#916 Lots of 100 year olds - Let me bore you to sleep (Jason Newland) (1st November 2022)

Hello, welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name's Jason Newland and this is let me bore you to sleep. Welcome.

Now, I only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So, hope you're well. I hope everything's groovy, groovy doovy.

Oh, I'm tired. Very, very tired. Very, very tired.

It's okay. I'll be okay in a minute. No, I'm still tired.

I'm still tired. Oh my gosh. So, what's going on in the world? What's happening? Right, I'm going to do my gratitude journal.

I've just got out of bed. I've just woken up. So, I'm going to do my gratitude journal.

Here we go. I don't know. It's not very exciting, but hey, it might be.

What day is this? It's the second. It's the first. I can't believe it's November already.

It's November, man. For some reason, I'm thinking about that medicine that I used to get as a kid that was pink, that tasted really nice. Even the red medicine tasted nice.

Those were the good old days. It's almost like, it's almost like society cared. Oh, right.

Let's have a look. One, two, three. First thing I'll gratitude, happy memories.

Yeah, I quite like the spontaneous ones. You like, oh, remember white dog poo on the pavement? There's just things like that. It's like, oh, just a happy, feel good kind of, you know, it's like, oh, or thinking about like some of the TV shows, like Mork and Mindy or the Bionic Man.

And yeah, what was so much? I'm just trying to see what my favorite TV shows were. To be honest, I think I just went along with what everyone else did because I didn't have any choice. Any evening, I didn't have a say.

I didn't have one say, one. I didn't, I wasn't, didn't give, I wasn't given an inch as it were. I didn't have one vote in what we watched.

So we kind of, I think we just did what everybody else does. The thing is, I don't remember, my son didn't happen, but I don't remember watching Coronation Street. Don't remember watching soaps, really.

Not at home. I do remember watching, what was it called? They used to be this TV show, it was soap. It was based in a motel.

Okay, I'm going to put that UK soap, hotel, motel, crossroads. So it's weird, motel, crossroads, it was called. Motel.

We don't even have motels. Motels are an American word. What an American thing.

I don't think we have hotels here. We don't have any motels. Motels, any motels? UK? Well, apparently we do.

Motels in the United Kingdom. Book a motel. It's weird that even the word doesn't sound right.

Motel. So let's have a look, bookings.com. Motels. Okay.

Search motels, top regions. Let's have a look at England. Molly's Motel and Diner.

Wow. Now that looks like a motel. Like a proper American motel.

Wow. Warren's Village Motel and Self Catering. And most of these are very different from the American motels that I've seen in movies and TV shows.

You know where you go in and it's, they're always the same, aren't they? Or they're either all one level on the ground next to a diner or they're kind of multi-leveled. And that seems to be the two types of motels that I've seen. But there are some that actually do have swimming pools.

I'm just thinking back. Now I want to go and have a look. USA motels.

Well, that's interesting. 14 cheap motel chains in the USA. I've just seen a picture.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. That's exactly what I've seen in movies. You know, since childhood, really.

I can't really go much further beyond childhood, can I really, to be honest. It's a lovely picture. I like it.

And that's like Motel 6. This is a website I found, travelinglifestyle.net. And it says, a road trip across the enormous area of the US is a great way to explore this country. It lets you take advantage of the US busy cities and also allows you to explore the countryside and get flabbergasted by the amazing natural sights you will drive along. Okay.

This does come at a cost, though. Long cross-country road trips can become quite expensive. You have to drive a car, pay for gas.

Prices are low in the US, but it would still add up. Really? Oh, we have petrol. Why do you call it gas? It's petrol, isn't it? You use gas, like a gas oven.

That's weird. So you can't actually see it going in. So basically, when you fill your car up, it's like filling a helium balloon up.

How do you stop your car from floating away? We have petrol over here. It's leaded and unleaded, but it's actually liquid. It's not gas.

You know, you can actually see it, and it's smelly. It's proper smelly, it is. I quite like the smell.

I must have. I don't know. I must have when I was a kid.

I think it. Oh, I know what it is. I know why.

It's because when I was 16, 15. Yeah, 15 to be fair, put it at 15. 15.

I had a moped. I didn't use it on the road. But I owned, I think I had two or three mopeds.

