I don't want to be on screen. I don't want to be on a video. It's not my fault.

It is why, for some reason, I was having a little lie down just now. Then he was on the windowsill in the bedroom, he was looking out. And everything's peaceful.

He's sunbathing. I'm just having a little rest, listening to an audio book. So I'm not really asleep.

I'm just listening to an audio book, just laying down, resting my body, resting my eyes, resting my mind. And out of nowhere, rat, rat, rat, like starts barking. So I get up and I say, stop, stop.

Get down off there. And all I do is I touch him, I touch him. I prod him, I literally just put my hands on him.

So that's it, get down. He's growling at me. I know he's a dog, I know dogs bark.

I'm aware of that. I've been around a while and I've had him for two and a half years. So I know that he barks.

However, I have to keep his barking to a minimum, because there is an after effect, there's consequences of him barking too much. And that is neighbours getting annoyed. And also other dogs barking as well.

But none of that bothers me personally, I don't care. But it affects my neighbours. And then the sound, you know, then maybe music's put on, it's very loud to cover up the barking, then someone else puts their music up to cover it up, to try and cover up that music.

And it can just be that roll on effect. So if I can keep him quiet, it's not that I expect people not to have music on, it's up to them to do what they want. But I don't want people to feel they have to drown out his barking.

Do you know what I mean? Innit? You get me, swear down. So I'm just trying to explain that, I don't know. I'm not in one second moaning about my neighbours downstairs, because they are brilliant neighbours.

Really brilliant. So yeah, I'm not complaining. None of the neighbours really are an issue to me.

They're all right. So while we're, while I'm being false, let's talk about what can I, what am I, I thought about doing like a three pronged thing. So what am I, we could do it together maybe.

What am I, yeah, that's it. I'm gonna write it down because I remember it, but it's one of those weird things that, because I was thinking about this last night in bed. So three, the three, I don't know what to call them.

So grateful, one thing I'm grateful about, one thing I forgive, and one thing I'm looking forward to. So I'm going to, I'm going to just try and start doing that. In case I haven't already said it, please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes.

So I'm going to try and, this is just a new thing. I used to do the gratitude thing, three things you're grateful for. I struggled to find one sometimes.

So I thought, I know. When I'm feeling grateful, the list is endless. Okay, so I thought, okay, let's, instead of putting, because this isn't supposed to be a test.

This isn't supposed to be a, something that's put you on the spot. It's just a relaxing, calm, chilled out thing. So one thing that we're grateful for, one thing that we're all, that we all forgive.

It might be something you've already forgiven. It might be something that you decide, yeah, I forgive that. I forgive that person, or I forgive whatever.

It could just be something really small. But you know what, if we do a small thing every day, it means they never build up. And then something we're looking forward to.

And I know the literal term of looking forward to something is, you're thinking about something that's about, that's going to happen in the future. That literally the term looking forward to, but it's not used in that way, is it? In the English language, generally, it's something you may be not necessarily excited about, maybe excited, but something that you're feeling positive about. Something that you're feeling good.

You know, you feel nice. You think about it and you feel nice. Maybe.

And I realize I've just explained a very simple term to people that know what it means. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be condescending.

So I'm sorry about that. By the way, condescending is kind of, it's like talking down to someone, explaining to someone, explaining something to someone that maybe that they kind of obviously would understand. It's, I guess, being condescending is kind of expecting of a person not to be very, very clever.

I like that. That makes me laugh. I'm sorry.

Sorry about being condescending. By the way, what condescending means is, right. Grateful.

So if you just think about this, what are you grateful for? What do you forgive? What are you looking forward to? So I'm going to say mine. You ain't got to join in with this. I mean, you might be at home thinking, shut up.

I don't want to tell you what I'm grateful for. I don't want to tell you. I don't want to think about something I forgive.

I don't want to look forward to anything. Just get on monkey boy and tell us about something boring. Just so that might be what you're thinking, which is fine.

Okay. So. What am I grateful for? Right this minute, I'm grateful that I'm sitting here doing this.

Because an hour ago, I didn't want to. And all weekend, I didn't want to. So yeah, I'm grateful that I actually am sitting here making this recording.

So that's what I'm grateful for. What are you grateful for? Maybe you could just post on YouTube or whatever, what you're grateful for, on my, or I don't know, maybe on the Facebook, on JC Luran's boring group. Just maybe put in what you're grateful if you want.

If you don't, that's also fine. I don't mean like, go and grab your phone and do it now, because this is this is chill out time. Something that you forgive, something I forgive, let me think.

I forgive one of my neighbors for Yeah, I forgive her for borrowing money and not paying it back. Yeah, I forgive that. It's actually someone I saw yesterday and I got on really well with her and like, you know what, I don't care about it anymore.

But you know, I do, I forgive. I was holding on to it a bit. So I forgive that.

And is there anything that you forgive? Maybe you can forgive me. Forgive me for making all these recordings. So I'm trying to think next is something that we're looking forward to.

I'm going to do this at the beginning of every recording. So you probably, I don't unless you don't want me to, then I won't. Okay.

So I'm not here to I'm not here to annoy people. I'm not here just to annoy. It's not my only intention is to annoy people.

So something to look forward to what am I this is I want to do this genuinely, rather than there might have to be things I make up in a sense of like, okay, or I might have to search for it rather than make it up. What am I looking forward to? Maybe you'd like to think of something that you're looking forward to, or maybe you've already done it.

Maybe it's already there.

Maybe it's in your mind anyway. Something. What am I looking forward to? That's a good that's not supposed to be difficult.

Is it difficult? I'm looking this is what I'm looking forward to. I'm looking forward to getting myself some new glasses, going to the opticians getting myself some new glasses, and then getting back to reading a bit more like I used to. That's what I'm looking forward to.

Because I realize I do listen to a lot of audio books. So technically, I am reading in a sense, but I Yeah, I missed that. Because that used to be part of my identity as a child.

Not just as a child, but as an adult, you know, for decades. So reading something that actually physically looking at book reading, rather than looking at a computer screen. And yeah, so that's what I'm looking forward to.

Which means I need to make an appointment at the opticians and get that sorted. But it's just even though I do get discounts and stuff, decent frames, they are quite expensive. And I get a me for me, I don't care so much about the glasses that I'm reading with.

If I'm at home reading, or even well, that's the only place I would really be reading nowadays. But being out, you know, with because I'm going to have separate grout. I mean, we said separate glasses, separate glasses, for reading separate glasses for day to day.

And maybe even ask if I can get some separate glasses for screen work. Because I think it's been affecting my eyes. So I don't care what they look like.

