#91 Relax & Sleep Hypnosis Daily - BEING AN ADULT (Jason Newland)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Relax and Sleep Hypnosis Daily. Now what I thought I would do today is something a little bit different. Only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Please subscribe if you haven't already. If you want to support this free service, please go to paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland. So this is this is more for me for dealing with something that's on your mind.

So that you can reduce your tension, the stress connected to that particular event that may have happened. You know, maybe today or yesterday or recently, something that's it could be anything could be a helicopter flying over when you're trying to make a recording. Although that's not really traumatic, but it is annoying.

I've never been so angry. So this is a very simple, very simple technique. So this is going to be a short recording, a short video.

There won't be a version with music, there'll just be this one version. Okay, it's going to involve thinking back to that situation, that event, which which may be you're replaying. You're playing in your mind, and it's getting in the way of you relaxing, or you know, just being calm, or maybe getting to sleep.

And you know that once that's cleared away, you can just get down to your, just easily get down to your normal process, where you can just relax. So I would suggest that you don't use this for anything like hugely traumatic. But I don't know about you, it doesn't take a huge amount for me to be affected.

You know, someone's rude, or yeah, rudeness is something that I'm not a big fan of. But you know, just generally, you know, that feeling of an interaction that's kind of gone wrong, and you feel uneasy about it. And maybe you're playing in your mind, you're replaying it thinking, well, is it my fault? Is it their fault? Should I have done something different? And for some reason, you just can't let it go.

Well, the first thing to remember is blaming is not useful. So try and move away from that. Is it my fault? Basically, what you're doing there is you're taking on the parent.

You're kind of being your own parent. You're telling yourself off. That's your fault, that is.

We don't need to do that to ourselves. We don't need to be our own parent. We've had parents, or maybe we still have parents.

And we also know that they're not always right. And they weren't always right. We also know that being told that's your fault, that is, is not always particularly useful.

How often has it been useful in your life? Even when you know that you're responsible for what happened, perhaps, to be told on top of that, that's your fault, that is, that wouldn't happen if it wasn't for you. That's all your fault. Have guilt.

Have some more guilt. Is that useful? Probably not. So we don't need to be our own parents.

We've had parents, or we still have parents. And if you're an adult and you've got parents, you realize quite early on in your adulthood that they don't know everything. And neither do we.

You know, they're working from their own perspective. And in a way, that's kind of, we have those same limitations that we work from our own perspective. But what often happens is we, and they did probably themselves, carried on those old habits from their own parents.

And maybe we have those ourselves. So we end up not just being our own parents, but acting like our parents did to us. Telling ourselves, that's your fault, that is.

And you might start to wonder, what else am I telling myself that's outdated? Because you're an adult now, you don't need to be spoken to like a child. You don't need to see speak to yourself like a child, because you're not a child. And I assume that most people listening to this are not children, they're adults.

So you don't need to be spoken to like a child, ever, by anyone, especially not yourself. That's just silly. That's like, why would you do that? So, stop it.

Stop it. Now I'm being the adult, the angry adult, stop it. When you're in adult mode, you choose for yourself to realize that something may indeed be your cause, you know, you caused that thing, possibly, and whose fault it was and all that stuff, that's not relevant.

The only thing relevant is two things. The answer to one question, really. And the two things is how you answer it.

Which way you answer that one question is, that is pretty much the most important thing. Have you learnt from what happened? That's, that's the only thing that really matters. I mean, you could say, yeah, but other people got hurt.

And of course, that stuff matters to them, and it matters to you on a level. Of course, but going forward, you know, certain things you can't change, you know, like the past, going forward, have you learnt from what happened? If the answer is yes, good. If the answer is no, not so good.

Because you're bound, possibly, to repeat it. If the answer is yes, you have learnt from the mistake. Then you can like, okay, you can actually feel good inside yourself to realize that even though it was, you know, in old term, you know, old fashioned terms, my fault, which is not useful language.

But you say, well, I'm responsible for what happened. But next time, if another situation like that arises, I'll do something different. Because I've learnt from it.

So that's the difference between being, you know, being your own parent and being an adult. Now, if you want to be a child, of course, if you're in child mode, wasn't my fault. It was someone else's fault.

You're to blame, not me. You made me do it. That's victim, the victim mentality.

The I have no control over myself. Well, that's not going to be useful. So you know, it's fun.

Playing a victim's a lot of fun. You know, because then you don't have to take any responsibility. Anything.

And that is a lot of fun. It's on some level, it's also extremely painful, traumatic. And you can waste many, many years of your life doing it.

I know I did. Hey, but I had fun. I'm not responsible for anything.

It just happens. And, you know, the universe, the world's out to get me. And I'm not responsible for anything.

I'm not responsible for anything. I'm not responsible me, me, me, me. Yeah, okay.

Victim mentality. Some people don't like the term victim mentality, because they think that, you know, they think of the word victim, the real word, the real meaning of the word victim is someone that has been hurt. Someone has been a victim of crime, someone has been a victim of violence or something like that.

