#933 Meet Vinny Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (4th December 2022)

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. My name's Jason Newland. My website, my website, my website is jasonnewland.com. I'm a little bit out of breath because I've just been chasing this little monkey that's in my arms.

It's not actually a monkey, it's a Jack Russell, a little puppy, Jack Russell, five months old. Called Finny. Hello.

Now, perhaps I should make a video of this really, but I couldn't be bothered. I thought I'd just do a podcast about video. So yeah, a new addition to the, to my family is this little boy called Vinnie.

And as I said, he's a Jack Russell. He's red or ginger. I don't know.

Apparently it's an unusual color, but he's, he's a little puppy, but to be fair, he's probably not going to get any bigger because they're little, weren't they? So yeah, it's kind of a hello. You're right. You'll make a weird noise so you can say hello to everyone.

Hello. Say hello. Okay.

I've got you. I've got you. I'm not going to let go of you ever.

So basically what happened is yesterday, I had no idea this was going to happen. I did. I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Yes. Good. I might've said it, but I said it twice.

I got a knock at the door. As you do. Answer the door.

And it was my friend, but instead of his dog running in by normal, there was this little red thing that was moving at the sound of honestly too fast. Couldn't even see what it was. And my friend was laughing.

It's like, what is that? And then I realized it was a dog because he came back and I, Oh, it's a dog. Now the reason this was a weird situation is because my friend's dog does not like dogs. Doesn't loves humans.

Absolutely adores humans. He's the most human friendly dog you'll ever meet. Can not stand other dogs and tries to eat them.

Especially little dogs like this. Then he, but he's just very, just doesn't like dogs because he's a rescue dog. We don't really know the history.

So the complete history. So there's a chance that maybe, maybe he was used. He had a bad experience with another dog or other dogs or whatever.

So it's all guesswork really. So I'm like, what's going on? How are these two dogs getting on? Because he loves this little thing. Loves it.

That's been all night together, sleeping together and he never gets on with dogs, but he loves this little thing. So no, there's no logical reason why. So, um, the reason, so that's, that's just like a really weird thing.

The next thing is my friend said that this, this little Jack Russell needed a new home. So my friend was going to take him in because he needed a new home. Basically.

I think he, he had his original home and then he was given up. He's actually a pedigree. He's a pedigree.

Um, so he was sold, probably raised to sell to be fair. For three grand or something like that. Do you want to get down or do you want to stay up here? Want to stay with me or do you want to get down? Oh, you're comfortable.

She's getting herself more comfortable. Oh, well he wants to bite me. That's nice.

Hey, you give me kisses. Well, um, yeah, so he, and then he went to a different home, but that person got unwell and they couldn't look after him. Uh, like they were physically unwell and they wanted to keep him, but that the man or woman, I don't know, they just couldn't.

So bearing in mind, he's only five months old. He's, this is like that. This is, that was his second home.

Then he stayed with, um, like a foster carer that was looking after him and she wanted to keep him, but it was, she's, she wasn't able to. So that was three homes he's been in so far and she loves him to bits and she, she was crying. She really wanted to keep him, but because of her job and she was never at home, hardly.

And she didn't think it would be fair on the dog to be on its, on its own all the time. So, um, she was trying to find a, an owner, like a, you know, sort of someone to look after him. He's fell over.

He was licking his, well, he hasn't got any balls, but he's been done. He's been neutered. He's been, uh, had all his injections, been chipped, had everything done.

He's a pedigree dog. And the, the people, so she was looking after him for someone else and they wanted, I think like 1500 pound for him. And my friend didn't pay that much, but he decided he was taking him.

And he said, well, he's not, the alternative wasn't good. To be fair, if he couldn't find a home, he was just going to get rid of it. And let's not go into that, but I think it would, I don't, you know, it's like, really? So that's why my friend said he's not going anywhere.

He's staying here. So once my friend had him, he said, he's not leaving this building regardless. So I said, no, I'd like a dog.

