(no music) #1116 - Old pay slips - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (9th May 2024)

Well, hello. Hello. How are you? Are you well? Are you? Oh, that's ever so good.

I'm very pleased. So hello. I'm just going to open a laptop quickly in order to remember what my name is.

Oh, yeah. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

And, and got the window open because it's been really nice day today. Like particularly nice. Only listen, you can safely close your eyes.

I normally said it might literally just said it, but it's automatic. So I don't know it's when I say it. Let's say a big welcome to Julia for joining the Jason Newlands and boring group on Facebook.

Body Rose posted a welcome Julia. So welcome. And please, if you're part of the group, say a big welcome as well.

And if you'd like to join the group, then please come along. It's basically for my super fans, you know, the ones with superpowers, the ones that just they're just they're not just normal fans. That's really super, really, really soon.

Don't you know? Where's my water? Whoops, whoops. I've got the door open the living room door open, which means that basically any sound outside the window and inside any sound outside of the hallway, kind of, you know, the community area, he will be barking. So this is going to be one of those where I will be having to edit a little bit.

But it's okay. Because I need the air to flow a little bit because otherwise it's going to be a bit stifling, you know. So the last hour, I have been listening to Michael Jackson on Amazon Music on my TV.

And I've been going through my paperwork, all the different stuff, you know, old bank statements, if I want to get them, I will read some of the stuff out to you. Oh, wait a second. Because I'm basically destroyed most of it.

But I've kept a few little bits. I've not finished yet. I've still got another pile.

And there's a huge pile of shredded up paper on my city. So I need to stick that into a bag. But this is some of the stuff that I kept that I hadn't seen for years.

Stuff dating back more years. So things like bro. Details of employee leaving work.

This is a 1038 2011. And my private Oh, wow. I forgot I lived there.

2011 All right. This is the I had a job. Yeah, blimey.

I was bullied out of that job. And I was a receptionist for what date was that? The eighth. So I stayed there was there for eight months.

I managed to stay there for eight months. And so I just had to leave. I had to get out.

And because the woman was just horrible, which is weird because we got on before that when I was volunteering, we got on really well. Anyway, I won't talk about that. The next thing is the insolvency service.

This is from 10th of June 2014. The Insolvency Act 1986. debt relief order, I'm not going to give you that one.

And so my name, my dress, former address, former address to that. And yeah, wow. So before I moved here, I lived at three different addresses in this town.

So this is what day is this 10th of June 2014. And yeah, so that was also in bankrupt in 2006. I believe not been great with money over the years.

He is this right was it 10th of June 590. It didn't take long. The I went through a charity called step change debt charity.

And they're based in Leeds. It's a national company. So they said, thank you for your debt relief order paperwork.

We're now processing this for you. This is May 2014. So I only took just over a month, it can take us a couple of weeks to process your application.

So in the meantime, we recommend you make a payment of one pound to each of your creditors. Well, that was a big thing to do, you know, to just say, phone them up and say is a pound. It's difficult, very difficult.

And I should tell you at this time at this time, I was I'd been ill. And I've just been diagnosed for the second time with bipolar and the personality disorder, all that stuff. So all that juicy stuff.

So I wasn't working. I wasn't well. And I had always living on bare minimum.

I was on very, very basic. I think I'd have 30 pound a week to get by. I even had to pay towards my rent because they weren't covering all the rent.

So yeah, that was that's why I had to I couldn't afford to pay off the stuff. And so there you go. These are some keeping hold of these things.

These are quite important documents and keeping hold of that. This is HM revenues and customs. What this is year 2007 2008.

I doesn't say anything. So I was at university at that time. So I had some part time work.

And then what's this one certificate of pay in tactical tactical benefit. This is 2016. So again, that that was that's not really valid to anything.

But I tell you what I found that was just mildly interesting. And I don't really know why I kept it. But I've kept payslips my last payslips from the insurance job I had.

Now, I used to keep payslips for years. Yeah, I had payslips from 2004. You know, right the way up to about 2010 and 11.

I used to hold on to them and then I destroyed everything. But for some reason, for some reason, I kept hold of a few of the payslips from the car insurance job I had in 2000, which is December started December 2000. And or is it November, something like that 2012.

And there is 1234567891011. So 11 payslips from that company. And it's just weird.

I just got just got a date. So not in order. I suppose it could be an order if I put them in order.

And I do. So what is this? What day is this? 28 for the second 2013. Second, I can't bother to put it.

So here's I'll tell you exactly what I took home. During that time. So I had national my note notional salary.

I don't know what that means. I guess just a standard salary. 1083 pound and 33 pence.

So that's what I got. I've got a shift premium. I don't remember that of 24 pound for the month.

So what's that one pound a day or something? My target bonus. I am 344 pound 22. So I didn't get any tax for that because this is quite early into the to the year.

This is a second and then I found out that I didn't pay. Yeah, this is weird. Because I was self employed previous to this.

And when I did my self employed thing, I didn't include my wages here. Because I was paying tax after April. So I just assumed that I hadn't reached the threshold or something.

And I ended up with a 2000 pound tax bill, which took me I think four years to pay off. I got that in about 2014. Yeah, so did they just basically took money out of my account every week for about four years, I think.

