#849 Let me bore you to sleep - FASHION - Jason Newland (17th JUNE 2022)

Hello, is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your smile. You're all I ever wanted.

My arms are open wide. Because you know just what to say, and you know just what to do. I want to tell you so much.

I love you. Hello, welcome. To let me bore you to sleep.

Let's pretend the first part of the recording never happened. Please, can we? Oh, thank you. Please only listen when you can.

Safely close your eyes. My website is jasonnewland.com. So I got a message. The first thing I want to read a message from from Mary Sue.

This is on my email. So jasonluland.hotmail.co.uk if you do want to send me a message. Of course, you can send me a message on my Facebook page.

You can send me a message to my address to my postal address, which is let me have a look. Read it out to you. It is let me have a look.

No, that's not what I wanted to do. That wasn't supposed to happen. Oh, okay.

It's not on there at all. I thought that would have been there. How strange.

How unusual. I thought I'd updated all of those podcasts. Clearly not.

Okay. Oh, I know what it is. I know what it is.

I know. Right. Okay.

Here is view. And so view. Come on info.

No description. I'm now getting a little bit annoyed with this blimmin thing. View must be information on this one.

Nope. Anyway, it's somewhere. It's something.

And he's gonna have to. He's gonna try and find it somewhere. I can't believe I've been updating my voice has gone screechy.

I've been updating the information on my website and on the podcasts. And for some reason, unknown to myself, some reason it's not showing up. So let's have a look at this one.

This should be on here. View. View.

Info. No description. Brilliant.

Great. Okay, right. I know what I need to do.

I need to go all the way down to number one. Right. Info.

No, it's no description. There must be some that have got info. No.

No. I'm a little bit confused. If I'm honest.

Why? Why? Why? I don't understand it. If I just search for one, okay, number one. Number one.

View. It's just not giving me the information I want information. Oh, got it.

Got it. Got it. No.

I can't find it. If I can't find it, and it's my podcast, and I'm the one that wrote all the stuff, then how on earth are you supposed to find it? But don't worry. So you can send me a message on Twitter, on Facebook, on directly to my email address, you can go to my website, jasonnewland.com and leave a message on there as well.

So I try and read out the messages I get at the beginning of every podcast. If there's an you know, so if I've got a new message, I try and read it out. Sometimes I forget, you know, sometimes, sometimes, I try and remember.

And I've got I don't know if I read this out already. Diana left me a message on Facebook. Well, I sent a Facebook Facebook message actually.

Totally 100% love that you do this for everyone needing to be bored to sleep. And you do it so well. Thank you, Diana.

And yeah, I think that's it. Boston cheeky says Hello, Jason. Hope you're doing well.

So thank you Boston cheeky. I'm groovy, groovy, groovy. Darby sent a message on Spreaker she posted on number 846.

Let me bore you to sleep. Daniel Dubois is champion 14th of June. I'm happy and content.

Nice way of having people really empty their busy minds and be able to visualize and be restful yet alert all at the same time. May you have a very peaceful day. Thank you again for your board.

Bored to sleep podcast. You're very talented. Thank you Darby.

That's very kind of you. And I think that's about it. I think I think you can't see any others.

Now, if you have left a message and I haven't read it out. And you're thinking you bastard why have you not read it out? It might be because I can't be bothered. It might be because I haven't seen it.

Now Facebook isn't always brilliant in letting me know when there's messages. It's okay if it's a message on my normal Facebook page. But if it's a message on my bigger Facebook page, then I don't necessarily get notified.

Which is a little bit annoying. So you know, have to kind of I mean, if that is a case, then maybe send me a message. I mean, the way that I will always receive a message is if you send it via my website.

Because that comes to my email address instantly. As soon as you post a message, or a comment on one of the recordings, it comes directly to my email address, or you can just go directly to my email address. Now the benefit, I guess the benefit to me is if you post a comment, or a review rather, if you post a review on one of my recordings, then that stays on the website.

