(no music) The Women's Toilet | Let me bore you to sleep #1311 | 25th March 2025

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I don't know what he's doing. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

What are you doing with him? He likes to be part of this. He does. He actually was, you know, if you noticed I've got a yellow cover I normally put over the the dilapidated sofa that's fallen apart because it's really gringy and grungy.

Anyway, it's fairly comfortable though. I put this cover I've got on it. I put it on the floor.

And Vin is now asleep. He loves it. It's like his new little bed.

It's very comfortable apparently. We've had a chat and he said it's not as comfortable as the bed but the ideal situation would be to have that on the bed. Oh, heaven.

So yeah, as soon as I started this recording he's over here doing a whole, you know, whatever it is he's doing. Chimpy chomping, chomping, chomping, whatever it is. So yeah, this is Tuesday.

I've got no idea what the date is. It's Tuesday. I think it's the last Tuesday of March.

So does that mean it's the 27th today? I didn't do a recording yesterday. I did do a recording on Sunday. I did do a recording yesterday but I didn't do a Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

I did a deep sleep whisper but it was a super special one and you don't even have to like the whisper ones because this was very, very relaxing. I put a lot of work into that one. It won't show.

I mean if you watch it or listen to it you won't see any work put in but I did. It took me hours and hours to put it together. Again, it will look like I've just like just gone blah, blah, blah and uploaded it but no, there's a lot of you know.

I mean the video itself was broken into blimey 26 different video sections. Partly because of all the different times I was interrupted so that made it a little bit harder. So the editing took eight, I'm still doing it.

I'm still editing it now as we speak. I'm not but it took a while. And I started that about seven in the morning and it took me till about four or five in the afternoon until it was all complete.

All uploaded, all processed, everything. In fact, no it wasn't even done. The video wasn't wasn't complete yet until yeah I think it was uploaded midnight or was it 10, 11 o'clock something like that.

I think it was 11 o'clock it was actually released. Now I'm not saying I spent from seven in the morning till 11 at night permanently like you know. That was my description of me working on podcasts.

But you know the whole process did take that long. So yeah another thing I've been doing is I have been uploading my videos to Instagram. Now just when I think I figured out how to do it I still keep mucking up.

But I've managed to I think I've uploaded about 12 today or nine. So I've done I'm now up to date I think with all the Deep Sleep Whisper ones. And then actually there might be some more I could do as well.

So then I'm going to start looking at some of the other stuff. When I'm up to date I will just release the videos onto Instagram every day when I make a new one or two or whatever. So yeah that's what I'm going to be doing going forward.

It's just another place where you can listen to my videos. I mean you can watch them. I mean I couldn't watch anything on this.

I couldn't be able to anything on a screen like that. A mobile phone screen it's like no too small for my eyes. But I don't know maybe you can stream on a TV.

I don't know if that you can do that with Instagram. I know you can do it with YouTube. I am on TikTok.

I don't go on there. But I do have an account there because I think I did share some of my videos when I started uploading them to Instagram. So I might start doing the same thing.

I just can't remember what kind of length and TikTok allows. So I have to I'll do Instagram first and I'll look at that one. And then I'll perhaps look at some of the other apps.

Because I'm probably a little bit behind. I share everything I do on Facebook. But oh itchy.

Facebook doesn't like to have videos on there anymore. I don't I don't mean posting a video link but they're telling me I've got to download all my videos by May or they'll be deleted. All the videos that I've posted that I've actually uploaded the file onto Facebook.

Which seems a bit I don't know just didn't expect that. So I guess they're trying to save some money. Yeah, probably.

I'm thinking for imagine the amount of millions of people the millions of accounts they've got where they're not even being used. Now I know people have got like four, five, six different Facebook accounts, but they just keep forgetting how to get into them. Because they're off their head when they actually open them up.

Or they lock themselves out trying to think of the password. So they open another one. And I got something in between my tooth.

I don't know what it is. And I'm just gonna have a drink of water in a minute. I might just lodge it.

Anyway, the beginning to bug me a little bit to be honest with you. So if I can get it out. How blindly so Easter next weekend? No, isn't.

No, isn't this Easter in April, April 2 weekend of April. Unless this weekend is the first weekend of April. There's a bank holiday, April bank holiday weekend.