The ones I use to look at computer, the ones I look used to read with, I don't care they can be pink and have little I don't know, little fireworks shooting out of them. I don't it doesn't matter to me little windmills. Remember those little windmills you get a see see fronts on a stick, they can have those sticking out.

I don't care because okay, I don't want them to have little windmills. But I wouldn't necessarily have that on my normal glasses that I was walking around in. But the reason it costs a bit for my normal glasses is because I think I'm going to be talking about glasses.

This is the boring objects today. I probably talked about it before, but I'm gonna do it again. Boring objects, glasses, here we go.

See, I didn't know what I was going to talk about now. Now I'm going to talk about glasses. So I've kind of led into it haven't I by by discussing glasses.

So I need to have actor like glasses because I've got a hereditary, there's a couple of hereditary things in my family on my dad's side. One is prostate stuff, which I've so far been okay with. I got tested with that.

But three of my family members haven't been or they've been affected by it, like, you know, badly affected by it. So the other thing I just don't like saying a word to be honest with you. I just don't.

And then the other thing is osteoporosis. But that seems to be affecting the female side rather than the male side. But it can affect I mean, the percentage of male to female, I think it's higher for females.

I'm going to check that make sure I'm not osteoporosis. Osteoporosis female to male to male ratio. Okay, here we go.

Here we go. So although the female to ratio was three was three in several studies from the US, more recent data from Canada and Europe indicated a ratio of one for Oh, no. Whoa.

I think it's just to do with bone density. Really, it's nothing to do with sex. Well, maybe it is but not sex like.

So I think in the old days, it used to be called brittle bones. But my Nana had it really bad. And I think I think two of my aunties have got it.

And so but she was very old elderly, my nan. She had to take this massive tablet. It's honestly she had to like just suck on it for hours.

There's a vitamin D or something that she'd take like a calcium tablet she'd take once once once a week, I think. And but so that's another thing. I don't know.

It was questioned a bit of me because I've had so many breaks, so many broken bones over the last few years, that maybe there's some density issues. But then I spoke to my doctor about that. So I had to have a doctor's appointment on the phone.

And he said, Well, when you fractured your back, falling down the stairs. As I said, when you fractured your back, trying to put your socks on. I don't think there's anything wrong with your back.

Your back's fine. Now, when I fell down the stairs fractured my back, and I had a CT scan, they we said they should have sort of picked up on that. If there, you know, if there was an issue with your with your back and with your bones and stuff.

They but they weren't if they're not looking for it. I don't know. Hopefully not.

I'm you know, I'm not bothered, but hopefully fine. But the other thing, let's talk about diseases. Yeah.

No. It's macro degeneration, which is again, it's in the family, which is my nan had it. My dad's got it, which is an eye thing.

So macro degeneration. It's an eye condition, or macular, not macro, macular, sorry. And is a common idea, eye disorder, especially among older dudes, adults where the central part of the retina, the macula deteriorates.

So it's kind of a what you hassling me for Vinnie? What is it? What do you want? He keeps trying to get into the windowsill. Do you promise to behave if you go into the windowsill? All right, go on then. So he's gone.

I put him I'm told it I said get out. But what I mean is please go through the door. All right, he doesn't.

Vinnie, you can. I'm not leaving that door open. But if you want to go and go into the windowsill in the bedroom, you can.

But if you bark, you're going to have to come in here. Nothing I do is good enough for him. It's just not good enough, is it? I don't know what you want, mate.

I can open this window. Is that what you want? You want me to pull the curtains? Is that better? Is that more substantial? You've got a bit more bit more sun. Is that better for you? He's just constantly moaning.

And yeah, so it's just a nice thing. It's DJ. It's just aging.

It's an aging thing, I think. Maybe not always, but it's more common in more older people. But older kids, I mean, it's I'm technically in the older group now and I am 54.

So the my optician did say that it looked like I might have the beginning of it. So what they did at the start, I started having actor light glasses to sort of protect me from the sun and sunlight and stuff. So I'll continue that, but it's expensive.

Add some fair bit of money to the to the lenses and have anti glow as well. Or anti shine. I don't know what the right word, but yeah, have that on there.

And it's like a coating thing. Although I think they might have actually come with them last time. I feel I should maybe make an appointment at the opticians now.

Shall I? Shall I make an appointment? Shall I do it on the phone so you can hear? But then I don't want to. I don't know. I could do.

I could make an appointment on the phone. So I'm just going to. Yeah, I think reading because the glasses I've got at the moment, it's got all.

It's basically got all three. It's like three, three lenses in one. So the middle is kind of I think the top.

The bottom is for reading. And I think the middle is the middles for distance, and I think the top is for my computer. I'm not sure.

Maybe it's only got two. It's a long time ago. It's been over three years since I last got my eyes tested.

I need to get them tested again. I do. Who am I with? Eyes, eyes, not eyes are us.

Eye spotters. Nope. Do you know, I was actually in.

I was in Iceland. The store, not the country. And I didn't have a passport at the time, so the store was the closest I could get to that environment.

And I think I basically there was there was a little queue behind me. I put all my stuff through and the. I think I packed all my bags and the lady.

Behind the counter, because one of those like lowered counters, I think it might have had a like a mechanical thing that pushes along. I forget what they call conveyor belt or whatever. And she said, oh, you've forgotten something, but I'm put into the bag.

I said, thanks. This lady, there's this lady, that lady, a lady who's waiting next to be said, shouted out, should have gone to Specsavers. And I thought.

Really? Because. Bearing in mind, I was wearing glasses, so, you know. It's a disability, isn't it? You know, eyesight and stuff.

I'm not that I'm just like, I wasn't upset. It's just it's just like, OK. So if I was troubling, if I was in a wheelchair, struggling to get up a ramp, should have gone to a different way, should have got a better wheelchair.

Like, no. I said, I just it's a human error. I just didn't see it.

How can you see it as a big pack of cokes? OK. Perhaps I need to get my eyes tested. Perhaps you're right.

I should have gone to Specsavers. I do go to Specsavers. I went to lots of different vets, opticians over the years.

I get my luck between them too. The looks I get. And I just found it weird.

It's one of those. Like she wasn't really. I don't know, she just watched too much TV because an advert should have gone to Specsavers.

But. It just seems weird to hear an advert being chucked out in a real life situation. Especially as it's such an old phrase.

It's like, what, 30 years old since I've been having them adverts. Should have gone to Specsavers. And I'm like, OK.

And I just, I didn't know really what to do or what to say. I just wanted to move on with my life. I just wanted to, just to.

I suppose I should have put her down as one of the people I forgive. I thought I had to. Let it go, man, let it go.

It was 15 years ago. I know, I know. It was a long time ago.

15 years, maybe not 15 years, probably nine years, eight years, maybe. Since I've been wearing glasses. I've only been wearing glasses since.

Where's the history? Here's the history of my glasses. I went to. I started getting headaches, actually, that's what it was when I was about 15.

It's about 15. And I was getting headaches. So my mummy took me to the.

Dentist, because she wasn't too bright. She took me to the doctors. Isn't it weird? I was 15.

I was still going to the doctors with my mummy. That just shows you I just wasn't. I didn't go to the doctors on my own until I was 16.

I don't even know if that's normal. But I didn't want to go on my own, if I'm honest with you. I still don't.

I want my mumma, mumma. And I, the doctor said to me. You've got.

Looks like it's your eyes. And I said, yeah, I know you look at my eyes, so they are my eyes. He said, no, no, I know they're your eyes.

I said, well, you're looking at my eyes and saying it looks like it's your eyes. But if you're looking at my hand and said it looks like your eyes, that would be worrying, wouldn't it? If my hand looked like my eyes, but if my eyes or my eyes look like my hands, yeah, worrying. But if my eyes look like my eyes, then that's normal, isn't it? He looked at my mum and she just shook her head as well.

She said, I've had nine years of this. He said, really? He said, yeah, nine years. So how come he's 15? Well, I've had him since he was seven.

Oh, OK. It must be hard work. She said, it doesn't matter.

I found a way to escape from him. I'm moving away. I haven't told him yet.

I'm moving away. Oh, it's going to be so lovely. I'm like, I'm right here.

I can hear what you're saying. It's my eyes that are the problem, not my ears. And the doctor said, well, with them ears, I'm surprised you can't, there's nothing you can't hear.

They laughed. They looked at us like, that's rude. You can't make fun of the size of my ears.

He said, the size of your ears? The only reason no one mentions your ears is because your nose is so big. No one even notices your ears are massive. Wow.

And I'm thinking, you're supposed to be my doctor. And he said, no. Let me tell you something, Jason.

I'm not your doctor. I'm your mum's doctor. She brings me, she brings you to me.

When she moves away, I won't be seeing you again. You're going to have to get your own doctor. I'm just seeing you as a favour to her.

No one in this town wants to see you. It's like, wow, this is, this is getting, this is getting, why? He says, why? All you do is fart. Everywhere you go is fart.

You're known, famous in this town for farting. Everywhere you go, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart. You know how expensive it is to have to fumigate the entire doctor's surgery every time you walk past? I said, what? This is, where is this all coming from? Well, your bum, apparently.

Okay. I just wanted to get out of the headache. That's all.

I just wanted to get Jack checked out. He said, yeah. And luckily, you can now go and see an optician's.

Here's a number for opticians. Go and make an appointment with an optician's. I said, are you talking to me? He said, no, I'm not talking to you.

I'm talking to her. If you can go and make an optician's appointment, because I think it's his eyes. I said, okay.

So I go to the opticians. And they, this is a weird one. See, no one ever told me this.

Apparently, I had a wonky eye. I mean, maybe I still do and no one tells me. But he said, again, I don't know if he was just friends with the doctors.

And he thought, the doctors said, just wind him up. You know, you're going to meet for the first time. You're going to think, lovely kid.

But then he's going to let one go. And it's going to stink the whole building out. So get in there first.

Make fun of him. Do something like that. Really get his self-esteem down.

So okay. So that I think that's what happened. But that this is what happened in the very first opticians I've ever been to.

He said to me, right, you need glasses. I've realized over the years, I think that's the first thing people learn in optician college. It's the first thing I learned is you need glasses.

Everyone, welcome to your first day of learning to be an optician. Now repeat after me, you need glasses. What do you mean? No, just everyone repeat, you need glasses, or you need new glasses.

That's what you're going to have to say to every single person you see from now onwards. So when you're professional, when you're all qualified, whether they've already got glasses, or whether they haven't got glasses, you need glasses or you need new glasses. What if they don't need them? Get out.

Get out. No, no, no. I've never ever, ever known an optician told me that I didn't need glasses ever.

I think that's, it's, it's just like what they're taught. So I went along, I didn't realize this at the time. I mean, I did need glasses, I think I did.

But I don't, I mean, I don't personally think I needed them all the time. But he said, you need them all the time. Definitely need them for reading.

So he gave me, I think he gave me different glasses for reading. Or did he? I'm not sure. But he gave me glasses.

No, I'm not sure if I needed, oh, he gave me glasses anyway. It's such a long time ago. I might have had two pairs, one for reading, one for, you know, day to day.

Just get a bit of extra money out of me. Well, I say out of me, I didn't pay for it. My mama paid for it.

And she, yeah, so it was weird. He said, this dentist said to me, you got a wonky eye. I said, you got bad breath.

You know, we've all got something wrong with us. He said, he came up to me. He said, Mrs. Newland, do you want to pop out of the room for a minute? He said, why? He said, I just want to just, just want to punch your son.

She said, really? You're going to punch him? He said, he said, yeah. She said, okay, right. And I'm trying to wait outside for him.

I'm like, wait a minute. Excuse me, I'm 15. You know, just what are you doing? Anyway, nothing bad happened in the end.

They, they calmed down. And I said, what do you mean? I've got a wonky eye. I didn't really know what it meant.

He said, well, okay. See, I'm over here. Right? And your right arm is looking over there, your right arm, your right, your, and we all, it was a funny moment.

It really, it cut through the tension, to be fair. He said, I didn't mean your right arm, your right arm. And your, so your left eye is looking at me.

Your right eye is looking through the window, the other side of the room. I said, so, I mean, that's quite a good thing. It's a safe thing to do, isn't it? Be able to see 360 degrees.

That's a quite a useful superpower. He said, yeah. If your eyes were at the side of your head, it would be, but they're not.

They're both at the front of your head. So like, okay, so I've got a wonky eye. I said, which one is it? He said, it doesn't matter.

I said, what do you mean it doesn't matter? He said, look, for the sake of the podcast that you're going to be doing in 40 years time, you won't even remember which eye it was. So there's no point even remembering it. Well, you can make one up, you can say right or left, they're the two choices really.

But it doesn't matter. It was going to matter for now, isn't it? But you know, okay, it's not going to matter in four years time when I do the podcast. But it's, it's going to matter now, because this is now, this is 1996, or 1985, 86, whatever year it was.

And he said, you really don't know what year it is. At 15, you should know the year you're in. I said, come on, stop having a go at me.

And then I farted. And he changed his attitude. I think he was shocked.

But anyway, what happened in the end, I was given a patch to wear. I think he was just making fun of me. He had me wearing a patch.

And not only was it a patch, it was a pink patch. So I think somewhere along the line, they were just winding me up. So I had to wear a patch over one eye, the normal eye, well, the one that wasn't wonky, in order to get the other eye back to being where it should be.

And I had to do these exercises where I'd look at a pencil with the patch on and I would just practice these exercises of following it. I thought I might have to do it with the other eye as well. I can't remember.

And I went to school. See, I think I might have worn a patch at school as well. I don't think I think I had to wear the patch at home.

I didn't have to wear the patch when I went out, I think. But I had to wear the patch at home. And but I had glasses to wear at school.

So you know, bearing in mind I was 15 last year of school. Probably either the end of the year 1980 1985 or the beginning of 1986 is around that kind of time. Yeah, around that time.

And I saw wore glasses for the very first time. And I'm walking. I'm walking to school.

Even people I've never spoken to were making fun of me. People that didn't even notice me in the past were laughing at me. It was absolutely ridiculous.

I mean, I thought maybe a little bit of ribbing. But you'd have thought I'd have walked in with like a I don't know, a pizza on my head or something like that. The way everyone was like, Oh, look at that.

That is where it's wearing glasses. And it got to the point where I took them off. Because I didn't enjoy it.

If I'm honest, I might have enjoyed it a little bit like my friends a bit of ribbing like okay, that's cool. But then it goes on a bit too long. And I still get phone calls even, you know, got a phone call last night from someone from school, just randomly.

He said, like goggles and hung up. Come on. So I didn't I saw I didn't.

I thought it was right to wear glasses. I didn't really have an issue with it. But other people seem to have an issue with it.

So I took them off. And I did wear them because I remember wearing them. Just before I left school.

So I'm thinking it might have been 1986. So let's go in April. March, April time 1986.

So it might have been that period leading up because I got the chip shop shot the chip shop job before I left school. I just remembered this. Isn't it weird? I got the chip shop job before I left school.

And I worked on a Saturday and maybe a couple of evenings. And then when I left school, I went full time. And then the September 1986, I went on to the YTS.

So when I was full time, I was earning 60 quid a week, which is more than I've ever had. It was like, yeah, never had 60 pound a week. Cash.

You know, I was still at school. No, I wasn't serious. I was technically still at school as in, I had to go and do my exams.

At least I thought I did. I didn't realise I didn't have to do anything. Because once you leave school, you don't have to do it.

You know, I didn't have to go do my exams. There was no consequence for not doing them. And it was kind of weird, because but I was still in that zone of being told what to do by schools.

You know, that kind of, I remember right before I left school, there was this deputy headteacher, I've never had a run in with him ever. But for some reason, and this was the last week of school, he decided to have a go at me. And he came up to me.

And he started shouting in my face about something. I don't know what it was, he was used to teach French. So I didn't always understand what he was saying.

I think he sometimes he forgot, he used to go in and out of French. And he was a deputy head and he was known for being really strict. And he was just shouting in my face.

And I went from being all, you know, like, to remembering that I only had three days left of school. I just started laughing at him. I just walked off.

Like, what are you gonna do? Literally, there's nothing, it's like, I could walk out of school now and it would make no difference. I'm just sticking around because it's like the last three days just to say goodbye to people I've been at school with for years. That's all it was.

It wasn't to say goodbye to some of the kids in the younger years that I was friends with that I wasn't going to see regularly anymore. Or even the ones in the older years, actually, because they had A levels back then. So there was some of my karate friends were in higher levels as well.

I remember just like, he was shouting. Okay. But then there was another weird thing happened.

And I still to this day, don't know what happened, why it happened. But I went to my classroom, this is my, my, my, the room that we went to first thing in the morning, we stayed in at breaks if we wanted to. And then we'd go in there at the end of the day.

And, you know, do the register. So it's my form room. That's what they used to call it, isn't it? So it was my classroom for the entire year.

And I had the same one for about three years in a row, I think. So I'm in there. I go in there the last day, somewhere that I spend a fair bit of time on the time in the time.

So I didn't want to go out or do anything. I wanted to be on my own. I'd go in there.

And there'd be a couple of us maybe just sitting on our own, just doing our own thing, you know. So I went in there and there was a couple of, there was three kids, all three that I didn't really know very well. That I didn't really, they weren't from that.

They weren't even in that class. And they were just in there. And they were playing some song.

I remember it was something was it? Nothing in your cheeks for free. Oh, nothing. Whatever that song is.

Dire Straits is it? And I'm like, so I went in there. I must have said something to annoy someone, I don't know what. But someone started on me.

And he was kicking me in the shins. But it was surprising, I didn't know, because he was, I think this one was a judo man. We used to talk.

Yeah, I did know him a little bit. And, you know, I was interested because he did judo, I did karate. And, you know, he was, I think he was more advanced than me, been doing judo a long time.

But for some reason, you know, I kind of had that mutual respect for him. Because we were both doing something, we both kind of understood what it was like to be passionate about a martial arts, you know. And he probably went through exactly the same thing of watching all the Bruce Lee movies and watching all the, you know, all the Kung Fu movies and stuff, because that's just natural for anyone that does martial arts, especially when they're a kid.

But he actually just kicked me in the shins and closed the door, slammed the door on me, didn't want me in the classroom. And I just didn't understand, there was no one else around. I don't know where everyone else was.

I think that was the very last day that I was there. And I was just like, I really didn't know. It's like, to this day, I still, not that it doesn't matter why, but it's still bugging me.

Like, it doesn't bug me now, but it bugged me for a long time. Never saw the kid again. I don't think I saw any of them again.

And I didn't know why. And it was such a shock. I didn't get angry.

I was just confused. It didn't hurt. Well, probably a little bit, but it wasn't like they weren't, it wasn't like he was punching me or anything, but like, kicking me in the shins.

What the hell are you doing? And yeah, it's weird. That's just a really weird ending to being, being at school. Unless I was in the other, I might be, maybe I was in the wrong room.

Wait a minute, was that my school? I think it was my school. No, I mean, I might have just gone into the wrong school and into some random classroom and sat down and maybe that annoyed them. It's possible.

So there's one really quite a vivid memory I had when I first got my glasses, which to actually my little brother, he was old enough to be really annoying, really annoying. And he kept coming up to me and putting his, putting his finger and thumb together to make some little glasses. And he'd like, get right close to me and look, look through them.

He said, can you see me? I mean, he was like seven, I suppose at the time. And yeah, it was funny to start with, but he kept doing it. And he just like pick random objects up.

Can you see this? That's quite funny when you think about it, but he just kept doing it. It'd be random. And he's like, we was all watching TV.

