#904 Gratitude journal - Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (12th October 2022)

Hello and welcome to Let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland and my website is jasonnewland.com Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes or only watch when you can safely close your eyes if you're watching on YouTube. Now, the truth is I've just spent 10 minutes making the video and I forgot to press the record button on the recording studio for the podcast.

So I'm recording two separate and that's a bit annoying if I'm honest. I'm just a little bit, a little, a little bit annoyed because I'll be honest with you, those 10 minutes were probably the best 10 minutes of video I've ever made. Best 10 minutes of podcasting in 17 years.

It was pure gold, absolute. It just, it just slid out of my mouth. It was phenomenal.

I was able to put words together, three words in a row. It was amazing. It was fantastic.

It was glorious. Then I realized, then I realized, oh wait a minute, I forgot to press record. Now, in a way it wouldn't really matter because as long as I've got it recorded on a video, I can extract the audio out of the video.

And if I forget to press the video record and I've got the audio recording, I can then just have it as a podcast and laugh it off that, you know, just don't do a video. Gas, lovely. And I was just talking before I was, before I had to start again, just explaining that I, what was I explaining? I was explaining something.

Yeah, I wasn't sure if I was going to continue with YouTube or not. I've been trying to figure it out. And I think sometimes I put too much thought into things.

I think too much about stuff. Instead of just doing it, just get on with it. Get on with it, man.

That's what I should do more of. Just do it. Why make such a big deal? Either make a video or don't make a video.

Just, just do it or don't do it. Why don't, don't build it into this big, scary thing when it's just pressing record and just having my funny face there as a distraction while I make the podcast and a distraction it is. I, I never, if, if only I never knew when I was at school, I wouldn't say I was, yeah, I was going to say when I was a child, I was a child at school, those two things were happening at the same time.

I never knew I'd end up looking like this. I really don't. I mean, literally, I've inherited my dad's face and my mum's tits.

It's like, who'd have thought? It's just not fair. It's, it's nothing wrong. My dad's a handsome, that's loud, isn't it? My dad's a handsome man.

But I just haven't, it's almost like I've got the, the worst parts of each. Not the, I mean, she had lovely, no, let's just stop this direction. Tell us more about your mother's breasts.

No, I'm not. Of course, I'm not focusing on that. I'm just saying that, look, I'm at least a D cup.

It's ridiculous. And then I just found out, I just found out because I'm studying, I'm studying neuroscience. Well, I'm studying, I'm learning about neuroscience.

I'm not at university or anything because I couldn't get a course. I couldn't get on a course for neuroscience. Maybe a beginner's course, like an introduction course, but I wouldn't be able to get, I wouldn't be able to go to college.

And, and I know some people say, oh, don't, don't ever say never. Don't ever say never. Okay.

Let me explain it to you. I'll explain it. Right.

Here's the thing. Itchy ear. Here's the thing.

I, I went to university in 2007. I finished my course. I did a degree in, it's a weird time to have a stutter, isn't it? I did a degree in counselling.

I have a little bit of stutter sometimes. I think it might be just nerves, knowing that at least three people are going to watch this on YouTube. It makes me nervous, such a big crowd.

I had a, yeah, I did my degree. So it was basically two years for the diploma. And the last year was the degree year.

So it's three years full-time degree with honours, batch BA with honours, I think. Yeah, I think it was a BSc. I don't know, one of them with honours, BA I think.

And there's a point from, oh yeah, there's the reason I'm telling you this, okay. Now you might think, oh, he's showing off. What's he showing off for? Lots of people have got degrees.

Lots of people have got, well, you know what, actually, not that many people get the degree at 40. They like, yeah, maybe thousands and thousands of people do. But compared to the average age group to get a degree, 40 is quite old.

So, you know, and in fact, if I had the foresight, I would have been prepared and I could have showed you my certificate of achievement. I didn't just get my diploma and my degree. I actually, they gave me a certificate of achievement because they were impressed with me for not quitting, which I guess isn't really an achievement, is it? I don't know.

So I was a bit unwell during the course. I'm proud of it. Oh yeah, I was unwell.

It was pretty good. No. So I did my degree, right? And I got my degree and I got a third.

As a result, I got a third and which isn't, it's a pass. It's a pass. I got, you know, I, whatever that thing is, that ceremony, I did that thing with the hat and the robe and everything.

And I'm still waiting for my dad to tell me he's proud of me. It's like, what else do I have to do? I mean, other than like, give him a billion pound check. I mean, I've got a degree, man.

Tell me you're proud. Wow. Where did that come from? So I got a 52 year old man still waiting for his dad to tell him he's proud.

It's kind of sad, isn't it? It's just, he still sends me, he still sends me birthday money. Can you believe it? I'm 52. I think he thinks I'm 10.

Do I give him the money back? No, I don't. I keep it and I spend it on sweets and chocolate. And pop, pop and relax.

So I, yeah, so I got my degree. Third, I got a third. I wouldn't even finish that degree if it wasn't for my friend that was on the course with me.

Honestly, I wouldn't. So she helped me. And I, yeah, so I stuck at it.

Got the degree. Now, the first year, things kind of went OK. It was difficult.

But the first year of a degree. In some ways, isn't that hard? It can be really hard in a sense of being in a new place. And it's probably harder for younger people in some ways if they're, you know, someone's leaving home for the first time and they're living in a dormitory or maybe sharing a room with a stranger who snores and smells weird.

I don't know. I'm just thinking of someone's sharing a room with what it would be like for them. And it's kind of.

Yes, I don't think I'd have. I don't think I'd have done very well at an early age, apart from the fact that I wasn't academically capable or. No, I don't think I would have suited very well.

I wouldn't have wanted to do it. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to go to university.

I was out of school and that was it. Bye bye. See you later.

I didn't want anything to do with school. And that's what I thought university was. So the second year, I kind of basically the second and the third year, I was not very well.

Now, um, I finished my course in maybe 2010. June, was it June, July, something like that. And.

Yeah. And I had my ceremony in November. 2010 and December 2011, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder or bipolar, bipolar.

I forget the name of it. Bipolar something. Yeah.

Anyway, bipolar and. That kind of made me understand a bit more about what I've been going through the last two years or the last 32 years, in fact. But I I'd gone through a lot of like just depression and really stress and stuff, but I stuck at it and I got my degree.

But because I handed in most of my coursework late, including the dissertation, pretty much every bit of coursework for the last two years was handed in late, which kept me. So going into the third year, I could have got a two to maximum that as if everything was like top notch, top marks. And then, well, after handing in every single bit of coursework during year three, it was a third.

But the reason I got a third is because I didn't fail anything. I passed every single bit of coursework. So the cut off part, I think it was 40 percent was the pass mark and I got way above 40 percent.

However, because it was handed in late, it was capped at 40. So even though I got like 66, 67 percent on it, which wasn't like the top mark, obviously, but it was a much higher mark, which would have given me a two to had I, you know, handed in everything on time. I was a little bit late on, I think, a couple of bits on the first year.

But again, I got quite fairly good marks. I think one bit of coursework I got about 42 percent, which I handed in. I handed it in and it was a really it wasn't a good mark, but it still pass.

There were other people on my course that had to redo work. Because so I felt OK for that, you know, but then as everyone. Well, everybody got a higher mark overall than I did.

I'm the only person who got a third. I've got a couple of people got first and everyone else got like two ones or something. So I was the worst mark out of everyone.

I'm smiling when I say that because I'm so proud. I'm so proud of myself. So I was pleased I got through it.

I got my degree. It I know that I would have got a higher mark had I just handed in the coursework on time. I mean, you could say, well, that's that's an excuse.

But excuses, excuses don't put out fires. We could say that, but I wonder why you would. And excuses don't don't make bread.

Yeah, I know. Can't build a house with an excuse, can you? I know what you're going on about. So.

I. If I had a tutu, I could do a master's degree. I could apply for a master's degree and get on it. A couple of years ago, I applied for a master's degree.

I got the financing from the student finance. It was ten grand for a year, I think it was for the course. And so the student financing said, OK, it was a positive psychology course.

I think it was in. Where was it? I forget where it was. It wasn't it wasn't in my town, but it wasn't too far away.

Or was it in my town? I don't know, because the university here. Anyway, I got turned down by the university. Because my grades.

And what I was thinking about it, what I could have done is gone and see them and said, listen, can I come and see you? I want to explain something. And maybe if they'd have seen me in person, I could explain my situation. And perhaps they may have given me a chance, but I'll never know, because I just.

Well, I didn't do anything. I just. I think that's what I did.

I went to you. I don't think I cried, but I definitely didn't dance. So, yeah.

So I got here is my why am I talking about that anyway? Here I've got my gratitude journal. Very professional. I've decided to do a gratitude journal and to write down three things every day that I'm grateful for.

So I thought I'd do it here and now. Which you're. And maybe you could join me.

Nice drink. So did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I hope so, because this is very boring. I could actually fall asleep.

I'll tell you one thing I don't do. And those of you that are watching, why are you watching? Do something more interesting. But why? I think.

Something you get from this, my videos, my podcasts, but especially like thinking from a YouTube perspective is when you watch YouTube videos, so many of them, first of all, they're very classy, very professional, very well done, a lot of work put into them, not just from an editorial perspective. You've been edited and you might have some special effects and all that stuff. You might also have a really well scripted video, which is something you're never going to get with me because I don't script.

I just talk. Just talk. That's it.

I just blah, blah, blah. I don't know what I'm going to say from one second to the next. I've lived like that for a long time.

And I'll be honest with you. It's got me absolutely nowhere. It got me nowhere.

Waste of time. I should have been more professional, more organized, maybe. So another thing you won't get or another really big difference other than the content being much better in the other videos and, you know, attractive people to look at all that stuff and well-dressed and slimmer, probably with more hair.

But apart from the physical side of things, what the difference, one of the differences is with me, you get pretty much start to finish as it is. No editing so that I'm not going to take the gaps out because the gaps are supposed to be there. It's not a race.

Now, I'm pretty sure I'm leaving a really large, long, obvious gaps now, for emphasis. But I'm pretty sure that if if I was to take out every gap. And just have each word after another, like literally straight away, then I could cut the video down by about, I don't know, 60 percent, maybe 70 percent.

It'd be a lot shorter. However, I don't think that it'd be particularly relaxing if I was just talking 100 miles an hour. And sometimes I do talk quicker because, you know, sometimes I get a little bit excited myself, get a little bit, and I start talking a bit quicker about something.

Generally, I think how it normally goes is as the recording goes on, I seem to get slower. And it's not necessarily a purposeful action. It's just something that seems to happen naturally.

Maybe it's a little bit like when I take my friend's dog for a walk, he's really excited to go out. Even if he's just got back, he forgets and he's like, oh, we're going out. We're going out like it's the first time he's ever been out in his life.

And I get to poo on my neighbor's lawn. Brilliant. I get to do a wee wee up a neighbor's car.

Yay. And he just gets that. That's me, obviously, not the dog.

And the dog says, come on, we've got to go. Stop dreaming about what you're going to do when you get out. I said, OK, so we go out and.

He's all excited and he's pulling and he. And then we get to the end of the road and after about 10 minutes. Or on the journey back, he doesn't pull.

He's happy just to plod along. Maybe it's because he's going home and he he wants to go home, but he doesn't want to go home. He loves being outside, but he wants to be back on the settee.

You know, he's he's kind of, well, I like it outside, but my bowl of food's in the kitchen. I like my bowl of food. I really like eating.

It's my favorite thing, eating and sleeping, but I like walking as well. Oh, another dog. You know, it's I don't know.

I do wonder what's going on in his mind. Is there anything going on in his mind? Is a question I honestly don't know. Don't know the answer.

Really don't know anything. Is there anything? So but anyway, he said, I'm a little bit like that. I'm like a dog being taken out for a walk.

A little bit excitable to start with, just to start with. Then as time goes by after, I don't know, 10 minutes or 15 minutes or 20 minutes, I guess I start to slow down a bit. Slow down.

And. Yeah. Does that make sense? Do it? I think it does.

I think so. I'm not sure, but I think it does. But I'm not a dog.

I want to show you a new book I got, but I can't because it's over there. Damn you. I can't reach it because there's too much stuff in the way.

I need to get some special hands. I mean, I've got hands, but I need to look. This is the.

Less now, but then I get up and you can see my belly and I don't want anyone to see my belly. That's why I've got this pad there to stop anyone because you might think looking like he might have muscles, but he might not. I'm not sure.

It's like we can't really see the belly. We can see a little exceed. It could just be the T-shirt.

Oh, no. Oh, man. I'm study.

Well, I'm not studying. What's it called? Go ahead now. The brain.

I'm kind of studying the brain a bit. Trying to, you know, I started watching and listening to lectures and got books and just. Because it's all about the brain.

But neuroscience is the new science. Good way to remember the word neuroscience. It's new.

Very science. And. This man.

Amos is a anus. Amos. I heard the funniest thing today.

Right, my friend. OK, I got to tell you, it made me laugh. Really made me laugh.

My friend is he's got a friend that he's looking after and his friends go through a difficult time. So he's he's sleeping on his couch, on his sofa. OK, they're both adults.

Yeah. So it's not as important for what I say next. So my friend has been, you know, trying to take care of him and.

And, you know, just being a good human and just whatever. And so he stayed around his his apartment for about. About a week, about a week.

Well, apparently yesterday. Or maybe it's this morning or yesterday morning, because I haven't seen my friend for a couple of days and he tells me this story. And it's about ten thirty in the morning and a neighbor.

And so his his friend was asleep on the sofa, OK, in the living room, and my friend was awake and he's watching telly in his bedroom, just giving him this friend a bit of space to just get some sleep. Hasn't slept for a few days or ever. The neighbor next door.

So he's not connected to the building, it's just, you know, the next the next house starts. Mowing his lawn. And he's got a tiny little bit of grass out the front.

I mean, and he's been apparently spent about half an hour doing this and. And that's a nice sniff, wasn't it? Because I laughed and I thought, I hope I'm snotted. Hopefully not.

Otherwise, the video will not be going out. Anyway, he. It's not a nice sound, is it? I prefer farting.

Isn't it really weird? Because farting, I mean, breathing in, that's all it is, is breathing in. But I don't like that sound. Farting.

I love it. I could hear it all day long. And basically, that's that's actually not a very nice act, is it, in a sense.

But breathing in, just breathing in. We need to do it to live. I think we need to fart to live, but, you know, I don't mean to.

I think we need to breathe to live. We need to be able to fart to have something to live for. So there you go.

I. Now, that is a bit of wisdom, isn't it? I should write that down. Bit of wisdom. You could share that wisdom online.

Go on Facebook. You have to breathe to live. You have to fart to have something to live for.

Or breathing keeps you alive. Breathing helps make. I don't know.

You know, I mean, you'll do your version. But what my version? Make me famous. Remember to put my name.

J.J. J.J. Newland. So, OK, so here's a here's a scenario. So the neighbors mowing the lawn.

This is not a euphemism. He literally was mowing the lawn. OK.

And. And my friend was listening to this for. It's like it was annoying him because going on for a bit or a long time.

I didn't see this, but apparently my friend said he put his head out the window and he shouted to the bloke. The bloke stopped, stopped the lawnmower and he said, listen, I'm not me funny, but can you can you just hurry up and finish that, please? I've only just got him off to sleep. Now, it's funny if you picture a 40 year old man lying on a settee asleep.

I've just got him off to sleep. I mean, like you're talking about a little baby. And the way he told it was it was it made me laugh so much.

Maybe. And he wasn't calling him a baby. It wasn't anything derogative about anyone.

It was just the way he worded it. I've just got him off to sleep. It's still funny to me.

It's little things like that that really make life worthwhile. I remember years ago, my friend Terry, who I worked with, Andre was Andre, the original Andre, my friend. He was the boss of the department I worked in.

And I said to Terry, Terry just gone off somewhere and he came back. He'd been to the toilet and he came back. I didn't know where he'd been.

And he came back and he said, I said, have you seen Andre? And he said, yeah, I just passed him in the toilet. I'm rolling on the floor laughing. Because I'm imagining he's just pooed Andre out.

I passed him in the toilet. Terry is looking at me. Just like, what are you doing? Why are you laughing? It's not funny.

I just told you I passed him in the toilet. I started laughing even more because I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't stop.

I saw something on, it was PewDiePie. PewDiePie. I don't know if you see them, but he's pretty much the most famous YouTuber in the world.

I follow him because I like him. And he does these reaction videos where basically he watches other YouTube videos or TikTok and stuff like that. And then if they make him laugh, he has to do a flick a thing around a computer or whatever.

And then it gives him a choice of things he has to do that he doesn't want to do. Like delete a video. He's got thousands of videos, I guess.

And it's weird because he actually actually deletes videos that have got millions of views, just deletes them. And then he's or another one would be give money to a charity that you don't believe in. So he gave money to the Scientology charity and stuff like that.

That's what he did on his video. I'm sure the Scientology is great. The thing is, is what's weird about it is.

Two of my favorite stars, Scientologists, Kirstie Alley, brilliant in Cheers, Rebecca, so good. And John Travolta, a legend. I know Tom is the biggest star out of all of them, Top Gun, but I don't dislike Tom's films.

I just I can't think of one of his films that I would be bothered about watching. I mean, what what films and he's made loads. I know he's made loads.

He's probably one of the biggest film stars of all time, Tom Cruise. I just can't think of a film and I've seen loads of his films and they're all good. He doesn't make bad films.

But it's just none of them that I just that bothered about. Like Top Gun. Yeah, so I liked it, but.

You know, the racing car one, not not bothered. Never watched that. The what other films has he been in? I like this early stuff.

I quite liked. What was he in? Not big. That was Tom Hanks.

So like that. What's that one where he became a lawyer and Al Pacino was like the devil or something? That was a brilliant movie. And then you got Cocktail, which is a brilliant movie as well, actually.

What other movies? I mean, I know he's been in the. What is those ones, the ones where? You must dismiss or destroy in 10 seconds that those movies. But they're good as well.

They've been going for like 50 years. It's been in loads of really good movies. I just I can't think of any that I really would want to watch.

But then I think of John Travolta. And apart from. I would say the two obvious, but some people older would say the two obvious would be.

The old ones he was in. So Greece is going to be an obvious movie for John Travolta. Like one of his great movies.

Some people of an older age, maybe in their 60s, even 70s, may class Saturday Night Fever as one of his great movies, was greatest movies. But people of my age. And possibly.

Ten years younger. Would who was around in the 90s, in 95 or 94, whenever Pulp Fiction came out? See that audience group, those people, let's say, in their late teens or middle teens to middle 30s, maybe that age group. Would possibly choose Pulp Fiction as his one of his best movies.

I still think you don't want to want one that I want for who is. I mean, you can't. It's the top one.

It is. I don't care. You can judge me all you like.

It's the best one he ever made. But it's not one that I want to watch, particularly because I've seen it a million times. I'm probably more inclined to listen to the album, which I do sometimes.

It has songs on it that I don't recognize, though. I remember my brother. This is my I got a hundred brothers and one of them was.

He was the middle one above between me and my oldest. He was two years older than me. He came home.

This is probably 1978. Maybe 1977, 1978, something like that. And he had the album, the Grease album in his hand.

And it was a double album. And it was lots of like cartoon writing and stuff. It was sort of had a sleeve and a booklet and everything.

And I just remember that. He was very excited and rightly so. I don't know how he got it.

Maybe he. I don't know how he got it. I don't remember having any money back then.

But he was only 10, so he wouldn't have had any money, would he? Unless he had a part time job. I don't know. Unless it was birthday.

It might be birthday money or Christmas money. But I remember we were listening to it. This is brilliant.