And I was playing with them, trying to sort of figure out how to work them, how to fix them and change them and all that stuff. And it's the smell. It's something quite nice about the smell of working on a motorbike.

It's probably this, I guess, on cars as well. If you're a mechanic, there's a certain, you know, there's a certain smell in a garage that is kind of quite nice, quite alluring. I don't know what it is.

It's just, but I think mine was just probably connected to being that young kid, probably enjoying a little bit of freedom, enjoying, because I had a couple of friends who used to come round. So there was a reason for people to visit me, because I had a couple of mopeds. But they were never roadworthy.

But we had this, I was living in this block of flats. And there's this huge ramp that used to go up and down. To the delight of everyone that lived there, I imagine.

It must have been annoying for them. But hey, what can I do? I mean, I was, I think at 15, 16, that's kind of, it was my job to annoy people. I couldn't help it.

I didn't mean to. I just, it was just, I was like rubbing myself up the wrong way most of the time. And I'm not, I'm not, it's not a myth.

I'm not being, you know, I mean, in a kind of an emotional way. That's what I mean. Moving on.

So the best motel chains in the USA. Motel 6. Okay, never heard of it. Well, I have now, obviously.

Motel 6. Super 8. Travel Lodge. So we have a Travel Lodge here in the UK of England. Okay.

So yeah, so we have Travel Lodge here. I'm, I don't know. I'm guessing it's probably the same country, company rather.

But it's not like that. I mean, that's all like made of, looks like it's made of wood. It's made of wood.

We don't have houses made of wood here. We have like concrete and, that must be concrete, can't be made of wood. Really? No, it can't be.

Especially when you have like hurricane seasons in parts of America. See this season like, I feel like, it's just, it's, and I like the strong wind. I do.

Especially as I got heavier. You know, seeing these light people being blown away, it's kind of funny. But, you know, when I say strong wind, we don't have, the most really that happens is a few trees might fall down.

And it is disruptive. Obviously, and you know, it can be dangerous as well. But we don't have, I mean, we've had like one hurricane in my lifetime that I know of, one official hurricane.

In 1987. But to have a hurricane season is just, it's not really mind graspable. I can't, I can't grasp it.

I can't, I can't even relate to it. Or the, what's the thing, there's whirlwinds or, what's the thing from the Wizard of Oz? Whirlpools, typhoon, oh that's a T isn't it? T bags, typhoons. I was like, what? And that's, that's almost, to have something like that here, you could only have it if you're really good at special effects.

Because they just don't exist. They don't happen here. And I hope by saying that, it stays that way.

Because, oh, bloody. I think what it might be, apart from the different, I mean, there's a scientific explanation, I realize, but without any kind of knowledge, it may be it's because of the size. Because, you know, America's big, big country.

And that's, it's not the biggest in the world, but it's still pretty huge. I mean, it's, I think you've got, you've got states in America, the size of England. I mean, it's, I don't know if that's true, I'll make that up.

But I know that I was, you know, Canada is a lot bigger than America. Then you got places, China and India. They're just huge, huge.

Australia's pretty huge in it. I'm just gonna have a quick look. I kind of know, but I think Denmark's another one, isn't it? You've got the biggest landmass.

Okay. Biggest, largest countries in the world, based on landmass. See, this doesn't make sense because this one says that Russia is the largest country in the world, based on landmass.

I thought China, maybe I'm getting too much focused on the amount of people. Because clearly, China and India are the two highest most populated countries in the world. And I think it's been that way my whole life.

Wow. According to this, worldometers.info, which is a very, very well known website to me, because I used to go on there very regularly. During 2019, 2020.

Russia has got 11% of the world's landmass. Canada, 6.1%. China, China has got 6.3% of the world's landmass. And the United States, 6.1%. Blimey, India's only got 2%.

It's still a lot, isn't it? But so the United States is is two, three times larger landmass than India. Your India's got probably four, five times the amount of people. Mind you, I mean, I don't think and this is just based on what I've seen on telly.

So it's not my, it's you know, it's not a factual thing. But from what I've seen on telly, but let's say news articles or documentaries, things like that. I don't think I've ever seen an article, a TV thing, where like on India, where the people are standing too far away from each other.

Where there's only like a couple of people, there always seems to be lots and lots of people. And I don't know, I mean, I guess if you, if there's that many people, and maybe they need to stand close to each other, because there's not enough room. I don't know.

It's like 1.4 billion or something, isn't it over there? I'm just a bit surprised. I mean, China, China's the highest, I think. There's a little bit of competition between China and India for, you know, the amount of humans.

It's amazing, really, isn't it? But the amount of Chinese people there are in the world, I rarely see one. I know if I was in London, I would probably, obviously I see a lot more of various different nationalities. But here, where I live, you'd think that they'd be everywhere, wouldn't you? What do you think about English people or Irish people? Look how Irish people are spread around the world.

Like proper, you know, America, Canada, all around. Or English people, even. What's it really pop, what's some, probably one's trying to think.

Yeah, it's different. I think it's a bit different in other countries. I noticed that with Thailand.

Yeah, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's foreigners living there. You know, it's, well, the place is full of foreigners, isn't it? Thailand, I'm talking about English or German or whatever. There's lots of, but there's, it's a tiny, tiny, tiny percentage of foreigners compared to Thais.

And that's, that's quite interesting that everyone's kind of not the same, but it's, yeah. And they're very strict about their rules. When it comes to people working there, they've got a list, long list of jobs that only Thai nationals are allowed to do.

I mean, in a way, you'd think that it'd be quite a good place to go to because it's fair, you know, you can live quite cheap. That'd be quite a good place to try and get to, if you are in trouble somewhere else in the world. I don't know what how easy it is.

I'm guessing, can I be a refugee in Thailand? Asylum applications in Thailand are currently handed by the UN's, the UN Refugee Agency. The process can be lengthy, complicated and often traumatic. Oh, that's not good.

We provide our clients with legal and social support to help them navigate this process and obtain refugee status. People ask, are there any refugees in Thailand? Blimey, there's nine camps. Isn't it weird just by looking, delving into stuff? There's a group of refugees residing in the nine camps of mainly Karen, Kareni and Burmese ethnicity.

Some of who have lived in Thailand since the mid 1980s. Ah, OK. So I guess they're refugees from neighboring countries.

Because we don't have that here. We don't have refugees from neighboring countries. We have refugees from people that travel through countries to get to us.

So, OK. Now, our main refugees is, I don't know what's going on in France, but a lot of the French, we've got a lot of French refugees coming over here, coming over here. God, that sounds bad, doesn't it? Arriving every day.

There's lots, hundreds every day, apparently 38,000 this year so far in boats. And they're from France. So I don't know what's going on in France.

I hope France is OK. But things aren't so good over there. They're coming over here, coming over here again.

That's another bad sentence, isn't it? Coming over here. Well, I don't mean it like that. Just, yeah, it's a bit worrying, isn't it? I wonder what's going on in France for them to want to be refugees here.

Travelling from France. Maybe they've run out of garlic or... Dear Jason, I don't like your tone. You're just, it's just sarcasm.

It's a very serious subject. And you know it's not French people coming over. Well, I don't know.

How would I know? I don't know. In fact, I'm going to believe everything I see on the news. I can't believe everything I see on the news.

Partly because I know that they lie to us. I know that for a fact. Also, they word, the news word things in such a way as to make things look the worst it could possibly look.

In fact, the news is very much the way that I dress. It's an example. I just, it's almost like I go out of my way to dress the worst, to look the worst I could possibly look.

Now, I don't do that on purpose. It just happens naturally. It just happens.

This is a weird country that I live in. For those that don't live here, you're not, I don't think you're going to realise unless you come here, and it's not so obvious, but there's an underlying energy in this country that is not good. It's not, it's, there's, it's a strange, a very strange place.

So if you come here on holiday, it's probably nice. Go to Buckingham Palace. Is anyone going to go there now? I don't know.

I mean, it's different now, isn't it? It's different. I mean, for me, the Queen is like the grandmother of this country. I know some people are full of hate and like, the Queen, they're wasting our money.

All right, shut up. Just shut up. You know, it's just like, even when the Queen passed away last month or whenever it was, August, was it August? Yeah, it was August, wasn't it? No.

No, it was September, wasn't it? It was September. No, because I know I was not around at the time, but it was September. So when she passed away, even then people were being, I had people being negative and like, a human being has just died, man.