That's that term for victim. This term is a victim of thinking that you're the victim all the time. Everyone's out to get you.

Everyone's, you know, all that stuff. Basically not taking responsibility for yourself. So that would be taking, you know, the child's perspective.

If you take on the adult actually makes it easier. Because then you're not talking down to anyone, you're not talking down to yourself. But you're also not a victim.

Take responsibility. So that kind of makes things easier. So going down the blame route is not useful.

So stop blaming yourself. Because that's not helpful. So that in itself can change, you know, change a part of your brain, that part of your brain that was maybe producing this gunk of in your brain, which is getting in a way of relaxing and sleeping maybe.

I should have done this, I should have done that. The world's out to get me. Why me? Why me? I remember I worked with someone and he was a proper victim.

This all the time. I was really good friends with him, but it was hard work. But he said he came in one day and a close cousin of his had died.

Okay. A close cousin of his had died over the weekend, came in on a Monday. First thing you do is tell everyone about it.

The train actually wanted everyone to be miserable properly. That didn't work. But you know, but I'm sitting opposite him.

And he kept saying the same sentence. Why me? Why me? But it wasn't him. It was his cousin.

It didn't happen to him. It happened to his cousin. Why me? Can you imagine being that important, to be that important, that the universe conspiracies or conspires against you and goes to the lengths of killing one of your relatives to get to you, to make you miserable.

That's a bit extreme, isn't it? Why me? It wasn't. It's not you, mate. It's your cousin.

It's horrible. And it's, you know, it's, it's a horrible situation. And, you know, you need to go home and have a break, get away and breathe, you know.

But it's not being done to you. Nothing is being done to you. Because he was stuck in that mentality of being a victim.

But on the flip side, he was also really nice. I got really well with him. But, you know, he got caught in it, got trapped in it sometimes.

So when you let that go, when you realize that, oh, you know, I just realized I haven't actually pressed the record on the video. Never mind. When you let it go, something different happens, something changes.

And that that thing that happened earlier today or yesterday, the thing that's been just getting on your nerves, you know, it's been maybe replaying in your mind. And now things have fallen off the table. Brilliant.

What's next? The chair is going to collapse. See? Victim mode. It's so easy to slip in and out of victim mode.

Or to be a child, which is pretty much victim mode or to slip into being a parent, telling yourself off. But when you get back into being an adult, you're able to laugh at that stuff, able to laugh at your reaction to that stuff, and also able to realize that that interaction that you had with that person may be that was unsatisfactory, to say the least. Perhaps they were in victim mode.

Maybe they were in parent mode trying to tell you what to do. And perhaps you were in victim mode at the time, or you was in a different kind of mindset, where you reacted to them. And the end, you know, the whole interaction went quite bad.

And afterwards, it still left a horrible feeling. But then when you actually take the time, as you have now, to allow those different ideas to enter your mind, and kind of like rattling the cage a little bit, you know, the good thing about rattling the cage is not only does it affect the contents of the cage, it can also break the door to the cage. So the contents can just be released.

So that's when you realize that the door being closed was what kept the cage intact. Because then the cage just collapses and falls to bits, no longer a cage, which then shows that a lot of these feelings that we may have, these emotions, these reactions to events that have occurred, aren't really based in any kind of strength. They're not solid at all.

Very, very loose and weak. In fact, so weak that just by paying attention to them, for example, paying attention to that memory from yesterday or the day or the feeling connected to that memory is so weak, although it did seem strong. But when you actually shine a light on it, that light shining on it, just melts it.

Even though it's just a bright light, and there's not a lot of heat coming out of that light, that memory and that feeling connected to the memory that used to seem strong and solid, actually never was. It just melts into nothingness. And it's quite a strange thing.

Very strange how easily those feelings change. And when you think about that interaction, that thing that was getting in the way of you relaxing or falling asleep, it just, it doesn't feel the same. It's almost like, you know, trying to hold a door shut, thinking there's a big lion the other side of the door and then eventually you can't hold the door anymore and you just let it open and there's standing there is a tiny little kitten or a squirrel, which would be really weird, a squirrel wearing a hat, tap dancing.

So the feelings change instantly. Instantly. You know, if you've got, let's say you've got someone come around your house for a romantic meal, and it's your new boyfriend or girlfriend, and it might be your first date.

Or it might be they're picking you up. Yeah, picking you up. And you know, you're going to go out on a date and they're going to pick you up in their car, take you out.

And you're getting dressed and you get all ready. And you know, you're really excited. You like this person.

Maybe you've liked them for a long time. And you're really excited. Nervous, of course, is standard, but you know, really excited.

And then there's a knock at the door. And the feelings you've got inside you like, wow, like really, you know, and all these feelings you've got. You answer the door and it's a Jehovah's Witness.

Wondering if you'd considered letting God into your life and wanting to see if you'd like a copy of the tower block or whatever it is they sell. Would you come to their church? That feeling that you had before, unless of course, the person you'll visit that's coming around is a Jehovah's Witness and they're doing it as a joke or what, you know, the feelings instantly change. Unless you get turned on by someone knocking on your door, trying to convert your religion.

