(no music) #1155 - A bit wet - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (7th July 2024)

Hello, hello everybody and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. See, you didn't realise I can speak Italian.

I can. I'm fluent. So today is the 7th of July 2024.

It's a Sunday. It's 10 minutes past 13 o'clock. Vini is sitting on my foot.

We just had a little nap together. He proper cuddled up to me like really more than normal, which is quite nice. It's very nice.

Really. Yeah. Very nice.

I didn't want to move. I really didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay there and not move.

It was just nice. It's just, I say romantic, not romantic, but it was loving. It was, I felt kind of liked for a minute.

Yeah. So hello everybody. And let me think.

Okay. If you would like to support me, then please send me a PayPal gift. If you choose, be very grateful.

The address is www.paypal.com forward slash forward slash PayPal me forward slash Jason Newland. The link is on my Jason Newland's Boring Group. Actually in the main thingy, whatever it is, not really explained this very well.

But anyway, I'd be very grateful. So just trying to figure out, I don't know why I get like this, but I figure out what's next. What's next, baby? What's next? Vini's hearing stuff.

He's still chasing this fly. It's a fly that he's been following, trying to get to for about three days. He's chasing it around and I'm pretty sure it gives him more pleasure than anything else ever.

Honestly, he just, he loves chasing it. And he jumps in the air, does somersaults, all kinds of things. I mean, I'm pretty sure that if, if learning to cook would get him that fly, he would go to catering college.

He's, he would, he would land. He would. What? I don't know.

They just asked me what I was talking about. I really don't know. Should we have a look at the news? Ladies and gentlemen, let's see what's in the news today.

Shall we? Let's have a look, see if I can find any nice stories. Right, let's have a look. Right.

Well, it was quite a nice story. We're not, it's not really gonna, gonna be for everyone. And I'm not really a football fan as such.

But I am aware that when the English football team plays, the results of the particular match in question can have an emotional effect on the country as a whole. There's a certain mood change. So when they're doing well, there is this, there's a certain uplift as opposed to when, well, normal, you know, when perhaps they haven't done quite so good.

So last night, or the last two matches, well, the last two matches, the last night they won on penalties against Switzerland. What are Switzerland people called? So you've got Germany, German, Italy, Italians, Spanish, or Spain, Spanish. It's all kind of Switzerland, Switzerland-ish.

Chinese, China, Chinese, England, English, Mexican, Mexica, Mexica, Mexicone. I just wonder what, what, Swit, Switzerland. You nearly said Swiss then, didn't you? We know you're lying.

No, I generally don't know. We heard you, you said Swiss. You know it's Swiss.

No, I don't. Why do you say things like that? You're just so silly. Dua Lipa's unmissable pop party.

Country pop queen Shania Twain impresses Worthy Farm. Okay, don't really know what that's about. So yesterday, the English football team, it went to penalties because it was a 0, a 1-1 draw at the end of the game.

So that's, they had penalties, and England scored five goals in a row, and Switzerland scored three. So I think it was, England went first, so they scored their first goal. Then Switzerland went second, and I think they missed a goal.

England went third, and they scored a goal, so that was 2-1. Switzerland won, I think they might have missed one. Well, no, they took one, and got that.

No, they, yeah, so that was 2-1. Then it was 3-1, 3-2, 4-2, 3-4, 5. Anyway, we got five, and they got three, but they didn't. I think when we scored our fifth goal, there was no point going on, because they couldn't get five, because they'd already lost, they'd already missed one.

Yeah, because if we missed one, it would have been four, and they'd take their next one, and if they'd scored that, it would have been 4-4, and they would have had to continue forever, until someone, yeah, I don't know how long it is allowed to go on for, but what was strange is, not strange, but strange in my lifetime, really, to see is that every single person in the English team that took a penalty, just took it, and got it in, and we are famous around the world, for different things, I guess, slavery being one

of them, I suppose, at one point, but we are quite well known, I think, in the football, in, you know, World Cup, European Cup, for not doing so wonderful when it comes to penalties.

So, just as a, you know, as a, an observer, I guess, but I watched it, I didn't watch the whole match, because I was busy, but I did watch the, like, the last part of it, I watched bits and bobs, you know, I visited, I visited, and then I just had a little, you know, then I came back, then I visited again, and what's that? What is that?

