(no music) #1299 Q&A Friday - Let me bore you to sleep (7th March 2025)

Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Before you ask, these are not my pyjamas, although they are kind of pyjama-y type aren't they? I'm going to get myself some pyjamas. I am, but I need, the thing is, I need something that isn't tight, you know, so when I'm in bed, I mean this isn't tight walking around, but in bed, I like to be loose, like, naked-y loose, but not naked, because then he won't sleep in the same bed as me if I'm naked.

Understandable really, but generally, I don't, I don't like, I don't sleep naked, but, I mean, who's, who's got time for that much washing? I mean, that's like, that's a load every day, isn't it? I'm talking about the washing machine. Anyway, hello, welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name's Jason Newland, my name, my name, my website is jasonnewland.com. A load every day.

And please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. This is the second recording, second video that I have made today. Earlier, I did number 13, let me bore your pain away.

And I'm not sure if you can hear it, my computer's buzzing a little bit, because it's uploading it on YouTube. But on the other, on the iPad, I've got audio recordings, podcasts being uploaded to SoundCloud. And I've got Facebook open.

And it's, it's all a little bit taken, the internet can't really handle it very well. And the power of relaxation, let me bore your pain away 13. So that will be up and running.

I did a Let Me Bore You To Sleep yesterday, but uploaded the video today and the recordings. I don't know if I uploaded them yesterday or today. And that was book thief.

Let Me Bore You To Sleep number 1298. So this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep 1299. It's not that time again, is it? Q&A Friday.

Blimey. It's weird. It goes so quick, doesn't it? It's like only since like a week ago.

That was last doing this. Q&A Friday. It's 4.41pm. I'm doing this a little bit earlier, because if I leave it too late, I won't do it.

Today, I'll do it tomorrow, but I won't do it. So what I want to do is get it done. Because if I leave it, I'll run out of time, because boxing's on at seven.

Lauren Price and what's the name of fighting? It's an all female lineup. And it's the first time they're making history. It's at the York Hall.

And they've never had a full female lineup at York Hall ever in boxing. So yeah, it's something to celebrate, I think. I think women should be allowed to punch each other in the face if they want.

I mentioned Lauren Price the other day. She's so good. The person she's fighting is really, really brilliant.

They're both world champions. But Lauren Price, she's mean. There's something about her that's mean.

I don't mean this horribly. She's not likable in or out of the ring. I don't mean that she's not light.

There's something a little bit scary about her. A little bit Mike Tyson-y, Nigel Benn. Mean.

She doesn't even seem to go for the knockout. It's like she wants to just prolong it. And she's happy just to keep.

Yeah, I don't know. I'm sure she's lovely. But she's scares me.

So she's very good. And I would say I would rank her as a top. Another person's really mean would be Clarissa Shields.

They're two of the meanest ones. Clarissa Shields is she's at the top, top of the pile. She's pound for pounder.

She's a heavyweight champion. I think literally pound for pound, I suppose. She would be the top, wouldn't she? But, you know, she's pound for pound as in the best out of everyone, I would argue at the moment.

But Lauren Price, I reckon she's going to be there. And Katie Taylor, I mean, she's been up there for years. But I think she's coming to a close.

I think. Are you going to do the questions? Or are you going to talk about boxing again? I can do both. I can do both.

I want Lauren Price, not Lauren Price. I would like to see Taylor fighting Shields, Clarissa Shields. That's what I would like to see.

Them two. Because that would be an amazing fight. And also Katie Taylor gives her a chance to win another weight division.

World title. In fact, I think Clarissa Shields has got two world titles. A heavyweight.

So she's got unified. So. Although Clarissa Shields doesn't get much attention in this country.

It's like really is it so small? It's like there's not that many female, like brilliant female boxers. At the moment, it's growing, still growing. There's not as many weight divisions.

There's not as many. I mean, you don't have to. They can win a world title in like the third or fourth fight.

It doesn't happen in men's boxing, unless the particular man is famous, maybe an Olympic gold medalist. And because what was his name? Vasilenko? Vasilenko? What's his name? Vassilo Likachenko, whatever his name is. He fought for a world title in his second fight, he lost.

And then he won a world title in his third fight. But he fought for a world title in the second fight. Marvin Frazer fought Larry Holmes, I think in his seventh fight.

Marvin Frazer, let me have a look. Marvin Frazer. So this is something that doesn't happen.

But of course, Marvin, well, you might not know Marvin, Marvis Frazer was Joe Frazer's son. He was his little boy. So no, it's his 10th fight.

He beat Joe Bugner in 1983, which was a really good win in 1983, to be fair, because Joe Bugner was the world champion. When was he the world champion? Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, he fought for the world title, didn't he? For what? He fought for the WB.

Okay, he fought Muhammad Ali in 1975. Wow. So, but he was still I can look at his record.

He won the Australian. He won the IWBF. Whatever that is.

Okay. So Frank Bruno knocked him out in 1987. So 1983.

Anyway, he got to fight Larry Holmes, who's the world champion in 1983. This is Joe Frazier's son. And they stopped it in round one, it didn't go past round one.

It went a minute and three seconds. And if I remember correctly, Larry Holmes was begging the referee to stop it, because he kept getting up after being knocked down. And he wasn't ready.

You don't have 10 fights and be ready for Larry Holmes at his peak. I mean, Larry Holmes, I mean, that's the problem. I'm gonna talk about boxing.

I'm gonna stop. Look at this. I think it's sticking up.

Some people that didn't know about Larry Holmes when he was the world champion. In the early 80s. They don't know some of them don't they might only know Larry Holmes when he fought Mike Tyson and got knocked out.

And might think or isn't he's not much good. Or they might think that about Michael Spinks, or they might think that about Frank Bruno, or they might think that about anyone that Tyson knocked out. The fact is, everyone that he knocked out was good.

They were all good. And some of them were past their best. Larry Holmes is one of those.

And that would have been, I reckon a very different fight if it happened. In 1983. But Mike Tyson would have been about 12 years old.

So no, he wouldn't have been really, it was 86, he was 20 and 86. So 83. 1716 17.