Which Easter always is on. I'm sure there's nothing sticking on my lip now. Do you ever like to see a video someone and they're like, they're literally not the whole time they've got something just hanging off their lip.

And they don't they don't realize it. That'd be a better one. I don't know I've got I haven't got anything that really fits.

But yeah, anyway, so I did a very, very relaxing recording yesterday. And it took forever. It literally just Yeah, took a long time.

Oh, one of the things that happened while I was doing it is the the neighbours were whistling. One of the neighbours has got a whistle and was blowing the whistle at seven in the morning. So I had to stop and it was loud.

It was like, well, you know, a whistle sounds like different whistles sound different than they but it was just one of those whistles you blow into. Unlike other whistles, which you what tap dance on? I don't know. You know what I'm saying is it was a whistle.

But it was I mean, it was distracting me. You probably wouldn't have heard it like big time. Wouldn't have like been really loud.

But that's all I could hear. That's literally like Yeah, it's it didn't make me feel the most relaxed. So I had to stop recording until it stopped.

And I came back like, okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, I was talking about tap dancing. Oh, yeah, I was talking about whistles. And I carried on talking about whistles.

And maybe thinking about it, maybe the whistle in the background might have actually accompanied the conversation about whistles. So I was asking people to imagine a whistle. Missed an opportunity.

Imagine some really loud music blaring out. You know, the bass shaking the building. I could incorporate that's what they teach you in hypnosis school.

Incorporate what's going on around you into the hypnotic induction. I tell you what, actually. When I did my free pain relief service, hypnosis service back in 2006 2007.

So I hear free hypnosis service. There's hero. And I love mentioning good things I've done tonight.

You know, so don't go so don't really broach the things I've done that have been not so good. So I don't want to think about those things. And I'm trying to make up for it.

So yeah, I was doing it was chronic pain relief. This person was I can't remember the particular person. It was it was someone and and they came for chronic pain relief, which they got.

Yeah, I don't know. All I remember was a Saturday morning, I might have that might be in the one that I did a massive poo. I should rewind, shouldn't I? Now there's there's a Saturday morning that I'd been out while I've been drinking the night before.

And I'm not talking about water. And and I went to McDonald's. I had a egg McMuffin.

And an orange juice, two things that tend to kind of mix together can start a bit of an avalanche sometimes. And so I just so I rushed into the building, go into the toilet. And all I'm going to say is I wasn't constipated.

Okay, I don't want to go into details because but there's no air freshener in there. Normally, there was like a little thing of air freshener like nothing. And I didn't have any deodorant on me because I think it's very important when you're doing therapy in a small room with someone that you stink really badly.

I don't you know, I think smelling good's not a good idea. It distracts from a therapeutic relationship. No, I don't know why I said that.

So so I'm in this little and it's a little toilet. It's in this therapy room this therapy. I don't know what you want to call it therapeutic place where they did massages and reflexology and Reiki and beauty therapy.

And there was like a few rooms upstairs, couple rooms downstairs. And I just rented one room between nine and 12 or nine and one something like that. Every Saturday morning, so I get in there.

And so I'm, you know, I'm emptying my suitcase as it were. That's the word for it, empty my suitcase. I'm delivering the concrete.

You know, I don't know, I'm trying to think of a way to describe it. You know, those those churners are like just like, and the concrete all comes out. The cement and the concrete is brown.

So I've done that. Now it's nothing. It's not a weird story.

Like there was toilet roll and everything's fine. Again, why are you asking that? Come on. But there's no air freshener.

The toilet blocks. Okay. I mean, it flushes.

It just doesn't flush. It's just you know, the water comes right up to the rim. For a second you think, oh no, I'm going to get wet.

And then I only noticed it because Oh, yeah, I mean, so I remember because the building was predominantly was all the people that live. Okay, everyone that worked in that building were female. And a woman said to me, when I first went in there, when I first got the rented the room.

She said, I want you to know. I said, what's what's he didn't talk like that. I don't know why do these weird voices.

She said, I want you to know. There's mainly all females. I said mainly or all I mean, it can't be both.

What do you mean? Well, all is all mainly is not all. Okay, she's okay. Other than yourself.

It's all females that work in this building. And all the clients that come in here are also female. I said, so I don't really know where she was going with this.

She said, we've got one toilet that we share. Again, I didn't really know where she was, what she was, where she was, like, trotting towards trotting, treading, walking, galloping. Yeah, I didn't I didn't know what, what particular I didn't know what kind of cheese was she was trying to sell me, you know, I just didn't know what she was on about.

And she said, well, basically, no one comes to toilets, you know, the difference between men and women. I said, I was like, I think we should talk about anatomy. She really asked me if I knew the difference anatomically between men and women.

It's like a bit of a strange question. I mean, this is you know, this is 2019 years ago, blimey. And I said, yeah.

So what's that got to do with anything? I've always been progressive, you see. I'm not interested in differences. Let's find a common ground and live in peace.

That's why I say. And she said, What are you talking about? I said, I'm talking about the toilet. You're talking about toilet.

You're asking me what's the difference between men and women. See, so I'm not asking you what the difference is between men and women, women, women, women. I'm just letting you know that it because it's pretty much an all female building.

And only females really use the toilet other than you. Then we expect the toilet to be classed as a female toilet. I said, What? So you want me to, you want me to go out the window, then do you want me to urinate out the window? She said, No, no.

I didn't think she thought I was going to say that. But I didn't. I'm like, you know, what are you saying? I said, What are you gonna hand me a bucket? So I was thinking he's gonna hand me a bucket and take it upstairs with me.

No cheese by this point. I'm still thinking she's gonna mention cheese. I don't know why you ever get in your mind like stuffing that cheese or some kind of food item.

Right now I think of a bicycle pump. There's no real reason for it. It's not like bicycle pumps and cheese kind of go together, is there? It's not much of a good connection.

You know, I mean, so. So I just said to her like, Okay, right, what is it? You want what you didn't say what you're trying to say, because I don't want to be rude. I didn't like say, we don't have Willis, because she probably wouldn't get the reference.

Possibly a lot of people wouldn't get the reference. But I said, Okay, is a female toilet, which I'm going to be using? She said, Yeah. Okay, so we understand each other then.

I said, Sorry to break it to you. But I don't think we do. And I've understood the words you said, and you seem to have understood the words I've said.

But I've not really understood the meaning of what you're saying. And you don't seem to be understanding that I don't understand the meaning of what you're saying, even though the words are making sense. But the meaning the you know, this bit strange.

She said, Okay, without being too graphic. I got my interesting stuff. Oh, good.

It's gonna be interesting. She said, Well, you know, the difference between men and women. So we've already been down this way.

I said, Yeah, there'll be some Willie's and said, No, that's, that's not what I'm talking about. Because I was five years old at the time. And she said, Well, you know about the toilet seat, the toilet, the toilet lid, toilet seat? Yeah.

I said, Ah, okay. And I remember, you know, I've lived in a house. And used to get told off for leaving the toilet seat down.

Even though there's one, two, three, four, five males. And how many females were there in the house? Oh, one. Yeah.

We didn't listen. Because we won, we ruled. Just, you know, it was all males.

So she didn't really ever, ever really say in it. But as I got older, you know, I've listened to people saying, Can you leave the toilet lid toilet seat down? And was it up? Whatever it is. And I don't, I still don't.

As far as I'm concerned. If I've got to put it down. If I've got to lift it up and put it down.

That's me having to touch it twice. For a female, a woman who she hasn't got to touch it at all. If it's down.

Why have I got to touch it twice? No. Yeah, I never do. Never have.

I tell you what, my dad's wife. She got a toilet seat so it automatically closes. So it goes down on its own.

You can't put it up. It's like lodged at an angle. So it's hard to even keep it up to like to do a wee wee.

You got to kind of hold it out while you do it. And the other one automatically goes down as well. I'm very disappointed in him.

Mind you, I don't know. Some people I've, I've never. Yeah, I don't know.

But I'm in this toilet. Oh, itchy bum. I'm in this toilet, in this therapy room.

And I'm standing there. I've just finished doing what I'm doing. I've flushed the toilet.

And then I remember what the lady said to me on the reception. You know, the person I'm renting the room from. So I'm thinking, I better leave.

That reminded me to put the seat and the lid back up. Because I will not be bullied over toilet seats. That's when I saw that the water level was really high.

And I thought, oh no. And then I remembered. It's nine in the morning.

The first customers downstairs don't get in till like quarter past nine. And I couldn't hear anyone around. Even the other therapist wasn't there yet.

Just there's only just a girl on a reception. I think she was the daughter of the person that ran it. She said there's a part time job.

So I got in early. It might be actually 10 to nine. To be fair.

I got in, squirted, like went into the toilet and I went to open a window. Because there's a little, like a little window. There's almost like they put it there for decoration.

Some would argue windows are decoration. But for me, they're supposed to be like a useful thing as well. And I remember a neighbor once said to me, why do you keep looking out the window at me when I'm sunbathing? I said, that's literally what windows are for.

That's what they're for. They're made see through for a reason. And it seemed logical at the time.

But it was pointed out during my year of probation. No. So I'm in this toilet, I'm trying to open this window and it won't open.

So I thought, oh well, nothing I can do. There's nothing there's nothing to unplug the toilet with, you know, there's no plunger or anything like that. No toilet brush to mess up.

So there was there was nothing. It was just like, well, you know, we all know, we all know what it looks like. So hey, just let's not.

And it was like a, like a kaleidoscope. And a rainbow just had a punch up. And it was, no, with a few chocolate drops.

I don't know, maybe. And an Easter egg broke in. No, I don't know.

I'm just saying that, you know, it was, it was what it was. And so I leave. I can't do anything about that.

Blame on someone else. The next person that comes in, they'll just they'll, you know, maybe they'll think it was them. They might not look down there first.

Mind you, they'll have to because they've got to put the lid down. Oh, no one knows me. It's not like they're gonna be doing DNA tests, is it? 48% Irish I am.

But that that was from urine. No, not urine. That wasn't from poo.

That was from saliva. I got it right on the fourth time. It wasn't poo.

It wasn't saliva. That wasn't poo. It wasn't urine.

It wasn't the other thing. It was saliva. So four attempts.

Got it right. Got it back. That's good.

I wonder what they thought. But you say, oh, how did you do that? It's easy. I did a liver.

Was it liver functioning or kidney or something? Like a test? A swab thing that I had to do. And it came through exactly the same time as a DNA test from Ancestry did. So I kind of got a little bit confused which one was which.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's not important. It's not relevant.

I apologised to them. So I'm coming out of this place. And I'm thinking, you know, I've got toilet paper stuck up my nose.

So I can't because it's no air freshener, as I said. And I can't like go like that because I stunk worse in the toilet. No, I didn't stink worse.

But it was still wasn't pleasant. And I mean, this is Saturday morning. We all know we have baths on a Sunday evening.

So, you know, it's not my fault. Timing, isn't it? So I just. Yeah, it's the only time anyone ever sat next to me on a bus Monday morning.

Every other day, people would just be opening the windows and hanging out the windows like her like, Blimey, what's wrong with him? Yeah, I remember there was a woman in a wheelchair came on. And she just she just, this is totally true. She saw there was only one space because I was sitting down in the wheelchair section.

And there's no room at the back. And she came to get a wheel up and to kind of park in that one bit. And she took one sniff of me and she just left.

She said no. And she left. I'm not I can't I can't put up with this.

You might think that's a bit weird. Yeah, she left the wheelchair. I smelled so bad.

She got up and walked away. It was terrible. And I killed her.

It was amazing. So yeah, that didn't happen. So anyway.

I had Yeah, I walk out of this room, the toilet. And I closed the door. So I'm kind of like, you know, when you try and close the door before it's even opened.

And to start with, I kind of open it, I'm going like that with the door, trying to get a bit of air into the little bit of air out. I'm like, oh, this is like, you know, trying to get a little of air out of the out the door before that she opened the door. Open door and there's a lady standing there.

And I got no idea what she was thinking. And I figured I'll and I got away with it. I just I just like said, Oh, and I said, I go apologize.

But just let you know that was not me. That was not me. Okay.

It's grim. I literally just came in just literally how long you've been waiting. She said 10 minutes.

I said, just came in here 10 minutes ago. And I was trying to figure out how to clear it because it's like unusable. It is amazing.

I can't believe I thought men's toilets for men's toilets for gross. It's amazing considering it's only women go in here. It's, it's bad.

And the toilet seat was up. I couldn't believe I was shocked. I mean, I would never go to a toilet in a in a woman's toilets.

