#993 The Towel Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (13th April 2023)

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. Hey Vinnie! Vinnie's here with me. You okay mate? Yeah, let me bore you to sleep.

My name's Jason Newland. My website is jasonnewland.com. It's a really groovy website now. I quite like it.

For the first time in quite some while, I can actually say that it's a pretty good website. So it's basically a podcast, isn't it Vinnie? It's a podcast now, isn't it? Yeah, it's a podcast. You don't mind me watching telly, do you? You keep quiet when I'm watching telly.

But as soon as I start this new podcast, don't make me put you in the bedroom again, come on. I'd like you to be able to do what you want, but you've got sleep in your eyes. What are you doing? Oh anyway, hi.

He wants to play. Do you want to play? What are you doing? What's wrong with you? Oh right, so basically straight away he started barking, so I had to put him into the bedroom. When I was watching TV, no problem, he's just lying on my legs, resting his chin on my ankles, and as soon as I get the microphone, oh it's a bit warm in here.

Anyway, did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so I've been pretty busy with the whole, the backside of things, you know, the website and some other stuff that I've been looking at doing, making changes as well as uploading videos to YouTube. I've now got, how have I got, 938 subscribers.

So it's going slow, but it's, you know, it's gradual. I'm getting more and more people subscribing and, you know, it's just, it's a very, it's a slow process, but it's, it's, it's not too bad considering I've only been putting effort into it for the last few months. What was it before Christmas, was it about October, November time, that I started to really kind of, you know, start to make videos, new videos, and making new videos out of old recordings.

Yeah, old, oldish recordings, not old, but you know, like the deep sleep whisper and the relax and sleep hypnosis, boring objects, sleepy boring objects, I did those ones. So I've still probably got another 100 videos to make, probably, and so far I'm up, I'm scheduled to about the 5th of May, and I've made I think four or five videos since yesterday. I'm actually uploading one now as we speak.

I'm not uploading it, the computer is, so that's doing that. It's quite time consuming, it's not really on my side, but as far as the computer, it takes a while to do. The uploading is not too much because the files aren't huge, but the processing or the rendering of the actual video can take half an hour to an hour sometimes.

So you know, I can't, I can't really, well I suppose I could, but I can't really use a computer for anything else. Maybe I could, a little bit, but nothing like huge, because it's taken up quite a lot of energy and power to render these videos. Yeah, I think, oh blimey.

I woke up proper early this morning, it was before four o'clock, and I had my breakfast about half past four this morning, which is just, it's, I mean, it's not the first time I've woken up early, but it just, it's a little bit too early. Viddy wanted to go out, so I took him for a walk. It might have been him that woke me up, to be fair.

So I took him out, he had a walk, and it was fairly cold at that time of the morning, so he didn't really want to be out in it. He just did a quick wee wee and that was it, and upstairs again, and then I took him out again about an hour ago. This time he did a big poo, oh it's proper smelly, and it's, his bum hole is the gift that keeps on giving, it really is.

It's like, it's like a little ice cream maker, obviously chocolate flavour, well not flavour, but you know, chocolate ice cream squirting out every day, and I was thinking, oh what have you been eating, but I know what he's been eating, because I'm the one that gives him the stuff to eat, and he had some beans yesterday, I had some beans on toast, and he had some beans, I'm not sure if he's ever had beans before, and I guess that's what, you know, that's what it was. I'm pretty sure he did a couple of farts last night, because normally he doesn't, he's not much of a farter, apart from when I make podcasts obviously.

I knew when we went out, I was going to take him to the sweet shop, well it's the pet shop, but he calls it the sweet shop, or the treat shop, and I should have gotten some of those little bone things, because if I give him one of them, he's happy and content to be chewing on that for an hour, while I make these recordings.

You will hear him in the background, chomping away and chewing, and you know, clicking and like, whatever noises he makes, but he's happy with that. But I just, you know, I walked up towards the road, and traffic was busy, and he's not the easiest fella to be walking near traffic with, because the pavements are just about wide enough for one person to walk down, really, and it's a busy road, it leads to the motorway, so it's a very busy road. So there's a lot of lorries, a lot of traffic, you know, it's just, there are quiet times, you know, like maybe early evening, or you know, late at night and stuff, but it does get busy during the day.

At night, it's more lorries, I think during the night, because a lot of lorry drivers, they travel at night time, don't they, because they can, I guess it's, the roads are quieter, and they get to where they need to get to, without traffic jams, etc, etc. Last night, I sung a song, and I thought, you know what, I'm going to sing a song, and I got Amazon Music, they gave it to me free for three months, so I thought, yeah, okay, I'll take that. I was with Spotify, but I didn't renew.

Now, one of the good things, and this is probably not the most exciting thing in the world, but one thing that Amazon do, that Spotify don't do, is they have Garth Brooks albums. You can't, you can't listen to Garth Brooks on Spotify. So, I'm guessing that he had some kind of record deal with them, or some kind of, I don't know, copyright deal, I really don't know, but I don't think Garth Brooks is available anywhere else, except Amazon Music, as far as streaming platforms go.

I may be incorrect, but that seems to be the case here anyway, and I like, I like myself a little bit of Garth every now and then. He's definitely my favourite country, country singer. Yeah, he is, although I do like a bit of Kenny, especially The Gambler, such a great song.

I was watching that on YouTube, it's a brilliant song. I don't know, it's just, it's just really good, and also he did loads of songs, didn't he, and I love some Dolly as well, and yeah, I like a lot of Dolly's, well her, you know, her youngest songs, I mean, I don't know if she's had any, released any songs for 30 years, I really don't know. I'm sure she has, but I don't think there's been any hits in this country.

I think the last hit she had was basically her not singing, was Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You, because Dolly wrote that song, didn't she? By the way, I'm talking about Dolly Parton, not Dolly the Sheep, you know, because they're probably the two most famous Dolly's. Is that her real name? I don't mean the Sheep, I mean Dolly Parton. Dolly, was that a popular name at some point? Because I've never met anyone in my life.

Okay, that's not true, I've met people, no, but, and let's face it, we don't always know the names of people we meet, do we? But I've never met anyone whose name that I was told, who was called Dolly. I might have walked past many Dolly's over the years, I don't know, but Dolly, Dolly, Dolly, even saying it like sounds, with her it sounds normal, because she's so famous and she's been around my whole life, really, and she was, I didn't really know about her probably until late 70s, early 80s, and she was, you know, I did like her, I liked, she was funny, I liked her acting, and I appreciated certain aspects.

I mean, you see her interviewed, she's just very, very funny, very confident, and great voice, and I love her songs.

She's definitely had a couple of big hits in this country, and, but I listen to the best of her sometimes, and even songs I'd never heard of before, like the, oh, is it multi-coloured jumper or something that she had, cardigan of many colours, I just, oh, I like that, you know, even songs I'd never heard before, because they were maybe hits in America, but they weren't hits here, or maybe they were hits here, but I was too young to kind of know, you know, I was, you know, because when I was five or six, I didn't, I wasn't really aware of the hits that were on, you know, in the charts.

I mean, I would hear songs on the radio, and I would see television, and bands playing, and stuff like that, but I don't recollect experiencing the pleasure that Dolly Parton was until I was probably eight, nine, ten, something like that, and, because there was a time, I think it was probably because of the 9 to 5, that film, is it Lily Tomlin? Who else was in that? Who else was in that? I know it's Dolly, Lily Tomlin, and was it, what's her name, that was in Punchline with Tom Hanks? I don't know. Anyway, I remember that film, and there was the film she did with, what's his name?

Oh, Smoking the Bandit Man, not Tom Selleck, because those were the days, it was very popular to have a hairy chest.

I'm not talking about Dolly Parton now, I'm talking about the actors. There was a few actors that were hairy chests. So, Tom Selleck was one, I don't know who else was in that, Buck Rogers in the 25th century, he was one, he had a hairy chest, and then, oh, I forget his name, it's gone out of my head, but he had a hairy chest because he was, wasn't he a former baseball star, and then he became an actor, or a movie star? Not Yul Brynner, no, he had the opposite to a hairy chest, didn't he?

What other ones other than Tom Selleck and Buck Rogers? And there was a lot of flaunting of the hairy boobies, and this was, you know, prime time telly, Saturday early evening.

I mean, Buck Rogers was, he was topless a lot of the time. I didn't question it at the time, I didn't question it, but now I'm thinking, why am I questioning it? Because I don't care, but I'm just like, yeah, there was a lot of, a lot of toplessnesses, and I know that I've actually, I've seen on YouTube, groups that are, that have actually demonstrated against that, saying, females saying, you know, groups that activists are going onto the streets of various different countries, advocating that they want equal rights, so it's not fair that a man, a male, or whatever you want to call them these days, is able to walk around the streets topless, but women aren't, and I agree. I completely agree with them.

Women should be allowed to walk around topless, and I would sign that form and that petition. In fact, I'd even go out and march with them as well, in solidarity, because I think it's just wrong that, I mean, if anything, I think it should be compulsory, but yeah, it's, it's, it's, I tell you, it's weird. It's the one demonstration that the public didn't complain about.

Not one member of the public, even though they were blocking the traffic, because they were on their little bikes, and you know, they were slowing down the traffic, I don't think one person was like, well, that's all right, we'll just be late for work, never mind, but yeah, I, I think we need more equality, more equality. Sir Tom, what was his name, the bloke? Big move, Burt Reynolds, Burt Reynolds, that's it, Burt Reynolds, and also the moustache. Now, Buck Rogers didn't have a moustache, I don't think, but I know Magnum, did I say Tom Selleck or Magnum? Magnum, he had a moustache, didn't he, or Tom Selleck, and Burt Reynolds, he had a moustache.

You know, my dad, right, you don't know my dad, but my dad was named, you know why he called me Jason? Now, all my other brothers are named after members of the family, my older brothers. My oldest brother, he was named after, his middle name's the same as my dad, and he was named after a member of the family, and my other brother's middle name is the name of my dad's dad. So, my name means nothing, like it is not named after anybody in the family.

I think they just ran out. So, but it turns out the reason I'm called Jason is because when my dad was young, a young man, he used to have a moustache, and people used to think that he looked a bit like Jason King, who was a detective, a television detective, and he was, he was, this was in the, well, I guess it would have been the 60s, wouldn't it, because I was born in 1970, so it couldn't have been a TV show that started after I was born, otherwise I wouldn't have been named after him, I guess, unless my name was Albert for the first three years of my life.

I wouldn't mind that, Al, Al's a good name, Al, you want Al? Yes, thanks, Al, Al.

It's also, it could be, it's a very, very, it's a good name, so if you are born and you decide to change your gender, you can still be called Al, can't you? So no one has to learn a new name, see, so that's good, Al's a good name. So I, I remember this girl at school, I dated her for a little while, and she changed her name.

Unfortunately, I, because I've never known that to happen before, I'd never known anyone to change their name, I just didn't, I didn't know it was a thing, and many people had nicknames, but I'd never at that point known anybody, I mean, my grandad was called Grandad, but his name was actually Edward, but everybody, well, his kids called him Dad, but my Nan called him Eddie, no, not Eddie, Ted, no, Ted, that's it, they called him Ted, and they had a son who they also called Edward, but they called him Eddie, so everyone called him Eddie,

and everyone called, everyone called my grandad Ted, like Teddy, and you may wonder why I'm telling you this, but I've forgotten, there's, there must be a reason why I said this stuff, I don't know, I don't remember, um, oh yeah, so I was named after that, after that TV bloke, yeah, I think that was the end of the story, I think that was it, I think that was the whole thing, oh yeah, the girl, okay, the girl at school, her initial name was something like Tracy, and she changed it to Laura, or I don't know,

whatever, I'm making this bit up, I don't remember, she lived in the same road as me, just a little bit further up, near the pub, and she had an older sister who I really liked, but she was at the time a lot older, but in reality not, not really, you know, and she's probably only like maybe two or three years older than me, but I was 14, so that's a lot, you know, to a 14 year old, a 17, 18 year old is, that's ain't, it's not ancient, but it's just, she was just a lot

older, she was an adult, and I remember once, I knocked on her door, knocked on my friend's door, she wasn't in, but her sister answered the door, no, no, her sister shouted come in, so I came in, right, because I didn't realize it was her sister shouting, because I was used to going in there, because I was friends with this girl, not her sister, but I was friends with her, I've met her sister a few times, I liked her sister, but for different reasons, and, but I was friends with this, this girl, I'd known her

for years, and she even, I think she put, yeah, she did, she put an earring in my ear, she was the first person to do that, it was weird, yeah, I didn't, it was a bit awkward, because I was on the toilet at the time, but just like, just wait until I finished, she, she put an earring, yeah, and it was, I think it got infected, which is pretty much normal, I think, for most kids that do that, I don't know if she heated it with a lighter, and then put an ice cube on it

afterwards, or something like that, and then, when I was 25, my then girlfriend, who I was with, decided she wanted to put an earring in my ear, she said, oh, you should have your ears pierced, and I said, no, they're already pierced, but I'd have to have them re-pierced, and she said, no, you don't, she said, because I've had both my ears pierced, when I was, at that time, that was the first time I had it done, it just did one ear, and then, when I was 17, I had both my ears pierced, and I

had my, my hair bleached, so I wanted to look like Bross, Luke Goss, Bross, or Matt, I'm not sure which one I wanted to look like, because they were identical twins, I wasn't really sure which one was which, but one sung, and the other one played the guitar, or was it the keyboard, I think it was a guitar, you might not know who Bross are, they sung a song like, I owe you nothing, nothing at all, and when will I, will I be famous, I can't answer, I can't answer that, yeah, I probably didn't do

it too much justice, I was actually listening to it last night, and yeah, it was weird, because it made my pink face even more pinker, and look even more pinker, because white hair on a pink head, it's not good, it's not a good match, because you can just see, like, I've got dark hair, I've got, I've got grey hairs as well, but I got dark hair, but I know that, once my hair, I mean, it's going to go grey, and then it'll go white, but my dad's hair is white like snow, he's got lovely hair,

but he's got more hair than, he hasn't got more hair than me, but he hasn't got bald patches, and he hasn't got that, and it doesn't seem fair, it doesn't seem fair, it's, so obviously I've inherited my mum's hairline, it's not fair, so, so I've got this bald patch at the back, which has really grown over time, but it snuck up on me, a little bit like, I don't know, age, or my belly, you know, just gradually, my weight, just gradually went up, to the point where, it's like, wow, how did I get that heavy?

I must have the strongest legs in the world, that's why I say, anyone that's heavy, you know, one thing, remember, they've got strong legs, we've all got strong legs, I know apart from those that haven't, but generally, to carry around a body, your legs have to be strong, they might not be weightlifting strong, as in, you know, power lifters, but everybody's got strong legs, because you have to have, to carry around the weight of a body, is, it's just like our necks, so I put like, everybody's got a strong neck, apart from those that don't,

but generally, everybody's got a strong neck, even those that don't think they have, because their head weighs a lot, so, anyone that's listening thinks, oh they're not strong, you are, you are physically strong, it doesn't matter how much you weigh, doesn't matter if you think you've got no muscles, you have, because you have to be strong, your ankles are strong, our knees, our hips, our neck, they're strong, and our muscles in our legs, the muscles in your back, it's all strong, yeah, maybe not to the point of being able to win an Olympic gold medal,

but, you know, it's just, it's worth remembering, you're very strong, so what I'm trying to say, is you're strong, it's a compliment, anyway, so her friend, my friend's sister, well basically, I just heard her voice saying, come in, I didn't know she was saying, come in, like I'm coming to answer the door, or come in, because it's the same word, I waited and I thought, it's raining, so I'll just, just walk in, and the door was open, it was unlocked, so I walked in, I guess she was expecting someone, I don't know, and I'm thinking

that my friend is there, but she's not, so I'm standing at the bottom of the stairs, and suddenly her sister walks to the top of the stairs, basically just, she walks halfway down the stairs, she's, she's got a towel around her, she says, I was in the bath, or in the shower, whatever, now, I was probably 14 at the time, sitting on the back of a bus used to get me excited, so you know, it's, this was a bit too much for me, and I really fancied I had done for years, and I wanted to

say something funny, so I decided to, I copied a line from a Chevy Chase movie, what was the movie, Fletch, and it was the ideal opportunity, I'd literally just seen that movie, probably that week, and it was the perfect scenario, exactly the same scenario as what he was in, so I said to her, can you do me a favor, she said, what's that, said, can I borrow your towel, and she laughed, I said, no, really, she just ran off, but it was like a perfect scenario, now, I'd love to be able to say that I

thought that up myself, but I didn't, it was, you know, Fletch, Chevy Chase, Fletch, Fletch the movie, I'm sure they did two, two of them, Fletch Lives, Fletch and Fletch Lives, I think, but they're very funny, funny movies, one of those movies that are kind of forgotten, like Heaven Can Wait, it's another one that Fletch did, is it Heaven Can Wait, where he's a dog, he plays a dog, and he's, he did quite a few movies that were really good, and it seems that the only movies that, there's so many good comedy movies that are

not played on telly, and I don't understand why, or they're not streamable, now, it can't cost anything to play them on telly, I mean, they can't be, they're so old, they're probably out of copyright by now, I mean, it's like 80s, 1980s, early 80s films, but they were good, now, with Chevy Chase, you've got the National Lampoon Vacation, especially the Christmas one, they, that, they play that on TV at Christmas and stuff, and they were good movies, I liked them, but he was in other stuff as well, I mean, he was a big star, wasn't

he, in America, on Saturday Night Live and stuff like that, which was, we, I didn't get that in this country, or, I think you could get it, but you had to have, like, satellite dish, like a proper, this is before satellite dishes were available to the masses, you know, you kind of had to invest in a satellite dish in your own garden, my uncle had one, it was like, wherever they launched missiles, not missiles, rockets in the Nevada desert, you know, it was big old, it was like, it wasn't as big as that, but it

was a big old thing, and my uncle could get TV channels from all over the world, so, you know, America, Germany, do I need to list every country, but he, he used to watch stuff from all over, I don't know, it wasn't like a subscription, I think you just tuned in and watched it, there was, there was no paywall or scrambler or anything, because most people didn't have access to this kind of stuff, he was really big into technology, loved, loved technology, loved, I say loved, he's still alive, he loved, but when I knew him,

he loved computers and games, and he was really into that stuff, lovely bloke, really, best uncle ever, I haven't seen him since I was about 15, unfortunately, what's that, 15, 25, by me, over, over 12 years, so, what other movies, I mean, the Chevy Chase movies, but there was another one, um, even things like Jackie Chan, Jackie Chan, his really good movies, like the really good ones, were the ones that he did before he was famous, and they're almost, they're legendary films, these are the ones that, you know, if you want to watch them on

Amazon, you have to pay to watch it, and he did one called Drunken Master, he did another one, uh, Snake, Snake Fist, something or other, so he did a few that were just really good, they were martial arts movies, but they were funny, and all the stuff that he does, kind of, in his movies when he became a Hollywood star, you know, all the acrobatics, and the the fight scenes, where it's, funny fight scenes, you know, where he's moving around, and he's, you know, I mean, there's one scene where he was hungry, he didn't have

any money to pay for the the food, so he went in, he sat down, he ordered the food, and he had wonton soup, or something, I don't know, noodle soup, so he's eating it, and he's stuffing it down his mouth, he has like two or three bowls, and then the manager comes over and says, oh, didn't I tell you not to come back in here again, and whatever, because he'd been kicked out before, and he said, uh, where's your money, he said, oh, I've got no money, so he starts to, this is not nice actually,

this bit, but he starts to decide that, the manager decides he wants the food back, so he starts punching him in the stomach, so okay, that's not nice in a sense, but he's actually fighting all these people whilst eating out of this bowl, it's just such a good scene, and it's, no one ever gets hurt, you know, it's, you know, it's very unrealistic, but it's very funny, so he's, uh, if you are, anyone that's a fan of Jackie Chan would know about these movies, because he just would, it's like, like anyone that's a big fan

of Chevy Chase would know about his earlier movies, or Steve Martin, anyone a big fan of Steve Martin would know about his, the movies that he did before he was, uh, I don't know, a Hollywood star, so you've got Man With Two Brains, um, The Other Me, okay, there's Lily Tobman as well, uh, what was the other one, My Kind Of Guy, Lonely Guy, something like that, something, so he was in quite, quite a few movies, uh, he did The Jerk, that was, I think that was a critical success, but in this, in UK, it

wasn't until he did Roxanne, I always feel like I want to sing that song, Roxanne, you don't know when to turn the light on, I mean, I love Roxanne, that, that film, I loved it, that was, it wasn't, um, for some, for certain reasons, it was one of my favourite films that he ever did, there's certain aspects of that film that I just loved, and I was really pleased when he became a Hollywood star, because I'd been watching his movies when I was a kid, and they were so obscure, you know, the, the movies that

he'd done, maybe they were hits in America, but over here, they weren't, and he was an unknown quantity, really, he came over, Steve Martin came over in the 80s, the late 80s, and was doing, or so I say later, probably 86, whatever, and he was doing, like, comedy stand-up sketches and stuff like that in the UK, he did a, he did a sketch or a little thing called the Dying Fly, something like that, but he wasn't a known, he wasn't known the way he became, because he became a movie, I'm saying the word movie star,

or the words movie star, quite a lot today, but I liked it, because I really enjoyed his other movies, they were so funny, funnier than, just personally, and I was a kid at the time, so maybe, but I've seen them as an adult, they were just hilarious, they were really, really funny movies, the Jerk was funny as well, but I just think some of the other ones were just, just, you know, great, and he did do loads of good movies, but he became more, I think once he got into Hollywood, he was very family-friendly kind