I think we were watching, I say all of us at that point, the family was a little bit split. One of my brothers had moved out. I think maybe the other one had moved out as well.

So it was only really me and my little brother potentially at that time. And my little brother, I think we were just watching TV. My little brother gets up, stands by the television and says, can you see this? It amused the family.

Come on, leave me alone. I'm wearing glasses. It's not something to make fun of.

And my dad was like, leave him alone. He's only seven. I said, who is? He said, your brother.

I said, I know. I know he's only seven. And then my dad said, he's sitting over there.

I said, I know where he's sitting. I can see where he was doing it now. Can you see where it is? He asked me to wash his van.

I said, okay. He said, it's on the driveway. I said, it's a van.

I'm not going to not know where it is. It's like, so I don't know who started doing it, my dad or my little brother. But then I started getting a little bit touchy because, you know, some people do, they show you something.

And I started to get a little bit oversensitive maybe. We were at the air show and I remember my auntie saying, oh, the red arrows are coming soon. So we were all waiting for the red arrows, but there's loads of other planes as well.

And my auntie said, the red arrows are coming. I said, okay. She said, they're there.

I was like, there they are, look. I said, I can see, I do have eyes, you know. But she wasn't being rude.

She was just pointing where they were. And the fact is I couldn't see where they were. So I'm glad that she told me.

She doesn't really, you know. I only got hit by a car once because I was ignoring someone that was telling me that the car was coming towards me because it annoyed me. So I'm walking across a zebra crossing and someone's shouting, wait, look, look, there's a car coming.

It's not stopping because it was speeding. And maybe I think police were after it or something. And I'm like, can't you see it? Look, there's like, shut up.

I've got glasses. They're just glasses. And I look over and I have to sort of jump out of the way.

Another time, I'm talking to a friend from karate and he's, he's an adult. So he's working up above Tesco's in a shipping office. So I'm just looking, it's really high build.

I'm just waving to him because, saying hello, you know, because I was on my way home and he started shouting, look, look, and pointing behind me. I was like, oh, you don't start now. Come on.

We were getting on so well. Why have you got to start? It's bad enough. It's at home.

It's a school. Now it's karate people doing it. And he's like, well, it turned out it was a van backing in.

And it bumped into me. Luckily, it wasn't going fast, but it was back in study, you know, when I go doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, like that. It was making a sound, but I didn't, I wasn't listening.

So I was focusing on what I was, what I was talking about. And probably when he was talking, I was focusing on what I was going to say next. So it wasn't me listening to what he was saying.

But when he started pointing, hey, look, look, I really took offence. Stop saying, look, like I can't see anything. And yeah, so I had a van back, a van back over me.

But luckily, it just hit my back and knocked me kind of knocked me out of the way. But it wasn't moving particularly fast. But one of my memories of wearing glasses when I first got them, and this is just explain how I was, I've always been like this.

This was a, it was one of them days, one of them, one of them days where I had to get away. I had to remove myself from the situation. I had to be on my own.

I was semi running away, had to be on my own. It was one of them things. And I walked to the next town on my own.

I'm wearing my glasses. And I just followed the bus route so I could get back again. Which was actually a quick, it was a much longer route, actually.

But it meant I knew how to get back. So it took me probably five hours to get there. And I might, maybe seven hours, I think I might just got the bus back.

But it was a sunny day, probably I'm saying, I'm thinking maybe April time, just after leaving school, possibly on a weekday. And I mean, technically, it's probably not a good idea. But I was walking to the side of the road on the grass verge, there wasn't any pavements most of the journey.

Because once we got out of the town, a lot of countryside between, well in England, there's just huge amounts of countryside surrounding everywhere, every town, every village, every city, it's countryside. So I'm just following the route. I've done the route many times.

Many times? I've done the route a few times. I hadn't really got on the bus that many times as a on my own. Well, I don't think I ever went on my own, I was always with a friend.

So yeah, so I'm walking and it was very peaceful, very meditative. Very, I don't know, I was just thinking about things, had a real, real good think, real good, it was like a separation from all the stuff that was going on. And it felt nice.

I was hungry though. But it felt nice. So it took me six, six to seven hours walking it.

And probably got blisters and all that stuff. But got the bus home. No one knew I was gone.

No one noticed I hadn't been around. But there was no reason for them to anyway, because at that time, the whole family was busy. People were just busy doing stuff.

And two of my brothers weren't really around anymore. My little brother was what, seven, eight. Yeah, seven or eight.

So he was kind of doing his own thing as well. Both parents were working. So yeah, I was kind of just, you know, the, I think kind of the family, pretty much, at that point, the family had kind of come to an end.

And then, you know, by, by the summer, the summer, I don't know when it was, it might be May, May time, maybe June, we moved out and stayed in my stepmum's, mum's flat until she moved away. So that was, yeah, that was kind of a weird, weird period. And I didn't wear my glasses at all after that.

Like never, ever again, didn't wear them. And then I, the next time I went to see if I needed glasses was, again, this was 1989. So a few years later, 1989, I was in London.

And I wanted to get back to reading again, because I'd had a break from reading. Well, not a complete break, but I hadn't really read much for a little while, for a few months. And I thought, and I didn't have any, hardly any of my belongings in London.

So I'd left them at my dad's, just stored in storage. And not that I had much stuff, but I think it was under a bed. But there's a lot of the videos and some books and stuff, you know.

So what I did is, I went to the opticians, thinking, or, and they said, you just need glasses for reading. Don't need them all the time, just for reading. I said, okay, cool.

So, and that's when I started, I bought a couple of books. And I got back into reading again, because it was always a passion. And I, not always, obviously I wasn't born reading, but I kind of taught myself to read, really, with my book.

It's over there somewhere on the bookcase. It was a Giaconori. Still, I've literally memorized, I memorized it.

And this is bearing in mind, I hadn't watched, I hadn't read this book since I was a little kid, okay. But I learned to read with it. And in the first, the first page is a little rhyme.

I'll tell you a story about Giaconori, and now my story, I'll tell you a story. When I said I memorized it, I'll tell you a story about Giaconori, and now my story's begun. I'll tell you another about Jack and his brother, and now my story's done.

I tried to look for it the other day. I think while I was doing recording, I could not find it. It's definitely there, because I found it online.

Because it's basically about Jack, Jack and the Beanstalk. And I think there's a few different stories about Jack. And that was what Giaconori was based on, which was a really famous TV show, where people would just tell a story.

They'd read out of a book and tell a story. And I said I taught myself to read. I mean, I'm sure that, you know, I did go to school and stuff at that time.

Because I was what, six, maybe six, five or six, I moved around so much that I didn't, I don't think I really had any kind of stable education, as it were. And then when I moved to, with my dad, I was seven. And I was told by one of my parents that I was behind.

Basically, I was behind because I was told I'd been taught the wrong way. That's what the teachers told her. That something like I've been told, I've been taught the wrong way, I was behind.

I mean, probably just being kind to me, trying to explain it to me in a way that I might understand it. So basically, what it meant, I was in educational terms. Now, I guess remedial or special needs.

Educational terms back then, I was a dunce. You know, it was a little bit different back then. This is 1977.

Someone that was behind educationally was called a dunce. But it's not good, really. It's not now, but that's what I was kind of classed as.

But that's not how she, she said it. She told me I was special. I didn't realise that meant special needs.

But when she said I was special, I felt special. Like loved, like I was, you know, special. Maybe she was about to say needs, but I just like made such a big, I was so gushy and smiley when she said special.

She thought, okay, perhaps I won't say the word needs. Had a conversation with my dad later in the evening, probably, didn't I? So did you, did you have a chat with him? Yeah. Did you tell him that he's special needs? Well, I told him part of it, but he seems so happy.

He said, yeah, but he's happy. All you got to do is just wave a banana around and that gets his attention. He's happy.

That's not true. I do like bananas, but not quite that distractible. Give him a cardboard, give him a cardboard box.

That's all he needs. It's like, no, I mean, cardboard boxes were fun, but it's not all I needed. I also, I love television.

So anyway, I'd kind of taught myself, I think, to read. Maybe I taught myself wrongly to read, but I think I ended up quite okay verbally. I think I was, I don't think I was behind verbally and there's advantages to, there's advantages to moving around a lot when you're little.

From a verbal perspective, I think you get to learn quite, you know, verbally get to, not always, but I think in my case, I think I became verbally quite competent, being around adults a lot. That's another thing. Living in a kid's home with lots of other kids is a lots of conversations all the time.

You know, it's living in dormitories and stuff like that. So I didn't really get any time to myself, but there was a lot of conversations going on. So I was hearing a lot of verbal stuff and absorbing that.

So I think, you know, I think that my verbal skills would probably be quite good, but everything else was maybe not so good. My mathematics skills was still, you know, it was never really a thing for me and it wasn't really, wasn't really my, my forte as it were, nor science, nor geography, nor history, anything really. The only subject I liked too, RE and English.

RE because I suppose in a way I had a little bit of an advantage, being part, you know, for a couple of years being raised by nuns, going to church every day, I kind of understood the groundings of like Christianity or Catholicism or, you know, that kind of stuff. I guess I had a little bit more of an understanding of it. So it wasn't too difficult.

Plus both the RE teachers I had, I only had two RE teachers, this is religious education, and throughout my high school, and they were both lovely. They're both two of my best teachers. So I wasn't interested in the subject really, not to start with, but it was, you know, it was more, they were lovely.

I liked being in the class because the teachers were lovely. And which is something that I think a lot of teachers could learn from, is actually sometimes just, I think, just being nice, just being nice. In them days, there was a lot of strict teachers.

It was not where I was, it wasn't, I think it was kind of like children should be seen and not heard kind of attitude. So it's a little bit different to how it is now. I don't know how it is now, I don't have kids.

And I live on a council estate. So kids are definitely not treated that they should be seen and not heard. They're definitely heard.

So it's, I don't know what it's like in the mainstream country, people around the country. But I'm talking about glasses, I'm talking about reading now. It's just I was in like a remedial class once a week.

I was taking, I know I've talked about this before, but I had my maths teacher, Mr. Johnson, he was lovely, big beard, lovely man, really friendly. And he actually, I think if I'd have had him as my maths teacher, all the way through high school, I'm not saying that I would have gone on to do a level or anything like that, or even, well, I think I might have gone on to do GCSE, which I didn't.

I wasn't even that level to do, I had to, I did a CSE, which is something you get, like sitting in guilds.

That's the kinds of things you get for clearing toilets and stuff back then. And I think it's a bit higher now, but it was very low when it comes to, it's sitting in guilds with people that are not academic, really. Back then it was, it was the lowest level.

And it's different now. So I'm saying I'm not gonna be rude against sitting in guilds, because it's going to be people probably that are taking sitting in guilds now. But back then, sitting in guilds in maths was not an accomplishment, necessarily.

It would have been for me because I didn't pass it. So if I'd have passed sitting in guilds, it would have been a really good accomplishment. But I didn't get any qualifications.

I got U, which apparently is, it stands for unclassified. So I got unclassified for every single thing. I'm not sure if I got a bit higher grade for English.

If I'm honest, I think I might have actually passed English or might be, but it still would have been low. Although English was the only, probably the only subject that I was adequate in. But the problem of English is, I didn't like it.

I did to start with, when I was in junior school, loved English. Practicing writing, practicing handwriting, reading books. I would take, I got, I read every single book in the library.

They had a little library in the English room. And it was just, you know, little books. But I'd take them home and I'd finish them.

So we'd start reading them in class. We'd take turns reading it out loud and things. I'd take the book home with me and I'd read it overnight and bring it back.

And I did it to every single book. Sometimes I'd take like two or three home like the weekend. I'd bring them back and I'd get permission.

I wouldn't just take them because I was a good boy. And this is possibly before I got my library card. Although it might not have been.

It probably, I don't know. Maybe it was because, yeah, I was nine. I'm not sure.

I don't think I had my library card at nine. And so I loved English. I was more interested in crafts than doing other things.

So things like history, you know, be talking about Romans. And I'm thinking, what are you telling me about Romans for? What are you telling me about the Saxons? What are you telling me about the, why? What are you talking about Napoleon for? It's just, I just, I think the only interesting thing about history would be probably about, if they'd done the history of the town I was living in, or if they'd have talked about the history of television or the history of my family, or something like that would have been interesting to me, I guess.

So I kind of went along with it and I just sat at the back and just hid, really.

And then I, I was another thing, oh yeah, that when I was eight, I was, I had my adenoids out because I was having problems with my ears. I was getting earaches. And then I had, had my ear hit, it turned out I was partially deaf in one ear.

So I had my ear adenoids out to, because they were blocked, basically it was blocked. So to clear it out, so I should be okay. So this is eight years old.

So I was partially deaf for however many years, didn't even know it, didn't even know it, didn't even show it. And I remember, I remember being in hospital and like listening to the beep and I had to like tap every time. And I could like, I do it with both ears.

One ear was really clear, which I think is my left ear, still is. Right, right ear, it's not so good as the left ear. So the right ear is like, I mean, it's, it's all, it feels, it's, to me, it seems like the volume is lower when I talk on my right phone.

