#1047 - I have the BEST listeners - Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Let me get my chair nice and comfy. So my name is Jason Newland.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. What else? I do have a website called jasonnewland.com. It is in the process of being refurbished. So you can still go there it's got the podcast episodes and stuff but it's you know it's in the it's in the process of being rebuilt so it's a little way off being ready really.

Before I start I want to say a big thank you I want to say a big thank you to Mary. Thank you Mary. Will you marry me? Or Mary will you marry me? Not really I'm just saying thank you.

I got a message PayPal gift Jason just listened to your latest thing so it just sent me a PayPal gift. Thank you very much Mary. I do appreciate that.

You know what I've been thinking about this. I really do have the best listeners. Ouch no oh Vinnie be careful for me balls.

I put some food on the chair just in front of where I'm sitting you know the little gap you know when you sit in a chair there's a little gap at the front between your legs kind of it's okay it sounds wrong isn't it that gap between your legs no you know on the seat where you can put stuff. Well I put some food there and he's been eating that.

Put it in a bowl he won't touch it put it on the floor he won't touch it.

Turn it into a game he's all over the stuff. Weird isn't it? So he's also chomping away on his bone. So yeah I have the best listeners.

I do I really do believe that. But what I was going to say I've been looking at my I don't want to say the word that begins with s you know the the very popular word begins of s ends of s and as t a tat it's tats with an s at the top at the top at the beginning stats statistics and I've been looking and maybe you can let me know I don't know how but just let me know um who listens to these podcasts now most people according to the statistics listen on apple podcast like

literally what percentage 93 percent so today it's what time is it it's 26 minutes past seven I had 8164 downloads and 7573 have come from apple podcasts 127 from spotify cast box 100 and down from there like small amounts geolocation now here's what's weird is this is rare but united kingdom is coming top today 31.81 percent over united states 27.39 percent 27.29 percent so ireland is third australia canada brunei sweden germany portugal philippines new zealand mexico india hong kong taiwan brazil cuba spain kenya netherlands albania italy turkey uganda vietnam and

then others 68 other downloads from other places there's quite a few different countries now I look at the stats I look at united kingdom I think okay 71.5 percent is from england 27.84 percent from scotland wales very small amount northern ireland very small amount and nine others which I guess is some of the islands you know isle of wight isle of man jersey I guess because i'm clearly not popular on little islands but england although england's a little island isn't it of um not england britain so if I look at

england 41.93 percent of the downloads in england will be from burton-on-trent 24 percent from mitchum I don't know where mitchum is oldbury is third at 11.68 percent and it goes down from there there's actually a place called snodland I didn't know that um six six downloads from snodland and where is that anyone I don't know um but I just thought ah where is burton-on-trent I generally am not sure burton-on-trent is it a seaside town burton-on-trent also known as burton-on-trent oh no burton-upon-trent also known as burton-on-trent or simply burton is a market town in the borough of east stafford shire in the county of staffordshire england close to the with a derby shire in 2021 population was 76 270.

I suppose my question it's just a question really it's not really about the place but is it just one person in burton-on-trent downloading 700 listening to 779 recordings in one day which is unlikely I mean how is that even possible but but then I think well how how do a group of people in the same town all come to listen to me like get unless less there is a word of mouth I don't know do people tell other friends about my weird podcasts I don't know I really really don't know

but if you do thanks if you don't well thanks anyway you know thanks for listening whether you tell others or not I appreciate your listening to me let's have a look at scotland okay yeah oh england okay england united kingdom scotland that's the second one east kilbride 97.65 percent of the downloads today Aberdeen Glasgow in Edinburgh after that so yeah it's it's I can't really figure out how I'm trying the United States again if we go to the United States 29 percent is well nearly 20 no 23.97 rather is California

and then I have a look at where it is and there's been 80 percent of the downloads or from so it's 429 downloads from Salinas I don't know where Salinas is so um what is an elk grove I think we have a biker grove here but foster city Temecula Dixon Napa Oroville Oroville La Mesa Davis Huntington Beach Janesville San Rafael Dixon Mountain View Mountain View why does that sound familiar to me I wonder Mountain View Mountain View I don't know sounds like a familiar place I love yeah I was going

to heard lots of different places from America Mountain View sounds nice doesn't it sounds like very scenic I wonder if there's a view of a mountain there do you reckon do you reckon there is I'm thinking there might be but then you know if you go that way elk grove what is this surrounded by elks what about walnut creek full of walnuts is it you see what I mean it's like it doesn't necessarily mean Dixon is that a place full of people called Dixon Janesville everyone's called Jane La Mesa full

of messes I don't know Oroville that's where Oroville the duck lived Long Beach it's a really really long beach is it is it is it is it that literal I don't know maybe I'll never know I wish I knew I kind of don't really care yeah not really so then you got Florida Florida Clearwater Lakeland Miami Naples Fort Lauderville Wesley Chapel is he going to be talking about towns and villages and and cities all the way through this thing yes Orlando Cefna Fort Lauderdale blimey so yeah oh my total downloads

since I started these podcasts not since I started podcasting but this little batch of years that I've been doing it for five years or whatever five and a half years I've got 14,765,485 total downloads and 42 total live plays so yeah that's just for today I mean if you're going to go for the last seven days let's have a look no don't go through each period top countries again the last seven days United Kingdom has beaten United States just this isn't come on come on USA USA USA come on get

back get back to the top where you belong come on come on beat them blimey bastards come on wait a minute I know I am a blimey bastard oh whoops no you can't say the word limey anymore can we no but you can't say bastard even it's swearing it's a swear okay sorry sorry sorry um United Kingdom 33.88 percent United States 32.16 percent Australia 13.74 percent Mali Mali Mali is the boss is the boss Ireland 5.84 percent Brazil 2.60 Belgium 2.20 so the last seven days 947 downloads from Belgium so

hello to all my Belgian friends hope you're well and Brazil 1217 Thailand now this is surprised me is I wonder what I'm sure I didn't used to get anyone listening to me from Thailand but now I do now I do so 685 downloads this week from Thailand so I do wonder I've never got Cuba Mexico Norway of course Norway Philippines Spain Netherlands Denmark New Zealand and yeah it's quite a few but if I go no not 30 days yeah if I go to 30 days how many Thailand I had 1002

people from downloads from Thailand Pakistan 996 downloads Arabia 962 not Arabia Saudi Arabia sorry Saudi Arabia 962 Brunei 727 so I've got the Middle East so hello anyone anyone listening from the from that part of the world welcome thank you for listening and please love me Philippines 259 and India 270 downloads so then United States just under a hundred thousand so for the for the 30 days 97 000 downloads for United States United Kingdom 61.9 000 so Australia 32 and a half Portugal so Portugal's kind of been rising this month

for some reason so whoever you are in Portugal thank you for listening so yeah it's cool I'd really love to just now on my Facebook Jason I don't know what is it Jason Newland's boring Facebook page or Jason's boring page or whatever I forget what it's called what is it and I it's only like 122 people on there only 122 members and I really like just out of interest to see how many people just to see who's listening from where what country but like I'm talking about all the people that

listen so all the thousands or I don't know unless there's only a couple of hundred and they just keep downloading but for the people all over the world I'd love to just to just say yeah I listen from just the town and the the country or the city in the country they just be so cool just to get that but I don't know how I would you'd have to join my Jason Newland's boring group on Facebook just search for it it's easy if you just remember my name and then put

boring group b-o-r-i-n-g g-r-o-u-p and and it's a it's a it is a private page but you get accepted don't worry we're not fussy we're not fussy here Molly is the boss of the page so it's it's it just be nice to have more people so just I can kind of get an idea of who's actually listening it gives me more of a sense of I mean I you know I do believe we should be able to listen to stuff anonymously and you know it's no one's business is it really but

just from a from a creator's perspective from a person who produces this stuff and creates it and I'd be interested just to know who's listening I don't need details I don't you know I don't need uh shoe size or anything like that and just you know close-ups of your fingernails and I don't need I mean if you want to send them I'm happy no I don't want to see close-up of fingernails but just you know generally it just be interesting I mean you don't have to send no I'm going to

stop now uh I it'd be interesting just to know uh just just interesting just out of interest for me it's not interesting to anyone else really I know that but you know like am I what kind of audience am I reaching that what am I reaching is it uh am I kind of reaching everybody I don't mean everybody in the world but just is there anyone that's not listening because they you know am I am I missing out on something and an age group that don't listen because I'm an old

fogey I'm an old an old man a grumpy old man so I guess you know maybe a lot of young people would want to listen to me I don't know maybe if I can change that and be a bit more vibrant a bit more energetic and make my podcast last for you know 30 35 seconds each maybe that'd be more popular but little sound bites and I was thinking of doing that you know a little sound bite of the occasional silly thing that I might have said now you know I've

not searched for anything silly that I might have said because I imagine if I was going to go through my 1043 Let Me Bore You To Sleep episodes that's over 1043 hours probably 1060 hours if not more I'd be hard pressed to find anything that was ridiculous that I said you know I'm a very sensible serious person and I you know as you know I take myself very very seriously I'm a professional or at least I pretend to be and the idea of being able to find me me me saying

something inarticulate or maybe rude or out of order or even just stupid or just you know that I just can't imagine it happening I can't fathom the possibility of being able to unearth something silly that I've said just doesn't seem possible because I am such a straight down the line serious person and the idea of saying something just for the sake of saying it and then forgetting I've said it does not even enter my mind you know what you don't realize is I spend all day long preparing and if that

is a straight face way say I spend morning all you know all day from five in the morning until you know six at night preparing this recording the script going through it vigorously making sure that every word is correct and syntactically precise if that's a word I know precise is a word but I'm not sure about the syntactically isn't it weird that a word like syntax or syntact is hard to say it's like thesaurus isn't it just like you can't spell phonetically phonetically isn't it weird English language is very strange

very strange still can't get my head around it and I am not a great exponent of the English language really I don't use any big words and I say big words I mean I watch the news I watch people having um like really highly educated people on telly have or on YouTube as well having discussions and I watch lectures and all kinds of stuff and it's not that I don't understand the words after looking into the dictionary but I do I just don't I don't talk like that and I notice

when other people do I had a friend who used to I know I've known people who especially readers readers those horrible people were readers reading books now I used to be quite an avid reader when I was younger still surrounded by books here I just use them to put me a cup of coffee on now so I um I've noticed that some people will learn a word for the first time and then use it at the first opportunity in a conversation and when they're pulled up on it they act like

no I always use that word flumbangatabatedid that's it it's not everyone uses flumbangatabatedid that's a normal word everyone uses it no they don't no they do everyone does I've always used that word no you haven't I've known you for 900 years you've never used that word it's it's the first word I ever said to you I said hello no I don't remember that you know why I know that's not the first thing you said to me why it's because we're still friends if that had been the first thing you said

to me when I met you 900 years ago do you think I still I would have spoken to you a second time no no was that rude sorry oh someone in the garden calling a cat I think and then he started barking so I put him into the bedroom he stopped barking and then he started doing a different bark which was daddy I want to be with you so I let him out he was only he's in there for like he wasn't in there for like a minute wasn't even in

there long enough for me to sit down and start talking again seriously that's how long it took him to start like daddy I thought I'd be on my own you are my real daddy honest so he's back again and now he's being quiet I'll close the window and close the curtains so hopefully that'll block out any scream it wasn't a loud noise it was just someone calling their cat which wouldn't even affect the podcast if it wasn't for him getting excited I could hardly hear it I'd hear him I couldn't

really hear outside so much I could hear it but I don't think even the microphone would have picked it up but but I mean even right you probably heard him while I was making this podcast so it's 1951 so 7 51 in the evening UK time so you think back did you hear a dog barking that was him honestly so high pitched so high pitched even other dogs go like what the hell is that oh it's really it's not good it's so high pitched he puts his hands over his own

ears so I thought I'd talk on that now um I did this the other day I saw him right he was coming out of the bathroom I said what are you doing and he had a toilet roll in his mouth like like a toilet roll go off the holder I said what are you doing he said don't worry don't worry what I'm doing get on with your own thing I said excuse me he said yeah you're excused carry on I said oi I'm the dad you mean it's don't don't excuse

me like that talk just what what are you doing Vinnie he said what's it look like I'm doing well you're carrying a toilet roll around but there you are you got your answer are we finished are we done now can we all move on with our lives hey Vinnie just stop with the attitude you're the one with the attitude I do not have an attitude you do because you're going bald I am not going bald yes you are yes you are you know you are the back of your head you're

going bald you're going bald friar tuck friar tuck you're going bald you are ridiculous you're going bald you deny it but you know it's true oh but anyway forgetting that why are you carrying the toilet roll into the bedroom you really want to know do you really really want to know you really want to have this conversation do you you got nothing better to do with your life than talk to a dog about toilet roll is that what you're telling me yeah well kind of yeah there's not much going on

no okay well I'll walk through it with you do you want it numerically do you want me to um you know do you want me to get a whiteboard and write down bullet points or should I just just tell you all in one go can your little brain manage that Vinnie attitude we all have an attitude don't we it's what makes us wonderful what anyway you want to hear I'll tell you I'll tell you okay here's what I'm going to do I'm going to put some toilet roll into my ears

that's it that's it I put some toilet roll into my ears you're happy now now you know can we can we just get on with the rest of our lives now can we move beyond this this object I mean you know can we just roll along to the next chapter why are you like this Vinnie what what happened to you I mean you used to be so nice I was never nice I never pretend to be nice I never will pretend to be nice unless of course I want a treat

then I will be nice why I want to go for a walk then I will be nice other than that unless it's something in it for me I will not be nice to anybody okay so I left it I thought now I've had enough of this this is annoying me so I just left him and then I started thinking so I come into the living room he knows the time when the dog downstairs goes into the garden and he gets so excited he was preparing himself for it by putting toilet

paper in his ears so when he barked his own ears didn't bleed it's that high pitch seriously it's like that was a long way to get to that ending wasn't it did you really have to have a conversation with a dog in order to get to a very very poor poor poor poor it's a dog joke there's a pun poor joke about dog putting toilet paper in his own ears in order to stop himself hearing his own high pitch barking and for some way being able to tell the time and

being able to put toilet paper into it how would he even do that let's not pull it apart too much hey let's let's not go let's not delve too deeply let's just leave leave the matrix as it is you forget people talk about the matrix the movie as if it's real as if it's actually a historical fact do you know what I mean it's like I've heard quite a few people in real life and also on television talk about would they take the red pill or the purple pill or whatever

it is and when when anyone says it in real life I say what what what do you mean now I know what they're referring to I know they're referring to the point where um uh Will Smith gets offered the the um the two different pills or whatever I don't know I've watched clips of him from different films and he always sounds the same apart from when he did Bill and Ted.

Bill and Ted his accent you know I do like like uh where are you oh that's Dee Dee Lucy see you I don't I can't do it now but I used to be able to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure loved that movie when it came out loved it 1990 I think it was and well I watched it in 1990 I know I did 100% I know whether it was released in 89 I don't know but Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure was and then they did the Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

wasn't it the second one and the third one was a year or two ago uh yeah so I I know what film they're referring to might not know all the characters but I know the film they were referring to when they say would you take the blue pill or the green pill or whatever but I genuinely don't remember what color the pills were and I wonder why do people remember that I don't remember what color shoes Keanu was wearing when he was in that movie I don't remember I mean I

know a lot of stuff was just black wasn't a lot of black leather black bikes black shades black hair black everything was kind of very dark wasn't it like clothing even the baddies they didn't all have black suits on and stuff or there was just one baddie that kept duplicating himself I think Mr Keanu come with us please I want to come with you I want to go over there that sounded a bit like John John Wayne I want to go over there I don't want to come with you Vinnie

just farted it was a really really loud fart I don't know if you heard that it's like a wind tunnel it's strange because last this is earlier today this afternoon he was laying down it always aims his bum at me for some reason and he was letting them off they were silent but whoa like proper in the end usually he has to ask me to go to the toilet I was dragging him out I was like we're going to the toilet no but I'm tired no I don't care we're going

to the toilet then why don't you go to the toilet no you're going to the toilet I don't need to yes you do yes you really do more than you ever needed to do but I don't feel like I do trust me once you get outside I think I think you'll realize that it's needed so yeah I took 17 bags with me just in case poo bags not carrier bags poo bags poo bags not poop bag yeah is poop a nicer word than poo it's almost like cutie cuting up the

word poo poop poop poop it's cute poop nothing cute about poop yes it's far from cute oh into the poop no it's not cute it's gross it's poo remove the p off the back at the back end not the back side not the end and it's poo but that's kind of a sound we make isn't it if you have a bad smell like poo yeah so Jason Newland's Boring Group 122 members thanks everyone who's listening that are part of my group I'd really like I mean there is Molly did do

a thing the other day where is it where is it just for fun this is the 16th of September so a few days ago just for fun where are you from so I've had 20 comments so 20 people commented where they were from so I'm not gonna read it out because it's a private group but we got Tammy is from Bolton Robin is from London 24 Ashbury Avenue E15 1NC and it's basically it's it's the the last house on the corner and before Salisbury Avenue but I want to tell you

where people live because that would be wrong um see yeah this is you know this is number 1047 I might Let Me Bore You To Sleep 1047 that's too many isn't it it's too many too many just just that's it it's too many man why'd I do so many what why why can I just done a few you know I mean just done a couple just maybe done seven done a week's worth maybe you know I mean so I just want to say thank you to the people that have uh

liked my last post that I posted yesterday or this morning Rebecca hi Rebecca Robert Diana and Quillen thank you Tammy I know your name's Tammy Tammy Tammy thank you so so basically that other question that Molly posted just for fun where are you from I'd like to do that I mean to be fair 20 people out of 122 commented so I'm not sure people that have joined the group who actually have remembered that they've joined the group it might be one of those things people join and just forget I've done

that a few a few hundred times over the years and so which is fine I mean I've you know I do but I'm not really into the idea of having you know thousands of members if only a couple of hundred people are actually listening to my podcasts or watching my videos there's just no point what's the point in thousands of people click to subscribe or to to join when they're not engaging or they're not they're not kind of interested anyway there's just no point to that so I do realize that

you know with YouTube you get as many the more subscribers you get even if people aren't list watching the videos the more subscribers the more YouTube will kind of promote the videos from that channel so at the moment I've got 1065 subscribers on my YouTube channel which is very low but hey it's more than what it was and if I had a million subscribers even if only a tiny tiny tiny tiny amount were watching my videos I would just I would I would get much more people watching my videos and

much more people subscribing because my videos would be promoted YouTube you know it's a million subscribers that's a lot you know most people most YouTube channels don't have a million subscribers most have a lot less and you know of course there's lots that do but most don't and it's easy to look at the popular ones and think wow yeah millions nothing look at look at the MrBeast he's got nearly 200 million subscribers now PewDiePie has 112 million or something it's like yeah but they're they're an anonymy an anonymy an anonymy

a lot of me malony they're not it's not the norm you know and most people don't have that level of subscribers and if you can get 10 000 or 50 000 you're doing really well on YouTube I would say if you can get 1064 and even above 1064 you are a genius you are YouTube genius hmm no um 1065 but saying that it is better than 1064 and you know I'm being fairly consistent with the videos that I'm posted on YouTube there's at least one posted every day and I've got it all I've got videos being posted all the way up to the 13th of February next year so what's that October,

November, December, January so it's nearly five months and the 13th is 22nd today so you know four and three quarter months or whatever I've got already booked you know videos uploaded ready scheduled to just be released midnight on each day so I don't have to really be too engaged in the whole YouTube thing at the moment since I've done that because it's you know I've kind of done what I need to do for now I do need to do more but one of the problems with YouTube now is something that

I've discovered they've got I don't my YouTube channel is not monetized so there's no money no adverts and if there is adverts that's YouTube putting adverts on I I'm getting nothing out of that so there's no I don't gain from any adverts being played on my YouTube channel and there isn't it shouldn't be any at all what I did discover I think I got it right is if a video has been copyrighted which it shouldn't be but sometimes they get it wrong then what I do is they sometimes they'll let

it they won't they won't give you a a tick or a you know you don't get in you don't get in trouble don't get told off they don't delete it from the channel but they will monetize it for themselves so what I do is if I ever get a copyright I just put it on private or delete it so no one can watch that video it's gone you know and the only copyright is because I've got background music on my podcasts and on my videos but as I do say um

where is it customization dashboard where is it settings that's it settings upload defaults so on my YouTube channel says please note only listen when you can safely close your eyes make sure to check out my extensive range of podcasts available on various platforms and I list the platforms podcast podcast hosting platforms you know and then listening apps and then I've got Jason Newland's videos are enhanced with captivating footage footage footage foot Aggie including segments from Storyblocks Jason Newland holds a valid license blah blah so yeah I mentioned Storyblocks because that's

where I get the video footage but I paid for that the background music used in our videos our videos okay is deep relaxation by Kevin McLeod from Incompetech.com this track is licensed under the Creative Commons by attribution 3.0 license learn more about the license here subscribe and visit my official website oh I need to do that I've made a mess up there but anyway it's creativecommons.org uh license by three whatever so I need to change that because I've messed up somehow how did I manage that it's weird I'm gonna change

that right now how strange okay so I'll save that save save right um and I have the same thing on my podcasts so on each podcast so for example on the Let Me Bore You To Sleep at the top of the podcast it will have Let Me Bore You To Sleep is a popular podcast oh yeah okay anyway it's specifically designed to help you fall asleep with ease created by Jason Newland.

The podcast's unique approach involves boring listeners to sleep with his monotonous and soothing voice narrating mundane activities since by where did this I don't know writing this since its inception a word that I would not use generally in 2018 each session has aimed at relaxing your body calming your mind and guiding you into a natural healing and safe sleep this podcast is also beneficial for those suffering from anxiety or stress as it helps to soothe the mind and reduce negative thoughts and then this is the bit that I need I've

come to really the background music titled Deep Relaxation by Kevin MacLeod provides a calming backdrop to each episode and is licensed under Creative Commons Commons by attribution 3.0 license MacLeod music is available at incompetech.com so I have kind of covered everything you know as far as I'm aware that's all covered there so it says oh to learn more about Jason and his work visit his official website at jasonnewland.com his YouTube channel is Jason Newland and blimey god didn't I go overboard with this whether you struggle with insomnia anxiety or simply

want to improve your quality of sleep Let Me Bore You To Sleep is your perfect companion tune in today and start your journey towards a restful night's sleep what a load of tosh blimey where did I come up with all that rubbish anyway I mean it's kind of true isn't it but it's a little bit um a little bit flowery a little bit flowery for me um yeah a little bit you know I mean a little bit so yeah I don't know what to make of that it's very strange very

strange indeed yes right I'm going to go in a minute because I'll tell you why should I tell you why I want to watch and this is really sad anyone from England over the age of probably over the age of 50 to be honest will realize how sad this is or from the UK rather not England but the UK today tonight is the final episode at 8 20 on number 65 free view channel it's the last episode the final episode of sorry the last episode of sorry Ronnie Corbett so um

from 1988 I've been watching it every night for a couple of weeks a few weeks and I love Ronnie Corbett I can't help it it's not my fault I used to watch it when it was first out the sorry and he's basically a middle-aged man living with his parents his mum is domineering his dad is a bit dippy you know under the thumb and all that whatever and I just think it's funny it's just really light and just enjoyable to watch because I'm stuck in the past don't you see before

that they had this the Kenny Everett show which was early 80s which I used to love and the before that I think Eric Sykes show which is from the 70s I just love all that stuff I don't know why I just I love the old tv shows I love the new tv shows I just it's you know it is what it is it is what it is what it is you know I mean in it yeah yeah anyway I'm gonna go thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself be gentle or do something nice for yourself lots of love bye