So you know, he wouldn't stood a chance against Larry Holmes at that age. But well, he would have done. But the fact is, Larry, all I'm saying is Larry Holmes is good.

Can I can we move on? Blimey. Right, let's have a look at the questions. There isn't many.

I'm beginning to wonder. Is Q&A Friday coming to a sticky, sticky ending? Again, that sounds weird. Or am I going to get more questions? Because I've only got three questions this week.

Admittedly, I didn't post the request for questions until yesterday. But and technically three questions is enough. But you know, it's kind of are we losing interest? This is one of the drink of water.

This is one of the recordings that's a little bit easier, easier, easier, but like easier in a sense of it keeps me focused. Because I've got the question in front of me. Sometimes I delve off behind the cupboards, you know, looking for kit kats or whatever.

But I do generally come back to the original question at hand. So yeah, anyway, the first one is from Michelle. I've got three questions, Michelle, Hannah, and Joanne.

So thank you, Joanne. Thank you, Hannah. And thank you, Michelle.

Also want to say I got a message from someone. Where did I get a message? Where was that from then? Nope, can't find it. That's weird.

How strange. I had a message. Yeah, can't see where it is.

Might be on Instagram. I rarely go on Instagram, but occasionally I'll see what going every day actually, but just to see if there's any it's part of my little thumb routine. You know, I don't sometimes I don't even know what app I'm on like.

And I forget what I'm saying. Michelle asks, you say you aren't really a people person. But you talk so freely and come up with so much random info.

Makes me think you do great around people. Where do your words come from? LOL. So where did my words come from? Hmm.

I think it might be genetic. Now. I know I didn't get my chattyness from my granddad.

He didn't say two words to me. I mean, he might have been chatty when I wasn't around. It's possible.

You know, possible. I don't know. No, he wasn't.

My nan told me he wasn't. So he was he was talking, he talked to her, but he wasn't like talking for the sake of it. Maybe like I am.

Oh, itchy leg. But I don't know. My nan was a chatterbox.

She loved to have a good old chinwag. Funny enough, my granddad's sister was the same. Proper chin.

Proper. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Proper got that from both sides, my nan and granddad.

But you know, just not my granddad, but like his side, maybe he had a chatty family. My dad's chatty, doesn't say much to me. But he, he can.

I think he's over the years, he's kind of calmed down and realizes he has to, and he doesn't have to, but he's chosen to keep quiet rather than say what he's thinking. Because what he was thinking, possibly was not helpful for his relationships. I don't know.

Just he'd say stuff. And I'm thinking maybe that's what I'm like. But generally, I don't think what I've got to say, or what I say is harmful or mean.

Really, I mean, some people might disagree and a lot of stuff what I say isn't even, I don't mean it anyway, I just say it for the sake of it. But I don't think I'm a bad person or anything. So I trust in myself not to say things that are going to upset people.

Now I didn't used to, I used to enjoy upsetting people, which is I know it's silly, but it's a long time ago. I mean, you know, at least three weeks. I was wondering why this is so itchy.

I've got a button inside. Do you know? Look at this button. Inside.

And I was itchy. I was like, why is it itchy? Herpes hasn't come back, has it? But it's all right. It was just Oh, see, the microphone is now moved.

I'm going to try and move it without causing a scratch. I don't know if that made a sound or not. apologies if it did.

I talk so freely. I do get on with people, generally. I think what it is, I struggle a little bit with that.

I'm not a big fan of aggression. I'm not talking about outward aggression. I'm not a fan of that either.

But you know, when someone's clearly inside and they're not, they are expressing it, but they're not expressing it. That and liars, not big fan of liars. Now, I lie.

But I like to think that when I lie, people know I'm lying. Because I do it silly. You know, it's not like I'm just making stuff up for fun.

For me, it's not lies. Because I've got no reason to lie. I've got nothing to lie about.

There's no benefit for me to lie. No one's got anything that I want. Apart from maybe a new brain, that'd be nice.

But there's, you know, I've got no reason to lie to anyone, because I don't want to get anything from them. They haven't got anything that I want from them. You know, like to try and coerce them or manipulate them.

So to give me something like, what they got nothing. Not saying I haven't got stuff, but they haven't got anything that I want. What I want? Is it me? Or does my... That's weird.

Oh, it looks like my bookcase is uneven. See there. But I just realised this is because there's books on top.

But I don't... I guess I'm trying to explain why I struggle a little bit with people. And I'm not a people's person as... Okay, I have a limit, an hour. That's how long I can spend with someone that I get on with, before it's time to leave.

It... I'm not, it's not exact, it's not precise, it's not on the dot. But you know, it's not like I have an alarm go off on my phone. See ya.

But about an hour. And I think part of that is because I've got stuff to do. Especially now, as I've got older, I'm realising time's going by.

I want to try and contribute and do something that's maybe useful to other people. And I want to go to bed feeling I've accomplished something and have something to look forward to when I wake up. Which I do.

Okay, not always. But generally, you know, on a good day, I look forward to getting up to just checking my stats, seeing if I've had any video views, seeing if I've had any podcast views, any messages telling me how wonderful I am. You know, stuff like that.

It's nice. Even when I'm not in a good mood. Even when I'm not feeling, you know, brilliant, which is most of the time, probably to be fair, a lot of the time, I still have that little interest, I want to get up, check stuff.

And that's the thing. It gives me a reason to get out of bed. Gives me a reason to stay out of bed, this stuff that I do.

And I don't, I don't really want to be distracted from it. Because if I'm distracted from this, I'll end up spending the day doing something where I realize it might not be a bad thing, it might be a good thing I've done, it might be fun. But then I think, well, what have I done? So if I've got a friend comes around for a cup of tea, cup of coffee, or I go, maybe in the past, I go and visit that person.

Half the day's gone. And all we've done is just chat. And some of us really good talk, you know, it's like something's funny as well.

And I'd like I could have done that on a recording. If I'm going to talk, I'd rather talk into a microphone and make use of that energy. It's that makes sense.