Why was I in here? And I wanted to look in the mirror just to check that I was still here. Sometimes I make up the wrong excuses. And sometimes like, well, I thought I'd dye my beard while I was here or shave me bum.

I don't know just things like try to as a distraction. But that doesn't always work. And she said, Okay.

And she was like, she, she, she put her face off. She didn't put her face in, but she she lent in to the to the toilet. I was like, Oh, then she, she lent back, she turned around and she kind of put her face near me and went, Oh, and she chose the toilet.

She said, Oh, that's better than the, which I thought was a bit rude. I mean, yeah, a bit smelly, but I don't think it was that bad. I mean, that's why it's each to their own, isn't it? Stinky is and behold of the beholder.

Is that the word? Is that the right term? And I thought I'd got away with it. Just and just as I actually had got away with it. She was about to close the door and I said, Oh, wait a second.

She said, What? I said, I forgot to wash my hands. If only I'd got it just walked away. But you know, um, it's important.

You know, I'd always I like to wash my hands. After at least every five times. This is grim.

No, I do. I do wash my hands. I like to wash my hands.

I don't like to wash blindly. But you know, I do I do wash my hands. And as you ran out of soap today, I got this, you know, when a soap gets so small, it turns into like the smallest goldfish, like a little white goldfish.

That's, that's, that's where I am till tomorrow morning when I get my delivery. It's like tiny little goldfish soap. I had to borrow tea bags from my neighbour downstairs.

It's weird. I haven't been like this for a while. Strange.

And I only needed like, was it four? I only have about four tea bags a day. Four. Maybe five.

Six, seven, eight, nine. I probably need about 10 tea bags. And she gave me about 40.

I think it's like, wow. I thought maybe I'll just cancel the tea bags I ordered. But then I thought that's just seems a bit rude.

A bit rude. I mean, it's bad enough that I stole a car. I didn't steal a car.

She hasn't got a car. Why am I saying things like this? I don't know why. Oh, it's those fleas.

Anyway. So you know, it's like, I've really messed up. And as I'm washing my hands, I said to her, I don't realise this might not be the best kind of time, the best moment.

But I was wondering, did you notice a bit of chemistry between us? I just, you know, I don't know if perhaps you'd like to explore it and go out sometime. And she just flung herself into my arms and we've been together ever since. Oh, the stories we tell our grandkids.

Grandad, how did you meet grandma? Because all kids sound like that, don't they? Well, it's an unusual story. It involves a blocked toilet. No.

So yeah, that didn't go down too well. So like, like, she said, I'm not really looking for a relationship right now. I said, what about once you've done your poo? Again, the wrong thing to say.

She said, I'm not going to be able to do a poo because it's blocked. I said, are you constipated? She said, no, the toilet's blocked. Oh, what are you going to do then? She said, what do you mean? I said, what are you going to do? The toilet's blocked.

She said, I don't know. Actually, I don't know what I'm going to do. This next thing, I was trying to be helpful.

I was genuinely trying to be helpful. And I said, I have an idea. I said, follow me.

So she comes downstairs with me into the reception to the girl when she was probably about 14, 15, 16, who is the owner's daughter, as I said, she was there. And I said, uh, right, Tracy, or whatever her name was, have you got that poo bucket? And apparently, that didn't go down too well with anybody, including all the other people that were waiting to be seen. And the other therapists.

Hmm. She said, I thought you're going to bring me down to another toilet. I said, if there was another toilet, you think I'd have been in that one up there on my own? Block, blocking, not blocking it.

And just, I'll be, I'll be yeah, no, no, I didn't. No, there's not another one. And the receptionist said, actually, there is.

It turned out they lived upstairs. That was their building. That's their home.

She said, you can use the one upstairs. The therapist used that. Okay.

What am I then? What, what am I? This is me talking to the receptionist. I'm therapist. She said, but you're not one of our therapists.

Well, what am I then? She said, you're just someone that rinsed the room out for four hours on a Saturday morning. You're not affiliated to us at all. That was quite upsetting to hear.

And I thought, I just want to get my own back on her. And she said, why do you want to get your own back on me? I was like, I've got to stop saying things out loud. Either that or she was a mind reader.

It's possible. And I said, oh, it doesn't matter. Don't worry.

She said, nothing you could do can make any difference to my day. I'm having a good day. And I'm fine.

I'm got everything I think is inappropriate. It's ridiculous. It's not her talking.