Chase, North London, what? Okay, um, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, even the nice stories aren't nice, that's weird, like, come on, give me some positive stories.

So, let's have a look at boxing, let's have a look at boxing, um, well, I watched something, it was, I enjoyed, right, uh, Britton Fisher, so this is something I watched on TV, I watched, it was Johnny Fisher, the run for the ball, he's a heavyweight, and he was fighting Alan Babic, and he dismantled him in 36 seconds, which was, yeah, I mean, it was very impressive, very impressive, so I, yeah, I, um, I thought that was kind of how it was going to go,

I didn't expect it to be quite as impressive as that, but in the same way, I'm not sure I expected him to have to throw that many punches either, to be honest, I thought he'd just punch him and it'd go down, which he nearly did with the very first punch, um, Alan Babic, nearly, you could see he was, oh, shook, and then I think he took four, five punches and then he was gone, and he got up and he saw spaghetti legs, and so the referee stopped it like he should,

or she should, I can't remember if it was, because there was this, you might say, well, what does it matter, it's a man or a woman, why, why, why do you have to, why have you noticed, why did you happen to notice it was a woman, hey, was, hey, hey, sexist, sexist, do you wanna know why, because the woman who was a referee in last night's fights, her surname was Poo, that's what I remember, Poo, so tell me that you wouldn't remember that, boxing referee, boxing referee, um, okay, let's have a look,

see, I can't find the name, it was, she's a Asian, um, she looked, well, she had an accent as well, so she sounded like she was possibly, I don't know, not malaria, um, what's that place, like maybe Thailand, maybe Malaysia, Malaysia, that's it, Malaysia, or, um, the other place that's not far from there, but that kind of area, and tiny little thing, just compared to the box, I mean, I mean, sometimes they do that, they put in these small referees, and these huge men, or women, men, and they,

they couldn't separate the boxers if they wanted to, and I think in some ways, there's a kind of, it's better, because the, but I think it makes, I don't know, I would get a little bit, hmm, maybe it makes the boxers a bit more compliant, knowing that the person that's telling them what to do is miniature, I don't know, what do you reckon, boxing referee reviews, let's have a look, poo, famous referees, I can't find it, can't find the person, but she was, yeah, definitely something poo, phu, so that was,

it gave me a little bit of a jolly giggle, really, because I am very childish, that's, that's kind of it, really, you know, there's no way of getting around it, so anyway, Johnny Fisher, wand, also watched the early hours in the morning, watched as much of it as I can, but it was Shakur Stevenson, he had a defending his world title, but that wasn't particularly exciting, and I struggled to stay awake, I really did, I went to bed as I got up, and I thought, oh, I'll watch the boxing, really,

really, oh, let's have a look at the weather, latest forecast for Uck, today, this afternoon, many will see areas of cloud and scattered showers, some heavy, especially in central eastern England, where they will be thundery, drier in northwest Scotland, but with a few showers, okay, and tonight, tonight showers will die out for most, and clouds diminish, leaving mainly clear skies for most, okay, like they're using the word moist, I mean most a lot, there will be, that there will just be some patches of cloud in southern Scotland,

and the south coast of England, and Monday, which is tomorrow, will see a sunny and dry start for most, but patchy cloud and scattered showers develop in the north later on, outbreaks of rain will also advance into southern areas late in the day, it's really weird I'm reading it, but I'm not taking any of it in, zero, zero, we've got no idea what I just said, or read out loud, outlook for Tuesday to Thursday, Tuesday will continue to see outbreaks of heavy and persistent rain move northwards, reaching Scotland by evening,

as it tapers to scattered showers in the south, on Wednesday, there will be spells of rain in northern Scotland, with a mix of sunny spells and showers elsewhere, Thursday will be cloudy with some patchy rain in the north, what's patchy rain, rain is rain, how can it be patchy, but the whole, it's not a whole raindrop, it's like parts missing, what, what, Thursday will be cloudy with some patchy rain in the north, did I already read that, brighter and drier in the south, did I read that bit out,