It's a bit it's been like when I used to work in a call center. Before I worked in a call center, I loved being on the phone. I love chatting to women on the phone.

I did just loved it. Just one of my favorite things. And I was really good on the phone.

And you know, I'd have blind dates on the phone and built into relationships. So I'd meet someone once, get the you know, they give me their phone number, and then we'd talk a few times. And it would build.

And I always was quite good at that. Naturally, I didn't put any effort in, I just did it just seemed to work. Even when I was 17.

I was really good on the phone in person. No. With with females.

In person, no. I've like literally spent every night. This is a while back, quite a while, quite a while ago.

Every night for about a week talking to this lady that I knew. But I knew her vaguely. She used to go to the meditation with me, where I used to go and we knew each other just to say hello.

And that was it. She seemed nice. She's for seem nice, I think.

And then she disappeared. She didn't come for a while. And then when she did come, we were excited to see each other.

And I gave her my telephone number, she gave me her telephone number, whatever. And we talked for about a week. We were talking about babies about how what how she wanted her life to be.

She wanted to have children, she all these things gone so well. And then we went out on a date on the Sunday. So pretty much from for I don't know, was it a week, I'm partly making this up.

But I think it was, it might not be a whole week, but it's every night for a period of time. Come the Sunday, we had nothing to talk about. There was no connection at all.

Yet, before we started talking, there felt like there was a connection. So before we started talking on the phone, there was so like there's something there. And then on the phone, it really felt like there was something there.

But it seemed to take away what was there in person. So I think it's almost like a different person on the phone, who I was. And maybe I can be more honest, more open than I would be in person.

Because I'm not having someone look at me with judgment. I mean, I am, but I don't see the person, I don't see anyone looking at me with judgment. And I don't know, does that make sense? I just don't, I don't just personally don't feel particularly comfortable or confident with people.

I can do really small conversations with dog owners. Hello, it's cold outside, isn't it? Oh, you know, just those kinds of things. And I get on with a few people, I talk to them.

There's not much in the way of meaningful conversations, really a little bit here and there. But it's probably the equivalent of working in an office and just meeting people at the coffee machine. Like you're right, yeah, you and over time, maybe you learn their name, maybe you don't.

Maybe you realize, find out one of them is into hockey. And I'll be kind, I decide that I'm into hockey as well, because I like her. And then I go and start buying books on hockey and start studying hockey on TV and watching matches, just so I got something to talk to her about.

And then I take up hockey myself. And I start walking in on dress down days, I'd walk in with my hockey costume on in the hope that maybe she'll fall in love with me. As an example, I'm just saying like, it's a bit like that.

It's like you see someone is like, Hello, you're right. Yeah, and just kind of get to know them gradually. But not in a kind of a deep level, I would say, for me, I don't really get to know people deeply.

I do know some people quite well. And generally, I'm quite a trustworthy person as well. I try to be I've messed up in the past, but generally, I'm fairly trustworthy.

And I don't steal off people. I don't lie to people, because I don't need to, there's no reason. They might seem weird, like, we don't lie because you don't need to, because no benefit to you.

Yeah, that's you. That's was not a reason why people lie, other than if they are just liars, but they want something. They're cheaters.

They're trying to get something. They they live in a lie. It's like a, it's a hard work.

And I find that most lies I've met are really rubbish at lying. That's the weird thing about it. But they're convincing to themselves.

And I've been around so many liars over the years. That is hard. I think it's actually gets even harder to know if someone lying and not lying.

So I got to the point where I don't care if someone's lying or not. Because again, it makes no difference to me. If someone wants to tell me stuff that isn't true.

Why do I care? It doesn't, I'm just gonna take it as it is. And that's what helped, I think, when I was a counsellor, because some of the other counsellors would talk about things like, well, the client's clearly making stuff up. They're not, you know, they're talking about stuff that's, that's not real, you can tell it's not real.

And they're, and they're coming in, they're wasting time, they're not talking about things they need to talk about, or they want to talk about, or what they're here to talk about. But I remember my supervisor saying, or the teachers saying, and even some of the books I read, like, yeah, that might might be the case. But they're getting something out of it.

What they're getting out of it, we don't know. But they're getting something out of it, because they wouldn't keep turning up. So maybe that's just a way to slowly thaw the ice.

And perhaps they'll come back for more counselling in three years' time, and another five years' time, maybe after that, and eventually might take 20, 30 years, they might get to a point where they're happy, and they've got, but they just can't go straight there. Because they have to thaw it out, like a big iceberg. What was the question? You said I'm not really a people per.

There's also, I think it's just childhood stuff, just like a lot of it is just, because I've been around, and I've seen so many different people, I've had a lot of friendships, lots of people that I've gotten really well with. But what I learned from very early age is not to get attached. So the only people that I've got attached to, I'm sure I could probably count them on my on one hand, since I was a child, since I was seven, let's go for seven.

Since the my grandmother, my nan. And when I say attached, I mean, like, really, and really attached. I mean, not physically, I didn't super glue on my feet, and kick them.

That was weird, wasn't it? No, but you know, it's just like, I was attached, emotionally attached. My step mum, my first step mum, and my nan. I thought it was safe to be to get attached, emotionally attached to my step mum, my first step mum.

I was wrong, but I thought it was. But you know, I learned from that. My nan, always there for me.

Always. Anytime, she was always there. So that was the only attachment really that I had, that worked out fine.

It worked out perfectly. Apart from obviously losing, I was devastated. But she, she stuck to the game plan.

She never moved from her role. Whatever her role was, I know her role wasn't just to be my grandmother, but you know, she had her own life, and she was also a mother, and she had many grandchildren. But for me, she was the main person I was attached to.

And even going through adult life, I became a little bit attached to one of my girlfriends. Now that sounds bad. Probably, but, well, you only got emotionally attached to one girlfriend.

Yeah, a little bit. This was back in 1997. That's the last time I had any kind of emotional attachment to, to someone I was dating.

I'm talking deep emotion, not, it's too bad. I like the people. And maybe I love them a little bit, you know, but I'm talking about deep, deep emotional attachment.