And then it's indexed by Google and you know, possibly will maybe motivate some other people to listen if they see a nice review. So this is that as well. So there's different ways of contacting me.

And I do like to hear, I like, you know, regularly daily to have a have hear some nice words because I'm very insecure. So there, judge me if you like, I don't care. I don't care.

I don't care. Oh, I need a shower. That's all I'm saying.

Today's the hottest day of the year. It's one of the hottest days of all time, apparently. And if it gets any hotter, I'm turning the heating off.

It's Friday, the 17th of June, 2022. And it's quarter past 12 in the afternoon. So a couple of well bits of information that are interesting to me is Thailand have gone to the, I don't know if they've voted, but they've had a review of their tourist rules and their rules as far as entering the country.

And they're getting rid of the masks from the first of July. Now, they're not they're making masks not compulsory. But now they're saying that masks were never compulsory.

It was never a legal thing. It was just recommended. Yeah.

When I was out there, you'd go into a shop, let's say 7-Eleven was the main shops out there. And they'd shout at you, mask, mask. I mean, literally shout, not like, please, sir, would you mind putting your mask on your face? Thank you ever so much.

No mask. Yes. Almost like, Tiger, Tiger.

It's that kind of like, scary. It's a mask, you know, put your mask on. So it's not a request.

It was like, so, you know, I saw that in action. And I made sure I put my mask on when I went in there, because with the best will in the world, I'm not going to react to, I'm not going to react in a kind way towards being shouted at. Even if it's just an internal reaction, which it kind of has to stay internal.

I'm not going to feel great if someone shouted at me. So you know, I'll try to avoid that situation. But I was just thinking, wow.

Imagine in this country, in England, where I'm living, where I'm living, where I live, walking into, you know, a small supermarket, and getting shouted at to put your mask on. And there, there would be a lot of police incidences. On record, there would be that would be, there would be an awful.

I mean, every day, the shops would be closed for the police to come and sort out the issue. Because generally, people don't like being shouted at. It doesn't happen here.

I mean, it does happen, but it's not generally encouraged, or enjoyed. I think in England, people shout at each other in their house. And then when they leave the house, they kind of behave themselves a bit.

Depends what part of the country, I guess, and how it's how crazy the person is. Because some people do go out in public and shout and act socially. Retarded, I guess is probably the correct word.

But most people don't. Because those people do stand out. They wouldn't stand out if most people did it.

So those that are like the really, and there's all this thing, anti social, all your anti social, if you drink a can of lager in the street. I don't class that as anti social. You know, personally, I don't make the rules up.

But you know, anti social is screaming and having a full on argument in the street. And just shouting at people and being abusive, you know, that's that's anti social. You know, just having a nice, quiet can of lager.

I mean, I remember 1996, I came home from Butlins. And I was signing on and working at Butlins that is part of the unemployment scheme. So it was I feel I've got an extra 10 pound a week or 15 pound a week or something on top of my benefits.

So I worked, I moved to Butlins in Bogna. And I worked there for the Christmas season in 95 1995. And then I left.

A few things happened. And in the end, I came back to London. I kind of wish I hadn't really wish I'd stuck it out because I did like it there.

But I didn't. I didn't. I didn't.

I mean, if I had a state, then my life would have been very different. But not necessarily in a negative way. It might be in a lot of very different in a really good way.

I mean, I know some people say, Oh, well, if I hadn't gone through all the stuff I went through, I wouldn't be here now. And you know, I wouldn't be happily married and have my children or whatever, or be happily single without any children. But I don't know, I think back to stuff that's happened in the past, I really would have not gone through, regardless of how it ended up.

I can't you know, nah, I think I'd have done without that bit. Thank you very much. You know, I'll take my chances.

Yeah, but then you won't be where you are now. Yeah, I'll take my chances on that. I quite like to have not had that happen.

If you don't mind. So I know it's just a standard sentence that people say, and I guess it makes us feel better about ourselves maybe and makes us cope better with stuff, the crappy stuff that happened, to think that going through that has led you to where you are now and my voice is going croaky. And that you you know, this is where we are now and it's things are good now.

I like to think that things could have been good without all the crap. Maybe I'm being naive. You know, I think someone is just like, okay, someone gets run over when they're 20.

And they're in their 50s. And now they're married, and they got kids or 40s. And maybe they got grandchildren.

And I was a horrible experience. But like, that all contributed towards, you know, where they are now. I'd rather not have the I'd rather not get run over.

If I'm honest, I'd rather just know. You know, I don't want to change anything, because then I might not be where I am now. No, I'll change.

I'll change it. I'll go back. You know, I'm quite happy, happily not have that limp for the last 30 years.

Thank you very much. Yeah, I'll go back on that. Yeah, we'll take that away.

Take the car crash out. But you might not be where you are now. You're like, I don't mind.

Honestly, I'll give it a go. I'll give it a go. If it don't work out, we'll go back.

We can't go back. Why not? What's a one off? Why is it a one off? Well, someone invented a time machine to be used just once. Is that what you're telling me? You can only use a time machine once.

I mean, technically, you've got to use it twice if you're going to come back, or you're going to go back and look before you cross the road and not see the you know, see the car and not cross and then live the next 30 years. So you'll never know how your life has been changed because it would never have happened. Or you're going to come back and be aware the whole time of, you know, where you are.

Jason, what are you talking about? What are you going on about? Using a time machine only once. I mean, what what are you talking about? You're talking about drinking beer in the street. The is that time machines and I don't get it.

Look, there is a reason why I moved what why I was talking about that. 1996 Okay, I suppose I don't have to give them all of everything that happened previous but I came back to London and I found somewhere to stay. I spent hours and hours and hours in the housing department of the unemployment place.

I do have a croaky voice today, don't I? I was in the I'm drinking coffee. So I was in the unemployment housing department because I was homeless. And in the end, I just I kind of had enough as well.

I'll see if there's anyone that can put me up for a few days just do that. So that's what I did. And I did find someone and I ended up living there for a while.

And I had to wait because of the benefits I had to sort of it messed up the benefits of me leaving Butlins. So I had to wait, I don't know, two or three weeks before I got any money. And I think it was a Wednesday or Thursday.

And I remember getting that and it was only a small amount, I don't know, small amount of money. And I went to the off license. And I bought I think I bought one can of lager.

And I just walked down the street drinking that one can of lager. I hadn't had a drink for I mean, I was drinking quite heavily. You know, previous to that, not just because I've been away.

Normally, I don't drink. But when I was at Butlins, I was drinking every day. And this was just a little treat.

Because I feel I got some tobacco or and then I got a just one can of lager. And I was just drinking it. And I'd be looking forward to that all week.

Just it wasn't to get drunk or anything. But technically, I was probably being antisocial. But it was it was this was January, so it's not the greatest month.

I couldn't sit out in the garden in January because it wasn't really warm enough. But it was a nice enough day to walk around and not be like freezing cold. I'm just sniffing me armpit.

Sorry. And Oh, wow. How can how can a body create such an awful smell? I see.

Yeah, I remember that. As this is I just remembered it. That's why I was talking about 1996.

I just have that memory of going and I think also I went I don't know if it was the same day, but I went and found a shop to buy a pad. Like a refill pad that I used to use those refill pads as diaries or journals when I used to write jokes and just, you know, just used to write about my life. I did it for from 1989 until late.

I don't know, probably 2008 2009. Something like that. 89 89 99 to about 20 years, roughly.

And then in 2011, I destroyed them all. There was a load of them, loads and loads and loads and loads of them. I kind of wish I hadn't destroyed them now.

But it's just it is it is what it is. And it happens. So there you go.

This is one of my I enjoyed it. Enjoyed I enjoyed and I didn't just I ripped each pad up and I was ripped. And yeah, it's a weird, weird experience.

I was listening to Bob Dylan. In fact, I think I was listening. What was I did I have a CD player? No CD player or was I listening to the internet? Maybe I had the internet I can't remember.

I mean, that would have made more sense, wouldn't it? I mean, 2011 I had an iPhone. And it would have been I'd have thought Spotify was definitely about because I know my my friend used to use Spotify right at the beginning of when they started. Which was late 90s early 2000s or something.

You should really get Spotify on your computer. Long before you know, the phones and that. Yeah, I think in them days, you had to download it.

I don't know if they did streaming, but you download it and it doesn't take much download a song. It's such a small, small amount of space. But yeah, I used to use Spotify.

Pay monthly. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I'm about to have someone knock on my door. Maybe not. I'll just press the pause button in case I'm like, I'd hear like that, you know, and it's mind you, I just done it myself.

So that was kind of a bit pointless.Me trying to avoid hearing that and then doing it myself. It's wrong with me.

So I'm sure there was another message that I got and I don't know where it is. You know, you haven't, I don't know. I don't know.

We don't know. Yeah, I don't know. So I went out on my bike yesterday.

Did I mention this? I fell off. I went all the way through the field. This was yesterday.

No, not yesterday. Why are you lying? It wasn't yesterday. It was the day before yesterday.

And I got it the night before. So yesterday was Thursday. It's Friday today.

The day before that was Wednesday. Yeah. And I and I got it off a neighbor.

20 pound it cost me on Tuesday evening. And he was going to take it. We call him Del Boy because he's got a market stall and he's gonna he was about to, you know, try and sell it on Wednesday morning.

So I got it back here. The seat was too high. So my friend said, Oh, I'll have a look at that.

And then a few hours later, he was in the garden, like really like he was doing an operation. He just had all his tools out and he was really giving it a good one over or two over or whatever they don't know what that phrase is. He was fixing it basically making sure that the brakes worked and the handlebars right and he put a new a different seat on one it was more comfortable, put it at the right height for me.

Now we had this conversation me and someone else and they said, Well, you don't you don't need to be able to reach the floor with your feet when you're sitting. That was weird. I get some strange sounds in this place.

And it was like a little like it was in a hallway or something. Yeah, so he said, Well, you don't you don't need to be able to touch your feet on the floor when you're sitting on the chair on the seat. I said, Well, I do.

He said, No, don't we do is if you do that, and you basically you move off to see and go to the middle bar, and you stand there. So if you you know, if you stop a traffic lights or whatever, I said, No, I need to be sitting on the on the seat. And he said, Well, I don't.

I said, Whose bloody bike is this? And he said, Don't you dare swear at me. How dare you? And I you know, I did turn my back on him. I took turn my back on him.

I bent over. I do believe I won the argument. And he's I can I kind of understood where he's coming from.

Because some bikes you can do that, can't you? But for me, I need to be able to touch the ground. You know, my feet need to touch the ground when I'm sitting on the seat. That's how I've always done it.

That's how I will always do it. And the problem with that is when I cycle, my legs are very squashed. And they kind of it doesn't feel very comfortable.

It'd feel much better if the seat was higher. Because then it would just be more smoother. And it would just it would just be easier to cycle.

If I never needed to stop, ever. You know, if I never needed to stop, then I'd have the seat a lot higher. I mean, if I was going to live on the bike, I mean, I was going to live on the bike, I'd have a much more comfortable seat.

And it also vibrate. So you know, I don't have a different I have a different type of seat. Because I found it very young, even even though this one was more comfortable, a bit more padded, still doesn't feel comfortable.

And I don't really want to talk about my bum, but I'm not sure how much of your bum is supposed to actually fit on the seat. What is the bum to seat ratio? Does that make sense? Like what? How much is how much of your bum is a seat supposed to take up? Is it supposed to be able to? Are both your cheeks supposed to be able to touch the seat? Or is it okay for the seat to just like rest in between the cheeks? Not enough for it to, you know, enter you but just I don't know. Because I definitely did.

I'd say I probably the seat took up about 10% of my bum. 10% I don't know. I didn't do I didn't do a survey.

But I because I mean, I'll be honest. I really am. But I'll be honest on this one occasion.

My favourite saddle, if we're going to talk about saddles, is bike saddle, my favourite bike saddle. And, you know, we're going back. So it might sound sexist, but I don't care because we're going back in time when this was the case.

Women's bikes. Now, if you go to buy a bike online, they do still say boys and girls bikes, and men's and women's bikes. So that's still a thing.

And there are and what they call multi sex ones, multi sexual, multi Amber, Amber sexual or whatever, you know, so that both men and women can use them. I prefer women's bikes like when I was younger. Not not as a kid, you know, I wanted a racer or BMX or I wanted to.

I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be a cool kid. I never was a cool kid.

I got a BMX bike, probably three years after they were popular. I remember seeing all the kids outside the night. I live next door to the popular kids.

Like literally, there was two kids living there. One was one was a year younger than me, and the other one was three years younger than me. Or no, the other one was two years younger than me.

And they were brothers. Now, they were the popular kids. They were the fashionable kids.

They were always ahead. They were always like fashion, whether it was clothes, hairstyles, vocabulary, everything, you know, skateboards, breakdancing, BMXs, they were always there. When that was fashionable, they were there doing it out in the street.

So they'd have a bit of lino and they'd be doing head spins and stuff. Or when BMXs were popular. You know, right at the beginning, I'm talking, I know that in some places they are still popular, but when they were fashionable, to start with when everybody, I think you had a didn't wasn't a film called BMX bandits.

And then with with with breakdancing, was it just breakdance? Wasn't it that the movie breakdancer? And then skateboards, of course, they there was a time when they were like really, really popular. We're talking early 80s. They were always ahead.

They like the first they were trendsetters. Well, I was always behind. So I used to get on with the kids and it wouldn't just be them, they'd have all their friends around.

So all the all the popular kids would be there. And so they kind of knew who I was. They were in different years to me, but they because they'd they'd see me regularly because I'd be outside while I'd be looking out the window crying.

And sometimes with binoculars. And so they knew who I was, I guess, because they'd seen me. And I remember just saying, Oh, I never got a skateboard.

The reason I didn't get a skateboard is because they let me have a go on a skateboard. And I fell off. Like instantly fell off.

And I realized that it wasn't for me. And you may you may think, Well, why'd you give up so quickly, JJ, you might have been good at it. I mean, I'm sure many people fall off at the start with and then they get back on and they keep getting back on and eventually, you know, you get good at it.

It didn't mean that much to me to go through the pain. It did, you know, there was no great reward at the end of it. You know, Sarah cross the road wasn't there saying, If you keep doing if you manage to stay on for more than 30 seconds, I'll show you me boobies.

There wasn't any of that, you know, there was no motivation for me. I was 12, by the way, just, you know, and like, it's like, I just didn't see the point. I was hurting myself.

I was falling off banging me elbow, me hands, me knees. So I knew straight away that skateboarding wasn't going to happen. Just wasn't going to happen.

But then BMXs, I used to see them BMXing and do, you know, bouncing on the front wheel, doing weird skids and turns and, and I didn't see anything that I hadn't already done before. Admittedly, I did that stuff in an accident. But, you know, they were doing it on purpose.

I'd often land, you know, ended up being on one wheel, on the front wheel bouncing around, or doing somersaults or doing skids. And, you know, because I was, I guess, quite a dangerous cyclist. So that seemed to me more, more possible.

And I thought, well, if I can do that anyway, without meaning to, maybe, just maybe, I could actually do this on purpose. And I ended up getting, as I was always late, I was always way behind. When I actually ended up getting a BMX bike, I said to one of the kids next to me, next door, I said, look, I've got a BMX bike now, you want to come and have a look at it? And he said, I haven't got time now, I've got to get to work and then pick the kids up from school.

