#756 Let me bore you to sleep - I THINK I HAVE COVID - Jason Newland (29th OCTOBER 2021)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com, my name is Jason Newland and this is let me bore you to sleep.

Now I don't know how I sound, I have 50 percent hearing at the moment, I've been really ill for two days, I've been ill for a week but the last two days just got really much worse and I can hardly hear my own voice as I speak, I can hear it but it's not clear at all, so I'm not sure how croaky I sound and if I can hear better I could probably make it croakier, so that's my new thing, so anyway I hope you're well, I haven't been able to make a recording for a

couple of days, I haven't been able to do nothing really, so let me tell you about it, it's absolutely ridiculous, now I woke up, it's Friday today, so not Thursday, Wednesday morning I woke up and I felt a bit rubbish since last Thursday, I had a week of feeling of incredible pain in my back and then once I got that sorted and been to the doctors last Thursday, I started feeling ill in the evening, which made me start thinking I've caught something, I have not felt very well but I've been alright, if that makes sense,

I've not felt well but I've been above, I don't know how to explain it, I had coughed fits and I felt a bit ill, I was actually feeling a bit dizzy, a bit all over the place but I thought I was going to be okay and with the reduced pain in my back I started to feel better and I put the dizziness down to the medication I was on for the pain, for the back pain, because it is one of the side effects, that's what I put that down to, feeling a bit disorientated, a bit

confused, a bit confused, well Wednesday morning I get up and I have an earache in my left ear and I'm listening to the telly and I can hear this sound and I'm thinking what the hell, I thought I've left my headphones on, you know, so the headphones were playing something else and I was like what are you doing, so I found my headphones and it wasn't them, it was my left ear echoing what had just been said, this is twilight zone crap isn't it, this is weird, weird, this is just the beginning, so what on

earth is this, so, so, I think it was Wednesday, I lose track of what day it is anyway, but then I went to bed for a few hours and went back to bed in the hope that my ear would sort itself out, it didn't and I felt rougher throughout the day, I think I had earache in both ears at one point, now the reason I don't like earaches apart from the fact that they're not nice, is I used to suffer with earaches when I was a child and I always had problems with my hearing, I

had hearing issues, I might be born with them, so I was partially deaf, they didn't realise until they started giving me hearing tests at the hospital, because I was constantly having hearing ache and earache, so it just brings back that a little bit, it's just like oh no I didn't like that, it used to be horrible and I had an operation at the hospital and it seemed to clear it up, not the hearing but the earache, well, yeah, so it's just a little bit of that, you know, the emotional connected to that, it's like anyway,

I spent the rest of the day pretty much in bed and I got up and I went to, went for a walk with my friend, yeah, so he phoned up to say that he was waiting for a bus and the bus hadn't turned up and he felt ill and I told him I felt ill and he didn't want to hear me, he didn't want to hear how ill I was and I didn't want to hear how ill he was, it was turning into competition, so, you know, it was serious, you know, lack of empathy on

both sides from that, on that side, it was just like competition, you know, if I said my ears are hurting, he'd say well my ears are falling off, you know, that kind of thing and I said well, I'll walk up to the garage if you want, the petrol station, I'm ready, I'm dressed, I'll just walk up and perhaps we'll sit down on the way back, so we did that and I just felt really rough and when I got home, I just went to bed and it got worse and worse and worse and worse and I

was in bed, I had a headache, earache, body was aching, I was hungry but I couldn't eat, so I was having biscuits, I had a banana, so I'd have like a little bit of a banana, drinking lots of water, luckily I had lots of water and water is now my, it's my new best friend, bottled water, there's nothing in the world that tastes better to me than water, it's weird, I just love it, so I spent all night, early afternoon, early evening, all through to the night time, all through the night in bed, getting up

every now and then and going back to bed again, so that's the first night, so that would be Wednesday night, and when I woke up Wednesday, it was worse, Thursday was even worse and it went on all day long, then I had problems with my stomach and I had the same problem I had when I had gastroenteritis with my stomach, I think the friendliest use, the friendliest term would be, untrustworthy farts, okay, that's a better way, that's the best, the best term without putting you off your breakfast, honestly, I felt like my whole body was

shutting down on me and maybe it was, now I'm guessing I have Covid, if it ain't Covid what the hell is it, I mean I went out Thursday, I don't go out, I hardly go out, Thursday I was in the supermarket, I was in a doctor's surgery, I was in the pharmacy, I was on three different buses, I was in a restaurant in the supermarket as well, I might as well have just run around naked, you know, licking, licking people's hands, oh dear, oh dear, sorry, I'm leaving that coughing just so you can hear it,

I don't normally leave coughs in, well I might delete it, I'll record this and then I'll edit it later, because once I've recorded this I'm going back to bed, so it might be a short recording, I just want you to know why I've not been making any recordings, seriously, this is, emotionally I don't feel so bad, but what I realise is there was a point yesterday where I couldn't find any meaning, there was no motivation, but I don't know what was worse, I don't know how to explain it, but there was no meaning to me

there was no motivation, there was no purpose, that was the hardest, I'm not crying by the way, it's just my voice, that was the hardest part, I probably will edit out the coughing by the way, it is a bit, it's a bit loud, yes, I lost, I couldn't find it, I was laying in bed trying to find meaning, purpose, reason, whatever keeps me going, it was lost, it disappeared, that was the hardest part, being physically ill, I've been physically ill before, you know, that doesn't defeat me, being physically ill will never defeat me, apart from

obviously if it does, you know, if it's the, you know, well we know what I mean, you know, this, I mean generally, I don't get defeated emotionally when I'm physically ill, usually, usually, but yesterday I was, and when there's no purpose, when I've got no purpose, I'm pretty much, pretty much dead inside, you know, so it's a horrible feeling, that's a bit heavy to talk about this, but it's true, it's how, it's how I was feeling, I was trying to get in touch with the reason why I do what I do, and the reason why

I've done what I've done for so long, trying to help people, but on the same side, yeah, it's weird, it's weird, it's weird, just that feeling of, it wasn't there, that feeling of, that I couldn't fall back on it, like it doesn't matter, you're feeling this way, but you'll get better, you'll feel better soon, you'll be able to make a recording, and I think people are still listening to you, and you're still, you've got so many years left of helping people, I didn't feel it, did not feel it, honestly, could not get hold of that

feeling, couldn't make it up either, you know, I go on genuine feelings, and it wouldn't come, I invited it, I was inviting it to come along, I listened to some, motivational recordings, in fact, that didn't do any good, it was just, come on man, come on, give me a reason to want you, come on, give me some loving, so yeah, basically, physically, my eyes have been, my eyes are white, I've got white gunk coming out of my eyes, it's like conjunctivitis, okay, if you've ever had conjunctivitis from your eyes, that's what my eyes are like,

now, they're not as red and puffy as conjunctivitis, and conjunctivitis can be sore as well, it can be very sore and have styes and stuff, I haven't got styes, but that's what it looked like, it looked like I've got conjunctivitis, hardly sniffing at all, I blow my nose every now and then, but hardly any of that, excuse me, when I do have gas, it's the best gas ever, out of my mouth, it's like clear, not, I mean, don't mean smell wise, but I can't smell anything anyway, what I mean is, there's no obstruction, it's just

clear, it might sound strange, why would there be an obstruction, hard to explain, but it feels different, it feels good, it feels like really clear, my limbs are not aching now, which is nice, so my arms, my legs, my feet, my ears, my ears do feel blocked up, they feel like I've got like something in them, you know, and also below my ears, in my neck, it feels very sensitive, and it feels like I've had a perforated eardrum before, now, it isn't that, because I'd be dizzy, dizzy, a perforated eardrum is, wow, I mean, I

remember when I had a perforated eardrum, it was due to the earplugs I wore at night, and they were taken out of my ear, and it was covered in blood, because I pushed it in too far, and not blood, blood, but you know, it was dry, but I didn't realise it was blood at the time, anyway, I remember getting out of my bed and falling over, because I just went so dizzy, so I haven't got perforated eardrums, because I'm not dizzy, but there's something going on there, you know, and I guess you've got your throat,

ears, nose, throat, so my throat has been sore, still a little bit sore, but not so bad, I've got ulcers on my tongues, my tongues, not just one tongue, but all my tongues, ulcers, now, part of the reason I do get ulcers on my tongues, because I've got sharp teeth, like I need, I've been to the dentist for a while, and a filling came out of my tooth, so basically there's a big hole in my tooth, but what I do is, I've got a toothpick, so I make sure that it's always clean, so I don't

let food get in there, or fester, you know what I mean, so I haven't got like stinky breath or anything like that, but it means that the tooth, in some parts are very sharp, and it kind of, it catches the tooth, but I seem to have a bit more of an ulcer going on today, or the last couple of days, but headache wise, I haven't got a headache at all now, my temperature, I had such a temperature, I had a fever going on, and I do favour the hotter temperature, I will turn the heating on

full, with the hope of sweating it out, I know not everyone can do that, but that's the way I choose to do things, because it's just worked for me over the years, so I'm fully clothed with a jumper, and my, what do you call it, oh what's it called, dressing gown, including that in my bed, with the heating on full, bearing in mind, normally I like to have my windows open, even in the winter, so I like to have, to be fairly cool, I'm not into being hot, but I had a temperature as well, so

there's a temperature going on, where I was cold sometimes, and I was hot, and it was just weird, weird old thing, and I had some very, very strange thoughts, very strange thoughts, because laying in bed, just laying in bed, and doing nothing else, for pretty much 24 hours a day, apart from the cake, apart from getting up, going to the toilet, having some water, having a biscuit, then going back to bed, apart from those little breaks, being in bed for all that time, does something very weird to your brain, I think, our brain is not

prepared for that, for that lack of activity, doesn't know what to do with it, to not have any input, no television, no music, no conversation, no visual stimulation, no stimulation at all really, our brains don't know, I don't think our brains can cope with it, because my brain was just coming up with stuff, and it was running out of stuff to come up with, it was almost like I was having a competition with myself to see what I could come up with next, and I didn't come up with much, very, very disappointing in fact, that

without stimulus, I don't work very well, I didn't realise, I thought, I don't know why I thought this, but I didn't think I really needed that much stimulus, outside stimulus, but I do, and maybe in a way, I stimulate myself when I talk, and however, I know that might sound strange, but for me, when I'm talking, that's as stimulating as having another person talking to me, because I stimulate my own thoughts, and my own memories, and my own emotions, and it is like having a conversation, for me, but I couldn't focus on anything yesterday, I

couldn't do it, just couldn't, I couldn't do it, now I could, excuse me, I could go and have a Covid test, how am I going to get it, they send it to me in a post, I'll probably get it tomorrow, and I'll have to send it off, and get the results back in, however many days, what's the point, what's the point, yeah, but you might give it to someone else, trust me, I'm not going anywhere, I will not go anywhere, I'm not leaving this flat, for at least a week, and if I want to do

go out, I'm going to be wearing my mask, so I guess in a way, it would be nice to know if I've got it, but what benefit is that going to be to me, it's not like, if you had it once, that's it, that's what they used to say, isn't it, no, you can get it, you can get as many times as there is, there's no limit to how many times you can get it, I've had both the jabs, it clearly hasn't done anything, although, although, if having both those jabs, and I still haven't had

the jabs, I'm thinking of it less, I would have thought of that in a very negative way, in the past, I would have thought, what's the point in that then, I had the jabs and I get it anyway, I'm thinking it less like that, I'm thinking it, well, if I had the jabs, and I've got it, and it felt this bad, having had the jabs, I might not even be here, if I hadn't taken the jabs, now, that might sound a bit over the top, but you know what, the only thing, luckily, that I didn't

have, the only thing that wasn't affected, is my breathing, my breathing wasn't affected, now if my breathing had been affected, I would have called an ambulance, because this is the worst, I think, I've ever felt, ever, I don't know if I've ever been this ill before, I say that every time, probably, I say that every time I get ill, I've never been this ill before, I don't know, it's, what was weird is how many different ways it affected me, it wasn't just one thing, you know, headache, or feeling ill, or feeling sick, or feeling whatever,

it was just everything, a combination of different things, and there's nothing that comes to me that comes under that umbrella of illness, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, but I do need to go back to bed, because I'm tired still, but I've had some breakfast, I had about half of my breakfast, so I had a big bowl of rice krispies, so I had half of it, which is, you know, it's a fair amount, I suppose, had a cup of coffee, this is my first cup of coffee in two days, and so, yeah,

my last cup of coffee would have been Wednesday, I guess, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, yeah, that's going to be my new thing now, every now and then, oh, stop saying that, no, right, so I know this is a weird recording, it's a short recording as well, but I can't talk for much longer, my throat is, I don't know, do I sound croaky, I can't hear, it feels croaky as I speak, because the the vibrations of my vocal cords sound weird, so it sounds, and what I can hear of my voice, it sounds strange, so I apologise,

I'm not here to give you nightmares, if my voice is really that bad, then I don't, I understand if you just want to just turn off the recording, I guess, I just wanted to update you all on what's going on with me, and um, yeah, yeah man, yeah baby, alright, take care, lots of love, and I might try and make another recording tomorrow as well, if I'm feeling a bit better, take care, bye.