(no music) #1160 - Thank you Jennifer & Samantha - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (18th July 2024)

Hello and welcome to a panting dog under the desk. Just took him out and it's very hot, a bit overheated. He's got water, he's got food and everything and but he walked up and down the field three, four times before he found a place to do a poo.

So just up, back, up, back, right, come on. We could have been in and out in 10 minutes. We were out for probably nearly an hour.

Didn't realise how long it was. But we got back at half past five. It was about half four and we left.

He didn't even go anywhere. He was just wandering around, sniffing the grass. It's quite warm.

If it gets any warmer, I'm going to seriously consider turning the heating down. So anyway, this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Thanks for joining me.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. My name is Jason Newland. And before we go any further, I want to say big, big, huge thank you to Jennifer and Samantha for your kind PayPal gifts.

Thank you very much. And I did post a thing on my Facebook asking if anyone could help. I'm just a little bit short at the moment.

Some would argue I've always been short. I don't think five foot two is short. Not for a man.

Anyway, if you can, please send me a PayPal gift. Please, please, please, please, if not, that's fine as well. So I hope everyone's groovy.

Vinnie's now staring at me. He's literally burning a hole in me with his eyes like a super dog. I was sitting on a toilet earlier.

And I was just thinking of Thailand. And one of the funny things that happened and I would have told this story probably at the time. But I was sitting outside a hairdresser's because I had to get my hair cut.

I went out there my hair was a little bit. We know you know the reason why people get their haircuts. I don't know why I'm explaining that.

I went to get my haircuts. It was too short. I mean, no.

I went to the hairdressers because I needed to get an ice cream. Like we know. Anyway, I went to the hairdressers.

I'm sitting outside in the on a chair with a couple of staff members and we were just I think I had a bottle of water and they might give me a drink. I think I probably had my own bottle of water and we just needed to because I've walked quite a long way. I just needed to sort of rest.

I mean, you could argue but you don't get your haircut standing up to you. That's not the point. I just you know, just needed to chill out for a bit.

When you've got a bald patch as large as mine, and it comes time to cut your hair, you want to hold on to it for as long as possible. You know, leave it to the last minute. It's really a case of building the courage up to have it cut now.

It's oh, you keep mentioning your bald patch. I know. Anyway, well, well, well, we were sitting there.

Okay. And I actually did say to them about my bald patch. That's why I'm mentioning it.

So I said, Oh, because at the time, I was in a hotel that had mirrors all around the the bedroom, the lift or the elevator. So every time I went in, wherever I looked, my bald patch was winking at me. It was just I didn't realise how big it was.

The bald patch is actually bigger than my whole of my head. It's just it's unbelievable. It's like a like, you know, in volcanoes, because volcanoes, they create islands, don't they? Volcanoes is what creates land.

It's the most fertile land there is, isn't it new new created land from volcano ash, or lava or whatever. That's what is like seems to have happened. It's like a volcano has erupted.

And there's a new landmass. It's like a new country's just been created. What am I talking about? So and I'm just saying to them, look, I was explaining to them that wherever I looked in, in that, in the elevator in the lift, all I can see is my huge bald patch.

And they laughed, which I didn't think was fair. And it's really weird, because there was two sitting there. I look away for a second, which is one sitting there.

Like, where's the other person gone? She was standing on a chair looking over my head, she had her hands on my shoulders, looking at it and laughing at my bald patch. And then she started calling people from this people from all over the street were coming and looking at it. It's now an official landmark.

So what I said, it's like, I don't like I don't like having a And this lady, I completely honestly, this is what she said to me. She pointed to two men that were across the road. And she said, at least you're not as fat as them two.

I mean, they were really, really large men. So not only is she laughing at me being bald, but she's also pointing out that I'm fat, but not as fat as fatter people in her eyes, in her words as well. Blimey.

I never I don't think I could get like that. I don't have that kind of, for me to get like that, I'd have to be so big. And because I'm not very tall, five foot two, I couldn't hold that kind of weight.

I just just, you know, I couldn't I don't think I could do it. It's just like that massive. Just no, I mean, I don't think I've, I think I've reached my peak of heaviness has gone down now anyway.

But I don't think I'm ever going to be I'll ever get heavier than 16 stone, which is about 100 kilos. Probably never get heavier than that. I've been heavier than that.

So it's just a lie. I just lied then. I've been 102.

It skimmed between 98 and 102. Between those two markers over about nine, 10 years. Now I've got down to 15 stone.

But it's just such a weird it's like almost like a backhanded compliment. At least you're not. It's just like any anyway.

How are you doing today? Are you well? Are you? So what I thought I'd do as a couple of people said they liked it is I need to get a little book to do this in. What am I grateful for? What am I grateful for today? I'm grateful. I'm grateful for I'm grateful that I that I lost some fat.

So I'm grateful that I lost some fat. And because I've been I've been working out. I've been I like I've been working out do do do do what's that song? I work out.

Anyway, and I've been working out. So I'm guessing I probably put on a little bit of muscle bit more muscle as well. Which means if I hadn't done that, but then if I hadn't done that, I might not lost the weight.

It's a weird one, isn't it? So but I've definitely lost some fat. There's still a ways to go. I don't really want to go below 14 stone.

But I might end up going down to 13. You know, depends what my body looks like. But if I can get down to 14, that means I've lost two stone.

And I'll do it very gradually. I'm not in a hurry. Because I don't, you know, I like to do things slowly.

I'm just a very, very slow person ask any of my teachers from school, they'll tell you that very slow. So lost some fat gratitude So I mean, perhaps that's just like focus, I lost lost a stone, lost a stone. I'm feeling grateful that I'm now getting to able to say no grateful, able to say no.

Or I feel that I'm able to say no when people ask me for things. Not anyone asked me for anything. So I like to help people.

But you know, someone taking advantage of me. So I'm grateful for, for stopping that completely stopped that now. And isn't it weird that losing my brolly was the rule that was the icing on the cake.

Once I didn't get my brolly back, and I had to walk around in the rain and get wet. Because my brolly, I'd left my brolly and didn't get it back. It's like something that probably cost me nine pound or something in a shop, eight pound.

So it's a cheap old brolly. But that was it. That was that was the line that cannot be crossed.

I'm also grateful for you for people listening to the to these recordings, because without you listening, and that's kind of my my constant grateful thing. Without listeners, there's no point me making podcasts or making recordings. And if if I'm not doing that, then I don't know what I would do.

I don't know what I would what I would focus on what I would spend my time doing. So yes, I'm grateful. Grateful for listeners.

I mean, maybe you could stick want to post this maybe put underneath what you're grateful for, if you want. So thank you for listening. That's it really, that's the end of the recording.

So it's 5.58pm on Thursday, the I don't know what date it is. I don't find out what 18th of July 2024. See, yeah.

So 918 279 18. Okay. So yeah, things things are not feeling fairly positive today.

Just have to yeah, make sure I drink enough water. I had a weird dream though. Let me tell you about my weird dream.

I don't know if it's because I've been listening to a lot of audio books, a lot of psychology books, and also listening to lectures on YouTube and stuff like that. All psychologics, psychological, psychologically based psychology, psychologically, psychologically, psychology, psychology, psychology. What is the correct word is? I can't say it.

All psychology based psychology based. Why am I trying to say psychologically based? Anyway, they're all psychology stuff. And it moves between behaviouralist behaviouralist psychology, social psychology, so psychology experiments from the past, studies, like psychotherapy as well.

So it's moving between all different things. And so I'm kind of not bombarding myself, but from all different angles, in a sense, of different things, different books, different. Some of these to remind me of stuff that I've already learned before, because I was studying psychology.

Many, many years before I even did my course, what my counselling degree, years before that, 20 years before that, I was studying psychology. So different things I was very much into. I mean, I was I was I read a book on Freud, Freud, fraud.

I was I read a book on him. I think when I was 18, sitting on the beach. So that's a long time ago.

But 1989 1988. But I think I really got into psychology late 90s. So it was looking 10 years, 10 years before I started my degree course, I was really into like the self help, and studying, because part of that was psychology and, you know, various different aspects, very much hypnosis based as well.

And read loads and had loads of counselling books, long before I did a counselling course. And also, there was a big part of my course I did was about psychology. So, you know, I've got a little bit of knowledge there somewhere.

Just trying to find it. Because my degree course starts in October. Is it October the 5th? I can't remember.

So I'm kind of trying to prepare myself to do it. Because I have to be self motivated with this. No one's going to help me.

You might say what's a weird thing to say? Well, thanks. And in my last degree course, I had help. I had a I had actually a tutor, private tutor, who I paid to help me with some stuff.

And also, I had someone that really helped me get through it. So like a study partner kind of. So yeah, I don't think I'd have done it on my own.

Genuinely don't think I would have done. I mean, there's no way of knowing is there? But I'm pretty certain I wouldn't have done. So I, this is going to be I want it to not be I want it to be a challenge because no point doing anything if it's not a little bit challenging.

If it's not, if I'm not going to learn anything, if I'm not going to grow as a person, there's no really any point doing it. At the same time, I want to do it for the I want it to be fun. It needs to be fun.

I understand that maybe not everything about it is going to be fun. But I need to try and make it as fun as possible. So anyway, the dream I had a dream.

So I'm listening to this audiobook while I'm in bed. Because what I do is I listen to classical music, or I will listen to the radio on a Friday and Saturday night, I listen to the radio, because there's a radio show I like to listen to that starts at 10. It's on for three hours.

And the same is on Saturday as well, sometimes on a Sunday. But the other days I listen to classical music. Recently, I've been listening to audiobooks, so that I can listen just while I'm just lay there listening to them not end up falling asleep.

But I find that I will sometimes be dreaming about something that they're talking about, and I wake up and they're still talking about that subject, which is the last night, or early hours this morning, rather, I dreamt about this this female person I worked with. And she was a waitress when I was the DJ. I said I worked with her, but I was there.

I was I wasn't really working, but I was there at the weekends. And I really liked I'd known her for probably a couple of years. And I think she just had her 21st birthday.

Or maybe it was 19th 20th. I don't know. I think she was 21.

And three times she let me know she liked me. And three times I didn't take the hint. Three times.

And in this dream, I met her, like now. And she's 25 years. Blimey.

23 years older, as am I. So she'd be now what 4144? 44 now. 20? No. That's not right, is it? She was 21.

No, yeah, because I was, I was 31. She was 21. So if I'm 53, she'll be 43.

And she still had the up with me. She was like annoyed with me still. Because I didn't pick up on the hints.

Now, I don't know she's annoyed to me or not anyway, because I never, never asked her. But it was really strange this dream. And I was like trying to I was trying to win her over again.

Apologize. I'm sorry. And because I do out of Yeah, it's one of the things I actually do.

Wish I'd done done differently. Because I think we were quite compatible. Those people can't go on very well.

But she Yeah, anyway, and I had this dream and it was telling me to go places. And, and I was getting off at Stratford. And I was waiting for a bus to take me somewhere else.

And then I was doing this and I was doing that. It was very jumbled dream. And I went to the comedy club.

It's no longer a comedy club. It's which it isn't. It's like, it's very strange.

I've revisited that place before, where it's now completely different, but it the whole was, it's a different area and the whole area was empty. But we were allowed to use it as a comedy club again. But for one night a week, it was just really strange.

I say we but my the the owner. And anyway, I in the dream, I didn't know where I was going. And it just said, follow the arrows.

And I kept looking up and there was arrows pointing to where I needed to go. So I just followed the arrows. And it took me to where I needed to be.

And I think she left before I got to see I saw her. But she didn't talk to me. And then I apologised to her.

So sorry, she's like, I don't know, she went no, no, no. But I can't remember what dialogue we had. It's just very weird.

It's very strange. I mean, the three things that happened between us have other than just get on really well, no four things, actually. And she said, gosh, remember the name? Blimey.

All right down, Vinnie, don't please. Don't be making no noises. He started barking again.

So yeah, four things happened with this with what's the name? And the first thing when I maybe she liked me. The first one was she she put I think I don't know, she was talking about something. She put her hands over my eyes.

And she said, Why? What? You don't know the colour of my eyes? I said, Of course I do. She said, What are they then? So she's implying that I never looked at her properly or never looked at her eyes or whatever. And I said, They're green.

And she walked away angry. She had brown eyes. Yeah, I never looked.

So in her defence, in my defence, I didn't care. It was the lighting wasn't very good in that in that building. There wasn't a lot of lights.

There was no windows. It was just all lighting. So it wasn't like proper daylight.

I never saw her outside of work ever. So the next time she was her birthday party. Well, I don't know.

I'm not sure which order this happened. But she I think before that she started talking to me about she came into the DJ booth during the disco, which is when I was in the DJ booth. I wouldn't have been for the Sunday afternoon, that would have been strange.

And she started talking about stuff that we didn't normally talk about, asking me personal questions or I like to do and telling me what she liked to do. And like, it's really strange. I didn't really know what was going on.

