#868 Dreams - Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (21st July 2022)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name is Jason Newland and I'm making a podcast. God let me bore you to sleep.

So welcome. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, only listen when you can safely close your eyes. so I'm here it is 924 a. m.

on Thursday the 21st of July 2022 and I'm dog-sitting so my friend has gone to support my other friend who's in court today and this prickly turn it an ASMR video is something I've just discovered well I'm not just discovered the contents of the bag because I bought it specifically for the contents of the bag it's raisins berries and cherries as the home brand oh yes oh man you just farted that's really stinky and I'm giving him dried fruit I'm giving him raisins berries and cherries it's gonna fart isn't he blimey I mean of course

it doesn't have the same effect on me because I never fart so what I've done I made a little change in my diet oh can you hear him by the way that's not me that's him dear Jason your bums making different sounds lately no it's a dog so what is that what say hello say hello to everyone say hello to everyone he's really wanting it he likes these so he can't eat chocolate obviously he's a dog it's not supposed to eat chocolate but if he eats biscuits which he loves he loves biscuits it gives him

the runs now I don't mean he runs around okay so I'll be thinking what else can I give him I gave him some chicken yesterday it's a raw chicken he'd love that but that's food I mean you know he's get from out no move from else out get away from the desk that's where all my stuff is get away from the desk go there go there good night move away from my desk there's cables I don't want him to start banging into the cables and knocking stuff off the desk blimey well anyway so I gave

him some raw chicken yesterday and he loved that but he loves sweet stuff and I'm pretty sure to anyone's palate I've never eaten raw chicken and nor will I ever I'm pretty sure it's not sweet I don't know I might be wrong no he's now sulking he's laid down but his head he's still looking you know when dogs look away but you can still see that they look they're using their peripheral they are looking really so what I thought today because I'm looking after him for a few hours what can I give him as a

treat because he he associates coming up here with treats and it's a it's a break it's kind of like a fun place to be for him not that being at home is not a fun place but you know this is sort of a I'm his special auntie who gives him money for sweets you know does that sound weird I don't know anyway so I thought what I did I changed my diet recently now I didn't change it in a way that I was hoping but I have stuck to one thing and that is when I

have my ready break which is kind of porridgey it's oats so I want to have my ready break for my from my breakfast instead of having sugar on top which is what I've always done I say actually it's not what I've always done but it's you know it's what I have kind of grew up doing and it tastes amazing with lots with lots of sugar but it's clearly not the healthiest option so what I do instead and I've done this in the past is used to dry fruit or raisins berries and cherries or cherries or

raisins or whatever you know the packets that you get and they're moist so they're not they are dried fruit but they're not at the same time they clearly are but they're not they've still got I had this discussion with you couple of days ago do we keep having to go over dried fruit because it's still moist isn't it as opposed to you know when you get a dry banana it's no moist in that is it it's dry still tastes nice but it's dry and nuts they're dry and they're not moist but these are moist they

come in a like metal not metal what's it called cellophane so if like a foil kind of container well it's a bag so and look what the contents it says isn't it also this thing like storage store in a cool dry place out of direct sunlight that's where I've been going wrong all my life I was putting food let me see you the sun shining I put all my food out right directly in front of the sunlight I thought that was healthy the contents jumbo flame raisins golden raisins sweetened dried sliced cranberries sweetened dried blueberries

and sweetened dries dried cherries yes sweetened so perhaps it's not quite the healthy option I thought it was still gotta be better than a half a bag of sugar so I used to do that before used to do that in the olden days on porridge and ready break but on porridge as well instead of sugar so I got these I got I think four bags and I've only I've not even used one bag yet throughout the whole week they're supposed to last for seven days and I've got another food delivery coming today the last one

was on Friday anyway you're probably wondering normally I'm usually quite concise on I usually get to the point fairly quickly as I'm sure you realize I don't know why I'm waffling so much today I'm not sure I had some very weird dreams honestly I had some very very very strange dreams both during the night and also just now because I just had a little nap and you might be thinking 9 this 930 what do you mean a nap well I woke up at 5 this morning went to bed about 10 so you know it was