Does that make sense? Not just kind of floaty floaty. I think mine's always been quite floaty floaty kind of, take or leave it, I can move on. And that's how I've been.

It's not how I wanted to be. It's just how things have been. So I, I'm giving you way more information than I should be given.

But this was 97. And it was hard. I didn't realize I was attached to her emotionally.

And so that was a very difficult period. But luckily, I managed to break that attachment. So that was good.

Because we weren't together anymore. Outside of that, I could have got very attached to a girlfriend I had in 1995. Had it been a different scenario, it just wasn't the right time, the right place for anything to really progress, which is a shame because she's one of the ones that I like the most.

Probably. And I've liked all of them, but you know, can't remember most of them. Years again.

I'm still a virgin. I'm trying to think other people that I've been attached to. No, no.

Even people like my friend Andre. I wasn't attached. I was good friends with him, but I wasn't attached.

No one in London, I was friends with a few people in London, no attachments. No one that I couldn't just walk, walk away. And I did.

I left Ireland when I lived there. I left Andre there. I didn't go back.

Well, I went back once, but he was upset with me and stuff. But I didn't. I had a bit of an emotional attachment because I was very close with him.

Lots of friends on and off over the years. Yeah, I suppose my only, my first attachment, really, other than my nan, would have been Andre, my little, my little ferret, Andre. And so I was attached to him, emotionally attached to him.

At this point, my nanny, Nanny Newland was not around anymore. So he, he didn't replace her, obviously. Sorry, Nan, I replaced you with a ferret.

Like, no, no. But he was, I was very emotionally attached to him. And I mean, there's going to be some people, like, attached to a ferret.

Why are you some kind of weirdo? You're not two exclusive things. Yeah, I'm a weirdo, but still be attached to a ferret. I love that little boy.

He's loved him. And really, outside of him, I suppose my friend Luke, my friend from downstairs, I was very attached emotionally to him. But we, part of that was probably because we went through so much.

So much. Most of it I've never talked about, and probably never will. And so much stuff that we kind of, would I try to, try to help him.

But, so he's gone, he's been gone for a while now. November, what year is it now to 2025, 2024? No, end of November 2023. And I suppose I'm a little bit attached to Vinnie, I suppose.

Don't know. Probably. And that's it.

So think about it. Since the age of 16, I've been attached to two humans, and two animals. That has been my full emotionally attached to to to okay, I'm going to include Vinnie just for the sake of it.

So two humans, two animals. That's been my full scale of my attachment for 40 years. Nearly, nearly 40 years.

So people come and go, like I've got, I've gotten very well with this lady that's moving. And she said, I wouldn't keep in touch. I said, why? Not going to travel, I'm not going to visit.

It's true though, I'm not. And even when I was in Thailand, I got on really well with this lady. And because I've been, I had a chest infection, I was in the hotel.

It was a bar and a hotel. It's like a sports bar, loads of TVs and stuff. Brilliant for boxing.

So she worked there, she was a waitress. And we just, we just got on really well. It's really brilliant English and just got on really well.

And she, she said to me one day, oh, you're right. I said, yeah. She said, did you miss me? So what? She said, I wasn't here yesterday.

I had the day off. Did you miss me? And I was honest. I said no.

So I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have, I should have just, she was flirting with me, I think. And I said, no, I don't miss anyone.

Never miss anyone. Which is true. I don't miss people.

Generally. You know, like day to day people. Right, I had a little bit of an interruption there.

Someone sounded like someone was banging on the door. Well, like the letterbox. Finny started barking, so I had to stop the recording.

And I thought I'd just go and check. Open the door. My lock started to seize up, which is weird.

So I opened the door. And this was sticking out of the, you can see what's in it now, I was going to be surprised. This was sticking out of the letterbox.

So I thought I'd open it. I know what I ordered. Unboxing.

Look at this T-shirt. It's multicolored. No, it's not multicolored.

It's two different colors. Okay. It's, look.

It's all right, isn't it? Extra large. That's the right size for me. It used to be XL.

Now I'm just XL. So it feels quite comfortably pink. I love pink, pink and purple.

So what I've been doing is they're only cheap. He's at $4.99 each, but I'm trying to get a collection of T-shirts and shirts and stuff that I can wear on camera. And maybe even wear during the summer.

Going out. Maybe. It's possible.

It's, you know, ever since I lost a little bit of weight, I'm got a little bit more body confidence, a little bit, not a lot, but a little bit. So this is Fruit of the Loom, £4.99. Don't know what to do with these now. I'll tell you what, I'll chuck it over there.

And now on the floor. Oh, well. Let's have a drink of water.

I'm going to get more of these. These are kind of like Hawaiian shirts, something like bowling shirts. Itchy chest.

It's those tree, tree fleas. Vinnie, don't eat my T-shirt. I don't know what I was talking about.

Yeah, I'm very successful with people. Lots of friends. I don't really, I've got.

On my phone, I've got, and it's not, trust me, I'm not saying this like, oh, I wish I had more because I don't. I just, making friends is pretty easy. I've always found.

Generally, I find it easy if I'm working with them or if I'm spending time. If, if it's a forced friendship, it's like, you know, I'm in a situation where I'm sitting next to someone at a desk. And I generally get on well with them over time.

I had a friend, I remember years ago, like in a call center, and he was saying, oh, he sat next to me for a few weeks. Do you want to go out for a drink? I said, no. And he kept saying, do you want to go for lunch? No.

And he said, why? You know, he kept asking, do you want to go for a drink? Want to come for lunch? I said, no, no. And he said, why? And he said, do you want to come out on Saturday? We'll go out for, it's Friday night. Do you want to come out and go for a drink while going out? I said, no.

He said, why not? I said, I see you all day. I sit next to you all day. Why do I want to spend my time off with you? I want to spend my evenings with you as well.

And he found it funny. He thought I was joking. It's like, it ended up, he broke me down.

So I ended up being friends with him. I'm not like that anymore. I'm not as rude.

That was back when I was a little bit more blunt. This is my early 30s. I'm a lot more calmer than I used to be.

It's hard to believe, but I was a little bit, I don't know how to explain it, but a little bit, um, aggy, maybe a little bit more, a little bit reactive, a lot reactive. I wouldn't say I'm reactive anymore. Okay, I am.

I wouldn't say I'm reactive. Not really. Not, not really.

Not, not in the same way. A lot more calmer as a person. But you know, that's, that's what, uh, 20, 30, 27, 28 years of reading self-help motivational books and studying counseling and psychotherapy and hypnosis and, um, trying to devote last 19 years to helping people.

Uh, maybe that's had a positive impact on me. Maybe. I'd like to think so.

I hope so. There's a hero. Dear, oh dear.

I'm so great me. I'm amazing. Sometimes I just don't know what to say to people.

I've actually been there in the past when I've stood there talking to someone and I just run out of words, never run out of words on these podcasts. Really? I just, the words are there. I guess it's because I'm not interrupted.

It's a monologue rather than a conversation. I'm talking at you rather than with you. Maybe that's what I used to get in trouble.

Sometimes when I was younger, stop talking at me. There's a conversation I need to be able to talk as well. And I said, you can talk if you want, but while you're talking, all I'll be doing is thinking about what I'm going to say next.

And I won't be listening to what you're saying. That honesty is not always appreciated. So I didn't know.

And then when I got older, when I left school, I was surrounded by these older people that were talking down to me and thinking that they knew best and that I didn't know anything. I had that all through school really. I didn't know anything about anything.

And I started to realize as I got older that I wasn't necessarily the one that didn't know anything. There's loads I don't know. There's more I don't know than I do know.

It's standard. I accept that. I'm fine with that.

But it took a while, and I'm talking decades, for me to get to the point where I'd even consider the idea that maybe what I have to say is just as valid as what anyone else has to say. Doesn't mean what I say is right, but it's just as valid. You know, I'm allowed to have a thought.

And again, that's one of the problems of spending so much time when I was younger around people that were intoxicated. Because then they would very much be opinionated and they would stick to their opinions. And it would be quite hardcore like, you know, couldn't argue with them.

And because quite a lot of the time they were a lot older than me, a lot bigger, a lot older, and it was their home because I never had anywhere of my own, just a little room or something. So I'd always be the visitor. I'd be the guest.

So I kind of had to behave myself a little bit. Now I'm not, and I don't, but I don't need to misbehave anymore because I'm an adult, I suppose, kind of. Not mentally or physically, but in every other way.

And random info, do you feel I come up with random info? Maybe I do. I don't know. I just, I have little memories of stuff.

I think it's because I'm more interested in myself than I am in anyone else. Naturally, it's not, not because I want to be. I genuinely, I don't want to be like this, but this is how I am.

I've tried to change. I've really tried to change. But I can't pretend to be interested in somebody or what someone's saying, unless I am.

And unfortunately, this is one of my little mistakes I make, is occasionally, someone will say something that absolutely grips me with fascination, like all out 100% attention. They say something like, I really need to hear what happened next. But instead of just listening, I tell them that I'm fascinated and I have to hear what happens next.

And in the past, I've actually told people, this is the first time I've actually been interested in anything you said. And I didn't mean it horribly. And it wasn't true either.

It was like, it just meant it was the first time I was completely obsessed with what they were going to say next, like it was everything, it was the whole world was based around what next popped out of their mouth. Which sounds weird. So I think people, I think some people have got me wrong over the years.

Because I've, I went from accidentally upsetting people, to purposely upsetting people. Because I thought if people are going to get upset, and I don't know why, then I'm going to make sure that I know why. And that's what happened when I hit my kind of teen years.

I started purposely doing it. Because before that, I was innocent. I genuinely didn't want to upset anyone.

I was just doing my own thing, reading, keeping to myself, just trying to get by, dealing with the new things that just dealing with what's been in my brain my whole life, really. And I say stuff very innocently. And people would get very upset or angry.

And I remember saying to my first stepmom, when I was about eight, I might have been seven. And genuinely, it's funny, I don't know why I'm laughing. It's not funny.

But I remember saying this, because I still at the time did not understand. My stomach's gurgling. I've never been so excited.

Genuinely didn't understand at the time, I'm smiling, I shouldn't be smiling. And so I was about seven, we were living in this little bed, this three, well, two bed, it was two bed and a box room, but three bedroom house. It was the best house I ever lived in.

And loved it. And my nan and granddad lived there after they lived after we moved out. So I wish I could just stay there and live with my nan and granddad.

But I shouldn't be like that. But yeah, it's that that's the only time that I enjoyed my childhood was in that that year, that period living there. And I said to her, I was in bed and I don't know why I said it to her.

I said, she said something about something she couldn't afford or we couldn't afford. I don't know what I was asking for. Maybe I was asking for a motorbike or a helicopter.

I don't know this might be something really silly that a little kid asks for. And you know, why can't? Why can't I have it? A toothbrush made of gold? I don't know whatever it was. And she said, Oh, we can't afford it.

And I said, Oh, and I asked her this question. And it really upset her. I said, are we poor? And I mean, as an adult, I might have found that funny.

Because it's hearing the kids say that, but in the context, it was obviously upsetting. So I'm not not mocking it being upsetting to that person. I'm just laughing at the scenario.

Just I was seven years old, seven. And I came out with that. I genuinely did not mean it to be upsetting to anyone.

I was a genuine it was a proper question. Like, I don't know if I looked like like, new mummy, new mummy that I've known for three months. Are we poor? And it was a genuine question.

Like, I didn't care if we were poor or not, because they had saved us from a children's home. So I was happy to be there. You know, every day was a blessing.

We had freedom. We had kindness and all that stuff that we didn't get before. I even had my own bed.

For the first time in my life. And just was eight years old at my own bed. My own little bedroom.

It's brilliant. I mean, it's just yeah, perfect. Are we poor mummy? Are we poor? First step mummy? And yeah, she got very upset.

And my dad came and he said, What happened there? I said, I don't know. Daddy that I've only known for three months. I not sure.

So he went off and he came back. He said, you said to her, you asked her if we're poor. She's crying.

She's in the garden crying. I said, Well, can you give her these? And he said, What's that? He said some beanstalks, just place it underneath where she's crying. Maybe we'll grow a beanstalk and we can go get some money.

I wish I said that. But I didn't. I wasn't quite on that level at the time.

And I still like sorry, I think I might have apologised to her but like, I didn't know what I'd done wrong. Didn't know, didn't not know at all. And those are the kinds of things I mean, even when I was in Ireland, and there was me and Andre walking down towards a nightclub met up with a couple of girls didn't know him, but they were just there.

So we're just walking along, they were chatting Andre up. Women loved Andre. Like, not all women, obviously, but a lot of women just just like he had that that charisma.

I didn't quite have that. Not like now. And he said, one of them said, I'm not sure if I'm going to get in with this coat on.

I'm not not sure I'm going to get in and something like that. I don't know. I said, Well, just take your top off.

I meant a top. Because she underneath she had a dress or whatever. And she had this big puffer top on.

She said, I don't know. I feel I just look too young with this big puffer top. Because you had to be.

I don't know, maybe she was 17. I think she was 18. But maybe you had to be 21 to get into this club or whatever.

And all I said was take your top off then. She so angry. I didn't mean take your top off like topless.

I didn't mean that. I've never said that to anyone. Apart from those I've said it to.

But I don't I've done I might think I've never think it I would never say that I think it or mention it apart from now that I've mentioned it. And I may never tell that story again. I give you I give you an example of what Andre was like.

And he came up to once and he was all frowny. I said, What's wrong, Andre? Because I said, totally, Andre, you're okay, Andre. What's wrong, Andre? And I said, I'm upset.

I said, Why? So I got to fake I got good. I also had it because Irish also got to figure out go to dentist. I said, What? What is? So it's not a problem.

Is that what's the problem? He said that where the tooth is a problem where the tooth is aching, they might take it out as a problem. So why? He said, I said my smile. So it's one of his front teeth.

And he was worried that it's just going to ruin his smile because he'd relied on that smile. That was he's that was his million dollar smile. I just found it hilarious.

It's just weird. He's among the closest friends I've ever had in my life. Yeah.

But you didn't get attached though, did you? Not something that's in my control, to be honest. You know, so, um, I do quite well about I do, I'm pretty good with people, I get on quite well with people. And I have generally But if someone's rude to me, I dislike them straight away.

Like forever. Quite often, I mean, in the past is I've managed to come out of it and make up but it doesn't take much for me to dislikes, dislike people. If they if they if they say something really, you know, I don't know, I have a go at me or whatever, like, okay, see ya.

And I sit and I used to be like that with everyone, like they get one chance, which is why my relationships, my feet, you know, my girlfriends and stuff, it didn't last. And because there was never breaking up and making up, there was just breaking up. Apart from one now is the one actually that I mentioned that I had, I think I was a little bit attached to, not fully, but a little bit.

And I think with my friend Luke, I couldn't even I did things that wound me up and upset me. I couldn't break that emotional connection that attachment. It was too strong.

And same as with my nan, nothing I could have done would have broken that with my nan. Although I've known my nan since I was seven years old. I'd only known Luke since I was 45 years old.

So hadn't known him that long, like just under 10 years. But it's still a long time because basically, we're not living together, but in the same building and seeing each other most days during that period. Little Andre the ferret lived with him for six years, was it six years? And I didn't even know it was possible to love an animal like that.

It wasn't like he's my son. Ha ha, we all know he's a ferret. I genuinely felt like he was my own DNA.

Like, that's how I felt inside. He was my boy. It wasn't he wasn't just an animal, or some, there was something.

And it might just be my emotional immaturity. And that's the reason why maybe but I was so, so attached to him. And we had a very close bond.

And again, I know it probably sounds weird. But anyone that's ever had a ferret would know. Because I think I get a sense that some people look at a ferret I think it's like a gerb.

I don't know. It's like it's, it's just a little thing that runs around and there's no sense of how can you connect with that kind of animal. There was a serious connection between us.

And I've got a connection with Vinnie. It's a little bit weird. It's less, it's different with Vinnie because I've only had him for two years, just over two years.

I think he's got his head stuck up his bum. Look at that. What's he doing over there? He's doing that thing, you know, like a cat waiting a mouse hole.

Again, I don't know what he's expecting to pop out there. And he's because I had Andre from a baby, he was still a tiny little thing. Vinnie was 10 months old when I got him.

So there's, he already had a lot of his habits, a lot of his, well to be fair, Andre never did anything he didn't want to do. And Vinnie never does anything he doesn't want to do. They're very, very similar character wise.

They've got no interest in pleasing anyone else. They're not in it to please me. Neither of them were in it.

They like to play, they like to be loving, but he's staring at me, I can see him. But he's not, he's not here to, for my pleasure. He's here for his pleasure.

And I just don't know with him. I don't even know if he likes me. He tolerates me, but I don't know if he likes me.

It's hard to tell. So where do my words come from? I don't know. I really don't know.

It's one of those weird things. I just a bit chatty, I suppose, just a bit chatty. I don't know.

It is, I've known a lot of men. I've known a lot of men, and especially like middle-aged men, 50s, 40s, 50s, 60s. And apart from a couple, I've not met many that were chatty.

Maybe one of the reasons I'm chatty is because I haven't had my voice squashed, in a sense. I haven't been in a situation where I've kept being told to shut up. As an adult, as a child I was.

But as an adult, and especially last, I suppose in work, I did. But last 10 years, I haven't had anyone telling me what I can and can't say. And it turns out, I don't want to say anything bad.

I don't want to upset anyone. And I think I only just found my voice, probably the last few years. I'd say the last seven, since I've been doing the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast, I would say I've found my voice, found maybe who I am as a person, or at least this version of me.

And I don't think there's really much difference between this and the person who walks the streets, walks the streets at night. No, I don't think there's much chatting up the lorry drivers. No, I don't.

I don't think there's much difference between this is just me. And I've almost got to the point where I'm the same wherever I am, and whoever I'm with. I reign it in a little bit when I'm with my dad, because just, you know, out of respect, I suppose.

