(no music) #1077 - I nearly joined the Army - Let Me Bore You To Sleep (4th March 2024)

Flemmy. Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and my website for this podcast is letmeboreyou.com. Not with a question mark, although I said it with a question mark.

Dot com. Dot com. And the other website is jasonnewland.com. So letmeboreyou.com is for the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast.

Specifically. Although I have questions. And the, I've also got my Let Me Bore Your Pain Away on there.

I'm thinking anything to do with the Let Me Bore You. Any recording that starts with Let Me Bore will probably be on there. I think.

Now the problem. Oh yeah, only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And if you're listening to this on YouTube, please only watch the video when you can safely close your eyes.

Although there won't really be much to watch because it would just be a static page, probably. So, you know, don't get too excited about that. Oh, itchy bum.

So Vinnie's under the table having his din dins. I've got so much to tell you. Not really.

So what's going on? It's Monday. The I don't know. It's Monday, the something of March, the 4th of March 2024.

And so yeah, I'm, I'm all right. I don't know, felt really, I felt particularly good today, for some reason. And it's one of them days really, it's okay.

It's not a big deal. Just felt a bit, you know, a bit, a bit, you know, actually, that's probably not a very good sound, is it to be making? But yeah, a bit, you know, just not not perfect. Not, not feeling glorious.

I've not been not really been feeling superb today, generally. But it's okay. I don't mind.

I don't mind. And I haven't done a huge amount. But I was kind of quite busy last night.

I went to bed Sunday night, went to bed early half eight like I normally do. Half eight, nine o'clock is about the time I go to bed on a Sunday night. You know, school the next day in it.

So I have to go go to bed early. Make up for the extremely all the partying I do at the weekend. Yeah, okay.

So I've turned into a turn into a really, really, like, 100. I don't know if even people in their 90s go to bed as early as me. It's like I've regressed back to being eight years old again, or nine or 10.

Whatever my bedtime was at that age. Probably eight or nine o'clock probably when I was about 10. Maybe earlier, I can't remember.

It's more than three years ago. That's all I can tell you. It's not all I can tell you.

I could probably spend the next hour going on about how long it's been. But it's not a list. Let's not do that.

So it's been quite good on my podcast. I'm not going to give you the stats. But because that means opening my laptop and I've decided not to open it while I do this recording.

I'm just gonna watch video pouring around. Probably have my eyes closed. And I do a lot of them during these recordings.

I'm trying to edit them out. So I'm now self self sabotaging myself and trying to get that many out mate. And it's gonna be very hard.

It's I don't know why I don't even know I'm doing it. But I'm a bit self conscious now. One thing I've noticed is the S's seem to get a little bit stuck sometimes.

It's not a new thing. But it's something that I'm just becoming a little bit self conscious. Now, luckily, now unlike YouTube, which I was never a huge fan of some of the comments I got on YouTube back in the day.

I had I had a 10 year old say that once. So it was on the bus. And a couple of kids going to school and maybe we had 10.

And one of them said, back in the day, it didn't buses used to used to be this busy. He's six months old, mate. We've been back in the day.

You mean, last week. It's the war back in the day. I can say back in the day because I'm ancient.

I mean, I literally was born in the last century. The last century of lived in through two centuries. The crazy is crazy.

Two centuries. I remember when there was when there was a nice wall divide in Germany. Lovely wall it was.

Now they knocked it down. I remember when they knocked it down. I thought, after all that hard work of putting it up.

That's a lot of workmanship going into that. That's just a waste. I remember.

Yeah, Tiananmen Square. Some one of the someone a civilian standing in front of a tank. It was one of the most famous pictures in our history, like our modern history.

You never see that in other countries. You never see you never see someone standing in front of a Russian tank, or an American tank, or even a British tank. It's you got a lot of faith that the tanks gonna stop.

And I personally probably wouldn't do that. Because I'll be the one in the tank. No, I wouldn't.

I don't know how to drive a tank. I didn't need to join the army though. I did.

It looks like this is going to be me talking about the army. Blimey, who'd have thought? I nearly joined the army. But before I talk about the army.

I didn't actually join the army. But I can tell you about how I nearly joined the army. I didn't actually join the army.

I sometimes wonder whether or not, well, if it would have been a good thing for me to do. In some ways, I think it would have been. But with my brain, the way it is, or the way you know, it's always been really, I could have had some problems.

I mean, I'm possibly not the right person to give a gun to. I'm just, I mean, I'm not but just in the wrong state of mind, I might. If someone upset me.

I mean, at school, when we was playing hockey, someone hacked or what do they call it? Tackled me, but they hit me with the with the hockey stick in my shin. And I was chasing them trying to try now I wanted to remove them with the hockey stick. I was really chasing trying to hit him with it.

And I got banned from playing hockey. So if I'd have had a gun, I would have shot them pretty much guaranteed. But I was a kid then also wouldn't do that now.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know where they live now. I hold a grudge.

No, I don't. Well, I should do a little bit. I try not to I try and be like just let go of stuff.

And that's my advice to anyone really just let go. Let go if you can. However, however, this I can go all the way back to.

So yeah. Just something a teacher said to me when I was about 11 annoyed me of the headmaster when I was about nine, maybe 10. He gave me the slipper.

He didn't just like hand me a slipper said Well done son. There's a slipper. If you keep on the good work, I'll give you another one.

So then you can prepare and you can walk around like a king. It wasn't that kind of situation. The slipper king.

I was just minding my own business, going to the toilet. And that that maybe that was the problem. But you know, you need to use the urinal.

You're supposed to do over the display cabinet. No, I didn't. I didn't do that.

But I was having a little potter. I was just having a little wander around, enjoying my freedom from the classroom. And it wasn't that I didn't want to be in a classroom because in junior school, it was easy.

It was it was senior school or high school. That's when I started having problems. Before that, the teachers were nice.

They it's almost like they knew. They knew. They knew not to expect too much from me.

And they were happy just to give me things to play with. You know, that was it. They they didn't pressure me.

And the only subject that I loved was English. While in crafts, I like that as well. But as far as academic kind of subjects, English, because I love writing.

I love learning, joined up writing and trying to write nicely and getting praised for it. I loved reading books. I take a book home every day from school, and I'd read it and I take it back as little books.

But you know, I've read every single book pretty much on the shelf. I loved reading. I loved writing.

And it was the only thing that I enjoyed in junior school, really. Well, no, that's not true. Subject wise, it was the only thing that I probably looked forward to maybe apart from I didn't like painting.

I just didn't like the feeling of the paper and the paintings. Drawing, I was never very good at drawing. There's I mean, generally, generally, I have a bit of an aversion to do things I'm no good at.

Also, I make an exception with these podcasts. I keep I keep going. See, I started I'm so self conscious about the way I speak now.

I think I've chosen the wrong occupation. Occupation, did you say? I mean, occupation usually means that you get paid and you earn a living, don't you? Shut up, shut up. Maybe this isn't public speaking, but it is speaking and the public get to hear me speaking.

So maybe I've, yeah, I've chose the wrong thing to do. But hey, it's quite hard to do mime on a podcast. Now I'm going to do some shadow puppets.

I did think about doing a ventriloquist act on a podcast. In fact, I might still do that. Just forget I said it because it'd be funny.

I'll do it straight as well. Like completely won't acknowledge the fact that you can't see the thing. Puppet.

Yeah, I do actually have a puppet. I did a YouTube video. I don't know if it's still on there.

And I did a whole Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I did the whole Let Me Bore You To Sleep with this puppet. And had me hand up it's, you know, and my arm got tired.

It was quite uncomfortable. It did, you know, I didn't set it up very well. Really, I think if you're going to do it, you need to have some kind of armrest to put your arm on.

Well, I guess you have to explain what an armrest is. Is there a place where you rest your arm? Yes. Is it a place where you collect fruit? No.

Okay, so you got it right first time mate. Is it a place where you park your car? But it's like underground underneath a swimming pool? No, you got the answer right first time mate. It's you rest in your arm.

It sure has nothing to do with space travel. Frustrate me. Sorry.

I just I just want to be included. I just want to be heard. Yeah, you've been heard this time.

Now. Go away. So yeah.

Um, what was I saying? Oh yeah, school. Blimey, I'm starting to become conscious of the different subjects I'm talking about. I'm always like this.

I thought I was quite like, pretty, I don't know, concentrated or sticking on one track. I thought I was pretty. I kind of said I was straight face.

I thought I was pretty like, just pretty baby, just real pretty. I thought I was stuck to the point, you know, it seems like there's a possibility after examining myself that maybe I get slightly distracted by thoughts. Potentially.

And one thing seems to lead to another thing that leads to another thing. And then 10 things down the line. I forget where I started from.

Sometimes I've remembered to come back. But it doesn't make it's no connection between that and the thing I was talking about. And I just want everything to make so much sense.

You know, this is so important to me that everyone understands what I'm saying. So nearly went in the army. Oh, the stats.

For some reason, I don't know why. I'm not complaining. But the the stats for the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast has really gone up on a daily basis.

And it's never low to start with base is just higher. And I think today so far that about three and a half thousand plays of my podcasts, just on the Let Me Bore You To Sleep. That's about the other podcasts that they're on.

They're on what the moment now they're only on two other podcasts. And, but it's like, whoa, it's nice. And it partly maybe it's because they're not on as many podcasts as they used to be.

So the only way you can really listen to them is if you go on to the podcast, they're on, if that makes sense. It made sense to me when I said it. I think you hear him chewing away on his chewing on his bone.

And I don't know why that's funny. I do but it's not. Because let's face it, if he was chewing, if he was making that noise, I'd need to get into a vet wouldn't I mean that that that's the mess.

Anyway, so I I'm looking I don't know what you think. I don't I wish there was a way we could communicate Oh, there is I've got a Facebook page. Did you know that I've got a Facebook group rather? It's called what's it called? Is it Jason's boring group or is it Jason Newland's boring group? I don't remember.

And this not particularly attractive title is it really. But if you've got a better a better name for it, let me know. And I mean, genuinely, because I'm not sure if it's a I could just call it the boring group.

But I just hope I don't get sued from Elon Musk. Because he's he's got a company called the boring group. I think it literally he's bought it balls through the ground.

He's he's in the process of building a tunnel underneath New York or Boston or somewhere like that underneath one of the rivers. I think he's I'm guessing it's gonna be a train or maybe cars I don't know, going under there. So because we've got the Dartford Tunnel in this country.

I think it's the only one. Not the only Dartford Tunnel. But as far as I know, there's loads of bridges in this island of ours of mine.

I own it, of course. But there's this one tunnel, well, there's two tunnels is the one leading to France, which is the Channel Tunnel, which was, to be fair, one of the greatest technical feats the world's ever seen, building wise, to build no other country as far as I know, has built a tunnel from one country to another under an ocean. What other countries has anyone done that?

And I say, I mean, it wasn't just us.

France, and I think I imagine a lot of Europe got involved in the thing. They dug their sides and we dug our side. And I think we met in the middle.

I think I say we I wasn't, I wasn't as involved as you might think. I did watch it on telly. And it was just I've never been through it.

I think you can drive through it and you can get a train through it. And it's, I don't know, it's about an hour, is it an hour, maybe longer to get through is because not a long it's not a big journey. I think it's only like 16 or 16 miles.

Was it 20 miles? It's like so it's quite a short amount of mileage from Dover, which is where it goes from was going to go from Stratford as well. But they never seen I never never did that connection. Unless they did.

Oh, no, it goes from it goes from I think it might go from Dover as well. But it goes from there's a train station in London that it goes from. I'm not sure if you have to go there.

And it goes all the way through. Or if you or if you can also get on at different different places on the way, such as Dover and stuff. I don't know.

Because that'd be a bit annoying, wouldn't it? Imagine if you live in Dover, and you want to get on the channel tunnel train. And you know that the train goes through Dover because it has to because that's where that's where the the war is, you know, as to where the channel starts. And you have to try to travel to London.

Although Dover is in Kent, and Kent isn't that far from London, to be fair. It's not a huge journey, but probably take you longer to get to London than what it would to to get to France. I'm going to say I'm going to have a little check of that.

I'm not sure. I wonder, would you reckon? I wonder. Why, why, why, why wonder? Let's have a look.

And this time from time taken takes through channel tunnel, tunnel, right? 35 minutes. 35 minutes. If you go on a ferry, weeks takes weeks.

And if you go back a few hundred years, it but it takes it it's I don't know. Is channel? Okay, is it is exactly what I wanted to check? Is channel tunnel quicker than the ferry? As someone who's never been on a ferry, obviously. What's the quickest way to drive to France, the quickest way to cross the channel issues in Eurotunnel, which takes around 35 minutes compared to the 90 minute crossing of the quickest cross channel ferry from Dover to Calais.

90 minutes. I've never been on a ferry that that was that quick. Okay, how long does it take to get to from London to Paris? Taking the Eurostar from London to Paris is quick, easy and enjoyable journey from one world famous capital city to another in just two hours and 16 mins.

Okay, so how come it's 35 minutes from Dover, but it's two and a half, 24 hours from London when okay, a train from London to Dover is going to be last maybe to be fair. So it takes longer to get to Dover from London on the train than it does to get to another country from England. But then we're talking about Paris and Paris isn't Calais is it so how long does it take to get from Calais to Paris if he was on a normal train or coach or not bicycle, I guess, but you know, sort of some kind of normal transport.

So maybe that makes sense. Maybe it's the journey on the other side as well. That's included.

But yeah, that's the Elon Musk. The hell was I talking about that? The boring company. So yeah, I've got a boring you Facebook group called Jason Newland's boring group.

The link is on my websites. It's on both the let me bore you.com and let and Jason Newland calm. The links are on there.

You can just search just putting Jason Newland boring and do a come up and then you can join this is a private Facebook group. It's only for it's only for like, people that really like what I do. No casual fans just really super super fans, people that just really like and appreciate what I do.

It's not just like a random group where just anyone can join in and come back. This is for people that are going to come back and maybe get to know each other. Maybe fall in love and get married and invite me to the wedding and I won't come.

But you still invite me just so I can say no. Don't wanna. You can't make me.

I have free will. I didn't want to go to a wedding or mind you free food. But then you free food.

You got to like, play that against the cost of going the time and having to for me, I'd have to buy new clothes because I've got no clothes. All I wear is tracksuit bottoms and tops. And it's just I've got about the eight pairs of tracksuit bottoms, running bottoms, whatever you I don't know what you call them where you live, but they just, I haven't got a coat anymore.

Like I've got a coat. I just pretty much call myself a liar then. I have a coat but it's it's like for winter.

Well, it's not very warm, but luckily I'm, I'm built like a walrus. I'm kind of okay. But it's not suitable for spring.

And we're moving towards spring. So I'm going to need a lighter jacket or coat. I haven't got one of them.

So I have to get one of them. I don't know how. It's quite weird because my friend downstairs, well, my, my friend who used to live downstairs, I gave him my, I bought two coats.

It was in the sales. This is a couple of years ago. But nice coats, both big thick coats.

One appealed to me more than the other one. So I used to wear that one because it was just a bit more warmer, I felt, but a bit less restricted than the other one. And the other one, the hat on the other one was a bit big.

Used to, I don't know, just it just I preferred one over the other. But I wore both. But you know, I thought it's nice not just wear one all the time.

And not at, not at a time, but you can't wear two coats at the same time. Unless of course you wear one back to front, I suppose. Which freaks people out in public.

It just does. People run. I don't know if that's true.

So I, I, someone took his coat. Someone stole, one of his friends left one night and took, he was in, in a, in a flat with him and just took his coat. So he didn't have a coat to wear.

So I gave him one of my coats. The one with a hat with a hood. Because he liked that one.

So I thought, okay, you can have that. And I'll, I quite like the other one anyway. So I'll keep that one.

So he had that. This is last year. Sort of, or maybe the year before actually, probably, yeah, winter time, maybe beginning of the year.

And so he had that. And it's quite good because I always knew if he was from a distance, I could always see him. And I recognised from the hood.

And it fitted him better because he was bigger than me, like, bigger as in taller, longer arms. And it just fitted him better than it did me. I'm kind of, I'm the wrong shape for most things, really, I would say.

At least that's what my, that's what my doctor told me. It's a bit rude. I mean, I was only six.

I had a bad throat. That was all it was, tonsillitis or something. I don't know what had to go on about being the wrong shape.

But you grow out of it, he said. I don't know what was weirder, him saying that or the fact that he never wore shoes. In his defence, well, of course I wear shoes.

I just don't wear them at work. Yeah, but you should, you're a doctor. Where does it say, where does it say that doctors have to wear shoes at work? Where in the hypocritical, the hypocrisy thing does it say that we have to wear shoes? That was a long way to just say exactly that.

You said the same thing, but with a lot of spluttering, really, didn't you? Yeah, I know. I was trying to think what the word was. Hypocrisy oaf, that's it.

No, I think you got it wrong. No, it's definitely oaf. It's like loaf.

Oaf, that's how I remember it. I think of bread. You think of bread.

Yeah, I think of bread. Like loaf. Oh, okay.

So that's how you remember the oath that you made, you know, to abide by certain rules and all that stuff. He said, yeah, exactly. I said, do you remember any of the rules? He said, come on, do you remember any rules? I said, what do you mean? Do you remember any rules that you have been told? I said, oh yeah, some.

Name one. Well, not to steal. Have you kept to it? Mostly.

Mostly. Yeah, repeating what I said doesn't make a point, you know. Mostly.

I mean, I used to be young once and I've made a few mistakes, but generally I'm a fairly, fairly non-stealing person. But you have stolen though, haven't you? Yeah, but it was a long, long time ago and it was never from a person. It was just, I just made, just, anyway, I don't want to talk about it.

Ah, the little, little, little cat feeling a bit shy now. Hey, little pussy feeling shy. Little shy pussy.

Huh? You like, like, like, you like to be stroked, little pussy. Like to feed, feed a little pussy. So maybe you talk.

This is weird. This is weird, mate. I don't think you should really use that term in that way.

It just sounds weird, calling me a pussy. Well, it's a cat, isn't it? I know a pussy is a cat, but in that, the way you're doing it, basically you went from calling me a cat and it sounded like you, it just didn't seem like you were calling me a cat anymore. What would, how could it seem rude if I'm saying I want to stroke you, stroke you?

It's a cat.

Well, if you say to someone you want to stroke them, it can come across as a bit, a bit, a bit like runaway-ish, you know, a bit like help, help, stranger danger. Oh, you're so silly. Yeah, maybe, but I don't really see what your point is.

We all, like, let's go back to the point is where you're talking about rules. You're a doctor. Yes.

So you have rules that you have to abide by. Hmm. So what, what are we, are we arguing? I don't know.

We know what this is. I don't know. Well, I don't understand why you're saying what you're saying.

Well, you're the one doing both voices. Surely you should know. I mean, I'm not in control.

You're the one doing it. You're the one speaking for me. So maybe you should ask yourself.

What the hell was that? Um, yeah, so I nearly joined the army. Um, oh yeah, the stats have gone up for the let me I'm really pleased about that. I kind of covered that, didn't I? Um, at school, I'm trying to think what else I liked.

I quite, you know, I'd have to told you this in about when I was about 10 or 11, 10, we had a careers person come around a little bit early, to be honest, I think 10. I mean, I usually like to wait until I'd be 11. Is this coffee? I'm joking at 10 years old, this is a bit early to be like planning my future, but I suppose not really, I guess it's like it was more kind of like, shush, shush.

All right, you can't you can't good. I suppose 10 is more of a lot of fantasy kind of what you'd like to do. If you could do anything, what would it be? And this, I think it was a lady or a man as one of them, or something.

Um, I don't know, it's, it was it was in them days, it was it was a lady and she, she, and this is the you know, this is like early 80s. And I did before we taught I said, can just check what your pronoun is. She said, What do you mean? I said, Well, it's nice to meet you and everything.

But we're going to talk about my career prospects and my hopes and dreams. But I just don't want to be disrespectful by using the wrong pronoun with you. She said, Well, unless you're going to be talking about me, you're not going to be using a pronoun, are you? I said, What do you mean? Well, unless you could be talking about me saying, She said this, and she did that.

And look at her. And I, you know, look what she's wearing. You won't be using the pronoun with me to my face.

What what possible reason would you use a pronoun to me while we're in a conversation? I said, You know, it's a really good point. And at no point, would I ever say, he, she, her? When I'm in a conversation with the actual person? When you're talking about somebody? Yeah, but not when you're in a conversation with them. So if you're never going to see them again, it kind of, unless you're in a group, then that would be different, wouldn't it?

But yeah, blimey.

It's almost like we've found a hole in the argument. So it's like, Oh, to be fair, to be fair, I don't even use people's names. When I talk to them.

Why? I'm not talking. I'm just talking to the podcast now. It seems a little bit listening to something.

I don't know what it is. So yeah, I am. I'm taught I don't say the names that I know some people I've met people and constantly say the name of the person that they're talking to.

Now I'm sometimes I do have any all the time. But I'm just hoping that one day I will actually be able to grab his attention. Which is very hard.

Because he's got no interest in pleasing me, or listening to anything I say unless there's a few specific words included in those sentences. One is t r e e e e t s. And the other one is w o r w a a l k or c k. What's the other one? Oh, sweet shop. We didn't turn around for that.

And I want to say sweet shop. And what else? That's a bit like dinner. Dinner.

I said, Oh, he's not turned around for that. He's had his dinner. So he's not hungry.

It's a bit like, you know, when you when you've had your dinner, you like completely full up. And then a Domino's advert comes on telly, or McDonald's, or I don't know, whatever. Some fast food, or restaurant or something comes on.

It's like never been less appealing to me in my life. Because you've eaten. Is it weird, isn't it? And that's a good analogy.

For men's, some men's attitudes for after a romantic encounter is like, once you've eaten, it can you know, you're not hungry anymore. And some people, they just love a buffet. And just keep eating and eating and eating and eating and never get full.

Women, I've been swimming. I thought about it. Did I ever tell you about the swimming that I did? Never been much good at swimming.

Never, never been good. What's good at swimming? I don't say people's names. Do you when you talk to someone? Do you say, Oh, Sandra, how are you, Sandra? You know what happened the other day, Sandra? Well, Sandra, first of all, Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, and like, just why? If there's only you and them there, they are, there's only you and that person there.

You never ever need to say their name. Once, not even once, not one time, because there's no one else there. So when you say something out loud, that's a question.

So what did you do last week? What did you did you end up going to see the going to the cinema on Friday night? It's very unlikely that the other person in the room is going to look around to see who you're talking to. Who are you asking that to? Okay. Sandra.

Oh, yeah, I went along. It was really good. Pauline.

It was very good. Pauline. And then what I did Pauline is I went to, we went to the what's it? McDonald's first.

And you're like, I don't talk to you about McDonald's. I'm full. I've already eaten.

Why can't you mention it when I'm hungry? I love hearing about I'm hungry, but not really because then I'm hungry and I want it. You got to find an eat, you got to find a nice even space when you're not hungry, not like really hungry, but you're not full up. Because then you're like, okay.

Pizza. Hmm. What is this five guys burger? I've started hearing about.

I know I'm not really in touch with the world. But I just started seeing adverts. And someone there was a thing on the news saying it was like 205 guys restaurants across the country.

I really how can there be that many? Okay, five guys. I mean, the last time sounds like a title to a video that I really can't mention. Five guys burgers.

Five guys. But welcome to five guys. Find your five guys.

Order now. It doesn't. I don't know.

Is it different? How? How is it different? How? Seriously? How? 15 free toppings to choose from make it your own. Oh, come on. Just have a pre prepaid burger pre made burger and just give me that.

It's like I don't want like oh, it's what is it that sandwich shop? I forget the name of it now. But you go in there and you order a sandwich and a BAP like a whatever it's called. And like you can choose from all these different fillings and like no, that's just annoying.

Just give me a one with cheese just have a set menu. Have it ready made and just then I mean not from like last week but fresh today. And then just I'll take it to make in front of me.

I trust you. Well, as much as I can. Couldn't hear me though because he was in a toilet.

But you know, generally old pistachio pistachio shake. Oh, come on. Stop being silly.

All our fries come with an extra scoop in the bag. An extra scoop of what? Over 250,000 different burger combinations. Ridiculous.

It's ridiculous. I don't want I don't want I struggle. I struggle to choose what socks I wear.

And all the same color. And then I got a picture of burger that's about 15 inches or 20 inches long. Come on, or high rubber.

No one can fit 20 inches into their mouth. Most ridiculous literally, you know, even a remember the alien from alien that thing even that was struggle. I should do what what is that novelty? It's a novelty, isn't it? Do you think it's a drug drunk people? Well, they've got a career so might apply for a job.

Maybe I should reach a teacher detect, detect, deduct, deduct what I just said. Deduct. It's a new word I started hearing recently.

Not fit for purpose. That's another one that people like to say politicians gift cards about us. Okay, about us.

Arlington, Virginia, 1986. Jerry and Jeannie Murrell gave their five sons a choice start a business or go to college. The business route route one and the family opened the first five guys named after the five brothers.

To this day, the formula remains simple. Burgers and fries cook to perfection. In keeping with generous philosophy of to perfect and to serve.

The family is still very much involved meeting every Tuesday with every member still very part of the business. Vinnie started shouting, getting excited because someone was out downstairs. I got a video camera thing on my door.

And I can hear as well as well as safe. And as I turn it, the speed, you know, the mic or everyone so I can hear because I like is he just barking at nothing or is there something actually going on? All I could hear was his barking because he's inside the door and it sounds so loud. Sounds loud here.

But it sounds really loud on the microphone outside my door as well. He can get me kicked out of it. You know, if the neighbors complained, I could lose I could well I'd have to give him up or move out.

And that that it'd be it'd just be a shame to say goodbye to him. It's I hope it doesn't happen. But it could.

Because he's too barky. He needs to calm down. He's got no idea what he's doing.

He doesn't know that he's that he's he's not being naughty. He kind of just doing what dogs do. But he's just a little bit too, too barky at times.

99% of time is fine. But that 1% is spread throughout the day. That's really annoying.

It's really annoying. It's really, really high pitched, loud. And then you probably hear me because I have to shout to get him back from the door.

Come here, come here, then I have to do it louder until he listens to me. And it's just be quite weird, isn't it? If I get I get kicked out for shouting. Oh, man.

It's not really shouting. It's more just loud commands. Really, that's how I kind of think of it.

So I nearly joined the army. I was 16. And I was working in a chip shop been there for a in fact, I wasn't 16 yet.

It's nearly 16. I joined the I joined the chip shop in I think, April to 1986 2000 1986. And in the next town there was a I think there was two buildings next to each other.

One was for the Navy. One was for the army. Didn't fancy the Navy because I can't swim.

Really? I could swim but just it wasn't. It just seemed like something plus to be I was in the Sea Cadets. And I didn't really didn't just because the Sea Cadets is kind of a precursor to join the Navy is it doesn't have to be but quite a few people back then would join the Navy after being in the Sea Cadets for a few years.

And I was in the Sea Cadets for a couple of years. And I didn't really fancy it. I thought the army would be a bit a bit more scruffy, a bit more dirty.

Because the Navy always seem to be so concerned in looking immaculate and everything, the Sea Cadets anyway. And I can't be bothered with that. So I inquired because I really, really, really didn't like the job I did.

Didn't like it. I was getting paid practically nothing. And I just wanted to just wanted to get out of there.

So I ended up I think I went in there before I was 16. And he said, well, you got to come back when you're 16. Because you're too young.

And so okay. And I went back. I'm not sure if I went back with exactly when I was 16.

Because it might have been the next year. So it might be 1987 when I went back. So I think at this time I might be living in a flat above the chip shop.

And then I decided, you know what? Anything's got to be better than this. This is just apart from going back to school that that I just didn't want that but anything else. Did I tell you that I'm thinking of doing an open university course? I actually applied for it.

But it was put down for psychology. And it's a subject that's interested me for ever since I was very young, really. I suppose I've always because of my mind, my always been.

I never really understood what was kind of going on. Other people's behavior just flummoxed me, to be honest, still does. And I didn't fit in, never fitted in.

I managed to make friends a bit and managed to I was more like, I'd be friends with lots of people, but not, I guess, hugely close to anyone. A bit like now, really, I get on with I get on with most people, generally. Generally, there's occasionally someone just doesn't like me straight away, but that doesn't affect me too much.

I'm trying to think what the point was of what I was saying that what was the point? Oh, yeah. You see, he's barking. He's hearing someone in the garden shouting.

So he's kind of like, Oh, what's that? He's chewing his bone. And every now and then I'll get out there. It's like moaning.

Just he can't be bothered to actually bark properly. So anyway, I, I thought, I'll join the army. And so I did.

I went, I went, I passed the written test. And then I passed the physical test, like the the physical as in in the shop, not a shop, but it is a kind of like a shop in the back. So I passed the physical side.

It's all like 10 blood temperature, blood tests, stuff like that, I think probably. And then the physical side of like press ups and see if I was physically fit, which I was very physically fit. And I'm pretty much most 16 year olds are really, I guess.

And he just said that 16 year olds are fit. He's a perv. No, I mean, physically fit as in active.

And I Yes, I did. I had the interview and passed all that. So everything was set for me to go away for the weekend training.

Now the weekend induction basically is you go away, you do the physical, you know, you basically get tested. And if you pass everything, and I think it's quite hard not to pass it really. Because at that point, they've figured out whether or not your arm immaterial, you know, whether physically you can do it.

And all I had to do is go away for the week for the weekend. But in the end, I chickened out. I didn't go.

And I did that, I think twice. And in the end, they sort of said, Oh, well, you always can come back again. But, you know, don't leave it too late.

We like them when they're young. Like to get them young. Which is true.

They do like to get this. It makes sense. Get someone straight from school.

They used to be told what to do. If you get someone that's got used to not being told what to do, it's kind of harder, I guess, to get back into that, you know, that way of doing things. Anyway.

So yeah, that was a story. It's a short story. Considering it's weird, I can make a things you'd think shouldn't really last very long tend to last longer, don't they? Some of the things I'll talk about, then something that maybe, maybe have a my mild, mild amount of interest connected to it.

Nope, I just tell it straight. Went there done this. That was it.

Ruined. It was ruined. The story was ruined.

Could have been so much better. Maybe I'll work on it. I want to give myself a good talking to tell myself off.

So I'm gonna go now. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. And you do deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye. I think it's time to eat Vinnie. What do you reckon? What should I have? Do you think I should have a lasagna? Huh? You think so? What are you looking at? What are you looking me like that for? Oh, you don't like lasagna, though? I've seen some of the things that you eat off the ground in the park and you don't want any lasagna.

Yeah, you're that fussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Really?