You know, one that I want, one that I want for. One I need. Oh, yes, indeed.

Sandy, can't you see I'm in misery? And I'm an adult. I, you know what? And it's weird because I didn't do it in junior school. and I left junior school in 1981, so I went to high school in September 1981 and I used to walk around the playfield singing Olivia Newton-John's Totally Devoted To You, and I remember people used to just crowd around clapping and chucking cabbages at me.

No, I used to do that. I used to love being on my own walking around the field very slowly while all the other kids were playing and playing football and tennis and you know during break time it was lunch times and they'd be all doing all kinds of things and I'd just walk around very slowly just singing to myself. Maybe I'm Olivia Newton-John's.

And I used to enjoy it. I used to enjoy being on my own because I'd be at school and be in a room with I don't know how many other kids, what 20 other kids, maybe more, all in a room for 45 minutes at a time. Sometimes longer if it was a double session.

Staring out the window or at the clock waiting for time to move faster which is just not a good way to spend time. It's not. Don't wish your time away.

So I, I, I used to do that. I used to walk around. Blimey.

The good old days, eh? The good old days. You hadn't, you didn't realize, did you? Never do though, do you really? Never really do. But it's weird that I waited until I was 12 or 11 before doing that.

Because I thought I used to walk around this field at junior school singing Adam and the Ant songs. I'm the dandy Harriman and you're too scared to mention. I spend my cash on licking flesh and grabbing your attention.

The devil take your stereo and your record collection. The way you look you're qualified for neck years or age pension. Admittedly it was easier for me to remember the words because I had them in front of me.

I don't now, but I did then. Not written on my hands or anything. I'm not that prepared.

I used to get a magazine called Looking and they used to have the lyrics of the songs, like Blondie songs, just any of the latest bands, whoever was in at the time. So, you know, we're looking at 19, 1979, 1980, when I was in that school and yeah, I was, I got looking every week and I wish I still did because I loved it. I loved, loved, loved, loved, loved it.

Also, it's like a television magazine. It was very much like a TV Times or a TV guide. But for kids.

In fact, I would say a much better version of a TV guide because there was lots of really good, there's posters you could take out, there's just interviews with stars, there was comic strips, there was, I mean, I don't know how long that lasted for, but there was a comic strip for Mork and Mindy, there was a comic strip for the Bionic Man, like a comic, you know, cartoon strip. There was one, I'm pretty sure there was one for Buck Rogers in the 20th, 25th century. There's probably one for the Incredible Hulk.

There might have even been one for Kung Fu, but Kung Fu finished. Like Kung Fu, when they showed it on television when I was a kid, it was old. Kung Fu was the early 70s and I was watching it in the 80s.

I didn't know it was old. I thought it was new. I didn't necessarily think it was new.

Yeah, I thought it was new or of its time. I mean, I knew it was based in the past, but it was based in the 1800s or whatever, 1700s. Not prehistoric days, but you know.

And David Carradine, I loved him. Cain, Kung Fu, Grasshopper, get me a kebab, Grasshopper. I remember that.

I remember seeing him walking on the rice paper and not breaking the paper. Now, how do you do that, though? Because stuff sticks to the bottom of your feet, doesn't it? Try and walk on a normal piece of paper, a normal piece of paper without it lifted off the ground. I got all squeaky even thinking about it.

OK, let's move on. OK, my gratitude journal. What should it be? Number one, I'm grateful for my audience.

My audience. Thank you for listening. And when I say my audience, I guess at this time I'm including a YouTube audience, but it's a tiny, tiny audience.

The podcasting audience is a lot larger, but I'm including everybody, any anybody that's taken time out of your day to watch or listen to me. And hopefully it's been of use, hopefully. So not just today, but, you know, all all the different times that people have listened and watched.

Thank you. So my audience, that's the first thing that I'm grateful for in my gratitude journal. My sexy body.

Now, that's a little bit too far fetched. I'm going to say my book collection. Book collection.

My book collection is coming along OK, actually. I'm quite happy with my book collection. It's got quite a few books on pain, quite a books, loads of books on hypnosis.

It's coming along. It's, you know, it's something it's a work in progress. And I will continue to add, you know, try I try and get one book every week or every two weeks or something and just continue.

I might I might get a book list on Amazon if anyone wants to sort of treat me to a book. I mean, basically, I'm kind of into textbooks. I like to I like to have books that I can use that I can look in delve.

I might not read it from cover to cover, but it's going to be stuff in there that's useful. So that's my book collection. Number three.

Number three. Number three, number three, three, three, three, three. I'm going to say I am grateful for my ability to forgive.

That sounds a bit conceited, doesn't it? The reason I say that is all my ability to accept an apology. I don't know what would be the right word for my humility. I'd like to add my I'd like to be thankful for my humility, my humidity.

OK, I won't say that, but that sounds a little bit conceited. So perhaps I shouldn't. But at the same time, I don't want to be like thanking just for physical objects that I have.

I know the audience, my audience isn't a physical. Well, it is. It's a it's not something that I own.

Mind you, do we really ever own anything? I mean, really? Everything will be taken away, so I can never really own anything. And, you know, at the moment. My library is.

I like looking at the books, weird, I know, strange. It's very weird. I suppose.

I'm grateful for my podcasts. I realize this is kind of all fitting together, but my podcasts get me through my podcasts, get me up in the morning. Or keep me up.

My podcasts get me up and keep me up. It sounds weird, doesn't it? But yeah, I think it gives me purpose. So I want to put my podcasts.

That's my three things that I am grateful for in my gratitude journal for today, my audience, book collection, and my podcasts. Thank you very much. And my itchy knee.

Excuse me. Oh, yeah, this is something that I learned today. And I'm not not happy with this.

Neuroscientists were saying the fatter the body, the smaller the brain. Not fair. And the reason being that is, well, basically, our brains need is it something like 80% or 60% or something of the nutrition, the calcium, the whatever goes into our brain, calcium, protein, I don't know, anyway, but goes into our brain, not our body.

Our brain takes more than a body does to function. Now, I don't know, but I think I might have quite a big head. I don't mean like, I'm big headed.

But physically, I don't know. Have I? I don't think so. I just saw this video the other day.

And this bloke was on there. And I don't know why I was watching it. And he was worried that his cat was going to jump down the stairs because there was this big gap where the cat could get through and just fall down.

So he was blocking it off with some cardboard and stuff. And he's standing there and he said, it's really hard for you to get an idea of how high this is. But to give you an example, I'm and he said, I'm six foot seven, six foot seven, it looks about five foot three.

But on the camera, it just doesn't look tall at all. Six foot seven is huge. I mean, I'm five foot eight.

That's like, that's, that's less than that's less than three foot taller. Less than three foot taller. There's nothing near three foot.

You just said it's not even a foot. Yeah. Which is less than three foot.

Yeah, I got you. No, you're dead and get me. So yeah, I did.

You know, these videos now I've, it's still happening, where YouTube videos, vloggers, just people talking on YouTube. There's not many people just talking, like without script, and without editing, so that all the gaps are taken out. And I really, I struggle even now to watch those videos, because I want to watch them because I'm interested in the content.

It might be a video about YouTube. And I've purposely searched for a video with that title. I do not not know that that video existed.

But that's the that's the content I've been searching for on YouTube. And I get there and there's someone talking and they literally, it's the way the talking is fast anyway. But then there's no gap.

Every time there's a gap for more than like two seconds. They delete that gap. So every word almost trips over the next word, there might be a minute gap.

But it's not real. It's not like how someone would normally talk. Now, I know that I've got quite a slow voice at times.

And I know I've already kind of started talking about this earlier, I think. But I struggle with those. So this can be an antidote to that.

It can also be almost be refreshing to have someone just talk. And even though the content might be rubbish, it's still like, you're not. It's just, you know, just normal gaps in between the words.

And I guess I'm probably speaking extra slowly now. And leave an extra long gaps again. Perhaps I was doing that earlier.

I forget. I forget what I've said and what I've done and why I did it. I never know why I did it.

But I just I can't do that. I can't. I don't.

I guess the fact is this is like an hour long. How many videos on YouTube are an hour long? It's very not many. No one's gonna generally want to sit through an hour long.

Middle aged man talking rubbish for an hour. And some might. But this doesn't fit into the category of and you see the moving like is like that because they cut out the bits where they're moving.

So like and I thought about making a video and actually writing. I don't do like a five minute video. Having a script written.

Rehearsing the script. And it might be as simple as just counting down. I could do like a hypnosis recording and just counting down from 30 down to one.

But you know, or it could be just like a dry script of something I wanted to say. Okay. And then with each pause.

Basically, I look at how many pauses there are. So maybe there's 20 pauses in the five minute talk, like short pauses, but you know, pauses. So what I thought I could do is do that.

So it's 20. So do do the record, do the video, do 20 different versions of the video. One sitting here like this, another one in the bedroom, another one in the hallway, another one sitting on a toilet, another one, sitting on a bus, another one in the field, another one on a plane, or you know, that kind of thing.

And just read this, do the same script all the way through for each one and then edit it. So that I'm doing the whole thing. And if you didn't, if you didn't see the video, you wouldn't even know.

Necessarily, I mean, I'm sure if I was in a place that was noisier, you would notice it. But technically, I guess if I was even cleverer, or did it properly, I could do an overdub, couldn't I? So that could just be over the video. So it's the correct sound for all of it.

And just had me so in one like for the first five seconds, I'm wearing a red t shirt, the next five seconds, I'm sitting on a park bench with an anorak and a hat on. And then the next five seconds of the same sentence, I'm on a pond holding a fishing rod or something like that. You see, I mean, I thought that'd be quite interesting to, to do something like that.

So it's so obviously edited. In the same way as it's so obviously edited on a lot of videos, and has been for absolutely ages, years upon years upon years. When that stuff started, or 15, 12 years ago, 11 years ago, I don't know there was there was a time when people didn't do that.

And then everybody started doing it. And I understand doing it sometimes I have to do it myself sometimes. If I've got to get up, answer the door, or if I need to go to the toilet, or if I just decide perhaps I'm going to cut something out that I've said, then yeah, it'd be an edit.

So there might be me talking and suddenly. And I'll start from there. And there'll be maybe one or two of them in a video, at most.

You know, I've made a video where I was coughing a lot, a while back. So I had to pause the audio. And then try and got a clap during the video to remind me of when to start and stop it.

So I had to go through the whole video and cut that out. And there's lots of cuts in that video. But that's a, that's a rarity.

That's not something that happens very often. We know what rarity means, Jason. Okay, there we go.

Anyway, that's it. This is the end of the let me bore you to sleep. I might call this chuckle.

I want to be like PewDiePie. But PewDiePie is the king. I don't want to say he's brilliant.

PewDiePie is brilliant. He's moved to Japan. And he's really into all that Japanese stuff.

And technically, I'm not into a lot of stuff he used to do in the past, like gaming and that. But he likes to mess around. And he's funny.

And he's just a nice bloke. You know, he's, I think there's something to be, I don't know about learnt from because, you know, being at the top of his game for so long, got 111 million subscribers. And there are more popular YouTube channels, in a sense that YouTube, like Mr. Beast is, I think he's pretty much the top.

As far as how many video views he gets in a month will probably be way more than PewDiePie. Because he's, he's also huge. And he's I don't know how many subscribers he's got.

But it's not all about how many subscribers you've got is how many of those subscribers watch your videos. And also, just going from my own experience, I think only 40% of the people who watch my videos are actually subscribers. So, you know, and it's probably the same with those with PewDiePie and all the big thing, even those that got millions upon millions of subscribers.

And then maybe getting, you know, 40, 50, 100 million views of their videos a month, maybe. 20 or 30% of those views will be from people that aren't even subscribed. Maybe.

I don't know. How would I know? I don't know these things. I'm making it up to go along.

So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

You deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.

Bye bye bye. Bye. Oh, that's nice.