#1004 Weird news Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (10th May 2023)

Hello there, mm, hi, how are you? Are you well? Hmm, so hey, hi, welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and my website is jasonnewland.com where all my recordings abide and they are available for you to stream and, um, oh yeah, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So I hope you're doing groovy, groovy, groovy, bedoovy.

It is Wednesday the 10th of May and here we are again. Here we are and just having a look, seeing what's new. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 961.

Okay, so 961 subscribers on my YouTube channel. Yeah, it's going so quick. Oh dear, so I'll get rid of that.

So what I thought I would start doing. I've got an itchy back. What I was about is start to look online to find some stories, you know, weird, unusual news stories.

Because, you know, I can't talk about what's in the news. Generally, because it's, well, none of this really nice, is it? But the newspapers and the news, television news networks, they're not, they're not famous for being, for putting out happy content. And, you know, some would argue, yeah, but there's nothing nice happening in the world.

Yeah, there is. There really is. It's loads of amazing things happen every single day around the world.

Constantly really beautiful things happening. We just don't hear about it unless you're local to the event happening. You know, you might have a nice story, for example, was recently it was on the news.

And Rod Stewart, the singer, as opposed to the welder, although I think he used to be a welder. I'm going to check that out. That's weird memory, isn't it? Did Rod Stewart used to be a welder? I can't see this, the keyboard of this thing.

Did Rod Stewart used to be a welder? Oh, well, just right, doesn't say anything. It might have done. I mean, it's possible.

Anything is possible. I remember a friend of mine told me that apparently Sting's mother, you know, Sting, the singer, as opposed to the wasp. And his mum said to him when he was successful in the band, the police.

I don't understand the apparently they might not be true. But apparently she said to him, I don't know why you've gone into doing music when you've put so much effort into being a teacher. She used to be a teacher.

And why can't you be a teacher? Because that's what you're trained for. I guess it makes sense in a way, but you get an opportunity to be in a band. You take it, don't you? If you're a musician and you get a chance to be in one of the biggest bands in the world, I mean, which the police were during their time and Sting went on to be a shopper star.

You can always go back to teaching. Probably not now because he's in his 90s, I think. Sting, I don't know.

He's 80s, 70s? Sting. He's probably in his 70s, actually, thinking about it. Sting, how old is he? 71.

Blimey. Right. OK, anyway, so there's weird stories.

Oh, yeah. Rod Stewart, he he decided and this was on the news. This is on the news television that he was going to give, he was going to pay for people to have private treatment for certain things, medical treatment.

And he said he was, you know, he was doing this tour around telling people he was going to do it. He had a bus and all stuff like that. But he said he couldn't do it all the time, couldn't travel around doing that because he had a job to do, because he was a singer.

You know, there used to be a sewing machine called The Singer, if you know that. The reason I know that is because I used to rent a room in the 90s and there was this table, but it wasn't a table, but it was a table. It was it was basically a sewing machine that if you turned it upside down, it was a sewing machine.

But if you put it back in, it was a flat surface. And I used it as a table. That was a really boring story.

I mean, that was, wasn't it? That was a very tedious story. I don't think anyone's ever going to like, if I went on tour and did live shows, I don't think anyone's going to shout out, tell the sewing, the sewing machine story about the table and the sewing machine. Tell us that story.

That probably wouldn't get asked for. Anyway, last night, I went to bed way too early. I just had one of those days where I just wanted to go to bed.

Just wanted to just needed to the day to end really just wanted to lay down and wake up the next day. Just one of those just one of those moments and I must have gone to bed before eight o'clock, half seven even. It's way too early.

Way too early. And I kept waking up. I actually woke up thinking, oh, it's got to be two, three o'clock in the morning.

And it was 10 at night. And I went back to bed again. Woke up, did another wee, woke up, did another wee.

And I just, I guess at least I'm waking up to do the wee-wees. But it's just eventually I woke up at 3.40am. And I thought, I'm just going to stay up now. It's weird because it's ages.

I mean, it's now 25 past five. And I'm really not really done much. And I woke up.