And yeah, I'm not super chatty or anything when I'm out in public, unless I know the person. Well, I know them to talk to. But I don't, you know, I don't know.

I don't know what the answer is. I spent about six days explaining that I don't know what the answer is to the question. Sorry.

Sorry, Michelle. I suppose when I say a people's person, I don't think people particularly like me. I don't don't really.

Yeah, I say things that I suppose I'm not supposed to say. It's just jokes are just for a laugh. But it's stuff that sometimes, you know, what I've noticed, I, this is just my own experience.

Women that I've known, seem to be more open to me being myself than men. Because there's not that macho stuff. There's, again, I'm not, I'm just generalizing.

I know I am. I'm just talking about my own experience. And sometimes I can just be myself more with women, which is weird, really, considering I didn't exactly have a good example.

Well, maybe I did. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's why.

Maybe my nan and my first step mom, my second step mom's also great. So I have had women in my life that have been positive. My nan's completely positive.

My first step mom was positive for a while. My second step mom's always been positive. And I got one, two, two female friends.

I got two female friends. And on my phone, I got two female friends. I'm talking about people that I've known for a long time.

And one male friend that I still keep in contact that I've known for 30 odd years. That's pretty much it. There's a few people that I know.

But I don't really see anymore. Don't speak too much. But I could just talk to.

I got some people that I can just, I could bump into them in the street. They probably say, watch where you're going. But you know, we'd have a laugh.

And it'd be like a catch up and it'd be nice. But I don't know what they're doing day to day. But then I got, you know, it's one of those things.

It's just, I've got a friend that I can phone up, or she can phone me up. And we just have a catch up. And it's like we were talking yesterday.

Even if we haven't spoken for a few weeks, or even a couple of months. There's no one that I talk to every day. There's no one that I need to talk to every day.

I don't have that need. Don't have that interest to not that I'm not interested in them, but just I just don't feel the need to have a constant, ongoing conversation with anyone, except you. You're all I need.

You, all you people, all you lovely people that listen to me. See this, this is, you're my friends. You're my best friends.

Vinnie's now hassling me. I can see my peripheral. Well, Vinnie, eat your dinner then, mate.

Eat your dinner. Don't hassle me. His dinner's been down there for hours.

I'm getting angry now. His dinner's been down there for hours. He's not eating it.

Eat your dinner. You just want treats the whole time. You're not having any treats.

And now he can hear his friend. You can hear your friend, can't you, in walking past. We're not going outside.

Is it still light out there? Next question's from Hannah. What's your favourite movie, movie genre? Favourite movie. I'm going to take him out for a quick walk, and I'm going to come back and finish this.

So I just took him for a walk. It was more like a run. He had me running up and down like he was searching for something.

He found a scent and he was looking for it. So I don't know what it was. He ended up seeing his friend Archie, but he was looking.

There was proper. He's kind of a frenetic, frenetic, frantic, frenetic. That's kind of a mixture between the two, I suppose.

Yeah. And what's my favourite movie? Hannah asks. Movie genre.

I like superheroes. The only movies I really get excited about is probably superhero movies. I like, you know, I like comedies, but.

I would say. Oh, no. Yeah, I would say superheroes, DC.

Marvel. They're the ones I just enjoy. But I like all kinds, you know, any.

I like a nice horror. And. It has to be weird.

I like weird movies as well. Joan asks me, what was your why was your father not able to take you and your brothers rather than going to foster care? I don't know the answer to that, to be honest. It might have been during his.

There was a there was a there was a reason. I just don't know what not sure what the reason was. But.

If it wasn't for him, when he came and rescued us from the children's home. When I was seven, was six, still six, but nearly seven. So he rescued us from the children's home.

So he he was he was a hero for that. Because. I do wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd lived there to the age of 18.

You know, another. Yeah, another nine years, no, 11 years, another 11 years of my life living there. Where would I be now? Would I be now? You know, that's the thing.

I don't. Really, it would be. Maybe I'll be a priest.

Who knows? But. So he saved us from there. So whatever reason.

He wasn't able to take us, look after us. And whatever that reason was, I'm sure it was a good reason. But we weren't.

I mean, we were looked after in foster care. We was the. They were lovely, apparently, and they really looked after us well and loved us.

So that wasn't. Yeah, it's a shame I couldn't have stayed with them. In a sense, rather than go through what we what we went through.

So Michelle, Hannah, I realize I skipped through Hannah's one a little bit by just skipping through and saying, I like superhero movies. But I realize I spent so much time talking about the other stuff. I. I like big movies.

I'm trying to think of movies that I've watched recently. I think one of the problems is with age. Is the experience of having seen thousands of movies.

So to see something that's unique. Is. I don't know, I find myself predicting what's going to happen.

And quite often I'm correct. And I don't want to be. You know, I don't it's not it's no, there's no little reward ceremony happening inside my head when I get it right.

You know, I'm not collecting a statue or anything like that, because I don't want to be right. I want to be taken off guard. I want to be caught off guard.

I want to be shocked in a nice way. You know, I want to be surprised in a movie. In all movies, really.

I don't really want to be able to predict what's going to happen. And a lot of the time. It's kind of easy to do that.

So originality. I think that's why people like Tarantino was so popular in the 90s when he first came out. Because very original.

I mean, you could say, well, he's just copied lots of stuff from lots of different genres and. But the way put it together was original. And Guy Ritchie was kind of our equivalent, I guess, in a way.

So did snatch and lock stock and smoking barrels thing. And then you got like Train to Bhutan or Bhutan. Which was like a zombie movie, but it was done in, was it China or was it? Was it Japanese? It might be Japanese.

And no, it's not. You can't tell the difference. That's racist.

No, I'm just not sure. I think it was Japanese. If this is going to sound even worse, I think it was Korean, actually.

But this person, he's done a he's done one now and it was nominated for an Oscar. And it's got Batman and Twilight vampire bloke in. Great director.

And just does really good movies. No, it's not the same person. No, no, that's not that person.