Come on, have a bit of respect. Yeah, she gets paid. She has another day's work in her life.

Neither have you. Neither have I. What are you going on about? Judging other people when you do exactly the same, except you don't have to wear a dress or wave at people. I'm sure there's more to being the Queen than wearing a dress and waving at people, but I don't know.

I've never done that job. How would I know? I don't know what the job entails. But whatever it was, she was damn good at it.

And I think of it in a way as if my granddad had passed away, if my nan had passed away before my granddad and my granddad was left, I wouldn't have visited him probably on my own anyway. I would have gone with my dad or, you know, but I would not have gone and knocked on his door on my own because he never spoke to me. He didn't say a word, literally.

He'd welcome me in, make me a cup of tea, make me a sandwich to eat, you know. He wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't.

Basically, he'd make the sandwich and just, I think once he just stared at me waiting for me to eat it, and then we might go into the garden and do something, you know. And he was a good man. I just don't think he liked me very much.

And then, you know, I wouldn't have visited him. But because he went first and my nan was there, I visited her. And it's, I think it's, I don't know if it's going to be like that with Prince Charles.

I know that they weren't married, him and his mum, but she was very popular around the world. And she's been around forever. Well, she was around forever.

I feel like she still is around. It's weird. It's just, you know, it's the Queen.

I still think of her as being here. Even though I don't really think of her a lot, you know, I don't spend hours every day thinking of the royal family. I never have.

I used to give a little bit of attention to Prince Diane, Princess Diana, when I was in my late teens. But it's, you know, it's basically quite a few pictures of her in the newspapers. So I, it's easier to get a newspaper, isn't it, when you're only like 14? It's hard to get.

I mean, if any, it's hard to actually reach the top shelves of the newsagents, never mind buy, you know, the magazine. But yeah, I had a, I don't know, with the Queen. She was a queen.

And I know it's an outdated, I know that, I know it's outdated, but you know what? So are manners. So are lots of things. But I like manners.

I like please and thank you. Giving up your seat on the bus for an elderly person. That's outdated.

And a lot of people won't do it anymore. I like that. I don't like other people not doing it anymore.

I like the tradition of doing that. And they put notices on the walls of the buses, but it's not law. It's not law.

You don't have to give your seat up to someone. The only person I won't give my seat up to is, well two, kids and pregnant women. As far as I'm concerned, if someone's had a, someone's elderly or someone's got on a walking stick, they've had a hip replacement or something like that.

You know, give them the seat. If someone's pregnant, that's self-inflicted. That's your own fault.

Don't be looking for sympathy. If you're going to leave the house. Can you imagine? I'm absolutely offended.

I used to like your podcast and then you started having pregnant ladies or humans. I don't know what the correct term is these days. And I don't care.

Look, I'm joking. I'm jibber-jabbering. I'd give my seat up for anyone.

I don't care. It depends. Sometimes I don't.

You know, if I'm at the back of the bus, if I'm at the back of the bus or near the back of the bus and someone gets on a bus that may need a seat. Sometimes, just sometimes, because especially if it's, if I've just got on and I've got, you know, a 40 minute journey and I'm a bit tired and I've been standing and walking around for hours and I'm a bit tired. And I'm sitting there on the bus and it's a very, very, very, very, very, very busy, packed, jam-packed bus.

And someone gets on that may require a seat. I don't offer my seat up always. I'll be honest.

I don't always offer my seat. If I'm at the back, if I'm at the front, I will. Or even sort of midsection.

But at the back, my logic is, you know, I justify myself by thinking, well, the people at the front should do that. There's some logic to that, I think. It makes a bit of sense.

Makes a bit of sense. My chair's creaking. Everything creaks in this place.

Yeah, it makes a bit of sense. The other thing is, well, I don't want to get up. There's that.

I don't want to, you know. But the other thing is, I don't want to make a fuss, because if you're at the front of the bus and you get up, they get on. That's it.

But if you're at the back of the bus, you have to get their attention. It's almost like you're causing... I kind of like you're standing up. Hello.

Hello. You can sit here. Hi.

You can sit here if you want. Do you want to sit in my seat? Come on then. And it's almost like you're making an announcement.

You're about to sing a song or something. And you might say, well, why don't you just get out your seat and walk up to the person? If you do that, by the time you get to the front, someone else will have sat in your seat. Yeah.

So I think all things through. Well, not all things. Obviously.

But so I've got that logic of someone at the front should let them have the seat. Or someone at the front or someone, you know, in the first few within spitting distance. I'm not saying that they should measure whether or not they should get the seat up is whether or not they spit and actually hits the person.

I'm not saying that. I'm just spitting distance as in, you know, it's not a good term, is it really spitting distance? Let's scrub that out. And I. There's a part of me in that situation, especially if I'm on a bus full of young people where I want to become an old grumpy old adult.

And start telling people what to do, which is not a particularly good idea, generally. But some people do that, don't they? They will go like. Give your seat up, son.

Give your seat up. Get off your seat. That old lady needs a seat.

Get her a seat. See that person over there, one on the floor, you know, on a walking stick. Give him a seat.

And some people, you know, do that. And I'm not really one. And I don't really have that.

I've probably done it a few times. But I do it gently, you know. And you can only do it if you haven't got a seat yourself.

You can't get up out of your own seat at the front and tell someone, hey, get out of that seat. That man needs this seat. So, yeah, I think I'm just too compassionate.

Too compassionate. I'm probably the most compassionate person in the world. And one of the things I hate, two things I hate most about buses, you know, bus journeys, in those sort of situations, as I said, is the people that just sit on a bus, sit on a seat, and they put all their belongings, or they sit over two seats.

So you can't get on the seat, and they completely ignore you. And the other people is the ones with wheelchairs, they take up so much room. That's why I was saying about how compassionate I was, because I was leading up to saying that, which is not true.

Well, it is true. They do, wheelchairs do take an enormous amount of and people with pushchairs and prams take up way too much room. It's just not practical.

And it's not practical. On a busy bus. It works.

See, if I had a brain, and I had a pram, or pushchair, whatever it is, and I was going to travel on a bus, and I had to go somewhere, providing I didn't have to be there at a certain time, you know, I would travel when it was quiet on the bus, knowing that I could get on there. And I think a lot of people do do that. I'd say probably, you know, I suppose it's going to be those entitled people, the whole world evolves around them, people like me, in fact, that everyone should get out of the way.

I've got a pram, I've given birth, I am the Virgin Mary, I have contributed to the world in an amazing way. Or maybe you haven't. Maybe you've actually drained more of the world's resources by having another baby.

Yes, that's what the planet needs, another mouth to feed. Yeah, another car to fill with petrol. Yeah.

Could be, I don't know, I don't care. I've got no opinion on the subject. I think it's great.

Have more babies. Don't have more babies. Become a parachutist, whatever that is.

You know, learn calligraphy. I don't care. None of my business.

Do what you want. None of my business. Where is the UK of England? On the list of landmass.

Where is it? Where is it? Oh, come on. Where is it? You're joking. Come on.

It's got to be. It can't be that small. No, come on.

This is ridiculous. It's got to be. All right.

OK. All right. Apparently, Channel Islands takes up zero percent of the world.

That doesn't really matter. Monaco takes up zero percent of the world. How can that even be? That's just ridiculous.

You can't take up zero percent. I'm looking for my country. I don't really have a country.

It's weird. It's an island, isn't it, England? The island of England. Do you remember when Ireland used to be called Ireland? Now it's the island of Ireland, because some dumb wits decided that we should all follow by and call it that.

I wonder if anybody who lives in Ireland. When asked, where do you live on holiday, they say, oh, the island of Ireland. No.

Well, maybe now. I do. I just I don't know.

Is the island follow it kind of quite easily influenced in a in a weird way, like I'm not sure why. See. They they just welcomed.

I might be wrong here, but they just they seem to welcome the Europe, the European finance like that, was it the euro? We refuse to have it here. I mean, euro and fame, we've got our own money, why would we want. So we've got the euro, you know, they've got the euro.

They introduced a smoking ban, I think, before we did. And everyone like, OK, like what? These people here still don't accept a smoking ban 20 years later. You know, in pubs and places like that, I mean.

Yeah, so look. OK. United Arab Emirates, one of the one percent of the Cuba surname or surname.

That's a weird name of the place. Suriname United Kingdom, zero point two percent with number 80. On the list, we're just above Uganda.

And just below Guinea. Now, Uganda is Africa, isn't it? Why don't we just call it Africa? Why I've got. Why they've got different countries, just countries, Africa? No, Africa is a continent.

It's a landmass. If there's seas surrounding, it's a country. You know, Germany, Italy, Spain, it's just one country.

They're little towns, as far as I'm concerned, they're towns in a country. Europe is a country. Isn't it strange, though? Don't you think it's quite strange how the Middle East is so close and Africa so close? In a way to Europe, like Africa is is full of like two and a half miles away from Spain or something.

It's just across literally 30 30 minute bus ride or something like that. And then you go the Middle East, which is lots of different parts of the Middle East. But where is it? I'm still on a quick look.

OK. Middle East parts of Europe. So the Middle East parts of Europe, Turkey.

So I'm going to look at trying to find the different places. So. You got Turkey, which is.

Countries usually considered within the Middle East. Cyprus, that's Europe, isn't it? Turkey, definitely Europe, but it's Middle East. It just doesn't make sense to me.

It's just very strange. Someone's tickling our knickknacks. Honestly, it's just everything's much closer.

But then I know that. Where is it? Saudi Arabia is, you know, six is three thousand miles away from here. Saudi Arabia.

How long does it take to get to Turkey? Distance to Turkey. Distance to Turkey. From UK.

From up. The distance is a 45 hour. Yeah.

If you're driving, blimey stop. Three hours and 40 minutes on a plane, which means about one and a half thousand miles. Yeah, about one and a half thousand miles away from here.

The reason I worked that out is. Well, maybe a bit less, but, you know, a 12 hour flight. Is six thousand miles, roughly.

So a three and a half hour flight. Three, six, nine, twelve. So, you know, give or take, but maybe one thousand seven hundred miles.

How far away is Turkey? In fact, it's one point eight one point eight thousand miles. I was nearly right, nearly right. It's amazing how everything's changed.

Not everything, but so much has changed. So much has changed. So much has changed.

So much. You know, when I was a kid. Temperatures were high.

I'm not talking about the temperatures. What did you say? Temperatures. But when it was hot, the numbers were high.

When it was cold, the temperatures were cold. It was like, you know. Now, I don't remember really getting into the cold temperatures.

But I remember the hot temperatures. And when it was. Ninety four degrees.

It was hot. You know, it was in the 90s. It was a hot day.

Now it's the 30s. It's, you know, if you're in the 30s, it's really hot. The 30 degrees doesn't sound hot.

90 degrees does. Is that another thing to blame Europe for? I don't know. This country blames Europe for quite a few things.

I think it's a shame we left Europe. I say we, I didn't leave anything. It's.

I never, I never understood what losing face was or, you know, not wanting to lose face. I never really. Related to it.

Because I was told that one of the things about Thai people is I don't, I don't like to lose face. And I'm like, what does that actually mean? And I think what it really means is they don't like to back down. They don't, they don't like to admit when they're wrong.

What's wrong with admitting when you're wrong? If you're wrong, you're wrong. Isn't that just normal communication? How would I know what normal communication is? But, you know, I'm just, I'm putting it out there. I mean, wouldn't it? Being wrong, admitting when you're wrong is almost quite a good thing, isn't it? Now, sorry about that.

I was, you know, I go out of my way to tell people when I'm wrong. If I say to someone something and then I do a little bit of research and check, fact check myself, which I do when I'm making these recordings, I do a little bit of fact checking. I make stuff up.

I say things that aren't real. I say things even like my, like it's my opinion, but it's not really my opinion. I don't care.

I'm not interested, really. But sometimes I will fact check my own stuff that I've said to someone. And if it comes out that I was wrong, I will go to them and say, look, sorry about that.

You know, they're not even interested. They weren't interested to start with. The day before, when I was telling them that thing, their eyes were glazing over and they were getting ready to basically go to sleep because they were so bored of what I was saying.

They don't want to hear me tell them about how I didn't lie. I didn't purposefully lie. Because I've got a rule in life.

It's not that I don't lie, but I don't lie generally. I'll make stuff up for the podcast and, you know, like for a joke or something generally. But I don't lie because I don't need to, because it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, because they're not important.

They're important to them. They're not important to me. What they think is important to them, what I say is important to me, maybe.

Usually it's not actually. But what they think doesn't matter. Just like what I think doesn't matter to them, probably.

I might need a toilet. Anyway, what's my point? Oh yeah, I don't lie. Because there's just no point.

There's nothing to gain. Now, if I'm going to lie, I want to gain something from it. You know, I want to come out of it on top or on bottom, not on bottom.

You know, I don't see the point in lying. Some people just, their natural, their very natural thing to do is to lie, for no reason, about the most trivial things. And they're the ones, they're the proper liars, because they will lie about stuff that's important.

If they lie about trivial things, just, it's their first instinct, it's just to lie. And I'm talking about serious, in a serious life, you know, not in like as a joke, or, but this is the first, yeah, the first thing, the first go-to place is just to lie. Then, like why? I don't understand it, really.

I never really understood it. I mean, yeah, if you're a thief, then lying goes with the territory. Because if someone says to you, did you take, did you take my banana? And if you said, did you steal my banana? Yeah, I did.

Well, it doesn't make you a very good thief, does it? I mean, you got, you know, you got to work on your art. Because if you've got away with it, and they have to ask you if you've taken the banana, it means they don't know. Generally, they might have, they might have film footage, they might have evidence.

There may be bits of banana around your mouth that you didn't realize, or bits of banana skin hanging from your beard. I've been caught out from that in the past. Or you might have been grasped up by a low by a monkey who caught you, who like saw you doing it in the light.

And the person said to the monkey, did he eat the banana? And the monkey said, and, and, you know, I don't know, that was my impression of a monkey. I hope that you're happy. I feel quite pleased with that.

I actually feel really happy with that impression. Love monkeys. Honestly, I don't think anything could give me more pleasure.

Okay. It's not totally true. But I'm just, you know, I think monkeys just, just make me smile.

Really, if I've been to the zoo, the monkeys are the highlight for me. Always have been, always will be. I know some people are like, oh, I like the lions.

Yeah, and they'd like you too, if you was the other side of the cage, the other side of the glass. You got to protect the lions. I'll tell you what, why don't you get spend five minutes in that, in that cage, enclosure with that lion.

And then let us know if you think we should keep them all. We should, we should protect them all. You might have a different opinion after you've been eaten.

Oh, they're so cuddly and cute. No, they're not. No, they're not.

You go there with, you go there with a glass, you know, and the lions looking through the glass at your little daughter and your daughter's looking, oh, he's so cute. And you'll think, oh yeah. The lion wants to eat your child.

That's what it's like. It's not looking cute. The lion's thinking, mmm, yum, yum, yum.

See, they're not cute. They're not cuddly. They're not nice.

They're not nice. They're not. They're no nicer than a crocodile.

It's just, oh, they're so cuddly. They're like big kitty cats. They're like my little cat that I've got in my, but no, they're not.

They're really not. They're nothing like the cat you've got. There's nothing like the pussy that you have on your lap, stroking, you know, purring at you.

Poo, poo. That's not anything like a lion or a tiger. It's completely different.

No, they're the same, really. They're nothing like each other. No.

It's like me saying, oh, yeah, well, my body's, my body's very similar to that of, um, uh, Mr. Olympia, you know, top bodybuilding. Uh, yeah, I kind of got a similar body to, to, to top bodybuilder in the world or to, uh, the world's strongest man. Our body's kind of similar.

No, it's nothing like each other. It's, it's, you couldn't get further away from that. It doesn't matter what I do ever.

I can, I can go to the gym three hours a day, every day for the rest of my life. And I won't even be 1% of what a Mr. Olympia would be, what a top bodybuilder would be, or what world's strongest man would be. I might be, I might be able to lift 10% of what they lift, but I'm never going to be that.

I'm never going to be able to do that because I don't have, I'm not, I can't lift a washing machine out in front of me with one hand. And I can't imagine I'm ever going to be able to do that. I'll be honest with you.

I don't think it's ever going to happen. Even going to the gym every day, holding a washing machine out in front of me in each hand for like, you know, five minutes or something. No, it's not going to happen.

And I don't aspire to that. You know, we just got to accept that I'm not ever going to be the world's strongest man. And it's not defeated, it's like just reality.