one of those dreams where I didn't want to go back to bed it was like oh I don't want to go back to sleep now I'll stay up and I don't remember what the dream was about I did it I did at the time but I forget now but I do remember the was that I do remember the dream I just had and I'll tell you about it it's weird it's basically it's a mixture of dreams I've had before okay but with added components so I'm in this house which is the house that I used

to live in when I first moved to this town when I was at university back in 2007 and at the end of 2007 so same landlady the house is a hell of a lot bigger in this stream than it is in reality not that it's a small house but it's just it's really big in this this stream for some reason the room there's lots of people living there I've revisited this place a few times in my dreams and there's a lot of people living there a lot of different people anyway it's not my different personalities

don't worry and on this occasion I didn't see any of the people living there but there was people staying with me and one of them was my brother who I haven't seen well for 30 years no not 30 years 95 2005 2000 95 2005 2015 yeah 2027 years and he was in my dream for some reason I was like okay why is that and and there was someone else and he wanted to move wanted to run away but it was him there was a woman and me and weirdly enough the dog the dog was there

so maybe it wasn't my brother but in my dream it was my brother and we were all gonna run away and I so I was going through my bedroom through the bedroom I had some reason I think my landlady allowed them to stay for a couple of days and then at one point this is later they all went I was packing my stuff they didn't have much stuff to pack because I was living there I had more stuff to pack and I was going through it and I'd like bank statements and it was just trying

to think the kind of stuff that I was moving around there's a television so put a television remote control with the television and the idea was we were gonna move out without saying anything because the landlady was out on holiday or something and so I was packing my stuff and trying to figure out what to take and I think my books were there and I couldn't take my books they were getting their stuff ready and I think I heard something so I go downstairs or I go into the garden or into the front of the

house I know I look and I see that she's there she's standing in the kitchen so she's back I go into the house into the room where my brother and the other lady is in saying look she's back and I said yeah we know and we're just we're gonna just tell her I'm just gonna run off I was gonna tell her that we're going I don't know what it was such a big deal them going because they would only stay in for a couple of days unless she lived there as well anyway and I've had

these yeah so that was what happened there they I then decided that I didn't want to leave because I didn't want to leave my job didn't want to leave my life as that I had I didn't because they they wanted to go to Kent for some reason and I was doing rhyming slang with Kent as you can imagine for some I don't know why I don't know why Kent but anyway I said no I don't want to go to Kent blah blah blah blah whatever I said and I said I'm staying you go I'm staying

do what you want and they left and I go down and speak to my landlady now I go back into and I don't know I go somewhere then I come back and my bedroom is changed and I'm thinking what's happened to my bedroom and I realized that the set of drawers has gone and stuff is missing my landlady must have think I've moved out and she started getting rid of my stuff so I go into the garden there's black bags rubbish bags full of my stuff and I'll go into the I go into the house

I say no I'm still here I've not moved out and I just apologized I said sorry about them you know this I had no intention of moving out it's them they were just going and whatever and we ended up laughing and you know just getting on all right and then you know went upstairs and there was someone in the hallway I don't know what they were doing they were like vacuuming or something and I went to the bedroom and my brother said to me oh you're something or whatever I don't know I said okay you

know I laid down on my bed and I realized my brother's there I thought what are you doing there and he said oh it didn't work out and he showed me his hair and his hair was all like alopecia kind of well what's going on there and I said okay so I went downstairs and I told my landlady what happened because I thought it was funny they can't believe I walked into my room my brother was there I was laid down on my bed didn't even notice he was there until I was laid down wait

a minute what are you doing there she laughed and I said is okay if he stays here for a couple of days and she said that but he's got Lyme disease I don't know what Lyme disease is I don't know why that right well Lyme disease what's Lyme disease and I said no he's not made of lime he said oh okay I said only lemons get that you sure I said I'm not I'm not sure no I have heard of it but I don't know what it is and something to do with fridges isn't it

honestly I'm not sure if you've got Lyme disease whatever don't I generally do not know what it is and I hope it's nothing serious if it is I apologize sincerely and she's like oh but that was staying in the bed I said okay I was thinking what this lemonade leak out of him I don't know who knows I think that was it I think that was that and then I said come on I'll go upstairs I called the dog up now the dog wasn't even in the dream until the end now whether or not I

heard his name being called while I was asleep and that's why I included him I don't know could be that possibly right where's my phone I need to keep my phone open just in case my friend calls me oh no my order my food order for products were not available damn you which ones which ones Wow the water none of the water was available kind of not surprising in this weather is it that they've run out of water but I still got one listen doggy we don't that was awful his tail waggled I thinks it's

funny and Wow no Italian lasagna none of none gone worst of all no more teasers Wow luckily I still got a box of more teasers from last week didn't eat them see I've been trying to be a bit good with my diet I got loads of water left from the last week as well so I ordered lots and I ordered the same out this week because I wasn't sure if they'd have them or have enough and I'll do the same next week so I'm not gonna run short of that I've plenty to get me through

and luckily that here's something you can have fun with you might not know about this right you know slang terms for stuff I'll give you an example bog roll for toilet roll but no one use it no one calls it bog roll anymore and trying to think what other things but like rude I'm talking about like really really rude descriptions of something that you wouldn't use in a search engine well here's a bit of it works with Amazon okay if you put in bog roll or ass wipers ass wipes seriously it will come up toilet

roll will come up on Amazon I've tested it you probably realize I probably have I've tested it there's quite a few things let's see what other things there is okay I'm trying to think of some slang so what's something that's sexist you can't say anymore I've tested this I played around with it you know in the past okay right here's one old lady trolley you know the old lady you know that going back in the past even my Nan she had one and you know we don't call them old lady trolleys anymore because that's maybe

offensive we don't really use the word old so much doing nowadays especially I don't know that I'm nearly 90 but if you put old lady old lady trolley and trolley the old lady trolleys come up but trolleys I don't call them old lady trolleys old lady shopping trolley fancy dress what's that oh my goodness they've actually got a fancy dress costumes where people can dress up as old ladies like children there's a child here old lady cosplay set included grey white granny wig with hair with hair rollers frame glasses with glasses chain grandma cane costume

apron faux pearl bead necklace bracelet earrings Wow and it's got a picture of a little kid it's not like an adult it's a little kid dressed up like a granny so offensive it's so funny I've even got like a young person here this is Vic Swann three-piece old lady costume grandmother cosplay accessory set grey curling granny wig glasses pearl necklace glasses chain oh so every old person wears a glasses chain so they have a chain connected to their glasses so every old person does that do they you're lucky if you find anyone with grey hair

because when I was younger women in their 40s and 50s had grey hair but now it's hard to find anyone with grey hair men not women it's kind of turned around it's like I know some men would dye their hair but most probably wouldn't who can you say that have you got the statistics have you done a research I haven't but I have eyes I look around and those the great those that dye their hair you can see they dye their hair because it's genetics I've got dark hair and I'm in my 50s my 60s

and I got dark hair genetics good god good genetics well what about your face then why didn't your genetics help your face because they always have old old faces but I've got an old you know still it's like you're clearly dying your hair and there's nothing wrong with dying hair I'm not saying that in a bad way good luck to them I don't care but don't lie about it don't lie about I'm not saying wear a t-shirt look I wear I dye my hair you know you don't need to advertise it although you are advertising

it by wearing wearing by dyeing your hair when you're in your 60s because everyone can see that it's dyed just what I'd I mean there are probably point point point point point point point one percent there's probably one in every 10 million men and probably women you know basically is is a very very small percentage and I'm making it up to go along a very small percentage of people humans that have no gray hairs when they're in the 60s very small percentage but there are some there are some that will get to 80 and have

all their own teeth all their own hair all the same colored hair be slim and healthy and I mean look look 20 years younger I mean there there are people like that not many not many I mean Cliff Richard was kind of he's he's he's one of those isn't he but he lives on little boys I mean I say he eats them he doesn't and I've you know he's young but some people are just naturally young so it's I mean Cliff Richard he's one of my favorite singers actually because he's one thing that clearly you

can't make me just said that he's little boys I was joking I meant eat like literally you know knife and fork microwave it doesn't it doesn't so just of course he doesn't it's ridiculous he'd get ill wouldn't he you can't eat humans it's okay if he cooked them maybe but you know you generally it's it's not good it's cannibalism and it causes physical problems I don't think one of the side effects of being a cannibal is oh you look so young I don't think that's a side effect you know everlasting youth I mean they just