If I put my, if I put my phone on my right ear, it feels like the, the volume's lower. But I did have an eye test a few years ago and eye test, an ear test, but it was at Specsavers. Had an ear test and they said, yeah, hearing's fine.

So it might just be psychological. I don't know. But anyway, this, this was real.

So I definitely had a, like a hearing issue, but it was fixable. I remember it was so funny because after I'd had the op, came home, for the next year or so, whenever someone called over to me and I said, I didn't hear them, maybe I was focusing on something else. I didn't hear them.

Like my dad would shout out, that's it. We're going back to the doctors. We're going to get his ears tested.

Like, it's like, because I was in a house full of three, four kids, including myself and two adults. I had to block off that sound. It was too much.

I had to kind of go inside myself to block it off. So when someone did shout out my name or I would, sometimes I wouldn't hear it because I'd had to, in order for me to watch TV in a room with how many people was that? Three, four, five other people. That's those three kids, four kids and two adults.

So three other kids, two adults watching a TV. Even if they weren't talking, there was like rustling of bags and food and fidgeting and there was maybe traffic outside and, you know, just general sounds. I had to really zone them out in order to watch the TV and hear it.

So they would talk to me and I wouldn't hear them. It wasn't because I wasn't listening. It's just because I was focused.

I had zoned them out. I removed them from the situation, removed them from my peripheral vision. I've removed them from my thoughts.

I've just focused on the TV and this is the only way I could really watch it. I mean, even now, it seems like I'm just talking about my inadequacies, isn't it? Maybe I am. Maybe that's what it is.

But wearing glasses is not an inadequacy. Wearing glasses is just a natural thing. Millions and millions of people wear them, including me, and there's nothing wrong with it.

For some reason, I can't have someone sitting next to me. When I'm at home, bearing in mind this is the most relaxed place I'm going to be, really, is being here. The most relaxed place I probably ever was before this was my nan's.

I was sitting in the room with my nan. I was relaxed in a way that probably I wasn't. I mean, it's probably more a safety thing, to be fair.

Emotionally, I felt safe with her. But I was relaxed with her. Here is probably the only place that I would say I probably feel relaxed.

When that front door's locked and I've got Finny cuddled up next to me and I'm just stroking him or got my arm resting on him, it's relaxing and relaxed. But if someone put up human beings sitting next to me, I will not feel relaxed. And I'm not talking like some random stranger, just anyone.

Anyone I know, I don't want them sitting next to me. I cannot sit next to someone on a sofa, and that includes even Luke, my friend downstairs. He'd always sit on a different chair.

I'd have a chair separate for him. Or he could sit on a sofa and I'd sit on a chair. You know, I wouldn't like... He'd have a choice.

So he'd sit on the sofa if I was at the table. So if I was at my desk, he'd sit on the sofa and we'd watch TV together or I'd be doing stuff and we'd chat. But if I was sitting... If we were watching TV together, which we didn't do that much, but if we're watching boxing, I like to be comfortable when I'm watching boxing.

I like to be in the sofa with my legs up or in the chair with my legs up because I used to have a not recycling, reclining chair. That's it. I used to have a reclining chair.

And I had that for a few years. I've had this one for... Probably had this one for a few years now as well. But the last few years, he was... With the boxing, he would sit on a chair while I sat on the sofa because... And I'd always make sure there was stuff on the other... Because there's two chairs, two seats on the sofa.

The other side of the sofa's always got stuff on it. It's never empty. This is before I got Vinnie.

I used to just keep that... That's where... That's just stuff. Whether it's a book where I can write stuff in, a book I'm reading, whether it's a laptop, whatever. It's all stuff.

That's my little... Like a little desk, kind of. People don't sit there. And I can't sit next to someone.

I can't. It's especially... I mean, TV would just... It's about doable, but I can't do it. I don't do it if I don't have to.

But having a conversation's too close. I need distance. When I'm talking to someone, I need distance.

I need at least maybe six to ten foot, or six foot probably. Just distance. Not far enough away so that I need binoculars, but just, you know... Or that I need to use a loudspeaker.

But I do... I need that distance. Because I struggle to focus with my eyes if someone's too close. Like... I don't know what that is.

Which makes being on a bus a little bit difficult. And it's great if there's no one on the bus. But a busy bus? Oh, oh, oh.

I'd rather stand... I'd rather stand and pretty much be sniffing someone's armpit. No, I don't want to sniff someone's armpit. I'm saying I'd rather stand and be like squashed standing up than have someone sit next to me.

Which is, you know... I suppose it's because my belly does give me distance. Someone might be on my bum. I've got such a big bum, big belly, that people can't really get too close to me if I'm standing up.

Which is good. Oh, I really paint a terrible picture of my body. So what I was going to say... Oh yeah.

So it turned out that after I had the my ears thing done, the teachers were saying... now they said, oh, he's so behind because he couldn't hear what was being said in the classroom. And he was always sitting at the back of the... talking about me... always sitting the back of the classroom and didn't... didn't pretty much... wasn't able to hear what was going on well enough.

It's like they were trying to make excuses for me not listening.

But the fact is, I mean, it might have been true. It might be part of the reason why I was so behind. But I genuinely wasn't interested in what the teachers were talking about.

And anything that did interest me did... it stuck. You know, if I'm interested in something, I'll look it up now. And that information generally stays with me.

I think sitting at the back was a good place to be. You don't want to be... I never liked people being behind me. I never really enjoyed that.

Even when I'll go to a theatre. When I was really little, I didn't care. Like if I go to the cinema, I used to like going the front row.

Because I was so little, I didn't... my head didn't even really fit to the top of the headrest. So technically people were behind me, but it didn't feel like they were. Because I was... they probably didn't even know I was there.

And I spread my legs out and it was lovely. Even though I only had little legs. I spread my legs out wherever I was in the cinema.

But it was... I used to love to sit at the front and have this big massive screen. And yeah, that's what I always used to do. When I was older, I'd move to the back.

Now, I haven't been to a cinema for a long time. But now I'd probably choose, if possible, like a middle aisle, but away from anyone. I don't want people sitting near me or in front of me or behind me.

I just want my own cinema basically. But enough distance. I don't actually have seats.

In the past, I'm sure I was in a cinema once and someone just walked up and sat right next to me. I remember saying, why? You've got all these other seats in the cinema. There's probably like 200 seats in the cinema.

And there's only like five people in there. Why did you come and sit next to me? You know what I heard? You know what the response was? We came together. We came to... What do you mean, why am I sitting next to you? I've just been out to go and get some popcorn for us.

That's the point where I thought maybe the relationship wasn't going to work out. Just going to the cinema with someone doesn't mean that I want to sit with them. That was weird.

