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Hello and welcome to Let Me Bore You to Sleep. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen when you, when you can safely close your eyes. And my website is jasonnewland.com. You know what? I've got so much to tell you.
I feel like I need to catch you up because it's six days since I made a recording. And I think I might be going through a bit of a meltdown. Anyway, that's another story.
I'm going too close because I'm made of plastic. See, I'm too close to the radiator. No, no, no.
So, I don't know how to make my recordings louder without making the background louder, if you know what I mean. I hope that there isn't much background sound. Anyway, the thing is, with recordings like, I guess, like a normal podcast, people would just be talking at like a normal volume.
But I talk quite softly and quite low when I do these, because I don't know how to talk softly and loud at the same time, if that makes sense. So, when I finish the recording, I do increase the volume on the recording to a certain level, but it's still, it's not very loud. It's not loud, loud.
I don't want it to be loud, loud. Yeah, well, you know what? But it's, I don't know. I'm looking at ways of doing it, of mastering, you know, what's the right word? There is a word, I forget what it is.
But, you know, doing some kind of editing, tinkering, changing, improving the quality of the audio recording. And there's a few automated services online, which they all cost money. Some of them are pretty expensive.
And they don't all offer unlimited recordings in a month, which is what I need because, you know, limiting me to just 100 recordings. Yeah, you know, it's not really, not really gonna cut the mustard, because I make more than that in a month, generally. You haven't made any for six days.
Yeah, I know. What's your point? I'm allowed to have a break. In fact, I haven't had a break.
I've been busy working on a website, working on the podcasts, trying to clean stuff up, changing the titles a little bit, trying to streamline a little, make it more, I don't know, internet-friendly, podcast-friendly, user-friendly, maybe. Because it just seems like the titles are too long. But then, after spending a few days doing this, it's dawned on me that maybe if there was an issue with the way things were, I would have kind of had some feedback from that.
And why am I trying to fix something that isn't broken? I'm not sure. So, yeah, I'm thinking that's after a few days solidly of doing this, changing the titles and getting rid of the date and all that stuff, you know, just to try and, but then, but correcting the date on the actual podcast itself. So it shows the right date, but it's just not in the title.
And after doing that for a while, I started thinking, well, firstly, this is such a huge task because of the thousands of recordings and the multiple different podcasts I've got. And secondly, what is the point in what I'm doing here? Why am I doing this? Why am I changing all this stuff? Firstly, perhaps I don't need to. And secondly, I can just make the new recordings different.
I can make the titles on the new ones a bit shorter, maybe. I don't know. I really don't know.
So I've been kind of re-correcting a few things and putting it back to how it was. That seems to be the habit of the last month, changing and then putting it back to how it was. I don't know.
Another thing I did is I changed the pictures on the podcasts. Not all of them, but a few of them. I have only three I've changed.
Actually, only one that you probably notice. And the rest of basically any of my podcasts that has the image with my picture on it, I've taken the picture off. So it's no longer got my picture.
And I thought that maybe that might put people off having my picture on there. So I thought I'd take that off there. And I'll get an increase in people listening.
But I've actually had less people listen today than yesterday. Excuse me. That wasn't my flies.
That was my cardigan. I've got an itchy shoulder. Because this is my cardigan.
And if it was my flies, it would be this. Is there a difference? Or it would be this. Was that a chimpanzee impression? I'm not sure.
So, yeah. So, hi, everybody. Hello.
How are you all doing? Are you well? Are you doing all right? I tell you what, I don't normally talk about politics. No, I do talk about politics. I just don't normally talk about politics here.
I do talk about politics in real life. Because I'm kind of quite interested in it. And today.
Okay, just out of interest, because I know that most of my audience, the majority of my audience is in America. And overall, I probably get 10% of my audience is from the UK. So 90% of my audience listening to this podcast are from other parts of the world.
And probably 75% in America. So, you might not know some of the people I mentioned. But in fact, you don't even need to know the names because it's not really important.
It's the position they held. So, you might know the Prime Minister's name. It's actually Alexander Johnson, but it's Boris they call him.
That's his middle name. And he's been a Prime Minister for, it wasn't this December gone, but December before. So December 2020, he became Prime Minister, I think.
And he's had a lot of accusations of lying. And been just found out so many times. Telling porkies and stuff.
So that's been an ongoing thing. And a couple of weeks ago, they actually, his party, the Conservative Party, voted whether or not to kick him out. A vote of no confidence.
So that's a very rare thing to happen. Although it did happen with Theresa May, previous Prime Minister. But it's not something that is a regular thing.
But he survived that. So what happened, so basically, so he already knows he had quite a few people in his party that don't like what he's up to and want him out. But he kept going anyway.
Last week, there was, it's not funny, but there was just, the only funny is the name. There's a name and his surname's Pinscher. And he got in trouble for groping men at a party.
Or being, I don't know about groping, but he was hands on. And apparently his nickname was Pinscher by name, Pinscher by nature. Was his nickname in the House of Commons or whatever.
Well, the Prime Minister said that he didn't know, this MP, who was the Chief Whip, or I know he was the Assistant Chief Whip, he resigned from Parliament. Didn't resign as an MP, a Minister, it might be. He resigned from the actual, you know, from his post within Parliament.
And it comes out that this man, Pinscher, had previously done a similar thing in the past. Before he got his role. I'm interested in this bar, it's probably boring to listen to.
Which is a good thing, because it's a boring podcast. Yeah, it's a win-win. Anyway, there's just, so Pinscher, he, imagine having that as your surname, it would change you, wouldn't you? When I was doing call centre work, some of the names that I'd get come through were just, I really, I found myself a couple of times saying, well that's unfortunate, but I didn't finish a sentence.
I mean, someone's name was actually spelled D-E-A-T-H, with an apostrophe after the A or something. It's like, what? Why? And then some people with a first name J-E-S-U-S. It's like, what are you doing? Well, but it's spelled Hethueth.
Hethueth. What? Not, what, Hethueth, no. I'm sorry, I can't just put a lisp on it.
Well, obviously I can, but that seems a bit, a bit disrespectful to people with lisps, isn't it? To put on a lisp for your own language. I speak. I speak.
Sss. Everyone can do it, we've all got the same mouths. Don't have a different mouth in another country, it's the same mouth.
Tongue, teeth, gums, it's the same mouth. And it's not just the same mouth, it's more than one mouth, but Hethueth. No, just sss.
Sss. I became friends with this Chinese lady recently, and she was talking about that as well, like some of the words that are just difficult to say. And because they never, there's words they don't use in China that we use.
And is it S-T-H or S-I-G, I can't remember what it was. I was, I think I was hungry, so I was thinking about pizza. But she said to me, she said, it was funny, she said, when she first came to London, someone actually walked up to her and said, what have you done with all the pigeons? Yeah.
And she had no idea what this person was talking about. I want to say she's Chinese, she's English, but she's English Chinese. And lovely, really lovely person, and it was just, what do you mean, what have I done with all the pigeons? And this man said, well, see all you Chinese, you've just stolen all the pigeons, and you've, you're cooking them in your takeaways in your restaurants and selling them as chicken.
She started laughing, she said, I don't work in a Chinese restaurant. Um, yeah, she's, she's got her own business. It's a fuel business, actually.
So she's very successful. But like, it's weird, the assumptions, isn't it, that people make. But what an assumption, but to actually approach someone and accuse them of stealing all the pigeons from Trafalgar Square.
Oh, I didn't mention that, did I? Trafalgar Square. You've taken all the pigeons from the entire world. Just, I mean, KFC.
Wow. Mind you, with their topping, with their special herbs and spices and stuff, I'm pretty sure they could serve anything and it would taste nice. Because that's what you taste, is the herbs and spices, isn't it? It's not enough, it's just like, you know, I'm not going to say, oh, you could fry a bit of poo up.
I'm not, you know, I'm not going to say anything weird like that. But just saying this, if you spring, you know, if you, it just, it wouldn't matter what it was. It's just like, it's fried, it's cooked.
I mean, I'm pretty sure you could just, I'm trying to think, a light bulb or, um, I'm trying to think of something inedible. Or anything that I've cooked. You could, you know, fry that and put that with the old herbs and spices, the secret herbs and spices.
There must be thousands of people that know exactly what's in it. In fact, I would imagine, because they're serving food to the public, that they have to declare what is in their food if they are asked. If the health and safety department come along and say, Mr. KFC, Colonel, um, sorry mate, but the Colonel's been dead a hundred years.
Okay. Like, we need to know what's in your food you're serving. Yeah, we can't tell you that because it's a secret.
No, just tell us what's in it. Because with the health and safety, we want to make sure that you're abiding by the health and safety restrictional laws concerning food etiquette. Whatever that means.
No, it's a secret. I ain't telling you nothing. It's a secret.
It's a special secret recipe. Yeah. I'm trying to wonder how I got onto pigeons.
Horace turned up again today. He came late though. Normally he's here like during the day, but he didn't turn up till early evening.
Jumped onto the windowsill outside. The thing is, he didn't make any noise. He didn't like say hello to me, because normally it's like, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, which basically means, hi Jason, how you doing? Looking sexy today.
That's my interpretation. But he didn't even look at me. He didn't even look in.
So I'm thinking, I'm thinking that maybe he came yesterday, and I wasn't here. And he's a bit annoyed. He feels a little bit rejected.
A little bit neglected. In other words, that sounds similar. Maybe he popped round and looked in, and he saw me with the other pigeon.
Sarah. And he thought, what are you doing with Sarah? But he decided not to confront me with it. He just watched with a disappointment in his eyes.
Why are you spending time with Sarah? I thought you were my man. I kept saying to Horace, look, Horace, you know, it's fine. You know, but I'm not into that.
I'm not into male birds. Male pigeons, that's the line I cross. I won't cross.
Pigeons, fine, but not male pigeons. He said, you're sick. I said, I know, I know.
He said, how could you talk about stuff like this? This is your podcast. Are we talking about making love to a pigeon? I said, I didn't say anything about making love. There's no romance involved.
He said, that makes it even worse. I said, I don't know. I don't think anyone's listening.
I mean, no one listens to me anymore anyway. It's like stats have gone way down. Oh, we're going to keep talking about the stats.
Stats, stats, stats, stats. Maybe if you actually made some recordings, people would listen. I do make recordings sometimes.
Yeah, to die of adolescence. Okay, maybe I feel like eight and a half thousand downloads yesterday, and I've had about maybe 7,000 today. And yesterday in America, that's where I was getting the point I was going to get to before.
It was Independence Day, wasn't it yesterday? July the 4th. Independence from what? What, us? What, England? How dare you celebrate such a thing? Imagine how cool it would be if we were still. Well, I don't know if we were still there, because they'd probably still be slavery, wouldn't they? But if we were still there, I might have been born in America.
I wonder how the American accent came about. I do know, obviously, there's lots of different versions of that accent, just like there are here. Like different English accents.
Different English accents. Different Scottish accents. Different Welsh accents.
I wonder if any other countries have accents. Does Canada? Do you have accents in Canada? What about Australia? I mean, you know, there's the Australian accent. But do you have different accents throughout Australia to the people in the north? Like maybe you say, good day, mate.
Because, you know, neighbours, home and away, sons and daughters, that's my education for Australian people. What's the other thing, Australians? Isn't there, isn't there like a, like a helicopter show, where there's like a, you know, the safe, they rescue people in a helicopter. I don't know what that one's called, but I've seen that a couple of times.
I'm trying to think. Wasn't there an Australian, but I think it was more a, a reality show, and it was on a beach, like Bondi Beach or something, just following the lifeguards. Yeah, pretty sure there was that.
Of course, there was Australian Big Brother. Never got to see it. That's one of those things I don't, I don't understand, okay.
Well, not that I don't understand, but I don't think that the TV or the streaming service people realise quite how or how they're not catering for a certain group of people. And by that group, I mean a lot of people are in that group. And I'm going to divide this into two, well, three groups.