don't last do they I last longer if you feed them but and it's on pieces of is a piece of pizza pizza so I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to get gray but I shaved my head the other day like completely shaved and my beard gone I'm letting it all grow back but it's just every now and then this was on I think it was Monday Sun Monday yeah on it was pretty hot outside and I was sweating quite a bit and I thought you know what my hair was getting a

little bit long needed a need to cut and had it cut since May it's only two months in there but so I just shaved it all off shaved my beard off gave my face and my hair my skin a bit of air you know just let it just just sometimes wonder what's underneath you know wonder what's going on under there so it's nice to it's nice to take off the the top layer and just have a little look underneath just to sort of see make sure everything's okay and generally with my face it's pretty much

okay a weird thing on my right cheek but that seems to be going away it's kind of like a something I know and got a few weird moles these days not on my cheek but on my back so I might have to go to the doctor and get that checked out but other than that it's okay it's got nothing to do my head though is it really so I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to let's check in the phone make sure no one's called sounds like someone outside I got my phone

turned on so if I turn the volume down a bit so it's not too loud okay right I don't know I wonder how long it's gonna take my hair to go gray because my beard is grayer than my head or than my hair on my head my head is pink so I don't know I don't know that noise was just the cleaners are outside cleaning the hallway they come I think once a month or every two weeks or something there's literally nothing for them to do you know I suppose a bit of mud gets draped

up in the winter and stuff but generally there's not a lot of activity in this place so I used to do that job cleaning council flats not the inside the flats but you know the staircases the lifts the different floors you know the place where people used to walk around the windows yeah I used to be my job back in the 90s yeah so yeah I don't know how much how long before because that's the thing I actually like having a beard okay I do I do I do I do I do I do I

do I personally think that I look better with a beard than without that's my own personal opinion my friend he doesn't he thinks that I think he thinks everyone should be bald and shave their head but he's okay because it suits him when he shaved his head it suits him but I haven't got the right face for a shaved head although I shaved it it's I think it's just nice to do every now and then just to remind me that one day that is what I'm gonna look like you know it's just and I'm quite

lucky and I've got a bald patch on the is it the crown yeah the crown of my head right at the top it's not a huge huge huge bald patch but it's growing it's yeah it's growing but you know in reality I may never go completely bald but I might just have that ever-increasing bald patch so it might be more like a big lake in the middle of my head and just this is about do I just keep it short and leave it leave that hair there because that's what I've got left so it's it's

it might become worth more to me might become valuable to me when I've only got like five hairs left they might I might actually end up giving them names but I'm not sure but I think that's a long way off and going gray I've got gray hairs I've got gray hairs but I'm not gray I'm not completely gray and whenever I I mean I want to shave my head and my beard I did it in the living room because I've got I used shears you know the electrical things connected to the plug and basically just

sheared my hair off and my beard and then I did the more intricate part in the bathroom with the beard shaver and when I say intricate I'm still talking about my face and my head okay thank you very much but when I look down it's still mainly dark hair again I'm talking about my beard and my head when I look down on the floor where the hair was it's all all kind of scrumpled up and it's a big big pile it's it's still there I know it's ridiculous it's awful it's Thursday and I shaved my

head on Monday it's still on the floor no but I did put it into a pile I just haven't picked it up yet which for some people is absolutely disgusting but for people like me I don't care I don't care and I was I wanted to make a video and show it for some reason but so it's not like a dark dark all the way through because obviously there's grays but it is predominantly dark so I think I've I think I'm doing all right I'll be 52 next month on the 26th so thank you very

much for all your birthday wishes there and I just I think I'm doing all right for 52 in a sense of my hair but my beard is gray not all of it but there's parts of it more of it is becoming gray I I know the way it's going I will have a completely gray beard long before my hair goes gray and if I could choose between having gray hair and a gray or a gray beard I would choose gray hair I don't like the gray beard it's too prominent it's too it's it focuses it's

more I don't know if it's about aging me but I don't like the grays in my beard I don't now I don't have a beard at the moment it's all it's starting to you know it's stubbly and it will grow quite quickly my hair grows pretty quick so it's only been what Monday Tuesday when three days well less than three days because it was an evening so two and a bit days I will I mean it's the 21st of July by the end of the month I'll have a full head of hair it won't be

long but it will be you know fully grown again and I'll have a big beard so that it doesn't take long like you know ten days time I won't know what hair won't be as long as it was but it will be and long not not needing cutting needing shaving if I wanted to have shaved head but obviously if you want to have a shaved head then you need to cut it when it's got hair I suppose this is boring this is even boring for me Wow even boring for me so I was gonna say

I do that a lot it's getting the dog's attention let's get to the doggy's attention yeah see this dream I had this weird scenario I have talked about it before and there's this like weird world that I visit genuinely is a world that I go to and I keep going back to it and in this world I and oh wow yeah I went back to the other day as well so I have this flat but I don't live in it okay and then there's this other room which I think is the place that I talked

about I'm living there now sometimes I had this thought process that goes on this has happened lots and lots of times and then I remember so I think I've got that and then I think about the other room the other the other flat that I rented and in this dream I get given a council flat but it's not it's not any good because I want to go in there first of all I think it's huge and I go all the way around and there's all these different and this might have been a place that I

actually lived in that I've just forgotten about because it seems so real genuinely feels so real and I know my way around it like I describe it to you I'll go in and there's the area on the left-hand side is like the sitting area and then a little bit further up there's a table and you go down and there's a kitchen so if you go all the way around there's like rooms and there's a bathroom really big bathroom all the way down this big corridor okay and then further up on that if you go back

to the kitchen on the right-hand side there's a door there and there's rooms now what I didn't realize is there was other people living there and in my I've got I've revisited it so many times once I revisited it and I climbed into the window for some reason it was blocked off and I was climbing into the window because I wanted to sort of lock the door or something I don't know another time I had to break out of the door and then another way and it was weird and another time the landlord had sold

it and it was getting knocked down so I couldn't live there but I couldn't get hold of the landlord or something you know so and I ended up living at the other place but then I'm like I'm not paying her any rent so I owe her money and it's so weird and then there's another flat which is part of the place that I used to live and then there's another flat which doesn't even exist but it kind of does it's it's what does exist it's a flat that my my stepmoms or my step-grandmother used to

live and I lived there for a while when I was 16 or 15 and it's that flat and for some reason I lived there like you know in this dream with a friend and then I've got memories of living there I never lived there but I got memories of it and there was he had all his like TV and videos and he had I don't know which bedroom he had he had the one that she's that my step-grandmother used to have he had that bedroom I think and I had the other one and it was

but then the landlord of that flat kept coming because he wanted to get us out so he wanted us out of his out of his building and very weird very weird and I keep going back to that flat and it's keep having those kind of returning back to that place as well but what happens at the end of these dreams quite often I had the same thing like maybe it's for myself but last night it was for my brother oh we're gonna stay you can stay there obviously you can need to stay with me we

can stay there you can stay for one night and and then I remember I've got my own home but it's never here you know it's like it's not this place it's another place and I oh yeah I thought I don't think it's here and we'd like oh that's that's a relief like the other Stella's doesn't they don't even matter they're not relevant anymore that's the past I do have somewhere to live maybe that's what the dreams trying to sort of tell me maybe the dream is trying to get me to to to to feel grateful

perhaps for what I do have but there's not any part of this dream that's nice if you know I mean there's not anything that's particularly it was weird it's just a very strange dream and I said there was an another dream I had a couple of days ago where I was being charged rent for this flat but I'd never I've not lived in it for years and I'm trying to charge me rent for it and I'm sort of trying to sort it out with them and and then I went and visit I went down to

her office and she had a monkey down there but little monkey so I'm cuddling this little monkey that's all I remember that dream why would she have a monkey in her office it's strange don't you think the whole dream was a bit strange but then I had a dream just now and I had that but then the dream I had earlier I've got no idea what it was really don't know but it was horrible well I didn't I might just not been in very nice ending or something and I don't want to go back to

that dream thank you very much I think I'm all about positive happy dreams oh yeah so yeah that was strange so I'm looking after the dog oh yes so these raisins because I found out that he can't really eat biscuits anymore and that's what he looks forward to coming up here so I thought I wonder if he'll have a raisin because raisins aren't I didn't realize they are like some of them are extra sweetened but it's still kind of fairly fresh well maybe not fresh is the right word but you know natural natural ingredients so