Of course, then maybe it's still going to be a different feeling. I mean, if you get turned on by that, good luck. But instantly it changes.

So that feeling you had, but then that feeling you have as you're looking at this, and it might not be, I can't think of any other cold caller, maybe someone trying to sell you double glazing or a vacuum cleaner, similar kind of thing. Right. Oh, brilliant.

I do need a vacuum, but not right now. But then you see a car pull up and it's the man or the woman that you've been waiting for. And the feelings change instantly, instantly to the point where you might actually say to this person who's already just knocked on your door, I can't speak to you now, but come back another day, maybe tomorrow.

I'd love to, you know, you're so full of this sense of excitement and anticipation and love, maybe, you know, it's like, yeah, come back tomorrow. Never been a big fan of Christmas anyway. Yeah, save me loads of money.

Yeah, come back tomorrow. And, you know, and then instantly changing. Happens all the time.

Happens all the time. You know, when you're waiting for a phone call, you just had a job interview and they've said to you, oh, yeah, I'll call you this afternoon before four o'clock. And you had the interview at half 10 in the morning.

And so we'll call you between two and four to let you know the results of the interview, the job interview. So you're nervous, you're excited. You know, there's lots of stuff going on there, lots of emotions connected to that.

And you get a phone call, you answer the phone full of like anticipation, just like what am I, what are they going to say? Have I got the job? Especially if you've been planning in your mind how that could change your life. You know, going forward, it could be a life changer. Maybe it's a job you've always wanted.

Maybe it's a job you've trained for for years, maybe in university for three years to train. Like when I became a counsellor, I trained for three years in order to do the work I wanted to do. So I haven't had an interview.

I was excited. There's a lot involved, a lot invested. And the person on the other end of the phone says, have you considered changing your electricity supplier? Excuse me? Yeah, we're just phoning to see if you're interested in changing your electricity supplier.

What happens to those feelings of anticipation and excitement and nerves? There's going to be nerves there, it's natural. Gone in that moment, complete change of physiology. Just like when you're thinking about that thing that happened earlier, that maybe it'd been getting in the way of you relaxing or it just changes.

It's amazing how easily and how quickly the way we feel changes. Like just so quickly. And I find it quite fascinating that just by talking or listening to a few ideas, a few examples, a few this and a few that can actually have an effect, a positive effect on your well-being.

And you feel different. Almost instantly you feel differently about that particular situation. And the way you feel now is more relaxed, calmer, at ease, peaceful.

It's almost like it's hard to even imagine that that scenario, that event had the effect that maybe it used to. In fact, you may even struggle to even think of the event because it's almost, it's like a scratched record, you know, it just can't play anymore or scratched CD or scratched mp3 player, scratched mp3. It just doesn't work because just like electricity, electric circuit, you break it anywhere and the whole thing stops.

It needs to be connected in every way. You know, if you've got an electric circuit, it has to be connected, otherwise it stops. In the same way as if you stick your foot onto a hose pipe, the water stops, or at least the water stops squirting out of the end.

You know, I was thinking about that just now is I used to do that and then the, because there'd be a tap coming out of the wall in the garden and the hose that was attached to the tap would then just fall off because the pressure would be too much and it would disconnect the whole hose pipe from the source of water, making it completely useless, just didn't work.

It didn't work at all. So I guess it's something about the taking the energy away.

Once the energy is taken away from a feeling that was no use to you, that feeling can no longer arise. It doesn't have any energy, any power, and also when you're observing it as an adult, it lost his power instantly anyway. In fact, then you realize that it never had any power because you weren't a victim.

When you is looking at it from victim mentality, mentality, perhaps it felt really painful, that conversation or that event. So it changes when you look at it from an adult perspective. It's okay.

Don't need to have a blame scenario. No, no blame needed. Have I learned from it? Yes or no? Also, who's the person that needs to learn? It might not be you that needs to learn anything from it, other than I think everything can be a learning experience.

Just even if it's just having experienced, you now know what it feels like to have experienced such an event. That's still learning. Learning doesn't have to be something that you use in order to not have a similar thing happen again.

You can see a car accident, you know, see someone else have a car accident, and you can learn from that. Learn maybe to be more careful with your own driving, just to, you know, learn from the experience, but it's not going to stop other people having car accidents. We can take those learnings on.

You know, if you see a car badly damaged from a quite a slight altercation, you know, not altercation, but a crash that wasn't particularly serious, but you see how damaged that car was, you can learn to never buy a car like that. To buy a more sturdier car, especially if you have people in the car that you care about. So there's always learnings to be had.

I think that's part of the fun, part of the fun of being around, learning new things, exploring ourselves, our minds, our capabilities, just how easy it is to make changes instantly within ourselves, so that life can, life can be interesting instead of being frustrating. Interesting rather than frustrating. Now think about how do you feel now? How relaxed do you feel? How calm, how easily you'll drift to sleep, if that's your choice.

That brings this recording to an end. Thank you for listening and remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye.