#989 Womans Own magazine Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (22nd March 2023)

If you want it, here it is, come and get it, but you'd better worry cos you may not last. Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You To Sleep. What is it? What is it Vinnie? Do you want to say hello? What is it? What is it lassie? What? What? Someone's trapped down a well.

What? What? There's a meteorite just landed in the garden. No! What is it? Tell me! I'm going to eat your bone. I gave you the bone so that you could... Oh, he's gone to the bone now.

He got very bored of me very quickly. Even my boy gets bored with me. Even I bore him.

It's not fair, is it? After all I do for him. What do I do for him? So hey, how are you doing? Are you well? Are you all okay? Are you happy? Blah blah. So, I should tell you who I am.

My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Which I might already have said.

But, if I'm honest, I can't remember. And, what's the other thing? My website is jasonnewland.com And you may hear the little monkey boy over there. Chewing on his bone.

It's not a euphemism. It really isn't. It's not a bone.

I say this all the time. I genuinely don't know what it's called. I should just look at the packet, really, shouldn't I? I should look at the label.

Well, does it say on the label? I don't know. I'm not sure. But, he likes them.

Usually lasts him long enough for me to not be pestered whilst making this recording. Usually. Ain't no guarantee.

But, there never is a guarantee, really, is there? There's not really a guarantee about anything. Well, there's one guarantee, but let's not harp on that. I think I'm getting fatter again.

That's not the guarantee. I was so pleased with the little bit of weight loss that I gained. Can you gain weight loss? You know what I mean.

I was kind of... I don't want to use the word pride or proud because I don't really have any pride. But, I felt quite good about myself, which is probably what that means. I was proud of myself, but I'm not a big fan of that word.

I think it's because people use that word in ways that don't make sense. I am proud of my country. I'm proud of where I'm from.

You can be proud of something that you've got nothing to do with. You have no control over where you're born. You can't be proud of where you were born.

You had no control. You had no control. It's like, oh, I'm proud of my heritage, my ethnicity, my sexuality.

I'm proud. Yeah, but that's again out of your control. It's not something you're choosing to do.

It's just who you are. Do something to be proud of. Create something.

I'm proud of my feet because I've had them since I was born. I'm proud of my toenails because they keep growing. Like, no.

It's just nature. It's just nature. Don't be proud of your nails.

Come on. Get yourself a hobby or something. Just move on.

Yeah, that's why I don't really use the word pride. Not really. Not really.

Necessarily. I mean. Although.

Although. I did this. The only time I was ever told by anybody that I'm proud of you was from my friend Noel.

Never heard it from a parent. Never heard it from anyone. But my friend Noel said it to me.

And it did actually mean something. I didn't think it ever would. I didn't think that.

Well, I didn't expect to ever hear those words come out of a human's mouth. Aimed towards me. But what happened.

I can't just tell a short story, can I? I have to just. Turn it into some big thing. But it was a thing.

It's back in. 1999. OK, and I just.

I think it was 99 and I've finished my NLP training. This new linguistic programming training and I've had my first hypnosis training. Back in 1999.

What is that 99? 2009. 2019. 2021, 22, 23.

So it's. 24 years ago. That's just ridiculous.

It's ridiculous. 24 years. I mean.

I used to have hormones back then. I had urges. I had urges back then.

Now I'm just. I can't believe it's that long ago. Being able to walk down the street.

And women would actually see me. Not necessarily as a romantic possibility. But just they would see me.

They wouldn't bag into me like they do now. Women don't even see me anymore. It's like I'm invisible.

It's not like that. I just want to hug. I don't.

Well, not really. I'm not that bothered about having hugs. But just don't walk into me.

I'm not a wall. And you may argue saying well. You are a bit like a wall.

Which is a bit rude. And someone else might argue saying. You don't really just walk into a wall do you? It's not a very good example of something that you just walk into.

You might walk into a door by accident. You might walk into some glass. Because you think it's see through.

Well it is see through isn't it. But you might not realise it's a glass door. And you might bang your nose on that.

You might walk into. If you're walking backwards you might walk into a lamppost. You might walk into some dog poo.

But not a brick wall. And some of you might say. What's that got to do with the story from 1999? Yeah, you've got a good point.

It hasn't actually got anything to do with the story. And I don't know why. I'm glad you picked me up on it.

I don't know why I was even mentioning. Dog poo and walls and stuff like that. I don't know.

Genuinely not sure. It's one of those weird things that happen sometimes. I mean.

If you listen to me regularly. You'll know that I rarely get distracted. I'm very focused.

Very, very, very, very focused. Oh. I didn't know I had a ceiling.

Hmm. No wonder I don't get wet when it rains. So no, I think.

Yeah, back in 1999. I was kind of excited. Because.

I've been studying hypnosis. Hypnosis. NLP, which is neuro linguistic programming.

And hypnosis is part of that. So I've been studying hypnosis. I studied hypnosis first, I think.

Since. January 1998. I got my first two books.

And I kind of fell in love with it. Didn't really expect. To ever do anything with it.

It was a little bit like. When I fell in love with. Selling.

I got really into reading sales books. Which might sound weird, but it's true. I used to read sales books and I wanted to be.

Not like how I ended up being. I didn't want to be sitting in a call center. Although I was good at it.

When I did it. I like the idea of being. Not a traveling.

Sales person. Per se. You know, not like traveling around.

Knocking door to door. Or trying to sell encyclopedias. Which was a thing back then.

But I did. Like the idea. I think it was.

I had this book called Go for it. By Victor Kayyem. I was interrupted then by.

A little doggy that lives in my home. Parking. Because a moth farted five miles away.

So yeah. He's got very good hearing. Every time someone.

Knocks at one of the doors downstairs. Or closes one of the doors. It's a bit draining.

A little bit. Oh well. Where was I? Oh yeah.

I bought these two books. I. Victor Kayyem. I read this book.

This is 1980. 1989. 1989.

And I had a job. As a canvasser for a window. Double glazing company.

And basically I would just knock on people's doors. Seeing if they needed any. Home improvements done.

Like double glazing. Conservatory. Just things like that.

And they'd either say yes or no. That was it really. If they said yes then I'd say well.

Can I make an appointment for someone to come round. And see you. A sales person will come round and give you a quote.

No charge. And basically they'd say. Dog's barking now.

That was loud. So to say either. Distracted again.

Dog was barking. But he's in the bedroom. Stop it.

Yeah anyway. I'll move back to 1999. So 1999.

I finished the courses. And I wanted. To do something with it.

With my new found. Knowledge maybe. I just wanted to.

Do something. So what I did. Is I decided.

To run a course. A 5 day course. Or maybe it was 7 days.

I think it was 5. So Monday to Friday. And it was going to be a. Kind of change your life. With NLP.

And just go through different things. Help with relaxation. Help with maybe phobias and stuff like that.

And then come in and hopefully. Kind of. Cater what I was doing to the individual people that came in.

And I was going to charge. £100 each. For 100 people.

So it's 10 grand. And I had the room. I rented what didn't cost me anything.

I used the room upstairs to my friend had. Which was a bar that was empty during the week. I had the chairs from downstairs.

So there's 100 chairs. And I put an advert in. I think I put an advert in timeout.

Not timeout in the. Even standard maybe I don't know. Well.

Would you believe that nobody. Showed any interest. Nobody.

Apart from one person. As she turned up. As she turned up or she called up first I don't remember.

She might have phoned up first or just turned up. But one lady turned up. And I said well the course is off because no one's turned up.

And. I'm not sitting there for five days. With just you.

Well I didn't say it like that because that's a bit rude isn't it. But just like I said go away I didn't. I said that we can't.

There's no point you know. However. You can come along for a couple of hours and I'm happy to see you.

No charge. She said are you sure. I said yeah yeah it's fine.

What's to catch. I said there's no catch. I don't even have a ball.

So we're not going to be catching anything. We're just going to be you know doing some things and. So she came along and we did a. A session and I helped her with some.

Stress relief relaxation. Hypnosis stuff. And she seemed happy.

Really and it was the first. Time I'd ever done anything with someone I didn't know. I did.

I did do some hypnosis with someone that I knew. Previous to that. But this is the first person I did that I'd ever liked.

I didn't know and I was. It's not that I didn't know what I was doing but I didn't know what I was doing. But I didn't know what I was doing but I didn't really.

But I did if you know what I mean. I knew. I don't use the word intellectually.

Because it doesn't really fit me but I knew you know. Intellectually what I was going to do and what it meant. And what the process was.

And what the results were that I was looking for and. Being able to tweak it to suit the. Particular situation.

However. I didn't really have any experience. So I just did it anyway.

And it worked out really good. I was surprised. And she went away.

She was happy. I was happy. I was more than happy actually.

And I told my friend Noel and he said I'm really proud of you. And it really it meant something. It did.

Because it's the only time anyone's ever said it to me. Yeah I'm not saying that like. Oh poor Jojo.

Let's have a drink now. I'm a bit too old to be expecting that. I'm a bit too old to be expecting that.

From anyone. My dad's about 110. So you know.

He was going to say it. He would have said it by now. And.

I've never done anything that impressed him. I think the only thing that impresses him. Is when I have a shave.

He likes that. I'm talking about my face. And for some reason he just you know.

He doesn't. He would go through all the photo albums. And he won't pick one picture.

Where I've got a beard. Or stubble. And I've had a beard or stubble since I was 21.

As soon as I could grow any kind of facial hair. I did. And I kept doing it.

Because I looked so young. I struggled to get served. In the pubs or the shops.

Off licences. Nightclubs. Because I looked so young.

Even when I was. Probably 20. Early 20's I probably still didn't look.

Much older than 18. And now I look about 20 years older than I am. Isn't it crazy.

Isn't it weird the way it all goes. Yeah. So.

That wasn't really what I was aiming to discuss. Today. One thing I've done is.

How many days have I done this now. Journey. Journey.

So. It's the 22nd of March. So the last.

Three days. I have made a new deep sleep whisper recording. And.

I've made a let me boy to sleep recording. For the last three days in a row. Now this is the third one.

You know in a row. 21, 20. No that's wrong.

Absolutely wrong. No I did one on the 21st. Did one on the 20th.

Did one on the 19th. Did one on the 17th. So I had one day off but I did one on the 17th.

And then I did one a week before that. 17, 18, 19. 20, 21, 22.

So out of six days I've done five recordings. That's not too bad is it. Not too bad.

Not too good. Not too bad. It's alright.

Yeah. I'm happy with that. If you're happy I'm happy.

Yeah. So it's going quite well with the old deep sleep whispers. Kind of surprised.

Not surprised but. You know just statistically I've had. Not far off 4,000 downloads.

Just on that podcast today. Yesterday I had. Just under 4,000.

So. Did I say I'm not far off 4,000. Yeah last night.

Yeah 3,500 yesterday. And I got 3,800 so far today. So it's definitely growing.

When you look back on the 22nd of February. I had 449 downloads. What's that about? So just by making regular recordings.

It's almost like people want to listen if I make them. Oh I should be. I should look into that.

Anyway I don't want to talk about that. Let's have a look. Let's have a look and see what's in the news today.

Right. Bullish. In fact I want to look at magazines.

Browse. Okay categories magazines. I can't be bothered to look at the news if I'm honest.

So let's have a look at magazines. T3 Hot 100. What's that about? Game changing PSR VR 2. Go away.

Numero. I holla. I holla.

What the heck is I holla? I holla. The letters are all jumbled up. Is it some kind of quiz? Huh.

That's weird. I hollas. But.

But then it's got Julio Iglesias. But that's spelled right. Huh.

That's very. It's got Antonio Bandera. That's spelled correctly.

But the rest of it is just jumbled up. Very strange. Okay.

So look. I tell you some of the magazines I quite like. I don't like them but I find them fairly amusing.

Is the. Should we say lifestyle. Lifestyle magazines.

Yeah. Things like Woman's Own. Woman's Weekly.

These are magazines by the way I'm not being sexist. I'm not being sexy I'm just saying that that's the. Just the names of the.

Of the magazines. Woman's Own let's have a look. This is from March 20th 2023.

So let's read this. Let's read it shall we let's have a little look. Let's have a little peek.

Look through the keyhole. Look through the spyhole. Look through the.

Glory. Oh look Woman's Own. Easy Easter Bakes.

Bargain Beauty Buys. Colleen. My Sothy Secret.

Home Updates from £4. DNA Test. Uncovered My Long Lost Son.

Shock Real Life. Wow I can't wait. Page Turner.

New Battle Unhappy Amen. Fans Worrying For The Struggling Star. And then Dress Yourself.

Slimmer. That's something I might be interested in. Seven Trips To Beat.

They really work. That might be what's going on with me. So let's have a look.

The first page is an advertisement. This is Column Fruit Trees. The Pride Of Thousands Of Gardens.

Pride is that word again? The Pride Of Thousands Of Gardens. Yours for only £7.48 each. Where did they come up with a 48? And then what's inside? Welcome.

This is from Kiera Agus. Welcome. Imagine packing it all in and heading off for exotic climbs.

A life of fun and adventure sounds like the ultimate goal. But for some women it's not just a dream. Celebrity.

Get the goss. You'll round up the week's biggest showbiz stories. Get the goss.

So that's that thing I just said. So let's have a look. Meghan's Game Plan.

Shows now the Duchess of Sussex. And her wedding was watched by 29.2 million people across the globe. They don't know that.

They're guessing. But before she became a royal, Meghan appears to have very different plans. Well she was an actress wasn't she? In a very successful TV show.

Suits. So I guess her plans would have been to I'm just guessing probably to go into movies. Which I think she'd have been very good at.

So there. Former close friend of the Dutch S. 41. And socialite Lizzie Cundie.

Revealed what was on the actor's agenda before she met Prince Harry. Lizzie 54 shared I was friends with Meghan for a while and I really got on with her. Adding She wanted a boyfriend and wanted to get on to the showbiz scene.

She wanted a job in British television and wanted to be in Made in Chelsea a television show. Well wasn't she already in show business in a big TV show called Suits. That was a big TV show wasn't it? Am I wrong? In addition to revealing that Meghan wanted to star in a London based reality TV show Lizzie divulged I said I'd try and hook her up with a few guys.

She wanted to stay in Britain. She wanted a British boyfriend. Before going on to explain So I said look if I can help you I will.

Which I tried to do. I tried to hook her up with Ashley Cole the former Chelsea player but she just wasn't his type. Lizzie the ex-wife of retired football player Jason Cundy went on to admit that she didn't know who the Suits star was before she met her.

I was asked by a friend to look after her at a charity event and I thought Who is this woman? No one knew who she was. Ok. Well she's American TV show star isn't she? I mean Suits is on TV here as well but I think it's more on a streaming channel.

Also Stacey Solomon thanks for not divorcing me. Just weeks after welcoming her 5th child 5th blindly Stacey Solomon jokingly praised her husband Joe Swash 41 for not wanting a divorce. The loose woman women women women women women women women women women women women women women women questions, before adding, I want to thank my husband for sleeping next to me night after night and not asking for a divorce.

She quipped, the smell can't have been easy to sleep in. Wow, for those that don't know who Stacy Solomon is, she was in the X Factor, I don't know if she won the X Factor, but she was in the X Factor. Did she win the X Factor? Years ago, like quite near the beginning of it in the UK of England.

So if you're not from England, you might not know who she is. But she's a proper character. She's nice.

She's really funny and comes across well on telly and stuff. So okay, I'll read that out. It's not a very nice story.

Oh, here we go. Almost 30 years after they starred together in four weddings and a funeral, Andy McDowell and Hugh Grant were reunited. And by the look of their laughter, nothing's changed.

I don't know, did they get on well before? I don't know. And there's one here saying, wow, it seems nobody was as surprised as Jamie Lee Curtis when she picked up the gong for Best Supporting Actress. What? For what? What did she win Best Supporting Actress for? What movie was that? I don't know.

I'm gonna have to research that, am I? Blimey. It's like nonstop work. Oscar winners, winners 2023.

The internet's going very slow again. Why is that? It's almost not even working. That's very strange.

That's very strange. I don't know why that's going on. Yeah, it's very weird.

The internet's not working. But it is working for the other websites. That doesn't make sense.

No, it's not. Yeah, it's working for this. Quickly.

Working for the podcast, that's everything. Oh, now it's going. List of Oscar winners.

2023. So let's see. Okay, now it's taking ages just to open a page.

Come on, that's not normal. So I know that everything everywhere all at once is one quite a few things didn't it as a best picture. Jamie Lee Curtis was in there.

She was a supporting role. I didn't know that. I have to.

I've not watched. I watched a bit of it at the beginning. Actors in a supporting role.

Kee Hui Kwan was the winner for best actor in a supporting role and Jamie Lee Curtis is the best actress. International feature film, all quite an oyster in front. Surprised.

That's quite interesting. I was need to think about it because everything, everything everywhere all at once was pretty sure was a Chinese movie. So how come that wasn't part of the international wasn't even listed in that.

Documentary short, The Elephant Whisperers. Documentary feature, all the briefs. Naviani, that was the winner.

International feature film, all quite on the Western front. The winner. Was it a German movie? Was it? Oh, not putting the word winner next to that.

It's really not really, you know what I mean. But yeah, as far as the movie goes, not as far as the war. So original song, Natu Natu from RRR.

Animated feature film, Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio. Adapted screenplay, Women Talking. Original screenplay, actor in a leading role, Brendan Fraser, The Whale.

You know, we had to lose quite a lot of weight to do that, to do that movie. Michelle Yeoh, everything all at once, actress in a leading role. Yeah, so she was in Lee Majors, whatever her name is.

Is Lee Majors still alive? Lee Majors. So I don't like asking. Yeah, of course he is brilliant.

He's 83. I don't ask that question. But just, you know, when you don't hear about the person for a long, long time.

Lee Majors was, I loved Lee Majors. I used to look through his head. I did.

I used to have a Lee Majors toy in my list. Used to be Hawkeye, was it? No, he used to have like a hole in the back of his head and you could look through his eye and it was magnified. That would be his bionic eye.

And you'd have to go doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo when you look through. Well, you didn't have to do that, but that was part of the fun. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

Because that meant enhanced vision, their sound, for some reason do do do do do do do and then of course things I never understood yet, Barnet man he could run really fast but they always showed him running in slow motion well why don't you show him running he's running fast, if you show someone running fast you don't show in slow motion do ya, anyway, born in 1939 the weird thing about it is my dad was born in 1902 and he's still around and he's not as old as Lee Majors. Weird isn't it? Children, Lee Majors the second. I've gone right off him.

Don't call your kids by your own name the second. Yeah here's my son Jason Newland the second. That's Jason Newland the third.

Jason Newland the fourth. It's different if you're a king. You know if you're a king or a queen.

Elizabeth the second. Charles the fourth. You know those kinds of things.

Not just my royal family because of course I own them. But you know any royal family. Do they have a royal family in France? I'm trying to think.

French royal family. Don't really hear much of them these days. Wonder what happened to them.

French royal family. List of French monarchs. Does the French royal family still exist? Okay here we go.

Let's have a look. France is a republic. So that's a yes then.

And oh there's no current royal family recognized by the French state. Still there are thousands of French citizens who have titles and can trace their lineage back to the French royal family and nobility. Plus there are actually four pretenders to a non-existent French throne who are supported by French royalists.

Blimey. So I wonder. According to this there are between 50 and 100 thousand people who claim to be aristocrats.

Some French royal family and nobles have retained their wealth and influence and are now leaders in industry or finance. They live quiet lives far from Paris. Why is that? What happened? I wonder what happened.

Being part of the dethroned royal family. Dethroned? They were dethroned really? The house of Bonaparte. Charles Prince Napoleon.

I didn't know he had a first name. Has a very tenuous claim. He had two first names.

Charles Prince Napoleon. Unless that was his middle name. Prince was his middle name.

Maybe his dad was a fan of Prince Charles and also a fan of Prince. Has a very tenuous claim because he's not a direct descendant of Emperor Napoleon. Oh different Napoleon.

But is Napoleon's brother's great great great great great great great grandson. Okay he's claimed that wasn't a question that was a statement. Oh wow.

What happened? What happened to the royal family then? I don't understand. Oh the Belgian royal family. A look at the current monarchy.

The Belgian royal family is one of the many monarchs in Europe. This family of royals pride itself on connectivity to its people, culture and family. In modern times the royal family has helped unify the country and guide national politics.

That's nice. I didn't know that uh didn't know they had a royal family. I want to because I know obviously I know France have a royal family but I didn't I didn't know that excuse me I was coughing.

I didn't know that um there's quite a few. I think is it does Italy have a royal family? What about Spain? Does Spain have a royal family? What about what about Germany? Does Germany have a royal family? Let's have a look. German royal family.

German I can't spell. Oh yes I can. German royal family.

The monarchy of Germany. Okay is this still a royal family in Germany? When the Weimar constitution entered into force on August the 14th 1919, the legal privileges of and titles of Germany nobility were abolished. Therefore officially there are no princes and princesses in Germany.

So it says here another page. This is from the local Germany. Because the German rules were allowed to make a peaceful exit after Wilhelm's abdication, his direct heirs are still alive today.

The current head of the family is still alive. It is George Frederick Ferdinand who was born in 1976 and is the great great grandson of Wilhelm II. Okay so that's Germany royal family so they don't they don't seem to be active.

Okay what about Russia? Has Russia got a royal family? Does Russia still have a royal family? Right a restoration of the Russian monarchy is a hypothetical event. Oh so it's yes then. In which the Russian monarchy which has been non-existent since the abdication of Nicholas the second on 15th of March 1917 and the execution of him and the rest of his closest family.

Okay yeah they're not around anymore. So how come we've still got one? What about Spain? A lot of stuff happened in the early 1900s didn't it? Or the late 20th century. No but it's 1917 is 1900s.

Um what is Spanish? Spanish they have a royal family don't they? Spanish. Is there still a Spanish royal family? Constitutionally the current heirs of Philip V1 are the princess of Asturias, elder daughter of the king, the Infanta Sophia, younger daughter of the king, the Infanta Elena, duchess of Lugo, elder daughter of king, Joanne Carlos the first. What does the Infanta mean? What is Infanta? Infanta mean? Infanta is a royal title normally granted at birth in Spain.

A royal title normally granted to sons and daughters of reigning and past Spanish monarchs and to the sons and daughters of the heir to the crown. Individuals holding the title of Infante also enjoy the style of royal highness. I'm bored with that now.

So what? Okay right so I'm going to skip through. What is this? Chloe Madeley branded her dad 66 a control freak after detailing his latest meltdown. In a new interview Richard and Judy's only daughter explained how the GMB star almost employed a ghost writer when writing his book after a technology fault saw him lose half the pages.

Chloe 35 said he turned around and he was like okay we're gonna have to get a ghost writer because I just can't do this. She continued he had a bit of a meltdown but ended up finishing the book on his own again. Oh Richard you do love a little bit of drama it says.

What's going on with Eamon Holmes? I like Eamon Holmes he's a he is a national treasure. He's been around a long time and it's got a picture of him in a wheelchair and stuff so I hope he's okay. But you know what? It's not really any of my business is it? You know Eamon I'm here if you need to chat.

Chat is a mix between talk and chat I guess. Oh singer and presenter Colleen Nolan tells us all about the things she loves most. The 15 of my favourite things.

One. All love Strictly. I'd love to learn how to dance properly.

You get to dress in gorgeous outfits learn a new skill and let's be honest the men are hot. Seriously if I ever get to do it and don't get this Strictly curse I'm gonna complain. So that's the number one.

It's a reality show she loves that. Number two item of clothing. Pyjamas.

You can't get home get the old bra off. Yeah you get home and get the old bra off. Put on your pyjamas and slippers and think oh this is comfy.

I can't wear them in bed though. They get on my nerves. Every time I do they get on my nerves.

So they have to come off. I'm not a man in my own bed. Just perfume.

You're not completely like her are you? In many ways. Is it got three or three? Tipple. Is it three? Spice rubbing good.

I'm not really a drinker. I can only drink alcohol if it tastes like pork. I'm allergic to wine and when I was in Big Brother they sent out wine at night.

I think Jamie O'Hara the footballer said I know what to drink you want. So we can we got some cans of Captain Morgan's special rum and cola. Boy did I like them.

Don't ask what accent that was I've got no idea. Number four embarrassing memory. I must have been six and on stage with my family.

We used to do an Osmond's medley and I sang long head lover from Liverpool. I'd kick my legs like Jimmy Osmond and my shoe flew into the audience. Everyone laughed.

I was mortified. I cried. I guess how old did she say she was at the time? Oh 26.

Okay celebrity hero. Thanks Sinatra. Yeah my dad was a massive fan.

I was singing Sinatra before I could talk. Stop lying. No you weren't.

I was honestly. I was singing you did it my way. Before you could talk.

So you could sing the words but you couldn't speak the words. Is that what you're saying? Before you could say mama or dada or potty potty poo poo before you could do any of that. And now the end is near and so I face the final curtain.

No I don't believe you. Sorry. My sisters toured with Frank but I was only 10 and too young.

They phoned one day and said we're flying you to the show in Paris. Frank can't wait to meet you. Which sounds a bit weird.

And I said I can't. I'm with the horses. I turned down Sinatra to muck out the horses.

Why did someone smack me hard and put me on a plane? Biggest regret in my life. Again I'm not sure is that true. Really chose to muck out the horses rather than go and see Frank Sinatra.

I don't know. I mean I think I'd rather much pretty much do anything than muck out a horse. Wouldn't you? Someone says oh I'm gonna eat a pizza off a toilet floor.

Public toilet bathroom floor. Who's gonna eat it? Yeah it's been there for a few days. Or do you want to muck out the horses? No I'm coming with you.

I'm right there. Memory you always laugh about. When Andrea McLean was on loose swimming and we were tasting ice cream.

I thought I'm gonna try this old gag but she won't fall for it. Andrea said what's your ice cream like? And I said smells a bit funny. She went let me smell.

And I shoved it in her face. God we laughed. She did the last link with ice cream dripping off her nose.

Um ideal Saturday night. Blimey I've gone well over time haven't I? Ideal Saturday night. I just love Saturday nights.

Telly like strictly and game shows. I don't know whether the that stems from childhood when we all sat down as a family. I can relate to that actually.

I used to do that when I was a kid. Um I don't really do much even in telly anymore. I used to.

I just realised it's more interesting reading out of a people's words isn't it than my own. Uh and then number eight is song. This is her favourite song.

I'm a lyric girl and love any song that makes me think. Worth like it's written for me. It's like it's been written for for me.

At the moment I love Miley Cyrus's song Flowers. It makes me think. Good for you.

Okay and number nine is gift. My dad bought my first pony Erin. Lovely Ford but he'd actually bought a fowl.

I never got to ride her because she was too small. I only had her six months. She was kept in our driveway so it became impossible.

I don't even know what a fowl is. I mean a fowl is when you kick someone in the shins playing football I think. Possession.

My Emmy award for the real full Monty ladies night. It was my proudest moment. I still can't get over it.

It's about the only thing in my house that I polish. Okay it's the only thing that you rub. Okay good.

Um and the number 11 is movie. I think you rub regularly. 11 movie.

We watch a miracle on 34th street. The remake with Richard Attenborough every Christmas. It's magical and I love a star is born as well.

Although it's the most depressing film I've ever watched. Don't watch it then. Huh? Don't watch it.

The version with Barbara Streisand and and Chris Christopherson is my favorite. I love the music, the acting. It's romantic.

It's sad. It's got everything. Oh cool.

So that's number 11. 12 cake or bake. Sticky toffee pudding.

Well could I have one in the bake-off tent? No but I'd give it a a blooming good go. Even if it was rubbish it would taste good wouldn't it? I don't know. I'm not sure.

13. People to hang out with. Okay this is number 13 on the list.

Ever since I've known 30 odd years I hardly get to see her because she lives she lives down south but we pick up the phone and it's like we have not been apart. I have a couple of friends in London. Carol and Teresia.

Other than that my kids. Yes it was difficult a couple of years ago but it was blissful. Show me the way to go home papa.

I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Number 14. Way to unwind.

Cup of tea in a box set. I love documentaries on hospitals, animals. Oh yeah I do.

I really like them. I binged the first series of Happy Valley yesterday. Six hours.

Tonight is the second series. It's brilliant. Can you believe how far behind I am? Lastly number 15.

TV moment of the year. First time I was filled with happiness watching telly was when the lionesses won the world cup. I was jumping around I was jumping around the house.

It changed football for women massively and personally it would be it would be joining loose women. What? Oh yeah. TV moment of her life's okay.

It was just me venturing out on my own when I'd always been surrounded by family. 23 years later and I'm still there. Waffling.

Wow so that's 15 of my favourite things from singer and presenter Colleen Nolan. I've always liked Colleen. She's quite cool.

I used to like the Nolan sisters. One of my favourite songs of all time is I'm in the mood for dancing, romancing. Now I don't know if Colleen Nolan was even in that because I think she is older than me but marginally.

She's only six years older than me so she would have been a kid. Well she was a kid when I was a kid basically apart from when I was a kid. When I was eight she was 16 so she wasn't a kid anymore but when I was one she was nine.

No when I was eight she was 14 so when I was 10 she was 16. When I was 12 she was officially an like you know 18 or whatever and when I was three I can't do the maths but you know what I mean she was kind of a kid so I'm in a mood for dancing. The Nolan sisters was the late 70s which meant if I was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, she couldn't be more than 14 so I don't think she was singing that song.

Dance, go and dance, hit and dance, dance. I remember hearing that song, well I've heard it a few times but I was at this wedding when I was a kid. I was little probably nine and it wasn't a new song at that point but it just it was a disco song and I remember that my dad took me and my three brothers, no my two brothers because my older brother was a baby or he might not have even been born.

Yeah he might not have been born yet I can't remember or he might have just left him at home and we went and he took us into the sea. At first I thought oh he's going to leave me here but he didn't he stayed and it was really calm and it was it was late at night. Mind you at that time for me nine o'clock was late at night but I'm pretty sure it's quite late it's a weekend and it was so calm and I just remember that it was just a nice memory, it was a happy memory.

I've been dancing for hours at the disco you know at the wedding and then chilling out in the sea. It was just my two brothers, my papa and me. It was lovely in the sea so yeah it was a lovely memory of the sea.

Yeah anyway so I didn't really get very far in the magazine Woman's Own but I'm going to click on this wish list. If I click on this can I bookmark? Can I bookmark? Let me bookmark. I need to figure out how to use this app because there must be a way.

No that's not what I want. It must be a way of bookmarking. Oh add a bookmark yes.

No I'll figure out how to do it another time. So that is it for me for today. For today.

Does America have a royal family? USA royal family. Oh yeah the Kardashians. Okay cool.

So I'm gonna go thank you very much for everything. I just I have no words. I feel just so grateful.

So thank you. You take care. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. Do something nice to yourself today. Lots of love.

Bye. Okay. Oh now I can fart.

I can't believe I've been holding that fart in for ages.