But I just okay. And then she left and went back to work. Fair enough.

That was a strange conversation. The third clue was she told me she loved me. I don't know what she meant by that.

No, she didn't. This the third thing is a birthday party. And she held it in the club.

It was on a day during a week, probably when Thursday or Tuesday or something. And she she pulled me up to dance with her, which I did, I had no choice, a very firm grip. And to be honest, she hurt me a bit.

But it's okay, it doesn't matter. And she was dancing with me. And then she she pulled my hat, my arms, and she forced my hands onto her buttocks.

I didn't put them there. She put them there. And I was a bit embarrassed because not because of that, because I was my concern is no one saw her do that.

Or they saw was my hands on her. But but you know, and I didn't know I wouldn't do that in public. I'm not really someone to do stuff like that in public.

And Vinnie, you want a treat? Like I got getting a treat. Okay, now he's had that will go and eat his dinner now. He refuses to eat dinner unless he's had a treat.

So that was and that was weird. And I'm not saying I didn't like it. I didn't.

I like spending time with her. And I was just there's all these people around that I knew and just I didn't want them to think that I was taking advantage of her and you know. Anyway, she went back to wherever she was sitting and I didn't really see much for the rest of the night.

And then the fourth time it was on the my very last night. And she came and sat down to me and I can't tell you what she said. It was very it was explicit, not explicitly like rude, rude, but it was rude.

In a sense of she said that we were compatible. And I did nothing. Told you he's eating his dinner now.

Now he's at his treat. It's like he's got that he's like a palate cleanser or something. Ah, always starters.

Entree. Entree. So yeah, he she rather is.

I just I don't know why there was something just stopping me. I think it's because she liked me and I struggled with that. There was no she wasn't giving me the runaround.

She wasn't she wasn't playing hard to get. She just genuinely seemed to like me and we got on really well. And it's quite weird.

My cousin came to the club one night and he was 18 or 17, 18, probably 18 for the sake of the law. He was 18 and he got very drunk and he was chatting her up. So he's chatting this lady that I'm telling you about.

He was chatting her up. I mean, to be fair, he's closer to her age. She was probably a couple of years older than him.

Yeah, maybe three years older. Well, she is standing in the doorway. So we got they got the way the club was is you're downstairs comedy club.

You had the stairs going up, which led to a second. I don't know what you want to call it a second floor. And on that floor, there was another there was a nightclub.

And there was also a at the time. I'm not sure what was in there, actually. But used to be like the comics room.

And then there was some toilets and stuff. It kept getting changed. But at that time, so and then there's like a then you go out there, you can go in there, then there's another set of stairs or wooden steps.

And it led up to the top floor, which was, I think in the end, it was an art gallery. And the Yeah, and it was the office as well. So all three, all three floors were taken up.

And so he's standing in the doorway. And actually, and he falls back, and I catch him. He was gonna he would have gone all the way down those steps.

And I managed to catch him, like just grabbed his t shirt and pulled him back. And, and he started warbling a little bit. And then he started chatting, chatting up my friend, the lady.

And it was like really corny. So I got your lovely, lovely green eyes. And she's like, God, is it runs in your family? None of you can see my eyes, can you? I said, Don't worry about it.

And he was really chatting her up. And then he just vomited everywhere. And it was so funny to watch, because he was really putting on his best behaviour, trying to, you know, get her to be his girlfriend, I guess.

And we just both laughed, and could not stop laughing. And I had to take him home. I had to clean up the mess first.

And then I took him home in a taxi. They were so funny. And it was just, I think, because we shared the same sense of humour, me and her.

We laughed at the same things. We know what sharing the same sense of humour means. Okay, stop.

It was one of those things that I wish I'd... It's too late now, blimey, for the garden. I mean, but it would have been nice to... I don't know why I didn't take a chance. Because the chance was there for me.

Because for some reason, she liked me. I don't know why, but she did. And she was letting it be known.

I mean, I don't know what other way she could have told me unless she just could have said, like, marry me, Jason, marry me. Maybe I'd have got the hint then, but I probably would have ran. And probably made it worse.

What possibly made it worse is probably a month later, the manager of the club asked me if I could go and do a Saturday night. Because now their resident DJ is on holiday or something. And I said, yeah, cool.

I was like, I had that weekend off. So I came in and the DJ, it's no longer a DJ booth. It's just a table on its own in like, a different part of the club.