And my friend said, have him. I said, yeah, but you want him. He said, no, not really.

I just don't want him to be, well, making noise for what? Well, I'm going to get up. Come on then. I'm going to get out.

You want cuddles again? Come on. Come on then. Come on then.

Do you want cuddles? You want cuddles? Come on then. You need to go for wee-wees. Oh dear.

What are you doing? I thought he might want to go to the toilet, but he doesn't. He wants to play. Don't you? Loves playing.

Loves biting, but not proper biting. He hasn't actually bitten me. He bites me.

He like plays, but he's kind of mouthing rather than biting, if you know what I mean. He loves rough and tumble. Don't you? We had a big punch up this morning.

Didn't we? You loved it, didn't you? On the bed. No, it was on the settee, wasn't it? Biting me, then I was biting him with my fingers, pretending to bite him. Anyway, so I said to my friend, well, I'll take him because I've been thinking about getting a dog or possibly another ferret, but I kind of didn't.

I couldn't really see myself getting a ferret because it just, I just don't know. I couldn't. Yeah.

I just thought maybe a dog would be better this time. And it's been a year and a half since Andre left. So now we've got this little bugger.

Hey, what are you doing? And my friend said, yeah, okay. It's a gift. So he gave it to me as a gift.

He paid for it to whoever, I don't know, whoever owns, owned him. And he's, he's a gift to me. He's now my little boy.

Aren't you? Didn't like me yesterday though. Absolutely didn't like me really. He didn't want to be anywhere near me.

But today he's been very, very cuddly and very, you know, following me around everywhere. And you got used to me, haven't you? Take him out for a few walks. We've got a communal garden here.

So I let him out in the garden a few times. Every couple of hours, I let him out and see if he needs to do a wee wee. Don't I? Yeah.

He's biting me now. See, it doesn't hurt. The only time it hurts a little bit is really funny enough.

Not with the sharp teeth at the front, but the back teeth, because how, because they close a little bit. I don't know a little bit. Um, okay.

Just get comfortable. That's it. That's better.

It's better if I can put my hand on there. That's it. Ah, so yeah, I've got this, this little monkey with me now.

Vinnie, Vinnie Newland, Newland, Vinnie Newland. And he's a little Jack Russell. I will put a picture.

Uh, maybe I'll make a picture. I'll take a picture of him and then stick that as the thumbnail for the podcast episode. So you'll see what it looks like.

It won't be just some random, uh, you know, it won't be a random, uh, Jack Russell. That would actually be him. And obviously you meet Vinnie.

That'll be the title. Meet Vinnie. Meet Vinnie.

Meet Vinnie. So we went out for a walk today, me and my friend and his dog and this, this little thing. And we went, oh, he has a tendency of barking though.

When there's noises outside or bloody, if someone knocks on the door, he goes absolutely nutty. He really does. Very loud.

It's a bit annoying, but hopefully I'm hoping he's going to grow out of it. I don't know if he will, though, to be fair. But he's, I need him to grow out of the barking whenever the gate goes, because the gate's going to go a lot.

And there's going to be people in the garden. There's going to be people in the hallway outside. He used to even started barking at the pigeons.

The pigeons came like a few, about five pigeons flew down onto the grass. We was indoors and he started barking. So he's aware of everything.

When we go for a walk, he's, he's almost, there's nothing he's not aware of. Every single sound, any person, any, anything. He's just looking around the whole time, scanning the area.

Yeah. The thing is, I don't need a guard dog. I don't need a dog to be barking every time someone moves.

Whereas if someone knocks on the door, I don't need a guard dog. I really don't. Especially not one that's, that's not even as big as my knee.

He can make a lot of noise. Okay. Kisses.

Oh, he's giving me kisses. Oh, thank you. That's nice.

In other words, he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth from when he was cleaning his bum probably. Hey, dirty little monkey. So yeah, we went to, my friend says, who goes to the pet shop? I said, I didn't think it was open.

He said, open? It's not open on a Sunday is it? He said, yep. I said, no, it's not though is it? He said, yes. That's why I said, let's go to the pet shop.

I didn't think it was open. He said, yeah, it is open. I said, are you sure? He said, we're here now, actually in the shop.

You know, we're open. I said, okay. Okay.

So I've got a few treats for this one. Got a few treats for the other dog. And I got him a, what do you call it? Like a, um, a thing that you put over his back.

Hoist? Is it a hoist or whatever? And that you can attach the lead to. I also got a new lead for him. Uh, one that was like the one he had was a bit broken.

So I guess it wasn't his originally. Cause I thought he came to warn it out and the lock wasn't working. You know, it was like an extension one, five meters.

So I got a new one and it was five meters again, but it holds a larger dog, which means it wasn't just like that string. Cause I was getting burned. I got a burn mark on my hand from the other one.

So this is, a lot better. It's easier to manage him. Plus now when it's attached to his hoist instead of to his collar, he can't pull as much before he was pulling and like, you wouldn't believe how strong he is considering he's tiny.

He was proper pulling, really pulling. Right, yeah. Hey, kisses, kisses.

Oh, oh, oh, kisses my neck. Oh no. Just get rid of the dirt for you.

Oh, thank you. So I think he's coming around. I don't think he hates me anymore.

Yesterday we had a little bit of a disagreement. He didn't seem to like me. At one point he was on the bed and I needed to go to bed.

So he, he's almost, it's like he, he decided the bed belonged to him. So when it was time for me to go to bed, he didn't seem to like it. And I kind of tried to move him a little bit just so I could get in because he was taken up.

He spread himself out. So he took up over half of the double bed. I moved him and he snapped at me.

I was like, okay. And then he fell off the bed and he ran off with the ump. And he slept the rest of the night in here on the settee.

So he, we didn't sleep together. He just, yeah, he just left me alone. Now in the morning, in the morning, you was all nice to me, weren't you? And we had a little sleep this afternoon, a little nap, and he slept more near my feet rather than up near my head.

So he, you know, gave me a little bit of space and he did that on his own. I didn't call him onto the bed. He just decided to come onto the bed and sleep with me.

So he's, and since then he's been cuddling me, cuddling up to me on the sofa and I've given him treats. I've got him some bones and gotten a couple of balls, I don't know, three tennis balls, but little ones. Obviously he's tiny.

So three little balls and to make up for the two that you lost, eh? Okay. Bad joke. Sorry.

I'm sorry. Too soon. Too soon.

I'm going to get down. Get down if you want. What do you want to stay up and cuddle? Hmm? He wants to fight.

He's trying to fight me. He's trying to get me into a punch up. Don't you? You want to get off? Get off.

Now he's coming back. He's trying to goad me. Oh, he just shat, rattled himself.

He's trying to goad me into a punch up. He's like, come on, dude. Come on.

He actually stands on his back legs and just have his two front, front, um, his hands up in the air. Like, come on then. Let me at him like Scrappy do.

It's weird. So I've got him. So he's, he's, he's happy.

He's got lots of treats. My friend said to this, this, uh, person who was looking after him that he'll be the most spoiled little boy in the world, which is probably true to be fair. I will spoil him, but why not? I mean, a dog's life's gotta be kind of fairly boring, isn't it? Really? So why not spoil him? The only downside.

Well, a few downsides about being negative is well, I hate dogs. That's one. No, I'm joking.

One of the downsides is he's staring at me through the, through the gap in the, stop staring at me. One of the downsides is I'm kind of stuck here with him. Not during the day.

I can leave him. So I don't have to be here with him all the time. Uh, I can't go away.

I can't leave him here overnight. I can't leave him for like long periods of time, really. Unless I have to, you know, if I go away for the day, I go away for the day, you know, I'll come back and I'll just be here and maybe get my friend to keep an eye on him or just leave him in here till I get back.

And that'll be a very, very rare time, you know, when I'll be gone for like 12 hours or 14 hours. He's sitting right at my feet, just sitting there guarding me. He's protecting daddy.

He's protecting daddy. I think he might start to be coming to like me, or I think it might be at that point where he's got used to me. He's just sort of given up.

He's resigned to the idea that that lovely lady's kind of not coming back. He really liked her a lot and there's a shame because he was happy there. There's a lady, she had a son, 14 year old son, lovely flat, garden, everything.

He loved it there and she loved him and the kid loved him, but I don't know how long they had him for, a few weeks, but they couldn't keep him. He's at school all day. She's at work all day and he's a puppy.

It's just, it's not good, is it? And there was some other issues as well. So, so although technically he's a rescue dog, but he's a rescue dog from what could have happened. What are you doing, what? You're a rescue dog, but he's been loved, haven't you? You were loved by the owner that couldn't look after you because they were unwell.

You were loved by the lady, didn't you? Who wasn't able to look after you and now you're kind of liked a little bit, like by me, semi-liked. I'm not sure if I can ever love you, but you know, I might like you a bit more tomorrow. You never know.

What? You want to get up? Make your mind up. He wants to bite me. No, I'm in the middle of making a podcast.

He gets bored. He just, I think he does, he does want to cuddle. He does want me to pick him up, but at the same time he doesn't.

He kind of wants me to do it, but he wants to kind of pull away at the same time. It's weird, a weird one. I don't know.

You don't know, do you? I think you're not sure. Oh, you're biting me now. You just want to punch up.

You just want to have a fight. I'm not having a fight with you. No, no, no.

I'll tickle your tummy though. I'll tickle your tummy. Tickle your tummy.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Tummy tickle. Tummy tickle.

Yeah. I hope he's happy. I don't really don't know.

How can you tell? Probably is a way to tell. Oh, oh, kisses. Kisses.

Kissy kisses. Oh, I'm cuddling him. He's got his head on my shoulders.

So his stomach into me and like I'm holding him and he's got his head on my shoulder. Oh, so I've got no idea if he's happy. I hope he is.

He gets excited, you know, when he sees the other dog and he still gets excited when he goes out to the toilet and when he goes for a walk and when he hears stuff. So he's very excitable because he's a puppy. Oh, don't don't get right in my ear.

Blimey. I've got earache here. Blimey.

That's that weird. The ear that's hurting. He's really trying to get deep into it.

Okay. It's probably not health free. Not very.

He wants to do the other ear now. Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's probably the grossest thing that well, well, no, it's not the grossest thing, but it's probably I don't know how healthy that is. Let him lick my ears.

I couldn't help it. He wanted to do it. It did feel nice to be fair, but I might have to go and wash my ears out now.

Hey, you want to get down or you want to stay up? You want to get down? It's up to you. You can do whatever you want to do. Well, not anything you want to do.

Like I don't want you to bark him. And I don't want you playing the drums. And I don't want you jumping on top of the desk either.

It looks like that's what you want to do. And you're not going to. No, no, you're not.

You're not going to do that. No, you're not. So yeah, so here I am with a dog.

I'm not sure. No issue is kind of I am going to want to go away again at some point. You know, I'm not just going to stay indoors and stay here and never go anywhere for the next 20 years.

So I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do that to get a babysitter, a dog sitter to look after him. You'll be all right, won't you? Hey, hey, you don't need me. You'll be all right here.

I'll leave you a tin opener. You know how to use a microwave don't you? You should do. Five months old.

What five month old doesn't know how to use a microwave? Probably knows how to reset the television. Reboot the laptop. Should be able to do that at your age.

Oh, now it's gone. My ears feel weird. So yeah, I got this.

It's seven o'clock. This is the the World Cup quarterfinal qualifier is happening today for England against Senegal, Senegal, Serengeti, something like that. Drinking some water now in case you thought that was me making that sound.

The, yes, Senegal, Senegal. So we're playing Senegal and I do believe if we do that we get through to the quarterfinals. With a win I mean.

Which means quarterfinals, semifinals, final. So technically, potentially, four games. Tonight, quarterfinals, semifinals, then finals.

Now I don't know, I guess no one knows who's going to be playing in the quarterfinals yet because you know I have to win. Whoever's got to win. So it'll be interesting.

I mean it's got, where is it? So if I turn the volume down I'm going to put the TV on. Just so I can see. TV on.

3 o'clock. ITV3 it should be. ITV3 HD, ITV3 HD.

FIFA vs Senegal. Now they've already started. When it says starting at 7 o'clock, normally I thought it would mean that their TV show, you know, there'd be the build up to it and the talking about it for an hour and then the match would start.

But the actual kickoff was 7 o'clock. Blimey. So they're already playing.

Been playing for 2 minutes and 14 seconds. So I don't know who's in the lineup. I don't know.

All I know is that some of the Senegal players, I think they are the Senegal players, have got pink trainers on or pink shoes. I'm guessing the Senegal are the ones in green. Yeah, green.

Blue, green, something like that. And English players have got white shirts on. Yeah, it's quite weird.

Even with a big TV that, oh that's it, from a distance it's just, everything's small. But then when you get a close-up it's bigger than they would be in real life. And it's strange.

OK, so Mendy, is he the English? Oh no, he's the Senegal player. Anyway, so they're playing. England will win this.

I've no doubt because we're the best team in the world. That's why. The bestest.

And I think USA should be backing us as well. And Wales. I know it probably wouldn't happen but I think once you get beat, once you get out of the competition, I think it's nice to sort of back the person that beat you.

You know, in the game, to go on to win the overall thing. Because if that happens, for me, it looked like there's a bit of logic to that. For example, let's say if you're at a tennis tournament and you get beaten by McEnroe because I'm really up to date on my tennis.

Now, even if you get beaten in the first leg of the tournament, the very first match, if McEnroe then goes on to win the overall tournament, you can say, you can think in your mind, well, I'm second best. I'm the second, even when you could say, well, the person, the person, you know, that didn't win the final is second best. But you can then say, well, I'm at least third best.

And no one can really disprove that. Not really. They can say it, but they can't, you can't really disprove it.

Because it makes sense in a way, don't you think? It's kind of logical. Kind of. You hear in the background eating his bone.

I bet you never thought there'd be a sound of an animal in the background again while I was making these podcasts. Some people probably think, yeah, I wish there wasn't one. It's a bit distracting, mate.

Well, if you, I don't think, I mean, my friend's dog's been up here a couple of times, but generally, if you want to hear some podcasts about without an animal in the background, listen to anything prior to 2014 and listen to anything between May, May 2021 and yesterday, because there wasn't anything, wasn't any animals really. But now there is again. It's a bit strange, but the carrier bear, it's like some of the sounds are just the same.

It's almost like having, and he's tiny as well. I mean, obviously, you know, Andre was absolutely minute compared to him, but still, it's just, it's one of the smallest dogs probably you can get, Jack Russell, tiny little thing. But I didn't want a big dog.

I mean, this flat is fine for one person. I mean, I think, shut up, making enough noise. I think if you lived with someone, that referee looks like he's got a Hitler mustache.

No, he wouldn't do that. That's funny. I think the referee's got a Hitler mustache, unless it's just the, I've noticed recently, actually, sometimes when these, the players put their hands behind their back.

Why? Oh, they hold their hands behind their back when there's like a penalty or stuff like that. What's that about? Is that to stop them from pushing the other people and getting sent off? Is it? Well, I'm no football expert, but the ball seems to be in the English sides. A bit too much for my liking.

Yeah, a little bit too much. Last game with Wales, which was Wednesday or Thursday. Oh, no, it's not Hitler mustache.

It's the microphone. It's got a kind of ear microphone, but the thing is just right in the middle of his nose, where like a Hitler mustache should be. So it just looked like a Hitler mustache for a little bit.

Oh my goodness, Hitler. He's come back, but this time as a referee in a very important game. And if I remember rightly, he wasn't too keen on the English.

Mind you, he wasn't, he wasn't really a big fan of anyone, was he? An old Adolf. Why are they playing drums? What's that all about? Some of the audience have got, they're playing drums and they're singing and I wonder what the English fans are doing. Where are the English fans? I can't see.

Normally you can see them because they're animated. And I don't mean, you know, they're literally animated like a cartoon. But they're usually quite vocal, which is hard to read, to grasp when the volume's down.

Well, we're in the right area now. I've got the window open. So if England do score, you'll probably hear a big, like the local people, because millions of people around this country will be watching this.

Millions. Upon millions. I'd say probably 50% of the population, of the adult population, will be watching this.

Or 50% of the households. That's probably a better one, isn't it? Because some people do have lots of people to a household. So I'd say 50% of the households in this country will be watching this.

At least, I'd say. And you know, I'm not a football fan. I'm really not.

I appreciate football for the skill. And I was talking to my friend about that. It's like, I do support, I support the World Cup and the European Cup.

So every two years, you've got either the World Cup or the European Cup. And England play. And during my life, they've never really, they've never won the World Cup.

So that's just the way it is. That's how it's been so far. However, I gained an appreciation of football, because my oldest brother loved football.

And also, football was huge when I was a kid. Okay, it's huge now, but it was, our local team was the top team in the country. Local to where I lived.

It wasn't the same town, but it was a different town. But it was the closest town. Like, I don't know, 60 miles away.

So it's not a long, long distance, or 20 miles away, something like that. And I want to check that. That's gonna, that's gonna bug me if I don't give the right information.

It is 23 miles. I knew it was around that. No, no 23 minutes.

12.3 miles. I knew it was something like that. It's, I think.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Right, it depends which way you go. But it's 12.3 miles, or 14.5 miles, depending which way you go.

Ironically, the 12, the 14.5 miles is quicker than a 12.3 miles route. Makes zero sense. Actually, the train from one town to the next is 27 minutes.

And it's a 10 mile journey. So just show you like the direct because you go through fields and you know, I mean, it's a different, you know, on motorways and stuff. So it's 10 miles by train, by plane, five minutes.

I mean, you just take off and then land, wouldn't you? That would be it. In fact, the runway, you get to the end of the runway and you'd be there. Blimey.

So the local team was the biggest club, not in the UK, just in the UK, but in Europe for a while. So you know, huge amount of interest locally. It was a huge big, big deal.

Big, big deal. This is in the 70s, late 70s. And I was interested, you know, as far as watching and of course, I wanted, you know, so when it came to England or whatever, I wanted England to win.

Just like every kid wants their team to win. Because that's what everybody else wants. You just want to be the same as everyone else.

I can't say honestly, that I was emotionally involved in the whole adventure. I didn't really care. But I pretended I did.

It's just like I'd watch tennis. I didn't, I didn't understand the rules of tennis. It's only recently, I was watching Murray, the Scottish tennis player.

Hello. Hello. So I was watching Murray play.

And he'd won Wimbledon the year before. And this was his, no, this was his first Wimbledon win. I think.

I think anyway, it's one of the either the first or the second. And what I did is, I was watching, I realised I didn't understand the rules, which surprised me because I grew up watching tennis. And watching McEnroe and watching Conor and Bjorn Borg.

And then, you know, the new people that came along, Becker. Is it Becker? Boris Becker. Yeah, Boris Becker.

Andre Agassi, but that was in the 90s. And, you know, there was obviously famous Billie Jean King. And Andre Agassi's wife.

Oh, I forget her name. This is terrible, isn't it? The most successful player of all time. Well, she was now I think Serena Williams has overtaken her.

I think. Steffi Graf. Steffi Graf.

Okay. Steffi Graf or Williams. Okay.

Who has more titles? Okay. Who has more slams? Okay. Serena Williams.

That's it. By one. Blimey.

But hey, it still counts, doesn't it? Number of Grand Slam victories for the female tennis players. Serena Williams, USA, 23 Grand Slams. Steffi Graf, 22.

Martina Navaratova, USA, 18. Chris Everett, 18. And then you've got Margaret Court at 11.

Monica Selez at 9. Billie Jean King at 8. Venus Williams at 7. What a disappointment to her family. Only seven Grand Slams. Only.

Can you imagine in any other family, any other family having seven Grand Slams in a tennis would make you, well, it puts you in the top 10 of the best females of all time. So any other family would be so like, they'd be bragging and like, yeah, you know Venus. So we've got Venus.

Yeah. She's my family. She's got seven.

Seven Grand Slams. How many Grand Slams my daughter's got? I bet her parents never say that. Never say the word seven.

They say 23, don't they? Unless they say 30, you know, put them together. It's not fair. Serena, why didn't you let Venus, didn't they play each other once? Like in an actual, in Wimbledon or something? I'm pretty sure they did.

You've got Yvonne Goulogon-Cawley, USA, seven. Yeah, there's three people at seven. Juslin Henning from Belle.

I don't know if this is genuine. Okay. What about say now? I don't know.

Okay. I'm just going to say, I don't know if that's Belgian or Belarus, B-E-L, I'm not sure. Okay.

Because Belarus is a country as well, isn't it? So, yeah, I'm not dissing Belgium just saying or Belarus. Belarus do a doodle, a fango. Boom.

We're gonna make for me for me, for me. Mama. Just kissed a man.

Put his head. And I had to suck. What's going on here? England? They're arguing.

The man with the, well, he hasn't got, okay, let's call him Hitler, just because he, before he had a moustache. He's arguing with people. Get him, it's a heated.

I think he's got a bit of a temper on him. I'm not sure if he should be allowed to be a referee. I used to have so much respect for that man.

Now I'm not so sure. Damn. Okay.

Okay, five slam shots, Grand Slam tournament titles. Maria Sherepovova. So she got five.

That's from R.U.S. So it's, what's R.U.S., I think. What country started R.U.S.? Rwanda, no. Although that's meant to be a really good place to visit.

Romania, no. I dated a girl from Romania, or a lady from Romania. Yeah, I did.

I'm not showing off, I'm just letting you know. You could say, well, why are you telling us? We didn't need to know that. It's of no interest.

No use to us. But nothing I say is of any use to me. Reunion.

There's actually a place called Reunion. There's a country called Reunion. Did you know that? I bet you didn't.

I bet you did not know that there's an actual country called Reunion. Ah, see. Mind you, how many of you knew there was a place called Guitar? Till the World Cup? Rwanda.

A W's not really supposed to go after R, is it? Yeah, it's not really a properly spelt name, is it? It's not. I can't get my... Russia, okay. The Russia Federation.

The Federation, I thought that was a Star Trek thing. Martina Hingis Khan. Martina Hingis is number five.

Oh, she's got five. So one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. So the top 12 people, Serena.

Serena. Serena. Why does that sound like an injection? I don't know.

Serena. Syringe, that's why. Syringer.

Serena. Williams. Top.

By one. Only one. So I reckon she kept going in order to win that.

I guess you would, wouldn't you? If you knew, because I think she's retired now, and she's about 80 or something. And she, I'm guessing, I'm guessing that Serena decided to, she couldn't retire until she'd broken poor Steffi's career best. And I just think it's just, I just feel sorry for Steffi.

I mean, imagine all those years holding the title. Hold for the top player. Not just like the top female player, but one of the top players of all time.

You know? Of all time. Top men. So we should have the same thing.

Roger, well obviously we know it's Roger Federer. Didn't even, didn't even need to sort of search that. I'm not even a tennis fan, but I know Roger, Roger, old Roger, as I like to call him.

So, career, okay. The men, I'll go straight to the top. I won't worry about the others.

I'm just going to go by grand slams. Because that's not contest, that's grand slams. Novak Djokovic, what? It's saying that Novak Djokovic, is the top.

Not only that, is, I want to say the word only, not out of, just compared to the females. Only got 21 grand slams, compared to 20, wow, so he's got less. So Roger Federer, Rafael, Rafael Nadal, 22 grand slam singles.

So why is he at 21, yet he's classed as the top, number one? There's got to be a reason, what are they basing it on? 92 career titles, Rafael's got more, he's got 22 grand, 92 career titles, so why is, why is Novak got, he's classed as a higher, okay, so I guess it's just their opinion. 159,041,043 pence, no, 159,041,453 dollars, that's all I suppose, isn't it? Rafael, 130 million. So where's Roger Federer then? He's number three, how come he's number three? He's only had 20 grand slam titles.

20 grand slam titles, but he's got 103 career titles, so that's more than the other two. Wimbledon eight times, Nadal, Wimbledon two times, Djokovic, Wimbledon seven times. So he's, that's really strange.

Okay, I thought Roger Federer was the top of all time, but it depends how you judge it, I guess. Do you judge it by how much they've earned, do you judge it by how many games they've won? You thought that would be a judge, wouldn't you? But it's not that, it's like how many titles they've won, how many grand slams they've won. Sounds very like wrestling, doesn't it? I don't know.

What do you think? Any ideas? I don't know. Hmm. Very curious.

Very, very curious. So when was this article written though? September 22, okay, so it's up to date, Gordon, but I was going to guess it is. So Serena Williams is, she's not the top female, she's the top tennis player.

I'm just wondering if it's going to give me a little bit more information about her, how many games did she play? Okay, Serena Williams. I'll just put in the talented one. The talented sister.

Okay, so let's have a look. She's 41 now, so I think she's retired, I don't know. I'm not sure.

So Serena, oh come on, just give me. Shush. Right, she's basically the best tennis player of all time.

That's, I'd say best, you know, as far as her success. Can't argue on that, can you? Olympic Games. She won gold in the 2012 Olympic Games for singles and doubles.

She won gold in the 2000 and 2008 for doubles. Why is the best tennis player, the best professional tennis player in the world allowed to play in the Olympic Games? That is just ridiculous. That is ridiculous.

That would be like Tyson Fury going and playing in the Olympic Games, boxing someone, an 18 year old, or 19, 20 year old, whatever, amateur. And no matter how good that amateur is, how are they going to compete against Tyson Fury, or Deontay Wilder, or Joshua? Like world champions I'm talking about, you know, people that are in their prime, that are just, they're not going to win, are they? I mean, you could say yeah, but it's different. Amateurs, they get a lot more fights more regularly, which is true.

Amateurs can fight loads of times in a year, but a professional will fight maybe once or twice, especially once they're world champion, they might only fight twice a year, once a year sometimes. But they're still training, and they've still got that huge experience, and they're still, I don't know, it just seems ridiculous. I think that's what Tyson should do.

I might contact him and say, look, why don't you apply to be for the Olympic Games next year? Not next year, the year after, isn't it? Yeah, I'll do that. I've got to go now. So the little one is eating, eating his bone.

It is a bone, I'm just saying, there's a bone on the floor, he's eating it. So he seems to be happy. Actually, it's not, he's eating one of, it's, you know those ones you get from the pet shop, and they're not real bones, I don't know what they're made of, but he's loving it.

And I think he's still teething, he's still got some teeth coming through, so he's just loving biting things. It's his favourite thing really, apart from barking when there's a noise, which is annoying. I might start closing that door so he can't hear, maybe, I don't know.

So anyway, I'm going to go. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

You deserve to be happy. Remember to be gentle with yourself. Lots of love.

Bye.