So I remember when I got it. Oh, no, really? And they said, Oh, yeah, how much can you pay? Because I phoned them up. How much can you pay every week? Well, I've got 35 pound coming in at the moment.

After I paid everything, that's so much I got left after I paid the extra rent, and the phone bill and things like that. They said, So can you pay 120 pound a week? Are you listening to me? And he basically, he got a bit annoyed with me, I think, because I wasn't being rude, I might have been rude, but I didn't mean to be rude. And he put me in touch with someone else.

And when I told them, the conversation that I'd had with his colleague, he burst out laughing. Just of how ridiculous it was that they were asking for 120 pound a week, when I mean, it's two grand. So I understand why they were trying to get the money back.

But it was two and a half grand. So it's 2400, something like that. And they like, No, you know, of course, you can't pay that.

So I ended up paying. I don't remember how much it was. But I paid it back anyway, all got paid back.

Almost done is going rumbly, rumbly, rumbly, rumbly. So this was I didn't pay any tax on this one. So I took home 1341 pound 44 pence.

I did, however, pay my student loan 12 pound off the student loan. National Insurance is 98 pound 11. So that was that one.

The next one, they're not in order. They're in order as well as rather, you know, kind of the order that I'm going to read them, but they're not in order. Date wise.

So this next one, that's weird. That's very strange. I don't understand this one at all.

I think this might have been No, is this is this? Is this when I'd left? I think this is when I left. EMDM. Is it the same company? Yeah, it is.

Earnings to date 8000. Okay, so this is basically a closing like a bye bye. Tax period 630 for the ninth 2013.

And by then this, I guess there was I was still getting paid. I think I was. I was getting statutory statutory sick pay of 48 pound 485 pound 52 a week, a month rather.

But then it says payment methods direct 27 pound 25. So I'm a little bit confused about this. To be honest with you.

I don't really understand that. So I'm just going to ignore that. Because there was a period when it basically the money the statute, I can't say the word statutory statuary step.

You know that you try and say you try and say it with my mouth. And statutory statutory. I know what the word is and statutory.

Yes, statutory. I think I said it right. I can't believe how excited I am.

I genuinely I can't believe I'm excited. I was something quite as mundane as that. But hey, it's something so Oh, I got a phone call from a doctor.

I'll tell you this. I I, you know, I don't generally tell you about my, I try and keep things light. And you might disagree with that.

But I do try to keep things more jovial. And because this is supposed to be a light hearted podcast. And I do you know, also do open up and tell you stuff that's going on and as well because I'm a human being and I don't I can't always sometimes it's because I haven't made a recording for quite a while and I have to let you know why because it just seems fair.

You're you support me by listening. So I support you by recording, you know, it's kind of a two way thing. And without you listening, there'd be no there'd be no reason.

There'd be no reason for me to get up in the morning to be honest. So this is this is what keeps me going. Anyway, I was a bit heavy wasn't I do apologise.

The pressure the pressure. Now we have to listen to this idiot forever. No, don't call me an idiot.

I hate that word. You call yourself an idiot. You just said it.

Calm down. So doctor, I basically last week or the week before I can't remember. I had an appointment to have blood tests at the doctor's surgery.

And it's partly because of the medication I'm on for bipolar and stuff. It's, it's, you know, supposed to get tested to make sure that it's not affecting me because you know, medication can have side effects and stuff. And I've been on it for quite a while now over 10 years.

Yeah, blimey. 10 years. Yeah.

2014. I think I started on it. So I've been on it for 10 years, nearly.

So I made the appointment because they called me up and said, you need to make an appointment. I said, All right. Because you need to have a medication review.

So okay. So you need to come and see the doctor. I said, Okay, I hear you.

You don't keep repeating yourself. And she said, Mr. Newland, if you're going to be rude, I'm going to hang up. I said, you phone me.

No, none of that happened. So I had this appointment, it was 11 o'clock, either last week or the week before. I couldn't face going out.

Genuinely couldn't face it. I couldn't, I just could not face. And it's not going out.

I mean, you could argue, you go out every day with the little one. Yeah, I do. But it's, it doesn't have to be a long distance.

You know, it's to the park, or if I'm not up to that, I take him in the garden. And just, you know, that's usually if it's really raining heavily. But I do make the effort and I do go to walk maybe in the fields and I do take him out.

But it's, I don't know, it's a different thing. It's different. And you know what I can't take him with me and I'm used to having him with me and I think maybe he's a bit of a camp, comfort.

He's a bit of a comfort blanket for me, I think, as I probably am to him. I mean, right now he's he's sitting up underneath me, but he's leaning against my leg. Now he's laying down, but he's leaning against my leg.

He has to be touching me. You know, because that's a comfort thing, I suppose. And you know, something I've noticed outside of the, the sounds that distract him and get him going.

I can't do a huge amount about that. When I'm talking, and he's listening to me, he does fall asleep. I think he quite, he quite likes listening to me talking.

I don't know why it's a bit weird. So I, the doctor phoned me up anyway, because I cancelled the appointment. I cancelled in time.

So I cancelled. So they could fill, you know, get get someone else in. So I didn't just not turn up.

Because that's just, I didn't do that anymore. I mean, I lost my NHS dentist because of that. And that wasn't even my fault.

That's well, I know it's good to try and blame other people. But my friend, he went out, and he's supposed to be back. And I was looking after his dog.

And he didn't come back. And I stuck with his dog. He's not answering his phone.

He's like, I can't leave his dog up here. I can't leave his dog downstairs because he'll trash the place like okay. So I did phone and cancel.

And, you know, there wasn't a lot of notice. And they struck me off. struck me off NHS anyway, I could continue but I'd have to be private.

And then that caused loads of problems at the beginning of the year my toothache and my what do they call it? My dumb, dumb, dumb teeth got removed. And the thing is, that cost a fortune. However, I'm on a list now because I'm going to be I've got an appointment with them in I think it's November.

I have to really look at that because I don't want to miss it. And I'm going to be on their NHS list. I think because I because I paid money so I get so they had some money out of me.

And they've already looked at my teeth and thought yeah, we'll get some money out of them NHS because they can do lots of work and get they're gonna get paid for it. So they probably figure I've got lots to do in the future, which I hope I really hope not. Really? Anyway, so anyway, the doctor phoned me up.

And I was in the park. I was actually I was walking taking Vinnie out for a thingy to realize you said the word I took him out for a stroll. And as I was going into the park, my friend's daughter was coming out.

And she starts screaming Vinnie Vinnie. And because she loves him. She's she absolutely loves him.

She loves her as well. He's nine, eight, eight years old. So her mom, who I know, I said, So is your mom in the park? I said, Yeah, I said, Okay, and she took the lead off me.

And the girl and then I just she followed me and I went to the went to the park sat down with my mom, Chad and stuff. And that her daughter was running around had had Vinnie off the lead. And she was running around all over the park, her and her friends and having a well a tie.

He was loving it. And it was warm. He was really, really enjoying himself.

And at one point, there was there was there was a football match going on in the school. So there was some parents, the other side of the fence side of the park, watching the kids play football. And then there was another football match being played between you know, like jumpers as goals in the field in the park.

So I was about to walk through and I walked around so I wasn't on the on their pitch. And when I sit down, I'm there for about five minutes talking. And suddenly, a ball comes towards my friend lands on the floor, she kicks it back right in my face, just missed literally skimmed my head.

Okay, it might not skim my head, but it was over my head. But I really thought it was gonna hit me in the face. Because and because it was so fast.

And for some reason, I had my hands underneath my feet. It's just I like to sit like that it's comfortable. And I just Oh, I shook around.

I said thank you for not kicking it in my face. Because she could be a little bit accident prone sometimes. She broke the bench outside.

When it was it was completely moldy, and it wasn't working anymore. And it was only a matter of time, but she sat on it and just crumbled. And another time, my friend downstairs had a bottle of vodka.

It's not really it's relevant to the story. What kind of bottle what kind of alcohol is not relevant anyway, but it's relevant to the fact that he was not happy. She said, Okay, snake out, Luke.

And he said she said no, no, no, just go go on. So he did. He got the snake out.

She held the snake. And the snake whipped its tail and split the bottle of vodka in half sliced in half, which I didn't even think was possible. I saw it completely.

I guess it just probably chipped it and it just fell apart. But he's like, Wow, he said she's just she's she's an accident. Just accident prone.

He was so annoyed. See, yeah, as is. Yeah, she what did she do? She? She chucked a ball in the field and went into the pond.

And then he jumped into the pond. Like I didn't know if he was going to get out or not. Well, I'm gonna have to jump in after him.

But I didn't have to. He's still there. Swimming around.

He's happy. He's been there for a year. So I saw my doctor phoned.

I know the doctor phone when I was in the park. And they said to me that I sent me a text yesterday, saying, we need to organize a medicine review medication review and choose when you want it. They gave me an option on the app.

No, it's just a is a link. So I just clicked OK to tomorrow, which was today. Yesterday, tomorrow is today.

But then they said, Oh, yeah, between 12pm and 6pm. That's over three hours. That's a long, long time to be waiting around for a phone call.

I mean, you might argue, but you don't do anything anyway, just you're lazy. It's not the it's not the point. Not lazy.

Am I lazy? I don't think of myself as lazy, because I feel and I know it's it's just a personal. It's a feeling just a personal. Yeah, just personal to me is how I feel about myself, is that I'm doing something worthwhile.

And I'm spending my time doing worthwhile things. Not all the time. Admittedly, you know, if I'm watching Netflix, and that's not necessarily a worthwhile thing.

But it's given me fodder for thought. Is that the right correct term? It's given me ideas maybe and I've got my phone next to me and I I started texting myself ideas. So for my Hotmail account, I text to my Google account.

And just silly lines, silly ideas, silly thoughts and stuff. And just, just, you know, that's a new thing I started doing. I thought about getting a dick to dick, dick to dictator, dictator, dick.

You know, there's things that dictate. It's not a dictator sounds wrong. The dictator is a bad word, isn't that dictator? And dick to machine, dick to phone, is it dick to phone? You know, where you record yourself, but they're like little I started one years ago.

1991. When I first started doing stand up, there's a bloke, there's a comedian called Nick wilty. He used to call himself wilty.

And then then he called himself Nick wilty. But wilty, he was known, I've always known him as wilty. I haven't seen him for a long, long time.

And he was already good. He was doing open spot nights the same as me. But he was already he was winning.

Every time I did it, he won. I mean, there was three comedians at that time, that would win. Like they'd take turns winning.

Harvey O'Leary, Nick wilty. I had to Vinnie started barking, I had to put him into the bedroom. I know exactly why he was barking as well.

So it wasn't his fault. His friend Archie's just gone past. I heard him barking.

So that is his best friend. Their best bestest friends. And around this time, six o'clock six between six, between quarter six and quarter seven, it's kind of around this time.

They're out. So six o'clock ish time. Well, Vinnie and Archie, they they basically get off the lead and they run around, cuddle each other, kiss each other, play, fight, wrestle, dance, you name it, they do it.

And now I've noticed that Archie started barking when he goes past here, because he knows where Vinnie lives. He's never been up here. But he knows that we come into this, into this building.

And he can probably smell him, he could probably hear him. And Archie lives at the end of the road, turn turn right and across the road. So he's less than five minute walk from here.

Probably three minutes depends. It's hard. It depends how fast you walk, how long your legs are.

So I mean, if you're, if you're being pushed in a wheelbarrow, you get there quicker. I don't know why you'd be pushing a wheelbarrow. It's you know, the other day, something happened and I laughed and didn't.

I had to stop myself laughing because I was also worried. Vinnie was on the edge of the bed at the bottom of the bed. I was in bed.

And he was asleep. And I heard a thud. He fell off the bed.

He was asleep and he fell off. And he was, he was then he was at the side of the bed looking at me. He's very bewildered.

So he jumped up and I just kind of give him a bit of a cuddle. I'm trying not to laugh because it's just I don't know why I just found it hilarious. But at the same time, he wasn't injured.

He wasn't it. I think he was frazzled by the fact that he was asleep. And suddenly woken up like that must.

Well, it is I've done it myself. I've fallen out of bed in the past. It's, it's a weird experience.

It can't happen anymore because I'm, I'm at a wall and I've got a wardrobe at the head, not wardrobe, a set of drawers on the other side, but like where the pillows are. So just pretty much impossible for me to fall out of bed, which is good. Unless I fall through the wall.

Although I did kick the wall and break my foot didn't I broke my toe just before Christmas, I think it was. And in a dream, I was dreaming that I was being chased. And I realized if I just turn around and kick them, the force of them coming towards me, and the force of my leg, my foot would be like such a, you know, it would be a winning formula.

So I did kick by actually did kick in reality, and I broke my foot. Well, I broke me just broke my big toe. And still not wearing socks.

Couldn't wear socks for all the way through for two months, pretty much. I couldn't get them on. I've got quite big feet, I'm size 10.

And the big toe on my right foot, it was a lot bigger than it normally is. And if it had been one of the smaller toes, I probably would have been okay wearing socks. But I couldn't get them on without hurting.

And I still haven't worn any socks. I went through a whole winter without any socks on. Strange, I know.

I thought it would be weird. But it wasn't. Wasn't as weird as I thought.

I thought it'd be like really cold. But I mean, it was but it didn't, I didn't feel cold in my feet, necessarily. I mean, I wasn't walking around barefooted.

That'd be weird. But I didn't have any socks on. Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you about the socks. So I'm in the guard, I'm in the park, and the phone rings just as my friend is leaving. So I see it by phone rings.

It's like, Oh, brilliant. I didn't want to really answer the phone in a public place, because I would be answering personal questions. So I walk very slowly through the park, talking to the doctor.

And there wasn't really anyone near where I was. So I kind of made my way home. And I stood in the front garden bit for about 10 minutes talking to him.

It's quite a long conversation, actually. But it turns out that I need a blood test. So we've done the medication review.

So that was done, asked me a few questions about that. And then he wanted to know about any side effects or anything that's going on. Apparently.

So there's a couple of medical things that are in my family that some macro degeneration. I think my nan had that. I think my uncles and aunts have got that.

My dad's got it. So there's a possibility that I mean, that's why I've got shaded glasses to try and protect my eyes. Because there's a potential I might have had it in the future or I don't know, hopefully not.

But I do get eye strain. But that's probably because I'm looking at computer screens too much. The second thing is a prostate.

There's prostate issues. I won't go into that. But there's prostate issues with my family.

All the men in my that I know of in my family. I don't the doctor. Why are you doing a blood test? Is there any? Is there any way? I'm not gonna say who it is, but someone said to my dad, we were talking about getting a prostate exam.

And this person thought that the prostate was in the throat, within the mouth. That's funny. That's funny.

That's very funny. So it's not by the way. And so yeah, anyway.

I said, is there any way of getting a blood test to check my prostate health? Or get it checked as part of the blood test? He said, no. But you can request to have something come back and have a test of that kind. I said, I don't really want to be probed.

He said, we don't actually call it probing. But I know what you mean. I said, okay, good.

Because I don't know. Last time the doctor told me I didn't have to hold me. I didn't have to hold my cheeks open so wide.

And that just embarrassed me. And he said, last time I said, no, anyway, I don't know. I don't really want to go through that.

He said, well, he said, I was just have a word with the nurse and see what she says. So that's what I'll do. And the other thing is the acid reflux, the acid reflux tablets that I take can cause issues with bone density, which I didn't know.

And he said, if you had any fractures or anything like that, you know, lately, because I've been on these tablets for a decade as well. And I said, well, yeah, I've had a broken toe. A few months ago, I had two broken toes last year.

And the year before, I had a broken rib. And at the end of that year, I fractured my back in two places. And a couple years before that, I broke my hand and I fractured my wrist.

And he said, Oh, well, perhaps you need to get tested for your bone density. Because it could, it could be a problem with osteoporosis. And I said, that's also in my family.

But it's mainly in the female side. So my aunties, my nan had it, I think my aunties had got it, maybe some cousins, but I don't know about the males. And he said, well, it's not just a female thing.

I said, I know that. I think what you're trying to imply, that I'm trying to make out it's just a female thing. I know that.

But it is predominantly a female issue, which is scientifically correct. So you know, that men do get it as well. I so I might, might need to go and look into that.

So yeah, well, I actually did. I mean, she was really elderly, but that's not really the point. She was in her 80s.

She's 90. Yeah, she was. Yeah, she was about 85.

When I did some hypnosis with her to help her with her shoulder. Because her bones were crumbling because she had osteoporosis and she's very elderly. And I helped her and I remember sat there with her for years in the kitchen.

She was worried I'd get biscuit crumbs on her. I always like to eat biscuits when I do hypnosis with people. And the weird thing about it is she was sitting there and I'd be talking to her and she'd be answering me and she wasn't supposed to answer me.

There's no law, there's no rules, but it's like, I couldn't just say, can you shut up? Because she's my nan. But I stopped talking and she just kept talking. And why can't you be a lot more like me now than just quiet and reserved and just never speak? Hardly ever.

I'm just realizing that maybe, maybe I'll take after my nan. Maybe, I don't know. Yeah, possibly.

I definitely don't take after my granddad because he hardly said a word. Not to me anyway. He was a very quiet, silent, strong type.

And I'm, I don't know what I am. I've got no idea what I am. I have zero self-awareness.

I don't know. I'm something, but not sure what it is. Constantly changing.

Depends upon the day. Depends upon the time of the day. Depends upon my mood, as it were.

So, I'm sitting, oh yeah, I'm sitting there doing the hypnosis with her, about 40 minutes. At the end she says, oh, and it's basically, I guess, relaxation, focusing on her shoulder. Focusing on her whole body relaxing, but focusing really on her shoulder.

And focusing on, I could see the sun was shining, so like focusing on the sun, shining on melted butter and whatever, stuff like that. And she jumped up, said, well, I've got to put it into the fridge. I said, no, it's not.

She's like, I distracted her by talking about butter. And she's like, well, I don't want it to get melted. But it gets it down.

It's a metaphor. It's a metaphor. A metaphor? Yeah, metaphor.

Oh, metaphor. Yes, a metaphor. A metaphor.

And she, after about 45 minutes, she opened her eyes and she looked around and she started moving her shoulder. She even put her hand way higher above her head than normal. I mean, she literally, she was touching the ceiling.

I don't know how she did it. It's almost like her arms turned into, part of her body turned into ET and it's like suddenly her arms were stretching and very weird. And she looked at me and said, oh, oh, I said, and I was like feeling really pleased with myself because I've done some pain relief.

And this is what, 2004. It's before I was really doing it properly, like in recordings or even with people. And she said, oh, this is gone.

There's no pain. There's no pain there. It's just relaxed.

It's not how she used to speak. She was like, there's no more pain in there. It's all relaxed and now just on.

She was French. And she just, you know what she said to me? Oh, it must be the sun. It must be the sun shining in.

It's been shining on my shoulder. So it's warmed my shoulder up and that's why it feels okay. That's why it feels better.

Okay. Then nothing to do with the last 45 minutes where I've just literally been sitting here talking to you about your shoulder becoming more relaxed and, you know, pain free. And she just, it was, it's one of them moments.

It was a, why do I bother? So it's a shame because I probably have everybody that I ever did pain relief with apart from really extreme situations. My Nan was the person I wanted to help the most. And I wanted to help everyone the most in the moment that, you know, the idea of helping her was, it meant everything, but oh well, but it's okay.

It doesn't bother me now. 20 years later, I'm still talking about it. So I was sitting in the park, the phone rings and I walk back and so that's cool.

So I've made this appointment, which is next week. Can I have a blood test? And then I need to try and make appointments for bone density testing and some kind of prostate thing. Oh, yeah.

So we'll just say, I mean, it's, I remember years ago, I had, I can't even remember what it was, but I do know that they, the doctor said, well, if this doesn't, this is when I was probably 38, 39, 40, maybe the doctor said, Oh, I might have to do a prostate exam. And I remember sitting there. So I was waiting for the results.

I went back to get the results of previous tests. And I was so, I mean, to say I was uptight is an overstatement, an understatement rather, not an overstatement, an understatement. That'd be boring, wouldn't it? To say I was tense is an overstatement.

And I wasn't tense at all. I was very tense, very uptight. I remember when they called my name and what came up on the TV, you know, it would ding, ding, and the name came up.

I stood up, I walked into the, walked towards the doctor's office. The chair was still attached to my bum. I basically was so uptight, I'd sucked the chair in.

I couldn't get it off. People were laughing, which I think is a bit inappropriate. There's no, no, no, no customers, just the staff.

And it's really weird because I stood there, because I thought there wasn't enough room for another chair, to be honest. And he said, Good news. I can see your stress.

Good news. We don't need to do any other tests. You don't need to do a prostate exam today.

And it's weird. All you heard is me going, whew. Well, actually you heard three things.

You heard him going, whew, because he was, he seemed more relieved than me. And I'm like, whew. And then you heard the sound of the chair hitting the ground.

Because I relaxed. But it was, I'm not sure if I'd really want to. Yeah.

Not sure if it really appeals to me. I know a friend of mine. Okay, this is just, I'm going to say this quickly.

This is absolutely true. My friend went to the doctor, because he was constipated. That was the reason he went to the doctor for constipation.

The doctor gave him pills. Those were the days, or he gave him his prescription. Those are the days when he used to write it out.

This is quite a long, this is the 90s. So he wrote it out and gave him the prescription. A prescription out of a prescription pad.

And she was getting up ready to go. And they said, oh, while you're here, Mr. Jason's friend, we might as well do a prostate exam. Because he's about 15 years older than me, I think.

So he would have been in his 40s or whatever, 50 or whatever then. And he said, are you serious? The doctor said, yeah, well. He said, well, I've just come here, I've told you I'm constipated.

It's not a good idea to be sticking, you know, I'm just saying this. And the doctor said, don't worry, it's fine. Without going into details, it wasn't fine.

And the office couldn't be used for the rest of the week. That's all I'm saying. I mean, the doctor didn't listen.

And my friend didn't need the medication either. So it was all sorted, kind of. I mean, that was just weird.

I mean, this is a true story. It wasn't made up. Another time he phoned me up, same friend, phoned me up from work.

It was his business. And he said, can you do me a favor? Can you phone up the office? Which was like in the same building that he was at. I said, well, where are you? He said, I'm in the toilet.

I said, yeah, why don't you call the office? He said, I can't, I've got no battery left on my phone. And I need to, I need to use it and make sure it gets, I need to make use of the battery, you know, the whatever charge, because once it runs out, I'm in trouble. I said, why? He said, I've run out of toilet roll.

I started laughing. He said, please phone the office and ask them to bring me some toilet roll. I said, so you're not going to phone me? He said, I tried to phone him three times.

They're engaged, they're busy working, they're taking phone calls. If I keep phoning them, my battery is going to go and I'm going to be stuck here forever, which is a little bit of a exaggeration, I think. But I couldn't stop laughing.

So he's phoned me, the other side of the country, because he's in the toilet, run out of toilet roll. He's the boss. Okay.

He wants me to phone his staff and ask them to bring him, their boss, some toilet roll. I said, all right, I did it. So I phoned up.

I had his number, I had his office number on there anyway, on my phone, phoned up and they were literally, could not stop laughing. It was, it might not sound funny, me, me telling the story, but it was such a funny thing. It's just, just imagining him sitting there with no toilet paper, literally probably very close to where the office is.

So it wasn't a big building, but he couldn't, he was stuck and his battery was about to run out on his phone. So he had like maybe any second it was going to run out. He's still there.

So that, that was, yeah, that was funny. That was very funny. So, so that's really, yes, the medical stuff out of the way.

I didn't know I was going to talk about things. Oh, Oh, so I'm going back to this net pay. It's another pay slip from the same company.

This is the car insurance. This was at the end 28 for the second, 2014 £986, four pence. So at this point, so I was paying tax.

So I don't know. I'm confused. I pay tax then this is statutory.

Oh, 2014. Wow. So 2013.

So I was still getting statutory, statutory sick pay in the second, 2014, but then I've got statutory sick pay and it says £35.38. That's how much I got. So I'm confused. And this was on the 31st of the 8th, 2013.

I'm confused. I really just generally in life. And then I've got the 31st of the 3rd, 2014 statutory sick pay, £442.87. So I got charged tax and national insurance on that.

And then statutory sick, this is bad, isn't it? It's like all I did was get sick pay. Again, £421, six pence. Eventually they sacked me, which I guess technically, I'm not sure if they were allowed to, because I was under a psychiatrist and it wasn't like I was just phoning in, you know, not going in.

I just, I tried to go back twice. I actually did go back twice and didn't quite last. The first time I went back, they put me in a new team and I fell off the chair.

I thought this is not a good start. £1,458.30. This is the 31st of the 3rd, 2013. I think it's the 3rd.

Yeah, I think it is. So £1,458.30. So with this, I got a salary of £1,083.33, shift premium of £26 and target bonus of £489.78. So there's no tax, but it was £115.81 National Insurance, £25 student loan. The next one, again, not in numerical order, statutory sick pay, £55.56, 31st of the 10th, 2013.

So is that what I was getting a month? £55. £55. That's not a lot of money, is it? Statutory sick pay.

This was 30th of the 11th, 2013. £448.74. So I was getting taxed £84.60 from that. The next one, £1,029.41. And this was the 31st of the 12th, 2012.

So that was my first paycheck. That was my basic salary. No tax, just National Insurance for £53.92 taken off.

And I didn't get any bonus or I didn't earn any bonus, £1,029. Because I was in training pretty much for those, most of that time. And then the last one I got here is from the 30th of April, 2013.

£1,382.94 take home. And so I've got a shift pattern of the shift premium £31. Overtime £5.

Really? Oh no, so it's £33.33. I'm not quite sure how they worked that out. Target bonus £597.59. Unpaid sick leave £25. Unpaid sick leave.

I think I had a day off. I think I must have done unpaid sick. How can they pay me and then call it unpaid sick leave? So they pay me £25.

But it's called unpaid sick leave. That doesn't make sense, does it? And tax £196.40, National Insurance £134.91, student loan £36. So I got charged, I got paid £1,382.94. Again, this is the 30th of April, 2013.

And that's, that's all of them. So I haven't got the ones from later on. And I've got stuff here like just housing benefit things.

I've got a as legends go, you're the most legendest. Thank you for always boring me to sleep. You're one in a million.

Lots of love Gemma. So that's a birthday card, I think. I've got another birthday card.

50 doesn't sound that old really. And that's from Rachel. Thank you, Rachel.

This is a couple of years back, isn't it? Three years ago, nearly. And this is from Molly. I've got a card here.

Happy Christmas from Australia. The lighting is not allowing me to read this because the light is not great right now. Or it might be my eyesight.

I need to Oh, yeah, here we go. Thanks for all that you do. I listen to Let Me Bore You To Sleep every night.

P.S. I found this book and thought you might find it funny. Hi, Jason, I originally got these for you for Christmas, but the expiry is December. So best to offer them now.

I think you could keep the larger one for Christmas. And if you like me, you like me, you won't be able to Merry Christmas, love money. When was this was this? This is well, thank you.

I remember when that was. I can't even you know what this Christmas wasn't Christmas. To be fair for me.

It wasn't. It just wasn't. It wasn't it wasn't it wasn't.

And it was never going to be is no way it could have been. But it's fine. But so this is from a couple of years ago, I think.

My being from this Christmas. This is something I found, which I'm very confused about. And this is dated the 10th of the fifth.

Oh, six 2006. Okay. Jay just had a two hour session.

I'm sorry, sorry, but I had to say you were my wife again. I genuinely don't understand a lot of what's being written there. What I don't know if this was just something that was in a book that I bought.

It might have been. It just happens to have J at the top. Because some people call me Jay, my friends call me Jay, Jason, Jace, Jay.

And when I knocked on someone's door, and I said, oh, it's our phone someone is Jason. Jason, who? Oh, Jay. I mean, I, I introduced myself as Jason.

I don't introduce myself to anyone as Jace or J. Juicy JJ sometimes make us a few weird looks. But it's Jason. I answered to pretty much anything.

I don't care. But I don't introduce myself. You know, you someone you meet someone says, What's your name? Oh, my name is AJ.

No, it's not. What's your actual name? It's DJ. No, that's not DJ.

What's your actual name? You can just call me K man. No, that's not your name. What's your name? Eminem.

Okay, I like Eminem. It's like no, if that's what people know, what's your actual name? At least what most people call me. So my name's just like john boy.

That wasn't his real name. It's just john wasn't it? It's a middle didn't have a middle name boy. It wasn't john boy.

Still annoyed about that. Dear Jason, just a hug. And then I think you give Andre a kiss.

Blimey. So this is quite a long, long time ago. So I keep I keep cards.

I've got some in my in a in a cupboard as well. Any cards or letters or thank you notes, anything I get from people regarding the stuff I do, always keep them. So that's a birth certificate.

It's nearly in pieces. I found this I thought I'd lost it. And is do you want to see what it says? 26 is this? I was born in South South something hospital, Enfield.

So mother. See, this is weird, because it says to me like, I thought her name was Francesca. But it's spelled it looks like F, R, A, N, C, E, S, E. It doesn't look like an A. Francis.

I know that I think people used to call her Fran. So if you know my mom, she's born in Tunbridge, Tunbridge, Wales, Kent. And then his this here.

Yeah. The maiden name is I've even got the address of where I was born during the address where I was born as personal information. I don't care.

158 Scotland Green Road, North Enfield. That's not where I was born. I was born in hospital.

But that's where I lived when I was very first a baby. 158 Scotland Green Road, North Enfield. I just realised.

So my dad was the one that signed it. Oh, I've got it. Yeah.

So that's why it's just worn out. He did it. I can see how it should have matched up now.

Got it. Got it. Got it.

Got it. Got it. Fran just.

And that might just that might have been C. And there might be an A. Francesca. But it was emitted because it just because this is a I guess this is probably a photocopy of an original one from a long, long time ago. 1970.

Oh, this is yes, this is a photocopy. And this is my dad got me this is from the 29th of May 1990. My dad got me this because he said you'd need this to get passports, driving licences, things like that.

So it's good to have. Which it has been. It has been.

I've got a new updated version though. It's not updated. I mean, I'm now born in 1983.

What else have I got? So this was rent account statement. That's a big point. That's no point in that.

I can go on a pile of crap. And I've got a criminal check criminal check here. From 18th of August 2014.

Volunteer. Volunteer receptionist admin, child and adult workforce Colchester mind. So standard certificate is documented as a standard criminal records certificate with the meaning blah blah.

So what does it say? What are my results? So basically, just you only get one of these when everything's clear. Everything's all good. This is weird because I I used to work for mind.

Well, I was self employed and I did counselling for mind before this period finished in 2013. I think maybe 2014 to know 2013 about April time I think it was May and they I really liked the place and they did help me in my when I needed help. They helped me to get help from the social services regarding getting a social worker and so that that was good.

I was very embarrassing for me to go back there as a client. But then I thought well I'll volunteer to show my appreciation and I'll volunteer as just an administration or do something like that. And they're really good.

But then this woman that used to be friendly to me was really rude to me. Really kind of. I was only there for maybe four hours.

Might have. I might have done more than one thing. I might be in there.

I went there a few times. I can't remember. But she was just rude.

Like really not actually verbally. Rude rude. So I thought that that's it done with that.

I didn't go back. Or is a photocopy. The is a photocopy of my birth certificate, the original one, or the one from 29th of May 1970.

So I've got that. I know I do have a birth certificate, an updated version. Your student loan statement.

Oh look at this. Look at this everyone. This is from the 19th of June 2019.

And wow. So the student loan I borrowed. Opening day about 6th of the 4th 2010.

£17,065.13. Total loans borrowed during statement period. £27,761.36. Total interest applied during statement period £2,521.82. Total repayments received during statement period £122. Wow that was from the job I had wasn't it.

So closing debit balance 5th of the 4th 2019. So this is how much I owed on my my student loan in April 5 years ago. Blimey 5 years.

£22,226.31. It's going through. I've got a list of all the interest rates. Interest £26 a month.

Interest every month. Month in month out. And it's going up £27,267.

Every month we got so. All the way up to £32.72 a month during March 2019. So client's got about £50 a month now.

Something like that. Wow wow wow wow. So this is rent account statement.

I don't know why I've got that. That's just rubbish. I don't need that.

I can go in the bin. Rent account statement. More rubbish.

Because that gets paid anyway. And that's nearly all of the stuff. I found some.

This is from Mary. A letter dated the 23rd of something 2021. J-A-Y.

23rd of June. January. No it's January.

31st of January 2021. Hi Jason. I'm not going to read it out because it's personal.

OK I'll read it. Hi Jason. Sometimes I imagine that you're blonde and you're much taller than you are in real life.

And I imagine that you're really handsome and not how you really look. Anyway so I've got a statement here. This is weird.

This is weird. And this is from Mind. So when I was working not for them but with them.

It's self-employed and I was getting paid I think £25 an hour for each client. And this is a date from the 1st of the 4th 2012 to the 31st of the 3rd 2013. And that's probably when I stopped.

And it's just got all the purchase payment. It's got the payments I had during that period. And it wasn't a lot really.

And £1047.60. But then the next one was £185. The next one was £150. That was a different month.

I need to work it out how many. Really I was getting like £300 a month from them. I mean I felt really fortunate that I was able to.

And let me tell you what happened yeah. I loved Colchester. I loved, I can't stop saying this.

I loved Mind. I loved working at Mind. And I also loved the other charity that I worked, that I did counselling for as well.

Which was Youth Counselling Service. And I applied for Mind to become a counsellor. Because they were looking for people.

And I got turned down. I was qualified but the lady didn't like me. It was very clear.

She didn't, I don't know why but she just, she said no you're never going to work here. I didn't really, couldn't really figure it out. And then, but I was, I got on really well with, what we did is we sometimes used to share training.

So the youth charity would go to trainings that would be attended by people that also counselled at Mind. So I got to know some of the, some of the people that worked at Mind. And maybe that's why she just took a dislike to me.

She didn't like the way I was acting or something. I wore trousers most of the time. And she, maybe during the interview, like I said look, it clearly hasn't gone very well, this interview.

Because when, because we actually had an interview and we knew each other, like name and stuff. And I said it's clearly not going very well. Because you told me there and then it's not mine.

They wanted, I think they needed two counsellors and there was better prospects or something. I said well can I get a few, some pointers for next time, you know, when I get, when I next apply for counselling work. Maybe interview skills or something, anything that I can correct.

And she said well try not picking your nose during the interview. I said what? She said don't pick your nose. I was like oh I didn't realise I was doing it.

She said yeah that's just something. But eventually her assistant gave me work. So she left and her assistant took over temporarily and she gave me loads of work.

So she liked me and then a new boss liked me and yeah yeah yeah it went good. So I'm going to go because I hear the chip van's here and I'm going to get myself some chips. I haven't had any chips for ages.

Just have a nice portion of chips, maybe a sausage. So take care. Remember to be kind to yourself.

You deserve to be happy. Be gentle with yourself. Lots of love.

Bye.