#1003 I thought it was a good joke Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (8th May 2023)

Hello and welcome to... Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can... safely close your eyes. My website is jasonnewland.com. Please visit.

It's brilliant. Fantastic. It's alright, you know.

It's basically all my podcasts. And every time I upload a new recording to any of my podcasts, they are automatically added to the website. So every new recording will be available.

Yeah! So that's pretty groovy. You can also send me a message on there as well. Post a review.

Yeah, it's... I would say it's probably the 4th best website in the world. Maybe the 5th. I don't want to be too arrogant.

So yeah, everything is OK. It's Monday. I don't know what day it is.

It's Monday at 1.41 in the afternoon. It's a bank holiday Monday. And it's a bank holiday because of the King Charles No.

3 being born. No, not being born. Being coronated.

So it's... I don't know if this is going to be a bank holiday every year from now on. I don't know. But we had a bank holiday last Monday as well.

Which was the May Day bank holiday. May Day. I don't know why we have bank holidays.

I'm not sure why. I'm not sure. Apparently it's 38 degrees temperature in Bangkok right now.

Bangkok is 38 degrees. So that's pretty hot. I think it's not even their high season yet.

So it's... I think we had 42 degrees last year. Was it 42 degrees or am I just making that up? In the UK of England. It wasn't where I live.

Maybe it was 39. I don't know. But it was the hottest temperature ever recorded.

Apparently. Every year. It's the coldest day ever in January since records begun.

It's the windiest day in March since records blew. It's the iciest Wednesday ever. It's just always.

Looking through the records. I don't know. It's more moist on the grass.

Than it's ever been before. It's always. Always.

Always, always, always. So that's what's going on here. It's a fairly nice day really.

Yesterday was nice as well. Intermittent rain. Nice but cloudy.

Warm. And they're not so warm. When the clouds come over and stop the warm parts of the sun getting through.

Just the cold parts of the sun get through. And it's... It's May now. When? When? When does summer start? Because this is still spring.

In my country where I live. Now I don't know. You might not have spring where you live.

You might not have seasons. Or you might have different seasons. But here we have four seasons.

We have spring. Which is kind of March to May. I don't know what part of May.

And then we have the summer. Till about September. And then we have autumn.

From September till about December. And then we have Christmas. Well winter.

December, January, February. So it's not an exact science. But it's about three months each.

Right, just had to have a knock at the door. Because I have no idea what I was talking about. Which is really annoying because.

As we all know. It would have been something very exciting. And now it's gone.

Oh well. Seasons. That's what I was talking about.

Seasons wasn't I? Yeah we have seasons here. Four seasons. I don't know what it would be like to live somewhere that doesn't have seasons.

That you know kind of has. Almost similar weather the whole time. And there are places aren't there that are kind of warm.

Pretty much all the time. Isn't California like that? Isn't California like just warm all the time? I might be wrong. I've not been there.

What about India? India has the monsoon. Is it the monsoon season? And I'm making this next bit up. But they can predict literally to the day.

When it's going to start. So they prepare for it. And once it starts it really buckets down.

It's almost like a monsoon. And. Just as Vinnie is now barking.

I just heard someone put it through the door. It's a book. Why does he have to keep barking? Hopefully he'll keep quiet now.

I don't know if you can hear him. It's probably not that loud on the microphone. But he's.

See I don't mind him being in the bedroom. If he's asleep which he was. So I closed the door.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. What do you want? I said nothing. Just go back to sleep.

Love you. And I closed the door. Then I closed the door in here.

I find that's a good order to do it. And. Then I got someone knock on the door.

I didn't hear the door. But I heard him barking. And it was more of like the someone at the door.

Bark. Rather than someone's put something through the letterbox. Bark.

I'm starting to learn the difference. Just about. Just just about.

And. If someone put something through the letterbox. Generally the post person.

The post woman. In this case. The post office and.

The postal worker. And if I. Or Amazon. That's pretty much the only two people.