I can't remember, I remember talking, did I mention something about patchy, let's have a look, Western US bakes in heatwave, so according to Alex Phillips BBC News, four hours ago, a record breaking heatwave that has already caused large wildfires in western US states, is set to continue next week, around 130 people were under some form of heat warning or advisory on Saturday, nearly 57 M people, M people, do you remember, right on time, just gonna ride on time, and nearly five, 57 M people remained under heat alerts, as at least one,

okay, meteorologists are warning that warm nights will lead to people getting hot, temperatures could reach, what, temperature could reach 128 Fahrenheit, which is 53 centigrade in Death Valley on Monday, now 53, a few things to mention, just as a point out on that one, 53 degrees, so 30 degrees is, I mean anything over 100 degrees Fahrenheit is just ridiculous, you know, but 30 degrees centigrade is already too hot, 53 degrees is inhumane, I mean it's just not, it's not doable, I don't know, but then it says,

what they've done is they've obviously picked the hottest part of the US, of the whole area, the whole US area, in order to pick a point to make it dramatic, let's face it, you call an ambulance, oh, I'm gonna do my American accent now, sorry, it's not offensive, I just like, here we go, hey yippity-doo, my name's Bob, hi, yes Bob, what would you like, I'd like an ambulance please, yippity-doo-dah, what am I saying, yippity-doo-dah, it's like, hey, hey fella, hey gimme, send me an ambulance, won't you please, yeah,

I don't know, that was my, okay, perhaps I should stop, but you know, like, well, well sir, where are you at the moment, where should we send the ambulance to, because I know that's normally how they talk, and oh, I'm just in Death Valley, yes, I'm in Death Valley, so it's a bit too hot, 53 degrees centigrade, 128 degrees Fahrenheit, yeah, as, if you will, yeah, I'm in Death Valley, so can you come and help me, no, what do you mean no, yeah, well, why are you going, yeah, oh, yippity-doo-dah,

yes, I'm just being pleasant, I don't, I don't know why, I don't know why, well, okay, the point is, why are you in a place called Death Valley, it's called Death Valley, not D-E-A-F, it's T-H, there's a clue in the name, it's, why do they have to put that stuff out, like, but yeah, guess what, it's always like, you know, it's always really cold, it's really cold in Iceland, or it's really cold, but at a point now, it's like minus a thousand degrees in this particular mountain range,

which is thousands of miles away from anywhere, even polar bears don't go near it, in case their willies fall off, you know, it's just, oh, okay, let's have a look, Death, well, Death Valley National Park, there's a national park for lizards, I'm guessing, a hundred, why would you be there, there's actually a website for it, Death Valley National Park, C-A, is that, I don't know what that stands for, hottest, driest and lowest national park, in this below sea level basin, steady drought and record summer heat, make Death Valley a land of extremes,

yet each extreme has a striking contrast, towering peaks are frosted with winter snow, rare rainstorms bring vast fields of wildflowers, lush oasis harbour, tiny fish and a refuge for wildlife and hoomans, despite its morbid name, a great diversity of life thrives in Death Valley, and people go there, explore campground options from primitive to full hookup, wow, and it's got here alerts in effect at the top, extreme summer heat, expect high temperatures of 100 to 130 Fahrenheit, minimize time outside, minimize your time outside in the heat, do not hike after 10am,

drink plenty of water, travel prepared to survive, well, it's kind of a good idea whenever you go there, isn't it, I like to think that wherever I go, I'm kind of prepared to survive if possible, but it's like if you travel, prepare to live, yeah, cell phones do not work in most of the park, and there's more, what else does it say, blimey, beat the heat, prevent heat related illnesses, so recreating, recreating in national parks this summer, question mark, don't let the heat ruin your trip, how, okay,

heat related illnesses can cause symptoms from heat rash to heat stroke, you may need at least a full day of rest to recover, or a visit to the hospital, blimey, this could ruin your whole trip, and we don't want that to happen, beat the heat by learning, what are heat related illnesses, how to plan for the heat, how to pack for the heat, how to avoid heat related illness during your activity, what to do when experiencing a heat related, don't go, that's the prevention, don't go, why would you go somewhere that's,

well, first of all, called Death Valley, you can't go out after 10 in the morning, you have to wait in until four in the afternoon, I mean, some would argue, that's most of the day, wear sun protection, oh, thanks for that, hadn't thought about that one, what you mean, the hottest place, which obviously means there's more sun, perhaps I should wear some, okay, drink plenty of water, well, I'm glad you wrote that one down as well, wow, if I hadn't checked the website, I'd have turned up with nothing,

