#847 Let me bore you to sleep - A HAVE A BIKE - Jason Newland (15th JUNE 2022)

Hello, hi, are you okay? I hope you're well. Welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is a let me bore you to sleep.

Sleep. Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

So I should give before I go any further, I'll try and read out any messages I get. So please, I mean at the beginning of the recording, I don't always remember, but I try to if you'd like to leave me a message, then please, you can leave me a message via my Facebook page. You can leave me a message via my website.

Yeah, my website is a good place. And I do. Where did I get a message? I think it was on Facebook.

Okay. Sorry about that. I was reading something, which is a bit poignant.

Where's that message I got? I'm sure it was. Oh, maybe it was messenger. Of course, you can send me a message on, well, that is Facebook, isn't it? We can leave a message on a post or.

Okay, yeah, I had this message from Des and it's from Hong Kong. And it says, thank you very much, Jason, for accepting my friend request. I have been listening to your podcast on Audible recently about chronic pain.

That helps. A new concept to me that makes me ponder, showing gratitude to my pain. Well, thank you, Des.

You may not hear this, if you're listening to the pain relief recordings. By the way, you know, if anyone's listened to this, and you have chronic pain and physical issues like that, you know, it might be worth a little listen to some of my other recordings as well, as this one. Because, you know, I've got a few chronic pain recordings.

And if I've got two podcasts podcasts specifically for chronic pain, and one is called chronic pain hypnosis podcast. And the other one is stress and pain relief. So I've actually got two podcasts specifically for pain relief.

And admittedly, I don't do a lot of recordings for those podcasts. Even though that is the thing that I'm most interested in. And the reason for that is, I've no idea.

So I was going to drink my Capri Sun Blackcurrant. I better drink it quick before the straw turns into mush. The cardboard straw.

Horace the pigeon is, he's in a distance. I'm not sure if you can hear him, but he comes on to the, to the windowsill. Sometimes when the windows open, he literally sticks his head in and looks around.

Right Jay, you're right mate. He just flies off. It's very cheeky.

It's very cheeky. Pigeons are very cheeky. I think that's the thing.

I think out of all the birds, pigeons are the least worried about humans. They just don't seem to care about human beings. And I suppose, and seagulls.

Golden eagles don't seem that bold about humans either. But you know, I've never met a golden eagle. I'm not saying I haven't met, I don't go drinking with pigeons.

I don't go out for a meal with them. Go to a disco with a seagull. I'm just saying that I imagine something like a peregrine falcon or a golden eagle, because they are birds of prey with big old talons on their fingers, is not going to be scared or worried about a human who has tiny little fingernails.

Maybe a bit worried about some of the females of the species that wear those big false scary nails, because I get scared of those. I wonder why people, I'm not a female and I realise that some people in society don't even recognise the term female anymore. Which is up to them.

Nothing to do with me. So I can't imagine wanting to, maybe that's the thing, because I'm not a female. I can't imagine wanting to wear big fake nails.

They just look very cumbersome. Very, just, I mean, to say that they're not practical is a bit of a stupid thing to say really, isn't it? Obviously they're not practical. However, they are if you want to scratch something.

I mean, I, it's not a fetish. Okay, I'll say that before we go any further. It's not a fetish.

I love chocolate brownies. No, no, that's not the thing. I really love having my back scratched.

By a lady, or by, by a lady, but, you know, by, not just by any lady, by, you know, if it's my girlfriend or, okay, by any lady, by anyone really, man, lady, I don't care, dog, cat. I just love having my back scratched. It's, it's not a, it's not a, it's not a sensual thing.

It's just an enjoyable thing. I just, it's nice. I mean, I'd happily have a complete stranger just scratch my back.

I don't care. I'm like a dog. Yeah, I'm like a dog really.

I just love having my back scratched and some dogs that, you know, I've got, I know a particular dog and if you, if you scratch him in the right places, his right leg starts quivering and he doesn't care who does it. He's just blissed out, loves it, doesn't care. Honestly, it could be, it could be you.

I mean, you know, I mean, even you, you, that could be anyone, doesn't care as long as he's having that part scratched, oh, he's happy. And I'm a bit like that with my back. I like to have my back scratched and it feels nice.

I've got a lot of, um, I've got a lot of moles on my back. This sounds good, doesn't it? And someone pointed that out, you've got too many moles on your back. I said, well, first of all, I've never seen my back.

I don't know what my back looks like. It's not a place that I see very often, but the rest of my body isn't really particularly moley. You know, it's not loads of, there's moles, but not, it's more, they're not like big, hairy, uh, witchy moles.

Just, it's not cool. You know, I've got like a back that's been affected by the sun because my back's never seen the sun since about 1984. I don't go out in the sun ever, you know, with my skin, especially not my, my, a sunbathe.

No, that's not, that's not true. I did sunbathe on a beach in 1988. That was probably the last time I ever sunbathed on the beach.

I think it was 88. And I did, I remember cause I was so embarrassed about being skinny, which seems almost, well, ludicrous considering, well, how I am now. I mean, you know, the idea of like being worried about people thinking, oh, you're so skinny.

That was an issue. Honestly, that's, that's what I was worried about back then. So I didn't, I just really didn't ever get undressed, but for some reason, for some reason I had a need to maybe try and get a suntan or to do, just thought I'd just give it a go.

So, but I went to quite a secluded part of the beach where there wasn't many people. I mean, I could have just left it as secluded. I didn't need to say that extra bit, did I? Went to a secluded part of the beach, which was near the sea, was a beach, didn't have to mention the sea.

And I found a place where there was no one laying down, again, didn't have to mention that. Not going to lay on top of someone, am I? Like, why are you pulling apart the story? Why not just listen to it? Yeah, but it makes it more fun. Okay.

Just let me tell the story. Don't just rip it apart. I mean, obviously there's this, a lot of this stuff is obvious, isn't it? You know, I got on a bus, I sat, you know, I got on the bus before it drove off.

Well, obviously it's not going to drive off before you get on it. Or, you know, and I sat down on a, on an empty seat. Well, obviously you're not going to sit on top of an old person or, you know, okay.

Why are you being like this? How about just showing a bit of compassion, man? A bit of gentleness. Gentleness for a gentle man, such as I. Yeah. I got myself a pushbike yesterday.

I mean, how could you change a subject so dramatically? I know. Well, that's true. I love having my back scratched.

I kind of, yeah, I'm not talking hard, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not hoping for blood, you know, I'm just, it's just nice to, it's nice. It is essential thing. So I don't just want anyone to do it.

I think, because I got quite a big back. Not big, but there's enough room to fit some, to fit some skin on it. And whatever else is under the skin, fat and muscle and sinew and bones and nerves and spine and whatever else is there.

I don't know. I'm not a biologist. I don't know everything about the anatomy.

Got a bike yesterday. Yeah, you know, you told us what we're just, okay. Blimey, you've been a bit judgey today, aren't you? I'm judgey every day.

I'm a judge, that's what I do. I judge things, I judge people because I'm a human and all humans judge. Okay, that was a bit of a weird noise.

Yeah, it was, wasn't it? I don't know why. I don't know what happened there. So I got a bike.

Here's the story about the bike. Okay, here's the story. About two months ago, two months, maybe around two months.

I don't have to be specific. I don't know the exact date. Anyway, this this man who lives on the journey between my house and the petrol station and he he has a market stall on the market.

Another obvious statement. Okay, but it's a local market and he has a stall there. It's open.

It's only open during the summer and he's there every every week. Anyway, we see him. I've seen him for years.

The night before the market, filling up his trailer and you know, getting ready for the market stall. So my friend said, Oh, he's on because he's been to the market stall more than me or the market more than me. He said, Oh, he's got he's a market stall holder.

I said, Oh, I mean, I might have said more, but I wasn't interested. So I didn't listen. And anyway, on this occasion, we were walking past and the man was there doing his whatever he normally does the night before the market.

And my friend stopped and said, Hello. Have you got any fishing stuff? And no, no, that's not what happened. Or is that what happened? That might be what happened.

No. I think there might have been fishing stuff in there. And my friend asked, he saw some fishing, I don't know, something like that.

I can't be exact. I was thinking about chocolate at the time. So I wasn't really focusing.

You know, I was focusing on getting to the garage, the petrol station to get myself crunchy. bar. So yeah, I wasn't really focused on fish.

And he so he started talking to the market man. We call him Del Boy. That's what we cook after.

Only fools and horses. So that now we just say Del Boy and we both know what we're talking about. I don't know what his name is.

He's a nice man. He's lovely. And so got talking to him.

And he did have loads of fish and stuff. And my friend got it. So we carried it home and stuff like that.

He left it there. He went to the petrol station came back and then I think he gave him a lift back because it was quite a lot of stuff. So he drove it back for him.

He didn't drive the fish and stuff back. The fish and stuff was in the car. And he drove the car.

If we're going to be specific, because you can't drive a fishing rod. Although you can drive a golf club. It's weird, isn't it? So I did.

I think, yeah, at the time. Oh, yeah, no. I said to him, I think that was it.

And then I felt I said to him, I quite like a bike. Quite like a bike. And he said, well, I've got a friend who's got a bike and come around tomorrow.

And I'll have the bike here. So I did. I went around, knocked on his door.

On his door. I might have rung the bell. But I, you know, I did one of those.

I either knocked on the door or rung the bell. I class it as the same process. I mean, to me, that's, that's no different.

Picking up the phone with your hand or your foot, you know, it's the same thing, or put it to your left ear, or to your bum, you know, it's, it's the same process. It's, it's answering the phone. So I knock, you know, I knocked or rang the doorbell.

I didn't knock the doorbell. But you know, I, I did that process of trying to get into communication with the owner of the house. He didn't answer though.

I think he might have been on the toilet. I don't know why. I just got that feeling.

It's like a, uh, I don't know, a ninth sense that he was, well, I just imagined he was in the toilet and getting angry. Because maybe he was halfway through what he was doing. And then, you know, I'm knocking at the door and he's been waiting all day to enjoy that moment.

And then I'm ruining it. Would you mean waiting all day to enjoy that moment? Well, I'll be honest, some days, the highlight of my day is doing a poo. That's the most enjoyable experience of the day.

That's the highlight. So, you know, maybe that might be the case for him. I'm not saying every day, because that kind of lifestyle is not sustainable.

I don't think for the highlight of your day to be going to the toilet is that that's, uh, that's a very different kind of, it's a difficult lifestyle to maintain. I'm just saying, I think changes are needed. So I don't know, maybe he was, you know, I interrupted him or maybe he was, he might have been asleep.

We'd might have been in his garden, but then it's no point going into all the different scenarios that you might have been doing. He might have been doing lots of things. I mean, who knows? He might've been, you know, I'm just saying he might've been doing anything, you know what I mean? So I don't know.

There might've been a conversation. Darling, I've got to answer the door. No, leave the door.

Oh, oh, Henry, keep going. Keep going. It's been ages since we've done anything like this.

We have to make use of it when it gets, you know, hard. I've got a bike, my bike. I need to sell the bike.

I've got a bike for some young man who lives up the road. Oh, Henry. Don't worry about the bike.

Focus on me. Oh, Henry. I don't know why.

I just thought his name's Henry. It's funnier because I'm imagining, I'm imagining him. So yeah, it's not good.

Oh, Henry. Finish on my knee. Why don't you go and finish on the bike? You love the bike so much.

So, um, about the sticky bike, I, I didn't get to see the bike because he didn't answer. So, and then I see him a few days later. He's clearly still very tired from, you know, all that activity.

And anyway, he, he said, oh, well, you had the bike, but you didn't come. And if you had come, you could have had the bike. But because you didn't come and knock on my door like you said you was going to, I had to get rid of the bike.

And I said, no, no, you're wrong. You're wrong. Oh, no, I got the story wrong.

There was a bike. There was a bike on the first night when my friend had the fishing, but the bike was too small. And I said, are you sure? He said, yes, it's too small.

I said, well, it's hard to tell. He said, I can pick it up with one hand. I said, yeah, so we said, if you can pick a bike up with one hand, it means that it's not going to be big enough for an adult.

I said, oh, you're very strong. He said, that's ridiculous. I said, it's not ridiculous.

Have you not seen the world's strongest man? There's people there carrying, they're holding fridges in one hand. It's the weight of a fridge in one hand, or the weight of a washing machine in one hand. Not fridge, because fridges aren't that heavy, are they? Washing machine, very heavy.

And then just holding their hand out. He said, what are you going on about fridges and washing machines? I said, I'm not talking about fridges or washing machines. He said, I can get you a fridge if you want.

I've got a friend who's got a fridge. I don't know anyone who's got a washing machine, but I can keep my eye open for you. I mean, I had a washing machine once, but it was too heavy, really.

I took it to the field. It was a really rainy day, and it was a bit muddy. And the washing machine, because it was so heavy, it kind of sunk into the mud.

I had four people try and buy it, but they couldn't move it. They couldn't get out of the mud. Honestly, it was like King Arthur's story, with a sword, except there was a washing machine in a field.

I said, what are you talking about? He said, no, I'm just talking about the washing machine. And I said, what washing machine? He said, the washing machine we're talking about, in the fridge. I said, what? He said, anyway, the bike's too small for you.

I said, well, can I at least try it? Because for me, it looked fine. I mean, admittedly, it was on the roof, so it was hard to tell. So, you know, he got off, got ladder, got off the roof.

And I said, I gotta ask you a question. I'm sorry. I mean, I'm not being rude or anything.

I'm just like, well, you know, you keep most of your stuff in the trailer. Yeah. You keep most of your stuff in the trailer.

He said, yeah. Well, just something I noticed. No, you know, I just have to ask you.

He said, what? I said, why'd you keep your ladder on the car? Why don't you keep it in the trailer as well? So what's it got to do with you? Okay, fair enough. Just thought I'd ask. And he got the bike and he handed it to me.

And it was tiny. Honestly. I mean, I had to, at one point, I actually sneezed and it blew away.

And we never saw it again. It just went gone. And you might be thinking, yeah, but with because your nose is so big, you probably sneeze, you could probably sneeze a tanker away, you know, you know, or train, you could probably sneeze in the train and probably blow away, which is a bit rude.

I feel honest. I do say stuff like that about me. Yeah, but it's true though, isn't it? Yeah.

And you sound like a dog when you laugh. What do you mean? Exactly. Being very rude to me today.

I know it's really all got some Capri Sun black current. Better drink it before the, before the straw disintegrates. I love to say unique things.

That's a good thing about me. At least, you know, that I never repeat myself. Oh, yeah, the bike.

So he said to me, when I saw him after I'd knocked on his door, because I hadn't seen him for a few days. And so I'm walking to the petrol station again. And he says, Hey, lad, which is a completely different accent to last time I saw him.

I realised he's from, he's from Spain. He's Spanish. Hey, lad.

Why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you come and knock on my door like you said you was going to? I said, What part of Spain are you from? I'm from Malaga, son. From Malaga, my little pigeon. I said, Okay.

Is there any night? Is it nice there? I, I, yeah, you're gonna what? What you talking about, son? No way. I said, Okay, so from Malaga. Did you just say Malaga because that's the only place you've ever been? What are you talking about? Well, I remember once you mentioned that you went to Spain for the afternoon, and you went to Malaga.