Apart from the occasional leaf litter. So maybe the local. Indian restaurant might put.

A menu through the door. Or pizza delivery or something like that. So although sometimes I do get a letter.

From the local. Lighthouse people. So what are they Jehovah's Witnesses.

Yeah. And. See I don't even know where there is a lighthouse.

They all live in a lighthouse apparently. But there are no lighthouses near here. I always like the idea of living in a lighthouse.

And you might think. Why. Why.

Well let me tell you why. Solitary. Completely secluded.

Which I guess is solitary. Mind you don't have to. You don't have to be secluded to be solitary.

You could. I mean I can be solitary here. And be.

There's loads of people around outside. But there you're solitary. And there's no one around outside.

Because you're on a. Maybe you're on an island somewhere. Where there's nobody about. Just weird sea creatures.

I like the idea of doing that job. And part of the reason is. Because if you've got to walk up all those.

Walk up up up up. If you've got to walk up. All of those steps.

Continuously. Day in day out. It's going to keep.

Keep you like kind of pretty healthy. I imagine. Quite fit.

And. You get to read books. You get to.

Look at the sea. I love the sea. I don't love.

The sea. But I love the sea. I don't like being in it.

But I like looking at it. That makes sense. You know even on a boat.

Not a boat. But like a ship. I don't like boats.

I don't like little things like that. But a ferry. For example.

Not Brian. I'm just talking about you know a ship. And.

I like. Looking at the sea. I used to like.

When I was younger. I lived in a seaside area. I had a beach.

And there was a pier there. And I used to like to walk on the pier. And go to the end of the pier.

And look down because. I could look at the sea. Because the sea was down there.

And it was nice. Very peaceful. Apart from when it was really noisy.

But other than that it was peaceful. And. You know I guess it was really windy and stuff.

But. I've always been partial to a bit of wind. I mean there was a time when I was.

Much lighter than I am now. And wind used to have an effect on me. Used to push me around and stuff.

I mean. There was a time that I was so light. I had to.

I had to carry around a brick. Just to keep myself from floating off. But.

Now that's not the case. And the wind doesn't affect me. I can walk the straight line.

No matter how windy it is. It's just. It can be.

Cars and buses and all that. Just like being blown in the air. And I'm just walking straight.

Because I'm so fat. So it's quite good. One of the benefits.

The odd bus bouncing off my belly. Yeah that's a picture isn't it. So I. Always liked the sea.

Not always liked it. I don't know if I have all. I can't really say.

It's hard to know. I don't think I was born. And the first thing I was thinking about.

Is take me to the beach mum. You know. That probably wasn't my first.

Idea. But never been a big fan of water. I like drinking water.

I like drinking drinks. I like drinking water. But.

Swimming. Not really my thing. Not really.

It's not really. For me. It's not.

It's not really. I mean I can. But I kind of can't as well.

I don't know if that makes sense. I can swim. I can swim.

Ish. But I kind of can't. I'd like to know if I can or can't though.

That would be nice. I did think about joining the gym. There's a hotel near here that.

Well the gym is still open. But the hotel was. Taken over by refugees.

They didn't take it over. They didn't take it hostage. But the.

They decided to. Rent out. I don't know if the.

Government paid them or whatever. But they put a notice. On their website.

Saying we are no longer accepting the public. To stay in this hotel. It's been rented privately.

And it was in the paper and everything. But I thought for a while. That meant that I wouldn't be able to use the gym.

So I used to use that gym. And I thought. Well.

If they've not got the hotel open for the public. Which means they've. Probably not got the restaurant open.

Or the bar. It's a nice bar actually. I've not been in there for.

Blimey. A long time. I have been in there.

But not for a long long time. I really should go. It's not that far away.

But I think it's still closed to the public. But it might not be. Because I assumed.

I assumed the gym. Was. Out of bounds.

It was like. Wasn't allowed to be used by the public. Because they wanted to keep the public away.

From the area. But then. I saw a sign outside.

I was. And it was saying. Join the gym.