I just had a bag of sand to eat, eat salty snacks, what, salty snacks replace the electrolytes your body loses when you sweat, this is especially important when you are recreating, recreating in the heat, which increases how much you sweat, okay, right, I understand that, you know, it can cause cramps and stuff like that, if you get low on salts and stuff, however, now, I've been in the heat a few times, I have, everyone has pretty much, unless you haven't, but you know, I've never been on a really hot train in this summer,

waiting to get out, waiting for the train to stop, so I could get off, get off my stop, never thought to myself, you know, what I need right now is a bag of nuts, nice salty peanuts, that'll do the trick, it's the last thing you want, isn't it, it's, it's kind of a double thing, so you drink, the more water you drink, the more you flush out the salt, but the more salt you have, the more you need to drink, next is rest often and in the shade if available,

you know, if someone's in hospital, you know, I didn't read that bit, I did the rest often bit, I just didn't see the in the shade, yeah, I did, I rested, but you know, if I'd never seen the in the shade part, things would have been so much different, my feet wouldn't have melted, the next one, get wet, wow, get wet, so, okay, so you're walking past a stream and you're absolutely melting, but you know, I didn't realise, if I, if I knew that getting wet would cool me down,

I'd have had a little dip, I'd have poured some water over my head from the stream, soak a towel or a shirt in water to keep you cool, if water is available, well, yeah, I mean, if water isn't available, then it's probably not on the menu, is it, soak a towel or a shirt in water to keep you cool, but if water is available, that's what, that's what they're saying, consider completely soaking yourself to keep cool, okay, it's gone very scientific here, this is brilliant, see, I didn't know this,

are you ready, ready for your minds to be blown, the water can cool off your body and lessen the effects of the heat, wow, oh man, I can't believe that, this is, this is like going back to college, I feel like I've learned something really useful, so, if I'm ever stuck in a really, really hot place where there's, well, first of all, if there's no water, then I won't try and cover my face and body in a towel, well, if there's no water around, I'll use a, I'll cover my face in a wet towel,

why don't you use sweat, that's wet, isn't it, but I've seen movies, you can, there's ways of making stuff wet, isn't there, and it's, but if water is available, you can use that water, the water to cool your body off because water lessens the effects of heat, it actually helps you cool down, blimey, but then what about the old thing about, you know, if you have a cup of tea, a nice hot cup of tea is much better than a cold water to cool you down in the heat, absolutely rubbish,

but it's like, yeah, it works, yeah, yeah, it's true, it's true, my grandmother's, grandmother's, grandmother's pet rabbit told me, I don't know, follow, oh, here's one, I'm guessing I kind of know what this might be, follow no swimming and no wading signs, no, many parks have rivers or lakes that might look like an inviting place to cool down, but in reality are very dangerous, many of these water bodies are very deceptive, the shoreline may have slippery rocks and there be strong currents and cold water temperatures that could lead, really,

cold water temperatures, what kind of water is that that can completely repel the heat, follow park rules and regulations on swimming or wading, I'm wondering crocodiles, alligators, stuff like that, you know, but maybe they're not mentioned that, so that's a bit of a, it's a little bit of a tease, isn't it, really, first of all, they're saying, you know, if you can put water on yourself and if you can cover yourself with water, right, that's what it says, isn't it, get wet, so it's actually saying if water is available,

consider completely soaking yourself to keep cool, and then it's saying no swimming and don't go near the water, so these might look like nice places to cool down, but keep away from them, so what are you supposed to do, look for a puddle, hope you come across an elephant that's got a trunk full of water ready for you, it's like in a movie, or is about to wash itself and you can just jump in in the middle and roll around in the mud through its family, put your backside plan into action,

put your backup plan into action, use the backup plan if you get to the park and it's too hot, do your planned activity, this way you can enjoy your visit while avoiding heart-related illness, heat-related illness, so there's just someone getting rescued and they got spied by a helicopter or something and the person of the helicopter, the paramedics say, why didn't you call us, did you not have a backup plan, and the man's saying, yeah, what was your backup plan, well, just to do nothing, that was my backup plan, well,

it's not much of a backup plan, is it, you're not much of a backup plan, I thought we just saved your life, how do you know, how do you know, I was alive when you got there, how do you know that I'm super heaty, whatever that means, I like the heat, I guess, turn back, oh, so this is something and I'm glad it put this here because I wouldn't have thought this, that's very important, I wouldn't have even thought about it, if it gets too hot during your activity and I can't,

this didn't even enter my mind, I mean, I'd have to write this down if I went there, if it gets too hot outside, stop and turn around, turn back, go back, wow, why didn't I think of that, mind you, I can just remember when I was a kid, my dad would probably, no, my dad would be like, yeah, we're going, we can't, it's too hot, no, we're going, we decided, I've decided we're going to that mountain peak and that's where we're going, I said, my dad, he drove during a,

not an avalanche, what is it, a snowstorm, what do they call it, but like a really, really big snowstorm, because he was determined, I'm going there, once he's made his mind up, I'm going there, we went to the Isle of Man 20 years ago and we got a phone call, we were only like 20 minutes away from home, got a phone call saying that the ferry had been called off, cancelled due to the high winds and there might not be any more ferries, we don't know, we were on our way to Liverpool,

so should we turn back, nope, we're going to Liverpool, so Liverpool is about 400 miles away or 300, 400 miles away and we're literally just 20 minutes away, nope, we're going, he was like, that's it, determined, it's like, made a decision, that's it, so I wouldn't want to go into Death Valley with him, what's this, oh, after all this, there's an important notice, important, always check your car for your children and pets, especially the back seat before you lock your doors and walk away, right, let me see if I've got this right,

so you get out your car and you start your hiking into the mountains and the valleys, they're basically saying, please check that you haven't left your kids and your pets in the car, if you drove into the desert with the intention of walking in over 100 degrees heat and you were able to just forget that your kids, your family members, your pet was in the car, how are you allowed to drive, how are you allowed to even walk around without a helmet on, I mean, it's got to be,

I know some people do leave cars, cars, leave cars in their dogs, dogs in the car and that, and I like to think that anyone that does that is like, literally is like a quick in and out, but you know, who knows, because sometimes it can get distracting, can't it, you know, you go into a supermarket, you're only going to be in there for like 30 seconds, just go in, get a scratch card, that's it, then there's a big queue, you think, oh, it's a big queue, but my baby's in the car,

I've got to get back, I should be all right for a couple more seconds, so there's a big queue, maybe I'll go and get some milk and by the time the milk's done, by the time I got that, the queue will go down and I'll pay for the milk at the cigarette counter where I buy the scratch cards rather than at the till section, so it's actually going to save me time and then on the way to the milk section, you see some adverts, a pasta, like, you know, a big,

there's this super-sized bag of pasta that's like $9.99, but it's a big, I mean, you feel like, if I had that pasta, that could probably last me for a good three weeks, you know, just a little bit of tomato sauce, maybe some cheese to sprinkle on top, that'd last me for ages, I'd have to cook it, that's a downside, but pasta's fairly easy to cook, so, and then you start thinking, well, do I really want to eat pasta?

Wouldn't it be much nicer to, I mean, pasta's okay, but it's much nicer as a side dish to a big pizza, and you start thinking about food and eating and realise that you could actually go for some food, and you remember that they actually do sell pizzas, not just frozen ones, but they sell, there's a whole, there's a pizza section where they'll, they'll actually make you a pizza, there's ready-made ones that are fresh, and you take them home and you cook them yourself, but they, if you ask for a specific one,

they'll do that, within reason, I mean, you can't just turn up with stuff, I'd like this on my pizza, please, you know, just hand them random objects, that, that doesn't work, most like bananas, bananas don't work on pizzas, what if I put it back in the skin, which is a really weird thing to say out loud, so, and then I'm thinking, you think like, okay, I get a pizza, then maybe I'd do that for later, right now I could go with some food, and you go upstairs, there's a restaurant,

so get some food there, and there's a paper on one of the empty tables, so grab the paper, have a good old read, and then you get a phone call, and have a big long phone conversation, and by the time you get out of the supermarket, there's a police force surrounding your car, so yeah, there's, I can see how some people couldn't get into that, like, I'm only going to be a couple of seconds, and then get distracted, maybe get caught stealing, shoplifting, or whatever, you know, normally shoplifting is a really quick thing,