So yeah, I had glasses. Oh, yeah, the 89 got them again started reading. So I'd like using them to read a bit more.

That was nice. And really between 1989 and 2013, just reading glasses. All those years, just reading glasses.

Go back. Just need them for reading. I never mentioned a wonky eye.

Maybe I still got a wonky eye and no one's told me. But I've had photographs taken. It doesn't seem to be.

Well, you know what? I've had enough people in my life. That would tell me they just make fun of me to my face about having a wonky eye. So maybe I do.

But I'm pretty sure they tell me. I actually met someone who had a wonky eye. And there's a health spa thing.

And she's one of the people that I've been most attracted to in my entire life was her. I only met her once. As I wonky, I just like just look in a different direction.

I had a friend. I had a friend who had like an eye like that. Like, who cares? He's got focus on one eye.

But you can't look. You can't look at both eyes anyway, can you? Or can you? I can't. I'm not glazed over a little bit when I look at people, but can't unless there's a distance.

I need a real distance from would be able to get an idea of focusing on both eyes. Too close and I can't focus on either eye. So 2013 between actually, yeah, I wore I wore glasses for reading a lot during the 20s during my 20s rather, not the 1920s.

Because I was reading a lot. I'd read a lot of books, had a lot of books. I had stupid flies in this room.

It was in the kitchen earlier and now it's here. Unless it's just come in the window and it's a different fly or it's got out of the window in the kitchen and come in this way. It's harassing me.

I'm being harassed by a fly. And I don't know why I went to the opticians in 2013. I think I might have been getting a bit of eye strain because I was working in a call center.

And yeah, I was told, yeah, you need to wear glasses and you need to need to wear glasses all the time. Or, or, you know, what they call them lenses, you know, what's it names? That you put in your eye, them lenses things. I can't remember the name because I will never wear them ever.

Contact lenses. No, never, never, never, never, never. And I never, never, never, never, never, no, no, no, no, no.

I mean, for vanity. I understand why people do maybe because glasses can cover up the face. And if someone's particularly, you know, if I was particularly facially attractive, I didn't want my face to be covered up.

Then maybe I would wear contact lenses. I probably wouldn't have wanted to wear glasses in my twenties. I'll be honest with you.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't know. I would not have been happy wearing glasses all the way through my twenties.

And probably not even through my thirties either. I didn't mind wearing them. I didn't mind wearing reading glasses in front of people, but I don't think I would have particularly wanted to be wearing glasses.

Yeah, I just, yeah, it wasn't really for me. I'm used to it now. It's been 12 years now since I've been wearing them.

And it was really weird because the first pair of glasses, it was three lenses and the reading one was more powerful. I don't know what it is. It made me look taller.

I felt taller because the ground was further away. It looked because that was the reading part. So there were a bit more, um, I don't know, but it just looked, I felt that I was like at least five foot tall.

It was amazing. But at the same time, it was trippy because I was, well, literally I was tripping over. The, the vet, not the vet and the optician did say, you're, you know, you'll get used to it, but it might be a bit weird to start with.

I said, thanks. She says, it's a little bit like a prostate exam, you know? I said, what? I said, don't worry. So what are you talking about prostate exams? She said, well, it's a bit weird.

So what's weird about a prostate exam? She said, uh, I'm an optician. I'm not supposed to give them. I said, okay, this is going in a weird direction.

I just left. She came running after me. You got to pay, you got to pay.

I said, okay, I'll pay. I don't want to come back. Can I just give you the money? She said, but you've got to come back.

I said, why? She said, you left your trousers here. But it was weird wearing glasses all the time to start with. And I think some people, because I've got active lights, so active lights, so they go dark in the, in the sun, sunlight all year round.

So I think some people think I'm walking around. Well, actually a couple of people have said it in the past, like other dog walkers. Why are you wearing shades in the winter? I said, I'm not wearing shades.

These are my glasses. They just go, they block out the sunlight in my eyes to try and protect my eyes. So I think some people think I'm walking around with sunglasses on in the winter, or when I first go into a place.

So if I go in, let's say I was going to go into the pet shop in the winter, I would look like I was wearing sunglasses because it takes a while for the lens to go down from dark to be clear again. So the whole time I'm in that pet shop, they might be thinking, he's wearing sunglasses. And it's December, strange, and it's raining.

But they go dark. This is what they do. So I'm pretty sure my first mum had some like this.

My very first mother. I just have a memory of her wearing dark glasses. Maybe they were just sunshades, but she definitely wore glasses.

So I don't know when, when, okay, let me check. When did actor light? Okay. Did glasses have history of people's glasses? So look, 70s style glasses.

Actor light, what is actor light? Glasses through the decades. I can't believe it. Did aviators, not aviators, what are they called? I can't see.

The glasses have been around, what, since 1920s. They were around since before then, weren't they? Eyeglasses history. I don't really want to go for the whole eyeglasses history.

So history, now I'm just going to go for history, history of dark glasses, dark glasses. Samuel Pepys, Samuel Pepys, poor Pepys has been credited with ordering the first dark glasses made by English optician John Turlington, but according to his diary, used more for ogling women in church than to shield his eyes from sunlight. Okay.

I didn't know that was going to be coming up. The Hinted, I suppose they would be called tinted, but like mine aren't sunglasses. They just go dark.

I might get some really, I might get some glasses just to annoy people. Go down a bit of, you know, remember Elton John back in, well, I'm not saying remember him, he's still around, but remember when he was like in the 70s and the 80s, he'd be wearing really crazy glasses. And I might do that.

Or Danny LaRue. Was it Danny LaRue? Liberace. Yeah, I might go down a Liberace route.

Just wear really colourful spectacles. Or I might just get some normal glasses. I quite like these frames.

But last time, because they've got reading bits at the bottom, I got two pairs of the same glasses. So this is the second pair, I've worn the other ones out. This is the second pair.

And these are nearly worn out as well. It's been I think three or four years, maybe four, maybe longer since I last had these. Yeah, I've talked myself into it.

I want to go and get an eyeglass, eyeglass test, eye test for glasses. It's not really much of a history of my glasses, is it? But that's, that's kind of it. I remember when I bought, I got my glasses in 1989.

And they were my first reading only glasses, I think. And when I got them, I was so excited when I collected them. And I think I'd already bought a book to read.

And I was waiting for the to get the glasses to, to anoint the book as it were, or anoint the glasses with the book. And I sat on them. I put them on the bed and I sat down and I basically, yeah, sat on them.

I had to take them back and get them reshaped. And that's it for me. So this is my Jason's, what was it? Monday's Boring Objects, Glasses.

So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself because you do deserve to feel safe.

Lots of love. Bye.