I took Vinnie for a walk, only a little walk. He didn't want to go far. It was dark outside.

And he basically wanted to go back inside as soon as he'd done a wee-wee. So we came back inside. And then I had my breakfast.

And I watched a bit of a movie. I've been watching this film called The Portable Door. It's a really good film.

Good movie. The Portable Door. I'm watching it, I'm not just sitting through the whole thing all in one go, because I've got other things to do.

But it is good movie. It is. I definitely recommend watching it if you get a chance.

It's, I guess it's along the same kind of lines as Harry Potter-y, magical. But it's good. It's good.

It's fun. It's funny, funny bits. And it's very gentle.

And I quite like it. And then I think last week I saw in the newspaper that nobody had taken Rod Stewart up on his offer. So I'm not quite sure what that's about.

So yeah, so let's have a little look at weird and bizarre stories. Let's have a look. So I just put in funny news stories into Google, just to see what comes up.

And I did a little look earlier, just you know, just out of interest. And even the news stories, versions of funny stories, quite often involve not particularly nice subjects, which is weird. New Mexico researchers develop taxidermy bird drones.

I don't know what that is. Belgian town organises seagull imitation championships. Let's have a look at that.

Hmm. So this is from Reuters, or Reuters.com. De Palme, Belgium, April 23rd. The Belgian coastal town of Diepen, Diepen, good place to get pizzas, me.

Organised on Sunday, the third European seagull screeching championship. Where a jury crowned the best imitation of the bird's distinct shriek. Now there's a video here, I've turned the volume down.

But it's showing people dressed as seagulls and taking turns screeching. And then there's a little video of actual seagulls, just so people know what a seagull is, I guess. Around 50 participants took part in the contest, including first timers and returning participants.

Each was judged by a professional judge, jury rather, by a professional jury, which awarded 15 points for how well they imitated the seagull sound, and five points for their behaviour. It wasn't just the sound, they actually behaved like a seagull. So they had to run around stealing food off everyone and pooing on them, I guess.

Participating for the first time in the Yamo, a 21-year-old architecture student from Eindhoven in the Netherlands, won the crown for the best seagull sound. Seagulls are often despised by the public because of their intrusive behaviour, and the contest also aims at changing their image. Wow.

So the community of seagulls have hired a company to change their image. What they went into the offices, said, yeah, we don't like the way we're being perceived. And no, we thought, why not get more sympathy for those seagulls, because they are part of the coast.

There is no coast of our seagulls. Yeah, there is. They don't create the coast.

The sea, the beach, the rocks, it's not created by seagulls. You know what I mean? Like I said, there's no sea without fish. Yeah, there's no fish without sea, potentially, or going further, there's no fish without water.

Yeah, if there's no water, there'd be no fish, but there'd be nothing, would there? Apart from things that don't need water. We thought, why not get more sympathy for those seagulls, because, okay, right, you've covered that already. That's the whole story.

My theory is, the reason they make that sound, they make, is because seagulls are actually scared of heights. That's why, not only do they screech, they also poo themselves. That's what I think.

You can think what you want. I'm not interested. It's official, Pele is now defined as someone out of the ordinary.

Okay, I'm not going to bother reading that. Vending machine in remote Japan town sells meat from intruding bears. What? Vending machine in remote Japan town sells meat from intruding bears.

What do you mean from intruding bears? That doesn't, that sentence doesn't even make sense. I'll have to read it to find out. This is again from routers.com. Senboku, Japan, April the 6th, routers.

A remote Japanese town has taken to selling bear meat. See, that's not what the title says. Vending machine in remote Japan town sells meat from intruding bears.

The bears, so we're coming to tell us, oh, that's just, that's not a nice story at all. That's a horrible story. Blimey.

Giant meatball of extinct mammoth unveiled in the Netherlands. Let's have a look at this one. What's this? Amsterdam.

Okay, and this is from routers.com. Amsterdam, March the 28th, routers. A giant meatball made from flesh cultivated using the DNA of an extinct woolly mammoth was unveiled on Tuesday at NEMO, a science museum in the Neanderthals, no, the Netherlands. And the meatball was created by Australian cultured meat company VAL, which promises this was not an April Fool's joke.

Said it wanted to get people talking about cultured meat, calling it a more sustainable alternative for real meat. So it's basically meat created in a lab, I guess. We wanted to create something that was totally different from anything you can get now.

VAL founder Tim Noakesmith told Reuters, adding that an additional reason for choosing mammoth is that scientists believe that the animal's extinction was caused by climate change. Maybe it's caused by people turning it into meatballs. Blimey.

That's one way isn't it? If the mammoth ever comes back, yeah, it don't stand a chance because now everyone's going to know how tasty it is. Credits. There was a story actually that was in the paper that was in the news yesterday.

It was online anyway. And it was on the Sky, let's have a look, I'll find it, on the Sky website, news.sky, and it was about Oh, where is it? I can't find it now, it's been taken off. How strange, I wonder why that's not on there now.

Oh, it got it, I found it. Hungry South Korean student, not really relevant where it's from, I don't think. Hungry student takes banana from a Maurizio Catalan's art installation from wall and eats it.

Okay, so there's a piece of art, I'm just looking now, it's basically a banana stuck to the wall with some duct tape. Okay. The artwork called Comedian was part of Italian artist Maurizio's Catalan's exhibition, WE, at Seoul's Leum Museum of Art, and consisted of a ripe banana duct taped to a wall.

I did get it right. Someone would say this artwork is good enough to eat, or perhaps that was just a case of forbidden fruit. But Maurizio Catalan became the victim of his own artistic greatness over the weekend after a hungry South Korean student.

Again, why are they mentioning where he's from? Is it relevant? Ate a banana that was part of his art installations. The artwork called Comedian was part of, they're just repeating themselves. Feeling peckish, art student Nohoo Su from Seoul National University ripped a banana from the wall upon his visit to the museum before devouring it as a snack in front of shocked onlookers.

He then taped the peel back onto the wall, with the museum later replacing it with a fresh banana. See, I've seen another version of this story, and if anything that's probably made it worth more money, isn't it? That he would do that. Probably should have left it with the peel, just the peel there, because it's now going to be a story.

But I read the same thing, but they were saying that the art thing was worth a lot of money. Let's have a look. Student Eats Banana Artwork.

Oh, okay, it's nice. This is it'snicethat.com. Student Eats the £120,000 banana artwork. How? How? How is it worth £120,000? It's a banana duct taped to the wall.

Now, if you get the wall and the building included, then yeah, fair enough. But the banana is going to, it's just going to go moldy, isn't it? It's going to deteriorate. It's not like, if you could keep the banana and it's going to stay there forever, and I don't think it's still be worth £120,000.

But how? How could you sell a banana outside of being a shop that sells bananas? But how? I don't want to, you know, I don't want to be like a, I don't want to be a hater towards art and stuff, but, and it could really mean something, you know, to the person that did it and to those that are really into bananas. I'm sure there's a lot of banana lovers out there.

I like bananas myself.

I've never stuck one to a wall. But you know, I've never, never thought about doing it. Maybe that's why the artist is such a genius, because all these years people have been eating them, and he realised that, you know what, you could stick them to the wall with duct tape.

And the fact that he's able to think that way, shows the difference between him and the rest of us people, you know, because of his creative genius. I mean, it could have gone one further and stuck it to the ceiling, but then no one would have seen it. Apart from those that were looking at the ceiling, I suppose.

So let's have a look. What else is there? Giant, Italian police, Newcastle fan, War of the Worms. Dogs hit the catwalk at New York's Fashion Week.

Wow, this is interesting. This is from February, actually. This is on Rooters.

Humankind's best friend. Okay, dog, just say dog. The event brought to the designers models 10 models wearing outfits designed by the likes of Nicole Miller, Victor de Souza, Brooke Wilder, Jason Newland, and other graced at the runway with their four-legged companions.

And that is the entire story. That is it. What was the point in that? Blimey.

Right. So let's see if there's any other stories from around now, rather than back in February. Thunderstorms.

Nope. What? Right. I just, these are supposed to be bizarre stories, weird news, and they're still horrible.

This is the Star, the Daily Star in the UK. Red-faced police officer fired after lying about getting a seat in MAPS at GCSE. This is a thing in the UK.

They've been taking on extra police as part of a drive to increase the numbers of police, I guess. One of their manifesto promises from three and a half years ago. And this started just, I mean, from the looks of it, employing anybody, just taking anybody on.

People with criminal records, people that haven't got the qualifications, all kinds of stuff, just to get them, just to get the numbers up. So, yeah, there's been a little bit of a, a little bit of a spotlight on that lately. Twitch streamer ate part of her knee in spaghetti bolognese, then fed it to her boyfriend.

What? I don't even want to read that. That just sounds horrible. Boris Johnson squared up to King Charles for criticising government plans.

No, he didn't. Why do they say things like that? It's so silly. Besides, Prince Charles would have a Boris Johnson in a second.

He's ex-military, you know? Prince Charles would beat Boris Johnson up. Why is it like that? No, it's so silly. Leave my Charlie alone.

One-eyed mutant goat born with a human face and beard leaves villagers baffled. I'm looking at it, and it doesn't look like, well, it's got an eye, one eye and a mouth. It looks more like a potato.

I think it might be a potato. Right. How is this a story? I spent $40,000 on a dream body with 53-inch booty, and I'm not stopping yet.

How is that a weird story? It says here, Putin's Russian forces escaping in disguise following. So his soldiers are putting on false beards. Beards and dressing up as clowns and stuff to escape, dressing up as women or men.

Yeah, I saw one thing that was intriguing. I forget where it was. It's a bloke, um, man.

Why can't I see the keyboard? The keyboard's white, but because there's a white light, it's not showing. I can't see the keyboard. I can see the keyboard, I just can't see the keys.

Should be in black, shouldn't it? Really? Okay. There you go. Here we go.

Here we go. Now this is in different papers. So it's in the Lad Bible, but it's also in the other newspapers as well.

A father, this is 7th of May. So this is a couple of days ago. A father who adopted a child and the child, the six-year-old child, turned out to be a 22-year-old woman.

Wow. I mean, that's just, that's kind of unbelievable really, isn't it? Yeah. The man whose family adopted, the family whose family adopted who they thought was a Ukrainian child with dwarfism back in 2010, later claimed that she was an adult sociopath masquerading as a child.

In a new documentary covering all the details behind the bizarre and harrowing case, the dad uncontrollably cries and blah, blah, blah. Now this, this was a movie, wasn't it? This actually happened in a movie. Like, I forget the name of the movie, but they adopt a child and the child end up, a man and a woman adopts a child and the child, the little girl ends up, it's not a child, it's an actual adult and basically the exact same story.

So I'm wondering if it's, if it's real or not. The Curious Case of Natalie Grace. That's, that's going to be a documentary.

Wow. Blimey. 22 years old, she thought she'd found the right family.

A 20 year old who poses a six year old Ukrainian orphan says she thought she'd found the right family and claims, I mean, claims that she tried to cure. She says, take a look at the earing trailer. Blimey.

So she was supposed to have a rare growth disorder, a six year old, but however, she's in fact a 22 year old who apparently made, they're just repeating themselves. Blimey. I mean, why are they not remembering the movie? They're talking about it, but they're not remembering the movie.

That's a, that's a pretty good movie. Bitter. Disturbing.

Man wearing latex arrested after jumping out in front of a car. Why can't these newspapers leave me alone? I didn't jump in front of the car. I was just trying to cross the road.

A man driving arrested. I actually saw somewhere in latex. This was at a train station.

This is a long time ago, probably 10, 12 years ago. And he was walking around in a big latex suit and a mask, but no feet. Well, I mean, he had feet, but no shoes or anything like that on.

And it was cold and he was just wandering around. And I said to the person who worked at the train station, aren't you going to do anything about that? And he said, do what? I said, well, I'm just guessing. It's a wild guess.

That there's something perhaps not going on. The person's perhaps not very well. I mean, I might be wrong, but to walk around in public in, I mean, just to walk around without any shoes or socks on in the winter, in public, on a plane, in a train platform, that seems a little bit unusual behavior.

Just that bit alone. At the latex suit and mask and it, you know, things start to, maybe he needs, or he or she, I don't know if it was a man or woman, needed to have a chat with someone. I don't know.

Beard. Okay. Wreckage.

Wreckage after stolen pizza truck crash. Okay. I'm not aware of that.

This is a brilliant title. I like this title. This is news.sky.com. Father of at least 550 children banned from donating any more sperm.

Oh, wow. What a title. I'm just drinking my coffee, my coffee.

The man identified only as Jonathan M has massively exceeded Dutch national guidelines, which state donors are allowed to father a maximum of 25 children with 12 mothers. Now, if I'm correct, if I'm correct, when siblings, if siblings get together, they can, you know, inbreeding is not a good thing, apparently. Like, actually unhealthy thing, physically and whatever.

If you've got someone that has had 550 children, or even 25 children, and he doesn't know who the children are, and they don't know who he is, and they're spread around, especially in the, if it's a small place, then the chances are they might meet each other and end up having kids together, falling in love and having kids, and then give birth to little elephant children or something.

So, I just, I wonder, I suppose it's anonymity, isn't it? I knew someone that, I think he, I'm not sure if he married his sister, but it wasn't as it sounds, if that makes sense. So, he, he grew up not knowing his father, his biological father.

And then when he was an adult, I'm talking probably 1920, he met his biological father for the first time. He also met his biological father's wife, and his biological father's wife's daughter. And I think they, the two of them have been together for a long, a fair while, but he wasn't the actual father of the child, but he had kind of raised her to be his daughter, you know, but he wasn't the actual father.

Well, I'm making some of this up. Well, I'm not making it up, but I'm kind of making some of it up. I don't remember the exact details because I'm not that interested in it, but it is a fairly interesting story because this 19 year old man, boy, whatever, met his biological father for the first time, and also met his wife and the daughter.

Now, the daughter was about the same age as him, and they fell in love. The instant connection. Now, biologically, no, no connection, you know, biologically connected at all.

So that must have been weird though, for the father, because he was the father of the boy, but didn't really know the boy. And that boy was now dating his little girl, who he'd raised as his own daughter for the last 16 years or whatever. Again, I'm making this up.

They might have only been married for a year. I don't know. But just to make it more juicy.

And I want to just say this, this young lad, he's not young anymore, I guess, but he was lovely. I used to know him and he's a good, good kid. And I knew him from the ages of about five, but I haven't seen him for probably, wow, 10 years, probably since I last saw him.

But he's, they were happy. They fell in love, had kids. It's like, wow.

And that could happen, regardless of who the father is, couldn't it? So, because you think about it, in some ways, if you have a kid, they're going to potentially take on your characteristics. But you also, even if you're not with the kid, they might have some of your characteristics, you know, DNA and all that stuff. Which brings up the whole nurture versus nature argument, which I'm fully prepared to have if you want to have it.

They have done things, haven't they? Like studies, twin studies is the thing. But I wonder about twin studies, because I've met twins that really had nothing in common, other than maybe looking alike. But they weren't the same person.

They weren't the same. And there was this, a couple of times, in fact, I've met a couple of twins, they're both female twins. And they looked, yeah, almost identical.

But very different personalities. One was a bit more harsher, a bit more confident, maybe cocky, a bit more arrogant, a bit more full of themselves. Any other one was very shy and timid.

And they were both young as well. So that's, well, they're the same age, because they're twins. But I remember when I was in, I was in the town with my sister's twins.

And I was just outside. And they were in the pram. I was holding them.

They were in the pram. I was just holding the pram. I wasn't holding it.

I had the handle. And it had wheels. It was a pram.

And people were stopping to say hello to me. Like, what do you want? Go away. Oh, it's so cute.

They boys or girls? I said, well, one's a boy, one's a girl. And I said that they're twins. Oh, are they identical? Well, no.

One's a boy. One's a girl. Yeah, but they're identical.

Identical? Do you want me to be explicit? They are not identical. But are they identical though? No. Honestly, people did say that to me.

I'm not even making it up. So I've never been a sperm donor. Maybe I should have done.

Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of wasted profit, isn't it? Over the years. I could be a multimillionaire.

And fathered hundreds of thousands of children. I nearly had a kid once. I did.

I think I might actually have a child out there somewhere. It's just, there's a possibility. I know it's the old joke, or you got any kids? No, not a Mr. I don't know what the right word would be, but you know, I wasn't that particularly popular as a companion.

I had my moments. I had a few moments, but I wasn't. I think that's what's been good.

I've kind of dated really nice people, because only a very considerate person would date someone that looks like me. A very unfussy person. So I've been quite lucky.

Very charitable. I've had a lot of charitable women over the years that have taken pity on me. So that's good.

I'm pleased with that. And there was one particular person and she disappeared. You know, she like just disappeared out of my life anyway.

Almost immediately after we'd spent some time together. And I do wonder if she was just using me, not using me, but she's like taking advantage of the situation to impregnate, self-impregnate. You know, I thought, oh, because I was very young and healthy back then.

So I might well have produced the the right source, as it were, the right combination. I don't know. But I liked her as well.

Or the donator, the donor faces a hundred thousand dollar fine as 88, 88 pounds, UK pounds fine per case if he breaches his ban. Wow. OK, so let's break it down.

So in order to donate, he has to do a certain thing. To donate, there's a certain thing he has a certain action he has to complete in order to donate. So each time he does that, it's going to cost him a hundred thousand dollars.

And the weird thing about it is right now, I'd say, well, yeah, that's right, fine. But I know for a fact, when I was 14, even with a threat of a hundred thousand dollar fine, every time I did it, I would still be doing it. Nothing would have stopped me.

Wow. And as it is, I'd owe 200 grand already today. So it's a nice, nice river and a bing bong pool.

So I'll just move this over there for a second. Let's see if there's any other stories. I like nice stories as well.

I don't just want amusing stories. Police arrest a fake Boris Johnson for suspended, for suspected drink driving. So a bloke actually had a passport, a fake passport, a fake Ukrainian license, featuring a picture of the former prime minister and his correct birthday of 19th of June, 64.

And it says there, unfortunately for the person, we did not follow for his counterfeit. Okay. Dutch police arrested a man on suspicion of driving, discovered he had a driving license, named him as Boris Johnson.

The fake docket, let's just repeat what they've already said. Oh, it says there, however, the driving license was valid until December 3000. So what is it now? 2023.

That's over 32 years away. It's like, wow. So yeah, mind you, that can't be the only reason that they saw, but it's definitely a thing, isn't it? 3000.

So you do realize that you'll be dust by the time your license runs out. Oh, blimey. Anyway, that's the whole story of that.

It wasn't an exciting end, was it? Hungry student takes it. Okay. So that's done.

Best of the king made from melted chocolate. Walking unleashed a link to risk. What on earth is that? So what? How? Okay.

Okay. I'm not going to read this one out because it's not very pleasant. Okay.

Leg lengthening surgery. Gaining popularity among men in the US. Where's us? In us, the recovery process of the surgery can take several months and cost thousands of dollars.

However, the procedure has grown into popularity among men. Leg lengthening. Wow.

Limb lengthening surgery is a procedure which makes an arm or a leg bone longer. Okay. It's also used to treat skeleton dysplasia, bone growth issues, and bone length differences, which is brilliant.

Brilliant if it's helping people with a, you know, a physical issue. Now, I don't think it's someone I know it's a personal opinion. So it's got nothing to do with me.

But I was short. I was really short once. But I've never been tall.

I'm five foot eight. I'm not I don't mind because Canelo Alvarez is five foot eight and he's one of the top boxers in the world. So, you know, five or eight, it's not the end of the world.

But most people are taller than me. In this country where I live. There's people shorter, there's people the same size.

But generally, most men are taller than me. And lots of women are taller than me as well. All the same size.

But I don't think I've ever really had a big issue with it. I'm not one of these like angry short men kind of little man syndrome, they call it, don't they? Which is not very fair. I'm not a little man.

I mean, I'm not definitely not little, but I'm just not. I'm not like five foot four. But even if I was, I wouldn't care.

I don't honestly, I don't care. Because all the way through school, I was little. And I only really kind of reached adult height when I left school.

So and no one gave me hassle for it, really. I don't think I don't remember anyone sort of giving me grief for being short. And it's not like I grew up with people that were short as well, because both my brothers were a lot taller than me.

One was about six, maybe a little bit more than six foot. And the other one's about six, five, maybe six, six, six, five. There's a lot taller, I'm kind of up to his chest.

And it's always been the case since I was a kid, he's always been a lot taller. And I didn't care. I was, my dad was, my dad was just under six foot.

He's now, I think he lost a couple of inches over the years because of his age. You do, we do shrink. Apparently.

That doesn't make me feel good, because I don't really want to be five foot six. But then I don't really care as well. It like, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't, in the, in the great scheme of things, height, unless you're trying to reach something from a top shelf, then height doesn't really matter. And I used to really like this, this person that was proper short. She couldn't be more than five, four, maybe five, two.

But she was, she worked in this coffee place. And I used to see her struggling to reach stuff. You know, the counter, she used to struggle.

And it was not funny, but it was cute because she was so lovely. And I don't know, she had an issue of being short, I don't know. But I, even though I haven't got an issue of being short, or being like five, eight, which isn't tall, it's kind of not necessarily short, but it's not average height.

And I've, I kind of seem to move towards shorter women, although I've dated women taller than me as well. I've dated women, I've dated all kinds of women in the past, not recently. So I've never, never that, I've never been able to be that fussy, really.

You know, I want, I need to, someone has to look a certain way or be a certain height or be a certain weight. Never, never been like that. I've dated women, all shapes and sizes, from all different, all parts, well, different parts of the world.

For me, it's just, I'm just grateful. I just, she really likes me. Really, she really does.

Wow. Wonder what's wrong with her. So yeah, it's, it's been a while though.

I haven't actually had a girlfriend, like a proper constant, well, never really had a constant girlfriend for any huge length of time, but I can't even remember the last time. I've, you know, I've met people, but actually girlfriend, boyfriend, it's forever. Actually, it seems like a long time ago.

And I do wonder, you know, as I'm getting older, I mean, I'm not always going to look like a supermodel, am I? I mean, you know, how long does, how long does the George Clooney look last? As it is, I really get asked, I don't get asked for, for my autograph as much as I used to. Are you Brad Pitt or George Clooney? I said, George. Sometimes I say Brad, it depends.

But it doesn't happen so much these days. So I was starting to think maybe I should make myself another cup of tea, maybe. I could do, couldn't I? I can make myself a cup of tea.

That's something that I hadn't really thought about. It won't be the solution, but it will be a solution to something. Hence me being thirsty.

Willow the cat. See, this is the stuff, Willow the cat, this is the stuff I like. Willow the cat among, among award finalists after saving the life of diabetic owner.

And Willow's owner, Amanda Jameson says she was very close to falling into a diabetic coma and could have been in danger were it not for her cat. What did the cat do? Willow the cat bit the leg of Mrs. Jameson's partner who had fallen asleep in front of the television and paced around to wake him up. It led him upstairs.

Sounds to me like a bit of a coincidence. I think he just, he thought, he probably thought that he was I think animals do that. They have a bite just to see whether or not it's safe to eat or shit.

I'm pretty sure Andre used to be waiting to eat me. And now I think Vinnie is. It's like, sometimes he gives me a little nibble, a little nick, a little, a little lick on my face like when I'm asleep, like to see whether or not I'm going to respond before he gets his knife and fork out and starts tucking in.

Like, no, I'm still here. Andre, honestly, I'm pretty sure. I used to wake up and he was actually nibbling at my face around my eyes.

Very gently, never, ever hurt me. It was a good nibble. I thought you, you really, you already started, started to eat me and I'm still asleep.

Just, you know, he never responded because it was a ferret and he couldn't talk. So that's a nice story, isn't it? I like stories of animals saving their, their owners or their, I don't like the idea of owners. I mean, although I did say, Vinnie did say to me, why, whenever we go out, why have I always got to have this lead, you know, this bit of cord attached to my collar, which you hold on to?

Why, why? I said, it's because you're my slave.

And he looked at me like, you what? I said, yeah, basically that's what it is. You're here to do my bidding and I control you. There's, there's no nice way to put it really.

You mean you're my owner? Yeah, that's, that's how people refer to themselves with dogs. The owner. I don't want to be owned.

No one wants to be owned, but that's just a, just a card you've been dealt, I'm afraid. I refuse to be owned by anybody. I'm an individual person.

I, I, I can't believe. Well, if you come back, when I call you, you could be off your lead or your leash, you know, we could put you off and, but you don't do. As soon as you get distracted by another dog or a person or a cat or a squirrel or a fly or a bag in the wind, you just don't hear my voice.

He looked at me and said, you really think I can't hear you? I'm ignoring you. Of course I can hear you, hear your whining voice. Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, I'm ignoring you.

Don't you know? Okay, a bit rude. Not rude. I'm not the one who walks around with you on a lead.

I don't tell you what to do. What are you talking about? You constantly tell me what to do. Take me for a walk, feed me, give me a treat, pick up my poo.

I've never once told you to pick up my poo. You do it anyway though, don't you? It's because you like doing it. No, I do not like doing it.

Why would you do it then if you don't like it? Because it's the law. It's the law. Have you ever heard of a thing called the law? No? I'm a dog.

How would I know about the law? I can't even talk. How would I know about the law? I'm sore. Anyway, I saw this news story about um, parents asking children.

Yeah. Oh, what is this? There's this thing, I don't know where it is, but it was a story saying parents are asking children if they want to learn to read and write. Um, it sounds like a really made-up story and I can't find it.

And I saw it earlier. Blimey. News.

Have I put it under news? Nope. No, I can't find it. I wonder if I put it under tools, recent, past 24 hours.

Nope. Nope, I can't find it. Oh well, it doesn't matter.

Robert De Niro welcomes seventh child as he becomes a dad again, age 79. 79. Wow.

I mean, wow. 79. Blimey.

I mean, he's probably not the average 79 year old because Robert De Niro. But wow. Age.

I mean, I don't, I imagine it must be like having grandkids or great great grandkids if you got a kid at that age because wow. I don't know what to say. It's, I didn't know he had that many kids, you know, he had seven kids.

I've never even wondered about it. It's not never gone through my mind. I wonder how many children De Niro's had.

Never entered my mind to even think about it. It's only because it's in the newspaper or on the website that I saw it. Oh no.

Oh well. So there's a few of the weird stories that I've found. I might start to look for more to see if there's any funnier ones on there.

There was one. This, this is, I think it was local to where I live. It was a few years back.

And a bloke, he, he went to a, a massage parlor that wasn't a genuine massage parlor, if you know what I mean. And I'm not sure what happened, but I think he, he got into an argument with the person about money and he climbed out the window, not realizing that they were kind of high up. And the lady closed the window behind him and locked it.

So he was stuck outside. And it was a busy street of people looking at him as he waited for a fire, fire service to come and rescue him. And, oh yeah, he had no clothes on.

That's that as well. Wow. I mean, in some ways, the further away you are, the better it is, isn't it really for people? Because they can see you, they can maybe see that you're naked, but that's it.

But as you come down and you're, they're looking up at you as you're lowering down in the the fire engine ladder thing. So yeah, anyway, thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

You deserve to be happy. Do something nice for yourself today. And I will speak to you very, very soon.

Uh, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.