I just pop in, you know, nick something quickly, and then just be out, that's how some people think, I don't personally do that, but I know people, I know lots of people over the years, that that's, that's what they mean by shopping, in fact, I was in, I was in this shop once, with this person, and the cashier started shouting at her, so she was in, I went in, I think I got some cokes, and she went in to get a, I don't know what it was, something, cider, or whatever,

can of cider, or can of whatever, and the lady cashier shouted at her, you know you're not allowed in here, you know you've been barred, you've been banned, I was a little bit embarrassed, to be honest, it wasn't so much that, it's just I forgot my trousers, and she, and she said, but I'm only looking, she said, yeah, but I'm, I won't steal anything, she said, okay, I'll get out, I'll get out, and it was really bad for this, this woman that I was with, like she's a neighbour, and like,

it was a bit of an awkward position to be in, it's, it's kind of like, I'm trying to think of a situation, do you know, being in a job interview, and the interviewer lets off a fart, it's that kind of situation, it's just awkward, funny, but awkward, and the problem with that is, if, if someone is interviewing you, does something incredibly embarrassing for themselves, for example, letting off a huge fart, chances are you're not going to get the job, no matter what, or how well it went up to that point,

because they kind of know, or guess, or imagine that you will be mentioning that big, massive fart to all your work colleagues when you start working there, you know, your new, new work colleagues, and that's why when I ever, because I did sit in a job interview once, just as like a, I don't know why I was even there, to be honest, which I thought was a disciplinary, I did, because I used to, quite often people used to have disciplinaries, and they'd take me in with them, a couple of people,

and that's, I got muddled up with this, because it was a job interview, but it wasn't, and what, as a team leader, wanted someone with him, so I went in with him to do the job interview, I just sat there, I didn't do anything, I kept forgetting that it was a job interview and not a disciplinary, I was like, when are you going to sack him, when are you going to sack him, why are you asking him all these questions, because you know the questions people get when they're having a job interview,

like, things that never used to be, so when I was a kid, you just, you'd lie, when I was younger, especially when I was young, I got no experience, but I'll turn up, that's the most I could offer, okay, I mean, I used to end, if there was ever any questions when I had a job interview, when I was in my teens, late teens, my question would always be, when do I start, and that would be it, and sometimes they'd laugh, sometimes they wouldn't, sometimes they'd phone up later and offer me the job,

and sometimes they wouldn't, but it was quite easy to get jobs back then, because I was young, I was, it was easy, because I was going for jobs that didn't need any experience, or any qualifications, or any kind of skill set, it was all really basic, you know, catering, as in kitchen portering, you know, washing up, or cleaning toilets, or serving food, or stocking shelves in a supermarket, or working in a factory, putting things into boxes, cleaning caravans, I did work in an old people's, or they're called residential homes nowadays,

we used to call them old people's homes, and I got a job as a cook, yeah, I did, got a job as a cook, and the person training me up, because I'd had two years experience of catering, had been to catering college, do catering at school, so I kind of knew my way around kind of a kitchen, I'd had a catering job part-time when I was a kid, so you know, kind of knew my way around, I think I was like the assistant cook, I wasn't like the cook cook,

but I was there, and I was going to be looking after the place when she wasn't there, and I'm not, I can't remember exactly, but you know, I worked in this old residential home, this older residential home, had been there a while, I think the, someone that actually grew up there, there was, they grew up because their family ran it, she was now 90, and they gave me such a hard time over porridge, now preparing vegetables is pretty easy, you've just got to do a lot of them, so that's what I was doing,

I was basically just preparing vegetables, and getting everything ready for dinner, and the lady, she would do the actual cooking, cooking, but I would help with the prep, and I think I was there for a week, I got sacked, I might have been there two weeks, but you know, the porridge situation was very difficult, and it was, that's why I can't really, I can't watch the, you know, the three bears, Goldilocks movies, or whatever, Disney stuff, because it just reminds me, there was no bears, but it was, everyone complained,

but it wasn't the same complaint, that was a weird noise wasn't it, I genuinely didn't know, that that many different people could have so many different tastes, or preferences, when it came to porridge, if anyone doesn't know what porridge is, it's just, it's like goo, now I like porridge, I'm a fan, but it is just stodgy goo, and oats, basically boiled oats, with, it was boiled, I think, in milk, water, I don't know, whatever, but it's, and sometimes people have salt, or sugar, you know, it can be done in different ways,

but I was having to do this huge, massive pan of porridge, and it was never right, not for anyone, but it wasn't like, yeah, we've got a complaint, it's too stodgy, no, it was, you know, sometimes it was too stodgy, sometimes it was too runny, sometimes it didn't taste very nice, it was too salty, it was too sweet, the texture was wrong, there was too many maggots in it, I don't know, whatever, I didn't pick this amount, and that was in one day, that was just one day,

I was getting all these complaints, and I was trying to change it, from being too stodgy, and now it's too, now it's too runny, now it's too green, why is it green, I mean, it's all these moans, people moaning, should it really be moving, why is it talking to us, why is there an eyeball, you know, a lot of complaints, complaints, complaints, complaints, and I went in there, I went into the place where they were eating, and I said, look, what do you want, what do you actually want,

I want to make porridge right, I want to make the right one for you, I want to make it so you're happy, I want everyone to be happy, it's all I want in life, I really need you all to be really happy, that's what I dream about, making the perfect porridge is my life's ambition, so please tell me what you need, and they all shouted different things at me, and when it runny, and when it be any, some bloke shouted, I need a nurse, I need an ambulance, just like, yeah,

let's just stick on the important things first, we've got a little porridge, okay, anyway, as I said, I can't, it can't be all those things, it can't be nice and runny, and nice and thick, it can't be stodgy and not stodgy, it can't be sweet and salty, and I don't really want to address the green thing, if that's a separate issue, all I'm going to say is, you know, in the pond, in the garden, do you remember Kermit, you all liked the frog that was in there, you called him Kermit,

that lived in that pond, he's moved on, and someone left the door open, you know, wasn't my fault, so that upset a few people, but it's like, come on, tasted nice though, didn't he, they said no, it's really bad, but I didn't really, really, I didn't really class myself as being a particularly good cook, but I thought I was all right, you know, I thought I was just not terrible, what made it worse though, this made it worse, is firstly, the woman who is my boss, my direct boss,

there's only two of us in the kitchen, she took an immediate dislike to me, right, and then, lo and behold, this bloke came in, I heard the vroom vroom of his little motorbike, came in, someone that I really didn't like, he was probably in his early 20s, maybe 24, 25-ish age, I was what, 17, and I was 18, I can't remember, I might have been 18 at that point, he came in, giving it all a big end, being all cocky and arrogant and, oh, this is my mum, this is, this is,

she's like my, my second mum, really making a big deal about mums, okay, which is winding me up, because the last time I saw that person, let's call him a person, okay, I'll go back a little further, he was friends with my stepmum, before she took off, before she left, and I think they worked together in an office, so, and I know that he, kind of, saw her a little bit, when she split up, because I didn't catch them together, but I saw them, I didn't see them,

but I know they were, he was sniffing around and everything, and, and then, I think about a year after that, she moved, and a year later, or a few months later, he came up to me in a nightclub, and whispered in my ear, what he'd done, to my mum, if you know what I mean, I, he said to me, your mum, that's what he said, and he found that hilarious, I guess he was just lucky that I was so young, when he said it, because it would have, you know, it's,

I don't know, it was, it was not good, but I didn't like him, but yeah, that's kind of another understatement, and he was coming in every day, really, I don't know, he might not have even known that he'd said it, he might have forgotten, he, perhaps he was drunk, and perhaps in his mind, he, I was like a friend, because, you know, he, he met me when I was a kid, I was still at school, when he met me, and he was always friendly to me, and everything, but yeah,

it wasn't, it was, yeah, could have gone a different way, but he, I got sacked anyway, because I was a little bit rude back then, and I said to her, like the woman I was working with, just like, I used to talk back to people, I was verbally a bit naughty, verbally, sometimes, when I was a teenager, like, if someone would have a go at me, I'd just go back at them, I did that at school, I did that when I was a tiny, I did that when I was a little kid,

you know, depending on my mood, of course, sometimes, I wouldn't, sometimes, I'd be very submissive, and very, like, just take it on the chin, you know, but other times, I really wouldn't, so it's all, all dependent upon my mood, always has been, but I, I quite like the idea of working there, because working in an old people's home, or residential home, bearing in mind that my favourite person was my nan, and I always, I always liked old, older, old people, I always got on with old people, my whole life, pensioners,

and stuff like that, not all of them, but I, I just quite liked them, because they, always seemed quite friendly, and my nan, you know, it's always nice to me, my granddad, he said, like, five words to me, my whole life, but I still, I still, like, liked him, I cared about him, I suppose, but he just wasn't a conversationalist with me, I would, the only time we spoke was three times, actually, once was when Bruno was fighting Mike Tyson, so this is, what, 1989, and we had a conversation about Tyson,

you know, Bruno fighting, and I think Bruno knocked Tyson out, and whatever, which he didn't, and then the, if you can hear all that noise in the garden, hopefully not, and then there was another time we were talking about politics, I can't remember how that went, but I think I was shut down quite quickly, I said something that was not correct, and then the third time was actually quite nice, but I think it's when I got my flat above the chip shop, my granddad took me into the shed,

and he gave me a bonsai tree, which I didn't really, perhaps didn't see, I didn't realise at the time how, um, how relevant that was, actually, when you think about it, he, he was like a, to me, he was very much like an old Jedi master, kind of, he was, there was something quite, quite special about him, he's very quiet, but very tough, but kind of got respect, but I knew, I knew he'd been through a huge amount, but I knew he was also, he was a boxing champion in the army,

and I've seen his medals and his trophies and stuff, my nan kept them, and so he always knew, even though he wasn't a big bloke, he was, he wasn't particularly, he was probably my height, maybe shorter, um, but he gave me this bonsai tree, and I didn't connect the dots, because not only was he kind of like a master, he could have taught me boxing, if I'd asked him, perhaps he would have done, I could have asked him to teach me the box, I never did, because I didn't have that connection with him, but he gave me a bonsai tree, a little bonsai tree, what happens in the karate kid, what does the, Mr.

Miyagi, he grows bonsai trees, doesn't he, so I didn't even know my granddad grew bonsai trees in his, in his shed, and he gave it to me, I was like, I didn't even, I mean, I don't know if my granddad ever, has ever seen a karate kid, I don't know, because it was only a couple of years really before that, you know, I think karate kid was about, what, 84, karate, karate kid, when was it, it was 83 or 84, 1984, so I started doing karate, either before or after that,

I don't know, it was around that time, but it wasn't really influenced by the karate kid, it, it might have been though, I'm pretty sure it came out after I'd started doing karate, I might be wrong though, god, they're so noisy out there, I hope you can't hear them, but my granddad gave me a bonsai tree, so he was like Mr.

Miyagi, and which wouldn't be a good thing to say, because he wasn't, he wasn't perhaps the biggest fan of the Japanese, because of the war and stuff, he, but you know, it's just a generational thing, because he'd been at war with Japan, and just him, no one else, just him, he took on the whole country, and he, I think, yeah, anyway, so he gave me a bonsai tree, I, my own Mr.

Miyagi was my granddad, I didn't see it, I mean, how many kids get a bonsai tree, someone that's into karate, some, which I was, someone that was obsessed with martial arts, which I was, and they get a bonsai tree from their granddad, it's like, didn't, I didn't connect the dip dots in order to, like, because if I had, perhaps I would have kept with the martial arts when I was young, but yeah, so that's it really, I'm gonna go, because I just closed the window, then he started barking,

they're making too much noise out there, and that's one of the things, it's difficult sometimes to make a podcast during the day, thank you for listening, remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, lots of love, bye.