It's me. The next thing I was to come out of my mouth was going to be just really silly. I said, why are you in such a good mood? She said, my mum's taking me tampon shopping.

Exactly. It's not true. Why would I think? It's just ridiculous.

It's good to have some quality time together. Mother daughter time. Oh dear.

Blimey. I apologise. It's not my fault.

Because she was being a bit smart, a bit, you know, a bit up herself, a bit, bit looking down on me. You know, you're the only man here. Okay.

I said, well, just let you know. Have you got a toilet plunger? She said, yeah. Why? I said, you're going to need it.

Upstairs is blocked. That toilet. And I walked away chuckling.

Sometimes it's worth waiting around to see whether or not it's had an effect. Because I don't know. I didn't know if it bothered her or not.

Sniffy, sniff, sniff. Anyway. The weird thing about this is, so I go into the room, which is literally just opposite the toilet.

You can still smell it. Blimey. So I go into this room, which is where I was doing the free pain relief service.

Just let's get back to the fact that I was helping people. I was a good guy. Yes, I was.

I was. Yeah, a hero. Literally.

And I, so I'm sitting there. And I don't, I wasn't seeing anyone until I think it was quarter past nine. I knew some people downstairs already, but I would always, it was like quarter past nine.

And I'd see them for like 45 minutes or something like that. So I'd have like four to 15 minutes break between. And so I said, okay, here we go.

I didn't really want to go back down to the reception area because of the receptionist. I think she had it in for me. And didn't seem to like me for some reason.

Yeah. Mind you, I did used to flick elastic bands through the window. Yeah, perhaps that's probably not the best way to make new friends.

Chucked a custard pie out of a car. Yeah, again, perhaps that didn't go down well. It was weird because it was, I thought she liked custard.

So Oh, what the heck am I talking about? I don't know. So yeah, so I go downstairs. I'm all set up.

I mean, I don't have to do much to be fair. A bit like even now, I just take my coat off. Get me water bottle and just go downstairs and get my client.

The first one, I never really knew half the time who it was. This is a new client. So go downstairs and hellos.

Like I didn't when I first started, I used to like call their name. And usually I didn't have to if there's only one person, but on this occasion, it's quite busy. And I think it's nice if people have a bit of anonymity could show it's good to show.

It's good to show respect. I am respect for him. As a joke, I'm not but I am in real life.

So I wanted to be respectful. And give a good impression. So what I did is I went over to the receptionist, I said, can I see if my client's here, please? But I don't know why this is ridiculous.

Can I see if my client's in please? I said it really quietly. She said, Can you please not stand too close? I said, I'm not I'm just just being just I can't I can't shout. She said, Yeah, but you smell really bad.

So you know what, you're not the first person to say that starting to think maybe it's true. Because at the time I was 35. And for at least 32 years people have been calling me smelly belly.

And I didn't know if I thought it was just a nickname, like a cute little nickname, you know, like another, like, my little soldier or my little hero, you know, it's like smelly belly. It was term of endearment, maybe. And maybe it wasn't.

Anyway, I said, it's my client in. Forget about the smell. It's hard.

I said, I know, don't worry, I'm going upstairs now. She said, by the way, my mom says you're gonna have to start paying more for the room. Every by every week, because I was paying 10 pounds an hour.

And I was getting that money from the client. So I just said it was a free service, but just pay for the room higher of 10 pounds. And people fine with that.

So I just, she said, I said, 10 pounds. It's not bad for an hour just using a room. And you get 40 quid a week from me.

And she said, Yeah, but it costs us 300 pounds to get the room fumigated. Again, it's like, why do you keep decorating the room? You know, what's that got to do with me? putting up decorations or whatever it is that that means. Anyway, I get the I look at the book, and there's something someone called Laura, just just for the sake of it.

And I go over and it's only is like, yes, it's all females in there. The only time there's ever a male there was when they were for me. Occasionally, I think men did wait, they waited for their partners.

But I don't know, men didn't seem to use a service. I don't know why they use my service. But on this occasion, it was a female is called Laura, I think her name was Laura.

So I go up to and I realize it's the woman that was upstairs in the toilet. Oh, no. So that was a bit awkward.

And weirdly enough, she still came upstairs with me to do the therapy session. So we go upstairs. She said the first thing she said is, can we open the window, please? I said, we hadn't even got into the room.

I said, How do you know there's a window in there? She said, I'm just hoping I'm praying. Like, okay. And there was a window.

So I opened it. This is this is kind of what I was getting to, to be fair, because I don't know how it took me so long to get to this point. But about because you know, I was talking about the whistling.

A little while ago, this, this is what I was mentioning, how it can be a distraction when there's a noise for me. And, but I learned from this situation, because while she was sitting there, I'm not sure if it was a reclining chair, I can't remember. But she had her eyes closed, and we're focusing on relaxation.

It happened to be some kind of ceremonial day. So where the army and the Royal Air Force were had jet pilots going past by big, massive helicopters and jet pilots for about 20 minutes, probably all the way up on the way to London, probably to some kind of Memorial Day or something for the Royal Family. It was so loud.

And the windows open, which made it even louder. Although I mean, the good thing about it, the only good thing for me is having the helicopters and the jet jets going past, it kind of drowned out the sound of the people in the street, shouting about what's where's the smell coming from? Anyway, I just saw a jet pilot go past, he's holding his nose looking at me like, which is a bit rude.

I mean, you could say what am I doing looking out there when I should be focusing on the relaxation session, or the pain relief session.

But the point of what I was saying, was when when we finished the recording, when we finished the session, I said to her, I'm so sorry, I had no idea there was going to be a some kind of air show going on today. She said, What do you mean? I said all the helicopters and the planes going past. Yeah, it might be an air show, but it was it was honestly went on really dragged on, which I don't mind.

Normally, I quite like seeing them because they're just like how on earth to something that big stay in the air and move so slowly. As it's like, I'm not talking about helicopters, either, just the planes like something is so huge. And you can see they're only moving literally a mile an hour.

If that, you know, so slowly as they go past. I mean, some might say, yeah, no, it's distance, they are moving faster, but no, they're big. If it's distance, and there must even be even bigger in it.

I mean, this the size of like, just huge size of cities. Anyway, she said no, I didn't hear anything. I said, Did you hear me talking? She said, Yeah.

I said, You serious? You didn't hear any of the planes? Anything? Didn't hear anything? She said, No, I heard a few people moaning about the smell. But other than that, it's got drowned out a little bit. And I just didn't really hear anything but your voice.

And it's like, wow. So sometimes I think there can be things that are distracting me might not be distracting other people that may be listening. That's that was my point.

I think I think I made it very succinctly. Maybe not. Maybe, baby, baby, baby, baby.

So I didn't do Monday's boring objects yesterday. And I didn't do Tuesday's trivia today. Unless of course the trivia involves talking about planes going past and how background sounds have no way of interrupting how peaceful and relaxed you can feel.

Maybe. So I'm going to go and get something to eat. Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.

Oh, yes. A cup of tea and summit to eat. But I don't know what I'm going to eat.

I want to eat something. But I'm not sure what. I don't know.

I'm really not sure. Something I'll find something to eat something to jump on. And that ladies and gentlemen, is all I have time for today.

So thank you very much for joining me on this auspicious occasion. It's been a pleasure and an honour for me to be given this opportunity to be present at such an important moment in this history of our fair land. And to really, really appreciate just how much love I'm feeling from you all right now.

Knowing that I'm not just your hero, but something even more special, maybe like a little monkey. I'm like your favourite little monkey that visits from a tree. And maybe steals your banana.

Maybe a drink or two. But no matter what happens is still look at that little monkey's bum and think always cute. You may have just stole my phone or cost me over 1000 pound.

But he's a cute little monkey. Just taking my wallet with all my credit cards in. That's going to take me three or four days before I can spend any money again.

But he's so cute. Little monkey climbing up and down a tree. wobbling his little bum.

Oh, I hope I can be that little monkey for you. I hope I can I can give you that pleasure that that little monkey climbing in a tree, stealing off everyone. I hope I can, I hope I can give you that kind of pleasure and so that I'm special in your heart.

And it's an honour to just be regarded just to be thought of. I don't know what I'm doing today. So I'm going to go.

Don't do drugs. That's what I'm gonna say. I don't.

Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy. And be gentle with yourself because you do deserve to feel safe.

I don't know what he's doing. So take care, lots of love. And I will be back after I've recovered from my breakdown.

Bye. Bye.