But. Maybe they've forgotten to take this sign out. There was no sign saying.

We don't we won't let you have a room. If you're. If you live here.

No public allowed in. Like okay. That's not fair.

I don't want a room but. I'd like to have the option. And I was actually going to rent a room.

And not a room but. I think someone's going to visit me. And I was going to put them up.

Well. There. And couldn't because.

They were closed to the public. That was a really boring story. Wow.

And. I saw this sign and I thought. Oh.

I think I will call them up. Call up the gym. And find out whether or not.

The gym is still open. Or if it's just that they forgot to. Take down the sign.

Well they answered the phone. And it turns out. It is still open to the public.

And. But it's not open to the residents of the hotel. And the person speaking to me said.

He's so glad. The. People using the hotel can't use the gym anymore.

And he wasn't referring to. The current occupants. He was just saying general.

Because. They get people. Staying in the hotel.

For conventions and things like that. You know like. Group things.

And they kind of take over the gym. So those people in the general public. That are.

That live locally. The gym members. Go there and they can't even get into the swimming pool.

They can't get to use the. Equipment because there's so many. People on a maybe on a sales course.

Or. Some kind of training. I mean I'm adding about.

Ninety three percent of my own. Thing here. I'm not sure how much of that is true.

But I remember. I actually in 19. Not 19.

2000. And. 2012.

I think it was. Yeah. 2012.

11 years ago. 2012. I was working at Mind.

Which is a mental health charity. And I was a counselor for them. I was self-employed but I was.

Working. I guess working with them not for them. As it were.

But they were giving me. I was a counselor for their clients. And.

They put on a week long course. Which was. For depression.

And it was like we had to go to this hotel which is the hotel that I lived near. I live near it. But it's the closest hotel to where I live.

And I remember going there and literally. Nearly a week of not working. To do this course.

And because I was self-employed. I think I might have had a couple of clients in the evenings. But I lost.

A fair bit of money. Doing the course. Because I couldn't see anyone during the day.

From Monday to Friday. And I had a chest infection as well at the time. I was just coming.

I'd had a chest infection. It was still kind of there. But.

It was the. The end. The end bits of it.

Or was it the beginning. I think it was one of them. It was somewhere.

I remember walking. Not really. Not really knowing.

Where this hotel was. Not realizing the. But.

Where I lived. And to get to this hotel was. A good two hours.

Walk. If not more. That's a long long walk.

Maybe two and a half hours. And I managed to get a lift. Which was handy because I didn't know where I was going.

I was heading in the right direction. But. Someone gave me a lift.

And I thought OK well. OK. They said do you want a lift.

They stopped. They said do you want a lift. I said yes please.

And I was going to say don't worry it's fine. It's not far to go I'm sure. And then when I got into the car.

I realized that it was a long way. And I wouldn't have got there on time. I didn't tell anybody.

Although I might have said that to him. It is possible. But it depends whether or not you had the radio playing.

Because if you had the radio playing. And there was some music on. I might have been distracted by the music.

And forgotten about. Talking. You know about the journey and stuff.

There's a chance. I mean I don't know. Not a hundred percent.

But there's a possibility. Possibility of. Me not have said anything.

It was a man I think. That gave me a lift. And there was a lot of people there.

There was a good 20. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9. At least 20 people. That were at the course.

And. Some of it was very basic. And some of it was.

It was good. It was a good course. It was.

You know. Got to spend time with. One of my friends that was a counselor.

That I got really well with. And I've gotten well with. A few people actually.

I didn't really have any issues with anyone. Everyone seemed to have an issue with me. No they didn't.

Not all of them. And I just thought. This is a whole week.

And. I can't say I enjoyed it. If I'm honest.

It wasn't. The only enjoyable parts was spending time with my friend. Who worked.

Who was also a counselor. And we worked in the same bit together. In an evening.

So. Once a week. We'd see each other.

And I got on. We just got on really well. So we'd have our dinner.

And the highlights of the day really was coffee breaks. And dinner. And.

Although the dinner wasn't like. Anything. Particularly amazing.

It was okay. But the bread rolls were really nice. I've always had a thing for bread.

Well maybe not always. I'm sure I wasn't born with a bread. Bread roll fetish.

But. For a long time. I've liked bread rolls.

Especially like eating them. And if they're a little bit warm. Just a little bit warm.

I'm like. Oh. Fresh bread rolls.

Especially when I'm hungry. I mean. I probably.

I probably say that goes for quite a few different. Food items. Is.

Probably appreciates. Eating. A fair few.

Varieties of. Foodie stuff. When I'm hungry.

But there's something about bread rolls. I just. I can't stop eating them.

I mean obviously I can because I have. Otherwise I'd be eating them now wouldn't I. But. I just.

You know it's weird because. After three days. They came out and they just.

They put the bread rolls. They didn't put them in a basket anymore. They just put.

One bread roll. On a plate. Next to each person.

And that was it. Before they would. Basically put a plate next to the.

Next to the. You know the little bread roll plate. Well it's a plate.

It's a little plate. Well you got the big plate. For your food.

Although there might not be a big plate. Because I think they'd bring the food out. Unless it was to kind of serve.

Yourself. Yeah. But there was a little plate.

For a bread roll. I mean the bread roll wasn't big. It didn't like fill the plate.

But it was enough room for you to. Cut or open the bread roll up. And put some.

Butter on it. And I think they had the little butter. The little.

You know the little. In little packets of gold or silver. And you have to unwrap it.

Yeah. Then. After two or three days.

They stopped bringing the bread out. In baskets. Because they had these little wicker baskets.

Not big baskets. Not like something you put your clothing in. After your dirty clothing.

Or anything like that but. That's what they told me. Don't put your dirty clothing in these.

These are for the rolls. And. Who's underpants are these? Jason.

It's him again. So. They stopped bringing the bread roll.

Baskets out. And they just put one roll. On each plate.

Which meant I had to steal people's bread rolls. And that's hard to do. When everyone's there.

You know it's a very difficult. Trick to pull off. So.

It was a bit. I was a little bit upset because. Before.

Without the bread rolls. I'd eat as many as I could. And just keep saying.

Alright have you got any more bread rolls? And then go out get another basket. And. But they put a stop to that.

And I did say to. One of the waiters or waitresses. I said look.

Why is there no more bread rolls. In a basket? And I think he said to me. Because we haven't.

Put them in baskets. I said I realise you haven't put them in baskets. But why are you not putting them in baskets? He said because the manager told me not to.

I said I'd give it one more chance. Why? He said give me one more chance to answer me. With some kind of information.

That's going to be useful to me. Otherwise I will fart. And you will not be pleased.

I've sealed all the windows shut. I've locked the door. You will not be able to escape the smell.

And he said. Isn't this supposed to be a training course for counsellors? I said yes. He said and you're a counsellor.

And you come out with something like that. I said yes. And yes I do.

Yes I am. Yes I do. And then he said.

Wait can you give me a sec. I need to go and buy an ice cream. Because there's an ice cream van outside.

Can you open the door please? I said okay there you go. And I handed him the key. And he went and got himself an ice cream.

I felt we bonded. I felt we bonded a bit. We spent the rest of the week together.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Went to the movies.

Went dancing. I thought it was going to be a long term thing. But nothing happened.

And that was it. Never returned my girlfriend. Never sold fish.

So. Yeah I got a book being delivered. It's from Amazon.

So it should be good. I got it yesterday. I didn't get it yesterday.

I ordered it. Yesterday. And it will be delivered today.

Now I don't know if you listened to me recently. And I said I was going to. Get a. External hard drive.

And it got delivered. And they offered a £59. £59.

Installation. Fee. If I wanted to get it installed.

Right. £59. I didn't accept that.

I said no thanks. I didn't say no thanks. But I just didn't click on that.

Don't want to pay. I mean the thing was £211. So what's that? £59.

That's £60. £60. £120.

So that's. 20 over 25% more. On top.

To buy the. Over 25% more. On top of the price.

To get it installed. You know all I had to do was just plug it in. I need an extension but that's fine.

I already got one of them. Plug it into the laptop. Click on.

Upload software. Or download software. And just let it do what it needed to do.

Run it. And that was it. Done.

Now what they have done. Is they've got this thing saying. Share your.

Share. Whatever. Basically there's a problem with it.

It shares it with the. With the. Company that provides it.

And I put no. And it wouldn't download. It wouldn't process.

Once I said yes. It processed. So they kind of forced me into that.

It's a little bit rude of them. It took. A few minutes.

And. I then went to upload. You know.

I wanted to. Move some. Large.

Video files from my. Laptop. You know.

The front. The first page or whatever. Desktop.

And then. Moved them onto the. Hard drive.

The external hard drive. And it just worked. And it's easy.

It's simple. Fifty. Pounds.

They wanted. To do that. Fifty.

I mean. Come on. I mean.

Unless I'm missing something. It was. I mean.

I don't know why. It has to be. There has to be software.

Set up anyway. Because. My other hard drive.

No software. It's only two terabytes. Or four terabytes.

This one's ten. But the other one. Just plug it in.

And it just works. No software. Nothing to download.

Instant. And that's. Kind of what it should be.

The only problem with them is. They haven't got the. Those seem to have the proper.

Connection. That most laptops have. They have like the old USB.

Three. Not the lightning. Connectors that.

Most laptops have. Which seems a bit weird. I don't.

Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't really understand that. But. I guess they'll.

They'll get in with the times. In the future. They'll.

Catch up. With what's going on. And I've cleaned my desk.

I've got a couple of desks. The desk over there now. Has got both the laptops.

All cleaned. I've cleaned the. The.

Desk. Tidied it up. Got rid of a lot of rubbish.

I've got one hard drive. All connected. I'm going to connect the other.

Hard drive as well. So I've got. Two laptops next to each other.

So there's a Windows. And there's the Apple one. And I can use both of them.

To do. Different things. So.

I can. If I wanted to work on one thing. And have the other one.

Process in a video. Then I can do that. It just makes sense.

And there's a fair bit of. Audio. Editing that I'm going to be doing.

Soon. So. And also I want to look back.

At some of the older stuff I've got. Now I'm not even sure. If I'm going to be able to.

Use. Although thinking about it. Yeah maybe.

But I've got the other hard drive. And I want to see what's on there. I've not been able to access it for a while.

Because I lost the. The cable has kind of gone missing. But I might be able to do it.

And if I do. I might just set it up. But it's a bit too big.

And it wasn't a large. It's exactly the same. Make as the one I've got.

That came through a couple of days ago. But this one's a lot bigger. Because that one was two terabytes.

This one's 10 terabytes. And this one is like half the size. Of that one.

In like girth. I don't know. Length and girth.

You know like size wise. And. And weight as well.

But I bought that one. In fact I didn't buy it. Someone bought it for me.

In 2000 and. Oh. I wonder when that was.

2013. 13. Probably.

Maybe 2014. And they sent it all the way from America. So it must have cost a fair bit.

Wait a minute. Or did I. No. I bought it myself.

That's it. No. I got a PayPal gift.

But it was in dollars. No. I got a PayPal.

Voucher. No. I got a. Amazon.

That's it. I'm remembering it now. I got an Amazon voucher sent to me.

But it was. Amazon.com. Not Code.uk. Now I don't know. I don't know now.

But back then you couldn't use. An Amazon.com voucher. On Amazon.co.uk. I had.

An Amazon account for both. So. I needed to buy.

An on Amazon.com. The stuff was all right from America. It wasn't really from England. It seemed a lot of stuff.

So I bought this hard drive. And. It cost about.

I think it was about 150 quid. 170 pounds. Something like that.

And. Or 170 dollars. But then with.

It cost another 70 on top. For delivery. So that was a very expensive thing.

But then two terabytes back then. Was. Quite a high amount.

Two terabytes now is not really. So very high. Not so very high.

Not really. I mean. A 10 hour video.

Just. I don't know. Just like waves.

Waves on a beach. Splashing against the. The sand.

And then my voice over the top. With some music underneath. For 10 hours.

That's. That could be anything up to 70. 80 gigabytes.

Maybe 49. 50. 60.

You know it varies. Now there's only. That means I could only get.

There's 100 gigabytes. Would be two videos. And there's 1000 gigabytes.

In a terabyte. So for each terabyte. That's 100 videos.

Now isn't. For each terabyte. For each terabyte.

Now for each gigabyte. It's two. Times by 10.

So that's 20. 20 videos. Per terabyte.

Which isn't a lot of videos. So with the 10 terabyte. I could potentially have.

Up to 200 videos. Probably less to be fair. Because some will be above the 59.

Or 49 gigabytes. But then I'm thinking. Oh.

You know. Oh. Perhaps I need.

To start looking. At ways to reduce. The size of a file.

But without. Getting in the way. Of quality.

Of the. Either the audio or the. Visual quality.

Of the video. And I still haven't. I've done no research yet.

Into how to do that. Because. I forgot.

And I've been putting off. Doing this. And making more videos.

Simply because. The desk was so messy. And I knew that I'd have to.

Get rid of stuff. And move stuff off. And where would I put it.

And blah blah blah blah blah. Well today. I did.

I tidied the desk. And everything's off it. Except.

There's. A couple of bits. That don't need to be on there.

So I will remove those. And. Yeah.

I'm just looking. Oh. Yeah.

I hadn't thought about that. I might try and put the table. On the other side.

Because it would be handy. To have. More stuff going on.

But then I'd have to move the other table. Out a little bit. And maybe a bit further.

But I could. I could. This is just a could.

A could could could. Have this table. Flat against.

The wall. Instead of out. Because.

I don't need to have it. I had it like this a little bit. So I could either watch telly.

While I was on the laptop. And also if I made a video. With the.

The video camera. Facing me. The bookcase is directly behind me.

So it's a fairly good backdrop. I mean I say. I say fairly.

Fairly good. But you know. It's okay.

It's alright. It not too bad. Nor too bad.

So. Yeah. I just have to wait.

I might move it. Just trying to think. It's just.

It's not ideal for other stuff. So it's fine for. Doing editing.

It's. Because I can do two different things. Going on.

For making videos. But. There's no room.

To have my pad. So I can't really write anything down. And that would be handy.

To keep track of what I'm doing. You know. I like to make lists of stuff.

So. For example. If I need to.

Make a. 10 hour video. Of each. Recording.

Well. I had someone. Knock on the door again.

I'm so popular. So. Blimming popular.

Ooh. Ooh. Popular.

I'm so. Popular. So it's.

Three o'clock. So I had a little bit of a break then. Because my friend needed to speak to me.

So. Don't even. Expect me to know.

What I was talking about. Because. I'd never remember anything.

I remember what he was talking to me about. It was quite interesting. But yeah.

Other than that. I watched a bit of the. Concert last night.

The coronation. King's coronation concert. A couple of things.

That surprised. Not surprised me. That I was quite.

Impressed with. What's her name? My zip's not working. Schlozinger.

Schlozinger. Forget her name. And.

What's the lady that sings. Katy Perry. So Katy Perry.

Was singing Eye of the Tiger. No Roar. Was it Eye of the Tiger or Roar? Eye of the Tiger.

Roar. And. I like that song.

She's got a very very powerful voice. And. Elsie Surslinger.

Sue Slinger. She. She was on.

She was in. A girl band. Girls.

Not girls allowed. She was the lead singer. Sursinger.

Urslinger. But she's. Great voice.

She was singing as well. I just watched it on YouTube. And.

Forgotten her first name. But yeah. So that was.

They were good. There was. There was a bloke host in it.

And I did no idea who he was. Never seen him before. Ever.

And I think he's an actor. And I refer to some things. I think he's in.

He might be in. Downton Abbey. Or the Queen.

You know the Netflix show. I really don't know. But I think.

He's a famous actor. But I've never seen him before. At least I didn't.

He looked familiar. To me. But I didn't really know who he was.

So. It's very likely. I have seen him.

In movies. Or television shows. I just don't.

Kind of recall. And he was. Doing his.

Patter. In between. Acts.

And Miss Piggy. And Kermit came on. Now Kermit's got a very different voice.

To how he used. To what he used to be. Doesn't sound like.

The Kermit. That I remember. Miss Piggy.

Again doesn't really sound. Like the Miss Piggy. That I remember.

It's sort of similar. But not really the same. And.

There was one bit. When Miss Piggy was saying. Oh I. I want to.

I've always wanted to live in a. A palace. What was really weird about this. And she's.

Because Miss Piggy. You've got long. Curly hair.

And it's shot to a. It went to. A picture. Or the video.

You know. To. Queen Camilla.

Like. It just shot to her. Straight away.

Then went back to Miss Piggy. And I thought. Did they do that on purpose? It's like saying that.

Queen Camilla has just. Always wanted to live in a palace. Yeah.

Her and. A billion other people. We all want to live in a palace.

Don't we? There's nothing I wouldn't do. For King Charles. If I got to live in a palace.

He'd be very happy. I would clean. I would.

I would do his washing up. I'd do everything. I would be the.

Perfect little slave. I would. Get to live in a palace.

And then I found out from my friend. Because I told him. My joke from yesterday.

Which I was very proud of. And he said. A newsreader said that.

Last night. Like Lionel Richie. Was going to be.

Singing all night long. Oh yeah. Is Lionel Richie.

Going to be singing all night long. And someone said no. Just.

He's only doing three songs. Or something like that. Now I did that joke.

Yesterday. Afternoon. Or morning.

Or whatever. It might have even been the day before. I lose track.

Yeah. It might have even been the day before. So.

Yeah. It might have even been. Saturday.

That I did that joke. Very. Wonderful joke.

And I said to my friend. Maybe he listened to my podcast. And he said.

Nah. It's quite an obvious joke. Yeah.

But everything's obvious. Afterwards. Isn't it? Everything's obvious.

After the event. And every single joke. You ever hear.

Is like. Of course. But it's not that until you.

You know. If you said. Okay.

Well. Tell me a joke. About Lionel Richie.

He's doing the thing tomorrow. Do a joke. Come up with a joke.

Come on. Now where would you start? So. I'm pleased.

Even if it wasn't very good. I'm pleased. With myself.

So there. And if someone else did come up with it. And they didn't hear me say it.

Unless of course. I heard someone else say. And I was just copying them.

Without realizing it. But I don't think so. Because.

There hasn't. I've not seen. I don't really watch much television.

I knew. I'd heard that Lionel Richie. Was going to be on there.

Doing the concert. And. It was Olly Murs.

And I think that was it. So I had no idea. You know.

Anyone else. Was going to be on there. Other than Saturday.

When I was watching the. The actual. Crowning.

And they weren't mentioning. The concert at all. On Saturday.

Until kind of. Pretty much the end. And I didn't.

I didn't watch the whole thing. To be honest. I was.

I was dipping in and out. Dipping. A little bit of dipping.

Dipping. Dipping. Dip.

Dip. Dip. Dipping.

Dip. Dip. Dip.

Dipping. Yeah. Just dipping in and out.

So. I'm trying to justify myself. But I. I was quite pleased with that.

I thought it was quite quick. Quite quick. Joke.

That's off the top of my head. And. Yeah.

Maybe a three year old could come up with it. But. That's not the point.

It's not the point. The fact is I came up with it. And.

I've seen many comedians in the past. Come up with the same line. Or very similar lines.

Maybe not word for word. But you know. This.

This an event coming up. And. Maybe to do with a president.

Or prime minister or and they've just did an off-the-cuff joke and because it's current it's not like one of their regular jokes that they would say in there in their act it might be a one-off and they might not say again they might just do it during that week because next week it won't be relevant unless of course that subject comes up again in the future and they talk back about it and say well yeah I remember when this happened I thought what if he's gonna sing all night long and

my friend said no he's only doing three songs and everyone laughs but I've seen that I've been literally being it maybe two different clubs or three clubs over the weekend Friday Saturday night maybe on a Sunday as well and I've seen three different comedians do almost the same joke but it's a really so you know it's a very a new things just happened in the news and no one's copying off each other they just they just got great comedic minds unlike me so yeah I did say to my friend just

kind of give it to me can't you just give me one thing just let me have this we're never gonna know we're never gonna know where the the person on television got the joke if he wrote it himself or whether or not he did listen to my podcast and he thought I'll use that because you know because let's face it if you listen to the podcast if you're listening to this podcast you may think well there's only three people listening to this so it doesn't matter I can use that joke

and no one else is going to hear it when in fact there's nine people listening so yeah so if you are the person that was on television telling a joke at it and you copied off me thank you because it's a good joke I like it it becomes less and less funny than what I say it but a little bit like the mirror become less funny the more I see myself you know I mean oh no so yeah it's that's it really it's Monday bank holiday Monday I don't really it's

near the end of the day kind of 11 minutes past 3 and it's very dull inside but does it's not dark till 9 in the evening so still six hours to go really until it's dark when it starts to get you know dusky it's not it's not like bright bright hot that's not the right word light it's not like light light light light but it's still light at 8 it's still be this kind of light at 8 o'clock but for now it's it's almost not wintry not wintry light but very

low light not so much outside but inside because the light is not a light come a lot a lot of light coming in not a lot a lot of light light light lot a lot of light light a light coming in I need to change those knit curtains they used to be white remember someone coming in said I like your black knit curtains where'd you get them from I said they're not black I looked and they are like wow time really does affect knit curtains I remember one then saying you've

got to keep an eye on your knit curtains because they really can be affected by time and I remember when she said it to me I thought oh come on then why are we talking knit curtains when's that ever gonna come up when am I getting ever gonna need to worry about that and here I am now I can't think of anything else that's the only thing on my mind anyway I'm gonna go now I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I don't know if I mentioned this but earlier on Vinnie

was in the park and there's another dog his exact same size practically about the same age as well not the same breed but was a dog but it wasn't it's a different kind of dog fluffy one and they were both on their feet dancing literally they were dancing together they had their hands on each other's shoulders and they were just walking around in circles dancing and I wish I'd had my camera I didn't have my phone on me so I wish I'd be able to film it but also they had

their leads on so if we could have got rid of their leads moved everyone around away for it so there was no one none of us were in the background and just filmed them dancing together I could have put some background music to that stuck on YouTube and it might be a hit you know just put some weird who let the dogs out ooh I don't know something like that or a romantic song but it was so cute to watch it almost didn't look real it almost or it looked like

two really really well-trained dogs but that really wasn't the case it's very it was a special moment but we had to sort of break it and pull them apart so I needed a toilet but it was it was good um it was the toilet I don't mean when I got home but that was good as well but it was so nice to see it's so cute just the way they were just dancing around it was special special moment and it's not many dogs that I see that are the same size

as Vinnie because he is very little and to see one that's pretty much the same height he looks a bit bigger because he's fluffy but I reckon when he's wet he probably pretty much the same size maybe as Vinnie is because Vinnie's got very thin hair and he hasn't got curly hair or anything it's very thin and flat so yeah it was so cute I've got the memory so I don't need to have a film of it but it would it'd be quite nice to stick it on Facebook for people

to see because it was it was beautiful very very beautiful anyway and you're all very very beautiful so thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself remember to be gentle with yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye I never been this far away from home