#180 Improve internal dialogue - Relax & Sleep Hypnosis Daily

Hello and welcome to Relax and Sleep Hypnosis Daily. My name is Jason Newland, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes and my website is jasonnewland.com. Now, I'd like you to get yourself comfortable, whatever that means for you. So, if you're going to sit in a chair, please make sure the chair supports your body.

You may choose to lie down on a bed, you may choose to sit up in a bed, you may choose to lie down on a floor with a pillow underneath your head. It really is your choice. But make sure you're comfortable and make sure that your body is supported.

That's the main thing. Now, I know that you're going to be listening to this for different reasons. Some people will be listening because they want to go to sleep.

Some people will be listening for relaxation. Some people have other reasons. So, if you're not listening to fall asleep, then it might be worth setting an alarm to wake you up, just in case, because I have such an amazingly boring voice.

There's always a possibility that you'll just drift off. And the simple fact is, falling asleep is 99% relaxation. That last little bit, that last 1% is just drifting, literally for the last time.

I say the last time because we continuously drift. So, you may fall asleep after 10 minutes of listening to me, but you'll be drifting a few times between now and then. And maybe you'll come back and you'll hear me talking and think, what's he talking about? What's he going on about now? And then you'll hear my voice and you'll perhaps get a bit bored again.

You might start to drift and you may drift back into the same kind of daydream that you were having before. And that's the only difference really, I think, is the daydream, that 1%, the daydream turns into sleep, because you're so relaxed. Now, I don't know about you, but personally, many times in the past, I've sat down in a chair and I'm just daydreaming.

I'm just thinking about stuff and maybe a little bit of a fantasy or something like that. And perhaps I got my eyes closed. And before I know it, I'm waking up and I've been asleep.

So that daydream turned into an actual dream. And I just dozed off. And it's the easiest thing in the world when you don't put pressure on yourself.

You can't force it. I personally don't think it's weird that you can't force it. But I know some people, I think maybe I used to believe like, why can't I just tell myself and force myself to go to sleep? I think I used to believe that when I was younger.

But it never worked. You can ask yourself to fall asleep. You can ask yourself to relax deeply.

But there's a difference between that and internally yelling at yourself. Shouting at yourself in your mind is not going to cause anything but stress and tension. And you don't need me to tell you that, do you? Come on, you don't need me and that's obvious.

I mean, that's probably the most obvious. You can call me Mr. Obvious for saying that. Of course, it causes stress and tension when we're horrible to ourselves.

It makes us feel crappy. Doesn't motivate us. Just like when someone's horrible, they come on and shout at you to get on with your work and calls you a horrible name.

That's not motivating. It's unpleasant and upsetting. And some people use or try to use that tactic to themselves because they believe it works.

Maybe they're in a work environment or have been in the past when that seems to have worked. The boss shouting at people to get on with their work. Well, actually, that wasn't a reason why people got on with their work.

It's just they didn't want to be sacked. They were maybe scared and stressed out, tense, anxious, which meant they weren't performing to their best ability. But you know, there was a lot of very uneducated people around in the past that didn't know that.

They weren't they weren't aware of it because a lot of professional people didn't know it. Kind of seems obvious now, doesn't it? That if you're horrible to yourself and you shout at yourself internally to relax, that might not work. It kind of is the most obvious thing in the world when you think about it.

And. But there was a time when we didn't know that. And sometimes those habits of being nasty to ourselves internally continue or have continued until.

We evaluate. The situation because the problem, one of the problems with how we talk to ourselves internally, our internal dialogue, if it's aggressive, abusive, even is nobody else knows because nobody else can hear it. Nobody else can hear it.

And. If you used to walk around the streets. Shouting that stuff to yourself that maybe you're saying internally.

People would pull you up and say, what are you doing? Why are you why are you talking to yourself in such a horrible way, such a vicious, aggressive manner? People that care about you definitely would pull you up and say, what's going on? Are you joking? Are you serious? Do you do you really think that's going to motivate yourself by being horrible to yourself, by being abusive and verbally aggressive?

And. It's violence, really, isn't it? Verbally violent. The answer is no, it doesn't help.

It's never going to help. It's like me banging the desk like that. That doesn't help anything either.

This desk is just weird. Listen. It creaks.

It's a new day. Well, newish, newish desk. So you've got this internal dialogue.

And because no one's going to pull you up, no one's going to say, wait, wait a minute. Which means some people will go through life and not even know that they're saying this stuff to themselves because they've been doing it for so long. They don't even notice.

But now, now it's been. Focused on. Now that that part of you that notices what's going on inside your mind, notices the things that you say to yourself has been awoken, has been switched on.

The detector. You start to notice more. When you're being unkind to yourself internally, when you're being unfair, when you're being aggressive, confrontational, abusive even, perhaps even lying to yourself.

Now, one question, and this is not my question, but this is a question that could come from a psychotherapist is, when you hear these voices in your mind, and it's not voices as in like a mental illness voices. This is just everybody talks to themselves. Everybody has internal dialogue.

It's a natural thing. It's not a sign of illness. That's a different kind of thing.

Being horrible to ourselves could be a sign of illness, a sign of depression, anxiety, stress. I mean, some people, you might look at them and think, and they say, I've got low self-esteem. And I've met people like this that are really, you know, they seem from the outside to have it all together.

Really nice people, maybe hugely attractive. So they've got a good, I don't know, start in life in the sense of societal, how people view attractive people in society. They have more chances.

That's just statistically true. So I've met people that had everything going for them, that seemed to have everything going for them, yet their self-esteem was low, very low. And it wasn't because of anything that anyone else was saying to them.

It's because of what they were saying to themselves. I've met people that were constantly being told how beautiful she was, and she couldn't bear to even look in the mirror. So, you know, it's what we say to ourselves is almost more powerful than what other people say to us.

If we say it, we believe it. Which makes me think from that perspective, what can we say to ourselves then? Because we have a choice. We choose what we say, instead of just leaving it on automatic.

And automatic means basically, you know, just continuously playing the same thing over and over again, quite often. And if we don't check that recording that's being played, it might be a bunch of crap, a bunch of stuff that's no use to you, negative, outdated even. So once you start looking, examining that internal dialogue, you realise that maybe it is really outdated.

And those things that you're saying to yourself isn't even your voice. It's the voice of someone from the past that would say negative things to you and put you down. It's not even your words.

And when you realise they're not your words, that's when it's time to bin them. That's when it's time to drop them, let them go, get rid of them. It's not your words.

They don't belong in your head, in your mind. The only things that belong in your head and your mind are your words, your ideas. As far as an internal dialogue is concerned, the internal dialogue needs to be your words, your voice.

And then you can decide, you can choose negativity or positivity. No one can make you say positive things to yourself. That's your choice.

If you choose negativity, then that's what you're going to get. Why you would choose that, I don't know, but it is a choice. If you choose to say nice things to yourself, if you choose to tell yourself that you deserve to be happy, you choose to tell yourself that you're a decent person, you're a kind person, then you start to believe it.

You start to act as if it's true, and it is true. But on the same side, if you start telling yourself stuff that isn't true, negative things, you'll start to believe that as well and act as if that's true. And that's what happens when other people, when we're younger, well, not only when we're younger, but specifically when we're younger, someone telling us, like a parent, that we're not, that, you know, something negative or a teacher.

And if we've absorbed that and we're telling ourselves that thing that they told us, then we come to believe it when it was never our words to start with. It was their words. It was their negativity, not ours.

And once you start to notice, just as you observe your inner dialogue, you start to notice that things are changing. If you say something to yourself that you think, wait a minute, this is unacceptable, because you can just ask yourself, is this helping me? Or how is this helping me? So when you notice you're saying something to yourself, you can ask that question, how is this helping me?

If it isn't, let it go. Delete it from your mind.

You can literally have it typed out on a piece of paper in your mind, the words, whatever the words may be, I am, I'm no good at, I'll always be, whatever, yeah? See that on a piece of paper and just see it go through a shredder, a paper shredder, gone. Because eventually, that voice, the voice of that negativity starts to lose its voice. Because you take the power away, you take the energy away from that.

So even though it was, you were perhaps on automatic, and you weren't taking any notice of the internal dialogue, now you are. And now, you can decide to never allow that negative internal dialogue to affect you again. And you can decide from now that you will be able to observe and notice what's going on in your mind.

Notice the positive, helpful internal dialogue, the things that you're saying to yourself. And you can just check every now and then, how is this helping me? How is saying this to myself helping me? And you can play around with this as well, because you can add something that you'd like to have. So if you would like to feel more relaxed when you're in a public situation, for example, you can just tell yourself, I feel more relaxed.

I feel so relaxed when I'm in, at a party, or when I'm in a pub, or when I'm in a restaurant, whatever the situation may be. And just tell yourself that, imagine being in that situation, and tell yourself that you feel really relaxed in that scenario. Another thing you can do is tell yourself that falling asleep is really easy now.

You fall asleep really easily. You fall asleep really easily. And tell yourself this, and don't tell other people negative things about yourself either, because that just cements that negativity.

And people love to tell other people stuff, don't they? Oh, I'm no good at that, no good at this, no good at that. Now I know we can't walk around telling people what we are good at, because that can come across as arrogance, or showing off sometimes, depending on what society you live in. But internally, internally, in your inner voice, telling yourself that relaxing is easy, and falling asleep is the most natural thing in the world.

Do you? You find falling asleep so easy and relaxing the muscles in your body is so simple. It really is the simplest thing in the world, letting go and relaxing deeply. And just drifting to sleep.

So over the next week or so, maybe month even, just notice, notice the things that you say to yourself. And you can ask that question, especially if it's an obvious thing that maybe you're not feeling too good about what you just said to yourself. How is this helping me? And if it isn't, let it go.

And you can use that technique, as I said, write it down, have it typed on a piece of paper in your mind. Whatever it is you said to yourself that's not good, not useful. Just shred it, have it shredded in front of you, knowing that it's gone forever.

So that brings us to the end of this relaxing, calm session. And remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.

Lots of love. Bye.