Two separate groups, and one that's a mixture of both. One group is a group that absolutely loves everything Big Brother, and may be living in a country, as I am, where Big Brother isn't on television anymore, but watched it for, what was it, 18 years, however long it was on for, and miss it, and wish it was still on, and would have loved to have seen the Big Brother in other countries, like Canada, America, Australia, Africa, New Zealand, India, China, wherever they did it, it did it all over the world, and would be interested in seeing it, predominantly speaking, English speaking ones, because that's easier to follow with conversation, I guess.
But it would still be interesting just to have access to the others as well, if they've got subtitles.
So, there's another group of people who love to watch every episode of something. Now, I fit into that category a little bit. If I get my foot really jammed deep inside of a of a box set's bum hole, and I don't know why, that's it, not listening anymore.
I'm just saying, if I get stuck into it, that's what I'm saying, I get very, I like to watch a box set, not DVD, but stream it, whether it's Netflix or wherever, but once the show has finished, right from episode one all the way to the end. That's something I like to do. I like it a lot.
So, I'm not sure what my, I'm not sure what my next box set is, because I've been looking, I've not yet decided. I thought about Hannah, but then that hasn't finished, I think that's still going. Then I thought about maybe 24, because I watched the first season of that years and years and years ago, but never, I think I watched the first episode of the second season, and that's it.
And then, I never watched the last season of Lost, but, you know, for me, Lost was probably one of the greatest TV shows of all time, at the beginning. So, I don't know how many seasons in, but like first, second, third, fourth, whatever, but definitely, when it started, I mean, I do think it's one of the best TV shows ever. I absolutely loved it.
Like, loved it. Really, really, just thought it was fabulous. Near the end of it, it, it, what, it just became, I mean, to say it became silly, is a silly statement, because the whole thing was silly.
Or to say that it was unrealistic, again, well, I don't know. Someone said it was a polar bear in the jungle. Yeah, OK, fair enough, but, I don't know.
It was a brilliant show. I just loved it, really. It was great.
I'd never seen anything even remotely like that before, which is probably why I like it so much. I liked it. So I need to kind of watch the last of that.
I have watched The Sopranos all from the start and all the way through again. I did that, well, I did that quite a long time ago, about ten years ago. Was it ten years? Maybe longer, maybe twelve years.
I bought the box set, the complete box set, and in fact, I think it was the same year that I was, I had my dissertation at university, so it would be 2010. Wow. Yeah, so, twelve years.
So I watched that and I remember I was good and I watched The Wire, the box set of that. I bought that and I watched every episode and that was brilliant. And it's finding something that's really going to keep me enthralled and excited to, I'll give you an example.
When I was watching Vikings, that's the last, that's the last show I really binged on, I would say, Vikings. I think, unless it was something else. I got itchy.
I don't know why I sweat so much down there. Yeah, so I was watching what, watching Vikings and I was even thinking about it when I wasn't watching it. I'd be doing something and I think, oh, I'm looking forward, excuse me, I'm looking forward to getting home so I can watch Vikings.
So it's kind of a good idea I'm not a surgeon really, isn't it? Yeah, because my mind would not be on the job. You lost another one today, Dr. Jason. I think you need to get home and finish that box set.
Come back when it's watched. We need you to focus. So, I don't know, I need to find another show to, because there's a few shows I watched.
Power. I don't know if you've ever watched that. I watched that and I watched another box set which was Wolverine's brother.
I forget. I'm not forgetting. Basically, he's a fixer in America, in Hollywood.
Hollywood fixer. So if a celebrity gets into a mess, he comes along and fixes it and clears up the mess and does whatever is necessary. You know, even to a even, you know, it doesn't matter what, he does what has to be done.
So I watched every episode of that. That was again, you know, it mixed, sometimes these shows, they mix really, really great moments and, you know, bits with the pace slows down or they're chucking, like with Power, continuously chucking in love scenes and I don't want to see love scenes. I don't want it.
I don't want it in there. Not interested. They're just wasted.
That basically is padding. I'm not talking about Abraha. I'm talking about, it's padding to the show.
If they didn't have these steamy, romantic moments or whatever, then the show would be a lot shorter and I guess they have to fill a certain amount of time. So it's just filler. I'm not talking about our makeup.
I'm talking about the content, just filling the, and I just don't, why does the show have to be an hour long? Why can't it be 50 minutes or 40 minutes? And so in order to make the show an hour, they have to have like really slow music and dark lighting and, you know, spend 10 minutes showing the person, the two people, undressing and kithing and, you know, doing all that weird stuff that adults do. And it's just dragging it out. Just drag it.
Okay, just filler. I'm not talking about her teeth. It's just, I don't see the point in it.
Okay, when I was a kid or when I was younger, a younger adult, late teens, early twenties or whatever. Okay, before the internet, it was, I guess, slightly titillating to see stuff like that on telly, in a movie. When I was a late teenager, 17, 18, it was much more than just titillating.
But now I ain't interested. It's like get on with the film, get on with what's going to happen next. I want to know what's going to happen to your brother.
You know, brother's in hospital and like, let's get back to that. I don't want to, okay, you both look lovely naked, great, but I'd rather just get back to the hospital. I want to see how your brother is doing.
If you don't mind. I mean, why am I the only one who cares about your brother? He's your brother. You only care about her nipples.
Why don't you forget the nipples, go and see your brother. I realise you're not going to be thinking about your brother while, you know, that thing you're doing. But come on, man.
Priorities, baby, priorities. He listened to me. He must have heard me, because then he said, oh, just remembered.
When I said, hey, I just remembered my brother's in a hospital. That was, it was the best impression. My brother's in a hospital.
I've got to go and see him. Is that a bit John Wayne-y? I think that you might know that that's a bit John Wayne-y already, and that's why you've done it that way. I don't know if it's true.
Wow, I've really got the hang of this voice. I wonder if you'd like to know about Yeah. What was I talking about? Oh, yes.
I haven't made a recording for six days.
I've been trying to work out some stuff, trying to make some changes to the podcasts and looking in and the first thing I mentioned when I did this, when I started this podcast is increasing the volume the volume but without messing with the quality of the sound and not to increase the sound of the background standards like buzz or hiss or you know the sound of the refrigerator in the kitchen and you know some people get offended I might have been swearing then in someone's language you pretty much say anything and somebody somewhere will understand
what you're saying if I just go someone that's probably someone's language somewhere I might be you know ordering an ice cream I might be ordering a you know mint chocolate chip ice cream one thing I noticed actually in Thailand it's not all about the words it's about the way that they say stuff there's a lot of that going on I don't so I think there's a lot of I don't know because I've not studied the language but from what I noticed there's a lot of meaning in the sound of what they're saying and however long
I don't know why I think of it as a tail depends how long the tail is on that particular word because you know some words or some sentences finish you know another is like like oh ok so I think it must be it's not a good impression but I don't I think it must there must be some real meaning in the sounds that they make and I mean it's all sounds ultimately speaking is just sounds I'm trying to think of some of the phrases that I used to hear when I was out there not understand
that's one not know that's it so things like it's I don't know because I've never learnt a language didn't even learn English so I I don't know the punctuation how things should be spoken you know like for example I'm very very extremely pleased to meet you or I'm sorry but I don't I don't I don't have that particular I don't have the tank that you ordered yesterday online hasn't been delivered so I'm afraid I can't give it to you because it's not been delivered so I don't know if it's been lost in in transit or
you know if I have to chase it up maybe it's late it might be might be a traffic jam or something but all I can do is I can give you a call when it actually arrives or when at least I know what is occurring you know what the situation is but in Thailand they just say nor have nor have that's it so they don't there's no you it's hard to work with that because it doesn't give any information this gives nothing away another thing that I notice is talking about going to a restaurant where
would you like to go you choose no is it your decision you choose um no that's not the wording was it you you choose no that's not the right terminology was it your you decide you you decide your choice actually one a phrase I used to hear quite a lot was don't care I don't get it don't care hungry no like I'm really on a very busy day it's been I've been worn off my feet haven't had a chance a second to myself not being able to stop to actually have any food instead of all
that it's like hungry but I know they don't talk like that in reality because the amount of words that come out of their mouth when they're talking with each other and it's fast now we might maybe I don't talk fast but I think it probably seems fast maybe every country seems fast when it comes to when they're talking a foreign language or a language that's foreign to the person listening yeah maybe I don't know I'm not very worldly so I'll tell you I upset someone from Belgium because I talked about Belgium it's like I don't
remember saying anything bad about the place I don't know the place I went there when I was young I was last time I went to Belgium I was 18 that's over 10 years ago I mean it's changed in the last 30 years I've no doubt I have no choice I guess it's a great place you know it's not my joke it's an old it's someone else's joke I shouldn't no I shouldn't tell it no I won't but yeah it's alright it was I mean really Belgium holds quite a little glowing sexy space in my heart
because having been there well I'm not sure if we actually got off the ferry but we went there twice on the ferry when I was very young when I was about 7, 8, 9, 10 something like that and then I went there at least once on my own well not on my own with work colleagues but I went there as an adult 18 that was me and that was very different this time but all times it was fun there was you know bits that were a bit weird but of any I find that with most
days whatever I do there's always a few bits that are a little bit weird not have you choose your choice your choice your I'm just trying to think if that's the sentence that do you want to go to to get Chinese or do you want to get Indian food your choice you choose don't care I used to hear that quite a lot don't care whenever I farted she used to call me a buffalo buffalo you're a buffalo I'm not a buffalo you're a buffalo what did she say about my beard oh yeah she said I
was scratching my beard she told me I looked like a monkey I was like what monkey and it's really weird because when someone says you look like a monkey normally they've only seen a monkey on telly or at a zoo she's seen them they've got monkeys in Thailand running around they're not like close to where I was but they're not far away like in the the jungle or whatever it's like monkeys just running around honestly I'd have pretty much given anything to see a monkey just a just normal monkey there in person stealing something from
me I'd have been well not not my phone that wouldn't be so good but I would I'd tackle it if I know it's I don't stand much of a chance against a monkey but it's I need to take my phone or need that thing because you can't let a monkey steal your phone because if a monkey steals your phone what are you going to take a picture of the monkey with you see what I mean yeah yeah ooh I'd like to I'd love to see some monkeys in their in their natural kind of habitat it's
just I think it's just I don't know I've always loved monkeys I just have always have there's something just so damn cute about them and they're so they're so cheeky and naughty and I like that I don't know why I guess I'm just very immature isn't it weird immature broken down is I'm mature I'm mature immature I'm mature you mean immature no I'm mature isn't it weird how that works yeah okay fair enough really tiny keep going keep going on about tiny then time and this time and that yeah I'm not going back I don't
think I'm going to go back you can never go back you need to go for ward forward that's what I need to do go forward but just trying to figure out what to do next man what to do next Where to go next?
What to say next? Blah blah blah blah. What to do next? Where to go next? Blah blah blah blah.
What to do next? No, stop. And relax, baby. So yeah, I dunno.
I don't really know what to, whether to use that, that software online to sort of increase the sound. Bit of an investment though. Bit of an investment.
So I'll just have to give it a bit of thought. Yeah. Buffalo.
Buffalo. Yeah. You choose.
That's called Buffalo. Monkey. I've told this story a couple of times.
I'll tell it again, just in case you'd never heard it. I was in Thailand and I was sitting outside a hairdresser's, just talking to the hairdresser, basically. And she was asking me a little bit about England.
And then we started talking about hair. And I said, you know, my hair's, no one told me about my bald patch. I've got a bald patch and everything.
And I just moaned and said, it's not fair. I've got this bald patch and my dad's got a full head of hair. He's got more hair than I have.
And he's 25 years older. And she pointed away from us saying, and she said, at least you're not as fat as them two. It's like what? At least you're not as fat as them two men.
I wasn't talking about my weight. I was talking about my hair. I thought I'd share that.
It's a true story. I like to share true stories once a year. Once a year, everybody.
So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself. Lots of love.
Bye.
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.