I'm never going to be an astronaut, probably. Probably. I mean, I don't know, astronauts might not be such a big deal in the future.

If Elon Musk really, you know, is serious about getting humans into space, you know, perhaps it will get to a point where anyone can do it. And you know what? William Shatner went into space with the Amazon man. Now, I figure this, yeah.

No matter what's going on with me, no matter, you know, I'm healthier than William Shatner. He's 98 years old. I'm going to be healthier than him.

I'm half his age. I just, just, I should be fitter than he is. Maybe not healthy is not a good word, but fitter.

And by the way, I want William Shatner to live forever because I love him. But there you go. That's just enough of that.

Enough of that soppiness. But I do. I love, I don't want anyone, I don't want anyone to pass away.

But especially people that I like. Especially someone like him, he's just, I mean, you could say he's just an actor. He was in a TV, he was in a popular science fiction TV show.

And he milked that tit for all he could. Yeah, he did. He milked it, and he milked it, and he milked it dry until dust came out.

But it, and he turned that dust into a movie script. It's like, so what? People love Star Trek. Some people love Star Trek, you know, not everyone.

But not everyone anything. That's a good, that's going to be the title of my book. Not everyone anything.

So I'm gonna go. Maybe I will one day go into space. But the chances, you know, generally, because I always thought that astronauts had to have like super, super fitness.

Now, Captain Kirk at 98. I mean, he's got to be one of the fittest 98 year olds in the world. But there's only about five people in the world.

There is a you know, 98. How many people are there in the world? That's I need to search that out. How many hundred year olds? No.

What? No way. This doesn't make sense. They can't be that many.

Well, according to this. No. It can't be.

What? No, sorry. I'm really surprised. In 2012, the United Nations estimated there were 316,600 people living who are 100 years old or more.

They call them the centurions. Wow. It might be up to a million.

But it says here, World estimations 2015. 451,000 people over the age of 100 or 100 or more. I mean, you know, every day is a blessing, isn't it? Literally, when you're 100.

It's got to be very strange experience. I've only really met one person. I mean, my name was 96.

But she wasn't active at that point. I've only met one person that was physically active. And she was, I think she was 98 or 99.

And she was volunteering in this elderly place where they served food and stuff to the elderly. And she was volunteering and she was older than all the other people there. Combined.

And she just like, wow, she was 90. I think she was 99. Something like that.

And she was physically fit. She was walking around. She could talk.

God, she could talk. And it was weird. She didn't look more than about 80.

In fact, she probably looked, yeah, probably about 80. She looked about 80. But I'd never met anyone else like that.

It's the first person, it's the first and last. And I remember saying, I'll meet my daughter. Helping her out because she's a daughter who's retired.

I remember my nan. I think. No.

Yeah, no. I'm losing track. I'm losing track.

But I remember, I think my nan was really like, I don't know if it was when one of her sons turned 70. And she was just really like, I can't believe I've got children in their 70s. This is really, she really like, it made me laugh.

I've got children in their 70s. And I said, yeah, you got grandchildren in their late 40s. Wow.

Because thinking about it, four years, five years older than me. Five, six, seven. She might actually have had a grandchild in her 50s before she left.

At least like 48, 49. I was 45, 44. I was 44.

Yeah. No, it's 2014. Yeah.

Blimey, it's eight years ago. Time don't it fly. Don't it fly.

How many 100 year olds in the United Kingdom? 15,120. And in America, 97,914. Blimey.

I just, just, just, just, just, just, just can't. Mind you, you think about it. Percentage wise.

I'm going to see which is the highest percentage. Malaysia. Malaysia is the highest percentage.

How can it be 134.68? Oh yeah. It's that's per 100,000 people. So Malaysia has got the highest percentage of a hundred year old people.

And I wish I could get this in. Okay. India's got the smallest percentage.

Only 2.1%. Oh, I thought it'd be quite high for some reason. It's 6.2% worldwide. UK, where are we? Where's the UK? 23% per 100,000.

And America is not even on the list. Yes, it is. 28% of 20 is 28, 28, not percent 28, 100 year olds per 100,000 people.

Wow. Which is 2.2. I don't know. I can't figure it out.

I can't work that one out. It's very small percentage, isn't it? Oh, wow. So I'm going to go.

Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself. Lots of love.

Bye.