of movies, and I'm not criticizing him for that, because I love him, but when he did his, like, his other movies weren't really, they were more adult comedy, I mean, Another Me, I think it's Another Me, or Part of Me, or Half of Me, that wouldn't even be allowed now, because he gets taken over by the spirit of a woman, so half of him is a woman, the other half is a man, and he's walking around, and like, he just, yeah, probably wouldn't even be allowed to be on telly now, The Man With Two Brains,

oh dear, Lonely Guy, there's a scene in that, in Lonely Guy, that's really, there's a few scenes in it that's very funny, there's one scene, where he's, he's trying to stop someone from jumping off a bridge, someone he cares about, and he's running down this bridge to stop the person from jumping, and he goes up to them and says, stop, look, look, and he, and the person turns around, it's not, not the person he thinks, he said, oh, I'm sorry, carry on, and he keeps on running towards looking for the other person, and it's just,

it's so inappropriate, but it's so, like, just, it's funny, because to be so caring about one person, then not to care about another person, it's just, even as a kid, I saw how ridiculous the absurd, I love absurdity, always have loved absurdity, that's one of my favorite comics, comedy shows, was a Kenny Everett show, when I was a kid, he was just, I used to love mimicking him, if you're in America, or in another country, you may never have heard of Kenny Everett, he was one of the greatest DJs, radio DJs ever, I mean, I'm

going to say arguably, that this country ever had, because he was so funny, and what just shows you how funny he was, because he got a comedy show, he wasn't a comedian, like a stand-up comedian or anything, as far as I'm aware, he just was really funny person, so we ended up getting a TV show, and doing sketches, and characters, and it's hilarious, it's really, really funny, and unfortunately, he's gone now, he's passed away, but I used to listen to him in his last couple of years, and he was back on radio, and he got

kicked off, because he said something that upset people, so I think he lost his job, but it's just a pleasure to listen to, because he had all these little jingles, that was like, I don't know, like, and now, news, that's not a good example, but it was just, it's just funny, very light, very light, and pleasurable, it was a very, it was a nice way to spend a few hours, whilst working, to listen to him, and he played music, and I think he was on radio two, I think initially, I think he was on radio

one in the early days, and he probably hosted Top of the Pops, I can't remember, but I'm pretty sure he would have done, most of the radio one presenters hosted Top of the Pops at some point, I'm trying to think, that there was another comedy act, whose films I watched, and I forget their names, they were American, or kind of American and Mexican, one was a big bloke, and the other one was really slim, blonde hair, blue eyes, and they did a lot of spaghetti, kind of spaghetti western movies, but very funny, like really funny,

funny movies, and again, almost like forgotten, forgotten, and because I'm sitting down on my city reclined, I don't have any computer, or iPad, or even my phone, or anything on me, so I can't fact check, oh what were they called, it might come to me, it might, but they were really funny, and there was a few, basically what happened is, probably for the age of 12, maybe 13, I started going to the video shop around the corner, well the video shop opened around the corner, there was one that was miles away, and we used to

go there and get videos on oh man, it was the 2000 series, was it Sony, I forget, really old video recorders, they were the first ones, pretty much, and they went on for about four hours each side, that was before Betamax, and then VHS took over from Betamax, but the, we used to go, I used to go there, walk with my brothers, or my dad would drive up there, and we'd get movies out, and that was my favourite thing of the weekend, seeing that maybe you had four movies, and they'd be piled up, and they'd

have their boxes, and they'd have pictures and stuff, and I just loved it, I loved, I loved movies, I just loved, I did, and when the video shop opened around the corner, it was easier, I mean literally it was around the corner, and they let me join, and I was only what, 13, and they let me join, and I was in there every day, not every day, but I was in there regularly, and I watched every martial arts movie they had, because I started doing karate at 14, or maybe I was 13 and a half,

I don't, I lose track, but you know, maybe 13 and a half, so I started doing karate, and so I watched every single martial arts movie, like most kids would do, who do any kind of martial arts, they'll watch every movie, well they used to, I don't know if it's like that now, but it used to be a rite of passage, you know what, I mean you start off with Bruce Lee of course, the king, and back then, probably more so now, but I guess nowadays it'd probably be the Van Damme, Jet Li, people like

that, that weren't around when I was a kid, because there's yeah, a lot of martial arts movies came out, once I kind of, I think the Karate Kid kind of stirred that on, when the Karate Kid was released in was 84, it, yeah, it garnered a lot of attention from the public, and interest, and then movies started getting made, and you know, like I said, Van Damme with his, what did he do, Kickboxer, what's the other one he did, he did lots, but there was two really big ones, Kickboxer, and another one which was kind

of similar to Kickboxer actually, and then Jet Li in the 90s came out, and he was a big star in the 90s, but yeah, so I watched every single movie, martial arts movie there was, and if they got a new one in, they'd tell me, oh we got a new one in, I'd say, oh thanks for telling me, they said, well we did tell you that we'd tell you if we got a new one in, I said, I know, I appreciate it, and they said, well you told us to tell you, if we got a

new one in, I said, I know, well why, what are you going on about it, he said, I just want someone to talk to, it's been really quiet today, I said, okay, give me a hug, come on, so that was all right, and I did watch them, and then, well not, I didn't watch all them first, I probably started off watching the comedies, and I'd still watch the comedies and the martial art films at the same time, not at the same time, you know, maybe take out one of each, and I watched every single comedy

that they had, every single one, going back, didn't matter how far I went back, I'd watch it, I loved comedy films, comedy movies, loved, loved, loved them, and that's where I discovered Steve Martin, I mean, I was already a fan of Richard Pryor, I mean really, Richard Pryor was the biggest, well not really, he actually literally was the biggest movie star in the world at one point, and he, if you can argue with me on this one, it's true, he had, he had like a 10 million dollar contract or something, and this was in about

1980, it was or 1981, it was during the time when he did Superman 3, and he basically was a star of the show, he was a star of the movie, even though it was about Superman, and Louis, Louis, Louis Lane, but Richard Pryor, I think he might have got paid more than they did, I'm making that bit up, so I loved all his movies, like I watched every single one of Richard Pryor's movies from the video shop, so you know, I was brought up watching on television, Stir Crazy, is it Stir Crazy, yeah, I want

to say Stir Chicken, but it's basically Stir Crazy, and there's a picture of him, is it John Candy as well, wearing chicken costumes, it is John Candy isn't it, yeah, aren't they dressed up as chickens, or no, wait a minute, or is that Brewster's Millions, Stir Crazy, that's him and Gene Wilder isn't it, I think it is, it's Gene Wilder did Stir Crazy, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, they did those two together, Lady in Red, was that the one they did both together, or that might have just been Gene Wilder, what's the other movie

they did together, Stir Crazy definitely, definitely Hear No Evil, See No Evil, or See No Evil, Hear No Evil, one of those, and Silver Streak, that's it, Silver Streak, they were on a train called the Silver Streak, now I think See No Evil, Hear No Evil, was the last one they did, unless of course they did do Lady in Red, they definitely did three movies together, maybe four, but I remember seeing a documentary, or an interview with Gene Wilder, and he talked about Richard Pryor, and he said they never saw each other outside of working,

they only saw each other when they worked together, but when they did work together, there was chemistry, there was undeniable, there was a real chemistry between them, a comedy chemistry, and they didn't want to spend time together outside of working, in case they lost that spark, and they, I still think Gene Wilder is one of the greatest comedy actors of all time, I really do, I do, I love, there's one scene, I can't remember what movie it was in, because I've seen every Gene Wilder comedy film as well, he did, a woman kissed him, and

he acted like a small child acts when they're kissed by a girl, or by a boy, or by anyone, by a grandparent, you know, just like basically that, and he was like wiping his mouth, and then he runs away, cries, starts screaming, it's just hilarious to see, like he's an adult doing this, and it's very funny, but he was one of my comedy heroes, really, a film comedy actor heroes, and Willy Wonka, he was so good in that, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't really enjoy the remake, if I'm honest, yeah, not really, it wasn't

really, I mean, Johnny Depp is clearly a great actor, and a movie star, and you know, he's, he's great at his craft, but I'm not, I didn't really, I just loved the original, it's kind of, to me, that would be like remaking, It's a Wonderful Life, you know, the movie It's a Wonderful Life, it's just, there's a reason why they've not remade it, I mean, they have technically remade it, made different versions, just not called it that, but I can't, I wouldn't want to watch it, it don't matter how good the actor is, it's Jimmy

Stewart is, he is the man in that, he is the, Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, what was his name in that?

So, I was going to call myself that when I did my comedy, I was going to, that was going to be my stage name, I forget what it is now.

Oh, is something wrong with Daddy?

Right, I remember his name was Daddy, that was his kids calling him that, George Bailey, George Bailey, I was going to call myself George Bailey when I did the stand-up, when I first started, because I kind of wish I had, in a way, but that was my favourite movie, it still is my favourite movie of all time, It's a Wonderful Life is, yeah, it's my favourite movie, I can't really watch it anymore, because I can't, I pretty much know word for word what is said in it, and it's just such a special movie, you know,

it's something that I might watch in 10 years time, treat myself, and I remember the tunes, the beginning, the, literally the dialogue, it's hard not to, I think, wasn't Drew Barrymore's granddad in that as well, wasn't he the, the, George Bailey's uncle, who kept tying bits of string around his fingers, to remind himself of things that he forgot anyway, I think that was Drew Barrymore's grandfather, or great-grandfather even, because I know that she, her family, Drew Barrymore's family, are Hollywood royalty, aren't they, so yeah, can I borrow your towel, I just feel that's such a

good line, and to be able to use it in real life was just brilliant, unfortunately it didn't work, but I didn't expect it to work, but blimey if it had, my whole life would be different, I think, that'd be like, oh okay, the happiest memory of my life, I think I worked with her again, I think, because she was a supervisor at a factory, I think, it's only afterwards that I started thinking, wait a minute, because she looked familiar to me, but this was a few years later, so this was 1990, so we're talking the

difference between 1984 and 1990, so that's what, six years, so she was in her early 20s, she had a kid, probably about 25 by then, and I was, 19, so yeah, she, maybe she was 23, and yeah, she had a little kid, I didn't even know she had a kid, but she was a supervisor, and I liked her, and I ended up, I left the job, thinking I was going to get made redundant, because they were laying people off, and then I moved, I had to move out of where I was living, because I couldn't

pay the rent, so I moved into this little room, which ironically, wow, I didn't even think about this, blimey, it was opposite where she lived, which is in the same area that I used to live before, but thinking about it, that might have been the same house that she lived in before, but I'm pretty sure it was flats, she had a flat upstairs, so I did go in there, and she was friends with the other supervisor, who was my supervisor, so she wasn't my supervisor, her best friend was, and I hadn't seen them for probably

six months, I don't know, three, four months, and I said, and they said, what happened to you, I said, yeah, I figured I was going to get laid off, so I just didn't go back, and they said, you weren't going to get laid off, we're getting rid of the Deadwood, people that have been there for years, that didn't do anything, like just, I didn't really understand Deadwood, it's not a good, not a nice term, is it, but people that didn't care about the job, or didn't make any effort, and because it was one of those

places where you could go, and you could work there your whole life, it's one of those factories that was there for a long time, and people had their whole, you know, just didn't really have to put that much effort in, but they needed people to do the work, and they needed bodies in there, but apparently they said I would have had my, I would have kept my job, because they knew they were letting people off, and they took me on, it was a planned thing, because they'd moved into a new factory, and it was all

planned ages before, what they were going to do, so yeah, anyway, I remember thinking, I nearly asked her out, because I was older back, you know, I was older by then, I was nearly, no, I was 20 by then, I was 20 years old by then, and I was literally living opposite her, sleeping, living in a little room opposite where she lived, and I was going to ask her out, see if she wanted to go for a drink, or do something, and but I knew I was moving to London, that was my plan, and I

stuck to it, I knew that in January I was gone, I sold everything I owned, wasn't much, but I had a couple of hundred quid to go to London with, and I moved, because I wanted to do comedy, so I knew that in January 1991, I was gone, and this was like November 1990, so yeah, it's only like a couple of months away, not that she would have gone out on me, but I did like her, it's only afterwards that I thought, I think it's the same person, because unlike before, I was 20, she was

like 24, there's not a lot of difference in age, but when you're 14, and someone's 18, that's a huge difference, well it can be a huge difference can't it, for some people, so it's yeah, especially if the woman's older, because I was a kid when I was 14, I was still a kid at 18, I was still a kid at 19, I went through puberty last summer, that's, that's, that's how, oh that's me, uh, I can't remember why I'm talking about this, what was I talking about this for, I don't know, there must have been

a reason, there must have been a reason man, oh never mind, so that's it really, I've probably, I might have come to the end of the recording, I don't know, I don't know how long I've been talking for, I need to have a little look, wow, I'll be talking for over an hour, blimey, and I can honestly say, I haven't said a single thing, how can someone talk for an hour and say nothing, that's just ridiculous isn't it, blimey, anyway I'm gonna, I'm gonna go now, so thank you for listening, remember to be kind to

yourself, because you deserve to be happy, be gentle with yourself, lots of love, bye