and then I just realized the ingredients jumbo flame raisins 30% jumbo flame raisins sunflower oil golden raisins 20% golden raisins with sunflower oil preservative sulfur dioxide okay so sweetened dried cranberries 20% so this is what that and this involves cranberries sugar sunflower oil okay juice infused dries dried cherries 15% cherry concentrated apple juice sunflower oil all right so there's no there's no sugar with that one juice infused dried blueberries 15% so that involves dried blue berries concentrated apple juice and sunflower oil okay hmm perhaps not the not the super-duper healthy option I thought but then

hmm I don't know a little bit annoyed about that actually a little bit annoyed because I really thought I was going more healthier I don't feel the buzz of sugar though I don't feel that kind of you know the sugar oh sugar you know I don't have that feeling when I eat when I eat the nut when I eat that with the ready brick for breakfast hmm right okay let's go back to Amazon what things can look for okay okay let's check this is odd I'll do it I'll do it first before I write in

crime will it come up no so I just checked um cream for father Giles just just to see if a pile cream but cream for chow font is that cream for chow font I'm just looking just looking before I read it out so they wanna yep okay cream for burning hole germ alloyed hemorrhoid cream cream for oh that's weird no I'll put cream for a ring of fire but nothing it's got chaffin Lang Lana cane anti chaffin gel prevents soreness from rubbing so suppose that some people need that in there in the thighs for when

they walk and stuff I guess I get that a little bit not a huge amount but sometimes not chaffin I don't feel bad chaffin I'm not sure you know rather than chuffing yeah no I don't think I have that's interesting well it's not interesting is it it's far from interesting okay right and so look ah so did you do see I thought if I put in smelly pits then deodorant come up but nope no I'm not gonna tell you what I just wrote there a few things that come up for what I just wrote in

but one is it's wild bird house wooded nest box did it did the small metal blue tick garden bird ornament no right so yeah if you put in our swipes toilet paper comes up well actually what comes up is the the you know the wipes rather than the actual toilet paper someone said to me that you know you're not supposed to put them down the toilet what am I supposed to do with it really honestly what am I supposed to do with it Wow not supposed to flush it down the toilet well last time I

knew that's where that's sign of stuff goes that's the use of a toilet so I'm just I'm just seeing I'm not gonna tell you everything I'm writing in because you might think it's offensive how weird is this I put in our sake yeah third one down hypnosis for children with IBS and tummy ache advanced hypnotherapy as complementary medicine I've actually got that book on my it's available on Kindle well I've got that book over there on the shelf case shelf case bookcase yes bio energy circulation max blood booster blimey it's a mouthful okay what other

let's something that's rude okay okay Wow wow this is good this here dad bag a dad bag fake belly waist pack so basically there's a little bag that you can wear but it's shaped like a dad's belly basically like my belly I've got dad's belly even though I'm not a dad which is jelly put what global jelly pussy jelly sweets oh wow I've got some socks here and it's on both right on both feet says if you can read this get me some wine okay let's put fanny filler I just want to see what came

up fanny floss blow up man full blow up man as you looks like what's the name of a family guy blow up man full-size inflatable doll bell hen party accessory it does make sense because quite often they have like I might have like a female one which like a male one is what did what I'm not saying that all women want a male blow-up doll but I'm saying like a hen party it might be what they might want if they want it and if they don't it's fine as well see covered myself fanny face towels

two-sided bathroom cotton oh yeah it's got one side is okay so basically it's got a pink it's in half there's a big big big towel one half is pink and it's got word fanny in yet white letters and every part is white but it's got face in pink letters a bit like my arse towel my arse flannel rather been a bit big Oh foul mouth fanny presents the best dirty word search ever so I look up trying to think oh it's not as good as before see if anything coming up no I quite like no

damn you okay it's not as much fun as I remember I think it's more fun if someone shouts out some words instead of me I'm to think of something because clearly my brain isn't working is it really so yeah that was a internal argument so I will go to thank you for listening remember remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy be gentle with yourself okay lots of love bye