But that's as far as you went. I'm just wondering if you just mentioned Malaga in that made up story. Because that's the only place that you know in Spain.

That's the only name of anywhere you know. Possibly. No, there's the Costa del Sol.

There's Lisbos. There's Trinidad. I know lots of places in Spain.

Yeah, there's lots of places I can't think of. El Sol, Bon, Jovi, El Bosque, El Bosque. There's the Costa well done, Costa coffee.

There's lots of places I can't think of. There's El Dorado, El Corrado, El Borrado, Xomalado, and there's Bangal, Wangal. Yeah, it's lots of places.

Dilipigi, Xondo, Capondo, um Lavi, Ducormi. I mean, yeah, if I'm going to do it in the accent. There's a Hayho, Jose Carapanamo, Xobab, lots of places.

Yeah, loads of places in Spain. Yeah, I've only been to Malaga, but, you know, I could have, I could have mentioned Paris. I could have mentioned Caledonia.

I could have mentioned, you know, there's lots of parts of Spain I could have mentioned. Sydney, um, I mean, it's not hard to remember, is it? Sydney, not only is it a great part, it's a very popular part of Spain. It's also, um, a great name.

Sydney. It seems to be, well, it's a bit high pitched. I'm very excited.

Let me tell you about Sydney. I'm very excited now. I, see, Sydney James is my favourite Sydney, but Sydney seems to be quite a popular name for females.

I mean, not necessarily old females, because Sydney was an old man's name. Like an old, I'm not going to say British, because, but it was, I think it was, it was pretty much an English, British, old name. That was a great name, Sid, Sydney.

I think the last person I know called Sid, who was not old, was, um, Sid, he played Ricky, Janine's, Janine's brother in EastEnders, or Bianca's husband in EastEnders. Ricky, Ricky. But he was called Sid Owen, or is it Sid Owen? But he was Sid, anyway, that's his first name.

But outside of him, I've never, I've never known anyone called Sid before. I didn't know him. But you know, if you see someone on TV enough, you feel you know him a bit.

Just like you, pretty sure you know me a bit, if you listen to me, Ricky Lally. So Sid, Sid Vicious. Sid, Sid, Sid, Sidney Poitier.

Yeah, well, that's not, he wasn't English. I'm not saying that everybody called Sydney is English, obviously not. You know, but a lot of people, it was very traditional name.

Well, it was very popular in, blimey, 20s, 30s, 40s. And probably made more popular by people like Sydney James, who is Sid James, who is, for those that don't know who he is, I'm not talking about him. Sydney James was the star.

For me, he was the carry on star. He was, he was the top of the pile. It just probably because he was the oldest out of all of them, really, pretty much.

But he was, I mean, you know, you got Kenneth Williams, of course, some would argue someone, Kenneth Williams is the star. And I think in some cases, Kenneth Williams probably did have more of a role, you know, than Sid James in some of the some of the movies. But he was, I just, I loved Sydney James.

He's someone I'd like to have met. And if I felt like to have known him, I know he was, I just think he would have been fun. Just like, I imagine it had been funny, a funny person.

I don't mean like, there to entertain me, but someone that I could have a laugh with. That's what I think. I think it's someone I would have gone with.

And then he loved to gamble, love to gamble. So I mean, he probably just kept borrowing money off me. Apparently, that's what he did was constantly borrowing money off people, which meant that he had no money.

So he was, he was earning money. So he must have just been spending his money on gambling. But I think he was happy doing it, you know, drinking, gambling, and just, he was a great actor.

He was a proper actor. Mind you, they all were all the all the actor, the actors in the carry on films were comedy actors, actors are still actors, aren't they? They're not just like pretend actors, they're still actors. I mean, in some ways, you could say that doing a comedy role is perhaps one of the hardest roles to do.

Especially if you're doing it straight. Because imagine how hard it could would be. I mean, I've seen outtakes from on YouTube, from Ricky Gervais's TV shows, and well, other TV, other comedy shows as well.

And where they just keep laughing, because they're saying funny lines. And they're trying to play it straight. Because most comedy, that's the one thing about comedies, I never really understood.

Not much laughter in them. And that doesn't really make sense. Because if someone says something funny, people generally laugh, don't they? Not like pretend laugh, but just, but like, sometimes people love and they can't stop laughing.

It really, you know, hardly ever see that in a TV show or a movie, where someone gets the giggles, and they can't stop. And the amount of times someone says something, it's really, you know, it's purposely really funny, to make the audience laugh. But the person saying it to doesn't laugh.

That's not realistic. Is it someone says something really funny, you're gonna laugh. And they probably do laugh while they're filming it.

But they don't leave it in. I mean, does that? I mean, I don't know. I'm no expert on how films work.

And, you know, the reasoning behind it. Maybe that takes away the the comedy. Maybe it makes the film less funny.

If they allow them if they laugh, even though laughing would be a natural thing. I don't know. I mean, the only the only person, the only time I've seen it in a movie was Mrs. Brown's Boys with Agnes.

You know, Agnes, the old, this is basically Irish family. And Agnes is the mother. And some people moan about it.

And like, I think it's great for different reasons. And, you know, it's about family. And, you know, I don't really have, I haven't really enjoyed a family experience really.

And especially the fact that the family's still together and they're close. And, you know, there's a part of me that would like that. You know, there's a part of me that would like to be able to still be visiting my mother in her old age.

And well, not old age, she'd be. Well, yeah, I guess. Blimey.

It's weird, isn't it? My dad is not far off 80 now. When is old age? When does that start? I mean, I've got a neighbor who's about, he's about the same age as my dad. He's about, he's mid 70s, about 75.

I think my dad's about 76, maybe 77. Now I, I don't call my dad old, you know, because, well, I don't really think of him as being old. But I would never say it to his face.

I wouldn't say, oh, you're old. Not unless it's a joke. But, and then he wouldn't laugh because he doesn't laugh at my jokes.

But my neighbor, he's about the same kind of age. And he hates it. He's like, he gets angry with me.

Which means I have to keep saying it. He's about being called old or elderly or whatever. It's like, well, if you're 75, 76, it means you're nearly 80.

Now, in anyone's book, isn't 80 old? And also, and also, when, when did old become an insult? If old is an insult, then young must be an insult. It's, it's not an insult. It's only an insult if you use it as an insult.

You know, it's, um, if you're using it in a derogatory term, or you're old fart, you're just old and decrepit, or you're just young and naive. And you're just, you know, it can be used in a derogatory term, I guess. But I don't use it in that way.

Just, you're elderly. And it's usually more in a caring way. Like, well, maybe you need more support because of your age, because you're a bit older.

And I don't know, just, when does, when does be when do you when do we start being old? Because I'm 51. And sometimes I think of myself as being old. But I'm not 77.

You know, that's, that's, that's, that's a lot older, isn't it? But I'm not 30 anymore. I mean, I thought I was old at 30. I thought 30 was past it.

I was a young, fruity young man. When I was 30. I was, that's being 30.

Yeah, you're in your prime at 30. I didn't know that. I mean, you might not know if you, unless you listen regularly, but I'm a big boxing fan.

And a lot of boxers, you know, they're classed as being in their prime, when they hit 30. Now I thought 30 was old. Crazy, isn't it? That's just how I used to think.

I felt like I was being treated differently by women. So it was, I think there was a certain, I think back then, maybe times have changed, or maybe just the women that I sort of met. So I was I'm generalizing.

But I just, it seemed that if I said I was 29, I was okay. If I said I was 30, I got a different reaction. If I said I was 70, would that make them laugh? It's just weird, isn't it? Like being 70 is funny.

But being 31, no humour there. It's too old. I can't date you.

I'm only 19. I'm only 22. You're 30 now you're old.

Okay. And I never used to think of a 19 or 20 year old being young. I really didn't.

It's someone's in the garden. Never classed that as being a young. I didn't I didn't think of them as being old.

But I didn't think of them as being really much younger than me. Because I was just, I guess, very immature mentally still am probably. I mean, my voice didn't break till I was 29.

So you know, I was a bit, I was just always, I don't really think about, didn't think of someone as being 22 was young. Or too young for me. And now if I see someone, I can't tell what age they are.

Sometimes people look so young. I'm both, you know, female and male. Generally, genuinely, and generally can't place an age.

Sometimes people look old. I think, oh, you're about 30. No, actually, I'm 20.

No, come on, you're 30. Like someone would like, get their age wrong. No, I really am 20.

And then other people, they look like they should still be a school and they're like 25. I realize that some parts of the world people might still be at school at 25. But you know, I mean, I'm talking like young, like 10.

But you look 10. No, I'm 42. Okay.

Okay, fair enough. If you say so. If you say so, don't believe you don't.

So he said, get walking past yesterday. And he said, I've got a bike for you. I said, what? And Del Boy, he said, I've got got a bike, look.

So I was walking to the petrol station. And he's like, getting ready for tomorrow, or which is today. This is last night.

And he had a bike and it was it was on top of his trailer, but it was attached. I mean, there's no way anyone was going to steal it. Because it was like, it was so tightly wound together.

Honestly, I said, well, yeah, but it's, I need to test it before I buy it. He said, that's okay. I said, look, yeah, it's gonna take you ages to unwrangle that.

Because he had this big wire that was all around. And I can't really explain it. But nobody even the the biggest kleptomaniac in the world wouldn't even attempt to steal that bike.

Because it was just it was mind boggling how they'd get it out of all those wires that were around it. Anyway, I said, well, I'll have a look at it. See whether it fits or not.

And so I went to the thing and he said, I just want a 20 pound, which 20 pound is probably about $30. I suppose something like that, which is very cheap. This is a very, it's very, very, very, very cheap for anything really, but for a bike.

So I figured, well, it wouldn't even matter if it fell apart. I just leave it where it is. And for that amount of money, it wouldn't really matter.

However, it does need to be safe. Because, you know, it's one falls apart when I'm on a road, you know, behind a lorry. That's not so good for some reason.

So you know, and I thought, okay, well, I'll have a look at it. So I went to the petrol station and got whatever I needed to get. I've got a couple of brownies, a real thing now for brownies.

And I've liked brownies since I was at school, chocolate brownies, love them. Now, the ones at school were beautiful. They were crispy, they were fresh, they were big, you know, like, I've never, they're the best chocolate brownies I've ever had, the ones I had at school.

If only they were able to put that kind of love into the rest of the food they made. But the chocolate brownies were the best thing. It was probably the best part of being at high school was the chocolate brownies.

And I only discovered them, I think in the last year of school, or the last two years, because I always used to take sandwiches in school. And then I, because I had money of my own, I had part time jobs. So I decided, well, I might, you know, I might as well just eat.

So I'll take my sandwiches in with me, I might as well just get some cooked food I can afford to buy it now. So I used to eat, get myself food there sometimes. And oh, yeah, in the petrol station, they had these brownies, and I think they're quite healthy.

Well, not healthy, but they're like no eggs and no milk or whatever something. But they're amazing. They taste so good.

So I don't know why they're why they're so good. But I bought two yesterday. So one for today, one for yesterday.

Oh, I'm looking forward to it now all night. I've been thinking Oh, chocolate brownie, chocolate brownie, chocolate brownie. So I'll have that later.

Anyway, I come back, I test out the bike because the bikes he's got it unwrangled and unwrapped. And it's waiting for me. The seat's too high.

And I can't you know, I can't put my feet on the floor while I'm sitting on the seat. Now someone told me later on that we don't need to just that's what the bars for you. You stand in the middle of the bike.

Not for me. I because if I can't put my feet down, when I'm on the bike, all times if I'm not able to put my feet down, then I'm going to fall over. You know, I need to put my feet on the ground at all times if I need to.

And so it there's a restriction to that in a sense of I I had to see lowered, but my knees are they're not hitting me in the face, but that my knees are a little bit constricted. Because I know it's, it's hard to explain. But when it was high, I feel everyone seen the Muppet movie, like the I think it's the original Muppet movie.

It might be the one with Michael Caine or something. I don't know. But it has Kermit on a bike.

That's me. That was kind of a little bit what I look like when I was riding a bike. No, I'm even I know Kermit's got longer legs than me.

I'm not being rude about Kermit. I say nothing about Kermit. I'm my little Kermit.

Well, well, you must be. That's not very, that's okay. If I do my Kermit.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I went. Well, ladies. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Oh, Miss Piggy.

Hey, Miss Piggy. Oh, my Kermit. Oh, yes, Miss Piggy.

I need to listen to it again. I can't remember how it is. Hey, Miss Piggy.

Oh, Miss Piggy. Maybe not. I tried the bike and it was all right.

It was it was changing gears while I was riding it. I don't want to bike with different gears. I just want it just to go.

Pedals, handlebars, wheels, brakes that work. And a seat that doesn't cause me injury. Yeah, I don't want too much out of life, you know, just basics.

And I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure how things were going to go with this thing. But I thought, OK, I'll take it.

The brakes seemed OK. So I got it back. My friend is an expert on bikes.

He just loves bikes and tinkering with them and fixing them. And, you know, he's just really loves bikes. So I asked him if he if he wouldn't mind helping to put the seat down.

And I said, I said later on, he said, we just need an Alan key. I said, I don't know who's Alan. He said, he's Alan, you know, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan.

I said, yeah, but he's I said, well, we can only use his key to lower the seat. He said, yeah, you need an Alan key. I said, what if Alan's not around? I said, well, we can call him.

OK, so I had that conversation. So I went and had a lay down because I was tired at this point. And.

My friend, a little habit of calling up to my window now from the gardener, I'm quite sure it's a council estate thing like knock on my door, ring me. You don't have to call up to the window and he does it. And he's like, stop doing that.

Anyway, he was helping me out so I couldn't moan. And he was he was he was he was doing stuff to the bike. So he was fixing the brakes.

He was sort, he put a different, different seat on some more comfortable seat on a right high fix. The brakes weren't working. The back brake wasn't working.

So he spent about an hour or more working on the bike. And so now it's all kind of tip top works fine. And we tested it, rode it around the park and it's all right.

But my knees are a bit too. Close to my face. It's a it's like a it's not BMX.

It's not a racer. It's kind of like just a dirt bike kind of thing. It's an old it's really about 20 year old bike.

It's an old bike. But it's it's okay. But what I do if if if I do manage to get out on it, because I'm thinking of going into more into the fields and riding around rather than on the roads.

Just for exercise. This is an exercise thing really what I'm thinking of. If I can build a nice sweat up it means I've burned some calories off.

And if I can burn enough calories off, I might slim down a little bit. And then I might be my worry is that if I lose if I slim too much, and I suddenly have like a slim waist, I might be too attractive to women. So I might go the opposite way.

I might be just too, too desirable for women and it might it might be hard. It might cause problems. I mean, I don't know.

So I'm not quite sure how to deal with that. I'm just I just want to go just walk down the street and I'm having women chucking themselves at me because they can't help it. Because I'm so attractive and so beautiful.

Because I've lost some weight. But I shouldn't really worry about that should I deal with it when it happens. And I've dealt with it before so I can sure deal with it again.

So on that note. On that note, I'm gonna go. So thank you very much for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Remember you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye