(no music) #1140 - Vinnie had a Sleep Over - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (4th June 2024)

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

I have the little one underneath the table chomping on one of his little treats that he loves. Actually right now he's licking it. Do you want to know why I did not make a recording last night? It's a very silly reason.

Well, my friend Vinnie's mum, she used to have him before me, he still sees her every now and then and he absolutely adores her. So she was having a little bit of a bad time, so I went round to see her. She said bring Vinnie round, so I did.

And he was all excited and had a great time in and out of the garden and all that stuff. And then it was time for me to go. And I just said, well, do you want to, do you just want me to leave him here with you for the night? Spend the night with him? And she said, yeah, that would really help.

So I did. He was a little bit, yeah, where are you going dad? But ultimately I think he was excited, so excited to spend time with her. Apparently once I'd actually left, he was, wasn't quite the same.

And he actually, after a while he went and sat in a different room to her. Like waiting for me or something, I don't know. But anyway, I got home probably seven, eight o'clock.

And I genuinely just didn't feel very happy, to be honest. I missed him. I really missed him being here.

And I didn't think I would just for one night. I've, you know, he stayed there. He stayed there overnight before, I think in January.

And I missed him a little bit. It wasn't, I don't remember it being that bad. But I really, really missed him.

Like really missed him. And it was so quiet in here. And it was just weird.

Just so, it was just too, it felt, and I know this is being dramatic, but it felt like when I lost Andre. And I was up here on my own for the first time in six and a half years. And it just, you know, even though Andre would be asleep in the corner somewhere, maybe even in the kitchen or a different room, he was here.

You know, I knew he was here. And if I felt a little bit lonely, I could go and give him a cuddle or go and sort of sit down next to him. And I do the same with Vinnie.

Yeah, if he's in a different room to me, if he's asleep on the bed or on the windowsill watching the neighbours in the garden, you know, I'll go and give him a cuddle and stuff. Quite often he'll come and spend time with me anyway. So, but I really, really missed him.

Did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I don't know if I did. If I didn't, then I have now. And if I have, then I also have now.

And, you know, part of the reason, well not part of the reason, but I actually thought in a positive way, not having him here, I could do a podcast and I wouldn't have to do lots of editing in the morning and there'd be no barking, you know. But it wasn't that at all. I couldn't bring myself to do anything.

Didn't even want to watch telly. Went to bed at about nine o'clock. I just laid there and it was very strange.

It was, it wasn't nice. Because I'm used to having him on the bed with me. Like all night.

He's always on the bed with me. He doesn't, doesn't leave my side at night. He used to go into the living room when I first got him here.

He'd come and sleep on the settee. But he always sleeps on the bed with me. Whether the bedroom door is open or not, he always stays on the bed with me.

And in fact, he stays on the bed after I get up. Because he needs at least 12 hours. It just felt so wrong to not have him here.

And I'm just, I'm still surprised. But I just, I feel better with him here. Just having him here makes a difference to my life, to my mental well-being.

Why? He annoys the hell out of me sometimes. Especially when he barks when I'm trying to do a podcast. Or when I'm trying to sleep.

But he's, or when he's standing over me, staring at me when I'm trying to sleep. And I have to get up and take him out. In the middle of the night or something.

Or when he's actually trying to wake me up. Just because he's awake. Doesn't want to go out.

Doesn't want to eat. He just wants me to be awake because he's awake. And he wants, and also recently I've noticed, if I go to bed too early, and he's not ready to go to bed, he will actually start pushing me.

And start jumping on me. And he wants to play fight. He's like, I'm trying to go to bed.

And he's like, no. And he's, honestly, he's like pulling the bed covers off. And oh dear.

And I miss that. I didn't call his mum up first thing in the morning. I left it.

And she knocked on the door probably about, I don't know when it was. 10 o'clock, half 10. And yeah, I think it might have been later than that.

No, I think it was, I don't know. Any whatever time it was that she brought him round. And he was excited to see me, but he was also excited with her as well, which is strange.

He kept coming over to me, then going over to her, coming over to me. And when it was time for her to go, we both stood up and he started barking. So I guess he didn't know what was happening.

So what I did is, I got him to go into the bedroom, which he knows he always follows my command when I say that, in there. In fact, I just point and he knows what I mean. So I said, I said, I'm on the bed.

So we got on the bed and I picked him up and I carried him so he could say goodbye to his mum. And it was a little bit, you know, for a little while afterwards, but he was okay. Didn't take long and he was back to normal.

I guess maybe if he'd been with her for a week or two weeks, I mean, he might've been more excited to see me, probably. Well, I like to think so. But he might be more wanting to stay with her.

I don't know, or not wanting to leave her because he didn't want to leave her to start with. She had him for six months, apparently, before she came to me, before he came to me, or four, five months. I don't know whatever it was, but quite a long time.

And he's known her since he was a puppy because it was her family that bred him. And then, so she's got pictures of him as a baby. Not being born, but just after he was born, like absolutely tiny.

And then when he was old enough, he went to a lady who bought him, like, you know, but she got poorly. So she basically contacted him back and saying, can you take him back? Because she wasn't able to care for him, take him out and look after him, basically. So you imagine how attached he was, first of all, to the house he lived in to start with, as a puppy, because it was a family house, loads of kids.

So, and he was an only child as well. So he didn't have any brothers or sisters. Well, you know what an only child means, Jason.

I know, I'm just saying he didn't, he hadn't got that, you know, he didn't know how to be a dog. And he never met his dad, because it was just a breeding situation. And his mom didn't seem that interested in him.

So from what I understand, I might be wrong there. So I don't know how many litters she's had. And she might've just, oh, guys, to me, to her, it might've just been like having another poo.

So another one of them. Oh, another one. Oh, another one, you know, maybe.

I don't know. I'll make that up. And so it must've been difficult for him to leave them.

And then he went to this lady, who was his new mom for a couple of months, maybe, I don't know, two months, three months. And then she became ill. So it was no one's fault.

At least she had the decency to realize, or the, I don't know, decency's probably not the right word, but she had the, well, I think she was correct in asking for help, because she wasn't able to cope with him. You know, there's nothing she could do about that. It wasn't her fault.

And instead of him just going off to a complete stranger, he went back to a familiar place, which was good. And then the mother of the person that bred him decided to, like, foster him for a bit. Because they had a bond, and he loved being around her house, because he was around her house a lot, where she lives over the road.

So she decided he might as well just stay for a bit, you know, until they find someone else. And then he was there for quite a few months. The problem, I found out later, I did not when I actually first got him, but the reason she decided she had to get rid of him, not only let him find a new home, rather, is because he bit her on the face.

He actually bit her on the cheek when she was eating. She wouldn't give him any chicken, and he actually bit her. Now, it wasn't so much that he bit her, although, try and bite me, Vinnie, see what happens.

And it was because she's got grandkids, and she was worried that he'd do the same to them. And there's no going back from that, is there, really? It's weird, I can't imagine him... He was a little bit spiteful when I first got him, but he's not like that now. And he did, mind you, he did bite my hand a few months ago in the park, when I was just trying to hold him back, because he was barking, he seemed to be aggressive towards another dog.

And I picked him up to comfort him, and he actually bit me, nipped me. It wasn't really a bite, it was a nip. But still, I think it was the growl that he gave me when he did it, it didn't... Oh, it didn't feel too positive to me.

So that's when my friend downstairs knocked on the door. It's a weird one, actually, the weird weekend, because I was supposed to go to my dad's for... Because it's the beginning of December, I was supposed to go to my dad's for a Christmas family get-together, which was, I think, the first Sunday in December, because that was the only time they could all get together. I cancelled the day before, two days before, because I had a cough.

I had this recurring cough, and bearing in mind the previous year, it's the previous two years, and bearing in mind my dad, I say bearing in mind a lot, my dad had already caught it, caught the thing that was going around, and so did my step-mom, and she actually had the long virus thing. So I didn't want to take it to him, just in case, plus he's a little bit older now, and I don't want to take illness to his house.

It just seems like the wrong thing to do.

So I cancelled, and I just said I can't make it, I'm sorry. They came and saw me a couple of weeks later here, but had I gone there, I would never have seen Vinnie. Well, I might have seen him, but I wouldn't have been here in the afternoon of that Saturday, because it was a Saturday, I think, or was it a Sunday? It might have been a Sunday.

I can't remember. Anyway, it was a weekend anyway, and so my friend knocked on the door. I looked, saw it was him through the keyhole peephole thing, not the keyhole, that'd be weird, but the peephole, and so he opened the door, I heard a bang, which is always Logie, he always is like walking, he'd try and get into the door even though it's closed, and he'd just headbutt the door.

Weird dog. And as soon as I opened the door, Logie ran in, which is normal. He'd always just run in and get all excited and run around and, you know, whatever.

And then I saw this little thing run ahead of, through Logie's legs, ahead of him. Oh, what the hell was that? And my friend Luke was laughing, like, what? Honestly, I couldn't see what it was that was running, just this red thing just ran through Logie's legs and into the living room, and then he ran back, and I could see this little dog running around, all excited.

And I was like, what the is going on? What is going on? Bearing in mind, no, no, yeah, yeah, so I didn't know, I don't get it.

What, what, what, what, what, what? And he kind of briefly explained, well, I need to find a home for this, for this dog, a friend of mine, because I didn't know this, didn't know the lady before. We had seen each other, I didn't realise, but I didn't know her, and didn't even know of her, but I'd seen her in the park with Vinnie, apparently. And said hello to her, or said hello to him, and he said, oh, he needs a new home.

For some silly reason, I just blurted out, I'll have him. And he said, I knew you would. He brought him up for that reason, and he said, well, even if you don't, I'll take him.

And the reason, see, he had mentioned him to me, because Luke kept saying, there's this little dog that Logie loves, and Logie doesn't like any other dogs. He had a bit of a reputation, he did not like other dogs, but he loved Vinnie. No one couldn't figure out why.

And people would see them together, like it was normal, and it wasn't normal, because we knew what Logie was like, or had been like. And the fact that they would just cuddle in, and walk in together peacefully, or sleep on the sofa together, was just abnormal for Logie. I mean, he's great.

Logie's brilliant with cats, not bothered by cats at all, doesn't chase them. The ferrets bullied Logie. Elle downstairs, and Andre up here, they bullied Logie.

Logie was scared of them. I mean, we thought he could fit them in his mouth, and still talk. So anyway, he still talked, still recited the alphabet, or Shakespeare.

And Luke said something really weird to me. It wasn't long before he departed, and he said, well, you're going to have Vinnie anyway, weren't you, in the end? I said, what do you mean? He said, oh, I don't know. Like, he said that a couple of times.

He was going to end up living up here anyway. I thought, I don't, I didn't understand what was he saying, why? Now I kind of get it. Crazy.

But he, I don't know if I regretted saying I'd have him, because I was thinking about getting another ferret. I actually had it all worked out, probably six months earlier, maybe four months earlier. I got two ferrets, newborns.

I'd waited for ages for them to be ready to pick up, and I cancelled. Not on the last moment, but I cancelled a little while. You know, there's probably about three weeks left.

I said, no, I can't, I just can't. Emotionally, I couldn't. I wanted them.

I just couldn't. Andre was irreplaceable. It was almost like I couldn't even get another species, the same species.

It's very strange, very weird. I don't, I don't really understand why. And Savinny being his own species, whatever that is.

Dog! It's a dog! I know it's a dog, but he's just so weird. Being, I always liked little dogs. Not ever being a big, a big dog lover, in a sense.

You know, not, I just like little dogs. Just, just a preference, isn't it? Just, just what I like. Little ones.

And he's like poodles and sausage dogs. They're just so cute. This is, I like cute dogs.

And Vinnie is pretty cute. So, I don't know how, how did I get on talk? Oh yeah, I didn't actually think that I would get attached to him, because I'm not a dog person, really. I'm not a, I'm not a dog hater, obviously.

But I'm not, I say obviously, because I've got a dog. You wouldn't get a dog if you were a dog hater. And I've lived with dogs.

But I've never really formed an attachment with a dog. Not a proper, like, loving relationship. And I guess it's because they were never my dogs.

They were, they lived in the house. And they were excited when the mum got home. Not when I got home.

They'd be making a little bit of fuss for me, but they weren't really that bothered about me. You know, they know I wasn't the one that fed them. And I think that does make a difference.

The person that gives them food. You know, the person they're with. They know, dogs know who their, who their mummy and daddy are, I think.

And so I was just a lodger in these houses. And even though I lived in a house and there was cats everywhere, and I didn't, none of the cats really liked me. I lived, one house I lived where there was cats and one dog, but a few cats.

One of the cats took to me, really took a shine to me. And used to come into my bedroom and crawl up and down my back, massaging me, purring, and had a real, quite close connection to her. It was strange.

She was so loving. She had kittens. Don't look at me.

Wasn't me. Wasn't that kind of relationship. She had kittens and she was so good with them.

You know, she'd let people pick up the kittens and she had no problem with that. Like, let them put them back down. Just so loving, so calm and relaxed.

The whole time, all the way through the pregnancy, after the pregnancy. And she got, she found it, I think she got a little bit uncomfortable with one of her sons, when the son was about a year old. Decided to have his wicked way with her.

That was the line. Like, no. As she saw that happen, she looked at him like, uh-uh, you got it wrong, mate.

We don't roll like that here. But he didn't know, did he? He just knew that he had to just, you know, I guess, by one, they're kind of adults, aren't they? Or was it one and a half? I don't know. I talk like cats, by the way.

It was, she was cute. But I remember I went to pick her up and she was asleep. And her natural reaction was like, lash out at me.

And she just missed my eyeball by an inch. And she didn't rip open my face, but she left a big old gash, you know, which did heal, it was nothing really. But it was very close to my eyeball.

Wow. It was like, and when she realized she'd done it, it was like, oh, sorry, sorry, darling. I said, it's okay, don't worry.

She said, you're still the best daddy in the world. I said, shush, it wasn't me, don't tell her. It was a stray cat you met.

Remember, remember the story? You were just massaging me. Anyway, she was so lovely. I liked her a lot.

What other dogs? We had a dog called Misty when we was kids. St. Bernard, huge dog. I think that's what put me off big dogs.

When she was a baby, she was bigger than him. But she was tiny. I mean, actually, probably smaller than him.

But at the same time, you could watch her grow in front of your eyes. Literally, you could, I found out when I had a telescope, and you might wonder, how can I get moved to the subject of a telescope from a St. Bernard dog growing? Oh, there's a way, there's a way. When I was, I was still living in that room downstairs on my own.

And it was one, it was actually a big room. I was very lucky, actually, to have that room, very bright. Yellow paper, wallpaper, or white wallpaper, painted yellow.

And I think they painted it blue as well at one point. Maybe it was blue and yellow, different sections, I'm not sure. But I think it was both blue and yellow at different times.

And we moved in there when I was nine, or eight and a half. My little brother was just being born. So to start with, he slept in my parents' room, because he was a baby.

And then when he got old enough to have his own room, or to have the cot, he had, it was kind of like a box room, but it was, it was big enough to be a bedroom. It just, it wasn't, because when, when he got older and moved out, there was a solarium. Solarium? You know, a sun, a sun, sunbathing, I think I've got the right word, solarium.

You know, when you lay down and the thing goes, the lid goes onto you, or whatever, that. So it's, it's a length of a bed. And there wasn't a huge amount of room to manoeuvre if he was an adult.

I mean, if you put a desk in there, and a nightstand, and maybe a, I don't know, a big brass, let's say Buddha or statue, and maybe a couple of life-size, what do you mean? I don't know, you couldn't fit that much in there, that's what I'm saying. But it was ideal for a little, a little child, which my little brother was. He was, he was tiny, because he was little, he was young.

So there was enough room, I think he had, he had a bed, I don't know, I don't think, he definitely did have a bed. But I think he had a bed that was up high, and underneath was all his toys and stuff. He had one of those, so I think he started with, he was in a low bed.

Then when he got old enough to climb up, so when he was about four or five, he'd climb up, and he had like one of those things, whatever, that he can climb, I don't know. Anyway, it was nice, nice room. And I stayed there till, let me think, let me think, probably till about 2013, 2013, 2012, maybe, no, 2013, I'd say, so I'd have been about 12, 13, 12 maybe, so I don't know.

So probably about, I was there in that room for about four years, I'd say. And then my little brother, by that time he was what, five, four and a half, five. I moved upstairs, my oldest brother moved from his room into the playroom, so the playroom became no longer a playroom.

We used to have a snooker table, badminton table, which like you could take off, you know, put a snooker one on, snooker and pool table. And then there was a badminton table, not badminton, that's shuttlecock, isn't it? Shuttlecock, not badminton. Ping pong, ping pong? Pong ping ping pong? But we didn't call it ping pong.

Anyway, ping pong, you know what ping pong is. So we had one of those, a little net. And so that was quite cool.

And then we had music up there, my dad's old 12-track video tape, not audio tapes, from the 60s, and they still played good. And we used to play these recordings like from the 50s and 60s and, you know, Rub a bollock, I'm bouncing back to, Rub a bollock, I'm bouncing back to you. And Buddy Holly and the Hollies and the one o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock rock, four o'clock, five o'clock, here's one o'clock.

Gonna rock around the clock tonight. And, you know, just stuff like that. So what other stuff was there? There was, that's when I got to learn about, because I quite like the 50s as opposed to the 60s.

I just really liked the 50s because they were very kind of clean and to the point, not clean as in lyric wise, I mean, just very, maybe basic. That's probably not the correct word, because I couldn't create something like that. But, well, I don't know.

I suppose I could if I learnt to, but I don't know. I just really like some of the 50s songs. I did.

I like that era. And probably more like the Elvis Presley kind of era, you know, the late 50s or the half, the second half of the 50s. It was just great because it was all new.

I mean, yeah, the Beatles were new, but they were the 60s. Rock and roll had started long before the Beatles came along and they just happened to be like a breath of fresh air to what had become kind of the norm, because the 60s, by the 64, when the Beatles kind of came out, everyone had sort of seen Elvis come and he was the big star for 50, was it 57, 56, 55, I don't know, all the way up to, I don't know, uh, 64.

And then the Beatles came along and Elvis kind of, he would phase out, but for a little while he was more into making movies and stuff.

And the Beatles took over the world, the whole world. Anyway, I had this telescope. That's the point I was trying to make.

I had this telescope and it was in this room downstairs, because I moved up to the room upstairs when my big brother moved into the, what used to be the games room. And there was no longer, there was, the thing about it, right, okay. Okay, I don't want to go in, oops, I banged the microphone.

I don't want to go on and on and on, however I will. There was a spare room at the end of the hallway. Why couldn't that room, why couldn't my little brother live in that room? Take out the double bed, put in a single bed, it was a nice size, let me stay in a room downstairs.

Or, to be fair, there was a time, it's better than ever like redecorating and stuff, there was a time when I stayed in a room at the end and I liked that room. I don't know why, I just quite liked it. The only problem is it had the airing cupboard in there, which meant that access was needed, which wasn't too bad because I didn't really have all my stuff in that room.

I was kind of in there, but all my stuff was, all my toys and whatever, most of it was all stored away in cupboards because I don't know if it was in the middle of decorating a place or, I can't remember, but I liked that room. And I think the fact that it had a double bed was quite nice, to be honest, but I think what it was is there's a lot of noise outside.

The, what the hell's going on? Blimey.

Anyway, my, my what, what, something, there's a lot of noise these days. I especially consider it's night time. I mean, it's what, it's nine o'clock, three minutes past nine.

Why are they making so much noise? It's just irresponsible. It's, oh, Vinnie's now doing, oh, it's irresponsible, Vinnie's now doing, stop it. It's like this telescope.

And, so here's something weird. I don't know how this happened. Somehow, I think, oh, I'll tell you what it was.

I was watching a dirty movie. It wasn't, it was a, it wasn't dirty really, but it was adult and it had boobies and stuff and it was on TV. There's no one in the room, in the living room except me.

And this is quite late at night. I don't normally stay up late. I should have been in bed by probably eight o'clock or something because I was quite young.

I was only 11, 10, 11, maybe, maybe 10. Anyway, so I'm watching this and I'm just watching it for the, it was like, I don't know. Tarzan with Bo Derek or something like that.

Or was it Bolero? I don't know. Anyway, I shouldn't have been watching it. I shouldn't have even been still up.

And everyone else was just doing their own thing. Because no one told me to go to bed. So I pretended not to know what time it was.

Well, I'm watching this movie and I hear the door click. Someone's coming in. So I quickly turn the TV over.

Because we had a remote control by then. Turned it over and like sat really close to the telly watching it. And I think it was my daddy.

So what are you doing? I said, oh, he said, what are you doing up so late? It's half past 10 or 11 o'clock. Is it really? I didn't realise. Sorry.

He said, what are you watching? I said, oh, just had to look at it. He said, I'm just watching this. I'm really interested.

He said, I didn't know he was interested in astronomy. I said, what? He said, you're watching the sky at night. I didn't know he was into astronomy and stuff like that.

I said, yeah, yeah, I love it. Love it. Love it.

Yeah. I was sitting there with a cushion on my lap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's great. I mean, I didn't have much blood in my brain at that point. So I was kind of trying to work my way around it.

But I was caught, but I wasn't caught. So I was caught up. OK, that's not a good way.

I was caught up, but I wasn't caught up, if you know what I mean. And from then on, word spread that I was into astronomy, which I wasn't. Every birthday, every Christmas.

Astronomy books, astronomy books, a telescope. You name it. It was stars and planets for the next five years.

It's kind of weird because I kind of always wonder, I wonder what would have happened if I'd have just left it on there, on the channel it was on. My dad looked at it. What are you doing? I said, I'm looking at boobies.

What kind of presence would I have got? But probably not, eh? Probably not. But honestly, so just by pretending to be into, interested in a program, I didn't even know what it was. And as I look back at it, and there's, what was it? Not Roger, it's not Moore.

I forget his name now. But he used to speak really quickly. Like that.

And Patrick Moore. And now they've got a new woman. Well, she's not new, because he's not been around for a long time.

But she speaks really, really quickly. Now, is that an astronomy thing? Or is she just, they just found someone who talks really quickly? That's my question. Because I'm not, potentially, possibly, maybe, not the quickest speaker.

And I struggle a little bit with people that talk really quickly. I can grasp what they're saying. But I can't, it's very difficult to have a conversation with someone that speaks so quickly.

Because I find that generally, if someone talks quickly, they're expecting a quick response. And if you don't give a quick enough response, they start talking again. In my experience.

So I had this telescope. I liked it. I started becoming a bit interested in the whole thing.

And I started reading books and getting books out from the library. And I just thought I might as well just embrace it. I was reading books I didn't understand.

Not for the first time, not for the last time. But I literally was reading books about particles and energy beams and all kinds of stuff that I had no, no idea what on earth it was I was reading about. I didn't understand the words, but I kept reading it anyway.

I just thought, well, it kind of gave my brain a rest because it didn't have to do anything. Because if you read something you understand, your brain does something. If you read a completely different language.

So if you get, let's say if you're French, and you get a book in, I don't know, should we say, won't be the opposite to French. I don't know. Let's say you got a book from Blimey, this is weird.

Okay, that's in Bengali, or it's in Chinese writing, which would be whatever it is. Okay, then the French person would be reading it and they wouldn't have to do any work because I'm not picking on French people. I'm just okay, an English person.

Because I'm trying to think of someone that wouldn't because a lot of people know how to speak French in England, or they know the words or some of the words. I can count up to 10. Did you not know that? So I have to mumble some of it because I don't actually, I know roughly what the sound is.

Under 12 cars, thank you. Certainly stuff this. See 10.

One to 10. It's only so far I can get you though in life. Doesn't, it's never really come up.

It's like using Bunsen burners at school. I must have spent five years at school using Bunsen burners. Never once have I used a Bunsen burner since I left school.

I've not even seen a Bunsen burner since I left school. I mean, what, what, what? That's my question. What? Why? Why did I spend five years learning how to use a Bunsen? Okay, I did spend five years learning how to use a Bunsen burner.

Because that would put me at a very low level of education. You know, everyone else is doing experiments and I'm still in the fifth year learning. Now what you got to do is, remember this time, stand away from the Bunsen burner.

Yeah, don't stand over it, stand away from it. But those triangles, you know, that used to put above. So you put a Bunsen burner underneath the triangle and you put the metal gash or whatever it's called above, uh, like netting kind of flat thing, square, I think it was.

And that'd be on top of the triangle that had a hole in it. But the flat thing and then the whatever issue is experimenting with like boiling, whatever would be on top of there. It's amazing how often I forgot that the, the legs of the Bunsen burner would be hot.

Well, not hot, but absolutely scalding. It just really bad designed because you'd think the, okay, the top half. Yeah, obviously the top half, but the bottom, why not have it like asbestos, not asbestos, but something that took away the heat, you know, something that cooled everything down.

Just the legs, just the bottom of the legs, even, or have a sign that says, do not touch. And the better thing, why don't they just have, why don't they like have material, you know, over the top of it, it looks like fake poo, maybe with a couple of flies stuck to it. So you will want to touch it.

I have ideas, but not everyone wants to take, take them up, take it up, take them up, run with them, invest in them, even listen to them. So stop licking it. He can't leave himself alone.

I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why he's doing it because his mum won't let him. Okay.

That sounds weird. His mum, if he licks himself, because dogs lick themselves, it's just normal. His mum doesn't like it.

She thinks it's weird. So she tells him off. She says, don't do that.

Don't do that. So he doesn't do it. So he gets self-conscious.

So when he gets back here, I think he's giving himself double, double the licking. He's like really like making up for lost time. I think that's that, that makes sense in a kind of a way.

Yeah. Hmm. Oh, yeah.

So, um, yeah, so I did telescope and I've got this memory. It's really weird. I don't know why.

I've got this memory, this telescope. I don't even remember the box. And it was TASCAM, a TASCAM telescope.

Let's see if I've got that right. The TASCAM telescope was white. TASCAM telescope, less scope, white.

Sun filter. Filter. Nineteen eighty one.

UK. Let's see what comes up. I'm going to just have a little look if there's an image.

One tooth. No, that's not it. That's not it.

No. Oh, no. These are like these are like brand new ones.

I think it was quite specific, don't you? Google. Oh, no. HL for solar telescope.

National Geographic. Oh, Tesco. Maybe it wasn't TASCAM.

It was Tesco. Tesco. OK, let's go Tesco.

Tesco. Tesco. Ah, yes, here we go.

Here we go. I found it. Now, blimey.

I've literally found a thing. It's right here. Vintage Tesco classic telescopes.

And my one was white. It all did have a thing that I could click onto it. To kind of also like another little telescope.

And because of where I lived, there was a big wind. I guess most rooms have windows. Not that special to me, but it overlooked the sky.

I mean, there was a quite a bit of sky. I know there's sky everywhere, but you could see the sky. From that window is one of the best windows for the sky.

Apart from the other windows that also had sky. I think it's probably the best one for the sky because. I didn't use my telescope and test it out in other rooms, I don't think.

No, so I think it was, but it was good. And it's really strange to see it. Wow, I wonder what happened to it.

I can't even remember. I remember the box. I think it was a white box.

So have a look if I can put in. Boxed, B-O-X-E-D. No, E-D, what are you doing? Boxed, is there a box? Where's the box? Oh, no, no, no.

Because I didn't leave. Sometimes I left it out. Sometimes I didn't leave it out.

And, oh, I think this is, it looks very similar, but this one's a wooden box. Mine wasn't, it was cardboard. It's kind of like, but the plastic stuff inside, which it fitted into, that looks the same.

I don't know what power it was. Yeah, it's really strange to see that. Wow.

Oh, dear. Anyway, so it used to be, I wonder if I must, I must have moved the net curtains over because they would have got in the way, wouldn't they? So, you know, I tell you what would be really weird if I went back into that house, which I was for, if I ever kind of had any amount of like, you know, a lot of money, two of the things I would do is I would buy that house and I would buy the house that my nan and grandad lived in, which is a house that I used to live in as well.

Um, yeah, and maybe buy the house that my dad grew up in where my nan and grandad lived for a long time as well, until my grandad, he basically lived there until he retired from the ages of probably 29 or whatever, until he retired when he was 60.

I think he retired at 60. Did he retire at 60? Yeah, yeah. Retired at 60 in 19.

Yeah, I think he retired 1960, 1970 or 1971, something like that. So, he, uh, he, did he do? Yeah, that'd be quite a nice gift. Like, I'd buy that and then it can just be nice for my dad and his siblings to visit, the remaining siblings to go and visit and to visit their home that they grew up in, that they were born in, you know.

It seems a shame that you move out and that is it, you can't go back there, can't revisit something that's so important. Um, so I'd love to, you know, I'd love to go back into my nan's old house. So, what I would do if I had the money, I'd just go and buy it off them.

What if they don't want to sell? I'll make them an offer that they could refuse and then I'll make them a higher offer. Um, might offer enough money they'll, they'll take it, I think. Or, I'd buy the house next door and I'll just sing.

I'd sing my homemade songs all day and all night and eventually they'll be begging me to pay them less than the asking price. My master plan. I think that'd be good.

I always thought it'd be quite nice to be fair, I'd quite like to live in that house. I'd like, if I owned the house next door as well, just knock it through into one big house. And, yeah, just extend it, just make the kitchen a bit bigger.

Kitchen's a good size anyway and the living room is a big, everything's fine. But just make, just extend it, I guess. Or, have that for, I don't know, I could have that as my studio, couldn't I? Have that as my recording studio.

Probably don't need a whole house as a recording studio. Mind you, if I got married, then she could live in the house next door. And it's not because I don't want to live with someone, it's I'd imagine they wouldn't want to live with me.

I think they'd be quite happy to live in a different house. I was just about to say I would do a Woody Allen, but I should explain what I mean when I say that. Woody Allen used to, when he was married, I think it was to, I forget her name, it was to his wife anyway.

He lived off one side of New York Park or whatever and she lived the other side. So they didn't live together. And I remember at the time, I think it was in the 80s, and he was saying it was the most successful way to do it.

Because they didn't want to live together, but they did love each other. Near Pharaoh, is it? So yeah, and maybe that's why I should do live either side of the park. How big is New York Park though? Because I'm just thinking if it's as big as Hyde Park, then first of all, you can't see to the other side with your eyes.

You need a telescope, which brings you back to this telescope story. See, it all fits together. I've got it all written down in front of me.

And just remember which time to come back into the telescope story. If you believe that, then it's not true. So I, there was this one story, this is true.

One, two, now it's true. Embarrassing, but true. Absolutely true.

Okay, this is in the period of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, I think it is. And ET, extraterrestrials and other movies like Inseminoid and Alien, and those kinds of movies. So there's a lot of alien movies around at the time.

And I had a telescope, so I was the right person really to look for. That's what I really only was interested in. I was interested in UFOs.

I was, that gained my interest. So I'd look for stuff. And my friend was there one night, and it was only early evening, probably about half five, quarter to six.

And I feel really nostalgic, thinking back to this time, because I could probably smell dinner being cooked. I knew that I was going to have a belly full of food. And it's been such a long time since that's happened.

Not a belly full of food, but just having someone cook for me. It's a long, we're talking decades. It hasn't happened regularly since I was a kid.

That's, I'm not saying it should happen, I'm just saying it hasn't. Since I was like 14 really, it was the last time I had any kind of regular dinners being cooked. So it was great at the time.

I loved having dinner cooked for me, because I was a kid. But it wasn't the reason, I thought it was because I was a kid, but I was lazy, I guess. It always tasted better when someone else cooked it.

Well, not always, but you know, when someone that knows how to cook, cooks it. I tried using your left hand. No, that's not the same.

That's not cooking. And so yeah, I was upstairs with my friend in my bedroom, the one that had the blue or yellow walls, I forget. I think it changed.

I think it was yellow to start with, but that was a little bit too bright. And then it was blue. And you know what was weird? Okay.

I'd go in the garden. I would, I'd go in the garden. But I liked to read.

I liked to be on my own. Didn't really always enjoy the company of others. You know, I'd be happy to sit with my brother, like my older brother who's a couple years older than me.

Be happy. We'd both be quite chilled out to read our comics together. So I'd get my comics, he'd get his.

We'd have two each. I'd have Dandy and Looking. And he'd have Wizard and Chips and the Beano, I think.

I might be wrong with this one. And my oldest brother had, I think he had a football magazine and he had a football comic and he had a war comic. Because he was four years older than me.

Now, I was the last one to give up the comics. I was reading comics until 39. No, I was probably 14, 13, 14 maybe.

I loved them. Still do. I still love them.

And that's why I loved Viz so much because it gave me another opportunity to read comics. But adult. So, same format, same kind of cartoony, you know, as the Wizard and Chips or Dandy or the Beano.

And, but it was just really funny. Very funny. So the, yeah, so I was upstairs with my friend and we were determined, determined.

And also Doctor Who was a big thing back then as well. And Sapphire and Steel. Oh man, I loved Sapphire and Steel.

So he, yeah, he was there with me. And suddenly we saw these lights come on at the end of the garden. It's a UFO.

We see a UFO. And we're watching it. It's a UFO.

And we're all excited. It's like, oh, I think my friend stayed for dinner. That's not really relevant to the story possibly.

But yeah, I think he might have done. And I never got invited to stay at his ever. But he got invited to stay at mine.

I never once got invited to stay at his. His dad didn't even like me coming in the house. I mean, he would probably argue because I kept stealing things.

But, you know, that's what thieves do. I like to steal things. I'm like, what's wrong with that? It's normal.

No, I didn't steal anything. But he didn't invite me, which is weird because it was an old people's home. And there was loads of food there every day being cooked.

He didn't have to cook it. It was being cooked anyway. I was never invited.

Now I should let it go. But I don't think he ever liked me. And I loved him.

I think I might have been a bit rude back then though. I think. In fact, yeah, probably was.

I didn't mean to be. I just couldn't help it. I used to like to make people laugh.

Can you hear that? Is that a helicopter or a plane? Sounds like a helicopter. I can't really tell. Yeah, I think it is.

I haven't heard. No, I'm going to regret saying this because I probably hear it now. I haven't heard much of the local planes coming and going.

Because there's an airfield not far from there. And these little planes go, all you hear is. As they kind of do a nose dive.

And it's a bit annoying. Just like. Just crash already.

It's like they're just tempting fate. What are you doing? Why are you? Why are you diving towards the ground? And then just like. And they're just this normal.

They're not. They're not practicing. Red Devil ever caught.

They're just. Evil Knievel. People.

Cause I'll be the old evil Knievel. Evil Knievel. I mean, I was like 60s and 70s.

Wow. So. I. Yeah, so me and my friend, we saw this spaceship at the bottom of the garden.

We were excited. We ran downstairs. Mom, mom, there's a space.

Dad, there's a spaceship. There's a spaceship at the bottom of the garden. And I'll always remember.

I can't wait. I'll remember. I remember what my dad said.

He said two things. He said. First of all.

Don't call me dad, Dean. I'm not your dad. It's like.

Because that was my friend who was saying it. And he said, OK, he said. Secondly.

At the bottom of the garden is a factory. They just turn their lights on for the cleaners to clean. I said, oh, is that what that wall is? Because they weren't.

Open. They're open during the day. I wasn't around during the day.

They didn't have those lights on. So I don't know if they were offices or something. Didn't have them on during the day.

And they but for some reason they weren't at night. And I'd never noticed it before. So it was a factory.

It wasn't a spaceship. I don't think that was a great ending to the story. I feel like it should be more.

I feel like I let you down a little bit. I just. I don't know how to apologize.

It's I had so much all day long. I've been wanting to tell you that telescope story about a spaceship in the garden, and I was wondering, how is it going to come across? I mean, the real reason I didn't make a podcast yesterday is because I spent all night writing this story out. Trying to figure out different ways to tell it and.

And it actually did happen, but I wanted to present it in a way that was. Relatable and enjoyable and other balls, you know, that might be relevant. I just.

I feel like I've let everyone down, but not as much of let myself down. And for that, all I can do is apologize and offer you a bag of nuts. In order to say sorry.

So I'm offering you a bag of nuts. It isn't actually a bag of nuts that you can take, but I do have a bag of nuts here. This is actually a bag of nuts, nut and fruit mix.

It says tasty. I can sue them for that. Vinnie, shush.

This bag of nut and fruit mix says tasty. Since when were nuts tasty? Maybe they are. Vinnie's barking now, so I'm going to go now.

Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself.

Lots of love. Bye.