So now he was 32 at that time, I was so behind the times. He said, what's a BMX bike? Oh, that thing we used to play with when we were kids. I remember that.

Now the dancing. I think if boogaloo and woogaloo and beat bop and hip hop and the various different types of dancing and stuff had been around when I was young, young. I don't mean Chinese, I mean, young, when I was, when I was like eight or nine, I think I'd have enjoyed it.

I might have even been, dare I say, possibly capable of doing breakdancing. Because spinning on my head was easy. I was very, very agile as a kid, as a little kid.

I could do yeah, I could do all kinds of weird things. And I'm pretty sure most kids can I don't think I think it was a special to me. Why can't it be special to me? Why can't I have a skill? Why can't I never had a skill? Why can't I have a skill that I can do? Why is it I've got to be like, well, everyone can do what you do.

Why can't I be special? And I don't mean special in the way that I was called special as a kid. I mean special, as in having a skill to be better than most people at something. Just one thing.

I mean, sometimes I think even if it was just having the smelliest breath, just let me be best at something. My farts are getting quite good. I did a fart last night in the garden.

Now I very rarely fart, you know, because I'm a gentleman. But I lit one and it was like a machine gun. It was really, really good.

It was like even like a machine gun or a giant undoing his zip. It was that kind of click like that. Oh, it's really, I was very pleased with myself.

Yeah, I did smile. Oh, yeah, I remember. I smiled.

I was so unfashionable. I mean, I, all through school. Now I could have bought my own clothes once I got to the age of 13.

Because I did have money coming in. Not a huge amount of money, but I had paper rounds and various different part time jobs. I could have.

I mean, I like to buy books and sweets and chocolates and presents for my stepmom and you know, things like that. I like to buy her ornaments and gifts and but and I buy magazines and I could have bought clothes, I could have got myself some really nice trousers and some really nice tops and some really nice shoes and stuff like that. But the reason I didn't like clothes is because I used to get them as presents.

And clothes are the worst presents ever. To me when I was a kid, I was like this, you bought me socks. I was sat here and wasted 20 seconds of my life opening this package and it's socks.

Socks. And you're standing there with a camera saying smile. Socks.

So what if I buy you a tampon and say smile? You're gonna be happy. No, you're not. Socks is equivalent.

Okay, it's used for different things, but it's still a really rubbish present. Socks. Socks.

Jumpers. I get jumpers for Christmas. It was just such a rubbish.

I'm no offense. I mean, I got loads of other stuff. I'm not, I can't fault my parents for Christmas.

That was the one time of the year when they, I think agreed on anything. It was, they agreed. Very, very generous.

And Christmas was the best time of the year. It was the best day of the year, Christmas, by far, by 150 million percent. So, you know, and I think because I was a kid, well, even now, I think even if you could give me, you could buy me a Porsche and a pair of socks.

You give me those two packages and all I'm going to be focused on is the socks. How could you dare buy me socks? The fact there's like 200 grand Porsche in like, no. How dare you buy me socks? So I had a negative view towards clothing because I used to get them as presents and it's not a present.

If you have to, it's like toilet paper. If you have to use it, it's not a present. It's not a gift.

It's something that you have to use and we have to wear clothes. Trust me, I've seen the legal documents. We have to wear clothes in public.

So I don't see that as a gift. I still don't, to be honest, I still, I don't, I mean, I quite like the idea of getting some groovy t-shirts to wear, you know, something going back to the 70s, you know, with some of the 70s TV shows on, like the A-Team or Mork & Mindy or um, the Golden Girls. It don't matter, just a XXL t-shirt.

That's a nice gift. That'd be cool. I've got a different view to clothes that I used to have.

But back then I was like, oh, and I also had a school uniform. So that was a bit rubbish. So it kind of got to the point where I just wasn't interested.

But in the last two years of high school, I think they might have got rid of the school uniform or they were kind of relaxed a bit. And people were coming in with really fashionable trousers and really nice shoes. And I never did that.

The trousers, nothing wrong with the trousers I wore, all the shoes, but they just, they weren't fashionable, like they weren't in fashion, as it were. They were just normal school uniform trousers. And there was a period where people wore baggy trousers.

It was a, they called them baggies and it was like really, really fashionable. So I left school and it was only really, I worked with this, this lad called Justin. And he, he worked in a chip shop with me, but he was part time.

He was still at school. He was still in, it was in the last year of school. And so I was like a year older than him, basically.

And he took, he was the most fashionable person I'd ever met. He was perfect. Like fashionable, like his hair was perfect.

His clothes were perfect. He smelled good, you know, everything. He looked after himself really well.

And I feel I asked him once, like, because we were talking about fashion, he liked to talk about fashion. It was his hobby. Clothes was his passion, you know.

I mean, really, I think if he, if he hadn't been living in a rubbish, tiny, crappy town that we were living in, he could have, he might have gone in, but he could have been a model. You know, he could have been like doing modeling and stuff because that would have been perfect for him. Because he was basically a clothes horse.

You know, he was, he loved to wear fashionable clothes. So it would have been a perfect job for him. He might have gone on to be a model.

I lost contact with him pretty much a year later or two years later. So I don't know what he did with his life. This is 30 odd years ago.

So he might, he might have gone on to be a model. I don't know. But we were talking about clothes and I said, I wish I was, wish I was like you.

And this, this was very early on in my chip shop career, shit shop career. And at that point, I was getting paid £60 a week. So I started in April, I got paid £60 a week until September when it went down to £27 a week.

Yep. And so because it was part of the like YTS scheme, a government scheme. So what I should have done is just stayed there and then left and got a proper job.

And that paid me a livable wage, but I didn't because I was 16 or 1516 I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't know what to do. So anyway, I, I had money because £60 a week was a lot of money to me.

I was 15. And suddenly I was earning £60 a week was a huge amount of money. And the first thing I ever bought was a samurai sword.

Which is the kind of thing a 15 year old would probably do. You know, this is there's no nest. There was logic because I was really into martial arts.

And I always wanted a samurai sword. So that's what I did. I bought a samurai sword.

I spent every penny on it. Anyway, he he offered to take me shopping, clothes shopping. And how lovely I was honestly, it was one of the kindest things, such a kind thing to do.

Because I was the most unfashionable person you'll ever see. I didn't, I still am really I'm not fashionable person. But I didn't know what was fashionable at all.

And what he did, he showed me he took me and there was nothing in the town we lived. He used to shop in the next town. And he had these places that were kind of off the beaten track.

So they weren't in the main town centre. And there was a couple of shops one was had Italian clothes. Italian shoes and just basically Italian everything really Italian shirts, trousers, jackets, gloves, hats, whatever.

And he took me to another shop. He took me to a few but it was these two that I remember. I remember this second one, I don't know what it's called.

But they would have loads and loads and loads of shirts, and trousers and all fashionable stuff. But they didn't have lots of the same stuff. So and they're different sizes.

I was miniature, I was a miniature size. I was tiny back then. And they wouldn't have lots and lots of the same design, they just have like maybe one or two and that was it.

And then you know, so that was quite nice to almost, you know, guaranteed you wouldn't see someone else with the same design shirt. So I remember I went in there. And I went in there a few times after that.

So I went in there and I got a shirt. It was a nice patterned shirt. It was nice.

And I think I might have got some trousers, maybe some shoes. Yeah, and I remember maybe not that time. But later on, I got myself some boots.

And they're expensive. I think I spent 5060 pound on some boots, which was a lot of money. I mean, it was a whole week's wages, you know, but it's a lot of money.

And they clogged they like sound like a horse when I walked. And I love them boots. And they because they may be taller, because they were high heels.

Not high heels as in well, yeah, they were high. They were high here, but not high heels. They were just higher heels.

So I ended up being about 510 instead of 58. Probably added a couple of inches probably I'd say. I like that a lot.

And so I used to wear those used to go out. And because I've been the same size foot pretty much since I was a kid. So I don't know when it my feet stopped growing.

But from the age of 15, I've been a size 10. And I'm still a size 10. So it's kind of been the same size feet, my heart, you know, for the last 73 years.

He means 73 years and only 51. Yeah, cool. Oh, I did a little another little thing I used to go through my oldest brother.

So this is probably before this time, before this period, my oldest brother had a trilby hat. And he was four years older than me. So he'd, he'd left school left home everything long before I I was, you know, I was still only 13 or whatever when he left school.

They had this trilby hat. And I wanted to I wanted to be like my brother. I wanted to be like him.

So I went and bought one. I don't think he was too impressed with me copying him. But I remember buying it and the smell of it and wearing it and looking really silly.

Because I would have looked silly. I think it suited him a bit because he had long hair. He had really, really long hair at the time.

And it kind of suited the maybe suited the long hair look or whatever. All I remember is, first of all, the hat was too big for me. And secondly, it was a windy day.

And it kept blowing off and I was running down the street after it. Trying to catch the hat. But unlike most things that would be blown along, you know, you put your foot on it to catch it, to stop it blowing away.

You can't do that with a brand new hat. Because I'd end up squashing it and hurting it and ruining it, ruining it in it. So I was trying to stop it.

And it was because I lived near a beach. So the wind would gain quite a lot of momentum at times. Very windy sometimes.

And it would just blow and blow and blow. In the end, I don't know what happened. I might have lost the hat.

I think I might, I might have actually just given up. It's like, you know what? Nature obviously wants the hat back. Let it have it.

I remember shouting in the street, if you want the hat that badly, keep the bloody thing. People staring at me. Keep it.

I don't want it anyway. I never loved you. So yeah, I just wanted to be like my brother.

I wanted to look cool because I thought he looked cool. But I think if he'd have walked around with a dead seagull on his head, I would have probably thought he looked cool. It's just, you know, just I looked up to him, for some reason.

No logical reason for that, really. But then I think about that. And I think, why would I look up to him? Because he wasn't, he wasn't the greatest.

You know, he wasn't nothing special. And then I remembered, he looked after me when I was little. So when I was probably about two years old, and my other brother was about four, my oldest brother, who was six, would look after us at the weekends.

So our mum would go out all day, in the morning all day and leave us there all day on our own. And he'd look after us. Sometimes she'd be away for long periods, maybe two days.

So he'd get the food, he wouldn't cook anything, but he'd have money. He'd go take us to the chip shop. And he'd just make sure we were okay.

And he was, it's crazy to think that he was like six, six or six and a half years old. But he, he kept us all kind of, or maybe I was three, and he was seven. But you know, still kind of that kind of age time.

So I think I kind of looked up to him as maybe like a father figure, kind of, because he did spend a lot of time looking after us for, you know, a couple of years. So maybe that's why I had that sense of respect for him, a sense of looking up to him. I just thought about that late lately, really.

I was like, okay, that makes sense. Because he was, he was like a, like an adult figure when I was really, really young, even though he was just a little kid himself. Blimey.

I mean, that's like, that's over 10 years ago. Wow. Well, no, so this is what, 45, 45 years ago.

Yeah, over 10 years, 45 years ago is over 10 years, isn't it? Yeah, but Yep, I won that argument. That window is very creaky, very creaky today. It's supposed to be the hottest day of the year, but it's a little bit windy.

A little bit windy, but it's, I was in the kitchen, this little bag started blowing around in front of the window, this little black bag. I think it was like a little dog poo bag thing. And it was just blowing there in front of the window.

I remember looking at it and thinking, I hope I remember to talk about that later when I do my podcast. I need to tell someone about that. And I did.

Wow. Anyway, I'm going to go. Thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself, be gentle, because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.