Everyone can see what you're doing. So there's no privacy at all. So you're just like, it's a weird, weird scenario.

Weird setup. For me, for what I was used to. And I couldn't go for a nap or anything.

And so I'm there, all the CDs were all mixed up. And they used to be in order when I was there. I was quite good at that.

Because it was important to know where everything was. And I had an opportunity again, to spend time with her. Because she was there, she was working that night.

What did I do? I chatted up someone else. And I ended up going home with someone else, like a customer, who was, ironically, not even drinking. So just in case you think, she was completely sober.

She went out on her own. Not that that's weird, but that was, it was a big thing to her. Like, I remember her saying to me, I don't need no man.

I don't need no man to hold my hand. I want to go out by myself. By myself.

I said, by myself. Yeah. She was from Germany.

And it's like, this is a silly thing. Why would I, what was the point in that? I could have actually gone home. Or maybe had a, had a, had a, spent a bit of time with my friend who I liked.

And I mean, she might not like me anymore after that. But I kept looking back and she was watching me and, I don't know. I mean, I'm immature now, but back then I was just, I don't know what it was.

I do know what it was. Because in my 20s, no, in my late 20s, from, I'd say, 25 to 31. Those were my years.

Those was my, I don't want to say successful, but I always kind of, I was, I got a bit of female attention. It's kind of the only time in my life I ever really did. And as a DJ, I was getting it, getting female attention, getting it, getting attention every weekend because just the environment I was in.

So I was kind of in my peak, you know, probably physically, I don't know that mentally, but I was physically fit. I was working out, going to the gym, even though I didn't like being so skinny. Apparently not everybody likes, not, not all people are turned off by a, by a slim waist.

Funny enough. So I, I remember when I was slim, it's really weird. My head, when I was really, really slim, my head looked bigger.

It's not the only thing. So I, my feet as well, got size 10 feet. Apparently that's quite, quite big for my height, four foot six.

So my feet, 12, size 12 was quite big. I think what did it is because I moved away to be closer to my Nan when she, she broke her hip. So I realized, Oh, I need to, I want to be nearer.

I'm just too far away at the moment. So I moved, I managed to get a job and I moved and everything happened so quickly. But what happened is my mojo left.

It's like I left it in London and I moved and I started working in this place where I was old. Even though I was only 31, I felt old because I was around all these really young people, like 16, 17, 18 year olds that were being, that they were employing. And there wasn't anyone, even, even my, my supervisor was 22 years old.

My supervisor, this is just, there's nothing wrong with being a supervisor at 22. Good for him. It's just, it was just, I felt old.

I really did. And I was getting zero attention from women at all, like nothing. And not that I, I don't know, not that I was used to get, I'm not saying that anyone used to throw themselves at me.

They did. No, I'm not saying that at all. Often.

No, I'm not saying that really happened. I'm just joking. No jokes here.

It happened every single hour. No, it didn't. I think it was a confidence thing.

Really. I was confident. And I tell you what, you know what started my confidence? Like I was quite good between 2005.

I had a, I had two, two girlfriends in 2005, two or three, I think maybe two, maybe three, two that I can remember. One main one at the end of 2005. And that was one of the first, it felt like one of the first relationships I've been in, or one of the first people I was happy to be around.

I enjoyed being with, I really liked, and potentially saw a future. But the circumstances weren't so good. So it didn't, didn't happen.

And then, did I say 2000? I'm talking about 1995. So 1996. Oh yeah, 1995.

Yeah. So 1995, I was doing all right. 1996.

So I was quite confident during that period. So I went to 96 feeling, you know, fairly confident. And I had a girlfriend that lasted from probably about the April time all the way through to the next year.

And then I was also getting, because I was working in security, but a lot of the females were spending time with me, talking to me. So it's quite nice. Nothing went on, but because I had a girlfriend, but it was still nice to, I guess, have the attention and wild away the hours.

I mean, some, some of them would stay up all night talking to me. Which is weird, because I've got no social skills whatsoever. But for some reason, some people like talking to me.

Don't know why. Maybe they just enjoy all the yawning that I do. Oh, carry on, keep going.

Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

Brilliant. Great. When was the funeral? Oh, yeah.

Okay. Tell me more. No.

I learned how to withhold a yawn. When I was 17, I was sitting at a table with my dad, and he was drinking whiskey, and I was drinking whiskey with him. And I wasn't used to having, I'd never drunk whiskey before.