That's the person that did. What was that? That movie that won Oscars, where a lady gets a job as a housekeeper. And then she gets a brother and then she gets her uncle and her dad, like the whole family end up working there.

I forget the name, but it's a good movie. Another one that's really good is or everything all at once at the same time or ever. That was original.

I like those kinds of things, but I prefer. Not to have subtitles, if possible. I just, it's a preference.

Just, you know, I'd rather just watch the movie and I'd rather it be dubbed than have the subtitles to read. One of my favorite movies was. Kung Fu Hustle.

I don't know if you ever heard of it. It's funny. If you've not seen it and you like comedy.

And it's even funnier if you were kind of brought up on martial art movies. Especially the old martial art movies like, you know, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lai. You know, the old ones that were kind of the 70s, maybe 80s, early 80s, before martial art movies became popular again because they were popular during Bruce Lee.

And they had their own niche, but they weren't hugely popular in the cinematic world until really. Van Damme and. I would say Van Damme kind of made it big again.

With Kickboxer. I mean, even Jackie Chan, also Jackie Chan's movies. Forget the ones he's done in the last 30, 40 years, go back to the ones he did in the early 80s.

And they were dubbed, so it's not him talking, but that was so good. Not just for the martial arts, but the comedy. So all that stuff where he does jumping around and, you know, using objects to protect himself and all the acrobatics that he does in the bigger movies that he did later on that made him a huge star in the West.

Honestly, see where that originated. It was so good. What was it, Snake Fist? Drunken Master, that's another really good movie.

It's funny. There's one scene, I think it's in Drunken Master, where he's hungry, got no food, got no money. So he orders some rice, big bowl of rice, and he's eating it.

And then they realized that he's got no food, because they come and say, you need to pay. And I've got no food. So all of a sudden, his heavies are coming, trying to beat him up while he's eating his food.

And he's got his bowl of rice, and he's literally doing all his acrobatics and fighting while he's eating this rice. It's just really funny and silly. There's serious moments, but even with Kung Fu Hustle, there's serious moments.

Shaolin Soccer is another one, which I think is made from the same people that did Kung Fu Hustle. So those are the kind of movies I love. Comedy.

I love comedy. I guess if I was going to choose, I would make up my own movie genre. Quirky.

It would be anything that fits within a quirkiness. But something that's funny. But it doesn't have to be slapstick, but I do like slapstick as well.

I like a bit of everything. I mean, my favorite song at the moment is, it's not a new song for some reason. I've only just discovered it.

But it's Jay-Z's wife. Not Rihanna. Not J-Lo.

Bouncy. Beyonce. Beyonce.

I've been listening to the Essential Collection on Apple Music, I think it is. Yeah. Says loads of songs.

One plus one. I cannot get enough of it. I love that song and it's not new.

It's like 10, 11 years old or something. Never heard it before. I love it.

Absolutely love it. One plus one. I play it now if this is a radio show station show thing.

You know, what's the other podcast? Not Apple, but Spotify. They did a thing a couple of years ago, and I kind of participated in this thing, where you could record introductions to songs and then set up your own little radio show and share it as a podcast. And you could play any music you wanted off of their library.

Brilliant idea. And they stopped doing it for some reason. They stopped it a couple of years ago or last year.

And even though my podcast got quite a few listens, they just stopped allowing people to listen to it. And I just be talking about my, you know, my life at that time. So building up to I know talking about the first, my first dates and how it went really well, much better than I expected.

And then I play a song and now come on Eileen. And you know, it's just I don't play a song. And I talk about songs before it maybe afterwards.

And, and yeah, it was just really good, really good idea. But I took it away. And I've been looking online, because it'd be quite cool to have a weekly radio show, where I just play songs, either songs that I want to play.

Or songs that you want me to play. With shout outs, you know, because I think it's quite nice to have your name mentioned. I should have a shout out day, shouldn't I like a shout out.

Monday, or shout out Tuesday or shout out Wednesday, where I just read your messages. Should I do that? I've never been so excited. Should I? Should I do it like one day a week? So I got Q&A Friday, on a Wednesday, do or should I do on a Saturday, or Sunday, maybe a Wednesday, you can decide, let me know what you think.

And do a shout out on that particular day. And not only will I mention your names, but give me the message that you want me to read out. So it could be like happy birthday, husband or happy anniversary, happy divorce, I don't know, whatever it is that you're celebrating.

And I can just read those out on that particular day. Wow. It's like it's uplifted my entire spirit.

I could be nice, you know, there's something quite nice about hearing your name mentioned on a well, I guess, but Sony happened to me once really, when I it was hospital radio, when I was in hospital. Obviously, I guess, and that was when I had my appendix out. And I think I had total eclipse of the heart played.

And I was listening the whole time, waiting to hear my name. And it felt lovely. It's weird in that just to hear your name read out.

Michelle, Hannah, Joanne, thank you for your messages. For this recording. I'm just going to check to make sure no other people have asked anything.

Nope. Okay, good. I just don't want to miss it.

Oh, sure. We go where we go, we go, we go, we go, go, go, go. Here we go.

I had a message from Shana. So also say hope you well saw Shana sent me a message saying that she's got a cyclone in Australia at the moment. This was earlier today.

So stay safe and anyone else that's got that kind of weather going on. And I do believe that brings me to the end of this this recording. So thank you for listening.

I might be a little bit too honest with this recording. But you know, the thing is, you ask me the same question tomorrow and you get a different answer. So it just depends on what mood I'm in and what I can remember and what I'm thinking about.

And, you know, you know, I mean, in it. So I'm going to get ready for boxing, which starts in 28 minutes. I probably most definitely won't be releasing this till tomorrow morning.

Just because it's going to take so long. It takes hours to process and edit and stuff. So that won't be ready till probably in the morning.

I'll try and get some done tonight. But yeah, probably won't. I mean, the audio, the podcast might be ready.

I don't know. But at the latest, I'll be in the morning, tomorrow morning, Saturday morning. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. And you're right, this is a very amazingly sexy shirt. Thank you for mentioning it.

So take care. Be safe. Lots of love.

Bye. Now Vinnie's staring at me.