(no music) #1094 - Samantha Fox - Let Me Bore You To Sleep - 9th April 2024)

Hello and welcome. Hello, hello. Welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can. Safely close your eyes.

My website is jasonnewland.com. I do various podcasts. This being one of them, Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I do relax and sleep hypnosis daily, deep sleep, whisper, hypnosis, ASMR, various stuff that I am probably, I don't spit everywhere, probably going to be also creating videos for as well.

Like this, very basic. I wish, I wish I could go back to how I used to be and just upload stuff. No editing.

No, you know, no, even though what I do now is very, very basic. There was no signage, there was no nothing, it was just record it and upload it. I used to do that with audio and video back in 2006 and seven and eight and nine and 10 and 11.

And then I started editing. Probably around about, I put a bit of effort into it. Around 2000 and 10, 11, something like that, maybe 11.

I had, I had edited stuff, but I kind of put a bit more effort into it. Anyway, and but it's just, I mean, the technology is a lot better now than it was. The images, the video image is a lot better.

The audio is a lot better and equipment's better and all that stuff, but still time consuming. Time consuming. Unless maybe, maybe there's a way around this.

Ah, just thinking. Ah, maybe there is a way around it. Because ultimately, I would prefer to just make the videos, make the podcasts, and just move on.

But most of my time is spent with the editing and waiting for stuff to upload and download and process. I mean, I did a video earlier. And a few hours ago, and it was a relax and sleep hypnosis daily one.

Haven't done one of those for a while. So I did a video. Recorded it on audio as well.

And literally about, it was like five hours ago or something. The video is still processing on YouTube. And it wasn't even a large video.

It's like just under eight or seven gigabytes. Originally, the video is 50 gigabytes. So I got it down to its bare knuckles, bare knuckles, bolts and bones and stuff.

So it's not 4k. It's not, I don't know what kind of, I don't know what it's going to look like, but hopefully it should be fine. And 50 gigabytes, it'll take me about a week to upload to YouTube.

Seriously, seven gigabytes took about two hours. And then another hour and a half, two hours to process, maybe longer. With the editing of the audio podcasts, it's relatively simple.

I take the disc out of the, I don't know what you want to call it, recording studio thing. You know, the little disc thing with the disc-y disc and put that into an adapter, plug that into my laptop, or into my iPad. Depends on, I've started to do a little bit different now.

But I always used to use the iPad, edit it, and then make different versions of the same recording with background music. But I've started to look at doing recordings without music. But I don't know if I should, maybe I should just keep the ones with music.

I really don't know. I'm playing around with it. And to be honest with you, maybe, maybe what I'll do is I'll just add that as another version.

So I have the 10-hour with music, 10-hour without music, five hours, and the one with music, one without music. Yeah, so maybe I'll do five versions. And each of those versions will get listened to.

Because I've tried to get rid of the five-hour ones before and had a bit of a backlash. Tried to get rid of the ones with music in the background for the normal length ones and people not up for that. And then there's people that prefer the ones without music.

So everyone's got their own preference. And I respect that, because I've got my own preference. That's what makes us unique people.

I was wondering, have I got my recording this? Yeah, good. So annoying. Sometimes and I remember I did.

I probably made the best podcast I've ever made, ever. Like the best, it was almost like gold, just dripping from the ceiling. I don't know.

It was good. It was quite good recording. For me, that is.

And I forgot to press record. Because I press pause earlier in a recording, because I think maybe someone was at the door or something like that. So I come back in, I forget to press continue recording.

And missed. I just lost that information. That recording.

I mean, I guess if I was sensible, I'd have a little backup plan. I'd have a little. I mean, this technically is a backup, because both the audio and the video won't both run out.

So if the audio ran out, I could then take the audio from the video. And if the video run out, if the video breaks or stops, at least I got the audio so I can still get the podcast. Yeah, that made sense.

A bit boring, but made sense. So I mean, providing there's a thumbnail, unless I just have an introduction video. Can you add introduction videos to videos? Once they're up on YouTube? I'm going to look into that.

Because if that's a chance, then maybe because I can edit the video on I can edit the video first, just cut off the end, cut off the beginning, or cut off the beginning, cut off the end. And provided there's no interruptions, no one that knocks at the door, Vinnie doesn't bark, I don't cough or splutter or I don't know, interruptions, whatever they may be. And I can then just upload it and add the thing on the front.

I don't know if that's a bit of a twitch. I don't know if that's, if that's possible. Just having a lovely cup of tea.

Look at that stain, a stained cup. Do you think I should get merchandise? I don't mean stained cup, like a cup covered in stained, you know, month old tea. It's not, this is clean.

It was clean. Everything was clean once, wasn't it, I guess. But I like this mug because it's big.

It's the biggest one I got. The visitors, visitors do not get this mug. It's mine.

But the only other one I got is one from Mekeresh, Mekeresh, Marrakesh, Marrakesh. One of my neighbours, he brought me back a mug or a cup. And it's really nice, all patterned and stuff.

So that's, guests have that one. But it's quite, it's quite small. It's not so big.

It's, but I think in Marrakesh, if I'm correct, because I think they have quite strong coffee. So you wouldn't need a big mug of it. Because it's quite strong.

Probably didn't need to repeat the word strong. Because probably didn't. But it's weird.

I just had a memory of horses. Just had this memory. I don't know why.

There was this, this girl that I used to, well a woman. I was, I was 29, 29 I think. And she was, I don't know, 25.

And we met on a, it wasn't online dating, but like a telephone dating thing. And we used to talk on the phone. And we swapped each other's numbers and we talked and wrote to each other and stuff.

And she didn't, didn't live far away from me really. She lived in Essex, I lived in London. And every time I came to, well we came to meet each other, something came up.

Something got in the way of us getting together to, for the first time. Even though we, I mean technically we didn't know what each other looked like. So I think in those situations, especially when you look like me, you need to get that over and done with pretty quickly.

You need to get it sorted because, I mean depending, no matter what someone looks like, they're not going to be for everybody, you know. I mean not everyone can be like a supermodel like me. And, but not everybody's into supermodels.

They're not. So it's, my advice, I've done a lot of online, not so much online, but like blind dates or pen pals. I did lots of that over the years, not for a long time, but I did a lot of it, a lot.

I used to even meet people when I had my call centre job. Sometimes I'd meet someone on the phone and we'd just click on really well and then we'd end up kind of talking on the phone outside of work. That was before I got into insurance.

There was other jobs I had, but call centre jobs. I'm not telling you where it was, but anyway, but it wasn't during work time and they must have found, I don't know how they got my telephone number, they must have just found it somewhere. Yeah, probably.

Unless, of course, I had a website with my telephone number on it. Did I? Maybe. Oh, today I saw someone in the street and I thought, I wonder if that's my mum? Do you ever do that? I wonder if that's my mum? But then I thought, no, it's too young, too young to be my mum.

Possibly older than me a little bit, but not old enough to be my mum. My mum's got to be at least... Yeah, she's got to be, she was at least 24 when she had me. She must have been 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25.

She started, yeah, quite young, but yeah, I'm 53, so that'd make her 70, 77, 78. Wow, so yeah, she would be... But then I think, no, I'm pretty sure she's younger than that, but then even if she was 18 when she had my oldest brother, who's four years older than me, I suppose that could mean she could be 76. But this person I saw wasn't that age.

She probably... She might have been younger than me, to be fair. I forget how old I am. I do.

Although I saw a woman the other day, she's walking her dog, and I always get on with her. She's very funny. We make each other laugh.

It's a mutual laughter situation, and she's very funny. And she said to me, I don't know how we got onto the conversation of age. I don't know.

I don't know how, but she said, oh, you know, I'm nearly 80. I said, what? She said, yeah, I'm 79 next month. I said, wow, you're old.

And she laughed, and I thought, wow, I'm glad she laughed, because I was being rude. She doesn't look... People don't look as old as they used to when I was younger, which is obvious, I guess, but as I have blossomed in life, as I have blossomed as a human, and as my belly's grown, and everything else has shrunk, I... I look at people in their 60s and 70s, and they're just...

Because they're only like 10, 20 years older than me, I don't look at them as being like ancient, big bags of dust anymore, like I used to. I just... I remember I used to think that, you know, I see an elderly person when I was a kid, and that's probably someone in their 40s or 50s, and it's, you know, like they're old, and you see someone in their 80s, and I remember my great-grandmother, Nanny Waker, she was my granddad's mother, I think, yeah, and I remember visiting her, and I saw her for the first...

Well, I saw her when I was a baby, but I was six months old, so I don't remember, but when I was seven, I saw her again, and she passed away when I was eight, and I remember being scared, because she'd... She was lying down in the bed, so she couldn't really get up.

She's very elderly. She was about 99, nearly 100 years old, and she used to give us money, which meant she was my favorite family member, and she'd give us money to go around the corner and get some sweets, or a magazine, or a comic, or something like that. When I say magazine, I'm talking a comic, you know.

I wasn't really into, you know, Sports Illustrated, and stuff like that, when I was seven. Kept that clean, didn't I? Sports Illustrated. Did we have Sports Illustrated in the UK? You know, I wasn't seven, walking into the shop, yeah, I'll have a Twix, a Kit Kat, please, sir, and if you can just reach out and get me a copy of Biggins from up there.

You know, like, no, no, that didn't happen until I was 19. So, yeah, I remember I once actually asked, because I was always young. I was always young.

I always looked young. I still don't think I look as old as I am, but maybe I do, and, but I, when I was kind of like 14, I probably looked about 11. When I was 16, I looked about 14, 13, 14.

I was very underdeveloped, I suppose, physically. I was emotionally still am very, very underdeveloped, and still going through puberty. I mean, I think all men are, to be honest.

You know, so I remember some man saying to me, I think we have the, we have the menopause as well. I said, no, you feel there's change going on. No, it just means you're turning into a man.

Well, I'm 63. Yeah, that's how long it took. You're now a man.

Enjoy it. Good luck, mate. No, I didn't, that didn't happen.

I was in love, as was many, many, many, many, many, many boys, school boys, and I'm sure older people as well, and school girls as well, probably. I was in love with Samantha Fox. And she was a page three girl in the early 80s.

She was a superstar. She was the most famous and will always be the most famous page three girl the UK has ever had. Because of her fame, because of she went on to be a recording artist and went on to be a celebrity and all that stuff.

And some would argue, because they're favourite, some would say, what about Linda Lussardi? Well, Linda Lussardi was really hugely popular as well. And I think she might have also had a music career. Yeah, possibly.

But anyway, we're talking about Samantha Fox. I mean, there were other page three girls I liked. But I'm talking about when I was a kid, by the way, I'm not as an adult, of course, I never, when I was like, 10, 11, I'd look at because they'd be, they wouldn't be naked, they'd be topless.

And I know it's, it's not allowed anymore. And I don't think it's allowed here anymore. Unless it's the sport, daily sport.

I don't know if the Sunday sport and daily sport is still around. But and to be fair, now that the papers are gone, I don't know where you get to see stuff like that. Where would you get be able to get to see naked people? There's nowhere is there this is like there's been taken away from us.

I stopped all the young people looking at naked people, which is good, you know, it's changed society. So by banning the page three girls, changed society, made boys respect females, and everything's changed. So it's good.

It's really worked so good. And there's no way of seeing bosoms anymore. It's literally, you know, I wish there was a funny song would tell me.

And I'll be honest, I didn't I didn't really like what I didn't like reading the newspapers. When I was a kid. But I delivered the newspapers.

And I delivered the early morning newspaper round was all new papers, basically, the sun, the mirror, the Daily Star, the Mail, Daily Express, they was always the biggest ones, the Daily Express and Daily Mail. And then the sun star mirrors a little bit thicker, but the sun and the star star was always the fittest. Never, never.

No, I didn't deliver the daily, the daily sport because it wasn't around back then. I don't think it really came out until the fourth of March 1986. I remember I was in the queue waiting to buy one.

The first one ever. No, I wasn't. And so I got to have a little peak, a little, you know, that wasn't just me, all of us was doing it.

All the paper people, paper boys. There's only boys delivering papers back then where I lived. He didn't eat the job was called a paper boy.

Because I don't know why. And I know it's not like that now. But for some reason, girls didn't seem to deliver papers.

And it's not that they were banned. I don't think it was against the law. You know, this is only the 80s.

It's not like 1800s. Early 1980s. But yeah, there was I don't think there's any women, any girls delivering newspapers back then, where I lived.

And tall boys. And we'd all be waiting for the newspapers would be in there be like, half six in the morning or six o'clock or whatever. Everyone's tired at that time of the morning.

And because we were kids. Coffee wasn't really a thing. But you know, at my age, well, as an adult, a nice cup of coffee.

First thing in the morning. It's a nice little kickstart. I only drink coffee once a day.

I do. I have a bucket full of it, but only once a day. And it's it's it's nice.

But if I had it all day, I'd be having heart palpitations all day long because it just is too much. But first thing in the morning, cool. Women breakfast.

I didn't have that back then. I didn't like coffee because it tasted horrible. I didn't like the coffee with milk, hot milk because it's like skin would grow on top and it made me feel ill.

So I didn't like that. Didn't mind the taste. But it's kind of like it felt a little bit like trying to go fishing on a frozen pond just before it freezes and trying to get your equipment out and the fishing rods out.

But you know that the ice is about to form over and it will be just a complete waste of time. That's how I felt about coffee with skin, like skin from the hot milk. I didn't didn't like it.

And. Tea, I used to drink quite a bit of tea, but I didn't like to make my own tea. I think I was more because I was a kid, so I'd be more inclined if I was going to produce my own drink for myself by myself, it would be water or juice or or something fizzy if possible, but generally not usually juice or something.

Fizzy would be more like for weekends or, you know. Once I started earning my own money, I could kind of do what I wanted with that stuff. And I used to.

I used to regret it and I kept doing it. So I had this. There was a period when I had early morning paper round, evening paper round.

I never did a Sunday paper round apart from once for my brother. I never did it again because that hurt my back because the papers are too big on a Sunday. And I didn't have like anything to rest it on.

It was too much, way too much like it's ridiculous. And never did that again. Mornings, evenings.

The evenings was like just a local paper. And that's all that was. Mornings was, as I said before.

I'd also had a weekly, a weekly local newspaper thing. So I delivered them a few thousand of them every week. And I think once a month.

I would deliver another local leaflet thing as well. So I had like a few different delivery jobs. The evening one.

So I'd finished school at, was it quarter to four, four o'clock? I don't know, whatever time. And I'd get to the paper shop about quarter past four. So about 15 minutes.

And collect the papers. And I went through this period when, bearing in mind I was going to have my dinner or my evening meal about six o'clock. And back then it was like a proper meal.

Generally, it was like, you know, so I didn't, I was hungry in a sense of like I could do with something to eat. Just a little, a little something, something a little, little snack. You know what I mean? Just a little, oh yum yum yum yum.

Something just, I wasn't hungry, hungry, but sugar stuff was not going to do the job. However, I'm not surprised there weren't any teeth left, to be honest. I mean, I've lost a few, but I went through this little period when I'd go into the newsagents, which is also like a sweet shop as well.

And possibly sold alcohol, I can't remember. It wasn't really my thing. So I would buy a bunch of sweets or candy, if you want to call them candy.

But I'm trying to think what it was I used to get. There was a time these, oh man, but I'd mix stuff together, something chocolatey, something mint, honeycomb, whatever, and just mix it all together. And it would taste lovely.

Halfway through the paper round, I felt ill. I had like a stomach, like really, because I was just eating, stuffed all this stuff into my mouth. I mean, really, I like to think of it, maybe it was experimental, it was research, it was extracurricular, extracurricular activity.

You know, I was, I was a scientist of chocolate and sweet things. And so yeah, I just, I used to make myself feel ill. And I kept doing it day after day after day, after day after day, kept doing it, kept doing it.

Like, why do I keep doing this? There's something wrong with me. Why? I kept doing it over and over again. But if anything, I probably spent a week, a week's worth of pay from the paper round on sweets.

It's kind of a bit pointless. I mean, things are a lot easier when I had something to spend my money on. Because although I did, I mean, if I'd have like, I could have been fashionable, I've never been fashionable, but I could have been fashionable.

Didn't know it was an option. But I could have gone and bought shoes, I could have bought trousers, I could have bought shirts, I could have done all that stuff because I had money coming in. Not a lot of money, but I had a certain amount of money coming in from the different jobs I had.

So I could have, I could have been a fashionable person. But I didn't really meet the first fashionable person until I left school. His name was Justin, his name was Justin.

And he was the coolest dude. And he was still at school, I think it was, I left, yeah, he was in the last year of school, and I just left school. And I was in a chip shop, he was part time.

He was already working there. And I joined full time. And yeah, so he still was in his last year.

But he had baggy trousers, that's when baggy trousers were popular, like fashionable. I'm not talking madness, baggy trousers, baggy trousers, baggy, baggy, baggy trousers. I was like do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do bang him on the head with a plastic cup.

Oh, it was fun, we had, but did it really turn out bad? All I learnt at school was how to bend or break the rules. Oh, okay, I know some of the words. He just had, he had style, he had swagger, and he had, he was just a cool dude, he was well above his years, he acted more like someone in 10 years older, really, in a way.

And he could see that I was the most unfashionable person on the planet. And he tried to help me. He said, he actually offered to take me shopping.

Can you believe it? And I thought, okay, so we did. And he took me to, he basically gave me his little secrets. He took me to the places that he went to, which were out of the way places, but he knew where they were, obviously he knew where they were, because that's where he went to the places.

Couldn't go if he didn't know where they were, could he? Couldn't show me where they were if he didn't know where they were. There were some pointless statements in that, wasn't there somewhere? But he, we went to, there was one place which was an Italian designer shop. But you wouldn't even know, you wouldn't even know what it was, unless you went in.

Or, I mean, you wouldn't know from the sign. You'd know it's to do with clothes, but you wouldn't know kind of what they had inside there. Very windy, can you hear that? The gate keeps closing and banging, banging.

And it's like a sausage on my forehead. I don't know again what that means. So I, yeah, there was another place which was still, I mean, I went back without him, so I knew how to find these back then, but this was like 1986, 1987.

And I think what I did is, when I first started working at this chip shop, I was getting paid £60 a week, no rent to pay, living on the sofa, on the um, camper bed in my step mum's mum's flat in her living room. So for the first, April, May, June, July, August, so for the first four months, five months, I was getting paid £60 a week for full-time hours.

And then when I got to September, I got paid £27 a week.

And yeah, so as you can imagine, it wasn't top dollar. Anyway, I, during that time, during that time of living there, I didn't pay any rent, I don't think. I did buy my own food, although I don't know if I had to or not, I just, I was trying to put weight on.

I might have paid some rent, I don't remember. And technically I was homeless, but hey, I should have, should have, would have, could have, you know, perhaps done something about that. But I didn't know what to do, I had no guidance, I just really didn't know.

And then, I, my first week's wages that I got paid, because I'd never been paid £60 before, £60 was a lot of money to me at 15. Because, you know, I wasn't 16 until the end of the August 1986. So in April, when I started working in a chip shop, I was 15.

Never had £60, I felt like I was rich. And the first thing I did was, I went down to the antique shop near the seafront. Yeah, it was, it was the same road where the old video shop used to be, where we used to get our VHS videos.

And the reason I remember that is because it's probably the happiest part of my childhood, really. Because Saturday nights were kind of pretty cool at my house, when things were going well. And we used to go down on a Saturday afternoon.

I'm not saying we were the first people to get a video recorder, not a video player, recorder. And but, because my dad was an electrician, he was quite into technology. He had a computer, like in the early 80s, he was quite into that kind of stuff.

It just, it was much more into, he could fix things, he likes, he could fix recorders and stuff like that. But, while I'm bragging about my dad, you know what he did? He created, and we're talking probably early 80s, maybe, maybe late 70s, early 80s. He designed with some other people together, camper vans, high-tech, high-tech camper vans.

And he did all of the gadgety stuff, like electrics. And he was kind of a little bit ahead of his time, I think, at the time. And that was before camper vanning was like really popular.

I don't know what quite happened with the whole thing. And he was self-employed electrician anyway. So that wasn't his, that wasn't his income.

But he worked with the caravan company. And he, he was quite revolutionary. But I don't know what's what stopped him, because, you know, doing that.

But yeah, I remember him showing me around. It was amazing. I mean, it went to his camper van, it had a steering wheel and everything.

And seats. And I don't know anything about camper vans. I don't know.

But he was, you know, I know a lot of people say stuff about their parents and that. But I think my dad is a little bit of a little bit of a genius, electrical genius. I think.

There's, I don't perhaps I don't really say enough nice things about my dad. I try not to say anything about I don't try not to really mention my family, but I've never particularly seen eye to eye with him on a lot of things. We're just very different people.

And very different. I guess I am. What am I? I just, I've just lived a different life to what he's lived.

You know, he he left school. He had, I mean, that generation, generation born just after the war, the Second World War. Things were difficult.

I mean, things are difficult for everyone, where whenever you're born, wherever you're born. Things are, you know, can be difficult. Of course, I can.

But you know, there was like all sharing the same bedroom. And, you know, he woke up sucking his thumb, he realized it wasn't his thumb. It was his brother's thumb.

Because they were so close in bed together. That's what I mean. That didn't happen.

So I could have gone wrong, couldn't I? I could have gone so wrong that story. Yeah, anyway, they it was difficult, I think back then, because the parents were, had just gone through something that no one should go through. And then they're bringing up kids and the kids and I don't know, the country was being rebuilt.

And I don't know. It's a different generation. I keep wanting to sing my generation.

Is it the who? It is, isn't it? Who? And I never really appreciated what it would have been like, because I don't know what it was like, because I can't know what it's like to be someone in their 80s or late 70s. My dad's, I think 79. And I don't know what it's like.

I don't know what it's like to be my age is still trying to get my head around it. You know, I think back to things from 2001. There's a specific thing, a few things, but it's a specific memory from 2001, around September, October, September time.

And I was still doing the DJing in a nightclub. And I was just doing it as a hobby, really. And then I got a job in an insurance call center in a different town out of London.

Luckily, the training, which was three weeks long, was only Monday to Friday during the day. And then we've gone on to shifts. So I had to leave the job.

But I could go back Friday and Saturday night for those three weeks. So on my very last day, I had a party, they threw a party for me, like a goodbye party, a Saturday night. And then the following Monday, I was going to be starting my new shift pattern as a call center operator for insurance, car insurance.

And one of the well, she's my friend, but a waitress, let it be known very plainly that she liked me. And I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say.

It was it was just threw me off a bit. And I kind of, I kind of wish I could not go back. But I wish I could look back and have a different memory to it.

Because that whole evening would have been a lot different. If I'd have just said, cool. Come on, then.

Let's go for a walk or let's go, you know, whatever, just, but instead, I kind of clammed up and start singing the national anthem for some reason. I don't know, it just went weird, went weird. And just started challenging all the people, all the other staff to arm wrestles.

It just went, went in a weird, very strange direction. And felt the need to clean all the windows in the building. I don't know why.

I don't know why it's it was a very strange, very, very unusual, very, very intriguing outcome to something that could have been wonderful for at least five minutes. But maybe wonderful for lots of five minutes. You know, never really understood it.

I think I had a, I had a rule. I had a rule in life back then. Don't date me friends.

She wasn't like, we weren't, we're good friends at work. Didn't never saw her out of work, but was going really well with her. I kind of decided I was never going to date any of the waitresses.

Or at least if I did date a waitress, it'd be one that wasn't going to stay. That sounded weird. Not stay, someone that wasn't kind of, maybe it's someone was only there for a little while and I could, you know, maybe if I, if we want it, liked each other.

Well, as it turned out, I never dated one of the waitresses ever the whole time I worked there. Well, the whole time I was there, I didn't really work there, but the whole time that I was, I mean, I spent 20, how many years? I spent a long time in that place. And I did date one waitress back in 1991.

So that's kind of why I'm just lying about what I said, but I'm not during the later period, like 2000, 2001, I didn't date any of the waitresses that in 1991 I did. And her name was, what was her name? Boris, not Boris. I don't know.

Her name was, she had a name, definitely had a name. She's German. Definitely had a name.

And I liked her. I asked her out and she said no. And I thought, oh, oh, but then she was still friendly to me.

And I thought, well, is she, because I was thinking, she went, initially when she said no, I said, is she just, is she flirting with me? Is she playing hard to get? Is she, does she secretly like me? Or is she saying no, because she's got a boyfriend or because I'm wearing roller skates? It's like, I don't know what it is. And the hat with fruit, I'm not sure how that helped either.

I was going through a phase and kind of a circus phase, to be honest.

Took an elephant everywhere. But I, I came to the idea, because she's still, even like a couple of weeks later, she was still friendly to me. Still flirty.

Well, she looked at me, but I clasped. To me, that was her being, that was her flirting because she, she actually looked in my direction. I mean, to be fair, she might have been looking at the, the wall, which a lot of people would prefer to look at.

And I said to her, this is during the night. It's a Wednesday night, new act night. I performed, didn't go down so well, to be honest.

A normal night. I was one of the regular Wednesday comedy cafe night comedians. I think I was the only comedian in the history of the London circuit, the comedy circuit, that progressively got worse.

You know, everyone else got better. Even the ones that were awful at the end were still better than they were at the beginning. Like they might have never, might never make it and they might do it for a year or two, but they'll still be better after the second year than they were when they first started.

I started off on a high and that wasn't even, that was low to start with. Never just, it's not totally true, but it's kind of true as well. In a way it was, I remember this Paul Dudridge.

He's a kind of a celebrity. He's written a book on stand-up comedy. He used to be a writer and he used to have an agency, comedy agency.

He said to me once in the, about 92, maybe 93, he said, some of your jokes are actually funny, but the delivery is awful. And I thought, oh. And in a way, even though the, maybe it was early, 91, 92, it made sense because I was trying to be something I wasn't.

I was trying to be aggressive and like I used to yell at the audience and shout and scream and be obscene and all that stuff. The things that probably wouldn't get away with now, probably would get in trouble. But that was never me, not really.

It was the stuff that I liked to watch though. When I was in my, I don't know, 19, for example, 18, 19, I used to love watching or listening to Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, Andrew Dice Clay, George Carlin, Lenny Bruce. Trying to think of any other, but there wasn't any.

They were kind of the top of the, not nasty comedians, but the ones that were very adult. There was other adult comedians. Red Fox is another one.

I used to love listening to his albums. And I kind of wanted to be like that. I wanted to be like Sam Kinison and Andrew Dice Clay mixed together.

I had not heard of Bill Hicks until probably I started in comedy. That might not be true. I might have heard of him, because he was a big name, especially over here.

He was a big star in London. Oh, again, again, Dennis Leary, Dennis Leary. I've seen thousands of comedy performances, literally thousands, live, as well as sort of on TV and on YouTube and DVD and video, whatever.

But in person, thousands, I mean, if you include like different acts, so three, six, six times by 50. What's that? No, yeah, six times by 50. What's 50 times by six? 51, 52, 53.

So in a year, just in the comedy club, DJing there, I'd see probably 350 performances a year, probably more because I see other gigs during the week as well. I'd see Thursday nights and Wednesday nights. Oh, yeah, blimey.

So let's say 400, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. So that's nearly 2000 performances in four years, probably more than that. And then I did over 200 gigs of my own where I performed.

And I also saw at least four other comedians on those nights. So that's what, two, four, six, eight. So that's another 800 to 1000.

And I used to go to other gigs as well during the week. So yeah, I've seen thousands. Just make sure that I'm not lying.

That's all. That's all it really is. I'm just, I'm fact checking.

Fact checking. And I don't know why. I don't know why.

Don't laugh when it's late in the recording. It's too loud. Keep it quiet.

Sorry. Yeah, that's it really. I try, I wanted to be, I think delirious is one of the things I, Eddie Murphy.

I forgot Eddie Murphy, but Eddie Murphy, he's, he was in a league of his own. He was a superstar. And I'm guessing that Richard Pryor, when he did his live concert, Richard Pryor was also a superstar, wasn't he, of movies and that.

But that was before, well, it wasn't before my time. It was the early 80s, late 70s, early 80s. But Eddie Murphy, he just seemed to be, I don't know, just seemed to be on a bigger, a higher level of the stage.

Like it just seemed to be just, just, I don't know, like a mega, mega star. And delirious. I watched that for the first time in about 1988, I think.

Yeah, 1988. It was a summer, 88, I think. I lose track.

I really do. Maybe 89, 88. Anyway, I remember I watched it for the first time.

And I was like, I just could not stop laughing. It was just brilliant. I loved it.

I love, love, love, love, love, loved it. Yeah. And the two comedians that probably made me laugh the most live, in person, two of the comedians, loads of them, loads of made me laugh, but two of the ones that were, shall we say, nasty comedians, like aggressive, you know, adult rated.

Actually three, Jimmy Jones, when I was about 16, I went and saw him with a girl. Well, she's a woman that I was in love with. And I ended up dating her, but not until I was older.

And she ended up getting off with one of the road crew for Jimmy Jones, because he was a comedian. So I saw him in, it was in the theater where I lived, like a pavilion. But in comedy clubs, Dennis Leary and Jerry Sadovich, they were the two that I saw that I just could not stop laughing.

Jerry Sadovich, I saw him in a small club. And he was hilarious. And he was saying stuff that you just like no one else would say, you know, stuff about things that literally had just happened in the news.

And he was talking about it and making jokes. I was like, wow. So he did that.

So that was hilarious. But it was wasn't a huge crowd. It was.

And I had one of his videos back in the late 80s. And this is probably the late the late 90s that I saw him. And the late 80s, I don't know, maybe, but late 80s, I had a video of him.

And it did this joke. I'm not shouldn't really tell his joke. I shouldn't.

We just okay, it's a good joke. I'm not gonna tell you. No, I can't really because it's rude.

Yeah, I can't. I can't tell you because it's rude. Anyway, it's his joke.

So but Jerry Sadovich is spelled S-A-W-O-W-D-I-T-C-H. I think I think anyway, he and Dennis Leary, I followed Dennis Leary. I stalked him.

Not in a bad way. I followed him around. And he was here for probably two weeks, a week or two weeks doing a kind of a tour.

And he was at the comedy store. He was the every club he went to, I was able to get to I went. I even paid to get in to see him.

And most clubs I could get in for free, because they knew me. And but some clubs didn't care. They still wanted money by the comedy store.

You know, I mean, generally paid to go in there. I didn't didn't go in there that often. Although I did get in free.

Mark Thomas put me on the on the door list. So that was cool. He was headlining that night.

And but yeah, I've Dennis Leary, every time I saw him, it was just funnier. Because the things he was saying was just just it was kind of one of those like laughters where he's just it's not controllable. It's, it's like he's almost forcing the laughter out of you.

And you don't necessarily want even want to laugh at what you're saying. It's just, it's, it's a release there. And it's, I don't know.

It's quite amazing. And the energy, the energy of the man. But yeah, I guess when I started doing the comedy, I wanted to be like a Sam Kinison, loud, aggressive, in your face kind of comedian and wasn't really my personality.

I think the only time my true personality came out, I did a gig, not the only time. But the only time my true personality came out, and they were good gigs. And I funny enough run by the same person, which is weird.

And it's almost like it was just me. And I was I was doing the material. But I was also just being me just, you know, just not trying to put on a person trying to just, I don't know, I guess vulnerable, maybe I don't know.

But then I did another gig for the same Dolly, Dolly Dupree, her name is, she was very good to me. I've got a lot of time for Dolly. Don't know what she's doing these days.

But she was one of the nicest people to me during the comedy years. And she ran quite a few different comedy clubs. And she had this gig that was in the middle of nowhere.

I mean, it was in Hertfordshire. And I still got paid. And there wasn't a huge audience.

There was about 20 people there or something. But they were lovely, best audience ever. And I literally stood up on stage.

And for the first time, I started doing what is natural to me. And that's making silly noises. I might sound weird.

But I always used to like making silly noises when I was a kid. And it's like, whatever, just just just silly noises. I'm not sure if I make them too much now.

But it's just natural. It's kind of a natural way that I am. It just comes out.

And maybe, maybe it's like tics or something. I don't know. But just yeah, and that particular gig, I'm sure I recorded it.

I don't. I might still have it somewhere. But it felt so nice.

And she phoned me up the next day. Or I spoke to her the next day because I didn't have a phone. And I didn't have a yoghurt pot with some string.

I phoned her up. I think I don't know what I saw in a nightclub the next day, something like that. And she said that she had loads of feedback from everyone, including the bar staff, that how good I was.

And it's like, wow. I don't think I even did any material. It was just just chatting, just you know, just just just just this, not this, but that whatever that was back then.

And it was a first glimpse of what could have been the kind of comedian that I could have been. I never really, never really kind of delved into it because a few years later, so much happened, you know, as it does in life. And I kind of, although I felt I was pulled away from comedy, I still ended up going back to the comedy club.

So I was part of comedy, but I wasn't doing comedy. The last gig I did, last one was 1998 in January. And that was awful.

It was a really bad gig for me, which is annoying because it would be nice to go on a nice one, which I could have done. I could have just booked another gig somewhere and did a good gig or keep going until I did a good one, which means I might still be going now. Oh, yeah, it's strange, really.

But there you go. There you go. There you go.

There you go. Cool. Cool.

So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy.

Be gentle with yourself. Lots of love. I'm going to go to bed now.

Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.