I had once, but that was when I was a kid. And I got drunk, and I never touched it since. But on this occasion, I did because I knew it was the only thing that was going to, we had a conversation that we'd never had before.

So it was good. But at the same time, I was getting dozy by with the alcohol, because between us, we pretty much probably did a bottle. I perhaps had about a quarter and he had the rest.

But that was way too much for me. Really, it was, I mean, and I learned that if you push your tongue against the roof of your mouth, it stops the yawning. Stops it.

Every time. Okay, it didn't didn't work then. But generally, it does work.

Came in handy when I was a counsellor. Oh, dear. That's terrible.

See, you think I'm boring. No, I can't. I shouldn't even, I should just stop it there.

No. I do wonder sometimes. It's like what? Was I any good as a counsellor? Was, was I? I don't know.

Because it all stopped due to the, all the cuts, government cuts, because most of my work was with charities. Like 99.99%. I had a couple of private clients. And that was it.

So, you know, I had to stop. When all that, when it all dried up, I had no choice but to look for a job somewhere. But I do wonder, because there was this, one of my clients, I'm not going to say it was a man or woman, it's a human being, who came and saw me.

And I saw a lot of people over that period of those three years, a lot of people, because generally people come for about six weeks at a time, sometimes four weeks. But I think I think it was six weeks. And then the next one, then the next one, and I'll be seeing anything up to, I think, sometimes 16 people a week.

So you know, there's quite a few different people over the years. And this person used to send me a Christmas message by text for a few years afterwards. As a joke, kind of, it was like an in-joke that we had.

It was something, he told me a very, very funny story, which I can't tell you because it's confidentiality in it. But it's a very funny story. And he or she used to send me a text message every Christmas.

And it was also a way of letting me know that he was okay. Because he wasn't, you know, when he came and saw me. So it was really good to, yeah, it was nice.

I used to go into schools, one of my, because I had three different charities, there was the children's charity, or children and adolescents charity. There is the, I was working for Mind. But I also worked when I was adults.

I also worked for another charity that was part of Mind. And that was, I can't remember the name of it. But I used to go into schools.

And technically, I wasn't counselling. What I was doing is just spending time with the kids individually. So there was no, it wasn't, it was a counselling session, but they didn't call it counselling.

And it wasn't like sitting in a chair for 50 minutes. It may have been sitting in a chair for five minutes, or 10 minutes. And then going and playing football in the field, like in the playground, or going for a walk around the school, or doing some drawing, or playing games, things like that.

And talking whilst doing that. So in some ways, that was one of the most rewarding things I've done. At that time, the only feedback I really got was from a parent who came in specifically to see me.

And because I was, I think she came and saw me after my session with her child. And she said, I just want to thank you. She's like, didn't say it in front of her kid.

But I said, put me aside. I just want to thank you so much. You know, whatever you're doing is like transformed him or her, I can't remember if it was a boy or a girl, transformed them.

You know, I said, Oh, thanks. I said, which, which child? She said, Oh, Billy. I said, Oh, okay, cool.

Don't want to tell her that Billy wasn't mine. Wasn't mine. It was a different counsellor that saw Billy, but I took it.

I took it to the credit. That bit wasn't true. But the other bit wasn't.

So yeah, it was nice. Nice to get a little bit of feedback like that. But I think the thing with counselling is, I remember one lady stopped me in the street to tell me how she was doing.

But everything was going really well. And that was nice. But that doesn't happen.

You know, there's been a couple of occasions when I've seen people that I've counselled. And I've remembered them and I know what to say to them. Because I don't remember anything about the sessions because you know, it might sometimes years ago and I've seen so many different people.

I don't keep track of the notes and everything because that stays with the charity. So I don't have personal notes on anyone. There'd be a folder, all the notes would be kept as part of it.

And they'd get, I think every six years or something, they'd get chucked out. Data protection stuff. And they were always locked away anyway.

So I'd see someone but I couldn't remember why, what I'd seen them for. And I'd never ask anyone, are you getting on okay? And there was one actually at the Buddhist centre, this young girl, she turned up at the Buddhist centre and I was there. And it's very awkward for her.

I think she found it very awkward. And I don't think she knew what to do because I don't think she thought I was going to tell people about what we spoke about, which I wouldn't. Well, until she left, obviously, and then but no, I didn't.

And, you know, confidentiality and that, I wouldn't say anything. But I think it's very awkward for her. It was a bit weird for me.

But yeah, the only problem is because she said something that was so funny once. And it stayed with me forever. She just yelled out something once.

During a session, she yelled it out. And it was just, it was hilarious. We both laughed.

And it was just the So I'll always remember that. That sentence that she yelled out. There was another time, this young lad, I don't know what the heck it was, but he said something that was funny, that made me laugh, or I said something that made him laugh.

And we couldn't stop laughing. Every time I went to speak, he'd laugh. Every time he went to speak, I'd laugh.

In the end, we had to finish the, we had to actually end the session early. Seriously. It was just silly.

I couldn't, we couldn't, couldn't, you know, had my, I had one of the, I had a couple of unusual sessions. There's one, a person came in and there was two different people that came in and didn't say a word. One person came in.

For the whole of the session, he didn't say anything. He just stared at me. Or she stared at me.

I said a few little things and then that was it. Came back the next week. Same thing again.

And he got angry and just left. I never saw him again. Or her.

I think that was a situation where maybe I was the wrong person for that, for them. Because, you know, for all I know, I might have looked similar to somebody that he didn't like from the past. My, he, you know, I might have reminded him of someone else with a squeaky voice like mine.

I always used to put squeaky voice on when I did the counseling. So, why are you here then? How does that make you feel? That's what I used to, because I thought that'd be quite calming. Sometimes I'd shout.

I've tried different ways to calm people down. I tried off shouting. That didn't seem to work.

And sometimes I talk really quickly. That didn't always work. I tried talking in Morse code.

Like, I had a little thing like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do like that. I gave them a little machine as well, but I didn't really. I was just trying to think a different way to communicate.

This is getting silly now, isn't it? I was just, you know, just always looking for new ways to find a way to communicate. So, another one, and this is my last ever client, and this person, and she was young as well, she just sat there, would not say a word, a whole 50 minutes, and then left. Came in the next week, came back, didn't expect them to come back, sat there, and what was weird, eventually she opened up, and she told me everything.

But it took her a little while to trust me, maybe, I don't know, very well, I guess so, yeah. And she ended up, we did, she was supposed to have six weeks, I think she ended up getting like 20 weeks or something. I extended it, kept extending it, because I wanted to give her as much time as she needed.

Yeah, it was a very, she was a very last counseling client I ever saw, and it was potentially one of the most difficult ones as well, like challenging, as in, okay, I'm in a bit of a position here. I got advice from my counseling supervisor, so it was a case of, yeah, there's certain things when it comes to people under the age of 18. But I didn't take it all on myself.

I got advice and the, I can't really go into details, but it was, I was kind of given an ultimatum, like, I'll tell you this thing, but if you tell anyone else, then this is going to happen, it's like, okay. So I told my supervisor, and she said, well, you haven't really got any choice, you know, just going to have to give her trust, and hope that she chooses herself to go down that other road, rather than have it, you know, pushing her into it kind of.

And yeah, I still don't know to this day.

She actually added me though, she added me on Twitter. I didn't add her, she added me. So be clear, okay.

And I said hello, I felt, what did I, I felt I saw her in the street, and I said hello to her. It was like a year later. And she said hello, and then she carried on walking.

And that's normally what happens to be fair. If I see someone, I don't like stop and chat to them if they're a client or anything. I don't always even say hello, but she sent me a text message or not a text message, a Twitter message saying, that was very awkward.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know say hello to you or not. I said, Don't worry, it's fine.

And previous to that, I said to her that if she ever needed me to help her in any way, I'm talking like, if she had to go to court, and she needed support with that, then I would be there for her. But she never contacted me. So I hope that she's all right.

But I don't know, it just, it was a weird one. Not weird, weird, weird. Just affected me a bit, actually, that one.

They all did. I mean, I was affected by a few. I think that's, it was hard.

There was, we went, it mined, they put us on this training course, which was dealing with a certain aspect of counselling. And it's supposed to be for not serious cases. When I say serious, I'm talking serious, serious.

We weren't supposed to be getting those. They were supposed to be gone straight through to the mental health team, the crisis team and stuff like that. When I was sending them to us, to us, you know, at MIND, we were getting things that are just like really, really, really crisis stuff.

Because they didn't have, I guess they didn't have the resources. And yeah, that was super challenging. But rewarding as well.

Because I never lost anyone. So that's good. Yeah, blindly.

I'm starting remembering people. People I've not thought about for years, because this is, I stopped doing it in 2000. And was it 13? I think 2013.

2013 or 2014. Maybe, maybe early 2014. Probably sort of April time.

Yeah, because I started, no, maybe it was 2013. Because I started at the, the, the young charity. When I finished the second year of my degree course, because I got my diploma in counselling one, my diploma in person centred counselling.

And I'd waited for two years to join this charity to be a volunteer counsellor. So they already knew me because I kept going in there saying, please. And they said, no, go away.

You're not ready yet. You haven't got, come back when you've got your diploma. So I got my diploma, which was I started the course September or October, September time 2007 until the summer 2008.

That was the first year. And then September 2008 until the summer 2009. And I think I received the diploma a few months after the end of the course.

It was like maybe, I don't know what month it was. But I started, I went through the interview process and did everything I needed to do. And then I started 2008, 2009, December.

That's when I started counselling at the, the young people's counselling place. So I was there from December 2009 to 2010. So 2010, 2011, 2012, up to 2013.

So I did probably three years and five months, maybe three years and six months. I'm not quite sure. Maybe around that.

Yeah, probably about three years and five months there. So that was, that was good. And I didn't start doing mind.

When did I? I started mind in 2000. And I got my degree. 2010.

Yeah, I started getting, yeah, I finished my degree and I got all that. It's November 2010 is when I, what's it? I got my certificate, you know, that ceremony thing with a flat hat. And then, I don't know if it's, I think it was January 2011.

I started 2011 or 2000. I think it was 2011. I started working for mind.

So I already had a year working at, more than a year working at the other place. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, I think that's true. And then it all kind of came to an end around 2013, around April, May time, I think.

I'm not sure if I've got that right. 2013. No.

Wait a minute. I moved. So 2011, I was evicted from where I was staying during college.

Then I moved to that room for a year. There was this room that I lived in for a year. The toilet didn't work.

I'd stick my bum out the window. It was terrible. And I didn't have to.

And then, then I moved a year later. So 2012, about March time. And I carried on counselling there, all the way through 2012.

And I'm just trying to figure out. It might have been. No.

Yeah. No. I don't know.

I can't remember exactly the exact dates. I don't know if it was 2013 or 2014. I ever started.

Yeah. So it's over three years altogether that I was doing. I was definitely doing it for about three years, five months, altogether, but not all it, you know, mine was for short period.

Yeah. So I'm going to say something. What was I going to mention? There's something I was going to, I was getting to this through.

I don't know what. I really don't know why. How do I get onto counselling? Oh, yeah.

The degree course I'm doing. It's, yeah, I'm kind of trying to, in my own mind, sort of prepare nicely for the build up to when it starts, just to get myself kind of caught up with the stuff I used to do, you know, stuff I used to read and so that I can be a bit more. I don't know.

So I read the books and I want to take this might seem weird, but I want to take this a bit more seriously, academically, than I did my other degree. The only part of my other degree I took seriously was the practical side, which was why I was there to start with, to learn to be a counsellor. So I took that very seriously and I worked very hard.

And I was the first one to get all my hours, like counselling hours during the course. In fact, I ended up with more hours than anyone else because I was just, I was just doing more. I don't know how it worked out that way, but I just ended up that way.

And it was, that was the bit that I really put effort into. The academic things, the essays, the final dissertation, all that stuff. It was a chore.

I found it to be a chore. But the fact is, there's no practical side to the psychology degree that I'm going to be doing. It's all academic.

So I need to start enjoying that side of things. So what I'm going to do, I keep saying the word, so once I've finished all the YouTube work that I'm trying to do, so I reckon I've got another one or two weeks of that. So hopefully by the end of July, I'll have all the YouTube videos made, and it'll be all up waiting to be scheduled to be released.

And then I'll start doing some of those courses, the free ones on Open University, and see how many of those I can do. And maybe start doing three hours a day, doing that, or maybe start an hour a day and build up to it, you know, build up to the three hours so that I can be used to doing that for October. So it's not like a shock or anything like that.

And yeah, blimey. But what we got now, July, August, September, it's only two months away, really. Or three, less than three months away.

July, August, September, October, it's less than three months away. It's 7.01. 7.01? Really? 7.01? It's 7.01, everyone. Everyone, 7.01. Blimey.

Okay, I'm going to go. So thank you for listening. Please remember to be kind to yourself.

Be gentle with yourself. You deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye.